You're Never The Only One - Time Blindness and Embarrassing Sex Moments...You're Never The Only ONe

Episode Date: January 1, 2025

Happy New Year! If you're struggling a little bit today after the New Year festivities, we can guarantee that listening to this episode will make you feel better. Emma discusses all things time blindness - is it real or is she just disrespectful? - and Cat collates some of the funniest listener stories ever to grace the You're Never The Only One WhatsApp. If you have anything to say about something you heard on this episode, or you just want to share a story that you know we'll all enjoy, then we would love to hear from you. Email us: ⁠[e-mail]⁠ Voicenote/DM: 07457 402704 Please hit the follow button wherever you listen to your podcasts and if you can find it within yourself to drop a 5⭐️ review, we’d be very grateful. It’s the easiest and most effective way to support the podcast. Follow You’re Never The Only One on ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠TikTok⁠. Credits You’re Never The Only One is created by Cat Sims. It is written and presented by Cat Sims and Emma Nicolet. Producers are Hannah Twigg & Anna Dixon at YMU London and Katie Ray at Radient Management. The podcast is recorded at Outset Studios in London and edited by the team at YMU. Theme music is written and performed especially for You’re Never The Only One by Hot Salad.

Hello and welcome. What are we doing? Fuck. What's it called? This is why we're... Sorry, my brain, I literally... Is this because we're doing it? What is our podcast called?

You're never the only fucking one. You've got it. Jeez, never the only one that has brain fog? Oh, it went completely. Oh, it's so nice to know that... It went completely. Episode seven. Do you know what happened?

What? I went into Waterstones. I was walking past... I was early for an event. There was a Waterstone. So I was like, I'll go in and see if there's a copy of my book then. went in I could not remember

the name of my book the book that I wrote I had to Google Cat Sims on Amazon to bring up my book so that I could remember I was there for five minutes I was like it's gonna come

oh God it's gonna come to me and I was like you know when you're like literally scratching around in the corners of your brain and the more you

the hard you think about it the further away it goes in the front of your and the more crazy you feel yeah yeah anyway that just happened with that

so I know what our podcast is called now. Do you want to try again? Yeah, can I? Okay, thanks. Hello and welcome to episode of you're never the only one. I am joined. pleasure to be joined by the treasure that is emma today oh baby you've got something on your tin no not that one it's the third one the one three down and i really do love what you've done

with your hair stop it you how do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that and your ears what no not yet yeah the nostril i got you know so the outfit's strong today strong as in bold It looks a bit like you went to a rave in the 90s and then never came back. It was scrape with a barrel of it though, with the old... I am, you're right. I feel like, it's like when Johnny, like, starts to do a wedding speech and then gets the book of like one-liners from wedding. That's what I did actually.

I did have a roast, I thought I'd best not do that. It was, that might... It was about somebody else as well. So I thought it might have got myself into a bit of... Johnny. Yeah, it was about Johnny. I don't want to piss Johnny off any... Say it for episode 10.

Yeah, I don't want to piss Johnny off any more than... So I'll save that. Okay. as well talk about my chins especially as I have that video of you on the tube when we went to that event you got more chins to the Chinese phone book it's ridiculous honestly surely you can't say that I definitely can

I check with my Chinese cousin I did with your Chinese friend I went no no no my cousin's family it's even stronger it's even stronger I check I'm is this is this I'm allowed to say this so are you Jewish Chinese oh and Indian it's all there it's a big melee my family You don't actually have Indian in India

No I have done I used to say that I didn't have a musical bone in my body. Anyway. So good, so good. Anyways, anyway, by the way, Russia called they want their hair back. Ladies and gentlemen, very happy to be joined

by the lovely cat simms today. It's lovely to be here. By the way, that's not actually... It looks really good today. It's actually true. I did a bit of digging on hair extension. Yeah, I saw this. Did you?

You're wrong, but that's fine. It's not wrong. It's true. In my case, you're wrong. Okay, all right, maybe. So get this. Majority of blonde hair. blonde hair extensions actually comes from Asia.

It's bleached. It's actually bleached Asian hair. And this is, okay, if you've just eaten, you might not want to listen to this. But basically, loads of it comes from hairballs that women in villages sell after, like, basically, save it up over three years. Like out of their hairbrush. At their hair brush and, you know, the shower, like, plug, you know, kind of just, they're washing it and brushing it and combing it. And then there's like a little peddler that comes around the business. villages and he's like, you know, sell me your hair. And they, they sell the hair.

ATP it is, I think, for like three years worth of hair. Okay. So, you know, slave labor goes into your hair as well, not forgetting that as well. And then it ends up in these special hair tangling kind of like factories where they have, detangling, you mean. Yeah, hair detangling factories where they basically untangle. They have workshops of like dozens of women. They all sweatshops. They all sit on the floor. I mean, I'm trying to, I'm trying to be kind here. No, my What you're saying is my hair is held together by the tears of poor people. It really is. But may I just say, it looks fucking great.

It does look good today, doesn't it? It's full, I tell you what, in all reality, it is held together with dry shampoo and a good fucking wind. Like, the whole thing is a shit show today. But good to know, I do want everybody, I just want to make it clear that my hair is ethically sourced. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you can buy ethically sourced. Yes, of course you can.

Right, okay. Yeah, it's not all. So everybody else knows they're buying stuff that isn't ethically sourced. source. It's labeled as everything. I mean, I think it's a little bit like shopping at Timu. I was about to say. And then shopping at John Lewis. Right. Okay. Do you know what I mean? I do. That's the difference. You can get the same variety of fake hair. Yeah. As you can fashion. But pay a lot less for it. But you are correct. If I was to commit a murder, the DNA evidence would point to a woman in Russia.

Technically it wouldn't because the DNA is in the follicle. So just. Just saying. Jesus Christ. Right. For a lot. Right, listen. Before everybody can't cope with how funny you are today, it's not my fault. It's another evening recording. It's another evening recording and somebody's put 50p in her and we have to deal with happy chatty Emma. Oh, sorry. Which by the way is the best Emma. Thank you. Welcome. Right. But we're shaking things up a bit. now because episode one just went out and I know this is episode seven it's all a bit confusing from my little brain box but essentially what episode one being out means is that people are starting to send in okay more stuff yeah so rather than jump into what we're doing yeah which you know

we can touch on if there's anything massively interesting but the fact is we don't really want it to be a podcast where the two of us just bang on all the time no and what a perfect time to switch things up the new year's day January happy new year everyone hey new year listen this is going to be the perfect episode for you if you are recovering. Very lighthearted, very chill. Yeah. Very outrageous. Let's hear it. So I'm going to start off by sharing some of these things that have come back to us. So firstly, we've talked about, we've got the sex topic. Do you remember we talked about that in episode two, I think? Yeah, never the only one who's not having as much sex as you do. Yeah. Anonymous says, my husband and I have sex about once a week on a Saturday or Sunday morning

unless we've got friends over or staying with other people. It's a lot. of, I like this. It's a structure. Women love detail. Yeah, we love the detail. I know my husband would like more sex, but I just don't have much of a libido until we're doing it. I get it.

It's like going to the gym. You never really feel like doing it, but you're always glad when you did, right? Unless, she says, she reads erotica. Have you ever read erotica? It's brilliant. And I think it's... Like Mills or boon, maybe the most I've done.

I would always step up from 50 shades of grey. Oh, okay. Step up from 50 shades of grey. I mean, that kind of thing, but yeah. That got me through breast. feeding. So much to go on that.

It helps having sex semi-scheduled, she says, as otherwise I'd never think to initiate it. I do sometimes worry, this is when it became very clear to me

that she doesn't have any children yet. Okay, so this is scheduled sex. So when she says they have it, that's the, they schedule it Saturday or Sunday morning. Okay, got it, got it. It's a weekend thing.

This is when I knew she didn't have any children yet. She said, I do sometimes worry that we're having sex a lot less than others. She's doing it once a week. Don't worry

But I try Yeah You can take that off your plate But I try to remember That everyone's different There's no normal With that she's correct So we stick to sexy Saturday

Or Sunday Fonday Oh I love the name Here's where We're gonna have to burst our bubble Oh shit why I'm currently pregnant Oh

And do worry I mean I'm not laughing at you darling I'm really not But you will understand why this Okay I'm currently pregnant And do worry My husband will feel neglected

Once the baby is born As I doubt I'll have the energy and time for sex At least not in the beginning Anyway I really recommend scheduling sex And reading erotica I mean the thing is she's never going to read a book again Yeah

Erotica or not No Will my husband feel neglected Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah You're not going to be having sex I thought she was going to say I'm really worried that my baby's

Like gonna get like potted in the head By the penis And Johnny actually bore that up once In a midwife appointment And the way she was like Darling She went well in doubt but trust me you're not that's down

but then he went well hold on a minute how come she's sticking her fingers up you're doing a sweep and telling me what a nice head of hair our baby's got and I was like that's a good point or it just goes to reinforce her point further that amidst fingers are longer than his he's got a man hey listen I slag him off a lot on here

but he got a big dingling don't do that again don't do that again is that did you learn that from your sex channel day is that what you did on your sex channel It was much work. You've got a big dinger. I went a bit, Joanna Lumley then.

Can you stop saying, if someone comes in on this, this episode, starts the new year, thinks I'll just start on the first channel. Oh, Emmy used to work on a sex channel. I didn't. No, but you did. I worked at the same.

You were to be, I did not. Come on. Did not. I didn't. I could have done, but I didn't. But you did. You said sexy things.

Hey, no, I didn't. No, you didn't say the sexy things, but you did like the intros. I'm going to do sexy things. They're on our OnlyFans. Yeah, we are. Not us together. No.

And not what we would consider sexy, but what some people consider sexy. Well, we'll see. We'll see how much money we can. How are you getting on? We're setting up that only fans again. Yeah, I'm going to start that in the new year. So, yeah, I've done it.

Right. Anyway, love, sweetheart, I want to just tell you, I don't even think you'll care, to be honest. You'll be so tired. Once something has come out of that hole, your enjoyment of things going in it, it's definitely lessened for a certain amount of time. Yeah, it's all.

You'll come back. Limit your expectations a little bit there. Yeah. Did I mentally prepare him for that? I would definitely. And yourself. Yeah. Do you schedule sex, Emma?

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. We tried it. We did a similar thing. We did like weekend sex for a while. Yeah. Because the kids would get up on a Sunday and do big girl breakfast so they'd like look after themselves.

We'd leave it out. We'd leave the cereal out on the table with a note and the remote control so they could do it and they could sort themselves out for breakfast and then we would have sex. And that worked really well for about a year. Really? Yeah. And then we just sort of. I don't know.

Yeah, but I'm not a morning person. You know that. I'm, you know, quite impulsive, so I don't know, it might take me in the middle of the day. But if I have to... Oh, I can't think of anything worse. Well, Johnny works from homes.

Oh, well, so does Jimmy. But if he gave, he interrupted me. Oh, God, I can't bear it. We've had to have a chat about him interrupting me. It's an ADHD thing. I get a rage. A rage. Oh, no, I get that.

When you're hyperfocus. Not even hyperfocus. If I'm doing something and he suddenly decides that he just wants to have a conversation, He's done it twice in the last 48 hours and he's come in and he said Can we have a chat about something? And I'm like, once I'm like in middle of doing my makeup getting ready to go out.

I always say no because I don't want to be a twat but also I'm thinking you should fucking know better than this. When is the right time to ask? It's like when can we have a chat about something? I would go let's sit down and do it then. Oh I see when can we have a chat about something

rather than can we have a chat about something? Or can we do a chat now? No. And be all right with that. Okay. That's quite good actually. I'm going to take that home. We have business meetings.

This is the thing that annoys me. We normally have a business meeting every morning. Yeah. Where we go through our day, figure out what's going on, and then I'm free. And then he doesn't need to bother me. You should make, like, you should like make coffee at the same time, have a little gossip by the coffee machine together.

We do. I love that. When the kids walk out, we bitch about them behind the back. Have you got more? Yeah, I've got more. Oh, yay. Remember when we discussed laziness? Episode one that was.

Kelly got back to us with her voice note. I love her voice note. Hi, Kat and Emma. I'm just listening to your podcast, your first episode, so I'm not sure if I'm a bit too late to the party with this. But one of the most lazy things I've ever done is ordered a pizza because I was desperate for a can of Diet Coke. Yeah, that's pretty lazy.

I'd do it again too. Yeah, you would. Isn't that good? I love that. Yeah, cracker. That's the kind of thing I do for a dessert. Then I've done that with Deliveroo. Like, all I want is a big tub of Ben and Jerry's, but I've gone, well, I'm like, it's like when I used to drink, I used to just deliver wine, but I was like, well, obviously, I'm not going to just deliver a wine, because then he'll think I'm an alcoholic.

So I'll put in a packet of fag some bread, some broccoli, and cling film. So it's an essential. Always with the broccoli. Always with the broccoli. Come home with broccoli and you're good. Totally. Anyway, so I loved that. Thank you very much.

And then Claire centers her Christmas story. Ooh. She said she'd been with her boyfriend for a couple of years. They were living together, but we were living together, but we were. were having issues. He worked security in a pub and after his shifts, they'd sometimes have a lock-in, sometimes he wouldn't come back. It's not great. Okay. This Christmas, he was working Christmas evening. He didn't come home until the very early hours, so was rough as toast when we went to meet his parents for dinner. I'd only met them once or twice briefly. It's also a red flag. You've

been together two years, you're living together. You've only met his parents once or twice. Well, maybe they live overseas. Anyway, it's a lot. Did you see how quickly my brain worked? He went to the loo before we'd ordered any food and was away for ages. Okay, he's either got the shit or he's going on it. It's not good. Okay. It was awkward as fuck and I suddenly thought, what the fuck am I doing? So without a word, I got up, left, went to my sister's house and never spoke to him again.

Oh my God. Yeah. How good is that? That's amazing. But hold on, does that mean she doesn't know what happened to him? I don't think she gives a shit. I do. I love you so much.

Oh, thanks, babes. I really want. I missed you. Thank you. Yeah, there's more. Finally, this is a brilliant little story of Christmas shame From Lindsay

She says first of all I kept this bit in I could have edited it out But I didn't want to She said so happy You're doing the podcast again It's my commute listening sorted Here's an embarrassing

Christmas story for you My husband bought me an adult Christmas present The kind we'd open Once everyone else was in bed Not the kind you put under the tree And open with everyone around First of all my husband

Has never bought me that kind of book But I really like this I do too Can we bring this is a new tradition I think this is a really good idea, like a little something, especially after you've done all the hard work that's just routine YouTube, but it's something naughty that you couldn't open in front of anyone else. I think we should do that.

Not you and me, I mean like with our other halves. Yeah, of course I meant that. Okay, so now the company that he uses, and I'm not mentioning them here because, you know, sponsorship of all that was weird. I don't want to muddy the waters. He used here, although we, anyway, prides itself on its discreet packaging. Okay. So discreet, in fact, that when the parcel,

was delivered and we weren't in, they gave it to our neighbour for safekeeping. Our lovely elderly neighbour didn't realise it wasn't for him, opened it and was appalled at the contents. When he realised it was for me, he brought it to our door. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed. Oh my God. Can you imagine? Oh my God.

Here's your cockering anal beads. Oh my God. I love that though. I do. I think that's, I love the idea of the adult. I think I would have to steal all that up. Yes, no, definitely. I really think it's a good idea.

I love that. Thank you for inspiring us. What would you do, though? What would you do if you took a neighbour's parcel, opened it by accident and it was something like, I mean, it'd have to be quite shocking to shock you, but like, I don't know. I think I would definitely.

A massive strap on in a sex way. Do you know what I would do? I would reseil it up as best I could, really try and make it look like I'd kind of not opened it and then just been, oh, sorry, it must have got a bit damaged. I would, there was, there's no way. that I would, you know, tell them I'd open it.

When you're doing that little lie, when you're doing that little lie that goes, oh, it must have got damaged, your face is going to give it away. 100%. They are going to know for sure that you saw their massive sex wing. I wouldn't put it back together.

I would just make sure I left it on their doorstep when nobody was in with a note that said, I don't think this is mine. Opened in error. Yeah. Yeah. return to you right oh dear that's brilliant thank you what i love about that is is the feedback that

we're getting in and the messages and the stories there is there one more oh there is one more oh yeah sorry i forgot about that um this one this one was great so basically i've now made friends with a follower with a listener uh-huh um because she called the what's up number by accident oh so i and i was in a meeting couldn't take it so i called it back i didn't know the number i was like oh hi um cat sims just got a number from a miss call from you yeah she was out of Oh, this is awkward. I was just listening to your podcast. I called the number instead of like...

You're so accessible. Worryingly so. Anyway, I was like, that's fine. How are you? She's like, I love the podcast. I was like, so nice to speak to somebody who's listened to it. How cool is it? She's like, I'm in North Yorkshire.

I'm from North Yorkshire. We had the whole chat. And she said, anyway, listen, what I've done is I've now sent your voice note about a story. Now, this is a story that is nothing to do with anything we've talked about. But it is brilliant. It's funny. It's hilarious. It's perfect for New Year's Day.

Safe space. Share away. And it did remind me of a story. story that happened to me, which obviously I'm going to share afterwards, and then I'll shut up and let you get on with do some work. So I imagine this is what you mean by voice, not ringing the air like I just did. So my year not the only one was I had a breast lump. I'd been referred to the breast team, obviously to wheat weight, got the appointment and turned up. Six months previously I'd been referred for a foot appointment. I forgot all about that. And turned up for the appointment. And turned up for the

breast appointment, sat down, nurse said, right, if you just like to get ready, the consultant would be there, and the consultant walked in, and he was quite good looking. They always are. I was sat there with my boobs out, covered by what was basically a Kleenex, and he looked at me with a look of shock and said, I'm looking at your fate. And I just wanted to die. He had had had a gun at a shot myself. Obviously, nurse looked at me and I had lost the plot completely. A consultant left swiftly, and I was sat there with a face that I could be true. Anyway, the good news is the breast was also fine, lump was clear, no problem.

But it did remind me at the time after I'd had my first baby. Obviously, I'm in some sort of emotional turmoil, spiritual turmoil. It's 10 days after actually, and I remember that because you get a midwife visit on day 10, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember we were expecting the midwife. for in a house. I've just had a baby. The house is under construction.

The whole thing, it was awful. My boobs are like sore and blocked and the nipple, you know, in the, you know, the, you're in the trenches, yeah, yeah, yeah. My stitches and everything, the whole thing was horrendous. Anyway, the doorbell rings, and Jimmy answers the door and sends her upstairs to me. Yeah. And she, like, comes in, and I'm like, this woman comes in, and I'm like, everything comes out. I'm like my boobs are sore look I was like showing on my boobs I was like look my it's

nipple I've got a blister it's cut out it's bleeding here look whoa and I was like also I'm not happy about my stitches they don't seem to be getting any better can I show you my stitches and the whole time she's like standing in the door right and I was like you can come in yeah and she went the thing is I'm the plumber That didn't actually have it. I swear on my life, my children's lives, your children's lives, I swear on my dog's life. Most people have maybe opened, like, open the door to the postman with a tit hanging out because they've forgotten because they're breastfeeding, but he were like.

I was five seconds away from literally showing her my love you. Honestly. And then, as if, because Jimmy liked to make it all about him, he didn't, He wasn't worried about my mortification. He was like, oh my God, she must think I'm so sexist and misogynistic because she was a woman, so I just assumed she was in midwife and not the part. I was like, I don't think that's the priority here. Like, I've just, basically, and because she was standing in the doorway,

I was literally with my breast, she's over here in the doorway, the bed's against this wall. I'm like, trying to pull my boob so that she's here. I don't understand what's going on. It was mortified. Oh, it's the first. The thing is, I'm the plumber. You've got so many good stories. I love it. Trauma makes you funny. I love it.

So there we go. That's the little feedback from this week. I mean, it's almost like we don't need to do our bit. Oh my God, please keep sending these in. What's the information if they want to send them in? Because you're really good at stuff like that. Do you know what the information is? Let's not forget we started this episode. You forgot the name of the podcast.

So I don't know why I've handed that over to you. All right, if you want to get in touch with this, either about something we've discussed something you'd like us to discuss, or maybe you've just got a funny story that will, you know, give us the giggles. You can email us at You're Never The Only One at gmail.com, that's Y-O-U-R-E. Or you can drop us a message or a voice note on 07457-402-704. Found it just in time. Nailed it.

Right, let's get into our weekly offerings where we chuck in our topical ingredients. the pot and see what bubbles up. Why the fuck have you got my mug, bitch? Tank. Tank! Tank! One job! Actually, that's not you. You've got a million jobs, to be fair. You've got a million jobs.

Also, tell you why this is particularly gross. Why? Because remember when I took them out the cupboard, they still have our lip gloss on from last week? That's my thought. I put them away. I thought I can't be asked. I only have water in it. I'll wash it off this. Okay, so if you're expecting advice, I should just say, probably not the podcast for you. Would that be a fair point?

I mean, you might find some advice hidden, tangled in the weeds. Like an Easter egg. Yeah, but generally, it's probably piss-taking or comedy. Yeah, I mean, if you're up for a little bit of relatability, stick around. Yes, definitely. And honesty. Yeah, honesty, definitely. The actual usable advice, probably not much of time.

It's because that's what we're all about. We want to cover topics that we seek to normalise when we're at risk of thinking that we're alone in our experiences in them. And today, if the poll on my Instagram is correct, you are never the only one who suffers from time blindness. This is right at my strata. Is it? Well, because I've got ADHD.

Aha. Okay. I don't know if I've mentioned it. Funnily enough, I mean, you know, I do. You've got an inkling of me talking about at some point. Some point. It turns out, okay, I thought to myself, this was just a bit of a me thing

and think a lot of people think it's a massive sign of disrespect. And when somebody said to me, you know, there's a thing called time blindness, I was so grateful. Like, there's not a lot of labels, I'm not like you. You know, there's not a lot of labels that are cling on to. But this one, I was like, yes, yet this could save my marriage, this label.

Because some people are stickless for time, and then there are some people like me, and 71% of my followers. Amazing. Who are so crap with time that friends and family will do things like lie about event details to adapt to your poor timekeeping. So I'm going to just name, because people might go, oh, this time blindness thing, what are the traits? Here are some traits. They include poor time estimation. So underestimating

or overestimating how long a task will take, frequently arriving late to appointments, meetings or social gatherings, difficulty gauging how much time you have, leading to procrastination. Shit. Yes. Missing deadlines, difficulty tracking deadlines and schedules, struggling to shift your focus or to end one task to start another, sound familiar cat. Feeling time is moving to. Feeling a little attacked here. I've got to quickly. So firstly, let me say, and you've touched on this, through researching this topic, I have discovered this is commonly linked to inattentive ADHD, which is a kind of like subtype of one of the three, I think, subtytes of ADHD. I don't know much about ADHD. I'm a bit scared to look into it for obvious reasons. Like a good old self-diagnosis. Oh, don't, don't. So it's basically one of the more internalised symptoms, like, rather than the externalised ones, like obvious ADHD, that hyperactivity and stuff like this. So inattentive ADHD is quite common in women, okay, specifically. So if, I don't know, I found this is quite common.

and for me it's so spot on. It really, you know, and you're like, yes, that's exactly how I feel. Thank you for writing this down. Someone said, it's like you're treading water and the surface is calm, but you can feel these strong currents pulling at you. And to everyone watching, you're keeping your head above the water. It looks effortless. You are smashing life. But beneath the surface, your arms and legs are working frantically just to keep you afloat. And people don't see all the extra work that you have to put in to keep up with your peers or the self-doubt that builds up from falling short of goals despite your best efforts and I was like but this is going back to this is why I love the labels because it explains things and then I get to explain it to other people I don't

need the label myself but if I've got the label I can go to Jimmy for example yeah but this is why because I am this so like you know that's why I love a label because it explains everything you can file it under ADHD so all that nonsense that's like why can't I do that why can't I do that that previously felt unrelated like why am I always losing things why am I always late why do I get really anxious about um certain things and why you know this why can I never start until I'm literally at the deadline I didn't know that any of those were connected until somebody went we like you scored an eight out of nine on the ADHD test like you are legit ADHD and this is why you do all those things and then I was like

Oh. And I'd feel much better about myself. And did the meds make you a better at doing those things? I don't take meds anymore. Really? I don't know if you can tell. No, I didn't. Why not?

Well, because when I first was diagnosed, I went straight onto meds. Yeah. And were you a better person? They definitely had some benefits. But what I wanted to do was kind of come off the meds and live knowingly with ADHD. Yeah. without being medicated. Right.

Because I'd never done that. So it's more acceptance almost, which... It was just, honestly, it was acceptance. And also, you know, I suffered quite a lot of ADHD burnout. So what was initially diagnosed as depression is actually, was actually ADHD burnout. So from masking everything. So I was always three days early for things

because I had such time anxiety because my actual natural default is to be late. Yeah. but because I was masking that and turning up early for everything and I was spreadsheeting everything because I knew I was going to lose it and I was fucking labelling everything

and doing all of this to try and just get through the day I would then get to a point where I just completely crash and then they put me on antidepressants for eight months I'd come off I'd be fine again until a couple of years later I'd crash again

and that was just how I lived this like complete cycle of just so it's so I don't take meds anymore I'm happy without meds but it does mean that I have to make reasonable adjustments for myself, but my husband makes reasonable adjustments for me. Okay, so, okay, let me stop you there,

because that's the thing for me, the biggest thing for me is how much this impacts on my relationship with Johnny, like it is the biggest bone of contention. I would say we argue about this, like big arguments, more than anything else, and there's no allowance for it, and it's like, the thing is that Johnny, as does his dad, and he said it, he went, I literally have an internal sat now. the day we were traveling somewhere he knew exactly what time we were going to get there but you know

taking the time of the day the track but it's like he just has this life sat nav he just knows and it's so so does jimmy jimmy's like a wayfinder yeah yeah and my internal clock is faulty it's broken i got it on timu it's shit and i can't return it unless and i feel like if i part of me feels like do i go and get some diagnosis but then i like the muddy the waters are so muddy because i feel like then i look into this ADHD thing and i'm like but hold on that's also perimenopal symptoms so am i just perimenoport and it's just so confusing. No, no, no, because if you do an ADHD assessment, they ask you for like child,

so you don't develop ADHD, you're born with ADHD, so they ask you for all your childhood. So they go through your school reports, your parents have to do after answer things about your behaviour and things. So it's not, so if it, it wouldn't get confused with perimenopause. Right.

But there does seem to be a lot of symptoms that kind of. Oh, yes. And I think ADHD women going through menopause. Yes. I can't decide whether, well, no, I actually can't decide whether it's easier for us because we're just fucking used to the chaos. Right. Or whether it intensifies it. I'm not sure. Interesting. Interesting. I've actually have a side note here. A little segue. A little segue. I called the doctors this week and I've asked for an appointment to get my

testosterone levels checked. Oh, I'm sorry. It's giving me the shivers. I need to do that. I miss three appointments. Yeah. Well, I've realized I've booked it on a day where I definitely can't do. I do that all the time. That's so annoying. I just want to know where my libido's gone. And also, question, can you still, like, can you have no libido but still, like, want to, like, use your vibe all the time? Yeah. Okay, cool. Tote. All right, fine.

We'll come to that. Maybe in another, in another episode. That's like saying, that's like saying, I'm not hungry, but I'll, like, you don't want to cook the food. Yeah. But you'll eat it if it's a takeaway. Yeah. That's what that's like. Like, the actual sex is quite hard work.

Like, you know, you've got to put a lot of effort and time into it. Yeah. Whereas a vibrator is like a takeaway. Engel. Done. Bing. Perfect. Well, look, anyway, it is a magical gift that he has this incredible internal clock that is like running. It's like the big Ben of clocks, internal clocks. And I'm thinking to myself here, you know, my lack of it is just potentially something that could be the beginning of the end of something like if I don't change it. But I'm not alone in this situation. Here's some of the messages I got Zoe message me and said, I have time blindness. My partner does not. And it drives me. And it drives me. drives him crazy. In fact, my time blindness is so bad that close family and friends will deliberately tell me to be somewhere an hour before. That's what I did with you the other day.

You did. Was I on time? No, you were an hour late, but that was perfect. You were like, I'll be there at two. I was like, great. It's a joke, but it's no joke. Thinking three is also fine. It's fine. Four, cutting it a bit fine. Now, this is somebody who's on the receiving end, because I asked my followers, are you with someone who has time blindness and how does that affect your relationship. And I'm not sure how to pronounce this. So Wisby said, my husband, bloody hell, it does my head in. He actually sets his car clock five minutes fast. After almost 16 years now, I know to tell him a time 10 to 15 minutes before we leave, before we need to leave. So I'm wondering actually if there's a different, there's extreme time blindness. So for people like

maybe me and Zoe that need to have an hour before. Yeah, to be honest, he doesn't sound like he's got time, he just sounds disorganised because anybody with timeblindness, I'm thinking I've tried that, setting my clock five minutes fast. Yeah. I just know I've set it fast. So I just, I go, well, I set that five minutes fast so I've got an extra five minutes. Yeah. Which obviously in my mind is an extra 15 minutes. Do you also convince yourself

that you can do things that take 20 minutes, like, but actually take an hour? You think you can do them in 20 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. I'll start painting the kitchen at 9.30 at night. Yeah. I'll decide. I'd probably do that before the school run. That's the kind of like, like, that's the, like, I dye my hair before the school. Yes. I mean, you know I've done that.

Yeah. It's ridiculous. That's the thing. Why am I stressing myself out? I did it today. I was like, do you know what? I'm going to do a new mental load list. I've got a book to write.

I've got episodes of the podcast edit. I've got also many people to do. That's avoiding the big, the big projects. That's the thing. That's part of it. Jody says, my husband does this. When we first got together, I thought he was a complete dick and didn't value my time. And I soon realized he's absolutely oblivious and has no concept of time.

P.S. He was late too. our first date. I think people think that you don't value their time and you're rude and honestly I swear to God on behalf of all of my time blindness peeps out there to those of you that don't have it. That is not the case. No.

Your time is valuable. We love you. It's just we're shit. Well, and also that, no, it's not even that we're shit. Why is, why is time shaking his head? But also the angst. Oh. Nobody asks your opinion.

I'm joking. But also, I have to just stress the anxiety that comes. with it is overwhelming. Like, I know I'm fucking up the time. I don't really know how, but I know I'm not doing it properly. Do you know what I mean?

Like, I'll get out the shower and I'll be like, do you go through that thing and we're constantly looking at the time? Yes. And then you forget to look at time. Siri, what time is it? What time is it?

And then you forget. And then Siri almost goes, babe, it's now three hours later. You haven't asked me again. I'm a bit worried that you're running late. Like that's, do you know what I mean? Yes, I do. So I,

I am the same and I used to spend a lot of time making sure I was on time and it led to me literally burning out right so now I do my best I'm very polite about it I apologise people know but I'm not losing my mind anymore

and that's what I'm not always late no you're not and for Tank and that's our producer today who disagrees with everything I've said and is shaking his head and Johnny maybe it's a a man thing who knows that turns out they're whenever somebody gives me a fucking compass

direction I'm like no do you do this in America a lot what if you're in America they'll go you need to turn east on like ninth street and like you fucking have lost me like give me a left or right oh right yes yes yeah exactly don't give me an east or a west or go north on

do you know what I do I nod and go thank you yeah and then immediately I have no idea I mean to be honest verbal instructions I'm so busy thinking how I'm being received as they're telling me the instructions. Yeah, you're not going to be right. Yeah, that's great. And then do you lie because you're worried when they go, you know where the Tesco is.

You go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all the time. No idea where the test is. Always buying broccoli there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that all the time. There, turns out there has been some personality profiling done, tank, which reveals that there are four personality types that are always late, which one of these are you.

So there's the perfectionist. Perfectionist simply can't leave home until the dishwasher is packed and set And running furthermore, everything else has to be perfect, including their appearance and whatever they've had to prepare. The crisis maker, crisis makers might not want to always be late, but the pressure and the adrenaline rush gives them a nice thrill that they keep chasing. They can't start on something until just before the deadline

because they think they can't function well until they're fully hyped up. And these people, these people actually prefer to be desperately rushing to get to their next appointment rather than to stroll in calmly into the building five to ten minutes early. Yeah, that is a little bit of me. Okay, the defier. The defiers feel like they have to stand up against the broad authority

of our existing societal constructs that tell us what to do and when to do it. An easy way to fight the man is being late. No, no. Absolutely, they're just twats. Well, if you are a twat and you're listening, I'm okay with that and I'm not judging you. No, I'm not right with that.

I judge that. Okay, but yeah, you know, safe. Because I'm not, we call this a safe place and safe space and we don't judge. me to express my opinion too. Okay, cool. The dreamer, finally. I'm getting a bit tanked on that one. Dreamer. Dreamers live in a different reality. They're bizarrely confident that they can have a shower, pack all their luggage, take the elevator downstairs, wait in the queue at reception, check out the hotel and get a taxi to the airport in a total of 10 minutes. They see

travel times as really short and imagine it's perfectly reasonable to fit five jobs into a five minute window. What I have deduced from this cat, I don't know about you, is that I have a bigger problem here than my time blindness, which is I potentially have a multiple personality disorder because I fit pretty much most of those, apart from the defier, all of those are me. That's every single one of those. Yeah, I think the dreamers more you. The dreamer, yeah. I am definitely, listen, I'm an addict. When it says, uh, the adrenaline, adrenaline rush gives them a nice thrill that they keep chasing, like that hit me back to the core. I was like, oh, under pressure, under pressure.

One thing I have learned from this, I would say that my friend said the best advice I've ever given. She said, when you're late, which you are going to be. I gave you this advice. Did you give me this advice? Yeah, it was me. I thought it was Helen. You're merging. Don't say sorry.

What do you say, Kat? Thank you for waiting. Thank you for waiting. Oh, thanks for your patience. Thanks for your, same thing. Thanks for waiting patiently. Thanks for waiting patiently while I got my shit together and got to be here. I love you and I'm glad we're still friends.

The end. Well, listen, that was actually way more dressing than I thought it was going to be. I'm not you're joking. Do you know what's really funny? I've noticed. You are the linguistic wizard to my kind of gremlin over here and I feel like... That's not true. I'm Dobby and you are Harry Potter

and all I'm saying is what I'm saying is what tends to happen right? Oh God I'm sad cross language What happens is that I feel like

You know We have this podcast I've joined you You with your linguistic prowess Pick these topics which are like Oh who's got the Like the funniest shape Willie And who's you know

Who's got their tits out in public more And that, you know, that would be the kind of thing that I would be expected is that I'm like, yes, let's talk about time blindness and let's talk about, you know, like, the body positivity movement. And yet I don't have the language skills to like deal with it. So I don't know what I'm doing. Next week I'm going to pick something fun. Also, my fun, yes, my fun topics. My topic has only been fun because it's been like Christmas New Year. Oh, okay. I'm going in seriously deep next week. Ooh. But this week, we are going in on the embarrassing sex stories. Right, first of all, just give this a little context. Yeah.

So I shared this last week, but just in case this is the episode you planted on January 1st, all of that. Here's a little recap. So I was reminded recently at a time when I was younger, probably about 19, in the throes of passion with a boy. It was actually not a boy. He was like nine years old, didn't they? Or was it 28? How old were you? 19.

Legal. Okay, cool. Just. Just checking. And we were, you know, bumping uglies. having a mucky cuddle and I remember talking about details a mucky cuddle mucky cuddle mucking oh good in it duvet dancing dovet dancing I've never heard that make in the beast with two backs I don't want to hear it again

oh fizzy knickers there and I remember this is a weird detail but I remember that Michael Bolton music video was on the TV which one don't know I can't remember those wind blowing in his hair yes that's all we need to know are you joking you're Because we used to have actual channels that just played music videos. Do you remember that? Oh my God, those good old days. Those were the days. And it was that.

And obviously, it wasn't like we'd chosen Michael Bolton at that ground to our... Is you on a beach? It could have been, actually. I don't know why it's all coming back to me. It's all coming back to me now. Okay, it's not central to the story, the Michael Bolton thing. But anyway, sorry. So we were shagging and I suddenly got cramp in my leg.

Yeah. And, you know, when you're really tense, you're literally... about to come. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And my leg went into cramp. You know, it's really painful. So I was like, ah, stop, stop, stop, stop. I've got cramp.

He flew off me like Spider-Man going into the back corner. You know, like, like this. He was terrified. He looked like, and I was like, what the fuck is wrong? He's like, what did you say? I've got cramp. He's like, oh, I thought he said you got crabs. The best story.

I love it. but that's it but that's it only two anyway so I didn't have crabs that time

joking never had crabs just warts it was stop stop stop because that

means you've still got them no no that's the life yeah no not necessarily so I had HPV

I had HPV yeah which is really common one in three people of HPV okay what does that stand for human

papilloma virus or something I don't know that's probably You're not right. Paculoma sounds a bit butterflyy. It sounds like a cocktail. I'll have a papillumma, please. On the rocks.

I have an HPV on Zerox. With Prosecco? Yeah. Give me a odd drive. That's an inside joke. It's not even a joke. It's just me taking the piss out of somebody. I'm sorry.

I love you very much. Thank you for doing all the work that you do. Okay. Sorry, Tank. Where was it? Talking about Papa. Oh, what? Talking about it.

about what? Anyway, I had HPV. Yeah. I think I probably got it from the same guy who thought I had crabs. No way. Way.

Anyway, that was why I had abnormal smear tests for the first 10 years of me having smear tests. Oh, wow. Because that kind of muckies up the... A pH level. In fact, it's why they don't

now do smear tests until you're older. I think when I was younger, you started 18. Now they don't start 2, 25. or something. Oh, okay. Because so many girls have HPV. Wow.

That it messes all the things. But anyway, essentially, the virus, even though you do technically have it for life, you don't, it's herpes you definitely have for life. Yeah. But HPV, actually, I don't have any traces of the virus in me anymore. Good to know. It does sort of wear out. I wasn't going anywhere near there anyway.

All our kids now are vaccinated against HPV. Oh. That's the virus that they, or the teenagers get. Oh. They get an immunisation. Oh. I did not know that. Unless you're one of those people that don't,

doesn't quite as your children in which case. Probably not the podcast for you. Anyway, moving on. So, off the back of that, that's New Year's Day. Yeah. Everybody's feeling a little bit fragile. Yeah. And I thought I'd open it up to the room because,

the Instagram room. Yeah. Because this is an area that I think is ripe. Yeah. For stories that will bring us some tears of joy. So even with a banging headache, you're going to enjoy this. So huge. apologies to everybody who I don't get to talk about. That's how many

embarrassing sex stories that I've got. I asked, do you have any embarrassing sex stories? Number one, does vomiting while giving a blowjob count? Yes, darling, it does. For sure. Oh, did you swallow it? Oh! Oh! Oh no. Oh no. Happy New Year. Okay, here we go. Had a one night stand with a guy in a hotel,

found out he was married when his wife turned up and threw me out into the corridor naked. Oh my God. Horrific. That reminds me of the time where Johnny did that. What? Yeah, and then like, he was... Hang on.

He threw somebody out that you were shagging. No, he was shagging somebody. Oh, he was married. Didn't know she was married. The next thing, the front door goes, and she's like, shit, shit, shit, you need to get under the bed. And so he was under the bed, but it was really low bed. Carry on movie.

Really low bed and there was loads of like kind of paper bags so we couldn't even breathe. Every time we breathe there was a crackle. The husband came in, starts ironing. Did they have sex? No, they didn't. Oh God.

Starts ironing his shirt and then she, he said, the worst part was she then slipped a cup of tea under the bed to him. Stop it, she did not. She did. He had to like jump out the window, like, scale a load of like the houses. Oh, we would have been in like early 20s. Oh, God, that's hilarious.

I know. Okay, number three I was with a guy who had a micro penis I faked the orgasm he'd already pulled out I didn't realize and continued faking it

Can you imagine I don't like to laugh at men's willies No we're laughing at the situation Okay all right It's not the size It's what you do with it I'm attached to my microphone

Number four I sneeze when I get horny My partner has made the connection So having a cold is awkward Yes Please keep this anonymous though Because I don't want my work colleagues to wonder every time I sneeze.

That is mad. Sorry, that's a real phenomenon though. Yeah, I've never heard of it before. No. Does anybody else sneeze? Does anybody else have weird bodily functions that happen when you get horny? Yes. That's niche, but I feel like we might get a few.

Oh my God, if we do, I'd be so excited. Right, now listen. I'm excited I might sneeze. I'm going to say, if you are feeling particularly queasy, this one, the next few. Yeah. might not be for you. Oh. I went to sit for him with a girl.

It sounds a bit like my friend. Of course she did love. I went to sit for me with a girl who decided to try anal with her boyfriend. We don't judge. We've all been there. Well, maybe not all of us. Anyway, moving on.

Anyway, his mum walked in on them which resulted in obvious panic. He pulled out possibly a little too. Oh, God, no. She shit the bed. She did. Shut the bed. you're all right then

is everybody okay because imagine not only she was a boyfriend that's like three degree embarrassment like mom you've sat in front of your potential mother-in-law and the boy that you fancy and you've got caught taking out of the shitter

there you go that's my favourite so far oh good right I had a friend over at my boyfriend's flat yeah the cat I just realized that I copied and pasted this one without reading it I was so glad I did

I had a friend over of my boyfriend's flat the cat came to say hello to her and my friend noticed there was something hanging out of its bum I grabbed the cat and went to pull it out and realised the cat had eaten a used condom and couldn't pass it properly Oh my God I am so sorry if you are eating

Can you imagine All right We can keep going Do you want more? Okay, you sure? Oh yeah My hand I love the way she phrased this

My hand which was drunk Slipped off the end of my husband's Willie And Jizz went in my eyes It got stuck in my contacts and I ended up in A&E. My husband told them it was champagne, but I think we all knew. Can you imagine?

Do you know, some of my funniest, some of the funniest stories I've heard are from doctors who tell the stories of people who come and say that one thing's happened when it's very obvious that another thing's happened. And I think it was, there was a famous doctor who was talking about it, who then didn't become a doctor

and went on to do something else, you know, it'd be like in entertainment or something. he was talking about how there was a boy boy maybe 14 who'd got his mum's vibrator stuck up his bottom Oh my God But all you could

They couldn't turn it off Oh no He sat in the wedding room Like With his chair moving across It's like you're just waiting for it to run out of battery You know like it always runs out of battery

When you don't want it to But when you do want it to It fucking keeps going Oh, I feel for that guy I've had come in my eye And it really stings This is the last one And finally My favourite one

She starts by saying I can't believe I'm telling you this I love or love it already I came so hard I pooped to the bed Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I get. All right, put it together. I know it together. Thank you. What a one-liner. That was amazing. Oh, that's joyful. Thank you.

Happy New Year. Oh, happy New Year. Happy New Year. Any name on that one. Oh, my abs. Oh, that was brilliant. That was beautiful. Oh, my makeup's God.

I'm crying. That was wonderful. Oh, I tell you what, it's just what you needed today, wasn't it? Mm. Please stop. There's no more. You can't talk. that.

No, that's, listen, you've got to end, you've got to know when to end. Yeah. You can't go back to the well too many times. Yeah. To every single one of you that sent me those, you are my new favorite humans on the planet. But especially that last one. Because I want, I pooped the bed. It's the way she says that they pooped.

Oh, I bet she feels so much better for getting that out. Stop it. I'm going to stop it. Okay. Did you do that on purpose? I love you in the tank's great. I think I'm going to be sick. Yeah.

Cool. Okay. it's not we're okay we're done no that's it right wow thank you to share the comments oh okay right sorry uh just hold on professional I'm professional no just to remind it that this podcast is all about you sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry oh I'm sorry oh god it's beautiful Beautiful. Just joyful. Just a reminder that this podcast is all about you and hearing your voices. So if you've got anything to say about this episode or about any upcoming topics,

or even if you've just got a great story that you think will bring joy, hilarity and relatability to our listeners' lives, then either email us at you're never the only one at gmail.com. That's you are, as in you're never the only one. or leave us a voice note on 07-45740-2704. Oh God, we got there in the end. Okay, quickly let's wrap this shit up because I can't continue anymore. Yeah, what's happening next week? So we're fully into 2025.

We're fully into 2025. Seeing as it's January. Yeah. And seeing as I am today, as we record this three years clean and so. Oh, my birthday today. Okay, so next week, we're getting serious. Yeah. For the first night, we need some seriousness after this chaos.

Are you about to say shit show? It was about to say shit. Stop it, I did it on purpose. Fucking out. Next week, I'm discussing drinking. You're never the only one who worries they might have a drinking problem. It's January. Everybody jumps onto the dry January ship.

Not everybody stays on it. I'm interested to know if you're worried that you've got a drinking problem. Are you, have you struggled with it? Do you think, are you, like, tell me everything. Anyway, or any kind of addiction, but let's stick to drinking drugs. Let's keep it fun. Okay. I can say that because I'm an addict.

But yeah, let's talk about it. Let's see, because I didn't know how I did a drinking problem. I just thought it was a party girl. Oh, yeah. It turns out blackouts are normal. No, and you're still a party girl, even though you don't drink anymore. I know. I'm just as fun.

Yeah, you. Yeah, you. Okay, your turn. Okay, so a new study. by experts from Stanford University argue that women are taking on the emotional needs of the men in their life, adding to their orally significant,

your favourite phrase, cat, mental load. If this sounds, well, it did to me, sounds familiar to you, well, you may just be interested in my topic next week, which is, you're never the only one who's man keeping. Interesting, there's a book by, I think it's called Billy No-mate,

but it's actually about, written by a man about discovering he didn't really have like a friendship group like it was almost like he came to get I think it was something like he came to get married and he realised that there weren't like he had people he drank with

and you went and played golf but no actual mate and so I think there's a lot of men find themselves in that and their emotional needs become the purview of their partners perhaps rather than their mates beautifully put well done got a little side note just to end on I've got mascara all down my phone no not at all

it's a good mascara whatever it is when I was looking up mankeeping I suddenly saw that you know he's like when the Google search comes up and you see a little kind of excerpt from whatever the post was and all I saw right was this sentence one of the best cures in my district for a burn is get a mankeeper

lift him up carefully and lick his belly then lick the burn part the pain will cease almost immediately and the burn will dry up So obviously, you know, I got a little bit distracted. I went to have a look. And it turns out that a man-keeper is also a substantially sized black lizard-y-looking newt thing. As you can see in Exhibit A.

So there's a picture there. Should I show that? You can see the picture. Okay. Can we see that tank? So now let's go back to, to me, I thought, oh, this will explain it. But I think it's even weirder. So at some point, okay, this is an Ireland.

Okay, this is an Irish newt, and apparently this is a cure for a burn. It's a sure cure because this Irish man tried out himself, and one day he licked his belly. His belly or his lizard's belly? The lizard's belly. And the other day he said, I got a burn. The blister was rising. I licked it. The burn or the belly?

And the burn. It raised no higher. It went away in a little welt. The man keeper must be very important this. The man keeper must be licked by the person who wants to be cured. I think it's very important that we put a disclaimer on here that says this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, or lizard lickers. Who picked up, who, which bright spark went,

oh shit, burnt myself on that while I was making that fire. Hold on a second. Look at that nasty looking black lizard there. I'm going to lick it up. I'm going to lick, I'm going to lick its belly. I'm going to lick the, I mean, who put those two things together? The Irish. Sorry.

That would be a good time to finish then, wouldn't it? Probably, yeah, that would be a great time. All right, listen, thank you very much. Remember get in touch at you're never the only one at gmail.com or WhatsApp us a voice note or message on 07457402704. All the info is also in the show notes. And if you're listening, please give us a five-star review. Are we on the bag?

Go give the four star or three-star. You remember what your mum said, if you've got nothing nice say, don't say anything at all? Yeah. Just stick with a five-star. Yeah, yeah. I like the little comments too. I love the

I've got a few. Got the comments. Oh, thank you to everybody who's been leaving lovely thing on there. I love that. Love you. Love you all.

You're our favorites. Hi. Things I say do, I'm always what I mean. I'm neither saying or sinners. I'm somewhere in between. This world is complicated. Everything moves so quick.

You're lying to yourself If you think that you've got to live Everybody love You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside your strength Because everybody makes mistakes Don't judge me I'm a weakness

Don't judge me on my floor Because no one's really perfect by the grace of God goes all Everybody knows You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside the shame, because everybody makes mistakes. Oh. Taking the time to make sure everything's okay.

Picking up like everyone else each and every day, when I feel there's nothing left for you to spend on you, you're allowed to be happy to. Never the only one. Never the only one. Don't live inside your shape because everybody makes mistakes. You're never the only one

You're never the only one You're never the only one We live inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Thank you.