ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 14th May 2024

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Warning for young ears, this podcast is all kinds of inappropriate. We started in one place and ended up somewhere VERY different. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hi everybody, the podcast you're about to enjoy contains some coarse language and some rude themes, mostly because of Brie. What? Let's just say the podcast contains semen chat. If you don't like that, don't listen to this. Hey guys, how you going? Just had a message from my mum to say that their cat's on bloody death's door. Oh my god. That's not nice. Isn't it awful?

Great way to start with that intro and then I come in with that. No, no. They got this cat. But they got him as a stray and you know when you get a stray you actually have no idea how old they are? Yeah. And he's a big cat he's not fat he's just big

he's got a big face he's got big mitts so he could be any age did you say mitts or dicks both have you ever seen a cat with a real

large sized penis I've never seen a cat dick haven't you you've never seen a cat dick no I've seen a cat dick

don't restart it I've been humped by a cat have you yeah oh you're lucky it's not penetrated though've been humped by a cat. Have you? Yeah. Oh, you're lucky. It's not penetrated, though.

No, it humped the back of my head. Did it? Your head must look like the ass or end of a cat. Yeah, I had to brush my head. You know what? You know what? I thought it was a girl until that point. I had it brushed my head.

Better than a cat humping the front of your head. That is very true. Yeah, what would you prefer? I was grateful for that. I'm more likely to go in. Cats penises, can I say, are so fluffy. Should I Google it? Like, they're just real fuzzy. Yeah, Google cat penis. Guys, this is so inappropriate.

I was just telling you about my parents' cat that's not well. Oh, sorry. That's right. We're just trying to lighten the mood. Yeah, that was real dark. I probably shouldn't have Googled cat penis on the worst thing. Can you turn? Let me see.

Do you want to see? Yeah, turn around. Really? Oh, it's like a little red rocket. Oh, look at the balls on that one. How can that do anything? Look. Oh, my God.

That's a good picture there. It's tiny. It's so tiny. It's so small. I take back. I said he's a big cat, so he'll have a bigger one. I take back. I'd never seen a cat cat, so he'll have a bigger one. I take back. I'd never seen a cat penis.

I'd just seen the cat's area. I've seen the rocket before. Yeah, right. Tiny. Yeah, dogs have the red rocket. Anyway, my point was going to be get some pet insurance. Oh, no. I don't even think it's that.

I just think that it just prevents you having to make some shitty calls if you have some pet insurance. Get pet insurance get pet insurance but um yeah thoughts going out to poor little Otis my dog has a tiny penis your dog has a tiny one? Claude's dog kept humping me

yeah he's a randy little boy you should be talking your dog up by the way you are his spokesperson I'm grateful that it's tiny because you know some dogs where they're like those little crusty dogs and they are disproportionate and it's almost touching the ground and they bark and it moves.

You're going to hear a real fucked up story. We went out to... Can it get more fucked up? No, this is way more fucked up and a memory that I'd pushed way down. Oh no. But I remember one Easter time we went out to and a memory that I'd pushed way down. Oh, no. So I didn't have to think about.

But I remember one Easter time we went out to, it was some of my dad's friends who lived out on this property. It was quite a long way away from where we lived. And so it was staying there for like the Easter long weekend or whatever it was. And they had this huge brown Labrador. Oh, yeah. It was a brown Labrador. Oh, yeah. It was a brown Labrador. That's what it was.

It was a big dog. Chocolate Lab. Chocolate Lab. And all I remember, I was a young kid. I reckon I was probably like, oh, I want to say nine, eight or nine. And I love dogs. I was like playing with this dog. And this dog, for some reason, took a liking to me

and just humped the shit out of me. So much so that it ejaculated on me. Oh my God. And I was eight or nine. I didn't know what was going on. It took them all the way. But I knew that something bad had happened because everyone was like, gross. Stay away from her.

Disgusting. How fucked up is that? I didn't know How fucked up is that I didn't know that they would hump to climax So when you see a dog like humping a cushion or something Is there a chance they're gonna I don't know Yeah you don't touch that pillow afterwards That's their pillow now

Stuff comes out eh Well it obviously did Because it came out on me If you lop the balls off No Then no Nothing comes out No

Because that's where all the juice is. Right. Yeah. Right, as opposed to a vasectomy. I don't know if you can get a dog vasectomy, but. You probably can. The juice still comes out, but there's nothing in it. You can get a human man vasectomy where stuff doesn't come out anymore.

Yeah, I feel like that's pretty drastic, though. No, but you can, is what I'm saying. They don't even have to take your balls off It's just one snip of a cord You're trying to sell it to me or something I'm just saying, what if your wife was like Ew, gross, semen We've gone a long way From where this podcast started

If your wife Okay, here's a question If your wife came to you and said, I am disgusted by semen, and the only way I will stay with you is if you get this vasectomy, where it means there's no more of it, or else I will never sleep with you again. Is she saying it in such a mean-spirited way or has she come to me?

No, she's come to you and said, babe. Babe, we need to talk. We need to talk. I'm really struggling with something. There's part of you that repulses me. I have a phobia, okay? She's got a phobia. I can't control it.

It's nothing to do with you. Yeah. It's just this phobia I've got. Well, I feel like there's things that you could use before you go the full... Will you do this for me? Yeah, I'll do anything for you, babe, but what are you going to do for me?

I'll get a boob job. That seems like a pretty fair deal. I don't want you to have a boob job. I love you just the way you are. I will bleach my own nose. Oh, now we're talking. That was good.

Talk about the ring of fire. Burning ring of fire. Let it burn. That went down, down, down. What do you reckon Johnny Cash was actually talking about? Going down on someone's burning ring. Herpes. You reckon?

Oh. I don't know. Herpes burn. Is that a symptom? Plymouthia. I went down in a burning ring of fire. Burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down, and the flames went higher.

You know about a ginger. And it burns, burns, burns. You know what's gone down? Is the quality of these after parties. The ring of fire. That's the best one yet. Oh, shit. You know what's gone down is the quality of these after parties. That was the best one yet. Oh, shit. I always forget my mum sometimes listens to these.

Oh, hi, Di. Hi, Mum. If you're listening, would you want Dad to get his sperm cut off? I mean. His sperm tube. Right. And on that note. On that note.

I have no idea where to go. I have no idea where to go with this. Speaking of, can I just say, fuck all of you for what you did to me on the main podcast today. You are a potty mouth today. Yeah, you're rude. You're rude. Oh, don't act like you never swear. Clint doesn't like to swear. He likes to appear like he's the goody two-shoes.

But let me tell you, you have the mouth of a sailor off air. Yeah, you're not the goody two-shoes. But let me tell you, you have the mouth of a sailor off air. You're not the goody two-shoes. Yeah, we know. We know. It's like kids. It's like kids when you don't swear in front of kids. But they know. They know.

They know. Really? Yeah. Is that what it's like? Do you swear in front of your kids? None of your fucking business. Oh, he was building up to that. Yeah, he was.

He was building up. See, doesn't that feel like freeing? Suck a dick, Brianna. I love that saying. As long as it's got no semen. Oh, my God. That was fucked up, Ella. Took it to the next level.