You're Never The Only One - Mum Bullies + Doing Too Much For Your Kids ... You're Never The Only One

Episode Date: January 29, 2025

Welcome back! You’re Never The Only One rolls on through January—yes, it’s still January—with the frenetic energy of two women attempting to juggle the gym, ditch the biscuits, and squeeze ‘new year, new me’ goals onto an already overloaded plate. This week, Cat takes on the world of mum bullies—because yes, they exist, and yes, they can be seriously damaging. Meanwhile, Emma asks: are we doing too much for our kids when it comes to chores? Are we raising capable adults or just very dependent houseguests? It’s a lively one, and we’d LOVE to hear your thoughts! We’d also LOVE to hear your thoughts on our upcoming topics. Emma: You’re Never The Only One…who has a sex cycle :  Do you go through phases of wanting it all the time—then suddenly, not at all? Is it hormones, stress, or just life getting in the way? How do you navigate these shifts in desire, and how does it affect your relationship? Cat: You’re Never The Only One…who’s husband refuses to get a vasotomy : Is this a battle you’ve faced too, or are you the one who ends up making all the family planning decisions? How do you feel about it—frustrated, resigned, or something else entirely? And how do you navigate the conversation when it feels like you're doing all the heavy lifting? Contact YNTOO: Email: [e-mail] WhatsApp: [phone]

Oh my God, I feel so out of practice. Do you? It's December the 10th. I know. Take this off. Jesus. Could you not have done this before? Oh, I haven't even got my phone.

People in glass houses. There's a little ditty she's singing in the city, especially when she's been on the gin or the beer. Every day it grows. Does it? Yes. Oh my God, did you see him in that like cold play thing? Don't say that.

Don't say that. He's not nine years old. No, he looks really good for his age and he can move. And he goes to the gym every day. My dad still goes to gym, bless him. Oh, no, I'm distracted. There's a little ditchy thing. Oh no, you don't need that.

Right. I wrote this so long ago now. Yeah, you were really organized. Yeah, I was really organized. I just did all of it today. In a last minute panic. And then when we were editing a document at the same time. And then you wrote, you're a dick. And I wrote, I think you mean, Y-O-U-R-E.

Ironically, with the name of the podcast. So not ironic. Anyway, continue, what we do? I think you should introduce last time because the last time I tried it, I forgot the name of the podcast. Oh, okay. You're never the only one

Don't live inside your string Because everybody makes mistakes To episode 10 of You're never the only one Do you know Keep it simple sometimes You know, sometimes simple as best I'm over-egged the pudding

Sorry Are you just saying that you didn't over-egged the pudding did you or did you not just sing our title I didn't think that was very No should we start Putting an egged Okay

We've started Yeah we're in Come on then it's your turn to introduce me first Oh oh okay right Actually so listen I've got a little bit bored of these roasts Oh So instead

In true dick that Dick Dick Dick Dick In true There's an animal called a dick dick What? There is an animal called a dick-dick. It's really cute. No way. So cute.

Do you know there's a mountain in Germany called Wank? And it even says it on the cable cars. Where are you going? Wank. Tell me that that is not the cutest animal you've ever seen in your life. Oh my God. It's a dick-dick. Does that get any bigger than that?

Does that what? Does it grow? Does it get any bigger? It's a genuine question. Because it's very cute and little. It's a cute little dick. No, I think they're little dick-dicks. They just stay dick.

Dick. They're just Dick, Dick's that stay small. They don't grow. I can't stop saying Dick. Right. Come on. Okay, so I thought in true Dick Van Dyke fashion, I'd do your little ditty. I'm not going to sing it. I'm not going to sing it. I didn't even know you were doing that and I brought up Dick Van Dyke.

Isn't that weird? It's not really it's just a little... Oh my God, go on with it. Okay, all right. So, um, here we go. I'm joined by Cat Sims. She's the queen of the chat. She's got a quick comeback. I'll give her that. She's witty. She's sharp. on that will agree but I've never seen someone

with such chunky knees have I got chunky knees? I thought we discussed it. We both do. I thought that was a thing. I thought we bonded over our chunky knees. You've never mentioned chunky knees. I thought we both said

we had quite thick. I think you might. Is this like the time that I bought is that I thought? Is this like the time that I bought tickets to a Harold Pinter show for Jimmy because I thought it was his favourite playwright and it turned out

it was for his, my ex-boyfriend who liked Tara Pinta. So... Yeah, but you do have chunky knees, though. Do I? So do I. It isn't anything I've ever really focused on before. But we've got quite like...

I've never had a conversation. Even with myself, about my own knees. Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine. Okay, continue. That was it. Oh, okay. Okay, great.

We're leaving on chunky knee. I'm really sorry. I'm genuinely. I'm really, I mean, I know it's a roast, but I thought that, Gemma, we were getting ready at your house and we were like talking about our legs and how they're quite, you know, and the canc- Listen, don't get me wrong. I can do that one next week, though. I don't have cancels.

Okay, sorry. Chunky knees, at a push, I can sort of see where you're coming from. Okay, good. Cancels, that's not my vibe. No. Oh, I do. I'm okay with it. I'm happy for you.

Right, so I'd like to say I'm really happy to be joined by Emma, but actually I'm not. I'd rather do it on my own right now. I'm joking. All right, so Emma. As I'm sure you're going to tell us, she's been on at family holiday to Dubai. Yes. But it actually sounds more like it was sort of a neat, pray, love moment.

You had some sort of midlife crisis because she's come home, apparently she's too good for Instagram. What? She doesn't like Instagram. She doesn't want to be an influencer. So she's going to be a travel agent. She's going to be a travel agent. She gets free holidays.

So watch this space. I might be on the lookout for a new podcast host who doesn't hate social media. I don't. And maybe actually, if there's one that also doesn't have chunky knees, that would be. And cangles, don't forget. And cancels.

God, it's Rich coming from you. Look at you, Sackclose. It's like being in studio with the Mitchell brothers. Right, so. I'm just showing off my chunky knees. Be proud. Yeah. Be chunky and proud.

Kick-Cat. That's the merch. Chunky and proud. Junky and proud. That's what we need. Okay, so let me think. This is the point where, sorry, I'm just thinking,

because we're so far in now with our award-nominated podcast. Oh, yeah. how the fuck did that happen we still we literally were like how did this happen I didn't even know there was an awards thing going on so I was sort of we're episode 10 there's 12 episodes this season

I was kind of in wind down phase I was like let's just fucking wrap this shit up now do you know I mean like I love it I have a great time but it's a lot of work good fun you know we've been nice yeah yeah yeah and then guys good night just literally out of the blue and there are people that I think nominate themselves for awards that's fine I get it

we need all the fucking recognition you can get like yeah I do not judge them I had no idea this was happening until we suddenly just somebody mentioned in when you've been nominated I couldn't believe it you messaged me I was like seven episodes in how on earth can we have been nominated

and we're up next to like Davina McCall Devina McCall love her podcast and Luana I love those girls I mean we're not gonna win but well listen I'm just saying this could be the beginning of saying Luana they have like they do a whole thing at like the London Palladium don't they or something

listen live podcasts are on my vision board this year. Fantastic. So was I? I was on your vision board. Last year. This year I've got a new podcast host. We should probably get on ticket master net.

What? Took you ages to recognise that. I'm joking. Okay, cool. But yeah, live podcast show. And also why I was thinking is I've got some substack founding members. Some what? Some substack founding members.

But they're the ones that pay like a big chunk of money to just be a lifelong member. Yeah. And I was thinking, but we could invite them. I say, son. I'm talking about two or three, maybe. But we could also get two or three people in and they could sit here while we do the podcast recording. We could get them in.

Oh, that's a good idea. I like that. I like that too. A audience participation. Yeah. So it's like a step between here and a live one. I just have a few people in the room. I like it.

I like it. Anyway, should we move on? Yes, sorry, sorry, so yeah. I was going to say vote, but I can't vote because voting is over now. It's done, it's done. Right, so before we do tuck into our topics in and hear from listeners, because I've had quite a few emails and I've need you. As you know, by now, we like to do a quick catch-up with each other.

It works on two levels because you get to hear what we've been up to, and we don't have to speak to each other in between recordings. So, win-win. You first, Catherine. So, well, listen, it's been a busy few weeks. It has been a few weeks since we've been here before. So I'm not going to go through the whole, it's not a play-by-play. Nobody needs to know.

But you know how before Christmas I was talking about how I was scheduling in my mental breakdown for January? Yes. That happened. Oh, well done. Totally. I mean, more... On schedule? Well, a bit of schedule.

early actually, I'd say Christmas New Year. But you love January. I do, I love January. So I was confused those two things happening. I'm not having a mental breakdown about the month. No. I'm not having a mental breakdown because December, that last quarter was rough. Yeah.

It was a lot. So we did. I had burnout completely. It took me ages to, and I went into isolation mode. Right. Which is where I just stopped replying to anything and everybody. Yeah. including my husband and my kids sometimes

I literally just shut down and then I'm coming back I would say in the last week or so I'm starting to like really come back again but I've also decided that it is time to go back on my ADHD meds it is time to start HRT so I've done that went to the doctors, had my coil fitted this morning

and I'm going to start HRT so over the next couple of weeks you're going to see a whole new me did you have a blood test taken no so she was like we can do blood test and she is going to do blood test She's like, but probably come back normal unless we can...

She, she, you see, she. Because I went to the DIP. You had a female doctor, obviously I had a male doctor and it was like trying to squeeze out of stone. I have to say, I didn't go to the doctors for HRT for ages because I was so embarrassed

or self-conscious about finding any doctor that just, I walked in instead, I need HRT and then roll in their eyes and going on the fucking DeVina McCall you know, effect. Yeah. And in the end,

And after my mental breakdown, I'm using it flippantly. I'm using it flippantly. It wasn't breakdown. It was a little bit burnout. It didn't feel great. I thought I've got to get on top of this because it's not, I'm not all right. Yeah. So I went and I got a female doctor and she was so wonderful.

She went, yeah, well, let's get you on HRT. And I was like, and I said, do I need your blood test? She said, look, we'll do a blood test, but I'm going to put you on it anyway because we can do a blood test. It's probably going to come back normal unless we test you twice it. for 30 days it's unlikely we're going to catch the time when your hormones are out of sync she said so we're just going to start you and do you want to do it with progesterone pills or a coil me i went oh i don't want the coil and she went why i said i'm sick of like putting hormones into my body and she went you're here for hormone replacement therapy because i was still in that like

contraception yeah yeah vibe where i'm like i'm not putting the hormones in just so that we don't have baby. Is that what a coil is? So the marina coil. I thought it was just like a plug. So that's a copper coil. Yeah. It's not a plug.

I thought I just stopped the spunk getting in. No, so what it does is it makes... Or zapped it or something. This is the moment where tank realizes he would rather be anywhere else. Tank copper chival. Basically the coil, the marina coil is the hormone one. It emits a progesterone and it makes the mucus thicker.

Yeah. So nothing can get through it. Oh, it creates a barrier. Yeah. You didn't have to say mucus, but you wanted to. I did. And so anyway, I did the coil today. Did the coil.

And I just want to say, there's a lot of horror stories out there. If you Google, Coil, like, implanted. People are like, it's the most painful thing in the world. Yeah. And I'm sure everybody's different. For some people, it is painful. I have to say for me, it really wasn't. There was, like, a couple of crampy moments.

It was a breeze. So here's a little good news story. It's not always awful. Good. If you're putting it off because of the pain, just get it done. and I was offered anaesthetic. What I would say is go to the gum clinic rather than your GP.

They do it. They do 100 a day. They're super skilled. They offer you anaesthetic. It's a very, very good way to do it. Go to the gum clinic rather than your... But if you go to a gun clinic, you do have to say it's for contraception and not...

It does annoy me a little bit that you still have to... I mean, because also you're... You know, Jimmy's all like tied up, isn't he? Yeah. So you're... It's just annoying. You still have to put all... As a woman, still have to put all these things in and do all this stuff.

Yeah, but I feel better about it. about it now because it's because mine the thing is when I put hormones in my body for contraception they can't give them to you quick enough like here you go knock yourself out they don't ever they're like yeah let's give her the hormones let's have them forbid like make this a male problem give her all the fucking hormones she wants to make sure she doesn't get pregnant but then when my hormones start doing me dirty yeah and going wrong essentially getting the hormones then so a whole different I'm sort of like, oh no, you can't, you're too young for those.

So I don't mind putting all the hormone treatment in me if I know it's for my benefit because it's, my body's not right. Yeah. They do resent the years and the years that I put hormones in me because the boys I was with wouldn't wear a fucking condom. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

That I resent. Yeah. In fact, my topic next week is about vasectomies. Is it? Yeah. Oh, fun. I know. I was saying to you, I know, my friend was very disappointed.

Well, we'll talk about that. Yeah, we'll come into that. So, go on. So, yeah, so that was it. HRT, ADHD meds, I'm going back on those. I did hit my Christmas book deadline, which happy, I mean, that's still going back. I did make the deadline. And that's it, really.

I'm just quite a lot. Yeah, I'm just waiting for the meds to kick in. Okay. How long, when can we expect that? I don't know. I mean, ADHD meds kicking straight away, so as soon as they come, they'll go. And then, I mean, within, I reckon by next week I'll be on something. OZMPIC.

that too everyone else like we need to have a hot like a come to Jesus chat about this because I am seriously considering okay well I'm not going to lie after coming back from Dubai on an all-inclusive I looked into it as a as a quick fix I have no shame in saying I know a lot of people hide it but honestly I looked into it couldn't get it not over the counter

I think there's so many people who are doing a Zempa and back in the day when it was taking medicine away from diabetic yeah 100% I got it it i was like okay that's yeah tricky now big farmers making a killing on this they're making more than enough to go around um they've realized the demand so it's there isn't an ethical issue for it in that sense for me anymore yeah i am considering it just to like kickstart me a little bit also it'll give us some content well there is that right over to you what about you well um funnily enough i went and got some blood test done went to the doctor um went with all the usual symptoms

Are we talking menopause symptoms? Yeah. Yours was largely libido driven, wasn't it? Libedo, lethargy, waking up in the night, anxiety. So it's a whole gamut. The whole gamut. Just being moody and horrible to everyone.

But it turns out... You're just a gunned. Sorry. I'm just a cunt that needed a holiday. I just needed a holiday. You did. And that's what I did. So I just, I had 12 days in dubs.

It was incredible, all-inclusive, proper splurge. You know, we haven't been away for a really, really long time. And it was just so needed. And that is why I unplugged and wanted to reconnect. Do you know what I mean? You came back, going, I'm going to be a travel agent. I'd already made that decision before I was going. And I was so pleased when I got there.

I was using it, getting all my perks, upgrades, all this kind of stuff. Did you? I'm going to tell you all about it. It's great. But I did plan to go smartphone free for the entire. thing. How did that work out? I took a flip phone with me, which was utterly pointless, right? Because, aside from

the fact I had to upload stuff for the pod and I was like, that's okay, I'll just kind of put it away until I need it. It became very apparent quite soon on that you need a fucking smartphone for everything these days. So you get there to the hotel and they're like, all the information can be found online here

and you're like, okay, all right? Oh, so like QR codes. That's it, QR codes for menus. If you wanted to, the kids, you know, wanted to watch stuff on the TV, so I needed to access my Netflix account through, like, all of, and I was just like, it's impossible. It is impossible. I, you know, and all my music's on my phone. That's what I suddenly realized. I was like, on the beach going, oh, listen to some music. I can't, you know, I want to play it when we're getting ready at night and stuff like that. I couldn't do it. But I had,

luckily, I'd taken my phone with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just in case. Well, I thought I'd take Instagram, of course, off my phone, just, I'd remove that. How did that go? Okay, well, then I checked online and it said that it would delete all of my... Yeah, it takes all your drafts, drafts, or the folder of procrastination, as I like to call it, that's all the content, basically, that I've made and not posted. No, no, no, I've made it. I've edited it. It's got, it's got captions.

It's got everything. What isn't that? That's the dream to have a bank of. Overtink a tea drinker, may. Overthink a tea drinker. There's some that I actually don't even look the same anymore. I looked the other day and I was like, no, the kids are like babies. People are going to be like, why are you posing this now?

But I'm going to, I'm going to get it all out. Just get it all out. Get it all out. Give less of a shit like the book he gave me. That is my plan. That is my plan. So, anyway, I had to practice restraint. That was what I had to do. How was that?

It's not my strong suit. I'm not going to lie. And if you need proof of that, you can just witness me at the hotel buffet. Okay, because, you know, it's every time, six courses. Yeah. You can't not, right? You feel like you're missing out. A hundred percent.

What do you go for? How do you, how do you line up? Are you doing breakfast or dinner? breakfast the breakfast buffet so I'll always start with like some fruit and yogurt yeah start as you mean to go on and then I might go for the fry up so fruit and yogurt is like my starter and then I'll go and get my sausages bacon some toast all the rest of it and then I might have like a little pudding pastry yeah at the end you have a three-courser don't you with a starter yeah a main and then something sweet at the end yeah and then occasionally I want to buy two hours

of self-loating I might also have a side plate of like continental because I also like a little bit white bread, butter, cheese and ham. No, not in the morning. No, that's the one thing I don't like. Yeah, I don't like that. But then I would just have that and then I'd sit on the beach and then just once that kind of loathing, self-loathing had started to dissipate.

Time for lunch. Yeah, but also you're tanned. So I've always said if you can't tone it, tan it. And once you're tanned, everything looks great. If you're white and pasty and mottled, it doesn't look as good. But if you slap some tan on, I'll walk around gym, I'll be fine.

I beg to differ. I beg to differ. I just don't have a... Sorry, excuse me. Sorry, are we interrupting? Yeah, sorry, someone's calling me. I don't know who it is. They're in worthy.

Answer it, go on, go on. Sorry, come. Okay. Yeah. Hello, I'm speaking. Oh, it's the gym. Hi, how you doing? Where are you?

That's what you're saying. Speak. Okay, hold on. that's really kind of you thank you well I saw Lynn we did an induction she taught me how to use the weights and what like what weights I needed and then I went back in about a week later and I was looking at the program Alan and I read it as 40 KG so then I put 40 KG on both ends of the bell bar and then I did my backing so I haven't been back much since oh dear it might be worth it

If you want to, next time you do come in, is I have a word with Fickey, who does a lot of our, you know, she's one of the GP referrals, not that you've been referred by a GP, but she may be able to advise on, you know, different exercises to do or what to avoid to the time being until, you know, obviously that gets better.

Yeah, I'm on the mend, thanks, Alan, actually. I'm a bit better. You know, the actual bar? Somebody told me that that's already weighted, so that's another 20 KG on that, isn't it? Yeah, yes. I mean, I'm going to say next time you're in as well, well then, or perhaps Peter Lynn, have it obviously review it to make sure that, you know,

you're starting at a, you know, obviously a good starting point, really. Or maybe just do Zumba. So what, sorry? Maybe just do Zumba. Oh, yeah, do Zumba, yes. Well, I mean, again, I think it's a good idea to be obviously careful, you know, sort of build yourself up because we possibly last year and we want these people doing themselves an injury in the gym for all this reasons, so.

Thank you for, thank you for caring, Alan. No, no. Well, no, seriously, we don't want people coming in and doing themselves. No. I don't want to keep paying you every month and not coming in, to be honest. No, wait. I was just going to see when you were last in. When you're last in? You're not trying to shame me. Sorry? You're shaming me now. Listen, I promise you I'll come back in next week, all right?

Okay. Well, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, please ask to speak to with Lindsay or one of the other instructions. to have another look at your program, though, to make sure that you're being well looked after. That's a good idea. Sorry, I'm just with a work colleague, Alan. I'm going to have to go now. Thank you so much, Alan. Thank you. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Don't you dare. Why were you last in, Emma and a clay? I'm not talking about it. Not talking about it.

That was brilliant. Oh, dear me. I only because I've got envy of your David Lloyd. Where have you joined? because we've got some sort of GP. It's a really local, villagey one, but it does have a sauna. That's what you need to. Oh my God, the sauna is my happy place.

I fucking love the sauna. Do you know what the thing is, though? Then I have to take my makeup off and then put it back on again, don't I like? If I go in the sauna, I know. We're not having this corner. I know, sorry. I have been healing. Okay, so moving swiftly, that's nice of Alan, wasn't it?

Wasn't it just? Nice, yeah. Like the way, you got him off the phone. Quick, shut. Thanks for good. being a good sport and not knowing about it, Alan. So, yeah. We might need to get a release on that, does they?

So, yeah, I did go in on the breakfast buffet. I would do anyway. This place was insane. Like, you know, you could have an Indian breakfast buffet. You could have Chinese breakfast. But they had every continent in the breakfast buffet room. Like, it was so vast. This hotel was incredible.

And I don't have a very healthy relationship with food. And part of that is... Who does? Well, do you think that's growing up in the 90s? because I was also made to kind of sit at a table as a child until it was eaten and generally it was usually fish and it didn't matter how cold it was

and I remember being there because we lived abroad and so I'd be out kind of on the balcony and they'd all be sat in the lounge watching TV and I'd just be looking at this piece of fucking salmon going come on you can do it I just hated fish so much and my parents loved it so they cooked it all the time

and yeah I'm really good actually with fish now I love it. I don't know what it is. I think it's a whole mixture of stuff. I think it's part of that. I think it's just my makeup, like the binge eating. Yeah. You know, it's not good.

I don't know what it is. I don't need to know. The thing is, it's a problem. I don't need to know why it is. I just need to fucking sort it out. Do you not think you need to know why it is? No thing that helps? I did have some hypnotherapy on it and I found it really helpful.

Did you? Yeah, yeah. Okay, maybe I'll call my hypnotherapist. Anyway, I forgot all of that hypnotherapy. and was basically eating every breakfast, like it was essentially my last meal on death row. And anyway, that combination and the sun and all the lovely things, and despite being cock-blocked by the kids, because we shared a room with them. Oh, yes, you didn't have sex at all.

We didn't have sex at all, which is ironic because I have come back looking like six months pregnant and I'm not eating so much. Stop it. But, no, I've managed to lose about half the stone incidents of come back, which is good. A Zempet. Keto. Oh, the wagon that she's never actually fucking on. I swear to God, every time you call me.

Yeah. If you watch her stories, you'd think she's never touched a carbustrizen dinner life. A carver. You would think she'd never touched a fucking carbustrizzan's in her life. Always riding the keto wagon.

Every time you call me, you're like, I'm off the wagon. I made sausage rolls. I've eaten them all. I fell off the wagon. Oh, you can't even see the fucking wagon. Oh, my God, mate. The sausage rolls I made last night.

I was like, I'm not going to eat them. I'm just going to make them because I've got this pastry and I've got these sausages that are going out of date but everyone had gone to bed and then they came out of the oven and they smelled so good and I thought well I'd just cut them into little ones

and a few big ones and I thought I'll just have a little one and then I thought well it's only a little one I had so that's probably only about like five grams of carbs or something like that so then I'll just have another list and then it was too fucking late now isn't it fuck it just eat the whole

and then I ate like four big ones yeah and I cried yeah so anyway no wagon here no wagon here all right so that was all just fluffing for the big action scene in this podcast oh i love a fluffer this is where we get into the hard subjects around our experiences of being women in the 21st century yeah this is where we spunk our emotional loads we tackle sticky subjects and spread ourselves wide open oh my

god so we're starting with emma this week what's been getting your panties in a bunch do you like that i don't really like it when you think it's ridiculous i love it Anything that is overtly sexual. I'm 100% in. A little bit of filth. The only comedy I've got. Perfect. Clever comedy, not my schick.

Balls, pubs, poo, comedy, that's me. Somebody who is so bright and kind of, I would say, quite academic. Do you really think, man? Yeah, I do. I really do. That's wild. I mean, I am, obviously. Yeah.

Super academic. Anyway, carry on. Sorry, very, very. All right, so I don't know how people are going to feel about this. I don't, I think it's going to ruffle a few feathers. I've brought it up with some people. One of my close friends. You're never the only one who thinks that people do too much for their kids.

I know you agree with me on this. Hard agree. Hard agree. In fact, you're going to tell me. I don't always practice it. No. But I agree with the concept. All right.

Okay. So let me paint a picture of my upbringing. I think I need to do this. And because I'm not very good at being succinct. I've written it down. So basically I grew up with parents working full time. So there were various opairs, nannies, housekeepers who fed and watered me till the age of eight, at which point the family emigrated the Canary Islands, and I stayed in the British education system at a boarding school here in the UK.

Now, this meant I was travelling back and forth during the school holidays unaccompanied as a minor on a Boeing 747, sat next to strangers for four hours, which seems absolutely ludicrous to me now. I went to Australia on an exchange. It's mad. When I was 13 years old, I flew to Australia as an unaccompanied minor. To a family, what they'd never met before? To another boarding school. Oh my God, it's mad.

Like, it's mad, isn't it? Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, I left the system, the school system at 17 with very little survival knowledge and cooking skills stretched to tuna, mayonnaise and basically some green salad. And I remember my dad saying to me, I've put you in there because, you know, it's going to really help you to be independent. And I remember thinking at 20 years old, I've only just learned. You can't slow boil an egg. You can't leave an iron face down

and you can't put tinfoil in the microwave. And that is not a joke. And I was in my 20s at this point. And that's how bad it was. And so what that meant is I became very codependent on boyfriends and their families. And I also convinced myself for so many years, I can't have kids.

I can't have kids because I can't look after them because I can't even look after myself. Do you know what I mean? How was I going to cook for them and all that kind of stuff? Yeah. And then after school, I've been living with my mum

they divorced my parents and she was back in the UK and she was working her tits off trying to make it work and keep us in private education and stuff like that and so the kitchen barely got used we were living on microwave meals for dinner

the good ones obviously Eminus but there was no cooking skills happening she never really taught me either and then in my late 20s after what was a 10 year relationship surviving on basically McDonald's Frappuccinos and weed.

It's not a joke. I met Johnny. And I just basically, I started to go out more. I wasn't sat in just like playing Xbox, getting off my tits. I started to go out and go to restaurants. And I remember Johnny was like, sorry, have you never actually been taken out to a restaurant before?

I was like, no, I've been to Pizza Express once, but we did a takeaway, you know, And it's like, I just never went out, like 10 years in this relationship. Okay. But I was okay about that. Yeah. I was just like, okay, well, this is fine, you know, for everything I need. I love staying in.

Now you do, but when you were younger. Yeah, I mean, a different thing. But if I never left the house again, I'd be fun. Sounds dreamy. Sounds dreamy. Dreamy. Without the weed off you. I said to Jimmy the other day, I said, we're so lucky that we get to sort of live a life as if we're a bit retired.

And still not be retired. Yeah. Because we do have jobs where we sort of do our own thing. Yeah. And I was like, I don't think we often take, I don't think we're grateful enough for that. Like I don't think we really practice enough gratitude towards the fact that we live a life,

which is basically us being semi-retired. Yeah. And we still earn enough money to live. Oh, that's so nice. It's wild that that's the case. Anyway, sorry, sorry, sorry, go ahead of strangers. Anyway, so yeah, I met Johnny, and we, you know, our relationship kind of blossomed and then,

and bless his mom and his brother and all of them they just loved food they loved to cook and so I was around you know both you know kind of matriarchal women and you know other men

that love to cook and I remember the first present she ever bought me and she was super supportive and it came for a really good place and she gave me the original Delia Smith knew you were going to say that

how to cook book and she wrote a lovely little message in it and you know I listen I tried lots of things I've mastered some one pots. I'm still not brilliant, but I just remember that when the kids came along, I was so keen to be able to provide them

and nurture them and look after them and feed them and give them lots of home-cooked stuff. I was one of those moms. And I still am to an extent. That's fine, home-cooked. Because I know there's a lot of routing out on like social media of like, a fish finger sandwich is home-cooked. Yeah.

Like I'm not, but I don't think we need to be like, I bake my own bread. You know what I mean? Yeah. To like make it, so, you know, got the massive magic mix and I was batch cooking. But it did give me this confidence. The kids, like, they gave me this confidence in my capabilities.

And so I've just kind of was like, okay. And as they were getting older, I was like adamant. They are not going to be me. They're not going to, and we've been here before with me, haven't we? I'm hearing myself repeating things. And I guess they're not going to be. A smile on your face.

But I just really was adamant that they weren't going to grow up being like I had. but I feel and I feel like I've done a really good job with them and they are independent and I love that you can say that because I don't think enough mum say fucking nailed this shit I'm not being funny but it's like

I know your kids you've nailed them I feel like it's the only thing I've actually I'm really proud of that I've done well and you know what and I would say the same about my kids as well I don't honestly fucking know how it happened and part of me is reluctant to take credit but nobody else was there

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. They're great kids, so I can't have been as bad as I thought I was, basically. Exactly. Oh, good. I'm glad to hear you say that as well. But I do think, however, as a society, that children are becoming less independent.

And I think that with that, in turn, less resilient, I think it's fair to say. And I think due to factors like helicopter parenting and a lack of free play, because we're all terrified in the minute they step out of the house, they're going to get snatched by a paedophile or hit by a bus or something like that. And the research is showing that with that, they're becoming more entitled. And it blows my mind how many people don't encourage their children to kind of help around the house.

And it's just a balance lacking. This is my opinion only. It might not be yours. But I'm not saying, and I don't know why it's another Dick Van Dyke on a reference here. You're a Dick Van Dyke. I know.

I'm obsessed. Please survive forever. I'm not saying we need to send them back up chimneys or down to minds. You're going to need some serious support. aren't you when he passes? Honestly, you have no idea. I feel like he's my dad.

That's how I feel. I love Dick Van Dyck. We're gonna need a special memorial episode, aren't we? Can you not talk about it then? Alright! Sorry. I'm not bringing him up then.

A lot of people feel the same about Richard Attenborough. I'm just saying, okay. I get that. Anyway, look, I'm not saying that we need to send them back down to mine and their keep. Is that a good Northern accent? It's not bad. Thank you.

Thank you. But I do think that getting them to help, help is going to give them a better understanding and empathy for what we do as parents as well. Do you know what I mean? Well, I also think we need to recognise that kids did go, like I'm not saying that they should go down the mind, but kids did go down the minds. They did work from a young age. They are capable of a lot more than we expect of them.

And I'm not saying that we should be sending them out to work. No. But asking them to put their own fucking clean laundry away, I think is a very reasonable. request for a kid who is five years and older? I mean, in our house, like the amount of people that come around with kids or we go around to people's houses and they're so surprised that my kids will leave the table. I grew up with never leave the table empty handed. That was something that had been passed down from my grandmother to my dad and that was something that was implemented in our household and my kids do it. But the amount of people go, my God, your kids are so good. So we have

the same thing. So we have a thing where it's take care of your responsibilities. Right. So after dinner the kids always clear the table and and it's been a recent thing that we've upgraded it from them cleaning their own plates away to them being responsible every time we sit down for clearing and cleaning the whole tables they don't have to do the washing up because they can't load a dishwasher for shit because they just don't they lizard brain isn't ready for that yeah I get that like I swear to god I've tried they're both like me like chaotic and ADHD and they can't figure it out okay but they can clear the table and they can wipe it down and they can put it back so that it's reset for the next day and that is that and we say you take care of your responsibility yeah it's and they know

exactly what that means and we have the same thing when friends come over for dinner even if we're having friends over for dinner and there's 12 people at the table it's still the girl's responsibility to do it yeah and they're like what just happened yeah and I'm like we just it's what they do yeah it's what they do and they can do yeah so why not and actually mind the same they're packing the dishwasher but I'm at the stage now where actually yeah you can and then I'll be like okay so you do everything that's on the like I couldn't trust barley with a glass or or a mug, but I'm like, you can do the stuff that you can. Well, and I think, actually, as I said that,

I think Billy is now old enough. She's 11, and I think she can now get her head around it and do it in a way that's sensible. She is not particularly teachable. She has a touch of her, a touch of the jimmies in her and that. Like, she is very much, I know, you know, like, and I'm like, just can't be told. Yeah, hates to be.

And I'm like, you need to be a little bit more teachable. Yeah. Like, you're 11, I'm doing this for your own good. Yeah. Let's learn how to do a fucking dishwasher. Yeah. And she will come around, but her instinct is, no, I know what I'm doing. So I think that is the next thing.

Even if I have to redo it, even if they do it, like the Christmas tree, do what I mean? If they let them do it and then you could redo it yourself after, but at least they're doing something. Yeah, no, I get it. And I think as well, you don't have to go in at the top level. You're not going in with them doing everything. No. You build up slowly, right? So you start them on a little thing.

So I think it's now time for me to graduate Billy to filling the dishwasher. that's something I'm going to do tonight when we go home. Do you know what I mean? Like it's that simple. And then, I mean, I don't know about you, but like pocket money, for example, it was really rare in our house. Like when I grew up,

I don't remember getting it. It wasn't a regular thing. It'd be like maybe, and we still had to do chores. Like, we'd occasionally get a reward for something, but generally like it'd be like, we would be kept busy. Like, rather than us sitting and watching MTV,

because that's the only channel we had over in January, like we could watch. But like, it would be like go and clean that massive copper earn that it never gets used and just goes back on the top of that shelf until it needs to be cleaned again, do you know what I mean? So we have in our house, stuff like that. We have chores and responsibilities.

And your responsibilities are things you do not get any pocket money for. They are things like making your bed, cleaning your room, putting your laundry away. They are like the basic expectations of a functioning human being in the microcosm of our world. That's what they, you don't get paid for those. They are expectations.

If they don't happen, there are consequences. they are hard boundaries they need to get done otherwise none of the good share happens and then there are chores and chores are the jobs that are like more

general that if they didn't do I would have to do they get like rewards for that so basically what we do is they've got these jars magnetic yeah these magnetic jars with little things that they can slip in them once they fill a jar

they get a fibre so that and those reward things are like house points at school yeah so they used to do that thing where they go well if i do that can i get can i get a reward and i'd be like no no no no if miss sabsavari asked you to put some books away and you went well i only do it if i did it if i did go down yeah exactly yeah so this is how we're approaching it and so if they do chores we've got lists of chores that they can do which things like emptying all the bins watering all the plants picking up the dog poo from the garden uh putting somebody else's clean laundry away uh tidying up a communal room, you know, all of those things. If they do any of those things, they get a little reward. And then we can also hand them out for other things. If they say something particularly kind or, you know, whatever, we can go, you know what, put yourself a little star in your jar for that. I was going to say, you're very trusting leaving the stars next to the jar because my kids...

Really? No way. Also, I have like a weird memory for those things. I know exactly how many stars are in there at any one time. That's crazy. I'm a bit rain man about it. But essentially, it means that it's in their control. So when they go, can I have a bober tea?

And I'm like, well, do you have any money? Yeah. They'll be like, no. And I'll be like, okay, right, well, you haven't told us to do any chores? I'm like, I don't tell you. No. These are chores that I'll do. If you do them, I don't have to.

That's great. You get a reward for it, but I'm not going to sit there and beg you to do chores. Yeah. Like, this is you. If you want to earn your pocket money. Right. The chance, the opportunity is there. Yeah.

But I'm not getting into fights anymore about it. You know what they are. You know how to do it. it, you could spend a morning on Sunday filling up your jar. Yeah. Without, and get yourself a fibre like that. Yeah. That's on you. That's what I'm saying. All that initiative, it's just, I just think it's not setting them out by doing everything for them. And I get it. Look, I am firmly in the kind of like,

you know, do it yourself camp. I also understand what it's like. I can see the other side of the coin where, you know, people like my friend, when I said to her, she went, but it's messier. It takes longer. it actually causes me more work. And I get that, I do get that desire that to just choose the path of least resistance. But when I was, I was changing my bed sheets. I mean, changing my dovet cover at eight years old. Yeah, so was I.

Do you know what I mean? But then there's part of me, because of the boarding school thing, there is part of me that's like, and I have to wrangle with this a lot, it's like, should I have been changing my own bed at 11 on my own in boarding school? So there is part of me that's then I want to protect my kids from that a little bit. also changing a bed it's not that it's shit I know nobody wants to do it but it's not that

it's just that it's about I know where the capability level is lie based on that and I don't and I'm saying this because I think you know I've got friends that haven't had the upbringing that I've had and experience had to go through that trauma as well so I'm just saying

you know what it's you could be doing them a disservice I agree by not it's not molly coddling I don't I don't think it is you know and it's like some people do get that enjoyment of making their kids bed in the morning. Do you know what I get enjoyment out staying in bed an extra half an hour because my child is you know nine years old is downstairs making a full pat lunch sandwich tidying it up and bringing it away because I'll lose my shit if she doesn't and then and then making

sure her bed is made and ready to go to school I don't have to functioning human yeah that is all we're asking and I do think you're right I think that we are too scared of challenging the kids and I do think it makes them less resilient and funnily enough jim and I were having a talk about national service the other day and I was like I'm for it really because I have friends because I did a lot of work in Switzerland I've got a lot of Swiss friends and they have national service yeah and I think what people don't necessarily understand is that it's not necessarily putting people in the army and sending them to the front line right I have friends who worked in the ambulance service for two years I have friends who worked in the paramedics call center for two years

I have friends who worked in the council for two years it wasn't just the army it was like across the board jobs that helped the fabric of society and I don't think that there's anything wrong with essentially putting 16 year olds for two years in work that helps benefit society as a whole yeah I just I don't I don't get if we were sending them to the front line I get it that's a slightly different thing but that's not what we're doing and I do think if you give these kids some structure and some responsibility and show them what it's like to work as part of the society and all the rest of it. I can't see that being anything except a good thing

and imagine the influx of support we get in all those departments whether it's NHS hospitals, whether it's councils, whether it's whatever it is where suddenly we've got this whole workforce that can do some of this donkey work that skilled people's their time gets taken up doing is you can have somebody answering the phones, doing something. Do you know what I mean? I just think we could rebrand national service in a way that could be really fucking beneficial to everybody.

I love it. See? Yeah. Telling you. I do. Just as long as we don't go to war. Because then if you go to war becomes like a sneaky situation. Exactly.

It does. But then if we go to war, then everybody's fucked basically. Maybe the kids could go, well, yeah, actually, I don't mind going. Yeah, exactly. And I think you could get a system where some people are like an opt- Some kids want to go into the military. Maybe this is a great opportunity to get them in there and started. Some kids might not want to do that,

but there are a million other things that they could do within the civil service or whatever. And I just, I don't know, I just think... No, there's something in there. I think that would be really fucking great. I'd love to know what your thoughts are on that, actually. We should do. Maybe I'm not going to do that for...

I'm going to do that for episode 12. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to do it for the last section. Well, look, don't worry if you're thinking, I don't think I'm quite ready to think about the military for my eight-year-old. What I will say to you is there has been research that shows that children who do chores are more likely to be happier adults because it benefits them in developing executive functions like planning, regulating themselves, maintaining attention, switching between tasks

and also higher self-esteem, self-confidence and a better ability to deal with frustration. mic drop that is all the information you should need i love that give it a go what's the worst that can happen and also it's worth putting that fight in at first like i said to jimmy today sometimes i think routine wise we can be very guilty of slipping out of routine and then everybody gets in a fluster yeah and i was like we really just need to go through two or three weeks of just pain and then it takes care of itself yeah so that's where we are now especially with the morning routine. Anyway, thank you for that. Thank you. Love you. I'm really excited and kind of intrigued about your topic. So my topic was inspired by a friend of mine, but mine is you're never the

only one who's been bullied by another mum. Now I wanted to tackle this subject for a little while now because a couple of friends of mine have been through similar experiences and it broke my heart and blew my mind in equal measure. I think when you have kids, you sort of assume, or when you're a grown up, you assume that the days have been bullied in the school playground are over, but this is not so. Now, navigating the school gates and the politics and the friendships, yours and your kids, friendships, the PTA, and all the rest of it can be really tricky, and I don't think we're fully prepared for that when we go into that situation. I think when we especially start the school thing, we're so focused naturally on how they're getting on,

how they're feeling, what friends they're making and stuff that we sort of. of forget that we're entering into a new phase of it ourselves so true and um and i don't think we consider what what could lie in store because even though we're really nice people yeah some people aren't yeah that's what i've learned and it's but anyway i'm socially resistant like i'm not great i don't like making new friends i'm very lucky that the people that i am friends with they come into my life and i know that they need to be there you know like you for example But from the first moment we met and got pissed in King's Cross Back in the day

I was like we went outside We're having a fag And we were talking about your time at heart And this and the other one I was like This is a girl is in my life Like I know I love, I knew We're still gonna make that We're still gonna make that program about trolls

And so that's the only time It's the only time I'm gonna let a new friend in When I get that feeling Yeah So I'm really generally not expecting it anywhere Do you know what I mean? Like I'm not gonna go to the school gates And assume that we're gonna have

I'm gonna make loads of friends simply because we all gave birth at the same time. That isn't for me. So for me, I think I was lucky to be sort of basically a bit aloof about the whole thing. But essentially that meant that I sort of, I didn't really get into any sticky school mum situationships. Situationships, I like that.

But that's what it is, isn't it? And my kids are in year sick, my eldest in year six, I think I've probably got a handful, maybe two or three that I genuinely love. And then everybody else is great. I don't have, there's nobody I go, I hate you. We have conversations, I say hi. But in terms of somebody said, friends, two or three. Right.

And I think that's quite good, actually. Yeah. Quite strong. It's quite strong. But that isn't the experience that everybody I know had. And there are three hot circumstances that I think are right. for women to fall into these really negative toxic relationships within the school playground and one of them is the PTA I think that's your

I think that's your top you're gonna get bullied at some point if you're a decent person in the PTA I do think you're gonna find that that's a really tricky situation when you're a member of the member of the PTA and are you gonna get bullied by I think there's only two kinds of people that join the PTA there's the nice, genuinely kind mum who just wants to be involved in their kids' life and give something back and have a nice time. And then there's like the mean girl. Yeah. Who just wants to be Billy Big Boots and take all the credit for the fucking summer fare. Right. And I don't think there's any in between. Okay. If I'm wrong, right in. I may talk

about it. I may not. It's my podcast, not yours. But I think that there's only two types of it. So I think if you're in the PTA, you're setting yourself up for a nasty situation. The next thing I think is going to be a problem is if you're in a small town. Think of a small town or a small village, far more likely to get into a tricky situation because everybody knows that, like gossip is rampant. I think it's very hard to avoid. And the third thing is if you are the kind of parent, and I have been this parent and I'd like my lesson, who gets involved in their kids' friendships. Okay. And I think those are the three things. hello

literally have been going through this oh god yeah well i just don't think you should get involved like for me if billy comes home and says have fallen out with so and so yeah i'm like what happened so she tells me her side of the story and then i'll be like okay so if you're so and so and you're telling and her mummy says to her what happened

what do you think her side of the story is going to be yeah and then they always get a bit sheepish and they're like oh nothing she'd tell it exactly like i told it was like i don't know that's true so I'm already like what's your part in it and then when we figure that out I'm like maybe you should go and apologise to her tomorrow and then we talk about whether the expectation is

that like what happens if she doesn't apologise back how are you going to react what happens if she does okay so we know that we set that up so when you're talking about involved you mean as in like kind of giving advice and suggesting what to do I will help my child navigate it but I will not navigate it for her so she goes in and then if it still doesn't work out

I'm like you need to talk to the teacher I'm still not getting him so who are the people they're get involved what they talk they go they go to the other parents oh okay right they go to the parent or they go to you know whatever or they go straight into the i think only if i feel like it's getting out of control yeah i will then go to the teacher and say this is happening okay can you just keep an eye out for it whatever if i know the parent really well i might drop a message it says something like i'm really sorry to hear that billy and so-and-so

are having a rough time um you know she she's a great girl whatever like I hope they work it out soon yeah I do not get involved it does not end well it's not my responsibility okay like it would have to be a very serious it would have to be a very serious situation where the school had failed to do anything right the other parent was that where I'd be like okay now we're going to have to step in yeah anyway so those are my three things that's just my opinion okay so I did have an email and she sent an email and she explained a situation So here she goes. She says, my story isn't funny, unfortunately, but it did have a huge impact on my life and contribute to a very severe nervous breakdown, ADHD burnout episode that I had over the summer. It was impactful on my mental health. It derailed my career and ultimately I moved to a different county just to get away. My kids and I unexpectedly moved to England from the States when they were two and three respectively, and we ended up in Cotswold Market Town, population 4,000. There you go. That's hotspot. That's hotspot number two, as that was where my parents It resulted in a tumultuous and acrimonious divorce between her and her husband,

and she was active in her alcoholism at the time. She's a friend of mine. Suffice to say, I needed help with my kids, and I met this wonderful couple who ran one of the local nurseries. They helped with my son's autism. They helped when I was too hung over to show up, and above all, they never judged me and just loved us through it. And as a result, my daughter and their granddaughter became best friends. Cut to year four, the two girls' relationship has changed, and over time the granddaughter was becoming increasingly handsy and aggressive with my kid,

always taking things out of her hands running to take the seat she wanted pushing her off swings leaving her out etc that like low level constant yeah it's miserable throughout the year i'd get calls from birthday parties from the parents asking me if my daughter consented to this behavior if that's just how they played one morning my partner dropped off my drop my daughter off at school and this kid came over and goes hey chris this is what i do when bert when i want to when i want bert to shut up and play slapped her across the face i was fuming when i heard it and it was the last draw. Given that I had six or so years of friendship with this family, I didn't think twice about dealing with it. I knew five other parents who'd already complained to the teacher,

but that's not my style. See, we just differ on this, right? She was like, I'm going to go to the parents. And I get that train of thought as well. Well, they already had a pre-relate, they had a relationship outside of the children's. And I get, I do get it. My experience and showing me that doesn't work out well. Okay. But I think it's like, just give it to the teacher. Because it's like, she's a mediator then. Yeah. Whereas there's too much emotion involved, right? always going to defend my kid. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so she thought she went to speak to them.

She called the mum, had a chat. She cried, I cried. It was extraordinarily uncomfortable, but I felt that I'd handled it in a kind and direct way and didn't really think twice about it. Within a week or two, I noticed that mums on the playground weren't talking to me. Then I noticed that mums in town weren't talking to me. And then I noticed my daughter was no longer getting invited anywhere. Her entire group of friends would be invited and she'd be the only one left out.

It escalated and was really aggressive in its silence. eventually the couple the grandparents had been so kind and loving began icing me too and would quite literally growl at me luckily my daughter wasn't impacted in school but she certainly noticed that she was getting left out as i said simultaneously i was starting to break down having feelings of worthlessness and various physical symptoms of burnout so in my mind this was massive it felt really claustrophobic in my town and like everyone quite overtly hated me as this family had lived in the town for generations the hate was far reaching and i was the outsider I felt like I couldn't go anywhere

and it felt like this could follow my daughter for a whole school career. I ended up in deep depression having suicidal ideations under care of various doctors. To me the worst part is that the mum and the grandparents were all childcare professionals. The mum is a Sencoe in the local school. It was their job to protect children

but as I wasn't a child it didn't matter. It also highlighted in my opinion how much of bully behaviour is learned from environment like grandparents to parents. You know, it's learnt behaviour. and then you know another another listener said it's not really bullying but judgment a couple years ago

I went to a baby yoga class chatting to another mum she asked where I lived when I told her she replied oh and then turned her back on me she lived in a nice area of Bristol but not the very affluent Clifton area and apparently that was a big thing and I think it's really easy

I know and then I think I've got many cunty women around so awful many cunty women oh my god And there is one more that I'm going to just open up because I know that she wrote it, especially. This is about PTA. She's got PTA SD.

It's not my joke. It's the scummy mummy's joke. So good. I'm accrediting it. Lady Gibson, it's your joke. Okay, so she says, I had to leave the PTA when I noticed I was fighting back the tears at a school event

after a series of passive aggressive and actually downright aggressive interactions with the group leader. I felt so sad to be leaving. I loved serving the school. community and seeing the joy on kids faces which made all the hard work worth it but i couldn't stand another second of it and have zero regrets about leaving i did get an apology both on the night and when i left and the chair leader left soon after they realized when we talked to over that

they'd not behave very well and decided they needed to do something about it and step away from a situation they're becoming resentful of we're fine if we see each other we'll happily say hello so not the worst possible result maybe even some good adulting so that's it but i was interested because I think it's really hard to discuss bullying when you're an adult because it feels like it's such a you feel like it can be such a playground thing and you feel like you're being silly and you should be too you should be old enough and ugly enough to look to figure out this stuff do you know what I mean but I think the impact of being bullied by another woman specifically within the playground environment

because it's really hard when your kids are involved in the mix as well can be really devastating because where do you go there's no teacher that can mediate for you you know there's no she the girl we're talking about didn't have a partner at the time so she was on her own with it

like it's it must be have you ever felt bullied or well I had that situation if you're listening since episode one you remember I mentioned about something had been said and I didn't name anyone but I spoke about the situation

on my social media and you know I didn't go into detail but you know I talk about stuff that's going on the family I was just talking about how it made me really angry and I just wanted to kind of go to the parents but I didn't I wasn't I wouldn't do it but it's like you know I thought it'll work itself out which it did but I got contacted by a mum who I you know was thought was a friend a new friend through school and it's just it's icky still icky yeah like like now just like banking one another, I think. I think it's got to that point where it's just a bit. But there's also an element of that where I immediately was like,

oh, God, I win the wrong, it's terrible. And it was only when I read the message that she had sent to me to Johnny when he was like, she can't say that about Molly. She can't say, like, that's below the belt. And actually I was like, why am I so desperate for this friendship? I've got the people in my life that count. I don't need any new mates. and I don't need to be friends with my daughter's friends, mums or whoever, you know, it's actually, it's not necessary.

And it's, again, stripping it back to that young girl that's just like, I don't want to be, you know, I just want friends, you know, I want to be liked. And I kind of had to really, but it was, it was a real growth, actually. Yeah, and I remember it wasn't school that the kids were younger, but I do remember having like a playgroup mate with a woman who had a kid similar to age, Billy. And I remember her saying something to me in the park. that felt judgmental. Yeah. And I remember writing a blog about it. And then she came to my house and was like,

I've read your blog. And I've read what you've written. And I thought, it's your stomach not just, you know when you just like, yeah, because you immediately are like. I didn't name any names.

No, exactly. I didn't. But, and to this day I struggle with like, should I have written it? Should I not have written it? Mm. Um, because it's really hard, isn't it? It's like if you have some sort of outlet to,

whether it's stories or you're a writer. Yeah. which is what I was doing, you know. Of course that's the stuff I'm going to write about. Yeah. Like, and how far do I hold back? I always keep it anonymous. Yeah.

Like, that's my boundary, obviously. But does that mean I can't write about my own experience without somebody getting mad about it or share it on socials anonymously without somebody? It's really hard lines to get. But the bullying thing, I think, you know, I've heard this story a few times. And I sort of, I love that last message about the PTA

because I feel like the woman owned her part in it and recognised that she'd behaved badly. Yeah. And that's not a bad thing. No. We all behave badly. Yeah. It's how you deal with that that counts.

You know, it's like, can you own it? Can you make it better? Yeah. We all have, good people do bad things, right? Yes. And as a kid, there were times when I was not very nice to girls. Yeah. At boarding school, because I was not in a good place.

It's true what they say, hurt people, hurt people. people hurt people but at the time you don't see yourself as that person then you later on when someone points it out the bully never knows it the bully no I think I knew and I think people do know no I think you do know I think you do know if you've got a conscience you know that what you're doing isn't nice yeah it feels justified I imagine though to you know it felt like survival yeah that's what it's going to say that's what it felt like you can see it like that totally like as a kid it was confusing yeah because I didn't want to be doing it you know and and it wasn't extensive but as I look back on it now I know why I did it I it was survival I didn't want to be

the one that was picked on like I'd seen that I'd been that I did not want to do that again and so for me that was that was my option it wasn't a choice I'm proud of yeah but as an adult it blows my mind that people can continue to behave like that like that really does like I know why as a teenager I'm not proud of it but I can see where that came from I was a teenager but adults as an adult

or do you want to know the answer tell me cunty women there you go that's it I mean when it comes down to it you're making a choice to be a cunt yeah and that's it

and I get it there's a reason you're hurt you feel insecure maybe other people being awful I get it benevolent about it but it's but there's no reason you don't need to do it

yeah it's like there's an explanation but there's not an excuse end of sort your shit out stop being a I've got the bit of a stutter today so anyway

I'd love to know what your thoughts are on what did you talk about what just now yeah I can't remember fucking great episode it's my brain I'm telling you

can't wait HRT I'll never forget anything again we'll see because now when you start taking it if you forget anything I'm going to be like oh it's actually just your brain then it will be amnesia

doing too much for their kids yes much to their kids do you've got anything to say about doing too much for their kids. You don't have to agree. Absolutely. Please don't agree. We still like you. But if you disagree, disagree with like kindly. Do you what I mean?

I love it. So we're allowed to, we're allowed to be on here and just be like it's our podcast. No, but we're not talking about anybody in particular. No. But if I didn't agree with you, I wouldn't go, you're a fucking twat. No. But you know, if you do want to say that, I don't mind. Just, you know. Thick as a slice of bread. Because you're still adding to the listenership and there is that. There is that. Very clickbaiting. Yeah. It's great for a clickbait. clip but you know just say oh i love you but that i don't agree with that great love that yeah you can email us at you're never the only one at gmail dot com y o you are you um or what's up as

voice note or message on oh 74 57402704 all the infos in the show notes and it should have come up here on the screen as well save the number as you're never the only one and make sure you drop as a voice note over to you embarrassing sex stories i have a couple from the same person stop I do okay not from the same person who came so hard she shatters her still the best thing I've ever

crabby boob listen that that goes down as one of my top five life moments it was amazing it was amazing and I honestly I'd like to do another whole episode just on that but this will have to do for now

are you ready It's a bit of a long one, but it's worth it, I think. I thought it came out of that end, but it comes out of this one. Hello. So I've got a couple of sex stories, and one of them, it's quite a long story, but I'm going to try and be quick. So, yeah, I was always quite young in my career, but quite senior. And at one point, I was a compliance director at HSBC, and I traveled to Argentina to do some review to Buenos Aires. and the global head of HR came with me and she

and she what? She was kind of like an older lady very well to do and so the Buenos Aires bit was fine but I was going to Mendoza for the weekend for wine tasting on my own and she asked to come and a little did I know that this would have any impact but before I left I packed a vibrator because me and my boyfriend

had been together for like a month he's now my husband and of course we couldn't go like any amount of time without any like you know

video dirty sex so he brought me a vibrator before I left anyway she asked to come to Mendoza and she even asked to share my Airbnb which was a bit weird but anyway that's what we did

and I'm at the airport Buenos Aires flying to Mendoza and all of a sudden my name comes over the tannoy I'm like what's this about so I go over they put like a hyper is it a hypervis vest on me we go across the tarmac me and this one guy and we get there and he takes me to my bag my bag's why I've brating and they're like oh it must be

a toothbrush and the language is not that clear they're like oh it must be a toothbrush and I'm thinking fuck I know exactly what he is so anyway I put my hand in the bag managed to turn it off they're like you've got to show us what it is so they're all in like stitches now and then obviously I put it out and they're like having this massive laugh and I'm with Hillary the global head of HR of HSBC but she still doesn't know yet because she's in the airport so I go back

in make up some excuse about my like toothbrush going off in my bag and then as I'm getting on the plane it's one of those planes where you like had to use the steps outside the plane so I go to get on and there's the guys

who have seen me with the vibrator stood literally two meters away going, oi, Brit baby, Brit baby. And they're like going, like shaking like vibrators, all five of them. I could have died. Anyway, I kept it to myself still. I was just like, oh, you know, still laughing about the toothbrush. And then on the wine tasting, we got hammered and I told her everything. It was hilarious, but yeah, not the most professional moment for me. Oh my god, that's joyful. I love that. So good. And she followed up, She followed it up with a message going, oh, I also once messaged my dad.

I do love it up the ass. He was in my phone book as dad, and my boyfriend was called Dan. I deleted it immediately and thought I'd been successful until a few weeks later and my godmother chucked a pillow under my bum and I went to sit down and said, I hear you might be needing this. I died. I do love it. up the ars.

Oh, do you. That's so funny. I'm just sending that to your dad. Oh, so good. That's brilliant. I do love it up the ar. Okay, so I've got a few things. First of all, do you remember TJ came and talked to money?

Yes, T. He sent me his budget spreadsheet. Oh my God. We'll put it in the show notes. I don't know whether I can put it directly in the show notes, but the instructions will be there. So if you need a budget. Thanks, TJ.

We were talking about this. Yes. Right up your structure. You do. We had a voice note from a vet about Do you remember we talked about baby brain? Yeah. This was her little story.

I love this. Hi, Kat and Emma. I've just listened to your episode five about baby brain. And I have a story relating to when I had my newborn son. He's my second child. I had my daughter just turned four. Cycling in front of me. It's August 2017.

we're going down a pathway. She's got her stabilisers on her bike. She's in front of me. I've got my new two-week-old baby son in, I've got him in the Quinny buggy, but you know, like the basinette where they sort of lie down. I think that's what it's called. Because he was too small for the actual buggy bit,

and they don't recommend you having them too long in the car seat attachment. I was like, right, well, I'll lay him down in that. It's really hot summer, and to stop all the bugs getting in, there's this sort of mosquito net attachment that I'd zipped on to the basinette. All right. All right. All right. I had a drink holder with a can of Coke, which is, you know, an essential for a new mum, caffeine.

And I had my baby bag. which was really heavy, clipped on to the handles as well, because I had special loops on there. I thought I was hashtag winning. And as you said, it's always when you think you are winning, that it bites you in the butt. So my daughter's in front. She, I don't know how, manages to fall over sideways on her bike with stabilise on it.

So I run to her. She's crying. I run to her. because the baby bag and my drink was so heavy the unattended buggy flips up so my my baby son is like I don't know like a vampire that's just been like lifted up from a coffin you know when you see that um oh god anyway there was nothing strapping him in he was just laying down with a black kit over him and I think I'd put these like bumpers either side of him to kind of stop him wobbling around but he wasn't actually strapped in so I run to my daughter I'm checking she's okay

slightly in front and then I noticed that the buggy has tipped upright so my son is almost like standing vertically and the only thing that stopped him coming out was the fact that I had this mosquito net So he's like, upright with his favourite case of his mosquito. Those kids. The image are even enough. You know, it's like, you're on a trampoline and they're like that. This little baby, like. Covered in Coke.

Yeah. How many, we've all done it though. Oh, my God. We've all done it where you've overloaded the buggy and you happen to run away for some reason. And it's straight up. I know. Every time. Okay.

quickly because I'm conscious of time. We're still going to do the old download. I'm going to have to save some for things. But somebody said Christmas Presby chat, this is a doozy for Sophie. Christmas presents made me chuckle. I had a rubbish present once, but it was for my birthday. My daughter was only 15 months and it was the first birthday after my mum had died. I wasn't very well and I was suffering with low moods too and hormones all over the place. My husband bought me some good presents, but there was one that didn't impress me. He bought me tablets to help with my mood and increase my libido. to say I was upset

sorry to say I was upset and her was an understatement I'm not one for confrontation never felt I could say anything so he handed this is you see this bit it gets a bit weird here

so he handed me the tablets himself a couple of mornings take the fucking tablet and I started to tell him I'd already take them it's like one for you over the cookies you're hiding them under your tongue and then spitting them out

he's like nurse she's married to nurse ratchet I take them from the bottle and throw the water away eventually telling him they just don't work i always felt he bought them for his gain you think rather than mine never understood the time it takes to recover from birth and feel like yourself i mean i get it honestly like what is wrong with some men oh my god some men some man not you not my man can you get off your phone please before we go before we go i have to say do you know how many people got in touch about the belly button vagina connection oh right go on so many so many people really

So many people are like, I thought I was the only one. Like literally, everybody, I've got one voice note. Do I have time to do it? Yes. Am I going to be in trouble? No. Are you going to charge this extra tank? Here we go.

So she said, Oh, I also realize I have come up. Sorry. Hello. I see mine was doing that as well. Okay. I'd love to say firstly that I absolutely love the podcast. but I literally had to stop the Christmas Day podcast

as soon as you guys started talking about this because, yeah, you're not the only one who when you stick your finger in your belly button you get a weird feeling in your vagina because I've always had this and was literally asking my husband recently I was like, does this happen to you? And he looked at me like I had two heads.

So yeah, you're not the only one and I'm glad that I'm not the only one. But yeah, love, love, love the podcast And I can't wait to listen to it for a long time to come Oh, do you know what? It's even more joyful hearing someone else say out loud Do you know what I mean, being in the receiving? But can I also just say,

thank you so much for the love that you guys are showing to this. It's the, I mean, you posted something yesterday on our socials. It blows my mind, like, the people take the time I know, I know, to write stuff that they do. Long messages. Really lovely messages. So thank you, thank you so much. It's absolutely.

our year. It is. It is. Now listen, before we get in trouble next week's topics. Yeah. So I am going for you're never the only one whose husband refuses to get a vasectomy. Oh, and I'm going for you're never the only one who has a sex cycle. That's not a dilder on a bike.

No, but we could, you know, we can use it as clickbait. Interpret it. Yeah. How you like. There you go. Maybe it will go. What? Nothing. Was there just a glitch in the Matrix? What has happened? Do you see a black cat? Nice. Nothing, 11-0.

Deja vu. What? Okay. On that note, I think it's probably time for us to sign off. Remember if you've got anything that you want to say about anything we've talked about today, or if you've just got a funny story like how your tummy button connects to your vagina or how you mistook the midwife for a plumber, send it in, get in touch. You're never the only one at gmail.com.

That's why you are you. I keep saying it. I hate myself for it, but it has to be done. Or WhatsApp us on 07457. to 704. Until next week, goodbye. Bye.

The things I say do, I'm always what I mean. I'm neither saying or sin, I'm somewhere in between. This world is complicated. Everything moves so quick. You're lying to yourself If you think that you've got to live

Everybody love You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside your strength Because everybody makes mistakes Don't judge me I'm a weakness Don't judge me on my floor Because no one's really perfect by the grace of God goes all

Everybody knows You're never the only one You're never the only one Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Taking the time to make sure everything's okay Picking up like everyone else each and every day When I've got nothing left for you to spend on you

You're alive to be happy too Never the only one. Never the only one. Don't live inside your shape, because everybody makes mistakes. You're never the only one You're never the only one You're never the only one

Don't live inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Thank you.