Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero - STOP MAKING EXCUSES | Powerful Motivational Speeches | Wake Up Positive

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

"Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure" - Jim Rohn In this enlightening episode, we tackle the virtue of open-mindedness and the importance of not being overly attached to our preconceived notions. We delve into the concept of approaching life with a curiosity that drives us to seek evidence and remain flexible in our beliefs, allowing us to adapt and adopt the best answers as we discover them. Through thought-provoking discussions and examples, we explore how being open to changing our minds in light of new information can lead to personal growth, better decision-making, and a deeper understanding of the world around us. This episode is an invitation to challenge our biases, embrace the unknown, and engage in a continuous quest for knowledge. Join us as we discuss the power of an open mind in navigating the complexities of life, emphasizing the freedom and strength found in being willing to reconsider and refine our ideas. YouTube: youtube.com/yourworldwithin

One of my favorite quotes is by Oscar Wilde. He says that an idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all. How perfect. Ideas should invigorate your soul. They should excite, propel you. But there's a critical distinction in my view, a fine line between ideas and identity. Bringing an idea to life is not the same as building your entire life around one idea. And the danger is that that worldview creates self-imposed restriction.

As Carl Jung says, it's not that people have ideas, it's that ideas have people. And that's a problem. It inhibits our greatest power, the ability to think. It means we're walking through life blind. Oscar Wilde says to define is to limit. Kirkagard says once you label me, you negate me. When what you believe becomes your identity, you have no choice but to perpetually believe it,

to always defend it. It is as much you as your reflection. And when answers have to support your beliefs, well, then their accuracy becomes relevant. It doesn't matter. You'll find a way to make it fit. You'll put that square peg in the round hole one way or another because the end has triumphed over the truth.

I like to look at ideas this way. A world of trains all next to each other, close proximity, going thousands of different directions, different ways, carrying different cargo, going different speeds. And you can hop on and off these trains as you see fit. If you no longer like the speed or the direction, direction, then you change trains. You don't like the destination it dropped you off at?

Maybe it wasn't all you imagined it to be. Get on another train. Go some other place. That's the freedom of life. That's the exploration. The scenario to be avoided is clapping, cheering, holding a banner, proclaiming the train you're on. Engine number nine is the right train, the virtuous train.

The only train that should be taken, as it makes its way off a cliff. But you never took the time to look out the window. And to be clear, I'm not advocating that the goal is to have no principles, to remain forever neutral or be this perpetual switch and know the exact opposite. Have ideas, have beliefs, stand for things that you care about. But care about them because they mean something to you. Because in your heart and soul they align, because you know the alternative viewpoints, you understand

and appreciate the opposing ideas, but they're just not you. Maybe, but they're not now. And you're okay with the train you're temporarily on, not because you put a blindfold on, sat down and called engine number nine home, which is what human beings seem to perpetually be tempted to do. It's in our nature. So here is a reminder that a successful life is an aware life.

It's understanding how prone human beings are to dismiss reason and abandon logic, how quickly life can become a team sport. because that feels so much better than being someone who says, wait, maybe we miss something. Perhaps there's a chink in the armor or a flaw in the logic.

And what's interesting is one does not need to look hard to understand that history isn't defined by what happened. It's defined by how people interpreted and reacted to what happened, how they molded events into their personal narrative, like a potter making dishes out of clay. We live not. in a world of facts, but a world of perception

or lack thereof. Human beings who blindfolded themselves and make every account fit that narrative. See, data can tell you any story you wanted to tell. Events can be attributed to any cause. Our world is not black and white. It's very much gray. But we don't want to hear that as we attempt

to make sense of what is. It's much easier to be for or against. Over there or over here. Yes or no. They say that if you follow the crowd, you will get lost in the crowd. And while that's because the crowd eliminates the burden of having to think, to make difficult decisions, a crowd simplifies. A crowd is emotional, void of the thinking needed to change your life and the lives of others.

The world should be explored. And one's quest to understand it should never be limited to the phrase, is what it is. Nothing is what it is. The world is a collection of stories, ideas. Or as I like to put it, almost 8 billion movie screens playing as we make our way through it. Life isn't a three-course meal. It's a buffet. Where you choose. Where you're aware of what serves you, where you put what matters to you in front of you. And when life becomes too straightforward, it's often because we missed a turn. When it becomes too easy to dismiss an opposing viewpoint, it's often because we don't understand it. When anything outside of a court or a field becomes a team sport, it's very likely

that we stopped listening. That we left the train with logic and reason and are taking a nap on the one carrying emotion. There's so much power. There's so much beauty in simply being yourself. but permit yourself to understand who you are. Allow yourself to step outside of the box and access the gray area where life is better understood. Have your beliefs. Have the courage of your conviction. Seek out what truly matters in life.

But don't ever let those ideas have you. That thing that gives you butterflies. that lights you up, that world you see when you close your eyes. Chase that. With all of your soul, chase it. It's easy to brush off life's potential. It's just outside the realm of possibility. To see the ideal as some form of window shopping that you can almost touch.

A fantasy to be explored when you sit back in your office chair or pass time in the doctor's office waiting room. But I think these aspirations mean more than that. Not distractions, but a North Star. Not a diversion, but the path. And by the way, I'm not naive about this. pursue and all that it entails the truth behind it, I'd never advocate that what's possible or meant to be is somehow easy.

In fact, I'd argue the only way something is meant to be is if you're willing to commit to the difficulty in bringing it to life. Otherwise it wasn't meant to be anything but a missed opportunity because it surely will be a difficult road. And here's what we come to learn. Everything of value is difficult. You know, in an attempt to oversimplify, I often break life down into the easy thing

versus the difficult but meaningful thing. And in some ways, sure, that's true. But I can also honestly say it would have been more difficult for me to have stayed where I was, not moved at all, to not have pursued what I believed in. It would have been more difficult thinking about that life I could have lived, the doors that could have opened, and that's just it. Life is about choosing your difficult. The difficult you seek out intentionally, or the difficult you come and let take control, render you helpless. And I think when we find ourselves in routines or we've

built for ourselves, the world we know we don't want to live in anymore, or we've outgrown. It's not that the current is real and the future is not. It's that we somewhere along the way decided to face the wrong opponent. Some adversaries make us strong. They force us to be more to grow. Other adversaries or opponents, they sit back and they let us defeat ourselves, and that's what we don't

want. See, when the world knocks you down, you get to rise again. Wiser, tougher, stronger. But when you keep yourself down, well, there's nothing to be gained

from that. Those two opponents, they are not the same. I reference my speaking career because for me, it's where that transformation is most evident. It's where it all began. My opponent was very much me. Avoiding opportunities,

hiding from failure, I didn't give life a chance to knock me down. And so it didn't. How could it? I'd already placed myself in chains. And because of that, guess what, I stayed the same. I couldn't evolve. My ideal future was an idea that would briefly entertain me from time to time and move right on.

It wasn't until I found the courage to switch my opponents. From myself to the world, I let life humble me. I gave talks where I was nervous and had cold. feet, keynotes where my delivery was mediocre at best, where I barely got by. But with these battles came metaphorical riches, came that trust that had to be manufactured, that confidence that had to be earned. When I got out of my own way, I was able to let the trials and tribulations of life create a new foundation for me to stand on, to redefine reality.

And the good news is that anyone can do that. Anyone can ask that question. Is something external in my way right now that I need to figure out, that I need to solve? Or am I in my own way? Am I not even giving myself a shot? Have I settled for right now as truth? When right now is just the less ideal difficult. When I was little playing action figures with my buddy up the street, we used to think it was cool to see around corners, to see through walls, to know what was coming before it arrived.

For action figures, absolutely. In superhero movies, why not? But in the journey through life, you don't need to see around corners. In fact, it's counterproductive because it is the interaction with the unknown that matters. It's adjusting amidst life's uncertainty that comes to make you who you are, transforms you and your reality. As far as I'm concerned, the only way to lose is to remain behind that corner. Puring out every now and then, hoping to get some kind of advantage or shortcut, willing to love. let life pass you by while you wait for the stars to align, thinking that that vision of an ideal life

will stroll along the sidewalk, see you and reach out a hand, that weight will be a long one, unproductive and difficult, more difficult than trusting yourself to face whatever lurks around that corner. So remember that who you are is built, and every time you do something a little bit scary or unsettling. Every time you wander a step or two outside of your comfort zone. The reward is not just the short-term triumph you feel as you leapfrog that obstacle and carry on. No, you are investing in a new you, a new reality. You're investing in something changing before your very eyes, putting a little marble in a jar that is your potential and you You can't see it, not now, no one's going to announce it to you.

You might not even realize or understand until you look back years down the road. But those little acts of courage, they matter more than you know, they're not trivial and they are certainly not insignificant. When that movie plays in your head and you think to yourself, I wish or if only, and the The delta between that image and the reality on the ground disappoints you, gives you a little knot in your stomach or dissatisfaction that floats around in your thoughts. Remember that that feeling is transferable. That difficult can be exchanged for one that actually changes things.

You can get off the merry-go-round and towards a new North Star. Difficult, yes, but we've seen the goal is not to avoid difficult. It's to pick the difficult that will transform your life. It's to find meaning in a world that if you do not pay attention, will paint your landscape with routine and obligation. And today can certainly be a continuation of that script. A box that's checked, a calendar square with an X, Or it can be the beginning of something that gives you butterflies, that lights you up,

that brings you one step closer to the world you see when you close your eyes. There's often a vast distinction between what we think is holding us back and what is actually holding us back. And that may even be putting it lightly. Most of the time we're just plain misinformed. Most of the time, we're looking externally at irrelevant discrepancies between ourselves and someone else. We're looking at things that happened yesterday, possible outcomes that may happen tomorrow. we're creating entire stories, crafting narratives, building hostile worlds that simply don't exist.

When what we need is simple, to give ourselves permission, to let ourselves walk out that front door and towards what we long for. And this came to light recently. I shared a simple 20-second message on TikTok where basically I highlighted John Green's quote about the best things in life occurring

after we find the courage to depart or leave where we are, right? To build again. And as I was looking at the response, it was both beautiful and eye-opening. Hundreds and hundreds of comments from people saying that the message helped them feel empowered to do what they've been putting off. And some called it fate.

Some called it what they needed to hear at the exact moment. They needed to hear it. And as I'm going through, I keep thinking the same thing over and over, and over every single one of these people. They already knew in their hearts what needed to come next. They knew what would make them feel alive. They knew where the compass was pointing. Yet their default led them to the same place we've all been.

waiting for external permission, waiting for life to give us a reason, to say, okay. The light is now green. You can go. The time is right. Now, don't get me wrong, it means the world that a simple message can shift one's perspective that way. I've been on the receiving end. I'm stock looking for some type of guidance we all have, but I think we'd all agree that if that guidance helps us get back on track, then the real question should be, how do we live so that we can stay

to the best of our ability on track? Find ourselves less prone to those occurrences, more confident in ourselves, in our dreams, in where we're going. For me, it's been understanding that in my life, I am the one that creates, signs, and sends the permission slips. I say go. And when I remember that, I'm free to do what's best for me.

I'm simultaneously the architect and the pieces, the wind, and the sail. See, you don't need a reason to walk out of a relationship you're not happy in. You don't need a reason to leave a job that's not pushing you to be who you most want to become. You don't need a reason to change a habit or reinvent yourself or begin again. Know all you need is the courage to green light what your heart already knows it wants. We think that the external world has the answers for us. When in reality, we've had them the whole time. We just want something to point to, to say, see, I was right.

But we don't need to be reactive. We can be proactive. You can be the one that lights the fire. When you follow your intuition, your heart, your sense of purpose, life conforms because it has to conform. When you become an immovable object, life around you moves.

It makes way, and if it doesn't, then you go back to the drawing board, you adapt and adjust. And that's the beauty of life. That's how we build meaning, trusting ourselves to walk into that resistance. Because the friction and the headwind is never what's holding us back. Are they uncomfortable? Yeah. At times, does it scare us?

Sure. It's supposed to. But it's not what holds you back. waiting for someone or something to come along and greenlight your journey through life is what holds you back. And it's funny, I think we again and again overlook the simplest of truth. The hardest part is starting. It's convincing yourself that, one, it's possible and two, you're worth it. Everything else you face from the second you walk out, that front door can be conquered.

In fact, we ourselves grow along the way so that we can rise up and meet the demands of life, but it's unquestionably doable. That thought as you look out the window, right? What if the worst case scenario happens? Can't. Because the worst case scenario is sitting in that seat your whole life, looking out the window and imagining a world where you found the courage to be more, to explore, to live like that.

as it was meant to be lived. But let's say, let's say that what we fear does come to fruition. Then I ask, what are the odds? It's reversible, probably high. Let's say I want to start a podcast, and I finally work up the courage, and I get my mic, and I start my show, and no one listens. But I keep going, and I keep going, and nothing sticks. And most importantly, I learn, look, I'm really not crazy about this idea.

It wasn't what I thought it was. It's not me. Okay, perfect. perfect. Now you know, and sure it took time to learn that lesson, but you have the rest of your life to continue the beautiful experiment to search for what lights you up. But you've found the courage to explore, to try, to begin, and you are now better because of it. That's your worst-case scenario? Sounds a lot less scary to me than a life lived sitting there looking out the window. See, we can't let the fear of an unlikely worst case stop the possibility of that oh so coveted best case. Don't let the virtually zero percent probability of losing everything

overshadow the opportunity to gain everything. Let's never allow ourselves to get caught standing still waiting for the universe to give us the answer as though we're waiting for a letter in the No, give yourself permission to see the upside, to make your own decisions, and most importantly, to live your life. Sometimes what we need most is not what we think we need most. It's not that break we've been waiting for the universe to provide. Or the answer we've been desperately seeking. No, sometimes we need only three words. Don't give.

Don't turn back now. And see, I know you want to. And that the meaningful thing, the right thing, requires we give all of ourselves. It metaphorically speaking is the most expensive, exhausting, sometimes disheartening. But this is your reminder that they're will come a point when you look back on this moment and the best thing you'll have ever done

will have been continuing to put one foot in front of the other, continuing forward despite the circumstances, towards that which means something to you. I remember in South Florida a handful of years ago I'd just moved down here and I was exploring the area a little bit, looking for a place to live and I found this kind of odd little park in between a parking lot in the beach. And I pulled over, just started walking around, and ended up sitting down on this bench that faced the ocean. And just looked out for a while. I remember looking at the people who all seemed so happy. They all seemed fulfilled.

Looked like they had it all together. I looked at the ocean that was so much bigger than me, so vast, so powerful, at the non-stop stream of planes flying overhead that all seemed to have a direction, a purpose. They had their courses mapped. And I think I remember it so vividly because I'd never felt more alone than at that moment. Like deeply, painfully alone, and it's not that I enjoy bringing up these things. types of experiences. I bring them up because time has revealed repeatedly that from these moments of doubt and sometimes even despair come what we need most so long as we

don't run from what the world is trying to provide us. It's as though we must experience emptiness before we can become fulfilled. We need to be overcome with this sensation that there's no way out before realizing that there is always a way so long as we're willing to find it. And the pain associated with that willingness, well, it far outweighs the alternative. I often break things down into this dichotomy of the easy, meaningless way versus the hard, meaningful way. But that may be oversimplified, right? Easy compared to what, hard compared to what? It's easy to shut down when we're at our lowest. It's easy to stop when it hurts. But easy now evolves into what's actually incredibly difficult tomorrow.

A difficult, heart-wrenching, regretful forever. Admittedly, a controversial figure. But regardless, one of the most important quotes I've ever read was by Lance Armstrong in his book, it's not about the bike. He says, pain is temporary. It may last a minute or an hour or a day or a year, but eventually it will subside. And something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

See, the easy thing versus the hard thing is too simplified. Void of imperative context. The question is, in our darkest moments, will we stand up when it hurts so that we can walk, run, and ultimately sprint towards what matters. There's a realization that help me because when we're in these situations, the thought goes like this. Things are wrong, things are broken. My life isn't what it should be.

I need to fix this and make it whole, make it right, so I can live a good life like everyone else. There's a deep loneliness associated with that misconception as though the world is put together, but I am not. Well, let me dispel that notion and end that narrative. The world is a series of objects that mean nothing other than the value we place upon them. Seven billion people. All fighting their own battles, all trying to make sense of things. All pretending like the little fairy tale they've manufactured in their heads is the real thing

the right thing. When in actuality we are all just passengers along on a ride we do not understand. Fighting battles that we don't often comprehend and cannot grasp. But you are not broken. You are human, perfectly imperfect, equipped with the tools to take another step forward despite the chaos and the uncertainty. Steps that become in the end, and everything. I remember reading about Jefferson, how he had migraines so severe while president that he would do most of his important work in the morning because of the high probability he could literally be incapacitated from noon on.

And I just thought, man, we are all fighting battles. We're all doing what we can to make the most of our circumstance, to redirect discomfort into opportunity and pain into progress. And what's most incredible is that we can. There's a saying that it's not supposed to be easy. The getting where you need to go requires the treacherous path associated with a hero's journey. The vast unknowns, the questions that remain unanswered

for extended periods of time, the villains that seemingly inject themselves into our lives, Please understand that this is not a reflection of you, who you are, and your capabilities. This is the game of life. This is today's difficulty in exchange for tomorrow's meaning. The pressure that creates the diamonds and you don't have to be sure of anything. Other than that you know you will continue stepping forward because you will be able to 10. Things won't always go right, but in the failures are the new tools to grow and redirect.

You won't always feel on top of the world, but it's in the valleys of despair that we're forced to truly analyze, to think deeply, re-approach. And perhaps most importantly, you may have days where you let yourself down, fall short, perhaps lose sight of the courage to which you have attached your dreams, but that's okay. You are defined not by your mistakes, but by the present moment. Not some impossible expectation of perfection, but by your ability to rise and rise again when it requires all of you to lift your head up and carry on. So go. into that unknown where fear is transformed into courage and doubt to strength go because if not here where and if not now when go

all you need you have and when life finds you sitting down on a park bench staring out at a world that feels too big and too complex that seems impossible to navigate, find it within yourself to smile. Smile because of what you've already overcome, what you've been through, who you are. Remember that you are exactly where you need to be staring up at the meaning in life as opposed to down at your feet. Now go. No miracles here, no mountains need be jumped or oceans crossed.

But if you one, step forward and two, believe in yourself to put the pieces together as they arrive, there is nothing you can't do or be. There is no obstacle before you that is insurmountable. Just keep going. And sure, sometimes that's all we can do. It also happens to be true that it is your greatest superpower to simply find a way to run if you can, crawl if you must, but find a way. Because deep down in your soul the pieces are there.

And it will be at some point as you look back the greatest decision you've ever. made. If it means something to you, it's not wrong. I'm talking about different roads, going to different places, different ways at different times, none more or less important than any of the others. It's an amazing thing that a perfect life can mean something so different to each and every one of us. You know, I get asked quite a bit about my decision to do what I do as far as what prompted the journey, the process of turning a page beginning a new chapter, and in essence leaving what didn't serve me to pursue what does. And what I realize is that a lot of these conversations are with people that have an outlook very similar to mine, right? We value a lot of

the same things. But there's a distinction between what you see every day and what truly reflects reality. Is what's around you the only option? Is it a different? Is it the only option? Is it a the real deal or is it a part of the puzzle right like if you look at Twitter for example you have 20% of American supposedly used Twitter and of the conversation on Twitter 80% of it comes from 10% of the users right so it's a subset of a subset but how easy is it to open the app and think that's a reflection of the world and how people think and what's going on it's not it's a very small fragment and the reason I bring it up the reason it's important is because we tend to look at what

we see around us as the right way or the instruction manual. You know, I've talked a lot about the corporate world, like it was essentially a prison for me, right? And in many ways, it was because of the way I think, how I get fulfillment, right? There was a predictability and a straightforwardness that just doesn't mesh with my personality, but that's me, right? And I had the realization the other day when I was on someone's podcast, and they asked me, well, how come some people don't get it? How some people don't understand the entrepreneurial spirit or that sort of adrenaline that comes with the high highs and the low lows? And I spent some time thinking about the answer, and I think it boils down to something simple. It either pulls you that way or it doesn't, right? It's the thought

process isn't the right way to live or the wrong way to live. It's one of many ways to live. It depends on what you gravitate towards. You know, I like to reference one of my best friends Chris because we couldn't be more different right he has a nine to five he loves the structure he's immersed in it and because of that he's moved up the organization very quickly comes home spends time watching tv with his beautiful kids cooks with his wife sends the group chat shots of the uh you know the smoked pork or whatever the hell he makes he's in heaven he he loves his world you know but then he looks at at you know my world he sees the unpredictability of my life my choice traveling, moving around all the time, the financial oscillation where it's like one month is great

financially, the next, it's underwhelming, it's up and it's down. And he goes, how do you live like that? You know, and I could ask the same of him, where's the rush, where's the uncertainty? You know, it's two very distinct ways of looking at the world, and I think that's incredible. But I also think it's easy to miss. You know, like Twitter, you sort of think what's around you, what you see is the real deal, is the path, is where you should. be. And it's why a lot of people are concerned or question themselves. It's like there's this invisible metric, whatever side you fall on, there's a right way or a wrong way, and that's not true. There's your way. If it means something to you, it's right. And that's the standard, period.

It's where you need to be, right? Who is anyone else to set those standards? No one knows you. And I think the question is twofold. One, have you taken the, time in your busy life to identify what that is. Whatever it may be, have you thought about it? I'll never forget a friend asked me once, you know, what my perfect day look like. He asked me to describe it in detail. And I looked at him like a deer in headlights. I'm like, I don't know.

I've never thought about that, right? He could tell me when he got up from when he went to bed what his perfect day was. He goes, well, how could you ever have one? By accident? Right? So do we take time to think about what matters? And number two, are you willing to drive tall? hordes, whatever that is.

Whether it's entrepreneurship or athletics, being a rock star in the corporate world, being a world-class painter, an amazing dad, some combination of some or none or all of these things. Like, what are you aiming for? But it's nice sometimes to get that reassurance that your path, regardless of how different or quote-unquote normal it is, if it's right for you, it's right. And that's something that no one can tell you. You know, so much of life is a conversation with yourself. It really is.

You have to give yourself permission to live. And I've spoken about it. You know, I've spent a lot of years at that intersection of what I thought was right because others were doing it. And what truly made me happy. Waiting for the light to turn green before realizing that that moment doesn't come. You need to be the one to change it. Life is a beautiful experiment. But it is an experiment, which means you need to get to work.

You know, it's testing what you love, what you don't, where you want to be, where you have no interest in being, and embracing that, right? Discovering what you love, what's meaningful, and then trusting yourself to get there. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable George Bernard Shaw. But that in mind, here's a cap tip, a nod to the irrational, the foolish, and the odd, the ones who look around and see a world, not as it is, but as it can be from now on, the unreasonable man, uncapped aspiration, turning thoughts.

to things led by imagination, makers of hope and designers of fate, dancing with tomorrow, letting their vision light the way. One thing it seems that's never wrong is that life takes the shape of those pictures they've drawn when the page was blank, no chorus in the song, no hope in the moment, but they looked up, they carried on, and normalcy tends to be a list of what's okay, a list to someone else's plans a list from yesterday and what's missed. When our heads point right down at the ground is we see the path before us, but we forget to look around.

We don't see the could-bees infinities. We could reach the hero that stands and he holds up one hand. He promises to be an unreasonable man. Because the deal that struck while the world it sleeps is you can't wait for luck when life's playing for keeps. When you feel fed up, when the climb feels too steep, stop, and remind yourself what your journey means. Life your way, existence on your terms, an endless freeway with more twists and more turns, mistakes that you'll make, and yeah, you'll learn that the past doesn't last.

It's just not your concern, and normal is not you, and that's why you'll be great, so don't bow down, Don't settle or negotiate. You can be a great one. One of those names that stands for all time as a maker of change. Who saw life, not as work, but the perfect game who knew all those pieces could be rearranged, who fought through the unknown,

to show that unreasonable means more than more of the same. So why is it that our losses, are ultimately our victories. And why is it so tough in the moment for us to recognize that? You know, our pursuit through life, the emotionality of what we're trying to do gets in the way so often of what's truly beneficial to us, what's really going to help us. And I want to talk about that. I want to kind of create a perspective shift that has helped me.

And I want to redirect that back to whoever. whoever's watching this, right? It was interesting. This morning I was at my desk and had one of these, we'll call it a situation, where I was reflecting back on the past few months. And it just felt like in that time span, I'd take in more Ls, more swings and misses,

than ever in that period of time, right? So like rejection with regard to a lot of different areas, right? podcast, YouTube, keynote speaking conferences, a lot of these things, clients coming and going. And I'm looking back in like the human thing to do, it made sense for me to feel like in that moment of time, it was a referendum on where I was going, who I was, what I was all about. To the point where I couldn't even see that within that same time period, some of the most important victories of my life had occurred. Some of the things that are truly pushing me to where I want to go, that negativity bias.

All I could see was that I was missing in a lot of different areas, and I was doing it at a higher rate than I'd ever done. And that, it just didn't feel good. I had to think about it for a minute. I had to think about it because there's a very simple truth. that always gets lost in the mix. And it's the idea that what we need most is the thing that we're most inclined to shy away from.

A lot. You know, the pursuit of meaning in life is such a difficult one because it requires of us that we go where we don't want to go. Fire is, you know, what forges iron. and sometimes I wish life wasn't that way, but it's the way things are. And I had to remind myself that, you know, at some point the law of average, of averages comes into play. If you have someone shooting a basketball, the more times they shoot, the more points

they're going to score. That's just a reality. If they shoot less, they'll miss less, but they'll score less. If they shoot more, they'll score more. And of course, over time, you want that ratio to improve. You want more points per shot. But it's never going to be 100. You're never going to make all of your shots.

That's not the way the world works. Life is set up to prevent that. It's set up in a way that we must earn. that which we find valuable. I remember reading in a Darren Hardy book. He's a real estate guy, and he was saying things changed for him when he really started to place value on rejection

when he was knocking on those doors. He started to value the door shut in his face to the point where his goal, when he went out in the morning, wasn't how many yeses he got. He wouldn't stop until he got X number of, of nose. And that was an epiphany for me. That was like a, you know, reading that was a very valuable thing because you see that, you know, one, obviously amidst the nose are the yeses, right? You sift through the rejection and the negativity and the doors closing in your face to find

the one that opens. But also, and I think this is what's most important. The nose make you stronger. They make you realize that there's value there, that they're not defining. And then it's not something that you, eh, you just learn to live with. No, it's something you need. You need to take more shots. You need to knock on more doors. Because what's more dangerous than someone who isn't afraid of failure? Someone who's emotionally detached. from, you know, life's closing of doors in your face. There's nothing more powerful than someone who doesn't see that as defining, but sees it as a stepping stone.

There's this idea, and I've talked about this in the past, that we see losing as this sort of outside circumstance directed towards us or inflicted upon us. like it's raining, right? Like we can't do anything about the weather. Well, we talk about losing the same way. It's like, yeah, we lost. I was defeated.

Well, one of the most important things to remember is the outside world can't tell you when to stop. They can present challenges. They can present difficulties. They can knock you down. But stopping is an internal decision. It's an emotive decision. It's looking at yourself and saying, I am no longer going to move forward.

Because for whatever reason, it's not worth it for me. It's telling yourself a story that the pursuit, the price of what's ahead of you is not worth, the cost, the energy, the exhaustion of time and resources. It's not an outside thing. And I consume a ton of self-help of personal development. I love this stuff, obviously, right? I've chosen to immerse myself in it 100%. And so that space in the morning where I'm consuming that stuff,

it helps with my perspective for the entirety of the day. I think so much of life is how we look at it. And there's certain things you hear over and over and over again that makes sense. So for me, the idea that your losses don't define you make sense. It's like, great. I get that.

Understanding it is very different than living it. And when I find myself sort of amidst that storm in life, I need to redefine it, re-explain it, so that I get it again, so that it becomes real to me. Otherwise, it's just a cliche or a poster with an eagle, right, in an office building. It's like, no, I need to fully understand it. And I think this is how it makes the most sense to me.

Human beings are emotional. We're emotional creatures. We're not practical creatures. And in many ways, that's a beautiful thing. But in a lot of ways, it's detrimental. It's detrimental because when things happen that aren't great, emotively, it's hard. It changes the way.

we see ourselves, it makes us feel bad, right? And so it's something that we want to move away from when in reality that emotion is just a mask on the truth. It's like, you know, I'll use another rain metaphor. You know, I'm here in South Florida in the summer every afternoon it rains, right? And that emotion is like that cloud coming over that when you're underneath it is sometimes scary, it's intimidating, it consumes you, it feels like everything, and then you realize that in 20 minutes it's going to be gone. The sun's going to be shining and life is going to be just as great, if not better, than it ever was, right? But we have to let that pass. There's never been a moment where I feel like the emotional decision was the right

one. Emotion is reaction and it needs to be harnessed. The pragmatic brain is what reminds us that, yeah, they make us feel bad in the moment, but as counterintuitive as it is, we need them. They are stepping stones. They're not losses. They are lessons. They're not a referendum on who you are. There are a redrawing of a map to show you

where you need to be. I did my TEDx talk on a very similar idea that those things that are so painful in the moment, that destroy us, that feel like the world's ending, often plant a seed to something so beautiful, so incredible to what we needed, but didn't know how to get to. You know, for me, like finding myself in,

a job or a role, a career path that I felt was not where I wanted to be, that didn't energize me, that I didn't feel like I was adding value, felt like a dead end. But ultimately, it helped create something incredible for me. It helped me realize, hey, this isn't where you need to be, so you need to find where you are. Sometimes you have to realize where you don't want to go before you can take steps towards where you need to go. That loss ended up being a win, right?

Or starting a YouTube channel and spending a year creating these videos and getting no validation, getting nothing back. And it's like another dead end, a referendum on you. You're not good enough. This isn't where you should be. You shouldn't have quit. You shouldn't have left that world. You should be right back there. Well, it helps you realize that that's not the case, that you have to go through that valley of despair before you can find any type of fulfillment.

It's like you have to be vulnerable and dance before that metaphorical music plays before you can be triumphant in any capacity. or a couple years later my personal life falling apart and just feeling like again another dead end another loss another self-defining moment or so I thought or was it a chance to start over right to put you know your world in a trailer and go down the coast and rebuild and this time differently and that was another door that opened. And these are, these are big things. Imagine the little things that you can put, you know, as they arrive, these losses, these setbacks, put them in this bucket, hold on to them, and then make them something new. That's what I needed to remind myself this morning. all of these things that I'm looking at with sort of this negative viewpoint.

I can't forget what they're helping me build because the emotional brain was overriding everything. I totally forgot that I was doing exactly what I needed to do. I was down hardy knocking on doors. That's what success is. knocking on doors, getting rejected, and turning that rejection into something that you were not the day before. And so, you know, I'll wrap it up with this because I think it's an important point. I'm not asking you or advocating, suggesting that you become some robot void of emotion.

I don't think that's a winning recipe. I don't think it's possible. But if it were, I don't think it's the right thing. What I'm suggesting is that you recognize that when life hits you and you do feel the way you do, which is a very human response, you recognize that it's emotion. You recognize that, yeah, it makes me feel bad in the moment. And that's the way it is. That's the way it's always going to be. But when that cloud moves by, when that cloud passes, there's something beautiful to cling on to.

to. There's forward progress there underneath the discomfort and the despair. And that's what we can't let go of. That's what progress is about. Those stopping points, those checkpoints where so many people look to their left and right and go, ah, I've lost. Oh, this is too much. Oh, this means I'm not good enough and they turn around. They don't wait for that cloud to pass. But it always does. And underneath it is exactly what you mean. I hope you got something from this. I'll see you next time.