You're Never The Only One - The Kid That Won't Get Dressed & 62 Symptoms

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

In this episode Cat shares stories from two listeners who deliver stories that will all make us feel seen as parents. She introduces the relatability klaxon and calls on listeners to send high fives, compassion and advice to parents on the edge for different reasons. Cat also discusses the 62 symptoms of menopause, her controversial take on Halloween and her outrage at pumpkin prices. Follow Cat on Instagram and TikTok and head to her website to buy a signed copy of her book The First Time You Smiled (or was it just wind?)Buy The First Time You Smiled (or was it just wind?) You're Never The Only One is written and hosted by Cat Sims, founder of Not So Smug Now, an online platform for people just trying to get through the day with some credit in the karma bank. The podcast is edited by Lucy Lucraft and executive producers are Bonnie Barry & Parami Kodikara.

Hi and welcome to you are never the only one, hosted by me Kat Sims. Now, you may think you're special, that your worries, fuck-ups and fun times are unique only to you, that only you can get so many things wrong, so much of the time. Well, I'm here to prove to you every Monday morning that, in the nicest possible way, you're not special or unique. You don't fuck up any more than the rest of us and that even though it doesn't always feel like it, you are in fact never the only one.

Hello and welcome. Hello and welcome back to your never the only one. only one. Now, we are at episode four, and as it's a brand new podcast, this is only an eight episode season. So we're halfway through. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate everybody who's already listening. I have to be honest, I thought I'd just do eight weeks, see how it goes, because frankly, I didn't want to spend all this time and effort to find that three people were listening, especially if one of those was my dad. So if you do want more of you're never the only one, I cannot tell you enough how important it is that you rate and review the podcast.

And I know it's boring, but if you could just take five minutes to do that, I would be very grateful. On this episode, we were going to have good old Jimmy plays base. My husband Jimmy Sims was going to come on and do what I thought was going to be a 10-minute segment on relationships, couples therapy, all that stuff that I talk very openly about on Instagram, but that we rarely get to hear a male viewpoint on. When we sat down to do the podcast, turned out we had a lot to say. So if you're expecting to hear that chat in this podcast,

you're not going to, sorry. But good news is there is a special edition of this podcast landing on Wednesday and it will be the entire conversation that Jimmy and I have. I know lots and lots of you out there have spoken to me about the struggles that you have in your relationship and that you want to go to couples therapy but perhaps one of you in the relationship is really really reluctant I don't want to generalise but often that's the man and we get jimmy's perspective

on all of that so if you want some good relationship chat if you want to hand it over to your husband and say hey listen to this in that pasag way that we have then wednesday is your day make sure you follow the podcast then you'll get notifications and um You'll be able to listen to it as soon as it lands. We're also going to be chatting a bit about the menopause. Now, I don't think I'm quite there yet. But there's no doubt that perimenopause is but a blink away. And I think it's important that we talk about it.

Now, it's not like I'm blazing a trail here. The menopause is so well spoken about now. But I think still so many of us as women don't fully understand it, and I hold my hands up. I'm one of those. And certainly men are struggling to get to grips with it. In doing some research, I realized that we sort of think of the five main symptoms of menopause, the hot flashes, the night sweats, the excess body hair, all of those really attractive, fun things. But actually when I did some research, I discovered that there were no less, my friends, than 62 menopause symptoms. And they are so diverse and so seemingly unrelated that,

that I guess it's not a surprise that they haven't really been all put together beforehand, but it also goes to show just how little we know about it. So I've got some chat on the menopause coming up, and a lot of you've written in with some of your own menopause stories, and I can't wait to share those with you. Finally, I'm going to be getting controversial. Don't worry, I'm not talking co-sleeping, sleep training or breastfeeding, the holy triad of controversial parental topics,

but I am talking Halloween. I put a post on Instagram about my discomfort with the explosion of Halloween this year, year and I'm telling you it was one of the most divisive things I've ever said. So we're chatting Halloween. Should we get on with it? But first, as ever, but first, as ever, we are. diving headfirst into my box, my inbox, that is. And let's see what we've got this week. Now, I feel like I need to let you know both these letters come from mums who are, frankly, on the fucking edge. If you've listened to other episodes of this podcast, you'll know that I usually

pick emails that make us laugh because generally they depict ridiculous, often embarrassing and bonkers situations that people get themselves into because it's always nice to know that you're never the only one. But this week, I need your help. I need your help to make these ladies feel like they're not alone. Like it's okay to just get to a point where you decide you actually can't and won't parent anymore. And what's more? You don't want to. Now, halfway through the season, quick heads up, I've decided to introduce what we're going to know as the relatability claxon. And it sounds something like this. There you go. We're going to be using that whenever anything uber relatable comes up. And this, I think, is worthy. So here's the claxon.

Georgie writes, Kat, I love your podcast. Thank you. Your Instagram gives me luck. Again, I could edit this, but listen, it's my podcast I'm going to put in what I like. Your Instagram gives me life on a regular basis. And now having someone talking to me and reminding me I'm not alone every Monday is awesome. Georgie, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that,

but it would be great if you went and rated and reviewed. Thank you. I am fresh from a horrible weekend with my three-nager. Now, first of all, I'm appreciating the fact that she has said It was horrible. We're all sometimes supposed to just go, oh my God, I love spending time with my children. Sometimes spending time with your children is horrible. That's okay. Here goes. She's three and a half years old, sassy, full of attitude. She's a vibrant little girl who is, frankly, driving me crazy. She goes to preschool full time. So, I feel all the working mum guilt. I hear you. And we decided to have a fun weekend at home playing. Now, Georgie, I'm going to say it already. There's your first mistake. Never in the history of parenting has any. parent ever had a whole fun weekend of playing. I think my P.B. My personal best when it comes to playing in terms of enjoyment is probably about two minutes. And then I'm literally wanting to stab myself in the eyes with boredom. My husband, on the other hand, is an amazing player. He loves

playing. I don't get it. I need to take them out. I need a screen or two. When we're out the house, I'm fine. But honestly, the thought of being in the house all weekend with my children with no plans is frankly terrifying. So there, there, my love, was your first mistake. She was clearly bored. There we go. And behaved so badly all weekend, I honestly feel like I've done nothing but tell her off. Cue hysterics from the over-emotional three-year-old and tears from me at bedtime, feeling like the worst mother on the planet. Relatability Claxton, Relatability Claxon. Every morning is a war zone getting her to wear clothes. Now, this is something that I haven't dealt with with my kids. But I do know lots of people that have kids with this aversion to

clothes. She goes absolutely mad at the thought of wearing trousers and is currently being carried, yes, carried into school every day in her summer school dress because she refuses to wear warm clothes. I walk past teachers in coats and her arms are bare and freezing. She also refuses socks and shoes. Oh Lord, because she doesn't like socks. Fuck my fucking life. Oh, Georgie, I feel it. She had to wear trousers for school last week

and it was a 45-minute screaming hell showdown. I gave up, she wore the dress. The line between being firm and shouting is getting thinner and thinner. And that is from Depleted, exhausted and slightly broken Georgie from London. But can we just all as a collective take a moment to send Georgie all the fucking love and support and good vibes that we can

because every single one of us listening to this has been at this point. We have been at the point where nothing we do is right. Everything they do is difficult. And our instinct is always to blame ourselves. But here is the truth. Sometimes it's not our fault. Yes, we have bad days, but you know what? So do the fucking kids.

Yes, we have bad weekends But do you know what? So do the fucking kids We are so instinctively tuned To start blaming ourselves immediately It must be our fault Actually, sometimes you cannot make a silk purse Out of a sow's ear And yes, I'm referring to children as sow's ears

We are all very clear on the fact That kids are a blessing And a joy and a privilege But they are also sometimes All of those things dressed as walking, talking twats And it's okay to admit that because on no one scale is that kind of behaviour easy to manage or conducive to a positive

vibeage in any house. Kids behaviour can take its toll. We are so afraid of saying that or of admitting that we're struggling to cope with their tantrums and behaviour because it somehow implies we're bad parents. There is no way that kind of stress isn't going to impact you in your mental health. And the more we don't talk about it, the bigger that stress becomes. Babe, that is a lot. That is mentally and physically draining. I'd be shocked if you weren't feeling depleted, exhausted and slightly broken. I don't know if you've managed to sort this out, recover a little bit, had any breakthroughs, but just in case you haven't, if anyone else has had these kind of issues,

especially the getting dressed thing with their little ones, and you've got some ideas to help Georgie on this, then please drop me an email at you're never the only one at gmail.com. Y-O-U-R-E. If anyone is listening to this podcast regularly and in the future gets Y-O-U-R and Y-O-U-R-E mixed up, all I can say is I tried. So, any advice, welcome. Now, moving on, we've got Mags. And Mags's email might just be one of my favorites. So here goes.

Trigger warning, there is the use of very explicit language. So if you're offended by the C-word, it might be a good opportunity to skip forward 30 seconds. But I don't advise that you do. Max writes, not sure how much background info you want to this. this, I'll take all the info. She writes, I felt abandoned by a husband who worked abroad two to three weeks every month. I had a baby under one and I was pregnant with baby number two. Already, this is the perfect parental storm. I had no immediate help to call upon and I was at my limit. And the question I have is, am I the only one who screamed crying in their

baby's face, go to sleep, you can't? I'm going to be honest, Mags. No, you're not. Are you the only one that's openly admitted it, maybe. I remember a friend of mine saying exactly the same thing and it wasn't a baby actually. I think her kid was maybe about five or six and a massive sleep progression and she just lost it and I remember her telling me with tears and her eyes and I just remember thinking this isn't worth the pain that you're putting yourself through. It's not great. I'm going to say that. Is it the best parenting I've ever heard? No. Do I hear much that I would consider the best parenting? Also, no. This is not a sign that you are a terrible parent. This is a sign of what an exhausted and mentally fucked parent you are. This is not something that should make Janet

from down the road sigh and tell and declare that you're unfit. This is something that should make Janet from down the road, make a casserole, rush over with sugary treats, take the baby, make you a cup of chamomal tea, or pour you a glass of wine, wherever your bag is, run you a bath, put you in clean jammies and let you sleep for an hour. So if your response to Mag's shouting in her baby's faces, oh God, that's awful. Or, oh God, she took it a bit too far. Then just wait a hot minute, because the lack of sleep is what's bad. That's what's been taken too far. Anyway, Mags goes on. She says, I've told very few people this story. Of course you have. Why would you in a world where we are so quick to shame mothers and, in fact, where other mothers are actually

the quickest ones to shame in the first place? Why would you? These mothers, they don't do it because they're horrible people. But I believe they do it because whether they know it or not, they're traumatised to a greater or lesser extent by some experience of motherhood and they're triggered as fuck. And I have been there on steroids. So when they see a little bit of themselves in your actions, it's just too fucking close and it's themselves that they start to hate. And that's not fair either. But that's why I think they react like that. They don't know what to do with that information. They just want to push it away and lock it up in a little box. And so they condemn you and it makes them feel a little bit better about the shit stuff they've done.

Mags, you are wonderful. Not, I might add, because you called your baby a cunt. I'm not sitting here saying that's the way to parent, but because you are so aware of your flaws, your weaknesses, your limits and because you can admit the times that you've got it wrong. She says, I recently told my dad what I'd done and what I'd said to my baby, ready to be shamed into oblivion and severely told off, but he said it would be more worrying if I didn't react to all. Now, can we just have a quick round of applause for Mags' dad? What a hero. His response to that confession of Mags's could have been absolutely defining. Like the time I called the health visitor, my eldest was eight weeks old and I was sobbing hysterically down the phone because after eight weeks of mastitis,

blisters, pain, nipple thrush. If you think mastitis is painful, wait until you get nipple thrush. That's like every time they feed for the whole feed, it's like your nipples being cut off by a rusty bread knife. I just leave that image with you for a second. Where was I? Yes, things that can harm you for life. And so I finally gave her formula. Now, I didn't want to give a formula because I had been made to feel like giving a baby formula was basically like giving them a mixture of tequila cocaine and dung beetles. And it was my mum actually who was like, I cannot sit here and watch you both go through this anymore. Please just try on some formula and I haven't said anything before but I'm saying it now because it's not okay.

Jimmy and I were so crazy, we were so mentally broken that I made us both hold that first bottle of formula so that one of us couldn't blame the other for damaging the baby. That was bad enough in itself but the next morning I think to myself I'm going to call the health visitor because I'm not feeling great about this and I am bawling down the phone to the health visitor. hysterical, that kind of when you can't catch your breath, crying. And I said, I just need you to tell me, I'm not terrible, mother. And she said to me, and I'm just taking a minute because I still struggled to say these words,

to recall this story. She said, look, you can always undo the damage you've done when it comes to weaning. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that was the support I received. And that comment, I now realize, was so detrimental. contributed so much to my mental breakdown in that first year that we have to be careful what we say to anybody, but especially to new mums and new parents in general. So your dad was absolutely right. And listen, when we're parenting for the first time, we've got no benchmarks regarding how hard it should be or feel or how fucked we should be mentally like what's a safe,

regular version of that. You know, we're just operating day to day minute to minute. And how do we know when we're so tired versus when we're burnt out? How do we know when we've got baby blues versus when we're depressed? We don't know first time round. There are indicators that we need to ask for help, not indicators that we are bad at parenting. And goddamn anyone who shames you for this kind of thing, Mags, that's not okay. She says almost six years on and not sure I've shook off that guilt yet. And you know what, I get it. I don't think I've shook off the guilt of giving Billy Formula, which is ridiculous because she is, I mean, she's

absolutely fine. And again, oh, am I going to say this because it's going to get loads, I'm going to say it. I know that they say that breastfeeding is great for immunity and I have no doubt that it is. But in my experience, I formula fed my first and she is strong as an ox and catches nothing.

I breastfed my second, I swear to God, there's a reason we call her Bov, by the way, for those who don't know, we call her bovid. She's had it four times. She gets every sick bug going, I don't think there has been a day where she hasn't had a snotty nose. While that might be an exception, what that means is it's not a hard and fast rule that kids who are breastfed have better immunity. Let's just bear that in mind. So Max, I am giving you permission

and I think everybody listening to this, I hope, is also giving you permission to put that guilt down because no one gives a shit. No one else has the right to give a shit. Your dad has already told you that it shows you were human and struggling and that's not something you need to beat yourself up about then or now and I'm telling you and I guarantee that the millions of people listening I'm just manifesting that millions of people listening are also telling you that it's time to put that guilt down it's time babe while we're here I just want to say one thing and I'm worried this might go into a ramp but here we go it's okay to consciously choose to not put your baby or your kids first. Now that, I know, sounds staggering, but a lot of the time I think we justify our

decisions by saying things like, we're only human or you did your best, like there was no other option. But actually, do you know what, it's okay to know that another option might have been better for your baby to some degree, but that it would have been overwhelmingly more damaging for you. And it's at those times that we have to be okay with making hard. decisions. There's so much judgment about whether you should put your babies in childcare or sleep train them or give them dummies or how you feed them or whether you should send them to school or homeschool them, feed them vegan hemp burgers or Chuckama McDonald's. The perfect scenario isn't that we wake up every morning joyful and happy and ready to give our entire selves

to making sure this tiny human grows up with no trauma or issues. It can't be. It can't be that because that's impossible. You are going to fuck up your kids. To a greater or lesser extent, they are going to remember some things that you got wrong and it's going to stick with them and it might influence their behaviour down the line. That's going to happen.

I don't care how perfect you think you are as a parent. This is my opinion and I'm sure you're going to have your opinion and I would love to have more of a chat on this, but you are always going to fuck up your kids. So rather than working to this unattainable standard of perfection of I'm never going to fuck up my kids, I'd rather break my own soul than risk fucking. up my kids, let's not do that. You're going to break your soul and fuck up your kids. There are no

winners there. Let's accept that that's going to happen. And let's maybe make conscious choices about when we're going to decide to maybe put ourselves first. And if we're doing it consciously, maybe it's not going to be that damaging. And even if it is a bit damaging, maybe because we're conscious about it, we can do a repair there and then. You know, we can go, do you know what, I mess that up. And I don't want you to go through life thinking that's, how we behave, but I do want you to go through life recognizing that people aren't perfect and it's okay to make mistakes. Maybe actually making the wrong decisions is really important for our kids, not just because it gives them permission to not be perfect, but it also gives you a

chance to show them how to repair stuff, how to make it right when you fucked up. It's really something I'm passionate about and I could bang on about it all podcast long. I'm not going to. All I'm going to say is that as parents, we have to make decisions by degrees. Nothing is black and white. Giving a dummy is not all bad. Not giving them a dummy is not all good. And so on an individual level, we just have to decide what is our own personal, acceptable level of risk when it comes to the decisions we make. Maybe sleep training, I can't believe I've mentioned it, but I've started now, so I'll finish.

maybe sleep training does have some adverse effects I don't know but at the time were the positive effect outweighing those negative effects do you know what for me they were and I do not feel shame or guilt or regret about that and I know lots of people do and I'm not suggesting that everybody sleep trains but what I'm saying is that at some point you have to make a decision and that decision is not is this perfect for the baby or is this not perfect that decision is how bad or good is this going be for her, him and how bad or good is this going to be for me? And you weigh that shit up and you make your decision based on that and nobody else knows what that is. Nobody else can understand that and that's why we have to accept other people's parenting decisions. Ooh, God, I'm glad I got that

off my chest. So that was quite the soapbox. I wasn't expecting to be standing on that today but here we are. Sometimes you just got to go where the material takes you. Now this is the point at which I was going to insert Jimmy Sims. As I mentioned before, he's not turning up in this episode. He will be in his own special episode that will end on Wednesday. So if you are looking for that, then please make sure that you check it out then. Instead, we're going to move on to the menopause. So first up, I just wanted to check the etymology of the word menopause, because obviously it's got the men word in it.

I was pretty sure it wasn't a misogynistic name, but I just wanted to check. And it's not, which is good news. In fact, menopause quite simply means the end of monthly cycles. It's from the Greek word pauses, which means pause, and men, month. So, you know, that's at least something that men have got their grubby fingers out of when it comes to regulating and describing and managing and medicalising women's bodies. So in the intro, we talked about the symptoms of menopause. Now, if you're anything like me, I basically assume that it's night sweats and hot flashes. That's it. That's all I assume it is.

However, I've found an article in the Huffington Post, which is brilliant. Now, it does list all 62, and do you know what? I'm going to go through them all. but I'll do it quickly. Here's the article. Once you get to a certain age as a woman, you will know that menopause is around the corner. And with that comes the symptoms.

Hot flushes are all but synonymous with the menopause, even though not all women experience them. And you'll probably think there are a handful more too. Well, you're wrong. Doctors report there are actually 62 different symptoms of menopause that women present with. That's despite the biggest study yet into menopause awareness, finding most women associate it with just five symptoms.

That means that if we mostly assume there are only five symptoms, many of us are probably struggling, thinking, what is wrong with me? Well, it's not the menopause because it isn't those five symptoms, and yet it could well be the menopause, and we are not, I am not educated enough on this shit. Hygiene and health company, SET, surveyed 5,000 women premenopause in Perry or postmenopause and found even women who are at the end of their journey remain. relatively clueless about what they have been through. While 40% of women going through or having gone through the menopause have visited their GP to get help with symptoms, two thirds of women didn't know menopause decreases sex drive. And, I mean, to be fair, I'm not sure I'd be able to tell much difference.

And a whopping 74% didn't realize it could be linked with weight gain. Oh, maybe that's what the problem is. Not 700 chocolate bars a day. Meanwhile, only 1% of women surveyed were aware it can cause changes in their vagina and how often they pee. What? Menopause specialist Dr Naomi Potter reveals that tinnitus. Tinnitus? UTIs, me and UTIs are long-term friends, weaker bones and a change in body odour also feature in the list of menopause symptoms.

And worryingly, there is a lack of knowledge of when it all kicks in, she says. women believe they can't experience symptoms in their 40s because they're not old enough or their symptoms aren't menopausal when in fact if they're over 45 it's likely they are potter says holy moly a spokesperson for essity said these findings tell us that it's a heavily misunderstood subject and the taboo surrounding it means women aren't accessing the information and advice that could really help them and that's the thing i think we are talking about it a lot more thanks to vina and everybody else but I don't know if we're actually taking the time to read up on it and to really assess our own feelings and our own changes

and really understand that. So what are the 62 symptoms of menopause? I'm going to rattle through these and I haven't pre-read them so we'll see how fluent this is but take a seat off we go. Palpitations, chest pain, breast tenderness, itchy skin, dry skin, rosacea, acne, thin skin, collagen loss, crying, brain fog, memory loss, poor concentration, Word finding difficulty, anxiety, low mood, worsening PMS, anger, rage, irritability, headache, migraines, joint pain, joint stiffness, vaginal dryness, vaginal discharge, vulval itch, perineal itch, volval vaginal electric shocks, uh, okay, I'll continue, increase in thrush, increase in BV, BV, bacterial vaginosis. There we go, came to me in the end. Lebedo, weight gain, scalp hair loss, unwanted hair growth, urinary infections, urinary incontinence, urinary urgency, nocturia, getting up at night, sexual dysfunction, chest tightness, constipation, gastric reflux, fatigue, night sweats, hot flushes, cold flushes, period increased in frequency, heavier periods, muscle loss, tinnitus, dry eyes, watery eyes, burning mouth, gum disease, foot pain, frozen shoulder is in there, insomnia, histamine sensitivity, new allergy, body, body, body,

odour change. I don't know about you, but that is a whole list of pretty miserable symptoms that if you are suffering from any more than one of those, you're going to be struggling. And that is bonkers. It is bonkers that women are going through this, not just for a week, not just for a month, sometimes for years, for years. Nobody's talking about it. Nobody's cutting them any slack. Nobody's making room for them at work. And I don't need to say it, but I'm going to anyway, if men went through the menopause, this would be take two years off on full pay and come back when you are ready. It's okay to be struggling and if you are, please go to your doctors. This is a letter from Marley. Mali writes, the perimenopause started creeping up on me

about age 44. Little brain fog moments that then became bigger brain fog moments. There were two very clear episodes that led me to believe I had the start of dementia and I hear that a lot. The memory loss is huge. I was in the studio working with people I had known for 10 years and I spent most of the session in a complete panic because I couldn't remember their names. I was going through the alphabet in my head. A is for Aaron, B is for Ben, C is for Colin. Colin. Is anybody called Colin anymore? Anyway, trying to remember a few hours in, I just burst into tears and told them what was going on and I didn't know what was wrong with me. A few weeks later, now I sort of want to know what their names actually were, but obviously it's not important. A few weeks later, I was

to the doctors when all of a sudden while driving around a roundabout, I forgot how to drive. It was one of the scariest moments ever. I didn't know how to turn off, which was the brake or the accelerator. I just went completely blank. After going round about eight times, I finally managed to turn off and stop. My husband and a friend had to come and pick up the car and myself. I lost all confidence in driving for a few weeks after that and had to rely on friends to do the drop-off and pick-ups. It was only after numerous tests, brain scans, that my husband, to LBC, God, I love a bit of LBC. I have friends who refer to it as Daily Mail Radio. They're not wrong, but it is one of my happy places to be. Anyway, after listening to LBC, my husband rang me and

said, I know what's wrong with you. You're going through the perimenopause. It hadn't even crossed my mind, even with insomnia, hair loss, itchy skin, aches and pains, a feeling of going crazy and occasional hot flushes. I am so grateful that people are talking about it now and that women don't have to suffer in silence and men can understand and learn what we are going through. I had to go and see a specialist in the end as my doctor just prescribed antidepressants and told me at 47 I was too young. I'm now on HRT and I'm starting to feel better. Funnly enough, do you know what? I was reading an article by Lisa Snowden. She said the same thing that she was given antidepressants and she just knew it wasn't what was the

problem, it wasn't fixing it. And I think yes, we're not fully educated enough, perhaps, maybe some of you are and I am impressed because I just am not. But also, I think we often struggle to make our voice heard in the face of experts. You know, so when we go to GPs and say, I'm just not right. And they go, no, you're all right. Fine. You know, or it's nothing. I don't think it's anything serious. You know, come back to us in six months. I think sometimes we don't have the confidence to go, hey, listen, I'm telling you, I'm not okay. And I'm telling you that I don't feel right and I'm asking you to help me because I don't know anything about this and you're the expert so help me I mean you can phrase it differently obviously if you want but I do think that we

have to be okay to really advocate for ourselves in those situations I know that I can feel intimidated you know when a doctor says oh you'll be fine just takes some antibiotics or whatever and I'm like I just don't think that's it I know I can go oh okay fine and I walk out and I say to me, oh, they just gave me antipartics. I just don't think that's what the problem is. And he's like, well, did you say that? I'm like, no. I didn't want to upset him. I want to upset the doctor. You know, he's a doctor. We have to start pushing doctors. And I know this isn't a criticism of doctors either. They are incredibly busy. They have a lot on their plate. And I'm sure that post-pandemic being inundated with 40-something year old women who are suddenly saying,

I need HRT, is not ideal either. But it is also the only. only thing that we have to do and we have a right to do it. So do not feel afraid to push your own personal agenda, your own personal health agenda to those people who can help you. As I said before, I don't think I'm there yet. But then I'm reading all of those things. Frankly, it sounds a bit like I've been going through the menopause for five years. Wersening PMS, anger, rage, irritability, joint pain, joint stiffness. I don't know about you, but getting out of bed is not as joyful as it used to be. You know, I used to bounce out of bed. Genuinely used to bounce out of bed. Now I'm like, I just need a minute for my back to loosen up a bit and I'll just move really slowly in that

direction and I'll swing my legs out and then as I stand up, I'm like a glow stick cracking with none of the glow. I think I've been going through this for ages. Poor libido, yes, weight gain, fine, unwanted hair growth, urinary infection. I mean, it's so easy to pass these off. as things that just happen normally. But I think if we start to see a consistent episode of any of these that you need to get to the doctors, I'm doing my bit for menopause, get out there, ask the questions that you need to ask

and get the help that you need. Now, welcome. back, we are going to be talking Halloween. And I'm not afraid to admit, I'm a little bit nervous. I was shocked when I posted on Instagram how I felt severe discomfort with what I see as an explosion of Halloween this year. In previous years, maybe the last two or three years, I have definitely seen it ramp up in terms of Halloween the day, a couple of days before in the UK. I've seen that. And I've been part of that. I've decorated my front door the day before Halloween. I've put spooky pumpkin candles up in the mantel piece. I've done all of that. But I've done it on

about October the 30th, 31st and, you know, I've probably taken them down before I go to bed on the night of Halloween. Because for me, that's what it is. Now apparently, this year, we are now amidst what is being referred to a spooky season. Now it's a season. I always thought Halloween was a day. Nay, not a day, a night. One night. But But no, now it's a season. And I've known that Halloween has been big in the States, and it is a month long. And you know what? All power to them.

And I've really enjoyed the little boost that we've had with Halloween over the recent years. But I am uncomfortable with a month-long celebration of Halloween. Not because I don't like Halloween. Let me tell you now, ladies and gentlemen, I love Halloween. It's actually one of my favorite holidays, but I don't want to celebrate it for a month. I don't want to go to a pumpkin patch because I don't know about you, but every time I've been to a pumpkin patch, I don't see anybody having fun.

I see kids crying, bored, because how interesting actually is it to just look at pumpkins lying on the ground? I see parents arguing because nobody knows how fucking expensive pumpkins are until you take them to be weighed. It's not like they've got prices on them. It's all done by weight.

So, of course, the kids want massive pumpkins. I'm not sure, let's buy into this. Let's get these massive pumpkins. Ring everything up. 78 pounds it cost me last year. And trust me, you don't want to be the parent that's like, Well, we're going to put that back. Because I've already had tears about the lack of activities at the pumpkin patch.

I've already had tears about the fact that it's just a flat field with pumpkins. I've already had tears about the fact that there isn't fair ground rides and ice cream vans. I'm picking my battles and if it's going to cost me 78 pounds, it's going to cost me 78 pounds. But you better believe I'm going to complain about it. It's criminal because then what do we do with these pumpkins when we get them home? Again, I'm sure that there are people who genuinely make pumpkin pie. Pumpkin soup. Pumpkin salad. Roast pumpkin. Frozen pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin anal beads. But I don't. I end up scraping all of that stuff out. And when I say I end up scraping all of that stuff out, that was a specific choice.

Because my kids on the way home are so gung ho about it. They're like, I can't wait to do these pumpkins. I can't wait to carve them. Listen, no kids should be carving a pumpkin. I don't know why we're not saying this. This is not a children-friendly activity. It's a hard, slippery surface. Are we really supposed to be giving them sharp knives to do that? Because whenever I carve a pumpkin, I nearly lose two or three fingers. I definitely cut myself. It's not an easy task. And if you're one parent trying to supervise three kids with sharp knives on a tough, slippery surface,

that is going to end in A&E. It just is. Plus, that's if they get that far. Let's be honest. They see what it's actually like to scrape out a pumpkin, which feels not unlike what I would imagine. sticking your hand into the bodily organs of a decomposing body would feel like. They don't want to do that.

So you do that. You don't even want to be doing it in the first place. You can't really understand why you are doing it. And then you remember the 78 pounds that you spent on the fucking pumpkin. So you're like, well, you know what, I'm going to do it now. So you scrape all that stuff out. And then you're like, right, let's carve them. Now we come into serious health and safety issues.

So I end up carving them. It's not fun for anybody. and those pumpkins sit on my porch and melt into mould. And by the time I get to them, it's like a little hotel for all the creepy, crawly, maggotsy, wormy, grubsy, fliesy bits that I have absolutely no interest in coming into contact with. So, that being said, I'm not buying into a month of Halloween. On the 30th of October, you bet, I'm there. Balls deep, I'll be dressed like the handmaid's tail,

I'll be floating candles, floating witches hats outside the door. I might even try and do a stranger thing, floating body. I'm going to go all out. But I'm going to wait until October the 30th, and I don't care. But when I mention this on Instagram, oh, holy mother of God, I upset a lot of people, especially pagans. And I get that.

This is their season and knock yourself out. If you are a pagan, you get the month. But really, unless you're a pagan, and I'm saying we've already got enough on our plates as parents. I don't think we now need to be given a month for a season that frankly requires an unholy amount of craft. An unholy amount of craft. I'm giving everybody permission to wait until October the 30th.

If you want to skip it all together, knock yourself out. It's a busy season. We've got Halloween, then we've got the sticky toffee one. What's that? That's only a few days. Remember, remember the 5th of May. What's that? Oh my good, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Who's the dude? Guy Fawkes. Bonfire night. Bloody hell. Fireworks night. One fire night? That one. Where we celebrate an act of terror. I mean, it's fine. We'll get, we don't need to get into that. I love that too, but that's only five days later. Then, of course, we've got permission to go absolutely steroids on Christmas. And I love Christmas as much as an ex-person. And for those of you saying, well, you were up for putting a Christmas tree up in November. I did do that last year. I did that last year. And let me tell you, my mum didn't speak to me for a week. She was shook. She said to me, these were her exact words, I did not bring you up this way. My mum puts her Christmas tree up on Christmas Eve,

and it comes down on Boxing Day. She can't bear it. She cannot bear it. So she was very, very disappointed. And I'm not sure I can handle that level of disappointment again. So I'm going to put a date on it. My Christmas tree is going up on December the 10th. That's it.

I'm doing that. My Halloween decorations are going up on the 30th and they're coming down on the night of the 31st. And as for bonfire night, I mean, maybe if you're lucky. Thank you and goodbye. Okay, that's all we've got time for today. Thank you again for, if you're still here. If I could send you a medal, I would.

As I said, it's week four and I want to carry on doing this. Please rate and review the podcast. It's the only thing that matters. That's why everybody bangs on about it. Listen, I hope your Monday morning is now looking a little bit brighter, even if it's not. At least we're all in it together. Because do you know what?

You're never the only one. Have a cracking week, and I will see you on Monday. Well, actually Wednesday, but also on Monday. Bye-bye. You're never the only one is written and presented by me, Kat Sims, author of the first time you smiled or was it just wind, and creator of Not So Smug Now, an online platform for those of us who are waking up every day and just trying to do the best they can. Follow me and get all your podcast info by heading to

at Not So Smug Now on Instagram and TikTok and not so smugnow.com. You'll also be able to read things I write, including articles and my book, which by the way, is probably the best baby shower gift you can get at the moment. And soon you'll be able to pick up merch there as well. You're Never the Only One is produced and edited by Lucy LooCraft and executive producers are Bonnie Barry and Paramee Codicara Our original music is written and performed by Hot Salad Yeah, I really fancy the bass player Please check them out wherever you stream your music

And on Instagram at Your Mum Likes Hot Salad See you soon The things I say do I'm always what I mean I'm neither saint or sinner, I'm somewhere in between. This world is complicated, everything moves so quick. And lying to yourself if you think that you've got to live. Everybody loves.

You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Don't judge me I'm a weakness Don't judge me on my floor Because no one's really perfect by the grace of

God goes home Everybody love You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside the shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh

Taking the time to make sure everything's okay Picking up like everyone else each and every day When I feel like nothing left for you to spend on you You're allowed to be happy too Never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes

Oh You're never the only one You're never the only one You're never the only one Believe inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Thank you.