ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 10th April 2024

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

Bree is heading out for a fancy spray tan and somehow we've made it incredibly vulgar. Some questions didn't make the cut in this one hahaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network I'm having a party A party for two I like the new one so much we're going two days in a row We've got to make this choppy by the way Bree's got to go and get her whole body except for her private parts tanned Why not your private? Yeah, why except?

No, you don't get your vag tanned But then you can have a little You can get a UTI You can have a pasty puss. A pasty puss. Sorry. I would have you know that my puss is not that pasty, surprisingly. That's a hairless cat, though.

Yeah. You know, my puss kind of looks like one of those hairless cats. Or, you know what else it looks like? It kind of looks like a souffle. Oh, no, not a souffle. What's the Italian one and it kind of wobbles? Oh, a panna cotta. A panna cotta.

Have you got a wobbly puss? No, I wouldn't say it's wobbly. It's quite toy. Wobbly, pasty puss. But it kind of looks like a panna cotta, but not I wouldn't say it's wobbly. It's quite taut. Wobbly, pasty puss. It kind of looks like a panna cotta, but not when a panna cotta is moving. A panna cotta, that's a pasty, tasty puss. No, but not

you know how panna cottas have the caramel bit on the top? Yeah, where you torture. Mine's just all one colour. No, you don't torture panna cotta, do you? No, don't torture panna cotta. It'll melt. Mine's more of a creme brulee down there. What, have you got A crusty top do you It's all cracked

Have you got Have you got A bit of dick cheese Do you Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

Oh Oh Dick cheese Correct You should never say dick cheese What This is called smegma God this is bloody Double standard Here's a gross question Do you want to know No What No

I don't know You ask it If we don't want it I'm cutting it You ask it And I just want to know If it's not appropriate Yeah

We want Claudia we want you to beep The whole question Okay perfect Yeah yeah beep it Okay So Vegan So Is Beep the whole question. Okay, perfect. Yeah, beep it. So, ****** vegan.

So, ****** is ******. Beep the whole question. Yeah, beep all of that. That was fucked up. I thought you were at least going to say ******. No, come on, guys. Bring it up. Bring it up.

No, okay, I'll bring it up. You brought us down here in this hole. I was talking about you getting a tan. What is the female equivalent of dick cheese? I know what it is. What's it called? Yeah. Guys, guys. Nah, it's You said we were

going to bring it up. I'm beeping there as well. I think that would be best. Do you know what? I'm plugging this on our Instagram. This is a great podcast. This is a tire podcast. This is good. I'm leaving this podcast.

I'm assuming. I'm handing in my notice. I'm assuming they make you wear, because you can wear nothing to get a tan. Like, they don't force you to wear anything. You can wear nothing. I always opt to wear the paper G string, and I never get the string in the right spot,

so it's always crooked. So you've got a little line. Yeah. Could you just get a little sticky and put it get the I never get the string in the right spot so it's always crooked So you got a little line. Yeah. Could you just get a little sticky and put it on the front? So that you have nothing there and then like the lines on the side aren't there? Yeah. Get a little merkin. Yeah a little merkin. Holy shit. A little modesty merkin. To be honest there's been times where I've went with nothing

on but I'm just real paranoid about getting UTIs and maybe I'm totally wrong but I feel like the more stuff that you spray in that area. I've got a tip for you. You wouldn't believe it but I've got a tip for you. I hope it's not the tip

I'm thinking of. I've got a tip for you to avoid this UTI. Lived experience from my day to day. Lived experience? So my daughter keeps- Is she getting spray tints? She keeps getting ear infections from the pool. She's getting swimmers ear.

So the nurse said to us to wipe a bit of olive oil around inside of her ear. It creates a skin barrier. I'm not wiping olive oil on my vajayjay. Why not? No. Why not? Same principle. I feel like that is definitely going to give me UTI.

I wouldn't put anything down there. Just put it on the outside. I don't want to put more foreign things into that area. What about a canola oil? No. That's as bad as I am. What about butter? Maybe some coconut oil because it's natural.

Yeah. A natural coconut oil. Do you have to? I've never had a spray tan. Do you have to contort yourself so you don't get, like, under cheek? Yeah, I'll show you. I've done it so many times. This is what it is.

Because you don't want the lines because they're more permanent. Exactly. So literally you'll go like this. Arms out. Arms out. And you're, like, flat. Your hands are flat. It's like going through a body scanner at the airport.

And then you usually do a full turn. And then you normally put your arms out. And then you turn back. Oh no, then you have to do this one. You have to spread them. No, you don't spread them, but you just lean over because then they get underneath your bum cheek. And then

you do the arms separate, so then you go like that. And then that. And then the hands you go separate, so then you go like that. And then that. A 360 around the arm. And then the hands, you go like this. So you go spread out fingers. And then you go claw hands. Oh, to get in the cracks. And then side, side, thumb, thumb.

Do you do that with your toes as well? No. And it's cold. It's so cold. It's cold and it's being blown on you with air. And you're nude. It's a really weird feeling, eh? Such a weird feeling.

Is there anyone in the room as you're nude? Yeah, the lady who's applying it to you. The lady who's spraying it on you. Oh, I thought it was a machine. No, you've watched too much Friends. Yeah. No, it's a person. And do you try to avoid your palms?

They do it. So you literally go like flat hands, claw hands, and then they never get your palms. If you're going to get one, and I'd say like I've been and had a lot. I've had a few. Pay the money to go somewhere nice because a bad spray tan is bad. You know what I would say, though, is that it's rare that there's bad places anymore. Why are you getting a spray tan?

Oh, because I'm doing a photo shoot tomorrow. Ooh la la. Are you? Ooh la la. Like I'm not just getting it for fun. Oh, for a magazine? Secret Project. Secret Project.

Oh, Secret Project. The Secret Project. The Secret Project. Is it for The Secret Project? Yeah. Yeah, sweet. What's The Secret Project? It's not a secret.

It's an article. Oh, no. I was talking about The Secret Project. Not for The Secret Project. What's The Secret Project? Is it the place you've been for the last three weeks? Oh, no. Not for that. Not for that. No. Because I would have thought they the last three weeks. Oh, no, not for that.

Not for that, no. Because I would have thought they'd take those there. For an article, cool. Yeah. No, just an article. They do take those there. Article, cool. They don't want me in the studio.

G'day, fella. Are you going to name drop us an article? Yeah, could I have my name in there? Yeah, if you want. Your article came up in Lucy's Discover page yesterday. It was you and Sophia, your partner, doing Women's Day. And Brie was like, oh, look, it's Sophia, out and proud. And I was like, I didn't know she'd done, I didn't know she was doing that.

And then we looked and I was like, oh, no, 2023. She did this ages ago. Just the one that you were late to. But it was some reason it went on to Lucy's Discover page yesterday. That's so weird. It was the one she was late to because we But it was on, but it was some reason that went onto Lucy's Discover page yesterday. That's so weird. It was the one she was late to because we were waiting for Channing Tatum.

I was thinking about that yesterday. At a strip club. Yep. Oops. At 7am. Oh, that was a nightmare of a day for everyone, wasn't it?

It sucked. Yeah, you were so stressed. We felt so bad. No, it wasn't, well, it wasn't your guy's fault. You want to feel weird to be at a strip club at six o'clock in the morning

on a fucking Tuesday. With the owner standing in the corner just kind of watching. And he was like, when's Channing here to be at a strip club at 6 o'clock in the morning on a fucking Tuesday. With the owner standing in the corner just kind of watching. And he was like, when's Channing going to be here? Yeah, he thought he was coming into the strip club. And then he ushered me to one of the bathrooms because we were there for so long and I was like, oh, I need to go to the bathroom. So he ushered me up to the private VIP bathroom. He was all right. He was all right.

It's just a weird setting. No, he was great. It was just weird being there at that time of the morning and him being like what so what the fuck are you guys doing and you're like i don't know i don't know can i get a spray tan while i'm here yeah yeah okay so you need to go and have a spray tan i'm gonna go make sure to compliment it tomorrow yes that would be great that would be good yeah i'll check all the cracks in your fingers. Yeah. No, they do a really good job because they do them literally a million times a day. Here's my tip, though, for any amateur spray tan getters.

My biggest tip that I've learned over the years, the biggest thing that you should do is when you're having a shower to wash it off, you should pull the shower head off and wash your legs fully and don't let the water run or else it literally makes streak marks. And I could never understand for years and years why the tan was doing that. And that's why. If you have some free time, go and like one of our videos on Instagram, one of our recent videos on Instagram or TikTok or Facebook because we're trying to get

a million views this week so our boss will take us seriously. Yeah. Does he not take us seriously? He doesn't. Do you feel taken seriously? No. I don't think I've ever felt taken seriously. So that would help us. Yeah. And go listen to the other podcast and go get a spray tan

and... Live, laugh, love. And don't forget to beat what Alice said. And then beat what Brie said. What did I say? I'm having a party. A party for two. You said ****. I thought I said ****.

Oh, that's something else. That's something else. That's something else.