You're Never The Only One - Hate Thelma & Louise and Christmas Jammies? You're Never The Only One

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

In this episode of You’re Never The Only One, Cat and Emma get controversial. Cat thinks that Thelma & Louise is the worst film in the world and Emma gets grumpy about people who take pictures of their kids with vegetables (it’ll make sense when you listen to it), Christmas pyjamas and Boo-Boxes.  They may not get you on side with all their idea, but they will have you stitches. Please hit the FOLLOW button wherever you listen to your podcasts and, if you can, leave a 5⭐️ review - it really makes all the difference. Thank you to Koru Kids for sponsoring this episode of You’re Never The Only One. Koru Kids provide brilliant childcare solutions for busy families. Head to www.korukids.co.uk an use the code YNTOO to get a free 3-hour nanny trial.  Follow You’re Never The Only One on Instagram.Follow Cat Sims on Instagram.Follow Emma on Instagram. Follow You’re Never The Only One on TikTok.Follow Cat Sims on TikTokFollow Emma Nicolet on TikTok Follow You’re Never The Only One on Youtube. CreditsYou’re Never The Only One… was created by Cat Sims and hosted and written by Cat Sims and Emma Nicolet. Executive Producers are Cat Sims & Emma Nicolet, Anna Dixon & Hannah Twigg at YMU London and Katie Ray from Radient Management. You’re Never The Only One is filmed at Outset Studios and the theme music was written and performed especially for You’re Never The Only One by the band Hot Salad. You can listen to their album here.

Okay, cool, babe. I think that's about it. Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah. We're not going to be back in time for school pick-up when we record the podcast on Tuesday, so I just wondered what your child care sitch was. Well, like most people, I think it's a largely unreliable setup, genuinely just cobbled together between myself, Johnny, after-school club. And you remember that random woman I found on Facebook? She seems really nice. So, yeah, probably her. What about you? Oh, we've got a Coru Kids After-School, Nanny.

You've got a Coru what? A Coru Kids After-School Nanny. Twice a week. She picks the girls up from school, brings them home, feeds them, does their homework, and they're ready for kids. bed by the time Jimmy and I get home. So we actually all like each other by the time it gets to bedtime. Thank you sounding a little bit smug there, Kat. Listen, I'm not a little bit smug. I'm very smug about it. Yeah, well, not all of us have got the old influencer cash, you know? Actually, it's really reasonable because it's part-time. You just pay for the hours you need. It gives me some easier days, not always rushing around. And the girls love it. All right. Give me the

deets. Head to coruK.com.com.com to learn more and use the code Y-N-T-O for a free three-hour a nanny trial. It's very unnerving when the first conversation you're having of the entire day is being recorded to go out to gazillions of people. Guzillions of people around the world. Yeah, I'm manifesting the fuck out of this shit. We're here for it. Okay, let's go.

Let's go. I've got enough time for you to fuck around today. Don't leave inside the string Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Hello and welcome back to episode three It's episode three already Of you're never the only one

I'm Katzhenz and I join today By my co-host as usual Emma Nicolet And just look at her Just look at her She is giving me fizzy knickers She loves it when I say that And not, I'm going to be honest

It's not in a hundred percent platonic way because can we just all agree how gorgeous she looks. I know where this is going. Of course, we don't actually know what she really looks like. Neither her nor her husband nor her kids. Never seen her without makeup. So we don't know what she really looks like. But I'm very excited to welcome her.

She's got full face of makeup on. Next week she won't. We're going to make up free next week. Not going to happen. And yeah, so I'm very excited to have you next to me today, Emma. Are you really excited by the sounds of it with those busy knickers? And speaking of which on today's episode, I'm honoured to be joined by Cat Sims,

who, if her recent ad with Love Honey is anything to go by, has enough sex toys to start a very lucrative career on OnlyFans. Listen, I've always said, if Instagram goes tits up tomorrow, I'm getting my feet on OnlyFans. Yeah, well, something, something. Feet in the big, be in, cool shoes. Feet writing with your pen between your toes, writing men's names, apparently gets them all going.

Listen, I've got all the tricks. I mean, you know, my history, we'll have to talk about this on another podcast. is um oh of course yeah you know don't you sex tv not me personally but yeah there's a background there so i've got some knowledge we're going to go into that in another episode for sure yeah but this week this week let's get going it's now time for us to share our to-do list or in actually in my case it's more of a what i'm not getting done list okay it's been it's been a week Is that because it's half term? No, because honestly, I haven't seen the kids.

I haven't seen the kids. I haven't seen my husband because you know how they say that, you know, they say something's like a bus. You wait ages for one and then two come along at the same time. Yeah. I feel a bit like that's my life at the moment. Like work has been generally pretty steady all year, which is great. Very happy, very manageable.

Excellent. In the last two weeks, yeah. It's not been like two buses, I would say it's like 20. Oh. And rather than like getting on a bus, I've just been fucking moaned down You're right Yeah, that's how I feel

And it's great Like obviously I'm really grateful for the work Yeah The money Yeah But I have to say I think it is only my sobriety Yeah

That is helping me Hold on to sanity Really? Yeah Yeah I think I would have had a shit fit If I was still drinking Really?

Not if I was still drinking But if I wasn't emotionally sober I think I would have lost much shit But the stuff that does keep you mentally sober but like the exercise and stuff like that, all on the back burner. Oh, that's all gone.

Yeah. To be honest, and do you know what? I used to hate it when people say this. I couldn't do it without my husband. Jimmy, I could not do without him. He hasn't been angry that I've not seen the kids. He's cooked every meal. He's entertained them.

I haven't had to do anything when I've finished working. He hasn't expected me to like pick her up. I'm like, I'm exhausted. He's like, go to bed. He has been a joy. A joy. He is getting a blow. this weekend.

Oh my God. I'm so... I mean, he's not, obviously. Obviously, but, you know, for the podcast purpose. Yeah, for comedy purposes. I'm so envious because my husband couldn't be further from supportive. Honestly, I literally know we've moved this to a Tuesday. Yeah.

So, you know, there's reasons behind that. But the thing is the after-school shit on Tuesdays is hardcore. It's like pick up, dance, brownies. There's a lot of waiting in cars. There's a lot of, you know, kind of logistics surrounding it. all I've asked him to do is just the school pickup so I can get on the train back to Sussex from here go straight from the station to pick up from the dance class

to do honestly you would you would think I said could have a kidney just the one can you birth a human would you mind but honestly it was like it was just too much for him it's too much do you think he really doesn't want to help or do you think he just does it like for the you know for bans do you know what it is I think he thinks this is just a little like kind of

oh he thinks it's just a hobby oh yeah I think he thinks it's a bit of a very Vanity Project, and he keeps using this phrase. Emma, I'm looking after the big ticket items here. Emma? Yeah? I can't. I can't even begin.

Everybody listening to this right now, and I love Johnny. I want you to know I love Johnny, but everybody listens to this right now is waving their red fucking flags. I'm looking after the high ticket item. Are you fanny around with your little vanity project? Oh, cute. Did you tap you on their head as well and say, have a lovely day. Yeah, ask me what for dinner?

Yeah. Where his clean pants were? Oh, don't. Oh, dear, Johnny, I love you, but you've gone way down in my estimations now. Oh, don't. Do you want a Jimmy? Do you want a Jimmy? Do you want a Jimmy? Do you want a Jimmy for a Johnny? No.

Jimmy for a Johnny? You can keep you, Johnny. Keep him. Anyway, what have you got on this week? I am the master of bull dropping this week. That's what she said. Sorry. I've got two different half terms happening.

I've got one off for two weeks, so. Yeah, that's savage. And then another off for the second of that two weeks. So I can't do anything. God forbid. do anything with the first one that's interesting, exciting or entertaining because, you know, that just World War III is used there with the second one because she's like, that's not, I'm going to school, blah, so that's kind of been on the backburner, but I have had quite a lot

fun stuff for me to do. I've never been into London town as much. Did Johnny let you out? Oh, with, honestly, with a lot of arguments. But I've never been into London as much as I have since I moved to Southwicks. Like, well, I lived in London. Never, never went to anything, never got invited to anything. Now, it's been brilliant. I saw you. I did the red carpet thing with you. See, it feels like... Oh, night bitch. Go night bitch.

Oh, go see that. I loved it. It was brilliant. It was. Surreal. Really fucking weird, but so relatable. So relatable. Don't go if you have kind of young dependents

and you're not, you know, on rocky, Rocky ground with your partner. If you're in that, if you're in the trenches. If you're in the trenches of motherhood and your kids are under three, arguably under five, probably give it a couple of years to you're out the other. side. Definitely, you just, you need to be on very good terms. You need it, you need a Jimmy. Yeah, you've got a Johnny. Don't go to this. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go to

this. Um, and I have to say, I'm getting better. You got me on the red carpet at the first time. We went to that Disney thing. You weren't happy about that way. I was quivering. Yeah. See, how many lip thing? You know, when you try to smile. How many things do I say, let's do this and you're not doing it. Yeah. And then you do it. And you're like, actually, it's quite quite fun. Yeah. Like, not wearing makeup for an episode. Not going to happen. Um, but Yeah, and I was really pleased. I was actually, I was quite happy with the pictures as well. Like, you know, the Getty pitch.

Because that's what we do if it's wanky, isn't it? It's wanky. That's what it's done for. I miss the picture wall, red carpet at Night Bitch. Oh, no. It was a bit early. And then I felt, and then I felt a bit wanky because of course that's why we go. Otherwise, it's just fucking going to the cinema.

Like, and it is really wanky, but it's great for content and it helps them. And it's all, you know, whatever. Basically, so you can put it on your Instagram page. So people think you're... With the wanky, getty sign on it. Better than you are. It's purely a narcissistic, ego-inflating exercise, but you do get to watch a good movie.

Yeah. So, and I'm a big movie buff. Yeah, you are. You did a great review of it, by the way. Thanks, darling. Yeah. So you went to Red Cockpit? I went to that, that was great.

Was that only last week? Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? And then I was back in London again, and I took Johnny's mom, my mother, I got on really well with, who unfortunately has got this degenerative eye disease. She's like a support circle for you and his mom. Yeah.

Women in Johnny's life is the two of you. It is. It's great. we can bitch about them together. And I was just like, Sal, listen, you need to get out. You need, you know, she's moved to being near us in Sussex and her sight's terrible.

So it's like, right, I'm taking into London. So I guided her into London. We came back here to London Bridge. We went to see the Marilyn Monroe exhibition. We were invited to the press night. And it was wonderful. But all the merch saw the most, literally the most incredible Marilyn Monroe impersonator

and she was singing and everything and learned all this stuff about Marilynne that just has made me love her more than the icon she was and more about the woman she was. I mean, the woman used to read Tolstoy. Honestly, I highly recommend if you're a Marilyn fan to go and go and see that as well. So that was fantastic.

It went to Shocktoberfest. My niece, it's like this fear park. It's Europe's the biggest fear park. It's basically... This sounds so up my stress. I love... Oh my God, you will love this. Well, my niece said to me,

my two-year-olds, going through the terrible twos, can we go and do this? I went, it's like two hours. hours from your house. In Bournemouth, she went, I don't care. She was like the idea of being chased around a maze by someone with a chainsaw in the dark. After a two-hour journey, it's like a spa day to me in comparison to being with my two-year-old right now. Oh, I thought she was going to take her two-year-old and like, almost like, teach it a lesson. No, no. If you don't fucking get in line, I'm putting you in this maze with the man with

the chainsaw. This is another option. I wouldn't recommend it for kids. If you want, I mean, she's struggling with her to sleep anyway. niche parenting choice, but one that's available to you nonetheless. It was more awful than the time when I was on Heart Radio and they put me in a crypt where they used to sacrifice virgins. They left me there on my own for an hour with this machine that basically translated like some kind of like electronic sounds that were ghosts and they made it into words and they were speaking, it was awful, it was awful.

I had a creepy, like, pervy ghost, it was awful. There's so much to unpack that. I know. But yeah, that was my week, a couple of expenses. trips to the vets, keeping the kids off screens while I was on mine, the end. All right, now on to the meat, if you will, in our podcast burger. A chatty little patty. I love that.

I read it. You know, I read it in the script and I was like, a chatty patty. That's so good. Honestly, I'm on fire at 12 o'clock at night. Honestly, midnight, I come alive. It's a chatty patty, if you will, where we each bring a topic to the table. There's a lot of food related. I'm just reading the rest of it.

It's brilliant. It's something we've been mentally masticating ourselves, perhaps shared with our followers on social media, and felt that their response did indeed confirm that we are not alone in our opinions. Or at least it sparked a conversation around it, hence the podcast title. So, Kat, you're first up today. I am. You've been teasing your topic over the ground.

I've been enjoying it this week, and I can't wait to hear what your followers had to say about it, certainly a subject. Or I can say my feelings have most definitely evolved, as I've gotten older and that topic is friendship but friendship so I suppose there's lots of you're never the only ones

you're never the only one who's lost a friend you're never the only one who's been ghosted by a friend you're never the only one who's not really understood friendship all of those kind of apply because I think as a woman in getting to 40s friendships have to change right there's a time where friendships are like the main thing in your life right when you have kids you don't have a husband maybe in that

but then that changes you get kids and you get a husband you get job you get responsibility you get the fucking laundry loads time is precious time is precious and I think it's been really interesting to see which friends have survived that and which friends haven't and why and it's not necessarily because they're cunts, it could be I can think of two that are but you're the rest of them

could have saved on your wedding list that's what I was going to put it like that I know, so frustrating anyway what I'm going to do is I am going to start with our listener stuff today I love. Yeah so I actually wrote an article about this on Substack as well well. As you don't know, I've got a substack, life to the letter, you can subscribe.

And there's a comment on the end of this that really, I really related to. Okay. And it's from Rachel and it says, I feel like I don't know how to be a good friend and that I'm a shit one. I've never had a ride or die. We're going to come to the concept of ride or die later. I feel like the images we are given about female friendships are either false or not what I want, either lots of bitchiness or they're in each other's pockets 24-7, like sex in the city vibes I guess and I have neither the time nor energy for either of those I am exhausted by 7pm

and busy during the weekdays then cleaning at the weekend and it sounds silly but it's so true right I'm always worried about coming across as needy I'm fully aware everyone on the planet is also busy if I made the effort to connect with someone it's because I genuinely want to see how they are and I want to know what's going on for them but I don't want the usual social niceties

I'm okay brush off and what if that's all they want to say do the few people I feel a connection with actually feel one with me and I'm too scared to ask us what if they don't they probably don't Rachel, she's actually a friend, I love her. Then I lost a couple of friends who I thought were really good friends through Brexit and COVID opinions.

I guess that's had an impact too, plus my drinking. She's one of my lot. Total isolation, so I'm out of practice on something I've never felt that great at anyway. Honestly, I could write an essay on this. And I think that's really interesting because I think there's a lot of insecurity around friendship. I feel like Rachel needs,

it needs to rediscover herself after alcohol. and this is something we've discussed and the difference I've seen in you and how inspiring it is, do you know what I mean? And for me to see, and you know, you met my best friend at the premiere she hasn't stopped going on about how great you are. And I was super proud and I was just like,

yeah, and I said it's amazing, you know, for someone to be that great sober. I think that was the key version. She was like, can't believe how much fun you are sober. Yeah. And I was like, it took me a while though. Yeah. You know, it's like I'm three years in nearly.

Yeah. First six months, I didn't even want to leave the house. So I remember screaming, screaming at a woman on the DPD phone because she, they had done exactly what they were supposed to do, which is deliver me an outfit I was supposed to be wearing on my first night out sober. Right. And I wasn't in for it. Right.

So instead of like take it on the chin like the adult I was, I was so emotionally fragile and vulnerable and still in that addicty, lying manipulating. I was like, you didn't deliver it. I was there and you, and nobody rang the back. Like I lied and I lost my shit and all of that because I just wasn't ready. I wasn't there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. now and there. But I do think that in friendship, that is, I think it's really hard to find

your confidence in friendship, especially in your 40s, but also when you're in sobriety too. Somebody else said, my view of friendship is the same as yours. Don't walk with me into the fire when I'm desperate to do something stupid, but don't judge me when I come back, burned and in pain. My closest friends will always tell me what they think usually starting or ending with said with love, and I love them for it. Those are the friends we need, the ones who aren't worried about saying the truth and also have the same crazy. Here, here. Here, here. Hard, agree.

Let's take it over onto the old, oh, do you know what? There's a couple here that have just come in and I don't know. What are they voicing it? Yeah. But I do know this girl, so I'm going to go with it. Oh, what a subject. Female friendships in particular for me are something that are

more precious, the older I get, and more important and integral to just my mental health and my clarity and god my every day then i ever realized they would be um growing up i would have um like kind of one close friend maybe two close friends um i never had a big group of female friends and i've never had the privilege of enjoying what a group of female energy backing you every step of the way is really like and i think friendships the older ones. we get are really challenging, especially as females when we don't have children and we don't

have partners and, you know, work from home. It's really hard to meet people and it makes me appreciate even more the friends that I do have because I see how people like my sister struggle to make those female friendships because they don't have the gift that I have, which is being in recovery. And that's, you know, the greatest gift of my wife. recovery, one of the greatest gifts has been the friends, and especially the female friends I've made. And I love that female friendships, the older that we get as well, the honesty that we can hold each other in, and the fact that we just don't gameplay, like we did as kids. And, you know, when it comes to, is there anything a friend could do that would make me go, that's it, go away.

I feel like now I'm older, and now I've learnt boundaries. Like, with female friendships, It would be a really, really tough to ever kind of cross that line because we just have such open honesty and just such genuine love and care for each other that even when I have been let down by a female friend, for example, in the last kind of three years since getting sober, the best thing is like, we talk about it. I'm going to end it there because what I love about that,

and I know that this isn't about sobriety, I really know that. But that is such a sober fucking message. Do you know, it's selling recovery to me so much? And that is all recovery. And I think people think that sobriety is not drinking. It's like it's just not that. Sobriety is all the stuff that you learn how to, you learn how to fucking deal with life on life term.

Honestly, it's incredible, Kat. And I don't think you'll find many people, and I'm not saying it's about the drink at this point, because it isn't. I think people who can moderate drink and drink like a responsible adult icon can also get emotionally sober. But that emotional sobriety, you just see it coming through,

fucking waves now it's into being introspective I think it forces you to be introspective which people don't often want to do and life is so busy it's hard to find the time to do it you know to do the work I think friendship especially as you get older I think in fact friendship in general I see it with my kids if you are so focused on what

the other person has done or not done or has said or hasn't said or whatever yeah that friendship's never going to work you're always going to find that you fall out with people yeah and I think what sobriety teaches me and Shell and everybody else is that the only thing I can control is myself and my own actions and reactions and in any kind of relationship

no matter how wrong I think I am how wronged I've been, sorry or how badly the other person's behave. I have a part in it and I have to, that's the only thing I can focus on. I can't go, well, you did this, you did this, you did this. I have to go, okay, I didn't handle that well or I could have spoken to you about that sooner

or, you know, whatever it is, when you come at it like that with an eye conversation, you're not going to have the same fight. Yeah. I mean, it's a bit like kind of posting online that someone who has anxiety around, you know, being makeup free is going to go make up free without talking to them first, isn't it?

No, but on that, we did talk about it. We did talk about it. I just think you thought it was going to be a topic. Yeah. But actually what I was clear on myself is that I said, we were going to go make up. I'm not happy about, I'm not happy. I'm not ready.

This one's a really interesting one and I'd love to know your thoughts on this particular. In fact, everybody listening. This is from Sally, who is at Girl on a Bench. Hi, Kat. It's Sally from Girl on a Bench. So, I had a lovely best friend at school, high school, age 12. We were absolutely, you know, thick as these. And I saw it the world of her and loved her to pieces. And then she met a fella and she was.

was getting married. Now, I think she was probably about 31, 32, 12, maybe 13 years ago. When she was getting married, she wanted me to be her matron of Anna. And she basically sent a set of rules. Now, I thought she was joking at the, you know, the first read. And she'd sent me some shoes and everything. And probably around four weeks before the wedding, she sent me another message because she'd seen on Facebook or somewhere that I was getting another tattoo. And she sent me a text message

to say that A, could I not have the tattoo? Which I was a bit unfounded at, because she's known me all my life. I've had tattoos from age 18. And her brother has absolutely covered with tattoos. So she said, could I not have the tattoo?

And the ones that I'd got on my arm, lower arm and wrist, that those would be airbrushed out on all the wedding photographs. A fried ziller. Yep. As you can imagine, my head fell off. I was, you know, upset, I was angry, I was disappointed. Anyway, I mulled it over and I just said, you know, I can't be rides made. You've known me with tattoos, you know, you've known me without.

I thought we were closer than that. and what difference does it make? And it really, really, really, really annoyed me. So I posted the shoes back with a little note to say, really sorry, I can't be there on your day. And yeah, I'm just really upset that it's had to come to this. So interested to hear what you say, because I think I'm going to answer this from sobriety,

you go from you, because I think I would have reacted like that. Okay, so that younger me, like pre-getting married, probably would have reacted differently. I think something happens and madness happens around your wedding when you're the bride yeah when you're the bride the whole bridezilla thing

and maybe she felt like as her friend that she could ask her that this is important to me but could you know and I know it's a big ask but it's just I've got this idea she could have said I've got this idea in my head

that you know and this has had the image I want at the wedding and would you mind and you know I love you but it didn't sound like it kind of didn't sound like she delivered it in a particularly sensitive thought of way. Well, the fact that she sent it in a message, didn't she? And a set of rules.

You see, this is when I get across, like, I'm probably going to message it. But stuff gets misconstrued all the time. I know it does. I know it does. And I think this is where I get a little bit, like, I need my friends to give me the benefit of the doubt. Right. Like, if I've sent a message,

yeah, because I hate the phone. or because I'm in or I'm busy. This happened actually very recently with a family member where I sent a message in an emergency. And that family member was really crossed that. I haven't called and shouted and screamed down the phone at me. And I was like, I need you to give me the benefit of the doubt. I need you to not get that message and go,

she's a total twat and go, it's an emergency. I'm guessing that she's probably a bit stressed. Yeah. Like I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're not coming at me. because I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to fuck up, right? I'm going to deliver things badly always. Yeah. I mean, do my best. Not to, but it's going to happen. And so I do need friends to give me the benefit of the doubt on that. But also, I would have, I would have reacted

in exactly the same way as this, as Sally, pre-sobriety, because it's hurtful. Yeah. It hurts your feelings. Yeah. It makes you feel like you're not good enough, like you're not attractive enough. Like, there's all sorts of things. You're not accepted. You're not good enough as you are. Like, I get all of that. And that's how I would have reacted. In sobriety, I would have called somebody and they would have said, it's not really about you there, is it? And I would have gone, what do you mean, it's not about me?

Yeah. But it isn't. It's like it's about her and it's a day and she's not handled it well, but who gives a share? Oh. And I would have gone, okay, all right, so I'll let it go. I'll hand it over. She can have the day she wants.

I can still get to be a bridesmaid. Yeah. We don't lose eight years. Yeah. And really, my partner is that I'm feeling hurt. My pride's a bit hurt. my sense of self is a bit hurt but I can manage that for the sake of her and her day yeah because I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and I'm going to assume that she's

not coming at it from a comfy place could you also though say how you feel about it yeah I'd say that to my friend my friend oh okay okay I'd say that to to my friend and I'd go I feel like this she goes I get it and and those feel the thing is your feelings are always valid but the way that you react isn't. Yes. You know, your behaviour isn't. Your feeling, and I say this to my kids, your feelings are valid, like I get your stress. Yeah. But the way you're behaving right now is not valid.

Yeah, yeah. And so that, I constantly have to stop myself from having a tantrum. All the time. I don't have space for tantrums. Everybody else in my house, I manage all their tantrum. Yeah, particularly, Johnny's. Yeah. Particularly. I broke up with a really old friend. Well, this is interesting. I was going to argue. Over, over text. So there's me going, oh, she could have been at the phone, but I did, I kind of just...

What's your, what makes a friend for you? I couldn't give her the friendship that she wanted. So her expectations of you were too hard. Yeah, and I knew she was talking about me to, you know, people who she was speaking to. I'm not, I'm not meeting her expectations and then she's bitching about you because of it. Yeah, and I just, I just think, you know, we had these amazing heyday years together, you know, in this group. And then we just kind of, we all kind of spread. And as, you know, meeting partners.

and it was just, I just thought, I haven't got time to nurture this because I don't, and in the really selfish way, I'm not getting anything back from it. I don't need this friendship. I feel like you need mine and you get more from me. And when we do all get together, I'm just, I'm giving and you want me to be asking how your kids are and how your, do you know, how your life is? And I have no idea what's going on in your life. And I feel like, it's okay to just go, listen, you know, I love the memories we have together

and I love you and I wish you and your life. your family all the best, but I don't feel I can give you the friendship that you want. It was a really weird thing because it weighed on me for so long and I can't tell you, she didn't react well to it, but I can't tell you how freeing it's been for me because I was carrying it around all the time. I think it's really interesting because we have a language around breaking up with a romantic partner. Yeah.

Right. There is no words or language that describes breaking up with a friend. Yeah. Or losing a friendship. Yeah. And so it's almost something we don't really talk about because of that. And I had a friend completely ghosted me. And I have to say, I mean, there was a lot tied up in it.

I can tell you the very sad story, but essentially, I got, it started with me getting really shit-faced. Yeah. I got really shit-faced, ended up being assaulted by somebody who was a family friend of hers. And when I spoke up, it was sort of received as either you, as much, I don't think it was that you're lying. But you were culpable. And, you know, she's, I have to take a certain amount of responsibility for my part and all of that stuff and we'll get into that's a whole different thing

but she off the back of that uninvited me from her wedding oh wow and said with the thing said he will be there and I don't want you to cause drama now listen it's really savage but she's not wrong

I was causing drama yeah and when I was drinking I caused drama that was what I did that's what addicts do we drink we cause drama it's never calm around an addict okay so she wasn't wrong but it was pretty savage and then I never heard from her again

Like I would text her and I would say, is everything okay? Like, I'd love to meet for a coffee. Like, we've got a lot to talk about. Congratulations on your wedding. After being sober, message her? Yes, and she did get back to me. So we're talking to about eight years later. Right.

And she said, I never go to you. We just grew apart. That's what happens in friendships. And I thought, wow, now I'm being gaslit. A genuine, and at that point, I was like, okay, I find peace. I don't hate her. I think she's a wonderful thing. Yeah, but you're like, I don't need that.

She was in a very difficult situation, you know, and I get it. Nobody knows how to handle that stuff. It was messy. It was ugly. If you've asked me eight years ago, I would have been sobbing. Now, it still hurts, but my part in it wasn't small. Yeah. You know, she didn't want to be around it.

Yeah. You know, be around the chaos, and I get it. Yeah. And it isn't my fault that that thing happened to me. I should be able to lie stark, bollick, naked, in the middle of the street, unconscious, and expect no penis to be put inside me. True. however that is not the world we live in no and I have to accept the world the way it is and not the way

I want it to be and so for the same reason that I lock my doors at night and that everybody locks their doors at night because we know that there are wankers out there who otherwise will come in and steal our shit wouldn't it be nice we could just leave our doors open yeah we can't because that's not the way the world is yeah I cannot be drunk or in blackout because the world is not safe enough for me to be in that situation yeah like it or not that is a case so it's not my fault that that happened but it is now my responsibility to keep myself safe and I do that through sobriety. Those things don't happen to me. They can happen to you in sobriety. Absolutely they can. You don't have to be drunk for those things to happen to you. Yeah. But my experience is that it is

far less likely if I am not drunk. And it's not victim, but I'm talking about my own experience. Yeah, yeah. It's not blaming, but my responsibility now is different. So she ghosted me and I'll probably never see her again. And I loved her. Like I... Would you have back then called her your ride or die? No. My dad taught me

you should never have a best friend. Wow. Okay. We tell our girls we don't use best friends. Okay. It's really exclusionary. Yeah.

It's really, it really makes people feel left out. This is my best friend. Yeah. You know what girls? Oh, it's my best friend. Yeah, yeah.

All the other girls feel like shit. We don't do best friends. We're friends with everybody. Oh, all of my friends are my best friends. Well, there is that as well. I just thought of all best friends. Do you know what I mean? I think that's really because I think we are so brainwined

to pit each other against each other whether it's fucking beauty or makeup or friends or whatever it is brides and bridesmaids we are so programmed to fight amongst ourselves Yeah, absolutely about ride or die Oh I think it's absolute bullshit

I think it's absolute bullshit Delmar and Louise Worst fucking movie in the world Apart from Brad Pitt Obviously the bit with the hair dryer And like that's why I watch Delam and Louise The rest of it

What a load of fucking nonsense It is literally, it is the hot... You know when your mum said, oh, if she jumped off a cliff, would you follow her? And you went, no, obviously not. Thelma and Louis, yeah, but literally jump off a fucking cliff together. It was like they were telling us as kids, if you wouldn't do this for your best mate, then that's not real friendship. Yeah. No, I would have pulled one of them aside.

I could never remember which one's Thelma and which one's Louise, but whichever one, I would have pulled her inside. It said, fucking sort your shit out. This is not the only option. around put the gun away go back home face your fucking problems sort your shit out

it's so it's more ridiculous the more I think about it's so fucking it's the worst movie in the world honestly the only saving grace is Brad Pitt and the rest of it is fucking nonsense and this is what I have a problem with friends who go you weren't on my side

no I wasn't your side because you were being like you were being a brat right like I love you and I am saying this with love, but you need to sort that shit out. Yes. That's what I want my friends to say and that's what I'm going to say to my friends. Yeah. If you do not like that, no hard fucking feeling.

Yes. But I am not your person. You want that person in the chair and then it goes, make that, no. Don't wear that. I mean, on the very basic level, but on the big levels, I want something to say. I was going to say something really loaded. If I'm behaving badly, I want somebody to go, you're behaving badly.

Yeah, yeah. And while I love you, if you continue to behave this way, I just really don't want part of it. Right, okay. I'm here. Yeah. I'm here for when you... That's how much I care about it.

That's how much I care about you because I'm not going to get into the drama. Yeah. That's it. I can see, this is a big one for you, isn't it? Yeah, well. Well, it is because I just, you know, like when you think about the time that we have in our life

to give to friends. Yes. I don't, I do not have time. If you can't handle your own shit, if you can't handle being told that you need to handle your own shit. Yeah. In a really loving fucking way. Yeah.

Like, I will hold your hand, I will hug you, I'll wipe the snot from your face, but I will tell you it is your responsibility to handle your shit. What's the worst thing someone could do to stop you like being friends of them? Shag Jimmy. No.

No. Honestly, it'll take a fucking job off my list. One less thing on my plate. No. Honestly, I think it's that. I think it's the drama. I think it's like, and women in their 40s living in chaos and drama.

Yeah. It's just not fun or attractive or enjoyable or any of those things. You know what I'm like? You're not drama. No, no, but I want to help people the drama. You need some fucking boundaries. I need some boundaries. I need a heart and you need some.

I mean, I am aware that like I'm dressed in black. It's the color of my soul at times. But I have to be really ruthless because if I let that shit in, the addict in me, which is not nice, which is lying and manipulative and mean and unkind and. gets, it comes out to play and nobody has a nice time. Right. So if anybody triggers that drama, no.

Right. There are certain people that I will, I am happily distancing myself from. Okay. I wish nothing but love and good vibes, but I am not getting in the ring. Fair enough. Is that all you have to say on the master? Yeah, pretty much.

All right, well, that's, that's your take on friendships. But what did the Hoypolloy of London have to say? we took this topic to the street. Let's find out. What do you understand by the term a ride or die friend? Oh, someone, you wouldn't even hesitate to ask them. Especially people who haven't spoken to it a few years.

Like, you know, friends you've always had, but may not be in, like, daily contact. Like, I'm from Ireland, so there's lots of friends at home that I wouldn't see all the time, but you'd know if you gave them a call that, you know, they're going to be there for you. What is there, if anything, that would make you go, I can't be friends with you anymore? Like, what sort of thing would they have to do for you to go, right, that's it, I'm done?

Oh, if you couldn't trust them. Okay, so if they betrayed you. Yeah, absolutely. On this week's episode, we're talking about friendship, female friendship in particular. What would you say that you love about her as a friend? I suppose it was cemented at a time when I was really in a very bad way. And Kim got it. She just got it.

How long have you been friends for? Is it three years? Three or four years. We met in the changing room with a swimming pool. Oh my gosh. We're both experiencing. We are changing little friends and swim bodies, but more than that. And you just, you just clicked.

Yeah. Do you think it's unusual as an adult to find, do you think it's harder as you get older to find friends? I think it's rare. I think it's rare. And I think you, you know, you kind of have your life set out and it's more, it's more exceptional, but I think all the sweeter when you find it,

it because it is it is more unusual less drama for sure yeah but also it's like I think it's at any age it's possible to recognize a friend when you meet somebody but it took us about an hour to get out of a changing room the day we met because we just kept but on one way and one more thing yeah yeah I love that it's such an important thing isn't it a female friendship I can't imagine life around it okay interesting stuff Right, Emma, I'm excited about yours. We are now... Did you say, am I excited?

You said you're excited or you're excited. I'm excited about your topic. Oh, don't be. Don't be. Don't be. Don't be. I'm really trying. I was putting my notes together, you know, like two...

I'm really ADHD. I've got a shift around and not comfortable. Sorry, I won't be able to stand up after this. My legs are completely dead. Also, you've got a runny bum. Can you not talk about my runny bum, please? Especially not with Tang and the run. It doesn't want to hear about your runny bum.

Don't want to hear about your runny bum. Sorry. Okay. Just saying the combination with being over-caffeinated is not a good thing. I had to say, dodgy stuff, I'm, we'll leave it at that. Okay, right, I am really trying not to sound like a mony bar humbug bitch here, but the thing is, I am, I don't know if it's my age, but I am just over all this. You look like a humbug.

I look like my beetle juice jacket, I thought, because we're around Halloween. A bit, though. And I'll come to this, thanks, mate. I'm over the seasonal pressure that comes with all these events that run through the year. I literally feel like, like, you know, Easter hamper. Christmas Eve boxes. Have you heard the latest? Don't talk to me about pumpkin patches. Have you heard the latest?

No, tell me. Halloween. Boo boxes. Boo fucking boxes. Which one of you cunts came up with that? Because that is, honestly, what's a boo box? Okay, what's a Christmas?

Do you do Christmas Eve? I bet you do pyjamas on Christmas Eve. No, I used to you. I don't know. I mean, my kids have got enough pajamas. Why am I going to get them just Christmas-style pajamas to wear, what? I give it on Christmas Eve, so they just wear it, what, for those few days and then what into January?

That's weird. And it doesn't fit them the next year. I mean, luckily, you know, I've got two girls. And then they've got Christmas jammies in July and that annoys me even more. Exactly. I know, it's so out. And they're going to get a shitload of presents, you know, which again, you know, is another story. But they're going to get presents on Christmas Day.

So why are we giving them now a Christmas Eve box? And now what we're doing? So what's a food box? It's basically a box packed for the Halloween, autumnal themed shit, which probably most ends up in some charity shop. You know, what just happened to like a toffee apple? a costume made from a sheet and a bin bag and a bit of trick-or-treating. Yeah.

What, like, seriously. I see all these people go to pumpkin patches because obviously Instagram. Yeah. My kids were little, I took them to pumpkin batch. There was nothing more boring for a kid than a pumpkin patch. There's literally fucking nothing to do. Quick, quick, quick, pictures of kids and vegetables.

Let's get a picture of kids on vegetables and put it on our gram. You know, because it's way more fun to go to the fucking supermarket. I play supermarket. it's sweet with the kids. Fun. If I can go, go find this stuff. And they bring it back.

And then I'm like, really sorry, we're not going to buy any of this stuff. But it kept the kids entertained. So be your mind if you put it back. They're like, no, it's fine. I get it. I just bribed them. I can't think of anything else. I read a statistic this week.

Listen to this. In the last 10 years, our Halloween spending in the UK has quadrupled. How much do you think, Kat Sims, that Brits spent on Halloween in the UK, right, last year? In 2023, how much do you think was spent? I mean, $4 billion? Oh, okay, that's a bit over Z. I mean, I went high because I was like, okay,

do you try it again? I don't know, a billion. Yes, it is, it's over, over a billion pounds. And do you know what people are buying? 43% of us apparently are buying Halloween gifts. Halloween gifts. Like, who wants? What do you get?

I mean, this is what I was thinking, so then I started Googling, Halloween gifts, what is it? Do you want a Halloween theme mug? No. for the rest of the year. For that one night you could have a nice Halloween mug

which then for the rest of the year like the rest of the 394 days in the year you've got to find space in your cupboard for. Like it's bad enough that I've got to deal with the Christmas shit that comes home from school. I have got one from every year now and because I am so pathetic I can't throw them away

because she made that when she was four she made that when she was five. So now I have this collection of Christmas fucking mugs which I don't like because I'm quite particular about the mugs that I drink out of. Well we know. Right.

Between the fucking knives and the books and the I'm not sure So they have their own box in the garage just taking up space that's the other thing where's everyone putting all these decorations

they're spending money on and don't get me You've got a fucking massive house but you don't have the space for it I don't have the space for it and don't get me started on the birthday parties all right

I literally I just feel like this is my year like this is how it works for me for the year okay so let's say Halloween right I had Halloween that's now a build up to that like the end of the summer holidays

it is the end of some holidays Before they go back to school, the kids are talking about it. They go back into school. The shops, they're fueling the proverbial flame. Do you know what I mean? TK. Max is the worst. Oh my God. Home Sense TK. Max.

Yes. Who is buying Halloween bedding and cushioned? Oh my God. And fucking, who is doing it? Who's got the money? Who's got the money? There's Halloween bath mat. Yes, yes.

Who is going? Yes. Who is going? Yes. Fuck, Halloween will just be perfect this year. If I can get those bath mats out. Where are you storing all this shit? It's crazy.

Or are you, I'm sort of psychopath who's using a Halloween bath mat at Christmas. No, I get that. If you're in a bit of a horror freak, I'm like, cool, that works for you. But this literally starts, like, they fueled the flames in the supermarkets. It's all out there, okay? And then just as the embers start to peter out, do you mean, your pumpkin's barely decomposing. And hey, guys, guess what?

It's Christmas, you know, and you're like, oh, I'm sorry. You've even forgotten bonfire night. Mate, I know. Oh, I know. I mean, what that? Pinky night for our American listeners is where we, We celebrate Parliament getting blown up. Yeah, we burn.

We don't, apparently, though, now we don't burn a guy. Hardly anyone burns a guy anymore. They're not allowed to burn a guy. They even have bonfires anymore. Not in London anyway. Well, yeah, you see, they go big out in the countryside. Every little village has it. Do you know, they combine Halloween and bonfire night,

and they get like, they have a whole, like, fireworks thing on Halloween. Christmas is coming in, and then just literally, it's like, it's barely over. You know, they're kind of, you're, you're, you're, you're, Christmas tree has not even reached the wood chipper yet. You're still finding pine needles in places where pine needles shouldn't be. And then they're on to Easter. And then it's like, where are we going? This is the size egg I want.

Where are we going for an Easter egg hunt? Oh, we've got the Easter egg school disco. We've got the, you know, and, you know, all this kind of shit. And then that's finished. And then for me, I've got the birthdays. And the birthdays come up and they're telling me, you know, I'd really like this, this birthday. And it's this anxiety.

And then the birthdays are over and guess what? It's coming up to summer. That's just literally just take my fucking money. because, you know, I've got to pay out throughout the entire six weeks. You throw money at the fucking problem at that point. And then it starts again. I have to say, you mentioned birthday party. Yeah.

I think we can definitely, I think we know that this all lands at the feet of Instagram and social media in terms of blame. A celebrity culture. Yeah, as well. Tell me about your feelings on birthday party. Oh my God. Don't get me started.

Like these massive piles of expensive presents that people are just taking pictures of, you know, and putting on there on the Instagram, you know, or Facebook or whatever. and apparently a survey recently said that an average child's birthday party costs a whopping £524. That's for decorations, venue hire, food, gift bags, entertainment.

New parents are even spending like over £200 on a first birthday, right? Party for what, this thing that's like either sleeping, you know, shitting, crying, just being passed around. I mean, it's utterly ridiculous that they're personalised cakes and all this kind of shit and it's just like,

and I'm going from someone. one. This used to be my business. I used to be a party entertainer. I had a, I had a personalised party business. Party entertainer. I used to rock up as Elsa. A lot coming out today. Minimum charge $250 for an hour and people paid it with that. They didn't even blink. And I have, you know, I am guilty of falling into the trap as well myself, but there's people out there that are feeling so under pressure they are choosing, and the research is showing they are choosing, even no, they feel the pressure to spend the money on these parties rather than pay their bills

because of the pressure. And I just think it's consumerism, it's taken over. I think we need to be having each other's back. I feel like we have a responsibility, particularly as influencers, to, you know, put something more realistic out there. Let's go back to the days where you either had it at home. You didn't have the whole fucking class. You know, you don't worry about offending everyone. You just go, you, I do my kids. You have this many people because I've worked like this, how much it's going to cost. The thing is, I think there was still that competition because I'm thinking back to the parties I had as a kid.

And, I mean, I had fairly normal parties, but definitely there were friends of mine who had quite extravagant parties. I mean, I went to private school. We were like the poor people at private school. Right. But there were people who definitely had extravagant parties. The difference is it wasn't displayed

for everybody else to see. Well, there wasn't, you know, exactly. It wasn't all on. It's still the one-upmanship. There's still the keeping up with the Jones there. Yes. But you're right. I think it's like the propagating of it

all on social. media it does make you feel a bit like unless you do that you're not a good pair of blue notches light up numbers it's a fucking joke i i i have to say as i was approached um she's now a good friend of mine but my friend misty she was doing all of the kind of the low level seating you know that little picnic the um you know the the the tents you know like the little teepees and all this kind of thing she said you know you can have all of it if you want if you just give me a shout out and i i'll tell you what i'll do i'll take what i'll take what i could afford to pay for yeah and no more.

Right. And that's it. You know, that's because I feel like that, it's not right. I think we have a responsibility. As I say, it's influenced,

not to be putting out there. Listen, you know, my party used to be back at McDonald's. You know, you get to take home a nice little silver, bendy ashtray with you.

It's, you know, it was past the parcel, at home, musical bumps, all that kind of thing. I just think we need to take things back to basics. I think we need to stop

putting things out there which are, frankly, unobtainable, unless you have, you know, a massive pot of money. That's my thought of me.

And even if you do have a massive pot of money, that doesn't mean that all that extraneous expense is, it's a bit gross. You know, we're teaching our kids as well that everything's about kind of life is about buying and getting and that is where, you know, the commercialisation of childhood is happening because from the minute, from day dot, I mean, gender reveals, the shit like, I'm sorry, I get so angry about shit like this. We need to get back to it being about the people that we share it with, the presence and not the presence.

Do you know what I mean? Your presence is enough. Exactly. I've got lots of messages from people about it. I know, but we haven't got time, have we? We haven't got time, but what we will do is we're going to do a bonus episode. We'll go, we'll do it on Zoom between us. We could do a little bonus episode with your stuff.

Lovely. All right. So next week before we went out of time, what is your topic for next week, darling? What do you want everybody to talk, bang in about, bang on about? Let me have a look. Let me see what I wrote down like at like to a clock this morning. Oh, I know, I know, I know. I want to know what does our reaction to Pam.

anderson's new kind of make-up-free revolution say about us as women that's excited we are going to go make-up free next week I know you I know I know I know I am going to oh god I can't damn it oh my god you were like the Grinch then when he was like ah five o'clock just a size I'm gonna go I'm not gonna go my my thing is I can't decide whether to do I know what I'm gonna do right we're gonna do money you're never the only one who's been shit with money I want to hear actually how we feel about Vinny oh god whether we're good with it because I saw a meme the other day that It was like if I've got £1,700, I've got £700 to spend.

But if I've got £2,200, I've only got £200 to spend. And that is how I math my way through finances, which is not good. So I want to know how you feel about money, whether you're good with it, whether you're not good with it. I want to know whether you're set up for the future, because I am not set up for the future. So on that note, we're going to leave it there. Remember to voice notice on... Oh, number 0745-740-2-704. So I learned

I can be the old sex station Can I do the number? Can you do it like you're on the sex station? Okay If you want to leave us a voice note Then we need to do It's call us on 0745 He's liking this

Oh 745 740 7402-2704 Oh my god It's fizzy knickers all around I'm here today Right with that We'll see you next week I'm always what I mean

I'm neither saint or sinner I'm somewhere in between This world is complicated Everything moves so quick And lying to yourself If you think that you've got to live Everybody love You're never the only one

You're never the only one Don't live inside your strength Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Don't judge me I'm a weakness Don't judge me on my floor Because no one's really perfect By the grace of God

Go us all Everybody You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside the shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Taking the time to make sure everything's okay

Picking up like everyone else each and every day When I've got nothing left for you to spend on you You're allowed to be happy to. You're never the only one You're never the only one. Don't live inside your shape Because everybody makes mistakes Oh

You're never the only one Believe it's like a shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh