Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero - The Benefit of the Doubt

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

Human beings are not always rational.  We are tribal and emotional, preferring to unite with those who think like us over attempting to understand those who don't.  This, however, is at the heart of many of our problems, both personally and professionally.  When you give people the benefit of the doubt, you set yourself up for success, simply because you start from the premise that others, even those with whom you disagree, have good intentions.  It is simply the approach that varies, and that can always be worked out.

What's up guys, welcome to your world within daily. This is episode two. And I want to check in, make sure everyone's doing well in their quarantine, being productive, staying sane, healthy, happy, making the most of their situation. I can say on my end, I'm definitely hoping to use this as a launching pad, you know, tripling YouTube output. but obviously this podcast, which is brand new, working on a website, just doing anything I can to make that snowball grow. I want downtime's precious. It is absolutely precious.

And a lot of times we don't get it. So let's certainly do our best to make the most of this opportunity. It's funny, a lot of the times, and I myself do this as well, will say, I don't have the time. I don't know the time. I don't know the time. I don't know the time. Well, when you look at that question,

you're saying, I don't have the time, but what you mean is, I don't care. Right? Because we do what we care about. We prioritize the things that are important to us. If we cared, we'd have the time. Right? If George Clooney called and said,

hey, can you come on set? I need you to be on this blockbuster film. Like, you'd find the time, right? because it would become a priority. So you get the point. What this does is shine a spotlight on the fact that it's probably not time. If you're watching Netflix as opposed to doing this, it's not time. There's certainly a universal truth.

You do what you prioritize. You do what's important. And I want to kind of segue to another, what I believe, to be a universal truth. It's an idea that's helped me tremendously. And I think it can be applied at sort of an interpersonal level as well as holistically. It's funny, times like this, I keep saying times like it's this big massive catastrophe, but it's disruptive, right? So situations like this sort of highlight a lot of these rules that you see every day

and you deal with every day. They just feel magnified right now. and it's a simple one it's giving others the benefit of the doubt whether it's a person a group of people an entity understanding that people are not coming from a place of evil

or malice or people inherently want good it's just we have different backgrounds We have different incentives. You know, that's what ultimately creates the different ideological foundations we come from. I feel like there's just such a tribal. I mean, this is not opinion, by the way.

This is entrenched in our DNA, right? Human beings are tribal. That's how we've procreated and survived so long. It's if you, and by the way, the founders make this point. it's over and over again, it's just, it's a part of being human. Our default is to pull back,

join people that are like us, point to people that are not, and say, you are immoral, you are wrong, you don't have it right, we do. It's easier. It's the crux of everything. I mean, think about team sports.

Think about Yankees versus Red Sox. You know, there are, I've seen stories where people are fighting. Red Sox fans versus Yankees fans. None of them are even on the field playing, right? But they're emotional about it to the point where they'd throw a punch because one person identifies a certain way and another person identifies another way. It's just, I'm highlighting this because it's prevalent everywhere. Me versus you, them versus us.

again, a lot of the times where we attribute malice, because it's so easy to say this person's hateful, this person's got it wrong, this person's evil, it's just a difference in how they see the world. Or let's even be more extreme. Maybe it's incompetence, but it is incompetence more than it is evil or malice. Assume that the person you're talking to,

the person you're reading about, they want what you want, they just have fundamentally different ways of getting there. That sounds easy, it's not. Because you'll start noticing when you pay attention to this, our default is to dismiss them as negative, as not us. I have issues that reoccur with my back. And I remember I was going to physical therapy

and the physical therapist is stretching me and she's just blasting the government, right? Blasting Donald Trump, which is interesting in itself that so many people are so passionate about what's happening at the federal level when in the aggregate, those decisions rarely impact our lives.

Like truly, it's not very frequent that we feel a direct impact, of a decision that the federal government makes. It's usually state and local. But again, it's an opportunity to take part in the team game, the sport. Anyway, so she asked me what I think. And I remember I said, well, he's done some things that I like and he's done some things I don't like.

Just like Obama, the president before him, did some things I agreed with, did some things I did. didn't agree with. What does that do? I use that as an example because it was incredible to see someone disarm, right? She was asking, like, thinking, is this guy with me or against me? Are we going to bash the current administration? Or are we going to go head to toe on why he's evil?

And when you disarm someone, you say, look, I'm not going to be emotional about this. Things happen. Let's assess them. let's analyze them as they happen. There's no value that's created from a me versus you mindset. And by the way, this applies to every level of life. This applies to business, right? I particularly starting out, right?

When I work or do client work, I'm fortunate now that I don't do it much, right? When I do it's a project that I'm really interested in or I feel like is exciting to me. me, the feedback that you get sometimes from clients or just the interactions make you, they're just mind-boggling. Right. And my first reaction would be to get pissed or be like, what are these guys thinking? How do they not understand these basic concepts? Why is someone investing so much and getting in their own way?

Again, default is they're dumb. they don't know what they're doing idiots but when you think about it again hire pull yourself out of the weeds what do they want they want the project to be amazing what do you want i want the project to be amazing we're coming at it from different ways right different benchmarks maybe different incentives, different idealistic ways to get to the same level, the same place. And that's why that conversation needs to take place. If you go in angry thinking they're trying to derail whatever's going on, you're not going to be as productive.

The end result's not going to be as fantastic as it could be if you sat down and said, look, I know we both want X. I'm thinking this, you're thinking this. well let's why why do you want that why do i want this right how can we compromise or maybe i'm wrong maybe you're right why there has to be some objective discussion you both have to be disarmed you both have to understand that you're coming from a place that's good maybe different but good in working towards a mutually beneficial uh landing spot i'm telling you having the full foresight, the calm, and the understanding to think that through will get you places that you

wouldn't have been able to get to before because you'll think rationally. I'll give one more example, because this will 100% hit home. The media right now, right? The Fox News, the CNNs, you know, the mainstream media that you're seeing on TV, scare tactics, scare tactics, scare tactic, right? It's one thing to be informed. It's another thing to be perpetually worked up, right? All we need to know is essentially what's going on and what we should do about it. You can read that in a paragraph. Yet people are watching this stuff all day, all day. It's consuming them. And the incentives of these big media companies, I mean, it's a multi-billion dollar industry. They're paid by clicks.

This is not conspiratorial. I mean, this is just reality. The more worked up you are, the more times you hit refresh, the more ad money they make. That is their incentive. It's different from yours, right? You don't care how much money these companies make. You want to know what's going on so you can make the best decisions in your life. Now, does that mean anyone's cheering for this thing to get worse or catastrophes to happen?

No, absolutely not. Right. People are good. People want the same outcome. We want this thing gone. But the reality is it's here. And people are approaching it different ways. People are incentivized to approach it in different ways. So just remember that. Right. incentives make the world go around. People are good. People want positive outcomes. We just go about it differently. And if you can keep that in, mind as you're going through your day as you're having one-on-one discussions, disagreements about anything. Stop and ask, well, why? Let's assume that they don't want me to fail. Let's assume that they want us both to win. Let's assume that maybe their strategy is different than my strategy. Let's ask why, and let's choose the best one. I know that sounds utopian. But there's such power in removing the emotion, right, in thinking. Thinking with your prefrontal cortex, hiding the lizard brain, the competition, the you versus me,

us versus them, and thinking rationally. Because what you'll find is even the people that just blow your mind, that just baffle you, the people that you couldn't in a million years look at and resonate with, they're not that different from you. And that understanding will improve your life, it will improve theirs. and it's a net positive for everyone.