Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero - BELIEVE IN YOURSELF | Best Motivational Speeches Compilation | Wake Up Positive

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

"Quit or be exceptional. Average is for losers." - Seth Godin In this episode, I unpack a powerful mantra from Seth Godin's 'The Dip': Quit or be exceptional. I break down why mediocrity shouldn't be our default and how quitting the wrong things can actually be a bold step toward greatness. It's not about quitting; it's about pivoting towards what truly matters and becoming the best version of ourselves. We've all won the lottery just by being here, so why waste it standing at the theme park entrance? Let's chase what's exceptional, go all in, and live a life far from average. Tune in for a dose of motivation to pursue your exceptional path. Life's too short for anything less! Join my newsletter: eddiepinero.com/newsletter

Seth Godin wrote in his book, The Dip, quit or be exceptional, average is for losers. And I love this, and I love it for a few reasons. First, it calls out the fact that if we are going to live, we might as well live in pursuit of the exceptional. Why just float by? Why just stand there while time elapses around you? No, seek out the things that matter. exist not in life's shadows, but in its fringes, where few look but the best things live. The places where most only dream of but the courageous go, quit, or be exceptional.

Second, it suggests that quitting isn't always a bad thing, and context is everything here. It's a beautiful thing if it's done for the right reason. In other words, it's far better to quit the wrong thing to pursue what matters than it is to stay and immerse yourself in a lifelong dance with mediocrity. It's not that you quit. It's why you quit. I have a problem with the word quit to begin with. Stopping the wrong thing is less quitting than it is pivoting.

It's evolving. But ultimately, that's neither here nor there. It's semantics, right? The moral of the story is, if I never quit, personally, would I believe to be wrong for me? I'd still be in the same building I was 10 years ago. And I'm not being emotional here. I'm being practical. To become your best self, you have to shed yourself of the things that aren't you.

There's an idea that what we say no to is one of the most important components of growth. So if you take that and create a little thought experiment, if you have the courage to adventure and try new things, some of those new things will inevitably fall short of expectations. They'll be wrong for you. They can't all be aligned. And so what then? You do the wrong things forever?

Or do you take the lesson and move on to those level 10 opportunities? That's what this is about. Quit or be exceptional. Leave mediocrity behind. Do you have to? Well, you don't have to do anything, but the question is, what do you want? Because a world where you chase down the exceptional will be better for you. It will be better for those close to you. It will be better for the world at large. You will live a fuller life.

And since you can never give more than what you are, it means the amount of value you can then distribute to others will grow. What we give is directly proportional to what we allow ourselves to be. So don't be mediocre, don't allow that, don't even entertain the thought, that's not you. Quit or be exceptional. Go all in or don't go. Believe in it fully or walk away. Average is for losers.

The fence is for people who forfeit the upside in an attempt to escape the downside. Completely unaware that the true loss is the moment of reflection, of reflection years down the road where you wish you had the courage to do a little more, to chase down the things that invigorated you, to wish you'd lived a little more boldly with just a tad more conviction. Quit or be exceptional. To simply put, whether we realize it or not, we have defied the odds in simply existing. And I don't care that this idea is pushed to the point of it being cliche. I still don't think we get it.

I don't think we've grasped the magnitude. Perhaps a metaphor we could use to help us think about it and still not indicative of our reality, but worth a shot, is walking into a theme park and spending the entire day standing by the entrance, holding the ticket, right? Or being handed a lottery ticket and keeping it in your pocket. For fear of what could go wrong when you cash it out.

Being there, but not experience, there. See, chasing down the exceptional feels good because it's what you were meant to do. And if you haven't found it yet, don't give up. Find what lights you up until you can capture it and immerse yourself in it. Be the best at it. Let curiosity lead you to exploration and findings that few would be tenacious enough to discover. or be exceptional.

Or maybe better put, don't stop pursuing that thing worthy of your commitment. And once you have that target, go. Like everything is riding on it, go. Like it's the sun around which all else revolves, go. Life is simply too short to leave your greatness on the shelf. When I was a little bit younger, my grandfather would make a point to pull me aside every so often

and say, Eddie, you are stronger than you think you are. You know, at the time, it didn't really resonate with me, right? I kind of smiled, act appreciative, and moved on. But then that thing called life happens, you know, when you start to see the ups and downs, you experience the hardships. And no one's there to tell you how to act. or how to handle it. But your response is what makes all the difference.

And I look back now to that message. And can't help but wonder if I'd be where I'm at today without it. Because it's not just a reminder. It's not something that goes on a sticky note and hangs on a wall. It's so much more. It's the reason that I can navigate through change, through loss, the reason I don't fear failure. See, nothing ever happened that I'm not that I'm not going to be able to be a wall.

happened that I couldn't get through. And you don't realize that unless you look back. If you decide to rise to the occasion you will, you're 100% capable of doing more than you ever imagined. Reality is a narrative, and you are always stronger than you think you are. Life is not some puzzle to be solved. It's never about hiding or worrying

or eliminating all bad fortune. It's about knowing that you can and will get through everything, that nothing can push you down and keep you there. Maybe the worst is yet to come. Maybe it's not, but the best of you. That is undiscovered. And through the very hardship that you once feared, you'll be able to paint a portrait of the new you,

brush stroke by brush stroke. And see, back then, I didn't get that. I didn't know that growing up men enduring difficulty, I didn't know what I was truly capable of. But years have passed and now I know that I am stronger than I thought I was. And while life is not certain, my confidence stands alone. It's the reason that I run towards my dreams, never away from them, and neither should you. Don't forget that, because during even the worst of days, the darkest of nights, you are always strong. stronger than you think you are.

In John Maxwell's book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, he talks about momentum. And how the saying, if you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen, doesn't quite get it right. Advocating that it should instead be, if you can't create the heat, then get out of the kitchen. and being that we are all leaders in our own lives, I think he hits on something that none of us should overlook. The power of momentum, of not waiting but creating, reminding ourselves that we are not spectators, sitting in the stands and simply reacting to,

or complaining about the events taking place below. No, we have the ability to change the things we do not like and create the ones that don't yet exist when we know they should. Too much of the time we react to that metaphorical heat in the kitchen, as John alludes to, forgetting that we can dial it up or down. We're not only characters that have been created, we are ourselves creators. I talk a lot about mental shifts that have changed my life, and there are plenty. But perhaps the most important was the realization that I can do something about the things I don't like.

And I know that sounds simple, probably even obvious. But I look back at various stages of my life and I'm blown away by the amount of things I tolerated for years and years simply because I gave it no thought. There were so many questions that I never asked, so many opportunities I never explored. until I realized, hey, you can stop accepting those things you don't want. It's amazing the power of a simple list that was created. Two columns. Left side, all the things that bothered me. That I wasn't happy with, or that I knew should be there that had been lacking.

And then on the right column, what I'm going to do about it, every single item. each one, what's the step I'm going to take? And I just poured my heart onto that paper, and it's like you look down and feel like you have finally moved into the driver's seat. There's something incredible about knowing that you have taken control, something satisfying, knowing that you're not just accepting what falls out of the sky and lands in your hands, especially since we seem to have this proclivity to box ourselves in.

Human beings are amazing in their ability to adapt. But the danger is when we adapt to and normalize a reality that falls short of what matters to us. The danger is in forgetting that nothing happens without momentum, and momentum is self-made. One of my favorite stories is about a man walking through the circus. And he sees these enormous elephants. each with one end of a rope tied around one of their legs, and the other end of that rope connected to a chair. The man, as he's walking by, he's curious,

asked one of the trainers, hey, isn't that dangerous? Couldn't the elephant easily break free and get away if you want? And the trainer says, no. See, we started doing this when they were baby elephants. And when they were babies, they couldn't physically break free. free. They weren't strong enough. And so over the years, as they grew and became bigger, stronger, it never dawned on them that by simply pulling on that rope or walking away, they could break free.

These chains might as well be invisible. And that's what they were. Mental. The rope wasn't keeping the elephants to the chair. The elephants were keeping the elephants to the chair. And there's something there in that message for all of us. For some of us in this particular moment, maybe it's big picture. For others, maybe we're at a season of life where it's simply creating momentum in some type of smaller capacity. And I travel through these ups and downs personally all the time. I think that's a healthy thing.

It's a sign that you're looking for that growth. You're checking the world around you for those imaginary ropes. Recently, I went through a period where I just felt too long had gone by without something significant happening. I needed to create momentum. And so I asked, well, who was I reaching out to? How was I pushing myself? What was I doing that scared me? What was I doing that was growing?

How could I take things up a level? All these little levers of opportunity are all around us. But we have to know to look for them, to see them and pull. And it's truly an incredible thing. You do that. And you start to feel the movement underneath you, the momentum, the excitement, because you're trying new things. You're taking new risks. Talking to new people.

And that's how that snowball grows. We have to realize that we are mighty big elephants perpetually tied to these comically small chairs. We have to create that history. heat in the kitchen because we're not only capable, we are ready. We are equipped to move forward. See, the moment is never going to be perfect. The momentum will never come to be on its own. Those things wait. They wait for you to stop watching life go by and click start on the stopwatch. Yeah, time has always ticked away, but it will never mean as much as it's a lot of the time. it's about to now.

Tick, talk, whispers the opportunity. Signifying that in order to evolve, we must decide we are bold enough to go where we have not yet gone and strong enough to leave some things behind. To choose to accept some discomfort in its impermanence, instead of a regret that is forever. And that's a trade that demands we look into the future. and find value in the unseen. It's a move that says the seconds ticking by

mean too much to dishonor them by not making the most of what's around you. And those answers are always there. At the end of the day, that's what it's all about. We make decisions without even realizing we're making them. To accept the current moment as fate is to choose what you're given over what is possible, over everything that's out there available for you.

It's never too late to pull on that rope around your foot. To be who you, as the saying goes, might have been. Know that in your world, nothing consistently shows up or exists without your stamp of approval. That will always be true. Nothing carries on without you allowing it to do so. and that understanding will be the difference between the ground level and the exponential heights you are capable of reach. The creation, the email, the phone call, the ride, the book, the period of time, the step

out, the door, any and all of life's seemingly unremarkable characteristics. Within them is your ticket to greatness. Just know that you have to be the one. that winds the clock. You are the sun around which everything else revolves, the architect that makes something of value from them. There will always be momentum where you decide there should be momentum. So pick your head up, open the door,

and step out into the world of potential that await. At night, the sky's the sky. the sky becomes visible. The darkness, the muting out of everything else allows the stars to finally shine through, to make their presence known. And during the day, conversely, one cannot see those stars, but the world around him on the ground becomes illuminated.

It's a push and pull that seems to work perfectly. And I think there's something poetic about the partnership existing between the big, picture goal and the small steps required to bring it to life. As one of my favorite sayings goes, keeping your head in the clouds and your feet on the ground. Because here's what's interesting. If one were to only look up at the goal,

she'd be consistently reminding herself of the ideal without taking the necessary steps to get there. And if one were to only look down at her feet, Well, her steps would eventually become aimless. And it's that duality, right? The need to both reassure yourself you can see the stars, as well as use the world around you to pull yourself closer to them that changes things. It's that beautiful dance that has to be maintained.

And this is a balancing act that has certainly been challenging. Sometimes the pendulum swings way too. far one way, sometimes way too far the other. But in a perfect world, you know, you wanted gravitating towards the center. I remember just starting the YouTube channel almost a decade ago, having, you know, big multi-million subscriber goals, but completely lacking the systems and everyday practices in place that would walk me towards that finish line. I mean, sure, something's better than nothing. I was working and learning, but the actions simply didn't align with the objective.

I had to correct them. And then I've been on the other end as well. But I'd be doing things every day without knowing why. All steps, no goal. That sort of thing occurs when routine takes on a life of its own. You start doing things because, well, it's what I do. It's what I've always done. You know, this is when one has to look in the mirror

and ask the difficult questions. And look, anytime I can squeeze the complexities down into, this simple, I try and do that. So with that in mind, my questioning goes like this. What do you want? No, the answer? Okay, good. Next question. Is what you're doing, taking you closer every day to what you want? Asking that question in a serious way takes a spotlight to one's world.

Using my previous metaphor, it shuts the lights off so the North Star becomes visible. and then, right, turns them back on to ask yourself if you're using your resources to move there. And I've become pretty good at asking myself this question consistently, and still I find things that don't belong, that sort of, you know, they hide in plain view. I have faith that I'll end up exactly where I need to be. But that faith is rooted in my commitment to continually assess to scrutinize and adjust. There's very little hope

and a substantial amount of trust in my ability to continue forward. There's an idea referred to as the Stockdale Paradox, which states, and this is the first definition I grabbed from Google here, you must never confuse faith that you'll prevail in the end, which you can never afford to lose,

with the discipline to confront them brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. That's where the tough love thing comes in. Be your biggest fan because no one will believe in you unless you do. It all starts with your trust in yourself to navigate the process and arrive where you must arrive. But it also requires you are your biggest critic. It means the reason you trust yourself to get there is because you know you know you you won't just sit back and say, eh, I'll win, because I believe I'll win.

No, you'll win because you will, while having your head in the clouds, be brutally pragmatic with the steps you're taking on the ground. You'll win because you're committed to learning and adjusting. What of my favorite epiphanies when I started doing this full time was the realization, at a very small scale at first, that, whoa, someone can't fail unless they quit. You can't lose unless you stop. Impossible, someone might think. Well, no, because when you miss the mark or you fall short, you take a second to understand why and then you come back to the problem or challenge again, right? This means life is a game of tenacity, of persistence, of commitment. The one who keeps adjusting and coming back is bound to connect the dots eventually, which makes

failure the simple decision that, eh, this isn't worth it for me. I don't want to continue adjusting and re-engaging with this. And look, hey, depending on the situation, that may be the move, right? There have been things in my life where after sufficient trial and error, sufficient data, I've said, this doesn't align with who I am or what I want. I'm going to walk away and pivot to something that does, right? But the key is knowing that it is a decision. To not reach a particular goal is a choice to no longer a choice.

attack it relentlessly. And so when you feel lost or defeated or even frustrated with the process, try that line of questioning. What do I want? And is what I'm doing today bringing me there? This allows you to start taking a sledgehammer to the things that don't belong, refining the process. And yeah, sometimes walking away from the things that are no longer in the scope of who you want to be and where you're going. But the power is in knowing, it's in understanding that your footsteps, the little actions of your, you know, your day to day, they are incredibly powerful. But most of all, when you are methodical with them, when they're pointed in the right direction. So pick your stars carefully and own those steps that take you towards them. Failure

is not a sickness you catch. It doesn't fall on your head like a piano in those old cartoons. It's a choice. Meaning, in positive terms, as long as you are committed to learn, re-approach, and repeat, you will find yourself atop the mountain.

As long as you're willing to evolve, you will ultimately arrive. Falling through the air, A million thoughts came into my head. Would this be the end of my journey? Was it the wrong decision? Did I not appreciate what I had enough? See, just a moment before, peering down at the ocean below,

I could see just how long the fall would be. Watching the waves crash against the rocks, the birds glide through the sky, well, it makes a human feel awful. small, detached. I couldn't help, but think maybe there was something more that perhaps with all this seeing, this wishing, this wondering I'd forgotten to feel, I'd become a spectator in my own life, a silent observer, because years and years had gone by and nothing changed. I'd waited, I'd hoped, I'd believed, but the goal escaped me.

And at some point enough has to be enough. I walked up to the ledge, looked back one last time, held out my arms, and I stepped off. They say that if you wait for the perfect moment, you'll be waiting all your life. And while that was a possibility I couldn't entertain. I was scared, unsure, ill-prepared, but as I forced my eyes open, They were greeted with the promise of a destination unknown, the beginning of something new. For the first time I didn't hear the wind, I felt it. The adrenaline coursing in my veins took hold of every move.

My fear became my wings. My free fall evolved into a calculated flight. I was in control. I'd traded every fear I'd ever had for a freedom I'd never known. This is what it means to live. The fly. It's never the fall itself, but the idea of it that scares us.

The what-ifs that corner us and lobby for our submission. What I've come to realize is that having known wings was simply my excuse. Finding them was my solution. The thing about storms is that they all have one thing in common, they pass. And once gone, they leave you as a person different than who you were before you stepped in. Before you found yourself consumed by its adverse conditions, they are disruptors, breaking down and shaking up, but not for the sake of chaos itself. No, storms break us down so that we can build again, so that we can find within ourselves the power and the strength that simply remain tucked away during those sunny days.

And so walking up to the storm, what you'll immediately notice is a break from the normal. The every day. An obvious detachment from the standards by which you had been living. But don't be fooled into thinking those dark clouds and heavy winds have nothing of value for you. Don't be tricked into thinking the rain will consume all the good in life. because at the end of the day, it's that very rain that washes away the excess and leaves the meaningful.

We don't grow despite the storms. We grow because of the storms. So compose yourself and embrace what's around you. Amidst the storm, you might realize that you don't want some of the things you thought you did. You might realize that life continues, It contains variables that make it incredibly unpredictable.

And when old plans meet new variables, sometimes we learn that the path we were walking down requires adjustment. It needs change. Not because we were wrong. The dream was wrong, where the path was wrong, but because life is an experiment. Experiments are meant to test hypotheses

and support exploration. Without the storm, sure, everything's sure everything seemed fine, everything was flawless, but in the thick of it, when the variables, the multiplicity of factors present themselves, it often paints a picture for us that we previously weren't able to see. That's okay. Ideal even, it's life. So when amidst the storm and presented this new information, this new portrait pivot. Grow with your understanding and newly acquired knowledge. There's no point in remaining tied to the ideas, the people and the places that once served you, but have since run their course. Growth is perspective and awareness,

and as the storm shakes your foundation, it also hands you a clarity that those blue skies simply could not. So adjust, adapt. and move further into the person you are destined to become. You can't learn that on a sunny day. No, that's what storms are for. And amidst the storm, you might find yourself scared, nervous, unsure. You might even look back and wonder what life would have been like had you not stepped in.

Perhaps you're angry with yourself for not navigating around the inclement weather. Maybe you'll find yourself asking, how did I let myself end up in such a situation when there were visual indicators and weather forecasts? People warned me about moments like this, yet here I am. You might find that the drop in temperature is uncomfortable. The rain, difficult, the wind, annoying. But here's what they don't tell you.

There's something innately powerful about proving to yourself that you can move forward despite those things. That when you're scared and step forward anyway, when you're lost but maintain your poise and trust in the process, when you're down but cling to hope to that light at the end of the tunnel, you emerge with a different understanding of who you are. You end up stronger because you've allowed yourself to become stronger. And you don't get that. on the sunny days.

No, that's what storms are for. And amidst the storm, you might feel like the sacrifice required in life is more than you want to endure. Maybe even more than you can endure. After all, it's during our trying times that we're forced to make some of our most difficult decisions. We might be forced to let go of some things that had been staples in our lives. that in order to say hello to some things, we must necessarily say goodbye to others. And this hurts.

Especially while it's happening, it hurts. But what you're really doing is learning to identify what matters and mitigate the things that don't support that journey. Sometimes storms teach us that growth is not about acquisition and obtaining more. And they show us instead that we've been carrying too much. That we become accustomed to surrounding ourselves with things that no longer elevate or inspire or push us.

And the best way to evolve is to move forward with less. So when you see parts of yourself fade away or dissolve, hold your head up. Because when you get to the other side, side, you just might see that cutting away those things was more liberating than anything you could find or pick up along the way. And we're not taught this lesson on those sunny days. No, that's what storms are for.

And amidst the storm, it's quite possible that you'll feel lonely from time to time. Maybe misunderstood. Perhaps like the whole world has everything figured out. moving single file through the correct door while you wander around aimlessly. That's not true. No one has all the answers and everyone has their storms. The question has always been, as far as I'm concerned, what will you make of yours? Because we're always presented with the decision to let our adversity define us or to find

something of value in it. opportunity hidden in plain view. You're never alone in your pain or your distress. Those things are an inevitability tied to the miracle that is life. But what you are is powerful. Powerful enough to learn in your solitude and bring that understanding back out to the world. Powerful enough to let the lessons guide you to something beautiful. powerful enough to find the meaning underneath the turbulence. We often confuse our times of greatest transformation with setbacks. We often forget that the darkness cannot withstand a single flicker of light,

and we can be that light when we trust ourselves. It's a lesson that can't be taught on sunny days. No, that's what storms are for. that storm, that very thing you want with all your heart to avoid. It's not antithetical to your happiness or your prosperity. No, ultimately, it's how you create those things. The trials and tribulations help us look at life from different angles. They remind us what we are capable of.

Show us we can do so much more than we thought, that we have in many cases been accepting a reality, that is not our own, that is just the beginning. And so whether you were on the outside looking in, or at this very moment in the heart of chaos, remember, this is making you who you need to be. And sure, it never feels good in the moment. It's never exciting when it's happening.

But there will be a point when you look around and see a world unlike the one you stepped away from. One in which you are stronger, bolder, wiser. One in which you have greater clarity and understanding a better sense of who should be with you and where you are going. It's not despite but because of the storm that you'll rise from the ashes and from the quote unquote misfortune to find yourself and and your way. I spent some time in Roanoke, Virginia, one of the most beautiful places I've ever lived.

It's this little valley surrounded by the Blue Ridge Mountains. And across the street from where I lived was a park. You can look over in the evening, and you would see hundreds of fireflies flying around. I always thought it was such a cool thing, you know, bringing back to when I was young, when I was a kid, and it was such a thrill in running around trying to chase those things.

And seeing this day in and day out let me to think, you know, 24, 25 years later about all the things that have changed in my life. Back then, life was pretty straightforward. You know, as a child, you place your value on what feels right in the present. You're not thinking about two years down the road or wondering what others are going to think. Your creativity and your sense of exploration are running on all cylinders. Then something happens. We begin to understand the way of things. We see what's valued in society.

We see what's expected. We see how success is defined. And so begins our ascent up the ladder. And rung by rung, we climb. Looking above us, below us, to see where others are, see how fast they've moved in relation to us. And eventually this coincides with how, how we see ourselves.

And as you know, how you see yourself is the best indicator of what you will become. Which is why when so many people aren't happy with their day to day, that's a huge red flag. That's breathing, that's not living. Folks have been climbing this ladder, their entire lives and never stopped to ask if it's where they were meant to be.

Maybe the top of the community ladder isn't what you want, but you never thought you only acted. And if you don't think, if you don't ask yourself the question, you will climb and you will climb and you will climb until you burn out. I try and spend a few minutes every day thinking about this. It's the most important thing I can spend time on. It's my life. It's more important than green paper. It means more than the opinions of others. It's the back, of everything. Everything around me and the meaning I give it stems from how I identify myself who I am, which brings me back to those fireflies, to running around on a hot summer evening

not having a care in the world. There is something intrinsically perfect about those moments. Life is about peak experiences. Joy, so that you never lose that spark because it's all that separates us from every other being on the planet. If we don't have that, what do we have? What separates us from ants moving dirt? Monotonous action based on instinct. There's just no thrill in that. Why not create a life that allows you to feel that excitement every day?

Don't act because you're supposed to. Act because you so desperately want to that there's no other option. Because you couldn't live without the adventure. You couldn't pass on the experience. Here's a secret. If you become fixated on a life that means nothing to you, at some point you will probably get to the top. And from there you will have a beautiful view of everything you missed out on.

So maybe there is something to the whole chasing firefly routine. routine. Maybe a four-year-old running after a glowing bug with a jar deserves more credit than he's given. When I was younger, I want to say maybe third grade. I remember reading this poem by Shell Silverstein called Where the Sidewalk ends. This place where the cement stops and the grass begins, an inflection point of sorts. And it's a And I obviously don't remember what we talked about back then, but I certainly remember the book. And a few weeks ago, I happened to be at the airport. I was walking through, and I saw a bookstore and a Shell Silverstein book propped up in the front.

And I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had that title stuck in my head, right, playing on loop, where the sidewalk ends. Some things just hit you, like that title sounds perfect to me, this larger-than-life, transitionary place. It feels like some sort of graduation. But graduation from what, to what?

That's the question. Is it simply checking off the current box before moving on to the next one? Is it the end of a paved, calculated path and the beginning of something a little less defined, a little more free?

Is it the point of the place where you step away from what's expected of you and instead do what you are called to do, what you know when your soul is right. I guess depending on who you are and what you need, it could be any and all of those things. But as I sat 36,000 feet in the air, it kind of dawned on me, you know, not necessarily what Shell Silverstein wanted the takeaway to be. Fair, right? I mean, it's a famous poem. There's a lot of analysis and writing on it. this, but I'm more interested in the question, what do I need personally? Now, with everything going on in my life, what would I want that place to be where the sidewalk

ends? The more I thought about it, the more I realized it's not a transition. I don't think where the sidewalk ends is where you step out from one place and arrive in another. But I think what's more applicable in this moment is a perspective shift, almost a life-stitching invitation to straddle that line, where you have one foot on the cement, right, the stable ground, holding onto that structure we need to maintain healthy lives, to build, to take who we are and effectively share it with the world, and one foot on the grass, unpaid, no parameters, where our childlike curiosity runs rampant and reminds us that life is no standardizing.

test. Right? Like if the cement represents the frame, the capsule, that rocket going to the moon, the grass represents the precious cargo. It will be taking into orbit, that substance that must be found. And I think the reason my mind goes here is because in my life I've swayed too far in both directions. You know, I've spent entirely too much time on the sidewalk where I've limited myself, my beliefs in my trajectory. I've abandoned what I wanted to do because I was terrified to stray from what I was supposed to do. I've let routine kill creativity.

I've let plans suffocate freedom and exploration. But I've also spent too much time entirely in the grass, beyond the structure, dreaming but aiming for no target, free but not grounded. Perhaps at times having one, worked so hard to tear down the parameters and the structure in my life that I found myself with no foundation to build upon. Right?

And I think the deal is sometimes we need more sidewalk than grass and sometimes we need more grass than sidewalk. There are times in our lives that call for exploration and there are times in our lives where we put our heads down and build. But the critical thing is we remember that beautiful. balance between the structure that's ultimately imperative and the freedom to step beyond it so that we can pull in more life. That when things feel too stiff or constrained, maybe you lean more towards the edge of that

unkempt, undefined world. And when you crave structure, when you've been wandering too long, when you want to build something with the pieces of life you've been casually collecting along the way, you lean in towards that foundation, towards that which is both known and dependable, and maybe that's where we leave it. As you navigate each segment of your life, it's knowing that you have your hand on the dial. The dial that will allow you to be your best at that particular moment in time, something no one knows but you. So think of that spot. What are you going through now and how can you best position yourself to handle it?

This awareness is a power, it's a strength. It's not merely passing through that place where the sidewalk ends. But I think it's an opportunity to embody it. To adapt and carry on as each new chapter. begins. If you have the ability to love, love yourself first. Charles Bukowski. So last week I was in Utah and while I was there I did some guided breath work which had never done before. And honestly, it was a little skeptical at first. But I try and keep an open mind and gave it a shot. I'm happy I did. It ended up potentially being one of the most important things I've ever done.

And I want to share why, because this breakthrough or aha moment, if you will, was exactly what I needed when I needed to hear it. So this episode's going to be a little different than usual, but I feel compelled to pass it along. So to set the scene, I arrived with a friend of mine to the instructor, Jen's location. She gave us an overview, kind of explaining what the next hour is going to look like, and handed me a notebook to write down my goal for this session. And the notebook becomes pretty important as the story goes on. But I opened it and I wrote what I'd like to use this session to reflect on. It happened to be the walls that I have a tendency to build around myself. That day, that felt like the most pertinent obstacle in my life.

I saw it as an opportunity to push back against that reality that human beings love to create normal and then last. on to it. And that's not ideal because when we do that we stop looking for places to grow. We stop pushing, we stop seeking to live life to the fullest. In other words, we settle. And so I wrote that down. I closed the notebook, laid back on this incredible fuzzy blanket and the music got turned on. We began the breathing pattern in, in, out, in, out. Jen started guiding us, verbally taking us back to a conversation with our younger selves. The journey had begun.

And this is the part where things get really interesting because my thoughts really did feel like some strange mix of dreaming and hallucinating, just from breathwork. But at some point, she referenced the need to let go, and said the words, you know, we weren't meant to suffer or hold on to suffering. And that really cut deep because I know there are so many places where I've rationalized continuous suffering in my life. I'd speculate that in some way we all do.

When the hard thing or the uncomfortable thing, you know, when they stop being stepping stones and instead just become the way things are. Becomes a concession. Hey, this doesn't feel good, but it's my life. This person holds me down, but it's how things are. I don't like doing this every day. It eats at me, but hey, life, am I right?

That's learned helplessness. It hides in the corners and the nooks and crannies of life, subtle enough that we don't give it much thought. And I imagined... very vividly climbing down a ladder, placed on the edge of this dark canyon that went straight down. Down, down. Everything. My entire landscape was black and white.

There was zero color, except for the rays of light barely visible at the bottom. All the way down as I descended into the canyon. The colors that get a little stronger, a little brighter, as if every step put a little more vibrance into my life. Each moved down made things a little clear, the latter becoming quicker and quicker, eventually turning into a slide that brought me down to the base of the canyon where upon landing and standing up,

everything was illuminated. fields of sunflowers, waterfalls, birds chirping, the sun shining, and it was there in that moment I realized my intention for the class. The one I wrote down in that little notebook, well, it missed the mark. Not in the sense of being incorrect or wrong necessarily, but it simply wasn't enough. See, at the root of it all, or at the bottom of that canyon, existed life with the courage to love yourself.

Not just accept yourself, not just be okay with your existence, but love yourself. With all your faults and your struggle, with all your mistakes and your history, became clear to me how much changes when you love with all your heart, the person staring back at you in the mirror.

The opinions of others, they do not guide your decision-making. How could they? How could others know you better than you? In fact, those opinions are part of the black and white landscape to be left behind at the top of the mountain. The consistent suffering you've become accustomed to, the learned helplessness you endure, That's not acceptable to someone who truly loves him or herself. Loving yourself means pushing away that which is not you.

It's finding that ladder down to the beautiful world of authenticity and truth, the magic of being aligned with what really matters. And what's funny is, I can talk about breaking down barriers. They should be broken down. I can talk about stepping into fear because it should be confronted. I can talk about finding a way out when we're stuck

and a way up when we're down. I can talk about all of that every day of my life. But none of it matters. if you don't learn to fully love the reflection in the mirror more, more than you ever thought you could. Think about the gift you could give to that younger version of yourself. Think about what you could give to those close to you, your family, your friends. Think about what you could do for the world

if you left those black and white concessions behind you and lived a life true to yourself. yourself. It is of course not always easy, but I learned that day that it is the North Star. It's what we build upon. So before we ask how to shape the world around us, maybe we should be asking how do we embrace the one within us? Maybe we should learn to love ourselves so deeply that those walls don't need to be broken down. Because in time, we'll learn not to build them up in the first place. We'll learn that in a world of black and white,

it is acceptance and trust and confidence and love that gives it color.