Your World Within Podcast by Eddie Pinero - When life feels darkest, what do you do? BEST MOTIVATION FOR CHALLENGING TIMES

Episode Date: September 11, 2024

"We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training." -Archilochus   In this episode, I dive into those seasons of life when everything feels like a challenge. It’s easy to let things slip and stop caring as much as you normally would, but it’s in those moments that being your best matters most. I’ll explore why maintaining your focus and effort during hard times ensures that when the storm passes, you won’t just survive—you’ll come out stronger. Join me as we talk about resilience, discipline, and the importance of showing up for yourself, even when it’s toughest. Monday Motivation Newsletter: https://www.eddiepinero.com/newsletter Free Ebook: www.eddiepinero.com/ebook  YouTube: www.eddiepinero.com/youtube 

If you want to change the world, you must be your best in your darkest moments. That's a quote or a paraphrasing of a quote from Admiral McRaven, talking about how when things are the most difficult and we want to fold and collapse in, it's when we are invited to be better than we've ever been. And so recently, I got some feedback that, it would be helpful if I delved a little bit deeper into some of my personal life and just some of the vulnerability in my life. So, you know, as a lot of you who listen know, I share stories all the time, but it's generally to paint a picture and step out. And, you know, I don't want to make this

about me. It's not about me. It's never been about me. It's about us in using the little lessons and stories we see and come across to get better, whatever better means to us. But I thought, you know, I will. I will unveil, pull back the curtain on something that's been going on, because this has, you know, not been an easy stretch for me for a variety of reasons. And, you know, there have been moments where I have felt sorry for myself. And, you know, nothing tragic or dramatic. But, you know, in different facets of life, it's funny.

Like, sometimes, you know, when it rains, it pours. The wheels fall off the wagon in a lot of different places, you know. You know, I just recently got out of a relationship, not a terribly long one, but one that, you know, had a lot of promise and potential and, you know, devolved into something not good very quickly. and, you know, that bummed me out on the personal front. I had an assistant, again, someone I at one point thought very highly of, you know, run off with thousands of dollars. Needless to say, that relationship is completely deteriorated.

And then just, you know, I'm a, I'm a hundred percent invested in this brand, in this community. and August, just from a strictly data, from a numbers perspective, is not one of the best months, you know, I've had. So a lot of things, you know, and on top of that, you know, I've been working really hard on my physique, about a month and a half ago doing some dips, hurt my shoulder, and haven't been able to essentially lift to my left arm, getting a lot of help, a lot of different opinions, working on it, you know.

But I think you get the idea. It's like, it's not a world's smallest violin thing. It's not a poor me thing. But it's very easy for me to look around and feel sorry for myself, right, in this moment. And I have. I was thinking the other day, as I was taking a little walk, you know, just, you know, getting the poor me vibes. And I think we've all been there. We've all felt that.

And I thought of that Admiral McRaven quote. And I thought about how. It'd be very easy for me to lose momentum here because that's what I'm inclined to do. If I stop thinking and stop being proactive and I just let life blow me around, that's exactly what would happen. But there's also opportunity. There's opportunity to be better in every single one of these categories. You know, the arm thing, it's like, don't let. yourself unravel. Don't stop working out. Don't start eating terribly. You know how like when you lose

your momentum, you lose your momentum. It's like, why should I eat broccoli and chicken breasts? I'm not even hitting the gym hard, right? And it's easy to sort of go down that rabbit hole. It's like, no, eat better than you've ever, than you've ever eaten. Run. Do lower body. Do abs. Work harder. And you'll feel better. Because this thing, right, this arm is going to work. again at some point and when it does, you know, I'll feel like I didn't waste time, but I prepared and I'm better. The YouTube thing, the branding thing. You know, understand.

I know a lot of people who are experts in the field say, well, yeah, August is a slow month. I don't care. Right? It's just like when people say there's a recession, prepare to do badly. No. Like I don't buy that. I want to be someone who doesn't let the circumstance dictate their success or their

trajectory, right? And so I feel like that's not acceptable and there's still a lot I can learn. So learn from it. Let the relationship thing, you know, with the girlfriend make you stronger, make you better. You know, learn from it, detach and go live your life. Same deal with my assistant. It's like you now know what you don't want and what you can't accept. But, you know, glass half full, well, now you have an avatar for the role. role in a sense. You understand what was important, what you need. There's a framework now that

exists because, you know, for the first time someone filled that space. And so that is the idea. It's like when you are most vulnerable and you most want to let your guard down and bow down to life, I'm going to ask you to join me in not accepting that and saying, no, I'm going to be better. I'm going to be better in every way to show myself, to show the people around me, to show the world that when things get difficult,

I find a way. And I do think, you know, I talk about life being complex and, you know, sort of a, a non-binary, not black and white. There's a lot of gray space. But I do think if I had to pick a few areas to make things black and white, it's amidst our difficulties

and our moments of pain and suffering. There are people that are knocked down by it and people who use it to do something beautiful and meaningful and powerful. I'm not saying, you know, be a robot. Sit in the emotions. Why not? You know, embrace it.

But don't stay there. Don't stay there. And as I was going on my run yesterday, because my legs, you know, still work beautifully. I was thinking, I wonder how many people are going through it. And I wonder how many people in their fight are starting to feel, overwhelmed, and like life has let them down.

I wonder how many people are in that spot. And I had this sort of powerful moment of clarity that's like this is such a blessing because not only are you going to be better in all of these categories, but you can teach yourself that adversity is not something that slows you down. you only need to take one step.

And I want to be that reminder for you. Our difficult times are not defining. They're an invitation. And how cool is that? I don't think that's a cliche or a talking point. I think when life is hardest, it's such a special opportunity to step into it. They say confidence is earned.

And I think we can all show ourselves that, you know, win, as Admiral McRaven says, As life feels the darkest, we can be our best. Better than we've ever been, right? We don't know what full potential looks like. We haven't scratched the surface. There are things about you that are untapped. And so what better a time when things feel the hardest to start bringing that to life?

If you want to change the world, be your very best in the darkest. the darkest. It's not about what happens to you. No one escapes adversity. No one lives free of discomfort or misfortune or struggle. No, it will always be about what you do with what happens to you. In other words, it's not the event, it's the response. Not the obstacle, but the ability to navigate around it. Not the wave, but the ability to ride its momentum to something greater.

It is not what happens to you. It is what you do about what happens to you. The famous Roman emperor and stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said you have power over your mind, not outside events.

realize this and you will find strength. And I think this realization comes down to the fact that there is always a way, buried underneath it all, something powerful to leverage. But getting to the value calls for a rewiring. A change in the questions that we ask. Not how could this happen to me, but how can I be better tomorrow? than I am now because of what happened to me.

Not can I still be that person or accomplish what I set out to, but I am that person. Now how will I adjust my path so that I get there? We're operating within a world of value, limitless opportunity. The difficulty simply pushes us to that value, faster, expedites the process. It forces us to open our eyes and see that the world works for us. So you take, for example, the fear of starting something new. That fear, it doesn't

have to be an end point or a red light indicator. Fear doesn't mean you're not qualified or prepared or equipped. It's a It simply lets you know that you have finally acquired the courage to step out of the safety of the only world you knew and into the turbulence of growth. On to the path of something better. And where it's easy to move away from that feeling, to turn your back on the chaos and retreat to something simpler, maybe something more predictable or contained. What if you viewed the fear as the price that we all have to be?

to pay to pull the curtain back on the best things life has to offer. Changing the question from will I be afraid to instead this is important this is meaningful therefore it's inevitable that I will experience fear but what will I do about it how will I conduct myself amidst the fear will I continue forward those are the questions that contain the value. Right? I can't keep the water from rising or the walls from caving in. No, that's an inevitability where I'm going. The worthwhile road always has its adversity. But will I use that water to learn to swim? The walls to climb, to adapt and scale, what will I make of this? That's the question that becomes the difference.

And sure, you could stay away. You could choose not to take the path that presents the danger and the turbulence. You could attempt to contain the world around you by simply refusing to experience it. But then, of course, you become presented with the question, why intentionally refuse to cash in a winning lottery ticket? Why diminish your gift in such a way? If it's not what you look at, it's what you see. why see the world as an adversary?

Why see yourself as less than you are? The saying goes, when you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them. You'll never exceed the person you've decided yourself to be. And yes, the world can feel intimidating. It's unknown. You in many ways can't control the character. that make life what it is, but you can always control you. Just like you can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sales.

You can't control the tides, but you can predict and plan and execute accordingly. You control you, and that is where the power is. And of course there's going to be times where that's hard to see, when it's not your first instinct to find the value. Take, for an example, a change, a loss, the end of a relationship, the point where people tend to feel their lowest. It hurts to have something and lose it. To have what you were once so sure about challenged, what you once believed in called into question. But this doesn't have to be a referendum on you as a human being, right?

sure you made your mistakes, but you have the opportunity to dwell on them or to acknowledge them and ask the question, I know what I know now, how can I be better than I've ever been in my life? How can I position myself to get more of the good and less of the bad, same idea, different context? When those walls feel like they're crumbling down, you have to know there is more on the other side. Just beyond what the eye can see. And this isn't just an idea I play around with my head. I make a concentrated effort to think this

every time something goes wrong. When my first reaction is emotional, my first emotion is anger or frustration. It's like take a breath, compose yourself, and start looking for the value. Because here's the truth, the world is not going to end today. There's going to be a time,

down the road when I look over my shoulder and right now is a distant memory. What will I have done with it? And it's the times that might have broken you that contain the greatest transformation. I like to say the greatest tragedies or the hardest times made me who I am today. The losses taught me that I had everything I needed. The failures showed me what I'm capable of enduring. The times I was let down taught me to depersonalize the shortcomings of others, but to simultaneously hedge against them.

The times I was lost showed me we only discover or meet our potential when we leave the little day-to-day realities that we create. Why? Because we are in control. Not of the external, but the internal, and that ends up being a bridge. to a reality that means something. So when you find yourself at the base of a mountain looking up, understand that there are two ways to perceive the climb. You can see it as the gravity pushing down on you as Earth standing in your way. Or as an opportunity to ascend to a version of yourself that previously not only didn't exist but wasn't available.

This is your opportunity. The same opportunity that the vast majority of the world would disregard or misinterpret. That most would feel fear of and be dissuaded by. Most would live in the stories about who they aren't and what they aren't capable of. But not you. You didn't place that mountain before you, but you sure can extract the value from. All you have to do is decide that you're capable and that the meaning and the value and the freedom of tomorrow means more than the discomfort of today. If you allow that for yourself, you will become truly unstoppable.

Not because the path simplified or got easier, but because the traveler trusted himself to walk down it. storms is that they all have one thing in common, they pass. And once gone, they leave you as a person different than who you were before you stepped in. Before you found yourself consumed by its adverse conditions, they are disruptors, breaking down and shaking up, but not for the sake of chaos itself. No, storms break us down so that we can build again. So that we can find within ourselves the power and the strength that simply remain tucked away during those sunny days. And so walking up to this storm, what you'll immediately notice is a break from the normal. The every day. An obvious detail.

obvious detachment from the standards by which you had been living. But don't be fooled into thinking those dark clouds and heavy winds have nothing of value for you. Don't be tricked into thinking the rain will consume all the good in life. Because at the end of the day, it's that very rain that washes away the excess and leaves the meaningful. We don't grow despite the storms. We grow because of the storms. So compose yourself and embrace what's around you. Amidst the storm you might realize that you don't want some of the things you thought you did.

You might realize that life contains variables that make it incredibly unpredictable. And when old plans meet new variables, sometimes we learn that the path we were walking down requires adjustment. It needs change. Not because we were wrong. The dream was wrong, where the path was wrong, but because life is an experiment. Experiments are meant to test hypotheses and support exploration. Without the storm, sure, everything seemed fine.

Everything was flawless, but in the thick of it, when the variables, the multiplicity of factors present themselves, it often paints a picture for us that we previously weren't able to see. That's okay. Ideal even. It's life. So when amidst the storm

and presented this new information, this new portrait, pivot. Grow with your understanding and newly acquired knowledge. There's no point in remaining tied to the ideas, the people and the places that once served you but have since run their course. Growth is perspective and awareness,

and as the storm shakes your foundation, it also hands you a clarity that those blue skies simply could not. So adjust, adapt, and move further into the person you are destined to become. You can't learn that on a sunny day. No, that's what storms are for. And amidst the storm, you might find yourself scared, nervous, unsure.

You might even look back and wonder what life would have been like had you not stepped in. Perhaps you're angry with yourself for not navigating around the inclement weather. Maybe you'll find yourself asking, how did I let myself end up in such a situation when there were visual indicators and weather forecasts? people warned me about moments like this yet here I am. You might find that the drop in temperature is uncomfortable. The rain difficult, the wind annoying. But here's what they don't tell you.

There's something innately powerful about proving to yourself that you can move forward despite those things. That when you're scared and step forward anyway, when you're lost but maintain your poise and trust in the process, When you're down but cling to hope to that light at the end of the tunnel, you emerge with a different understanding of who you are. You end up stronger because you've allowed yourself to become stronger. And you don't get that on the sunny days.

No, that's what storms are for. And amidst the storm, you might feel like the sacrifice requires in life is more than you want to endure, maybe even more than you can endure. After all, it's during our trying times that we're forced to make some of our most difficult decisions. We might be forced to let go of some things that had been staples in our lives. That in order to say hello to some things, we must necessarily say goodbye to others. and this hurts, especially while it's happening, it hurts.

But what you're really doing is learning to identify what matters and mitigate the things that don't support that journey. Sometimes storms teach us that growth is not about acquisition and obtaining more, and they show us instead that we've been carrying too much, that we become accustomed to surrounding ourselves with things that no longer elevate or inspire or push us. And the best way to evolve is to move forward with less. So when you see parts of yourself fade away or dissolve, hold your head up.

Because when you get to the other side, you just might see that cutting away those things was more liberating than anything. you could find or pick up along the way. And we're not taught this lesson on those sunny days. No, that's what storms are for. And amidst the storm, it's quite possible that you'll feel lonely from time to time. Maybe misunderstood. Perhaps like the whole world has everything figured out. They're moving single file through the correct door while you wander around aimlessly.

That's not true. No one has all the answers and everyone has their storms. The question has always been, as far as I'm concerned, what will you make of yours? Because we're always presented with the decision to let our adversity define us or to find something of value in it. The opportunity hidden in plain view. You're never alone in your pain or your distress. Those things are an inevitability tied to the miracle that is life.

But what you are is powerful. Powerful enough to learn in your solitude and bring that understanding back out to the world. Powerful enough to let the lessons guide you to something beautiful. Powerful enough to find the meaning underneath the turbulence. We often confuse our times of great things. times of greatest transformation with setbacks. We often forget that the darkness cannot withstand a single flicker of light and we can be that light when we trust ourselves. It's a lesson that can't be taught on sunny days. No, that's what storms are for.

And that storm, that very thing you want with all your heart to avoid, it's not an antithetical to your happiness or your prosperity. No, ultimately it's how you create those things. The trials and tribulations help us look at life from different angles. They remind us what we are capable of. Show us we can do so much more than we thought that we have in many cases been accepting a reality that is not our own. That is just the beginning. And so whether you were on the outside looking in, or at this very moment in the heart of chaos, remember, this is making you who you need to be. And sure, it never feels good in the moment. It's never exciting when it's happening. But there will be a point when you look around and see a world unlike the one

you stepped away from, one in which you are stronger, bolder, wise, one in which you have greater clarity and understanding a better sense of who should be with you and where you are going. It's not despite, but because of the storm, that you'll rise from the ashes and from the quote-unquote misfortune to find yourself and your way. We all enjoy the prospect of perfection. Everyone has an ideal outcome. We all make plans. But very rarely do they unfold as they were drawn up. Why?

Well, because life is predictably unpredictable. It's mysterious. Yet for some reason, we march on toward the acquisition of a flawless. existence. Scared of anything but an undamaged, untarnished, immaculate reflection staring back at us in the mirror. But in the real world, you know, our happiness, contentment, growth, progress that are not a product of perfection. They're built from the imperfections that we collect along the way. The trials, the tribulations. You know, when you piece all that together, like little puzzle pieces, they depict beauty. They show the image that's always been so highly coveted.

In other words, the process of rebuilding creates something more valuable than the same pieces before they were broken down, when they were untouched. In Japanese philosophy, there's a concept known as Kinsugi, which is a very important. It's the art of repairing broken pottery with a golden lacquer. It's the idea that we don't want to hide the damage, but we want to rebuild it into something more meaningful, more valuable. Embrace the imperfect, own and cherish it. There's an old story about a tea master known as Rikyu. And he was attending a Japanese tea ceremony with one of his followers, and the follower tries

to impress Rikyu by buying this fantasy. see clay jar and making it visible during the meeting. But Rikyu never, you know, once acknowledges it. The praise never comes. So the student, you know, obviously upset by the lack of recognition, he pushes the jar off the counter, it falls to the floor, it breaks into a bunch of pieces. And another student ultimately repairs it using Kinsugi. He puts the pieces back together with a gold lacquer. And next time Rikyu attends the tea ceremony as a guest of He sees the jar, rebuilt, and says now it's beautiful. Now it has character.

He acknowledges its value. And this story reminds us about the myth of perfection. My life's not about dodging and avoiding the difficulty. It's about facing it head on. Because when we come out on the other side, we transform into something that was previously unobtainable and rise to a world, beyond imagination.

See, we change not by running around life's obstacles, but by running directly through them. Like a muscle being repeatedly broken down and built back up, the pain, the exhausted energy is the vehicle. The micro creates the macro, the difficult becomes the exceptional. We need the very things we're inclined to avoid. Our shortcomings, they not only precede and establish our greatness, they are our greatness.

Being broken is not a tragedy, it is a step along the way. It's the beginning of something new, a launching pad, a chance to be better than you have ever been. Because look, here's the reality. If your status quo has never been shaken at its foundation, if you've never stopped and questioned the way things are, reality, as it is, if you don't take risks, there will be no fragments to take and rebuild. You won't have the tools or capacity

to change the world around you. And that is the thing of note. Beauty is not fearing the rebuild. It is the rebuild. It's not feeling sorry or hopeless, but hopeful, seeing your situation for what it is an opportunity. It is what you need, a blank canvas. chance to make art while redrawing creative boundaries.

If perfect is the goal, why take the step? Why take the chance? Why risk messing things up? It's never been about perfect. It's about picking up the pieces and rising again. You don't have to know everything. In fact, you don't even need to know most things. But you do have to know

that progress often calls for us to move forward. us to move forward without knowing. It asks that we're willing to learn along the way, to pick up the pieces as we walk by them. That's a vulnerability that is sometimes tough to face. It's a nakedness that we never really shake. The idea that in order to grow, we have to leave the now, ill-prepared for tomorrow, but knowing that we have everything we need to make the transition. The losses become lessons, the failures become data points, the mistakes become our clarity. And until we understand this, there really isn't an upward trajectory. We place too much value on the known, the things we understand.

the cyclical nature of a day-to-day that is, as much as life, can be predictable and determined. Characteristics that are actually antithetical to growth. In fact, one could make an argument that in this incredible day and age of information, our need and ability to know often comes at the expense of true transformation. I studied podcasts for so long before I started one that I could have created and improved upon my own, I don't know, 400 times over. I had to find out who uses what, when to upload, how long the episode should be, and on and on. There are books and videos, there are classes and coaches. All of it wonderful, I'm sure, in its own way.

but nothing so powerful as that university of experience of life, the idea of the thinker and the doer. The thinker that absorbs and contemplates weighs one option versus another and another exhausting time sufficient for the doer to fall on her face twice, pick up the pieces, make necessary changes, and beyond her way. See, the information is out there. It exists and can be incredibly valuable,

but simultaneously can contribute to us thinking our way into stagnation. A thing can only be what you make it. Things provide the value you decide to extract from them. I like using the example of water because it's simple. Water is necessary to sustain. sustain life. Without it, one cannot go on. Too much of it, however, can sink a ship or flood a building. Too much is disastrous. And you can pretty much fill in the blank with anything else here to demonstrate that point. Life is a balance between not enough and too much. Scarcity and excess. And my opinion is that now, with regard to information and technology, we exist on the too much side of the spectrum.

I mean, I can't even remember the last time I was having a conversation about something I wasn't sure about without interrupting it to pull out my phone and Google the answer. Again, this has its positives. Knowledge is power, but to what extent? And I'm talking big picture here. This is about so much more than picking up a phone to Google information. This is about never feeling like we're equipped enough to step into something new. Because we can always be obtaining more. And it's like, where do you draw that line?

I now, because of the accessibility of information, find myself frequently staring like a deer in headlights. because some minor detail hasn't been made clear to me. Because everything is not perfectly ironed out, my brain has become conditioned to know. Because knowing is now incredibly easy. But life is about generating a meaningful existence. Meaning is carved from unknowns. It's not Googled or found on Wikipedia.

A podcast or a YouTube video can't give you me. meaning. They might help you prepare or point you in the right direction, but meaning is about self-discovery. It's about, yeah, taking those things you learn, but giving them life. It's pulled out of the world around you like diamonds from the earth. Necessarily calling for going when you don't know exactly what the destination looks like, starting when you don't know what the end result will be. We are consuming at the expense of living, absorbing at the expense of feeling, right?

There's the idea that a business book is not the same thing as creating a business. Being on social media is not the same thing as being social. It's an aspect of those things served up without the risk or the upside. That is not real life. One of my favorite movies, Goodwill Hunting, Robin Williams' character, a therapist, is talking to Matt Damon's character. He plays this brilliant young man who has a photographic memory,

he's read every book in the library, he's a genius. But even with all that, he doesn't quite have the courage to move out of his little world into something bigger, into the opportunity that's available for him, if only he'd find the strength to seek it out. And here's a segment of Robin Williams

trying to explain that to Matt Damon. He says, so if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me this skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about life's work, political aspirations, him and the Pope, sexual orientation, whole works, right? But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in this Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling, seen that. If I asked you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus on your personal favorites.

You may have even been late a few times, but you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. I ask you about war, and you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right? Once into the breach, dear friends. But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap and watched him gasp his last breath. looking to you for help.

I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared kid. And the quote goes on, but the idea is a powerful one. And one of the reasons I've rewatched that scene over and over, it's not that he's trying to belittle the character. He's trying to help him explore the depths of his own personality, his needs and desires, trying to arm him with the understanding that he's strong enough to move

beyond the walls he's built around himself, that all that knowledge he's obtained and acquired is meaningless unless he gives it life. Knowing isn't enough. And I want to qualify this again because it's important you meet me where I am. I'm not making a case for ignorance or, you know, books, knowledge, understanding, that's critical, but it's the other piece that makes life worth living. You don't get the reward without the risk, and the risk requires that one moves into the haze without clear understanding of an outcome. It's moving into life without total certainty, and we are hardwired for that certainty. We're built to want to know. And now, on top of that, we have the tools to take in infinite knowledge. I want this to be a reminder that we have to circumnavigate

that idea to some extent. We have to trust ourselves to figure things out as we go. That waiting until we have everything figured out simply leaves the door crack for regret to sneak in and make itself comfortable. There's an entire world out there waiting for you not to have a all figured out but to instead stumble upon the realization that you don't have to know. To move forward, you have to simply trust. That's when the world will transform before your eyes. Remember what's yours to control and what's not what must be let go. Remember that nothing is so futile as attempting to move

the immovable or change the unchangeable. Remember that your greatest strength is focusing your time, talents, and efforts, exhausting your energy on that which you can control. And sometimes this distinction hurts. But to fail to see it is to shackle oneself to delusion. Right?

You can complain about the weather all day, to complain about it, to focus on it, to be stuck in it, is not going to change it. Your time would be better suited looking at how to adjust yourself to it. And that's what life repeatedly tells us. There's plenty we aren't happy about, plenty we wish we could change. But to stay there in that space is to forfeit your greatness, your strength. Why? Why? Because there is so much you can control, so much you can do.

You can always position yourself to succeed. But that calls for first separating what's yours and what's not. If there are people I wish were different. There are situations I prayed were alterable. There are outcomes that are given without my asking. That's just life. And a losing mentality is to fight that, to feel anger or resentment at the people that lets you down. Why couldn't they be how I want them to be?

It's to dwell on the situation that occurred despite your wishes. Why couldn't it have just happened my way? It's to refuse to acknowledge the outcomes that have already materialized. Why couldn't it just have evolved differently? All that, as hard as it is to see, is embracing a mentality of victimhood. It's walking down a path that has no desirable destination in store for you. When you accept the unchangeable, you then become the architect of your reality. Sure, people, places, and outcomes weren't always the best, but now you ask, how can I navigate around it?

or better yet, use it to my advantage. It is, to use the famous metaphor, not shaking your fist at the wind, but building sails for your boat, creating a path to take you somewhere new. So let the energy, the time, and emotion that's wasted on the immovable dissolve. The question worth asking is,

where do you most want to be and how can you get there? And while those details outside the scope of your control can feel like a bottomless gap in your way, I promise that what's around you is enough to build a bridge over it. There's enough there for you to find your way. So long as we learn to separate the gap from the bridge, the details from the solutions, when all you see is why you can't go or how it can't be solved or how impossible something is.

It's not that you are looking at an unfortunate truth. It's that you are looking at the wrong supporting evidence. When we stop seeing the details and outside circumstances as the deciders of fate, we win. When we place our eyes upon the controllable, When we step into what is ours to move and shape and transform, we finally see that the journey to something bigger is not only possible, it is inevitable. Goodbyes are tiny beginnings. Sunsets.

They grant a very special kind of permission. A green light to take all the value and the beauty, all the lifeless, and carry it into tomorrow. Which sounds easy enough. But then again, on paper, so does running a marathon or climbing Mount Everest. And I'd wonder, how could something be painful and transformative? How could something break me and be good for me?

It's not hard to see the dissonance there, right? But here's the thing. Oddly enough, that seemingly paradoxical experience is consistent. Consistent throughout our lives appearing every time we grow. Our darkest moments feel like endings, perhaps because we're hanging on to what was the ideas that felt like home. But in actuality, those moments, those goodbyes, are already the beginning of something new. The same way midnight sparks the beginning of a new calendar day right in the heart of darkness, unbeknownst to us while the world is turned off and our minds are asleep.

A hello in disguise. When we said goodbye, my heart immediately declared war on my mind. Why? Because her not being there didn't make sense. Because when you care about something you fight for that thing, because goodbyes, well, they signify change, and I liked this chapter. But my brain fired right back. Right idea, just wrong time. What's the reality of this situation?

Did you ask yourself that? It said, letting go can be the hardest thing and the right thing simultaneously that I should know the rules. And so goodbyes were said and sons, they sat. And we went to sleep in separate beds, not knowing anything about the future except that it would be different. Way different than today. And immediately in comes the heart. Picks up the mic, tap tap, is this thing on, check one, two. to, hey, make sure you're aware of what's gone.

Make sure you spend your time thinking about what you don't have. See the blank pages they used to have writing? You see the empty space that used to be occupied. Make sure you shine that spotlight on what was once there. Oh, it's empty? How does that make you feel? Asks the heart. When the door opens, in comes the brain, the pragmatist, more direct, certainly more matter of fact.

Says, hey, time to move. You have things to build and places to go. You can't let that blood pumping organ get in the way of what really matters here. Place up your shoes. Open the door, go make a name for yourself, kid. Go be that guy. You get what you focus on, remember? Focus on the reality.

the process, the analytics, data doesn't lie. Your heart does, though. I let them fight it out for a few. Our desire for faction so deeply ingrained that I feel like I'm looking down at myself while my right half fights my left half. How best do we go forward here? Right, wrong, yes, no, stop, go,

before realizing, like so many things the truth hides in the gray space. Maybe in an obtuse way, they both want the same thing. The truth is it hurts because change hurts, but that doesn't mean I've lost more than I've gained. It doesn't mean that yesterday's memories won't impact the minutes that make up tomorrow. Nothing is disappearing into thin air here. This isn't a magic trick. The time spent, doesn't suddenly become meaningless. No, it comes along because I'll continue to move along and those moments are now me. So recalibrate.

Acknowledge that. When I watch a movie, see a concert, go on a breathtaking hike, run up the coast in the morning. They are experiences that take me somewhere beyond the physical. peak experiences, but they are not forever. And interestingly enough, upon their completion, they're not quite gone either. They make a little home for themselves somewhere in the soul like a candle that as small as it might burn is never truly extinguished, a light to help guide the way forward. And so when we find our

ourselves in the dark, how powerful that we remember to reach for it. As the saying goes, you have everything you need. And you do because of everywhere you've been and everyone that's helped keep your soul ablaze. You are the continuation of the best story ever written. No hero makes it on his own. And so that night, I decided to mix it. things up a bed, sit under the bright lights of the South Florida sky, glistening pieces of wisdom that share for free, and the moon, that moon, which I recently learned we can

only see because the sun's light reflects off of it. Perhaps they too knew each other in a previous life. But me, I got in my car, drove out to the beach, a nice change of scenery. Figured it would be a real treat to hear myself think, to find clarity. Climmed up onto a lifeguard stand, let my feet dangle over the edge, and just looked out. Watched the waves crash on the sand. The clock would strike midnight soon, and while the world slept, I would be given a brand-new And what a relief, because the previous one was painful, the previous one hurt, the previous

one broke me. But as I sat there, waves crashing, feet dangling, I was starting to feel like those little pieces just might come together to comprise something meaningful. As Hemingway put it, the world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places. Well, under those stars, I felt like I could be strong. Like once again, I could be anything, and the heart and the head can bicker all they want. But they're saying the same things just through each other. One sees what's no longer there. The other sees what's next, and that's what goodbyes do. Force us to look around and realize what we've become as we start the next journey.

Eyes a little wider. Soul shining a little brighter. Because of her, because of me, because of the blank spaces, because of what will someday occupy them, because of what it all means. And just like that, midnight. Quiet, calm. calm. Those waves they crashed and they crashed and they crashed celebrating the new day.

They've certainly been here before and they'll be here tomorrow long after I come and go. And in a way my impermanence is what makes the now so precious. Why it all matters. Why the sun and moon conspire to shine light on this very lifeguard stand at this very moment. moment in time reminding me that down is not out, wandering is not lost, that I am stronger than I've ever been. And sometimes it takes a goodbye to remind us.