ZM's Bree & Clint - *BONUS EP* Sex.Life - The First Quest: The Neighbour, The Pube and The Wardrobe

Episode Date: June 7, 2025

Content Warning: R18, Language and Sexual Material May Offend. In this episode, I talk about a relationship I had with an older man when I was young. I acknowledge this might be a sensitive issue for some listeners, so if this might stir up negative feelings for you, you may want to skip this episode.   Hello Bree and Clint fans! We're very excited share the first episode of Season 3 with you, if you like this episode, you can follow the podcast here: Sex.Life | iHeart Welcome back to Sex.Life! Season 3 is here, and Somatic Sexologist Morgan Penn is taking us on her quest to find love.  In this episode Morgan takes us back to the start - her thirteen-year-old self. Horny teenage Morgan falls for her sexy older neighbour and desperately tries everything to get his attention. She hides in a wardrobe to spy on him, skips school for days to pull off her plan to learn his name and develops a faux passion for rugby.  There’s plenty more boys on the scene too; Drama Boy serenades Morgan under the full moon before her smooch premiere, she loses a pube to Dovey Dick and Shannon writes her a sweet, yet cringey, love letter. Plus, there’s some awkward teeth mashing, dry humping and Hayley’s first orgasm, before we end with a new style of Homeplay where Morgan takes us deeper...   Wild Secrets is the proud sponsor of the Sex.Life podcast. With 30 years’ experience behind the scenes and between the sheets helping Kiwi’s live their best Sex.Life Wild Secrets have the biggest range and best prices.  Use promo code sex.life for a 20% discount on your next purchase at wildsecrets.co.nz. Morgan Insta: @morganthesexologist Hayley Insta: @hayleysproull  ZM Podcast Network: @ZMOnline See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZDM Podcast Network. I literally feel like I'm ready to raw dog it, but I just realised we should probably give a warning. Yeah, oh yeah, I think we should warm them up a bit with a warning. Yeah, like sometimes I just want to say no. Like get in and be like, just listen to it! Yeah, but what we will say is that this is an R18. It is not for, oh I've got a little bubble in my throat, we could do it like this, you

know when you swallow and you've got that sort of strange bubble? Yes, and you kind of sound English. Yeah. We would like to give this content warning that this podcast... There'll be more than bubbles in throats. What? I think that says it all really. Yeah, okay. Enjoy. Not for little bears. Goodbye. I'm so excited.

Well, I wasn't frigging myself off in there, just to be clear. I said to him, why did you pull my pub out? It was the first penis I touched. I now remember how smooth it was. So smooth. Okay, oh, here we are. Hi. Hi. Hi.

It's like a whole new relationship. Yeah, I know. Every time we come back in the studio together. Yeah. You're my long lost lover. I know. Should we do our formalities? Yes, let's do the housekeeping.

Okay. Welcome to Sex.Life. This isn't my job. I don't do this bit. I just thought I'd give it a try. I like it. It sounded good on you. Okay.

Welcome to Sex.Life.. This isn't my job. I don't do this bit. I was just sort of, I'd give it a try. I like it. It sounded good on you. Okay. Welcome to Sex.Live. This is a juicy podcast hosted by somatic sexologist and absolute legend, Morgan Penn. Thank you.

I'd also like to add lover of sockets, dry humps. Far out. We need to talk about that. Anyway, lover of sockets, dry humps, slow to get the P into the V, slow P-er, she P's slowly. You said it's good for the body. You are way too fast at that. We've been through this for three seasons now. G-string lover. Oh yes, can't help but tell the world about everything that I do with my body.

Overshara. Oh yeah, that would be a word. That we have in common. Yes. And I'm Hayley Sproul, her sidekick, who is not a lover of the socket. I've become a lover deeply of tube socks. It's all I wear now.

And lover of, lover of PNV, lover of PN quite quickly. Yes, big open heart. Big open heart. Hilarious. Very funny. And a big oversshare as well. And we are here.

Well, that's why we're a good team. Yeah, we are. Hey, it's not just the two of us though. No, we have got a new producer. I would just like to say that our darling Helen is no longer with us. Oh, she's alive. Fuck it out. Sorry, this isn't who you look to.

Guys, we need to start the podcast. No, Helen is alive and thriving, honies. Sorry, this isn't who you look to. She's very- Guys, we need to start the podcast. No, Helen is alive and thriving, honies. Sorry, Helen, we love you so much. We're sad that you're not with us this season, but- Still a Poussoir. You are so a Poussoir. But our new empowered Poussoir is Rachel. Hi, Rach.

Hi, guys. Hi. And Rachel has been one of my best friends for over 15 years. Lucky me. And I have also got the most incredible title of Auntie Morgz to her two beautiful children. And it's really fitting that she's here for this season. And we'll go into what the season is about soon, but a big piece of it is love. And she was the first person who I really felt love from, like on a friendship level.

I let her love me and I loved her back. And yeah, I've had a lot of people show up in my life wanting to love me and I haven't actually let them. So that's really beautiful. Wow. You know, I really had to work for that love. I'm sorry. No, Morgz! That's really beautiful. Wow. You know, I really had to work for that love. I know, I'm sorry. No, don't be. It was worth it. It's really paid off because man, you love me and I love

you. Oh, I love you guys too. I love you guys too. We're new loves and Morgz, you know, we're still fresh. We are. We've got some history though. and that's what takes good love, you know? You can't just rush these things. No, you can't rush love. So now that we've got a new empowered Puswa in the mix, what I like to do for every season

is a bonding experience to get us all back together, get the juices flowing. Last year we went in, you and I, Halle, we got our vulvas cast, and this year I managed to get you all to an undie party. We sure did! It felt like initiation. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Would originally you have ever gone to anything like that? No, absolutely not. It's interesting even the small journey that I've been on with Morgan over the last couple of years,

she asked me to do a couple of things in season one. I was like, no, you asked me to do a boob-bye show. I was like, absolutely not. In season two, she was like, you could come to an undie party. Like there's no sex, you could just come to an undie party. I was like, fuck no, absolutely not. Then this year, do you want to come to an undie party? I was like, yes, sign me up.

I'm doing lingerie, I'm buying this. Like just a very small little mark of my journey was going to that party. Yeah. Yeah. And how did you find it? I had an amazing time. I was really like overwhelmed by the whole, I was like just the logistics. It was huge.

It was big. It was loud. There were like more bits than I ever thought. There was, there was a lot going on. I was definitely nervous because I had a butt pimple and I wanted that to be covered. And then you get there and you're like, ain't nobody caring about your butt pimple. No, no one's looking at it. What an incredibly liberating experience.

I think I was texting Morgan the next day from the hotel bed as I was coming to life. I was like, I feel very liberated by the thing. Yeah. I actually couldn't believe how very much me the environment was. I was like, oh my God, how has this taken so many years? How am I 35 and just doing this for the first time? You were thriving. Yeah, I know.

I woke up with multiple bruises on my legs. I'd lost a couple of things. Oh my God, the sheets of the hotel room I stayed in were covered in glitter. And I just, the hair, my hair was drenched. Your whole body was drenched at one bit. I thought you'd been hydra sliding. Yeah, I was sweating. It was so funny, Hayley, because obviously I've been before, but a lot of people recognized us there. I know, there was even one moment,

and it wasn't a huge concern to me, but I was like, oh, that might happen. And here I am, and nipples are visible, and a G-string, and all that kind of stuff. My point of view on this is, first of all, I've barely been out in like six years. So then I'm at this club with all of these like powerful, hyper, undie wearing, amazing people, which just couldn't be further from my normal life. And I'm thinking, club with all of these like powerful, hyper, undie wearing, amazing

people which just couldn't be further from my normal life. And I'm thinking, what with the school mums? Yeah, think of you! And then I'm like, actually I think they'd quite like to be here. And then at the end of the night, I walked across Ponsby Road and my undies got back in the car, went home and I share a bed still with my three year old. I got to like snuggle up with my little baby. And it's just such an interesting immediate consideration of like these two parts of you that exist when you're a mum.

Yeah, totally. That's so nice. And then I farted and she said, what? We're so happy you're here listeners, but if you are just dropping in and this is your first time, hi, hello, this is us, but you can't stay. Okay? You have to go back to the start. You can't just come in unwarmed up for play.

It's true. That's how you get the understanding of who we are, the journeys we've been on, what we're doing, things my body has done and why I'm here at season three on my quest for love. Cute. A quest for love. Okay, Morgan, so you're on a quest for love. Where the hell do we start? I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm a sexologist. I help couples have more love, have more pleasure, have great sex. And I can really look at couples and I can see the blind spots. I feel like I've had a blind spot in love and I haven't been able to figure it out. And I also feel like I'm this person in life that has this big question about, is it pre-destined for us? How much of it can we control ourselves? Yeah.

And so your question, where do we start? I think we have to start at the beginning. Yeah, for us. How much of it can we control ourselves? Yeah. And so your question, where do we start? I think we have to start at the beginning. Yeah, for sure. I love love. I love being in love, but it's also, it's, it's a disaster as well. For context, I'm in a 14 year relationship. Love changes. I've known this of you for a long time. You're yearning to be a mom. You're yearning to have love and find your person. And sometimes I'm like, it's really full on. I'm like, it's really, it's admin heavy. And not to ever deter you from wanting to find love, because I think we all should, but I'm like,

I think when you're not in love, love can be very romanticised, to use that word. I really, really get that. Yeah. I do think that there is, especially of our generation, the Disney movies have really done a doozy on us. I've never wanted to fuck a prince though. Those guys, you know my style. I like grass. What about Aladdin? Oh yeah, Aladdin's hot.

But I don't like the clean cut, blonde chisel. That's not me. What, those big chins though to sit on? I mean, holy cow. Yeah, good seat. It's a good seat. But no, the princes never did it for me okay you wanted Shrek Shrek is more my type than bloody Prince Charming yeah I get it oh gosh yeah so I do understand that part of me and as you'll learn in this podcast I have been in the trenches I've

been in a five-year relationship before you, I've seen the shit hard bits, but I also look at myself back then and the stuff that I was doing to contribute to that. Whereas I feel like I've done so much of my own work and growth that I feel like surely now I can be in a healthy, loving, sexual, wild relationship. Because when you imagine this love that you would find, is it the house, the baby, the mortgage, the cars, the high honey home, the dinner, the movies on the couch? That's exactly it. Where's Morgan sucking dick in front of a room full of people at sex school?

Is she gone? What? No, get better funeral stories. Do not throw that back in my face. Look, I'm just, I will always play devil's advocate because I'm not anti-love, but I'm like, there is that part of you that will always be there. I know. And will you be a non-monogamous person in the future?

Well, I want to be open to not being, but then I think I fiercely want that right now. You know, so I don't know, but I'm a Gemini as well. It's like all these different bits to me and I never want to be put in a box. I know, and it's a shame. I've always said, it's a shame you're not bisexual. I love being in a box. But you know, maybe give me 10 years with the same penis and I will want a box.

Yeah, exactly. I want to have the freedom of that. But I guess what I want to show with this is that I see a lot of women, especially who are single, who really want to be in union as well. And I think the single journey is different for everybody. So I'm not saying that I'm speaking for all single people, right? So many people don't want to be in a relationship, or they just fucking love it and they're out

there rooting and tooting or they're at home reading, they're smart and the thought of sharing a bed with somebody else is blah. So I think with this, I just want people to feel less alone. I'm trying to figure out is there a code to crack in love that I'm missing here? What more can I do? Because I'll say it, what more can you do? You're a sexologist immediately enticing and I know that that's what more can you do? You're a sexologist, immediately enticing. And I know that that's not the attitude you want from a man,

but when men hear it, they're like, that's hot. Yeah, or they're terrified. Totally, you're a very open person and you're exquisitely stunning. You're a fun. Maybe. I'm like, sometimes I look at you and I go, how has this bitch struggled to get a partner?

Well, that's a good question. Well, firstly, thank you. But it's funny because I have had these stories of like, nobody wants me. And then, actually Rachel was quite good for me with these things because I'll be like, there's no one, there's no one wants me. And she's like, haven't you said like, no to like, denied like five guys in the last month? Yeah.

There's like literally a queue of men who have been or are in love with Morgan. So let's just acknowledge that. Yeah, thank you, thank you. Because I know this too. So many of my friends, and it comes from a place of respect and love, are like, Jesus Christ, that Morgan Penn, eh? And I'm like, yeah, man, I know.

She's a cat. Oh, really? So it's not like- Where are they? Can we have some black- They're literally everywhere. Can we have some men behind curtains that I can reveal so I can see them? Bring in the men that are in love with Morgan Penn. Hi. Come to me, baby. And they're like, man, you're a sexologist, I'll beat you fuck like crazy.

And I'm like, dude, do you know how long it's going to take to get that P in the V? Exactly, kiss my ankle. Kiss my ankle. We start there. Lock into my eyes and kiss my ankle ankle and then you can go home. Come back tomorrow with cheese scones. Yes! So we're going back to 13 year old Morgan because that is where it started. It's funny, you know, I can talk about the wrestling that I did at that sex party. I can talk about, yeah, given gobbies in the temple. I can, you know,

talk about the slip sliding body slides from the personal massage. Exactly. And sharting over the Harbour Bridge, you know, yeah, giving gobbies in the temple. Like, and you know. The slip sliding body slides from the personal massage. Exactly. And shouting over the Harbour Bridge, you know, like in the past seasons, it's felt really easy to share those stories. This feels hard for me. These are my tender parts. For years I have acted like, oh, I want to be single. I'm all good with it.

It's literally only been since starting Sex.life that I've been honest with myself and the world about my true desires. And now we're literally ripping off the scabs of every little tender part. And I think we're gonna fall in love with this younger Morgan because she's so wild and we're gonna see how I'm shaped yeah and then we're gonna see if I can in fact find my one true love.

I love this. Okay, where would you like to begin with 13 year old Morgan? I want to meet her and introduce her to 13 year old Hayley. I think it would be helpful. This is gorgeous. Yes. Because I don't think we would have been friends. I was really into retro clothes. I would get my mom to like cut my jeans at the bottom and then put a big silk retro scarf in the bottom to make big flares.

Yeah, great. bottom and then put a big silk retro scarf in the bottom to make big flares. Yep. Great. Okay. So that's like her fashion. Op shop queen. Yeah. Overplucked eyebrows. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. We might've been friends because I was doing a lot of amateur dramatics. Well, maybe I was nice to meet you.

And I hate your flares because I'm a goth. Oh, and I'm listening to Marilyn Manson and cradleadle of Filth and I think I am a witch. Oh gosh. And I think I'm bisexual for the first time in my life. Isn't that crazy? Well, to be fair, I was kind of dry humping like my girlfriends at sleepovers. Do you know? Okay, I just, fuck it, because it's sex.life, I'll say this.

Do you know the first time I ever, oh fuck am I going to say it? Yeah. Safe place. The first time I ever had an orgasm, it was from a woman. Wow. It was from a girl, like a girlfriend. Was it like, was she trying? Yeah.

Yeah? Was it her phalanges or her mouth? I think it was part of this like gothy image and we all decided for a couple of years that we were like bye. I don't think we knew what that was. Right. And then we just like to pass. We just like to pass my friends.

Yeah. And then, yeah, a particular friend of mine, we were like, oh my God, have you heard about Cunnilingus? Did she use that word? No. What was it? Eating out or something, whatever you call it back then. Eating out.

Going down. Yeah, going down. And we like tried it on each other. Oh, I don't remember being like, oh, something's happening. This is very weird. It felt so good. I don't know. I think it felt very confusing at the time.

Like because it was so good, but I was like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. Crazy, eh? Wow. So that was that, yeah. Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Bizarre. But I feel like- It feels too early in the podcast, I'll say it. Absolutely not. Never too soon to dunk straight into the wet parts. Yeah. I think that would be a very common occurrence for a lot of teenage girls. And I feel like a lot of

girls that grew up to be women that were straight would not even acknowledge that explorative phase. Oh my god, they'd be like, that didn't really happen, that wasn't really a thing. Or like, no, we were just mucking around. I'm like, no, no, we were like fully being quite full on. Yeah, yeah. And I think it's actually a beautiful kind of maiden archetype, coming of age way. Like it's a really safe way to start to explore your body, pleasure.

You know, if these are your girlfriends, it's yeah. Funny. Okay. So you're, I'm there being a weird bisexual witch and you've got your mum's handy work on your flares. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I was definitely a good girl back then. Like I remember my first day of college, I'd moved from a Porokie, a really small my first day of college, I'd moved from a port-a-key, a really small rural town and the borders, I hung out with the borders at the start because they were all new and there's a girl who had like hickeys all over her hair. And she was like, honestly, I said, I don't care what you do to me tonight, but do not

leave me with hickeys for my first day of school. And I hadn't even had my first kiss. God no. And I was like, shook. So I was a good girl. And I really wasn't that interested in boys, to be honest, until I came home from school one day, and across the road from our new house, there was a guy sitting on his balcony

with a cap on backwards. Rachel's gonna laugh at that. Because men who have caps is like hot to walk.s. It doesn't matter like she'll swipe what's the right way. Yeah I get it. If he's got a hat, I'm like she's like, oh no no no, is he wearing a hat? Yeah. Yeah, do you know what? I get it. I get it. I don't know why I get it, but I get it.

It hides some sins or something. I don't know, it's sort of like casual. What was that? Do you know what I mean? I was some casual guys. I don't know. Hair. So graph. Yeah. Maybe it's my inner boy racer lover, you know? Maybe. But I had these big bulging biceps and like it was like shining. And when I look back, I'm like, what a god. I can see it in my 13 year old's eyes. It was like a movie moment where life stops and it's like everything has now changed. And I just was in lust and I felt activated in my body.

And I was like, Oh my God, I got out of my uniform, but I didn't want to put my old retro clothes on anymore. I wanted something new. It's not mama's flair. No. I made mum that next weekend, take me to Glassen's, like I wanted new clothes. You wanted to look like a woman. Yes, I did. For this man. From then on, I was like, that guy is who I'm in love with.

Whoa. I know, it's quite weird, isn't it? Yeah. Just to have such a stirring. And I think that's when I started masturbating. Because I was just like, I'm horny. I'm feeling things I haven't felt. What did you know of masturbation before you tried it? I think I've always been a little like rubber. I think when I used to do it younger, I think it was just like, it just felt good and there

was nothing really sexy about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Curious. Whereas like, yeah, now at this point, I'm picturing this guy. I'm picturing him kissing me, holding my hand. I know. Can you imagine? I mean, I'd never had that from a guy. So it was all like this fantasy of what could be. But the thing is that I wanted to look at him as much as I could. And the best place in my house to view his house was from my little brother's bedroom. But the thing is, you can see right in to that window.

And so I knew that he'd see me if he just saw me standing gawking. It's me. I found that if you got into the wardrobe and you cropped the door a little bit, there was a crack and you could just one eye crack and you could see everything. That's such an odd image. I'm standing in my brother's wardrobe, and he looks at a crack. Well, I wasn't frigging myself off in there, just to be clear.

So you're not feeling your ghoules in the wardrobe? No, Turkey giblets are well away, but I was just... Ooh! Wonder how long it was gonna take for them to turn up in scenes in three. Not that long, apparently. But I, yeah, it was unwell. If it was a grown woman doing

that, that's really unwell. Yeah, yeah. We're not condoning that behavior by the way. If you get a good view of your neighbor, we're not like, oh my God, try the wardrobe, they won't be able to see you. She's a kid. Okay, I'm embarrassed. No, it's okay. It's beautiful. Because it's honest and it's shy and it's embarrassing. Yes, I do feel shy. And you don't know.

No. And you just like want to look. I just want to see him again. What is this thing? I want those biceps. Yes. No, it's very innocent. Grown woman, unwell.

Young woman, innocent. Great. Yeah. We encourage it. We encourage it. They're curious. If you're under 14. Yeah, I'm a bit unwelcome. I'm well.

What's really interesting is that sort of opened this channel up in my body and receptivity to like lusting. Other boys started noticing me. Yes, Yeah. It's so funny, the energetic shift that happens, whether you're young or not, the moment that you kind of go, start radiating sex, people pick up on it very quickly.

Absolutely. Oh yeah. It switched like overnight. Yeah. There was a guy in my drama group and he looked like Leonardo DiCaprio. Right. With floppy hair. Yes.

Oh my God. And if he put his head down, it would go over his eyes like that scene on Titanic. How good was the 90s? Oh, the best. And I just really liked him and I pretty much made him dump his girlfriend to go out with me. Like, just, you know, how you're just so frivolous with hearts. I just said to him one day, I like you. And he was like, I like you too. And I was like, well dump your girlfriend. And he was like, okay.

Oh God, that poor bitch. I know she was also in the drama group. I know. And it's like, I had no care for her heart. Like I just didn't like. Doesn't matter. Yeah. And then he called me on the landline and told me he dumped her and that he was going to ask me out like on the Thursday. Okay. God, I love that. Okay. So I'll ask you out, but like maybe Thursday on like lunchtime or something or like on the Friday. I'm not sure yet. Yeah. You're like, what is this? Yeah. You're like, okay, great. Sounds good. I'll put it in my diary. I'll be waiting. So and so is going to ask me.

Yeah. Well, the hottest thing happened. So we're in the middle of our drama show. It was halftime. And he took me out the side door and he started like cuddling me, holding me, showed me the moon and he was trying to be really romantic and he started singing because he's a drama boy. Do you know um when dolphins cry? Do you know what? How does it go? Are you gonna play it? No I'm not this isn This isn't a radio show, but I'll sing it.

And I think it was because of the moon. He was like... The way you're bathed in light Reminds me of that night God let me down into your soul Is that how it goes? Why did he choose that? I think it's because I was bathed in light. The moonlight.

It's full moon. Oh god. What did you do as he was singing at you? I felt so uncomfortable but I remember trying to go with it because I was like, is this what happens? This is romance. Yeah, this is what I've been waiting for. Yeah.

I was thinking, this is my first kiss is coming. This is momentous. And then he did he went in for the kiss. Oh my god. But honestly, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't quite get the hang of like, he's going there. Yeah. Why is he flipping up at the roof of the mouth? The tongues were a mess back then. My first pash was with a guy called Menz. With a Z. Menz? Menz and he had a tongue ring. Oh. He was a little bit older and I remember it being like.

And then like the tongue and the ring, I remember it clicking against my teeth at some point and me being like, far out. Yeah. Did you walk away going like, the shit yeah I love kissing. Yeah I think I was just like, man I had a patch we hooked up. Oh yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Wow shit.

I think you're having a kiss. I left. Great. I was like, okay it's over. I've survived. First kiss. Tick. Tick.

Great. Let's go back in. We've got to get back onto the show. Locked out. Oh my god, oh my god. The one way door. I know. Theatre Royal back in Nelson had to walk right around to the front. I know it. But it's a big building. You've got to go around the front door where the audience is coming. Exactly. Walk past my mum with my new boyfriend. Oh no. Oh god. Where have you been? Where have you been? I was like, oh shit. Dragging your fleece through the mud. Absolutely outed. Yeah, so I was quite giddy, you know, I felt like there's a real milestone in my teenage life, but I still didn't really feel anything for him.

No. You know, I was a bit like meh. The next day I actually saw the neighbour pulling out of his driveway and I thought, oh my god, well this is my chance. So I just waved and he looked at me like, oh, confused. Okay. Is that that pest from the wardrobe who I most definitely can see? He smiled.

He gave me this beautiful smile, which just validated that he felt the same way, you know? Which felt so nice. And I just thought, drama boy, who? And then I actually did consider like, well, I can't really give my all to the neighbor, you know, while I'm seeing this other guy. She's got two guys on the boil already. Oh, I know. And so I get in and then the phone's ringing,

the home line, and it's Drama Boy. Yeah. And he was telling me how much he loved our kiss, how much he likes me, how much he can't wait to kiss me again. Oh. And I think, oh, no, I can't, absolutely cannot do this.

So I acted like, great, yeah, okay, cool. I can't wait either. And then the next day I acted like, great. Yeah. Okay. Cool. I can't wait either. And then the next day I had to dump him. Okay. You had to. I had to.

I've always found it quite hard to end it with boys. Yeah. And it can be a bit ruthless. Yeah. Because I think especially younger Morgan is it's like, once you know, you know, and there's no going back. it's no point in beating around the bush. I don't like you.

You know? So I took the landline with the big long cord and walked it all the way to my room, hopped under the duvet to hide. I called him up. He was so excited to hear from me, wanted to come over. I said, I can't, I'm sorry, it's over. And he's like, what the hell? I know. What do I do? He's like, why? And I said, I can't, I can't be with you, there's someone else. So that's a lot, oh no, it's the neighbor.

It's the neighbor. He was like, who? Is it Alistair? Is it Alistair? Oh, he was in our drama group who had a crush on me. Oh god, he wanted you. I said, it's not Alistair? Is it Alistair? Who's Alistair? Oh he was in our drama group who had a crush on me. Oh god he wanted you. I said it's not Alistair, it's a bigger love than that. And he was like okay. And I was like well you can get back with Fiona if you want now. Oh you fucked that up! I know!

You made him dump her! I know! Okay. Isn't that shocking? God you're a bloody flip-flopper. I know, but to me it was just black and white. It was like, I'm done with you, I've tried it, it didn't work, you can go back to her now. It did make the rest of the season of Jack and the Beanstalk a bit awkward. Who are you in the play?

Oh, it's like this French courtier or like, I don't know. I used to walk along with a big basket full of oranges in the marketplace trying to sell my wares. Great. Great. I actually sang that bit, but I don't know how I got a singing part. Yeah, well we've just heard it. Yeah, so you know what. Nowhere a ware now.

Yeah. I could sing that bit. Can we just have a little bit more? Oranges, oranges, who will buy my oranges? Sorry is it my job to say this shouldn't be happening? Yeah. Okay. I also think we're solving the problem of everyone thinking Morgan's hot after each

season of the podcast. We'll just fix that. You bring the attention to me now! Here we go. So you're saying that people can still find me hot after shatting on the Harbour Bridge, but not when I'm singing. But not when you're singing, oranges, oranges, who will buy? God. Oh God.

I know, I know. Awkward though for the rest of the season. The good thing is though, that my neighbour didn't know about this humiliating side of my life. He just got to see me looking cute coming home in my school uniform. And I was trying to figure out ways where he could see me more. So I started saying to mom, I'll mow the lawns. And she was like, what? Amazing. Yes. But next minute, mom's dragging me back inside to tell me it's not appropriate to mow the lawns and jandals, jean shorts and a bikini top.

I see what you're doing though. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was strutting. And it's so interesting to look at her. Like she was wagging her hips and pushed those boobs up into that bikini. Oh my god. And like wanted to be seen.

Yes. So many people listening will remember this exact moment in their life where they did this thing where they went, I'm going to hitch up my skirt. I'm going to pull my top and show my belly button and I'm going to, I'm going to pretend I've got boobies and try to be sexy for the first time. Yeah. So embarrassing. It's so embarrassing, but it's so beautiful because of the innocence of it.

I know. But it's so beautiful because of the innocence of it. And playing with this new found like sex appeal or like desire in the body that just makes you go lala loopsy. It's so lala loopsy. And also not having a real awareness of what is appropriate, I think, societally. You know, like we don't see any of the other neighbors in their like forties out there mowing lawn like that. No. But you're so focused on Hot Neighbour that you're just not even thinking about that stuff.

No. And what I think what's interesting about that without knowing what's right or what's wrong is if we were more in our primal-ness. That is 100% what we would do. Like, that is, that- It's the jungle, the birds, they come in. They fucking look at me and they're doing those dances. That's what they're doing. You were doing your dance, your mating dance.

I was so fertile and so ready to pound, you know, like not really, but like on some level, that's exactly, I was trying to attract a mate. And I had found my mate, he was the one, he was the big... Yeah. Dear! The big elk! Yeah, and you were doing your little dance.

Yeah. And your jandals. Dun dun dun dun, come and get me, get me, get me. And your jandals and your fucking lawnmower. I know. She was a bloody horny teenager carrying on like that. And I knew that it was time to take it up a notch with the neighbour. I needed to know his name. I needed to talk to him, you know? So I knew

I needed to call him, but I didn't have his number, obviously. You got the phone book? Yeah, but I didn't know his name. Oh no! So I pulled a sickie and I spent the whole day starting at A, going through the addresses because I knew his address, obviously. He lived across the road. Again, as an adult, unwell.

Unwell. Very unwell. Very unwell. As a little teenager, fine. Fine. Innocent. Doesn't matter that you've pulled a sickie to do a big job. Far out. What if his name's Zachariah?

It started with W. His last name started with W. Oh no. What a day. No, I had to take three days off. It took me three days. I know Nelson's not a big town, but it took me three days to get to W. Yeah, that's a big buck. And I thought I've missed it.

I've overlooked it. But then Europe bloody V going, Oh, what the hell. And then W I'd looked at it. Oh, that's my neighbor's address. And I thought, how resourceful, how clever. The things you do for love. Oh my God. The things you do for love. Exactly. God. The things you do for love.

Exactly. To the edge of the bloody earth. Yeah, so I've got the number. So straight away went to pick up the phone. I was like, hang on, what am I going to say here? Hello. And then I thought, exactly. I know without knowing his name, the only thing I really knew about him was that he

was ridiculously good looking. And through the wardrobe, I had also seen that on his big screen TV, he watched a lot of rugby. Okay. And he also had a Sky aerial, which you know, back in the day was like, you're rich. So I figured this out, it's rugby boy. And he's got Sky aerial. He's got Sky.

So I call. Brave Morgan just picked up that phone. But do you know what it was? What? Aunt's machine of his mom's voice. Oh, hi, you've reached the something household. Yeah. We're not home at the moment. I was like, hi, I'm your neighbor.

I see you've got a Sky aerial and I really love rugby. And I really want to watch the Crusaders game tonight. And I wonder if I could come over and watch it. Okay, thanks. Bye. Very bold. Oh my god. Good move. Oh my god.

We've identified a hobby. We've made an excuse to get into the house. Exactly. Oh my god, we've invited ourselves over. I really admire this. I know. But I hung up and I realised I hadn't said my name. Didn't give my number.

It's your neighbour. Yeah, yeah. It's your neighbour. Could be, I don't know, anybody's. We're in a cul-de-sac. Could be literally anyone. Yes, anyone. But I felt great. I felt like that was it.

One step closer to being with my husband. Yes. So I was very happy with myself. Mum came home from work. Oh, you seem healthier. You feeling good? And I said, Oh my God, I'm back to normal. I'm good. I'm miraculously spr'm back to normal, I'm good.

Miraculously sprung back. So good now. And next minute I'm making, this was my favorite afternoon snack, was just these big buns and you'd put chocolate, like the cheapest chocolate you could buy, inside the bun and then you'd melt it. And it would be this hot, steamyamy soggy mess. So I was just

chowing into one of those, I was wearing a white top, I dripped it on myself, had it on my mouth and I felt like, slob, life is good. Rotting. And then there's a knock at the door. And I think, that's weird, I walk up to the door, which is glass, and I see him. I know. And I just, I freeze and I can't, I don't even have time to figure myself out. And he kind of laughs and points at the door knob, like, open the door. And I know, and I just had to own it. Like that was me. I said, hi. And he was like, hey, I'm Ant.

I live across the road. Did you leave a message on the answer machine? Hey Ant. I was like, oh, hi Ant. Yeah, I did actually. I was just wondering about the rugby tonight. Oh God. I've heard Justin Marshall is gonna be on! Oh god I want to crawl

into a hole. I know. Please? No! And he was just like I'm actually working tonight but mum will be home so you can go over and watch it with her. No no no and I don't want to watch rugby with your mother. I know! I was like um okay I'll think about that. Thanks. And he was like, but if I finish early, you can definitely watch it with me. And I was like, okay, we'll just like, let me know. And he's like, okay, no worries. Okay. How old do we think this guy is? So he was eight years older than me. I know. I know we all cringe. We all do the cringe. What I will say is I was a very mature 13 year old.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's such a funny thing about being that age because I was exactly like that. I'd see an older guy, like much older and be like, 100% I could get there. 100% I want that. I'd see an older guy, like much older and be like, 100% I could get that. 100% I want that. Yeah. And you're like, what are you up to, child? Isn't it weird? Because I think when I look back then, I thought everybody was available to me. Like all ages. All men. All men are mine for the taking. Whereas like now I feel like I've got like this very small window of age. So it is so interesting. It's kind of that naivety as well.

It's this beautiful innocence. So he left and I was just like, oh my God, my heart was beating. I was trying to smear the chocolate off my face. I was just frothing and I had a name. That was everything. Ant, ant, ant, ant, ant, ant, ant. Mum came out, she was like, what was that? And I said, that was the neighbor, Ant.

And she was like, oh, that guy you've got a crush on. And I was like, oh, well, no, don't lie. It's just, oh, I think he's gonna be a nice friend. And mum's like, oh, well, no, don't lie. It's just, I think he's going to be a nice friend. And mum's like, what did he want? And I said, oh, he asked me if I would go over and watch the rugby in his house. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. No, he straight up didn't. And mum was like, that's a bit weird, isn't it?

For a 21 year old? And I was like, no, I love rugby. He obviously loves rugby. She's like, when have you loved rugby? I know, she's starting to go, something's very off. But I said, anyways, I'll be going over there tonight. Mum was like, we'll talk about it. She was friends with the other neighbor.

She'd gone over for a wine, you know, a bit of chardonnay. Wines, God, the woman loved wine in the 90s, didn't they? God, didn't they? Bloody hell. Oh my God, darling, why don't you pop over, the kids are fine, come over for a wine. She came back, she told me, you're not going over there, I've heard, he's a smooth operator, it's not safe for you to go over there, he's a 13 year old. I was like, ugh!

Yeah it was so like that. It was like the world had ended. I was self combusting. Oh my god, let me be! I like went into my room and like ripped things. Like ripped... Just like ripping posters off the wall. Yes and ripped like nice cards that she'd written for my birthday.

Like fuck you, bitch! If you really love me you wouldn't be keeping me from my love. But the greatest thing, he came over that night. I'd already been spying out the window, seeing that he got home, quickly put on the delayed version that was already on. Oh yes, yes, yes, an hour late. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Because she loves the rugby. I love rugby! Because I thought, shit! And put it on. I thought, is he going to come over and tell me that he's home early? Yes, he did. I thought, oh, I'm just watching the delayed, the first game. He was like, oh, and my mum like rolls into the kitchen.

She's like, hi, I'm Morgan's mom. You know, real, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he was like, Hi, I'm Ant. And she's like, Oh, come on in, you know, and then poor bastard had to sit there and get interrogated. He just wants to watch bloody rugby. I know.

And then he just had to watch it delayed. Poor man. With a 13 year old and her mom. That is not the night Ant envisioned for himself. No, no. with a 13 year old and her mum. That is not the night. No. And envisioned for himself. No, no. He's like, I don't like it.

He drugged me with a 13 year old and her mum. He's like, man, I've got a job. Like, what the hell? I know. He must have been questioning everything about his life. Yeah. We spent this really nice few months of getting to know him, his mum, we all became like friends. We had a spa, he would come over for spas. You can imagine.

Oh my god, the water off that. Holy hell. I know. In between that as well, I was still having interest from other boys and I was trying to do my own age. Yes, of course. And she received a really beautiful love letter that I would like you to have a read of.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. How did he, did he spell my name right? Dear Morgan. I know. Dear Morgan. Oh my God. This is the most 90s thing I've ever seen.

The bubble riding. Yeah. Dear Morgan. Oh no. What? Oh my god, this is the most 90s thing I've ever seen. The bubble riding. Yeah. Dear Morgan. Oh no. Oh no. What? Oh god.

Dear Morgan, my passion for you I can no longer hide. So I just had to write to you a letter about R-A-G-H-T. I always see you down at the BMX track and every time I see you, you look nicer. I've always wished you were mine. Oh, sorry. I always wished you were mine. I would like to come over and talk to you,

but I'm not sure whether you would want to talk to me. Now I told Tom and Layla that I liked you, but she said that I didn't have a chance. She said that you think that I am an idiot. But Tom was talking to Leila the other day and he said that from what Leila said, it sounded as though you reckon that I am okay. Well, I would like it if you would give me a chance

because I really like you. And I think that you are something special. Oh, love. I would never upset you or snob you when my friends are around. I'll always ring and come and visit you whenever you wanted me to. I would really like if you wrote me back sometime.

I'm into BMX, motocross racing, wakeboarding, snowboarding in the winter, and I have a car. I have a job. I've run out of time now as I have to get ready for work. Hope I hear back from you sometime. Here's my phone number if you want to ring me. Then it's his number. Love, Shannon.

Yeah. Shannon. Oh my gosh. What I love is how serious we were as kids when we thought we loved. My passion for you I can no longer hide. And there was no chat GBT telling you how to write sexy letters. To Morgane. No! Like had he like found a poetry book

and his mum's, you know, bookshelf that said, opening line, my passion for you, I can no longer hide. I don't know, where did that come from? He's seen a movie, he's, you know, he's, maybe his mum had a Mills and Boon lying around. That'll be it. My passion for you, I can no longer hide. You know, like.

Yes! Oh, Shannon. I know. Welcome Shannon. Welcome to the running. Yeah. You're in the running now Shannon. Yeah.

I didn't really like Shannon. No. No, not really my type. But he's into BMX and motocross. I know. And he's never going to snob me in front of his friends. He'll never snob you in front of his mates and you always ring and be around when you want him to.

I should have picked Shannon back then. Where's Shannon now? Can you imagine? I might have to look him up. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like that's kind of the perfect man now. Yeah. If a man said to me now, my passion for you I can no longer hide, I'll be like, wow, what

a romantic man. He's in touch with his feelings. That is true. Yeah. Shit. He's not afraid of his softer side. Take me back. It's time for me to ride him back.

Shannon's probably got like four kids now. The thing about it is that, you know, he wasn't the one for me and I'd actually met another guy at the same time. God, you're on fire. Yeah, I was on fire. Met these two guys at the beach. I was with my girlfriend.

I actually said, let's like make them our boyfriends because what I was thinking, I ain't passed anybody since Drama Boy. And I'm thinking I need to get skilled up. It's getting more intense with Ant, like we're spending more time together, watching rugby, having spas. Yeah. Are you starting to really enjoy the rugby at this point?

I couldn't even tell you what was happening because I was just hyper aware of him in my peripheral vision. If he had had me a drink, if our hands would touch, his smile, his like short shorts, he used to shave his legs, like muscles. Why did he shave his legs? The 2000s, early 2000s, all men like the gym boys shaved their legs. Oh, I can't be a good partner. It's about like definition. Yeah, right.

Oh, so I've always liked a hairy leg on a man. That's just me. Yeah, I mean, this guy, but I've always liked a hairy leg on a man. No, it's just me. Yeah, I mean, this guy could have done anything and I would have found it sucks. Yeah, totally, totally. Yeah. You know, we were having chats about things. Like I'd say, oh, my girlfriend who works at Pizza Hut,

she is sleeping with her manager. You know, like I tell them about all these like scenarios. Because you're like, I have friends that sleep with people. Yeah, yeah. I've had one patch, but my friends sleep. Like an older, like forbidden things to try and like, can't're like, I had friends that sleep with people. Yeah. Yeah. I've had one patch, but my friends sleep. Like an older, like forbidden things to try and like, can't say like, everybody's doing it. Yeah.

You know? Not a baby. Anyways, this guy on the beach, I was like, great. He's going to be great practice, you know? And he was actually, he was a bit older, German. Yeah. Ah. Yeah. Yes.

Would you like to have a little kiss on the beach? Is that what he said to you? No, okay. So he didn't have the accent. Oh yeah. Hello Morgan. Would you like a little kiss? I know my heart's going to start palpitating.

He came over one night for a movie night. Me and mum. And mum was like. Oh fuck off movie night, me and mum. And mum was- Cough mum, I love you mum, she's always there. I know, but I'm 14 by this stage, you know? I'm 14 so I'm still- No, that's fair. You know?

Yeah. And she's in the Lazy Boy, we're on the couch, his hand starts wandering. Oh my gosh, I'm afraid of mum. This is the first boy I've had near my genitals. And I don't know what's happening, you know, it's starting to feel good. I'm horny, he's rubbing on top of the panties. And then he's starting to kind of like move the panties to the side. I'm feeling like so nervous.

Mum gets up, we've pushed pause on the movie, mum gets up to go and like make a cup of tea. All of a sudden, I feel this massive shooting pain down in my vag. Oh no. And I squealed and mom goes, what, what's happened? I said, ah, I thought there was a spider. And she goes, oh my God, relax. And then I said to him, why did you pull my pub out?

And he said, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I thought that was a bit of cotton on your undies. Oh my God. And he like wrapped it around his finger and done a, whee. Oh my God. I want to die. Oh dude. Leave it ever, booger.

You wound up your pub and ripped out a pub. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Dude, not a move. out a pub. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Dude, not a move. Not a move. What the hell? I did not get a finger bang.

No. That's not, because I was like, you are not safe zone down there. He has ripped out a pub, a single pub. Yes. Oh my God, and like those pubes, they're new, you know? No, they're the soft pubes, yeah. They're just 14 year olds pubes, you know? Like, let them pubes. They're just 14 year old's pubes, you know?

Let them be. Yeah, what the fuck? I know. I'm mortified. Oh, I know. Thank God I recovered. But we did have a lot of fun, a lot of experimental stuff, just a bit of dry humping.

I remember- Some frottaging. Just thinking about him, that was the first penis I touched. Like I now remember how smooth it was. So smooth. Not calloused from years of use. Oh my god, that is a, no it's not a thing. But surely your penis skin does get sort of tougher.

Bit of wear and tear you reckon? Wear and tear, fuck don't say that. All our male listeners will be like, don't say tear. I don't want to hear that. But I think he must have moisturised because I can kind of smell Dove. Yeah, like I reckon I can smell Dove. So funny how the muscle memory of the body. The nose eh?

Dovey Dick. Dovey Dick! If we're doing nicknames we can't be giving him Dovey Dick. I think we can. I love Dovey Dick. All right, Dovey Dick. So this guy who's a bit of a muse-o, he wrote me a song. You wrote me a song?

He's fucking singing, man. Oh yes, I'm seeing a type comment here. He wrote about Morgan. Yes, what's the sound like there? You've got a rogue pub. about Morgan yes if you were dating me that's what you would have written about let me plug that out for you I'm dovey dick so I know about him so far so that's all he gets okay well he went on to talk about my lips how I'm so kissable, how I love kissing. I'm sorry, I immediately went Libya. Because we're here and I immediately was like, of course, the pussy lips.

Of course, the pussy lips, duh. Your beautiful mouth lips. Yes, and how much she loves kissing the mouth lips. But he did then go on to complain about the nose and how big the nose was and how the nose got in the way without kissing. Excuse you, Dovey Dick. How do you? Your nose is a beautiful sweet thing. Thank you. I mean, it is a bit of a honker. I'll give him that. But I don't think it needed

to be in the- I'm a fellow honker. I've got a prominent nose. Thanks, sis. That's beautiful. It is. It makes you a statement piece. Oh my God. Your nose is not in the way. Well, apparently it was.

And I was so hurt. I ran all the way home. I just couldn't forgive him. That was probably my only insecurity at that age was my nose. And he had hit me on the nose. How often do you think about that? Because I'm just going up. I remember a boy, two boys saying to me about my monobrow. I think about me on the nose. How often do you think about that? Cause I'm just going, I remember a boy,

two boys saying to me about my monobrow. Oh. And I think about it all the time. Every time I pluck my eyebrows, I'm like, those fucking bastards. Those bastards. I was a hairy kid and I didn't realize what was happening.

Oh Sam, I felt so embarrassed. Yes. Probably went in with my dad's razor and shaved right through the middle, you know? Yeah. But it's those little things you hang on, the first time someone sort of outwardly says something about your body is not good and you're like...

That's exactly it. It can be so damaging. And it was for me. It was actually like it really gave me a fright and I felt scared about the next time I went to kiss somebody. Thinking about the nose. Yeah, it was my nose actually getting in the way. I thought I was a good kisser at this point. Am I not? So yeah, I had to dump him because of that. Yes, of course. And he was so mad. He came over to my house and he was like, you just think the world revolves around you. It does do. And I was like, yeah. It revolves around my big nose. Yeah. So that was the ending, but I actually didn't mind it. I had so many beginnings and endings with men and it all just felt part of it.

So yeah, gorgeous 14 year old Morgan, nearly 15 at this point. She's got so many men. She's getting some skills. She's touched a smooth, dovey dick. Yeah. She's had that dovey dick. She knows a thing or two about dicks now. She thinks. She's had her boobs ripped out.

She's had some pashes. She's mashed some teeth, some tongues. I'm tasting these other men, but I'm still obsessed with Ant. I actually in my heart of hearts think he's the one. So I actually make a proper plan to get him deeper. Get him deeper! I love it! So this is the journey we're on, right?

I'm taking you through. It gets deeper, weirder, heartbreakier from here. I'm excited and nervous to see your heart flate open. Yeah. Cause in like some of these things, those little heartaches, like we hold onto them and we remember them for so many years and they like completely shape who we are and how we relate to people. Exactly.

The nose is case in point. Yeah. You know? My nose. Sorry, I'm sorry. Get out. That was me! Get out!

I'll go! You and your nose can get out of here. Okay. But yes, yes. I really wanted to give you a bit of that foundational piece to just really get a taste of her. I love this. And from here she gets weirder. Yeah. More into her body. that foundational piece to just really get a taste of her. I love that. And from here, she gets weirder.

Yeah. More into her body. Yeah. Bolder. Bolder, sexualized, wanting to get in on men more. Get in on men! Precisely and, I mean, but there just had to be other victims on the way, you know? Oh my God.

What I really look back on is like, how open and receptive I was to men and to the world and to being loved and felt worthy of all these men's and boys' attention. Yes. Like I was like, yes, of course you like me. Yes. You know, I would be making eye contact with every person out in the world with this confidence that was like next level. Yeah.

And the flirtation and because I'm learning, right, by reflecting here, I'm learning like how can I improve? What can I do differently? I'm like, I want her back in my nervous system. I want to feel that again. Yeah. Because she had something magnetic going on. The confidence to be like, you want me as much as I want you. Yes.

Which is like, even just saying it, I'm like, that's so hot. Oh my God. Do you know what I don't know? Because, I mean, obviously we hang out outside of this, but I don't know. I don't actually know. I mean, I don't know anything. I don't even know if you find love throughout this journey. That's the pace, that is the pace that you are going to, as with everybody else is listening, is gonna find that out. I'm sorry I swallowed at the wrong time. You said find it out and I went really rude. What I would say is there's never a wrong time to swallow.

Morgan Penn ladies and gentlemen, Morgan Penn. Pop that Romeo and Juliet Prosecco. We're going to need one because it's time for home play. All thanks to Pasqua Wines. This year are we doing home play? Course we are. Oh my god. Do you know the amount of people that came up to me and told me about the home play that they do

has been overwhelming. It's been such a beautiful thing. And I know we've talked about this a bit, Morgan, like just to say thank you to everyone who messages us and everything, because you're like, I just imagined more people would just listen and then listen to home play, but not do it. Yeah.

Oh no, I couldn't. The amount of people, oh my gosh. That's what I love about this community. They're here to be entertained, of course. Of course. But we're here to level up and to learn. And this all feeds back into our why, right? We're trying to change the world here.

We're trying to create more sexual liberation, sex positivity, make the world safer in the sexual realms when we can identify what's healthy, okay, not spying on people from your wardrobe, not healthy. Unwell. I really feel that we're ready to go a bit deeper with the home play. So it's been quite sexual based, but for me... I loved knowing that I was putting a butt plug in my ass the same time that all the listeners were putting a butt plug in their ass, and we came together the week later

to talk about our experience of the butt plug in the ass. The collective butt plug. I'll tell you what, it wasn't the last time I put a butt plug in my ass ever since. Thank you, thank you. That little goodness. I'll just turn up this season with butt plugs and lingerie on, you know?

This is the liberation I've had from sex.life. Yes, sis, exactly, we're all levelling up. The home play, it's gonna be like what we've had before, but it's also gonna be a little bit deeper. And then sharing with you what the journey I've been on, I'm going to invite you to do it as well. Yes, of course. If you're up for it again. Hey, you know me.

Yes. God, I love you. God. Thank you. Thank you. So you know how I said that I wanted to feel this younger Morgan, all those yummy bits again. I was like, how do I get to know her more? How do I feel her, normalize that in my nervous system? So something that I do as a therapist for a lot of my clients is I give journal prompts and I'll put these up on my Instagram so that you can see and refer back to.

Number one, who was your hero as a child? So was there a character, celebrity or person in your life that embodied confidence and charm? Two, what did you love doing that made you forget about the world? Love that. Right, cause this is the thing, like as adults, it's so serious.

We've got jobs and bills and kids. We can't really look away from that. No, exactly. So it's just, how can you bring a spark of that passion or activity back into your adult life? When did you feel most magnetic as a kid? And we wouldn't have even known that word back then, but like looking back, when did you feel your shiny self, like proud of yourself or you

felt like others were drawn to you? What part of your personality did you feel you had to hide as you grew up? And once you can identify that, like how can you lovingly like reintroduce that back in today? And finally, if your inner child could give you advice about being confident and spirited or flirty or whatever it is that you choose, what would they say? I'm so excited to do this. You know, I'm not a journal in general. I've tried and then I just get tired.

Yeah. I'm bored of it. But this little prompt thing I'm excited to do. just get tired, get bored of it. But this little prompt thing I'm excited to do. There is also another little piece of fun with the home play. Oh, okay. Masturbation. Fuck it, you don't have to tell me.

Fantasizing about a crush. Oh, yes! Okay, like, let it just like take you away to a place that is just so not what your normal life is or who you're normally with. And it might be from your childhood, you know? But it's just this piece of gay abandon of like, there's nothing wrong with this. It gets the juices flowing. Yeah, I'm not doing anything. No, exactly.

And just give yourself that little moment because the beautiful thing about crushes is a projection of what you think that person is. Yes. You know, it's not the reality. Oh my god, I know, you're not washing their socks and scraping their shit off the toilet bowl and paying the bills and talking about the mortgage or doing anything like that or picking up the kids.

Exactly. So go wild. Oh my god, I'm so excited. And I'm so excited to be on the journey of season three with all of us. Yes. Yes, it's beautiful. Thank you for being with me during

this tenderer, tenderer kind of season. But I'm really excited, you're really gonna love it. Yeah. Alright, we'll see you next week with journal entries and a big old crush man.