Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero - REBUILD YOURSELF | Powerful Motivational Speeches | Wake Up Positive

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw

There's an old quote that states 80% of life is showing up. Now, showing up means many different things to many different people, but the idea is not complicated. You can't do anything of significance unless you have first and foremost arrived. Which brings me to today. See, I had a list of concepts I've been excited to talk about things that I've either read or have been recent epiphanies in my life. life. And I can't wait to share those with you. But this morning, oh, let me tell you about this morning. Finding the energy to do anything, felt like trying to squeeze blood from a rock. I woke up with a headache, exhausted because I didn't sleep at all the night before. And you know that feeling.

Like when you didn't sleep at all the night before, you're oddly constantly reminding yourself the next day that you didn't sleep. And everything just felt off. And really, as I'm speaking now, things still kind of do. And so I got up and I sort of played with the idea of taking today off altogether. Maybe I'm due for one anyway. I thought about resting. The little devil with the pitchfork on my shoulder continuously reminded me how great sleep would feel. And I was sitting there kind of weighing my options.

Took some IP-profen, started the coffee, sat down on the couch, just kind of looking at the wall, what to do, what to do, what to. to do, but realistically, I knew. And I want to explain why. Over the years, I've taught myself through repetition that's sitting down and writing and recording, unless I plan intentionally to do otherwise, is it non-negotiable? It's helped me see that the goal, in any meaningful pursuit, should be getting to the point where despite the circumstances, you show up. Stephen Pressfield, whose voice often echoes in my mind

when I come face to face with these situations. He wrote, art is war. Between ourselves and the forces of self-sabotage that would stop us from doing our work. The artist is a warrior. Artist, being anyone bringing something to the world that does not yet exist, And he goes on to describe the battle with the mind over sitting down in that chair and writing

when we know we must write but don't want to. When a tired or distracted mind begins looking for off-ramps, as mine clearly started doing this morning. These seemingly trivial moments, when any rational soul could argue for the validity of postponing their date with Microsoft Word, will they come to matter more than ever? because greatness is a byproduct of intentionality. If you become accustomed to breaking promises to yourself,

if you leave that door cracked for exceptions here and there, it will ultimately be kicked open. And that's why I inject little reminders like that into my life to keep that mental muscle working. For example, there can never be dishes left in my sink when I go to bed. Why? Because if I skip it once, there will always exist reasons to skip again. It's a very easy thing to not care about. Because here is the reality.

Progress is a lifestyle. Growth is a lifestyle. At least if we're talking about any meaningful type of evolution. I just finished reading, It Takes What It Takes, by Trevor Moad. One of those three to five hour listens on Audible depending on how fast it's playing, and really packs a punch. And I'm going to be diving into a few of his concepts

a little more in the coming weeks, but one thing he discusses that I found incredibly valuable is the illusion of choice. And what the illusion of choice highlights is that there are a set of behaviors that must be carried out to be effective. The idea of alternate roots is an illusion.

There are no choices, when it comes to what's necessary. We know what must be done to win. Now, knowing that is one thing. Knowing that and having to propel yourself to action when you feel like garbage is something different entirely. But that's why it's so valuable to get to that place where you can take the emotion out,

remove the internal deliberation, and automate the things you know are going to help push you to be that better version of yourself. In other words, you show up for you, period, and that is a non-negotiable. The level we all need to get to. And I'm thinking about this, drawing parallels to a lot of different aspects of my day,

right, the interval training I have this afternoon. When you're exhausted, 40 minutes in and are switching from squats to mountain climbers or whatever it is, right? instructor makes the announcement, I don't think about anything. I don't give myself a chance to try and rationalize any weakness. I know. If this is important to me, keep that door shut. No thinking, just doing next. Simply doing what you always do, what you've signed up for, cannot be self-perceived as some monumental sacrifice. No, it's just what you do. It's neutral.

Sometimes you feel like it. Sometimes you don't. But you do what you do. And that puts you on track to accomplish some incredible things. And so remembering this, ultimately pushed me through that studio door this morning and placed me down right in front of my mic. Sure, I had to adjust some things. Definitely picked some, you know, mellower music.

There's going to be no crescendos today, or my head will explode. But this is not torture. In fact, I'm really happy with the way the episode's turning out. I would have missed out on something that I think is going to be pretty valuable in a variety of ways. But what I'm telling myself is that this is not a victory. It's certainly not defeat. It's just what I do. And so the question worth asking yourself,

when facing the adversity life presents, and whatever arena you were in is are you willing to show up for you? Can you turn that internal deliberation switch off when it comes to the necessities before you? Minimize that rationalizing that I battled with this morning. We don't need or want that. There should be no thinking, no crack doors,

no metaphorical dishes in the sink. If you decide something is, important and you signed that dotted line when it's time to execute you act and then you move directly onto the next the goal is to not even negotiate with weakness now that's not to say Pressfield's aforementioned War of Art won't rage on as you journey to the new horizons you've set out for but just like anything it's an understanding that will help you focus. We'll help you say no to the distractions and the minutia and continue writing your story,

constructing your reality line by line and piece by piece. When I was a little bit younger, my grandfather would make a point to pull me aside every so often and say, Eddie, you are stronger than you think you are. You know, at the time, it didn't really resonate with me, right? I kind of smiled, act appreciative, and moved on. But then that thing called life happens, you know, when you start to see the ups and downs, you experience the hardships.

And no one's there to tell you how to act or how to handle it. But your response is what makes all the difference. And I look back now to that message. And can't help but wonder if I'd be able to, be where I'm at today without it, because it's not just a reminder. It's not something that goes on a sticky note and hangs on a wall. It's so much more. It's the reason that I can navigate through change, through loss, the reason I don't fear failure.

See, nothing ever happened that I couldn't get through. And you don't realize that unless you look back. If you decide to rise to the occasion you will. You're 100% capable of doing more than you ever. imagined. Reality is a narrative and you are always stronger than you think you are. Life is not some puzzle to be solved. It's never about hiding or worrying or eliminating all bad fortune. It's about knowing that you can and will get through everything, that nothing can push you down and keep you there.

Maybe the worst is yet to come. Maybe it's not, but the best of you. That's that That is undiscovered. And through the very hardship that you once feared, you'll be able to paint a portrait of the new you, brush stroke by brush stroke. And see, back then, I didn't get that. I didn't know that growing up men enduring difficulty, I didn't know what I was truly capable of.

But years have passed and now I know that I am stronger than I thought I was. And while life is not certain, my character confidence stands alone. It's the reason that I run towards my dreams, never away from them, and neither should you. Don't forget that, because during even the worst of days, the darkest of nights, you are always stronger than you think you are. We are, in some ways helpless to what occurs around us. There are things that are beyond our control. But the gift we possess, our power, if you will,

is the ability to determine what we let in, how we internalize the externalities. We are responsible for being the gatekeepers of our minds, protectors of our worlds. There's a little saying that I aim to, to live by, it's incredibly simple. Basically, the idea is, if something is not a net positive on your life, start working to eliminate it.

If there's a person that is draining, creating more negative than positive, then they don't deserve to be in your world. Stop letting them in. If there's some place you're going that doesn't align with what you value, start working to eliminate that destination from your day. today, stop letting it in. If you find yourself constantly thinking about worst-case scenarios, it's always, well, what if this goes wrong or that goes wrong? If you find yourself missing the opportunity and instead spotlighting the problem, start working to identify and isolate those

thoughts so that they can be eliminated. Stop letting that stuff in. The great part about having so much control over our lives and our perspectives is that we get to choose what gets our time and attention. The tough part, though, and it is tough, is that it means we also have to ask ourselves questions that perhaps we don't want to ask. We have to be honest with ourselves, like truly honest, and the reality is sometimes it hurts to do that. To ask, how am I contributing to this pain, this struggle? What am I letting in that needs to be kept outside the gate from now on? And what we often find is that the answers are there. The opportunity is there, sometimes even in plain view. But our attention is often diverted from it and instead allocated to the things

that don't even serve us or align with who we are. We've habitualized, finding the problems and not the solutions. And I can list examples of this over the course of my life all day, right? Epiphanies where I realized I needed to defend the thoughts that enter my mind and better cultivate a world where I can succeed, where I can be happy. Money, for example, to switch from seeing it as a scarce resource, something that everyone's fighting over, how to outmaneuver the guy to the right of me,

how to get my hands on this elusive object. Nope, block that mentality at the gate and let in instead the idea that money is merely an exchange of value. How can I be more valuable to more people? Where value goes, wealth follows. Or as I've talked about before, the injuries I deal with so frequently, right? Keeping the poor me, or I can't deal,

with this or whining, I'm willing to put in the work, why won't life let me succeed? Keep all that outside the gate and let in, here is an opportunity to get better in other areas. I can't lift. Maybe I'll take a month or two to crush cardio, to eat better, to build mental acuity. Find a way. Or maybe it's that person who made their way into my life that over time became a net negative, that we've gotten to the point where our coexistence takes away. takes away more than it has.

They no longer belong inside the gate, in my world, right? Only let in people who do make your life better. And we have control over all of this. It's about accountability. It's about personally understanding the authority you have over what comes in and what stays out. Very few things in life are just because. Things exist in our day to day

because we have somewhere along the line allowed them to be there. So take some time to see yourself as the gatekeeper of your world. Audit what you're letting in and what you're keeping out. To do so will set you up for a life on your terms. A life that's not wasted

or even merely endured but one that's lived to the fullest. I was having dinner not too long ago with a friend of mine. I see him as somewhat of a mentor as well. He's a bit older as a couple decades on me as an entrepreneur

and we were talking about personal development, different ways to invest in yourself, what has the most ROI kind of throwing ideas back and forth. And I started talking about different coaches I've linked up with some of my observations on that.

And he jumped right into this story says Eddie way back in the day I paid a huge amount of money to spend the weekend with someone that I admired as an entrepreneur as a business mind with the intent to learn about him his systems his approach to his business and life the whole thing it was basically an investment into my journey and he went on to say I arrived for the weekend didn't take me long to feel completely underwhelmed, completely let down. Everything about the guy in his organization was sloppy, nothing seemed to be methodical, very little was extraordinary or groundbreaking. He said,

I couldn't believe it, you know, especially after tens of thousands of dollars spent, right? He spent a lot of money. Couldn't believe that someone, he looked up to it, so little to offer. And I'm sitting there just kind of like wide-eyed. Like, oh, man, and almost instinctively, I said, man, you must have been so angry. And he goes in this cheerful voice, oh, I wasn't angry at all. This is a direct quote. He says, it was the best money I've ever spent in my life. I said, oh yeah, how?

He says, it was that day I learned that, hey, if this clown can do it, if this guy can pull it off, what in the world is stopping me? What's my excuse? basically said that day has been directly correlated to the success he's had since. Wow. Right? To which I responded, hey, thank you for the theme to what will become this Monday's YouTube video, right? Because the world needs to hear this message.

So many of us need this. There's a tendency to put other people, people we don't know, people we know nothing about, right, on a pedestal. see ourselves as perpetual outsiders looking in, this notion that they have what I don't, when so often that thing they have is simply, even solely, self-belief. I know so many competent people that second-guess themselves out of starting or growth or progress. They see their inadequacies as substantially greater than their strengths. They don't go, because they contemplate, they don't speak, because they internalize, they don't create, because they worry.

And it's like, if you don't, someone else will. And that's someone else could very easily be less suited for the job. But they did the thing that you wouldn't. The thing, as it turns out, that matters most. They trusted themselves to give it a shot. They understood that nothing starts until one looks in the mirror and believes in the pair of eyes staring back. And I look back and it just all makes perfect sense. You know, I think of the frustration in my parents' faces when I was a kid.

It would say, I can't do that. It was the frustration of people who care deeply about me watching me get in my own way. Yes, you can, Eddie, you are the one stopping you. You know, my grandfather's saying everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time. No one is that special. And I think it's a critical reminder. It's not to say that success isn't warranted, that people who have done great things aren't qualified or talented or haven't earned it.

No, not at all. The opposite, in fact. Time plus effort, plus consistency, tends to land people in pretty remarkable places. But it's like, No one takes that path or starts that journey unless they see themselves as worthy of it until they give themselves permission.

It makes you wonder how many people are simply too intimidated to lace up their shoes and walk out the front door. Don't even give it the thought. Hey, that's someone else's reality. I'm confined to this space right here. Think back to the early days of any incredible transformation. I'm going to use a pretty cliche example, but I think it will do a great job of demonstrating my point.

Think back to Michael Jordan playing JV basketball in high school, his sophomore year because he didn't make the varsity team. And at that point, if he was looking for evidence as to why he wasn't quite good enough, there it was. He could have easily found it, not skilled enough. Not quick enough, lacks vision. Certainly, as his coach pointed out, not tall enough. What in the world gave him the right,

despite his circumstances, to think he was good enough to ultimately play at a high level? Who gave him permission to be that guy? He did. And it's just that. We don't see or think about any of that now. We see the NBA legend, the greatest ever, forgetting that at one point he wasn't.

And his life continuously consisted of crossroads where he had to bet on himself. Times where instead of accepting outcomes that weren't ideal, he sacrificed. He said, I do not accept that. He put in ours, which is a concept that we take for granted, right? People don't sacrifice unless they believe something will come from the blood, sweat, and tears.

He believed that it would. you have to believe that it will as well. In fact, your life, if you started right now, made a little dot or mark on the present moment, then you could live two simultaneous existences at once. One track where you saw yourself as something extraordinary and sought to live that out. And the other track,

where the same you saw greatness as some, intimidating larger than life, reality reserved for other people, the few. You viewed yourself as an outsider, average, incapable, undeserving. The difference between where those tracks would end up would be worlds apart. Again, because humans follow through on who they believe themselves to be. We don't do things unless we believe they're possible. We don't sacrifice unless there's something. sort of delayed gratification. We don't climb unless there exists a summit. What makes life both

beautiful and mysterious is that we have to arrive at those outcomes before they exist. As Babe Ruth famously said in that article in the 1940s, it's hard to beat a person who never gives up. And it's hard to beat them because they believe themselves worthy of what they are chasing. So when will you? When will you find yourself worthy of that next level? When will you find yourself worthy of the financial success, the physique, the significant other, growth in your business? When will you let yourself be more or different or happy or whatever it is that seems just outside the scope of your reality?

This world is built by people who understood what they wanted and granted themselves the freedom to pursue it. No superhuman strength required to place greater value on yourself. No record-breaking IQ necessary to live life on your terms, just a choice. Truly, a decision.

And sure, it will be strange and awkward at first. You'll feel like an imposter in your own body at times. After all, getting what you've never had means doing what you've never done, but this is par for the course. This is life. And life cannot give you what you don't ask for. You can't arrive at a destination. You're not traveling. You can't be who you don't believe you're capable of becoming. So know that that aforementioned reflection in the mirror has a depth to it. That must be explored. And that what separates immobes immobility from infinity is the understanding that, hey, if it's possible, then it is most

definitely possible for me. So you're stepping onto a rocket ship, leaving planet Earth, and you have one message to give to the world before you take off. What is it? For me, it's an easy one. It's that life is not. as serious as we make it out to be. It's the most important thing I've learned. And perhaps the simplicity of that message might make people a little uneasy or take them by surprise, right? How exactly is it helpful? Well, I'll explain.

Waking up every day is not an obligation or requirement. It's not another test or make or break audition to impress those around you. It's a gift. It's a challenge. It's something to be explored. If the odds of being alive, living, breathing, or one in 400 trillion, you've won. You have, as you sit or stand right now, already done the miraculous. So why not cash in?

Why not live, push boundaries? To live scared. To play safe or do nothing with your life is like winning the lottery and keeping that bag full of cash under your bed for the rest of your life because you're scared of what could happen to it. It defeats the purpose entirely. And I'm not exaggerating. This mentality has changed my life. If I lose, who cares? If people laugh, who cares? But I have to swallow my pride and be broke for a few years, who cares? If I'm the unsure one, the one who doesn't know what the immediate future looks like? Fine, who cares? I'll take the upside. I'll take the fun,

the hard work and the adventure. I talk about this all the time. I'll never forget. Walking into this bar with my friends six years ago now, I just left my job. And I remember I'm talking to this girl at the bar, story time here, and she asks me what I do for a living,

because of course she does. And I tell her I just left my job. I got this really cool idea for a YouTube channel. I think it's going to be incredible, and I'll never forget how fast that convos shut down. I blink and she'd walked away and I thought, you know what, this is perfect. I'm going to remember this probably for the rest of my life. Why?

Because it's a symbol. It's a sign that the immediate is what stops us from the best things down the road. Leaving my job, as hard as that maybe one or two year stretch was, was the best thing I've ever done. I am living exponentially better than I was before I had the courage to make that move. See, if life is about not screwing up, then yes. I'm still in that cubicle getting yelled at for including too much color in my PowerPoint presentations. But that's not what life is. Life is opportunity.

Not hiding so that you don't lose. No, it's about making something where you are with what you have. And my friends, there is so much out there. There is a win on the other side of every door you walk through, even when it's hard to see. Right now, this is a perfect time to be talking about this. A little crazy coronavirus has people being quarantined. Everyone freaking out. Guys, take a step back and find the opportunity.

I just read the other day, Shakespeare wrote King Lair when he was being quarantined because of the plague. There is always a win. Use the time. Find solutions. Maybe you've always wanted to start a business. Great, take a small step. Create the business page on Facebook. Do something small.

Get the ball rolling. See, when life is a game, you're finding ways. to win. Why do all these entrepreneurs talk about the hardship they've encountered before they found success? Because they knew that losses wouldn't define them, but in life, just like in a game, you win and you lose. But what happens is through repetition, you get better and better, and the winds start accumulating, becoming more substantial and consistent. See, most decisions, and let's say worst case scenario, you take the leap and things implode. Let's just be driven. for a second. Everything goes wrong. Lost, loss, lost, lost, lost. The reality is 99% of your decisions,

the reversible. If you don't get the intended result, you can backpedal and adjust. You know what's irreversible though? Inaction. You know what you can't improve upon? Steps you've never taken. You can't be propelled by dreams that are hanging out in your head. Living scared is looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, I hope nothing goes wrong today. Living fully is looking in the mirror and saying, I'm going to make something significant today. I'm going to take risks. I'm going to find solutions. I'm going to propel myself forward. So that, as I make my way onto this rocket ship, would be my message. Stop playing to avoid losing and start playing to win. Life is not serious. It's not a standardized test.

It's a blank page waiting for a story. And stories are written by the bold, the risk takers, the ones who stop wishing and go out and make things happen. Wrong actions can be corrected, improved upon, but life through a lens of scarcity is a sealed fate. So how about living like this is the only life you have? Like each day is a metaphorical currency that you can't take with you to your grave. It must be spent, it must be cherished, and utilized fully. So here's to not only dreaming, but finding the courage to delve headfirst into a journey so great that no stone is left unturned. No day is without the magic of your creation.

Because if life is serious, it is a serious opportunity to live fully. and nothing less. When the ground beneath us shakes, we crave stability. When the heavens open up and rain pours down and we run for shelter. When life presents us with vagueness, with flashes of possibility, we long for mastery. It's more instinct than anything else. But could it be that that instinct that we run to, like moths to a flame, is leading us astray,

that it doesn't have our best interests at heart. Could it be that we're so worried about protecting and maintaining an acceptable image for the world that we forget to build something internally that's worth protecting? What if that's shaking is what brings down the foundations that held us back? What if that rain washes away the limits of it?

of yesterday as we evolve into something more. And what if those flashes of possibility require of us not mastery, no, not yet, but a willingness to be the fool? And what if that willingness isn't an unfortunate dead end but a beginning? In one of his lectures at the University of Toronto, Jordan Peterson said, if you are not willing to be a fool, you can't be a master. In the cycle that is self-discovery, that is growth, we have to at some point step into an arena that's foreign to us, that we don't yet understand.

We have to be willing to operate with inadequate resources, trusting that they'll be picked up along the way. And that's a lot to take in. It's painful to know that others are going to have knowledge and skills and competencies that you won't. that you'll willingly inject yourself into the bottom of some hierarchy with nothing more than aspirations. But that willingness is your vehicle.

And what's clear is that everyone wants the moon, but very few people have the courage to start constructing that spaceship. Very few have the courage to be the student. That's why our inclination is to quit when we can't snap our fingers and magically be on our way. And we can't leap past that wandering around the unknowns. The reality is we have to fight to scrap to obtain that sense of belonging in a particular competency. And just talking about it brings me back.

It's an obstacle that we all face. It's super real to me. I remember being featured on a podcast where the host literally asked me, why should I listen to what you have to say? Right. Like, who are you? Why are you roadmapping your journey? I remember fighting for relevance in an area in which, you know, at the time I knew almost nothing about. And I love how Peterson articulates this battle.

He says at some point you'll want to make a change and you'll feel like an imposter. And guess what? You are. But you have to be. You'll ultimately feel worse if you don't do it. That's imposter syndrome. Feeling like a stranger in your own body. And guess what, it's not wrong, it's just a beginning.

I like explaining it like jumping into a cold pool. Feels uncomfortable at first. It feels out of place, but then things normalize. They become comfortable. And what's the other option? To fear that minute of discomfort and never jump in? It's what we need to tell ourselves when we want something but the climb seems too steep.

Right? That climb is manageable. You'll acclimate. The adversaries. pushing beyond that fear of starting anew, taking your limited understanding, bringing it to the base of that mountain, a new Goliath, and looking up with confidence. And the question is, can you be foolish enough to do that? And once you've made that ceiling, your next floor, will you be foolish enough to do it again and again and again? And breaking through that fear,

knowing that stumbling around for a period of time doesn't kill you, it's required. It's the inability to show weakness or appear vulnerable. That's what chips away at you for a lifetime. If you want more, immerse yourself in that cycle of mastery. Start at the bottom and ascend. And when you approach the top, separate yourself and find another ceiling to chase. Replant a seed. play the role of the fool again.

This is the formula for growth, for prosperity, for fulfillment. This is the pathway to anything of substance. You take your L's, you embrace your critics, you swallow your pride, and move towards a tomorrow that far exceeds today. As your reality changes, your perception changes, the company you keep changes, you'll start to see that what's around you is made by people who were willing to fail and fail often. Our world is one devised by those who could put pride on hold.

By those who were humble enough to crawl through the unknown long before they ran anything. Who knew that before they played for any title or championship, they must first play the fool? I had a window seat on the plane a few days ago. and during the descent, I watched as we lowered into a thin layer of clouds, which anyone who's flown before knows creates turbulence. The plane starts to shake for a brief moment, can't see anything outside the window, only white. No matter how many times I watched this happen, and at this point, probably in the hundreds, I can't help but feel a little uneasy.

heart rate increases a little bit. It's just an uncomfortable thing. And here's the deal. Not only is a plane going through turbulence safe, a quick, you know, Google search will explain to you that no plane was ever brought down by turbulence. They were built specifically for that to endure it. And I know that.

I understand it. I believe it. I guess that, you know, faint. nervousness, I feel, highlights the divide between my mental capacity to understand something and, you know, my physiological reaction to it. It shows, to put it simply, that often what's necessary will be uncomfortable. We'll get easier over time, but the point is there's a very real biological resistance associated with doing what's necessary. Even when we know the necessary thing is the right thing, even when we know we're capable of,

of enduring the journey, right? Just like that plane was built specifically to endure turbulence. Well, in your own world, so were you. And yeah, that world might shake. Yeah, you might look around and see an unknown providing no clarity or visibility, at least in the moment.

But that feeling of discomfort should not be interpreted as negative. A sign to stop or turn back. As a signal that the world is too much. No, it's where you close your eyes and remind yourself how much you can handle. Despite life trying to make you feel to the contrary. You were built to overcome, made to push into uncharted territory, to take your losses and uncover the hidden away value within them.

Sometimes to grow, it's required that we learn not. to resist that trembling, but to see it as the courage to say yes when it would have been infinitely easier to say no. And that's what this is about. Nothing groundbreaking, no secret formulas, just the reminder we often need but don't hear enough. That during the ascents and desense of life, and there are and will be many, know that you were built for the turbulence. You can harness the chaos, you can get through to the

other side. What's required is simply that you remember who you are and what you're capable of. Because again, when visibility is limited and our world's shake, it's easy to forget. You will not lose because of the challenge. You will win despite it again and again and again. And sure, stepping up to face that adversary, You may never detach from that nervous feeling in your stomach or the shaky hands, but that's okay. That's your indicator, that you're alive, that you weren't tricked into submitting to a very beatable opponent, that you didn't turn away from the things that meant the most. George Elliott has said, it's never too late to be what you might have been.

And this is a message that I 100% stand behind. I will always believe that to be true. Why? Because you always have the now to start moving in that direction. And a skeptic or someone playing devil's advocate could say, yeah, well, not me, right? The timeline for me has expired. Or I missed the age requirement.

Maybe life circumstances have made Plan A impossible. It is, literally too late. Okay. But here's what I believe we frequently misunderstand in this department. I think we misidentify what it is we really want. And sure, that sounds presumptuous for me to sit here and imply that maybe you miss the mark, right? How would I ever know what you want?

Well, hear me out. Because I think too often we confuse the vehicle for the destination. That thing we thought we wanted, in actuality, wasn't really what mattered to us. We wanted where it would bring us. We wanted how it would make us feel. We wanted what we'd become when we engaged in that thing. That thing was simply the ride to the destination, not the destination itself. And that's incredible news, because vehicles are interchangeable.

It's always possible to find a new route or new ride to this show. And this is why self-reflection is so important, because it's easy to get so caught up in the vehicle that we forget where we're going. For example, I get a ton of inquiries about keynote speaking, and that's fantastic. I think it's really cool that people want to do that and see me as someone to help guide them. But when I hear that question, I can't help it. My first thought is always, okay, but why keynote speaking? And it's not personal.

Why should always be the first question we ask? Is that truly the destination? Do you feel in your soul you have a story to tell? Do you get a high from the audience interaction? Is it how you feel you can best serve the community? Like, what is it for you? Or maybe it was more of an arbitrary decision, where what you're looking for is, you know, generating impact.

adding value to others. Maybe it's some type of financial incentive. All these things are valid, and they could all come from speaking. My point here is not to tell you what you should or shouldn't be pursuing as your goal. My point is that we need to understand why. Because when we get to the core of what we really want, the best path to get there often looks way different

than we thought it might. I use this example often, but perfect. There was a point in time where I used to think songwriting was it for me, right? My heart, my plan. Until I realized pretty quickly that I could live without it, and that surprised me. I wasn't quite sure what to make of that, but that what really made me sad to let go of was the storytelling piece, the expression, observing and philosophizing about life. And that when I took that emotive storytelling, I could bend it and reshape it a million different

ways. That I actually love the freedom of being able to express myself or make a point without being totally bound by rhyme scheme and rhythms. I found that point where I could help others in their difficult times, maybe see things from a new angle by helping them to look at the world differently, right? The vehicle, in a way, was almost expendable. And that was a giant epiphany for me. You know, songwriting was not what I wanted.

It was bringing me closer to what I truly wanted. That helps me reshape my plans, my approach, my strategy. And hey, maybe you're different. Maybe you are right on the money. Maybe you've thought this through and things couldn't be clear. But hey, people tend to speak from their experiences and, you know, that awareness to me was no small accomplishment. Getting there and understanding that, if that 1,000-foot view does anything, it exposes how multi-dimensional the playing field is.

And how our proclivity is always to box ourselves in. Smaller, smaller, smaller, often leading us to walk by and miss quite a bit. It's also true that understanding what the destination is, making a point to really comprehend that, doesn't mean you have to scrap what you're doing. could simply lead to that light bulb moment. So now you go, oh, there are additional ways that can arrive at that destination. Maybe I've been so focused on a particular element of the journey,

so tied to a particular vehicle that I've been limiting myself. It expands your options. In the book Decisive by Chip and Dan Heath, they talk about how one of the biggest problems we have in decision making is unintentionally narrowing the scope. that we have numerous additional avenues available to us. But we don't see them because we become so fixated on a few choices. I think of that point often, you know, challenging myself as to why I'm doing what I'm doing,

especially when activities are time intensive. You know, there needs to be a happy medium, obviously. If you challenge every single thing you do, you'll be walking around in circles all day. But the ability, the power to drill down the question, what is it I'm really looking to obtain here? is such a tremendous advantage. If you can get a true handle on that and you're willing to expand your mind,

open your eyes, think about the big picture, reduce the attachment to that dreaded phrase the way I've always done it, you get to live in a world of endless options. You see that your path is simply that, one path of many. In the business world, you hear stories, about people all the time that were unable to separate the goal from the medium.

Couldn't look outside the parameters they'd created for themselves, the blockbusters of the world. You know, when it should have been hold the vision but adjust the process and readjust over and over again. Our tendency is to hold onto that process so tightly that it becomes a weight around our ankles. When it comes to relationships, right? People stay in toxic relationships all the time because that's the person.

This is the group I hang out with. This is my network. Well, what are you looking to get out of a relationship or group or network? Because, no, it certainly shouldn't be betrayal or chronic stress or limiting beliefs being imposed upon you. So if that's the case, detach and find a different way, a different person or a different group. Again, you're confusing the vehicle. with the destination.

Another example, college, right? Which for some people makes perfect sense. For others, it doesn't. I loved in Matthew McConaughey's book, Green Lights, when he realized he wanted to be an actor. And to make his parents proud, to do it was traditionally right if he went to acting school.

Until he realized his most valuable experience was everything he was doing outside of school. But that the classroom was one vehicle of many to his ultimate destination was ultimately expendable. He had that foresight. Someone once told me when I went to get my first car that the buyer is in control because they have the greatest strength, a superpower, the ability, if it does not serve you,

to walk away, to change course. You can always do that. So when you feel stuck or stagnant, try asking yourself, is this a vehicle problem or a destination problem? What is it that I want more than anything else? And what is it this journey is bringing me that gets me there? That gets me excited in the morning that inspires me to my core. Because I find that when you can detach the goal from the method, it often exposes some valuable information that helps you reestablish momentum.

Maybe it's taking resources from one place and adding it to another. Maybe it's a slightly adjusted approach. Maybe it's cutting a few small things away. Maybe it's a pivot, maybe a total revamp. Who knows? But the idea is it's never too late to get where you most want to go. Because when you identify the destination, when you realize what the finish line is, there are always numerous roads that lead you there.

We just have to make sure we don't get so caught up in a particular path. Or exhaust so much energy trying to jam that. square peg into the round hole that we miss the infinite number of wide open doors, waiting for us to notice their existence and walk through. It's easy to look back and think about all the things you could have done differently, especially since as we get older, we get wiser. Time provides this beautiful gift of clarity. And ultimately we realized things like maybe a lot of our hesitation was unwarranted.

Maybe a lot of our decisions or indecision was fear-based. And knowing that, it's easy to look over your shoulder and feel like you could have lived a different life or taken a different path. At the very least wish you'd done things differently. But the reality is everything you've done things differently. But the reality is, everything you've done has in fact taken you here to this moment and when you dwell on the past

the should haves and the could haves you completely diminish the power of right now the current moment you completely underestimate the knowledge and the wisdom you've been collecting for years whose single job is to assist you in your next move.

It's a compounding of experience. The good, the bad and the ugly has landed you right here, right now, and how beautiful right here is. The infinite blank page. The forever fresh start. And that's not to say the past doesn't matter. It's to suggest that your prior discomfort, your mistakes and lessons, how you're not to lessons have equipped you to deviate from the routines and the cyclical nature of your past. The past is a gateway to now, not a life sentence, and there's a difference.

You say last year or last month or last week is valueless because you did X when you should have done Y. I say to that. doing the wrong thing has positioned you to now do the right thing. Potential energy, right? Like a spring being pulled back tighter and tighter and tighter awaiting its opportunity to propel forward. You don't get that without those could-haves and should-haves. They're integral to the process. The reason you'll be different.

moving forward. You can say I wish I'd take in more chances. I wish I was bolder. I wish I followed my heart. Two pieces of news for you. One that's fantastic. It seems as though you're now aware of those times you fell short and can therefore mitigate them moving forward. And two, you're not dead yet. We have to stop looking at yesterday like it's anything but a ladder to great. competency, the gymnasium for your decision making. Anyone can cherry pick the past. But the practical me asks, what does beating yourself up about what's gone do for you?

What does it add to your life? Except for enabling and legitimizing the same identity you're looking to evolve and move on from? See, we don't. See, we don't limit ourselves because of right now. It's always because of yesterday. Look what happened. Look what I lost.

Look how things turned out. And it's like, take the data and trudge forward. You now have the tools to move right into that darkness of night. And in five years, you'll look back. And sure, you'll wish you did things differently. and same five years after that. But that's why life is a journey and not a standardized test. We are picking up the pieces as we go,

painting the masterpiece one brushstroke at a time. And even though you might wish yesterday's brushstroke was a different color, a little darker, different shade, it's just as valid as all the others in contributing to the mural in its totality. So sure, be your greatest critic. But be your greatest ally as well. And that calls for being bold enough to let go of what's gone.

Extract the value from yesterday and use it to build now. Something, anything. That's up to you. But hear the message. It's up to you now. Not who you were yesterday or what you did, not how people saw you or how you used to live your life. You have an opportunity now to go wherever your heart desires. Stronger and wiser at this point in time than you've ever been in your life.

So rather than dwell on what's gone, how about asking how you can take those pieces of yourself and build