You're Never The Only One - *BONUS* MINIPOD 1

Episode Date: September 12, 2025

Cat & Emma get together on Emma's stairs for the first bonus Minipod of Season 3. They discuss ghosts, why Cat hates people (especially the guy sitting in Block 2, Row R, Seat 60 at the Jim Jefferies Hammersmith Apollo gig and, of course, they share your stories inspired by Episode 1 and all your wonderful "You're Never The Only One..." tales. WARNING: You'll never want to eat peas again.If you have any stories to share then get in touch:Email: [e-mail] & Messages: [phone]DM: @yourenevertheonlyoneIf you haven't already, please hit FOLLOW wherever you listen to your podcasts and, if you can, drop us a 5⭐️ review.Follow You're Never The Only One on Instagram and TikTokFollow Cat on Instagram and TikTokFollow Emma on Instagram and TikTokBuy Cat's book The Mental Load Diaries

Mini pot, minipot, pop, pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, mini pot, we know that. I love ghosts. My mum saw a tablecloth. I want to go. All the stuff were still on the table, the tablecloth disappeared from underneath it.

No, it didn't. My mom was in the house. When can we go to her house? We'll do a live podcast from there. Right, talking of live podcasts. What was a flogger? Fogger. Fogger. Maybe she's got a fogger.

What's a fogger? It's a script. What's a frog? Well, Emma, let me tell you what a frogger is. They could live in the attic. They could live somewhere. That's probably it. In the walls.

It was somebody who lived in the walls. Fuck, that's terrifying. And you don't know they're there. Anyway, you're right there. I'm good. Right, what we're doing, Emma? MiniPob, MiniPot, MiniP Pod. MiniPod, Mini Pod.

Mini Pod, Minipot, Minipod, Minipod, Minipod, Minipod, Minipod, Minipod, Minipod. Yeah, Pod, Minipod, Minipod, Mini Pod, Minipot, Monipod, Minipod, Monipod, Monop, Pop, Mini Pod, we nailed it. We nailed it. Right, we are. We are doing a mini pod.

MiniPot is like a little bonus. It's a little bonus pod. Yeah. It's a nugget. It's a pod nugget. It's a nugget of pod. All things being correct, we should have been doing this in a studio. But the studio fucked us over and we don't have any money left to do it in a studio.

So we're doing it on a stairs. I like doing it on my stuff. I think we should do all our podcasts from here. I know. Just don't put any more weight on because we're only just squeezing into this step. It's fine. We're good. Yeah, we're great.

Imagine if I hadn't lost any way. though, what would we do then? We have to pick who went on the... Yeah, right. And everyone would read into it and they'd be like, oh, okay, right. But that's not what we're doing. We're both on the same level.

We're here to do a little bonus mini podcast where we share some of this... I'm like a little nodding dog. Where we share the stuff that you send in to us that we haven't been able to put into the main podcast episodes. First of all, little catch up, how's your week been? Fantastic. Fantastic. Actually, you know, the kids are back at school. Molly is back at the school she was already at. Bali has joined her at the new school. She's running the roost yet?

A hundred percent. And she's just, she's doing all the right things like kind of just telling people when they're being mean and that it's not on. And, you know, she told me yesterday. She gives zero bucks. She went yesterday. They got back, they come back on the school bus. And they got back and Molly was like, she walked in. She was like that. I went, what's the matter? She went, well, Barley basically announced to everybody on the bus, including people in my year and above, that that morning she got on the bus and she had a food baby because she'd eaten her yogurt too quickly. So she had to go and have a massive dump. And she made me, I went, she announced it to the bus, brand new kid, 10 years old, there's like six forms on there.

She's seriously. Has anybody gone, you're a hay fever girl? They did when she went for a taste today. Every time she walks back, they're going to go, Itchoo! Etchoo! Like that. The thing with Bali, the thing with Bali, she's a bit like Billy in that

she doesn't give her shit if people are going to be mean to her. No. It's just water off the duck's back, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, let's see what happens when she gets to Molly's age, age 13, and, you know, let's see. The hormones and the awkwardness.

Oh, my God. Oh my God, the hair. I'm not willing, the bits of hair in the front. Oh, I can't. Hours spent. Oh, my God. Billy does it as well.

She's constantly in front of the mirror looking at the 90s. It's like they invented it. Yes. And I'm like, you didn't invent it. No. We did this. Yes.

And we wore leggings and slouch socks. Yes. And big T-shirts and Reeve on pumps. And what is it about, like, they like wearing the tiny trainer socks with their big kind of like broke shoes? And it's like, that just looks so awful. Like, wear a nice white sock on tight. But not that. It just makes you look, I don't know, it looks awful.

Anyway, I'm just trying to kind of sit back and go, a child psychologist told me, she went, because I'm always like, just be individuals. Stop trying to follow everyone. She went, teenagers are programmed. Yeah. to follow the herd, to try and fit in, it's completely healthy, allow it. And I was like, I love it. I love it, bro.

So I'm like allowing it. My kid talks like she's some fucking hood rat. And then occasionally she forgets where she is. She's like code switching, right? She goes into school and she's like, allow it. And I'm like, you're so white middle class. It's so awkward. And then she'll do it at home and I'll be like, absolutely not.

No, we're not doing that. Like, talk properly. Bro. Brat, bro, blah, blah. Allow it, bro. Fuck off. I will put you up for adoption. No, you wouldn't, bro.

What about you? Put you up for adoption? My week's been really good. I went to a comedy show last night. Jimmy got me tickets to see Jim Jeffries at the Hammersmith Apollo last night for my birthday. So we went to do that and I have to say it was absolutely brilliant.

Jim Jeffries is wonderful. Do you know it wasn't brilliant? All the other fuckers that went as well. I, fuck. I've said it before, I'll say again, I hate people. I hate people. I've got enough people in my life. I've whittled it down. I've got, I've got the right people in my life. I don't need any more people. And I go to this comedy event and I'm like, there's absolutely nobody here that I would want to talk to. Isn't that the environment? That's so nice, like everyone laughing around, just like chorus singing. It's joyful. Do you know what they were doing? Do you know what they were doing? Not one person sat down in their fucking seat for longer than five minutes. They were up and down like a bride's nightie. I sat there and it was like on the gear on the gear. They were on the gear, they were getting pines. There's a guy in front of me, and this guy in front of me, you were in row R, seat 50.

Nine. No, the seat 60. Your row are circle block two, seat 60, and you're a... Watch out. I'm telling you, this guy, don't let yourself be known. They'll leave your bad review on your Facebook profile. This guy, just give me a fucking chance. This guy was so...

He ruined it for me, and I had to... It leaned into every single one of my 12 steps to not let that happen. He did this thing where he went, and he went and bought two pints, came up, two pints, sat down. And then he was fat, which is fine, but he was sweaty. He could not get up and down those stairs without like, sweating. Then he spent the whole chest in front of me, and he's like this with his promulose shirt. And all I got was just his b-o wafting back behind me. And then he'd do a big burp, and it came back to me.

And I was like, ooh. And he was always twitching, like, and then when he laughed, he did this. Ah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! But I, the twitching the be-o and the laughing, that would have pushed me over.

And then he was up and down. It was up and down. Two pints done. Another two pints done. And I know I'm sober. But it did really hit home to me. Yeah. Everybody was up and down all the time getting another drink.

And I don't, I can't do that once I'm in and I'm watching something. I don't want to miss a bit. It was so irritating. Would you have been like that if you were drinking? R ruined it, probably. Right. Yeah. And I did have this conversation with Jimmy.

I was like, I'm really sorry if I was ever like it. He's like, to be fair, you weren't ever this bad. But nobody sat still. It really fucking fucked me off. All right, okay. So anyway, this guy in row R circle block two, seed 60, I hate you. You fucking can't.

Aller Simon Amstow. Did I tell you that story? Yeah. You'll have to listen to season one for that. You will. It's a good one. Anyway, should we get on to it? What we're going to do is we're going to share some of the things that you've sent in.

Now, some of these things are about what we talked about on episode one, which was, you're never the only one whose friends don't like your partner. Yeah. Which was actually a really good topic. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, I really did like it. It gave us our catchphrase for the season. Boring!

If you haven't yet heard it, you're an idiot. Go back and listen to it now. But on that, We did say at the end of that episode, we said, what we haven't heard is anybody who is the one who wasn't liked. Yes. Now we've got somebody. Fantastic. Here we go.

I just wanted to reply to the first episode of Stephen three, when you said about we've not had anyone messaged in to say that their partner's friends don't like them. Yeah, I was in that though. Thankfully, a long time ago and all is well now. She's doing it while she's driving. I was 17 and he was 24. Most of his friends thought that was cool. Some thought it was weird, but this one particular friend got really jealous. Just a quick pause.

Do we think 17 and 24 is weird? I don't think that's weird. I mean, if it was my daughter, I might... Well, yeah, of course, like when it's your own shit. But when I was 17, I'd be like... When I was 17, I'm going out of a 29-year-old. Did we speak about that? What?

I don't think I've ever fully recovered from that. Anyway, it's not about you. It's my partner bought a house and one of his closest friends, I think, had this whole plan. It'd be like a little hard. He bought a house at 24. Did we just skip to that? That changes it, didn't it? If my 17-year-old was with a guy who bought a house at 24, I'd be all right with that.

I'd miss that. All of a sudden, he's gone up in my estimation. Every bonk they're having, I feel a little bit more financially secure. Oh, that's not my joke. That was a joke I hope. That's not in the comedy show. Oh dear, okay. Now I'm seeing where the attraction is.

So basically, just to recap, because we've interrupted so many times, we've quite much of something. She's 17, he's 24, she's moved in with him, a house he's bought, and his friends aren't happy about it. They do all ladish things and bloody, blah, blah. Um, I effectively kind of moved in with him as soon as he bought the house. Good on you, nice. Yeah, so that kind of reigned on his friend's parade.

And the things that he called me, he called me a horse. There was one time I came home. Pause, pause, pause, pause, pause. I'm sorry, it's the most random insult. It is. What is that? Is it because you're just a good ride? Oh!

Do you want to know my favourite insult? Go on. Only applies to certain people. Sarah Jessica Parker's one. Go on. And Andy Burroughs from razor lights another. Wow. Face like a pelvis.

It's good, isn't it? I thought it was going to be something like cockwomble or douche canoe or... No, no, no. Face like a pelvis. It's good though, isn't it? You know exactly what I'm talking about. That, like, pelvis face. Anyway, so he's called her a horse.

And he literally ran out at the back doors of our house and jumped over the gate out of the garden to avoid having to say hello to me. Wow. He apologised about 10 years later. And I'm a bigger person, so I let it slide. But I've never forgotten it. It took that dick a decade, a decade to apologise. He was like, this horse ain't leaving town. She's not going to be anywhere.

She's definitely bedded in, right? 10 years, I'm going to have to fucking say sorry. Yeah, this mule, we're going to have to get on board with her now. Oh my God. Wow. She does go on say, there was a second one, she was actually a very sincere apology. She was quite surprised by it. Yeah. And all is good now. So that's a happy story.

All right, so what we've got left now, thank you so much for that, are your stories of you're never the only one who? So as always, if you want to respond and let us know if that person that you've heard isn't the only one, we'll have all the details down below is how you can do that. But let's kick off with one that I can see that says,

I no longer pee my pants, which I can only assume is in reference to our time Yeah, so I managed seven. To be fair, looking back on it, I'm a bit disappointed with myself there, because I feel like I probably could have gone a bit further, but I think I got a bit nervous. I didn't actually want to wet myself. I think I probably could have, probably would have beat you actually. It was nervous.

I mean, I was 20. You were seven. There was no chance. Yeah. But also, let's be honest, afterwards you came to me and you said, I actually did wet my pants. But that was near the end. I still, I still doubled. I definitely doubled your school.

But you actually wet your pants. You said you came home and you smelt of wheat. It was a dribble. I didn't even notice. Does that count? You said you smelled way. I mean, that might just be a quite significant. I'm like just being a standard smell. I don't know.

Can I just say, talking of sound of smells. So my mother-in-law said to me this. Talking of smells, my mother-in-law. She said to me the other day, she went, oh, I read somewhere that, like, apparently old people smell. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they smell like charity shops. And then she asked me, do I?

Oh, no. What do you do in that situation? You immediately go, no, not at all. You lie, right? Right? What you do? Okay, cool, just checking. Just checking.

When I get to that point... I mean, suppose we're still friends. You and me? Yeah. If I get, when I get to that point... It's been touch and go at times. Because I'm older than you and I probably will reach the smelly point up like before. Will you promise me or let me know?

Yeah, definitely. Promise me. You don't... Really? Do you know me at all? Yeah, that's true. That's it. This lady, yeah, no longer we use her pants. Here's a story.

Hello, lovely lady. Hi. Hi. Am I the only one who starts a conversation with... Hello, I'm Gemma. The magician. And I no longer... So...

Don't wear a step ahead of you. What she said was the Vigician. I think so. And I no longer pee my pants. Why do I do that? Because since I was 14 that I've peed my pants and nobody bothered their ass to tell me that there was a way that you could get out doing this.

And it wasn't by wearing stinky tennel lady and it wasn't by Pilates and it wasn't by pelvic floor, although both those things will help. Just to be clear, we're all doing our pelvic floors right now, aren't me? No, I was actually just thinking, is that why old people smell because of tennel ladies? I didn't, why a stinky old tennel lady? They're not, do they not do the job? No, I think it's weed smells. Yes, but is that why old people smell because of like, they're wearing tennel ladies, do you think? Maybe, yeah. I really don't want my vagina to go.

My bladder to go in that way. Fourteen, she had that, I know. Poor girl. Let's hear some more from the magician. It was literally by having one wand put inside my vagina that, What are you picturing right now? When she says one, what are you picturing? I want to know, is it Paul Daniels or Harry Potter? Is it I picture the Paul Daniels? The two white bits of the end, the brakes in the middle. Yeah, I'll still remember that.

Do you remember that interview that Caroline Hearn did with Debbie McGee? And she went, so what attracted you, first of all, to the multimillionaire Paul Daniel? That fixed the collagen that wasn't doing its job properly because it was lazy. And now I no longer pee my pants. Good. Honestly, it was a life-changing moment at the age of four, well, 21 obviously, but let's say 40, something, that changed my life so much so that I then trained in said procedure and I am no lovingly referred to as Gemma the magician because I do Vagic. See, the idea of a hot one duck my fudge gives me, Johnny! I'm going to read one out now.

I had just had my second child. She was weeks old and my eldest had just started reception. The night before, the disaster in question, I had a lovely chicken casserole full of vegetables and peas. The peas are crucial to the story. However, my love for spicy food did me dirty. I had a lovely lunch just before school pick up, which included some hot chilies and the juice.

I don't get what chili juice? Apparently. Did you just eat now, a jar? What's wrong with that? Like, asbestos now. I managed to get to the school on time with a new, which was an achievement for me. It's achievement for anybody, babe.

Well done. All proud I got out of the car, released the car seat, put it on the pram and strolled very confidently towards the school gates. Well, it fell from me. No morning, no noise, just a hot sensation of shit running down my mum jeans. I froze on the spot in the middle of the road.

Clenching my bum and my feet at 10 to 2, I walked like a penguin across to the other side. I mean, could just pause for keeping going. I would have gone straight back to the car and cried. and cried. What? Okay. I probably would have called the school and gone.

Somebody needs to bring them out. I'm not well. Okay. She didn't do that, did she? No, she didn't. What did she do? She kept walking. She says, I could see shit covered peas falling out of the bottom of my jeans.

We were... Shit covered peas. Oh my God. We were only two weeks into the term and I didn't really know any of the parents. really know any of the parents. So we've got to the point of small talk and a few little smiles at each other. So even more reason to go back to the car, call the school and just say, I'm sorry, I'm not well. Can somebody bring my daughter to the car or, I don't know, can you hold on to her

till I go home and change? Yeah, she didn't do that. She continued. She says, so I'm standing in the line waiting for them to come out. There was one mum next to me cooing over my baby. I could smell my own rancid shit stink. So I bent down into the pram with minimal movement and smelt the baby and said, ooh, can you smell that? Thank Christ. It's not my baby. Which I would have thought would have been actually, she would have been a perfect scapegoat. But she decided not to go in that direction. She says, but I still needed a scapegoat. So now I look to my left. And there's a granddad there collecting his grandson. Because old people smell. She was like,

it's come full circle. Are you ready? I don't know where the next thing that came out of my mouth came from but I knew this other mum could smell it so I calmly said with a little nudge maybe he has a colostomy bag of the poor sod. She agreed she actually agreed she was like oh my god I don't know how but I made it back to the car I totally got away with it and to this day no one knows that smell was me I honestly do I mean I love the story Thank God she did it. Thank God. But what would you have done in that situation? Also, if you've got any shit yourself stories, they're always good. Love a shit yourself story. Are we finishing on this one? We're going to finish on this one. It's finished on this one. It's

finished on this brilliant voice note. I haven't heard this one. Which is from one of my followers and listening to the podcast, Sam Gold. You're never the only one to see a man wanking while he's driving. We were driving on the motorway, my husband has got an HGB1, we were driving alongside another driver of the same size vehicle, and as we got closer, I could see that he was naked from the waist down, and I could see his hand up and... What, blah, blah, blah, la la la la la la la la. That's commitment. I think if you're going to have a wank in the car, I would have thought you might just like... Undo your belt, loosen your jeans, get your, you know, do it like that. But he's like at some point, parked up, taken his pants and his underwear, his trousers and his underwear off, and got himself comfortable.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Down, up and down. And I just, I couldn't believe my eyes. I literally couldn't believe my eyes. I was that. Did she do a video? Distressed.

She was distressed. Distressed. And what I was looking at from a lorry driver, And I looked at my husband and I turned away and the guy must have seen just a flash of blonde hair and realised that he'd been caught doing what he should not have been doing. I mean, we're driving along a main M road doing 50 mile an hour. Side by side in two massive lorries. What the hell was...

Listen, this morning I just had to pay £100 to the government for going 35. four miles an hour and a 30 limit. Right. Because that's dangerous. Yeah. Apparently, that's really dangerous. Yeah. I feel like this should also incur some sort of fee.

A hundred percent. Maybe I've told this story. I had a really expensive taxi back. No, it was my friend who, this is it. You know when sometimes your memories get weird? It was my friend. I'm not doing it. It was my friend.

It actually was. And she'll know who it is if she's listening, Marie. And she once got a very expensive taxi bag. And she got out and the taxi driver was like, I can give you this ride for free if you'll walk on my back. Yes, I do remember you telling me this. I don't know if we said it on the pod. We might have done.

So she was like, yeah? Why wouldn't you? I mean, if he said if you give me a blow job, hard no. Yeah. But like in my heels, you know, up and down on your back. Oh, yeah, that's what you wanted. If you walk up and out, I lie in the pavement, you just walk up and down my back a bit, stand on my back in the heels.

You can have the ride for free. 100% honeypeak. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I think I might have had a wank once on the way back. I don't know. I think I was trying to keep myself awake. With someone driving? Maybe.

That's my name. I think I was, I know for a fact. I was shit-faced. I've done it in traffic. Like, just when I've been sent a traffic jam. On your own? Yeah, yeah. Have you?

I love that. Yeah. Did you have any supporting material? No, I just put my hand in my trousers and just was like, there's another one. Have you ever had a wanking in an appropriate place? He was holding the steering wheel with his left hand. The health and safety implications.

And his right hand was doing the business. Just question yourself next time you are the passenger in a car and you're looking up at that smiley trucker face who's looking down at you. You have no idea what he's doing with his hand. So he's probably just spunked all over his steering wheel. I mean, again, health and safety. That makes his help. because that's really hard that stuff

because if you try and put water on it it just still, it doesn't move, doesn't it's like it's a bit like Vaseline, you know, it just yeah, exactly so it's going to get slippy and, because you know when you go to the loo after you've had sex and you drop the kids off at the pool

it just sort of literally. Yeah, exactly. It's just like it's like a little mucousy globule no holes bar here, no holes bud. We've done a lot in this mini episode. Not so many. We love those stories. We love anything like that. Anything salacious, anything toilet humour. Yeah. I mean, ironically, that's

one we're going to finish you off with. That's what you said. That's the point of the point of the people. Oh, you know, what? Anyway, that'll do. Minipod, minipod over. I know. I know. Midipod. Mini pod. Mini pod. Mini pod. Mini pod. Mini pod. This bonus episode of You're never the only one was created and presented by Cat Sims and Emma Nicolay. There were no fancy studios involved. We recorded it on an iPhone while sitting on Emma Stairs. Editing was done by me, Kat Sims, and our theme music, Everybody Makes Mistakes, was written and performed by Hot Salad.

Don't judge me on my floor. Because no one's really perfect by the grace of God goes all. Everybody knows. You're never the only one. You're never the only one. Don't live inside the shame because everybody makes me stay. Taking the time to make sure everything's okay

Picking up like everyone else each and every day When I feel there's nothing left for you to spend on you You're allowed to be happy too Never the only one. Never the only one. Don't live inside your shape because everybody makes mistakes. You're never on you want

But live inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Thank you.