You're Never The Only One - Nipple Hairs + Farts on the Red Carpet? You're Never The Only One

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

In this episode of You’re Never The Only One, Cat and Emma get festive. Emma rates Cat’s hospitality as if she didn’t just get a room in London for free and Cat gets excited about her new microwave. As ever they deep-dive into the topics of their own choice - family estrangement and feeling invisible after 40. Also, you heard it here first…but the girls are also launching an Only Fans. Yep.  Please hit the FOLLOW button wherever you listen to your podcasts and, if you can, leave a 5⭐️ review - it really makes all the difference. Thank you to WUKA for sponsoring this episode. We are proud to work with a brand powered by female strength and compassion. Use the code CATANDEM20 to get 20% off your order when you spend £40 or more. Head to www.wuka.co.uk today. Follow You’re Never The Only One on Instagram.Follow Cat Sims on Instagram.Follow Emma on Instagram. Follow You’re Never The Only One on TikTok.Follow Cat Sims on TikTokFollow Emma Nicolet on TikTok Follow You’re Never The Only One on Youtube. CreditsYou’re Never The Only One… was created by Cat Sims and hosted and written by Cat Sims and Emma Nicolet. Executive Producers are Cat Sims & Emma Nicolet, Anna Dixon & Hannah Twigg at YMU London and Katie Ray from Radient Management. You’re Never The Only One is filmed at Outset Studios and the theme music was written and performed especially for You’re Never The Only One by the band Hot Salad. You can listen to their album here.

Do you know, Emma, I don't know what I did before period pants. Oh my God, me too. Absolute game changes. I live in my Wooka period pants because they're so comfy and because I'm perimenopausal and I've got no idea where my period's going to arrive. Did you know Wooker stands for Wake Up? Kick ass. Do you know what? I didn't, but it makes sense. I love them so much.

What would you say was your favourite thing about Wooker in their period pants? Oh, okay. I love the fact that they're the first and only period pants brand to create period pants that stretch up to four sizes. So my tweens pants is going to last her the whole way through puberty. You said pants a lot there. I love that they're super size inclusive, ranging from 2XX to a 6XL. I love the fact they come in different styles, different flows.

So you can get the thong ones for those spotting days. And then you can use their super heavy range, which holds up to 12 tampons or eight pads worth of blood. I love how easy they are to care for as well. I just rinse them, pop them in the washing machine and hang them up to dry. Oh, do you know they do swimwear as well? I did not know that. But I do know they've got a wearable hot water bottle that is perfect for keeping cozy this winter.

It's going to make a great Christmas gift for myself. Head to wooker.com.org and use the code cat and m20 to get 20% off your order. All the details are in the show notes. Requires a minimum spend of £40. Ready? Let's go. You're never the only one. You're never the only one.

Don't live inside the shame because everybody makes mistakes. Hello and welcome to episode five of you're never the only one. I am joined as ever by the wonderful Emma Nicolay. She says that now. There's a roast coming. There's a roast. There's a roast on the way. If you're watching this on Spotify, you might notice that Emma's got a new barnet,

vibrant and purple. If not, take my word for it. She thinks it makes her look like cool and edgy. It's actually just covering the grey. I've been through this with you. I'm not grey. I don't have any grey. We'll never know.

The other thing is this isn't on the script, so she won't know this is coming, but she's also partial to a big trumpy fart on the red carpet. Last night, last night, were we not at a big fancy charity event? And as you were on the red carpet at the press board, I asked permission first. You said, I think I'm going to fart.

No, I didn't. I said, can I fart? As you were taking. Yeah, okay. And then it came out and it echoed down the hallway. The acoustics in that place were fantastic. I haven't had a wet my pants laugh like that in such a long time. It was joyful.

Anyway, she's a farty little hedge monkey. Over to you, darling. Thank you very much. I'm so pleased today to be joined by Katzim. I'll just keep it very simple. I've never found a diagnosis she doesn't love. Honestly. You're like one of those doctors with all the different letters of your name, weren't you?

They're all there. Just like that. Give me the meds, give me the meds. That's so true. Is it on the NHS? Yeah. Give in it. Add it. The list goes on and on.

All right, listen. Can I just say before we go any further, I love your Christmas jumper. Thank you so much. I've got it, especially for this episode. I've managed to drop water and coffee down it already. Standard. Brand new on.

Do you know what's funny though? Emma is wearing, again, for those not watching, on Spotify, nudge, nudge, nudge, wink. Emma is wearing a jumper, a sweatshirt, pale pink sweatshirt with Father Christmas. Christmas head on, who's wearing pink heart-shaped sunglasses and blowing a bubblegum. And I want you to know, you came down in that this morning because you stayed at my house last night. Yeah.

I nearly bought the exact same sweatshirt. I showed you. It was in my basket. I know. I went, look, I nearly bought it. I know. It's mad. Imagine if we turned up with the same Christmas jumper on.

I know. It's mad. Can I just, I'll give him a shout out because this was gifted to me. This is from, you can see a little embroidery on the, on the sleeve there. This is from Brave girl. Sorry. No, come on. It's from, you've got one job, Emma.

I can't read upside down. I should have just known, I know what it's called. It's a brave bird club. That's what it is. I'm just going to warn you, okay? We got very little asleep last night. I had a dry night.

I didn't drink, did I either? I had a little glass of champagne when we got, we got to the charity ball. But we just got it, we were like that. It's 11 o'clock. Then the DJ didn't even come on. We were like, should we go?

I tell you how old tired we were. We skipped dessert. And that says it all. It skipped dessert. And there was nothing about that dessert. that I didn't love. Oh my God. It was milk chocolate, it was nuts, it was salted caramel.

We were salivating over the menu, weren't we? Yeah. So basically, you've got a podcast today hosted by two very sleep-deprived perimenopausal women. That combo. So, the rain fog. Nobody knows what's coming. No, nobody is what's coming. I might just fart my way through it.

That's the intro, done. Okay, so it's now time for me and Emma to mine the minutiae. of our lives. Oh, I like that. Do you? Expose our to-do list, convey the chaos of our everyday lives, share the shit,

reveal the ridiculous, and hope that in doing so, we can make you feel like you're never the only one who feels like they're holding on by a thread. So I'm going to give you, listen, as you've mentioned, we're in our Christmas outfits.

I should probably start off by saying Merry fucking Christmas. Not, I suppose, you see, it's weird. It's the 11th of December today in podcast. Oh, okay, okay, okay, because right now, we're like the only people wearing Christmas jumpers in London as we record this. It is the 11th of December now on podcast, so I'm saying Merry Christmas.

I've got Christmas jumpers on as the day of domestic doom edges ever nearer. It's one of my only resentments about growing up, you know, that the joy is sucked out of Christmas. The joy is sucked out because you're responsible for creating the joy. And I know that there are people out there, like grownups who are in charge of other people who professed. truly love Christmas, like a bit like the people, the grown-ups who professed to truly like Disney. I knew you were going to say that. Did you know that?

It's the same people. I just can't help but think, actually, they're just chronic people places. Really? Yeah, I just, I don't understand how you can run yourself ragged, your bank account bear, you can be cooking, hosting, cleaning, cooking, cleaning, hosting, again, on repeat,

changing bed, doing all of that stuff. Dealing with tired, sugar-stressed kids. just stop the phone call dealing with tired sugar stressed kids picking up everyone's shit being nice to everyone and feel like you're living your best life I just don't understand it's not it's not possible it's not possible

and we're not even at Christmas and I'm already over it like Mickey Bubbles and Mariah are fully de-frosted I love Mickey Bubbles Mickey Bubbles Jimmy got told off once for calling him Mickey Bubbles side of stage by who? He was at a show I can't remember he was playing and he was side of stage Mickey Bubbles was on and Jimmy weren't mentioned

Mickey Bubbles and one of his, one of his entourage was behind him. And he tapped him on the shoulder and he went, we never refer to him in that way. No hint of irony. Oh no. No. Now that immediately. Makes you dislike him. Yes.

Yeah. I know. That's like the whole don't look me in the face Tom Cruise thing. Immediately. No. I know. I know. Anyway, so I do want to love Christmas.

I know we're coming up. I'm really trying. But I've spent, you know, I'm spending my time at the moment trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I might be a bit grumpy because I'm, you mentioned, I've only had 43 second sleep. So I've been trying to think about what else I've been doing this week.

We were out at the charity gala. We got a glad rags on. I got fleeced at the silent auction. Oh my God, she got so fleeced. I genuinely was like, I'll put a bid in. Yeah. Early doors. Yeah.

It'll be fine. Pockets were shallow last night. I'll be honest in the room. Apparently, not mine though. No, you're swine. I ended up. I was in a hole in it. You're throwing money at the problem.

What have you ended up with again? I don't want to talk about it. Go on with your two children who, you know, left their stabilises behind a long time ago, go on. My daughter's birthday is tomorrow. Yeah. And she has got a brand new frog bike for her birthday. So it's an expensive present.

And, you know, already were like, too expensive, really. But she needed a new bike anyway. I've ended up with another frog bike, but a balanced bike for toddlers that I don't have. How much did you pay for it again? I don't want to talk about it. That was only 150 quince. Honestly, I can't believe nobody else was bidding.

That's not all though. What? No, I also came home with a night at Nobu in Shoreditch. Yeah. I thought actually, that was a good deal. I thought, I'm here to do a good deed. I'm just going to bump up the bids early on. Yes.

So that the men with the big pockets, the women with the big deep purses can fly in. Yeah. Take their night at Nobu. Yeah. They didn't. So now I'm going to Nobu as well. for 350 quits. So I'm basically...

Oh, and I spent 100 quid on fucking raffle tickets. So I'm basically 600 pounds lighter. And then there was the taxi because we walked the wrong way out of the station for about 15 minutes and then we had to get a taxi back to where we came from. It was a really expensive night. Really expensive.

But at least, do you know what, though? It's all tax deductible, so that's fine. And... It's for charity. It's for charity. Listen, other than that, I really haven't been doing much. I've done a lot of walking and working. I've got a new kitchen table and a new microwave

and that's basically it. I know you were both. and Jimmy did we were very excited about a microwave you were so excited I know she tell me about your microwave

and the fact that it tells the time what's that all about I don't know because I think our old one told the time as well deprived can I suggest you get a new shower

because that shit sorry honestly there were non-negotiables for me all right when you're staying over the towels

the towels okay great give me a full the bed I was thinking about this morning Yelp review I'm here. I'm here for the towels. Okay, the towels are good. Good to know.

Let me take notes. Hang on. Yeah, yeah. Pass it on. Can you let your daughter know her bed is super cut? I did tell her that. Last time I left her a note there as well. She's not responsible for that. That's good. That's good. If you got a to top her on there, it's good. No, it's just a m-a-matron. Excellent. Great, thank you. Pillows. Top one's good. Bottom one's questionable. I feel like you've really scrimped on the bottom ones. The bottom's actually really expensive. They've gone into little bubbles, haven't they? They're not good. They were a gift. I'm not telling you who from, but they're

Not good. Okay, all right. Not a sponsor for this episode. And, yeah, no, your shower. The shower needs to... Listen, the shower's nothing to do with me. It was here when we got here. It's drippy. The top bit's drippy.

Now, if you don't want to get your hair wet and you're using the handheld bit, okay, you don't want to be standing there getting cold drips on you. So what I'm saying is, also, you know, maybe a bottle of water by the bed, wouldn't go, miss. Do you know what?

Next time, book a fucking hotel. Book a actual. I tell you what? I'd be able to get that quick. Do you know what? I wouldn't mind, but I literally ran my... Sorry, I ran myself ragged yesterday, cleaning. I don't need, that house and bathings. I'm literally bleeding.

What have you been doing? I just caught myself with my... I don't normally have long nails. I've caught myself with my own nail. A little part of me is quite proud. Yes. All right, come on. Tell us about your to-do list.

Oh, God, I will do. I will do. I'm just having it a vein. Right, here we go. Next time you're on the sofa. If we talk about spending money, you weren't the only one. this week I think it's the fastest

I've ever spent any money I spent 60 quid in under five minutes in the vet So my dog That is not the fastest You've ever spent money No no no I think that much money In like yeah definitely

That like that In the sense of An experience Done I walked in I said I'm a bit concerned He's been having Antibiotics for ear infection

In both ears So I'd already like Spent 150 pounds on that Yeah I said he's still going at it I'm a bit worried straight in she went she went to look at she went big bit of earwax gave it a little rub 60 was like and you know what I was really trying to do I was like I've been in there a lot

with him as you know yeah that dog man I mean he's costing me a fortune and I was just like so I was trying to be I was like hey you know we're like we're buddies now you know thinking maybe you know mates rates maybe no vets are no they are they are savage they they're not having there's no mates rates of the vets anyway so yeah 60 pound to five minutes of like basically rubbing his ear I mean I should charge her for that because he's so gorgeous I mean oh I went to the opening of my local pub oh yeah you told me about this this sat when I saw this on stories yeah um did you see the band and everything it didn't look great no did you see the sausage I saw yeah that's happened is this it's like a poison chalysis pub basically I've only lived in in Sussex three years and it's had

about four owners in that time and so what the brewery of dunks is brewery runs so people are kind of up, they've got them by the balls with him and so they've then, do you want to run your local pub? So someone who used to do glass collecting thing then like I used to pop up the bar

as God I can do this. I can't even, I'm saying if you're listening to this, you know what, I wish you the best of luck I really do but also probably not a sponsor for this episode. No, there was very questionable bar staff and the point where they like where they would fill your drink

and then say, do you want ice with that? So after you... Oh, yeah. Right? And that was after getting it wrong five times. That was... So it took me about half an hour to get around the drinks.

And it wasn't because of the busy bar, it's because... She just... They didn't know what was it again? And then just kept serving me the wrong thing over and over again. They ran out of booze before 8 o'clock to the point that my mate had to go to the...

The local petrol station. Oh, sorry, what? On the opening night... On the opening night... A pub... A pub... Yeah. Ran out.

They've literally got one job. They ran out of vodka, all the, all the, the rums. You know, they were just, they had nothing. All they had was gin. All they had was gin. And I'm like, okay, well, we haven't got a room full of kind of 50-year-old women, so I really think you're going to need some vodka, you know, and stuff like that. So anyway, my mate had to go to the Tesco's Express at the petrol station in the next village.

It doesn't sound like a roaring success, does it? It wasn't great. But there was a fight at the end, which I always think, you know, I know you love the dopamine hit, the drama. The drama. We had so much drama. The tube home last night, there was a big fight. Like, such a big fight that people on the same carriage, not involved, got injured. Yeah.

Like, massive. The dopamine hit I get from the drama is like, is it normal? Surely. Because then on the platform today, when we were coming in, there was an old man shouting about, he was like, I'm six years old. Do I look like I have sex anymore? I was racing down the platform to try and get an eyeball on it. Yeah.

I know. I was like, I need this dopamine. I need the drama. He came back like that. I was so annoyed. So annoyed, didn't see him. Don't know who it was. But, you know, listen. What did I say? Great, he had great projection. Great projection. His voice, amazing. He should definitely be a voice over artist. He should be on the stage. He was incredible. So, yeah, that was it. Party back at mine with three teenagers. I love that. He was a guy who's choosing to come back to mine. Even though he could have gone to Brighton to hang out with his mates. He's so cool with your purple hair. I felt really down with the kids. And still they still, they still. started playing. Like, oh, I love this old tune. And they started playing that song. Like, they said, from when we were little, that's one of the one. Badams up, burdens up. You know, with Nikki Minaj in it. Can I get that, can I get that? Can I get that? Can I get that?

Oh, yes. You know. That's not from when we were young. No, not from when we were young. From when they were young. And I looked it up. I was like, what are they talking about? It's like, a couple of years old. Fourteen years old. Shut up. It's not. 14 years old. No, it's 14. Can you believe it? Dismiss the secret girl. You know the one. I was laughing. He knows. How old are you?

27. So young. Jesus Christ, feel old. Anyway, other notable things. New series of Yellowstone. Now, do you know what? Do I need to persevere with that? Yes.

You will love Beth Dutton. Beth Dutton is like my spirit. Oh my God, she's amazing. She's an infant animal. Do you know that? You're not allowed to say a spirit animal. Why? It's a cultural appropriation.

Oh, you know. Jesus Christ. Let's do a quick apology. Sorry. There you go. As you work. Thank you very much. She is my spirit.

Sorry. She is your ghost pet. All right. That'll do. Ghost pet. Let's call it a ghost pet. Jesus Christ. I've got a travel agent license and...

Sorry, that what? Yeah. I've got... I'm sick of seeing everybody travel, so I've signed up. I've got a license and it means I get a license. and it means I get like cheap trouble. We'll have to talk about this. We'll have to talk about it.

It's brilliant. And the only alternative to that, obviously, because, you know, I need extra money is to start my only fan's account. Listen. Now listen, we've talked about this. You know where I'm going with this, do you? I think I brought this up to you

and I was like, what can we do on the podcast? Hold on. Hold on. Let's go back to what we saw on this morning. Go. Okay. So I could not believe. I switched on this morning

and there was a very lovely young lady. Very demure. Very mindful. Very mindful. Talking about how she was selling little vials of her sweat little vials of her sweat for a thousand pounds. What? Hang on

I didn't realize it was that much. Crazy. Well she said this is a thing. She goes at different levels. You can see Cat Dealey was like, what? She was like, yeah, well it depends. So if it's just sweat, I've had from a workout, you know, that's kind of my daily sweat, so that's fine. If it's requested sweat, I can

charge more because it's specific, so it's, you know, it's personalized sweat. What about this morning when you came into my room and I, I'd been working and I was cold so, so, you know, when you're like, I'm cold, I'm just going to get into bed and work. Yeah. And I got into my bed and it was so wet. I was like, has my daughter pissed in the bed? She was, has the dog, I was like that? I was sniffing it. I was so bad. I was like, it's not peevee. No. And I realized, and I knew I'd had a night sweat night. Yeah. But I've not had one like that before. But I'm thinking, it's a perimenopause. Right, so this is what I think.

We were talking about the podcast and we were like, what can we do on the podcast? It's like an ongoing story that gets people in. You know, it's like a little tactic that people do, isn't it? They call it an arc in radio. It's an arc, isn't it? So it's like you have to go back to the first episode to listen to the whole thing. So we think, what can we do?

One of the things we thought off the back of this segment on this morning was that as in a very tongue-in-cheat way, we could set up our own, like, only fans account, the two of us. What did we call it? Menopause muses. menopausal muses, something like that. We'll work on it. And we thought that we would really

dive into the niche element of this sweat business. You've already got a nipple hair. Yeah, I had found one yesterday. That saved. It's quite long. We can put that in a vial. Yeah, we thought we'd do nipple hairs.

We thought we'd do night sweat. Yeah, what else did we come up with? What other menopausal symptoms are then? I can't remember, but there's plenty. I think dry ears are one. Do you reckon people would... No, dry mouth, spit. Yes, that was it.

Dry mouth. That's gold. That's elix. That's elix. That is. I'm already, I'm just very conical. as we talk about this that there is a very handsome 27 year old videographer. Is that why you held back on talking about the nipple hair?

Yeah, I was a bit annoyed you brought it up, I'm going to be honest. And I'm not sure he realised what he signed up for this morning. So I'm apologies. But so I think we should do that. And I wonder if we, that, I mean, I feel like that. I want to see if we can make some money from it. Just as a joke. Let's do it as an experiment.

Okay. Okay, you're going to set up the only fans account. Am I? Yeah, I suppose I should do something. I think we should do like in our wansies or something, like really silly. We have to make it as if it's never going to work, like do our best to almost make it as unsexy as possible.

Okay. And then see if we still make some money. See if there really is people out there that will. Okay. All right, that's it. Let's move on. Now the self-indulgent moaning's out the way. Let's get to the nitty-gritty.

I love that word, nitty gritty. Feels good. Nitty gritty, ditty. Each week we embark on a topic. We bought in that we feel has room for discussion, something maybe that we've been masticating over in our own heads and then perhaps discuss with friends. And it led us to the conclusion that we are not the only one who thinks it.

So we ask our followers, we ask you the listeners and the general public on the streets of London what they think. And then a small part of Gatsol dies every week as she spends hours editing all of that footage together. so we can put it on this year of podcast. In the series of podcast. Get you up first today. I am.

So mine is you're never the only one who's estranged from a close family member. Now, I have to say this is one of the most popular, this topic brought out the biggest response I've had so far. Did you expect it to? No. Really? But I got the feeling that people were just waiting for a chance to talk about their experience. Like it was almost like people were venting.

because I think that there's so much emotion tied up in this. An injustice. An injustice or feel a sense of injustice, whether or not there is or not. You know, people gave me so much detail. Like I really felt that it was therapy. So are you going to start with, this is obviously, this is someone that you're estranged? Yeah, so I'm going to tell you a little bit. I think what I learned, initially what I've learned from the people that came back to me

was that a lot of familial estrangement seems to center around a parent who is sick or dying. that's or has died or passed that's really, really common and I sort of understand that because I think that there are so many heightened emotions probably surrounding that person that's sick or dying that they can't really deal with because that person's sick and dying.

So they sort of project it around to each other so many were like, my mum was dying, her care wasn't this, or my mum died and they challenged the will or all of this. It's almost like these people switched instantly. Like up until the, So it's funny, yeah, that I can see that in situations in my own family where you think this is when you should be pulling together. Yeah, no, totally.

And I think that people are so scared when the people that they love, especially parent, has passed or is sick, that that ability to manage those difficult relationships around that becomes almost impossible. Okay. Like, that's the feeling I get. So there was a lot of that. there was a lot of estrangement around divorce, new families, blended families, which is kind of my story as well. And there were, of course, people who talked about estrangements

due to, like, abuse and addiction. That kind of kicked me in the solarplexus, obviously. But it also made me really grateful because I thought, you know what, I'm three years clean and sober. Yeah. Like, that could have been me. Yeah. So there was that real sense of gratitude.

and it was that it's not easy like I feel very intense or I have felt incredibly intense pain and sadness about an estrangement because it wasn't my choice so I am estranged we've been skirting around it myself and my half-brother have been skirting around it for years

but I am fully estranged now from him since last summer and I thought about whether to talk about this or not honestly I was going to say that like it's quite a lot but I think it's really important because I don't hold any resentment now I don't hold any pain

I don't hold any regrets it's not about me you know that's the thing and I think that a lot of the times when you get divorced when you're the child of a parent who has kids from a previous marriage I think it's really normal

that the kids from that previous marriage sort of resent you don't really accept yeah because I think if that divorce is really painful and messy and you've got your own pain from that a child like me turning up just sort of stands as a bit of a representation of that with or without it being their own fault and so I think that honestly there's a lot of stuff in my situation that isn't actually anything to do with me it's not even really much to do with him it's just a set of circumstances that

you know he's put a boundary in really and I'm just because of collateral damage in that. And it's taken me ages to get to a place where I can be at peace with that. But also, you know, I don't want a relationship with somebody who doesn't want a relationship with me and that's okay. When you say you've been kind of skirting around it,

I don't know how much to kind of... Oh, probe. Really? So when you say even skirting around it, how does it get to this stage now? Is it arguing over things? Like, is it... I think it's...

I think I grew up, essentially I grew up as an only child because I was the only child from my parents' marriage and they both had kids from the previous marriages but I never lived with any of them. So I grew up essentially as an only child but I had this deep, deep desire to have brothers and sisters. Like I felt very, very lonely as a kid. Excuse me.

And I think my parents always did this thing where they go, oh, there's no such thing as half brothers and sisters, everybody's brothers and sisters. So that's sort of what the messaging I was given, but it certainly wasn't the messaging I was receiving from those brothers and sisters. Because of course there's a lot of stuff going on. I get this because I've got two half sisters.

Yeah, so I was, I think as a kid, I was, oh God, I used to like, it's really so much made me cry. When I went to boarding school at 11, I used to write him a letter every week, like, for years and never got a response. Like, never, ever, just break my heart. How old was he at the time? So he's only six, seven years older than me. So he was probably about 17, 18.

Obviously, like, I'm not being fine, what I mean? Do you know what I'm going to write? Totally. But like, for me, it was just. just like he would have text you constant rejection you know it's hard yeah and i think i just spent my whole life trying to kind of bend myself into being palatable to him um and i just i don't know where i got this fixation that on him like my my sister his full sister my half sister we get on really well um the idea of having a big brother's really nice isn't it totally like i just wanted

i just wanted i just wanted like as a kid i always gravitated towards friends that hand had big families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, I never was, like, I never had a best friend that was also an only child. Like, I wanted to turn up at their house and be part of their brothers and sisters. Like, I craved it.

Yeah. And, and it was really, it was just, like, constant rejection that just made me very, so I think we were skirting around it in that we were sort of civil, and then we'd go through really good periods, and then something would happen with dad and him,

and then I would kind, you know, it was just a very messy situation. but I think I am now at a place of just like I wish nothing but the best and the highest good for everybody involved but I have to accept people places and things the way they are and not the way that I want them to be and you know it's it I get it you know he's not unjustifiably angry but it is he just never has wanted to give you the time is that what you're saying yeah never right okay all right so now it's just like

Never and there was definitely a point a couple of summers ago where there was a flashpoint which I won't talk about but there was a flashpoint and I just remember experiencing that and going and it was like after 43 it was like there was a bolt from the blue and I went

never going to happen. It is never going to happen he has now made it extremely clear that he wants absolutely nothing to do with me like at what point am I going to keep going back to get kicked. You know, it's like a little puppy. Yeah, I get it.

What does your dad think about it? I mean, listen, my dad, I love him. He isn't perfect. And I think there's definitely a huge, you know, he's got a big part in it. I think he is heartbroken that he doesn't have a relationship with his son. So it's not just you that's been strange.

No, no, no, no, no. I mean, that's what I mean. I'm definitely collateral damage. Oh, man. But I also don't think Dad's ever, you know, I think, and he'll probably be listening to this, and I'm not saying anything I wouldn't have said to him,

but I think that there's probably a lot of stuff that he needed to take responsibility for sooner, and I don't know if, I just think it's maybe too late. And I think we just, I think we've just to have to accept with love, like that disconnect with love. That's kind of the motto. But family estrangement is, really, really difficult and it's

really complicated and as I say we had so many grabbing some emails that I printed off here's one I made earlier I mean look so this one says hi Kat and Emma wanted to share from two angles with you she's a therapist as well

firstly I'm currently estranged from my brother following an incident two Christmases ago involving our dogs briefly the dogs were being dogs had a tussle and our dog was injured brother's response was the issue versus is what happened with the dogs. I don't really understand that. I don't think you need to.

I think in these things, it can be such a small thing that just sparks this enormous emotion. Arguments between him and my husband, which last year was sort of repaired or so I thought, but my brother has since dropped off all contact and will only communicate to my children on their birthdays. I'm lacking energy to tackle this,

long history of him having mental health issues and me and other family members having to be mindful of that and always consider his feelings. So there's that resentment of like, Which, you know, I totally get. It's like, this is just, you know, you know what he's like. That is like the most painful thing to hear. It's like, you know what he's like?

That's just the way he is. You know, it's really hard. This is not mental health related and there is little consideration from him about me and my feelings, happy to leave it for the moment as I don't have the emotional bandwidth to go into discussing it and being in a position of feeling like I need to apologise. Not a permanent estrangement from my perspective, but don't know exactly what his position is.

And I think that's the same with me. I would never say never. you know you never know what's going to happen you're open totally i'm always open but i'm also not making the moves anymore you know like i mean see if i'm not in that position just like what do what do you want to do well that's why i spent years what do you want to like i've spent years and years and years doing that and i think when i finally got that message that was like this is it now i just thought it's not about me it's about a lot of pain and a lot of hurt that's to do with lots of stuff that happened when he was a kid like and dad and all the rest of it's like

it's not about me it can't be at this point because I've done everything yeah and I respect that she also says secondly in my job as a psychologist this is a common topic with people experiencing a lot of emotional pain over the estrangements and equally a sense of pressure internally and externally to maintain the relationship despite its negative impact on their life usual comments from others such as, oh, but it's your mum. So I know that there's a woman on Instagram, Harriet Shearsmith, whose handle I cannot remember now,

but she talks extensively about her estrangement from her mum. She chose to do it. She talks about having a narcissistic mother. And she talks a lot about the negative feedback she gets going, oh, you've only got one mum. She's like, yeah, but mine's not a nice person. You know, it's really, it's interesting. There is an obligation to have that relationship

regardless of their treatment of you. my work with a lot of people in these situations is giving space to figuring out their position without influence and then putting in boundaries to manage their decision. This could be knowing that you don't want to cut off a family member but have a limit of a two-hour lunch catch-up, for example.

Keeping it manageable, no direct contact. You know, there's lots of things. So I think it is something that if you're struggling with, I do think there are experts out there who can help you with tools and tactics to manage it in a way that doesn't cause it to get worse. This is the next one. in Jen 46 from Dublin and boy do I come from a mad family,

typical of Irish families where we don't speak about anything, sweep it under the carpet, don't ask, don't tell. Not just Irish. I made the decision to cut ties with my mother over a year ago coming off the back of years of a very broken, difficult relationship with her that deeply affected me. It was something silly that caused a row that she was having with herself, to be fair.

I can just imagine an Irish lady like having an argument with herself. But it was a turning point for me as I decided I was simply not participating in that toxic behavior anymore just because you're related to someone doesn't really mean anything. Since I hit my 40s and felt like I'm not listening to people lie anymore, I was abused by my mother's brother age.

You see, it's so much mess tied up in all of this between 13 and 14 and was left living in my grandmother's house. You know, a place myself and all my cousins look back on with horror. You know, there's lots of nasty things that go on and build up. Stuff that as a kid you're not able to process. nobody's talking about and then as an adult of course that shit's going to come back up

of course you're going to have those resentments and it's it was honestly you know as we're coming into Christmas families are not easy and I just I think I just want to say to anybody out there who's struggling with family and dreading Christmas

because I did used to dread it I used to feel always like I was walking eggshells or anxious about you know it was just and then I was so great if I got any like hint of affection or do you know what I mean and and it was just so painful and I just want to say to people that like nine times out of ten if you're estranged or somebody's estranged you essentially it's probably not just it's not

because you're a terrible person it's a decision they've made for themselves whether or not you agree with it and I think that that place of acceptance with these things is the only place that you can go back to. You know, I think you have to just get to a point of acceptance, recognize that it's not about you. I mean, unless it is about you. Like, unless you've been a total cunt. Do you know what I mean?

You know if that's the case. You know if you need to make an apology. You know if you've really messed up. You know. I've not spoken to my dad this February. How did I don't... But you do, you know. You know if that's case.

You know if you've got a part in it because, again, it's that thing between fault and responsibility. It might not be your... fault that this has happened but you've definitely got a responsibility okay that's good and so i think that if you look at it and you go okay they've behaved really badly i haven't reacted great yeah you know i haven't perhaps given them i haven't perhaps been as empathetic as i could have been because i've got in my own i've got into my own feelings yeah you know and i think that's where you need to get if

you know that you need to apologize for something or if there is something that you just want to make clear make it clear and walk away yeah that's you can't make you can't make an apology with an expectation of a reconciliation, that's not how it works. Okay. You know, I believe that we make an apology to keep our side of the street clean so I can walk away going, I know I've done everything I can. Yeah. I don't make an apology so that they apologize

back to me. It's really hard. Because also I don't like apologise. I'm the worst thing. Oh, it gives me like proper sphincter clenching, squeaky bum bum. I'm like... You justify it, don't you? Justify it, all the reasons why you don't need to... Do you know, I can apologise to my kids so easily.

Yeah. And I have to offer That's because we're trying to teach them not to be like us. Yeah, exactly. And I don't have a problem with it. I'm like, I'm really sorry I lost my shit. Like, I shouldn't have done that. You know, there is no excuse. I'm not on my best.

I love you. And they're like, fine. Yeah. I have to apologise to my husband. I would rather carve my own eyeballs up and dip them in lemon juice. I, oh God, and I know I have to do it. Yeah. You know when you have to do it.

to apologize. And I sit there and I'm literally like, come on, you can do, like, come on. Like, I'm like, pep talk. I'm carb loading, I'm stretching. I'm like, come on. Like, Rocky up and down those stairs. You can do this. And I still go in and I'm like, choking on the words. It's like stuck in my throat.

And I've got that look on my face where I'm like, I'm really, I'm really sorry. It just doesn't seem, like, and I'm really trying to be genuine, but it's physically painful. I get this afterwards, well done. I know how hard that was for you to do. And that actually is the best thing you could say to me,

because I'm like, yeah, yeah, well done me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, back in control. So true, honestly, I find it really hard. But it is, but yeah, it was really painful. There was, well, I was estranged from a half-sister for over 12 years, half-sistery-c, this half-sibling thing is really tricky. We've made peace over my mother's deathbed, so only July of this.

year more than that my partner's mother I've not spoken to her my partner's mother mother-in-law mother-in-law I've not spoken to her for I think four years now and he hasn't for maybe three she's not seen her only grandson for five years and he knows nothing of his paternal grandmother it's a convoluted story that can be summed up with once I got pregnant she changed whether it was some unresolved trauma I don't know however she ignored boundaries from me as a new mother and had literal tantrums she manipulates the truth and is full on toxic I cut ties and her only son did so a year or so later.

We do talk about reconciling, however, she remains toxic. And with a young child now, it's my duty to protect him. It's really interesting because the in-law thing is very messy. I mean, I'm blessed with the best. You've got Joanna Lumley, basically, haven't you? Yeah, I mean, it's really hard. But again, when you've got small children involved, that boundary has, that boundary is really easy to put him,

place. I have to say like the boundary for me, me going back and getting kicked as a puppy, like a little puppy, I did that for years and years. The thought of my kids going into that situation and getting rejected, that boundary is straight down. Yeah. Well, I sent my dad a birthday card actually last week just because I'm still doing that because it's him that's decided not to talk to me. Right. And it's a do with his partner, which has been in a few long time. Yeah. And I've just, and it was something involving the kids that she did when I was last visiting. and it kicked off. And I sent him a message just going,

I know you want, I sent him a birthday card, I sent him Father's Day message, just going, I'm just, I'm going to be, I'm still going to, I know you don't want to speak to me, but love you, miss you, happy Father's Day. And his birthday card, as I know, I just sent it just going, I hope you're well, so I heard about that you'd fought,

because I also know he's hurt himself as well, so I'm like, but, you know, I'm not going to pick up the phone because I know what he wants, and that's an apology for his misses. And it's like, what she did, I feel was not justified but I said to him

the kids miss you they miss their pops so I know you don't want to speak to me but I'd like you to consider maybe speaking to them because you do you just kind of yeah you feel like you need to protect them in a way why should they suffer? Totally and it's yeah there's a lot there's a lot to talk about and it does get really messy

generally I just try and focus on the fact that I'm probably part of the problem if not the whole problem like in general there is definitely and so I try and go what have I done in this and actually my part in my situation

was continuing to go back that was my part in it and I was getting angry and angrier every time I went back and he was like I don't want a relationship I was then playing the victim and he couldn't have been

fucking clearer do you know he couldn't have been clearer and I'm there going no but how about now how about now he's like yeah still absolutely not do you know what I mean

And at some point, my part in it is that I had to learn, I had to accept that I was doing it to myself. Yeah. It's tough though, because the messages weren't there from when you were little, the messages were. No, but, you know, it's... Not from your dad anyway. No, not from, no, but, you know,

our parents' generation, emotionally, are so... What's the word I'm looking for? Guarded. You know, it's very much like, don't show, don't tell. I was about to say, we don't talk about our emotion. We don't talk about our emotion.

I even think about my dad. Everything's fine. If you peel back all those layers of the onion, actually I don't, I think sometimes it could be more damaging. Yeah. Because actually it's what makes them this kind of stoic generation that just kind of keeps on keeping on, you know? Totally.

And I think in a lot of ways that worked for them. Yeah. You know, there was a lot of stuff that I think that that was almost necessity. Yeah. But it just doesn't play anymore. No. And so that's something that, you know, we're constantly battling with as well. Did you get any voice notes on it?

loads of emails. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to look at a way to kind of share some of those stories off podcast. They will do some extra content around it or whatever. But I think what I loved about this is that it's really common and it is one of those things that I didn't think that many people were struggling with estrangement. And so genuinely, as much as we joke about you,

never the only one, like it was, to me, it was really helpful to hear all those other stories and know that I'm not on my own. Right. It's not funny because you come at this and the angle of going, you're never the only one making other people feel less alone. Because there's a real sense of shame.

It's like how bad must you be that one of your closest family members doesn't want to have a relationship with you? But actually it's really common. So I was really relieved. It was a great thing. We're definitely going to figure out a way to get more of the audience participation out there.

But thank you to everybody that sent in those stories. Huge, huge, thank you. Yeah. Firstly, I think a part of it is that I am delusional to the fact that I because I still look at people my age around me and I'm like, they're grown-ups. I'm rocking around my mini-mouse backpack.

I think I'm just, I think mentally and I'm being generous here, I think I got stuck somewhere between the ages of 20 and 30 years old kind of in my head. And so I'm in denial that I could possibly be a 45-year-old and also let's not forget and I'm going to blame the 90s again for this cat.

They've got a lot to answer for. But you remember the golden girls? Yeah. Blanche was 51. So Blanche, her character, was 51 years old. Do you know Stifler's mum? 37. Right. It's not okay.

It's not okay. It's not okay. So I'm, I am not okay with the fact that I'm nearly Blanche. You know who Stifler's mum is? Okay, good. Just checking. Just checking that we weren't alienating a whole generation at that point. No, no, definitely not.

That's got to be, that's got to be, like, that's the lost voice. Yes, but do you not really? remember last week we went on the voxpops and we asked somebody if they knew who Pamela Anderson was and they looked at us like we were mental we were like Baywatch nothing nothing Pamela Anderson yeah nothing I know shocking anyway we are edging towards blanche right now okay you you are okay I am I'm not okay with that I have no grey hairs I'm just going to point out again and the signs the signs are there okay

there's a there's a springle of all mythology happening not a twitcher but I've got an app that recognises birdsong now and I've got one that like if I walk past the plant so like you know that it's just living in the wild

because I wouldn't bring back to my house to kill it I can put a camera over it and it you know it comes up and tell me what it is there's some things that and my supplement game is top notch it is strong got a little plastic pill box holder I do have in a phase of the week I honestly

I just don't supplements it's actual proper like crazy meds. Oh yeah. Because I've never met a label I don't know. And I know this will resonate with people listening and they're probably might even in their own heads right now be using that phrase. I feel seen. I feel seen.

I hear what you're saying Emma but but I feel very unseen actually in the big scheme. In a different terminology I guess. I think it began at the point where the kids just became just more independent, less dependent or me and could do their own stuff

and so I'm like kind of out of the parental trenches it feels like now. Well you're not identifying as fully 24 hours a day as a mum. I'm not Emma's mom. I mean I'm not Molly's mum. I'm not Molly's mum. I'm not Bali's mum. I'm back. I'm Emma again. Yeah. And I'm kind of rediscovering who that is post motherhood I think. I think

that is where this is started. I mean to be clear your children still exist. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They're still here. It's just it's entered into a different, more detached It was all it was about. Everything was about them. And it's kind of coincided with hitting perimenopause. You know, early stages, definitely for me, the weight loss, the weight gain.

I haven't got that, I haven't got that perimenopause. So the weight gain, the struggle to lose it, it becomes a harder way you hold it. So places where you used to be like, kind of, I always had like a flat stomach. It was never an issue now. It's just like, gunt. Do you know what it is as well? Do you get this? And I really relate to this.

It's, you know, people say, are your body change? I remember looking at my mum, who was quite, she was quite an, she was a geriatric mum when she had me, which is in 81, so she was 36, which at the time was like, I hate the fit. They call the geriatric after 35. They still call you a geriatric after 35. So she was Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, geriatric. And I remember thinking, she's like, I don't everyone have a body like that. That's exactly how I found. And now I look down at the tummy that, that I have to sort of, you know, if you like shaving, you have to like lift it up a little bit.

When you lie down on the bed, when you lie down on the bed and you feel it flop onto the, onto the mattress. You sit on the loo and it's on your thighs. Yeah, exactly. Rest your phone on it. Listen, there is one upside to this. I'm never going to drop my phone down the loo.

There is no thigh gap. There's no thigh gap. I'm never dropping my phone down a loo. I'll be honest, there's never been a thigh gap. No, I have. Do you remember I was showing those photos yesterday? Amazing. Amazing.

It's only 2021. God, I was fit. You were. You still fit, baby. Well, I'm just flat-beat and fit. She's fine. Carry on. Creeky joints.

Another fit. I mean, are you hearing me? Less energy. Like, gravity is just pushing everything towards ground level. Like, the face on the skin, the body. Your soul. Everything. Everything.

And I'm just like... Your libido. I feel like, weirdly, though, I feel like I'm more mentally confident. I know myself better. I feel like I trust myself better than I ever. I have, you know. I love myself. Like, I feel really confident.

I feel like I can come on this podcast and say, what the fuck I want? And I don't care if I walk away from this. People go, she's a cunt. Or, like, you know, they don't agree with what I, I don't care. Like, that I love about me. That I love that come with age. And it's not that you don't care in a defiant fuck you way. It's in a life.

It's just, I'm really secure in myself. I'm not going to get in the ring about it. My moral compass, I know is pointing in their right direction. I'm good. Yeah, yeah. I'm good. Do you know what I mean? I surround myself with the right people.

and making the right choices in that sense, most of the time. I can see you thinking something I'm not going to say. But I feel a bit like I'm kind of fading into the background. I feel like I'm fading into the background and that people engage with me in a more kind of dismissive way. I can't, I can't, it's hard for me to put it into words. I feel like the problem with me is I'm picking these topics, which I feel like quite, what would you say? Diverse? Diverse?

I think they're quite diverse. But they all have one very continuous strong theme, which is a feeling of like a wrangling in some way with your sense of self-worth and confidence. Yeah, and I dug in. I don't mean that in a critical way at all, but it's so interesting to listen to. And as I kind of thought about it,

and I'm writing it down and I'm like kind of getting it out of my head. It's not like I was a head turner, do know what I mean? And then like growing up, it's not like I've been, and we've been, you know, last week we spoke about kind of, my confidence came when I put a full face of makeup on, which is why I've struggled to do what I've been trying to do recently, you know, and what I did last week was so huge for me because, you know, I think there is an element, and this is something I'll speak about on another podcast of that kind of pretty privilege that comes, you know, with, you know, that things that go your way that it just oils the cogs of life a little bit more. You get away with stuff. It might be, you know, not having a ticket. Do you feel like your pretty privilege is kind of draining away a little bit? Yeah. Yeah, I do. It's just, yeah, I guess that's it. Maybe it's the, maybe, I can't blame just the media,

and I think things have certainly changed a lot, but I think the media and culture haven't valued women in our age group. Well, that's true. That perpetuates that kind of feeling as well, that you only really matter as a woman when you're young and you're beautiful, and that's when you have the most value. Do you know what, though, I think it's really great, I think there's a way that we can reframe this,

and I think there's almost a chance a very strong chance that people can underestimate us in our age and I think that sometimes you can use that to your advantage like I quite like the fact sometimes that people sort of underestimate me because I've got two kids and I'm at home and all the rest of it

and then when you actually go well actually I do this I'm the main breadwinner in the family and blah blah blah you know it's like pow yeah it's like finally one of my followers actually said to me she goes I she goes actually being more invisible has become my super pale.

Yes, that's kind of how I'm starting to lean into it. Also, it means you can you, there are times when you just want to be invisible, right? Yeah. Sometimes you're like, I'm bloated, I'm on my period, I've got spots all over the place. I'm knackered, I'm grumpy, I don't want anybody to get up in my grill.

Yeah. Then I'm like, brilliant. No makeup, hair up, greasy extensions out. Like, you can see the whole thing. Totally. Not showered for two days. They're my best. She didn't even shower.

this morning for a fact. I know that. Bearing in mind, we just had the conversation where she thought that one of her children had wet the bed. That's what her bed

was like when she got out of it. I had a PTSD wash. I did pits, tits and dicks. It's so good. So good. It's so good. Pits, tits, slits and dicks and dicks.

I love it. But can I just say, it turns out there's actually a well-known social phenomenon. When I started looking into this on Tengenet, there's an actual

well-known social phenomenon in the middle-age women called invisible woman syndrome. It's actually a thing. There's a lot of articles on it. A survey that studied 2,000 women revealed that by the time they reached the age of 51,

many women believe that they have become invisible to men. So there's a lot of the patriarchy in it, which I think... Listen, I'll never miss an excuse to drag the patriarchy. Yes. But only 15% of the women felt they had high or very high confidence in any area of their lives. And 46% thought no one understood

or addressed what aging and older women go through. And I thought, by the way, can I just say this topic came up because I had some friends around for dinner and I thought it was just a female thing. I was chatting to my friend about it. And the husband was like, what are you talking about? And I explained, you know, about this feeling of, you know, being invisible after 40.

And he said he felt the same, which really surprised me. And then I looked into it with men and it was like, well, I read that this is really sad. Well, no, not in that way. But it's like, I read that the average age that men wreak their peak of attractiveness. Reach their peak? Yeah, wreak their peak. Did I say reek? Yeah.

Wow. I read that the average age, that men reach their peak of attractiveness. 47. 50. Oh, sharp. Guess what it is for women?

Oh, 20. What do you think it is for women? When do you think women reach their peak of attractiveness? Oh, no, I feel like we're setting him up to fail. I think that would say something quite young. Yeah. I think it's going to say something. below 30.

It's well below 30. It's below 20. 18. Stop it. 18 is apparently... Hang on a minute. So men are deemed at their most attractive when they're 50.

Yeah, their peak attractiveness. Is that also to do with their bank accounts? Sorry. It's very unfeminist of me. Mad, isn't it? But a woman... So from 18 onwards, according to society, it's downhill for us.

you want to hear what's on my I'm listening to say I really love this I want to just share this voice note that I got I listened to this when we got in last night I watched math this morning

did you? I watched half a bit I know watched half a bit and fell asleep because there was somebody there on our table from that I felt really bad because I've never seen an episode on

I've got a fan girl's over her so bad she was it was Jay from not this season just happening just finishing but the season last before and she's so cool she's got one arm and she's so wonderful

lovely and actually she said she really wants to listen to the podcast so it's nice to give a shout out to you darling you're a fab you're fab you're fab have you got home safely um okay so i'm going to play out this voice note that i got last night from um lovely jen yes yes and can i raise my hands to the roof for a major call out to the fact this is such a great thing to talk about for you Invisible as we get older as women. I 100% think this is because society has paved that way, that youth is beauty. And after you get to a certain age, it's deemed that you are not so desirable. And of course, that's totally wrong. But I spent a decade in basically wearing a black sack because my boy. body shape changed pretty dramatically having children um i've heard something to the fact that i also ate more food and did less exercise but you know shall i blame the kids uh no but it's it's it's so many things that go into that shift and change as we grow up and our bodies um are different and i didn't

know how to dress that i didn't know how to style that i felt like i wanted to kind of fade into the background and I think a lot of women feel this which is why I feel so passionately about what I am now training to do which is to become a personal stylist and the reason that is is because I think it is so sad that women spend so much of their time and it's not even like a bit of time a day it can be all encompassing and it can be days weeks months which actually when you think of it can need to years of women not feeling like they can all own their body and feel that they should draw attention to themselves and that they feel that there's an unease with a changing shape instead of a celebration of that and the fact

that we're here and we're living it up and that's what it should be and so many of us have fallen into that camp of wanting to fade in the background so yeah after 10 about 10 years of basically wearing anything dull, muted and lacking in any sort of shape to draw attention to any parts of my body or to me, I had a personal stylist because my friends got together and they were like,

she can't really take this the wrong way, but they knew I loved fashion. I mean, I'm not saying I'm a fashionista in any way, shape or form. I get it wrong all the time, but I love it. I love the power of it. And so that was,

transformative and actually she came in she was like what are you doing stand up be counted and it was a huge pivotal moment in embracing my changing body and um wanting to feel good again and accounted for and like I had a voice and this is where I think it is so vital that we keep spreading that talking about this and getting more and more women to be proud of their change and what they look like and what they have to say so i love that you're doing this podcast sorry you probably were expecting like you know quick sentence well not from me you weren't let's be honest but i just think this is awesome i it's a a subject that is so close to my heart to the point where i have actually potentially and crazily um looking at shifting a huge part of my career towards it to try and um

spread that confidence and spread the word man so Love this, Emma. This is brilliant. Oh, keep doing what you're doing. When in the podcast, I can't wait. I'm so excited. So great. I just want to say off the back of that,

like I think that we, there are, you get to 40, suddenly the medical establishment ignores you. Nobody, they don't give a shit about menopause. Let's be honest. We've had to fight from the menopause. Fashion ignores you. Yeah.

They're close for old people and they're close for young people. Yeah. But try and find me a top that isn't quite. try and find me a top that isn't cropped that isn't also just a blouse yes that's not happening the beauty industry clearly

is now starting to get around to it but only in recent times everything and anything so if you are a brand just saying if you're a brand because you are missing a trick because we are the people with the most money we've got more money than we've ever had I literally have got more money than I've ever had I could if you're a brand

and you are aiming it at a 40 year old in their 40s women come and sponsor our podcast. Right. Thank you very much. So yeah, you're never the only one that feels invisible after 40. There was lots just to cancer balance that. There was lots of people also saying, you know, I actually love the invisibility and, and I'm enjoying it. I think a combination of both. There's also some of the message and saying, I take my dash and with me to London. It's the only way to be noticed. And I didn't, I didn't ask you to message me.

But thank you. Anyway, it was a big topic and we took it out to the streets to find out what people thought about aging. Perfect. And just a reminder, this podcast is all about you. and hearing your voices. So if there's anything you want to say about something we've said today or in a previous podcast or indeed, most importantly, what we're going to be talking about next week, which I cannot wait to record, mostly because it means I don't have to prepare very much.

Then please either drop us an email at you're never the only one at gmail.com or leave us a voice note on our business website, which is 07457402704. That's 07457404. Save it as you're never the only one in your phone. Okay, next week's topics. super easy. I love this. So we thought, because we have, the next week's episode lands on Christmas Day.

We're going to deck the halls. So we're decking the halls with your, basically, we're not, we're having a week off. Yeah. We're having a week off and we want to hear your Christmas stories of horror, shame, hilarity. Some of the best ones I've got are the worst Christmas presents you've ever been given. I mean, we could fill a whole episode with that. You told me a few last night and I was in stitches. I know, honestly. My mum has done pulled a blinder when it comes to bad Christmas presents. I like the weird uncle stories. The weird uncle at Christmas.

That's always, that's one of my favorites. Yeah, the drunken guy. Yeah, because it's like if you don't have a weird uncle, it's probably you. Yeah, yeah.

It's like if you're not in a side WhatsApp group, they're talking about you. So we want all of your Christmas stories, funny stories, worst presents, best presents. Did somebody give birth at the Christmas table? Like any of that kind of stuff. So email us or drop us a voice note.

And that's it for another week. One more done and dusted, darling. And we actually, we're recording this like maybe a few days before we launched, so it's quite exciting. It's exciting. And guys, just don't stress out over this Christmas period, all right? I know it's a stressful time. I'm thinking when they're listening to this, it's just going to be,

but just don't let the overwhelm. No, grab a Terry's chocolate orange, pour yourself a glass of whatever it is that you allow itself to drink. and just just fucking put a onesie on and have the best time get a voice The things I say do

I'm always what I'm mean I'm neither Saint or simmer I'm somewhere in between This world is complicated Everything Everything moves so quick You're lying to yourself

If you think that you've got to live Everybody You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside your strength Because everybody makes mistakes Don't judge me I'm a weakness Don't judge me on my floor

Because no one's really perfect by the grace of God goes home Everybody love You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside the shame everybody makes mistakes oh taking the time to make sure everything's okay picking up like to everyone else each and every day when you're better than nothing left for you to spend on you you're allowed to be happy to be happy to

Never the only one of all. Never the only one. Don't live inside a shame because everybody makes mistakes. You're never the only one. You're never the only one. They're never the only one. Because everybody makes me stay.

Oh. Thank you.