You're Never The Only One - You're Never The Only One Who...feels like a lazy, sell-out

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Welcome to the brand new season of You’re Never The Only One hosted by me, Cat Sims and the wonderful Emma Nicolet. In episode one we discuss the saga of secondary school admissions, what happens when you upset the other school mums, why we seem to always confuse laziness and rest and whether or not Emma and I are sell-outs. We are also looking for your contributions for bonus episodes around next week’s topics which are: You’re Never The Only One Who…worries they’re not having enough sex (Cat) and… You’re Never The Only One Who…isn’t truly as body-positive as you profess to be (Emma) If you want to send in any stories, problems, anecdotes, or just to say hi, then email us at [e-mail] or send us a voicenote or DM to our WhatsApp [phone]. Follow us on Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts and if you can, please give us a 5⭐️ review. It is the most important and effective way to support the podcast - thank you! This episode is sponsored by Koru Kids - brilliant childcare to help your family flourish. Use the code YNTOO to get a free three-hour nanny trial. THE SOCIAL STUFF Follow You’re Never The Only One on Instagram.Follow Cat Sims on Instagram.Follow Emma on Instagram. Follow You’re Never The Only One on TikTok.Follow Cat Sims on TikTokFollow Emma Nicolet on TikTok Follow You’re Never The Only One on Youtube.

I'm starting, aren't I? Okay. No, I'm doing the intro, on I? You are. Okay. Cracking stuff. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome. This week, I'm never the only one this week.

I'm with Emma Nicolet. The bright to my beige, the kind to my cattie. She's a talented radio host who must have done something really wrong because now she's stuck doing a podcast with me. Emma Nicolet, everybody. Everybody, you, me. And Roshan, who's helping us out today. Thank you very much, Kat, for that.

And yes, I am here with the one and only Kat Sims. What should we say? Teacher, turned author, turned journalist, turn content creator, and the Guinness World Record Holder for the most amount of words fit into a minute. Do you know, that's... Probably. That's actually very fitting

because a brand I worked with this week had to slow me down. I was in like digitally. Yeah, actually took time out to say, I have slowed you down here by 1.8. How long did it take you to realise when they had those little T's and Cs onto the ends of adverts

that they've sped that up? I know. For ages, I'd go, that's amazing. Okay, cool, babe. I think that's about it. Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah. We're not going to be back in time for school pick-up when we record the podcast on Tuesday, so I just wondered what your child care sitch was. Well, like most people, I think it's a largely unreliable setup, genuinely just cobbled together between myself,

Johnny, after-school club. And you remember that random woman I found on Facebook? She seems really nice. So, yeah, probably her. What about you? Oh, we've got a Coru Kids After School, Nanny. You've got a Coru what? A Coru Kids After School nanny. Twice a week. She picks the girls up from school, brings them home, feeds them. does their homework and they're ready for bed

by the time Jimmy and I get home. So we actually all like each other by the time it gets to bedtime. I think you're sounding a little bit smug there, Kat. Listen, I'm not a little bit smug. I'm very smug about it. Yeah, well, not all of us have got the old influencer cash, you know?

Actually, it's really reasonable because it's part-time. You just pay for the hours you need. It gives me some easier days, not always rushing around, and the girls love it. All right, give me the deets. Head to coruK dot UK to learn more

and use the code Y-N-T-O-O for a free three-hour nanny trial. What's really great about this partnership, Kat, is that you do all the organizing, and I just literally rock up and go, what we're doing today. And so you've kind of structured how this pod's going to work. And at this point, if what you've sent me is correct,

I think we talk about our to-do list, is that right? That's it, yeah. Amazing. Okay, cool. So is that basically what we've been up to this week? Yes, what we've been up to this week. it's what we've got going on. It's the things that are occupying our brain at the moment because, as you know, people who are listening are listening to make themselves feel like they're never, they're not alone. Right. And so this doesn't just happen. Yeah. You know, somebody's looking after our children right now. Well, mine are at school. I didn't. Yeah, mine are actually. But you know, we had to get in there. Yeah, yeah. We had to get them dressed and fed and all the rest of it. So, you know, it's all about talking about those everyday minutiae that we've got in our heads that, no, other podcasts don't talk about. Okay. They talk about like big stuff, like, you know, cerebral, exciting stuff. We like to talk about the small minutiae that really, fucks us up on a day-to-day, basically.

Okay, what's been fucking you up this week? Secondary school application. Oh, that was a visceral. That kicked you in the gut, didn't it? Yeah, yeah. I think you've already got one in secondary school, haven't you? I have, yeah. So my eldest is in year six,

and she is obviously going, we have to do secondary school applications by the end of October. And I, for my whole time I've lived where I am, has been absolutely adamant that we are not going to send our kids to school where we are, because in my words, it's a bit stabby. Yeah, okay.

I've been to where you live. Somebody's going to be upset about that. You know what I mean? She's been that. I quite like it, it's edgy. Also, they put you under this illusion that you have a choice in London as to which secondary school

you're going to go to. We don't have a choice. Like, unless I pay for a school, there's only one school that she's going to get into. Catchment area-wise. Right. Well, there's only one in your catchment area.

Well, they're so oversubscribed. Right. There's two. The other one is really stabby. And we went to see it because I thought, I'm going to go, I need to get like a, Stabfest.

Yes. Stab fest, but also, Bo, unsurprisingly, was like, I love this school. Right. I was like, yeah, you're not getting that. This is literally research only. Yeah. So anyway, we went to see the other one, which I had out of hand dismissed. Right.

I had contempt prior to investigation with this school because it was next to a McDonald's. Oh, right. That was it, the only reason. That feels like a reason for me to go. Okay, great. To go. Oh, not great. Jimmy was like, you're ridiculous.

I was like, yeah, but they're just going to eat McDonald's every day after school. I don't want it. Right. Anyway, we went to see the school, fortunately, absolutely amazing. Right. It's got like a private school. It's got full scale, proper gym. Like, rivals my David Lloyd gym membership.

Right. It's got exquisite, like, hockey pitches, astroturfs. It's got a brand new build it. So we have decided, I've got to get the applications in. Every day I wake up going, I'm going to do the applications, and I know I'm going to get to October the 31st and probably forget. That's my panic at the moment that I'm going to forget to do it

But in good news We found somewhere for her to go to school So hopefully we don't have to move house anymore Oh that's a shame Because I was trying to convince you to come and join me out In the countryside In the countryside I love the countryside

Oh it's so nice We'll be there It's just going to be another five years probably Can you wait that long? I'm not going anywhere You're going to die in that house I'm going to die in that house I'm really nice

It's really nice It's really nice It is great I love it I'm really happy actually And you've got chicken Well yes So yeah, I've also now got rats, but I'll come to that in a minute.

Oh yeah, the two sort of go hand in hand, don't they? I've been in denial. The other thing that I am currently trying to get on top of is organizing my youngest ADHD assessment. And I just want to say this. I'm not going to bang on about it. But I'm going to say that the actual process of trying to organize an ADHD assessment should be the assessment in itself.

Because I cannot find the documents that they send me. I think I've answered them and then I haven't. I send them without attaching it. I miss an appointment. And to be honest, at that point, the therapist should go, do you know what, we're done, ADHD, it's ADHD. Yeah. Like, you don't even need to come. But isn't that a diagnosis for you?

Yeah, but like it's hereditary. And it, honestly, I don't know when we're going to get through this. Is it hereditary ADHD? Yeah. Oh, shit. Did you not know that? No, I didn't. I actually didn't know that. Which one of you, you and Johnny?

Well, I think I'm in, I might be in denial. I can tell you is that Johnny's quite ADHD. I've been telling him that for ages. Sorry, Johnny. I just feel like, yeah, I feel like he could be, I think he could be way more efficient with medication. Definitely. Honestly, honestly, I tell you this.

And I, I mean, I, I filled out the flu form. Have you had that recently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three times I've done it. Oh, yeah. Three times I've done it. And then he did it as well. I was like, I told you I did it.

And I've done it three, well, that's the NHS fault. Why are they sending it through? Why don't they let you know that you've done it? I don't know. I think they just expect people to remember stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, to take responsibility for what they've done and not done. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I've never been one of those.

I can't do it. What's on your to-do list, Emma? Oh, are you throwing this at me? I mean, there's a few bits going on. I mean, you say I're throwing it at you. You did get the script before. I mean, we had a chat about it. It's fine.

I was on the train on the way. That's true. Literally. And I didn't look at it. I told you when I got here. I didn't look at it. I was really busy scrolling Instagram, okay? You noticed it came in.

I saw it. And that was it. It was a link and I thought, I'll keep that one step. Too far. That's one step. Too fucking far. And I know I should have known. I should have just sent you the script straight into the WhatsApp.

I just want you to know it doesn't mean that I don't care about this. We'll talk about this afterwards. Anyway, what's going on? What's going on? Oh, I'm trying to think what I can talk about and what I can't. Oh, there's no boundary. Oh, I don't know. I'm learning some lessons.

I'm learning that my reach on Instagram is bigger than I realize it is. particularly if I mention about something that's going on with Molly at her school and it gets back to, yeah, parents. It turns out, you know. Have you upset somebody? I've upset some people. And I feel, and if you are listening to this,

I'm really sorry. Which camera is. Are you going to? It's a heartfelt. I'm really sorry. I'm genuinely sorry, but also, fuck off. I'm like, do you know what? It's like, someone's being, sorry.

Tell me all about it, Emma. I said the tiger mom came out when I was on my answer, but it wasn't actually, it's Mama Bear. Mama Bear's such a beautiful phrase to describe a mother because it's like, I look quite cute and furry, but I swear to God, I'll rip your fucking throat out if you hurt my child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's what was activated when I, you know, she's secondary school

and you'll see this, like when, for girls particularly, you know, it's fucking hard because girls are so emotional and kind of calculated and just like, manipulative and bitchy. Exactly. All that shit. All the positive work. And I'm like, and she is a young 12, you know, she's a naive 12. She's, I just feel like Molly is made to get on with adults, like older people. Yeah, she's got an old soul. She has got an old soul. And she's navigating friendships in a way that I feel is, and I hate the abuse of this word, as you know, is quite triggering for me. As somebody who went to born in school, very young, so young that the people. that were, I was sharing a year with, were two years, like three years above me. Yeah, yeah, I remember you said. So, I, friendships were really hard for me. Yeah, it's weird. You did that. You went when you were too young.

Yeah, and then... Because my parents emigrated, they didn't want to take me out of the English... This is a really ADHD segue, so I'm sorry about that. We will come back, but I was watching Celebrity SAS. Oh, yeah. And Rachel Johnson, Boris's sister. Yeah. Her dad sent her to the same all boys' school that her brother went to. Yeah.

because he wasn't taking her to a different school. So she went to an all-boys. Oh, my God. Now, that's trauma. I don't care how you feel about the Johnson family. Especially in that kind of era. The entitlement, though, of Stanley to be like, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing two school runs.

You can just have her. I mean what? Anyway, continue. So, yeah, so it's been, I think it is quite triggering for me. So anyway, I said something and I don't want to go into it. No, so let's be brief. Did you say something about the story? school or about another parent, another kid.

I said that somebody had said something to her and it made me really angry and I wanted to go and speak to the mum and I got it just like that I would talk to you about or anyone about one time and I forget sometimes because of how open I am on my Instagram and now, you know, a story, you know, I'm not really a poster. I'm not, you know, I just kind of everything I think is quite well. It all came out of you. Yeah, it all came out. And I, and anyway, it turns out that people in her year watch follow my follow me which in itself for me is weird because

they're 12 yeah exactly and so you know my thoughts on the whole kids and social media thing so that and then I got back to parents and I got a message from her parents saying that some parents were very upset with me now I'm not to be honest with you I went through the first part of me went oh my God I've upset people and now I'm you know I'm not going to have any friends

and totally like set me off and then as I just said I thought fuck it do you know what I mean actually find me one parent that behind the scenes isn't saying the same thing but also in front of the scenes like it's not like you named anybody it's not like you gave any identifying information out about right yeah I don't

you'd almost be like why would you even bring attention to it like just shut up yeah but now I feel like a bit of a kind of social pariah so I mean were they really good friends well it was a mum that I really liked oh no that is sad yeah it's sad and so and you don't really socialise as much with the family now while we're on air and say sorry. I know, actually, and I was really hung over when I got the message.

So I already had the beer fear from what I'd done the night before anyway. And I was like, okay, right, I was feeling a bit edgy. But actually, it kind of took the edge off my anger because I was feeling so vulnerable. Yeah, there's only so many extreme emotions you could feel at the same time. And I was that. And the worst thing is it came through when I was in front of my mother-in-law and Johnny. And I was like, I can't even tell them this because my mother-in-law is already like, I don't get this social media business.

you know, why do you want to have your life out there for everyone to see it? She's a very private person, joining me, apart from when the camera's on her and then she turns it on. No, I've seen. Yeah, yeah, she loves it. And I'm like, okay.

Like Joanna. I know, but she is so, she is. She is like, oh God, she is like so protected for the grandchildren. So if I went, this has come out, it's got back, she would lose her shit. Grandmama bear.

Oh, God, yeah. So I was like, hey, can't. I went, I just need to go in the other room. And I went, this is on me, this is on me. So I just sent a message back going, you know what, this is not great. This is not great and I'm just, I feel really bad and I think emotion clouded my judgment

and I'm just going to have to deal with the consequences. Right. But in her defence, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because also what was being told me was not what happened, what she'd heard. Oh, unsurprising. So I was like, okay, right, so but I'll take it, you know, don't talk about stuff like that on your social media.

And I said, I actually forget how many people are watching or could be watching. yeah yeah yeah so fair enough and it's a lesson learned cat because molly you know she is at that age now where there are going to be her friends watching and so i have to think about how she wants to be portrayed no exactly oh well and also and that's not necessarily how she is at home with me no and it's also the sins of the mother right like whatever you do online yeah whether it's related to her or not if they're watching it could backfire on her so it does become a bit of a minefield i don't think it matters at primary school i don't because they're not on social media yeah occasionally kids

say, oh, I saw a video. Yeah. But generally, they're sort of at the age where they're still quite impressed by it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, they sort of, there's a bit of like, oh yeah, you're on Instagram and you've got loads of followers and all this of it. That goes, I think, as soon as you get to secondary school.

Yeah. Then we're just sad old, 40-year-olds who are like making stupid videos in their kitchen. Yeah. I'm worried about how that's going to land on Billy at secondary school. That's where I'm at right now. That's where I'm at. So all of a sudden, now I'm over thinking. thinking stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you content shit. Because I'm not thinking about me anymore. And actually that's been apparent, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Thanks for the therapy session. Anytime. Did you notice how quiet I was?

Yeah, I listened really well, didn't I? So when you're talking over me, does that mean I'm talking shit and you're bored? No. No. That's my natural state. Okay, fine. That's an ADHD thing. That's my natural state.

I'm just so excited to say that I understand what you're saying because I feel this too and this happened to me. Yes. But you're not there yet, so it's quite interesting for you to hear it. Yeah, got it. And also, I'm trying really hard

not to talk over you in this podcast. Oh, it's a great job. On to our next bit. Now, this podcast is called You're Never the only one. Yeah, and this is kind of the segment

of the podcast that makes that make sense. Okay. So each week, we're going to bring a topic each to the table. We are. Which we think will be relatable, which we think will discuss things

that people sort of know that happened all the rest of it, but we don't really talk about it. Anyway, way this week I'm here to discuss laziness and I want everybody to feel that they are never the only one who got confused between

laziness and rest. I saw you touch on this on your Insta. Touched on it on Insta went viral. Did it? In stories. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People were like honestly had made the same mistake that I've been making for my entire life. Listen, I have never met a stick I don't love to beat myself with. Right. I'm super hard on

myself and so I have this narrative going on in my brain all the time that's like, you're really lazy. Now, when I say that to people, people are literally like, but you never stop. And they're not wrong. I just don't think that my busyness and my moving around is always productive.

And then I sort of wear myself out like a puppy and then I need a nap. Yeah. And then I nap and I'm like, oh, I haven't done anything. Like I've started a million things. I haven't done anything. I know that's a lot to do with how my brain works.

But also I translate that as you're lazy. I translate every cup of tea I sit down and have rather than like drink on the go while I'm doing the laundry as lazy. Like if I sit down for lunch and watch TV, I'm like, I'm like, I'm for too long. If I go to bed early rather than stay up and do like the laundry,

I'm like, I'm like, lazy. Like I do think of it as laziness. It occurred to me that this wasn't productive. You know, like that negative self-talk. Yeah. So I had a real think about it and I came up with this theory that I have confused my entire life,

rest with laziness. So the things that I think are lazy Like having a cup of tea and sitting down And eating my lunch not running around Are in fact Very legitimate forms of rest And should not be made to feel lazy But then I was like

But what about the things I do that are really lazy Like audaciously, indulgently lazy Like the time Like when I called Jimmy the other day I called Jimmy from my bed the other day And I was like Can you bring me a hot water bottle? he was like you can get it yourself

I was like I'm not getting myself can you please get it brought me up a hot water bottle I put this out do you sorry do you think that's lazy I think it's quite lazy yeah I feel like that's not do you think that's working smarter

rather than harder it's like an active service it's like something that actually that's asking the person that loves you just to do something to help you okay let me put this to you then I think Johnny would rather do that than me say can you take the washing out

and put it in the tumble dry oils I think he would rather do something like that I ask him to do that. Because it's kind of showing love. Do you know what? Okay. What about this, though? This is from, this is one of my favourite, this is from Katie.

I did put this question out to the Instagram, Hive Mind. Yeah. And I wanted to find out what their truly laziest moments were. Katie says, I miscalled my husband repeatedly until he came to our bedroom to turn out the big light. Now that is lazy. That is lazy. That is really lazy because the amount of frustration of like the time it would take and the emotional frustration of someone not answering.

I'd be like... Here's the thing. It wasn't even across the room. She was like, I couldn't even be bothered to lift my arm. It's so bad. Sorry, that is awful. Isn't that awful? So I'm going to read out a few more to you and then I'm going to say why we cannot

be guilty about these because I see these acts of... And the only word I can use, and I've said it before, I'm going to say it again, it's that audaciously lazy. Like, there is, you really are being lazy. And you could beat yourself up about them. All you could see them as like little fuck you's to the world. Like I'm not going to stand up again. Like I've stood up 500 times today, every other fucker.

Yeah. I'm going to sit down and I'm going to be really, really lazy. And I'm gifting that to myself. So that's how I see it. But these are some of the ones that we put in. Can I just say on that note? Yeah. That's how I feel like when I, you know,

when you see these irritating, I find them irritating videos of like men kind of mansplaining how to pack the dishwasher. and it's like, look how my wife packs a dish, but this is how she loads the dishwasher, it's so shit. And I'm like, do you know what it is? It's probably because it's about the like 70,000th time that she's actually loaded it that week. And by this point, she doesn't give a flying fuck.

She's just like, just get it in. And do you know what? If it's still dirty, if there's bits on that food, you know, still on the plate. We're washing it all again. Yeah. We're not taking the clean stuff out. We're not doing that.

We're going to wash it all again. Fuck that. Okay, so here are some others. And Kirstie says, I put clean stuff, talking of dishwashers, I put clean stuff back in the dishwasher when I can't be asked to make space to put it away. That's not. I was thinking that it was going to be like to leave it in, like,

leave the dirty stuff in a, no, no, no, no. But actually just. No, no, no. The whole thing, she's, in fact, she says, I put clean stuff back in the dishwasher. She actually takes it out and then puts it back in. That's brilliant. Paula says, this is one of my favourite.

just the level of fuck you today is so I mean it's I used to bin the spoon along with the yoghurt because I couldn't be asked washing it that's so bad but also it's not going to take you long to run out of spoons is it I'm not judging you but like I'm you are a bit I no I love her can I tell you why I'm judging because johnny's got you know he's got this cutlery obsession so he's like if we go somewhere you say it as if I know that I've spoken about it numerous times I know you don't you know you follow me but don't follow me okay but follow me because, like, you would know it then. Literally, we go into, like, a restaurant

and he starts doing, does the weighty test. Oh, I do. Does the balance. Like, and I'm with him. I've become really, like, aware of if the end stabby bit, if the end of the fork is short and sharp and it stabs into my, anyway, the cutlery thing. The cold winter nights must fly by in your house.

Mate, the cutlery in our house is quite expensive. I can imagine. So if that went in the bin, I wouldn't hear the end of it. My God. True. Well, so I suppose I am judging you. All right, Loza says, now, I'm interested to hear what you think about this. Okay.

I text my older kids when we're in the same house instead of going up to ask them something. I actually think that's a great example of working smarter and not harder. Okay, so unless you've got older kids, you won't get how clever that is. Because actually, and also, you know, they don't want to answer phones now. They say you're texting is the way to do it. Well, they don't even call. They only text. And they don't listen to you when you shout at.

Of course not. They need it in digital form. Exactly. That's clever. I agree. I agree. Life hack. I wasn't prepared to throw that into the lazy bin.

Again, this one. Rachel says, ordering a takeaway when you've got a fridge full of food. Like you've done the big shop. You've been to the supermarket. You've walked around the supermarket. You've put all the stuff in. You've packed all the bags. You've put them in the car.

You've taken them out of the car. You've put them in the house. No. You've filled all the, put it all away. The person that went into the supermarket is never the same person that opens the fridge back home. Like when I go to the supermarket,

all the greens in, like, a bit of that, oh look, here's another, you know, herb for me to kill, you know. When I get home, I packed it all away, which, you know, is about as enjoyable as putting the washing away. I'd rather eat my own kidney. Yeah, do you put the stuff that, like,

basically could, like, go off and kill you away first and everything else just stays inside. I'm extremes. So I only ever do a shop when we have literally nothing apart from like that that grey shrivelled up spring onion that one you know the one why do I buy spring onions every week and a little bit of yellow broccoli yeah yeah so then I just go through yeah I've done a massive shop I'll go spend like hundreds of pounds yeah yeah and then I'll come back and I'll just put everything in the fridge in the bin because that's old and knackered yeah and then

I will I'll tip everything out into clear plastic containers I'll label it I'll do that that's my only option there's no grey area for me wow so when I do that I'm like this is literally I mean I feel like I've just completed a PhD like I'm exhausted yeah I am exhausted also I don't want anybody to go in there and mess up the fridge yeah so we are ordering a takeaway yeah really yeah really you've got to have a takeaway on big shop supermarket day god that's amazing but imagine right you've taken the food guilty about that no no you have to do you've taken food off the shelf, you've put it in the trolley. You've moved the same food from the trolley

to the checkout there. You've then moved exactly the same food from that, from the, it's been scanned into a bag. You've then moved the food again from the trolley to your car. Then you've moved it from your car to your house and then you've moved it from the bags into its various receptacles

slash storage areas. By the time I have moved that food 700 fucking time, I'm not opening another fucking cupboard and moving it again. I'm not putting it in and then take it out going to I'm done. I am done moving the fucking food. Yeah.

I'm having a takeaway. Cool. Anyway, so that's, you wash your fruit and everything before you put it in those containers. Do you know me at all? I didn't even wash my food during COVID. I thought I did until you told me

that you moved your food into like other receptacles. Yeah, but let me tell you why. It's like there's an extreme. I either don't do anything or I make it look like Mrs. Hinch's fridge. You see, I want to be that person but the problem is that if I wash it, then it's got to sand on the side and dry.

I don't wash my food. I don't want, listen, nobody's got time to wash their fucking berries. I want to wash my berries. I once turned around and saw my kid sucking on the buggy wheel. And at that point, I realized that I was not a berry washing person. Also, when you did, there's so much dog shit on the street as well, that buggy wheel, that was, no. The immune system of an ox. Fucking ox, that kid never gets sick.

Right. So that's laziness for you. That's what I think. I've got a voice note. I've got a voice note. I have. I've got a voice note because I want of witchery is. Oh, yes. Because I put it out there. Right, listen. Talking about lazy. Because one thing I did do a little bit of prep for was knowing that we were going to be talking about the lazy thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you want to hear the voice note? Yeah, I do. And then we'll tell everybody how they can send in voice notes for next week. It's a great idea. You're very clever. You told me you set up a little WhatsApp for it, a special like number. Did you get a sent one? Yeah, yeah. And I saw it.

And I went to, oh, what are we're going to put us, the picture for it? And you put a picture up. I did the picture already. Very organised. Right, let me play it out. You ready? Can I play it out on here? Yeah, I'm sure.

Okay. I don't know if I've got any, I've got no service. Oh, it's coming out. It's coming out. Okay, here we go. I'm excited. I'm excited. Have you listened to it?

No. No. It's brave. For fuck sake, I'm going to text in now. For some reason, I put in the outset studio. Oh, it's you. It's you telling me you're lost. what it's you on the way here no i understand i heard my own voice but that didn't come through on the

business what's out i know hold on hold on hold it i've got it i've got it hold on hold it here so sorry i'm a bit confused are we ready hi cat and emma so the laziest thing i've ever done is and so in the summer we were lighting the fire so i took all the washing in and then went back outside and realized that I had left some pants and socks on the line and rather than do the right thing by collecting them off the line and taking them in I just chucked him in the fire. Can't be bothered. Obviously they weren't mine so even better but yeah so in the fire they went. Yeah that's lazy huh. Oh my god I loved it. I thought she was going to go with So I just left them there and then my crotch smell of smoke for like a week.

But no, she went further. She threw them in the fire. That goes, that's like the spoon in the bin, isn't it? It is, but it's also like, and I have to say I'm guilty of this. I don't know whether it's overwhelmed. I'm going to blame ADHD because I'm going to blame ADHD and everything. I'm that wanker. But I have been known, when I'm doing like a clean-up,

I have been known that there are, you know, you get like a little pile of bits that you're like to put them away in a million different places. Yeah. I sometimes I'll just throw those in the bin. No, you don't. No, come on. Hold on. What little bits are we talking about?

Because that's pants and socks, surely. Definitely odd socks that have been knocking around for ages. Do you have an odd sock basket? Yeah. Well, I have no, I have a sock basket. So when it comes out of the washing machine, I put all the socks in one basket, and then I go through them and add them up.

And then occasionally you get to know the ones that just aren't ever going to get picked up. Yeah. They're always going to be on there. Yeah, yeah. And they go in the bin eventually. I give them a few weeks. Yeah.

A few weeks, go. Gosh, I've had stuff over the years. Oh, no, I'm ruthless. But, yeah, there are things, if I'm doing a big cleanup and I've collected like a kid's necklace that's been, you know, cheap one that's knocking around and then, you know, I don't know. You're a Lego Hoover, aren't you?

I'm a Lego Hoover. Oh, my God. The guilt I feel, because I always think to myself, it'll never happen, but I think to myself, well, when I put all those pieces back together for that, you know, Beauty and the Beast Castle to then give to charity. in a big zip-locked bag, never going to happen.

But, you know, in my head, it's going to happen. And then I've made myself feel bad for not doing it. You know, one piece of Lego goes up that. That seems like an awful lot of mental gymnastics to do when you could just vacuum it up. There you go. I'm just, as Johnny said, I'm born to be an underachiever. I mean, that's savage. That might be the most savage insult I've ever heard.

Anybody say, you're born to be an underachie? No, first of all, he starts with, you're born to be poor. You're basically just say, I do a lot of shit for free. A lot of shit for free just because I want to make people happy and he went well that's why you're born to be poor and an underachiever and I responded

maybe I'm just born to be with someone richer than you but he found that really funny and then I found him funny laughing at it and then he had sex and it was all right pretty much what happened okay good right cat we we did actually take this topic out to the streets

didn't we and you ask people what is the laziest thing they've ever done we did here's how it went Is my name? I'm Ben. Do you have any exceptionally lazy habits or moments that you're willing to share? I've always thought that, yeah, when the lights are on, you know, it's that classic,

like if you had a little Nerf gun or something that you could aim and, you know... Yeah, exactly. I reckon I've thrown a shoe at a light before. Love that. So that's probably up there. So we've been doing a chat about laziness and how people sometimes mistake laziness for rest, or rest for laziness. But we did have some people send in some very, very lazy moments. We'd love to get your reaction to them.

Okay. So one woman said that she was in bed and she missed called her husband until he came upstairs to turn the big light out. Yeah, I mean, I can see the laziness there, but I think that's practicality. You know, hubby's up, then, you know, it just makes more sense for him to turn it off. So you're saying that's more, you're working smarter, not harder. Yeah, I think that's clever. I like, okay, what about this? She ordered one block of cheese from Deliveroo from the co-op at the end of the street and it cost her seven pounds.

Yeah, no, she could have gone and pick that out. That's, I think that's, that's, that's, that's where you draw the line. Yeah, exactly. That's not just, that's not just, you know, convenient, but it's actually expensive as well, right? I have two names. Oh. Do you like diamonds or have Shirella? Talk to me about diamond.

I guess that sounds like a stage name. So just like my childhood of growing up wasn't very helpful, willing. I was like, you're a diamond, you're a diamond. I love that that's the reason because I'm going to be honest, my head. I was like, her name's diamond. and that's a stripper name. And actually what you said is much more wholesome. And I'm starting to question myself and my thought processes.

I think that we have, as women and mum's often been guilty of confusing laziness with rest. Would you agree? Absolutely. Oh my gosh. I could sit down and have a cup of tea and I'm thinking, no, I should be doing something else right now. And then actually no, I need to rest. I need a break. I've been non-stop working. working being a mom i'm thinking when do i even get a break i don't even get a lunch break so that being said a five minutes cup of tea is my rest but then i'm like and what should we doing this i should

be doing that and i'm just like oh my goodness no i'm allowed to take a break five minutes to refill my cup agreed all right what's your name i'ma patel i'm a patel lovely to meet you we've been discussing laziness and i wanted to run a few of the most audaciously lazy examples that we've I'd love to get your reaction. So the first one is the woman, she was in bed and she missed called her husband downstairs until he came up to turn off the big light. Well, within her rights to do that. Oh, I love that. This is brilliant. We're not, okay, next one. Another woman ordered a block of cheese of deliver room from the co-op at the corner of her street and it

cost her seven pounds. Like, half of me is like, I respect that. Like, do we what you need to do, oh, is that seven quids quite hefty. It's a hefty charge for a block of cheese. But cheese, sometimes you have to break the bank of the cheese, so I understand that. You know what, cheap cheese. One woman, when she finished her yoghurt, threw the spoon away as well because she couldn't bother to clean it up. Okay, no, that's pretty lovely.

That's the line. I don't like wastage, so that's not good. That's not good for the environment. Sometimes I think we beat ourselves up about, like, sitting down and have, like, not doing anything during our lunchtime. Yeah. like we go, I should be doing the laundry, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. Do you think sometimes we're guilty of like going, actually I just need to rest?

This is rest, this is not laziness. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Everyone's guilty of that. Like, you always feel like you need to be doing something all the time. But I'm like that. So sometimes if I'm sad, like I shouldn't just be sitting, I should be doing something. But that's just something like that's installed for me when you grow up. I'm like, either your parents or how you've been thought, because maybe they would never give them that privilege to do that.

Whereas, you know, I think today, or people in this country or our society have the privilege to be able to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not? Great. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. If you have anything to say about what we said so far, or if you've got anything new, if you want us to talk about anything in particular, then you can email us at your never the only one at gmail.com, which is Y-O-U-R-E. What is it?

Y-O-U-R-E, never the only one, because it's you are. There we go. But what we really want, what really gets our knickers fizzy, is if you send us voice notes. So disgusting. Fizzy knickers. Fizzy knickers. It's so right.

It reminds me of when you have that thrushed light. Can I finish it? We can talk about fizzy knickers in a minute. Right. We really like the voice notes. Yeah. Please send us voice notes on 07457407. 402-704.

Say it again. 07457. 402-704. I should put like on strictly a little ticker tape or on the bottom. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, I'm going to do that.

Right, over to you, Emma. Oh, God. I'm really under-prepared for this. Okay, so you're never the only one who feels like they've sold out. Well, we're both influencers, so, well, that's

kind of where this has started. So I asked a question the other day on the gram that I've been speaking to a lot of my friends about recently, which was, I don't know or do you think because I talk to my friends about

do you think it's possible to stay authentic and make money and I suppose that could that was my question as to whether that's something I could do on Instagram but actually yeah

like I don't want to do ads for things that like I wouldn't genuinely spend my money on but equally in your words, my kids need shoes, you know? And I need some self-worth and I need to prove that I'm not born to be poor.

Well, you need to contribute to the family economy. That's it, that's it. And I'm just like, but it's tough because to get to that point you need to be able to pick and choose those kind of ads, you've got to be quite a big account. So you're kind of in this vicious cycle of having to take stuff

to grow to play the game to like and I don't want to play the game can't I don't want to play the game it doesn't make me feel good it doesn't make me feel good so I've been at a real turning point this week no last week where I was like over it it's just all over it I'm all over I've been going last week I'm done I'm done it's been in my head for a long time where I'm like okay so here's my my two options all right so I'm thinking I either find a product that I genuinely believe in And so this wonderful community that I've built on Instagram that I feel very honored to have the trust of that I can say, hey guys, look at this amazing thing.

I think it's great. Would you like to buy it? And that would be my business. Do you know what I mean? Yep. And at the same time, the other option is I could go over onto the tic-tuk. The tic-a-tik-tuk.

And I could maybe just like start bambing out a load of, yeah, bash out a load of videos doing stuff I love. like, yeah, with all these links, I know, a influence that we know very well. I knew exactly who you were going to say. Yeah. It's from the TikTok shop. Oh, TikTok shop.

So this is what I'm saying. You know how many tutorials I do on my stories, my makeup and the stuff that I use? That's what I'm thinking. And it also means that, you know, you don't have to, the difference with TikTok to Instagram is there's no DM and there's no, and what's happened is if you're very accessible and vulnerable, like I am,

I don't do comedy reels. I don't, you know, everything's family life. So it's quite, it's very vulnerable, you know. And so I have these relationships in my followers, which can, you know, where I'll do a post and people will DM me about how much they like the post. Now that does nothing for my engagement, as you know. It does nothing.

So therefore I don't go any further out. I don't get any bigger. And therefore I can't then get to myself to the place where I've got enough followers to start picking. And choosing your gigs. And picking and choosing my gigs. Here's what I think. It goes back to that idea my kids need to choose.

My husband's musician. and in an ideal world his session so he basically pays for who pays him plays for who pays him in an ideal world he'd love nothing more than to like I don't know

playing some great prog rock I mean for me that's an oxymoron great prog rock sorry to all the prog rock fans out there I cannot bet it sounds like five people playing five different songs five different room for 45 fucking minutes anyway he would love that

that's what he would think is like music but you know sometimes he has to do the odd weddings gig Sometimes he has to do a cover's gig down at, I mean, he doesn't do that so much anymore, but like nobody, I think influences sometimes held to this ridiculously high standard. It's only because people's views are so polarised these days. Right, but we should be, it should be implicit. That our content that is our content that is organic and made by earth is as authentic as it fucking comes.

90% of the gigs I do paid wise, I love the brand, I love all the stuff, I would do it for free. I wouldn't really, obviously. But you know, it's that, I love them that much. much, 10%. Maybe that's a bit high. 5%. There are brands I work with where I'm like, I don't love this brand.

But it's more like, A, you don't know you don't love it before you get into it because there's no real relationship built up between brands and influences anymore. Like they literally just send you stuff. And sometimes I go back to my primitive power triangle, I decide I'm doing a gig because I love it, the money or opportunity. Oh, I like that. Has to sit somewhere in there, right? I like it to hit too

but if it just hits money and I don't know where my next mortgage payment's coming from I get the feeling that my audience who like you say have got a great relationship with will give me grace on the odd ad here and there that perhaps isn't as good as the others

yeah I think that's really insightful and actually as I'm listening to you I'm thinking you know what it is it's because I feel like my background was sales it was TV it was very much interactive kind of sales TV hard selling I know I have the capability to sell anything yeah and I and I don't want to do that anymore I don't take advantage of people who may be vulnerable to an open to that so I think actually it's maybe a way of how I'm doing it so I think actually it's just delivering this is what it does and just thinking about the language I'm using because I can't help but feel otherwise so that's what

I was talking to you to spend your money on something that You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then also there might be somewhere out there, someone out there that goes, actually, that's exactly what I need. That's where it's a change in thinking. But yeah, I mean, there's got to be people in other lines of work

that feel like they've sold out. Like, I mean, I'm thinking of, oh, I'm going to, not everybody who does this job as a sellout, but there may be some people who have gone into teaching. That's often like, you know that awful phrase where people go, those who can do and those who can't teach. Yeah. Like, that's awful and absolutely untrue.

But I think there'll be some teachers out there who are like, I don't know if this is what I wanted to do. Yeah. Like, I mean, I certainly felt a bit like that when I was teaching. Do you know what I mean? I love teaching, but I was like, I don't know if this is really... Yeah. I feel like I've just sort of slipped into something...

Yeah. That anybody with an English literature degree, it's literally the first thing they think of, I'll probably teach English. Right. What a privilege to be able to do something you love. Yeah. And authentically love.

And I'm so grateful that... that's where there's bits about my job I don't love but the freedom and the way that I'm able to contribute to the family economy being able to work from home being able to pick up the kids and drop them off like being able to write for a living yeah being able to perform for a living yeah I love that I get to do this I think is what like think about lawyers who like went into it with this really like heroic sort of I'm going to go yes like do good things yeah but then end up like in corporate law or something. Not that there's anything wrong with corporate law,

but I'm just trying to think of those people that's like, thought there were going to be one thing, and then they've gone the other way because the need to fund their lifestyle and keep themselves safe and secure has sort of overtaken it. So I suppose in a way, it's kind of saying,

okay, well, if you sold out now, but are you, if you still got your eye on the prize of where you'd like to be, so the journey? Yeah, it's all a journey, not the end game. Okay, cool. I like that's what it is. I feel like that was a really nice little therapy session,

I was. Listen, this is what we're here for. Am I the only one? That's what I want to know. Do you feel the same? Let's know. So we're coming to the end of our first episode, Emma. Oh, it's flown by.

Flown by time flies when you're having fun. Right, so next week's topic. Can I'm fucking out. I don't know what to talk about next week. I didn't know what I was going to talk about this week. Our favourite thing about this podcast is audience contributions. Massively. I don't want to, I mean, I can't imagine anything worse than sitting and listening to,

to like, are we middle class? Yeah, I think so. I think it'd be disingenuous for us to identify as anything else. So, our favourite thing is audience contributions, and that's what we're hoping is what makes this podcast a little bit different to other podcasts, because we want to hear your voices. So we have set up a WhatsApp and there is an email. We prefer the voice notes on. WhatsApp, and we would like you to contribute to next week's topics.

So my topic for next week is going to set the cat amongst the married pigeons. Oh gosh. I want to talk about why you're never the only one who worries about the fact that they're not having enough sex. Right. Because I worry about that a lot. No, scratch that. I used to worry about that a lot.

Right. I used to worry, you know how people like conflate a good relationship with a really good sex life? Yeah. But then I think you get into like 15, 16, 17 years of marriage. and sex is important, but it is not nearly as important as you think it is. Anyway, that's my view. I want to know how much sex you're having and the context.

I need to know whether you're married or young or old or in a relationship or polyamor. I want to know, I want to know everything. And I want to know how you feel about the amount of sex you're having. Yeah. And I also want to know how much sex you're having. Yeah. I want to know all about the sex because I think we need to air this out. I think we need to make everybody realize,

I don't think anybody's having as much sex as they think they are, especially people our age, with small children. I think anybody's having any sex. There'll be any men listening to this podcast. Do you think we'll get any men? Johnny and Jimmy. Johnny, you're kidding. Johnny didn't even follow me on Instagram.

Hang on a minute. So we thought Cat and Emma would make a great TV show. But Johnny and Jimmy, that's a title in itself. It just sounds like two penises to me, doesn't it? I don't know. There's something about it that sounds like two on dicks. Big dick, big dick, Johnny, big dick. Oh, controversial.

Well, yeah. we called Jimmy Oh no I don't know about Jimmy but all I know is he gives big dick energy Well he does But in tiny balls It's giant

No It all went to the shop We call him ball teasers No They all going to hate us It's a really good thing That they don't know Jimmy sorry

You're probably listening There's not a child No way he'll hear this He might have listened to the first five minutes. He gave up after that. Anyway, I want to know all about your sex lives. I want to know how you feel about it. I just, I want anything and everything to do with your sex life.

On a voice note, we can keep it anonymous. We can get an actress to read it out. We won't. It'll probably just be one of us, but you never know. Oh yeah, we could get Judy. We'll get Judy. We'll give her a call after this. So yeah, sex.

Right. And that's going to make, I have to say, you might think what's the point, but actually going back to what you said, Kat, you are never the only one. This is about us just. you know, feeling that we can relate to each other, normalising stuff like this. Yeah. So, you know, this, you're doing it. You're doing a service.

A hundred percent. Yeah, exactly. So good question, I like it. I'm waiting for my medal to arrive through the post. I like it. Your turn. All right, okay. I've got, I've thought of one, I've thought of fun.

All on my own. Definitely didn't get this idea from you can. No, so do you know what? I was going to talk to you about this because I've put on, I had a bit of a friend's moment. You know, Ross, when he tries to put his leather trousers on. These are, they're spray on anyway, but after the summer of content I've had, it's been, it's been wonderful. I struggle to get these on today.

And I'm kind of okay with it, because I've worked a lot on this whole kind of like body neutrality thing, you know? And this is going to be a little bit controversial. But I think I'd quite like to talk about that actually. Yeah. About whether you're never the only one who actually doesn't honestly love their body. Yeah, because we all say we do, don't we? Yeah, and we're all on this body positivity movement. Nothing wrong with that, by the way.

Nothing wrong with that at all. But let's discuss those lines between body positivity, body neutrality, and body negativity. Yeah, especially interesting with all the Zemik and we go be stuff going on as well. So, God. I think there's lots to talk about that. Like, are we all as comfortable with our body as we profess to be? There you go, that's it. So I guess that is the question.

So you're never the only one who doesn't truly, truly love their body. Your thoughts on that. So if you've got anything that you want to tell us about how much sex you're having or whether you truly truly love and are comfortable with your body, then you can email us at you're never the only one at gmail.com or send us a voice note and that's what we really love. On 07457402704, we'll put all that information in the show notes. if you know you never know

I'll probably put it on a ticker thing down here if I'm clever enough so anyway that's what we're going to do until next week people it is now time to shut down this auditory den of iniquity that's amazing because my stomach's often to rumble and I'm just thinking about that boiled egg in my pocket

oh god great so I'm about to enjoy that I've really enjoyed myself by the way but it's quite excited exhausting. I'm quite exhausting. It's just generally it's quite kind of like, you know,

because sometimes I forget that we're on a podcast and I'm enjoying myself and then I go... I know there's been a couple of times where I've sort of not answered thinking that would be the sting, that where we put the intro and you just kept talking. Yeah, I'm really sorry about that. It's fine. I'll just edit you out. I can't remember we were. Okay, so that's it. I think we're ending.

We ended it? Jesus. I'll tell you what, next week we'll figure out better way to end it. But for now this is it. Bye. Fucking hell that's what's about. Just remember, jingle, you never the only one. You're lying to yourself If you think that you've got it left Everybody

You're never the only one You're never the only one Don't live inside your strength Because everybody makes mistakes You're Never the Only One was created by me, Kat Sims, and written and presented by myself and Emma Nicolet. Producers are Anna Dixon and Hannah Twig at YMU London, and all music is written and performed,

especially for Your Never The Only One, by Hot Salad. Don't live inside the shame Because everybody makes mistakes Taking the time to make sure everything's okay Picking up like everyone else each and every day When I've got nothing left for you to spend on you You're allowed to be happy to Never the only one of all.

Never the only one. Don't live inside a shame, because everybody makes mistakes. Oh You're never the only one You're never the only one Oh You're never the only wrong

But live inside your shame Because everybody makes mistakes Oh Oh Oh You know,