Your Stupid Opinions - Sistine Chapel Of Aggravation Chainsaws Teenagers Dry Lake Blues

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

More of the funniest reviews on the internet! We read reviews for the Sistine Chapel, where people complain about 500 year old art. A Halloween haunted house & corn maze, that may leave people either bored to tears, or bleeding from chainsaw wounds. A Texas lake campground, where the lake is dried up, and the toilets are full of surprises & much more!!   Join comedians James Pietragallo & Jimmie Whisman as they explore the most opinionated part of the internet: The Reviews Section!   Subscribe, and we will see you every Monday with Your Stupid Opinions!! Dont forget to rate & review!!   Go to shutupandgivememurder.com for merch & more Check out James & Jimmie's other podcasts, Small Town Murder & Crime In Sports on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts!!

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to your stupid opinions. Hey. Hello there. Welcome. Thank you for joining us today. I am James Petrigal. I'm here with my co-host. I'm Jimmy Wiseman. We are so excited today to hear more people's complaints and grievances and anything else. And sometimes they're thrilled with things they shouldn't be. So it's just people's opinions are all. over the board and they're a lot of fun. So we're going to hear them in mass today as we always do. Before we get started with that, you should listen to our other two shows, which are crime in sports and small town murder, which are exactly what they sound like except funny. So check those out, listen to those, follow us on social media, do all that stuff. And head to shut up and give me

murder.com if you want to get your stupid opinions merch and all that stuff. So let's get right into this because we're going on a long trip. We got to get our C-Polm. We got to get our C-Polm. belts on and get ready here. We're going all the way to Italy here. Trey tables up. Oh, upright position for takeoff, everybody. We are going to the Vatican, actually. We're going to the Sistine Chapel. It is a, yeah, it is a nice place. It is very nice, and I'm sure you've seen it before, but I'll show you some pictures here. A lot of people think there's 15 others. That's not true. Yeah, that's in the south. They go, I ain't seen the first 15.

I ain't that impressed. I can't see it until I've seen the other 15. It's like seeing Ghostbusters out of order. Hell no. You see Ghostbusters too. You're like, I don't understand. What is the tension between Sigourney Weaver and Bill Murray's characters? There's obviously a history here.

There's obviously a history here. I don't understand it. So it's not great. He's calling her a dog all the time. I don't even know what's going on. This Sistine Chapel here is got 4.7 stars out of 90,000 reviews on Google. 90,000. 90,000 people, a lot of people go there.

It's a very famous thing in the world. It's a famous chapel in the Vatican Museums, best known for Michelangelo's 16th century painted ceiling. It's literally Michelangelo painted the fucking ceiling. It's the pull my finger thing. Yes, it's all of that. It's, yes, totally. It's beautiful. It's, yeah, it's one of the, it's like the most famous piece of art that exists pretty much on earth.

And it's not just the art that's painted there. It's the art of the architecture. It's just, oh, yeah, it's all that shit. Historically, it's amazing. It looks like to get into the Sistine Chapel on the official site, it's about $23. Wow. And then there's other different multi-attraction passes and all that, but it's about $23. $23 to see something that's how many hundred years old?

Yeah, it seems like a good deal. It was the 16th century, I believe this was. Yes, so 1,500s. So yeah, we're working over 500 years old. It is at 00120 Vatican City. That's the address. So that's the address. Let's get into it.

Let's see what people find. Let's see how they can manage to complain about almost 600-year-old fame, the most famous art in the world. Let's see. This is what I mean. People will complain about anything, so let's find out. Here's Marda, five stars. We booked our tickets well in advance, and we're eager to see the masterpieces in person. And it was an amazing experience. Every piece was breathtaking, and I would do it all over again. I definitely recommend visiting, but make sure to book far ahead of time, it's completely worth it. Otherwise, you could face long lines and might not even get a chance to see it. Oh. So,

get advanced tickets. Otherwise, you're on the kind of the wait and will call line there. And that's... But if I paid, this motherfucker doesn't have operating hours. I'm sticking around until I see it. No, no, I think what they're saying is don't just show up without your tickets booked ahead of time. Because if they're full, you're going to wait for all the people with pre-booked tickets. And if you could get shut out then because there might be too many.

That makes sense. Yeah. Ronald three stars. Okay. It was worth ordering tickets in advance. That seems to be a big deal here. That's the thing, yeah. I can't wait until somebody didn't.

Absolutely. Oh, that's a lot of these people. But there is a max of information you can handle. I don't know what that means. The museum has so much time area that it will be impossible to do this in one day. Well, you should be not complaining. That should be amazing. You can see as much as you could possibly take in in a day.

That's great. Beautiful artwork of all over the world comes together. So impressive to see. to see, but at a certain point, there's no choice that there is no choice that keep on moving to the end. Okay, that wasn't my, sometimes I'll be reading these and I'm like, did I have a stroke? No, it's this person. Okay, that's good. People get tired at the end and you forget to stand still with all the detailed artwork from all of the world passing quickly by.

It's not easy when you have difficulty to do a lot of walking and so much steps was a very big challenge. So much steps. My advice is to take your time and be well prepared in walking distances like 20,000 steps or more. Okay. 20,000 steps is a lot. Make stops inside and outside to make it worth it. Charge your telephone battery well and enjoy this experience. Yeah, this person's essentially complaining that there's too much to see.

Yeah. I got too much of my money's worth. Phone battery died. Yeah, no. There's just so much place to. A lot of walking. So much place. If there's not enough, they'll complain.

Too much? That's also a complaint. Can't win. Philip, one star. Here we go. Now we get to the complaining. Visit the Sistine Chapel only if you're willing to have yourself literally obliged to be herded through every area of the museum beforehand in a packed flock of people for over one and a half hours. And what amounts to the longest queue in history. You walk through.

Is that bad? I don't know what they expected. They expect to walk in, okay. Did they expect to walk in and it was perfectly empty and you just stroll and look at all the? Because you're the only one on earth that wants to see this incredible, yes, majestic thing that everybody wants to look at. You wanted to be the only people wanting to see it, I think, is it? And it's painted this way because it's a very, it's very important to the Catholic religion.

And I think they elect the Pope in there? I don't know about that. I don't know. It's in that area. I don't think it's in a 16th. I think it's in that chapel. Who knows? I have no idea. It doesn't matter.

The point is, if you've got, it's the most famous fucking place of the. It's pretty famous. Yeah. You're going to have, that's the thing that everybody wants to say. It's pretty big. It's like bitching that Shammu's stadium isn't big enough. It's the draw. It's the reason people are here.

Yeah, maybe you would have liked it better if it was totally empty. You and your wife could spread out a picnic, you know, a blanket on the ground, have a nice picnic, hold hands as you stroll leisurely through this. What do you think you are? You're not, what are you talking about? That's wild. Man, once there, good luck to find the peace of mind to let it sink in among the thousands of people around you. Yeah, they want this to be a quiet experience where they just...

Very personal. Go through a very personal experience. Maybe we can bring Michelangelo back from the dead from you and he can explain what he was thinking when he painted this. Real annoying that there were other Catholic people. Just weird. It's not even just Catholic people that go to see this, though, too. It's just artwork that people want to see. It's a famous thing.

There is that. And the Catholic religion is the second largest on the planet. So you're going to have a lot of people, this is very important than for religious reasons. For religious, for art reasons. There's a lot of reasons to come here. And historically, I don't give a fuck about either thing. I just want to see it. It's just one of those things.

It's an incredible thing. thing. I'd like to see how they kept it together for this long. Clerks are abundant, but notoriously rude. And ironically, a loudspeaker blairs every other minute admonishing you to keep silent in respect for the sanctity of the place in four different languages. So it's just use your fucking eyes. Shut up. Yeah. Dare take a picture and a security guard will shove you outside rude and wordless because silence.

Uh-huh. Because silence. Because silence, yeah. I wonder why other reviews are calling this a tourist trap. Yeah, I think they say no photography. And then if you take a picture, they kick you out. Yeah, we said no. That's how it works there.

Yeah, did you want a polite warning after you already ignored their first warning? We beat children with rulers. What do you think we were going to do here? And that's the nicest thing we've done to kids. That's the nicest fucking thing. Yeah. Oh, man. Okay.

Robert, one star. even with pre-book tickets, too long a wait to go inside, too long a walk to get there. Is that their problem? Too long of a walk to get there? There's probably going to be a long walk for a lot of things, yeah. Way too many people and not that interesting when you get there. On the way, through the museum, there are some excellent paintings, items, and tapestries. Also, some of the ceilings in other areas are more interesting.

That was a big surprise. Okay. Okay. I don't know. Okay. T-M-O-K. T-M-O-C. T-M-O-C. Fascinating. One star.

O dot dot, my God, eight dots. Okay. No one ever says that they do not let you take pictures or video of it. Not only that, they want you to go through without stopping to admire the only thing you paid to see. And somehow they misspelled paid. P-A-Y-D? Nope. Nope.

Nope. What? P-A-E-D? Nope. Nope. That's not it either. What? How many other ways rather to spell it? Let's see.

P-A-I-E-D. No. Nope. Why did you do that? You'd almost used all the vowels. I would say put O-U and Y in there too while you're at it. You might as well. God, damn.

I was so frustrated. Uh-huh. When we walked in. and there's an emoji of a person walking. This person is irritating a shit. We asked to go on not to stop. We were hundreds of people and hundreds

more inside. I want to use words that Google will not let me use. That's great. Fuck this place. I saw the traveling Sistine Chapel. I don't know what the fuck that is. In El Zocalo de la

something Mexico. I don't know. He's in fucking Mexico. It is impressive. and we had a better experience there. The best part in Mexico was the exhibit is free. Well, it's also not the actual thing. So, who cares? It doesn't travel. It's on a ceiling of a building that's been there for hundreds of years.

It's not going anywhere. You can't. It's not on wheels, man. It's not a trailer park. They don't just take that on a tour. It's not King Tut, you know what I mean? It doesn't have a trailer. No, that would be a great, like the evil-ceneval 18-wheeler.

Sistine Chapel, coming to your town. It's going to be in Dubuque next week, I hear. Sistine Chapel coming with the bodies exhibit inside. And King Tut. See King Tut in the Sistine Chapel. You ever wanted to see that? That I don't want to see. I really do.

I do too. Let's mix up all the cultures. With the bodies exhibit of skinned Asians, riding bicycles for no reason. That's it. Right there. You'd be like, oh, this place has everything. have it all. And King Tutte.

Linda, one star. Huge waste of time in Rome. That's all capital letters. Don't bother. If you must go, know that it comes at the end of the Vatican Museums tour. And while the Vatican museums are world class for sure, this is how this is the headliner. What's the fuck? That's the point.

It's the big closer, everybody. Jesus, crap. my goodness and then they kick you the fuck out after you're going, wow, the wonder and the splendor. That's how you set up an act. Leave them remembering something. Jesus Christ. Comics generally don't

tell, we don't tell our worst jokes last. Save your shit. Okay, and while the Vatican museums are world class for sure, okay, if you are dying to see the Sistine Chapel and don't give a rip about all the other art in there, go in the museum, go up the escalation,

ridiculously tall. Oh, sorry. Yeah. They weren't. When the building was built, I don't think they went in 1510. They were like, we're going to have to really think about an escalator later.

And what the angle of this is going to be. How steep is this escalator going to be in 600 years? Then you go to your right and follow the bathroom signs. Don't use these bathrooms unless you're dying because they're basically port-a-potties and they are gross saunas. 1500 plumbing what was that did they have it did they have plumbing i mean they're probably going to have you you shit in the bucket and then dumped it out the window that was the plumbing in the 1500s as far away from you as

possible he just dumped it out the window and hope no one was walking below pretty much that was it you had chamber pots this is crazy if you had a castle they had a little toilet and you'd shit and it'd fall down like five stories really yeah they had like a shit depository thing You've got to get to the top, though. So if you're sick, Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just everywhere. It's all over.

You're going to shit everywhere. So, Portopodies are sanas. From the bathrooms, you can go down a slight ramp with a huge statue on the right. If you follow that, this is like getting directions from an old man in the country. Go to the old Wilson barn. And when you get there, make a left. Now, you're going to come to where the old elm tree used to be. Yeah.

There's a fork in the road. This is crazy. They frown upon it. But if you go and do like those self-guided tours of famous cemeteries, this is the instructions that you have to read on the Internet. It's the – It's crazy. When you see Bob Smith's headstone, turn left. Turn left, go down seven stones and then turn to your right and there will be Frank Sinatra.

There he is. I only know that because I had a guy take me to see Frank Sinatra's gravestone in Palm Springs. Yeah, of course. I did that bullshit. You're an Italian pill. Pilgrimage, it's strange. They hate it. Yeah, I bet.

The people that weren't there age, you're so much. I'm sure they do. Me just wandering around with a piece of paper. I think it's over here. With a fucking MapQuest paper in 2004. Well, I'm looking for the three stooges. Oh, God. If you follow that, you're basically going through backwards.

Guaranteed you'll have to excuse yourself and pretend your family was behind you and just didn't come out. But I would highly recommend going through backwards. Just go away. Dad, where are you? Hello. I think I'll meet you at the next one. I'll meet you at the front. I'm just going to go.

I'll meet you around. I've done that to get through lines at Disney before. You have to. Okay. So, there is no photography allowed in the Sistine Chapel. Personally, I would just buy a book showing you all the things in the Vatican museums and read it on your plane ride home. Spend your time in Rome, eating, and drinking.

All right, that's a fair. It's fair advice. That's, yeah, that's not bad advice. I'm a big proponent of I don't need to see something I've already seen. Well, like sometimes it's great to see it because you have to get perspective on the actual size of the thing. You know what I mean? Because you figure something's one way and then you see it and you're like, oh, that's it? I'll use the Grand Canyon as an example.

That's entirely. You can't take it. Yeah. And, but when you get there, you literally go, wow. Yeah. This is much more. Wow. Yeah.

And then you're like fucking Chevy Chase in vacation. You bop your head three times. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. Do we leave now? Like what the fuck? That's one of the ones that you see in person. You go, holy shit, it's so much bigger than I would have thought. Oh, for sure.

It's so much. It's a majestic and mind-blowing four seconds. Yeah. Yeah. And then you're like, we check your watch. And you're like, now what? There's no restaurants around here. This place sucks.

Unless you're an outdoorsy hiking, son of a bitch, and you want to see how hard this is to traverse, then there's not much else to do there. No, it's like, I go to, I don't know, like, Sarah's cousin just went to Iceland and she was like, oh, it's beautiful. Like, I've seen pictures of Iceland and it's beautiful. I don't got any. I don't need to see it. I've seen it. Nothing there. Like I go, oh, yeah, there's those mountains I saw in those pictures.

They look just, I don't care. I'm like, I want to go do shit, not go stare or look at shit. I don't know. It doesn't do anything. And the Grand Canyon is certainly that. Just unless you're a photographer or a hiker. You're not getting anything out of it. It is impressive.

And I'm glad I saw it once. But like I said, I was bored 12 minutes later. I was like, that's enough of that shit. This is a long ride, you guys. Like, somebody asked me about whale watching once. And I go, no desire. You go out there and you might see one jump out of the wall. I've seen a whale do shit before.

Do they put on like a show for us? Are they going to bounce balls? Probably not. They're in the ocean. I participated in that abuse that is SeaWorld. I've seen crazy shit. They're not doing that. I'm not coming.

That's boring to me. I don't care about that. It's a guy. Ooh, it bounced a ball. Now what? I don't care anymore. If it doesn't drown somebody, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Yeah, absolutely.

See, I'm a lot of fun. As you can might. Okay. So Steve, one star. Nowhere near as good as pictures suggest. What the fuck are you talking about? What do you want? What technology did they have to draw and paint things in 1500?

This is fucking insane that they were capable of doing this. And this dude did it on a giant scaffold also. Upside down. This is crazy. Unbelievable. So they're, oh, sorry, completely overcrowded, rushed through like there was a fire. There is a question as part of the review saying, do I recommend buying tickets in advance? I would not recommend buying them at all.

Oh, don't even do it. Never mind in advance. Amy, one star, absolutely the worst experience touring a historical site ever, four exclamation points. Such disrespect to the beauty of history, culture, and art. They oversell tickets, shove you into tiny spaces, maybe 40 plus degrees. That's in Celsius, so that's hot. You can't even breathe. It was like they were herding cattle.

You know what? There's no air conditioning in the Sistine Chapel. Sorry, oh, that's terrible. built in the 1500s. Well, they should put central air in there. Really, Jimmy. I mean, come on. They did escalators.

You're right. We got an escalator. Why not some fucking air? Extremely disappointed. It's not worth it. All right. One star from Peter. Extremely overrated an insane cue.

Overrated. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, Michelangelo is super overrated. I always hear like, people talk about overrated. They're like, LeBron's overrated. Like Michelangelo is a fucking punk. Like, he doesn't do shit, you know.

This guy did this standing up, destroyed his neck for people 500 years later to say overrated. Overrated. And there was such a line to see it. Unbelievable. Terribly organized. You will have to suffer the never-ending hallways of the museum before seeing the chapel. Would only advise going here if you are dead set on saying you've been. inside the chapel.

Okay. Interesting. All right. Alexander, one star. It's sad that so many people disrespect the place. Don't disrespect the pizza parlor is what they just said. How many stars is this? One star.

Okay. Silence is nowhere to be found. Dress code is not followed. A dress code. They're tourists. They're wearing shorts and fucking lipops. These are people that are not at work. Yeah.

I'm not wearing my uniform for this. No. And they're not going to church. They're going to a tourist attraction. Right. Where no pictures should be taken, vloggers are live streaming. The masses of people, yeah, are out of control. Yes, it's never going to stop forever.

No, and that's not the painting's fault. No. And then they show, I'm going to show you two different. So there's a lot of people, see. Wow, it's huge. A lot of people. But look at what we're looking at. That's why.

Oh, my God. That's why there's so many fucking people. Look at that. There's art from wall to wall. The whole thing is... The whole ceiling. It's intricate, delicately. It's beautiful.

It's incredible. It's incredible. It's incredible. The amount of time that took is crazy. Why can't I just walk in by myself and look around? Everybody out. It's my turn. It's my turn.

I'm important and no one else is. Why haven't everybody fucking figured that out yet? I paid for this. Frustrated. God damn it. R, one star. God forbid you try and take a picture. There's no pictures, okay?

There's none. Can't take pictures. It doesn't matter that this isn't the 1980s with flash photography. Your smartphone might quote, damage the, actually he does it to also insult the Italian people too. Your smartphone might quote, damage of the painting. Damage. Damage dash a damage of the painting. Oh, my God.

This guy sucks. This is why people hate Americans, by the way. This guy. 100%. This is why we're hated throughout the entire world. I don't want to, I can't do exactly what I want to do because you're 600-year-old place. It's older than my entire country, just this fucking building and blah, blah, blah. You might damage of the painting.

Hey, fuck you people. You came to the country to celebrate their culture and then you mocked the culture. Yeah. You fucking church. And you mock of the culture, why you do? Why you mock the culture when you come? Americans are the worst. And if you want to know what a cow feels like being corralled to slaughter, gee, that's not over-dramatic.

Isn't it? Good God. Visit the museum as you are rushed through a crowd that would make any fire marshal be concerned. Tell us you're from Iowa without telling us you're not Iowa, but just America. Dave, one star. I absolutely hated the tour of the Vatican. Nothing but a money-grabbing exercise. Yeah, that's the Vatican.

And all the dicks. That's religion. You go to church, what do they do? You ever go there once when you weren't asked for money? I've never been to a church ever that didn't pass the fucking hat. I think you're going to ask for money. Yeah, it's the way it works. I mean, you know that's part of it.

You know what I mean? That's fine. You got to run the show or whatever. Whatever. They let in far too many people. It spoils the experience. The Sistine Chapel gave me an insight into how the Jews felt being led into the gas chambers. All right.

We have gone beyond drama now. We are free-calling. Stripped naked, had the gold ripped from your teeth, your children torn from your arms. De-loused? De-loused. All your shit was taken from you. You were ripped from your house at 5 a.m. That's what it felt like.

You were mass murder and your gold fillings ripped out of your face. Or did you wake up, have a fucking have a continental breakfast at your hotel, put your Tiva sandals on and fucking wander over there with your fat wife. Is that what happened? Because I think that's what happened probably. They're stupid kids. You're dumb fucking screaming kids. That no one ripped from your arms, by the way, to throw in a fucking gas chamber, you idiot. That you were so annoyed you wished they had by the end of the day.

Good Christ. People are just crammed in the chapel shoulder to shoulder. No time to look at the paintings and very noisy. Never again. Well, you brought your kids. There's a lot of penises on those walls. You better hide their eyes. By the way, dot, dot, dot, never again.

Get it? Unbelievable. I went to the first day of the band. The holoca. Maybe instead of here, you should have went to fucking Auschwitz on your vacation. Got on over to fucking dock out, you dig that. and learned how much this is not like that. I went to the first day of the Van Gogh exhibition at the National Gallery in London,

in London limited number of people given time to view the magnificent paintings. That is how this should be done, but the Vatican is more interested in maximizing profit over a positive experience. Well, then no one would get to go, though. That's the thing. And you don't understand the cultural relevance of this versus Van Gogh. That's what I mean. It's a different.

It's totally fucking different. Entirely different. It's not. Totally different. Jesus Christ. Why do you think they're the same guy? Yeah. And then puts a picture like this and says, eh, just lame.

Disappointment. Yeah. It's not a fucking highlights magazine, dickhead. It's fucking amazing. It's incredible, man. Holy shit. Okay. Let's get to the last couple here.

Here we go. Aaron, one star. Ever wondered what it was like to go to prison? No. Not particularly. Literally. I don't really want to know. Hold on. The Vatican is prison now. Prison. Well, the Vatican City in the Sistine Chapel gives you the ultimate experience. Again, you brought in, they tell you to lift your sack and spread your cheeks, usually when you bend over.

Throwing a cell with a violent criminal. Yeah, look under your tongue. All thing. It's just like it. The day starts with a bus tour, which you don't know is happening. Well, if you're on a bus, you're on a bus tour. You knew what's happening. You know, yeah, I mean, a tour is really a sliding. It could be anything, really, a tour. You're on a bus going from here to there. That's a tour now. Initially, we were pleased, but once I got on and noticed it was a bus designed for people that are two feet tall.

Ultimately, I came off paralyzed. Paralyzed. Okay, I'm tall, and I squeeze myself into places that I don't fit. I'm not paralyzed. Put you on a bus the size of Willy Wonka's helpers. Yeah. It sucks for the first four. Four steps.

You go, oh, she's, and then you're okay. The tour lasted 45 minutes, and everything you get shown is on the left side. Great for us, great for us now being paraplegic and sitting in what I can only explain as a crab seating position on right side seeing nothing. This is unbelievable. My Christ. Okay. After 45 minutes of pain and due to being very recently paralyzed, oh, maybe this person is actually, are they saying paralyzed on the bus or they were recently? Are they actually paralyzed?

And my partner who has bed knees, not bad knees, bed knees, bed knees. Not those bed knees. You know how those go? Oh, this guy's the best. Oh, my God. She's got bed knees. It's like tennis elbow. Oh, yeah, she's got bed.

There's a lot of sucking dick on her, boy. It's just constant. That's what they call that. Knee injuries and lock job. Oh, man, that's tough. You get those together. We decided we would use the lifts that are so kindly provided. and head the amazing chapel, quote-unquote, as we had been told.

In a nutshell, we follow the signs for the lift, which leads you in circles, and the staff tell you something completely different. They tell you, it's in this way, this away, is what they say, and then we make fun of them. After what felt like climbing Mount Everest in the middle of a crowd that felt like you were at the 80s band-aid concert. What is that? A big giant show for 100,000 people in a field. We decided to just use the stairs and cripple ourselves even more.

Oh, boy. Due to being dehydrated from the mountain walk, we went to the cafeteria for a drink. Well, 10 euros 50 later for two Fanta's just made my day even better. Oh, boy. Holy Jesus Christ, man. This is too much. There's too much money for two Fantas. And I walked, I hiked Everest, no Sherpa.

Did it all by myself? And it's just like, I don't know whether I'm in prison or Docow. I haven't decided, or Bookinval. I haven't decided yet. Holy shit. Okay. Steve in one star. Catholic Church doesn't like sleeping children.

They like them to be awake. They like them to be awake whenever something's happening to them. Why do they say that? I don't know. They wanted us to fold our push chair with a sleeping one, with a sleeping one-year-old so we can carry it down the steps. We just ignored these idiots and carried it down as there was loads of room. Okay. Yeah, but the problem is not that.

It's that if you let it go, it now falls in front of you. Yes. And it's going to hit people. It's, yeah. Why do people, why are people so dumb? Why they not understand things? It's not because you might or will. It's because somebody else did.

And people got hurt. And let me tell people with babies, let me tell you a secret that nobody was. else tells you, hey, no one cares that your baby's sleeping. That's your fucking problem. That's your problem. You brought a one-year-old to the Sistine Chapel. He's not going to enjoy it. I'm not the one who didn't pull out in time.

See, that's you guys. You did this. Not me. Don't plan your, go to Disney. Yes. Don't come here. They love fucking strollers and kids there. They love it.

I'd bring a one-year-old here. Let's get back on the plane here. Yeah. And let's come back to the States for maybe the most American thing that exists. What do we got? The Newberry cornfield maze. Where is that? Newberry.

Boston? I assume no. Newberry cornfield maze. It is in Florida. Uh-huh. All the corn has grown, obviously. God damn it. It is West Newberry Road, Newberry Florida, which I have no idea what that is.

I've never heard of it. It's a haunted house slash cornfield makes. Yeah, that's what they do with these. I hate these so much. Yeah, I can't stay. Because you've got to try, A, you've got to try to get out. And B, you got to try to get out with a fucking lunatic that thinks this is funny to scare your child with a fucking chainsaw. And it's just a muddy path, too.

It's not even like a wide path. It's garbage. It's so bad. So let's read the first review from. Katrina, funnily enough. You'd have to be here before the show, but we had a whole Katrina thing before the show. Not a lot of those being born now. No, not since about 2005.

Katrina, five stars. I always try to go to the corn mazes here. It's a great interaction. Haunted house is decent and the hayride is good. Sometimes the weight can be a little long, but it's good to get out of the house. It is good to get out. Just to leave. I feel like they're easy going.

It's good to get out of the house. I don't care about this. I just like to get out and move around every once in a while. You can't give me a bad time. I'm not at home. It's impossible. Reagan, five stars. Super fun, exclamation point.

I don't know. I go with my friends every year. It is a little more extreme than your average corn maze. Fucking rocks. Yeah, hardcore. Who. Fuck yeah, it's extreme because of other attractions. So if you scare, I guess that is misspelled, if you scare easy, I don't particularly recommend it.

What is, if you scar easy? If you scar easy, they'll cut you boy. It's just without the A. It sounds like if you scree, oh, scare. But if you don't and you are okay with the smell of gas, you will love it. Oh, yeah, because there's fucking chainsaws. Thank you, yes. There's tons of chainsaws.

So, you fucking assholes, stop with the chainsaws. It's, what? Can't use a battery power chainsaw? We have those for a wood. We're all getting asphyxiated in here. Yeah, I got Sarah, an 18-inch husk of harness. God damn, 18-inch, it's a huge one. Oh, cuts right through anything.

It's probably 24-volt, huh? It's electric, yeah. It's probably got some torque, yeah. It's not bad, though. Yeah, you could use that, man. It's pretty fun. Anyway, so they do chase you with chainsaws in the corner. Gorn maids, but the chains are off.

And if you ask to take a picture with them, they will 90% of the time say yes and stop revving the chainsaw. Who do you want a picture? Yeah, right, fine. Yeah, everybody wants to fame. Back to I'm going to murder you. Okay. Super fun. Do recommend.

Three stars from Tommy. First of all, the staff was friendly and it was great for my grandson to experience. I give it three stars because there was nothing really to eat but hot dogs and nachos and junk. What kind of a restaurant do you expect that a fucking corn made? We are so fat. Hot dogs, nachos, and junk, that's like a Little League field. I'd picture the same

food. You got a snack bar. Whatever is at your Little League field, a snack bar. And that, I wouldn't even expect that at a haunted house. I can't believe they have nachos. That's insane. I know. If you had a vending machine with Pepsi in it, I'd be thrilled. I'm not impressed with their street

tacos. Hot dogs and nachos and junk. I was looking for very, very... I was looking for very Very authentic Wahakin cuisine while I was there, and I didn't get it. Where's the carnitas around here? Where is that? What's going on? Lazy fox. Fucking guys are bummed.

Nobody even came to my table and make guac. Yeah, I like it right there, grind it in front of me. My Caesar salad, too, came right out of the kitchen. I didn't see him making the dressing. Then the hay ride was an N-1-hour. An one-hour. That broke my brain. And a half.

Probably would have been shorter if security would. have done their job. Too many teenagers that were skipping the line. And I mean in tens, I guess tens of teenagers at once. Bunches of them, yeah. Then we complained to security and they got upset with us. Oh, yeah, shut up. Shut up.

We don't care. Furthermore, being that we were online, so long, my husband had to take matters into his own hands and started stopping them from skipping us. and it got ugly and frightening because it became a verbal, I think argument is what they're going for. But she said agreement, a verbal agreement wouldn't be frightening at all. That'd be the way adults work things out. That's great. But instead, I think he put his hands on a fucking child and you can't do that.

Well, yeah, she said, and they were about to jump my husband if I would have not screamed for security. They would have hurt my husband and my grandson whom were under age and I would never go there again. In another incident, another man followed suit and did the same and pointed out to security, and they got upset at him and threatened to kick him out if he wouldn't shut up. No way, not ever going back to this place. This sounds great. You can also fight teenagers? This sounds awesome.

How many were there, man? They were going to hurt your husband? You got to get a tougher guy. I was going to say, I will give me what, I'll take five at a time for teenagers. You little bitches. I think I could take three, four of them. While I'm beating others, I'll break the others down psychologically because I know little fuck their minds up.

I mean, if an adult punches a 14-year-old, I think his other 14-year-old friends are going to think twice. They're going to run in hard when they see what happens. Depends on the team, too, because I don't know that I could beat up four 18-year-olds. No, no, no, no. I'm talking 14-year-olds. Yeah, 13, 14, I'm in. I'm gang.

And the type that would go to a place like this. Yeah. Yeah, right, right. Because it's not going to be a gang. It's not going to be a, it's not the Latin King. fucking night out at the corn maze, you know what I mean? I doubt they're going. The size development between a 13 year old and an 18 year old, I want no part of that. Very different. No, that's a very different thing. And a lot of those kids are very capable of throwing

and taking a punch. You give me five eighth graders. It's on. I'm in. Let's go. Like I said, I only need to beat a couple because I can just psychologically destroy the others by telling them things that are going to happen to them and their dicks later on. Ring the bell, motherfucker. Yeah. Let's go. Carrey, two stars, been coming here for years and drive over an hour for the experience. Yeah. Wow. This year was horrible.

There was way too many people, especially unsupervised middle and high school kids and not nearly enough security and staff. Yeah, people are just dropping off hordes of teenagers. Oh, boy. The lines were very long and very dark, but issue was very large groups of these kids barging through and skipping lines by tens and 20s. Apparently, they just... They just bum rush it. What are you going to do? But I mean, you don't want to do a corn maze by yourself or with somebody's fucking family.

So you all get together. I guess you get in line at the back together and then go through the line together. But these kids, I mean, you think you get 15, 13 year olds together and they're just going to do follow the rules together? With no adult. Yeah. It's not going to happen. Unless they have several chaperones that ain't going to happen. And that's what all of these corn mazes and haunted houses are.

It's just it's a bunch of places. It's a place where a bunch of people's kids just go together. and be dickheads. Every time. That's it. So I said this led to several adults being fed up and the kids becoming hostile and lots of aggression on both sides. Let's go.

Let's go. I want to see this wrong. I got a day job. I take shit all day. That's what I'm saying. I'm fucking unloaded on all of you. You know what I'm cook just to get these three fucking kids in the car? Do you know what that took?

One of you throw a punch and I'm hitting all of you. We ate dinner at 5.30 tonight. As soon as I got out of the fucking car, I had to shove dinner in my face, force these fucking kids into the car and drive all the way over here. Bring it on, motherfuckers. I'm hungry already. Do you think algebra's hard? I'll fucking show you.

They only have nachos. Come here. Let's go, motherfucker. Hot dogs? I worked all fucking day. I'm not eating hot dogs for fucking dinner. I shotgun to Coorslight in the parking lot. My wife turned her back.

Let's go. Let me tell you what I do at night after my wife goes to sleep. I'll make you fucking cry. I beat off over the toilet. I'll fight all of you. You have no idea. You don't want to find an angry dad who's fucking bad to track a bunch of kids there. You don't want to find an angry dad who doesn't want to be here in the first place.

His wife pointed out four different parking spots. She thought he should park in when they pulled in. He has been wanting to punch somebody. for a good hour now. And he can't punch his wife and he can't punch his kids. But he can sure punch these kids. One of you punched me. I'll take the first one.

I swear Christ. Oh, God. You see just a big smile come across my face. Thank you so much. They just won the lottery. The kids will start running. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to go put a chain back on that chain sock.

Come here. Yeah, come over here. There was no staff to monitor them. And when someone would come, nothing would happen. This led to additional weights and aggravation for people who were skipped. This also led to several adults being fed up and the kids become, oh, we read that part. What am I doing? Yeah, yeah.

This could have been a bad situation in the dark, crowded lines, and still, security's response was, I'm just one person. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just, that's one person. I like that attitude because if I start throwing punches, you better run. You better run. This is a very, very bad situation. fights, guns, knives waiting to happen. Wait, wait.

No much waiting to happen. Hold on. Who's coming strapped to this fucking place? Hand grenades, I can see it. It's wild. Artillery, it's crazy. I can see it. I've seen it a hundred times.

You know, everybody knows about the fucking massacres that happen at corn mazes. It happens all the time. Oh, shit. Wow. Ruin the night for many people and definitely for my entire part.

This took away from the frights we paid to see because reality can be way scarier. Yeah. Well, especially in your fucking head, Jesus. You got a hell of an imagination. Oh, no shit, you have to. It seems like to like this. Sarah, one star, ripped off. Not rip off, ripped off her.

There's no reason this place has big run down cash only no refund signs. There's a reason this place has a big rundown cash only no refunds signs. There's a reason this place has a big rundown cash only no refunds. sign at the entrance because you're going to want one when you find out what little it is to this place. Wow, this person writes difficult to read. Run down? Yes, certainly.

A tiny maze that loops back to the entrance and a tetanus shot waiting to happen in the form of self-built play area that was built years ago hasn't been maintained. And corn bins were all there. We're all there were to the quote, fun during the day portion of the park. Wow. Trash was on the ground and we arrived at opening. The kids couldn't go into the haunted house even though it was included in admission because they didn't open it up until after dark. Yeah, it's a haunted house. You don't go there two in the afternoon. That defeats the purpose. The whole experience was brief and extremely disappointing. And for $20 ahead, I mean, that buys admission into a $2 to $3, a two to three hour movie.

Yeah. We had made maybe 25 minutes worth of entertainment for the kids who also felt, who also were greatly underwhelmed. I feel ripped off. Oh, boy. Okay, Zana, one star. If I could give negative stars, I would. I absolutely would. That's fine.

Put an extra word. She's very upset. Absolutely. Got here at 8, spent three hours in line for a 15-minute hay ride. Started at 11 p.m. Started at 1. Wow, got here at 8, spent three hours in line? Yeah.

For an 11 p.m. 15-minute hayride. God damn it, I'd be angry. Wow. Yeah, never even got to the haunted house because they wouldn't let people in. Too late, probably. They probably just send the kids home that worked there. Couldn't even get $5 back for the ticket I never even got to use. The girl had an attitude. Don't waste your time here.

Just go to Orlando or Tampa. You'll get better quality and faster service. Do neither of those things. Bad advice. This person just bad advice. You can go to Tampa any night. of the week outside of Halloween and be just as scared, I promise. Just as

terrified. Yeah, just go to Ebor City and stand outside the Tampa Improv. How back of it. Whatever, just stand outside the Tampa Improv for 15 minutes. You'll be terrified and it's free. Well, it might cost you when you're robbed of your belongings.

Your wallet's empty. But I mean, technically it's free. There's no admission. We'll say that. No, and don't fight those teenagers. No. Those are, the Those are frightening people. Yeah. John, one star.

Terrible experience. Avoid going. We got there around 7.30 on the 9th of October in 2024. Actors are young little teenagers who have no idea what it means to be professional or courteous. Yeah, yeah. While walking through the corn maze, an actor decided to follow myself and my two daughters running the chainsaw inches from the back of my head, full throttle behind me for what felt like a good minute. Good luck hearing after that.

We went through the haunted house. We took a wrong turn and ended up between rooms, not the correct path or area. The actors were already yelling at us in character, then started to yell at us at a character. I'm going to kill you. Hey, you can't fucking go over there, stupid. Where do you do? Yeah, I mean, you don't want a character guiding you. You need them to break character and be serious from it because he's giving you a serious instruction.

If he doesn't, in a scary character, you might just keep going. Wrong way. Yeah. I guess this is the right way if he's fucking telling me not to go there. That's what we're doing. Telling us we were going the wrong way all the while we had no idea if this was part of the act or not. There you go. Exactly.

If you go serious, then it's not part of the act. Finally, one of the actors turned her phone light on. Uh-huh. Phone light. The illusion is lost at that point. It's all ruined. I didn't know this fucking vampire had a phone. her phone light on still yelling at us and telling us to get out of there as if we could see where the right was.

It was dark. Actor is not moving out of your way, almost blocking you when you're supposed to be continuously moving through the haunted house slash corn maze. For what I paid, I should get a refund. It was a joke. Go somewhere else and don't waste your time. Oh, and all the unsupervised children running around, not even teenagers. Oh, good. Bring it on that. We could kick all these kids' ass.

12 and under, I swear to God, you could bring on waves of them. And I'll just keep punching and kicking one up by the ankles and swinging them around to get the others. I don't give a fuck. As many as you can. I used to have a joke about that where I think, how many eight-year-olds do you think he could beat up, I'd say? It's got to be a lot. I had a whole breakdown of how they would come at you and how it would work. It was fun.

Okay. Nicole, one star. Horrible. Not a maze. It's a pathway. Not a maze. Three scare actors on the path. Only one was actually trying to scare people.

Do not waste your hard-earned money on this. We came three hours round-trip. You're an idiot. And it cost me $110 to get in. I want a refund, but of course no refund policy. It's a joke of a place. This next paragraph is the last one's all caps for everything. This is in response to your message back because there's a response from the owner.

Let's read that first. Here we go. We are sorry for your experience. The storm damaged the maze extensively. We hope the haunted house and other attractions were enjoyable. Okay. I do not believe that the hurricane ruined your path. If you read your reviews from last year, you would see people said the same thing.

I guess I should have read them and I should have read them also and I would not be out $110. My Christ. Okay. Gene or Jen, I'm sorry. One star. Beware before you go. This isn't a family-oriented affair, nor is it a well-organized event. Extremely undermanaged and unsafe on many levels.

Chainsaws are being used as a scare tactic and very hot to the touch when they come in contact with you. Oh, you should not be touching that. No, no one should be touching anything. The hayride is extremely dangerous. It's a hayride. How's that dangerous? It's the 60 miles an hour. It's the most like

It should be a trailer behind a wagon Or wagon behind a like a fucking tractor Going three miles an hour That's it That's not dangerous And people have been doing that since we've had moving vehicles It's not a What the fuck are you talking about?

Wow, okay Yeah The hay ride's extremely dangerous And not intended for children Uh huh Okay people are jumping on and off While the ride is in motion my minor grandchild suffered a laceration on her leg as a result of being touched repeatedly with a bladeless chainsaw on the hayride.

Well, yeah, it's ridiculous. You shouldn't be touching that. And she had a severe asthma attack last night as a result of all the excessive gas fumes. Also might have been all the allergens around in the cornfield. Yeah, you get plenty of shit. Who knows? The guy kept sticking the chainsaw between her legs. Okay.

Why? And underneath, very inappropriate. behavior. Yeah, don't like that. You're giving an ass kicking out for that too. At the end of the night it was a scary stampede as they rushed everyone out of the maze at closing time by way of chasing with chainsaws etc. Get out, motherfuckers.

We put the chains back on for this part. We still have tickets for paid games, bounce ball and bull riding that had wait times of over two hours. People just cut you in line time and time again. Would not recommend to anyone. Entering the place and parking is at your

own risk and not managed. No sign posted for anything and not well lit for safety. This place sounds like Florida in one property. And that's where it is. Yeah. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah, that's perfect. All right, let's move on past this.

We'll give one more review of this so we can move on here. Okay. We can go on forever with these. Forever. This is great. Lily in one star. If I could give zero, I 100% would. Whatever.

They're rewriting it this week. me and my best friend decided it would be fun to go here. We are both in middle school. And this is a young lady. We thought it would be a fun little haunt and it was not that at all. The actors get really close and touch you a lot, which I, for one, was not comfortable with. I was screaming to the point where I lost my voice for a minute.

I was screaming, stop along with saying I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't, but I did black out for a second. Oh, the hell? Why? The actors did nothing to help at all. I ran out as fast as I could. I ended up leaving early, and not to mention I did cry in the maze. Wow.

This is a nightmare for this kid. Yeah. This place is a total waste of money. I don't recommend coming here at all. This place is horribly run, and I'm never giving my money to this dump ever again. Oh, my God. This is a child who says the word haunt. That's very fun.

Haunt. That's amazing. There's a lot of people complaining about the price, a lot of people. people complaining about inappropriate groping. Here's one comment here. While in the haunted house, that man's wife and daughter were inappropriately groped by the workers beyond what anyone would reasonably define as simple touching. So there's a lot of blame on that.

Another person saying my 16-year-old daughter went to the maze and all I can say is the actors need to keep their hands off the patrons. Yes. Yeah, they look at it as I get to feel up teenage girls. And I'm sure they're also the same. same age probably, but still, this isn't your excuse to fucking grope people. Jesus Christ. That is crazy. Then some people saying it's not scary. Some people saying it's too scary. It's interesting. Here, another person saying they needed to. It took every fiber of their being to not kill a child, which I thought was very funny. And finally, I love this one the most. It was not a maze at all, more like three small circles. The entrance is also an exit.

mazes don't work that way. Yeah. Kind of do. A little bit. Yeah. That's so many complaints about touching. Yeah. Touching, touching, touching, touching, touching, touching.

Okay. We've been touched enough. It's enough touching. Let's move on and let us go. You know what? We need to get out of here, but we're still outdoors. We're going to get our camp on right now. All right.

We're camping. Well, we're going to the Thousand Trails Medina Lake. Oh. And this is. is in, where is this, Texas somewhere, there it is, 215 Spettel Road, Lake Hills, Texas. What is it?

They're like little cabin things as you can, I'll show you these, see. It's like a little campground. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Campground with cabins, I'm sure you can. Manufactured cabins, yeah, all right. Yeah, fucking trailers in the woods, basically. Fake cabins really just trailers under the guise of a cabin.

Yeah, this is 3.9 stars at a 641 remand. views. Let's find out what they do here. Okay, five stars, Drew, this is a really nice campground. Yeah. The sights are large and enough to feel very secluded. It has never been very busy when we stayed there. They have good amenities, activity center, a nice big pool with hot tub. Everything is pretty spread out, walkable, but better on a bike or a golf cart. This is a good home base for day trips to visit San Antonio or Austin. It's a shame. that the lake level is so low.

I can imagine that this place was a little more jumping when the lake was full. Still love it. Lots of friendly deer, so bring some treats. Okay, that's nice. That means watch out for ticks too, everybody. Sure. Just in five stars. This was a nice quiet park for Labor Day weekend.

While the lake was dried up, we were still, that's not a lake then. There's no lake. You're just sitting in the middle of the desert at that point. That's what you're doing. we were still able to get wet in the pool slash hot tub. Okay. Nice trails with tons of wildlife. Amazing sunsets, too.

And there's some nice pictures of nature. You know, I mean, nothing spectacular, but some shit. Here's Bill, two stars. Really bad roads. Smelly restrooms. Trees need trimmed. Ant hills and ants all over the place. Nice swimming pool.

Okay? All of restaurants. Yes, that sucks. Get in there and get away from all the critters. They keep the pool just top deer, though. It's perfect. Mario, one star. The cabins are very outdated and smell old inside.

We tried to enjoy ourselves outside. And from all the times we had not, all the times we had gone, not once had we seeing scorpions outside our cabin like we did this time around. Okay. Yeah, you're in the middle of the desert. There's going to be, yeah, there's going to be scorpions. And really, though, it's campers. and campers leave food.

So food brings bugs and scorpions eat the bug. The thing is you've got to destroy the food source for a scorpion. That's how you get rid of scorpions. But the cabin is not meant to be amenity filled because you're fucking camping. The whole point is to be outside. Not in here. Why are you in here? They don't see it that way.

Yeah. They say, well, there's too many scorpions out there. Unbelievable. There were our very few dears. Deers. No. There are very few deers no. I guess now is what they're going for.

And some cabins don't have a BBQ pit anymore. We had to pull over a BBQ pit from a cabin that was there alone. We tried overlooking at all these things, but by going to the lake, but by going to the lake and relax, as they mentioned in their homepage and nothing. There is no lake at all. That's a problem. If you've, you mentioned beautiful thing on a lake and you get there and there's no lake, that's a problem. Yeah, no. We decided to then head to the pool and they had lots of dry leaves in there and not much maintenance done to it.

To top it off, they seem to want to charge for sheets and towels that seem line they can't get washed. I don't know what that means. I understand paint or ink that is not removable. So if you decide to stay here, make sure you don't leave dirty laundry or simply take children. or simply don't take children. I really don't understand the cleaning fee at this point since they seem to want to charge for anything they can get their hands on since this place is starting to look like it's shutting down.

Holy crap. That person had a lot to talk about. It's going away. It's going away. Fancy one star. This place is disgustingly gross. Oh. If disgusting or gross isn't enough, we figured out a way to, yeah.

It's three exclamation. points. All of the restrooms are dirty, the ones that even work. The laundromat is gross and dirty. There are employees sitting around inside at the office staring at the walls, but apparently don't care about the cleanliness of the amenities. Poor management. When a manager doesn't know how to manage and or delegate is when reputation of the entire establishment gets affected, I am a member and have had left and have left numerous times because I'm disgusted with the dirtiness. I've emailed, called, and now I am leaving a review. Next, I am canceling my membership.

You should have done that first. At what point do you notice they don't care? I would not suggest this place to anyone. Okay. Danielle, one star. Arrived on Father's Day to the most disgusting bathrooms I have ever seen. That's what I'm talking about. There isn't even AC in them, and it was easily.

120 degrees in there. That's... Oh, my God. You can really fire a dump out quick when you're sweaty, though, like that. You can really, you know, it's just all, everything wants to come out of your body. It makes you want to make this thing fast. That's for sure. Even after they were cleaned, only because corporate came, they were still disgusting.

I wouldn't recommend this park to my worst enemy. Oh. Druggies drinking loudly, blasting rap music at the pool. Well, are they druggies or drinking? What are we talking? about drugies drinking loudly. $60 a night for this ghetto experience was crazy. Very clear, they're unpaid, underpaid as rangers also.

Lily the ranger was nice. We will never return to a thousand trails again, which is a shame because we were considering becoming members. Members of what? Of the park? The dirt around a dried up lake? What are you members of? Who gives a shit?

120 degree bathrooms? What the fuck? Wow, Medina Lake is completely dry, by the way. Hot as heck and bugs everywhere. The deer were adorable and everywhere. Yeah, there's pictures of like 20 deer at a time. There's a lot of deer here. Karen, one star.

The description of this campground is completely false. Oh. There is no lake. It is dried up. No lake. These people brought like their boat with water skis and shit. They thought they're going to have a great outdoors time. Like, no.

the lake. Where's the lake? Don't plan on any water activities. The pool was closed due to heating issues, which I found a common problem and a lot of the thousand trails campgrounds. Apparently, this is a chain of campgrounds. Okay. The dog park is very small.

It is tea posts and wire. There is not even a latch to hold the gate shut. No dog pickup bags are provided. Pick up your own dog ship. You got it. Yeah. There is one decent bathroom by the pool. The largest camping area area one bathroom is closed and the other is in disrepair.

It is over an hour away from San Antonio. I will be looking forward to when I can leave here. Oh, this poor person did it while they were dealing with that. Okay. Let's see. Let's Jay one star. The camp is run down. Oh.

The staff were awful. They shut down the pool because there were too many children. Everyone's enjoying this too much. Shut down. There's too many kids, you guys. We got to keep it down. Shut it down. We don't want them having fun here.

I'm trying to read. It's too loud for me. That's all. There's no rule or anything. Over 50% of the sites were not usable due to power issues. And the usable sites had many that were overgrown with trees. The roads have huge potholes. The family center, which why call yourself family friendly when you ain't?

when you ain't when you ain't when you ain't you shut shit down when there's kids was closed the whole time the laundry facility was closed a good portion of the time and it was only open it was open only two of the washers were usable okay here is one Casey one star I've been going back to thousand trails Medina Lake since I was a kid back in 1995 everything looked great 30 years ago literally 30 years ago 30 30 years ago it was awesome. It was great. A lot of things were different 30 years ago.

You know what I mean? Fast forward to now, we've been going for the last year or so, and nothing has changed since 1995, meaning that's not a good thing. They haven't updated anything. They've only done one upgrade, which was putting new boards around the mini golf. Most of the amenities you pretty much can't use or they are death traps. The fishing dock isn't in the water. Well, there's no water.

What do you want? Fish. What fish? The playground. The playground looked like you can get tetanus from there. Two out of four bathrooms were closed, which is really bad for people who tent camp like we do. There was what looked like sewage running across the road too. Okay. Sewage running across the road. No. Look like, smell it. That's how you can really tell. Never mind what it looks like. The roads are in poor condition. This used to be a place to go to tan.

your kids, but it hasn't been upgraded or maintained at all, which is really sad. Just really sad. Okay. And here we go with this one. DJ, one star. We are thousand trails members and came here to Medina Lake

to stay. We visited before bringing our trailer, day pass. We found that the water was contaminated with fecal matter. Well, there's a fucking, there's a shit river. That's, this is the thing. At least there was a lake.

then. Yeah, right. Now there isn't even a lake. This was six years ago. And a shit river runs into it. A shit river runs through it. I think that was an Oscar-winning movie, wasn't it? We found that the water was contaminated with fecal matter on a posting from the county.

Not a good sign for a quality campground or, for that matter, anywhere. Or a quality inn. No shit, even a shit motel. On entering the bathroom, we found rat and mice droppings, a lot of droppings all along the walls. You're in the middle of a field. There's probably going to be something. The pool was closed. Fecal matter is my guess, although it said repairs.

Yeah, they're repairing all the shit damage that was caused. It was obvious that management at the park did not care about campers. As the facilities were filthy, the bathrooms looked like the last cleaning was months ago. The sites are large, although not well maintained. We moved on to another facility and we questioned why we have the membership with a system that allows such poorly run campgrounds. apparently yeah you get a membership because if you're like an RV person you can stop at all the different ones I suppose yeah um here is Thomas one star this is from seven years ago by the way the park was nice even though their boat ramp was not which I'm sure is hard to do which is hard due to the lake being low there was a lake yeah the reason we won't return is because I don't like renting a cabin that doesn't have the grill it said it did you need the you need the Did you grill at your cabin? I want a grill.

It said grill and I brought fucking charcoal and some goddamn chicken and I'm grilling it. And they put us in the wrong one that didn't have the right beds. And at 350, the time 350, they told us to wait for a cabin that was clean and ready until four because it wasn't check-in time. That's awful. You got to deal with the same hotel shit? Yeah, same bullshit as a hotel, except not a hotel, which is at least at a hotel you can complain when something's wrong. And it's not very convincing to want to join them seasonally when the guy behind the counter just refers to you as, quote, retail and is talking with another person about how retail people ruined the pool. And that's why it's closed.

Hey, retail guy. Retail guy. That means, that means non-member retail. Yeah. Hey, retail. And that's why it's closed because they don't know how to shower the retail people. They fucked up the pool because they're so filthy. And that retail people ruined their.

crappy ramp and bottomed their boat out and took a chunk of concrete out, which probably did and did way more damage to that person's boat. Okay. Don't be a retail person is the lesson here. Jesus. Don't be anywhere where anybody that has nicknames for you calls you the disparaging one. Yeah. No shit.

Oh, God. James, one star. Went to see if I could get a day pass. Apparently you have to be a member. No big deal. But the lady who should have retired during the First World War at the front desk. Oh, boy. Should have retired during the First World War.

So she's about 190 years old at this point. Yeah, that was like 1910 or 20? It was like 19, fucking 18, I think, was the ceasefire. So, yeah, should have retired during that. The First World War. I would have made her 65 then. 65 and about 19. Yeah, you know, so she's a good hundred and,

80 years old at this point. Wow. Was very rude and talked to me like I was an idiot. Well, she's seen a lot in her 190 years on this planet. Well, you think that people lived 200 years. So, yeah, you're an idiot. Never offered me a membership, which is a shame because

I wanted a place to take my travel trailer every once in a while. We'll not be going back to that dump again. A dump. Here is Kaylee One Star. We were advised to visit this T.T. That's the place.

And family was close, so we said, okay. However, the best part about this park is getting the hell out of it. No signal, no Wi-Fi, no lakes. The amenities are barely maintained. I mean, the activity center smells like a porter. Not a porta potty, a porter potty. Porter potty. A porter potty.

Never seen that before. Okay. A porter potty. I don't know. That's amazing. I was very disappointed. If it wasn't for the fact that six flags and family was only 45 minutes away, I would have left day two. Oh, and speaking of going somewhere, the only store close is a dollar general and they know it.

And it's a bunch of dollar signs. So the dollar general is expensive. And did I mention we were without power for two days? You didn't mention that. No, you just didn't. Wow. Rita, one star. The customer service is extremely poor.

The workers are very rude, especially Lily. Well, we are too. Great, didn't we? I mean, she's been around since 1863. She's probably pretty bitchy. She was born the day Lincoln was shot. What do you want? Probably sore.

I don't know. Mary Todd delivered. Yeah. Wow. She is something else. That's the whole review. Wow, she's something else. Let her be.

Fire gives one star. They have no snack machine and place to lift weight. Oh, you want a gym. a prison yard what are you doing you guys are no place to fix your car either what are you talking about uh kellis one star poor service to me and my family and roaches backed up the toilets for one whole week what roaches backed up the toilets for an entire week roaches roaches roaches in such mass that they didn't even become small individual things that could be taken away way, they become a solid after there's a certain amount of them.

Holy shit. That's incredible. That is incredible. And that, everybody, is your stupid opinions for the week. Hope you enjoyed that, everybody. Stay out of the corn maze for the love of God. If you're going to go to an ancient... When you clean your toilet, make sure you empty some raid in there, evidently. Empty your roach trap at the end of the toilet break.

Wow. And of course, if you're going to go to a hundreds of years old artistic site, expect modern day amenities and it to be exactly like wherever you're from. Expect that because that's what it is always. Leave your fucking one-year-old at home. Oh, leave them and your teenage kids while you're out of two, your 12-year-olds too. Thank you so much for joining us, everybody. Listen to our other two shows, crime and sports and your stupid opinions.

Follow us on social media. Shut up and give me murder.com is where you get all the merch and all that stuff. Everything about the shows and everything like that. Keep coming back. We'll be back next week, everybody. Thank you so much. See you then. Bye.

Thank you.