Your Transformation Station - 127. Insecurity and Self-Concept: Why Confidence Breaks Down

Episode Date: February 1, 2024

Join Favazza and Jeanell Greene for a very well mind into self-esteem and your view of all things that define our relationships—those that elevate and complement, rather than mirror our insecurities. We delve into the transformative impact of self-love and the magnetic pull of aligned values and visions. EPISODE LINKS: Jeanell's Page: https://jeanellgreene.com/ Jeanell's Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jeanellgreene/ Jeanell's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@jeanellgreene/videos OUTLINE: The episode's timestamps are shown here. You should be able to jump to that time by clicking the timestamp on certain podcast players. (00:00) - Overcoming Trauma and Rebuilding Relationships (11:56) - Healing From Infidelity and Childhood Trauma (17:36) - Understanding Toxic Relationships and Communication (31:38) - Own Your Life, Overcoming Challenges (36:29) - Impact of Past, Embrace Change (46:33) - Importance of Feelings and Breaking Limitations (59:19) - Creating Extraordinary Relationships and Self-Transformation PODCAST INFO: Podcast website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com⁠⁠⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/apple⁠⁠⁠ Spotify: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/spotify⁠⁠⁠ RSS: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/rss⁠⁠⁠ YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/youtube⁠⁠⁠ SUPPORT & CONNECT: - Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/facebook⁠⁠⁠ - Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/instagram⁠⁠⁠ - TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/tiktok⁠⁠⁠ - Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/x⁠⁠⁠ - Pinterest: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/pinterest⁠⁠⁠ - Linkedin: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/linkedin⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If we are not in sync with each other and we allow our own insecurities to affect this little healthy circadian rhythm of syncness. And that affects it. Now the other person, the partner is going to feel something's off because their own insecurities are now affecting them. And so when it comes back around, my perception of what she's perceiving me to be, which is also my understanding with the expectations of this relationship is now, being tainted based off her behavior. And now I am having this little, this fuzzy feeling that something's off. So then it gets worse and worse. And that's what draws us to do something stupid to realize there was nothing ever to happen

in the first place. Yes. Yes. And if we add the layer called we don't know how to communicate in healthy ways, we just know how to be passive aggressive or shut down, you know, or be super anxious about a relationship that on top of that is like a formula for disaster. You're listening to a podcast that encourages you to embrace your vulnerabilities and authentic self.

This is your transformation station and this is your host, Greg Favaza. I'm so glad that you're here because I really wanted to challenge you in your expertise to the fullest extent. Yeah. I wanted to do a live kind of therapy session to share the focus of the next 40 days. I'm going to do a 40-day challenge. And at the end of the 40 days, what's going to be, it's my birthday. Oh, happy birthday.

Yeah. Advanced happy birthday. Thank you. Is it 40th? No, I'll be 33. So. Oh, you're just a young pup. Yes.

But everything behind my. actions has as very has depth and breadth of the situation that has occurred in the last couple years over my ex who's also the mother, my child. She is a narcissist and I've lost everything. So recovering from that and applying myself in real time to my life, I want to illustrate that authenticity every day by sharing what happened like a little, snapshot every day of a situation on how I was manipulated and how it affected me and still does to this day.

Mm-hmm. Is that something you're interested in doing with me? Well, I guess so first of all, I'm not a therapist and I'm not a counselor. So really my focus as a coach is really to take ownership of whatever is happening. Like the conversation on narcissism, I don't really get into that because I feel like that's kind of playing a bit of a victim like the problem is over there. Oh, yes. So I really, I really work on like, okay, what is it that I need, what do we need to heal within ourselves? What is it that we need to forgive about ourselves? Where is it that we haven't had compassion

for ourselves? So that no matter what everyone else is doing around us, we are not thrown into that like hurricane or tornado of their shit. Yes. You know? And that is why I want, that's why you are perfect for it because how I illustrate myself is through self-leadership, through taking accountability. And I focus on what's not happening around me, but only what I can control. And that is the daily application in my actions. And that. Yeah. Yeah. And the inquiry within going, okay, like, why is this person triggering me? What is it actually triggering? Because it's so easy to look out there and go, okay, she is this way and that's why I'm the way. Well, no. Right. There's something. And, you know, when I share my story about my dad and how he left, I didn't see that until I was inside my divorce,

looking at my ex and being like, how could you? You're an asshole and you're a horrible person. And then realizing, oh, no, he's just triggering something from my childhood when my dad left and abandoned us. And I have it like, I can't trust people. I'm unlovable. And everybody I love will leave me. So I might as well just date guys who are jerks because I know they're going to leave it eventually. Yes. But it was all in the subconscious. So, you know, we can go through it. I just want to just preface that I'm not here to like join into the pity party. I'm really here. But well, let's look at, well, what if?

And imagine if it wasn't that way. And where is it that we need to take responsibility? So yeah, if you're, if you're game for that, I'm game for that too. Yes. One, I don't, I definitely don't like pity parties. I was in the army for five and a half years. And there's a little PTSD associated with that. And also with my childhood and being sexually abused by a sibling.

And the sweep-it-under-the-rug mentality was definitely occurred. And kind of recovering from the lies of the narcissist, but also her taking off with my son and stealing my identity, getting hit by a car from her, controlling the narrative around police. I mean, that was just a huge thing because, oh, this military guy is just harassing her. It's not the other way around. Like I had no clue what the fuck is coercion to the point where you are being pushed into a situation that you felt all of a sudden that you were just stuck within these walls that you can't even move without them saying so. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I got that.

I got that. And at the end of the day, what happened happened. So how do you move forward? How do you not let this thing hang over your head and keep you? from actually being happy and finding love again, right? Because we close our heart off. We're like, oh, this is how women are or this is how, right? And so as much as we say we want to fall in love again,

there's this subconscious way of being that we're like actually close to it because we haven't healed. Yes. And forgiven that. So as long as it stays in that lane, I'm cool with that. I just, yeah, because I don't, I got that you've been through a lot. I so get that. And at the end of the day, it happened.

So how do we move forward? how do we become stronger, wiser, better, and happier, and learn from that trauma rather than have that trauma be the thing, this badge or this label we put on ourselves saying like, I'm broken or whatever, I'm unlovable. So as long as we play in that field. One step past that. Once we get to where we can remove the label and be essentially reconnected with ourselves, because we fall in these positions where we're genuinely good people wanting to help. other people. And at that point, I've lost myself. So reconnecting with myself, but still moving to the point where what I've built will allow me to stay at this level that I'm at now and not fall

back down to repeat my like behavior. But lastly, this individual I'm going to have to interact with for the next 16 years. So when I'm around her, this is the scary part is that it's, comes back, just like how I were to put on my uniform or be in the same area where I served in the military. Because I had to leave where I lived to reconnect with myself prior to meeting with her, which is where Colorado Springs, and I served, and that reactivated something inside me to start taking accountability. But when I am around her, it's like it's not even less than 20 minutes.

I start to see a difference and how I talk, how I look at things, and it bothers me so bad. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's a conversation that goes to your head, right? There's a thought that now is either attached to something in the past. Like you said, the uniform, you put the uniform back on. There you are again. Yes, ma'am.

And so it's really like, well, what if you didn't put it on that uniform? Or what if you created a different uniform, a different context? Yes. For her. Because hurt people, hurt people. right? Like I think that's really, really true. Yeah. So I think bringing compassion to that, you know, and a lot of times my clients are so upset

with their parents because their parents divorced and they fucked me up and whatever, right? But then it's like, okay, well, tell me about your parents' childhood. Well, their childhood was sucky too. So it's like, well, yeah, and we can see that they're just doing what they know because they're messed up and their parents were messed up. Maybe we can have some compassion for each other's humanity. Do they really even know their parents' childhood? Yeah, do they even know?

No, they don't. They have this generalized understanding what they think they know, but they never took the time to ask. They never, right? And even if they told the story, we weren't there. We didn't know what that was like. You know, it's so easy to judge other people. You know, I'm Catholic. So divorce was never.

So divorce was never a thing. And so when I was in that first marriage and I was like, I want out, everything inside of me was like, oh my God, you know, like you are a terrible person. And that was the narrative I had. And so I stuck it out. And meanwhile, I'm like dying inside because I so was so afraid of what people were going to say. And also what was God going to say?

And who was I to myself? Like, oh, my God, I'm so shameful. I'm so like, I'm a bad person for doing this. I can't hold it. And my parents are still together. They've been together. And they always taught me if you're with somebody. You have a child with somebody.

you do not quit. You never quit. And then that military mindset and then their mindset, I literally, I've put myself mentally through the most intense situations that contemplating suicide and acting on suicide happened on a couple occasions because what I was going through, I somehow mentally was not understanding, comprehending, and still got past that situation of almost kept doing two. Oh my goodness, my friend. I so understand. And yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I noticed we're recording. Are we actually recording recording, recording? Are we just prefacing? No, we are actually recording recording, this is how episodes take off.

And this is. Got it. Okay. Yes. And with that being said, welcome to your transformation station. Thank you so much. This is going to be fun.

Yeah. So it's Janelle Green. Do I have that right? That's right. Okay. Can you kind of get. give us a little snapshot from what I see. You got 20 years experience in self-growth, coaching, and positive psychology.

We'd like to add on. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I'm a first generation Canadian, Filipino. So with that comes a lot of expectation and a lot of pressure. I'm also the eldest. So I've always been a good girl, people pleasing, straight a student, obedient, you know, all that. And that all changed when I got married to my first husband. And looking back now, I see that it came from fear.

It came from fear of being alone. It came from the fear of nobody wanting me. And when I was in that marriage, I decided to start doing the work. So I did this sort of weekend seminar. And that's when my eyes were opened. And it was like Wizard of Oz where everything went from black and white to color. and I just saw how my life was the way it was because I actually hadn't healed what had happened to me when I was nine. And what happened when I was nine was my dad, well, my parents, first of all, had a great marriage, like ideal, you know, laughing and playing and dancing and overnight date nights and things like that.

And then all of a sudden, my dad cheated on my mom with my mom's best friend who lived in our basement, got her pregnant and left. And I was nine, my sister was six, and my brother was three. And for the next three years, you know, we were separated. And my only memory of that time was my mom on her knees, praying to God to bring my dad back. Three years later, my dad comes back, asked for forgiveness. He was sick. He was on a kidney transplant list and was going through dialysis and needed someone to take care of him because he couldn't work. And my mom said yes.

And my mom forgave him. And the next 13 years, it was like, nothing had happened. They just pretended like they never talked about it. My mom never hanging over his head. And up until my dad passed away, like everything was great. And so, you know, maybe six months later, I met my first husband. And I realized at that point that I actually hadn't healed my relationship with my dad or what had happened to me when I was nine. And in doing the work, what I saw was that little nine-year-old standing at the window watching her dad leave waiting for him to turn around and say,

ha ha, joke, because my dad was a big joker in which he never did. I made three decisions that day, subconsciously. Wait, wait, wait. Before you go any further and say that, I like to actively participate in challenge. Yeah. The, their interviewee with. Yeah, go for it.

I wanted to punch the camera when you told me about your dad up and walking away. Because to me, I feel like there's a lot there is the fact that this individual pretend to be somebody he wasn't and that mask eventually came off. He was only there for a certain reason and that is to benefit himself and only himself. And when he saw a new opportunity or something that fed into his ego or whatever conscious scheme he was into at that point, he ran with it. And then when he had this reality or wake up call that's going to affect him for the rest of his life, he came back to the only thing he knew that was solid and stable. And that upsets me to the point of me reliving a moment with myself. But what I want to ask you is what

came to mind when you realized that you were not over that experience you went through at nine years old. Yeah, I didn't realize that I hadn't gone over because consciously I'm like, okay, great. My dad came back. We had our happy ending. You know, here he is on his deathbed and we're like, it's all love and support. And I felt like, or I thought that things were complete. And as I was really starting to think about my future and what kind of relationship I wanted to have, I saw how I actually wasn't complete. And, you know, I actually, you know, I work with infidelity a lot with couples. And I don't actually see it that way. I see infid, you know, when I really look at it, my mom was a very independent woman and my dad wanted a lot of affection. And my mom just

was not fulfilling that need for him. And, you know, in my, I'm going to be, I'm going to call myself out in my first marriage. I had the same experience. I did not feel loved. I did not feel seen. I did not feel special. And I did some things that I'm not proud of because I was so hungry for that attention, for that passion, for that feeling alive. And I felt dead. And I'm not proud of what I did. But I have a lot of compassion for people who have that moment of weakness. And I know my dad regretted it and my clients all regret it.

I don't think that people do it consciously. I don't think that it's now there's, you know, the small percentage of people who are just jerks and they don't care about anybody. But in my experience, working with men and I work mostly with men, that's not the case. It's they don't feel love, they don't feel appreciated, they don't feel wanted, they feel rejected. And all of a sudden, here comes some candy going out, I'll give you attention, I'll give it to you. And if they're not getting it over here, and if sex is, uh, is their love language, they're like dying inside.

They're going to go get that candy. Well, I think it's everybody's love language as we will just understand ourselves as we want to be valued, appreciated, and that fall. on the short-term goals inside of ourselves if we are going to go towards something new in a relationship is sexual contact, context, appreciation, being valued that satisfies all of that. But looking at what a healthy relationship is, like a real, true relationship of 60 years, it's being able to endure that process of stepping away from each other to be with someone else to realize that we were with the right person all along. It just took, it just took, taken a shitty experience to have us reconnect is what I was trying to preface. Yeah, yeah. I mean,

we're all human. We all do stupid things. We temptation is there. The ego is there. But that's why it's so important to do the healing work, because then you're just going to keep sabotaging it. You know, I meet people who have been married five times and they keep attractive. the toxic relationships. It's not, it's not any wonder there is, I said, you are the common denominator. It's not women are terrible or men are liars. It's there's something about you that has you attract or be attracted to those crappy relationships. And so it takes some, you know, you can't usually do that work by yourself. You kind of need someone to point it out to you. I'm like, do you notice that you attract these kind of people? And they're like, no, I never realized

that. I thought it was just coincidental. No, it's not. Okay. So then let me ask you this. So there is this, this like stigma or around, okay, guys or liars and then women,

I mean, I'm not, I don't remember, or I'm just being clever not to say anything that would kick me. No, you can see whatever you want. Well, I can't even think of it all the top of my head. But what I'm looking at is what if that stigma is affecting our understanding on how we view the person that we are

intimately involved with. So I'm thinking it's like a like a circle. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes. So if we are not in sync with each other and we allow our own insecurities to affect this little healthy circadian rhythm of syncness. And that affects it. Now the other person, the partner is going to feel something's off because their own insecurities are now affecting them. And so when it comes back around, my perception of what she's perceiving me.

to be, which is also my understanding with the expectations of this relationship is now being tainted based off her behavior. And now I am having this little, this fuzzy feeling that something's off. So then it gets worse and worse. And then that's what draws us to do something stupid to realize there was nothing ever to happen in the first place. Yes. Yes.

And if we add the layer called we don't know how to communicate in healthy ways, we just know how to be passive aggressive or shut down, you know, or be super anxious about a relationship, that on top of that is like a formula for disaster. And so women, let's talk about women for a second. You know, for us, this is why communication is so important to us because we make stuff up. And if you don't actually tell us what we need to hear, we're going to go, oh, we're going to think worst case scenario. Why? Because as humans, we are always in survival. Like that is the default is survival. So if I don't feel love from you. If I don't see you present with me, my brain goes, okay, what's going on?

Is he cheating on me? What's happening? Does he not love me anymore? Am I unattractive? Am I fat? Am I skinny? Like, we start making stuff up. And if the other person doesn't know how to ease our anxiety or know how to communicate love in the way that we need to hear love,

then all, it's just the snowball effect. So like trust. So so many people do with trust issues and betrayal, right? And they go, you know, my husband's so. great, but I have trust issues. Well, unless you deal with those trust issues, you're eventually going to push that man away, no matter how much he loves you, because you're just going to keep putting out this vibe called, I don't trust anybody. Rewind. And so we got to rewind. Go for it. So what you just said, there's this way we have to approach this understanding on our partner

that in order to feel loved, it has to meet these certain expectations that are in line. So if the relationship has already reached that point where it's failure to, like, you can't return because no matter what I say, I'm being honest, but you think I'm lying. Like, and I'm being completely transparent. At this point, there's nothing I can do. And this is where the guy is going to say, fuck it. Or the insecurity is saying that I know you're cheating on me, but I'm not. I'm being completely here. It's now you're framing me to want to go that direction when I never had the attention to begin with.

But if we go back to say, we have to fulfill these needs for our partner as in what she needs in order to be valued, understood, heard and appreciated is universal, but is individual to every single individual. So if we start, go ahead. Sorry, I was saying. I think one of the things that men where they trip up a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. Let's do this. is women, as we all know, are very emotional creatures. Yes. Borderline crazy sometimes.

And men are very action-oriented. So a lot of the time, all the women want, and I can speak for myself, all women want is just to feel heard. You don't have to fix us. You don't have to give us advice. You don't need, like none of that. You just need to say, hey, honey, oh, man, I so get it. You know, I'm so sorry you're feeling that way.

you know, you deserve better. Is there anything I can do? Would you like to talk about it? And just let her say what she needs to say and be like, babe, you're so great. Like, don't let that upset you. You are just amazing and I love you. She doesn't need to be fixed. She doesn't maybe invite none of that.

And I think men go there. Or they go, well, we got in a fight. So maybe if I just clean the house or I just go do the dishes or I buy her flowers, like all this doing, then things will be better. No, you actually need to go where she is in that emotional shithole she's in and sit there with her like a best friend and just put your arm around her and say, I got you. And this is something my husband is so good at. And I think that's the thing that men have just not been taught how to do. Like empathy, what's that?

Listening, what's that? So then what's the difference between just being there as an empath versus conflict resolution in a relationship? Say more about the conflict resolution. What do you mean by that? So if there is a disagreement and the phrase comes up, you always do this when we both know, I damn well, do not always do this.

So how do we go forward? I think the needy-reaction is to resist. No, I don't. No, I don't. No, I don't, right? And that just makes things worse. And here's the thing, when our defensive walls are so high, logic or emotional connection is no longer available.

And so we actually have to do, we need to, first of all, slow our role, take a deep breath and go, okay, how can I bring this wall down? The only way you can bring the wall down is to be connected. And so I would say two things. Number one is get curious. Tell me more. What do you mean? Versus going, no, I don't. Tell me more.

Let her talk. I got it. And try to see it from her point of view. And if you can even see 0.1% of truth in what she's saying, to say, you know what? I can see why you would think that way. You don't have to agree with it, but hey, I can see your point of view why you might feel that way. And here's what I have to say about that. But now she feels like you're on her side. She doesn't feel like you're resisting her or making her feel making her wrong or judging her or again now you're on opposite teams you actually want to have and say yeah you know what i can see why you might feel that way but can i just do you mind if i just share something with you and just go into that way because now she's actually open to hearing you

that wall has come down but when those walls are up ears are plugged eyes are closed nobody's listening to anybody it's now a domination game who's right who's wrong whose fault it is and we can't get to anywhere close to love from that space and from that energy. Okay. So then with what you just said, we had to understand the quantity and quality of these kinds of conversations that we have to have. And is there a point where compatibility becomes an issue for one another? Yes and no.

I mean, a lot of clients come to me in the first question is, can we save this marriage? Can we save this relationship? Yes. I would say there is maybe a 2% space where I would say highly unlikely. But most of the time it's just that one person isn't willing to get over themselves and set their ego aside to actually come to the table and take responsibility. I know, right? That's literally what the fuck is going on.

I'm sorry, but that has to be welcome. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, like as someone who grew up, my parents never, my mom never apologize. We were the kind of family. I don't know. I don't know if it's a Filipino thing, but we would fight. We would storm away, go into our bedrooms, slam the door. We would take the next hour or two to cool off and then we'd come back into the living room and act like nothing happened. So there was no accountability. There was no responsibility. There was no forgiveness. There was no, I'm sorry. I did you wrong. None of that. And so when I met my husband, who's the complete opposite, he's like an over, over-apologizer, over-responsibility guy, he thinks everything's his fault. I really got like, wow, there's actually a lot of power in admitting your shittiness. And actually there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, you know what?

I shouldn't have said that. I was actually really mean because I wasn't taught that way. I wasn't taught to have compassion for yourself for other people. And not, you know, my parents were great people. And there was this programming that I, even when my husband says, sorry to me, and even like I'm going to be I'm going to out myself for a second. There's times when he says sorry to me that I know it's my fault. And I almost don't want to say sorry because I'm like, well, he said he's sorry.

So I'm not going to apologize. Like it's done. But then if I'm really honest about it, I'm like, no, I need to apologize. But my ego does not want me to apologize. My ego is like, yeah, it's his fault. You already apologize. So you don't need to say anything. Oh, okay.

Don't go another step further. Okay. So is this now when you realize you're in a shitty relationship. I'm looking at as a guy perspective. Is this because he always apologize? And then the partner that he's with never stepped to that next level to realize her act, she was actively participant in this situation that led to this point. Yeah.

Absolutely. We train people to treat us the way they treat us. And so, you know, if we're the ones who, you know, since childhood, I've always taken the blame. that's what we're going to do in our relationships, even when it's not yours to take. Because we don't know how to put up boundaries because we don't love ourselves enough to put up that boundary because we're so afraid of being left alone and being abandoned. And so we'd rather be miserable and in a relationship rather than taking the risk of being authentic and powerful and setting strong boundaries so that people treat you the way you want to be treated. But most of us, we weren't taught that way. So when the relationship gets to that point where it's been, I don't want to say like social

engineered, I mean, I guess is it that, is at that point when it's finally that way, you can't save the relationship. Once it gets to that point, is it possible? No. Oh, 100%. Really? A hundred percent. But again, it has to be both people.

You know what? Not even. I'm going to take that back. I'm going to take that back because I would say 70 percent of my clients come to me. by themselves. Their partner has either left or is planning to leave or they have left the partner. And so they don't have the participation of the other person. And so what there is to do, and we kind of talked about this in the beginning, is how do I love myself enough to forgive? And I want to just really, this is super powerful. Forgiveness. We think in society,

forgiveness is about letting somebody off the hook for their shitty behavior. behavior. And here's the cool thing about forgiveness. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person because who we need to forgive first and foremost is ourself. You know, forgiving ourselves for beating ourselves up for making up stories about who we are just because someone, right? So my dad left. Okay, that was my dad's thing. And yet I made it mean that, oh, it must be something about me. If he loved me enough, he wouldn't have left. If he loved me enough, he wouldn't, right? All these stories that I make someone else's actions mean about me. And when I got to the point of like, I just need to forgive that little nine year old for thinking those things and thinking that she's

unlovable, now can actually start to forgive myself and release myself from the emotional prison and punishment that I've been putting myself through for freaking 30, 40 years. And then once I forgive myself, now I can forgive my dad. Why? Because I don't want to carry this. monkey on my back for the next 40 years because I know the impact is going to be my husband and it's not fair to him for me to carry my crap into this relationship. Yes. So this is why doing the work is so important. Okay.

So when it gets to that point in the relationship where the woman is walking out, now is this, I'm just looking at this through my experience. Is this because the man has lost his own individuality and starts to represent similarities of his partner's identity and that scares the shit out of her because she sees the very thing that she's trying to avoid. Very. Yeah. Absolutely.

Oh, my God. That's for being just always aware of the situation. It's actually, it's a miserable life to live. But I try to be aware of everything about everything. Yeah. Yeah. And at the end of the day, we get to decide how our life goes. You know, for so long, I had, I've been molested.

I've been, my dad abandoned me. I've been bullied. There's so much of my life. And I could use all of that as ammunition for having a shitty life. And it just got to the point. And I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I allowing my experiences of other shitty people to dictate the kind of quality of life that I'm going to lead?

And I could see that God had a plan for me. And I'm like, how can I live into this big, audacious, bold life with all of these old emotional baggage that really doesn't matter anymore. And so we live so much in the past because we don't know how to be present and we don't take the time to create who is Janelle 2.0? Who is the Janelle that is going to impact 10 million lives? She's definitely not that little sad girl standing at the bay window wishing her daddy would come back.

No. She is someone who forgives, who has compassion, who inspires other people to be better than who they were yesterday. So what did start with having boundaries? Since our past has literally played this impact on who we are, so it's a compilation of people that we've been left to create this version of ourselves. And depending on our emotional state at that time, those parts of the people that we've been with will start to reflect out. And when we start reflecting out, we get challenged that would put us in a situation where we have to fall back on our original selves. And when we don't have that, I want to say boundary, because I feel like this is one thing that you just can't pick up from people, but you actually have to take the time to create that in yourself, whether you have criminal boundaries, rigid or flexible. But regardless of those, will allow others to influence you from. even fixing your original state. Yeah.

What's so interesting is, you know, I do free consults in the first session and I'll say to people, you know, so tell me why you're here. And they can talk about all the crappiness in their life for like days if I let them. But I'm like, okay, great. But tell me, what is it that you want? They're like, I've never thought about that. I'm like, oh, interesting. So you spend all your time resisting, avoiding, making wrong, all these.

things and yet you wonder why you're unhappy. Your energy is all in the negative. And so you have to really focus on, okay, what is it that I want? And more importantly, what are my values? And so what I invite people in their first session, I give homework. I'm a big homework. Yes. I imagine you would. Yeah. So I give them homework. And the first homework is make me two lists. Make me a list of what it is you want. What do you want? What do you want to have? Who do you want to be? What do you want to do. And usually the first half of it is all superficial. I want a nice car. I want a nice job. But the second half goes really deep. I want freedom. I want to feel. I want to love myself again. When they get to that level, then I go, okay, make me a list of all your fears. So the fears are the

obstacles to what you want. So now you're going to look at that list of fear and go, okay, where did that fear come from? And more specifically, what is the thought and the emotions attached to that fear. Because a lot of it comes from our childhood, right? Between, you know, four to 10 years old-ish. And so much of it is subconscious. And so, you know, as children, we just believe everything our parents tell us. If our parents told us we were bad, then we have a story that were bad.

So as adults, what I challenge people is, what if it wasn't true? What if everything you thought about yourself or the world isn't true? what if you could create a different context about it? Now you're now creating something new that has nothing to do with your past thoughts. But you got to first of all get clear about where you want to go, what's in the way of where you want to go, and then just analyze that. Well, is that true?

Like I had a story that I'm dumb. When I was molested, I had a story I was down because I didn't tell anybody. and I didn't see that story until probably 10 years ago. So then I asked myself, well, am I dumb? And I gave all the reasons why I think I'm dumb. And I gave reasons why I didn't think I was dumb. And then I was like, okay, well, what if it wasn't true? What would now be possible?

Well, now I can actually create a business that is authentic to me. And I could believe in myself enough to do something really audacious like that. And then the third piece, which is the even more important piece, is what is the impact of holding onto that old crap and what is the impact if I choose to change if I choose to be better so now you are living

into a new future and then you experience of yourself because I know Janelle 2.0 the woman who's going to transform the world and impact 10 million lives is not who I am right now I'm close to it but there's always a gap

between who we are and who we want to become and so that's why it's so fun because I'm always up-leveling And even when I feel like I'm at the top of my mountain, I'm looking for the next mountain. It's okay. So the impact of why we want the impact of what's happening right now based off our previous perceived conditions are affecting us in everything. So when I say everything connects to everything, everything does. So if I think I'm stupid, well, guess what's going to happen?

It's going to affect my decision making process of making the most accurate thought out. decision and anything in far as marketing, as far as buying a new car, as far as when I should talk to my spouse because I feel like I'm in the right. And when we are clearly not in the right, this is metaphorical, I'm not married or any of that, but that whole approach is going into everything. Absolutely. And you know, I shared earlier as like trust was and still is a big thing for me because people who I trusted hurt me, molested me, bullied me. left me, cheated on me, right? And I have all this evidence that I can't trust people. But what is the impact of that? I can't make decisions. I don't take chances. If I think I might fail, I avoid rejection.

And that person is not going to fulfill this huge mission I'm on. And so I got to continue to look at that and do the digging and continue to look at the parts of myself that I don't want to look at. But there's so much power there. That's, you got to follow the breadcrumbs. And some of us are going, I'm scared. Like, I even have people who say to me, Janelle, I'm scared who this new version of me is because why if I don't like them? The unknown is so scary.

That's why change as much as we want to change. The unknown is uncomfortable. The unknown lacks stability and certainty and all these things as humans that we crave. And that's why you need a coach to push you out of that. Yes. It's okay. not going to die. I spoken with, he's in my previous episode and I can't remember his name. So I definitely do that. I'm all over the place. But he's spoken with billionaires. And he himself, he's made 200 million

with his real estate apartment company. And he told me the information that was relayed over from them to him to me that how did you get to that point? They finally embraced the version of themselves that they were afraid of becoming. And then that is, what's led to them to their success. Now, if we were to look at a successful relationship and a unsuccessful relationship, what would be some, like, key signs to compare for those that are probably having some anxiety right now wondering if they're in a shitty relationship or not? Oh, man, that's a, we need days to unpack that.

in my experience, I can give you my top three. Yes, ma'am. I think having the same values, wanting the same things, being committed to the same vision, right? If one person wants to live in L.A. and the other person wants to live in New York, well, how is that going to work? Right? One person wants kids. The other one doesn't. One person wants sex every day. The other one doesn't care. Well, how's that going to work? So being on the same page about not necessarily every detail, but at least going in the same direction. Second of all, they got to love themselves.

I think we're so afraid to be alone because we don't love ourselves. And I notice as I love myself more, I love being alone. But most people, that's why people get married four or five, six times. Is there so afraid to be alone because they don't know what they're going to find. And so we actually have to really do the work to be our own best friend. Because to your point, we might encounter crappy relationships, or rather, we will encounter crappy relationships. And if we don't have this piece handled, we will believe anything anyone tells us. If someone says, oh, you're a horrible person.

Oh, you're a liar or you're whatever. You're ugly. That was something I was told as a kid a lot. You're ugly. Because we start telling ourselves that. Yeah, we agree with it. Is there a terminology? Like when you say being alone, like, when you say being alone, like,

Like, what if we were to compare that and say being alone and not being with anyone right now? Would that affect our survival instincts to want to latch on to the first thing that pops up? Maybe. Maybe. But for me, my fear was like, I don't want to be seen as that single woman who just lives with dogs. What are people going to think of me? They're going to think I'm worthless. They're going to think I have nothing, no value. But that's all conversation within myself. And so as a young person, I've probably been through dozens of, I had a relationship every month with new people. And none of them worked out for me. And, but I was just so afraid to be on my going because what would people think of me?

Yeah. Right. But it's really, who cares? Who cares? Who cares? It's how we think of ourselves. Okay. But we, we put so much validation on what other people think or we think what other people think.

or we think what other people think about us. And honestly, they don't give two shits about us. They care more about themselves. And they can judge all they want, but they don't know who we are. They don't know what we've been through. They don't know what it's like to be in a crappy relationship. So to tell me, oh, you're bad to get divorced.

You're bad to leave that person. Who are they to say? Okay. So there's a problem with that because I'm definitely guilty for being in the worst relationship that I can literally find and would never wish this on any human being. Why do I find myself going back? Yeah.

Going back to the same person? Yes. Is it because there's an addiction to it with the dopamine release of being love bombed and then treated like shit to this operant conditioning? The same way you would train your dog, my labradoodle through Pavlov theory. Is that what has happened to me when the moment I try to heal and heal and I start to flap my wings? And she just snaps her fingers. Then I want to just, la la la, hey. Jump, jump, jump.

Yeah. How high. How high. Tell me, tell me. Yeah. There is definitely something you get. There is a benefit. Now, it could be a two.

It could be a double-sided benefit. Either there is a high that you get from getting the attention and the love that you've been searching for and thinking that this is the person who has the magic key to that. But on the flip side, on the darker side, is I feel so unworthy that if I don't do what this person wants and they leave me, that's actually worse than staying with someone who doesn't actually value me. Again, goes back to being a fear of being alone. Like, you know, there's all these layers, right?

It's like an onion. And in every situation, at the end of the onion, what is the really, there is a fear of being alone. Because death is being alone. So but being judged is being alone. Like I'm thinking of it as sunk cost fallacy where we have invested this much time into this person. Thus, starting over seems like a bigger obstacle just as the fear of the unknown or

links to that. Yeah. For sure. You know, like being, you know, this whole marriage thing with this first guy. I remember a week before the wedding being like, I said to my mom, mom, I don't know if this is the guy for me. I was in tears. And, you know, the wedding invitations been out. Like, there was so much invested into this event.

And even though my heart was like, Janelle, this is not right. My brain said, but Janelle, all the invitations are on. What are people going to say? And they bought the gifts already. And you already have your dress. Who freaking cares? But that's the logic that I went through to tell myself that I need to stay here. because to leave costs too much and it's a waste.

And I think, you know, even though we know that logically, we kind of have to experience it to really get it. We almost need a safe word that we would use in sexual intimacy for our own life when we start to spiral. Like I use, I call myself a sergeant or I would have somebody refer to me by my last name who kind of bring me back to the identity that I associated with. Like, what was Sergeant Favaza do? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that Sergeant Favaza is in my, in my sort of equivalent is my inner wisdom, my higher self. So I sometimes talk to future Janelle. And I'm like, future Janelle in a year from now. What would you, what would you advise me? And that future Janelle, she's smarter than me. She's wiser than me.

She can call me on my BS. And sometimes it's gone. Sometimes it's my angels, but I think having experience of being outside of our current state and reflecting that is I think really beneficial. Interesting. Now, is there anything that you would like to relay over to our audience that I haven't already asked you? I know. I kind of killed the fun. No, no, no, no.

There's just so much to say. You know, I work mostly with men. And I would say that you got to feel, if you want to heal, you got to feel it. What's that saying? If you want, yeah. Got to heal. You got to feel. You can't, you can't heal what you can't feel.

And I think so many men and women, too, focus on, I just don't want to feel it. I just want to, like, block it out. I just want to not have emotion. But that's why there's so much emotional disorders, mental disorders, suicide, depression. is because we don't allow ourselves to just be honest. You got to heal. Feel to heal. Feel to heal.

No, the other way around. Feel to heal. But I think that, you know, that's the space that I create for men is I don't, they judge themselves. They beat themselves up. So with me, what they get is they get actually encouragement. I'm like, good. I'm glad you saw that.

Awesome. Okay. Let's shift this. And so by the time they come out with me, they're a completely different human being. And so they're no longer, like you said, triggered by other people. Like I have a client right now whose wife is one minute she wants to be with him, next minute she doesn't want to be with him.

And so he's like so confused because just as soon as he gets confident in himself and feels like I don't need her. I can love myself. And whatever she decides to do is not, you know, an issue for me. All of a sudden she looks his way and says, hey, I miss you, let's have sex. Damn it. I'm literally guilty. And all of a sudden, yeah. And all of a sudden he's running back again.

and then they go and have sex or whatever. And then at the end, she's like, oh, we probably shouldn't have done that. I'm not sure. I need some time. And he's like so confused. And I'm like, dude, like stop jumping and just let her go. And so now he's kind of, he's now focused on his kids.

He's focused on his work. He's focused on himself and creating a life he wants. He's buying a home in Mexico, which is his dream. And now she's coming back and like, how come you don't show me a thank you. He's like, hey, man. You said this is what you want it. I'm giving it to you.

So like you said, we're just going to be friends. Well, that's not. No, no, no, you said it. And now he's got that boundary. And he feels so powerful because she no longer has control of his emotions. Jesus. I've been in that situation so many times that I, it's almost like my dissociation as my childhood has adapted to the point where like you flinch when you know something's coming.

Where now I know this is going to happen. So now I'm going to take it out of myself. You know what? We're not. We're not ready. for each other. I'm going to leave when she was literally going to do that to me, but I automatically just did it to myself to end this

and just... Yeah. And then... 100%. Then it keeps happening. Over and over and over where you just see the game keep playing out and it's in a self-defeating prophecy. Oh my gosh. I had... When I was 16, I had the most abusive

relationship and it was just like that. It was like... Like a peak teenager. I felt like I was going crazy. Yeah. I felt like I was going crazy. And he was the person. I think when I look at the relationships that caused me the most trauma other than my dad, obviously, it was him. And the funny thing is he reached out to me a couple, like a year ago. And I was like, hey, let's catch up.

I'm like, why? I'm like, you know, and I made pleasantries. I'm like, hey, how are you? Are you married? Do you have kids? He's like, I don't want to talk about over text. Like, call me. And I'm like, no, I'm not going to call you.

Yeah, that's sketchy. Yeah. And then when I said, why would I want to call you? You did this, listen to me. And then he flipped it around to me. Like, oh, so you just holding on grudges and you can't. obviously haven't grown up. Motherfucker.

Yeah. This is exactly. This is exactly why. But the thing with him is he told me that crying was weakness. He told me that I belonged in a mental institution because I was too emotional. And so even when my dad passed away, I could not cry because I was so stuck in this belief that if I cried, people would think I was crazy. And I really had to work on dismantling that. That is nuts.

So he put his own beliefs that's based off fear of being perceived a certain way onto you, which isn't real, but made you even question your own self because you have yours, you have societal, and you have his, which is all conflicting. And my dad. And then that's just going to make you go crazy. No wonder why. We need to go beat that guy's ass. I know.

But you know, now I get to live in this extraordinary marriage with a guy who just adores me and supports me and loves me and wants to just make me happy. And so I want to make him happy. And so we just love up on each other and we support each other. And his dad passed away recently. And I was afraid that he was going to shut down and push me out. But no, he came to me. He was vulnerable with me.

He shared his emotions and he let me support him. And he loves and respects me even more because of who I was for him in his darkest times. And that just made us stronger. I like that. I really do with recognizing people that are. essentially they're drowning people. They keep repeating the cycle and then they try to take you with them. How do we avoid those types or recognize that they're even in our social circle?

A hundred percent. Yeah. Step number one. Awareness. Self awareness. We are so caught up in our brain, in our logic, in what like work. We don't even stop to pause and go, hold on. What's happening right now?

Is this even what I want? we're just in like autopilot. And so I think to be able to break that autopilot of either thinking about the future or thinking about the past and really being present going, and also more importantly, being authentic with ourself

and like knowing when our gut is saying, this is not good. Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. We just ignore that. And I think we need to learn to go, oh, there's a Mayday. Okay, I need to stop.

Pause. figure out what this, why I'm feeling this way versus trying to push through it and like, right? This whole like trying to be strong and like avoiding. And I get it. I come from a very masculine upbringing. I was in sales for 20 years and software. I was in a man's world for a very long time. I get it.

You shut off your emotions and you just get the job done. Yes. But. And but there's a cost. What? There's an issue though. And you started to highlight it a little bit with we want to be authentic. We want to embrace our vulnerability.

as our authentic self. Yes, but there is these preconceived notions. There's these norms. There's these social passed-on thoughts upbringing, our social upbringing affects our conscious state. How do we decide what is who in what that we should be? Because we have the thoughts, say the situational knowledge of whatever situation we are in based off previous history. We have our social upbringing. We have the thought of what is expected to be said versus knowing what we should say. And then we have our own body reaction to this situation. How do we align all that in one straight line to give the answer?

Higher coach. That's the fact. You know, there's just so much to it. And it's all in our blind spot. And we don't even realize the limitations that we have. We just have it like, this is who I am. This is just, you know, I've always been this way. But what if you didn't have to be that way?

And I think, again, going back to what I said five minutes ago, to really listen to that gut, because that gut is strong and it just gets louder and louder and louder if you don't pay attention. And a lot of times it manifests itself as sickness, as cancer. Is that IBS? As things like that. As IBS. Yeah, definitely the gut. Because the intuition is actually located.

in the gut. Fuck. That makes a lot of sense. For me. So I think just again, getting real with yourself. And if you can't do that on your own, then hire someone to help you get there.

But when you actually listen and get all the shit that everybody's, the shoulda, coulda, what is all the expectations, all the societal norms and just go in and listen. So this is for me. Like I go away by myself for a week, every quarter to just go there.

I take off the coach hat. I go just be Janelle. Listen to what my inner child's telling me what she needs, which is usually fun is missing in my life. And I just, I just be myself. Because the more authentic we are, the more in integrity we are with our values, the more power we have.

So a lot of times people go, Janelle, you know, you glow, you radiate. Like, you're so powerful and confident. I'm like, yeah, I'm that because I do the work every freaking day. And when I don't do the work, I get sidetracked and I start doing things that I think I should, coulda would have done or what a coach should do instead of really listening to what my gut says. Oh, right. All right. That is always right.

I got this. All right. This is really good. I have this on my fridge right now. There's a posted note. Why do I lose control when I miss one day? Why does it start to fall? Why do I lose control?

Like, why do you lose control if you miss one day? Yeah. What does that mean? So I have a morning routine and an evening routine. And if I don't do that, then I feel like I'm out of control with my normal or future self. Like, I don't feel clear. I don't feel healthy. It's like I'm addicted to that Favaza 2.0.

And when I get the Favaza, it's like, should have got that. Maybe it's that paradoxical with today's society with all these choices. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's awesome. And for me, it's more about the feeling that those things provide, not so much the actual action. Because sometimes we think we want to go straight. And then our gut says, no, no, no, no. You're going left, buddy. No, no, no. I'm going straight. Dammit, because that's what I said I was going to do. And I'm going to just do it. But then we push and force it. And then we realize like, this isn't working. And when I tap back in, My gut says, well, Janelle, maybe you want to do that, but maybe not right now. Like, I wanted to launch this program and I was excited about it, but everything kept getting in the way. And I was like, what is going on in the universe that every single thing I needed was not happening, whether it was someone to help me or there was always a setback.

And so I kind of had to step back and go, okay, hold on, what is the universe telling me right now? And what is that I actually want? It wasn't the actual workshop itself. It was an experience that I was hoping to. create. So if it's about the experience, if it's about an emotion, I can shift the doing piece of it. And so I agree there is definitely this regimen that is required to up a level, especially in the matters of health. And we also need to have some space to rejig, to repivit, if that's what

is needed. And I think sometimes for me, I know I beat myself up about it. And I just have to give myself compassion that sometimes I go in a million miles an hour actually doesn't work. And I actually have to slow my role, take a break, have a sip of water, maybe go do something fun. That's not work related. And then when I come back to it, all of a sudden, boom, boom, boom, everything just starts to fall into place. Right, right.

So with this mentality that the world is changing, I don't know, the universe is now all against me is, it's not really a thing. That's just what we're telling ourselves, right? that is absolutely because it's so much easier yes it's so much easier to blame society the universe god that ex-girlfriend that abusive boyfriend that died who left then actually take responsibility and say i am the driver of this car or this captain of the ship and i get to say how it goes and that takes work and a lot of people aren't willing to do the work because it's hard they'd rather just sit back, sit, you know, put the car on cruise control,

check out, judge other people, judge yourself. It's just easier that way. But to have the extraordinary life that we want, a design of intentionality, if power requires work, just like working out. You can't just have an awesome body just sitting around. You need to get up, get your ass to the gym, have an accountability partner, and stay focused.

And get supplements and stretch and start at a light routine and slowly work your way up and have a Favaza motivator. There we go. Yes. So this is wonderful. Like if our audience want to learn more about you, you know, where can they go? And if they want to check out your coaching. Yeah. Well, I'm definitely on Facebook and Instagram and TikTok.

My website is Janellegreen.com. Or if you want to get there in a simpler way, it's save our marriage.ca. you know, I'm really passionate about marriage and family and ending generational trauma. But a lot of my clients aren't, you know, the relationship piece is a part of it, but that's not why they come to me. They're coming to me for someone to support them and getting empowered, getting clear about who they are and what they want as quickly as possible. I like that.

And doing the healing work that's required because what we, sometimes we know what we want. The work is actually dealing with all. the obstacles and all the shit that gets in the way of that. So does that apply with relationships where we think we know what we want? And this also applies to job choice. What we really want isn't what we want, but it's wanting what we want in ourselves, thus is something completely different.

A hundred percent. You know, when I got married the first time, I thought what I wanted was someone like me. because I was dating a lot of men that I think felt intimidated by me. And so I was like, no, I just need to find someone like me. Alpha like me, strong like me. Well, guess what? We bombed heads like a lot.

And then so I met my husband now, who is the complete opposite of my quote unquote type. And I remember introducing him to my sister. And my sister looked at me and she's like, I don't get it. I'm like, yeah, I get it. You wouldn't get it because he is not. what you would expect me to date. Like, I never liked the nice guy. I thought nice guys were boring.

I thought, like, man, I'm going to just step all over this man. And then I'm going to end up dumping him because he's so boring. He's not going to challenge me. And then I got really clear about, after I did the work, I got really clear about what I wanted for myself from a place of love, not from a place of fear of being alone. And I manifested this man. And it's been almost 18 years.

and we are still awesome playmates. We play music together. We sing at church together. He's in a Pink Floyd band. He's in a rage against the machine band. And I'm out there in the crowd, just like loving him and all the girls are loving him. But he's got eyes for me and I take him home. And we just have this juicy, sexy, playful, deeply vulnerable relationship that is so fulfilling.

And I never thought that was possible for me. Okay. So definitely I want to just say I was like, were it was considered boring and they would just come and go. It's like, then you realize that they chose for the exciting one that just only happened for like maybe a month. Yeah, exactly. But then for people that want that healthy, sexy relationship, how do we distinguish lust

from actual love? I think, again, going back to knowing your values and knowing why you're with this person. because I think sometimes, again, it's a fear thing. It's like, well, he checks off one of my 10 boxes. I mean, again, that abusive relationship sex was great, but it was breakup sex. It was breakup sex, right? And it was like, ooh, let's get into a fight so we can have breakup sex because it's really fun. Like astrology, Leo and Pisces.

Fun time. Yeah. So I think going back to like just knowing, knowing yourself worth, knowing your value, knowing what you want, and being so committed and adamant that that's what you want. Because what we do is we settle. We tell ourselves, well, you know, we shouldn't be picky. Hells, yeah, you should be picky, especially if you're thinking long term. But we're like, no, as long as they're like a four out of ten.

Like, certainly check out of the boxes. No, they should be a nine out of a ten or a ten out of ten. I think if that's, if extraordinary relationship is what you want, that's what you're looking for. But if you're like, I want an okay relationship. Yeah, sure. A five or six good enough. And for some people, that's good enough for them. They don't expect much.

For me, I expect a lot. Yes. Because I know I'm worth it. But then when you got to deal with someone saying you have unrealistic expectations, it's like, well, maybe you haven't looked at your expectations, understood what you wanted. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think, and having, again, communication is so important to talk about, okay, why is that important to me? because maybe it's not that thing. It's the thing underneath that thing. So maybe, you know, money, right? I'm going to have lots of money. But that's not the thing they want. What they really want is freedom. What they really want is fun.

What they really want is to be generous. So you got to be able to look beneath that. But again, you won't know that until you do the work on yourself and know yourself enough to be able to reflect that back to someone else. And when you love yourself, you will, I believe that we are all energy. And when we are, we elevator energy, we're going to attract people of that same caliber. Okay. So this is, I have something for you.

This Favaza 30. Well, it's really 40, but it's the 2430 kind of, I wanted to rhyme in 24 hours. We had to maintain accountability every 24 hours in ourselves. So we don't lose ourselves, but redirect this new behavior to reconnect with who we were, but also who we want to be. And for 30 days, I'm going to be sharing different types of information from my routines, from things that I developed in the Army,

from learning in Cromagah as an instructor, to becoming whole in applying heuristics in these approaches. But if we could have just like a 10, 15-minute conversation once a week or till my birthday, would you be okay? with doing that so for just to relay the progress that also illustrate your expertise and how people can see you in action and want to essentially come to you next if you'd be interested i mean we could have a conversation about it for sure yes i don't know what that looks like because i'm super busy yes like i'm i'm full i'm almost at full full capacity and i've got a

workshop for February about five ways to rekindle your intimacy and romance for Valentine's Day. So, but yeah, we can absolutely talk about it. Okay. Yeah, because I would love to do it for like just once a week. This would be huge for marketing you, but also showing my progress and, and having it as you as the expert illustrate, okay, this is working. Continue. Keep moving forward. You are making progress. Yeah. Yeah. It's up to you. You know, for those that are listening, I don't know anything about Janelle. This is us meeting. So this is authenticity in itself in real time. And it is uncomfortable for being a introvert doing this kind of stuff. Yeah. I got. Yeah. I mean, we can definitely talk about it. Definitely. If we can make it work. Yes, ma'am. Okay. And is there anything else you would like to leave our audience with before I let you go? Yeah. Be the change you wish to see. in the world. Don't wait for other people to lead you. You lead yourself. And when you do the work to love everything about you, to be your own best friend, you don't need anybody else to tell you what a great person you are or validate you. You just know it. I don't need anyone to validate me.

I'm even okay with people getting pissed off at me because I know I love ruffling feathers. That's something I enjoy because I'm here. I'm so committed and I want to, I want to say to people what they need to hear, not necessarily what they want to hear. There's a lot of people that will tell you all that BS fluff crap. That's not my game. And so when I take people on as clients, I let them know, listen, there's going to be moments that you're going to want to punch me. There's moments that you're going to probably cry.

There's moments that you're going to be really confronted and triggered by what I'm saying to you. And you just got to know that it's all from love. and it's all in the service of you healing what there is to heal so that you can be a better person, partner, and parent that you can possibly be. That is beautiful. I really do appreciate you coming on the show today.

Yeah, you're welcome. Happy to be here. Thanks for joining us on this adventure of growth and discovery. If you're ready to achieve a sustainable transformation, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. And hey, if you've enjoyed the show and want to support it, take a moment to leave a podcast review on Apple or your favorite podcast platform. Stay connected with us on social media for behind-the-scenes sneak peeks, inspiring quotes,

and the latest updates. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Just search for YTS the podcast. Until next time, remember, change is constant. transformation is inevitable. Embrace the journey and keep rocking your way towards a better you. Stay bold, stay curious, and stay true to yourself. See you next time on your transformation station.

It's tax season, and at LifeLock, we know you're tired of numbers. But here's a big one you need to hear. Billions. That's the amount of money and refunds the IRS has flagged for possible identity fraud. Now here's another big number. 100 million. That's how many data points LifeLock monitors every second. If your identity is stolen, we'll fix it guaranteed. One last big number. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com slash podcast for the threats you can't control. Terms apply.