Your Stupid Opinions - Poison Buffet Sewage Shower Scrooge Of The Year

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for a gym, where the employees use the time to work on their own bodies, rather than clean the sewage, from the showers. A Santa's Village, where Santa may, or may not be available, but the owner may call you a "Scrooge", on the internet. A buffet, that will have you knowing a lot of technical terms for "food poisoning & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!   Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey. Hey, thank you so much for joining us. The only show in podcasting that lets you know what other people's opinions are, even if you don't care. Yeah. It's the best. We cannot wait. My name is James Petro Gallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wiseman.

So here we go today. We are going to dip back into the. lucky buffet in Delaware. We're going to go to the gym and try to tone up after that. And then we have a very, very special warm holiday treat after that, which is just lovely. A Santa's Village where the owner just loves to yell at people and it's hilarious. Can't wait to get to that. Before we do very quickly, shut up and give me murder.com is the website.

Head there, not only for all your merchandise, tons of your stupid opinion stuff. Also, get your tickets to the Your Stupid Opinions Live show. Oh, oh, oh. It's going to be March 21st in Phoenix, Arizona at the Stand Up Live Comedy Club. And we are excited for that. We have a whole slate of shows for Small Town Murder, but we have won Your Stupid Opinions. Let's go ahead and sell that bad boy out and, you know, show everybody that more your stupid opinions live shows are warranted. So let's do this.

said, I'm starving. Let's go to the buffet. Let's do it, Jimmy. Let's go. We are going to the lucky buffet in Bear, Delaware once again. We ended there last week, and it was just starting to really get crazy. A lot of servers stare at you, want you to leave. Tip, tip, tip, tip. But not before tip, tip, tip, tip. That's the thing. Let's start out with one star from Michael. Services poor, explanation point. You need to get your own utensil. You need to get your own utensils in order to eat from an open bin on a table. What? The sentence structures.

I think the utensils come in an open bin, but it makes it sound like you take your food and eat it from an open bin. That's what it sounds like in the middle of the table, just on the floor. Paid $27 for two adults, a waste since I don't drink soda, but the price includes it. Okay? The soda is eight cents worth of your meal. Who cares? Eat meat and you'll make up for it.

It's fine. Nice selection. However, almost every dish had too much salt making the food difficult to consume. This person is just a while. I don't drink soda. It has too much salt. You suck. Stay home, make your own food.

Make your own boiled plain chicken breasts and eat them. You're annoying. The dessert bar is sad looking. That goes for even the best, that one we were talking about last week, the really good Chinese buffet in Phoenix. The dessert section is pathetic. It is... Pathetic.

It's those jello squares. Every Chinese buffet has jello squares. I don't know why they think. They just think Americans want jello. Give them jello. I saw the commercial. J-E-L-O. They want it.

There you go. They give you that. For Christ's sake. There's that weird cake that I don't know what it is, but it's got like a hard frosting on it. It looks like it was made in some industrial setting. And then they had a thing that you open up with 10. 10 gallon tubs of ice cream in it that you have to scoop out yourself and you'll get tennis elbow if you have two scoops of chocolate.

It's a disaster. I've been a one that has like almost froyo. It's not fro you. It's just soft serve garbage. It's where it has the little machine that you operate it yourself. They call that no yo, I believe. That's a, that's kind of what. The softest of serves.

It's almost warm. A hometown buffet serve. One of those. Yeah. So that's even the best Chinese restaurant. dry. Their dessert is never what you're coming there for. The business lacks good service and the

quality of the food needs great improvement. Okay, because obviously too much salt. Finally, they need to clean their front windows. Oh, come on. On the way out. Just another kick on the way off here. Boniface or Bonifach, however you want to say.

Boniface. Boniface. One star. Do not bring a party here. Three exclamation points. No, don't bring Bring a party. Very bad customer service. We booked a reservation, a reservation. This place doesn't seem like a reservation kind of joint, does it?

Do you? We booked a reservation for birthday and promised a private room. Apparently, they promised him a private room. Upon arrival, we were told that the bulb is out and couldn't accommodate. The light went out. Sorry, all darken there. Can't go ahead. Okay.

We requested tables to be combined to accommodate our 15 party, but they refused. Three times we tried, and they said the manager does not allow tables to be moved. He's very strict about the table placement. They have to be where they're at. The fire marshal said so. Sorry, it's just the way it is. I've been to many restaurants, and they always accommodate large groups to combine tables. Yes, I've worked in many restaurants.

We've never, ever, ever once said we're not going to push two tables together, if that's what people need. Who cares? Yeah. The manager is very, very specific about his seating assignments. We cannot change anything. Yeah. It's like an airplane up here.

That's where the seats are. Okay, so he didn't have a good time there. How about David? Let's find out what he said. One star. This is the first time, and then these two words are in all caps. I ever saw is all caps. Yeah.

By the way, the I isn't capitalized. Lowercase I. Lowercase eye. I ever saw. a restaurant take uneaten sushi off of someone's plate that was left and put it back out on the trays to serve. Gross. Oh, that tuna rolls okay. Here we go.

You didn't even touch that thing. Doesn't even have any soy sauce on it. We'll put that right back on the buffet. What are you doing? That's disgusting. That is horrific and highly illegal. That is just never mind decorum or whatever. That's just straight a violation of every code of restaurants.

restaurants. That's horrifying. I've heard of people, you know, they do that with bread sometimes I've heard of. Oh. I don't care. I can't. I can't. I don't care, though, honestly. Really?

What are the odds some tubercular dip shit has been coughing all over it for, you know what I mean? It's probably the untouched bread. Some people don't touch it at all. It's on the table. Yeah. If it's, oh, like set in a basket in the center? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not on a plate, obviously.

Once it's on a plate, it's dead. But when they bring it in a basket and nobody touches it. it, throw it back in the fucking breadbin. Who cares? Honestly. Who gives a shit? I don't care. Fascinating doc.

I don't fucking care. I'm sure shit I do and eat is worse than that. You know what I mean? Oh my God. A cheeseburger from McDonald's probably has less germs on it than that. Thank you. Last Christmas, I had a cousin here, and she was talking about some medical stuff, and I won't get into it, whatever.

She was getting a little wacky. And I said, and I said, do you know what a fuck? hamburger has in it for McDonald's. I said, you eat McDonald's, don't you? I said, well, that is 10 times worse than whatever their fucking guy's going to put into you. Shut up. And that ended the conversation. It was great. The caliber of person to probably making, like the people that make that cheeseburger probably show up sick. Yeah, they don't care. They have to. They have to. It's blood money. That's, you know, I've been in that position and you've got to show up or else you don't get paid. It sucks. The guy that makes pizzas that Peter Piper Pizza does not

give a fuck whether or not you get the flu from him. Not a concern. I know that because I watched him. No shit. They put that cheese on barehanded, babe. Yeah, yeah. And even good restaurants. I worked at good restaurants.

The chef was always there. Tell me he never got sick. He just was in the greatest health other. The guy worked 18 hours a day. Tell me he was in great health and never got sick. That's why I get a little upset with the perfect attendance award for anything. Because it's like they came to work sick. You're going to reward them for?

that? They didn't never get sick. We have this stat, 100% attendance. What is the stat of how many people you've made ill over the last year? How many bodies are in your wake, you sick fuck? Jesus Christ. So anyway, sushi has been put out to put anything with fish in it. Yeah, you can't do that. You can't do that. Hot food, none of that shit. That's crazy. Fish has gone warm. Do not put that back with the other fish. And it's been on a plate, on someone's actual plate where their fork that's touched their mouth has been. You know what I mean? So I know it's sushi and it's pricey, but I'm pretty sure you can't reserve food once it's been on a plate.

Reserve food? That's a good way to put it. Once it's been on a plate touched by a person and other food. Lord knows. Lord only knows what goes on in the kitchen after seeing the staff and sushi chef do that. I'll personally never come back after seeing that. I wouldn't either. That's horrifying.

They don't give a shit about you. Wanton gives one star. Is in the right place? Wantan. One ton. One star. Hate this place should be shut down. Yeah.

People don't lie about all those horrible reviews. I guess all the horrible reviews aren't lying, is what they're trying to say. Used to be good, but then it just goes downhill. This is the worst, again, with the worst and worst. This is the worst buffet. Yeah. I have been to, and I go to horrible buffets all the time. That is awesome.

I treat myself like a fucking monster. I do it. That's funny. I used to do that too back in the day. I go to all the horrible buffets just because they were hilarious. And so I get it. Yeah, you go to all the horrible buffets. Found bugs on the floor.

Oh, no. This is my favorite. Staff sucks. Yeah, that's a whole sentence. Staff sucks. They just suck. When I ask for fresh French fries, they add tons of cooking oil to old French fries and call them fresh. There you go, all wet now.

That's better, right? How's that? Good? Wow. Do you think I am an idiot? Kind of. I kind of do after reading part of this review. Sort of think you're an idiot, but that's beside the point. They never accept coupons from phone. Okay.

All right. Never? Yeah. Need to be printed. Should be shut down the worst dining experience I ever had. I ever had. It's the worst. Wow. Ever. That's saying something. How many times have you eaten in your life? This is the worst? Thousands and thousands of times. This is the worst. This is the worst. worst experience you've ever had. I don't believe you. I do think you're an idiot. You know what? I do too, yeah. Yeah, Wantan, you're an idiot. Okay. Clever, one star.

Really bad service, two exclamation points. The food was more like leftovers, two exclamation points. Nothing was fresh. What do you think, Jimmy? Two exclamation points. Two exclamation points. Flies everywhere. Huh?

Two exclamation points. That's right. He's consistent. shit. He's definitely has a thing and all of them have a space before the exclamation. Oh, I fucking hate that. Yeah. That's the sign of a sick mind, I believe. Yes. That's what I think.

I think you can tell a lot by a person's mental health through their grammar. And this is an aggressive act right here. Absolutely. This is an act of aggression. He wants to destroy our sentence structure. Very important. So much so it gets its own space. That's what I mean. That's a problem. He really wants.

He really wants you to see it. He wants them to be the star of the show, the exclamation points here. The waitress just showed us where to sit without even asking for our beverage. And after remembering our drinks, she forgot our straws. One exclamation point. Not that important to. Really, never again would I step into that place? Two exclamation points.

He's back, everybody. He's back. Hey, all right. Let's not mention babies crying everywhere as well. Two exclamation points. What are they supposed to do about that? But that's not the restaurant's fault. Yeah, what are you supposed to?

You and your shitty kid get out of here? No babies allowed? Like, that's just, that's shitty parents that can't keep their kid quiet. And sometimes babies cry. Straw up. No peace to eat, no place to eat. Two exclamation points. Stay away, two exclamation points.

Very bad rating. Two exclamation points. Good luck finding a good dessert without any flies on them. Two exclamation points. Oh man, old clever two exclamation point there. Next up, Anthony, one star. I got food poisoning from this restaurant. Oh, no.

That's not good. I was severely ill after eating here and couldn't get out of bed. I would not return to this place again. I would fucking hope not. Why would you? You're glutton for punishment at that point. Fool me once, you know? Also, the customer service from the lady at the front desk was horrible.

She did not greet or even say hello. Only, quote, you pay first. That's it. You pay first. I bet that's the exact quote, too, exactly the way she said it. They charge you automatically for sodas, even if you only want water, because it's all included in the price. They're trying to give you a deal here, asshole. Everything you get, it's one price.

Just what's the problem? You can't. Sorry. We'll remove 89 cents from it for you. Yeah, we can't be deleting. Get out of here. I am very disappointed. They also changed the name to Lucky Buffet, but everything still shows Tap Grill.

In other words, they have, I guess they're still branding for the old restaurant. Tapinaki? Yeah. Yeah, tap, tap, yeah, so I think it's short. You can change the name all you want, but it's still the same. Check the violations for this restaurant. There's 13 we found. And here they are, by the way.

We have all their violations for 2025. Going back. Here's 2025. We got 22. Okay, all the way back to 2022. January of 2025, five violations. One, protection from contamination after receiving, preventing contamination from the premises food storage. Another one, numbers and capacities, utensils, temperature measuring devices and testing devices.

So they don't test temperatures. They don't know if it's clean or not. Apparently. cleaning of equipment and utensils, food contact services, non-food contact services, and utensils, also maintenance and operation, premises, structures, attachments, fixtures, methods, cleaning ventilation systems, nuisance and discharge prohibitions, and they don't have the proper hand-washing facilities. Okay.

That's easy, right? That's easy. That was the recent one. On September 20th, 2003, they had six. 16 violations. All in one day. All in one deal. And it's one inspection.

We're talking destruction of organisms of public health concern, protection from contamination, protection from contamination again, limitation of growth of organisms of public health concern, meaning temperature and time control. They leave shit out too long, so shit grows in it. They don't label shit properly. Restriction and storage. It's a mess. They had 11 in 2022 and then 11 in 2021 also.

They're a mess, apparently. So watch out. It's what you expect at a buffet, though. It's all gross. Yeah. It's especially look down. Look down. If the floor is dirty and shit's dirty, they're not keeping up on.

Yeah. They don't give a fuck. You should be. They should be mopping and cleaning that shit daily. If you look in the corners and there's a bunch of gunk, that means they don't care about the deep. That's sweating the details. Fucking watch out. I took my daughter to a Froyo near my house and it smells like fucking cleaner in there the second you walk in.

And my daughter goes, ooh, that's gross. I'm like, no, baby. That means this is the cleanest ice cream that you're going to get. You want that. That's incredible. You walk into a seafood restaurant. You shouldn't smell fish. Right.

Cooked fish, but not fish fish, you know. Right. If you smell rotten food, get the fuck out. That's a bad sign. Here is one star from smart chick. Let's see how smart you are, chick. If I could give zero stars, I would. She did it.

Okay, you're pretty smart so far. Nailed it. We did not stay to eat. I think her title is, her name is working. This is good. She saw it was bad and said, I'm not eating here. That's smart. I walked out because I asked why the total was unusually higher than we were expecting.

Okay, they're cheap. Never mind. I thought they were smart. We asked for an explanation of the price and was told it's because we had more than one adult in our party. Yeah. What? So instead of their listed price of 1499, they wanted to charge us 1899. Apparently, if there's only one adult, you get a lower price.

One adult, 1499, two adults, 1899 apiece. The more people you have, the more expensive it is, apparently. The sense is that. That makes no sense. we were offended so we left offended I don't even know what the hell we're talking about How could you be offended by that? Yeah, I don't know how you could be offended by that

You think you'd be, we were confused and left Would have been a better way to put that, I think. Yeah, we didn't get what's happening around here And we just left. Yeah, shaking my head. Not to mention the place was empty So that told us enough. Yeah, an empty buffet, run.

Run. Unless it's packed, get the hell out of there. That is dangerous. Here is Bender, one star. won't be going here anymore. The waitress needs to learn some manners. Okay. Seems like every time we go there, they get more and more pushy and rude.

The whole time you're there, they're talking stuff about you. Okay. This is one of those people, whenever they hear a foreign language, they assume that it's about them. Yeah. Because they're a narcissist, so they assume everything about that. And insecure, both, yeah. And it up probably, you know what, too? It probably is about you.

But guess what? What do you care? Yeah. Yeah. Do you care? Who gives a fuck? Yeah, who cares? If the waitress and the sushi guy are talking shit about you, who gives a shit?

As long as shouldn't wipe her ass with that tuna that you just got to put on that rice, who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? Well, I was paying the check. The waitress was trying to take it from me before I was even finished writing the total and could sign it. That seems like self-defeating. Right. Trying to get a tip on there. The food is starting to suck as well.

starting to suck. Starting. It's getting there. Getting there. Big disappointment was one of my kids and I's favorite places. Now it's not anymore, apparently. Okay, Brian, here we go. One star.

This is great. Don't come back, said the angry manager. He got kicked out of the Chinese buffet. So let's decide. Did he get kicked out of the Chinese buffet for some sort of insolence? Some sort of, or was he, is this the John Panette story? Is this? Oh, that.

in here four hours and you need to leave. Is that which one is it? All you can eat, not you eat off. Exactly. Which one is it here? Here we go. Ma'am, we do not plan to come back given the fact that the service was horrible and the prices for takeout or astronomical high.

The manager was not helpful at all. She was combative and came across as unprofessional. What made her say you're not allowed to come back? You're leaving that part out. You're leaving that out. I cannot recommend this place based on my experiences. maybe yours will be different. The food is terrible.

The prices are terrible and the service sucks. There's absolutely no reason to come unless you don't care about the issues presented. If you got kicked out and you don't say why you got kicked out, it means you deserve to be kicked out. You probably shouldn't be allowed in public. Yeah. If you're getting kicked out of Chinese buffets, this isn't a nightclub. There's no alcohol here. You got a problem.

I've never seen anyone get kicked out of a Chinese buffet before. Never. Aubrey, one star. I loved the food and it tasted amazing. Well, that's an odd for a sentence for a one-star review. For a one-star, yeah. Wow. Until three days later.

Well, here we go. Yeah. Three days? I was terribly ill and was diagnosed with Campobacter. Camplobacter, which I looked up. It's a type of bacteria that can cause diarrheal disease in people. Okay. It's name meadens curved bacterium because the germ typically

appears in a comma or S shape. It's considered to be the most common bacterial cause of shitting yourself, essentially. Oh, okay. When you have diarrhea, that's the problem. Yeah. For the most part. Which is a gut bacterial infection, this person

goes on to say, from poorly prepared seafood and poultry. I even had to go to the hospital. Jesus. Wow. I'm never returning to this buffet again. If I could give zero stars, I would. You deserve to Give it zero stars.

Imagine walking into an emergency room, them going, it seems to be the problem. I ate Chinese food three days ago. Well, it's in my shoes. Yeah. It's on your floor. It's all over. You can see my trail in. I didn't need to leave breadcrumbs.

I left my own special formula here. Imagine the embarrassment. That was your closest. From the ER door. You got to ring out the shit. That's fucking fun. That is fun of shit. Oh, man.

Ah, the worst. Oh, my God. Basheema one star. Yeah. It's 531 p.m. Here we go. I love this. I love a timeline.

This makes my brain feel... This really makes my brain feel good when I get a timeline. Every slot everything in. Every incident that happens, I'm looking back at my watch. 531 p.m. Yeah. Sounds like what a murder story we're telling on small town murder here. They are empty and should be getting ready for a dinner rush.

Oh. The food is old. and hard. This sounds like a, like poetry or something. Yeah. This is stupid now. I'm so excited. Me too.

Now she's really getting it. I feel like I don't want you to. Yeah. Yeah. She's going to break into iambic pentameter and I don't nearly need that right now. Even the garlic bread is hard. Like I took the tongue and tapped the bread, hard as a rock. Yeah.

The pizza taste first bitten. I don't know what first bitten is. First. I don't know. I can't even. I can't even try to transatlose. translate what she's trying to say. The pizza taste first bitten.

Anybody out there? Anybody in the tens of thousands of people that listen to this show. To any of you understand what that means. I guarantee you don't. What were you aiming for, man? That's what I mean. The target's here. And I don't know.

The target is a mile away. I don't even know where. I mean, that dart is stuck right in the pumpkin. But were you aiming for the pumpkin? I don't think you're able. No, there's a huge target with a big 100 in the middle, like a half mile away. And she's got her, she goes, I hit the pumpkin. They're going, what pumpkin?

First bitten. Taste, the pizza taste first bitten. I don't know. And if you're going to a Chinese buffet for garlic bread and pizza, I think you're doing it wrong, by the way. Yeah, go to an Italian one. Go to, yeah. Even the old-timey Pizza Hut buffet would be better than this. The whole setup of the buffet was very unpleasant.

The people on here who said it was good definitely were either drunk or lying. Okay, that's good. You might be drunk also. I think you're drunk, old first bitten. None of the food was appeasing. Appealing you mean? Appeasing? This person, this person reviewing everything.

Appeasing. Was Hitler there trying to do it? He was being appeased by, they said, fine, take Poland. What are we talking about? What's happening? appeasing. Appeasing. Like they have a, like a...

Like it's a bully. Like there's a giant monster chained up out back that must be appeased. I can't take the bullying anymore. Appease them. Opease them. Like I just paid 11 something for a salad at a buffet. Never again. I guess not.

All right. Let's see. Sun with a very Vietnamese last name. One star. I got food poisoning here. I can't seem to get rid of this feeling. of being about to vomit. Oh, he's in the midst of it.

Oh, no. So got it. Also, the food here is at best a three out of ten. You're sick. You ate enough of it. That's a zero out of ten. It's a zero. It tasted bad and you're sick.

That's a zero. But I like, this guy's real easy going. The food here is at best a three out of ten because you can at least swallow it. It is, you can get it into your body. And then it comes out in its own direction that you don't expect it to. Yeah. Sideways sometimes. Save your money and your stomach.

Avoid, quote, Chinese or, quote, Asian buffets in general. And like I said, this is a very Asian man based on his name and picture. And he's also, in his picture, he's an Asian man playing like a cello. So, yeah. There's even, yeah, he's been. He's learned the art of. He's been tiger-mommed. He's got super Asian.

He's been forced to learn that thing over many, many years. Absolutely. Oh, man. Catherine, one star, the most disrespectful people ever, ever, ever, exclamation point. The lady who sat me and my family down decided that it was okay to roll her eyes at me the entire time I was talking to her and was saying rude comments toward me. Uh-oh. Oh, boy.

She judged me for what I look like because I gave her a paper that states that I have had surgery and can only eat a small amount. Who cares? Why would you show that to someone? Why would you go to a buffet if you just had stomach surgery and can't eat very much? That's what I mean. I think she wants a discount because she's not going to eat at a ton and she has proof of it by this. No.

I've got a doctor's note that says I only have to pay $7.99. That's it. Here, my doctor said this is $7.49. This is going to cause me. Here's the thing about a buffet. Eat as much as you want. Eat as little as you want. It's one fucking price.

It's one price. You eat one egg roll or seven pounds. chicken and broccoli. It's the same goddamn price. That's the point. Don't go to buffets. Yeah, but I got stomach stapling surgery. So. Good Lord. You're going to eat through it. You are going to, sorry, we're going to stuff some, some sushi here. Let me get it off that guy's plate for you. There you go. We're going to stuff warm sushi down your neck. Oh, my God. So those staples stretch. And does that, how's that pizza? First bite? Yeah. All right. Does it taste first bite? Does it taste first bite?

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Order by December 15th will guarantee delivery by Christmas because great gifts shouldn't show up late. Now back to the show. All right, so she's mad at this lady. She judged me for that. Then when we went to pay, she was so happy and smiling toward my cousin when she went to pay. And then when I went to hand her my card, she wouldn't look at me or even speak to me. No, because you're a pain in the act.

They don't like you. Yes, you're at pain of the balls. Her smile completely vanished when it came time for me to pay. Also, this was not the first time they were disrespectful toward me. Why do you keep coming back then, you idiot? I thought maybe because the lady who had done it before wasn't seating us, she would be kind, but I was wrong. The first lady who judged me was very disrespectful as well.

She had three servers come up to me and ask if, what I, if what was on my plate was all I was going to eat. Is that all you're going to eat? Is that all you're going to eat? You said you're not going to eat a lot. Gerass in there. Wow. I gave them two chances, but each time they were very rude toward me. So this buffet will not be getting my service. My service? Ever again. I don't know what your service. I'm going to serve this place. Oh my God. That is amazing. Okay. Casey one star. Here we go. If you want food poisoning, definitely eat here. Here we go.

Yeah. Do you need to fit in those smaller jeans? There you go. This is a way to lose weight. Never mind stomach stapling. Just come here. All of my food was at room temperature. And when I went up to say something to the lady sitting at the desk on her phone,

she told me that she could heat it up in the microwave for me. Great. Thanks. Oh, man. After I told her I'm paying for hot food, not food that's reheated, she told me, okay, you can leave and walked off. Yeah, that's it. This is what we got.

We're not fixing it. It's not getting any better. Tough shit. Sherry, one star. Worst Chinese buffet I ever ate at. Food was cold. Soda area not cleaned. Oh, everything's sticky.

Person at front was rude. Website stated lunch 799 was told was wrong, not updated, had to pay 1350. So they just leave half price basically on their website. False advertising. Food was not tasty. Okay. Okay. And then finally here, we'll finish up here.

Tyler. Wow. T-Y-L-I-E-R. T-Y-L-I-E-R. T-L-I-E-R. One star. This place is crazy. They put food out for you to eat, but when you sit and eat it, they come and tell you it's for a different time, then charge you for it.

Oh, that's not part of it. Yeah. Okay. Why'd you put it out? Yeah. On top of that, their workers don't wash their hands. I was in the bathroom and asked the girl, aren't you going to wash your hands? She looked at me and walked right out.

They watched it. They watched it. Gross. Oh, my God. Holy fucking shit, they watched it. Oh, my God. Yeah, a lot of people complaining about the bathroom in this joint, too, which is scary. and there's a bucket.

Somebody has a, this was by the buffet. What is that? What is that? Oh, no. That's a rusty tongue. Rusty tongue hanging over. I hope they don't use that for the sushi. And then some rags.

And I guess that's their, what do you call that, disinfectant bucket? I suppose so. That does not look sanitary at all. I can't just put that on the floor under the counter. No, their bucket. It looks like it needs a workout. Yeah, their bucket needs a sanitizer bucket. It needs a sanitizer bucket.

That is not good. Yeah, they need to work off some of that Chinese food with some elbow grease cleaning up here. Let's work off some of that buffet. Let's head to the gym, Jimmy, the place where neither of us want to go. This is the crunch fitness in Crown Heights in Brooklyn, New York. Yeah, they still exist those crunch things. Oh, the crunch of them. Man, is that a, that's one that works, right?

It's been around for so long. Yeah. So long. 842 Lefferts Avenue in Brooklyn. And this is Crunch Fitness, Crown Heights. 3.7 stars. Not good. That's not great at all, I would say, for a gym.

It's a gym. It should have, if it's cleaning the equipment works. Yeah. Wipe it down and get them in and get them out. Here we go. Erlene five stars. Tamika at the front desk always greets me with a smile. She is warm, helpful, and professional.

Her positive energy sets the tone for my whole workout. That's nice. Five stars for my amazing trainer Daniel. He is motivating, knowledgeable, and results driven. I made real progress thanks to his guidance. Training with him has been a real game changer. I highly recommend him. Well, man, so that's great. Okay. Here's two stars from Sully. This gym is possibly the worst crunch location available in Brooklyn. In Brooklyn. I wonder how many crunches that are are in Brooklyn, probably a bunch. You think so?

I don't even know. How many are still fucking available? I don't know. It seems like there's a lot of them out there. Yeah. These are some gym like that is the last place I would ever go. I mean, it's not, it doesn't feel good. And those ones specifically, holy fuck, there's a lot of them in Brooklyn.

I think there's a lot. Good Christ. Yeah. I bet there's a ton of them. Holy fuck. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. That's seven in a one borough. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. She goes on to say a lot of damaged equipment. Most staff are unfriendly. The lady's bathroom is unkept. Showers look dirty. Bathroom is missing lights. Most people that come here sit on the equipment and socialize. Oh, so it's like that.

That's what I picture at a crunch. Yeah, yeah. It's a deuce place where you sit there and admire each other's muscles and not work on them. And try to pick up chicks. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just what all the chicks want while they're working out. It's a social club.

It's not a gym. Yeah. I hate coming here, but sometimes it's my only choice. All right. Molly, one star. It's my only choice. Can't work out anywhere else. Can't even just walk around the block a few times.

One star for Molly. I was forced to cancel my membership yesterday due to not agreeing to take an unnecessary photo for my profile. Why is it unnecessary? I don't know why it's unnecessary. Who cares? As a company owner myself, it's so imperative to hire staff who's slothed. slightly business savvy to make decisions in your company.

Yeah, but I don't think these gym employees who are selling memberships are business savvy. I think that's why they sell memberships to crunch fitness. I think they just work here. They just work there. Due to me canceling my membership, my two gym partners also canceled their membership, which is a $700 plus loss. $700 is not a lot, but it's something. They have seven just in Brooklyn, so they're okay. Yeah, they're not.

I was at blink before, but switched to crunch since it's 500 feet from my home. However, blink is a couple blocks up on Utica. It's clean, good equipment, and good staff. I've never been pressured into taking a photo. Is this a nude photo? What are we talking about? I don't know what's going on. Like a face, like here's your face?

They asked you to update your photo. Perhaps you changed your hairstyle. I don't know. Or is this like a body thing? Like, here's what you look like now and then. Oh, that's a great point. Wouldn't you want that? That's what it was?

If it was a whole body image, then they're saying you look so different now. Yeah, I don't know why that would be required. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know why that would be required. Well, they got to make sure that the right person is using this gym membership. Like, a facial. But when you zap your card, a picture shows up on a monitor and they see who that belongs to. If you look different from what the original was in the first place, that's great.

Good for you. Yeah, I just meant I don't know why your tits would have to be in the picture. You could probably just have your face. in the picture and they can identify you. So I don't know if this is for like progress or what it is, but I don't know why they would make you do that. If you're uncomfortable with them taking a picture with your tits out, maybe don't have your tits out at the gym?

Well, yeah, I just mean, yeah, I don't know what, I don't know. I don't know why they would need a photo of your body. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, it's got to be just your face, right? Yeah, when I go to the airport, my face is fine. Yeah. That's it.

They don't go. Let's see your cock. Hold on. I don't see that ass. How's your ass looking these days. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Having a good dick day.

Yeah. And pop your tits at the gym if you want. Go crazy. I don't care. I don't know. Don't pull them out, though. Well, if you want to, I mean. Do what you want.

I don't care. What you do with your tits? I've never been, I've never once been offended by tits. Yeah, I've never said put those away. My God. Listen, lady, this is a, you know, never once have I said that. Never. Okay.

I'd rather go a couple blocks than to deal. with this. I also have an equinox membership. They're great, a little far, but great for everyone who needs alternatives who's also experiencing issues with this gym. How many gym memberships do you have? Multiple gym memberships? Jesus Christ, you need to get a life. Just in case? There's not one where I'm at. Just sit down and do some bond hits or something. You are way too, talking about business savvy and all this. Come down. Calm the fuck down. I'm down. You're way too type A for me, lady. Can't deal with it. William One Star, staff are rude and condescending. They've been saving people's credit card numbers in their iPad on auto fill, which is highly illegal.

I recommend canceling your card if you've signed up here. Okay. Okay. God forbid. Schmuley gives one star. There's nobody to talk to if you have a problem here. Their scale has been broken for the last two weeks, and I have already told them three times that it's broken and that I want to use it. They say the problem is that the batteries die. So I asked them what type of batteries?

They said double A. So I said how many? Because I want to bring in batteries. So they said, I don't know. I asked, can you check? They said no. That's when I gave up. He's like, I will bring the batteries.

I'll come with my own batteries. I don't care. Just bring a new scale for them at that point. Who gives a shit? Jesus. Or have a scale at your house and use it. I don't know what they tell you. There's that answer too.

You could put one, I don't know, in your bathroom. Oh, yeah, get one for 10 bucks. Steve in one star. The men's locker room is deplorable. highly unsanitary deplorable, highly unsanitary and dangerously dirty. Board of Health needs to step in at this

point. Uh-oh. We're past anybody else. It's that dirty. Needs to step in, but the sanitary conditions in the men's changing area and shower are abominable. What is going on back there? Wow. This guy broke out a desaurus to get in here. What I need different words for awful and gross.

Jesus Christ. Like a snowman in here. Just like a Yeti. Maria one star Never ever again Horrible experience here with the manager Faith if that was even her real name Jesus Christ

Here's a guy that thinks everyone It's got a wrong name to him Yeah this guy's gotten Oh this is Maria so never mind I was gonna say this guy's gotten plenty of wrong numbers In the day or he calls up and it's a tire shop And he's like what the fuck Although yeah ladies names like that

Who fucking knows it would there's a guy that place for the Houston Texans named Danielle. And they're They call him Daniel all night. No, motherfucker, that is Daniel. I've seen Danielle name spelled a million times. That's it. I don't know any other way to say Maria though. That's really.

That's just, you know, that's Marriere. That's who that is. That's Marriere. It's a man named Marier. Marier. That's Marier. That's Marier right there. Okay. Danielle is his name. No, they say to know. Go fuck yourself.

She gave trashy customer service. We canceled our membership immediately after dealing with her. Everyone else was so nice and respectful except her. What a waste of money. She needs training ASAP and lacks empathy for guests. What a waste of money. Again, she says, what a waste of money. I went to another gym.

She shouldn't be in customer service. Told me and my husband that this wasn't, that quote, this wasn't the place for us. Disgusting. You've been warned. I think this wasn't... I don't think this might be the place for you. Okay, here we go. We will do Erica One Star.

They have some good staff here, but the gym is not well maintained at all. Machines are not up to date, and several are constantly out of order. The gym itself could also be cleaner. I try to overlook these issues because the classes and staff are pretty good. However, yesterday there was a drainage issue while I was in the shower. Standing in other people's filth, this thing. Let me give you the translation. I was standing in a stranger's filth the other day.

There was... I have planters warts all over my feet. Oh, yeah, they're good. There were sewage and human waste on the floors of the bathroom of the woman's locker room, and the shower drains were overflowing as well. Literal sewage was coming through the shower drains, and it flooded the entire shower. Why would you... And then you went home and killed yourself?

How did you even write this review? I'd go on the home and hang my, just hung myself immediately. Straight to the front counter, cancel my membership, and never come back in here. That's disgusting. After you lit a match and burn this place to the ground. Hope you got insurance, motherfuckers. God, I had sewage slash waste all over my feet and ankles. Oh, God.

Jesus, that's horrifying. And had to walk through it to get out of the shower. Oh, boy. Then this is the greatest line of all. It really makes me consider whether I want to come back here. What? What do they have to do to you? They've covered you in strangers' feces, and that's not enough to make you not come back.

And they're like, I'm considering it. Consider it. If a staff member came in, picked up a handful of it and threw it at her, then probably. Then I'd strongly consider it. I'm considering it. Holy fucking shit. Walking through poop. Holy shit.

Okay, we will do one or two more here. Okay, here we go. Torin one star. I have been a member of Crunch Fitness and Crown Heights since it's been open. I've been accused of personal training my friends. What? Huh? I've been accused of personal training my friends.

This guy works out with a group and tells them, gives them pointers and tips. And these people are like, you're stealing from our personal training business. that's what they're upset about. I don't know. Fuck off. Maybe personal training is that fucking easy. That's what I mean. Do something harder.

Lift that more. Yeah. Make your personal training more important than what a dude can just say to you as you work out. That's insane, though. If my friend can give me tips and pointers as he's working out and it's as good or better than what you're doing and people are paying for, fucking figure it out. Yeah. If he sucks that bad, it shouldn't work.

My friends and I have been training since the gym, since the gym been open. I am the reason why my friends join this gym. We've been training for over, over some five, some 10, and 15 years because we all came from another gym. Okay. Now my friends and I are thinking of leaving this gym because we feel like we being, we being intimidated and harassed. Not harassed, harass. The funny thing, I can't wait to hear what this is. Oh, where's the joke?

The funny thing is, I used to. I used to like this gym. Now I wouldn't tell my worst enemy to join this gym. Yeah, black punchline. Not funny at all. Yeah, I thought. There's nothing funny, not a bit. I really thought he had something coming.

I was like, all right, we got a bit coming. Yeah, you got to take that out to the open mics at least or, you know, like a weekday in a club, you know, a Wednesday night or something when there's really nothing to lose. Go up late. Yeah, so you got like a spot at like midnight. Barry that one. You know what I mean? Just to check it out. Okay, Mendi one star

This will be the last one All around terrible Customer service originally was nice Until the gym came on the phone What? They called? Oh, the GM, the GM came on the phone I thought they misspelled Jim.

I was trying to help them out But they actually spelled GM. Until the GM came on the phone Immediately started calling me Hector, which isn't my name. What's the name? Listen, Hector. Hey, Hector, let me tell you this.

stereotypical Latin name because he heard my accent and I'm not real impressed with this. I'm not even Latin. The guy's name is Mendi and the last name is certainly not Latin either. Also, doesn't allow teens under 17 that are under a legal guardian to use facilities

unless they pay a ridiculous fee of $130 to get a personal trainer to teach you how to work out. Yet if I'm under a legal guardian, why not he be responsible? Meaning your guardian. Aren't they responsible for It works because they don't own this place.

It's an insurance thing. And also a way to get more money from you. That's why there's seven of them. They've been in business forever because they're going to extract money from you every way possible. That's what gyms do. They still money for you. Terrible service, terrible service and all would not recommend.

I still can't get over the fact that there was shit everywhere. This person was walking through it here. This is fucking crazy. Okay. By the way, this person, last one, one star, even Planet Fitness is better than this location. Is it? Even Planet Fitness, even, my goodness, okay.

Is that the Southwest Airlines of this? I think so, probably. Whatever happened to, because I remember there was that, there was Bally's, there was a 24-hour fitness. They were way gone, yeah. They were, way gone. Do they? Jesus Christ.

How are these? Jim staying. Dude, there's like fucking, there's probably 30 different countrywide brands of gyms. And it's because people don't want to buy thousands of dollars worth of equipment and they'd rather pay $130 at a clip to go here and be judged every day by some muscle bound roid freak. And be called Hector. Yeah, and be called Hector. That's not your name. By the G.

Well, at least they'll have sewage all over your feet. That's nice. I mean, the douche gym by me. It's just, I was a member for, I don't know, three, four months before I just canceled it all because it's just huge men. All they do is work out and do Instagram shit. And they're on every fucking machine. You can't, you can't even work out. You can't even run under treadmill.

It's all packed with shit biscuits that are doing this to get likes. And there's phones out everywhere. I'm like, what are you people doing? I'm not here for this. All these mirrors. at 65 like my dad. All these mirrors too. I can't get over the mirrors.

It's too much. Don't need all these mirrors. That's good to making sure that you're doing the proper form, but most people aren't even working out in them. They're just using them for the camera. Yes, that's what I mean. Of themselves.

And they're not looking at their form. No. Some are, but most are not. They're looking at themselves. They're like, I like that vein. What that's doing right now? God damn it. Narcissists. Okay. Angie one star. This will be the last one. Horrible. Some instructors are kind, but Andrea, all caps, five exclamation points. Absolute twat, yeah? Do not take her at all, especially her class. Don't take her. Leave her there. Leave her behind.

She does not know how to talk to people. Aaron, Ingrid, and Abigail are the best instructors. The trend. The trend. trainers in there are either trying to get money out of you or worried about building their own body so that they can compete in those muscle competition. Ew. They're just there for free workouts. I've seen personal trainers. They're there so they can work out all that. Yeah.

Now watch this. Do it like this. And they do like fucking 15 reps. Like, what are you doing that? They need to work out all day. So they got a job where they get paid to work out all day. That's it. I go there just because it's close to my house

and Ingrid classes. Okay. All right. From there, let's get joyous, everybody. Let's get jolly, shall we? Yeah, we got it. Where are we going?

We're going to Santa's Land, USA. Where is that? It is in Putney, Vermont. Is that where Santa lives? I guess so. And if you can see, the north-ish pole. Yeah.

You can see it's one of those. Santa's house. It's a little village Santa Land. It has a little village, a couple of rides and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. You know, looks like a cheesy roadside attraction. It's what it looks like, yep, what I assume it does. If this was in Florida, there would be a man wrestling alligators in there.

It's just the way it is. In a Santa Su. In a Santa Su. Come on, baby. Bring it on with his beard. This is. He has all the reindeer, James. They just happen to have long, sharp teeth.

Oh, man. This is 655 Bellows Falls Road, Putney, Vermont. And this particular Santa's Land has 4.2 stars, and the owner is a peach, boy. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Now, this is the description from Santa's Land, USA. Santa's Land, USA, our 68th season featuring nighttime magic. Oh.

Experience this classic roadside attraction in the evening with Santa and his friends. Okay. And then it goes on to say more. It's exclusive operations for nighttime. Our guests will walk through a landscape of lights in the Santa Land Forest, stop along the way at various buildings to see elves fast at work, wrecks the talking reindeer, write a letter to Santa in the schoolhouse, and of course take photos with Santa himself.

Yeah, I don't remember him saying anything about a Rex. Who the fuck is Rex? I don't know who Rex, Rex the talking reindeer. Rex? Rex. Well, he doesn't, he's not on the sled team. He's on the. His talent is talking.

Yeah, he's more of a tour guide. It's a different thing. Yeah, he's retired, Rex. He had a knee injury. We had him up front, but all his jibber jabbering made him crazy. He ripped an ACL in about 1820, and it's, that's when Blitzin came in. That's when Blitzin was a replacement for Rex. For Rex.

For Rex. Okay. Also tells you to top off the experience at the Candy Cain cupboard, where you get a burger and fries, which is a very holiday themed. So much for candy cane. Here's Bonnie, five stars. This is a nighttime event, walk through the Christmas lights and displays. Very affordable.

Great food and great staff. Clean bathrooms and gift shop with cute Christmas decor and items to purchase. Highly recommend. I visit every time I'm in the area. Yeah? Hopefully only in December. They've got a talking reindeer, and you didn't even mention it? Apparently not.

That seems the most impressive. I'm not. Erico, five stars, beautiful place. That's small enough to feel safe and big enough to keep kids busy for an afternoon with their family or friends. Perfect for younger kids. They have a wonderful Santa walking around who gave out wallipops and a friendly staff. It has 1950s charm, a really fun slide that my son went on at least 10 times, and the little train was very nice. The snack stand is reasonably priced for lunch, and the little school room was perfect. for my children to play teacher.

We'll be going back often. You didn't even mention the talking reindeer. This reindeer might be quiet some days, I think. Wednesdays he rests his voice. He got to rest his cords, you know what I mean? You got to say hello first. Yeah, you don't think to do it. And here we go, five stars again.

New ownership, this is from seven years ago. Brought me and my son place, brought me and my son place and had wonderful changes including new rides and animation prices were affordable unlike a lot of amusement parks Santa was there and was

an overall great experience. We'll be back in the fall or winter. Did you go there in the spring and what about the reindeer again? Okay. Now, Jennifer, one star. Here we go. Okay. Do not waste your money. It has so much potential

but it's in its state of, in its state a waste of time. They didn't even have the Christmas lights on. It seems like that's the entire point of it. You walk through Christmas lights, right? Very disappointed. Then they say, editing my review since the owner left a disrespectful comment and cannot accept the review. You close at four.

We left the park at four. Christmas lights strung all inside the covered bridge and other areas, not plugged in. It was a cold, snowy Saturday. in December. So yes, you can see Christmas lights later in the day. I stick with my review as do not waste your money,

attaching a photo to prove we were there and would never return especially after the disrespect shown by the owner. There's a photo and then Santa's land owner. Here we go. At it, Santa himself. Santa himself will reply to you. He took time out of his day for this.

Here we go. When, quote, someone, they put someone in quotes. Santa's a dick. When someone calls a business that many have worked hard at and is loved by many generations of families, quote, a waste of time, they get nominated for the Scrooge of the Year Award. Oh, is that, is this nominating them? Yep, and then phony profile. Not only that, it's phony.

You're a fraud. You're a Scrooge and a phony. The next up, this guy really has it out with the owner here. Okay. Just one star. We go as a family every year and saw that this year it's Friday and Saturday nights only. We totally understand that decision. If you've been prior to this year, be prepared to be disappointed.

The only things open was the gift shop as you enter, the little building you write letters in, the outdoor cafe, a candy store, and the Santa sleeping building. There's also a small iceberg slide. There's no big slide, fun house, minigolf, carousel or car ride. Oh. No. You know, there also isn't fucking, you know, Space Mountain isn't here. I didn't see a carousel. This place isn't.

Everybody knows that Santa's workshop has a carousel. Yeah. I also didn't see a bay to do auto body work in. I didn't see that. Anything else you didn't see here? Did you see the talking reindeer, motherfucker? How about a talking reindeer? What about that?

You got that? Okay. There's no big slide. None of that. We paid $38 to get in, $32 on food, and we were in and out in 46 minutes. Wow. They timed it. Santa used to walk around, but this year he's in the entrance building only.

We won't be back unless they reopen everything else to super disappointed kids. Well, they're spoiled. We've been feeding the man cookies every fucking Christmas. He's got to relax now. He might have type 2 diabetes. Let him be. Since the diabetes took his foot, he's got to stay not real mobile anymore. He's going to stay his foot now.

His feet are black. Those aren't boots. No. And he's lactose intolerant, so he's got to stay near a toilet. Okay. Now, response from the owner. Here we go. People like this simply don't read or comprehend what they are reading.

Someone. Someone. The event for 2025 is called not. Nighttime magic. Right. Might as well said stupid. Nighttime magic, stupid. Our website, Facebook postings, answering machine and signs all state this is a lighted

attraction and there are no rides. Despite this being clear as day, the reviewer leaves a one-star review because there's no rides. Did they expect us to open rides just for them? The reviewer also states what amount they paid to enter the park. Here's a little less than in economics. When one goes to an attraction or out to a restaurant, you pay for those services. It costs money.

It's not free. Why? Well, those businesses have what is called overhead. He's going to give her a teaching a lesson in business. In basic economics, like a fourth grade economics level. This mainly includes employees that get paid for working. Utilities such as electricity, property taxes, maintenance, etc. and if you want to eat food, that costs money as well.

So when the reviewer mentions they paid $38 for admission, well, the cost to get in is only $12 a person plus tax. Seniors, $10. We're pleased to offer this very affordable rate. So for under $40, the reviewer spent time with their family for nearly an hour. Nearly an hour. Let's stretch. 38 minutes?

Nearly an hour. There's 46 minutes. That's almost an hour. Close enough. We're sorry if you think that the price of $12. bucks is too high, but as pointed out above, we have what is called, what's that, Jimmy? What is it? Overhead. Overhead. We have costs. Business operating costs, otherwise known as overhead. Overhead. Dip shit. Furthermore, the price was reduced this year from previous years.

That's right, not more money, but $6 a person less than last year. That's also because they had rides last year, I think. Right. The reviewer also takes issue with feeding their family at an attraction for $32. Again, cost of food employees, gas to cook, gas to cook it. Come on. Food and

employees, let's keep it there. Yeah. Hey, do we need to explain any further? Probably not. You're kind of a dick at this point. How much for the tomatoes, you fucking Yeah, tell us per slice. Break it down per unit cost of the slices of tomatoes.

The reviewer also takes issue that Santa is only in his chair and doesn't walk around much. Perhaps Santa is elderly and wishes to greet people when they enter. Did you think of that? Literally every sentence should become a dummy at the end of it. Think of that, dummy? No mention from the reviewer that Santa is there and accessible for all the free photos you wish to take. Santa gives this reviewer a Scrooge Award for being a. big complainer out of touch with reality and totally unrealistic.

Wow. I am full of the joy of the season, aren't you? It's really, it's really made me contemplate. I'm so excited. I can't wait for him to come down the joy. Wow. He really puts the holiday spirit right up your ass, doesn't he? This guy.

Beat you off the head with some boughs of holly. Oh, man. Take that. Holy jingle, jingle, motherfucker. stuff some mistletoe right up your ass. Right up your ass. Here is Bob Roy. Uh-huh.

One star. Very disappointed to see this place is no longer open during the day on weekends. For 30-plus years, we brought our children, then our grandkids, up from Connecticut. Oh. To spend the day there. Now I see that there's no rides left and only open four hours on Friday and Saturday night. Did you check the website? Ah.

As calling back an older episode. Did you check the website? Yeah. Our grandkids are young, and it would be way too late at night to try to bring them an hour and a half each way. No, it's not. They open at four. Leave it 2.30, get there at four, hang out for an hour and a half, and then you're home by seven. Shut up.

I don't care how old they are. Seven is not too late. You're an idiot. Nothing takes that long. Just do. A day with your kids is a day. You're going to spend the whole. whole fucking day.

And if shit sucks, on the way home, you laugh about it, make fun of it. That's what you do. You laugh about how dumb it was. Remember how dumb that was? Remember how that reindeer? Yeah. It wouldn't talk. It kept like skipping words because the animatronics fucked up.

Remember how funny that was? Because it's not real. You know? They go on to say, I thought the new owner would be improving, but it looks like it's anything but. I think the new owner had great plans, but it looks like it's not panning out. Sure. You think there's going to be a response.

from that particular owner. And there is. Here it is. Bob Roy receives the Scrooge of the Year award for being as ignorant as a lump of coal. Ah. God, this guy's great. Apparently, he hates Christmas and Christmas lights. Hates it.

That's why he comes here for 30 plus years because he hates it. It's the worst. We're open from November 7th to December 27th, despite Mr. Roy's gibberish. You throw gibberish in, I'm laughing. That's hilarious. Despite his gibberish, here's the truth. Here we go. Maya, one star, would give zero stars.

Unfortunately, some kind of rating has to be provided. Wow. Unfortunately, it doesn't exist. That could have been so much easier. This place was such a huge disappointment. Paid $96 for four adults and one child. The decorations were outdated. The shacks that displayed various Christmas scenes smelled of mildew and were dilapidated.

It looked like, quote, repairs were done with spray foam in 1960. The roofs were caving in. 75% of the animatronics were broken or hardly working. The only good part of the whole visit was the slide that went down the hill. What a disgrace this place is. It's pitiful. We paid so much money for a weird dystopian Santa. Land.

Dysopian? Jesus Christ. That's my pervary if I ever heard it. Wow. Dysopian. Had we not brought guests with us, we would have turned around, but for the sake of following through with our plans, we stayed.

Huge mistake. Don't give your money to this business. It's clear they don't put it back into it. But they have something called overhead, which you clearly don't understand. Maybe we should go back a little and explain it to you. That's where business costs outweighs the price of mission. So you need to pay more.

Oh, God, no shit. Darlene, one star. It was a clean little place, but not what I remembered when I took my kids there. I thought it was a sad little place. Dystopian, maybe? Who knows? Needs some life put back into it. My granddaughter said she loved it, but I won't make that kind of ride to go there again. And the train engineer asked in front of her and another little little.

girl why God made children so cute. Now, I don't like that at all. Several things wrong with this, number one. Number one, don't be bringing God up to strangers, hey, first of all. Number two, when a weirdo who works at a Santa's village says, I wonder why God made children so cute, why are you thinking about him and being so cute? I feel like that's a pedophile. But the answer he gave to his own riddle makes it so it's not even that.

It's even worse than we thought it was. It's worse than a pedophile. This is amazing. Why do God made children so cute? His answer was, quote, so we don't kill them. Oh, my God. That's worse. It wasn't even rhetorical?

Then why are kids so fuckable? That's worse. That sounds worse. So we don't. I'd like, that says, I'd like to murder you, little girl, but you're too cute. Do you know why kids are cute? Because it makes us want to fuck them instead of murder. Exactly.

He's like, Thankfully, I'm more turned on by you than I am angered by you. So otherwise, there'd be blood all over this fucking train. Oh, Jesus. Rex the reindeer would have been talking in court is where he'd be talking. He'd be testifying. It's called testifying in court. Rather travel a little further and go to Santa's Village, which this is.

Okay. A.B. Waste of money, run down. No animals when we went. I have heard no mention of animals from anybody. Except for that talking reindeer. That's the only thing I've heard. Otherwise, I don't know where they're pulling animals out of their ass.

Half the rides don't work and it's overpriced for what it is. Won't ever go back. Oh, and then here it is my favorite one of all time here. Ashley, one star. She's got a lot to say. Years ago in its prime, this place was probably so amazing for a young child. I had never been, I had never been before. But my husband went as a little boy with his family.

Oh, it's so idyllic. We were in Vermont for the weekend, so we decided to take our three-year-old daughter there. From my husband's memories, we hyped it up to her, and she was so excited. She's three. She's three. She's not expect. Hey, Ma, where's this? You told me there was that.

Is Santa there? She should be thrilled. Who gives a shit? Okay. She was so excited. It's August, so we understood it wouldn't have all the magic that it would normally have at Christmas time. Yeah, but honestly, I don't think this place has seen magic in a long time.

This person's an asshole. The whole park is extremely run down with half of the attractions not working or, quote, under construction. It's the dead of summer. That's when they do this. It's August, yes. For the rush, which will be in December. Not now. Wow.

Now they're only open for a month. This was from a couple years ago. Looks like it had been under construction for years. Santa was not there on the day we visited. Well, yeah, that suit gets hot in the summer. Put on a wool suit and a giant beard in the summertime in mid-fucking August in the humidity. Felt and wool. They're not fun to wear.

No. Where is this? Vermont. Humid. Sticky. After wandering the park, we had to go back to the front desk and ask, and it was only then that we were informed that he would not be there. The look of sadness and disappointment when telling our daughter that she would not be able to meet Santa was the absolute worst. Yeah.

Tell her, that's not the real Santa anyway. That's fine. He was just a representative. He's just a friend. Yeah. There was really nothing Christmasy or extra about it in this park. The paint on most, if not all, building is chipped or discolored from years of neglect. The electronic displays look like they could be in a horror movie because they were malfunctioning and falling apart.

And there was Christmas music playing in some areas. Then in others, there was regular music. We heard the Backstreet Boys playing by the mini golf speakers. Okay. Oh, and the mini-golf setup is a joke. Oh, is it? It's mini-golf for children. It's Santa's place.

You're going there for the mini-golf? God-dain. PGA-rated tour fucking stop. I apologize. Pine needles and leaves on the greens, and none of the special effects worked. We hit a ball through what should have been, a flap to lift up so the ball could go through, and it was rusted, so we literally had to kick it. it up so the ball could pass.

Empty cages, broken down and run down displays, terrible overpriced food, and the gift shop is a joke. They were trying to sell a plastic Barbie doll, one that you would find in a dollar store for 1099.

Because they know there's going to be kids there screaming for shit. We were extremely disappointed in not only wasting our time visiting this place, but also wasting our money. We will not be visiting again, and I recommend thinking twice before bringing your children here unless you enjoy disappointing them.

I really wish we had thought to take pictures, but we were just in awe of how pathetic this place has become. It's really sad because it certainly has potential. If it's true, then there are now new owners, and they have a lot of work to do. And here are these new owners. They are going to respond. This is the last of it here.

Okay, Santa's Land USA owner. Please note, Santa's Land LLC does not tolerate false reviews, claims, threatening remarks, hostility, or wild claims that our property is unsafe and filthy. Okay. Santa's got an LLC. Santa's got a Santa LLC. Based on the three individuals, Jason Finney, Ashley Finney, Adam Thompson, who have a vendetta against our business and are in cahoots with an attention. attempt to damage our business, both financial and our reputation, we have taken it upon ourselves

to take legal action and have contacted our legal counsel who, in return, has contacted a colleague in Pennsylvania. I don't know there was some cahoots going on. We've contacted our legal counsel who has contacted someone else in Pennsylvania. I don't know what that means. We have contacted the police within our state as one of the false review. verbally attacked our female gift shop employees so much that his mother later apologized for his behavior after he went berserk. This is crazy. Statements will be taken and if need be, part of

our lawsuit against the parties. We have been advised to give the reviewers 24 hours to voluntarily remove their libelous remarks before taking formal action. If done amicably, no additional action will be taken against said parties along with the party known as, quote, Adam Thompson, who was not on the premises, but wrote a false review, will be banned from entering the grounds going forward. This is a Santa's fucking playland. What is happening? All these people expect too much this guy's in fucking act.

What is going on with this fucking world? It's supposed to be fun for your kids. Well, anyway, there you go, everybody. There is your stupid opinions. Yeah. Avoid an empty buffet. Stay out of the gym, as we always know. And of course, don't expect shit from a roadside attraction.

Never. Expect to be, have a little fun and maybe laugh about it for a while. Except some goofy shit and move along. That's all. That's it. Move along, everybody. So there you go. We're going to go ahead and move along just before we go.

Definitely head over to shut up and give me murder.com. get your merchandise for your stupid opinions. And most importantly, get your tickets for the Your Stupid Opinions live show in Phoenix and stand-up live on March 21st. The tickets are available right now at Shut Up and Give Me Murder.com. Come back and keep hanging out with us, tell your friends, rate review, do all that fun stuff. And keep coming back. See us next week because we're going to see you next week. Thank you, everybody so much.

And have a good one. Bye.