Your Stupid Opinions - Scary Supermarket, Wandering Children & Missing Millions

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Join comedians James Pietragallo and Jimmie Whisman with their new podcast as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!This week, we continue the saga of bad times at Jump A Roos, deal with gangs in the cereal aisle, blasphemous bagels, convenience store pizza, and much more!!Subscribe and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!!!Don't forget to rate & review!!Hosted by James Pietragallo & Jimmie WhismanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Your Stupid Opinions ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Hello, everybody. Hi, and welcome back to Your Stupid Opinions, Episode 2. My name is James Petrigallo. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wissman. Thank you, everybody, so much for joining us again. We're so excited here. Let's jump right back in it. We left off last week. We had Wendy's. We had an Okono Lodge. There are people who are very upset. There's blood on the sheets.

I like how you say Okcono like it's fucking Hawaiian. Ocono, Ocono, whatever it is. Ocono, Ocono. I don't know how you say it. It's Ocono Lodge. It's a shit place. Ocono, yeah, like economy. Yeah, it makes more sense.

So let us jump right back into the fray here. We have been following, if you listened last week, you should should definitely listen the end of the episode we were following the saga of jumparoos a bounce house slash arcade place at the southland mall in cutler bay florida and it is things were getting deep and hairy and hectic and owners and managers were pushing children and it was wild there were fistfights racial racial slurs, the manager and her boyfriend. You have to fight them both. It's a lot. So let's jump right back in. Let's go with a light one at first. Then we're going to get into some more heavy stuff here.

Well, not heavy, but crazy stuff that happened. Here we go. One star at the old Jumperoo's from Annette. Okay. I went to Jumperoo's yesterday with my kids, and I ordered, well, there's your first mistake, I would say. There you go. You're supposed to only come as an adult.

Last week, that other review clearly warned you not to bring your kids here. You're supposed to just come by yourself. Pay attention, Annette. Let's go. And I ordered chicken nuggets. My son, who is one and a half, was eating a raw piece of chicken because they didn't cook it properly. That's nice. There's gum in a chicken breast.

I would say at least they're not the pre-cooked frozen ones that most places at that level will give you. You know what I mean? They actually had raw chicken in them. That's something. But when I complained, I got told it was fat, not that it was raw. Is that better? There's nothing but gristle and fat left on that plate. Crate Outdoors style?

It's fat. We just gave your kid a ball of breaded fat balls that we fried for him. What's the problem? I don't understand what you're complaining about. It's good for him. It's good for him. Wow. It was raw.

The manager said someone would call me today. My son who ate the raw chicken has a liver transplant. Oh my God. And he cannot eat anything raw because it could really damage the new liver heat.

He's a one and a half year old with a new liver for Christ's sake. Wow. Needs to be a little careful. He just got, so I would recommend this place. No, I would not. So would I recommend this place. No, I would not. So would I recommend this place?

No, I would not. Yeah. No. If you want raw fat balls for your kids to eat. Can you take a kid with a brand new liver out in public like that? That's that little? It seems risky, right? That seems reckless.

It seems tough, I would say. How do you get a new liver already? What kind of alcohol is it? It got in Florida? That kid was packing it away, boy. I'll tell you what. We were rubbing the whiskey on his gums when he was teething, but he went straight for the bottle.

He was up to three-fifths a day, and we had to cut it back. We had to tell him, listen, kid, they told us they're going to take your liver. I would assume, obviously, he had some sort of birth problem. Sure. He's got some issue. A Hodgkin's disease or something. I have no idea. But you can't take a kid with no fucking liver out in public like that. I don't know. Well, he's got some issue a hotchkins disease or something i have no but you can't take a kid with no fucking liver out i don't know well he's got a brand new liver you just can't feed him

raw chicken i suppose i don't know can you have him jumping i don't know if you can one and a half i don't think you can have him jumping anyway get i don't know the other kids would just he'd be overtaken he'd just be laying there bouncing up and down on his face let me stay at home for a little while yeah let's let's keep this kid at home. Let's find out what Nadia has to say. Okay. Two stars for the old jumparoo here. Very disappointed. Okay.

Okay. I celebrated my son B-Day there today. It was very unorganized and no lack of personal attention. Well, that means they had tons of personal attention. No lack of. Okay. No lack of means that they were were fawning on, just doting on you all the time, fawning over you.

Purchased balloons to decorate the room, and the balloons looked like they'd been inflated a few days ago. They probably were. Whenever they had time. The pitcher of soda had to be returned because it had a white film on it.

On top. Is that foam? Is that the foam? Right. Was it coke? It looked like it was grease. Oh, so- Greasy pitcher. Did she need a rainbow foam on top?

When we needed our host, she was not there. She was running to the restaurant to place our order. Okay. When we needed the host, she was placing her order, which needs to be done also so i don't know there was no one to back her up oh they want like just they want like a personal butler they want a team and a butler like we've said jumparoos does not seem to have the best customer service based on prior reviews but the woman who's taking care of you had to go

take your order and bring it to the restaurant and drop it off with the kitchen and bring it back that's not something to complain about that she can't send a homing pigeon jesus christ this is too much calm down over here there was no one to back her up we had to constantly ask for refills she was not aware of the party we did not have enough plates to serve the guest. Well, how many plates do you need for one person? Are everything okay, guest? Just one person sitting there. When it came time to cut the cake, same thing happened.

Not enough plates and no spoons. Well, good thing you eat cake with a fork, stupid. So that's good. I mean, with a birthday party, though and if you bring a cake shouldn't you probably if you've got a lot of people bring your own plates and i would always bring plates well not if you're going to a party place though a party place i would well i assume that's part of the package i'm assuming this is part of the packages you know we have plates and forks and apparently spoons for some reason even though yeah it's a cake. Must have got cups of ice cream.

I don't know. She didn't mention any ice cream. Right. I feel it was so unorganized that even someone at the comment, I would never do a party here. Even someone at the comment, I would never do a party here. We don't know what you're talking about. You're not expressing yourself well. Yeah, she ran out of steam.

I wish my son would have had a better experience. That's fair. Perfect. Okay. This next one, boy, do they have some issues here, and I don't blame them. This seems like a lot. Here's Michelle with one star for Jumperoos. Okay.

Yeah. I went with my almost three-year-old son, wed before Thanksgiving. Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Wednesday, okay. I was thinking, what difference does it make when you got married? That's exactly what I thought. I don't care that you got married. I got married before Thanksgiving. Good for you, lady. Who cares. Okay. I was thinking, what difference does it make when you got married? That's exactly what I thought. I don't care that you got married before Thanksgiving. Good for you, lady. Who cares? Okay. And in a second, lost track of him, searched everywhere. That's not good.

It's their fault? You're a bad monster. You lost your kids? Yeah. Keep track of your kids. Well, this is not good. I finally found him outside of the establishment running around in socks in the mall. I say I found him because even after I told the staff that I couldn't find him, no one moved to search. They were like, I don't know. Oh, my God. Now, this place has like a Chuck E. Cheese type of deal where they're supposed to have it where your kids won't run away. Yeah, like we keep an eye on it. We have a bouncer out there. Make sure no kids wander out.

In, not out, unless they're with a parent. That's how it works, yeah. No one searched. I asked for the manager to explain what happened. Well, there's your first mistake. Uh-oh, watch out. Yeah, hopefully her boyfriend's not there. This is going to be dangerous.

And at first, he was ignoring me until I was behind him and said, are you going to talk to me? Okay, he looks at me, and I explain what happened. ignoring me until I was behind him and said, are you going to talk to me? Okay. He looks at me and I explained what happened. And he says, quote, well, you found him already and everything's fine.

Well, problem solved lady. Quit your bitch. You got him. No, no Amber alert. No, what are we doing here?

We're good. Yeah. That's well, yeah, you should maybe keep an eye on the door. Probably. Yeah. You know,

establishment, the Peter Piper joint I used to work at didn't have that thing at the front. It had fucking eight doors at the front of that place. You could get out of it all day long at any time. It was like Swiss cheese in the front of that building. I can't believe there was nobody ever went missing. But the Peter Piper isn't like, like Peter Piper feels like a pizza place. If you don't know, it's an Arizona place we're talking about.

Peter Piper feels like a pizza place that has video don't know, it's an Arizona place we're talking about. Peter Piper feels like a pizza place that has video games. And that one, though, had rides. That's right. Whereas Chuck E. Cheese feels like an arcade that also has a pizza thing on the side. So you would keep them in. But Peter Piper feels like you're going there for pizza, and if your parents give you a few dollars, you'll go play some games. You know what I mean? But this is just kids running around with socks on.

That's all it is. Insane. This is fucking crazy. So he said that the lack, she says, the lack of accountability really got to me. And I told him, you and your staff are responsible. What is the point of our bracelets if a child can come in and out? They have the Chuck E. Cheese bracelets. You have to understand your responsibility.

He kept acting like I was exaggerating. So I told my son and mother that we were leaving. Yeah. Okay. The manager tells me, you want a refund? Stern's fucking voice. And I said, sure. Yeah.

I was real unimpressed and felt disrespected. But he says, and don't come back ever. Oh, keep your shitty wandering kid out of our establishment. Please don't come back. Don't come back. Well, at least they didn't try to fight her, though. You know what I mean? I thought it was going to be a happy ending.

Would you like a refund? Sure, I would. Okay, here's your money. Get out and stay out. Stay out. This is weird for a kid's place. Like they say, you know,

Disneyland, their thing is the happiest place on earth. This is the surliest place on earth and it's a kid's jump a row, jump a row. This is what Disneyland aren't allowed to say. I don't know. No, they say like,

let's find out together or whatever it is. Well, we'll go find out right now. Yeah. Like, yeah, I have to help you. This guy says, get out. This is you want to fight my manager and her boyfriend. That's a different.

Wow. I told him, take your money. It doesn't matter. I also got upset at this point and told him not to worry i wouldn't be back and he had to assume responsibility and telling instead of telling me not to come back bottom line the staff is filled with kids that are not concerned about the children well how old are they teenagers yeah they're terrible at things like that you don't put the lives in their hands you go to an establishment where it's obvious that the people working there are making minimum

wage and you're worried about responsibility being taken. Yeah. Like they're going to really watch your kids that closely. Get out of here. You got to be kidding me. That is filled with kids. There were five people from the staff near the door and my son got out. Clearly no one was paying attention, but I can't blame the staff because after speaking to the manager, what can you really expect?

Right. Yeah. The manager does not care for the customers, was disrespectful, does not care about the children because no remorse was on his face. Okay. Lady, remorse is fine. He was a dickhead. They don't have a good thing. He offered you a refund.

Take it and never go back again this is enough already your kid did not get stolen and sold into a sri lankan sex ring you know what i mean he was in his socks he got him back in two seconds it's fine you divorced this business now walk away done jesus christ does not care wow for the owner colon oh very unfortunate to have a manager like that run a place where you have a responsibility toward the children and their parents. Good customer service and respect would have gone a long way in a situation like this. Yeah. Kiss my ass.

Kiss my ass and tell me I'm amazing and I'll stick around. Maybe I'll come back with my kids to complain. So next up is Kathy. Kathy's got a two-star review. Okay. And this is the last one for this. Kathy has the same kind of complaint. My two-year-old child was able to exit this place on his own, barefoot, and wander the mall alone without an employee noticing or intervening.

Came back with a Hot Topic bag. Came back with some Auntie Anne's pretzels and a Hot Topic bag. Said, have you seen the new LeBrons at Foot Locker? Those are hot shit. I was like, yo, what happened to you? He's two. How do you fucking let a two-year-old out of your goddamn sight?

Unless you're there with 15 kids, if it's just you and a two-year-old, like, you should be, I would be watching the two-year-old the whole time. I don't trust these people to watch my kid. I don't know them. This isn't a daycare center. You don't unleash your child

and sit down and read a fucking book. Not only that, I don't trust those people around my kid. I don't know these people, minimum wage, I don't know you around my kid, so I don't want you to watch. I'll keep an eye on not only my kid, but whether you're going to diddle my kid at the same time. Everybody keep away. When you around my kids, so I don't want you to watch. I'll keep an eye on not only my kid, but whether you're going to diddle my kid at the same time.

Everybody keep away. When you boost my kid, I'm going to watch where your fucking hands are. Yeah, Jesus. They have a double door and an employee who's supposedly making sure the kids only leave with their family. That's the other thing. If a kid wanders out alone, that's never allowed. When is a two-year-old being like, I'm out of here. Fuck this.

Like, blasting through the door, looking for car keys he's he came with someone probably yeah the other thing is if a kid leaves with an adult that kid could be kidnapped were you gonna fucking card the kid are you with him like yeah like at the airport they ask who's this to you and they have to say that yeah but the kid is gonna say you know i mean that's my dad or that's who i'm they have if they're scared they're just gonna say it you can get a two-year-old to say you're iron man from a bouncy house to the door they don't know when this guy asks say i'm iron man it's iron man they'd say it they don't fucking know any different uncle ralph we're gonna go fly it that's why you gotta have some security she says but it's a it's

clearly a false sense of security i couldn't find a manager that's probably good for you for your own good to complain to gonna go real bad that was not gonna go well at all that would have ended in violence probably and the employee who i spoke to only said i wasn't there as an excuse as to how that could happen i don't know one me he just pulled a shaggy and just said one me i saw you by the door one me i looked at the video to one me so let's leave jumparoos to its own devices. Don't go there. Leave it to its own demise. Demises.

Wow. So let's go over to Western Beef Supermarket in Long Island, New York here. Western Beef? Western Beef Supermarket. It's 322 Nassau Road, Roosevelt, New York. So it is. Almost couldn't be further east. Yeah, it's on an island east of New York City.

So Western beef supermarket. Maybe it's Western Long Island. So, a warehouse-style chain supermarket with meat, seafood, and dairy departments, a bakery, and a deli section. You know, a supermarket. Grocery store. Is that necessary for the description? Oh, but do they have meat there? Yeah, but do they have milk?

It's a goddamn supermarket. Yes. There's meat. There's milk. There's all of it. The hell is wrong with you people? Wow. Okay.

So let's find out what people think of this place. All right. Five stars. Five stars. Perfect. Best place. Okay.. Five stars. Five stars. Perfect. Okay. Christopher B. This is here.

Not the greatest supermarket. No. Five stars, mind you. Can't get any better. Not the greatest. What are you talking about? This is a three star review. Yeah.

But it has what I need when looking groceries. I'm looking real groceries today. I'm looking real groceries today i'm looking real groceries and you know bro it's uh when i'm looking groceries man yeah dude hey jimmy i was looking at you today i like that shirt you're looking real groceries today man yeah i don't like how my belly sits in it i feel like i should be going to the gym a little more i look real gross nah nah nah you're looking you're looking grocery as fuck, man. I'm telling you. You're straight, dude. Don't even sweat that.

Don't be hard on yourself. You're looking groceries. Looking groceries. Wow. The staff is great, though. Okay. Here is Benita, and she gives a five-star review as well. Loves it.

This is from two months ago. Very recent. Love shopping here. review as well. Loves it. This is from two months ago. Very recent. Love shopping here. Reasonably priced. People are friendly. And they keep the store clean. Perfect. That's great.

Friendly people. Cleanliness around food. Can't ask for more than that. Tip-top, yeah. Gotta have that. So, okay. That's fine. She likes that.

Now, Laritha has only one star, though. She disagrees here. So, we try to be fair though you know and give a good review some people like it some people don't like it and let's find out who's right and we'll we'll be the judges of that us and all of you that's what's great when you put your opinions out there you're putting them out to be judged by the world so we're judging based on whether or not we've never been there no No. Based on nothing at all. Nothing at all but what these people say. So, Loretha gives it one star and says, slow cashier.

Okay. They very rude. They very rude, yeah. And no one speech English. Oh, they don't speech English? They don't speech? No? Well, you don't write English.

So, maybe you two can come to a fucking agreement somewhere in the middle where you say no one's speech english and then they can fucking learn a couple of words and you can learn how to write and we can figure this out it gets worse no one's speech english when need help okay and the meat smell rotting oh no there's no connector words for this person whatsoever and rotten not rotting yeah not right that's what i mean so don't complain about other people's english when you sound like this when you say no one's english do you speech it yeah do you speech nobody's speech english in this fucking place. No one speeches at all. Next up is two stars from Lamar. I thought it was Lamar Jackson.

I was like, the quarterback? Awesome. It's Jamar, not Lamar. All right, two stars. Not bad. Okay. Prices are high on majority of their items, so I don't shop here often. Western beef is like my emergency store.

Oh. Yeah. Last fucking resort. my emergency store. Oh. Yeah. Last fucking resort. When I really need it. I really need that beef. For example, I only shop there if I forgot something. This is the one that's closer to his house, but he doesn't like it. He wishes the grocery stores would switch because he hates the one right by his house.

The employees are okay, so I give him two stars. Okay. Did he need to put that review out on the internet at all zero information offered to any of us sometimes when you take your phone out to do it you just go never mind put it right the fuck back talk to your friend talk to your kid talk to your spouse or whatever talk to somebody else and you don't need to do this always you don't always have to say something. Wow. Plug it in, put it back on the nightstand.

It's fine. It's all good. You don't need it. Yeah, just don't forget about it for a minute. Maybe it's, you know. Employees are okay. Okay. Monique is up next with one star.

Oh. Not a fan here, Monique. She hates it. Apparently so. First, the meat department is disgusting. Oh. That's a. Apparently so. First, the meat department is disgusting. Oh. That's a problem. Yeah.

You really want that section to be the cleanest of all, really. Sure hope she elaborates, too. Yeah. The prices are super high for very low quality meat. It's ballsy to call yourself Western beef and have shit meat. I would think the one thing you would have good would be your meat, right? Yeah. And how does she know if it's low quality or not? shit meat i would think the one thing you would have good would be your meat right yeah and how does she know if it's uh low quality or not well here she says and this is because she doesn't know

shit about anything this on this next one we'll find out i bought ground beef and it was gray in the middle yes that's because ground beef beef isn't really that color they dye that color so when they put the gray in the middle that just means right in the middle the dye seeped out a little bit and it's still on the it means nothing it's the same exact monique it means you bought flesh that's it put it on the gray and we don't want to show they don't want to sell it to you like that because gray is an unattractive color for me that's it not doesn't sound good to eat but that is you just found meat if it smells good it's fine there There you go.

The meat was red on the outside. Yeah. Yeah. Just explain. They'll die. Seepage. So happens. Yep.

I bought a 30-pack of steak. Wow. Jesus. Claiming. That's a lot of steaks. 30-pack? Yeah, it is. Jesus.

Holy crap. Must have a big family or something. Of steak claiming to be porterhouse. Claiming to be. Okay. You can tell us what a steak is looking at it yeah did you see does it have a bone with a thing and a fucking filet and a not filet in a new york is that just what it is there you go and it was spoiled by the time i defrosted it oh god so that

means it had to have been bad when you put it in the freezer because things generally don't spoil while frozen usually unless you put it outside to let it thaw. That's the other thing. How did you thaw it? Yeah. Just sit it on the counter for a day and a half or what? Did you put it in the sink and run water over it? It's going to change colors.

Oh, no. Then there'd be a huge problem. You can't do that. The cut was thin and the right side of the steak was gone. The right side of the steak was gone. So it was a small steak. Right. When I get a small steak, I don't go, hey, the left side of this is gone. The right side of the steak was gone. So it was a small steak. When I get a small steak, I don't go, hey, the left side of this is gone.

I just... Did it thaw that way? Was it together when it was frozen? Somebody ate that steak. I don't know. And it depends which... The right side, the filet or the New York depends on what side you have it flipped on. So we don't know. Tell us which steak was gone.

The right side? Is the porterhouse a ribeye and a filet? It's New York, right? No, I think the T-bone has two also. I think the T-bone is the New York. The porterhouse is... Is the ribeye? Something like that.

There's a damn filet in there. It's two different kinds of cut. I don't know what the fuck is on there. But they're good. They're delicious. But they're gone. Yeah. Also, one part of that is gone and it's rotten anyway, so who cares?

So next up is Dar. Dar gives one star as well. And it's kind of personal, this one, which I love. I love when it's not just like the meat was kind of bad. I love when they had a personal beef with an employee, and they're going to put it out here. That's my favorite. And that made my pork chop taste bad. That made my meat not red enough for me.

She was such an asshole, my meat turned gray. Quote, the deli counter woman must be going through a midlife crisis. Oh, Jesus. Shots fired out of the fucking, right out of the gate. God damn. This woman was uncomfortable or was you know treated me poorly blah blah blah i don't know maybe she was going through no she must be going through a midlife crisis because her attitude was disgusting that's the first sentence disgusting

wow every deli person is surly that's what a deli person have you ever yeah have you ever said uh a pound of roast beef to somebody with a fucking smile? Never. Go to a deli in New York. It's an Italian guy that goes, and then they just fucking cut it and they hand it to you. They go, how's that? All right, fuck out of my store. It's a deli person.

It's because every time, the thickness, right, yes, and the thickness matters. Oh, God, that thickness is so fucking personal to everybody and that's the other thing and some poor assholes got a fucking back and forth with the slice gonna bring it back and say this is too thick this fucking bitch they gotta figure someone else to sell it to this guy now it's never good enough for this guy never it's always too thick for fucking for johnny this guy has for one chunk to be exactly a pound i'm sorry it's 1.18 is that okay can you take a little off of that no motherfucker you will buy this shave this off yeah you're an asshole that's why fuck you her attitude was disgusting but after taking a closer look i saw

she looked that part as well. Jesus, Dar. Dar, by the way, her picture is like an attractive woman is the picture here. So this is like a, this bitch was mean and ugly is what she just said. Dar's judgy. They need to find someone with manners that will be handling customers' food. That was not a pleasant experience. And they just lost customers. Okay.

Wow. She looked the part as well. That is right. Yeah, you and whoever else you complain to. All right. Christian, one star as well. Quote, very ghetto. Oh.

Again, shots fired out of the break here. Good start. Very ghetto. But that's succinct at least you can it tells you what's there you know it is yeah every time i shop here i'm followed by the security guards around the store and it makes for a very uncomfortable experience what is that yeah that doesn't seem pleasant at all um and now this person this is amazing This person loves it. Four stars for Marie. This place is clean and well organized. Just eyes.

No, not duh. Yeah. I found a very friendly cashier who told me that she received 25 cents. What the fuck does that mean? She received what? 25 cents. Doesn't say from who, why, why she would tell people someone she found a quarter somewhere. I don't know what's going on.

Somebody said that the cashiers are slow. Maybe it's because they're having unnecessary fucking conversations. About 25 cents. I found 25 cents. Well, good for you. It'll make you feel better about your midlife crisis. Terrific. I was short two cents and she let me have my item.

It's two cents. It's two cents. Perhaps she threw the quarter in there and took 23 and called it a day. Who else is short? Who else is short a few cents? I got at least 12 people covered here. I got 23 left. It's here. I got 20, 30 left. It's on the house.

Fuck, man. Okay, here we go. Mario has three stars for Western beef. Dangerous at night. Oh. That's not good. Local gangs almost robbed me. Inside the market.

What? Inside the market? I've never heard of anyone getting mugged inside at lynn lynn in front of the coco puffs that's never happened security guard to follow you around yeah where are they yeah hey security oh shit he's following that guy around oh i just got stabbed i just got stabbed and fell into the pickles street toughs are inside the grocery store yo don't go on the west side of the grocery store. The Bloods took that shit over, man.

Yeah, no. They sell crack by the cream of wheat. No, it's rough, man. They got all that shit. Cops won't go over there, man. They're scared. Don't walk over there in your blue Yankees hat. You'll catch a blade, man.

Broken windows and shit over there. It's rough. On the wrong turf in those colors. That's a rough grocery store where you almost get robbed at night inside the market um that makes sense why everybody on staff has a bad attitude yeah they're just wondering if you're gonna try to rob them they're like do i have to intervene and gang violence with you no okay again again i think western beef need more vigilance.

I think need more too. I think, Mario, you're probably correct. Western beef need more vigilance for sure. Here is Balrico, one star, I'm sorry. Balrico says, quote, crackheads and bums hanging outside the front door. Yeah. Not a good look when you come in and shop with your family. Okay, we've got a pretty good picture of what this place is about.

It's a bad, yeah. It's not a good grocery store. I think it's in a rough neighborhood, and you get followed around, and if there is no one following you around, you wish there was because gangs are robbing you. And if you do get to get food, you'll just get yelled at by a surly deli counter person in a midlife crisis it's rough and then check out it's gonna take all day while they tell you how how far up in the world they are with their change fines well someone went i found a quarter great so let's move on from western beef it doesn't sound like the best grocery store in the world let's go someplace every once in a while we't sound like the best grocery store in the world. Let's go someplace. Every once in a while, we all, while we're driving, we're going, we're like, ah, shit, I forgot this, I forgot that, or I want a pack of gum, or I want a soda.

We all have to stop at 7-Eleven eventually. Gas stations are everywhere, yeah. We all have to stop there. So let's figure out 7-Eleven in Baltimore and what they're all about. Oh, boy. This will be fun. Okay. 7-Eleven in Baltimore and what they're all about.

Oh, boy. This will be fun. Okay. This particular 7-Eleven we're discussing is at 100 South Broadway, Baltimore, Maryland. And, oh, by the way, how does 7-Eleven describe themselves on Google? What is their mission statement description? Let's find out. Convenience chain offering grab-and-go bites and beverages, plus assorted newsstand items.

Not bad. Not bad, actually. That's way better than the other ones. It's not bad. I thought about that. I'm like, I can't talk any shit about that. That's succinct. Yeah.

It's telling you what they have. We have sugar snacks and shit that's bad for you. Come on in. Shit you need in your car as you're going somewhere else so some people like it here we go matrice harris here three uh they give them five stars yeah great customer service great pizza exclamation point how dare you we all know 7-eleven is famous for their pizza that some of the finest quality pizza out there. You ever see the pizza at a 7-Eleven? It does not look appetizing. It is not hand-rolled. It's bad.

That's a bad pizza. Yeah. Well, Ramona disagrees about the pizza. Okay. One star quote, they brought me cold pizza. Yeah. That's it. That sounds right.

That sounds like a 7-Eleven. That's more like it. Okay. Tariq gives it five stars. Deposit machine is this first sentence. Yeah. That's a whole sentence. Deposit machine.

What? I don't know what that means. I love trying to figure out what people mean half the time. That's my favorite part of this. Is that the ATM and he's putting money in it hoping that it goes into his bank? What's a deposit machine? Deposit machine. Period.

Since all the city banks closed down in Baltimore. That's what it is. So this is where he has to do his banking at the 7-Eleven ATM? Or is it a deposit machine for like a kiosk to pay some sort of utility bill? Maybe it's, oh, I didn't even think about like a utility bill maybe that was there too since all the city banks closed down wow it's gotta really figure out what we're talking about well tim gives it four stars all right the day shift is great and the night shift is great also oh day man and the nightman. Then the Nightman. Now, Jay Cohen, here's what I don't get. I've read you these short ones here because it's a 7-Eleven. Right.

How much words could you say? Your praise or complaint shouldn't go on more than one to two sentences. Yeah. Because it's a gas station. How much time are you spending there? Now we're getting into someone who I feel like has way too much time to complain about a 7-Eleven. You're stopping there because you don't have time to stop somewhere where shit's cheaper and fresher and all that. You're just, you know.

Jake says, one star here. No good. I wanted some used coffee grounds for gardening. Ew, what? Okay. Don't go there. Brew your own coffee. Yeah.

Is that on their menu? Do they say Trident gum is $1.19, Snickers are $1.09, and used coffee grounds are $0.39? No, it's not on the fucking menu. The coffee grounds are not on the shelf anywhere. No, they don't have to give you those. I didn't think it would be a big deal, right? No, wrong don't have to give you those. I didn't think it would be a big deal, right? No. Wrong.

Wrong. She's acting like, I mean, Jesus Christ, who doesn't go into a 7-Eleven and ask for their used coffee grounds? I mean, everyone does that. You go into Denny's and ask for the eggshells for your rose garden, too, you fucking weirdo? What else do you have? Jesus. What else do you have? Jesus.

Well, the manager flipped out. Yeah. Flipped out and said that just because he's never let anybody take what he's throwing out anyway, he wasn't going to start with me. Nobody takes my garbage, first of all. Okay. Well, you know what? You asked for something that a service they don't offer and you didn't offer to pay any money for it and they said no seems like a reasonable you walk out now done in and out burger there's not a secret fucking menu nope there you go go to the

grocery store buy some coffee and fucking brew it and use your grounds you asshole have a cup you clearly need it you You complaining dickbag. So I never let anybody take it. Wow. He was so rude and obnoxious. It's a 7-Eleven. It's not a day spa. It's not a, what do you want? It's not the Four Seasons. It's a 7-Eleven.

And you made a ridiculous request. That he's never heard before. He said, what? And he goes, I want your used coffee grounds. Man, get the fuck out of my store. What is wrong with you? I'm not going to start handing out trash with you. Yeah, hand you trash.

What else do you want? I have some toilet paper back here, too, that I blew my nose into. Would you like that? You fucking creep. Good God, obnoxious. And wouldn't let me. Oh, my God. So he was rude and obnoxious and wouldn't let

me without any reason whatsoever because he doesn't that's not what they offer there it's not a thing is that you don't go to a restaurant and go hey you mind if i go drink from your hose they go no you can't do that why because that's not what we sell here we don't sell hose water sit out and order something or don't and oftentimes in a gas station the coffee that they put in there is in like a filter bag it's not even it's all closed you have your house shit open this is fucking weird just leave it's a weird request you're not getting it so then he said um if he said no politely or given some reason i'd be okay with that it's his coffee grounds he does not have to give you a reason why he's not giving you something that they don't offer he gave you the answer it's his coffee grounds he does not have to give you a reason why he's not giving

you something that they don't offer he gave you the answer it's no i don't give out my trash around here yeah i don't i don't hand out garbage leave the store fair enough would you like a big gulp or not what the fuck do you want we take cash from people in exchange for goods or services. It's pretty neat. That's not one of the cash things. That's not, yeah. Used coffee isn't on a lot of menus. You want something for free, you son of a bitch.

Jesus Christ. But he just said no because I can say no? Like just says no because he can? Just because it's his and it's totally up to him whether he wants to give his property to people? Wow. Then he said, all right. Fine. Then he says, this is the great closer.

You're a sad excuse for a human being, Mr. Manager Dude. For such a chill guy, Mr. Manager Bra. You're awfully upset. He's a composter, this composter this guy this guy's a fucking annoyance our composters our composters this angry are they angry people kind i don't in my experience maybe yes he's probably wearing recycled water bottle shoes and being a dick you know what though to go around and have to ask for people's garbage all the time would make you grumpy after a while because how many times has he told i'm not giving you my eggshells no i'm not giving you this i'm not giving you that you're not getting my old you know my old vegetables i'm not doing it so next up is c math oh c math gonna break it down here okay one star

oh from the 7-eleven again from 7-eleven again here okay last one from 7-Eleven again. From the 7-Eleven again here. Okay. Last one from 7-Eleven. Quote, how can I contact the corporate office for 7-Eleven? I don't think that exists, probably. That feels like a Google-able question. Yeah, and I don't think it exists either. I think it's very nebulous. I think they're franchises, right? Yeah, they're franchises.

Yeah, but I think it's just a guy in his garage at his mother's house that franchises him. I don't think they have an office or anything, right? 7-Eleven? Yeah, it I think it's just a guy in his garage at his mother's house that franchises him. I don't think they have an office or anything, right? 7-Eleven? Yeah, it's not necessarily. It's not the tip top of corporate America. No, I don't think so. I don't think they sponsor anything. Have you ever seen anything where they're like, brought to you by 7-Eleven?

Yes, don't they have a, yes, wrestling in the 90s. Okay. You've never seen Super Bowl halftime show brought to you by 7-Eleven. No, it was like the 1995 Survivor Series brought to you by 7-Eleven. I'm not even kidding. Mountain Dew and 7-Eleven. Yeah, it was like 7-Eleven and Pizza Hut or some shit or Snickers or whatever the hell. Shit they sell at 7-Eleven, basically.

So that's all. Staff bad service. That's those words. Those are all words that I understand what they mean, but they don't go together in that order. Really no other order. Service staff bad isn't good. Service bad staff, that's not good either. That's kind of good, right?

Sort of. Service the bad staff. Staff bad service here. Staff bad service here. good either that's kind of that's kind of good right you'd sort of service the bad staff staff bad service here staff bad service here i just asked for five single mega million just now yeah the printout what he wanted i don't know what that means told him i want that person to i want that person to win mega million so right and get on there and go, dollars, billion, house, big eye, ocean, beach, family home.

The story of him losing it all is going to be amazing. I want to see the interview when he's, you know, more had thought I. Checkbook balance not. Bill wants to do every. Every. Every. Once thought only.

Goddamn every. Every. I really want his documentary. I really want the hulu documentary of this guy it is down for his downfall i even showed him my ticket in what mean oh this i want this this one yeah now i know why a lot of your 7-eleven are shutting down like McDonald's are doing. Are McDonald's doing poorly? I've never heard of a McDonald's shutting down unless they were shutting one down to open four more in that area. And it was bad.

Or open a much bigger one. McDonald's, are they doing poorly now? That's news to me, babe. Man, poor McDonald's. They're going under, boy. Everybody needs to get in there and get a burger or two. They got to sell a couple more billion here. They need to get to corporate.

Okay. He always be on the lift side clean cut. What? What the fuck does that mean? He always be on the lift side clean cut. Is that like 70s jive talk? He always be on the lift side clean cut. That like 70s jive talk he always be on the lift side clean cut that's what i'm saying turkey yeah i give me some skin that's like i need the old lady from airplane to decide that's what this is yeah it sounds like the guy curtis from up in smoke from cheech and chong is what it said this is a new cut i'll be bad that's what it sounds like except

i knew what he was talking about he always be on the lift side clean cut doesn't make any sense whatsoever i don't know what that gets you on the lift side clean cut that's what it means yeah it's like a nickname he just left a comma out of there. He'd always be on the lift side. And on the lift side, maybe that means something good. Positive, yeah. Maybe that's, you know. He usually lifts me up and helps me out.

He's a good guy. I don't know. Maybe he clean cuts me. Always wear hat. Oh. He'd always be on the lift side, clean cut, always wear hat. Okay. Is that advice or a complaint?

Or he's telling you, always wear a hat. It's good for you. This happened today at 3.39 or 3.40 p.m. today. Mad specific. Wow. No reason for him to do this to no one. What has he done? Lifted the clean side cut.

What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know what you mean. He didn't want to sell him a mega millions. Is that what he's complaining for? I want to help you. I feel like this person's down in a well and we're screwed. What do you need? And they say,

and we can't hear him through the echoes. And we're like, we want to help you please. If, if, if his, if his request was, is anywhere near this intelligible level, I understand the checkout guy entirely. I completely get where he's coming from at that point.

I would never help this man either because I don't know what he needs. What are you talking about, sir? Then he says, I'm still thinking about getting a lawyer about this. What? Go into a lawyer's office. I hope he's charging by the hour for his sake, because by the time he figures out what the fuck you're talking about, you're going to owe this guy $10,000. You're going to wish you won the Mega Millions. You're going to need to win the Mega Millions.

Wow, that is something else. Did he not be able to buy a Mega Millions ticket? And because his lack of ability to buy it, the drawing was done, and he didn't get to win because he couldn't play, and he thinks, I was definitely going to win. A lawyer's not taking that. He just told me to leave. They don't have to sell you Mega Millions either, and their lift-side clean cut is none of your business.

And if he wants to wear a hat again i don't know what you want here whatever man that's i i don't know this person's very confusing just give him five mega millions and let him go on his way it seems like it would have been a lot easier cover it on your own wow all right next up let's talk about kenny uh kenny and zooks deli z-u-k-E. Zook. Oh, yeah. Or Zookie, I'm not sure. This is in 1038 Southwest Harvey Milk Street in Portland. Portland, Oregon, not Maine. Harvey Milk's got a street. Good for him. Got a street.

So here we go. What is their description of Kenny and Zook's delicatessen? Bustling spot. In other words, you're going to wait on way too long of a line for not as good of a sandwich as you would hope for. Enjoy your warm mortadella. Whenever I hear or read a place, I look it up and they go, bustling spot or hot spot for it. I go, well, that's not going there. Nope, that means, yeah, you're just happy to get anything because you waited an hour.

Serving a signature pastrami. Okay, that's what they're saying. I like that. Bagels and other deli fare in roomy, light-filled space. Okay. It's a deli I don't care about the fucking ambiance. Is the meat good? That's all I give a shit about.

It better be roomy. It's fucking bustling. It's bustling. Yeah, you're going to need room for all these damn people in there. First up, one star, and the writer is Dylan on the radio. That's the reviewer here. Oh, Dylan. One star for Dylan.

Quote, I can't speak on the food. Okay, well, then you shouldn't be leaving a review because it's a deli. What did you do here? I can't speak on the food, but I really hate their sign. What are you talking about? I bought a cup of coffee. Is that what he's about to do? Because, unfortunately, we weren't able to try it

oh uh-oh here we go but this is by far was the worst customer service i've ever experienced but this is by far was the worst customer they're mixing tenses here but that's fine he got ahead of himself we came for lunch excited to try the pastrami as one would be i'm i wanted to try the pastrami and we were refused service because someone in our party asked for a custom order okay okay that's what are we talking about was it yeah was it a pastrami sandwich without pastrami and can you go to a different place and get me their turkey like what were we talking about the kid behind the counter said quote i'm not comfortable with making that so i'm going to refuse service and you can go leave a bad review if you want

quote so here i am that's the end of the review they told me that is incredible now if the person the person working there should be able to make, you know, adjust orders, but if they're not comfortable, wouldn't you rather have them tell you that than have them fuck up your sandwich and then you're complaining about that? But he knew what they were going to do, so he said, go ahead and leave it. Go ahead and leave a bad review. Go ahead. There you go. Go ahead. It's fine.

Fuck it. I don't know. I wonder if it was like nothing new to be thing that was like an unpaid like i don't go i don't go out to eat breakfast because of my food my egg allergy so and everything's fucked so and i feel bad to be like i have the griddles covered in fucking egg it's all there's eggs all over the place like i feel like a jerk to just go in there and be like i'm allergic to, so fucking figure it out. Same reason.

I expect them to say, sir, leave and leave a bad review, please. Same reason I don't eat desserts because I know either cinnamon or whatever kind of 14 different fucking nuts I'm allergic to are touching it. And I just, I don't go, could you go into like a compression zone? Like a decompression chamber. Like a sterile room. When you come out of a submarine one of those and make it in there please from scratch yo i'd really like you to do that you know bake it and do all that yeah i don't do that and you shouldn't and then if you fuck it up wait till the words i'm

gonna say about you that's on me if i can't eat that shit it's on me i don't expect you to go out of your way for it so all right next up is craig okay craig three stars for craig the reuben was great yeah that's positive um yeah but the matzo ball soup essentially raw okay nobody wants a raw matzo ball no that's not gonna be good that's wet that's not good maybe the outer one-eighth cooked and the the chicken broth, watery. Oh. You know, like their soup. They comped us on second mention. Service was slow. We'll try again, but stick to sandwiches, which are reliably good.

These motherfuckers gave you your money. They didn't tell you to eat shit. Right. They said, oh, we're sorry. Here, have your money back. And you left a fucking mediocre review? Right. We're giving your money back because you thought matzo ball soup was thick, you dumb fuck. The only thing thick here is your goddamn skull.

Your skull, you dummy. We'll make you a sandwich and refund your money. That was very sweet of them. And the Reuben was great. Right. So what are you—and the thing that wasn't good, they corrected by giving you your money back and not being dicks about it. And he's like, I don't know, slow. You know what?

You don't deserve. You don't deserve Rubens or pastrami or matzo balls or anything, Craig. You can suck all the dicks, Craig. Right there out in front of the fucking deli. Let the staff watch. Stick with goy food, you fucking jerk. Jesus Christ. Here's Julie.

Julie, one star. One Christ. Here's Julie. Julie, one star. One star. Here we go. Keep in mind, this is from a couple years ago here, too. So, quote, not impressed. No? Not impressed. Waited for their Reuben sandwich for 20 minutes to go.

Not many folks in the place at 2 p.m. Okay? But if they slice all your shit from scratch and do all that, then that's something. Then I have to-go orders. You don't know. Pastrami was too thick. Sandwich was just bland. Oh, goddammit. You've painted the ass. Very expensive.

$13.50. For homemade pastrami and a good Reuben, that's what that costs. That's how much that costs. She got two sandwiches for $13.50? $13.50. No, one. Wait, a Reuben. Okay.

Not many folks in 2 p.m. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have been tasting Reubens around the Portland area for about a year now. Is this your job? I got hired as the Portland Reuben taster. She's on a Reuben journey. The fucking mayor hired her to go out and find round up the best

rubens in the area so i can give you better go to a doctor and get your cholesterol and sodium jacked you're jamming ruben inside you every day as many as you can get in you apparently uh and this ruben rated at the very bottom okay bottom floor low tier ruben is what we got here even arby's has them beat in taste and price oh well let's be honest here really and uh amount of meat i'm told i've eaten out of a dumpster that fucking arby's didn't have beat in price or quality so you'd be kidding me here um a huge disappointment don't waste your time don't waste your or money time i think they're going for time or money if you are looking for a good sandwich but if you expect everyone else to be perfect you know what fucking write your shit perfect then i'm gonna judge you like you're judging them this review didn't like the grammar

english out of place? I've been reading reviews all over the internet for a while now, and this ranks toward the bottom. Even some dipshit who ate at Arby's has her beat. Yeah. And she's got meat sweats and salt shakes, and she's got to be a problem. Sauerkraut breath, it's all a mess.

Poor life. If you're looking for a good sandwich, don't waste your time or money. Also, while waiting for my sandwich, a server opened a large jar of pineapple soaking in some kind of liquid and reached right in with his fingers, placed the fruit on a skewer, and served it in a cocktail. Okay. Do you think that people who prepare your food don't touch it? Right. Do you really think that? How the fuck does she think these things go together?

Everybody's wearing gloves? Are you out of your fucking mind? Yeah, hopefully they wash their hands while they're preparing food. I would assume if you have pineapple juice all over your hands, you're going to wash them again when you're done. I would hope. Yeah. But, yeah, they think no one's touching was a robots back there um so interesting he did the

same exact thing with another jar of something it's almost like it's his job back there to take the things out wash his hands take the fruit out put them on skewers and then be done with it wow it's like he's employed i don't want her to ever see how a pizza is made because they take their hand and smash cheese all the way around the whole top of that come i've worked in pizza place watch some fat albanian guy fucking grind his his hands into that hairy his hairy wrists you don't think you're getting some knuckle hair in there once in a while you are that's why pizza's delicious that's why it's good that's right european knuckle hair that's what makes it good she's out of her mind pain in the ass so the same exact thing with another jar of something i was unable to distinguish

what the second item was probably a pickle somethingi. I don't know what things are, so let me write a bad review. Even if he had just washed his hands, I can't believe this would be an accepted practice in the food industry. Really? Really. Oh, my. This person's never worked in a restaurant. Never. Never.

That's what it is. Never had to. Yeah, exactly. You know what? People who have worked, even done anything in a restaurant, I tend to trust them more just because they've had to serve people. They've been shit on. They've seen how the sausage is made, and they're better people for it, I think. And it's not beautiful.

It sucks. It's not good. It's tough. And you're a lot more understanding. If you've ever worked in a restaurant, it makes you so much more understanding with the entire outside world. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Some people who are assholes, I wish we could take them into, like, social court.

Not legal court. But, like, if, like, six people standing around you in a pizza place deem you to be an asshole, you could be dragged into social court and told how to fucking act. I wish that would be a thing. Wouldn't that be great for society? A judge just wraps a gavel and says decorum or not decorum. Yeah, not decorum. You're an asshole, and that's it. It's your fault.

And they sentence you to work for six months in a kitchen, and then you come out a lot more understanding. You have to work in a kitchen for six months. Go watch a man make pizza. Yeah. Go wash dishes for six months. So, wow, I can't believe this would be truly disturbing to watch is that man picked a piece of pineapple up and put it on a skewer that's disturbing

holy shit don't walk into an icu oh my god this is the most overdramatic thing this is half a paragraph on a guy picking a fucking piece of pineapple up and putting it on a skewer wow um are they not making enough money off their outrageously priced sandwiches to buy a few pairs of tongs for retrieving ingredients from liquid filled jars wow overall the restaurant was dirty wow that is some shit there um oh my goodness okay uh alex four stars almost perfect yeah almost at the deli we're still at the deli food is great yeah okay that's it's a deli five stars the end of review thank you thank you alex bye that should be it no yeah probably the best jewish deli in portland okay. Sometimes they just decide not to be open. You know, this is like Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur.

What are you guys doing? Where are you? It's fucking Wednesday. Why is nobody here? Jesus Christ, this is bullshit. Just random Monday you're going to close. Did I miss? Is it flag day?

What did I miss? I'm the asshole. It's not Martin Luther King, no? What is this? I don't know. day you're gonna close did i miss is it flag day what did i miss yes so martin luther king no what is this i don't know wow that's fun and today i love the guy that mentions that it's the jewish refuses to look at a calendar maybe there's a Jewish holiday. They're open on Easter, but then it's like a random Tuesday in October. They're not open, so it's weird. Christmas doesn't matter shit to these people, but look at this. Wide open. People coming in and out all day on Christmas.

It's like they don't know what's going on. Weird. And today they're playing loud speed metal at Sunday brunch or Saturday brunch. That sounds fun. It's Portland. Are you kidding me? You're lucky there's not a homeless man defecating in front of the counter. Be fucking happy.

In Portland? Speed metal at a Sunday brunch? Great. Perfect. Pretty cool. Yeah. Be happy. Which is a little random and disturbing.

Why is it disturbing? Portland, you got to open your eyes to what's really disturbing. That's not. So it's disturbing to what? So that's two disturbings in a row. Music playing while you eat is disturbing. And a man picking a piece of pineapple out and putting it on his yard. Disturbed by it.

Wow. You know what I'm never going to do? Open a business in portland never never minimal food service fucking hell they are every time we go there they're great crowds they love they're nice to us like what's going on here they saving all their angst for delis like what's fucking delis and craft breweries jesus christ okay here is marybeth Jesus Christ. Okay. Here is Mary Beth. Mary Beth, one star. Yeah. Okay.

Worst service I have ever had. Ever. Ever. Anywhere in my life as an adult human being, apparently. Worst service. I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. Oh, it's that serious? Did they shit on your sandwich, put a piece of bread on it, and then throw it at you,

call you a twat, and fucking kick you out? And charge you triple? Yeah, kept charging your credit card every day for the same sandwich. And the owner ignored the complaint. By the way, quote owner, it said. There's quote unquote owner. Ignored the complaint and swore at me on Yelp. Oh.

I know that's not true because you're not allowed to swear on Yelp. They take that down. Oh, is that right? You can't be like, this place fucking blows. I don't think you're allowed to do that. No. You're a piece of shit.

That's not a Yelp thing. Calling me a liar for exposing how he chooses to run a business. Oh, for exposing him. I was just doing an expose here. I was actually chased out of the restaurant. They asked you to leave by two different employees about 10 minutes apart. Well, yeah, one told you to leave.

You didn't leave. And then another one came and told you to leave. They chased you out. You came back. You were a fucking menace two different in place 10 years of 10 minutes apart i mean you should have been 10 minutes gone by then they forgot you existed and you came back you should have been eating somewhere else already yeah and yelled at for not tipping our server who refused to refill my beverage yeah yeah you're being an asshole is the basic fucking premise of it nobody wants you here you're being an asshole you didn't tip the server then you're complaining they're gonna go okay we don't need you anymore go that's how yeah that's the beauty

of running a business is that you get to choose how the environment is my favorite pizza place in new york and wappingers falls, New York, is Wagon Wheel Pizza. It's a wonderful little tiny place. It's been there since I was a little kid, and it's really good. The same guys run it forever. And I was there one time when a guy asked for a chicken parm sandwich, hot, and he said, with mayo. Yeah. And the guy behind the counter, he said, that's disgusting. I'm not making that. I'm not making that. counter he said that's disgusting i'm gonna make i'm not making

that i'm not making that he goes that's disgusting i'm not putting mayonnaise on a hot sandwich rightfully so that's disgusting he said that's disgusting and the guy said that's ridiculous that's how i like it he goes i'm not making it like that you go home and make it yourself if you like it like that he says well this this is ridiculous. How can you do this? And Pete said, that's the guy who owns it, he said, get the hell out of my shop. That's what he said. Get out. Don't ever come back. Go. That's it.

Problem solved. There it is. Done and done. I was like, go review it. Go leave a bad review. Get out of my shop. I will applaud you for that. He said, that's the sky. I won't serve gross food here. I don't care if you like it. I don't like it and I won't make it. It's his right as the chef

to not make it. And with the rise of Instagram and all these places where you can put a picture, he doesn't want people saying, I bought this at his deli and it's a chicken farm covered in fucking mayonnaise. That's disgusting. I'm not making it. You don't know what people's, you know, what their motivations are.

It's true. I wouldn't give someone gross like that, too. Not getting mayonnaise on my coffee grounds here, so. Please don't waste your time eating here. I didn't think the food was really that great, either, so you wouldn't be missing anything more than a ridiculous circus act. Yeah. Circus act? How dramatic are these people

holy shit okay uh brian here gives one star not happy he's not not happy he hates it yeah he hates it not only does the owner have the temperament of a man-sized baby okay bry b guy. He is so cowardly that he is removing and banning anyone who makes a negative comment or review on his Facebook page. It's almost like he wants to promote his business and get more people in there so he can support his family rather than go out of business because Brian isn't happy. Weird. On his own Facebook page? Wow. Strange. Super weird.

Avoid hipster chic garbage restaurants. That I would agree with. Yeah. If this whole review was that, I'd go, okay, I agree. I was planning fully on eating here, but now I never will. No? What happened? He didn't go there.

Covered in sriracha sauce. He didn't go there. No. He just heard the guy was removing reviews and decided to say that he's a man-sized baby. Wow. That's not even his food. He makes good pastrami still, maybe. You've got zero experience with this.

That is wild. Here's a good one here. One star. The Nova Lox bagel is blasphemous. Oh. Blasphemous? It's against God now? What are we talking about? Bl blasphemous. Oh. Blasphemous? It's against God now? What are we talking about?

Blasphemous. Bagel and lox blasphemy. Blasphemous? Jesus. Did we get the church involved now? What did it have? Did it have pork on it? I mean, even that is a blasphemous.

It is soggy and the pickled onions are just wrong. Blasphemy. Pickled onions. Pickled onions. Pickled onions. Holy shit. Here's a one-star review. Went to pick up an order and the lady took forever. She just sat there and chatted with a man knowing I had an order.

She sat there and continued to chat with this man, not even moving to get the order ready. Not only was she taking forever, she was chatting, and then I watched her run her hand and arm across her nose and continue to get an order together and not even wash her hands. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's, again, gross, but at the same time, it's life. That's what eating out is. It's taking a risk you should see

when you can't see the kitchen right if you're right if you think you've eaten pristine food your entire life no boy are you wrong you don't think a sous chef scratches his ass and then fixes your shit because if his ass is itchy he's in the middle of a shift he's not gonna go oh hold on everybody wait oh the whole line stop i gotta go wash my hands because I scratched my ass. No. They'll go, shut the fuck up and make that shit go. I don't care about your ass. It's fine.

That's what a chef would say. Hurry up. Because you know what they'll say if it's not out immediately? What were they back there, scratching their asses, not making my food? That's what happens. And then Marino here, finally. One star. No gloves gloves hands on everything yeah small scabs on fingers disgusting what disgusting so is that real there we go um that's yeah there we go

um so there's the deli now that's it for those reviews. Next episode, next week on Monday, we will start out with reviews on the Freedom Wand Ass Wiper. So we'll start out with that. That'll be our first one next week. Tune in. Freedom Wand Ass Wiper. If you like this show, maybe you'll like our other podcast, too. Small Town Murder. It's true crime comedy about murders that happen in small towns. Wild stuff stuff and then crime in sports is where it's pretty self-explanatory

we talk about a criminal athlete every week and how he's an idiot and what he did wrong or she and we talk all about that stuff so check we're pretty good succinct neighbors here so check all that out listen to that keep coming back and most importantly here follow us on social media subscribe to your stupid opinions and tell your friends share it on social media that's the only way things really get out there so thank you so much for listening we appreciate it we will certainly get to you next week see you on monday morning everybody see you next time. on the Wondery app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Your Stupid Opinions ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey

at wondery.com slash survey.