You're Never The Only One - Got A Weird Social Media Kink? You're Never The Only One...

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

In this week's episode Cat and Emma discuss their weird social media kinks. Maybe it's watching men wrap windows, or people tidying up gardens, or hot, half-naked men cleaning horses hooves...whatever it is, Cat and Emma want to hear about it.If you like what you hear then the best way to support the podcast is to share the shit out of it, follow us wherever you listen to your podcasts (and on Instagram) and leave us a 5⭐️ review!If you've got a story to share about weird social media kinks, or any other story that you think will make us laugh, gasp or recoil in horror, send it over.Email: [e-mail]: + (0)7457 402704*DM: @yourenevertheonlyone*please try to keep voicenotes to 90 seconds or less

She's you never even one who's got a weird social media king. Now, I don't know. I've got to talk again. No, I understand why people, why normal people move their arms while they're running. I'm wondering why you use yours like a windmill. Go and squeeze that hole. You have to go from underneath through the belly button. You've got to go from every which way.

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Welcome back to episode, what is it? Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. Goodness. Good. Fifth is magical. Five is magical. How many episodes are there in the season? Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Oh, so we're not quite halfway. Not quite. One more to go. One more to go and then we'll be halfway. But for now, we are very happily esconsed in our new podcast studio. Oh, I love it. Isn't it great? I love it. We have got chickens outside. Yeah. We've got a tramping. Not that any of us can use it. No.

Well, not without a tenor lady or three. But we are back this week with another episode of You're Never the Only One. And this week I get to take a little bit of a backseat because it's Emma's big week. Oh, look at that face. Sorry. No pressure. A little bit of pressure. A little bit of pressure.

I always feel a little bit. I told you the linguistic prowess that you are. I mean, honestly, I do panic. I'm quite pleased that you're a bit tired. because it just might put us on a level playing feel for once. Stop it. No, it's true, it's true. You're everything in the car.

Look, now I sound like that, because last episode, you gave me a lot of love, didn't you? Don't worry, there'll be a roast coming, but I'm just saying, like, you are great, you're amazing. But I think it works. I think the other day I was thinking, you know, there has to be a stooge, and I'm okay about being the stooge. And not always a stooge.

You were in that running video. Like prime stooge. I've never seen anything like it. I thought you were playing it up, but you weren't. That was like legit your run. But why do you put your arms in the air? Because for momentum. No, I understand why people,

why normal people move their arms while they're running. I'm wondering why you use yours like a windmill. It's like watching Phoebe from Friends, but also not as good. Come on, let's not run, let's go! It's so funny. Her running. I genuinely thought you were doing it for shits and gigs.

You sit, I'll give you another go. You could do what my husband does and run backwards. And watch, still, you'll probably beat me. I've never seen anything funnier. Really? Yeah, like I was baffled. You've been sheltered. No, I don't think you realise just how fucking weird you run.

It's honestly, what I love to think, not love to, right, this is going to make a bit more sense. But if you were like in a burning building or something, and you had to run out of it at full pelt. That's how you're running out. Do you know what I mean? That's what the ring doorbell gets. Honestly, not that I want to see you in a burning building, but if I did have to see it,

it would be lightened a little bit by the fact that you were running like that. I felt like you wanted to see me in a burning building not long ago when you wouldn't allow me to talk to you because you wanted to just have some alone time. We've only been together for like an hour already today. I was very clear. I was very polite. I said, do you mind. If I go put my headphones in because I need to recharge,

my battery's a bit fucking low. And you went, no, darling, not to him. I said it's not a bit rude. You went, no, of course. Now, you're playing Billy Big Boots. Can we just talk about what you... Jesus, now it's like, oh, yeah. Can we talk about what you were watching to relax? What was it again?

I was watching a documentary on the nail bomber. Yeah. Who attacked Brixton Market, somewhere else, I can't remember. And Soho, the gay bars. Because apparently, to relax, she liked. watching documentaries about people getting killed. I was just saying to Ben, our producer,

I was like, sometimes when I go to bed before Jimmy, he comes in and I'm like, I mask on, retain a ring, bonnet on, really sexy. And he's like, I come in and all I can hear is because I listen to a podcast, go to sleep, he goes, all I can hear is, and then she was stabbed 17 times in the face. When I came in, and she was getting ready when I arrived

and she had a reference, sorry, I'm just listening to my documentary, and you said what it was about I didn't hear nail bombers I heard and as you said you like things about people who die I heard I'm watching my documentary about nailing bombers and I was like

that's niche there's people that just like people who do the manicures for dead people yeah that's what I thought it was about and I didn't question it because you're Kat Sims author you know niche

fetish girl I just thought she knows best I should probably watch it I just want to clarify it's not that I enjoy watching people die, it's almost that I get a fascination. It's almost like research. It's like if I watch enough of these,

I'll know what not to do to get, to avoid getting murdered. It's like a morbid curiosity. It's funny. It's like Johnny likes watching things about death row, people on death row. Do you know what? This lends itself really nicely to my topic today,

but I'm not going to get to that yet. Before you move on, I do just want to say that I have figured out what you need to do to not get murdered. Me? Everybody. Yeah. So whenever I listen to anything, true crime, murder, podcast, book, TV, whatever. Yeah. They're always, the victim has always talked about in the same way.

They always go, she had a smile that lit up the room. She was the kindest person. She would have done anything for anybody. So I figure if you act like a total cunt, you're fine. Because nobody ever goes, listen, I never wanted to see her go out that way, but she was a bitch. Nobody ever says that. So you've got to be a bit bitchy and cunty and you're going to be fine. Yeah.

Well, you come to my funeral, because, you know, I can't do that. Yeah, I'll have to bring Bertie. I know you won't struggle. I'll have to bring Bertie so he can see you a dead body. He'll probably piss on the coffin. Yeah, so that's it. Over to you, darling. Oh, what, you're not even going to roast me?

I think I did a bit back in the big, it was embedded it in. It went under the radar. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were going to say some stuff about it. That's fine. I can go. No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

You mean, look, it's like, normally last season it was children's TV presenter. now you look a little bit like you're sort of going to run some sort of vegan yoga studio oh my God I'm sorry just because you're loving yourself so much at the moment what the fuck are you going to do when like

you're going to heard on the news today they're looking into just so you know okay listen can I just point something out these roasts are not supposed to be taken personally and yet look at this defensive bitch right here First of all, just to be clear

First of all, she's almost like Oh, so you're not going to roast me So I roast her And then she gets defensive Why don't you just stick to your fucking scripts? I'm just going to say All I'm going to say is all right You're all about your fashion now

I've seen you posting all your new It's not that I can actually fit into some of my clothes now So you're feeling good about yourself You've got what's going to happen when you get fat again What happens if, okay? What happens if? Yeah, you put the weight back on Because they stop making the jabs

You wish, you want that to happen, don't you? I do want that so badly everybody around me is on them. You want me to get so fat. You want me to get so funny. No, I don't know. I just want you to just come back to like the dark side with me. I don't like it.

I didn't like it. I shared chocolate with me last week and it just made me sad. That's all I'm just saying. I was going to have a cookie today but I forgot. All right. Okay. I'm just saying. Okay.

It's just, I've noticed a lot of material on the, on the gram, lots more pictures of you, which is great. You just better hope they don't stop making the jabs. Got to say, Emma, I think this is a you problem and not a me problem. It's always a fucking me problem, isn't it? Not always. Anyway, selfies are getting more screen time

than Netflix's original in that, I'm saying, bro. Don't do that accent again, come on. Get on with it. I thought it turned you on. What's been going on, apart from, you know, anything not book-related? I know you're supposed to do my roast. Okay, I've done it.

Oh, that was it. That was it. Oh, got it. Wow, I need to work harder. Be meaner. I thought you were just being, that was just normal. I'm going to be meaner now. You wait.

I'm coming back hard. next week. That's what he said. Oh, what's been going on this week. I don't know, because what I've got here is what I talked about last week.

Oh, shit. I know. Shall I wing it a little bit? Yeah. I have been thinking. Yeah. This is what's been going on in my brain.

Because you know, I've been busy, whatever I've not mentioned it, but there's a list of admin tasks in my brain that go round and round and round that are tasks I know are never going to.

going to get done. Like unless I get two weeks to myself with no interruptions, these are never going to get done. They're things like, I've got a list, sorting out the phone, the contacts in my phone. Like there's people in there. That is so weird. You should say that. I've only like stuff comes up. You know, when you put like a letter in, you're like, so and so from the after party at so-and-so from the toilets in some clubs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got loads of venue managers from when I was touring but also yesterday I was doing a speaking gig and I was with my manager and I got a text message

and it was like I'm in town today for you around let me know I've got you know loads of stuff I was like who the fuck is that right and I opened up this message it was my old drug dealer I was gonna it was my old dealer I'm in town I thought I'd got them all

I thought I'd got them all but I'd obviously miss this one what was that like well it was fine but then I did go back and read the messages that I sent while I was obviously out and like, God, I was like, I'm like two grams now, Mayfair. And then he went, so you were a rude addict. Well, yeah, I was, I can't imagine how you've checked. I think I was trying, I was obviously shit-faced.

Right. So I think I was like trying to type as much, like as little as possible. But then he was like, I remember he went, Mayfair's too far. And I was like, I paid a congestion charge. I think I was like, I'll pay anything just come. I mean, that's desperate addict. We will go, we're all desperate, we will go to any fucking lengths, any lengths. So that's the first thing, clear out and organize my phone contact.

Same goes for photos and videos. Yeah. The shit I've got on there. Oh my God. The cloud. You can imagine the weight of the cloud. I'd like to do a what to do if I fall off my perch list for Jimmy. What is that?

Well, my dad does it. He sends it to me every year. What? It's like, he calls it is what to do if I fall off my perch. Is it if you die? If he dies, yeah, so he sends me all his like... Have you told him that's not going to happen because you're a massive C-U-N-T

and according to all documentaries based around people getting killed? Oh, he's fine. You should live for, you know... Well, no, it doesn't mean I'm not going to die of natural causes. Yeah, I don't think that's a worry. I mean, you don't...

I mean, apart from... You know, I might get too skinny and die. Yeah, I was going to... Yeah. I took it before you... Well, it could be lung cancer. Are we not talking about that? I'm not talking about that.

No, let's not talk about that. Anyway, listen. Fucking out. All right, keep going. You're going back to the well too many times now. Like, first time was mildly amusing. I know what you're trying to do there, which is look like you're blowing smoke rings,

but what it actually looked like was something very different. Anyway, I need to do what to do if I fall off my perch list so that Jimmy can sort out all my shit. Okay, go on then. I'm never going to do that. There was other things as well that I wrote down somewhere. I thought I'd written it here,

but I didn't. I've written it. I'm so pleased you went off piece. Yeah, well I tell you what's going to happen is that when we record the next episode it'll be on that script. Because I don't, obviously... I should have something sorted for the next.

I'm so fucking proud of myself for being organised as well. I was like... Maybe top of my admin list should get my script sorted. Maybe that should be on there. Honestly, I love you. I love you.

Anyway, shall I crack on my topic? Yeah, you better had. All right, okay. So we spoke a little bit about your kind of kinks when it comes to what you like to listen to on your podcast. Oh, yeah. But I really wanted to delve into the kind of social media kinks. I did think maybe this might be a bit niche. Hang on a minute.

I haven't you done your what we're doing this week. Oh. This is great, isn't it? Hey, guess what? What did you do this week, Emma? Let me have a look at my script that I wrote. Oh, fuck. Yeah, that's something I did.

I did it about midnight last night. Not too much to report, actually. And as you've quite said, there's a lot of stuff that I spoke about already, which I think might be a me issue. I've lost my gym, Mojo. I would say that. I've just lost it. And I don't know whether it's the combination of the heat.

Is Alan not calling you up to check if you're coming again? Do you know what's really weird? I asked if I could speak to Alan. No, Alan at the gym. Got fired after your podcast. I don't know. I don't know. Was it even Alan?

Was it even the gym? Again, if this is when you're just joining us, you're going to have to go back to season one to listen to hear about Alan. we were recording a podcast and Alan from the gym called Emma while we were recording and so we left it running and he was basically like

where the fuck are you it's so sweet it was like Alan Partridge wasn't he as well that's why I went to find him just to say hey this is okay totally you know broasted you on the podcast no sign of Alan I've lost my gym Moja

I don't know if it's the heat I don't know if it is I don't know maybe the rosé because there's a bit more of that going around at the weekend it's that season it is that season or I don't know whether it's

It's the fact that my feed is flooded with people who are half the size they were three months ago and haven't even driven near a gym like in the last, you know. Well, more for them because if they're on the jabs and they're not jimming, fucked. Well, you want to talk about this, aren't you? Yeah, next week, I think so. Anyway, I've been struggling to get back on to the keto diet. Like, it's quite strict. You've got to, you can't waver that you can't have a bad day with the ketogenic diet.

You have to be on it because you can't raise your sugar level. you've got in the car, but you can have a certain amount. So you're screwed and you have to start again because you've got to get into a ketogenic state where burning your kind of your... Do you know how it works, don't you? Yeah, I do. Okay, all right.

We won't go into it because I'm not a health expert. But anyway, since the old inclusive at Christmas, that's two weeks in Dubai. That's nearly six, seven months ago. I know, I told you I've been struggling to get back on it. It's like me with smoking, though, isn't it? Exactly that. Once you're off the wagon,

so hard to go back on the wagon. But can I also say there's always an excuse. So they'd be like, okay, well, that was Christmas. And I ate, you know, like three breakfasts, you know, a day. The buffet had, you could have... It's a buffet, I get it. There's nothing better than a hotel breakfast buffet. It's like, do you want a Chinese breakfast?

Do you want an Indian buffet breakfast? Do you want an American buffet breakfast? I was like, I want it fucking all, mate. I want it all and I want it all today. It doesn't matter I'm here for 10 days. I don't give me that many choices. This is why I can't go closed shopping. Anyway, that was followed very swiftly by my birthday in February.

I'm not going to want me a keto on my birthday. That's the other admin thing that I wanted is to get everybody's birthdays in the diary with a fucking reminder. Would it be that person? And an address, and their address. And be that person. Be that person who never forgets a card. You know what I mean? Oh, I hate moonpeg.

Yes, but they remind me when it's like people's birthdays. It's good. Then it was Easter. It's not going to be on keto. Easter. And then it was, you know, Jolly's mom's 80 years. You know, this is going to happen every year. Like, it's going to be Christmas at the end of this year as well.

And then it's going to be your birthday again. Because I did it. I got through all of those. The problem is I looked back at myself at pictures of me last summer and I was, you know, I was where I want to be right now. We're going to have to talk about this

a little bit more in next week's episode. Yeah, I think so, I think so. But anyway, then it was Johnny's mum's atheist. We went to Italy where most of our group went down on norovirus and ironically I'm the only one that could have fucking benefited from it and I didn't.

Oh, that's like me with my eating disorders. I got the binge eating. I got the one that makes me fat. That's so annoying! God, of all the eating disorders. No, but yeah, just continue. you to, you know, inhale carbs and gelato and I just, in all areas of my life, my issue is I'm not very good at balance, balance just. And you're preaching to the converted. Right. Okay. And it's like

kind of, it's why I find doing extreme diets work for me because it's like you have to do it, it's your focus, and this is why it's like you can't go off, peace with it. So that's why it kind of really works. You know that even with extreme diets or any kind of diet actually, even people whose lives depend on it, people who are diabetic or, you know, whatever. Chris Van Tullochan, doctor, he is like, even those people cannot stick to the diets. It is, you are not designed to stick to that diet. So I think I'm just getting a bit bored. Like I do my wardrobe. I think I'm getting a bit bored. You do is eating cheese and bacon. Right, exactly. This is true. But, but. Get on the jabs.

Fucking, get on the jabs. Stop it. Do what I do and pay for it by selling all the clothes that don't fit you anymore on Vind. No, because I have an entire wardrobe of those that I will... We're not talking about this now. All right, okay. So, look, the fact is that I've got a bit bored, so what I thought was I'd make my life easier by changing my diet, but doing it in a way

where I get one of the meal boxes, you know, where it comes ready. Oh, yes, delivered. Delivered. The same ones that we found, Kira. No, I'm going to try those next probably because the ones I have been doing, they're like plant-based, it's a company called plant. Oh, but you still have to cook it and put it together.

No, but it's really, it's not like, and the hello fresh ones and the Augusto ones. I've had all of those. There's a lot more chopping involved in those. These come and the sauce is already in like the packet and it's yum. Because I think with vegetarian and vegan food, the reason I don't cook it is because it's shit. Because you have to make a lot of effort to make it taste nice.

Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? It tastes a lot of effort. They take all the effort out of it. Unfortunately, this is where the like tequita canithing thing, but jiggies came. Camitas. So they, but unfortunately they're made with jackfruit.

They would have been so much nicer with meat. But it's fine. I'm not going. vegan. I just thought I'd try. Good, because I With all the cheese and meat, I've been craving, you know, some veg, so I'm doing that now. Jackfruit's not, but actually jackfruit might be, no, it's not fair. I don't know what jackfruit is.

Whatever. Is it actually a fruit? More fruit and veg. Right, so basically I'm thinking that this, I'll do it three times a week. I think Ben's looking up for us. What, is it a fruit? Jackfruit, or is it some sort of synthetic fake meat? No, it's not. It's a fruit. It's a fruit. Told you, it's a fruit. It's a large as true fruit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's massive. But it's got a texture of meat, but it's

It's still just... Yeah, I don't mind jackfruit. I did not like it. But again, it needs to be cooked within an inch of its life with a million other things to make it taste decent. Well, this was already in a sauce, no, for me. However, I do feel like it's good for me to... I feel like I believe in the vibration of what you eat.

Agreed. So after you've eaten a steak, how do you feel? I love a steak. It's my favourite thing. You feel heavy, don't you? I feel, yeah, my body's working hard to digest it. It's not something that I would have a... at lunch time if I knew a busy afternoon.

Right. But like a nice evening steak. Yeah, but you know you're going into a bit of a food coma after you've eaten like a big steak and a jacket potato. So you look at a cow, it's slow, it's heavy. If you eat fish, you don't get that feeling. You don't have the speed of a fish and the vibration. Any cows who are listening, by the way?

No offence. No offense to the cows. But you know what I'm coming from? And they're very, you know, they move very fast. And when you eat fish, it's quite light. So that's why I thought I would go down the plant route. Anyway, maybe I should start eating. like kangaroos.

I don't think you need any help with that. I don't think you're right. I probably need to move more sloths. So far, so, so windy. That's what I was saying. I'm windy is where I'm going to. So I'm going to try that other one that we have last week because that was, I mean, if I can have peanut butter

and chocolate and oats for breakfast, ready made, that sounds good to me. Yeah, me too. So we're going to move now. Now we're going to talk about your. you're never the only one. We're going to do this week, which is you're never the one

who's got a weird social media kink. Now, I don't know. Have I got a talk again? Yeah, well, I'm giving you a break. That's why I'm here. I actually, because obviously we come up with different topics and we finalise them before we do the season.

So I was into this, but I didn't know what this meant. Is this like a sexual thing? So I'm really excited to hear what this is all about. Well, I mean, I don't think a lot of people probably would admit to watching any weird sexual kinks. And plus, you wouldn't really get that on social, media would you i'm not talking about that kind of oh you can find it yeah but yeah but it's kind of

yeah you have to go out look for it yeah it's not in my algorithm my algorithm's just funny cats bouncing into glass walls okay so when i asked people like there was a lot of people that kind of came back to me and they were like okay it's not so much a kink it's and i was like these are more kind of guilty pleasures like the guy that chopped four you know the guy that chops the wood oh the gardener the guy yes with the axe yeah and have you seen the farrier yeah have i seen the farriar I mean, hello, I identify as a horse today. You can ferry me. I know that word, farry a me.

Did you just, oh, it's always like I'll never forget when somebody described fingering a woman who's not got any pubic hair, and it's like feeding a pony. Oh my God. Now I can't unthink it. Right, now, have you ever thought, right, this is, it came off the back of me and my sister exchanging kind of social media thing. Yeah, I call them kinks, but I mean, it's kind of guilty pleasures, but they're weird.

So, like, have you ever thought about kind of, I was lying there in my bed thinking, we are really quite weird at night. You remember I described this at the end of the last episode where I was like going into kind of goblin mode. That's, for those listening, it's G-O-B-L-I-N, not gobbling. That daytime me is this kind of semi-functioning adult school runs. you know kind of meal plans just you know being productive and eating healthily and all that kind of shis and then like nighttime me just enters into this mode of kind of like you know

hunching over my phone like 1 a.m scrolling doom's glowing who's done looking like Gollum like like kind of like so close to the screen that my you know my phone's warning me get away from you're going to have a seizure yeah and I've got my earphones in because johnny's next to me and I've got the light turned down on my phone because god forbid even they can fall in in front of a cinema screen, fall asleep. This drives me nuts. Jimmy can go on the tube and like a psychopath, he can, he'll go to me, I'm just going on five minutes,

on the tube, sitting upright, closes his eyes, and then he's snoring. Heaven forbid. Heaven fucking forbid. He's trying to sleep at night in bed next to me in a comfy bed and he hears my nail tap against the phone screen. Heaven fucking forbid.

He cannot possibly sleep through. The toothbrush charging on my side of the bed, that light. That's it. Too much. I've ruined. I've ruined his week. Ruined his week. Honestly, I know.

So I am like, hunched up, you know, and I know friends are the same. And actually, it's quite normal. We all go into this goblin mode. You know, you're there in the dark. Your face is just lit up over. Imagine looking at that from the outside. How weird we are at night in those little things. And we go into these kind of zones, don't we?

And whether that is, and I told you, and I just can't believe you've never heard of this, whether that is watching videos of Muckbang. Never heard of it. I think it might be produced Mokbong. Muckbong, anyway, it's spelled Muckbang. I still don't know what it is. It's basically like kind of ASMR for the brain.

You're watching. But it's eating ASMR. But it's eating and like, it's entrancing, honestly. And people, like, you know, a woman eating 64 eggs with, like, a chopstick, like it's her last meal. Or not one of those people that gets freaked out by chewing sounds because my husband... No, no, no, only my husband. My husband hates chewing.

I can't bear it. I can't bear that. But this is purposeful noise. Conscious chewing. Even with his mouth closed, he seems to make so much noise. Is this Johnny now? Yeah. Okay.

Have you seen him eat soup? Have you heard him eat soup? No. Oh, black, nails down a blackboard. Nails on a blackboard. No, he insists. Like, it's like how he drinks tea. Oh, God.

Johnny, this doesn't happen very often, but I even feel a bit sorry for you now. Listen, like, like, because he goes, because it's hot, this is how you have to eat it. How about waiting for it to cool down? What do you do? So, like, when he has tea, I mean, do tea. For those of you listening, she's acting this out now.

Okay, so it's just a glass of water. Don't spill it this week. He purses it, his lips so tight because he said, this cools it down and this is what it off. So he slurps it. That's slurping? No, this is slurbing. No, that's, he does this.

And that's what he does. That's surfing, isn't it? With soup as well, all of it, like, and it's unnecessary. And then even when he's got his mouth closed, it's like this noise comes from the back of, yeah, that's weird. No, that would annoy me. That's not chewing.

And I'm literally at the other end of an 8% table, and I'm like, I can hear you. I'm trying to work and you're just, sure, close to her death. I do record it on my Instagram not for just for the benefit of everybody else but also for evidence when I go to court. And so that you can go

viral? For murder. I don't think Johnny doing that is going to go viral. Well, we can live in hope. Anyway, I think there is something. So you hate Johnny, the sound of Johnny eating but I don't mind. Because there's a visual with it as well and also it's like the food consumption and like

these like, you know, massive the noodles and they're sucking up the noodles and their face and you're like and also often it's these really skinny girls as well and they're like they can eat so much like I watch a woman eat 64 like eggs with chopsticks she like she died she didn't die she bet she did she didn't die she cannot eat 64 eggs without dying and then okay some people find she never had a shit again she never had a shit again she never had never had never she needs to get on my diet she's got the plant diet all mine first week first week that 48 hours afterwards it was messy we got

you we got you um but yeah so that that that's one thing i like but what i'm always exchanging messages with my sister with is the pimple popping oh my favorite thing are you in favorite thing you're in favorite fucking thing oh my god it's i mean think of it all day long it's disgusting but it's not it's not disgusting it's art i mean you know when you just see them and they look like they should like literally these spots should be paying rent they are so big it's i'm almost a nod that I have great skin. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's one thing.

Like, I, I had a lot of shit, but spots would never really... I got, like, the odd pimple here in their teenage skin, but I never really had bad skin, spots. There's part of me that's like... You are a picker, though, aren't you? Such a picker. Oh, my God. You know when you go hunting for them?

Yeah. Like, like... Jimmy knows when I go hunting for them. Oh, the men have it the worst, don't they? It gets a fury. Johnny's got one of those little holes... Oh! By the side of his...

No, but hang on. Have you, to every woman who grew up in the night, it was a teenager in the 90s, you are going to love me. Now is the time, this is your sign, to go away and squeeze your unused belly button ring. The hole.

Go and squeeze that hole. You have to go from underneath through the belly button. You've got to go from every which way. Be near a sink because you are going to wash, want to wash your hands after. And it smells when it comes out as well. But if you have a belly button piercing that you no longer have, have a piercing in and you haven't recently dug the shit out there this is your sign to go and do it

it's the most joyous thing it's a little treat when it saves up and it's time to have a little purge it's a treat little purge yeah well i get that from johnny's earhole thing what it's a name for them i can't remember what it is but some people have them and he's now he just won't let me near he's like you said your face i know when you're doing it as well it's just huh it's manic it's manic it's manic it is and he's like i never see you look like that You haven't seen me near my belly bun. Anyway, anyway, I looked into this because I was like, it's freaking weird, isn't it?

It's just disgusting and it's weird. It's obviously I did a bit of research. So apparently scientists believe this behaviour is linked to unresolved stress with an underfed dopamine system and a deep fascination with things that are gross. So, but satisfying. I don't think you need to be a scientist to figure that bit out. No.

You like gross shit. Yeah, I know. With the muck-bang stuff, or muck-bong, whatever it is, it's pure sensory overload this one. So apparently humans are wired to be curious, yeah? So especially about things that kind of break the norm, which is why I was saying, like, when you were talking about your, those podcasts and the kind of, yeah, that kind of stuff.

So eating strange food kind of pushes the boundaries of what's normal. So your brain lights up, like, that's gross, that's weird, that's new. Share me more. More. Give me more. Like Golan. That's basically my brain is on overloaded. So what I'm fighting all the time,

doesn't matter what it is. I just want more of it. Dopamine, dopamine, dopamine, dopamine. So wild being in my head. I mean, it's not a bad thing. Last night when I did my book launch speech, just because we haven't talked about that for a little bit, I had to thank,

I did a bit where I thanked my ADHD medication, my HRT, I didn't thank Mamanjaro, wasn't sure about the room. Okay, you know. Yeah, yeah, well done. My antidepressants. Yeah.

because they help me look vaguely normal and really on the inside it's like 700 jacked up, coked up squirrels doing fucking the Irish jig. That's how it feels like in my head all the time. But not now. Yeah. Still.

All the time. With the meds still. Well, it's muted a little bit but I would be willing to bet that if normal people got into my medicated head they'd be in a white room, padded room with a straight jacket on rocking within the hour.

Wow. It's wild in my head. Is there anything else you can do? Or have you exhausted all the avenues now to kind of calm that down? Oh, you're actually okay with this? No, this is fine. This is fine. But it does get exhausted.

That's why I need to go and lie down a minute. But what about when you, because I'm wondering now, what happens when you adjust to this level of crazy? Like now, like where's the next? How do we deal with that? I'm just ready. I'm just here, damage management. That's all.

I don't know. We'll just wait and see what happens. Can't wait. Oh no, it's going to be great. Woo, implode. Here we go. Anyway, there's something just oddly satisfying and disturbing about hearing someone just bite into like a massive juicy lobster claw or like a, lobster claw or like a, like a, like, sometimes they just, they're like, like, a mouth of massive jelly.

That's a different kind of video. The size of a toddler's head. You know, it's amazing. And this woman, have you seen the woman with a massive man? like she could fit about like 20 cheeseburgers into she has got the most it's like she's like I'm not in the right I'm not in the right corner of the internet I'll send you some shit send me I'll send you some shit come and fuck up my algorithm yeah anyway it's um it's it's like a train wreck you just can't look away um and your brain's going like I hate this I'm uncomfortable um and then

your finger says little more more less and then it's just like yeah like I say it's ASMR for the brain And before I know it, like, I'm like, Jesus Christ, I've been in this scroll hole for like an hour. It's like three o'clock in the morning. Or I don't realize, and it's just my phone suddenly smashes me in the face. I'm like, oh my God, I hate you on that. Isn't it the worst? It's so annoying.

It's the worst. You just suddenly you wake up because you drop your phone. Either on your face or on the floor or whatever. And then I try and do that, slide the phone on the side thing and feel the sleepiness. No, no. That's why I listen to the podcast. Maybe I'll try that.

Maybe I'll try that. Anyway, like that safe space WhatsApp. group we all have where you can share certain memes without judgment. My sister and I exchanged these kind of videos and it's lovely and we bonded over popping my mum's spots I think when we were younger so I think yeah and I know my dad used to go sort your mum out.

So much to our back. I think that that's probably why I feel like between us we can share I couldn't share it with anybody else except the entire listenership of this podcast so I wasn't aware of our listeners would feel that they could kind of be as vulnerable as I am with my sister in this sense

I was wrong. Oh did they Did they deliver? Oh, they delivered. I want you to, first of all, take a moment to imagine now everybody, you know, that's listening, all these people that sitting in that kind of goblin state, you know, in the dark. But by day, perfectly normal people. Perfectly normal people. These people that we're about to discuss, they walk amongst us.

Okay, so we've got, let's start with the disgusting stuff, shall we? Be prepared. So, one of our listeners loves in growing toenail removal. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, totally. I'm there too. Anything that's picking, extracting, gungy, and there. Yeah, okay, earwax removal.

Fine. Yeah, I'm not so into that. No, I'm good. Going down the air canal. I could get on board with that. Yeah, that's making, that's making the juices come up. And I don't think that's good, that's a lot of good feeling. The puky juice.

The puky juice. Along that, along that same route as well, and my friend introduced me to this, who started very, like, she went, oh, yeah, no, I like watching stuff. Like, yeah, like she said, I started, she started saying, yeah, I kind of just love, I've got this obsession with watching this. cheese stretching from pizza in videos. So I just watched like videos and I was like, oh, that's quite tiring.

Then she was like, yeah, but have you seen tonso stones? Oh, I was like, tonsils stones. Oh my God, cat, you will love it. They're these little like things that sit inside your tonsils. You know, like when you get like tonsils? Are they white? Yeah. And then when they come out, do they smell a vomit?

Like, yeah, I think so. Yeah, I used to get those. I haven't had them for ages. Yeah, and you watch people like going and picking them out. It is satisfying. The others that came in Ingrowing hairs The longer the better said one of our listeners

Of course Yeah, they are And actually That's pimple popping I put that all in the same Same boat Yeah I said last week to you

And we went home last week And I said I used to get so many Ingrowing hairs on my leg I don't get them anymore And the ones are my god I used to get around my like Oh the bikini line

They're the best I would be rooting around in those things I'd like I know I can see it It's still there And you don't even mind if it bleeds Because you're like Nobody's looking at this No, I'd put a needle.

I'd be burning the end of a needle. Yeah. With the lighter and I'd be digging it out. Been there. Tweezers. That is screwed up. I would put a needle into my own body just to try. You know, if you said to.

I do it every week. Damn it. That's good. I'll say that for another roast. Yeah. Another one we had, and this one made me fart. Someone said, I'm obsessed. This one made you fart.

That's what you just said. This one made me fart. It's because I made this one make me laugh because it's Guess My Fart videos. We play this at home. Guess My Farr? Our favourite game. I discovered with Barley...

I think I might have just got a tonsil stone. Are you kids? I've got something. It could be lunch. That's disgusting. Yeah, it's some seed. Did you just flick that on? Wow.

Sorry, Barry. It's gone. Right, sorry. What else is I going to do? What else is sometimes just got a... Guess My Farr? Yes, favorite game. So I've discovered barley has an amazing skill.

Firal Barley. My Viral Barley is my nine-year-old and I told her about these guest of art things and I just and she was like oh and then the other morning we were in bed and we're very open in our house we'll walk around naked we far we eat shit with the door open

anyway so I would lie in there and I just did a little pup. A little guff yeah and she did one exactly the same like identical out of her bottom or just mimicked it out of her mouth out of her bum right and I went oh my god I went that sounded exactly the same

she went I don't what do you mean I know what like she went I can I can do it I went don't be ridiculous she went no no I don't even need I don't even need to fart and I can just and I was like so not only can she fart and come on but she can deliver any kind of fart she's a fart mimic a fart mimic a fart mimic a fart mimic

a fart mimic A fart mumumum She's a what do you call those like she's a fart ventriloquist so she's like Does she throw her fart? She can throw the far. So anyway, so then about two minutes later, another one was brewing.

That came out. She did exactly the same thing, mimic, a completely different sound. I think we need to get her on the podcast. I think we need proof of this. I feel this is another viral moment. I then said to Johnny. I hope you're paying Barlow for all the virality. I said, Johnny, you are not going to believe what Barley can do.

Told him, he went, oh yeah, I can do that. Of course you can. I can't. So it's hereditary, that talent. Imagine of all the talents you could have got. Do you know what I mean? Like Billy's super musical because Jimmy's super musical.

Do you know what I mean? And then imagine that the only talent you got was to be a fart ventriloquist. Like, honestly, poor barley. Really drew the short straw. Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know about that. Okay, anyway, guess I have far videos is another one.

Somewhat, this is quite tame. this. People jumping out and scaring. Love it. Do you? Oh my God. I will wet myself laughing. Really? I will cry laughing. Honestly. I don't find them that funny, but each their own. All right. Send me some shizzles. A lizard shed. I will get this out. A lizard shedding skin video. I mean. No? It feels a bit slow to me. What about if it was sped up a bit? No, still not for you. No, I don't want to... I find that quite fascinating.

I mean, on a natural sort of, on a, if I was inquisitive about the nature, but it's not giving me a dopamine help. Okay, it's not the one that you're going to, like I say, you can watch for hours of them. I'm not in goblin mode. You're not in goblin mode for that. Okay. I thought this was really, really sweet. Someone said, I just love repetitive watching videos of watching crowds sing.

So there was a thing about this. Go on. I saw a video recently. where it was like a, I don't know it was America's Got Talent or Britain's Got Talent. It's one of those Simon Cow monstrosities, but this girl came on and she had a big screen and she got the audience to sing Africa. So she was like, if you've got a low voice, I want you to follow. The red line, middle voice, green line, top voice, yellow line.

And I've given myself, Goop. There is something scientific, apparently, about people singing en masse in a group that is like hormonally joyful. Have you ever been in a choir? No. Okay. Well, I was when I was like at seven or eight

and then we did house competitions and the headmistress trained us all all the different houses and she went around listening to everybody like that and she just grabbed me by the back of my collar pulled me out the line and went, groaner, sit down. So from the age of six?

Grona. Grona. So from the age of six to, when did I meet Jimmy? 26. I never sang a word out like. That is traumatic. I went to church, never sang a word. Weddings, never sang happy birthday,

mouthed, everything. And then Jimmy caught me singing once. You went, you've actually got quite a nice voice. And I was like, shut up, I'm tone deaf. It's like you're actually one in like 100,000 people who are actually tone deaf. Yeah. He's like, you're not tone deaf at all. You can sing.

That's amazing. You know when you do your singing on your Instagram? He auto tunes the shit out of me. I was about to say, does he auto tune you? I think he autotunes everybody. He's like, I don't have to auto tune you. I don't think he had. He says, I don't have to auto tune.

knew as much as some people that I work with. Actual real life musicians. Wow. So I'll take that. Do you want to share any of the names of those people? Nope. No, because we want Jimmy to keep working. We would like Jimmy to keep working. Some other ones were animals invading cars. Hang on no, you missed now. Wait, wait, wait.

Cats and Dogs Fighting was wrestling commentary dubbed over the top. My favourite. Hours of that. Brilliant. Hours of that. I've never seen that. They're so, like, funnily enough, they're so talented. Like, I know it sounds silly, but like to get all that to write the correct script so that it looks exactly is fucking brilliant

so that's a talent somebody give those people an Oscar oh baby's doing loud poops kids running into things is very popular Russian chiropractor adjustments oh hang on what about animal chiropractor adjustments oh my god I love that but I don't know how much hours of it but like yes

it's like when he does the big Rottweilers and you're like it's not going to go well and then the Rottweiler just gets the click and he just looks at him like oh I know And I love it because he does a little growl before and most people would be like, he's going to kill you. Yeah. So I like that side of it for obvious reasons.

Gender reveal's gone wrong or disappointing reactions. No, I've got absolutely no interest in gender reveals, can all fuck off. Feels wrong now I'm writing this. Yeah. No. If you're a friend of mine and you think that it's a great idea to have a gender reveal party, two things. I'm not fucking coming.

Yeah. And I'm not coming ever again. I don't want to be friends with people who have gender reveal parties. Don't be your friend. Okay, guys, so now you know how to do it. That's how you get out of being friends with a cat. To be fair, you don't have to try very hard. You're lucky if you're on the list in the first place.

There's a lot of traveller stuff. Traveller beef. And I was like, so when I first got that, I was like, what is that? I thought it was something to do with cows. I thought it was something to do with like gypsy travellers. It is. It is. So Traveller Beef is basically, there's a lot of video. There's entire accounts dedicated to travellers basically exchanging videos saying,

I'm going to come at you. So I got my friend who speaks traveller and she said to me, she doesn't. Ben's shaking his head. I think, I mean, is that a thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You speak traveller. No, I don't.

No, I know you don't, but people do? Is that a thing? Well, yeah, because we're gorgeous. You know, do you know this? Mm-hmm. Okay. And so, and she is from the travelling. Can you say her father was a gypsy?

And so, you know, she said to me. But they speak a different language? Yes, that's the point. I was just clarifying. Okay, do you need to listen to a traveller beef video. Oh, that's the way it's going to be no boy. There's too many fat you there that's a lot for us. The weddings as well were popular.

Traveller weddings, they are amazing. They just own it, don't they? They used to be a show about that. Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, didn't they? Exactly. And then somebody who said, Strimaporn? No, so this is the one I thought you'd miss now.

Right, okay, go on. Really important. There is a guy, I can't remember what his name is, but he does this thing where he has, he's obviously a gardener, he's got all the gear. Yeah. And he goes past houses in wherever he is, because you know, in America you have to have your front lawn done.

Yeah. Like they have this H-A-O-O-A-H-O-A housing association or something, so you have to stick to the fucking rules. Yes. But there are people who can't do their lawn because maybe they can't afford a gardener, or they're too old, or they're ill, or the house has been abandoned,

and it's like this eyesore on the street. So whenever he finds that, he does them for free. So he comes in, and he sorts out these gardens, so they look lovely. Does it all for free, films it. So there's lots of ASMR there because he does it all. But it's so satisfying to watch. Which part is it that you like the birth?

all of it really but it is the I think it is that transformation thing I was about to say is it the before and after he's very clever as well he's like stick around to the end

if you want to see the after photos of course everybody's there to like four minutes in of us watching fucking a man are we not scrolling along are we not doing that you want to see the whole thing it's fascinating

there you go yeah that's you've got a lot of these someone just wrote dwarfs do you know what I really Dwarz literally in capitals an exclamation more. I think they're called little people these days.

That's what they write. I do really enjoy, though, my favourite one in the world is you know those things in gyms, the big ropes where you go like this, my favourite little people content. And I have to assume that they're on board because they're doing it, right, is two little people in the gym doing this with the big ropes, your arms, and then cutting to a guy looking down at his shoelaces There's another one where little people are jumping into a lake

so they've got swimmers on so they look quite naked jumping into a lake and every time they do it it looks like a guy's throwing a fillet of chicken into a pad Oh my gosh I suppose you've got to see it but it really is funny I don't know if we can put this on there was someone who just wrote

Christopher and I was like sorry Christopher So this looks like Christopher, but it spelt sphere at the end. I can't see. Where have you written that, Dan? At the bottom. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I was like, I'm sorry, who is he?

And she was like, no, it's what is he? She was like, basically, it's a rock. And this man is created an account where he just kicks a rock until it's round shape. So, and you go and look at it. And he kicks it so it rolls or kicks it so his chipping bits off. He's kicking it around on his day-to-day life. A rock. A rock.

So it starts as a really jagged rock. And she said it's mesmerizing. Because what I think rock, I'm thinking like, yeah, it was pretty big. But now it's down to being like a perfectly smooth. Christopher. Christopher. Christosphere.

Christosphere. I don't know if that. Do it really annoys me? I'm over here writing fucking scripts, dancing around, trying to find fucking comedy things, editing the shit out of shit. And all he has to do is kick a fucking stone. Listen, Barley just.

I mean, more for me. It's a me problem. Do you know what I mean? I said this about Barley's video. She'll always sound like 25 million now. But she's also just a lot funnier than you. It's tumbleweed. Ben and I only aren't laughing because we dant.

I'm the least scary person in this room. I know. Don't move her fucking props though. Let me tell you. Anyway, by far, The most popular message I got was about... None of these? No.

Tell me. No, I got all of these. Yeah, but what was the most popular? Numerous, numerous messages about the hoof GP. Now, I got confused. I thought this was the ferrier. I thought it was a ferrier. It's not the ferrier.

Isn't it a farrier? Farrier is what you take to go to Ireland or front. The guy drives it, it's a ferrier. I was going to say, you don't just sit on someone. He's not called the ferrier, is he? I would tell me sit on the cruise you on. way, but he does these videos obviously about like shoeing horses. Yes, it's not him.

It's not him. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, gp. It's like next level. I haven't even brought myself to watch it because the way someone described it is, no, no, no, you need, you need, you need to watch the hoof GP. Basically, it's like there's an oozy infection. So when they open up, like, the hoofy infection, an oozy infection. An oozy infection.

And it's like oozy, it's basically like extreme pimple popping. So you might love it, Kat. But I don't think I'm, I don't think I'm there. I don't think I'm there. I mean, I'll give anything a go. I'll give it a go. Speaking of which, did we get a voice note about this? I'm sure we had a message saying,

someone's left a voice note. Because I had a nanop and I was watching my show and doing my game. I drained my battery, so excuse the blue cable. Let's see. It's not good with the aesthetic. We haven't heard this yet, so it might not be anything kinky. It might just be someone talking about the farrier, because there was a lot farrier chet.

I mean, I get it. That and the Yax Man. Well, social media obsessions, confessions. My biggest thing has been for years now. Magic Men, Australia. God damn. Like. Tell us more.

Hanks galore. And they told us. the UK last year. Have the privilege. And now working hard, saving hard for when they return next year to just... Superfan. Go to as many shows as possible and just enjoy myself. They're really great. Empowering women and men. Yeah, I'm sure that's why you go. They're inclusive. Great. I'm sure that's also why you go. Ethical? Incredible men. Recyclable? Vegan. Vegan. And living in the UK just sucks.

But yes. And I just share my joy and love of Magicmen, Australia. Brilliant. To all that will listen. So hopefully you can enjoy the links, check them out, Share the love, and let's get them shows sold out when they return. She's like a lit head of fan clubs. Men, women, you can all go and have a great time. She actually works for their PR. Through it, I have met some amazing people and made some wonderful friendships.

Is this actually a cult? I was at my lowest. I thought I was at my lowest last year. The confidence that I found. and just I found myself again, so I'm feeling very lost again. No, I feel bad. Because they're not on tour. She doesn't know what to do with yourself.

Oh. I really want to rip in and take the piss. But then I also... What do you mean? Well, because it's so funny. It's fun. Well, I love this. I'm assuming it's a bit magic mic vibe.

Can we flip this round and just imagine someone called up. I'm just going to go, just went. Spearmint rhinos. String pillows. The confidence it gave me. Spearmint rhinos. To fuck my wife. I want you to know that caller.

Like, we love it. We've got to take the piss a little bit because it's comedy poppercast. I love it. I love it. You gave us a lot of material there. I love it. I love that it's brought you confidence.

That might be one of my favorites. Can I tell you, don't knock it till you've tried it. I think we need to hook it. cross ourselves up with some of those links and maybe take a bit of goblin time. We need to think of a different name for that. I mean, it actually works with that, Kink. Yeah. It does. So, um, oh my God, what I'm doing? Bloody old. Right. I really enjoyed that. Hello, that was great. I really had a good time. Thanks very much. Come again soon. I did really enjoy that

I'm trying to think if I've got any other kinks that we haven't mentioned there is one I can't remember about it is on social media yeah okay well if you do remember and this is jogged your memory suddenly that you thought to yourself

I do actually have something a little bit weird a little bit kinky and now I feel like this is a safe space for me to share it and honestly you can sorry what and I don't do it's that

let me try again You're not, listen. Hello, me. You're not the only person I know who can't pronounce the word anonymous. And when you do a lot of what I do, there's a lot of people who can't say that word. The amount of places, I'm trying not to like, break the 11th tradition here, but the amount of places I go to where the word anonymous is used quite a lot. The amount of times it's like stumbled over.

But like, people know they're not going to be upset, so they're like, It's my favourite thing. My favourite thing. It's like, why is abbreviation such a long word? Why is dyslexic so hard to spell? Do you know what I mean? It's one of those words like, we're alcoholics, like make it easy. That's why they shortened it, didn't they, to the two letters.

Yeah. Which we're not allowed to talk about. What can we talk about, like that? Well, funnily enough, as always, is that where I am? Catch up, Cat. always if you want to have your say or show your stories, experience or words. And again, it can be of wisdom, words of wisdom. Again, it can be about anything we've spoken about. But also, it could just be something silly, funny, traumatic, embarrassing that you would like

to share with us just to get it off your chest. I've always found that getting things off your chest helps make them feel a bit smaller. 100%. Should get them out, even if it's like, we'll be there with you. Then please, please get in touch. You can send us an email that you're never the only one at gmail.com or a voice no or a dm or what's it called not a dm that's a social voice note or just a WhatsApp message yeah yeah uh to 07457404 please please try and make your uh voicemails no longer than 90 seconds um otherwise we all get bored uh or dm us on instagram at you're never the only one i don't get bored just so you know she's she's she's the mean one She put the 90 second rule in

I could sit here all day I can sit and listen to a voice note I'd rather sometimes listen to them than her if I'm honest I can listen to a voice note four or five six minutes long but you've got to keep it interesting okay

as soon as I get the little bored and worm I'm like no you're good we've got the gist okay it's our podcast shut up now let's hope that no one listening to this feels the same about the podcast well yeah

people are going to hate me after this episode I've been a real cunt have I it's all right it's okay but you're just trying to stay alive. I'm just trying to stay alive. That's all it is. Anyway, next week.

Next week, it's you again. Me again. I bet you can't wait. Listen, I initially, we didn't have this on in the original final topics because I hadn't started this particular phase of my life at this point, but it became apparent that we were going to have to do an episode on it. Yes. So next episode we will be discussing.

the only one who's got feelings about the weight loss jabs. That's how I phrased it. I like that. Because I want everybody to be able to have a say. Yeah. How did you want to, how did you want to say it before you kind of made it palatable for everybody? Well, I didn't know whether to go fucking pissed off about weight loss jabs or fucking loves weight loss. So I was like, I'm just going to get it out there so that even people

if they're not on it, they haven't tried it. Everybody's got a fucking opinion. Yeah. Doesn't mean it's right. But everybody's got an opinion. I want to hear those opinions. I want to hear if you've been on it and had a good experience, a bad experience. I want to hear if you would never go on it. I want to think, I want to hear from you if you think it's the most damaging thing that's happened to body image and body confidence and empowering women since fucking Kate Moss and whatever. Or whether it's the best thing that's

ever happened. I want to know everything. I'm going to tell you my experience of it. All the ins and outs, very, very honest. And we're going to deep dive into that shim. And who knows by this time next week. I could be on it. Oh, just get on the jabs. Or stop talking about the way. One or the other. All right. Okay. Well, let's stop talking altogether.

It's the end. Bye. Bye. Podcast operations are managed by Schell Regini, who also expertly takes care of the podcast social media and are The theme tune Everybody Makes Mistakes is written and performed by the band Hot Salad. You're never the only one. You're never the only one.

Don't live inside your shape because everybody makes mistakes. Oh. You're never the only one. You never look for home. Believe inside your shame because everybody makes mistakes. Oh.

Thank you.