Your Stupid Opinions - Radiation Roaches, Not Cheers, Stranded In The USA

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for a West Virginia bar, where everybody doesn't know your name, but there is something very specific in the water. An Australian motel, where your bathroom doesn't quite stay in your bathroom, and people claim to see roaches as big as their hand. An RV rental center, that doesn't seem to deliver on that sense of freedom, but does seem to deliver on frustrating customer service, while you wait on the side of the road & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section! Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey! Thank you so much for joining us today. Let's hear more people's bullshit, shall we? That's what we're here for. We're here to talk about reviews of places that we probably don't want to go. And mainly from people who we'd never want to meet or talk to.

So that's the best way. This is the way to do it. This is how to communicate with these people. us. This is how we'll translate for you. So yeah, that said, let's do it. But first, head over to shut up and give me murder.com. You can do that. Get all of your merchandise. Get all your tickets for live shows. All that fun stuff is there. So get in there and enjoy that. And then come back and listen to our other shows, also crime in sports and small town murder, which are exactly what they sound like, except funny. So that said, let's go back here. Let's dive back into the Edgecliff Lodge Motel.

down in Australia there because we didn't finish up with that. We've heard many, we've heard many complaints about bugs and seems like the outdoors is sort of indoors there. I don't know what they're doing, but that's the impression I'm getting. But yeah, let's check out what the hell's going on with them. So here we go. Once again, this is a three, I believe it has three stars. It's a three star motel with three point six stars. So it lines up perfectly, perfectly.

Uh, here's Tracy with one star. Extremely bad service. Our bathroom was leaking out onto the carpet. Uh, what, what from the bathroom? Which fixture. Yeah, there's a big difference between the sink leaking and sewage leaking. But our bathroom is a real vague term that you really need to get. And is it the, the supply line to that sink or is it the drain?

Because that's gross too. I have a lot of questions. There's just a whole lot of questions here. But our bathroom was leaking out, just toilet bowl in the middle of the room, onto the carpet. We had to change rooms at 2 a.m. and they wouldn't discount our stay. We paid for two rooms for three nights and could not longer be near, could not longer be near our family's room. Could no longer, I guess, could be no longer. Because they had to move.

Manager is rude, but all other staff are fine. That's how you do it. Let the manager be the dick. You notice it's like a managerial There's a managerial style of like Either you let the employees be the dick And then you come in and be the day saver Or you let your employees be nice

And anything that goes whatever You come in and be the fucking hammer Like there's only two management styles of retail Or whatever the fuck this is And I prefer I prefer the other one We're not getting paid well enough To be dicks

To take yeah To take shratanol. Yeah. That's your. You get the 15 grand on the expense account. You deal with it. You have health insurance.

You fucking deal with it. I get punched to the mouth. I'm not, no one's helping me here. You get a filling with a co-pay. Fuck off. I'm making nine bucks an hour. This isn't right.

Oh, man, totally. So here's James. The manager should take the shit. James One Star. This is the most disgusting hotel I've ever stayed in. All right. There we go.

Now we're on to something. It was booked by mistake by a family member who thought they were booking me in at the Vibe Hotel just down the street. Yeah, that's not good. If you book a hotel by mistake, that's not good. I stayed at the vibe earlier this year for the same price as when I'm paying for this dive. It is unclean. It smells terrible. And the rooms are tiny.

I would rather sleep in my car. Always my favorite comment from a motel. When they say, I would rather sleep. in my car. That's... I'd rather wake up in pain from the position that I slept. At least I know what animals are living in there.

And it's just me. Here, I could be any of it. At least I know that I will not be niffled on. No, the bathroom will not leak onto the carpet. It's not going to happen. I would rather sleep in my car than never stay here again. Do yourself a favor, a British Australian English favor with a you. And sleep on a park bench before you book a room here.

A park bench. Let the squirrels take you. Squirrels just pull the newspaper up to your chin, you know what it mean? Like an old-timey hobo and really go to town, like a little blanket. Sleep on a park bench in Australia. In Australian park bench. Oh. A wallaby will come rape your face in the middle of the night for sure.

You're fucked. Wildlife that'll destroy a car. Oh, my God, giant spiders and shit. Utterly disgusting. Here is, I don't even know what the hell this name is. It's all numbers and letters and who the fuck knows. One star. I have to write a good thing only about the location.

It is supposed to be right by the water and it's nice. Oh, that is nice. Some hotels just haven't made in the shade where the ocean's right there who gives the shit what's in here. Some asshole started a motel here 60 years ago. So now you keep making money no matter what just based on where it is. Property value is incredibly cheap and it is paid off. It's the Fisherman's Wharf theory.

If you ever go to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco, you go, this is a shithole right here, but it's right by the ocean. So it's $600 a night. And you're like, you're an asshole. You've done nothing to fucking earn extra money. This place has been here since this was a port. Yeah. Yeah. The guys from the Navy used to fucking, you know, this used to be like a brothel drop off, basically.

What are we talking about here? This used to be a gay problem. Yeah, now here I am, $600 a night with 40-year-old giz stains on my carpet. This is disgusting. Oh, man, besides that, meaning the location, it was a real mess of a stay. Bed was not done properly, stains on pillow. Rude front desk clerk who should have a job as a prison guard. So I threw shit.

piss in her face and said, how about that? See if you like that. Painted a mural in my feet. Yeah. I shitted them down. That's what I did. Finger painted the devil. Well, after I drew the devil on the wall, then I had extra.

So I figured I would share it. Vibiquet. Vibiquet. Okay. One star. Disgusting. Three exclamation points. Absolutely the lowest standard.

I like the way that. I like the way they put that. Absolutely the lowest standard. The room smelled of mold. Furniture looked as if they were scraps from a flooding. Several cockroaches. Yeah. See photos.

Well, the photos are fun. Mainly the photos are here is one of it looks like the bathroom door, which is so fucked up. It's, if you, okay, take like a shitty door that has like that kind of foamy shit in the middle. crappy door and soak the bottom just take the door and put it down so the bottom six inches are in water

and leave it there for four years and it would swell apart and all the like insulation shit would be coming out from the inside that's what this picture is it's horrifying and definitely can you smell the mold jay I can and that's from the other side of the earth

and through a picture so that's impressive they said it smells of mold What does mold smell like? Yeah, I don't know. It's that one, you know it when you smell it. It's one of those things. You don't know what, you couldn't describe it, but if you smell it, you go, that's mold.

I know. Must, and I'm getting hints of mothball. Hold on. The bouquet is really, it's a deep bouquet. I really got to get through it. It's very, it's like a mosaic here of smells to find it. The roach, by the way, is next to, they put it next to the, television remote, and it is about the length of the volume button, the up-down volume.

So you can see for size. Versaise. Men oftentimes put the remote next to their deck. This is like the Coke can of cockroach fucking measurements. Next to the remote. It's about the size of a volume button. Dude, their walls look, it looks like at some point there was a good eight inches of standing water in this room for a good amount.

amount of time. The walls are all fucked. It's... Does, do they have, like, hurricanes and shit like that in Australia? Where... I don't think they have hurricanes, but they got... They got... They got... They got... I would think they got... I would think it's the Pacific Ocean. I mean, I don't know, but... They get a storm of some sort, right?

Yeah, I would imagine so. I have hurricanes... Hurricanes, I mean, they happen all over the place, but... Yeah, but the hurricane, what the actual definition of it depends on the location in the Atlantic. Yes. No. Because you can come from the Pacific too. They can come from, we just seem to get a lot of hurricanes here. I know we have like 80% of the world's tornadoes, but hurricanes, I'm not sure. Right. But they don't call, it must be south of a latitude or a long, long, like, yeah. Longitude, long, like, yeah. But that's up and down. Latitude like a ladder.

Okay. Oh, God. Yeah. It's south of one of those because the typhoon is north of it. that hits Asia? Yes, like Japan gets hit with those. Right. They get typhoons. The same thing is a fucking hurricane. It's just called something out. Yeah, there's something to do with a wave

with a typhoon, I think, too, though. There's something to do with the... Oh, really? I think something to do with the typhoon, I think hurricanes have waves too. Yeah, I think a typhoon is specifically something to do with the ocean, but I'm not sure.

I'm not an oceanographer by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not a meteorologist. I don't know anything about any of this shit, but that's what I think if something top of my head, but definitely do not take that as fact at all, because I have no fucking idea. And Australia calls them cyclones.

Cyclo, that's not a tornado? How the fuck, okay. Tornadoes exist, which is a fucking cyclone. So don't call a hurricane a cyclone. I'm sorry. Australia, fuck you. This is wrong. Tropical cyclones is what they call. You're wrong. If you see a hurricane

or if you saw a tornado, you go, that's a cyclone. Yeah, that's more of a cyclone. Yeah. Hey, mate. You know, you point it out. That's a proper cyclone. That's a proper cyclone.

You look at that and you go, that's not a fucking, that's a cyclone. I'm going to have to do some searching of why this is this way. We got to do. Well, you know what? Let's find out the difference between a typhoon. I'm going to find out right fucking now. Typhoons are a tropical cyclone. You motherfucker.

What are we doing? Hold on. Typhoon versus hurricane. Here we go. The term hurricane and typhoon are regional names for tropical tropical cyclones. There you go. No difference. No difference whatsoever.

Same shit. And so a tropical cyclone that Australia gets is either a typhoon or a hurricane, but it's not just a tropical cyclone. It's a poorly named storm either way. Yeah. That's what they have. I mean, hurricanes and typhoons are tropical cyclones. So Australia is like, we're not going to give it a name might. Yeah, no.

It's just what it is. It's a cunt. That's what it is. Yeah. Pretty much. Pretty much. And there's a response from the owner here. Thank you for letting us know.

As you notice, the furniture is damaged by pipe busting. Okay. There you go. And replacement by insurance as proceeding. Sorry for the cockroaches. A pest control man called. No, that's not enough, by the way. Sorry.

How about you called the pest control guy? What the fuck? Don't wait for him to call you. Well, they said, oh, yeah, I think it has been called. Yeah, but still, yeah, it's called pipe bursting, replacement by insurance. How about don't rent that fucking room out until it's fixed? What are we talking about? Yeah.

We have to rent it because it's money. If you rented a goddamn car and the bumper was hanging off of it, you go, what the fuck? Well, we're getting it fixed. How about the last guy wrecked it? Yeah, about save it until you fix it. Don't worry, we'll fix it. Wow. Julie and One Star, be aware that this place has been receiving complaints about

its managers not paying their staff. This person worked there, I feel like. Be aware. Dishonest people. Dishonest, okay. But the bug guy's been called, so it's okay. Antonia, one star. We spent five nights at this motel,

and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. It's outdated, very dirty, noisy, and far too expensive. Noisy, too. That's why we've heard that a couple times. The only positive aspects are the friendly staff in good location. The quote, breakfast is a joke

and consists of bread stored in the refrigerator, juice, milk, and jam. And no toaster, by the way. And in any country based in British heritage, if you can't have toast and jam,

your whole day is fucked, man. Did it say beef milk? Beef milk. Do you say toast, bread? It consists of bread stored in the refrigerator, juice, milk and jam.

Oh, juice. Juice milk is it. Beef milk. Beef milk. is what they give you there. I'm not going to mention it at all. That's not weird or anything. I guess all milk would be,

well, unless it's from a goat. Anything from a cow would sort of be beef milk, I guess. Yeah, that's beef milk. I guess it would be. It's milk from a beef. We only discovered it by chance. The washing machine is so old it only washes in cold water. Okay.

The rooms are moldy and basically never cleaned by housekeeping. The duvet consists of a sheet and a thicker wool blanket, which most likely isn't washed after every guess. No, not at all. That's got to stop, by the way. It's all over in this country. The bullshit duvet is, it's got to stop. And if you go to a decent hotel, they don't do that anymore.

It's the one that's actually taken off and fucking washed and whatever. And they put it in between the two sheets. So you don't even have to touch it or look at it too. They hide it. Whereas those old ones, if you walk in and you see that, you take two fingers, grab a corner and immediately fling that off the bed as far as it can go. Woofling it to safety. That's what I do. And then I kick it in a corner because I want nothing to fucking do with that jizz magnet.

But they do. Even nice hotels really love to put two sheets around a blanket. Fuck, yeah. All of them do. And call that a duvet cover. Fuck no. Everyone does that. Every fucking hotel.

It's got to stop. And sconces it in sheets. It's the weirdest fucking thing. Now I've got four sheets on this. So many. And then one starts coming off and you're confused and where's this one tucked in? And it's a god. I don't know how they do it.

It's a mess. and I don't want to deal with it. I don't know how they make that. It's too much. The rooms are moldy, basically never clean. The duvet is no good, obviously. On our last night, we found a cockroach the size of our hand in our room. The size of our hand.

What? I know Australia has big fucking in the room, though? That's the size of my hand? Yeah. Whose hand? A small woman's hand? You better hope it's my hand. We better hope it's like a 5 foot one woman's hand because this is fucking crazy.

Oh my God That's a big hand Yeah That's a big roach That's a big roach After having already found Several smaller ones Well you found the mom there

So yeah That's nice You found the leader You found yeah For these reasons I would definitely advise Against staying at this motel You could have left

All the rest of this fucking Review out Yeah We found a cockroach The size of a hand End of review One star That's it

That's the whole review And is that length From wrist To tip of middle finger Or is that wit. I'm hoping it's not with. It better not be with. It's the length would be the length of my foot.

You couldn't even step on a fucking roach that pig. No. You'd have to like beat it with an implement. You'd have to get like a baseball bat or a gun or something for that thing. You might have to shoot that. You might have to shoot it. Yeah, I was thinking about a baseball bat. That could be messy. You might want to just put one behind its ear, I think. Like it owed you money. It might take the bat away from you. Well, yeah, I mean, you got to go in pretty aware. Catch it when it's sleeping. Turn all the lights out so it's cool. You've got to get a strategy in a war room.

Oh, you do, for sure. You go in the bathroom and strategize, I feel like, and then you come out ready to go. Molina 1 Star, a terrible, dirty and smelly hotel. Yeah. The room reeked of chlorine and the toilet. That's a good combination. Plurine poo. Yeah.

We tried airing it out, but the stench didn't go away, and all our belongings were completely tainted. Oh, that's a smell that attaches. It's an attached smell. Oh, it's got molecules in the air. Oh, there's much different versions of smell. There's a smell that, oh, that smells, but when you leave, you left it behind. Then there's those odd smells that attach to the fibers of your fucking clothes. Those are horrifying.

In your nose hairs. And you know, like a dead body smell, like decomp or something. Never goes away. The bathroom has no exhaust fan. It was consistent. I was farting it up in my. My partner was listening. There's no good.

I hate when there's no fan in there, too. Every, every hotel should have a goddamn fan. Yeah. Yeah. And if you look now, when they fix them up now, like, you'll go to a hotel and it's all new. The fan doesn't work anymore. They stop, they cut the fan off. If you're in a hotel with a fan, it's an old hotel.

I don't know when they decided we didn't want fans. And if it works, it's super old. It's super old. Yeah. Who knows what that's swirling around. But they made it. From a closed door and a fan that's loud for privacy to a fucking barn door with open spacing on the side and no fan. And no fan molecules flying everywhere.

Your shit smells just all over your luggage. You just shit in the living room. I'm telling you. It's easier. Just put, get a bag and sit on top of the bed and shit in it. It's the same thing. And when housekeeping asks, why should you do that? Say, what's the fucking difference?

What's the difference? That's why, you assholes. The shower was moldy and completely filthy. The bathroom had no exhaust van constantly. went, okay. The furniture was old and smelly. At 1 a.m. we were awakened by the screaming of a woman in the next room. She screamed and swore nonstop. And the police eventually arrested her. Oh, so it wasn't sex. No, no, wasn't sex and she wasn't in trouble either. She wasn't like, you know. She was trouble. She wasn't screaming for help. That was my first thought. Breakfast is

included stored in the refrigerator and consists of a slice of the cheapest white bread, a few small packages of jam and butter, milk and juice. This breakfast is famous over here. The parking lot is small and cramped, making it impossible for a large vehicle to park. The room costs $238.50. That's crazy. That's outrageous. That's outrageous. I've paid less for better rooms now. Oh, for sure. Yeah, now. Exactly. And in this country. Yeah. I don't know if that's more. Australia is pretty expensive, though, from what I understand. It's a pretty expensive country. I think also their dollar is valued less, meaning it takes more of it to purchase things. Because there are homes there that are a million dollars that are garbage.

Yeah, well, there's a homes here that are a million dollars that are garbage. Look in Phoenix. Look around Phoenix. There's some shit hole $800,000 homes there. Dumps. Crazy. Okay. Our night was sleepless and completely ruined.

This is a barn for cattle, not a hotel. I don't know why we're throwing. cattle are catching strays now. That's not right. It's the matter. I don't recommend it under any circumstances. Avoid this seedy place. Seedy. Here's a good one.

One star from T-A-T-R-E-R-E-R-E. They're not ashamed. I think that's T-H-I-E-R-R-Y. T-H-I-E-R-R-Y. I think that's Henri's first name. I think, ah, the guy, the soccer player for... Yeah, I'm out. I'm out.

I don't know. We've established, I know two soccer players on the face of the earth, so I'm out. I think it's Thierry-on-Rie. That's not Ronaldo? Okay, well, then I'm a... He's a bald black man, and he's very funny, actually. That's not, although one of Ronaldo's statues was of a bald black man somehow. I don't know how.

For some reason. They didn't look anything like it. So one star, welcome to be reviewed very long. Oh, boy, here we go. Welcome to be reviewed very long. broken elevator from the third floor with luggage. Housekeeper who comes in without knocking to supposedly bring breakfast into the fridge. Jay was naked.

It didn't bother him. Swinging his dick at a housekeeper. The housekeeper brings you the bread and jam and juice and milk? Like restocks it for the morning. It's in your room. In the fridge, yeah. It's already in there. A loaf of wonder bread and some smuckers.

Not a loaf of a slice. Holy shit. Free parking. Just 12 spaces. We had to shoot for a paid seat. I don't know what that means. Impossible to sleep. Very noisy.

Total scam. Scam. Total scam. And then finally, one star super average. Here we go. This is from Arnaud. Aside from having the Metro

less than five minutes away, That's all it will bring you into this motel. Okay. Dirty motel like urine everywhere in the toilet. But with this hotel, but with the label, hygienically cleaned and sealed for your protection. They have the thing over the toilet, but there's piss in it.

Hygienically sealed. There's piss all over the place. We're going to seal that piss in for you. Real good. You're going to love it. Which after three days is in exactly the same place behind the toilet. Paying less means having to accept. being taken for an imbecile, but all with a smile.

Yeah. Yeah. Pay less means you're going to have a worse time. It's just the way it is. Hotels are a real get what you pay for kind of thing. It sucks, but it's true. All right. Let's get out of Australia. Let's head back and do something extremely American.

Okay. Go to a dive bar in West Virginia. What do you say? I cannot imagine what that's like. Wow. There's so many that I found that just they have some incredible reviews, but there's only a couple, but they're like insane, like, you know, fucking wild stuff. So this is Mountain Mama's Tavern and Sports Bar. Owned by John Denver, obviously. No. Yeah. Mountain Mama's Tavern and

sports bar, Morgan Town, West Virginia, which is a college town. Four point five stars it has at a 634 reviews. So a lot of people like it. There's a big divide between regulars and non-regulars, and that's what a lot of these bars have. Yeah. Like some of these bars, they were like, they seated me all by myself on the far side of the bar, even though there was a bunch of people

on the other side of the bar. Like, they didn't want us near them. And like, like, I turned music on and they turned it off, even though I paid in the jukebox, shit like that. It's real weird.

Here's Sabrina, five stars. I always have a great time at Mountain Mamas. Yeah. The food never disappoints, and the service is super. friendly and on point.

This time I got fried green tomatoes and the pork barbecue sandwich and both were so good. In a dive bar. A dive bar. I got fried green tomatoes. Jesus. The South is wild. And yes, West Virginia is the South. I don't care if that shit is north of Canada.

It's the South. Fuck. We ended up hanging out longer than we planned just because the 90s playlist was that good. It was dope. Oh, my guy. I just need to hear one more sublime song and then I'll be so much happier. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

Don't give me the runaround. I'm getting the runaround and practicing Santorea. The 90s are here. Jesus fucking Christ. I feel like I'm in Portland. This is great. Oh, man. Look at that.

When Gwen Stefani was less of a. jackass. Look at that. Yeah. Great. Well, she kind of had this bizarre sex appeal. I don't know what it was, but there was something there, right? Something weird, right?

It was like, very... I don't want to see her naked. Yeah, 97. 96.97 in that area. It was a blink. It was a blink. And I was like, what was I thinking? Yeah.

She's a spider. Yes. I want nothing to do with the sinew it. sinewy skinny, weird woman. She's a, she's a de-armed octopus is what

she is. Let's not. She's a weird. She's a weird. I don't know what that is. She is not hot. It's very strange. And we get that,

yeah, us two asshole guys are judging us. So this is not lost on us. She would have never fucked us at any point in our lives. We get that.

This is a very hypothetical conversation. She was not pining for us and never will and never has. So that's... Another point is that I've never proclaimed to be hot or even try. No, no, no, no.

That's not what we're going for here. That's why we're funny. She's certainly trying. Yeah. Especially in 97 when I, you know, worked at a gas station or something. I don't think I was getting... She was just a girl. Yeah, I don't think she was too interested at the time.

No. Definitely one of my favorite lunch spots in Morgantown. And they have outdoor seating! Exclamation point. Oh, my God. They put a fucking card table outside on the porch. Unbelievable. Hey, everybody just going to take a quick break from the show and tell you how to get an amazing night's sleep on an avocado green mattress.

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Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers, or go to quince.com slash your stupid opinions. get free shipping on your order and 365 days of day returns now available in Canada and the UK 2. That's QI-N-C-E.com slash your stupid opinions. Now, back to the show. Okay. In West Virginia, that also tells me the bathrooms outside. It's right by the bathroom, which is literally right next to this table, right, wherever you want. Andy Five Stars.

It was so nice eating at a place that truly feel. like home-cooked food. Yeah. Everything is fresh every day. The sauces are unique and delicious, and you can really taste the quality in every bite. The owner is there, cares about the customers, and genuinely wants to make sure you have a great experience.

That would be Mountain Mama herself, I assume. Yeah. I don't know who else. Mountain Mamas is the pinnacle of delectable cuisine in spree. Fried green tomatoes, baby. Absolutely. And Mama's making you feel welcome. Yeah. This is the pinnacle here.

The atmosphere feels welcoming almost like heaven. Almost. Like heaven. We'll definitely be back. Wow. Okay. Let's get to the one stars. All right.

Here we go. Beth, one star. The most non-welcoming place we have visited in a while. Service was from a bartender that wanted to be on her cell phone more than start a conversation with paying customers. Do bartenders do that too now? I gotta take this. Even people whose tips depend on it won't fucking talk to you.

That's crazy. Or look at you or acknowledge your presence. That's nuts. We ordered nachos and the jalapenos were so hot. We didn't finish. Let's unpack that for a second. We ordered the nachos. We got hot peppers on them and they were hot.

And they were so hot, I couldn't even eat the food. Now, how would, say, a Mountain Mama control the temperature of a fucking jalapeno? How would she do that? How would what? I'm going to defend Mountain Mama here, which is rare for me. Just this once. Just this once. I don't know how she.

Halapeno's varying heat, period. Certainly. All peppers vary in heat. You can have two peppers exactly the same. This one will be twice as fucking hot. It's just the way peppers are. And it depends, too, with jalapenos, whether they're fresh alipinos, where they're crisp, you know what I mean? Or whether they're pickled?

Because pickled halapeno's typically are much less spicy and they're still hot. They're still hot. Some of the stank out of them, though, yeah. Yeah. And there's much less seeds. The seeds are where the heat is. That's where the heat is. Yeah.

Yeah. And so if you just get a fresh jalapeno and dice those on top of it, nightmare. That's... Diced ones or pickled ones are much easier a deal with. But they also have the hot batch of pickled ones. Yeah, and no matter what... And you can't tell. They, well, how the fuck do they know what's going to come out of the can?

They opened up a can of jalapenos, put them on your nachos. Whatever's in there is what's in there. That's it. You asked for jalapenos, which is, if you told somebody, I'll give you $20 of you, this jalapeno. They know that this shit's hot. Yeah. Halapenos are a risk. Yes.

So take it or don't. Nobody says, I'm going to eat a jalapeno because it's sweet. No, they don't. You eat it because you get a little spice on your nacho. Bathrooms were nasty, no paper towels, and walked past the kitchen. And oh, my gosh, I would not recommend eating here. Uh-oh. Then, as we were checking out, the bartender was getting her customer's water from the bar sink.

Won't ever be back. What? Listen, I get the water that comes out of the gun is just hooked up to the same fucking line that's coming out of the sink. But don't fill my glass at the bar sink. Please. Don't open a tap. No. God, no.

With the neck of the sink. You were just washing dishes from or something. I don't want to fucking melting ice. And fuck that. At minimum, have that spout that has the little plastic thing that you push the cup against and just a water spout? Like a 7-11. That's fine. That's fine.

Or most of them have a water thing in the gun. Yeah. That's it. Do that. I don't think I've ever seen a place that fills it in a sink. They wouldn't fucking do it in front of you anyway. Tell you that much. They'd hide that shit.

Because they don't want you to. Put that tap back behind the wall, man. Then you can give me whatever you want. But if you're showing me, you're giving me to me out of the tap. Fuck that. Have a guy that sits in the kitchen. It just fills water cups. The crazy part is that's not the worst water experience.

This is coming up. This is crazy. Jocelyn, one star. Service was unfriendly from the minute we sat down. Yeah. The water I was served had tobacco in it. What? Smelled like Copenhagen.

Oh, it's spit tobacco. Yes. Fucking coping. You're thinking like dried from the bottom of the cigarette pack or something? No, no, no. Somebody's spitting this cup. This is somebody spit. cup that they didn't clean out quite as well.

And this lady smelled it. And I love how they're like, I know Copenhagen when I smell it too. That's the other part. Chicks named Jocelyn in West Virginia can identify Copenhagen with their eyes closed from across the room. That's West Virginia, everybody. Chicks named Jocelyn and Copenhagen in West Virginia have choked on Copenhagen. Oh, God, they know Copenhagen. They're like, what is that, Redman?

That's Copenhagen right there. I know. She kissed a man. And that is a trauma. That's a trauma memory that she has. Either that or she just choose Copenhagen. Yeah. She smells like Copenhagen.

I mean, it's my brand, but I didn't want it in my water. You know what I mean? It is my brain. I ain't going to lie. Clearly visible in the clear plastic cup. Also, all class when you get the plastic cups. Waitress even showed the manager owner who didn't acknowledge it. I don't know how that would look at it and just look away.

Never mind. Waitress agreed that it is what it looked like. And while I was discussing it, she said, anyway, and asked to take our food on her. I think this is anyway. Yeah, probably is. So anyway, what do you want? Anyway, so what are we having today, burgers? You guys eating or what?

New water. Reluctantly ordered the food and was not worth eating. Left us over half a wrap because it was so greasy with sauce, I couldn't pick it up. Waitress never checked on us. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be gross. Waitress never checked on us after we got our food until we asked for the check. We used to really like coming here and it's gone downhill. You know, that's an interesting point, too.

On a place like this, you're going to, do you expect to be, nobody's coming going, how's it taste? You know how it tastes. It's garbage. Yeah, a place like this, if it's a decent place, you go all the time, you might have a good burger or it might have one thing they do that's half decent. You know what I mean? And the rest of everything's going to be terrible. Like, it's probably not the rack of ribs. No.

You shouldn't get that probably. I'm going to say, try the burger and then go down from there. See how it works. Lisa one star. Tony and I. Oh, Tony was here. Oh, Tony did it. I didn't realize you brought Tony with you.

This changes everything. Well, now I'll give it a try. Why are she telling us about Tony? Tony and I visited Mountain Mama Bar. Oh, my God. Apparently she thinks she's like, okay, I just found out. why she thinks we know who Tony is. Because she has 782 reviews.

We've done 723 small town murder episodes. And it feels like I've been doing that since before I was born. How the fuck do you do 782 Google reviews? Can you follow people on Google reviews to see what they're doing? You can click on them, I think. She thinks like we're all following her like this is an instance. page. This is not your TikTok, ma'am. This is a fucking

Google. How many reads do you think you have? She also has 13,668 photos. Lisa. Ansel Adams doesn't have that many. Holy fucking shit. Naplethorpe didn't have that many dick pics in his fucking possession. This is crazy.

13,000 photos. 13,000. So she thinks that everyone knows who, Lisa and Tony are, obviously. Right. So right away, you've got to take it from that perspective where this person thinks she's some kind of influencer, which right away, that's annoying. The pompous attitude. Toney and I visited Mountain Mama Bar and Grill in Morgantown, West Virginia on Friday, October 7th. We were one of the early arrivals.

Only the waitress and cook and a few other diners. Tony ordered a Budweiser draft and I got a half-half-tee. A half-half-tee? Half and half? It just says half half. Half tea with lemon and lime. I decided to order the Philly Cheese Steak with fries to share with Tony. Yeah.

Is Tony a cat? Or a very small dog. I'm figuring like, who is Tony? Perhaps a parrot on our shoulder. Yeah, like a lizard she carries around, you know what I mean? Big iguanas or something. The sandwich was good, but not great, exclamation point for some reason. The fries were overly done.

deep fried, which is amazing. Give me those fries. Yeah, those are the best ones. Give me the burnt ones. I love them. That's the point of that. Burn the fuck out of my fries and my pizza. I love it.

Real quickly, I just went to a place and ate dinner, just grabbed it to go, and a lady in front of me was getting her order, and the cook pointed to the one dish on the plate and said, those ones are the lightly fried. Who in the fuck? Can't tell. Orders lightly fried French fries. That is a horrifying thing. Disgusting. I saw once on Kitchen Nightmare, someone was complaining about that.

They were like... Asking for it? I don't want them burnt. I don't want my French fries burnt. Make sure they're lightly fried. I don't want them burnt. Who the fuck are you? It was some fat guy in New York with a Walrus mustache. He didn't.

He wanted my French fries, I remember him saying. I like them mushy. I don't want them burnt. Yeah. I want him to taste like a potato. Tell you what? Just give me a mesh. potato, but it like a handful I can just stuff in my face, because that's really what I'm looking

for here. The fries were overly deep fried, not really great. The silverware was horrible. I asked waitress for clean silverware, and she said, sure, but it's just residue from the chemicals in the dishwasher. I like to hear that there's chemicals that I'm plunging into my food. Thank you for it. That makes it much more appetizers.

Oh, that's just residue. From what? From the chemicals. Enjoy your meals. Yeah. You'll see it all on your plate, too, around the sides of your food there, if you really look close enough. I heard we are busy to, too busy to dry silverware properly so the chemical residue stays on the silverware. Keyword, chemicals.

Okay, lots of places use a dishwasher. Yeah. You know, employ a large machine that every restaurant ever work than has one. Yeah, we've never. Hand-washed dishes in a restaurant. Nobody sits back there. No. Wash and dish.

I mean, you can wash it. like big things into like the three. Yeah. But usually you rinse it, you put it on that rack, and it rolls into the machine. Right. That's all it is. Yeah. There's no chemicals in there.

There might be some soap, some water, and then hot shit steam that dries. Insanely. Yeah. The steam cloud that comes out. She acted like no big deal. It happens all the time. Light bulb in my mind, quote, we don't care about customers. So we give them chemical residue covered silverware on a regular basis.

This bitch thinks she's smart, snarky, and fun. Her and Tony. Yeah. Fuck you. We know Tony for Christa. Yep. 782 fucking inane horseshit reviews this lady is left probably just because she needs to hear her own voice. 13,000 visual thoughts.

Oh, God. 13,000, 668, mind you. Almost 14,000. Oh, God. Which we went through our phones one time, and that's more pictures than either of us had in our phones. that we've ever taken, ever. Of our children, things, places. This is just for Google, she's taken that.

Oh, my God. Wow. And then at the end, I am not interested in this restaurant anymore. Well, it's a mutual breakup, bitch. Nobody wants you here either, Lisa. It's not them, it's you. It's, yep. Emily, this is fun.

Emily, one star, tried to play a rap song, and they turned it off after I played the song. This was one. Was it Wop? Black for them. Yeah. I, I, there, there's a lot of that going on in reviews from what I've seen in a lot of, because I look through a bunch of West Virginia rural and all sorts of different bars looking

for reviews and a lot of like the more rural ones were like, we walked in, two of us are white, this guy's black, they wouldn't even talk to him or serve him or like even like acknowledge his presence. It's like, that's crazy. You, you think that. that it's over. Oh, no. But it is not over.

Well, because you're constantly told that all day fucking long by a lot of people. And then if you actually go do these things. Yeah. It's actually. I'm a white guy and I've seen it so much. Oh, yeah. And it is really upsetting. It's weird.

It's fucking upsetting as shit. Yeah, it's strange. And you go, not to trash too many people. Until your head and you go, huh? Yeah. That dog thing. Unbelievable. FK, one star.

Don't bother reading the menu. The description doesn't match what you get. No? For instance, we ordered a black and blue burger that had no blue cheese. Okay, that's just a black burger then. What's black with that? Is it black Angus, I guess? I guess.

We ordered the kickin pineapple wings, which were categorized as part of their spicy section, and no heat was detected. Detected. We had our detected. I just picture beeping, beep, beep, beep. It's not like a metal detector. By the way, my son tried bang, bang, bang shrimp for the first time.

He's a very picky eater. He never had shrimp before in his life. And we had bang, bang, bang shrimp on the table. He goes, maybe I'll try one of those because they look like crispy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you shouldn't. Give it a shot. He eats it, and he goes, he eats it and he goes, oh, that's pretty good. I don't mind.

I like the shrimp. I don't mind the texture. He's real picky about textures. And then he goes, I would expect more spice to, you know, To, for the bang bang part of the, of the, I was like, what? It was just funny the way he said of the bang, bang part of the name. Very little bang. Very little bang there.

And then he told the restaurant owner that as well. As he said, how is everything? He goes, very good. I expect more spice for the bang bang of the shrimp. And I'm just like, oh my God, this fucking good. I don't sense any bang, nor bang bang. Fucking hilarious. I ordered the chili that came with cornbread.

When no cornbread came with my meal, and I mentioned that was the reason I ordered the chili. The waitress shrugged her shoulders and told me they didn't have any and walked away. I don't know. I ain't got none. No adjustment to the bill or bread or crackers given. Crackers. Yeah. Some people do that.

Well, with chili. Yeah, if you order chili, you get some crackers with it. That's fine. I'm okay with that. Cornbread. It's great. It's a wonderful thing. I just like cornbread.

It comes with the chili. I guess I'll have the chip. Yeah. Fun cornbread's amazing. Just order cornbread. Just get the cornbread. However, the one star is for the amazing West Virginia craft beer section. You have to give them one star, as we know.

Because if you could give them zero stars, you would. That is the only thing this place had going for it. Amanda, one star, posting this in hopes that management will respond and get help for the employee. Here we go. This is great. This is our big mama's closer here. Had an experience here with friends this past weekend that was terrifying. Our bartender left the bar, according to witnesses, went to his car, smoked meth and passed out.

Which, wow, that's, he had, that's some shitty meth, I got to say. It's terrible, math. Yeah. First of all. How did you know he did that? According to witnesses. Okay. People watched him.

A herd tell of meth smoking in the car. Not a review of the place. The wait staff did not provide service or pay attention to customers. Our food was below average. And honestly, I couldn't focus on it due to the fact that there were some obnoxious, quote, regulars that seemed to run this place. And that's how it. Regularers do. Or regulars will ruin a fucking bar.

Destroy it. They'll dominate the night. And you will, if they're super loyal and the bartender likes them, you won't see bartender for a while because they will be talking about somebody's wrecked life in the corner. It's so fucked, man. It's such a weird thing when they have that bar regular. You let these assholes. They treat other people like shit and everyone's okay with that.

Well, they come in and they're alcoholics that are here every day. Right. Okay, great. You're going to spend $40 today. He spent $40 here the last 385 days. Dude, it's crazy how they can fucking run a place. It's gross. And ruin a place.

Yeah. Any bar you go to, you want to go to a bar that doesn't have regulars, essentially. And if they do have regulars, they're like really cool people. Because there's a lot of them. Most of them just sit at the bar with their back turned to everybody and they're just swilling, gross shit. You know, because they're depressed alcoholics. That's why they're every day drinking. Yeah. Because that's one of the thing you have to look at you. Go, oh, these people have very sad lives. That's the problem. If they don't do this, they'll get sick. They'll get sick. And they don't have anyone to go home to is another thing.

Or if they do it, someone they hate. Either way, miserable people. That's not them. They have a very lonely pet at home right now. Yeah, very lonely. They have Tony's waiting at home. They didn't get taken out. Poor Tony's all at home.

I love the closer here, the line. Not worthy of the name Mountain Mama. Get it together. What? I know that was an exalted term of fucking endearment. But is that. A southern coined phrase. I'm like...

Not worthy. Beloved person. Apparently so. Mountain Mama. Mountain Mama scares the shit out of me. Me too. I'm terrified. All right.

So let's get out of West Virginia here. And we're going to do this though on land. We're not going to fly out of here. Okay. We're going to take a cruise, Jimmy. Fucking A. In an RV. Yes, sir.

Cruise in America. We're going with Cruise America RV rental and sales, baby. And this is especially for Jimmy because Jimmy has an RV. And it's hilarious because he's like an 80-year-old man with this thing. It's so fucking funny. It's like, he bought it. I'm like, that's the oldest thing you've ever bought, Jimmy, by far. That is amazing.

It doesn't have roll-down windows or doors. It only has the RV doors that you go in. Like a bus? Yeah. You just get that big thing that turns out of the school bus that opens the door. But the door isn't in the passenger seat. It's way the fuck back. So you got to, you get in this motorhome and then you got to walk to the road.

Well, you enter through the kitchen if you want to drive. That's how you do it. And the windows aren't sealed, right? So when you go down the road, you can't have a conversation because the windows are so fucking loud. And it's still insanely expensive. That's the crazy car. It still costs you a fucking small fortune. And in Arizona to register.

the fucking thing. You have to do emissions every year. And then it's fucking crazy for plates for this thing. Really? And I can't. There's no way to get. There's no way to get the money back on the plates because you'd have to use that fucking thing every month for a week to get that money back for it to be worth it. It's so dumb. I didn't think this through when I bought that monstrosity. No, this is a big mistake. This is worse than a boat. It's like a boat, but it's in my yard all the time. It's not even over in the water. somewhere. If I could take somebody for a test drive to sell it and have a conversation with that would be the hard part. Yeah. Just go and enjoy the open road. We'll talk when the ride's over. Enjoy the openness. I don't want to ruin it for you. So cruise are a cruise America RV rental and sales. This place is in actually it's in Newburgh, New York, which is across the river for me somehow. Oh, yeah. I guess you're starting at one end and you can go to the other,

I suppose. Oh, yeah. Now, it's at 5469 U.S. Oh, it's 9W. Yeah. Over there, that road in Newburgh, Newburgh, Newburgh, Newark. So, wow, okay, that's Newburgh is kind of terrifying, too. All right. This has got 3.3 stars. Yeah. So not great. It's a recreational vehicle rental agency. And it says your RV adventure starts at your local cruise America. Only you. You know where it will end. Well, only you. Okay, here we go. C. Otter, five stars.

Did a weekish rental, week-ish, not sort of week for a week-ish, yeah. Rental of a compact unit as an alternative to a hotel and car rental for a New York State visit. Found it straightforward to drive and park, easy to use, and a nice retreat for a busy family visit. we'll just sleep in the car, thanks, we're fine. Folks I worked with were professional and answered questions thoroughly and well. I'm new to RV. Made my camping experience on the glamping end too. Rented the betting kit, each kit for one person, towel too fuzzy.

Otherwise, gratefully used all in the kit. Too fuzzy of a towel. Here's Felix five stars. He's got a picture of his RV next to like a stream somewhere pulled over on the side off a dirt road. Yeah, exploring. Easy check in and out. Office is easy to reach by phone for questions before or during rental.

Semi-convenient from the city. It's like 80 miles. Yeah, not even 75 miles. Took the train to Beacon from Grand Central, then a quick 15-minute cab from there. All right. That's right across the river. Beacon and go right across the bridge there. Okay.

McHale, three stars. Okay, cruise America just gave me a compensation for one day. So I thank them and set three stars. Something had to go wrong to get a free day. Yeah, what the fuck? Why'd they give you anything for free? Right. I've traveled many times with RV across Europe and USA.

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Sign up now. And Acorns will boost your new account. with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who've already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Head to Acorns.com slash your stupid opinions

or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement, compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns, Tier 2 compensation provided, potential subject to various factors such as customers' accounts, age, and investment settings

does not include Acorn's fees, slash results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorn's portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns advisors, LLC, and SEC registered investment advisor, very important disclosures at acorns.com slash your stupid opinions. Now back to the show. My name is Shannon Maldonado. I'm the founder of Yawi, a gift shop from the lens of artists and handmade objects. I chose Shopify because when I was testing other platforms, it was definitely one of the most user-friendly. It was important to me to think about where we would be in the future,

all of the tools for reading your sales like planning inventory, they're just right there on your dashboard. For anyone starting a small business, the biggest thing I can tell you is it doesn't have to be perfect. Shopify can help you build upon it. Start your free trial on Shopify.com. Here are the precise, not precise, precise points I have encountered. Yeah, first of all, either brake, steering, and motor coolant,

fluids, first of all, either brake steering and motor coolant fluids were all at the minimum when we took the RV. Thank you, Madam, for dealing with my family lives with danger, for dealing with my family lives with danger. Okay. Sarcasm. Yes. Sarcasm.

Emphasis on the sarcasm. Overall, the RV was in really bad conditions. Water was leaking inside. It was damaged on the exterior. all of this havoc been sent to the local police officer. What? Him, the one guy who patrols everywhere. Yeah.

Why would they care about your RV rental? Jesus Christ. If you go up to a cop and complain about your RV rental, they should beat you with a nightstick. That's not my job, motherfucker. Yeah. And I'd like you to inspect it, please. Yeah. That's like running into a restaurant and going, my brakes aren't working right.

I don't know how I'm supposed to help you with that. Can I get you a burger? Moreover, today, many times after the trip, the Newberg manager has taken funds directly with absolutely no invoice on my bank account. A real nightmare. Oof, okay, I got to get with someone who speaks English here. Michael, one star. I would not rent from this location. They make you feel like everything will be fine, and they will take care of you when you pick up the RV.

But if you have a problem over the weekend, no. No is their help. No is there, no one, I guess. No one is there to help you. And the Cruise America line they give you will tell you that you are on your own. You call you get the message, hi, you've reached Cruise America. If you've rented a vehicle with us and are calling with a problem, you're on your own. If you're looking for reservations, press one now.

What the fuck is that? Please listen to the message as our menu items have changed. But you're still on your own. You're on your own. Wow. where cruise America, where you're on your own. In more ways than why. We did say that where your journey ends, no one knows but you.

You said you wanted an adventure. It's an adventure now. You're on your own, mother. And if you break down, get in the back and go to sleep. Shut the fuck up. What are you talking about? You're fine. You didn't break down.

You're camping. Now you're camping. See? Everything's fine. just like we told you. Even if you take out all the insurances they offer and follow the instructions on their site about what to do in an emergency situation, they will claim they cannot help. Yeah. The agents will blame you for not calling them even though you did and there was no record of it.

Apparently, you can't leave a message. Right. If you try to talk to a manager at Cruise America, you'll have to wait until they come back to the office and then wait for them to call you back. Yeah, that's how it works. In total, this can take all night plus of the next day. If you call them and ask to talk to any manager because you have an emergency, they will put you on hold until your phone battery dies. That ought to do it. He's been, what, three hours?

That should be his whole phone battery, right? Longer than an hour at least, you'll have to call back because the line will get disconnected, even if you have full signal. In short, if you need help in an emergency, Cruise America will ghost you and blame you for as much as they can. The local office and ghost you. The local office won't help and blame it on Cruise America. The only people that actually did help me were the nice folks that stopped helped me out of a bad accident. And got an accident. Jesus Christ.

I can't believe it's legal just to take a random-ass person. Giant thing. Put them in the driver's seat of a 30-foot-long bus. I have been saying this about U-Hauls forever. That's crazy. To just give somebody one of the huge U-Hauls, they have no way. fucking idea to drive the thing. They don't drive well also.

They're terrible fucking cars because they're all beat to shit. It's insane that we just go, we got driver's license? What do you normally drive? Honda Civic. Here you go. Take a 30-foot truck and fucking wheel it around. You'll just have no problem with it. 35-foot box truck that is so fucking top-heavy.

Oh, and fill it with all your belongings first. So it's put and heavy. So you're like a missile. And then fire it out there in America. That sounds reasonable. And you know how when you drive around you oftentimes ignore street signs that like have a truck toppling or shit like that? You better pay close fucking attention to those signs and know what every one of them mean. What's it look like when it says 5%?

What does that mean? You're going to need to know. You're going to need to know when you're going to have to get up speed ahead of time. And when to be easy on the brakes because you'll smoke them and then you're fucked. Then you're just flying down the hill with all your shit behind you. So that's the problem. This particular person is off on the side of the road down a grassy hill with the truck all. It's on its wheels, but it's definitely like the back is like in the woods.

It's definitely not great. It's a bad situation. Kevin, one star. I rented an RV from Cruise America and Magyar Service Center. The RV was in rough shape. At first, at first glance, all seemed well. The RV was in poor shape. It was in rough shape in the last sentence.

A lot of issues. When I returned, the woman who worked the customer service desk explained there is nothing we can do. You have to call Cruz America. There were bugs in the RV. Oh, that's not good. Jesus, it's a... How do you get bugs in there? It's mobile.

I don't get... It makes no sense. It's hot. Had to sit for a long time or so I can imagine. Broken equipment and more. How can you partner with a corporation like Cruz America and not be able to handle customer complaints like a broken stove? Employees at Magyar just seemed to pass the blame. I filed a complaint with Cruz America 51 days ago.

Oh, boy. I picture of scratching off the days on the wall, like in prison. And then across, tallying them up, 51 days ago and still haven't heard from them. I wouldn't rent from either of these businesses. I spent a lot of money on this rental, and I would. would hope someone would just do the right thing by supporting your customers, which both of you have failed to do. You bum motherfuckers.

You didn't tell us how to drive this. You dickheads. Yeah, that too. Also, I don't know how to drive. Rohn in one star. I would run an RV again, but certainly not from this company. They are all about getting your money, as opposed to other companies that want to give you things for free. Services and such.

No one, any money. the RVs are so basic or rather poor quality. While the one I rented didn't break down, and it only had just over 10,000 miles on it, I felt it might at any moment. There were all kinds of issues with it, which I informed them about during my rental, and upon returning the vehicle, the people in the rental facility between Newburgh and Marlborough were like, thanks for letting us know, now shut up and pay, then get out. That sounds like Newburgh, yeah.

That's probably about what they said too over there. That's about what it is. Look, listen. We've heard enough words, button it. Yeah, it's dangerous getting home. So listen, we got to. They were disgraceful. Oh.

Disgraceful. Disgrace. Disgraceat. Okay. Renee, one star. Never ever again. Cruise America slash Motorhome Republic was one of the baddest experience. we ever had.

When you say it like that, it sounds good. You know what I mean? That's like you'd describe a boxer. He's the baddest man on the planet. You know, you definitely... Nobody's ever used baddest in a form of a negative... No! No negative connotation to baddest.

Baddest is like, that's good. That's great. That's great. It's one of the baddest experience we ever had. Old and dirty cars. Shower did not work. A lot of excuses. No good at all.

No good at all. No good at all. Jason one star. Extremely poor customer service. They gave me an RV, not an RV, a RV with tainted water and blamed it on me. Tainted water? Tainted water. Why didn't you? What?

I don't know how RVs work at all. So it has a tank in there. Yeah. And what you do is fill it before you go. And you don't let somebody else fill it. Okay. Yeah. I would think you would.

I would think you'd fill it all the time, right? You needed a bunch, wouldn't you? Or how big is a tank? I don't know. You're constantly, well, a lot of people camp in trailer parks or in parks with full hookups, so you have a plug for the electric. You have a port that you can run your hose for your toilet, and then you have a hose that hooks up to your motorhome so that you have water all the time.

So it's just free flowing. And you can turn everything on and use the sink, and it's just water right now. If you're driving, though, and not. hooked up to anything. You have a tank. It has a holding tank that would hold. Mine holds, I think, fucking 65 gallons. Okay.

That's what I was curious. That's not a lot. I've only, like, really ridden in a motorhome one time. Yeah. And it was, I had to drive for a stretch. Yeah. And again, it was like, and it was Rod's enormous motor. He had this giant fucking huge.

45 foot. Massive. Wide is wider than the fucking lane. It was a house you were driving. It was enormous. Mine's only 33, but it's that wide. And it's scary. Dude, and he was like, we were driving to Vegas, me and him and a couple other people in the, like in the middle of the night.

We left to like 10 o'clock at night. And so it's pitch black on that fucking pitch black road to Vegas from Phoenix. Two lanes. Two lanes, which looks like you're going to kit the other car anyway. And then he goes, hey man, you drive for a minute. And I was like, you want me to drive this fucking thing? I was like, I can't drive this thing. He goes, yeah, it's easy.

Yeah, you just get behind the wheel. And I'm like, I don't want to fucking drive this thing. he goes, I can't make a margarita and drive at the same time. He literally needed to use the blender. And he's like, I can't make mixed drinks in the blender if I'm driving, obviously. So you drive, I'll make mixed drinks.

Or you drive. And then I'll take back over. Oh, he wanted to make his own drinks. You're not bartending. Yeah, he just needed me to drive. So I'm terrified white-knuckle driving, pitch black, and I hear ice fucking crack. I'm like, this is hilarious.

So you know when you see in the movies when they're like, when they're steering and they're like moving the wheel. You never do that in a car. But in a fucking RV, in an RV you're doing that constantly. It's like a bus, right? It's got a lot of give to it.

Yeah. That thing just dances down the road as it wiggles because I'm wiggling that front wheel all the whole way. It's trying to stay. Wow. Oh, man. So not accommodating and downright rude, multiple problems and no return emails.

from Cruise America. Gail, one star. Here we go. If I could give a zero for a rating, I would. She did it. Had a reservation booked, had the car packed up with the family,

ready to leave, then got a phone call and was told they had no RV. Uh-oh. I find this very bad business, and I was like, oh, well, it is what it is. never will recommend this place of business.

Well, at least they didn't show up and there's no RV. That would be a bit wild. If they call you a day or two before and say, don't show up. Yeah, we got a Dodge Caravan in stock if you're like, it's not quite the same. Yeah, but, you know, maybe. All right, so we have our RV.

It's all fucked up. And since it's technically a home, we can do some improvements on it. Certainly. We're going to need to stop somewhere, though. We're going to have to stop at the Home Depot. Fucking A. So we're stopping at the old Home Depot here, which everyone knows what a fucking Home Depot is.

Yeah, there's two kinds of people in this country. There's a Lowe's customer and a Home Depot customer. I'm a Lowe's guy. Same thing. I can't do Home Depot because the, I don't want to insult people. The people that shop there are fucking trash. It's Walmart Target is what it is. It is.

It's Walmart Target. And I get if you want to go to Walmart because things are a little bit cheaper or whatever. Sometimes that's the only place that exists. And that's the only place around in a lot of places. But if you have a choice and they're near each other and you're somewhat financially solvent as far as you're not literally meal to meal

or anything like that, you go, I'll go away from the trash people. I'll go a little less trashy. I'll go to the Starbucks. I'll go to Target and get a Starbucks while I'm in there rather than a fucking McChicken. Well, rather than an eye exam

And the Walmart Because that's what you get there. Rather than an eye exam at the America's best. Yeah. Inside the Walmart. Inside the Walmart. That's the one. I'll go get some of those fucking

Truefrews and a Starbucks Instead of dealing with the, and the popcorn at Target is fucking. It's so good. It is goddamn good at Target. Exploding. with salt, but the popcorn is, oh, it's awful for you. That is so bad for the most, that's got to be the most salty thing in America.

It's fucking magic. It's magic. Yeah, that's why it's so good. You'll fuck your mouth off. Fuck, yeah. You'll be puckered when you're done with that. You'll be so thirsty. For sure.

This Home Depot, 8181 airline highway, Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Okay. It has four stars that have almost. almost 1,500 reviews. Wow, what do they have? Not too bad there, and we only have time for a couple of these, so we'll get started.

Here's a five star. Here we go. David, five stars. I came into the store for a package pickup and some equipment to cut down a tree and left with a top 37 life memory. Top 37?

What a random fucking number. He only rags everything in 37. He got bumped off the list, you get bumped off the list. But he's a top 40 DJ, James. It does top 40s all day long. Well, it's new now. We do top 37.

We don't have time for 40. The world's so crazy, we don't have time for 40 anymore. Top 37. 10 at 10. It's all moving too fast. Hey, everybody. Morning DJs here. Top 37 core memory, life memory?

With your top 37 core memories. Coming at you nine at nine. Is he going to give us the memory? Life memory. The beautiful ladies. at this Home Depot. Oh, Jesus. Who is this?

Eric Richens? Yes, you don't meet your murderer at Home Depot. Yes, I know one guy who met his wife at Home Depot and she fucking murdered him. He's fucking mad dead. She got life without. That might be unfair to the Home Depot ladies because it's really the only time it's ever heard of it happening. So that might be why.

But still, I'm scared. The beautiful ladies at this Home Depot exceeded my expectations in fantastic customer service. Did they jerk you off in the back? Take it behind that door section. Take it behind one of them. She'd take her fucking orange apron with her black sharping name tag on it. I love that we were making fun of that. She'd take that shit off in front of you real slow?

Too slow, just untied the back. Oh, man. The customer service cashier went out of her way to talk me through the locker. package challenge. Locker package, I guess a package that was hard to open. Okay. The delightful gal in the chains, ropes, and piping aisle, she's kinky. She's the kinky one. Yeah, the chains, ropes, and piping aisle.

That's like I tell my wife, whenever it's time for sex, I go, time for a piping, let's go. She comes running. Chains and ropes. The chants and ropes. It's piping aisle all set up. It's piping time, everybody. P.S., those are not the same aisle. I already know that.

I don't think they would be, but who the fuck knows? The piping is in the plumbing aisle, and there are no ropes and chains in that aisle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, those are different sections. Well, she helped me pick out the perfect rope set up for removing trees. This bitch knows ropes, big time. And the saucy ladies at the checkout blessed me with a smell. Kyle and joy in my heart. Are they topless in here?

Is this guy? Is this a Topless Home Depot and Luciana? I could be swayed to go away from Lowe's. I'm not, you know. I'm not married to it. It's not a cult or anything. That's stone. It has to be.

That's the only way a home improvement store gets four stars. It's great. Yeah, what the fuck? I give this experience 7.2 out of five stars. The top 37 memories. This motherfucker's really specific. Wow. Wow.

And we'll use this experience as the gold standard to compare other hardware store adventures. Great work, team. This is a spank bank memory. He came in and bought ropes for a tree. He was acting like they came to his house and fucking took the tree down for him. Wow. Topless. Okay.

Let's leave it at that. I don't know how we could guess. that's about Topless Home Depot in Louisiana Who knew? Who the fuck knew? Well, it is wild down there in Louisiana

There's not a lot of laws So there you go Anyway, there's Home Depot for now I meant to get a couple in But that was too funny To ever fucking see To do anything else You end on a high note

Is what we do here So thank you so much for listening What a day we've had Watch where you cruise I'll say that Don't cruise to Australia Stay away from anywhere With Mountain Mama

in the title of anything. But go to Home Depot and see the tits. Go to this Home Depot because the tits are rocking, baby. Boo. Fucking metal horns, man. All right. So thank you so much for joining us. Check out shut up and give me murder.com for all of your merchandise needs and everything

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