Your Transformation Station - 76. The Legendary 'Woods Box' Mystery: A Raw Conversation

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

Every '90s kid has an "unfiltered" story about finding a legendary box in the woods. In this episode, Gregory Favazza and Vernon Brown (CEO of What’s Your Happi?) turn this hilarious intrusive thought into a masterclass on protecting your peace. Discover why "loving from a distance" is a survival skill and how to stop leaving your joy to chance. From childhood mysteries to adult boundaries, this is how you create happiness on purpose. Connect with Gregory Website: https://www.ytsthepodcast.com Apple Podcasts: https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/apple Spotify: https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/spotify YouTube: https://www.ytsthepodcast.com/youtube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Like, they want to know, like, are they the only person that had the, they walked into the woods and they found the old box of porn in there, over there. Like, they wouldn't. They wouldn't. They would have happened before. Is there a relatable situation here? I'm happy that, you know, we're talking about kind of a box of porn in the woods. I haven't talked about that in 20 years because it's so weird. But you just made 20 years of my life, make, you just, you close the gap.

Yes. You know what I mean? I was like, there's only one person I told about that. He was like, get him out of here. I mean, of course, I went back again. I'm sure he took the park because I didn't see it anymore. But how can you create a transformation in others if there's no transformation in yourself? Join your host, Greg Favaza, as your voice on the hard truths of leadership.

Your transformation station connecting clarity to the cutting edge of leadership. As millennials, we can establish change, not only ourselves, but through organizational change, bringing transparency that goes beyond the organization and reflects back into ourselves. Extracting, actionable advice, and alternative perspectives that will take you outside of yourself. Hey, Vernon, can you hear me? Yeah, can you hear me okay? Sir, how are you doing today? I'm great, man. Thank you for, you know, meeting me the day after, you know, a holiday. How are you doing? I'm doing all right. Doing all right. I got company downstairs. They might be a little loud. So I'm trying to keep them down to a minimum. So I do advise you if they seep into the background.

No, you're good. This is just a pre-call, a pre-call, right? Yes, sir. Okay. First off, how can I help you? And secondly, I appreciate you for down. I probably had this backwards. I appreciate you for downloading the podcast and listening to the show. And secondly, how can I help you? Well, one, you know, it's the content that you have. So, you know, so I appreciate you taking a time. I recognize how difficult, how challenging it is, you know,

to kick something off like this to do this and be consistent with it. So, you know, I definitely is going to thank you. I think I was just having a really good time together throwing out some great energy, giving people a lot of good information to act on. That's how you can help. Yes, sir. What could you bring to the show that has a unique perspective? It's about doubling down on your efforts.

It's about getting people to finish. Let me just backtrack. I think back in February, I know we had just so many different things going on. My family, in terms of moving, we went to Richmond and Tennessee. And when this, you know, hell of pandemic and not trying to make it negative, but being, you know, real kicked in, I immediately said, what's your happy's got to double down. I was like, I can't just sit here and just wait for the uncertainty to take me over. So I double down.

And that's why I made every single client do because I was doing it, right? And it was just, I saw it. I thought it was like second nature to me, but everybody hasn't been doing that. It's not just about business. It's just by people in their personal lives. There's no reason for people not to be worked on themselves in some way, shape, or form right now. So it's about getting people unstuck to get people, you know, out of the, I want to say, paralysis, but the half-stepping that people are doing right now.

Like, we look at this. We're last, you know, a couple days of November, and we're thinking about New Year's. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. We need to talk about right now, right? Like, don't wait to January 1 to do this. So it's getting people revved up, getting fired up, but in actionable ways.

Telling people to clap their hands and stump their feet and be happy. They don't connect with that, right? And, you know, yeah, it's just about getting people motivated, getting them excited, getting people like, okay, I'm excited, now what do I do? Do this. This is where you start and this is how you keep that momentum going. So it's, yeah.

I like what you said there as far as getting them started, but also keeping them going because they'll take a podcast. They'll take a speech and they'll get that temporary high. And afterwards, what do they do with it? Well, they do the first thing that they do is they'll jump on their phone. They'll interact with the people in their lives that are bringing them down or that aren't helping them. and they give that energy to other people and then they do themselves and then they're back where they were within one week and then they look at the self-help world like it's garbage well we can say that but the reality is what are you doing with this valuable information when it's given to you you're not implementing you're not acting on it and that's very important and i can't wait for you to hear these next two episodes that i'm trying to release where uh his name's john beady he's climbed every single tallest mountain in the world. It's called the mountaineering challenge where you peak

the seven tallest summits across the globe and he gives us all his hard learned information. He interviews the greatest of the greatest from Army Rangers to different people that are very successful at what they do. And he puts it in his book. And it's an amazing book. It's called a Warrior Challenge. And it's full on kids from ages 12 to 18. But holy shit. Like that, it resonated with me because there were stuff that I never even learned that I should have known as a young adult becoming a man.

And that's for men. It's also for women as well that you can learn these things. And he's on the right track. And it's a great interview. So I can't wait to get that out. But those little things that slipped to the gaps of what we don't know about ourselves and we're, what would you call it? It's, um, what is it called? My mind's kind of on other things right now.

No, no, no, I got you. It sounds exciting. It's a really exciting interview because him and I clicked. So we really, we open up the context and we go very indebt. on how to get people to implement and call to action, not only in themselves, but in the people around them. And it's maintaining that is the difficulty.

It's keeping people consistent. Yep. And I'm struggling because I'm trying to get an episode out every two weeks. And it's just difficult when I'm doing all this by myself. So I definitely imagine. Yeah. You said something, you know, it really, you know, hits.

people don't talk about the consistent effort success brings. Like, I think they talk about in a context, like, oh, yeah, it's hard. No, like, you know, you got your kids, you got this, mother-in-law, father-law, all these things going on. You've got life competing with you, right? But not to put people down, but to let people know, like, it takes intention every single day. And relating what we were talking about is it's great to give people the treasure map, but you've got to keep people encouraged to keep digging, right? Yes.

And I think that's what I know. You know, I'm doing this for seven years now, and I know that's what people get stuck. It's not the sometimes, it's not just the ideas. It's that consistent implementation. It will wear you out. But you got to find your ways to have fun with it. And I don't see enough people talk about having fun.

Yes. And we touched on something back to the John Beatty episode, something that I've been trying to get out for a while. And it's so hard to just. come out and just say it because you got to have the right conversation with somebody who's on your level and you meet in the middle with the right context. And it went like when we were, when I was in the military, you have this intuitive understanding with another soldier that you can rely on them because they hold themselves accountable,

not just at their job, but in their personal lives. They're not the kind of person that's going to throw another dish on top of the pile of dishes. They're going to do all the dishes the night before, before they go to bed. When they wake up, they're going to make their bed. They're going to flog and floss their teeth. They're going to wash the bottom of their feet. They're going to do all those things. And in return, it's going to ripple out.

And they're going to resonate from that internally and externally illustrate that in their actions. whether they're at their job or in their personal life. You can just get this intuitive feeling when you meet them. I see. Yeah. Which brings up a key thing too that, you know, definitely will be coming up. It's the environment that you create.

You know, like every relationship is part of your environment. And you've got to be around people. You've got to create an environment of, you know, accountability for sure, an environment of perpetual progress, even if it's a little step, right? Because you mentioned, like, oh, man, you don't throw another plate on there, but one person, you know, who keeps the dishes out the sink in general, it might not be, the whole kitchen might not be clean, but, you know, you're making progress to keep it clean, right? You're making progress, washing dishes, sleep before, just kind of move forward with that theme.

But your environment is indicative, I shouldn't say indicative, it's part of progress. It's a part of that motivation. It's a part of that energy. Like it's hard, you know, being in like, you know, with the military, it's,

you don't want to let people down, you know, you'll let yourself down. You don't want to let other people down. Exactly. But when you create an environment with people like, God,

I'm so tired. I don't want to do this. I don't want to get this out two weeks. But when you got that environment of people, like, you better get it out of here. Yes. You know what I mean?

Like, you're going to do it. You will. Well, I'll stay out for like 48 hours straight to do it. Wow. then it kind of you had to make that decision where it just you fuck yourself on the back end because you got to recover after staying up for that long and that takes two to three days and that is the biggest and then I fall off my routine then it's like now I feel like I'm hypocritical I shouldn't be telling anybody's shit if I'm not practicing what I'm preaching so then I was like all right back on the routine now I'm confident and what I'm saying but when I make that fucking mistake it's like so it's like I just got to come clean. I can't, I can't, it's like if I'm fucking up, I'll tell everybody, I'm fucking up right now.

Because now it, it, I feel like I can relate with people more because I was the guy on the other side of the fence where I can be like, I don't know why it's so hard. You just do this, this and this and live your day. But now I'm on the other side where it's fucking hard to do. Like if you're down to a science, like it's hard to do. But this is the realness of it. I love what I was listening to. Like, you talk about that you fuck up, you know? Like, people don't say that.

It's like, everyone makes it seem like, every day I want to go to the gym and I want to take care of, you know, my kid's not driving me crazy. Like, people don't talk about it. Like, look, sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes you get off track. Sometimes you get yourself into like these a tizzy. And it's not that it doesn't happen. You just, you tend not to stay there too long, you know what I mean? Because you've not done that before.

It's like, all right, what am I? I'm not going to do different. You know, you still kind of beat yourself up to some degree. I'm not saying, you know, it's self-loving, but you beat yourself up to some degree. But then you're just like, all right, let me not do this again. But I love that because I remember when I first started out, like in this, you got to do it for yourself world in this type of environment. It's like, everybody was only talking about how well they were doing. I'm like, what is wrong with me? You know, like, oh, man, I'm not perfect. What the hell is wrong? But the more I would talk with people off the air or off script, they were like, man, let me tell you, I was here, but I was really in a

bad place. I'm like, I didn't know that, you know? Yes. I think people need to be more revealing about, you know, we went from, you know, I was traveling all across the country and my son's in school and I have a five-year-old and he's getting ready to do his first year of kindergarten. I'm trying to say it too loud because, you know, he was really excited about kindergarten. I'm at home 24-7. He's with me, right? And it's like, dude, that was hard. as hell. I thought it was hard. No, that was hard speaking at conferences, working with clients and growing. Like, with everything, dude, I was losing it. I'm like, the happy guy can't lose it. You know what I mean? So that became like a guilt trip in itself for me. But it's like, I mean,

of course, we figured it out. We got through things. But it's like, we need to talk about the reality of reality. But in a positive way, you know, like, man, look, I had to, you know, I was going forward. What did I do? I called people. I talked about it. Not in a way like what's wrong, but let me hear, let me tell you everything that's going on. Do you see any options that I don't see so I can get through this better? You know what I mean? But people now are looking for not just self-help, but relatability. And then from relatability, action steps so they can get themselves up.

Exactly. And also not to feel so isolated. Like they want to know, like, are they the only person that had the, they walked into the, the woods and they found the old box of porn in there over there like they wouldn't they would have before is there a relatable situation here or yeah yeah look what's you know it's such a welcoming feeling when you're like I'm not the only one right yes you're like because you just didn't you just me just now I'm like he probably saw me that day but I'm whenever it was his porn you know because I'm like man and but it's like we're all are we're figuring it

out, we are. And I just, I'm all about keeping it positive, not, you know, lying about it. But keeping it positive in a funny way. Because I can make anything funny. It's one of my superpowers, you know, like anybody else's like, oh God, I thought about support. It's probably some chronic masturbator running around here. You know what I mean? It's like, watch your hands. You know, I can, I will make anything funny. So that's why, like, I'll talk about some serious life stuff. But it's funny as hell. Yes. Because you got to find levity in situations. I'm not trying to. to say things going on right now aren't tragic don't get me wrong but we can make it fun you know exactly we can make it excited we can make the fuck up that you have for three to four days because you

weren't doing anything you got to catch up in two days you got you got to make that fun exactly otherwise like why are you living i mean like what it what is the point of doing what you're doing if it's not fun i've realized that i don't want to do it that's my role if it's if i'm not having fun i won't do it. I will not. I am at the stage of my life where I'm a reasonably young man and he is learning not by what I say but what I do, right? And it's challenged me, especially during his pandemic because go happy and be this and be that and he sees daddy losing it. And I'm like, you need to keep this together so he can learn what to do during a hard time. It's not by what you say. It's what you do. But it's just like you've got to dance with life. And I have to really think a large time,

lot of people in private, and I can say this just been talking to so many people. I mean, just like yourself, people have forgotten how to dance. When light pushes you, you push back. And then you start getting the rhythm. And the next thing you know, y'all are doing a macarena together. You don't know how you got there. I mean, I said that way, but it's the truth. It's just like, yeah, it's just the way that's where I was raised. Like, we had it hard. You were homeless. Like, how can you make homeless fun? We did it, right? So when things get tough now, It doesn't even, like I say, it doesn't bother me, and I don't have my tough times, the tough days, but it really ain't as bad as it could be. But we got to dance.

You have to dance with it. Life doesn't get any easier, and you don't want it to. That's when you miss out on the biggest lessons. Life has lived in reverse, right? Because you get the test first, and then you get the lesson. And once you get the less, you're like, now it makes sense. And you connect the dots. And I think we need more, now it makes sense conversation.

Yes. look at us like would we have the common would we even be talking now had this not happen that's a lesson in itself I'm happy that we're connected right me too you know I'm happy that you know we're talking about kind of a box of corn in the woods I haven't talked about that in 20 years because it's so weird but you just made 20 years of my life make you just you close the gap yes you know what I mean I was like there's only one person I told about that he was like get me out of here I mean of course I went back again I'm sure he took the point. I didn't see it anymore. But it's just like there's a lot of opportunities out there. And I think people need to see like we are going to get out of this. Even outside of COVID,

just other things. There's a lot of divorce, a lot of drinking, a lot of just different things going on with life stuff, right? They're not who you are. It's just things that are happening. But people need to see what growth looks like. And I never interrupt struggle that promotes growth, ever. You know, you know, you say something you wish you had to said, you learned, right? Like, you wish that, you know, everyone's blaming COVID. COVID didn't stop anybody from saving from two years ago. All COVID did was expose a lot of things that were going to happen eventually.

That's all it is. It's a great expedite. I call this the Great Reset, but it expedited things. And I think a lot of people are, I think, an expedited failure and failure, know it expedited you adapting, flipping things. around and get to head. Yes. You know, COVID is, you know, it's a terrible thing.

You know, even my dad, he's waiting to get back his COVID result. He thinks he's had it. It's horrible. It's scary. I'm so close now with my dad. We made my dad talk every day. I'm even closer. It expedited things.

But you can make it work for you or it can work against you. It's up to you. And it also kind of highlighted what people are really doing with their lives. Now when they're actually at home. they actually are looking at themselves in the mirror, and a lot of them don't like what they see. They don't. I think, you know, not to vilpa social media,

but it does play a part in this. I know back in January and December last year, this year and last year, we're saying, oh, I love my wife, I love my husband. I didn't see a lot of those during COVID. I didn't see a lot of that. So it let not the, you know, pick on people,

but it let people know, like, we got to be congruent with who we are. Are you talking about you love your spouse? or you're showing and living that you love your spouse? So there's a lot of congruency that's been called. I would have called out and challenged. But again, it's to make people better, not make them worse. Like, it's okay that you might not have been congruent

or, you know, you kind of had a more stylized way of living. But what can we do to make that happen in reality? Wouldn't be nice to live that? What steps can we take? And those are the conversations I don't see a lot of people talking about. And if they are, they're not giving steps. And I think that's why the big thing I want to talk about, we bring up is everything we talk about now is making it actionable. You can tell people to

clap day to be happy. All right, clap your hands and stump your feet. That doesn't help people. But when you tell people like, hey, let's look and talk about one, how we're relatable, two, how we have bad days. But three, this is what we do to make our bad day better. This is how we celebrate a bad day. What do you mean celebrating a bad time? Well, wouldn't it be nice to have a bad day and you can celebrate it? What does celebration mean? Like, there's just a lot of theory out there. And I, I am in a theory is antithetical to everything that I do. It's about action. I'm all about strategic action and great conversations that, you know, get people excited.

I'm not a motivational speaker, but you get energized by the conversation because you're like, oh, oh, next thing you know, you're sitting up right. But, dude, I mean, I went off on a rant. No, no, no. I love when people go off on that because that's passion. You're letting that leak out of you. And I just like to sit and absorb and listen. I think that's very important. I agree.

I agree because, you know, I pay attention to what's in front of me, right? So even if you're taking me on journeys, you're telling me things I'm listening, which is a superpower. Yeah, I think we're going to have a great show. I think we're going to have a very great time together. Yes. No, I definitely agree. So what do you do?

Like, what's your, give me a snapshot of your professional life and your personal life. Yeah. So I'm a happiness coach. And so what I would do is I typically work the entrepreneurs, executives, people who are kind of at the top of, like a better phrase for a now, food chain, to make smarter choices with kind of on a vehicle of happiness to restart. Because when energy is low, when happiness for me is energy, but when energy is low, concentration, focus, awareness, going on,

you'll start isolating yourself, your communication skills go down. You won't be as quite as proficient as normal. And what generally happened with smart capable people, you'll start using your cheap asset against you. And my big, you know, thing is getting people to think. And we don't think enough. I think people talk a lot, but they don't think a lot. So oftentimes, as I mentioned, I don't interrupt struggle. It's struggle to promote growth.

When you get people to think, it looks like they're hurting, right? You're like, and I just sit there. And I just get you to think. It's your thoughts. thoughts are powerful. And to making sure that, you know, I don't judge. I don't, if you like it, then I love it. As long as you're not like slitting cats' throats in the backyard, you know what I mean? I'm not doing, that's a whole other conversation. But as long as you're like, you know, doing something that's, you know, profoundly odd, you know, I'm not here to judge you. That's not my

bag. But what it's about to create a space where we can get some thoughts together, growing your business. And the big thing for me is you need to work in your personal life as well. Could I give you two ideas that can make you a million air? Yes. But what's the point if you're not a good person, how you define good. That's what I practice is what's your happy. It's not my happy. It's your happy. There's no point in trying to be one in a yacht if you're going to be on it by yourself. What is the point? You want to make sure that you manage you in your relationships. You want to make sure that whoever you define yourself are that you can go on it with that. Again, that's congruency based on you, not me. I don't tell you what to do.

It's not my job. I might point some things out if you want to live a polyamorous life. That's up to you. Let me explain to you what you're, you know, can I walk you through or talk to you about a couple of things that you're, you know, unconsciously and consciously agreeing to just so you can make an educated decision. Again, it's not my judgment, but that's my story. That's professionally. It's been seven years. I've worked for several thousand clients. And I'm also prior to COVID, I was doing a lot of speaking travel across the country teaching happiness workshops. And right now what's COVID's done for me as I teach a class called Own Your Happy, Own Your Happiness is the full title.

about owning your happiness. We talk about boundaries. We talk about what boundaries look like. We talk about how to construct those. We talk about personal just power, knowing what you're amazing and how to find those things out. Personally, I'm a nerd. I am the biggest nerd you will ever see in your life. I game whenever I get a freaking chance. I'm excited to play VR today. I love Borderlands 3. I can't. I'm just in this, I'm gaming all. I have got a couple clients today after that I'm just gaming. I'm a dad, as I mentioned earlier, and it's just, dude, I just like to have fun. And I don't think people realize that when you're in that power place, you can be incredibly successful when you're thinking and figuring out how to implement and having fun and still be, like, have a really good life. I think, I don't know.

That's just my thing. Like I mentioned, if I'm not having fun, I don't do it. I refuse. I mean, I do have to go to DMV occasionally. But, you know, ultimately, if I'm not having fun, I'm not doing it. I will not. Don't even ask me, hey, man, you want to go out there? And I don't know, just something that's boring.

I'm like, no, that's silly. I'm going to die one day. Why don't I want to do that? No, my dad gave 20 years to a job that fired him for theft, all because he turned down a woman's advances. And he sued them, and he won. It took all his money. He sued them.

He won. They paid for the rest of his. life. My dad said you will never do anything like this. My mom was a nurse for 25 years, gave everything, everything. And a person, a patient crushed her dominant hand. They terminated her. The HR way of terminating you. Oh, we're going to have you do a job that we know you can't do. And therefore, because you can't do it, do it. We're going to let you go. They terminated her. And I saw these things that I was growing up. And I said, there's no point in doing all this stuff. If you're not doing it, you know, if you're not in control of it. No, I'm not going to teach you.

my son, I can look over there because I see him, I'm not going to teach my son through actions that like you can't be in control. There's no reason for you not to have fun with your life. Agreed. It's none. I'm not saying life is going to be all fun and I will say that enough is enough, right? They told me I couldn't do this. It's been seven years. Now the people who said I couldn't do it and the one is trying to be my clients. What's a guy? I mean, what's the happiness coach? Ha, ha, ha. When COVID hit, like, I mean, it's almost, I wouldn't say shameful, but it's hard to say this.

But COVID was the best thing that could have happened for me. I'm not happiness, everyone's all about it. Yeah. And I'm like, I told you about this. You said I was stupid. Who's laughing now? It sounds like, I mean, it sounds like I'm being mean. I'm just saying, like, no, I saw this coming.

I saw, I'm not this coming, but I saw it. all like happiness is important, it's collateral. I mean, it's, um, it's everything and happiness to get it from his energy. How can I be better? But that's my story. I really like that transparency, what you highlighted with your parents, them giving X amount of years of their lives for this job, and they were just tossed away like garbage. I don't like that, that, but I like what you put, you highlighted that is something very important people need to understand that they are worth more than what other places see you as just a body i hate that when i was in the military that's all they saw me as nothing what a fucking body when you because once you're fucking dead somebody'll come

right in there they'll take your place absolutely and that is very important and i think that will be the come to Jesus kind of fucking moment that makes people realize am I doing what truly makes me happy because if I'm not happy do you think my fucking family's happy me providing for these people because you're bringing that shit home and then they got to put up with you and they're going to do their very best because they love you and they support you but you don't get it because you're in your fucking head because you're doing a job that you hate and then you're coming home and then they're fucking loud and you want to just go off on a tangent because they won't put their damn dishes away because it's on the table.

It's like, I'm going to fucking tell you. Just put the guard down dishes. Right, right. No, I think that's very important. And then a happiness coach, that is very unique. I never heard of that. And you brought up amazing context that is not spoken about. And I feel like that is perfect for your transfer.

station. I feel like we could really get into an in-death conversation that will spark some lives. Absolutely. I will always be real. I will never come up and hide stuff. I'm like, I'm just big on, you know, I used to be ashamed that we were homeless. I would be ashamed. There's so many things. I didn't talk about it. But when I started talking about it, when I got older, people are like, well, that was me too. And I'm like, When I needed you? I wanted to talk about this. But how did they know I did talk about it? And I just, you just speak on it.

It's things that happens in life. You know, I don't say those things like, oh, man, my dad got, you know, fired. My mom had her hand crushed. I don't say that negative way. They're alive. They're here. But I learned. Those are lessons, right?

Yes. So I think a big thing is you don't want to be, I don't want to be ashamed of the education that I got. bad experience. That was very well put. Like, so when people say like, you know, because people tell me like, well, you just say it, yes. It's part of life. It's okay.

You know, we tell me a different story if I told me. I mean, just be real. That's how I am. I'm going to always be real. You will always know if I like your dog. You'll, I can't hide it. It's impossible for me to hide it. I don't want to hide it.

But I think it's important to let people know because there's so much inauthentic behavior and activities going on right now, people are confused. People when they meet me, they always say, like, you're very real. Like, yeah. Like, how do you do it? Just talk. Who cares?

If they don't like you, they don't like you. If they don't like you, it's probably because they don't know anything about you. Or you're too real for them. Don't worry about it. You're going to be okay. You know who you are. And when you know who you are, I think it also helps where you can sit in any circumstance because it doesn't bother you.

Like, you know who you are. It doesn't bother me. Exactly. Except when you go home for the holidays and you have to tell yourself to meet your parents' expectations, because when you're too real, then they freak out, then they think that you're being insulting. And then they start yelling. And you're like, why are you yelling at me? I'm just telling you. Were you here last night? Because I think you just scripted that. You literally just brought up my last night conversation. It's, you know, our families always see us in these snapshots, right? Like, to everybody else, I'm Bernie, to everybody else. But everyone with my family, it's like, I'm Bernie. You know, I'm still that 12-year-old kid.

No one dare call me Bernie now. I mean, but they always see you as that person. If you act any, if you have behavior in the difference in the construct that they have, and we need those, it's like automatically they just try to tell you who you are. And I love them for that, you know, because you're just a real person. reminds you like, man, I'm Bernie. Who is Bernie? You know? But, you know, I think even what you just said, though, there's a lot of people now who bought into this nuclear family concept, like everyone's supposed to get along and everyone's supposed to be happy. Like, that's not the case.

There's sometimes that, you know, I don't, there's some people that you need to love them with long handled spoon. Yes. And it's okay that they're not in your life, but I'm happy to they have life, right? Because that's an energy and interest thing. You have the energy to manage that relationship. If the answer is no, then we need to figure out some ways that create some distance so it can be safe for both of you all, right? Something that I still struggle with to this day is during my younger days, I suffered a trauma through a sibling. And it was a sexual trauma. The problem is the sibling still is there. He hasn't moved away.

He still lives with my parents. And he's like 35, 37, just a big man child that's still there. So when I had to make the choice to either see my parents or not see them. And if I see them, that person's still there. So every time I go there, Always something. There's always something. Now I have to make the choice where how my parents did, they swept them in the wrong, just moved forward. I do the same thing or I remove them out of my life completely. And at that point, I'm ready to make that decision where I don't need them. Because if they don't understand how important that is, the progress that I came from where I was to who I am now,

then they're never going to understand, which we both know they're never going to understand. I have to remove them. I'm so appreciative for you sharing that with me. And thank you so much for that. I know a lot of people struggle with that. That is, it's very difficult because we feel like we have to make it work because they are my parents or that is my sibling. Fuck no. You don't have to sacrifice your well-being, your happiness because they're the same blood as you.

No way. It doesn't work like. When I was younger, I had, I just saw a lot of things that children. should never see, and one of those things to see in my mom being raped and my sister. And terrible things followed, you know, in terms of how I was treated because of that. And do I have an strange relationship with my mother and sister now? Absolutely. It changed them, right?

And I understand why. And I think it's when I set out in this world to be who I am today, I said that I'm going to find a family who doesn't look like me, doesn't have my same blood. and my friends are my family now. And because as long as you love each other, you care for each other, you want each other to do successful, how is that not family? Exactly. You know, I'm just, you know, like, I'm thinking of a really close friend of mine. He's not my brother, but he is my brother.

You know, she's not my sister, but she is my sister. You know, my parents are Native, my mom's Native American, my dad's African American. But you know what? I have a Caucasian, mom, I'm a dad. and dad number one and two is what I call them. And so for me, family is about the people you're having your life who matter. And fuck anybody else.

Agreed. Who doesn't bring anything to the table in terms of loving me and caring for me and worrying about my concerns. And I'd have to do that. I'm not telling everybody to go out and, you know, say fuck your family. But I'm saying, sometimes it's safe. Sometimes you need to do that. And that's okay. Agreed.

No. I appreciate you sharing that to me as well. You're welcome. I didn't expect this conversation to take this turn. Like, down. It's real, though, right? Like, we don't, we sent 200-taker characters to each other, right? Over a message.

And look what they created. Just because we're just talking. We're not judging one another. We're dancing with life. This is how you dance with life. We're learning for one and another. Like, oh, wow, we hanged from two different backgrounds, but we have so many things in common.

People don't do this. it's not about talking about what's wrong. Like, hey, these have been my experiences, and that's how I became better. So as you're talking about things, I'm like, huh, that's a really good way of looking at it. Look who you became in spite of versus you didn't become your struggle. Like so many people are proud of. I'm not going to tell people I'm a whatever survivor. No, I'm not.

I'm a human being who had some things happen to him along the way. Look who the hell he became. Look at you. I mean, I'm serious. This is the beauty of life that people aren't like celebrating. it. Yes. Day after Thanksgiving, man, I feel better than when I did yesterday.

Other than, you know, some good food, but life is amazing, but you got to make it. You've got to make it. You can't become your struggle. I know it's tough. I know I haven't experienced everything that you experience, having experienced other things that other people have any experience, but I do know once you get on the other side of

things that you have, you recognize the gift of long suffering. And it's a gift. Because when you can sit back and you can talk about things without any, you know, emotional convictions, you feel it, but it's not who you are. And you can talk about it in a way that, hey, this is who I became in spite of. I mean, I can't stress that phrase enough. You recognize that this life is whatever you make it, whatever you decide to make it and who you surround yourself with. And so once you get through it, it will make you a better person. Not invincible, but tougher.

not invincible or to forget about it, but you don't need to be, it's never good to think about what happened if it's not going to help you become a better person. Agreed. Oh, I like this. Burdyn, I do appreciate you very much for reaching out. I appreciate it as well. Thank you. Thank you, sir.

We'll be in touch. All right. Talk with you soon. Bye-bye. You've been listening to your transformation. Station, your voice on the hard truths of leadership. We hope you've enjoyed the show. We hope you've gotten some useful and practical information.

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