Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero - CHANGE THE WAY YOU SEE YOURSELF | Motivational Speeches To Start Your Day Right!

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new” - Socrates ...

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Starting point is 00:00:05 The message in this episode was inspired by some background music. The very music playing behind my words right now, actually. I have this thing for acoustic tracks. I just feel like they completely change the dynamic of a story. But I digress. I was writing earlier, opened my notes, found a topic I wanted to discuss, spent about two hours on it. But as I listened to this story,
Starting point is 00:00:36 song and looked over my words. I just felt like what I'd written didn't do it justice. Do you know that feeling where maybe it's your work or any other aspect of life really, where you know what you have is good enough, like no question, good enough to get by, maybe even better than average. But at the same time, you have this little voice in your head, almost guilt because you know there is within you something better. Like sure, this will get you through the gate, but you just know you're conceding something. And it's that curiosity, that question, what could I have created and given to the world that just pulled me in a little deeper? I was recently in Cincinnati, one of my oldest friends, Mike. We met in fourth grade, and we've been
Starting point is 00:01:36 in touch ever since. And we were having dinner talking about how we were always in trouble back in the day. And I mean, we were always in trouble as kids. Went to a little Catholic school in Southern California. And the way they disciplined us back
Starting point is 00:01:52 then was they had this system where if you were talking when you shouldn't be, you'd get a T for talking. And that T basically counted as one strike. If you did something besides talking that was inappropriate, you'd get an I, which I presume is for inappropriate.
Starting point is 00:02:11 An ayes counted as two strikes. And we couldn't really remember what the system was completely, but I think we landed on, you know, if you got up to seven total strikes before the end of the week, you'd get a note sent home to your parents. And we were going back and forth, kind of disagreeing on the effectiveness of that system. You know, the classic carrot versus stick argument.
Starting point is 00:02:36 You know, Mike thinks it was a great system, and certainly there was a lot of value there. You know, it kept us in check to an extent. But I saw it differently in the sense that all it did at times was rearrange incentives. You know, like if it's Friday afternoon and I'm sitting there, I only have one tea for the week. You bet the teacher turns around. I'm throwing that apple-shaped stress ball right at the back of Mike's head. You know, I've earned myself a little breathing room over the course of the week. Why not do just enough to avoid that note going home to Mrs. P?
Starting point is 00:03:11 And it just seems like looking back now that a reward-based system might have been more beneficial. Instead of tiptoeing around and manipulating the rules so that we could avoid those negative outcomes, why not learn to aim to reach for more, right, for the positive outcome? And here's why I'm going down this rabbit hole, because I know this seems trivial, but here's the honest truth. It took me into my mid-20s to unlearn this in even the most basic sense. Certainly not just because of my elementary school.
Starting point is 00:03:45 It's how we're all raised, right? To avoid the negative. To do enough to avoid punishment or embarrassment. It's not about mountaintops. It's about dodging the T's in the eyes, learning and manipulating this system to get what we need. so that we have just enough. You know, and as an adult, I'm not talking merely finances here.
Starting point is 00:04:14 I'm talking relationships. I'm talking health. I'm talking all aspects of life. Right, that little voice that we all have, we all know it, the one that said to me two hours ago, yeah, this speech is fine. You'll avoid missing your deadline. You'll feel like you got everything done on schedule today. You won't have to call your editor or postpone anything.
Starting point is 00:04:40 But, like, how good do you feel about it? Because you're capable of more. This is good. But somewhere behind that curtain, there is great. No, I'm not saying this episode is going to be, you know, third in history behind King's I of a Dream speech in the Gettysburg Address. But the message means something to me. It means everything to me.
Starting point is 00:05:04 The ability to leave good in pursuit of great changed my life. And most of the time, not even in the larger-than-life sense, I'm talking about the little things. I'm talking about the courage to walk away when I had to. To fight for more when I felt slighted. To get out of bed when I felt like my ego was crushed. In a world where we're conditioned to find and settle for adequate?
Starting point is 00:05:40 That little perspective shift lit a fire in my soul, which honestly, if anything, just makes life more fun, more exciting, more impactful. When you feel like you're generating meaning in your own life, it puts color into the mundane.
Starting point is 00:06:03 And that's the message that I want to leave you with. When you hear that little whisper in your soul, that question, Is this your best? Is this who you want to be? Is it where you want to be? Why not entertain it? Dive into the curiosity.
Starting point is 00:06:27 Walk through the door and see what lives on the other side. At worst case, the decision's reversible as most are, and you backtrack to the start and repeat the cycle. But at best case, life opens up. And sometimes it's a hard conversation to have with yourself. No question. Sometimes it hurts being that vulnerable with the person in the mirror. But your soundtrack deserves a story that matters to you.
Starting point is 00:07:06 And you don't find meaning running from the T's and the eyes. You don't find contentment hiding in the shadows of life. You arrive where you're supposed to be by following that curiosity straight into an evolved version of yourself. by listening when the voice asks, is this where you were meant to be? Understanding what you want sometimes requires learning in 1,000 different ways what you don't. Uncovering who you are means first experiencing who you are not. Finding the right person or people in your life calls for,
Starting point is 00:08:15 initially letting the wrong ones in. Life seems to demonstrate that there's a price to pay in order to get where we need to be. Patience, exploration, they're expensive. They exhaust energy, time, resources, but they are the only way as though one needs to dig a hole in their heart before fully understanding how to best fill it in. It's stepping back to leap forward. I've always believed the nose teaches more than the yeses, the chaos, more than the calm. We are tasked with taking our hurt and from it better understanding ourselves, holding our losses and with them finding answers we once overlooked, embracing our fears and alongside them becoming courageous.
Starting point is 00:09:16 That's why maintaining perspective is everything. When we find that we've been slighted by life, we have to recognize that, yeah, maybe we didn't get the answer we wanted in the short term, but still picked up something beautiful, something necessary. We still learned what didn't work and saw where not to go. Because every step taken in one direction is a simultaneous decision to not go another. To embrace one option is to neglect its inverse. Every loss is a data point.
Starting point is 00:09:51 Every time we fall, our worldview is shaped. And that's not just helpful, it's imperative. It's a brush stroke just as valuable as the ones derived from our successes, all culminating into one all-encompassing masterpiece. And I look back at the mistakes I made. The time spent learning where I shouldn't be. days with people who didn't lift me up and I'm incredibly thankful for them, they brought me clarity.
Starting point is 00:10:23 Like marble being slowly chiseled away, piece by piece, they have left an understanding, a self-identity that takes shape one day at a time. So as we make our way through life, let's not fail to see the value in these short-term misfortunes, for in many ways we are fortunate to have them. Perhaps the value lags. Maybe you don't see why the mistakes saved your life while you were making them. But they are contributing to the building up of a greater you. They are mitigating the noise and lighting up the path.
Starting point is 00:11:02 So hold your head up high. And not just for the sake of doing so, but because you had the courage to step out into a world that you knew would at times bring you to your knees. knees. Hold your head up high because every time you stood back up, you made a statement. You declared that you wouldn't let discomfort and obstacles deter you, but rather shape you. You were willing to learn where not to go in exchange for the privilege of taking your road through the haze across the war torn ground beyond the hills and toward a distant,
Starting point is 00:11:43 horizon, your horizon. Ready to prioritize yourself in the new year, your skin is a great place to start. Dime Beauty, founded by a master aesthetician, is more than just a skincare company. With four skin-conscious categories, skin care, beauty, body care, and fragrance, Dime offers simple, spa-worthy products that will help you enter 2025 with confidence. Whether you're revitalizing your regimen with nourishing products or building one from scratch, Dime makes it easy. The work system, our all-in-one best-selling routine, includes a cleanser of your choice, toner, serums, and moisturizers, taking the guess work out of skin care for your healthiest, happiest
Starting point is 00:12:47 skin yet. Dime's commitment to clean ingredients and sustainable packaging ensures every product is as gentle on your skin as it is on the planet. With thousands of glowing five-star reviews and a loyal community, the results speak for themselves. Revive your skin and give yourself the routine refresh you deserve by visiting dime beauty co.com. That's dime beauty co.com. Your best skin awaits. It's a scene from a movie called Dead Poets Society. And this quote just really hit me, hit home. And to kind of explain this scene, basically Robin Williams is a teacher. He's teaching poetry and I think it's a boarding school. And there's a bunch of kids around him and he's explaining to them. these are kids with ambitions, they want to be lawyers and doctors and businessmen.
Starting point is 00:13:38 He's saying, I get that, right? But here's why poetry matters. And so it becomes a metaphor for life, essentially. So what he says is, to quote from Whitman, oh me, oh life, of the questions of these recurring, of the endless trains, of the faithless, of cities filled with the foolish, what good amid these, oh me, oh life. And the answer is that you're here, that life exists and identity, that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. In other words, with all the negativity, all the ups and downs, all the quote-unquote, you know, terrible aspects of life, all the challenges,
Starting point is 00:14:35 What good? Why are we here? What's the point? And it's that it's gone on for millions of years before us, gone for millions of years after us, like a play that we can contribute one verse and the power in that, right? Just waking up and understanding that we have the ability to create our own history, our own little universe, to change the way things are, to leave our mark. And so he's talking about, I mentioned the kids huddled around him. He's like, you want to be businessmen and lawyers and engineers and doctors,
Starting point is 00:15:22 and that's incredible. It's a noble pursuit. We need those things to sustain life. The reason poetry is important. Reason things like love and passion and beauty are important. It's because those are the things that we live life for. They are the pinnacle of what it is to be human. And every day you can decide what to do with that.
Starting point is 00:15:55 You can delve into it to change, to grow yourself, and in essence, improve the world around you. You can play a part in something much bigger than you. And it doesn't have to be this grandiose thing. It's using what you have where you are. And the impact you can make is infinite. Never forget that enormous things are just the culmination of small things. Little decisions.
Starting point is 00:16:37 Because for those of you thinking, I'm just one person. You know, what difference does it make? And why would my verse matter and the, you know, the grand scheme of things, the great play of life? Well, I have a follow-up for you. I thought this was beautiful, too. You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you. But that's an insult to me.
Starting point is 00:17:03 I know about you. Right? Everyone touches someone. And the ability to impact those in your immediate circle, it just can't be understated. Sometimes I worry that we don't value ourselves and our ability to be an agent for change the way that we should. You know, every single person watching this can change themselves, can grow. And I'm not talking about, you know, who you are. I'm talking about moving towards your greatness.
Starting point is 00:17:52 So back to the main theme, right, in this play of life, what is your role? What is your verse going to say? Because it matters. It matters more than you know. It matters to you because it's an opportunity. And it's a chance to live every day to the fullest, to embark upon, you know, the important things in life, the elements of being human that really matter, passion, purpose, enjoying what's around you, growing, learning, and in essence, helping others do the same.
Starting point is 00:18:28 When you delve into your greatness, it changes the world. There's a quote attributed to Lincoln. He says, be sure to put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. The other day I was listening to Dan Carlin's podcast called Hardcore History. which side note is an incredible podcast. Guys, a brilliant storyteller. And as I was listening, there's a specific idea that I wanted to dive into,
Starting point is 00:19:29 an idea that I believe if we make an effort to understand and fully commit to, is capable of changing our lives. But first, some quick context. So Dan starts off this episode called King of Kings, talking about the Battle of Thermopyla. in the year of 480 BC in ancient Greece, it's that famous story that a lot of us know, where King Leonidas leads that small army, which includes 300 Spartans against this massive Persian military force that's invading.
Starting point is 00:20:06 And the quick version is essentially Xerxes, who's the king of the Persian Empire, and in charge of that massive army, tells the much smaller Spartan force that it's a very small. If they lay down their weapons, if they submit to him and let the Persians pass, no harm will be inflicted upon them. They'll be free to go, go about their lives. And here's the famous line. In response to the Persian command to lay down their weapons, the Spartans respond, Malon LeBay, which means come and take them. It's a Spartan's way of saying, look, the only way we're laying these weapons down is if you rip them from our cold dead hands. With everything on the line, the odds stacked against them, the ground beneath them, basically shaking from the march of a far superior fighting force, moving directly towards their location, they would not let go of their principles.
Starting point is 00:21:14 They were fighting for something bigger than them. And I couldn't stop thinking about this idea long after I hit pause on the episode. I guess I was awestruck by the power of living life with that type of conviction. Because I know in my soul that's a North Star I should be gravitating towards. We all should. The strength to be unrelenting with regard to that which we care about. The aforementioned quote from Lincoln about finding the right place. place for our feet and then holding steady.
Starting point is 00:21:58 With everything you have, all that you are holding firm. I just couldn't get that out of my head. And then it came to me that that invading force represents so much in our personal lives. So many things. One example, being the difficult or adverse circumstances, our trying times, when you're most likely to concede that perhaps you're no bigger
Starting point is 00:22:31 than that world around you. Maybe life is a movie and I'm merely the audience. My job is to clap, laugh, gasp, or cry. Am I cog in a wheel, a line in a script? Powerless. In which case, you should be reminded of Victor Frankel's famous observation. that everything can be taken from a man but one thing,
Starting point is 00:23:00 the last of the human freedoms, to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. In other words, the outside world may change. It may evolve, but it will never have power over how you choose to internalize and view what's happening. That's innately yours.
Starting point is 00:23:29 So when the circumstances feel like they demand more than you can give, when they suggest you leave your interpretation of life behind, the correct response is, as the Spartans defiantly said, come and take it. That army could represent a pushback against your values, the pillars of your individual foundation that you feel amidst all. the pressure tempted to let go off. After all, it's easier to retreat than stand toe to toe to with others. It's easier to abandon than it is to defend, at least in the short term. But as Victor Hugo writes, you have enemies, good. That means you've stood up for something sometime in your life. The enemies, obviously not being the point, I'm a believer in the conservation of enemy approach to life. Allies just pragmatically get you a lot further.
Starting point is 00:24:35 But here's the reality. Anyone who stands for something will undoubtedly create divide. They'll be criticized and condemned. And when one feels the pressure of that criticism, they must understand that it does not invalidate who they are. Or their worldview, that is yours. You are the only one who can. give up or relinquish that control.
Starting point is 00:25:02 So as the Spartan said, come and take it. And then lastly, my thoughts went to little things that make us who we are. Those tiny pieces of ourselves that we little by little, one by one over time give away, the concessions that fade into the background as we evolve to fit in so that we don't stand out. As Emerson beautifully put it, to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. And so that attacking army just might be the universe attempting to mold you to it. Perhaps not all at once, but more like that frog placed in water and put on the stove. But the heat increasing so slowly over time that he doesn't realize the heat will soon overtake him.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Externalities do not dictate. They are objects in need of meaning and you are the architect here. If it means something to you, it's worth holding on to during the difficult times and the easy time. When it's popular and when it's not, there is value within you specific to you, a value that must be nurtured in order to expand. can't and won't see that. The world around you may even with all its complexities seek to suppress it. But that flame is there, it's there and it's yours. And to anyone or anything
Starting point is 00:26:45 looking to extinguish its light, come and take it. After all, what is a life if not one lived on your own terms? The goal is not to simply exist, but to define the plane on which you'll evolve, to devise your own parameters, be yourself as that world looks to make you something else. So here's to digging deep, to finding within yourself the courage to stand up to the great armies of chaos, conflict, adversity, and their perpetual conquest. To remember how strong you are, you have as you navigate the unknowns and redefine the right nows. Don't let your strength be the thing you give away. Don't let your heart be what gets left behind. Don't let your thoughts become illusions of what could have been if only you'd held on. And look, I'm not saying
Starting point is 00:28:01 it's easy. In fact, I know that the meaningful road will necessarily be the one that required the most of us that makes us question who we are and where we're going. It will ask that when our minds race with doubt and our knees shake with fear, we find a way to stand regardless. To walk to our demons, look them square in the eye and proclaim that whatever it takes we are willing to give. That we will fight until there's nothing left. Go until we can go no further and hold it.
Starting point is 00:28:37 and hold with conviction all that matters most. So the next time light demands that you fall back or bow down, the next time chaos emerges in the distance and asks only that you lay down your arm. Here's to being strong enough, certain enough, courageous enough, to say one thing and one thing only, Come and take them.
Starting point is 00:29:39 Ready to prioritize yourself in the new year, your skin is a great place to start. Dime Beauty, founded by a master esthetician, is more than just a skincare company. With four skin-conscious categories, skincare, beauty, body care, and fragrance, Dime offers simple, spa-worthy products that will help you enter 2025 with confidence.
Starting point is 00:29:59 Whether you're revitalizing your regimen with nourishing products or building one from scratch, Dime makes it easy. The work system, Our all-in-one best-selling routine includes a cleanser of your choice, toner, serums, and moisturizers, taking the guess work out of skin care for your healthiest, happiest skin yet. Dime's commitment to clean ingredients and sustainable packaging ensures every product is
Starting point is 00:30:21 as gentle on your skin as it is on the planet. With thousands of glowing five-star reviews and a loyal community, the results speak for themselves. Revive your skin and give yourself the routine refresh you deserve by visiting dimebeautycom. That's dime beauty, co.com. Your best skin awaits. There's a saying that in order to become something new,
Starting point is 00:30:51 you have to leave something behind. You have to detach in some capacity, remove yourself from the physical realm because the obstacles that we face are not physical. 99% of our problems are not physical. They're mental. And you know, as you sort of, of drive that metaphorical ship into the horizon.
Starting point is 00:31:22 The biggest turn is never gonna be the anchor or the headwind or the bowline. No, it's going to be the storyline. It's gonna be the narrative of the person navigating that ship. And it's interesting, because our first inclination when we feel stuck, it's always to point out, attribute our problems to the world in this predetermined position within it.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Maybe that's the issue. We take our power, we put it into the universe, cross our fingers, and hope things work out. But that will always be a losing proposition. It will always come crumbling down. Because it's not the world that keeps you from showing up. You're not physically incapable of taking that first step, or growing, or evolving, develop
Starting point is 00:32:21 becoming something new, no, that demon lives in your head. That's the mental Goliath we struggle with. Right? Because there's cognitive dissonance between who we know ourselves to be and who we want ourselves to be. That's the sea we have to cross, the terrain we have to navigate. It's not the physicality of taking the steps. Anyone can do that.
Starting point is 00:32:48 It's believing that you are worthy of the, journey. And you have to ask yourself, is it that you can't become something new? Or is it that you can't, won't refuse to detach from who you used to be? You're still tucked away in that container, that box you've been building for years and years and years that you've placed yourself in because I can promise you. One of the most liberating things to understand is yesterday. is not a life sentence. Yesterday's not forever. Yesterday's not defining.
Starting point is 00:33:30 It's simply a stepping stone. And every morning when you open your eyes, sun comes through the window, illuminates life around you. That's never your cue to put on a fake smile. Play the same role you've been playing day after day after day. No, it's an invitation to do anything you want to do. To begin again, to start fresh.
Starting point is 00:33:55 It's an opportunity to detach from that character. Detach from the people and the things that don't push you towards what you want. Detach from the negative self-talk. And when all that's gone, everything is removed and it's only you and your self-belief, a will to move forward. I promise you that pendulum shifts. Life becomes simple and how we're going to be. beautiful simplicity is. It's shining a spotlight on what matters. It's clarity. It's taking control.
Starting point is 00:34:29 It's picking up the clay and molding what you want to mold. It's opening the door and deciding to walk through. Everything else is variable. Everything else is noise. Everything else is detail and distraction. Because what you want, it's there. And it's waiting for you to simply remove yourself from who you used to be to step into right now and believe that you are worthy of everything else. There's a quote that states
Starting point is 00:35:28 life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Which means that your reaction is drastically more important than the circumstance. And that's critical to know. It's critical to understand that Nothing. No one in life has more power over your own situation than you. And there's an old story that hits on this point. Exactly. There's a father and a daughter.
Starting point is 00:36:03 And basically the daughter's complaining. She's complaining about life, how difficult things are. She's just not how she's going to make it in whatever it is she's doing. I mean, the bottom line is she's tired of the day to day. right and her father gets this idea he says come with me into the kitchen and he gets three pots of water puts them on the stove and turns the burner's own as soon as they start boiling he drops a potato in the first one an egg in the second one and some coffee beans in the third one and after some time goes by and they boil a little bit he pulls them out right he puts the potato in a bowl he puts the egg in a and he takes a ladle and he puts some of the coffee in a cup. He says, what do you see?
Starting point is 00:36:49 She says, well, I see a potato. I see eggs and I see coffee. He says, yeah, but look closer. There's more there. And she goes and she touches the potato and it's now soft. And he hands her the bowl with the boiled egg. And she takes the shell off and breaks it open. She sees that it's hard inside.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Then finally, he asked her to take a sip of the coffee and she smells it, she takes a sip, and the smile comes to her face. She says, so what does all this mean? What are you trying to say? And he says, well, the potato, when I dropped it in the water, it was rigid, it was tough, it was uncompromising, but in the boiling water, it became soft, weak.
Starting point is 00:37:31 Then you have the egg that was basically the opposite. This delicate layer, protecting a liquid center, and the boiling water made it hard. And then there was the coffee. That wasn't just changed by the situation. It created something new. It took the same adversity and used it as a lever
Starting point is 00:37:56 to bring something beautiful into existence. He then looks at his daughter and says, look, when things become challenging, when things become difficult, which one are you? What's your approach? See, maybe the question is not about how challenging this situation is, right? Maybe we've been asking the wrong question.
Starting point is 00:38:21 Maybe it's how do you transform yourself and by default the world around you? How do you take your strengths, your values, your loves, your joys, your happiness, and let that lead you into something bigger? When life gets hard And it does What do you become? I always remind myself You know we are not defined by life
Starting point is 00:38:54 At peak state As much as I wish that were the case Right we're not shaped by the easy days Or the times that we floated by Because those times are great They're enjoyable but they're not what make or break us It's the times that challenge us and ask us to be what we have not yet become. That's the good stuff.
Starting point is 00:39:23 And this is another one of those simple but not easy type things because on paper it makes sense. It's understood. But it's an outlook that manifests over time. It's slowly stacked piece by piece and brick by brick. Realizing that every situation provides you with tools. to make something out of an apparent nothing. And then it waits, right? Because fate is in your hands.
Starting point is 00:39:55 And I can certainly think of, you know, times in my life, that's one of the reasons I love these stories. I can reflect where each one of those pots of boiling water was relevant. I can think of times I was too headstrong, like the metaphorical potato. I thought success would be easy. I thought projects would be simple to execute. I spent months doing things
Starting point is 00:40:16 that just weren't good, because I didn't ask, what is the world need? I asked myself, what do I want to give the world? And there has to be a marriage there, right? And it was a quick reminder that the world owes me nothing. I was humbled or softened as the story goes. I've been the egg, I've been timid, I've been uncertain, thin-skinned, worrying about what people would say or the content I was creating, worried about perception.
Starting point is 00:40:45 How would things look if, if I failed. And very quickly, I learned that when life is a game of comparison or one-upmanship, when you do things for reasons and people other than yourself, can't win. You overcompensate. You do things for the wrong reasons, and you lose yourself,
Starting point is 00:41:07 you become hardened. And then there's the good stuff, right? Getting to the coffee, not bowing down to the circumstances, but shaping them. Not letting life dictate how the story goes or the fate of your character. And what's interesting is I'm pretty sure that being that metaphorical egg and the potato,
Starting point is 00:41:31 they lay the foundation to become the coffee, the life lessons, the falling down, the picking my ego up off the floor, learning to trust myself, not be led by the opinions and expectations of others, you essentially learn that you can take the world around you and change it, that it is malleable, it is flexible. You have that power.
Starting point is 00:42:00 You have that ability. It's up to you to believe it. And that's critical because no one comes along and cosigns that understanding for you. It's an internal process. You start to learn that things aren't there to provide instruction. they're there to propel you. But can you see the unknown is the opportunity, the obstacle is the way,
Starting point is 00:42:26 and the loss is the armor that you pick up during the journey? And so, you know, all of these words essentially come to one point. And that point is you have so much more control over your life than you think you do. As I've said before, you are stronger than you think you are. You are more resilient than you can even imagine. And when life tests you, and again, it will, remember that the challenges are not happening to you, but for you.
Starting point is 00:43:08 The world isn't taking away what you have, it's giving you what you need. so long as you're willing to adapt with it, to grow, expand out, because you not only have the ability to change yourself, but the world as well. I came across a quote recently that said the road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. I thought this demonstrated or captured a realization that's pretty hard to articulate. And that is just how tempting it is to rationalize, stopping, or discontinuing your journey when life gets tough. How much sense it always makes to want to call it quits when things get uncomfortable. It's like it's not just that doing something valuable
Starting point is 00:44:21 is hard. It's that it's hard and every three feet there's an invitation to not have to do it anymore. There's an endless supply of exit signs and escape routes. Therefore, accomplishing a goal is simultaneously saying yes to the challenging things, while also saying no to the comfortable things. It's fighting off two demons at once. The good news, though, is that you were made to do just that. You just have to change the way you internalize the process. You have to change what you see along the way. I talk a lot about perfection as the enemy. And that's something I wholeheartedly believe to be true. But I generally talk about it in the context of perfection keeping us from starting. Right? I try and unveil perfection as this defense mechanism that it truly is. Oh, things
Starting point is 00:45:28 aren't perfect. I'll wait. Things aren't exactly where I want them to be. then I won't go. Emphasizing that it's in going that perfection is crafted, like a statue being chiseled from stone. You fall, you get back up and find that in doing so, you end up with a little more clarity than you had when you started. You let the trials and tribulations of the journey refine the product. And so that's the beginning, right?
Starting point is 00:46:02 That's finding the courage to start, removing the idea of, perfect when really it's just our fears masked. But what about when you've already started? What about when you're underway, when you're in the midst of those trials and tribulations? Because we all know this. When you're in pain, your body wants one thing to remove yourself from the pain. When things are uncomfortable, your default is to seek out those affirmation. parking spaces. Reprieve from the grasp of the unknown. Things aren't perfect, then I'm done
Starting point is 00:46:48 here. Things feel awkward or uncomfortable or unclear, then why bother? What I want to do right now is make the argument that it's most important to continue forward when we're in these moments. It's most critical to move forward when the road is unclear and those tempting parking spaces start revealing themselves. Things are not perfect, maybe even far from perfect. And this is right about the time when we forget why we started. I've run into this in my past, right, particularly with injuries. There was a period in my not too distant past
Starting point is 00:47:33 when my ankle and shoulder were simultaneously messed up, right? So couldn't run, couldn't really do any upper body work. My physical activity really took a dive. Right, so I'm a little discouraged. And sure enough, I found the eat whatever you want parking space. It's like, who cares? You're not working out. What's the point?
Starting point is 00:47:56 Just focus on the business. Put a pause on all that stuff. And then eating whatever I wanted became, well, what's the point of getting up at five when I could just get up at seven? I sleep two hours longer is how I rationalize it. It's not like I'm going to be running. And then there goes some very important, alone time, thinking time, and you can see how easily the wheels sort of fall off the wagon.
Starting point is 00:48:22 Not because you're a bad person or don't want the result, but because the second thing stopped being perfect or working the way I wanted them to, I found a parking space. There will be few stretches of time in life when everything's perfect. Things going exactly how you want them to. It will simply be the exception, not the rule. And then the question becomes, can you put your head down and continue forward knowing that life will call for adaptation and adjustment? But that those tempting exit signs are not for you. They are weakness.
Starting point is 00:49:09 They are for those who forget their strength and their courage. I mentioned a little while ago that growth is fighting two demons. Saying yes to the mountain ahead and no to the off-round. But when you step back and look at things different, you change the dynamic. You put the odds in your favor. When the off ramps become reminders of your strength as you pass them one by one, indicators of your commitment to move forward. And when the mountain ahead becomes merely the way, not some giant sacrifice or monster, but
Starting point is 00:49:54 merely a path, things simplify in a way that empowers you on your mission. There is no perfect or imperfect. There is adjusting when necessary and taking the next little step along the way. In using the previous example, it's like, I'm injured, okay? This will definitely be a time for adjustment. Maybe it's yoga, stretching, practicing, being more patient, maybe greater emphasis on meditation, mental strength, whatever it is, but we don't stop. We continue stepping forward. The next step will look a little different, but that's all. If perfect is a standard one seeking to maintain, they'll always be pulling over.
Starting point is 00:50:45 They'll always be backing off because very rarely do we have stretches of perfection. Life is an adjustment game, not a perfection game. Life asks, what can you do when your hands are tied behind your back? What can you do when you're tired? What can you do when you've just endured loss? When your pride hurts, your plans fail. And trust me, that's when you see all those off-ramps. That's when something in the back of your mind says,
Starting point is 00:51:20 hey, all this goes away if you just throw in the towel. Just go seek perfection somewhere else. you'll find it there. But you can chase that rabbit down a million paths. There is no perfection waiting for you, and there is no flawless pursuit. Life comes down to what will you do now, where you are with what you have,
Starting point is 00:51:45 can you find a way to win when it hurts? Look, we all need to understand that life is innately difficult. And success calls for a simplification that is adapting and stepping forward. That's all. Things are hard, you step. Things don't go as you planned, you adapt, and you step. But you are always moving towards that North Star.
Starting point is 00:52:17 Whatever it is for you, it's deeming those parking spaces insignificant with regard to your life and your journey. Quitting is not brought about by the external world, No, failure is a decision. Failure is saying, you know what, this costs more effort than I'm willing to pay. Those parking spaces have become more tempting than the top of this mountain. Failure is a choice.
Starting point is 00:52:48 And so, for one to succeed, they must simply stay in motion. Choose adaptation over a self-imposed end. Yeah, enjoy those ones. moments of perfection, the times the stars do align. But see them as the exception, not the rule. We are not defined when things are great. We are defined by our ability to pick up the pieces and keep moving forward when they're not. Our lives are shaped by the exits. We don't take the parking spaces. We don't even notice as we ascend the mountain that is life. Because Anything other than the road ahead was never an option.
Starting point is 00:53:37 You didn't succeed because things were perfect. You succeeded because you found a way to win when they weren't. Let's talk about fear. One of the most interesting aspects of being human. Our fear of touching the stove prevents us from burning our hand. In many ways, it's our greatest protector. But it's also outdated. It can obstruct us from the things that we want most.
Starting point is 00:54:18 For thousands and thousands of years, it has kept our species alive. Those who weren't afraid or skeptical of the dark cave or the rustling in the bushes, they probably didn't make it too long back in the day, right? They would have been weeded out. But the thing is life today is very different than it was back then. We don't have to fear for our life going to get food anymore. to get food anymore. The tricky part is that in many ways, our cognitive processes are still the same. We are wired to be afraid. And this can be a problem, because if these fears limit our ability
Starting point is 00:54:56 to grow or live the life that we want to live, then that fear, that primal instinct can be a barrier. Because the human body will always take the path of least resistance. And for us, that means avoiding the problem. It's just easier. If I'm scared of public speaking, it is exponentially easier for me to avoid the problem and not deal with it. I can eliminate the pain and discomfort by simply staying home. But here's the issue with that mentality. Life is too short and too precious to waste. Think about all the opportunities we'd miss. If we ran the other way and hid every time we were afraid. If we never pushed ourselves, if we never broke through the barrier of the unknown and sought out more, it would be a tragedy. We'd live a fraction of the life that we're capable
Starting point is 00:55:49 of living. So the big question is how? How do we overcome fear? Well, it turns out the answer is simple. It's just not easy. If you've ever jumped into a freezing cold pool, you'll be able to relate to this. As soon as your body hits the water, you go through extreme discomfort, pins, needles, that quick shock you feel. The only thing on your mind is being out of the pool, being warm. But as time goes by, this changes. Your body acclimates. You adjust. And after five minutes, you can get out, you can jump back in. There's no discomfort. You're completely fine. Well, facing our fears falls a very similar pattern. The more we expose, ourselves to a certain stimulus, the more comfortable we become.
Starting point is 00:56:40 Tim Ferriss references this in the context of going to a crowded place, a sprawling out on the floor, lying on your back as people walk by. It's an incredibly difficult and anxiety-inducing thing to do. It goes against every instinct we have, but something happens when you get back up. You've taught your brain that there are no negative repercussions, that it's over okay. And this pushes the bar a little higher, makes you a little braver, stretches your boundaries a little further. Emphasizing the point that to get what we want out of life, to overcome fear, to be better than we were yesterday, we cannot avoid what makes us uncomfortable. Quite the opposite,
Starting point is 00:57:23 we need more exposure to it. To destroy your fears, you need to muster up the courage to stare in the face. And that's tough, right? Our mind tricks us into thinking about worst-case scenario. But if you can change your mentality to see not the downside, but the upside, life changes along with it. Now the scariest outcome isn't failure or having to backtrack or being wrong. The scariest outcome is doing nothing.
Starting point is 00:57:55 What we eventually learn is that dark, mysterious unknown isn't how. Half as scary as standing still and watching life go by.

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