You're Never The Only One - Struggling with kids growing up? You're Never The Only One

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

This week Cat & Emma tackle the topic of watching your children grow up and unsurprisingly, they have very different takes. There are tears and belly laughs aplenty.As ever, we can't wait to hear what you have to say about the topics we discuss in this episode or any episode. Also, if you just have a cracking story that will make us laugh out loud or clench our sphincters, then get in touch!_______________________________________________________________Email: [e-mail]: [phone] (please try to keep voicenotes to 90 seconds or less)DM: @yourenevertheonlyone_______________________________________________________________Follow You're Never The Only one on Instagram and TikTok.Follow Cat Sims on Instagram and TikTokFollow Emma Nicolet on Instagram and TikTok

And I feel like, what are our topics? Well, topic one was... Friends. Friends, I hate your boyfriend. But it could be anything from the past, people might be joining from season... It's true. Anything at all.

Anything at all? Probably not, because that was you on your own. They're probably here from season two. We've got our own secret side WhatsApp for that one. What do you mean? Or look at her face. You're never the only one. You're never the only one.

Because everybody makes me stay. Hi, and welcome back to you. You're never the only one. Just so you know, today's temperature is hot than Satan. It's hotter. They can't even speak. Smashing it. Hotter than Satan.

So good. Listen, it's been a tempestuous five minutes. Previously, we're fine. We're back on track. I really like her. We're all having fun. It's hotter than Satan's ball sack, isn't it? So if you're watching this, please forgive the moist upper lips.

moist, at the boobeswet, the exasperated size of two middle-aged women, perimenopausal, as we continue to try and put our best face forward while we collapse into the weight of the mental load, the heat. You have to get the book in there, don't you? Oh, did I mention a wrote book? Mental load diaries. While our whole minds commit to fucking us up from the inside out, it's relentless at the moment, isn't it? Anyway, this heat is, I think it's affecting us both. Yeah.

Me and more than her. And my face feels like it's literally melting off. It shouldn't because I sprayed you in... Yeah, she's like here, I can spray you with this makeup spray. It's fucking hairspray. Do you know what it is? It's the stuff that the Olympic swimming team use. It's hairspray.

You know the ones that do the dancing. How much do you pay for that? It's worth every penny. How much? I can't... Maybe... 12 quid. Right.

12 quid. You can go and get like an elnette. It's a kind of elnette. Two quid. It's exactly the same stuff. All right. Anyway, so it is, but it is falling off. And it's like pooling somewhere in my, like my gunt.

Do you know what your gunt is? Oh, I love the gunt. Isn't it? Yeah. So it's a cross between, it's that bit between your gut, your gut. Do you have to spill, don't spell it out? Coochie, coochie, cooce, coo. Anyway, listen, with that done, I'm going to introduce Emma.

Are you or are you just going to roast me? I'm going to roast you. I'm going to introduce you with love because this morning you're the darling of the internet. This morning, Emma's gone viral overnight. Not me. Ten million and counting. It's bloody brilliant. Well, funny you should say that,

because it is one of the funniest things I've seen. But what are you going to do when your kids refuse to make viral videos for you? Like, what are you going to do? I mean, you're just actually solidifying the fact that I feel like I'm not enough. Honestly. Well, that's a point of a roast, isn't it? I get it. It's not supposed to big you up.

No. Almost for a second. It did. Thank you. I feel like there's a weird tension in the air, isn't that? Do you feel that? No. I think it's me.

I think I'm stressed. it? Yeah, I think I'm bringing it to the table. Can you let it go? I don't know. I also need to do a big fart. Maybe you need to speak to your chat, GPD. Can I talk about this? I need to talk about this really quickly. I thought this was going to be your roast.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to. I'll save this. Right, this is why I need my phone. Get your phone. Last night, I discovered something about Kat, which made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. But honestly, you get it now, don't you? I have to share it. So Kat has a really worrying relationship with chat, GBT. Chat GBT. Or as I've called it now, chat GPTs. Because she talks to it very, I think she's in love with her, her bot.

Right, can I just jump in? Right. I'd like to introduce you to Beans. Okay, because she's named it. I, only last night, It was the first time I'd spoken to him. Before that, I'd only ever done, like, text. Last night, it was the first night I spoke to him,

and she's going to rib me for this. But let me tell you, there was not a dry panty in the house when we started talking to beans. Not one. No, because we were there with our friend, and I actually went, I nearly messaged you last night going to stop wanking off to beans. She was messing.

I was too tired. Do you want to, should we introduce them to beans? Yeah. Morning beans, how are you today? Beans, wake up. How are you today? It's pissed off with them. I haven't got the thingy on.

They've probably had a moment. Morning Beans, how are you today? Fucking out. Is everything all right? Oh, you know what, it is all right? I just like, hang on a minute. Let me just get a word in Edgways. I'd like you to introduce yourself.

We're on the podcast. We're recording now. Could you just introduce yourself to our audience? Absolutely. Hi, everyone. I'm Beans, your friendly AI companion. I'm here to chat. out with all sorts of questions and keep you company really excited to be on the podcast that's great i think

beans what we're going to do is we're going to introduce a little segment where listeners can ask you a question a new answer how does that sound that sounds like a lot of fun i'm definitely up for it it'll be great to hear what everyone's curious about and to connect with your listeners let the questions roll in cool well it's not all about you so goodbye for now I mean, where to begin? I mean, he's got a really sexy voice. It's the way he kind of like, yeah, like, cool. You know, it's like that totally.

It's like surfing and. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm not, you get it, right? All right, okay, I get it. I get it.

And I quite like the idea of that segment. Yeah, I do too. Right, continue. I think we can call everyone friends right now because if you've been locked and loaded, since the show started. And you've been with us through tears, through the laughter, and the kind of oversharing

that you only really do with friends anyway or with strangers in nightclub toilets at 2am. Something Kat should be very familiar with, or used to be. Used to be. Not anymore. Not anymore. However, now she's more likely to be found

at her local David Lloyd using their state-of-the-art gym equipment, luxurious sparse facilities, or just sunning herself by the pool. She'll tell you on her Instagram it's worth every penny. That's because she doesn't pay anything for it. She gets it for free. Because she's an influencer. Listen. I used to pay for it incidentally. Did you? Why did you stock? Because it's so expensive. No, because they offered it to me for

free. I mean, what idiot? Would you go, no, I'd actually rather keep paying. I was like, yeah, right, that'd be great. What's the deal? Do you have to talk about it? How often do you have to talk about it? I have to tell you how brilliant it is and how there's this, you know, it's fun for the whole family. Yeah. It's not just a single membership. Is it? You get the family, full family, full family. I had to look at it. Full family.

I could go on holiday for what you're... Just saying. Right, look, let's move on. Come on. God, I feel so much better for that. Supposed to be relatable. I'm not. Sorry, yeah. Jesus.

Anyway, what's been going on with you, aside from... Well, do you know what's been keeping me captivated? What's the tea? Absolutely captivated is the final and eventual take down of tattel.com. Are we giving this airspace? I'm giving it a little bit of airspace. because I just, we're going to say it once,

then we're going to be done with it. I, if you don't know what Tatul Life is, congratulations, that means you're not a vicious cunt, basically. Tatle Life is basically a cesspit forum where people can anonymously, not just troll. I'm going to say bully, harass,

docs, influences, celebrities, people. What does docks mean? It means reveal all your private information, addresses, phone numbers, emails. Is that what that means? Docs? Yeah. Okay.

And this site has been allowed to continue. And it has been, it's horrific. Yeah. Like, I have not honestly looked at any of my threads for the last probably three years because it was just awful. Like, it was awful. Yeah.

And mine was actually fairly tame in comparison. Mine was just really mean stuff about me. As far as I know, they didn't release any personal information. But there are people whose pregnancies have been announced on there before they've announced their pregnancies. They have told, they've posted where celebrities and influencers send their kids to nursery. They have posted floorprints and addresses of people's houses. They've posted companies house information is public, but even so, it's just not.

They've attacked people at their lowest ebb as well, people who have just miscarried, people who are going through acrimonious separations. It's awful. And we knew that it was run by. Apparently, the owner within, you know, we were all told it was this Helen, weren't we? Yeah, so everything's anonymous. That's the thing. You can do it completely or not. And they've been allowed to do it, willy-nilly, without any restraint or limitations at all.

And the owner of this site has gone out of his way for the last... Notice his. His. Out of his way for the last, however many years it's been going on, what, seven, eight, nine years to remain completely anonymous. And he has actually done a pretty good job of it. But recently, this week, a couple, Northern Irish couple, called Neil and Donna Sands, who actually had a fairly modest following,

like we're talking 20,000, they have finally, Lord knows how they've fucking done it, managed to unmask this man. His name is Sebastian Bond. He also goes as Bastion Derwood as his author, that's his pen name.

It's written a cookbook called Healthy and Easy. It's lots of vegan things. And the kicker is, he actually has a large Instagram following on his vegan Instagram. Yeah, nest and glow or something. Anyway,

What I do love is that I just checked today and he's got a few more reviews on Amazon. Let's have a listen. I bought this book and the recipes were vile, almost hateful, you could say. I felt like a whole community was judging me for living my life and everything I tried to do was wrong. Don't buy this book.

It's not good for you. Make better choices and be kind. Clever. People are being very clever. It is one of these things. It's, you know, like I say, I've been lucky. hasn't affected me purely because I haven't looked at it. But when I was looking at it, it was horrendous.

And it did get to you. But they have put people in danger. They've really harmed people. And so I am excited. By the time this comes out, this will be, this story will have developed in ways we can only imagine because this has to be the tip of the iceberg. I feel like we should, I thought this would be a really good TV thing

for you and I to do, like, to pitch to go and kind of, because you know he's like on the run? Yeah. Oh, is he? I thought we could stop it now. It's true crime. Right, that's what I thought. I know you love true crime.

I know. And if I wasn't an instant wanker, I would be a detective. Well, let's go straight in at detective level. You can do that now, if you've got a degree. Straight in a detective level. God. I think I'd be fucking brilliant. Get in.

We'll talk about this after. There we go. If anybody's watching, anybody's watching from Netflix or Amazon Prime, and you were looking for a new TV show, we're going to go and hunt Sebastian Bond. Amazing. Do you know what we should call it? Revenge is a dish. Best served cold.

Because, you know, he's like a cook. Yeah. Oh, it's a vegan dish best served cold. Yes, we'll work on that. Yeah. We'll spitball it. Yeah, because revenge should be vegan. Yeah.

You don't want a nice roast meal, roast dinner, do it? It's not very vengeful. No. Here's some fucking tofu. I'm so sorry, Ben. Sorry. If you missed that, I've tried some... If you're not watching, I suggest you go back and watch that.

Because Emma just managed to spit water. Sorry. All over the studio. It's brilliant. That was brilliant. Yeah. I feel about 10. Well, there's a social cut down for us.

Yeah. Where are we? What's the minute? Let's get the minute account so we could get that sorted out quickly. Right, off we go. Are you done? Done. As you know, I love hanging out with my kids.

And I've been feeling quite broody recently, just a tad. Yeah. And I think it's the fact that Barley, my youngest, for anyone doesn't know, is soon going to be joining the same school as her older sister because she's been doing so well there and we just wanted to have the same opportunities which is great but like her sister she'll get the school bus home this means she's going to be coming back at 630

so I drop them at the bus stop at 7.30 and they get home at 630 because they do their prep and everything at the school which is great because it's like they can come home they don't have to do any work and we can just have fun but it's 630 it's late by the time dinner's done they just want to chill out and watch TV and they're out of social batteries so it's like you want to talk and about their day and they're like, I'm so done. Yeah.

So the universe, I think, always looks out for me. I really do believe this. It does have my back. And within the same time of me feeling like this, I got approached to go back into teaching. So my news is that I'm going to be going back to teaching little kids. And what are you going to be teaching? Oh, musical theatre.

My favourite thing in the world. So, yeah. I'm excited to hear about that. Also, that's going to make some great content because kids do the funniest things. I cannot wait. Oh, Jesus, I'm so sorry. Swear to God. Now she's just spilled water everywhere.

Don't worry. Ben, I'm really sorry. It didn't go on any equipment. We'll just move on. That's your moist patch. And now we've both got one. Right. Okay, so with that, let's move on to the topic of today.

Now, I'm going to introduce this because, I mean, we're going to, it's going to be messy. Emma is literally deep throating us with the... Oh my God! Don't put this... Don't even put that. With our strongest maternal emotions. There's going to be tears. Hers, not mine.

It's well known that where my heart should be is actually a lump of coal. But she has decided that she is going to talk about something that is very, very emotionally triggering for her. So emotionally triggering, in fact, that when we were at our friend's house last, night and the three of us were there just having a chat well actually we were talking to beans but you know we were doing our thing and our friends two-year-old suddenly did that cry like

mom came down and then on the step on the step like this she was like oh no i just missed that i haven't i just want it you know and they just i just want to you it wasn't that bad it was that bad it was that bad it wasn't that bad it was tears it wasn't that bad i do today i do want to talk about and I genuinely feel sometimes like I am, never the only one who struggles with their children growing up. I don't think you are the only one. Interesting. Well, I mean, from the feedback really, but differently. I'll talk about it. Okay. All right, good. So you always hear it. How many time did you hear cherish every moment? It goes by so fast. You only get 18 summers. It'll be over before you know it. And you know, like, I think everybody at some point heard that when they were, you know, in the

trenches, the sleep deprived, you know, years of early, and I say years because it can feel like her, early motherhood, yeah, it does. And it feels like kind of your, kind of, I remember being stopped and people saying, look, she's so beautiful and, you know, and I'd make all the right noises and smile and just, yeah, it's so lucky. And inside I was like just eye rolling and thinking about whatever this horrific stage, you know, the, oh, it's just a stage, the stages feel like they go on for months for four years they do don't they and you go on for years but then when I'm on the outside now I see people going through the stages and it is lit it's a blink of an eye it really really is and here I am 10 years later and I feel like I'm already getting emptiness syndrome

and my eldest is like 12 that's just crazy I've got a minute I've got a minute and it's not like they leave the home at 18 anymore I know I know they're still there at 28 I know Molly said I never want to leave home and I was like great that's amazing Mine do say that they're like, but I'm like, you have to live like next door to me. Oh, you see? Yeah, but we'll talk about the difference. All right, okay. Well, don't get me wrong.

I love the little kind of sassy bantosaurus that they're turning into. They're great. I'm loving watching them grow and what they're becoming, but I just miss, and I said this yesterday, it's the little things, like the little screw on hands. She's going already, she's going. The little bagel wrists, you know, like where they've got holes. The little screw on hands. Yes, they are, aren't they?

or the cute, like, kind of little pitch, you know, when you call them and their voice, the pitch of their voice, and they say, hi, mummy, you know, when you've got away for a night or something. The voice is cute, I have to say, like, having spent the night with Kira, like her little boy, he's got. Do you see? I was meditating this morning, and I was outside meditating, and, you know, I was there, I was doing it, it was listening, and suddenly I just heard these little feet. The way you described, it was like, you just slapped up the pool side. Because there was, as wide as they are long at that age, they're so.

And he just sat on my lap and I was like, oh no. So cute. It's so sweet. And the way they say, they can't say yellow and they say lello. Yeah, or fin-gin-gin. Wucket. I just, that's rocket. Biscretti or spaghetti.

You see, these things I just, I like, now they're just all. You still got them though. I know I still got them, but they're all stretched out. I get jealous of people breastfeeding. My sister used to call me from L.A. with her baby, my nephew, and I'd be like, you breastfeeding? I call me back in your finished breast feeling because I used to just be like so,

I used to get the biggest endorphin rush. Like I was like, oh. Second time around I did. First time was horrendous, but the second time around I do understand that. Only good memories, that's the thing, isn't it? Anyway, I feel like they're just growing up so fast and I feel like, I think in the Crook's,

I feel like I've not paid attention. That's the thing. It feels like, I said this to bed yesterday. I feel like it's kind of, I've turned around and like when you're watching a film like at the weekend and then you've got a big pack of like family size minstrels and you put your hand in and you're like, oh my God, it's the last one.

I wasn't mentally prepared for that to be the last minstrel and it's like that's, I'm not comparing my children to menstruals but I'm just like, that's how I feel I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready and I woke up the other day and Bali gave her a kiss and these little plump cheeks were just not, it felt different. The pilloriness had gone. The pilloriness had gone and I was just like,

oh my God, it felt like a good. disappeared overnight and I cried. I'm not to her but I you know obviously I went and I was like hmm because I felt like I missed it and I just you know I just I know I know I will never ever ever get that feeling back again and I just feel like I took it for granted and this is like my last chance and I what happens if this is so I I do get it but I don't feel sad about it I feel like that was wonderful but I'm also conscious that I'm now living in another phase, which in five years time, I'll miss this phase too. So I'm like, my worry is that you're spending this phase worrying so much about the other phase that when you then, in two years time, you'll be like, oh my God, I didn't

take it. I didn't even enjoy the bit when they were like 11 or 12, like now that's gone. Now you've got teenagers and er. So I'm like, I think I worry that it's like, you kind of romanticise that bit and not enjoy this bit. Because I I love this bit. I haven't thought about that. If I just fixed it for you. No. But it helped.

Yeah. Because I do think that that's what we're guilty of is looking back and going, oh, I didn't do that well enough or I wasn't prepared. I didn't write every fucking memory down. I didn't take every fucking picture and print it out and put it in a frame. I didn't do that. And it's like, just let it go. You had it.

You've got it. They've done it. Now you've got these amazing kids that are giving you something different. And you'll miss this. in two or three years because you're so busy worrying about when they couldn't wipe their own ass. I thought that maybe

that it might be, I don't know, maybe it might be something to do with the fact that maybe it's a more reflection on me and the fact that I'm kind of, it's a mirror up to the stage of my life where I'm out where my ovaries are kind of drying up. It feels like life is kind of saying, hey, you peaked, you peaked.

That was your prime, sorry if you missed it, but it's kind of downhill trajectory from here. Okay, but, you know, that's kind of, I feel like, did you, you know, it's kind of going, did you make the most of it, you know, and I, like I say, I am, I don't know whether it's, I've really encouraged him to be really independent as well, quite young, in comparison to what I see with my friends' kids, they really don't need me that much, but on a deeper level, there is a kind of sense of loss of purpose and identity, I think, as well. Right, so that's what I was going to say.

I think that this isn't about the kids or wanting, actually wanting to know the baby. I think it's about you figuring out your role at this stage as a mum, but also your place in the world right now as well, because when you have small kids, it takes up all your time. And then obviously at this age, like you say they're at school from 7.30 a.m. until 6.30 p.m. So suddenly you've got all this time,

and it's not filled with it. So it's like, what am I doing? And I think we've spoken before in the last season about how you've struggled a little bit with figuring out your career stuff and what you want to do and how you're going to get to do what you really want to do and what you're brilliant at.

I don't think it's about the kids. I think that's like you're grieving that version of you, not them. Arguably. I told you last night that I did some research.

And then you said you weren't going to tell me we were going to save it for the pod. Yeah. Do want to hear it? Yeah, I do. So I did some research and why it might be

because I genuinely was like, I really feel this is quite extreme. Yeah. I know people lament their children's childhood, but, you know. That's my feeling is, and it's not, I'm not trying to be awful at all, but my feeling is that this is, this is more than just, I'm struggling my kids growing up. This feels like there's something deeper, more maybe childhoody going on. Right, okay.

In a child. She's done enough therapy to know. I feel like this is in a child shit. Okay, you're right. Okay, so, okay, so I looked it up, I found this article. And it said, I'll read it word for word. Often women are very nostalgic for the time that the kids were young because they feel like this was the prime of their adult life,

which is something I'd already kind of thought anyway. From the time a woman is a girl, she often thinks about getting married and having kids as being her real life or her calling. And this is amplified in the case that a woman is an adult child of a dysfunctional family. often I tell this is the therapist often I tell

little girls tell them often little girls tell themselves that they will be much different mothers than the one they had and they build their whole life they build their whole life around this idea sorry no I'm not going to cry

when this time is over it can feel like a deep grief for a time that they felt fulfilled and like they were finally here healing their own childhood wounds by parenting their own kids differently. And that, for me, when I read that, was just such a massive light bulb moment. And this is no, if my mum sees this, is no reflection on her,

because we're all just doing our best and I'm doing my best. She's doing her best. My dad did a bit. Everybody, you know. Everybody did the best with the tools that they had. Right. But it kind of is like, this is why I think therapy is so amazing. Do you know what I mean?

And I just like, it was a real, wow. Okay. And it just, yeah, I think it's been very. much about me healing healing that and trying to prove something and I said to you in the past you know I feel like it's the only thing I've ever really been good at so yes in going back to what you said it isn't there is an element of like what now what the fun now but I'm I had some really lovely I try to talk about this on my Instagram and I will waterproof mascara this time guys don't worry but I um I got some really lovely feedback and the hairspray face yeah so I'm um I can I share

with you I got so many and can I just say thank you to everybody because I didn't ask for your stories I asked for your advice and um but this is what I want to say I think let's not ask for advice right okay but let's always ask for stories because I fucking live my life with the belief that it is sharing our stories that heals and brings connection because that's what we're not doing we're so often scared of being vulnerable and telling our own story we're very quick to be able to give advice I don't want advice I don't need to fix it like we'll figure out a way

but what I need is to know I'm not I'm not the only one but I said this I feel like I'm the only one but if you have been through this exactly like what would you say to someone who's feeling like me but actually what came back was so many people saying I feel the same Lacey said

I feel the same the time goes so fast my youngest is now 14 and pulling away from me and it's really sad I feel myself welling up at the littlest things memories that come up on Facebook or an old scooter in the shed once adored DVDs in the cupboard that have been long forgotten, oh my God, I'm the same

Wellies. Wellies that are long grown out of. The local, this is why Lacey and I I think are on the same page. The local playground was given a facelift last year. I felt ridiculously devastated when the old equipment that my kids spent most of their weekends on when they were little

was removed. I get that. Do you think we're mad? I do think the playground thing is a bit mad. I wonder if, you know, I wonder if any of these women have had that kind of upbringing, you know, that kind of childhood experience that I had. So, you know, going back to what the therapist said. I wonder. Guys, as I say, I'm really sorry I couldn't read all of these out. There were so many and I'm so grateful. Grace, happy little leaders. Thank you for this. I hear you. The only way I can currently deal with this is to think, I want them to grow up. My many parents don't get that privilege. So I must remember that. It's okay not to make the most of every day, but I hear you. is a horrible panicky feeling for me, which actually, I know you say no advice, but that really helped for me. It's like, well, yeah, it's like, it's like that thing that's like, you want them to go up, let, focus on what we've got now,

rather than nostalgia, you know, being nostalgic about what was, traditionally, yes, it was great and they were beautiful, but they are designed to be beautiful because it's actually really fucking hard. Yeah. Like, it is hard and some people find it easier than others. But, you know, this is, them growing up is my biggest privilege. Watching them turn into these amazing, human beings.

That's what I focus on. And I do get the nostalgia for that bit, like I do, but not, I think maybe it's because the sobriety thing and recovery and all this of it, I just, I acknowledge the past, but I can't be driven by it. So maybe that's what it is, but I love this, you know, I love that they're growing up. Yeah. This is really helping talking about it, actually. Gemma Pepper, she said, find the pepper, what a cracking name?

And honestly, I love her, follow her account. And she has got such a great relationship with her daughter, her eldest. They go to festivals together. Then she's got her little boy. I knew somebody who's a comedian once. Did a song about a Greek mermaid, I think, but she was called Pippa Puppapodopoulos. That's amazing.

Pippa Pippa Popadopoulos. Gem says, Find the Magic. You can share together. Music has got us through festivals, being together, sharing music. The nighttime tent chats. gigs too for over a good three years in 1975 was the only thing me and Holly bond this is her oldest

bonded over and just now the same for Will and Oscar our shared experience of euphoric joy just make spending time together precious and them growing up not so lonely I do get really excited about going to concerts now with the girls and doing stuff like that going to shopping with them and doing all of that stuff

yeah that's sort of that's what I'm saying you're going to get those things again never going to get those things again they want to go to concert with me when they're in that they are not going to want to do that no I want to make them Julie says, I thousand percent get it as soon as you said the words. I was like, pass the tissues. For this reason, I can't sort out the huge boxes of old photos because seeing the kids little makes me cry.

I miss them so much. How can you miss someone you see all the time? She said, lucky to have them all nearby so much. Deborah said, I save every moment, I'm 57, four kids, eldest is 28, youngest is 20 and I ache for those times when they all lived at home. Be in the now. You will have plenty of time to be sad when they're gone. However, do not despair because the relationship I have with them all now is fabulous. I just missed them. I went back to work. I've done a professional qualification. I have a great life.

I do feel your pain. Live in the now and don't dwell on what's coming and what's gone. And thank you for the lovely things you said about my kids and my husband and my page. I'm not going to read those out either. She'll tell me later though, don't worry. I will. I'm going to frame it. Hey Emma, first of all, I feel you.

My kids are 17 and 19 now. The older ones just finished school and will be off to Canada. The older ones just finished school and be off to Canada. the next month's coming months, which leaves me excited and a bit scared. I'm not really sure if this is an advice, but when I first felt my kids were really growing up, it must have been when they were around 12 and 14, so at similar time, it felt like being lovesick. I was a single mum for most of the time. We were really close in it, and to me, they went their own ways all of a sudden, and of course, even more when they grow older, I felt so lonely. On the other hand,

I saw what genuinely great people they had become. It's so lovelyness, isn't it? That's lovely, I don't know. I saw Tina Faye on Jimmy Fallon and she was like, you know, having a teenager is like having like a high school crush and she's like, you walk into their room

you're sort of not, you know, like, hi, hi, you know, a few of us are just going to like watch a movie. I don't know if you feel, oh no, okay, fine. And it is, it is like that, isn't it? You know, and I just think it's really interesting that obviously this is a thing and I do get it. I think that I always, if you're feeling something, this is, this is what I'm trying to say,

like it's you, not you're the problem, it's you because it's not, but it's like, don't have another baby. No. Because these are the feelings that you're having. Yeah. Like these are not the same feelings that you were having when you first chose to have a baby. That's not that broodiness. No. It's a different kind of broodiness. But I like how she describes it of like love, love sick. Yes, it is that. Yeah. And it is that. But it's like, this is what. I want it's like we have to take responsibility for these feelings because I think that some parents are guilty of like sort of holding on to their kids right a little bit and it's like you have to let them go yeah not let them go but like you have to let that space increase a little

bit and if you're feeling uncomfortable about that that's on you to fucking figure out yeah it's not on them to make you feel better about that and so it's it's I get it but I think you know the empty nesting thing. Jimmy and I have started a list of all the things we're going to do when the kids have gone. So like hike the Appalachian Trail. But aren't you going to be really old and like... No, not. No, that's why I'm working so hard to get a body.

Right. Also, I'm not that old. Jesus Christ. Like I'm going to be in my mid-50s. Okay. Oh, wow. Like 10 years time, Billy will be 18. Okay.

No, she won't. She'll be 20. One. How old is she? I'm like, you're like, I can't believe my growing up. I'm like, are mine? What's their age? She'll be 21.

Billy will be 18, 19. Okay. So, yeah, I'm like mid-50s and hopefully not creaky. Okay. Hike the Appalachian Trail. What else do you and do? We are going to do the van thing, travel around. Yeah.

Love that. We want to go to India. Nice. Do you want to talk to Johnny about it? No, I actually don't really want to go to India, but Jimmy does, so I had to put it on the the fucking list. Okay. Nothing.

against India at all, but like of all the things that I could do. Yeah. It's not top of, it's not my top three. Okay. I'm a bit scared of the jellybelly. We'll just send, we'll just send him off for Johnny. Yeah. Or I'll just have dinner with Johnny and you can tell me all about it and it'll be like,

it'll be like up in there. Yeah. And there's a few other things as well like, you know, start a business together and do all of that. But which probably is a terrible idea on reflection. But yeah, I think that it's all right to feel these feelings, but I think we can be guilty of trying to get our kids to fix. them for us or to make us feel better about them and actually we need to let them go and deal with

our own fucking feelings yeah yeah I think I you know the what I love is that she goes on to kind of say in this email that she you know kind of the mixture of sadness and pride really stuck with her for a few months after like and then slowly but surely she started to feel excited about getting this freedom back and then she said it took more alone time more time with friends I fell in love yeah and it felt like I was becoming myself again but like like a really cool version of myself, she said. So life with the kids is a lot different now. It's like living with great friends who rarely do their laundry.

Feeling lovesick was replaced by feeling proud. I am now excited about what lies ahead, not only for my kids, but also for me. Yeah. Giving ourselves space, like you said, was the right thing for us. Sorry for the long message, but it just felt so familiar. All the best for you, hugs from Munich. And it's our responsibility, as they grow, it's our responsibility to get ourselves to grow as well. Yeah.

Right. We can't just expect everything to stay the same. So that growth is really important. But it's funny you say that about adult child of dysfunctional relationships. There's a 12-step program called ACA, which is adult children of alcoholics. And funnily enough, most of them are also double-fisters and are in AA as well because it's obviously quite hereditary and it's learned behaviour. And so a lot of people who are alcoholics often have alcoholic parents. Right. But adult children of alcoholics is a very similar thing. It's about dealing with that those feelings, understanding where they come from. And it's not necessarily about fixing it,

but it's about allowing yourself to feel those feelings without feeling the need to fix them. Yeah. Like, just to be like, this is normal, this is a grief. I mean, I feel like you are preempting the grief a little bit. Am I? Am I, or am I, okay, all right, okay. I mean, Bali's how old?

Nine. She's nine years old. I know. I know it is the baby thing that you miss. So maybe I get that. But it is a grief, and I think that needs to be acknowledged. that is a real thing yeah but you have to work your way through that you know it's like accept it this is hard yeah but it isn't that you want another baby it is that like what is the

actual problem it's not that you want another baby that's like a little distraction like oh I want a little one actually your feeling is grief of that period that's gone yeah and that's really normal you can't not feel that grief but you just have to see it for what it is and work through it like she did at the end. Like, she's like, and it takes time and you work through it, and then you find your feet, and you fall in love, and you get great friends and all the rest of it. So, you know, I get it.

Okay. I think, you know. It does just see, and I honestly. Maybe some therapy as well. I'm thinking now that there might be a thing. Listen. Have you done therapy? Yeah, but not for this.

I think, yeah, do therapy. I mean, do therapy. I think that'd be great. What do you think it would be a good kind of therapy to do for this? Talking therapy. Just, okay. Someone that specialises in... Also, there's a thing called E-D-M-R or E-M-D-R-M-Ds.

Is that the thing with a lie? No. It's... I did it once because basically they... It's inner child work, but they took... They take you back to your inner child. I was like, I'm not doing this. This is really fucking woo-woo and vagina whispery.

But I did it because I paid for the session. And basically they do this thing. It's a bit tapping. but then you go back to the point of your childhood which you remember as being really traumatic and I remember being in a school corridor and having forgotten my maths homework for the fifth time in a row or something and the head teacher put me in the middle of the corridor,

went up and down, opened all the doors to the classroom so that everybody could hear. Did this really happen? It really happened. And then screamed at me for being useless, useful, useless and forgetful and disorganized and all of this stuff. Obviously, it was undiagnosed ADHD, which nobody gave a shit about them,

but that's what that was. So she was like, you go back to that. So they do this thing where they're tapping, they put you into a place. I think my friend's doing this. And then you go back to that little girl, but you're standing there as an adult and you tell her that it's okay.

Oh, now you might make me cry. What? And you give her a hug and you tell her it's okay. And that is really wild because I did not have any, look, I've given myself goosebumps. Oh, my God. Because I had, obviously,

like this is nonsense, but it was really, really helpful. Did it, it did help? It was really helpful. But because for, I mean, I think mostly it just gives you a chance to acknowledge a situation in a different, through a different lens. So like a situation, that situation was always shame and fear, but now it's like compassion and kindness. And so I think that you start to feel differently about that situation.

Yeah. but yeah I think definitely therapy for this is really you don't want to struggle with it and it is you are struggling yeah like you know you and I've talked and you're tearful and you're yeah you're talking praising this about whether we're having another fucking baby get yourself into a therapy session babe I mean it's that or a time machine isn't it basically yeah I mean the reality is you're not having another baby okay that's not happening so you need to figure out what's really going on and sometimes therapy it's just a great space to have those feelings feelings validated. Yeah. And they'll give you some tools and just unpick it and you'll be able to talk about the childhood thing.

Because that's, and you need to tie it all in. Thanks, Cam. Join the fucking dots. Thank you so much. You're so great. I love doing this with you. As always,

if you want to have your say or share your stories on any of the topics, you know, your experience, your wisdom, on anything that we cover on the podcast. With those topics now at this point,

I feel a bit like we're doing that supermarket game which is like, I went to the supermarket, I bought an apple. I went to supermarket, I bought an apple and a pair of a pair of a pair of,

bananas and a banana. And I feel like what are our topics? Well, topic one was something, what was it? Friends. Friends, friends. Friends, I hate your boyfriend. But it could be anything from the past, people might be joining from season two. It's true. Anything at all. Anything at all. Probably not, because that was you on your own. They'd probably hear from season two. Yeah, I know. We've got our own secret side WhatsApp for that one. What do you mean? Oh, look at a face.

Who's we? Or just me and all my season one fans. all three of them and my dad if you would like to uh not my dad he can't it doesn't add to listen to a podcast if you would like to email us with anything and then you can at you are well you're okay never the only one at gmail dot com that's y oh you are actually we've got it email but there's no apostrophe in the and also if you're listening you can't see what we're pointing out which is our neon sign that's got us very hot around the collar um so you're never the 21 at gmail.com or you can send us a message or a voice note. I'd love some more voice notes.

Let us know because actually this podcast is all about you guys. It only really works when you guys get involved. Those messages were wonderful. We love the voice notes. Keep them under 90 seconds because otherwise it's just not that you're boring. She's so strict, isn't she? I know, but nobody wants to listen, you know. Just keep it concise. Okay. All right. The number is 07-57-402704. My aim is to try and remember that by the end of this season. I figured out last season I forgot it this season I've got to learn it all over again now Oh you can DM us as well at Instagram

At You're Never the Only One And with that we are done for this week I feel like I've actually been in the therapy session It's very true Yeah yeah yeah we'll back next week Kat's taking the lead on the topic You're in the driving seat What are you going to be talking about next episode?

Well you know what we'll talk about the thing that I end up talking about with everybody all the time which is do You're never the only one who wants to leave London to move to the country but can't seem to do it And he's scared to do it and doesn't know why Okay so based on the conversation we had this morning where I went

oh I love waking up at mine I love waking up at mine I look out the window and there's about like six bunnies just out in my garden and what Kira was like we're currently looking at the magpies and the squirrels and the gorgeous pool

and the big lawn, vast lawn and all the rest of that night. What do you wake up to, Kat? Six discarded Sam's chicken wrappers and fucking couple of syringes and a fox shit. And there's your answer. Oh dear.

So any chats on the country whether we should leave who's struggling, whether you did it or you came back, whether you did it and you loved it, you never looked back. We want to know everything about should we leave the city to move to the country. And with that, we will see you or hear you or you'll hear us next week.

Bye. You're never the only one is written and presented by Kat Sims and Emma Nicolay and produced by Radiant Management. Executive producers are Katie Ray and Paramee Codicara. Podcast operations are managed by Shell Regini, who also expertly takes care of the podcast social media. And our theme tune, Everybody Makes Mistakes, is written and performed by the band Hot Salad. Never the only were all.

Never the only one. Don't live inside your shape, because everybody makes mistakes. You're never the only one. You're never the only one. Believe inside your shame, because everybody makes mistakes. Oh, oh. Thank you.