Your Transformation Station - 136. Employee Appreciation Failure

Episode Date: February 10, 2026

Employee disengagement is rarely caused by a lack of recognition. It’s caused by employees feeling unappreciated. In this episode of Your Transformation Station, Dr. Paul White examines why employee appreciation at work is consistently misunderstood, how leaders misapply recognition programs, and the measurable organizational costs of disengagement, burnout, and turnover. The conversation clarifies the critical difference between employee recognition vs appreciation, showing why praise, perks, and compensation increases often fail to improve employee engagement or retention. When appreciation is generic, misaligned, or transactional, employees disengage — even in high-performing teams. Key themes include: Why employees feel unvalued despite positive feedback How recognition programs fail to drive motivation The link between lack of appreciation, workplace burnout, and turnover How misreading employee motivation erodes workplace culture This episode takes a diagnostic approach to employee appreciation strategies, focusing on outcomes, not sentiment. It’s for leaders, managers, and organizations serious about reducing burnout, improving employee retention, and correcting systemic disengagement. PODCAST INFO: Podcast website: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com⁠ Apple Podcasts: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/apple⁠ Spotify: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/spotify⁠ RSS: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/rss⁠ YouTube: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/youtube⁠ SUPPORT & CONNECT: - Facebook: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/facebook⁠ - Instagram: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/instagram⁠ - TikTok: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/tiktok⁠ - Twitter: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/x⁠ - Pinterest: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/pinterest⁠ - Linkedin: ⁠https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/linkedin⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever came across in your work that maybe people are just settling for positions rather than meeting a position that actually allows them to be their full self? And maybe that there's a connection with relationships and their personal life. Sure. Yeah. And I think we maybe do that at different stages in our life. I mean, I got four kids. I had twins. And that was a brutal time of life when they were little. and I was just sort of, you know, going through the motions, doing the best I could, but I didn't have a lot to give. You're listening to a podcast that encourages you to embrace your vulnerabilities and authentic self. This is your transformation station, and this is your host, Greg Favaza.

Hey, everyone. This is Greg Favaza, host of Your Transformation Station. Today's guest, we have Dr. Paul White. He's a psychologist, best-selling author and global workplace, cultural expert in helping leaders make work relationships work. I like that. It seems redundant and simple, yet still is a problem to this day. And he's also co-authored five languages. of appreciation in the workplace. With Dr. Gary Chapman,

and his book he sold over 600,000 copies been translated into 25 languages and has led more than 450,000 employees to complete his online assessment. His work is used by organizations such as PepsiCo, Microsoft, NASA, Starbucks, Caterpillar, and the mail clinics.

There's over 1,000 colleges and universities. Crossed North America, Europe, Asia, South America and the Caribbean, he has trained leaders on how authentic appreciation, not general recognition, actually drives retention, engagement, and productivity. Dr. White is frequently featured in major outlets, including BBC News, Businessweek, the New York Times, Fast Company, and Entrepreneurals.com, as well as Forbes. His message centers on a simple truth that's backed by research. Most employees leave, not because of the money, but because they don't feel valued.

That resonates with me. I know it resonates with you, because we have experienced a point in our life where there was a lack of autonomy, appreciation, and recognition. This episode looks at not just that. but more. His speaking style blends expertise, humor, real-world examples, making complex society accessible and actionable for any workplace. Now let's get in today's episode. There's a whole much more about your history and who you are, and I would love if you can just touch on that a little bit before we start the show today. Sure. Yeah, so, well, so I grew up in the Midwest outside of Ken City,

grew up in the context of a family-owned business, did not go into it because I didn't take good work. I was the youngest of three brothers and realized I was always going to be the youngest. And I had a different skill set. So I'm a psychologist by training, and I've done some different things. I've worked with ADHD and dyslexic individuals,

tested them. And then mid-career, I consulted around the country with family-owned businesses dealing with the family issues intertwined with running a business. and transferring across generations. And through that, ran into an opportunity. There's a book called Defined Love Languages that Dr. Chavin wrote.

And I saw how that could potentially be sort of translated to help with family-owned business and workplace relationships in general. So approached him, and we wrote the book in 2011 and developed an online assessment. to identify how people like to be shown appreciation and then training trained 1,300 facilitators across the country in the world and so that's why I did. And I wrote some other books on toxic workplaces and stuff like that. Excellent. We're going to dive right into that.

There's a lot of things that you said that have resonated with me. I mean, I'm the youngest of seven. So I can understand the healthy dynamics and unhealthy dynamics. Yeah, yeah. Family and what that can look like. And also worked in family-owned establishments. And I witnessed real family drama in real time. Yeah, yeah.

What that looks like. But I've successfully worked with family-owned businesses. And many of them are doing well. Like, what is the pattern that you've kept coming across beneath the surface? Well, that you, one is you got to get the, whoever's the current senior owners, you got to get them together. Because lots of times, at least in the past, it was sort of the business guy. And he was making all the decisions. And he didn't include his wife in it until she's supposed to sign the papers.

And they didn't include Jeannie, who was, you know, a girl who hadn't worked in the family. that kind of stuff and then educate the next generation about what's going on and i was dealing with high net worth families uh and uh understanding um wealth and how to manage that um and how to parent your kids so they grow up with work ethic and that kind of stuff so those were some of the key themes when you said like educating like like what does that have because i i dealt with that I'm the youngest of seven, and you would think that everyone would pass along that information of, like, obstacles that they've encountered, but they kind of just like, you know what? You got what it takes? Like, you can handle it. Like, what has that? Well, I don't know. I think people, especially founders, forget the lessons they learned and the challenges that they had to work through.

And often the second generation don't have the same challenges. And that's true. And so there's just sort of a misunderstanding of what needs to happen or to move on successfully. And in keeping deciding how you're going to work with families and businesses, are you going to emphasize the family part? You're going to emphasize the business part because you can tear a family apart or you can blow a business up. somebody's not doing their job. That's interesting.

Would you suggest that you don't go into business with family or? No, I think it can be done well. Yeah, because I mean, you got to work at it, but it can be done because you have common history and usually pretty common values. So that works. Just like any relationship, it requires work. And I'm sure there's a lot more and I would love to touch on that as time progresses and stuff throughout this episode. But in your bio, it says like the number one reason employees leave

isn't because of money. That's it goes against a lot of conventional wisdom. Like with your research, like what actually does leaders keep, what do they actually keep missing in this scenario? Lots of times, the leaders are pretty business driven, financially driven, and that's what's important to them, but that's not always what's important to the team members and employees. And, I mean, we've got decades of research that showed that, you know, paying people more or giving them more benefits isn't going to keep them. It's really that they need to feel valued and appreciated. And for younger generations, it's a focus on not just what they do or perform, but on who

they are as a person, that they're more than just, you know, whatever. their role is at work, and older generations tend to miss out. So when you're saying, like, older generation, talking about baby boomers, and then we're comparing the next generation. I'm Gen X as well, so. Gotcha. Yeah. It's really important to outline for those that are listening. Now, before we get into tools, like, what's the cost to organizations when employee doesn't feel valued, like emotionally and financially?

Well, it's, I mean, one, so the huge cost is they leave and then they can't hire people. And so then you have the relationship break of both within the organization or if they're salespeople with their, you know, their clients. And then you have conflict. You have, there's research in different industries. may have higher rate of injuries reported when people don't feel valued. Don't work as hard. There's sort of the quiet quitting kind of thing that happens. They just sort of go through the motions and don't really get the work done.

So it creates loss of productivity and profitability. So it's clearly an economic and functional cost to the business. because we want people to feel good and all that, but, you know, you run business. And so there's got to be a practical issue there. So when someone is not feeling valued, I'm guessing it's from appreciation, but then there's also recognition. Right. Is there a actual distinction between the two? And you can break down the differences in simple terms?

Yeah. So, yeah, employee recognition is like. largely about performance and it's comes down through the organization, either the executive team or HR and it's pretty impersonal and it's sort of everybody gets the same thing. And whereas we believe appreciation is about the person and it's person to person so it doesn't have to be from your supervisor. Lots of times it's peer to peer, which is more important for younger employees. And it's not always about, you know, getting stuff done.

It can be about who you are as a person. I mean, you've got a good sense of humor or, you know, they like that, you know, you're running marathons and you've got the discipline to do that. And so being, and also we teach that it's really team member to team member. I mean, top down is helpful, but people really are looking to their colleagues to encourage them. And so, employee recognition's been around, still doing it, but turnover is the same rate, still going down. Employee engagement isn't there. People are just sort of going through the motion.

So it's not really working. And so we found that combining our appreciation with recognition works and makes more functional organizations. So, like, this isn't anything new that's happening. I'm just wondering, like, why is it still keep happening? And I don't think it has to do with technological advances, with AI, remote work. I mean, I'm sure that plays an aspect in it. But is it something internal that falls down to the individual themselves, when I say the individual, the employee, the workforce versus what the leader is not doing? Is there something more deeper than that?

That's a great question. I would say that over time, people, they're sort of split on this, but a lot of people look to work to meet their personal needs. They spend more time at work than they do with family or friends. And so I think that's an under-driving current there. and I mean we sort of shifted values from just you know financial success and material success to you know living a fuller life and I think this plays into that that people you know want to have healthy relationships and not just another nice car or boat yes so it comes down to a performance driven culture within the organization.

Yeah, largely, yeah. And not understanding that we're people and we have social emotional needs that play into performance. And when people feel valued, well, research shows that performance and productivity improve as well as profitability. So then what...

You're not dealing with complaints and stupid little things over what size their monitor is or whether they got a window or, that kind of stuff. So then, I mean, this question came into my head, like, what actually drives, like, a performance-driven work culture? Well, there's a number of things, partly is a focus on financial success as the only and sole sort of measure of a success of a company.

And so everything's measured by that. And so everything that doesn't contribute to that is sort of fat and cut, you know, versus seeing maybe a longer term healthier organization. I mean, look at some organizations that like Chick-fil-A, I mean, it's known for its, you know, sort of relationship support and flip side of that. They don't have much turnover, you know, and people are committed. So it's yeah the performance part I mean it's a business you got it you got to perform you got to get done But there's a context that We're not just work units but we're people too and that includes communication and Expectations and build with that

Yeah, well with chick-fil-a I feel like they provide autonomy. I feel like they provide structure that sets them up for the future not just for this position in particular. And like with my thoughts with employee disengagement or just exhausting themselves, do you think it's like, have you ever came across in your work that maybe people are just settling for positions rather than meeting a position that actually allows them to be their full self? And maybe that there's a connection with relationships in their personal life? Sure. And I think we maybe do that at different stages in our life. I mean, I got four kids. I had twins. And that was a brutal time of life when they were little. And I was just sort of, you know, going through the motions, doing the best I could, but I didn't have a lot to give, you know. And so I think it's a balance of having realistic expectations about work, but also making it more than just a task to get. done, you know, and trying to include your full self.

Okay. Like, I want to just touch a little bit on, like, just intimate relationships for a second, if you don't mind. Like, I know we all have blind spots to things. I mean, I'm an organizational development specialist first. Father, boyfriend, that all comes into play. So I see things women don't. And women see things that men don't.

and nobody's to blame but what do we get to a point where I can say and suggest my opinion, my value and it be approached and makes me feel understood, but also vice versa for the receiving end, whether it's male or female. Yeah, well, I mean, you know, there are different types of relationships and they have different dynamics. I mean, that's part of the difficulties of family businesses, right? But my wife, for a while, I had a psychological practice, traditional counseling practice, and she was the office manager. And we just found that it didn't work for us because I'd come home and at dinner, I'd be talking to her about work stuff. And sort of, you know, I was the owner and leader of the

business. And she was my assistant. So I was always sort of talking. down, you know, and that doesn't work long term in most marriages. And so we decided, you know, we'd rather be married than be business partner. So she stepped out. I got an office manager because the dynamics are different. And I can see that because when you're constantly, I mean, talking down to her, she's not feeling equal. And at what point, when does it turn off? because we have trouble turning off work as it already is. But the fact that you have your own business is like, I bet you had to really put a lot of effort into see things from a mutual perspective.

Yeah, and I wasn't very good at turning it off. So that's what we had to go the other direction. People that really take pride themselves and excel in life have a difficulty doing that. Yeah. But what about the origin story of the five love languages at work? What is that all about? Yeah, so I was consulting with a family-owned business in North Carolina and talking to the dad and asking him how the succession plan was going and said it's fine. My son's stepping up.

I think it'll work. I walked across the hall, asked the son the same question. He said, this is a disaster. It's never going to work. I can't ever please my dad. And I thought, you know, my wife and I were reading the five love languages by Dr. Chapman at that point. And I thought, you know, I wonder this, we could translate this to work-based relationships. So I pursued him, took me a year to get through to him and sort of pitched the idea.

And because I was a psychologist, but also working with businesses, and we had some other similar backgrounds that, you know, he chose to work with me. And so we, you know, the five languages of appreciation are the same in name as the five love languages. So words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, tangible gifts and physical touch. And we created an online assessment that identifies people's language, but also the specific actions, because you can get the language right,

but miss it by, especially in words, doing things publicly when the person doesn't want to be praised publicly. So you need to get the action right. And then be able to identify to a team how each other, like to be shown appreciation and help them implement that. So we've been fortunate. It's gone well.

We've sold 800,000 plus books. And 450,000 people have taken out online assessment. It's in about eight or nine different languages. And we have certified facilitators to help organizations apply it. So were you able to recognize a difference between companies prior to implementing the five level? languages to post and what was something that you recognized that stood out? Yeah.

So, well, actually we have research shows that when team members heal value, you know, absenteeism goes down, coming in late to work goes down, conflict goes down, productivity goes up, profitability goes up. So it's sort of like clearing out, you know, a lot of things that get in the way. so that you can focus your time and energy on the mission of the organization and are more efficient that way. So, yeah, we had a piece written about us in the New York Times work we did with a mining company. You wouldn't think miners are big, like verbal appreciation people. But, you know, these guys and gals, but mainly guys, took the heart because we talk about authentic appreciation,

not just sort of going through the motion and just saying stuff. Yeah. But we have symbols for each language, and they actually got the symbols printed and put on their hard hat so they could see when they were working with guys. And so, and they continue. In fact, they make it part of their onboarding process that people take the assessment when they get past probation

and then go through the training. You would think there would be some difficulty with the type of leadership that is requiring your services, because I'm assuming it's an old school mentality where, I mean, appreciation really isn't at the top of their idea of what we need to be doing. We need to reduce the numbers. We need to save money.

We need to do this. Yeah. One of the things about appreciation as opposed to employee recognition is it doesn't cost a lot because, I mean, it's words, it's time, the acts of service, there's gifts. But the gifts that we're talking about are not like big bonuses or anything. It's just small stuff that show that you're getting to know your colleagues.

It's, you know, maybe their favorite cup of coffee. You bring that in the morning or in the afternoon, maybe a snack or a magazine about their favorite sports team. You know, it's just really at a personal level. So the cost isn't much aside from just some time to learn about it, get an assessment done and then implement it. Have you came across a company where the turnover wasn't as drastic as you would hope? And if you did, what was something that was difficult for them to kind of... Explain your question a little bit for me. As far as sharing them with this information, as far as appreciation versus recognition

and with what your book entails about the five languages appreciations. That it didn't have that much impact? Yes. Oh, yeah, sure. So one of the deals is that, you know, we we don't force people to participate because that undermines the perceived authenticity. So there's some people who's like, this is, you know, this is stupid. You know, they should just work. And I just ask those people, I say, hey, you know, I understand it. Just if you just stand to the side and not be, you know, sort of obstructive. And we actually sort of win them over over time because, you know, we've, focusing on being genuine and that's helpful. And then there are some people that are more difficult to appreciate than others, right? They're sort of prickly and, you know, it's like, what do you do?

And so in our training, we have a half-day training program. We take teams through and teach them how to deal with that. And largely, you make sure you know what they do and find out from their team members what they're good at. And then also, lots of times it's just helpful to spend some time with them, get to know them where they came from. Lots of times we don't understand people from different backgrounds. And so we misinterpret things. And so that sort of helps us get past that and move forward.

So for our younger audience who looks at, who is tech savvy and is utilizing AI, why won't AI or perks or a better system solve employee disengagement or if appreciation is missing? Well, because we're people and we're social. I mean, I'm just straight, you know. Yeah. And, you know, AI can be helpful in, you know, getting a lot of other things done. But people want to know that they're valued and what they're doing. I mean, you don't want to just go and spend your time and energy and do stuff and nobody cares.

You know, and it's not like you have to be praised all the time. One of the things we find is that once you identify a person's language and actions that's important to, it doesn't take that much to help them feel satisfied. It's not like you have to praise them all the time. But if they're like we found in, you know, over the hundreds of thousand people have taken it, that over 50% of the people in the workforce don't really value words. So if you're complimenting and praising people, you're sort of wasting your time and energy.

Whereas if you stop by and chat and see how they're doing, a little bit of time with them or help them out with, you know, the end of the day, clean up the job side or any kind of little thing. It can make a difference. So it's really about getting the right language and action that makes a difference. and it's pretty cool to see over time how things really move forward. So what do they value that you came across? Well, it just varies from person to person,

and that's sort of the tough thing. I mean, so like about, you know, about 50% of people are introverted and sort of shot. Those people don't want to be brought up in front of a big group and praised in front of a big group. I mean, it's the worst thing for them. So if you do that, you've actually sort of created a negative rather than a positive. So whether they might prefer to get just a personal note or an email from their supervisor

and what they value about them or going out to lunch together. So it's it really is about the individual. And one of the things that we found is that, you know, it's too much responsibility for the leader to carry on themselves to show appreciation everybody. So that's why we teach team members as well as the leaders how to show appreciation. And actually, most team members, you know, want to be able to show appreciation, you know, a colleague that's helped him out or doing a good job. So it's not all just top down. So you would say the biggest blind spot leaders have is showing appreciation, or would you have something a little more specific? Well, I would say the first one is they, I think,

They go to money first and if you pay people more, which actually is a problem. If you're in a business, you have to keep raising raises. We know that people, yeah, if you get a raise or a bonus, it sort of perks you up for maybe a couple months. But after that, it goes away. So do you have to keep doing that? Well, that doesn't work for your business model. All of a sudden, you're paying people a lot of money.

And so first they go to money. And then second, they go to words in public. words, which doesn't work for a lot of people. And then I think they, if they, they can get discouraged because it feels overwhelming for them to do it all themselves versus being able to train the team members how to show appreciation. I like that. I feel like we covered a lot of unique aspects from leadership and organizational reality checks to the results and the case studies.

something specific for me that I would love to address would be for those that don't understand the difference between like intensity and intimacy and how that affects a relationship. I'm sure there's definitely a connection with not just personal relationships, but also platonic and professional. If you could just touch on that a little bit. Yeah, well, so intensity, you know, I worked with a guy as a great guy. but he, I mean, and he was a verbal guy and he praised everybody all the time. And, but at some point it was just like, George, I got it, but can you help me out with this project?

You know, I mean, it was just like too much of the same thing. And really, it's interesting how it's sort of like, I don't know, in physical health, it's, you know, you get a little bit of the right vitamins and chemicals and you got to balance. there, you know, versus, you know, just taking vitamin C and, you know, you're, you're getting acidic over that. But it's, and people talk about consistency. It's really, you know, once a year at a performance review is not going to get it done or, you know, twice a year. I mean, it's, it's part of the rhythm of life. It doesn't need to be daily, you know, and you don't have to throw a party that they showed up, you know, but, uh, just, you know, occasional reminders and especially newer employees or they're in a new position,

probably need a little more at the beginning to feel like they're supported and building confidence, and then after a while, it can spread out. I like that. Thank you. Now for our closing, for like any leaders that are listening right now, what's one thing that they could do to start transforming their workplace? What would you tell them? Well, it's going to sound self-serving, but I mean, you know, we've got a website appreciation at work.com. It's the word at, not the ad sign, that we've got examples and videos and articles, and then access to the book, the five languages of appreciation. It's an easy read, and you can sort of pick and choose to take parts that you're interested in. But, you know, I would say really look at, and I think a key thing is look at the key team members you don't want to lose because one study showed that 79% of the people who leave a job side of lack of appreciation is the reason they're leaving.

And so. Very relatable. Yeah. Yeah. So you want to make sure that the people that you are key for your team know that they're bad. valued and appreciated. And so it doesn't take a lot, but, you know, some intentionality and just some, I don't know, stability over time makes it happen.

So if I can ask you, what gives you hope about future work? I mean, despite burnout, disengagement, and turnover? Well, you know, right now we're in a challenging time with AI and people. People thinking they got a, you know, I mean, there's sort of a fear of missing out on that and everybody's gone there, you know. And AI can be a good tool. I think we've got to remember that employees and team members are people and that we are people first. When we're going to be people, when we were people before we're an employee, we're going to be one afterwards. And if we relate to people and communicate in a way that they have.

value. The leaders that get that, and we've got new research coming out from the European Union and Securities Exchange Commission, two companies, one company that gets it and one doesn't, this one outperforms and is more profitable. And so, you know, there's a least a segment of leaders and society that are getting it. There's always going to be some that are just focused on the numbers, but time will tell. Exactly. Is there anything I haven't got to ask you that you would like to touch on for our audience? Yeah, you know, I think the big thing is to don't try to get overwhelmed by trying to do a whole program for your whole business organization. just it's good to learn a little bit and then start somewhere with somebody and you're going to see the

positive effects and that help motivate you to move on. Agreed. I mean, especially when you're so emotionally attached or you're used to this chaos where a fresh pair of eyes is what you need to correct the situation. Where can our listeners learn more about you? I know you very suggested the website, but social media handles. anything else you would like yeah um yeah i'm i'm on linked in it's i think dr paul white uh facebook appreciation at work uh instagram same thing appreciation work dr paul white uh but really the best it's sort of the mother ship is the appreciation of work website and don't get you

both about the book and we've got information about dealing with toxic workplaces but um and then the assessment as well well dr paul I do appreciate your time. Our audience definitely appreciate your time. So this was a good hour, so I do appreciate your time for coming on the show today. You bet. Glad to do it.

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