Your Stupid Opinions - Personal Sad Pizza, None Love Museum, Poorly Written Conspiracy

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for the Bob Marley museum, in Jamaica, where people complain there is just too much raggae & marijuana. A pizza that should only be eaten if a person is sad enough to want to actually deprive themselves of decent things. A romance book that seems to be randomly thrown together, but has conspiracy theorists spreading their ideas & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!   Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey! Thank you so much for joining us today. I am excited. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wiseman. Thank you for joining us.

We are going to hear some fun stuff today. We're going to travel a little bit. We're going to eat some pizza. We've got some fun stuff. We might go bowling at the end of this. We'll see how it goes. And we'll definitely hear the rest of the reviews from the milking farm. We won't start out with that, though.

Just don't want to drive people off right away going, Jesus, is this the whole show? This is what these guys do. We'll wait until the end to blow you away. Yeah, we'll ridge you of us by the end. But in the beginning, we like to lull the new listeners into a sense of complacency. So they don't think we're complete monsters. Jerking off a centaur.

No. Head over to shut up and give me murder.com if you want. to get merchandise and things like that, tickets to Smalltown Murder Live shows and everything like that. That said, let's dive right in, everybody. Here we go. Let's go to Jamaica. Oh, what a place. Oh, we're going to Jamaica.

We're going to have some sun. Yeah. We're going to visit the Bob Marley Museum. Oh, my God. Here it is. The Bob Marley Museum here. They say, Ray Gay Legend Bob Marley's 19th century house museum, which makes it sound like Bob Marley lived in the 1800s, which is hilarious. I know it's a 19th century house that he lived in, but the way they say it is it really makes it sound like Bob Marley is like in black and white.

How long did he live in this house? Not sure. It offers a, this museum offers guided tours plus a cafe and a gift shop, of course. So it's a big place. It's a big house. Yeah, it's a big house. There's gates in front. I mean, yeah, it's nice.

It has 4.6 stars on Google out of 4840s. reviews. So it's been looked at quite a bit. Did Bob make a bunch of money? Yeah, Bob made good money. Did he do it right? Fuck yeah. He sold a lot of albums and he toured and he sold, he fucking played the stadiums. I mean, he was a

Did he die young? Yeah. How young? Is he the 27? No, no, no, no, no, no. Older than that. But, I mean, he died for shit he shouldn't have died from. There's a long, there's a, there's more to it than that, though. But he lived a long enough life to have this house be like really palatial and beautiful.

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, he made some money. He made a bunch of albums and did okay and everything like that. Looks like it's about 25 to 30 bucks to get in depending on where you go for it here. It's on six comma 56 Hope Road, Kingston, Jamaica. They've got a comma in the address. Six comma. That's a strange one.

Let's start out with Schmid giving five stars. Oh, we love to. Absolutely stunning and heartfelt experience. Our guide, Shane, was incredible. Shane sounds like a real Jamaican guy, doesn't it? Yeah. Imagine a guy with a thick Jamaican accent saying, I'm Shane. You're like, what?

You're what now? That driver that drove me from the city up to you, Mike, he's Jamaican. It doesn't sound like a Jamaican name, Mike, but he's incredibly Jamaican. No, Mike, but Michael, there's a lot of, Shane? Yeah, yeah, that's not a biblical name. Shane is a white kid. I'm sorry. That's a very.

You can't even live past the age of 13 at Shane. You just die. If you're Shane at 13, you just perish. He kicked by a horse and you're dead. If you name your kid Shane, you're doomed him to not living past like 13, 14 years old. Did you know what Shane growing up? Many. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know them anymore because they're all gone. He was a diff shit. They're all gone. All the Shanes are gone. He was incredible and had a spectacular voice and encouraged us to sing along to Marley songs with him. which of course we did. That's very easy. That's, yeah, everyone knows the song.

Bob has really done a wonderful job making sing-alongs. Everybody likes singing along to Bob Marley shit. In each room and people are like, and he never even says the N-word, so you don't even have to think about where he are when you're singing it. It's great. That's what a lot of old white people like about it.

Very comfortable. It's very comfortable. I don't have to think about the next lyric of what I'm going to delete it. No, exactly. Are my windows up or not? Yeah. Each room in the house has treasures, stories, and history that is unmatched in this world.

Marley's life, Rita, the I-3s, and the whalers have kept Robert Nesta's vision and dreams alive. Treat yourself to this truly special place. No pictures inside, and they couldn't do it justice anyway. One love, one heart. Let's get together and feel all right. So let's do some Marley lyrics. Yeah, that's the song, yeah. Yeah, and he's the whitest man ever.

He's wearing a kilt in Jamaica for some reason. No, no, no, this guy is wearing a kilt, sandals, and a Hawaiian shirt with yellow sunglasses, this guy. He's really living the Jamaican life. He really is. He's happy that there's comfortable songs that don't have the N-word in it. He's kind of mixing a little bit of a little bit of Margaritaville into this. Yeah, that's more like, he looks like he's at Margaritaville, Glasgow. That's where he looks like.

Like the Glasgow Margaritaville experience. Here's three stars from Grace. Visited on 5th December. Lovely to see all the pictures of Bob and hear more detail about his life. It was also nice to meet one of his friends that give a short music lesson before the tour. Worth a visit, however, I enjoyed the tour of the family home in nine miles more. The Rasta really made you feel welcome and it was like home. home. Okay. This is still worth a visit for anyone interested in Jamaican history and heritage.

Okay. All right. Two stars from Alexander. It's getting worse. Ah, that's getting, it's going down quick here. Alexander, two stars. Jamaica is full of scams. You know what? Whenever people, they go to places and they, this happens all the time. They go to places like this. And they go to places that's essentially a very poor place. Yeah. Where you go to one, little outlet of it where it's all fenced off for you and they all work there and you're like, the place is full of scams. It's like, what did you want? You're going to a place that is insanely poor.

Not poor like a trailer park. Poor like they'd be like a trailer. Whoa, that's awesome. Holy shit. Where do we get one of those? You're going to a place that's. And you're upset. Yeah.

Economically challenged from a place that's probably not. There's going to be a little bit of culture shock. and that is a lot of those people scrounge for a dollar. Yeah. My advice to you is stay home. Yeah. Don't go anywhere. Stay in Benton, Arkansas and shut the fuck up.

No one wants to hear you. Or bring enough money to pass some out to some people that need some help and they probably won't scam you. No. Or maybe you'll get scammed more. We don't know. Maybe. Give it a try. He said Jamaica's full of scams, but this might be the nation's biggest.

The biggest scam on the whole office. Island right here. Bob Marley's house is a scam. Why is that? Because T-shirts cost 58 U.S. dollars. Yeah. Yeah. And they encourage you to visit the weed shop and back after the tour and buy a joint for

$30 U.S. dollars. Bob Marley, I can feel you rolling in that grave of yours. Can you feel it? Can you feel him rolling in his grave? I think he's rolling a joint and laughing at you is what he's doing. He doesn't care about it. That's the steamroller. Yeah.

That's all it is. Marsha one star. Oh boy. Disappointing. This tour had so much potential, but the tour guide was a complete letdown. Come on, Shane, get it together. He kept trying to make the group sing all of Bob's songs,

and it was obvious people didn't want to, but he didn't read the room. He's trying to make you have fun. He's trying to be fun. That's what he's doing. Yeah, but we're all curmudgins. Read the room. That's like being on a tour bus,

and it's like the tour guide kept like pointing out things that we were passing and like nobody wanted to look at it and it was obvious but he just kept pointing it out like it was his job or something like yeah motherfucker that's what he does just because you're too lame to follow along we drove by Jennifer Aniston's house and he made friends references it was annoying

this guy that would be annoying that would be fucking annoying as shit but just pointing it out going there's Jennifer Aniston's house when you're on a goddamn Star Tor you shouldn't be mad at him for that bad jokes are never acceptable especially cheap friends If they're...

Tour guide, that is the guy I expect to have the worst jokes. And sometimes it's fun. I always think of it the opposite. He does this shit 12 times a day. Imagine if you got to get 12 sets in a day. Your shit would be tight. Your shit should be tight. You just worked it out on the 1 o'clock and the 12 o'clock and the fucking 1030.

You might be trying new material, James. Bullshit, I don't want to hear your new material. This is 2 in the afternoon. This is good material time right here. This is your closer time. You work new shit at 9 a.m. Everybody knows that. Everybody knows it.

This is Trident True 2 p.m. Trident 2. I'm always impressed at Disneyland, the jungle cruise guides, when they're actually kind of funny. I'm impressed. We went one time and there was this, she was like a maybe a 20-year-old chicken. She was actually very funny. And afterwards, I was like, that was a really good set you just had. I just want to tell you that.

You should probably get a job as a flight attendant. because they need your help. They need your help bad, because they suck. Okay. He kept trying to make us sing anyway. Everyone looks so bored. He was also filled, he also filled every other word with Yamon. You're in Jamaica, stupid.

That's how they do. Yeah, they do. What else did he do? Yeah. Did he eat shit with plantains in it and you're upset about that? What do you want? They offer you a jerk chicken burrito? Jesus Christ.

Which was so. tacky and in authentic because Jamaicans do not use it in that context. And it felt like a tourist trap trying to get the group to say, yeah, Mon during his sermon. Jesus. The group was too. This lady sucks, man. Michael never said that. I rode with that guy for hours and hours and hours.

Written with him ten times. He never says that shit. Never said Yaman once. No, he doesn't. He absolutely doesn't. The group was too big. so had to squash everyone in small rooms. You couldn't really look at what was going on,

what was on the walls, which would have been better than listening to a patronizing guide addressing the group like a bunch of kindergartners. He had the audacity to ask for a tip at the end. So off-putting. Off-putting? Off-putting. Just don't like it.

If you make the group smaller, train your tour guides and make the tour shorter or use the time to allow for browsing. the interesting wall hangings instead, the tours would be better. Both my teenagers love Bob and they were so disappointed with how this tour went.

Oh my God, you are an asshole. You just sound like an asshole. That's all it is. Amanda, one star. Are you an asshole? Complete rip-off. The guide was horrible. Shane, you fucking asshole.

Is it Shane again? I have no idea. I'm blaming it all on shame from here on out. It's all shame. They're all saying the same things and they had a name of the guy before, So maybe. Until I hear another name, it's Shane.

So I'm doing it. The guide was horrible, constantly yelling slash singing in a very tight space and jumping in your face all the time. What? Not to fight, I think, to say one love. It's probably way different. It's a different vibe. PTSD trigger warning, if you get stressed out by people yelling and invading your space, would not recommend. If you've got PTSD and those are your triggers, don't.

Don't leave the house. Yeah. You got to Jamaica. You're fine. Yeah. You got in a plane or a boat either way and went to Jamaica. You know what? Calm down.

You did all of that without somebody in your space? Good work. I bet you go. You went to an airport and you were fine. You flew? You sat on a plane without somebody in your space? 150 other people. Yeah.

I flew from Detroit to Phoenix with a man in my fucking lap. I had a sweat mark on my thigh from his forearm. PTS. It's possible to not have somebody in your space. Yeah, they're always going to be there. Nubia, one star. Bad experience. I think it was a real rip-off, $25 for nothing interesting.

I was in Jamaica 10 days ago and decided to visit the Bob Marley Museum. Oh, she wrote this shit like it's a newspaper article. Yeah. She fucking, she's pyramiding this shit. She put bad experience as a real rip-off and then starts going into what the arch of shit's about. This is the bane of my existence for small time. murder because I have to take these articles and if I want to use pieces, I have to go get the beginning from the middle and put that in the top and put it in the right fucking order.

So they were in there, decided to visit the Bob Marley Museum, but was very disappointed. The guide put 28 people together in a very hot day and two small rooms for this large group. You're on an island. It's hot there. Everything I saw was the same than looking the web pages on the internet. Well, then you shouldn't have gone. If looking on the internet is good enough for you, then you don't need to go anywhere. That's great.

I guess she saw the things on the internet. It was like, oh, what else have they got? I've seen Mount Everest from the top up there. I don't need to go up there. Yeah, what else they have up there? Finally, we went to a larger group to see a film that I had seen in YouTube before, all without air conditioning. Never again. Uh-huh.

Never again. Okay, John, one star. Took the tour this morning. At the end of the tour, the tour guide asked for tips. Most didn't tip him or only gave him a dollar. I gave him $2. Okay. Why?

Because I'm a good guy. Yeah. I only had a 10 and asked for 8 back. He refused to give me the 8 back. The tour guide ripped me off. Nah, I get $10. Shane? Shane's like, no, I got this.

It's good. No, it's a sobuck for me. You're right. No, it's fine. Dave, one star. Great place if you're a pothead. Okay. Now, what made you think that going to a Jamaican reggae legends house would have no pot-themed anything or no...

What do you know about Bob Marley? Yeah. I mean, I know two things. Name five things about Bob Marley. It's going to come up. One is that he smokes a shitload of wheat. He appears to be Jamaican. Yeah.

He is a good singer and smokes a bunch of weed. Those are three things I know about Bob Marley right away. And I know that he died with several species of lice in his hair. That probably, maybe, or maybe not. I don't know. Well, yeah, could be a legend. Don't know. I don't know.

Oh, was that something you've actually heard? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. You never heard that? No, I never heard that. Oh, I thought that was like the most popular thing about it. I thought you were just being really fucking weird. I was like, what are you doing?

I know that I've seen a fuckload of black light paintings. And every one of them, if it has Bob Marks, Marley's face on it. His eyes are closed. He's holding a joint, and there's a shitload of smoke. There's a bunch of smoke. Yeah. If you go to dispensaries.

I know he smokes wheat. That's number one. They have Bob Marley like on grinders and like anything weed related. He's involved in it. He loved weed. Oh, not so good if you believe in family values. In a man should raise his family and be responsible for what children he brings into the world. He's a reggae fucking musician.

What do you want? the guy. Unfortunately, one of the larger parts of the tour is how they brag members of the band had a lot of children and with a lot of different women. Gee, sorry, it was the 70s and they were literally a reggae band traveling in a cloud of smoke. What did you think the Dutchie was, man? Wow. Well, that's not, Barley. That's a bunch of English guys.

Isn't that? Is that not him? That's a bunch of English guys. Oh, he sang. He did a cover of it? No, they use, I think they use a sample on it of Bob Marley. possible. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a bunch of like, his song. That's a bunch of English like children, literally.

Oh, well, I've heard that part. Yeah, I can hear that in my head right now. Children sing it. But I swear to God, it's a Bob Marley's. No, no. That's, that's allegedly not even about weed. It's about some kind of. Oh, they can go fuck themselves. That's what I'm saying. Who you bullshit. What's the magic dragon too? Fuck on. Yeah, they had to say because they were letting children sing it. So they had to be like, oh, it's like a Jamaican, you know, like a hearth or like a, you know, a bowl of food or some bullshit. All right. All right.

Next up, one star. Rude security staff is not welcoming at all. Yells at you to wait in a ticket line before taking any photos. Once they have your money, then they tell you photos aren't allowed. You would get a better experience if you go to the museum slash birthplace slash resting place up in nine mile. It's a longer drive, but tickets cost less. Staff is not friendly and the drive is pretty. Don't give this location your money until they change their attitude toward visitors.

Shane. Bad attitude. Shane, Shane. Steve, one star. Tour schedule is total chaos. You're on an island. Tour sucks. Let's go ahead and take that watch off.

One thing about the islands, I will say, that time is a different. There's two times. It works. Daytime and nighttime. That's the times. Yeah. There's island time, which is like, eh. You know, we'll get there.

We'll get there. Yeah, I said this afternoon, it doesn't have to be, it could be five, it could be two, it could be three. Here's the thing about things happening on an island. If the sun's gone, it's so much cooler. Doesn't that sound like a great life, too? You live on an island and you just, hey, you show up whenever and people go, yeah, that's fine. Why not? If everybody's happy with that, what are we doing?

What are we in a rush for? And it's dark out and the fucking beach is lit by very dim bulbs. This is awesome. This is fucking great, man. Okay, Robert one star. My mother was attacked and robbed outside the museum by a man on a motorcycle. She was holding my daughter's hand. I could have lost my family.

This needs... It's certainly the museum's fault. It's all the Bob Barley's fault. Never mind the museum. Ziggy, too. Fuck them all. You know what? Yeah, Ziggy, fuck you and your tomorrow people.

What's going on, asshole? Every whaler that's ever existed. All the whalers. If you see a man pull up on a sidewalk on a motorcycle, please be aware. He pretends he's waiting for traffic. I hope I can help to protect another family. Okay.

Oh, my God. Elsa, one star. Very informative tour guide. Kenneth was excellent. People oriented and centered. Excellent content. Money well spent. Very informative tour guide.

One star. One star. I think she's foreign. Everything was great. One star. Number one is what they looked at. It probably is. It's the number one.

That's another one. Michael, one star. It was a great time spent there. I love the confusion. They don't understand it. One star from Fra Fra Fra. Babylon takeover Illuminati controls. Uh-oh. I don't know what that means, but I don't think it has much to do with a dead reggae singer.

I'm going to just go out on a limb here. That's too much. That's a lot. Okay. Helivanders, one star. eight hours of sightseeing to see a house that wasn't even his with an LED TV washing machine and other newer items. This here is Bob Marley's iPad.

Isn't it nice? He wrote Exodus on this. It's very excellent. He used to make his smoothies in this magic bullet. Smoothies are what kept him strong and gave him his energy. Oh, my God. worse is the trip more than four hours of getting lost lunch packed with rice beans and chicken always in a rush on the previous trip they took it to co i don't know what that is or shoes for the waterfall in stores were thirty dollars i bought them at the waterfall for 20 l-o l-l and they still say it's cheaper before

i think this person went on the bob marley tour as a part of a bigger tour yeah and it sounds like he was not prepared. No. Seems like it was a tour of several spots on the island, one of which is Bob Marley's house, and he didn't have waterfall shoes. And there was a waterfall, and he was wearing flip-flops. And he just didn't have it. Last one, Mariana, one star. What can I say? I wish I knew. I really did. I really do, Mariana. The whole trip was a disappointment. That's not Bob Marley's fault.

It's not a good city. All the food is spicy. Okay. That's a bad city. Oh, my God. This is a review of the Bob Marley Museum, and she's angry because Jamaican spoof, because jerk seasoning is spicy. And the city sucks. And the city sucks.

Everything is very expensive, and it's full of drunk gringoes willing to pay a lot of money like fools for bad marijuana everywhere. Is that what they call the white people there? I don't think so. Like Mexico? I doubt it probably. I don't think they've adopted Spanish there. They probably have their own word.

Yeah, she's offered Jamaica. Just ethnic slurring people of a different country. That's fucking awesome. The museum is small and expensive for having nothing inside. It should cost $3, but cost $30. Okay. There we go. Now, after all that, we visited the weed shop out back afterwards.

We're sober. Not anymore. So I am dying for something. I'm hungry. I'm hung some munchies. I'm dying for some pizza. Doesn't that sound good? Yeah.

But we have very little time. That's the problem. We don't have any time to wait for pizza to cook. So what do we do? Hot and ready, babe. No, no. Even quicker than that. Even quicker than that.

We're going to Walmart to buy a great value microwavable thin crust cheese pizza. Oh my God. Microwave in three minutes. Three minutes. You know it's going to be good if you can microwave a pizza in three minutes. How much is this pizza? 397?

Holy shit. It is 7.2 ounces. Very convenient. I'll get to the price in a second. Built in crisping platform. I'm sure that does a lot. It was. That's a crisping like it.

Little, gray discs. Microwaveable tin foil. Yep, gray disc. Three minutes. It's available in three other delicious flavors. This is just the cheese flavor. Make one for an after school snack. Cook it for a quick dinner.

What do you want to bet? It's Supreme, pepperoni, and sausage or the other three. Probably. I would guess so. A sleepover, movie night, or any time you crave pizza. If you're craving pizza and I give you this, you're going to kick me in the balls, and I'm going to deserve it. I'm going to beat you with it before I...

What is this mushy shit that you're giving me? Why did you give me an icicle? $1.17. It's a dollar. It's a dollar. It's one of like a personal deal. It's not like a, you know, large buy. A dollar.

A dollar. I didn't know there was anything that's a dollar anymore. Food you could get for a dollar. Even those burritos in Arizona and the grocery stores. Remember like in the 90s, they were like 10 for 10 for fucking burritos? There's three for five now. That's what I mean. When you were poor like I was, that was a great fine.

You get 10 of these, awful burrito. I can have diarrhea 10 times for only a dollar. 10 bucks. No, for a dollar. They were 10, Nick, I dime a piece. For 10 bucks, 10, 10 diaries, 10 times. I could have 100 diaries for 10 bucks. That's amazing.

You get 10 diaries for a burrito? No, no. They were 10 burritos for a dollar. Oh, my God. What? Those Tina's ones back in the day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the grocery store, like if you went to food for less and got the Phoenix and got the Tina's, they were 10 for a dollar.

That is 10, 10 diaries per dollar. I think they're $2 now, but the Jose Olays are three for five, and those are the ones I eat. That's way better, yeah. All right, this pizza, now I'm going to read some of the nutritional information ingredients here. Oh, that's fun. First of all. Inpronounceable nutrition on this. It's tiny, number one.

A serving size is one pizza. That's a serving. And like a frozen pizza normally, those are like three servings. You know what I mean? The big ones, yeah. For a decent, like even a Totino's is three servings. Hey, everybody, just going to take a quick break from the show to tell you a better way to shop for your clothes with Quince. Quince.com, Q-U-I-N-C-E.com.

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Now back to the show. So this is all per pizza. 18 grams of fat, which is 23% of your total value. 18 grams? You could eat six of these things, no problem. What's the fat? The cheese, the law, I have no idea. Very little cheese on it, right?

Also, it looks like it. 25% of your saturated fat for the day comes from this. 700 milligrams of sodium, 30% of your day's sodium come from this tiny disc. This is fucking wild. All for a dollar. 17 grams of protein, too. That's not bad. The ingredients list is

it's so long, dude. It's a phone book. Wow. Enrich flour, wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, ferrous sulfate, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid, water, soybean oiled.

It gets, there's some, wow. It turns into not food. Yeah. contains 2% or less of Parmesan cheese 2% or less Paparica, citric acid, beet powder, beet powder,

okay. In a pizza. Who the fuck? Okay, I've worked at pizza places, watch my grandmother make pizza. No one ever said, my grandmother said, my, get me the beet powder. I'm going to make the pizza now.

I make it the dog. My, please, me get the beet powder I put in. It's good. I worked to the shit pizza restaurant. That was $4.99 for a large. We did not have beet powder in the building. No. And the last line of this, after all the distributed by Walmart and all that is, contains a bioengineered food ingredient.

A what? Doesn't say what that is. Doesn't say this. It just says, it's like find it. There's a list of 80 ingredients. Find which one is the bioengineered food ingredient. Good luck on your scavenger hunt. In a pizza.

We put bioengineered something. It's a pizza. It's the simplest thing you could make. It's flour, yeast, water. Yeah. Yeah, very simple dough. Such a simple dough. So simple.

Such as just a little cheese. It's so easy to make. Wow. Okay. Bioengineered. Bioengineered pizza? What is wrong with you? Why did you bring a science lab into space?

I'm not going to space. If I'm going on the space shuttle. So unbelievable. Go ahead and give me bioengineered pizza. But if I'm sitting at home, I'm good. And doesn't bioengineered spark in the microwave when you put it in there? Right. What does that not conduct electricity?

I don't know. Product details. Great value microwavable cheese pizza is a true winner across all age groups. Oh, come on. Across all people have no self-respect. This delicious pizza is made with a mozzarella cheese blend and a flavorful sauce that has just the right amount of spices. It's a, nah.

I didn't hear a spice in there except for paprika. All on top of a tasty, crispy crust. The added benefit of a microwave crisping platform built right into the package makes this a convenient meal at home or away from home. If you're wanting a crisper crust, bake it in your oven. You know, if you're not a complete piece of shit, put it in your oven. If you're not a fucking monster, it would fit in a toaster oven. You don't even need a whole oven for this.

Air fry the goddamn thing. Oh, yes. Whip up a delicious, it doesn't even say as it, just says whip up a delicious meal or snack in no time with great value microwavable cheese pizza. It contains milk, wheat, and soy. Yeah. Okay. Here we go.

Wow. Here it is. All right. Let's get it. Can I just say this too? I feel so bad for anybody that is, this is your dietary, this is the way you get nutrition. I, yeah, if this is a choice, I feel terrible for you. If you just don't have the money and you're like, it's $1.17 and I'm hungry.

I'm so scared for you. I've been there. I've eaten those burritos. Trust me, I get it. But if you're like, yeah, I'm having this tonight. James, this causes cancer, right? Oh, I'm sure. It has to.

If you have any other things in your grocery cart, you should not be buying this. No. You don't even get a basket when you go buy one of it. You just buy the pizza and bring it up there. This should absolutely have a surgeon general's, warning on it. It absolutely should. This should be worse than a pack of cigarettes on the side.

It may cause birth defects. Yeah. I don't know how it causes emphysema, but I guess it does. It definitely causes birth defects, right? I would say so. Allegedly, we don't want to get sued by Walmart. We're saying that their microwave pizza causes birth defects. I'd be scared to death to feed this to a pregnant woman.

I'm afraid that their pizza causes birth defects. I'll say it that way. It's a concern of mine. I don't know if it's true. It gives me awake at night. I think about it. Okay. Five stars, let's see, from Rata.

Okay. Frozen pizza is the title of the review. These are my favorite frozen pizzas ever. Good Lord. There's some decent frozen pizza out there, too. DeFaris. You can get a DeFaris. You can get a DeFaris.

You know, DeFaris from Brooklyn. It's a famous pizza place. They make frozen pizzas that are pretty fucking good. They're in all the stores, over the country. Even a Red Baron is half decent. Yeah, yeah. Passable. It's crap, but it's edible crap. It's fine. The Scream in Sicilian is actually decent and Elios are very affordable. Now with the internet, you can get that shipped fucking anywhere. I love it. Yeah, there's a lot of affordable, decent frozen pizzas out there. Even some store brands are decent. Like grocery store

brands are decent. But they're not a dollar, James. No, please don't change one single thing about them. Even the bioengineered food ingredient. Keep that. The cheeses are my favorite dipped in ranch dressing. You are a monster, sir. The ranch dressing costs more than the pizza, number one. The cup of ranch dressing, number one. I order them almost every time I do a Walmart delivery. Their quick taste great and are definitely affordable. That's not act like you can taste anything. Oh, no. Your tongue was burned out in an industrial accident years ago. We know that. There's a bioengineered ingredient.

Are you even aware of that? I don't think they are. Here is Deanna, five stars, very good for the price and quickness. I'm glad I found a microwavable single-serve pizza. Deanna, we got to talk, girl. Let's me and you and Jimmy, we're all going to sit down. And we're going to find out what's wrong with you. What happened?

You don't feel good about yourself. And I could tell just by this. This is a cry for help is with this piece. It's a cry for help. You're glad you found this? I'm just, I'm so glad I found a single microwaveable serve pizza. If you follow the directions, considering the price paid, that's what, considering it's a dollar. These single served pizzas aren't bad.

Okay, that's, that's more like it. The cheese is real, not really, as we found out from up there. Two percent of it is. And tastes good. Maybe the other part, maybe there's some mozzarella. I folded in mine in half because it's a little messy. Yeah, because it's microwaved. It's a mush.

You just, you roll that up and eat it like a fucking, like a, like a burrito at that point. Like a tornado from the stuff. Yeah, from Circle K. Cheap version of a hot pocket, they say. Okay, yeah. All right, that's fine. Cheaper hot pocket. Imagine getting a cheaper.

Finally, an affordable hot pocket. Jesus, because I ate those when I was. Plenty poor, so they couldn't have been that much. I haven't saved it all week to get my hot pocket fixed. Oh, finally. July 9th is from 2025. Aaron three stars. Pizza puck is his title of his review.

They're all right. They have that authentic, quote, cheap pizza taste to them that some people like. Kind of like an old school pizza. I'm not a fan of it too much. I add my own cheese or meat to it, but it doesn't. You put. No. What are you?

do it. Any amount of meat you put on that is worth more than the pizza and so is some cheese you sprinkle the top of it. Are you kidding me? If you're going to that extent, you're adding that? Get a totinos or a fucking bobbily

or get a fucking dough and make your own pizza. Stop this. What are you doing? Do not put $5 worth of toppings on a dollar pizza. On a $1.17 pizza, but it really doesn't help much. Did you think it would? it feels like I'm wasting my own ingredients on this thing when I do that.

You are. That's why. You'd just eat it by the handful. Just a handful of fucking pieces of pepperoni and shredded mozzarella. Just stuff it in your face. He's getting his life together throughout this review. He's starting to have some self-reelization. The price is nice, though, so hard to give it less than three when it is edible.

That makes sense. It's a dollar and it's edible, is what he's saying. I don't like it. That's three stars? Three is like absolutely. So it's kind of like it's a dollar and it's edible. So technically it's what they're advertising, can't really give it less than three stars. That makes sense.

That's fair. The bar. Yeah, but the bar gets set so low because it's a dollar because a Taco Bell burrito is $4. Yeah. Four dollars. A bean burritos like $2.49 now. That's insane. $3.99.

That's for delivery. If you go to Taco Bell, it's like $2.40. I got it at the fucking drive-thru for $4. Boreto. Bean burritos. Because I get the, my favorite thing is just regular ass crunchy taco combo and two bean burritos. And that is $13. That's excessive.

That's excessive. That's too much. All right. Caden, follow three stars. Perfect for when you're too tired to cook. And too depressed to fucking move, apparently too. Too tired to cook. It's three minutes in a microwave.

That's, this microwaveable pizza is exactly what you need for a quick snack or meal. The thin, crisp crust. The thin crust crisps up nicely in the microwave. No, it does not. How dare you? And the cheese melts perfectly without it turning into a greasy mess. It's a premium frozen pizza for sure. What?

Premium. No cardboard taste here, but at a price that won't make you question your life choices. No, this in your hand should question all of your life choices. Any food that's a dollar. When you read the back and it's, It says scavenger hunt for the bio-engineered food ingredient. Right there. Question your life choices.

Everything that you've done. It's not a gourmet pie, but it's a solid option when you're in a pinch and craving a satisfying bite without too much fuss. Great value for what it is. Holy. And that's the brand, too. Yeah. See, he nailed it. Got it right there.

T-M-R-E-R-S-L-L-E-R-S. What? Slop. T-O-O-O-M-E-R-S. Yeah. like Amani tumor, the wide receiver. Slop. It is slop, simply put.

I've been knocked down in life so much that I worry over saving a penny per ounce. I need to stop doing this. I need to treat myself like a person and stop this fucking insanity. You know, life's really giving me the one too. My dick has been knocked in the dirt my entire life, but I got to tell you, stepping on my balls too ain't going to help. That's what he just said. That ain't going to help me none.

Yeah. Life's giving me the old one, too. I refuse to give myself three, four. I ain't going to do it. I'll tell you what. Wow, he said, I need to stop doing this. Spend the penny more per ounce and get a notch better in quality. Yeah, you're really pinching pennies if you're looking at the cents per ounce that

that's cost. That's unbelievable. If you just need some carbs without being concerned with. the taste. This is still fine. Just stuff it in your face. Who just needs carbs? That's frightening. If you're extremely poor. You have to be, right? Feel full, essentially. But you can go get potatoes. Just go buy some potatoes. Potatoes are the cheapest thing on the planet.

They're great. Yeah. You can... Potatoes are great. Just buy some potatoes and you can... Stab that motherfucker. Throw it in the microwave for fucking eight minutes. Or you can be a, you know, a human and put it in the oven and it'll be delicious in an hour. but the microwave even for like 10 minutes, you have something that's, you can get a fucking five pound bag of those things for $2. I mean, and all of a sudden you've got carbs, babe.

I've done it. Mash them up, have a party. Do whatever you want. Two stars for Michael, not a fave. These remind me of the Celeste pizzas, and I was not a fan. Mama Celeste pizzas are 100 times better than this.

Mama Celeste. Yeah. Mama Celeste heads up. I get a job. Mama Celeste face down. You're selling oranges on the freeway. We both went exactly there. That's hilarious.

That's a bad pizza. That's a bad pizza. They're not terrible, Mama Celeste. It's a teenager's staple. Exactly. That's like an elyos for me. It's a nostalgia pizza. Every once in a while, I got to get one and be like, yeah, this is shit and I'm stone.

This is hilarious. Okay. I followed the directions and turned, and it turned out both soggy and overcooked. Yeah, you're going to get mush in the middle and solid as a rock around the grass. It's on top. Yeah. That shit on top when it's hard and everything else sucks. It's, that ruins the whole thing. Yeah.

Soup and stone. That's a great. It's like the edges of the burrito when they're rocks. And then the center is 3,000 degrees. Or a microwave one where the center still has ice in it. And you're like, with the ends are turned shit, how do I make this? That's those 10 for 10 burritos. That's what they would do.

Rocks on the outside and ice cubes on the middle. This is impossible. Literally still icy on the inside. You're like, I don't know what to do. How did it do that? Maybe bioengineer this motherfucker next. Maybe that'll help it. Yeah, maybe it needs some ingredients.

Oh, Christ, that's great. Oh, man. Okay, it needed more cheese. The taste was okay. I had ordered the pepperoni one, but it was out of stock. Hot product. Toppings may help. Yeah, that pepperoni is going to be top quality, I'm sure. Those are going to be. Nothing but the best.

Those are chips of pepperoni, right? God. I still have no idea what to do about the soggy slash overcooked crust thing. Yeah, there's nothing you can do about it. It's just bad. Two stars from Maddie. Terrible awful taste. Don't buy. I usually don't do reviews, but I really had to let people know how awful this is and avoid buying this item. The Tony stuffed crust microwavable pizzas is a better choice. Tony's pizzas aren't bad either. They're okay. Stuffed crust on a microwave pizza? I didn't, I didn't even know that you could microwave them because that's a, yeah. No, I will not microwave a pizza. No, that is not a choice. That should not be an option ever. Yeah, it's more money, but it's not as terrible as the great value pizza, even though the Tony's isn't the best tasting

frozen microwavable pizza. It is one of the better ones. That being said, I would also like to let you know when of the tricks that Walmart does, I guess one of the tricks is what they're going for. They don't show the reviews if they get poor reviews on an item. So like make sure you check the reviews when you buy something, even if you don't see a review right away, if you click on the item, you can get to the review. All right.

Also, another thing I would like y'all to know is they're not shipping it from the store, sometimes they ship it other ways and you have to watch it closely because sometimes the shipping costs gets to be too ridiculous on these items and that they don't currently have in the store. There's shipping on top of the dollar? Yeah, what is that? It has to be a dollar, right? What are we talking about?

You've doubled your pizza price already. Shipping is $3.99? Why buy this? Why bother? Just go to fucking Little Caesars. Wow. Tejas, two stars. eh, not horrible, horrible crust.

Not horrible, comma, horrible. I think they're trying to say not horrible, but with a horrible crust. Toppings fine. Crust was more like soggy crackers after cooking in microwave. Recommend using skillet or oven. Skillet. Now, skillet is a trick. Skillet is something you guys should all think about.

With a lid, obviously, right? Yeah. You get leftover pizza, not microwave pizza, but left. over pizza. This is my grandmother taught me this. You put it in a skillet and you put a little water in there. Otherwise, it'll just sing to shit and it'll just be dried out mess. A little bit of water and a fucking lid on it. Yeah. And oh Christ, it comes out perfect like it just got cut from the fine. Steams it. Yeah. Fucking so good. Yeah. And you can take it off at the end for a little bit. You want to dry it out, whatever it's so good. Steam, but also crisp up the bottom. Oh, crisps it

up beautifully. It's so fucking good. And then it puts some, put some wet into the dough. into the cheese too. So that cheese isn't all like cracked and dry. I can see how it works. Sounds great. The trick's going to be how much water you put it in there. And you have to work on that and figure it out for your pan, for your whatever, for the heat. You'll get it.

It's worth it. It's worth it. Here is two stars from M. They don't even want to give their name because they're so embarrassed. They bought this probably. Needs better flavor. It wasn't the quality I was looking for. Strange for a dollar.

You were expecting. What? A dollar 17. What are you looking for? I added black olives, but I didn't take, which a can of black olives, about the same price as the pizza. It's a dollar. It's a dollar.

But I didn't taste the tomato sauce or cheese. It was bland. Tasted like crackers with olives on it. That's it, olive crackers, which sound great. I like olive. I like crackers. Hannah, one star. Great value cheese pizza stinks now.

That's her title. It used to be great. Oh, yeah. They were the, that's, she's going to go on a great value nostalgia trip here with us. Take me down memory lane, would you, Hannah? Yeah. I have ate these great, these pizzas about every other, about every weekday for a few years now. Oh, my God.

Say, say all those words in a row of them. I have ate these pizzas about every weekday for a few years now. This is destroying your brain. Hannah, go to the doctor. Yes. I'm going to say that right. You need to go. First thing, first, Anna, you have eaten these.

Yes. And also, you have poisoned yourself. There's a bioengineered food product in here. You don't understand. It's affecting you. I would say so. Some have plenty of cheese and some have, don't have hardly any. The last few cheese pizzas I microwave stunk so bad that I couldn't even eat them.

And this is Hannah. She eats five a week. She needs Robert De Niro in the kitchen in there. Yeah, go, no, no, no. cheese. Same amount on each. Oh, that's great. Shelly, one star.

I'm missing ten pizzas. There was only two in the bag. You ordered a dozen of these. You're going to fill your freezer with this shit. You ordered a dozen. A dozen. My God, a hot dozen. One star from Tana.

Gross. This tasted so bad my husband threw up. Okay. Okay, sure he did. One star from Lindsay. These smelled and tasted like dog food. my kids wouldn't even eat them. This is what's great.

This smells like dog food. Kids, lunch is ready. Great parenting right there. She smelled it and still tried to give it to her kids. God, and my kids, and they're morons. My kids wouldn't even eat it. They'll eat shit because I got them. They're absolute dip shits.

Oh, man. Herbert, one star. Did not work. Did not work in my microwave. Others may. like that, I will not buy again. How did it not work? I don't know.

And then finally, Genevieve, one star. I think she speaks for all when she says, quote, I would like a refunds. I hope you get it, Genevieve. I really do. You deserve it. Yeah. Okay. That said, let's head.

We need to get more cheese, Jimmy. Let's head back to the milking farm. We're going to finish up where we were last week. with this crazy bat-shit book that we were reviewing called The Milking Farm. And it's insane. It's a half bull, half man, fucking some chick who's a over-stressed millennial or some shit. It's crazy. There's a lot of people that have read this.

Oh, yeah. Got it because of our show. That too. Or can't wait to read it. Yeah. That's the, wow. There's people that are like, I really like. I really liked it.

And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. What were you looking for that it's, what was the itch that it scratched? Unless you read this like you watch a bad movie, which I don't read books. Reading is too time consuming to watch bad. I want good shit when I read. Movies, I'll watch a shit movie. Bad TV shows. We'll text each other.

Oh my God, this is on like Tubey. You have to watch this. It's this piece of shit from 1988. You have to see it. So, but books, I just don't see it, especially. like horny books. It's weird. Yeah, why would you, why'd you waste your, if, if somebody forwarded me a clip of a porn and was like, this is so awful, watch, no.

No, I don't need that. I don't want that. I only, porn is only for one thing. It's not for, I'm not laughing. It's not for the art of it. It has a purpose. I'm not trying to fucking be on the board that, that nominates AVNs. I'm just, I don't care. I'm not trying to go through the list of submitting. I really don't care. KD. One Star, horrible. This is the worst book.

The worst one. The worst book in all of, I guess, written word since the Egyptians and, you know, thousands of years. Thousands of years. I was so hopeful with the 4.6 rating on Amazon, but it was awful. The book was full of highly descriptive explanations of the Minotar's genitalia, but hardly any romance. I think they're considering that romance.

I kind of want to Google what the description is. Right? How they talk about each vein in its own fucking paragraph. Bull man, penis. Yeah. And the weird flashbacks were poorly written and confusing. We've heard that's like every review is like, it is written like shit. Like it seems like.

Yeah, keeps going back to another time she fucked somebody with a. Yeah. It seems like somebody like back in the day like they had a, it all. printed out and they were like running it over to the editors and they like bumped into someone and the pages went everywhere and they just scooped them all up and still handed them in because they had a deadline. Now what's what the fuck. Why does it say chapter one up here?

I have three quarters of the book. Chapter one, here we go. I don't know how this book had so many five star ratings. If I could give it a zero, I would. She nails it. You got it. You redeemed yourself. Okay, one star from Portia.

Poorly written. I don't think the author used an editor for this. It had a lot of, it sounds like AI wrote it, like kind of, like, not saying they did, but that's what it sounds like. It had a lot of blatant errors and just plain terrible writing. Blighten errors. Errors. Like, I don't know what an error would be, like something's in the wrong place, misspellings, typos. Pluralized words that shouldn't be.

Yeah, yeah. Run on sentences and blathering. There was no plot to speak of. The narrator was jumbled and confusing. Irrelevant scenes and poor world building. No character development. It's a bull fucking a lady. What do you want?

How much you needed to develop? Imagine watching, because this is what, you know, this is supposed to be like woman porn. Yeah. Imagine watching a porn and afterwards going, there's no character development. The guy at the beginning seemed like he didn't really grow much by the experience of getting blown by those three ladies. He just didn't seem to grow much from it. I wanted more character development out of it. Not a lot of depth.

Little Jordy was there and his mom was doing yoga in the living room with her friend. He fucked them both. And did they ever finish their workout? Did they finish their workout? Is that part of their workout? Did Jordy finish his homework? Yeah. What happened?

Oh my God. Mostly telling of show. Mostly telling instead of showing. It's a book. And this became, and this came too close to Bece Beastiality to be sexy. Close?

On the nose, babe. It's a fucking guy with a bullhead plowing some chick. What are you talking about? What is that not beastiality? It is exactly beastiality. I mean, bull's eye, right in the middle. Bullseye. Bulls eye.

Yeah. I ended up skimming through about half the book, and I never do that. Uh-huh. Okay. Jim, one star. this may harm your long-term sexuality and sexual yed-pono y-ed-p-o-n-o jim i don't think this is aimed at you what are you talking about yeah i don't get it either uh jim this isn't for you there's no pictures in it guys want pictures um there's no videos yeah he goes on to say yes women are gooners too

they have fantasies just like men oh i hate that word so much it's so bad Maybe wired a little different from biologics. Biologics. That's not, biologics is not a word. That's why I was like, biologics. Maybe wired a little different from biologics. This guy's a moron. Women are gooners too.

Yeah, we know women masturbate, Jim. Yeah, it's all because of their biologics. Don't you know anything? Wow. They can't help it. They have biologics. They have biologics. I mean, it's, it is what it is, man.

But quite similar. The women who read this type of pulp, and then it says, get real here in parentheses, will be the first in line to pillory men who feed their fantasies with published material. Pillar. This is pillory men to fucking go after them and just assault them with words and deeds. He is a red fella, isn't he? Yeah, his face of red-faced, hardcore. No, no.

I mean, he's a red fellow. I know what you meant. And I know. I know what you meant. And I'm saying red-faced. Yeah. Red-faced and learned it. I don't know if he read this or not, but he just wanted to comment on woman porn to say, oh, it's okay for you to jerk off.

But if I fucking watch a girl taking it in the ass and in the mouth at the same time, I'm some kind of pervert. Right. But you can flip fools. Right. I'm sick because my home page has all these, all the, all the incest porn. I'm sick. Okay. All right.

I'm sick because I get updates when new porn's drop from certain actresses. I'm sick because of that, right? I'm sick because I got a profile on a gooners page. Come on. Because I entered my email address. I'm sick. I'm the sick. Oh, okay, because I gave them my credit card number.

Now I'm the sick guy. Sure. Because I pay for the new drops. All right. Okay. I'm the weird up. This reality is the type, is that this type of material objectifies the opposite gender and has serious effects on neural pathways that relate to the desire response.

Is he saying he doesn't like being objectified? He's saying that this objectifies what, bullmen? Who does this object? Centars? Who are we talking about? Minotars? They don't exist. No, this is fucking ridiculous.

And this will fuck with your pathways that relate, neural pathways that relate to desire response. This is a person who went to the University of YouTube and thinks that if a woman has sex with a bunch of people, it alters her genetics. That's one of these idiots. That's exact type of idiot that would say that. Yeah. Not even YouTube Junior College he went to. YouTube Community College. Yeah.

But the problem here too is his argument is hypocritic, hypocritical. Hypocratic. It's stupid as fuck. That is definitely not hypocritic. What about beauty in the beast when these girls were five? Fuck you. That's, yes. What are we talking about?

What about the hunchback of Notre Dame? He was kind of a monster. What are we talking about? Yeah. I don't know. I watch Beauty and the Beast. I don't need to, I don't need a candle stick up my ass to come. Shut up.

No. Yeah. I don't want to fuck a teapot. No. Well, I mean, sometimes, but it's not because of Beauty and the Beast. It's for way other different reasons. It's the way she screams. It's so hot.

It's hot. It's hot. Oh, okay. It objectifies completely unrealistic attributes, activity that defies the laws of physics. Oh, huge dicks. Yeah. I can't get it in her, I guess. It's too huge of a dick.

Defies the laws of physics. Wow. It gets worse. And performance expectations not ever experienced on this planet by humans or beasts. He's saying he can't live up to a woman who's thinking about giant bullcocks that make them come 50 times. And he's like, I can't even make them come. once. It's not fair. Don't go to Tijuana, sir.

Oh, no. You'll blow your mind. Wow. Holy shit. To have the shifted, to have the shifted the earth from its orbital axis experience, the neural pathways will have to be shifted from those fantasies to thoughts and anticipations about the partner. Yeah. He can never please a woman if this is what she needs. No.

That's his worry. How worried is, how, okay. How low is this guy's dick. steam. Yeah. He has never made a woman come. And he figured out scientifically from the University of YouTube, why? And it's neural pathways that are being adjusted by man bull fucking books.

That's what the problem is. And up to and including digital and oral because there's a lot of women that can't come just from a penis. Absolutely. Sometimes you've got to really fucking work. And he can't do any of them. None of them. It's not working. Only a giant bull penis can do it.

He says, He says, He says, he's just going to make it harder for me. Yeah, I can't do it. I just don't have it. He said, I'll ask this. The next time you enjoy moving the earth, are you moving the earth emotionally and physically with your partner?

Oh, or with an impossible physics-defying fictional character. Yeah. You know, like chicks with fake tits and porn. Yeah. His love language is gifts. Yeah. Wow.

What a douchebag. Okay. Ronald one star. What did I just read? That's a fair title for a review. I never want to hear from another person about how they read a hundred books in a year if this is the kind of slop they're consuming. Imagine a Y.A. novel, but for people who want to have sexual intercourse with farm animals, yet still seem to want to be empowered or want to be seen as empowered. Okay.

Lulu, one star. porn, not worth reading. I like my porn on the TV where it's nice and big. Lulu's furious or pussy's wet. Yeah, she got it because she thought it was a nice story about man bulls. And then she was like, hey, he's fucking this broad. She thought it was an Orwell book. Yeah.

I read Animal Farm. This must be the sequel. I bought my grandkids Animal Farm and Milken Farm. I bought them both. I thought maybe it'd be a nice read for him. It's the sequel. It's the milken farm now. I did not know what was in there.

It goes on to say, porn, don't read this book. Right. Yeah. It's kind of the idea. Oro one star. Couldn't ignore is the title. Okay, let's find out what they couldn't ignore.

There was some racial coding I couldn't get by. Oh, boy. after accepting but feeling weird about the mentions of his wide nose and bigger lips. You know, he's also got the head of a bull, you're fucking idiot. Have you ever seen a bull's nose? It's as wide as your head. Not very narrow. No.

There are other, what the fuck are you talking about? How else do you describe a bull? It's especially if they're describing like it being close to them and they're going to be, like, oh, I feel like he's going to go up his nostril for Christ's sake. Because it's a giant bull. Did they mention the snot? Yeah. Yeah, what are we talking about here? I couldn't shake the weird feeling.

All the talk about how the human women moved into the neighborhood because of the bigger and amazing penises of the different species and how they, quote, never go back to humans. Oh, okay. Felt grossly fetishizing. Yeah, I've heard that before. If they said once you go bully, you'll never go back, maybe. I'd give you that. But too reminiscent of a human saying. By the second time he referenced

to his penis as a big bullcock, BBC, I was done. Okay. That's too much. I mean, that's a pun, that's a pun, BBC? Would you do that? Would you say that? A big bullcock, yeah. Or big black cock, right.

That's what I mean. From porn, that's the bat, but this is big bullcock. So I think he's kind of making a, yeah, I think they're making a joke. That's the idea, yeah. I think that's the point. I think it was, I don't think it's, I don't think it's so much of a subliminal message. as it's obvious message. Yeah, it's a really on the nose joke.

Yeah. Joke about a giant dick. Yeah, that a poor writer would make. Also, you've seen a bull's cock before? A lot of them are black. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They get, yeah, the bulls, well, if the bull, especially if it's a darker color, tends to have a...

Donkeys, too, just a big bull. They're huge. Donkeys got a giant dicks for their size to... Yeah. More dick than they need, I would say. Yeah. All right. And then finally, Ghost.

Uh-huh. And one star. The title is no, just no. That's the title. Dot, dot, dot, no. Ghost got to the BBC part. Yeah, absolutely. And then one of the greatest reviews of all time.

Quote, nah, some wrong with y'all, something wrong with y'all for buying this one. Nah, some, S-U-M-N, something wrong with y'all for buying this one. Ah. That's amazing. I like that. Now, if you're all horned up and out of big black bullcock to come after you, good news, there's other books. Stop it.

Oh, yeah, maybe you're into different animals. We don't know. Here's one. Here's a romance book two, because that was book one. Right. The milking farm. This is sweet berries, a monster bait romance again. Cambric Creek, sweet and steamy monster romance book two.

When did the first one come out? What year was that? Does it show when it was published? The reason I ask is that there is that website that has... This is 2022. Okay. Part two came out. This may have come out because of the tentacle porn or the tentacle dildos.

That may be why somebody thought of this. Maybe. This one on the cover has like... I don't even know what this guy is. A fucking fairy? Something he's got like hair that goes down his chest in a V and like a weird... He's got like wings on his head and pointy ears like a like a like an elf or Spock or something. It's fucking weird.

It says Grace has a job she loves, a community she adores and plenty of friends. But her lack of bedroom action has left this event planner too horny to think. She can't take it. When one ill-advised night at the bar leads to her giving an exhibitionist show to an unknown presence outside her bedroom window, she thinks she's hit a new low. Oh, a peeper. She knew he was that. Let me shake my ass. Let me shake my ass.

Yeah. When her voyeur turns out to be a neblishly charming moth man. The moth man? The moth man. Grace needs to decide if she can trust her body and her heart. With this garnet-eyed stranger before her, before, with this garnet-eyed stranger before he flies out of her life for good. Uh-huh. Sweetberries is a monster-slash-human romance featuring high.

high heat and lots of heart with guaranteed H-E-A? What the fuck is that? Human excrement activity? I don't know. Maybe there's shit porn in this. I'm not sure. It is interesting that it's kind of that old trope of like being a creep and then and then like peeping and being a creep. And then the peeper gets raped.

Like that's kind of crazy. He's like, oh, no. Oh, God. He's getting. Yeah. Oh, God. All right. The next one, part three, moonblooded breeding clinic.

Moonblooded breeding clinic. This is a werewolf. Oh, yeah. So the cover is just her with a guy on there. But like around him, there's like a shadow of a wolf. So you see that he's going to turn into a wolf. Right. You know what he does.

So you know what that's all about. Then there's number three is T for two. Welcome to Azate. Oh. I don't know. This one, what is this? Harper Hollingsworth wasn't looking for a friend. You named your...

They named their character, their main character, Harper Hollingsworth. Jesus. Wasn't looking for a friend. She wanted peace and quiet. Some place to lose herself in a book and not think about grief. Not to think about her coven. What is she a witch? Of course she is.

And disconnect from the craft. Not to think about being the odd goth out everywhere she went. She's the horny one that never gets late. I'm horny but sad. They don't go together well. She didn't want to think about her lack of magical ambition as she was regularly told by her mother's poison-tongued familiar and how her life had fallen apart since the death of her father. More than that, she didn't want to feel anything. To the strange, seldom seen owner of one of Cambrick's oddest businesses, tea is more than just a beverage.

They take pride in their amazing, in their blends of unorthodox methods. that of teasing out the order, each guest needs to sate more than just their thirst. Oh, boy. As a thay, bruise more than a fine cup of tea. They steep the smell of memories, the anticipation of future pain and loss, hoping and lodging, an elixir of health and comfort and feeling in every cup. What? Residing unseen in the shadows gets a bit lonely at times,

an undignified emotion for one as old as themselves. And so they've made it their business to. to get to know their unwitting neighbors one cup of tea at a time. Guests may not know what to expect when they step over the shop's threshold, but the owner guarantees they will feel something before they leave.

It's a ghost. There's a fucking aberrition. She's fucking a tea ghost. A witch fucks a tea ghost. A witch fucking a teagost appears to be. Wow. Or it's a shadow, because it says

she didn't expect the shadows to talk back. She gets fucked by a shadow. Wow. Wow. Okay, I get a bull. Maybe a chick's into like big guys who manhandle or even a werewolf. He's dangerous. He might disappear into the night, whatever.

Why would you want to fuck a shadow? What is worrying about that? Peter Pan used to wrestle it. Yeah, that was just going to say, like Peter Pan. That's totally right on the money. And then finally, he loves me not, is the next one. With this one, he has the upper body of a man. And from the waist down, he looks to be a long.

snake. Oh, boy. Yeah, let's find there's an enormous pressure to keep his family business going. Family business. Started by his grandfather, passed to his father and out of him. Pressure as a non-human business. Pressure as the grandson of an immigrant. You're half snake.

Who cares where you're from? Wow, they're playing. That's so many different people. Pressure as the eldest son. Wow. When Bloomberg, an online flower conglomerate, opens their soulless flower. Lauer factories in Canberra Creek. Raynar knows it's only a matter of time before he's forced to close the doors.

Okay, some broad comes in and fucks a snake. That's the end of it. Who cares. Anyway, there you go, everybody. Wow. There is your stupid opinions. You ladies are sick. You guys, I don't want to hear, at least it's obvious what we want.

How the fuck are we supposed to know you want to fuck a bull? Yeah. Or a snake or anything else. I'm going to fuck a stepmom. Yeah. And we don't even really. We're just like, eh. fucking whatever.

The fucker stepped on it. I'm so tired of that being a thing. It's so gross. That is very gross and not something I want to think about. Not okay. It's very creepy. I don't like thinking about that. That's gross.

So there you go, everybody. We've had the worst pizza ever. We've been to several weird farms, including Camber. Milking farm. We went to see Bob Marley and we're forced by Shane to sing along to Greg A's songs over and over again. Next week, we're going to have a bowling alley slash arcade, which will be a lot of fun. As we know, that shit's always hilarious on this show.

So thank you so much for joining us. Head over to shut up and give me murder.com. If you want merchandise, there's tons of shirts and coffee cups and skateboards and shower curtains and everything you could imagine with all sorts of your stupid opinion stuff on it. Get your tickets for Smalltown Murder Live shows while you're there as well. And listen to Small Town Murder and Crime and Sports. because I think you like both of them if you like this show. So thank you so much for joining us.

Tune in next week. And until then, we'll see you later. Bye.