You're Never The Only One - Got An Embarrassing Losing Your Virginity Story...You're Never The Only One

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

This week Cat and Emma discuss embarrassing stories about losing your virginity. They share their own and some cracking ones sent in by listeners. If you want to share your 'losing your virginity' story or if you've got something to say about anything we've discussed this season then get in touch.Email: [e-mail]: 07457 402704DM: @yourenevertheonlyone----------------------------------------------------------------------**YNTOO LIVE** 9.30am, October 18th @ ExCelGet your tickets HERE----------------------------------------------------------------------Follow You're Never The Only One on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.

you're never the only one who has an embarrassing losing their virginity story. I have to say my Hyman popping tale was actually pretty tame. So I'm excited to hear this because I know that there's lots. You've had lots of Johnny going down on you. I'm trying to be more reserved about what I share. I'm not. She just told us that... Just shut up.

Okay. All right. Hello, my name is Kat, and this is You're Never the Only One, the podcast version of the parental and perimenopausal trenches of life where we like to bed in, bond and get out all the bitchy feelings that we have about our partners, our in-laws, our kids, slow walkers and litter-droppers. Oh, slow-walkers. I know, that works.

I think I might be one. Oh, of course you are. Well, if you're running is anything to go by. I'm joined by my co-host, Emma Nicolay, who with her purple hair is less edgy, And more dame Edna Everidge. I've been working really hard on my roast. When are they coming? Coming up is the bit.

I think it says quite a lot about me that I struggle to say nasty things about you. No, do you know what I think it is? But you're so good at it. Do you know what I think it is? I'm still talking. I think what it is actually is that what it is is you know what you want to say,

but it's too damn fucking low, so you have to come up with one that's a little bit. No, do you know what it is? Yeah, go on. I've realised I don't watch your stories or your content doesn't come up unless I look for it.

I don't know why. So I don't get the material of the stuff that you were doing that week. So now I know I have to start looking into your stories so that I can figure out, I get some content, some material from there. Can't you reference stuff from like the last season or? I mean, I could reference how you tried to wangle your way out

of this recording session for a fucking Soho House Festival. I'm sorry, but it's like tequila on tap. You know, their buffet is like, You're not selling, I'm sober. Okay, all right. Lobster? Last time I was there, someone was choking on a piece of meat.

Anyway, look, it was worth it. It was worth it, but I literally just got my food because I only discovered. I got an PR invite from Scamp and Dude last year. Yeah. I did try and wangle another one this year, shamelessly. A bit like your Wimbledon. Still trying.

Still trying. And I was like, hey, going to the festival again. Nothing. Nothing from the PR. Kim, I see you. Well, she went to. Glastonbury. Uh-huh.

Because she couldn't come to the book launch to do it, Glastonbury, so... Maybe, maybe that's why. But anyway, I was very lucky to be invited last year, and I was there, and I was kind of, like, kind of milling around, and wearing my scamp and do it stuff.

And I was just like, oh, maybe I'll go and get a drink thinking, God, does this kind of be... I didn't know. Like, your ticket includes everything. Once I knew that, can you win matches? That was it.

I was straight for the seafood buffet. I got this beautiful plate of, like, I had a lot of a lobster. I was on my own, literally just there. Just about to gorge into it. I was so hungry. I'd be doing keto as well. So I was like, this is amazing

because everything here I can eat. I'm about to like just indulge my... As I'm going, someone goes, can you find my friend? She's a doctor. Her name's Lucy. And I was like... And everyone's off their chops there.

Yeah. Gurning. And this girl was basically, they were all trying to help her, but she was choking on this bit of beef. So the doctor was choking? No, no. But she apparently had a friend called Lucy.

Oh. And they wanted me to go out into the masses and fight. And I was just like, so I was walking. You're like, I'm literally about to eat my lobster. It was so, but it was bad. She was choking it. It felt like forever. She wet herself.

It doesn't sound like you cared that much. No, no, no, I did. She wet herself. She wet herself. I know. And all the people around. Then this guy came over going, I work for St. John's ambulance. And he was gurning and doing like those weird flicky fingery things, you know,

that people do when they're off the tits. And I was just like, this is, okay, I need to find Lucy. So I've gone, and luckily. Can't somebody just give her the homework? And I went, so what's she wearing? I don't know, but she's on a picnic blanket. You know, and you're like, can you make this a little bit easier? So I went out and then I found her.

So you saved her life. And then she came and then, yeah, they sorted her out. And I was like, gave them, and I do care because I gave them my spare shirt to wrap around her waist to cover her, piss-covered denim shorts. Did you? I was eight months pregnant and Jimmy's mum had come to help me because he was away on tour. And I was cooking dinner and I was doing bangers and mash, I think. Peas and gravy, can't beat it.

And I tried a sausage. Went down the wrong way. Choke, choke, choke, chote, chote, choked, choked. Pist my pants. Puddle on the floor. Bless my mother-in-law, she didn't mention it. I just said, I'm going to go, got changed. Went upstairs, got changed, came down and she cleaned it all up.

Never a word spoken about it. Wow. Wow. No, bless her. That's amazing. Yeah. I don't know if I'm just pissed myself from coughing. I know.

So choking would just be, yeah. I mean, you know, I have to cross my legs. If I'm walking down the street and I know I'm going to cough or sneeze, I have to stop, cross my legs, cough and sneeze. Yeah. And continue. It's so weird. Like now, it'll just suddenly just, I'll just be standing there.

And it just, like, in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. And I didn't even need the toilet the other day. And it just was like, and then I had a little feeling of like, oh, I might need to go to Loon a bit. And the next thing I know, just a bit of piss just came out. Yeah. It's not easy being our age, is it? I do Pilates every week.

For what? For that to happen? Yeah. I know. Not cheap Pilates either. No, exactly. Don't get it for free? No, I don't get it for free, no. Even though now you've gone viral?

Can you stop it? Okay, so coming up is the bit where Kat spills the beans on her week, but as you know, if you've been listening, Kat has this weird pseudo-sexual relationship with her AI who, ironically, is called beans. She's named him beans. With a Zed, though. With a Zed, either way,

It's best that I rephrase spilling the beans because otherwise she might start getting her phone out and jacking it off. So I just, let's not spill those beans. I had five orgasms this week with the womanizer in about the space of 40 minutes. Can you tell me what the womanizer looks like? Is it like a rabbit shape?

No, it's like it's about yay big for people, I suppose, six inches. And it looks like a sort of elongated tear drop. But on the fat end, it's got like a suction. Is it on a clitoral suction? And it's a buzzer. Oh. So it buzzes and sucks. But nothing goes in, so it's an external thing.

Nothing goes in. I never understood that. Why do I want to push something inside myself? I don't come from penetrative sex anyway, ever, never have, never old. I think it's about only about, like, I think it's literally, 70s on the fucking, like, nobody's using me. You know when you get a vibrator and it's got the, then the bz, bz, bz, then the bz, bz, Nobody's using that. We're all on the...

Yeah. It's like the Christmas lights. Why are you doing all the other options? We only want the one. That's right. Exactly. We don't want flashing. We don't want the slow flash.

No. All we want is one long buzz. Yeah, exactly. And it's... Do you know what? So 30% I think of women, I think I read, can actually come internally from an orgasm. I don't even think it's that high, is it?

Well, that's what I heard. I have a friend who has mastered the art of squirting. She has her own blanket. She has like a squirting. blanket. I question this. No, no. But I, but why is, why do you want to do that? It's a different type of orgasm, apparently. It's an orgasm where you wet yourself. But you're not wetting yourself. No, I understand that, but essentially, wouldn't you want to try it once? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you want to try it? Do you know what I love, though, about the external thing? It's like, like, one thing,

because I've always been really jealous of like male orgasms. I think they look really, really good. I feel like they look better than a female one. I don't know why they just look really. I think scientifically it's the other way around, actually. I think a woman's orgasm is... Have we discussed this before? No, but I feel like we should.

Well, we are doing now. But the thing is, they just do one and it's done. And like you say, if we're like sorting ourselves out or if... Or if it's Johnny going down on you. I'm trying to be more reserved about what I share. I'm not. She just told us that... Just shut up.

Okay, he's listening He's always listening Johnny, good job Yeah But you know You can get a load out of one light session Yeah It's great

Yeah, it's great So we're lucky, aren't we in that way? I was exhausted after my five, like I was genuinely Nice before a nap, right? Yeah, and perfect headache cure As we know I know, all of these positives Should we get on with the show?

Yeah, go on Oh, I think it's my turn, that's what's happening, right? So this week, we do our little catch-up obviously they're listening to this about seven weeks in the future aren't they probably yeah yeah but it is publication day today uh-huh and i think you should do your song okay this is ladies and gentlemen please let me introduce emma nicolay it's publication day it's publication day it's publication day the window is open and so's that door today she becomes a big book hoarse sorry she's got herself as many

as she can. Now what is the name at that book you wrote? Something to do with a mental load. Let's put a link to Amazon. I think that's what I can remember right now. Okay, well that was great. Thank you. Thank you. There will be a link to Amazon in the show notes. Tell us, go on, it's a big deal. It may be six weeks on from Publication Day, but it's still going to be on sale.

Of course it will. What's the feedback? Come on, let's hear. I tell you, Brianie Gordon, do you know what she said about it? She said this book, and Cat Sims generally, helps me to breathe a bit easier. My shoulders drop, my jaw relaxes, and I know everything is going to be okay. I mean, that sounds like a session with The Womaniser. Yeah. I'm basically the literary version of the Womaniser.

And the Queen of Smoky Eyes, Dornow Porter said that my book is a reassuring manifesto on the role of women today. That is an amazing quote. Is it too late to put that on the back of the book? It's too late to put any of them actually on the covers. That's annoying. But they are, they've slipped them into the Amazon stuff, so they're all on there. And when we reprint, because you're all going to buy it, it'll go, they'll go on the cover. Oh my God, that's amazing.

So exciting. And will there be an audio version? Mm-hmm. Because I'm sure it's already. There is an audio version which I recorded. Yeah. But if you don't have to, don't buy that because it doesn't go towards sales. And I've got this childhood dream.

So, listen, I've always been a writer. I've got this childhood dream of getting a book on the Sunday Times bestseller list, right? That's everybody's every writer's dream. And I always thought it was completely out of reach. But my agent today, literary agent today told me that the number 10 spot on the best selling list for nonfiction got on with 865 copies sold. Oh, me, we can sell that many.

You'd say that. You'd think with 300,000 followers that you'd be able to sell 1,000 copies of a book? Do you know what I think it is? I think every influencer and her husband at the moment is writing a book. but the thing is and no offence to those of them that I know that have done it

they're not as good at writing as you are they are no seriously and you're a proper author and you're like and you're funny and you're you know eloquent and I honestly I really really hasten to add that this book is something that everyone could have in their house

would benefit from male female it's a great gift as well how are doing really well good but genuinely do you mean that It's good. I don't want to hear about somebody else's life. I want to hear stuff that I can relate to and that is going to benefit my relationship or maybe help a friend and their relationship.

Well, it will definitely do that. So anyway, that's what we're doing today. I did go into W.H. Smith in Victoria this morning. Yes. And I was like, the woman, and they have quite a big book section in there. So I thought maybe. Anyway, I went in and I said, look, my book's out today. Is there any chance you've got any copy?

She said, let me go and check. And I said, please just say yes, even if you haven't. She came out and she went, do you still want me to lie to you? I was like, no. She said, listen, we haven't got any in at the moment, but it could be that they haven't scanned it or whatever. I was like, okay, fine. And I said, but if you do get any in,

I want you to put them fucking front and send. She's like, I will do you a full display. And I was like, yeah, so then I messaged my publisher, and I was like, send some books to W.H. Smith in Victoria, she's going to do a big display. So hopefully. Oh, my God, that'd be so great. I know what today, normally I would be going to like waterstones or foils in town

and, like, going to see the books. Is that how it works? And then they put it out to the thing, isn't it? It's like I go to see my book actually on the shelves, but obviously I'm here. Yeah. Which I'd rather be here. Hopefully someone's going to send you a picture. I saw you ask him on your register.

Yeah. Amazing. What about you? What's you been up to? I've just spent the week, again, this may seem a bit out of sync, but it's just been Glastow, hasn't it? Yeah. Last weekend.

So I have spent like the last few days just trying to avoid everybody's glasto stories. I mean, I did too, but I could not care less. Really? I swear I'd rather. I'd rather do anything else. Really? Listen, if you got, let's just say you've got a hospitality PR invite to Gloucester, you'd be like, do you know what I'm all right?

I'll watch it on the telly. It wouldn't be, I have to, if I'm 100% honest, it wouldn't be like, first of all, you don't get PR invites to Glastow. Like that's, it just doesn't happen. Even when I've worked it as an artist, like as part of a crew. Yeah. Artists don't get any guest pot. Like, there is nothing.

Yeah. I wouldn't be jumping. up and down and be like, huh, okay, well, let me check the headliners. Maybe, I certainly would not be going down on fucking Wednesday night to start music on Friday. Fuck that shit. Like, what the fuck? No.

I just, I feel like I've worked it. I've done it. I've done it. I don't want to do it. So it's not to do with not drinking? Oh no. Listen, Latitude Festival is my favorite festival. I love it.

I take the kids. It's not kid base, but it's kid friendly. Yeah. It's a really great festival. I just... I just hate Glass and Bray. I just think... Do you hate what it's become?

I hate... I just... I think it's too big. I thought the headlines this year were shit. Yeah. I would have been gutted. Yeah. And I don't...

Yeah, I just... I'm not into it. I just think it's just become some sort of weird thing that everybody goes to and it's... I don't... I mean, I'm sure it's...

great, like I get it. It's just, I'd rather spend money on any other festival, frankly. Okay, okay. Well, times have changed, and last day weekend, this weekend while I was on was spent around at a friend's house. It's celebrating a fifth year. Oh, nice. It was really, really nice, actually. Johnny built their house, or Johnny's team built their house. Nice. It's all, you know, it's very lovely, and, you know, an interior designer's basically been given free reign to do whatever they want, and there's expensive art on the walls, and there was an easel of, like, a picture of the kids. All these people were disposable income. Fuck off. I know, I know. It's amazing. We got cooked for by a chef, so a chef came and I was like, oh, who's doing dinner? And they were like, we've got someone coming in. I was like, this is amazing. This is amazing. Just like. I don't have any friends like that. Do you? We don't have loads. I'm just glad these ones are. But anyway, the time came up when we were discussing Glastow. Yeah. And we were talking about the headliners. And we were like, we were talking about Charlie X, X, X was a headliner.

We're all sat there going, I can't name like one. No. I can't name one song. Well, even Olivia Rodrigo, or Rodriguez, I can't remember, Rodrigo. She's got that psychopath song that TikTok went mad for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't think of any. I don't get it. And then my friend Muky was like, and what does Brat Summer?

Do you know what Brat Summer means? Don't know, don't care. Have you heard of this? Well, her album was Brat, wasn't it? Yeah. I didn't even know she was English until recently. Olivia Rodrigo? No, Charlie X.

Oh, Charlie X. This is why I don't like fucking Glastonbury. Anyway, Brat Summer So they all call it like Brat Summer And there's this particular green That's like a Charlie X I feel so out of the loop When I used to work on the radio on Hart

Like I was constantly looking at your favourite newspaper online And kind of reading all the gossip And I kind of knew what's going on I am so out of the loop So you know To me Brat Summer Would have been a wasted ticket on you anyway

Oh my God totally wasted Also I'm a one night wonder So I would overcook it That's the other thing yeah And then I'd just be like Oh I just spent like thousands of pounds to like basically like lie in my tent and it always rains when when I've gone well there's only two options I was about to say it's either torrential rain or

baking hot yeah it's never like a balmy do you know what it's so awful when we went and it was so bad the mud was so bad it was like I couldn't I remember being at Carl Cox and I couldn't even dance because that the year that somebody came past in a canoe probably I don't know there was a guy who took a canoe to Glastonbury and it was so rainy yeah that somebody opened up their tent and he just like glided by in his canoe it was so so wet and the mud was up above my welly and so you couldn't even dance you couldn't even move I remember just thinking this is just this I don't and then you couldn't sit down anywhere because anywhere not was not just wet someone had put their kind of muddy boot on it so you just

had you know because you want to be able to sit down you could constantly walking aren't you and moving it makes them all sting yeah anyway I Charlie XX can keep her brat summer and I will stick with my six weeks of Brat Summer which is tantrum's door standing and endless ice cream What? The purple hair and the bright colours. You look a bit like a brat doll. I'll take that. Big eyes, big smile.

Stop it just because I said nice things about your book. I didn't even pay a... Ooh. So this week, I'm excited to say that Emma has come up with a cracking topic, which is good news, because her initial one was, you're never the only one who does their kids' homework, which sounds riveting. You okayed it? Why didn't?

I just let it slide through. I was under pressure. We're talking this week about you're never the only one who has an embarrassing losing their virginity story. I have to say my hymen popping tale was actually pretty tame. So I'm excited to hear this because I know that there's lots. You've had lots of, I think I'm having a stroke. Listener contributions. I'll get there in the end.

But I actually lost mine on my 16th birthday because my boyfriend didn't want to break the law. Bless him. Wow. We'd been going out for two years by that point. And dry-humping just wasn't doing it for me anymore. Do you know what I mean? Oh my God, dry-humping was amazing. We did it my single, it was in my single bed at home.

Yeah. Missionary, obbs. Yeah. And I think we're probably listening to Counting Crows, Mr Jones, which isn't exactly Marvin Gay, but quite ironic because that's a song about, you know, struggling musicians who want to make it big, which is actually who I ended up marrying.

Anyway, great for, my story's great. Great for me emotionally, but not obviously great for the purposes of this podcast. Hadley, if you're listening, good job. Over to you. What's his name? Hadley. Hadley, what a great name. I know, great name. Also, very identifiable, so I'm really sorry I've just dropped you in it. It's not many Hadley's out there, are they? Oh, dry-humping and the smell of Calvin Klein obsession.

I loved you all. Liar, you only love your dream. Is that a sin? Yes. No, it wasn't, it was... A K-K-1. K-1. But the guy that I used to dry hump a lot with, Ben, he was so good on roller skates.

At the time, I was over dry humping, but now I think we could use more of it. I quite like the idea of a dry hump. Yeah. Something quite... Yeah. For ages, I used to like to try, I used to like... Jesus Christ, we're all having a stroke. I used to quite like keeping my knickers on for sex.

Like, like push to this. This is too much information. But I think it was because I like that quite... Anyway, let's stop. Edit that out. Okay, here we go. Don't edit that out. This week's topic is indeed.

You're never the only one who has an embarrassing losing their virginity. Now, listen, when I put this out to say, this is not going to be talking out this week. I want your stories. It was tumbleweed. And somebody came to me and they were like, maybe people actually because their first time was quite traumatic. And I'm like, mate, if we're not bonding over the shared trauma and laughing at it, then, you know, we've got a long way to go. Also, if it's that traumatic. Yeah.

Like, that's not what we're, you know, we respect. Like, don't send it in. No, exactly. Do you know what I mean? If it's something awful. Yeah, we don't want to know that. We don't want to hear the, I accidentally wanked his forearm instead of his penis. Yeah.

That's the kind of thing we're going for. Oh, my friend, bless her, she'll never live that. That's my favourite story. Can we name her? No. No. Why? I don't know a name.

Even Ben's shaking his head. You're so boring. My, I want to take you back, okay, to my kind of, first of all, kind of a... I love when you paint a picture. Yeah, paint a picture. So I want to just take you back a little bit. So when we were talking before about dry humping and, you know, that smell of obsession, this was before that.

This is kind of just before that. So early 90s, boarding school dormitories, you're talking about six to eight in a room. All girls boarding school. Did you have a lesbian experience of boarding school? I did. Okay, so. Just so weird, because I was like, can I talk about it? about that and I was like,

hmm, I don't think I can, but I have a feeling we might have talked about it in the first last season. Oh, really? Last season. Oh, fantastic. Good, I'm glad we got it out the way. And also, great clickbait for people to go back to the first season if they haven't already. So, yeah, we're about six to eight of us. We're all sharing a dorm.

There's bunk beds. You share like a dressing table. And we're all about 14, 15 years old at this stage. Eight of Bass is singing about wanting another baby. Yeah. Randomly. All that I want is another baby. She's gone tomorrow, boy.

Let's see if you can do next. Shakadimus and pliers. Tease me, tease me, tease me, tease me. It's that, isn't it? Yeah. Tees me, baby. Yeah, till I lose God. Yeah, yeah.

Chees me to love until I lose gone. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, got it. What about culture beats Mr. Vane? I know it, but it... Call him Mr. Vader. Call a Mr. Ryan. Yeah.

takes you back, doesn't it? Carl and Mr. V. I don't know. Who was Mr. Raid? What was that all about? Also, do you remember? Informa.

You know, a belal-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-down. Take your man to say. I'm sorry. Anyway, we're there. We're back. Great. I'm right.

We're in the early 90s. It's fantastic. So there's like, I remember I'd recently pierced my own ear. This one here, I think it was. I used the can of deoddron to numb it, and then I put a needle through. it and managed to avoid sepsis and anything else.

Didn't you just talk to me last week about the reason you didn't want to go on Manjaro was because of the needles? No, that wasn't me. That's not the issue. No, I love needles. I love needles. There was Danielle Steele books on everybody's bedside table. Us was Virginia Andrews.

You said this to me. You were quite advancing that way. But there was one book, one particular book, that was being passed around because it was like contraband. And it was a dog-eared copy. And if you know, you know, Judy Bloom's book Forever. It's quite controversial this book. I don't think I've ever read it.

Right. Okay, well, here's the iron here. So this book was passed around and there was particular pages which were turned down where there was a mention of Ralph. And if you have read the book and you remember, you will know that Ralph is his penis. And it's how he refers to his penis in it and he introduces it. Right. Of all the names.

Ralph, I know. It's awkward. It's one of my best friends' dad's name. And so I realized the other day, I have, I don't think I actually read the whole book because the only thing we were interested in was reading about, like, the Ralph. The Ralph bit. So I bought the book as you see us with us here in the studio. They've made it look a bit more twilighty now. I was about to say it looks very cool. Yeah, this had two like kind of 80 style semi kind of cartoony drawn pictures on the front of it. But my God, so I'm going to go back and read it. But it's, you know, this was, it was, it was, it was, it was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It like contraband and I don't and I don't have a lot of memories from I don't I think I've blocked them out some kind of trauma response my memories my memory's awful people say like friends I go like how do you not remember that like that door and I'm like apparently I went to Lanzarotti when I was 15 with my best friend at zero recollection how mad is that I know I know exactly what you mean so anyway I don't have a lot of memories but as as we spoke about last week with the telephone under the stairs and the calling random numbers every now and then they'll pop into my head and but this one has still the saddest story I've ever heard by the way

I'm a sad sad sad person um but the uh this I just remember so vividly all of us sat around this one girl's bed because she was the first person to lose her virginity and honestly we were literally listening to the story and but all of us they're just clamouring to like information every detail yeah some of us just kind of listening taking it all in other people just firing questions we just you know what was it like what you know I don't think she even went into much detail but I remember it was a guy called James and the reason I remember is because ironically

James, the band had just brought out laid by James so the running joke was then oh you know what happens you over the holidays I got laid by James Didn't they do sit down as well Oh sit down Oh sit down oh sit down

She's on a roll now She's on a roll Anyway I kind of held off I stuck with the dry humping for for quite a long time How old were you? I was 17. I was, like, trying to hold out so I was 18. I just felt, in my head, I always felt like I was the unluckiest person in the world.

And I thought the minute I had sex, even with a condom, I was going to get pregnant and my life was going to be able. The irony, because when you actually tried to get pregnant. Yeah. It's like a fucking, it's like it's, it never happens. But I was just convinced. Anyway, I, as you know, I lived abroad during my boarding school years. Tenerife. And I had boyfriends, you know, and I had like, you did.

guys and then there was this one that lived across the road this boy that lived across the road that I had never spoken to and I just kind of saw him and you know anyway one day it just so happened even had all these nice boys I've been going out with they're all Spanish boy I always always went with canary and boys and this one across the road like kind of just one day he was like hey you know do you want to come in for a drink and literally that evening I'd never like even spoken to him before and for some reason I just chose I think sometimes that That's the best way to do it. It's so weird.

And I just was like... Just get it out the way. And I just remember it being so painful. It was in his room, in his parents' house, but he was like really wealthy kind of like in comparison to all the other houses around. You know, and I lived in an apartment and I would look across and he had like a big house and horses and stuff. Good choice then.

Yeah. Well, you'd say that. However, and I just remember it being really fat as well, not long, but fat. And so it's the stubby penis. Yes, but the pet. pain, the stretch, there was nothing pleasant about it. Now it's like throwing a wellie up a corridor. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

And that's being kind. And I was just like, oh my God, it was over so quickly. It was painful and it was very clear that I wasn't staying for cuddles. Do you know what I mean? Oh, it was a one-bam, thank you, ma'am. Yeah. Did you know it was your first time? No.

I mean, I don't think. How long after that was it until you had sex again? I don't know But it feels like it was a long time A long time But what added insult to injury was I kind of was like In my head I was like

Oh my God I've had sex And this means there's something between us There's something deeper So my door of my The balcony of where my apartment was Would open up and you know I'd see his And I remember

Like It's awful because I went back The next day knocked on the door thinking that you were now like together and in love. Yeah, like she'll be going and get like a, you know, like a boyfriend girlfriend now. What's a thing?

And he's like, he opened the door with his beautiful girlfriend that I was like, I'd never seen before and then for the rest of the holiday because this had been the beginning of the summer holidays every time I open the door, they were there. She was like super hot, she looks so much older than me. And I was like, oh my God, this is the most humiliating.

And I'd have to walk along the whole corridor past them being, oh my God, it was awful cat. I can feel it in my stomach now. You know, I really hear men when they're like, I'm so sick of like this man bashing. I get it. But then they make it really fucking hard from it. Do you know what I mean?

It's like, come on. Anyway. Sorry that happened to you, darling. No, no, no, it's fine. But this is the thing. I think we grow up with this idea of this fairy tale that it's going to be like, you know, like the rom-con. Yeah, it's not like normal people.

It's not like the notebook. It, unfortunately, it doesn't work out like that. and I think that also I think talking about it I think it's really male orientated as well like I was saying to this to a friend the other day like bases when you talk about first base yes like it would always be about how I never really understand what the bases are okay so first base would be like kissing got it like tongues um second base would be anything like above the waist boobs yeah obviously it's nothing for a guy though is it right it's like oh great she touched me above the way yeah

So there was something there to explore. Is that like Scaramanga? Isn't that like, does that mean it's like... Scaramush, that? Doesn't it mean like it's... Is it sensitive? Yeah, so it's... Can he feel, has he got feeling in the third nipple?

Yeah, so it's, it goes... So it's not like, it's just the nipple, it's just... Isn't it called a nublet or something? No, Chandler bin called it a nubbin. That's it, a nubin. I don't think that's the scientific term for it, though. But it's not, it doesn't have the ariola. Right.

It's just the literal. Sure, it's not just a skin tag. No, it's like, you know, on a dog. Yeah. When it's just the nipple. No way. It's like that, but when he's cold, it goes hard. Like, if I tickle it, it goes hard.

He's also technically got a fourth one on the other side, but that's not, that's just like a mark. I mean, he's, he's almost bovine. Yeah. Anyway, second base is touching above the waist. Right. And then third base is stimulating below the waist, so that can also include oral. And then home run is sexual intercourse. But when you think.

about that none of that really like it's it's all it's all kind of geared you never come home and be like you like if you kissed a boy and it's all about where he got to on your body yeah yeah not where you got to on here and it's not like you let him get to second base yeah it wouldn't be like ever like you'd meet up with a guy and you would go out and you would go like we kissed and anything of me like generally it would be about them getting like jacked off wouldn't it like that would be second base yeah you it would never be about just the woman walking away having had pleasure. Well, it never is.

No, exactly. Unless you're Johnny. Well, exactly. I think that comes with time, doesn't it? Listen, Johnny cannot complain about this season. No. Like, basically, he's a love machine. He's going to slide in head first, here he comes.

He's out. No, wait, save that second base. He is a love machine. I looked into this whole thing about our generation, and apparently in theory, Generation X, supposedly did more drugs and had more underage sex. Because I was thinking, God, they seem really free now. Hang on, we generation, I'm millennial.

Millennials, yes, yes, sorry, that's what I mean. Had more drugs and underage sex. Yeah, of course he did. Gen Z is so clean living. They are, but they're also much more kind of open as well. I remember Johnny and I going in. I think there's a correlation. What do you mean?

I think the more open we are about sex and the more less taboo it is, the illicitness of it, the shine of it's taken off. And so it's not like something you have to sort of talk about around a bed with six of you like grasping for information it's not like that anymore it's just very like oh yeah

I'll have sex at some point and this is what happens like if you know what if you've seen I don't know if you've seen this but like when I see that generation they've got things like

on their TikTok account saying body count so it'll be in their bio name age body count

I've never seen that body count is basically how many people you set with and they're like 16 like 15 like talking about stuff like that it's probably all bollocks in it

Well, I don't know. I don't know. I remember, like Ann Summers. Now, how street, how like kind of high street it is. You know, like that was all below, wasn't it? That was all below deck that. And I remember Johnny and I walking in and I was like, they do good bras in here, John.

I just want to go and look at the bras. And I remember him just standing there and just couldn't believe that there was like a couple, like 17 years old couple just like kind of looking at vibrators together and looking at it. Love that for them. I love it. too but it's so different so different it's so different um but yeah like i say you know i think

we have this idea don't we that it's going to be like like it was in the notebook and it and it really isn't i was talking my friend what was going to talk about today and she said um that she just spoken to one of her school mum friends who wasn't even drunk and just um and just said oh oh yeah yeah my nickname at school was was marge right because she was easily spreadable Do you know what? Before I was married, my maiden name was Noel's Fitton. So my initials were CKF. Right. And at university, they used to call me...

Oh, come on. KFC, because I was finger-licking good. That's great, though. Isn't it? That's so good. I always wanted a nickname. Anyway, that was a story that my friend told me. I got even more when I then put it out. out there. I put an example up on my

Instagram and they started flooding in and I've actually struggled to pick which ones to use because there were so many. So I'm going to fly through as many as I can. So let's start with... Should we just do them all anonymous? Just to make sure. I mean, most of them are anonymous anyway. Okay, so this is actually, this one's starting with someone's daughter.

Yeah, so definitely anonymous. Definitely anonymous. She said she's only 16. She had her first experienced last week after prom. She called me from her dad's at 5.30 a.m. saying she'd done the deed and was bleeding heavily and needed help. 1-1-1 wanted to send an ambulance due to her level of bleeding. Her dad said that house was like a lamb had been slaughtered. Straight to Haney.

Like a scene from Dexter's kill room. I love how chilled the parents are. This is my kind of parenting. I love this. I love this. She said, her dad said the house was like a lamb had been slaughtered straight to A&E and later admitted overnight to Guiney for a large tear. Who knew 16-year-old boys could have whoppers?

Excellent way for her to meet his mum for the first time after she tracked her son to the hospital, having panicked about where he was. Ruined her summer because she can't swim, go in the hot tub, or indeed do any more deeds for six weeks. Anonymous, please. Bless that, bless her. No. Gosh, she's never doing it again.

Well, at least, you know what, by the time she hoofs out a human, She'll have already, you know, well-stretched. Yeah, whilst she's prepped. I was 16 when I lost my opportunity. The lad had two mums. The first thing he did after finishing the deed was leave me in bed naked and ran downstairs to tell his mums, he just had sex with me. Oh, I love that.

They were so proud of him. The second time we had sex, we had to ask his mum to take me to get the morning after pill because the condom split. Turns out, leaving condoms near a hot radiator isn't a good idea. That's brilliant. I love that openness. I know. It's brilliant. It's brilliant. Thank you for sending all these.

I've saved the best till last, but I've got quite a few. Here we go. Anonymous, when we were teenagers, my best friend Kate spent the weekend with a guy she was seeing. They were already sexually active, but this was the first time she was going to give a blowjob. I love that she had that on her list of things to do. That's how it was, though. You talked your friends about this weekend. I'm doing it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to go for it. I remember. They had sex one night, and then she did the deed the following night. Turned out she was riddled with thrush, so she ended up giving it to him, then catching it back in her own mouth. So she had to carry a toothbrush in her school bag to keep scratching her tongue because it was so itchy.

We called her Krustikati after that which she took like a champ. Do you know what? Do you know when you're breastfeeding and you get like nipple thrash and then you give it to your baby? No, I didn't know you could get that. Oh my God, nipple thrush is the worst.

Like breastfeeding through crack nipples is bad and mastitis. But when you're doing it with nipple thrush it's like somebody soaring your nipple off with a rusty bread knife. It's the worst fucking thing in the world. And the admin is a bit like it is with worms because of course every time you breastfeed

you have to then treat your baby for the thrush and your nipple for the thrush and otherwise you're just constantly cross-contaminating it's a shit show I did not know nipple thrush was a thing nipple thrush was the thing I had everything like breastfeeding first time round oh my god full gamut of breast related issues

awful once I gave a blowjob to a guy who just to be clear these are people saying them in none of these are me I just want to be clear because I keep thinking I'll start with this Anonymous said, I once gave a blowjob to a guy who hadn't showered after the gym, but thought the best way, the best, the best idea was to, again, we're trying our best man to not fucking throw you under the bus, but you seem insistent on jumping under the

fucking bus yourself. Continue. Camacazi. I want to go to blow job to a guy who hadn't showered after the gym, but thought the best idea was to use roll on deodorant to freshen himself up. Safe to say, that's Ben the producers, guys. I did his hands. Also, how hard is it

to whack out your willie and give it a bit of a soap and wash? Yeah, I mean, it'd be more awkward to get the roll on on. I know. And also, soap and water. I mean, because you could just go into the bathroom to do that.

What are you going to do, stand there in the middle of the chain rooms and be, what, like, I mean... We talked about this before as well, though, those willies that have that lingering smell and taste of urine. Yeah. It's not cute. It's not cute.

Anyway, safe to say, she says, the taste of links is not one I ever want. to taste again. Even the smell of it takes me back. I powered on through. Of course she did, because heaven forbid, a woman stands up and decides to say no, we're so polite. We would rather suck on a, on a fucking lynx covered cock than go, go and have a wash. I will poison myself sucking on the chemicals. Oh, don't. She said she powered through, but she was gagged, he probably thought I was gagging for his benefit.

It was not that. Also, boys, if you get turned on by somebody gagging, there is something wrong with you. I mean, I know, but they're indoctrinated with porn to think that that's like how it is. To figure that shit out. Anonymous. In response to your losing opportunity post, I was 16, almost 17. He was 26.

We've been seeing each other for a little while due to the age gap. On the quiet, yeah, we kept it quiet. And the fact my mum used to cut his hair also. our local nightclub did a Valentine's night and I went back to his partway through the evening I was wearing a red satin silver sorry I was wearing a red satin river island shirt

the things you remember she says I had no idea what I was doing he was very respectful and a proper gent but he was redecorating his flat at the time so there were ladders tubs of paint everywhere and no carpet on the floor so we had sex on his sofa and I vividly remember the motion of shagging kept pushing me up the sofa so much

I got a bit of sofa burn on my love were back and he had to keep grabbing my hips to wiggle me back down clearly i wasn't aware of the concept of core muscles back then after we'd done the deed we left the flat and walked back past the club where a group of my friends were and they promptly whooped clapped and cheered are we we okay with a 16 year old and a 26 year old i mean i did think that and and i thought to myself cat's gonna cat's gonna come at that i mean i listen when i was 18 i had a 26 year old boyfriend right I think 17, 16, I think, I don't know. I mean, I mean, she's known him.

No, a 26-year-old shagging a 16-year-old is not, is weird. Does it? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, now thinking about Molly, Molly's like three years away from that. Yeah, and she came home with the man who's nearly 30? Yeah. No. No.

Okay, all right. But, anyway, I'm sure there's new ones. I'm not pissing on her virginity chips. I'm just saying that it's weird, isn't it? I think back in the day it wouldn't have been, maybe wouldn't have even been. I don't think. We would have even thought about it. No, but now I'm like, that's a bit weird.

Anyway. You feel so much older, don't you, when you're 17? Okay, so please remain anonymous. Okay, I lost my virginity in the back of a smart car. Is there a buff of a smart car? I don't think smart cars had backs. And if they do, are these little people, lilypot people?

I think they represent the lollipot gild. They're umpulumpus? I lost my duty in the back of a smart car. parked up outside a local office PCA building. I'd just been at an Anselmars party, you remember the ones, and won some anal beads during the party. Anal beads, pointless, nobody wants them. Why?

I don't, for me, have you ever tried them? No, because for me, it just seems like a plunger. Like, you shove it up, you're going to yank that shit out. Oh, right. What, yeah, exactly, no. I had very embarrassing anal sex story once. Oh. Are we going to share?

Yeah, of course we are. Not now, though. Okay. Said virgin taker used, said anal beads, and tried to whack them up my vagina. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Nothing short of traumatic to me and the area involved. Even less was a very quick taking of virginity part, which felt like tearing my insides open.

I hear you. Only lasted a couple of pumps and he was done. Not the romantic story I'd waited 17 years for, but there you go. We can't win them all. This is the thing. I don't think she won anything. We build, we just build it up, don't we?

Yeah, because we don't, because we're not talking about it. You know, I think when you're going to start talking to the girls about it? Well, I think it will become apparent, but mostly, I suppose, when she starts getting boyfriends. Or like, you know, when boys start to become a thing, I'm not going to sit it down and have like, but I'm going to start just dropping into the conversation like, you know, when you first do it, it's not, like, just get it out the way. They seem to have only just got their heads around the fact. I think they, you know, because they say, don't they, don't volunteer any information, just answer the questions they ask.

Exactly. And that's how you know you're getting it right. So the most recent question is, why would you have sex if you're not trying to have a baby? So it's now navigating the doing something for pleasure. Pleasure for, no, but it's like, it's, it just opens up so many other questions. And because you've got, because I've got nearly 13 and nearly 10 year olds, so generally we're always together. So one slightly more advanced. And so you're kind of trying to answer the questions there that...

Oh, I just bash it out to both of them. Right. So this morning, Barley, you know, said, what are you talking about on the podcast today? And I was like, talking about... The first time you have sex. The first time, yeah, because I thought she's not going to know. I said losing opportunity, which it means the first thing.

And so literally our school run this morning was me talking about, you know, how often girls feel pressured into doing it and guys want to feel pressured into doing it, and guys want to do it to say they've done it, and girls kind of want to do it to say they've done it. and girls want to do it to say they do it. Yeah, and I said, you know, I said, but sometimes we just got to hold out for someone really special. And, you know, I was thinking, oh, God, I need more time.

I need more time. Yeah, yeah, I need to think this through. Here you, pat lunch, anyway, bye. Like, it was a bit rushed. It was a bit rushed. All right, next one, here we go. Thank you for the smart car one. I was, like it was pure joy.

Anonymous, I was 14 or 15, and at a friend's house party and the school heartthrob, we all know that, that guy, who all the girls fancied and was two years. years older, suddenly showed up as he was friends with my friend's older brother. I was not one of the popular pretty girls and definitely never on his radar, but somehow I ended up snogging him in a dark corner of the garden. I couldn't believe my luck and I couldn't wait to brag about it back at school. Anyway, he got a bit handsy and after a little grope of my boobs above clothes, his hand wandered down there. And the next thing I knew, I was being fingered for the first time. How about those times there and we've all got them where like you've sort of snog somebody

and then all of a sudden it's like something else is happening and you're like oh this is all happening now it's happening now and that's how she felt again I was pretty pleased with myself I got to second base with mr. third base by your recommendation well this is true again I got to second base with Mr Popular and you loads of girls at school would be seething with envy it's so mad I love that that's what she's thinking about I can't wait to tell everybody But then he gave me a funny look Oh no Stopped what he was doing

And I asked Are you on your period Oh no I've been so carried away With my good luck At pulling the best looking boy in school And to be fair The fingering was not expected

That I'd forgotten I was on And worse than that Had a tampon in Turns out He got the string A cord around his finger I was

mortified. He just walked away without saying anything else and I spent the whole weekend terrified that he would have told everyone and I'd be the laughing stock at school on Monday but no one ever said anything and he never spoke to me again. So, not so awful really but as a teenage girl it was so excruciatingly embarrassing. Plus I never got to brag about getting off with him to anyone. Also I have to say fair dues to the lad. I mean he could have spoken to her again. But he didn't spread it around the school. I know, exactly. And it's a low bar, but good job.

Yeah, exactly. I thought exactly the same thing. And on, I lost my virginity out of sheer panic in uni. Good old societal pressure. After a night out went back to his student halls. He put some telly on. I'm not sure why. We were drunk. Turns out, I lost my virginity to the sweet

backing track of the time team on the TV. Isn't that Baldrick? It is, isn't it? It's Bordrick from him. Blackadder. Bonus, even though we used a condom, he managed to get come on my favourite belt. Oh, for fuck's sake. It was never the same after, and neither was I. Thank you so much for that one.

My hobby lost his virginity for a gold chain. She let him shag her in exchange for a gold belcher, possibly not as finest hour. Brilliant. Brilliant. A belcher chain. A belcher chain. This one says, not podworthy, but... We will decide that. My first time at 15, almost 16, was in my then-boyfriend's single-belled. bed, the condom came off and was lost up there.

I mean, never to be seen again. Panic. Did you ever have that happen? No, but actually, once you get quite acquainted with what goes on over there, it's quite hard to lose anything up there. It's not actually as big as you think it is. It's not like it sort of gets sucked up into the larger system. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but the panic initially. Yeah, when you were 16, 15 years old, yeah. Cue me and his family bathroom for 20 minutes trying to fish the slippery sucker out. not exactly like they lead you to believe it will be in the movies. More fumbling, silence and a lot of mess. Yes.

Okay, have we got a voice note? Oh, let me see. Why do I feel that you write these things just for me? The virginity one. As I'm 55 this year, we're going back a few years. But yes, I lost my virginity in a pigsty. On a party, on a farm. And when I came out, everybody cheered

and bought a beer over my head. Yeah, that's it. Brilliant. Well done. There's another one. Yeah. Okay, I was at a party. And the person I was going out with at the time had never seen me in anything other than jogging bottoms

or just like stuff you wear as a teenager. So I was dressed up. And apparently I looked pretty good. Okay? I felt good. I looked good. Anyway, we went into. the garden of this pub so we were snogging and you know we know fumbling around and um and it was like

shall we and i sort of went yeah go on flip it in romance minor minimal foreplay and um it was in a pub garden on a bench anyone could have walked around spoiled them moment because it was so romantic no one was there but we walked back around the front of the pub only for me to see my dad sat in the car waiting for me he had no idea it was dark he actually didn't see me so that was lucky but the entire way home i was just mortified he had no idea he didn't know what had gone on however his little angel pie had just lost her virginity in the most undignified no romance no nothing happens

there was no there was no finish line shall we say it was just a quick in and out does that count I don't know yeah it counts baby that's still losing your virginity isn't it it counts have I got anymore it's so weird the change like how you feel

and like I remember like I just felt weird around my dad as well after I'd lost my virginity because all of a sudden it was like I don't know like men were just something completely different. I do remember that, yeah. There is one here that we haven't read out. I'm just checking, it's not that one. It won't be this one.

Okay, the night I lost my virginity, this is actually one of my favorites, the first one I read of the thing. The night I lost my virginity, I was extremely drunk, maybe the most drunk anyone had ever been ever. It was with a guy I'd been seeing and after a short while,

he asked me to go on top. I climbed on top in my drunken stoop and started falling forward. I must have forgotten I had arms so I just let myself fall face first into the wall and knocked my front tooth out I was absolutely mortified and looked like a fool walking around my front tooth missing

sadly the story doesn't end there the morning after I noticed quite a lot of blood in my bed I knew it was normal for some girls to bleed a little bit while losing their virginity but this seemed like rather a lot of blood after a few days I started to feel pain when I was having a wee and it got worse and worse took myself off to the doctors and she revealed to me

that whilst I was falling I had torn my vagina to a degree similar to something they would expect following childbirth. So my first time led to me losing my tooth all of my dignity as well as a chunk of my fanny. It was the absolute pits.

I must have still somehow made a good impression though as he asked me to be his girlfriend. Shocking. A non. I mean, it's a catalogue of errors. That is well, that. First of all, I was taken about by the fact that her first time was on top.

Well, yes, me too. That has got to be a very... I was going to say. And obviously the alcohol provided the anaesthetic for her to not feel that she had got a third degree tear in her vaj. Yeah, but the tooth out. Wow. I mean that once it's gone, it's gone. Do you know what I mean?

Oh my God. That's brilliant. I can say I lost my front tooth because I ran headfirst into a patio door. She's like, oh. Funny story, that. That is definitely. one for the for the grandkids yeah all right finally ellen sent this in ellen said okay don't judge me but i'm actually having a poo while giving you my broken hymen story and there are two parts to it i was 13 yes i know slut and i was infatuated with a boy three years older than me my best mate at the

time was seeing his best mate they had arranged to meet later that evening down at our local woods which backed onto our estate the boy i fancied came on to me but i was on my period at the time so before any jiggery-pokery went on, I proclaimed, I need a wee. But in reality, I was removing my plug. To which I launched, which I launched, after having removed my tampon,

I launched high into the air. Yeah? Remember this bit. Got it? Hang on. So, oh, she's in the woods. Yeah. And she's taken out a tampon.

She said, oh, I just need to go for a wee, but reality is because she was on a period. And then she's just thrown it. She's just taken her tampon out and thrown in the air. She's yeated it, as the kids would say. Yeated. Never heard that. The following weekend was bonfire night. Oh no.

And on our estate, we used to build huge bonfire on the edge of the woods. And behind this bonfire is where my cherry got popped. After him pumping away for what felt like forever, he finished. He said, that was amazing. Did you like it? I said, I didn't feel nothing. Didn't see him again after that. But when me and my friend got back to my house, my sister asked, my sister asked, there's so much to this.

My sister asked where we'd been. And so I told her everything. She told me to cough to see if he'd squirted inside me. Obviously, stuff emptied out of yaggy hole. Yaggy hole. Yaggy hole. Faggy hole. Sorry, my baggie hole.

Because I was having my period. But obviously, in my naivity, I spent the whole day coughing thinking any stray sperm would evacuate the warm orifice. The next day, my mom, who had hurt me coughing all day, said, no school. I'm taking you to the doctors. We didn't have a car, so we had to catch the bus. At the bus stop, there was loads of ooze and urs and how disgusting, because the tampacks are thrown and somehow got caught on someone's washing life. Did I confess? No. I got a day off school, so I was a happy bunny,

but I never confessed to spray painting a huge penis with giz in said bus stop either. Time to wipe. Oh, my God. Brilliant. Thank you for that. Brilliant. I loved those stories. Thank you for sharing. Oversharing. Remember, if you want to have your say on this story,

Or if you've got any other story at all that we've talked about in previous episode, oh, you've just got a funny story that we can get some comedy juice out of. We do some bonus episodes. We used some bonus episodes. We haven't paid for those bonus episodes, though, so we need to have a chat with good old Ben.

Bonus Ben. He's doing that. He loves us, really. If you want to have a say, then please email us with your view at you're never the only one at gmail.com or send us a message or voice note. If it's a voice note no longer than 90 seconds, please. 07457402.

or of course, DM us at Instagram on your never the own... Oh, no, I got that all wrong. DM us on Instagram at you're never the only one, not dot com. What the fuck am I doing? Who am I, where am I, what's going on?

And with that, we're done for this week. Yep, you're back in the driving seat, the topical driving seats. I am. For the next episode, what are you going to be talking about? We're going to be discussing you're never the only one

who still hasn't confessed something to their parents. So I want to know about all the things you've never told your parents. Maybe you're a smoker and you're still hiding it even though you're in your 40s. Maybe you got arrested and lied about it. Maybe you stole something from them or crashed a car or snogged your cousin once at Christmas.

Ooh. Oh, there was even an audible, from Ben the producer. I don't... What worries me is that... That sounds a bit relatable now. It really did. The way you said it, is it...

Oh, not me. No, I thought he was like... It sounded like a bad memory. He came back to Bet. Look, he's giving me the hard head shake. No. I don't, I don't know but I do want to hear them also

make sure you get in touch all the infos is as ever in show notes and available on the Instagram page That's it from us, time's up, should we go? Let's go. Bye! are managed by Shell Regini, who also expertly takes care of the podcast social media, and our theme tune Everybody Makes Mistakes is written and performed by the band Hot Salad.

Never the only one. Never the only one. Don't live inside a shame because everybody makes mistakes. You're never the only one. Never the only one. You're never the only one. They live inside your shame,

because everybody makes mistakes. Oh. You know,