ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 30th April 2024

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Okay, NOW we're back. We're chatting all the ways we used to damage each other at primary school, and why you should always wash your hands after using Deep Heat. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network Geez, two days in a row on that one. That is a lot. You're frothing that though. I kind of like it. Well, it's the big pink button. It's very pushable. That's the issue. I do like that you can colour code your buttons. Very nice colours. Yeah. Oh my god, I'm just having all these realisations over here.

Yeah, what? TV Rock Yeah What's a TV Rock? The band that we were talking about today Which I thought it was one guy Oh yes I thought it was one dude

Turns out it's two And one of them's Grant Smiley I know who that is From Sesame Street What? No not from Sesame Street They're both Australian Oh okay Yeah Do you know him personally? Who's the guy Smiley from Sesame Street. No, not from Sesame Street. They're both Australian. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Do you know him personally? Who's the Guy Smiley from Sesame Street? What's a Guy Smiley? Guy Smiley. Sounds like a pill you take. Sounds like someone who lives under your bed and haunts you. Isn't Guy Smiley from The Muppets?

Sounds like you want a Guy Smiley. Guy Smiley from frigging Sesame Street. What's wrong with you guys? When do we don't know Guy Smiley? Oh, shit. I still don't know who that is. He's the TV reporter from Sesame Street. Oh wrong with you guys? When did we don't know Guy Smiley? Oh shit I still don't know who that is He's the TV reporter From Sesame Street

Oh I've never seen him before Did you guys have smileys here Where you'd heat up The little potato smileys? You'd heat up a lighter Oh yeah And then you'd put it on your skin

And burn yourself Yeah we had that What the heck Did you have Frosties? Did you have putting the lighter tabs On your hat So that metal ring

When the lighter was spent You'd break it off And then you'd clamp that bit Onto the brim of your hat And you'd put them around The brim of your hat so that metal ring when the lighter was spent you break it off and then you clamp that bit onto the brim of your hat and you'd put them around the brim of your hat why are you so silly why all trends are silly did you have fuck me bands yeah i think they were i think fuck me bands were global did i have no friends you chew out the you chew out the middle of the blue ring underneath the lid of the coca-cola bottle and you stretch it out and you put it on your wrist and if someone snaps your fuck me band it means they want to fuck you.

Stupid. Or a frosty where you get a can of deodorant and you put it really close to your skin and you like just... Oh my gosh, yes, Girls at Intermediate did that but with the ice and salt I think. And they burnt themselves.

I think you're thinking of tequila shots. No, ice and salt. And lemon? And your skin, it burns you. When I went to school camp, the boys at school camp put day paid on their penises. Oh. And the ambulance had to be called.

No. It's a true story. How do you get day paid off that? I did a radio show with Dai Henwood once, and he had to do stupid shit every week because that's the character that he was at the time. He was like this guy it's insane and one week he was like what am i gonna do this week guys and me and megan who was doing the show with said uh why don't you put deep heat down your pants and go for a run around the block he's like okay i'll do it no you're kidding i think he

resigned after that one did he i think he's I don't want to do radio anymore. Yeah, apparently he's real horrible. Like in a real bad way. Yeah. Remember you put deep heat up your thing once? Oh, that's right. And that was just like the exit. Have you heard the story? No.

You did not. On purpose? Not on purpose. That's a good story. So the story. I recently had a breakup and I was going through a bit of a party girl stage It was when I was living in New Zealand And I'd had a really big night out

And I'd fell down an embankment in Grey Lynn somewhere Literally doesn't matter where Yeah, doesn't matter Fell down an embankment and really rolled my ankle really bad Anyway, I was like, oh, this is so horrible. It was so swollen. I was like, I'm going to put some DP on it. So whack some DP on my ankle.

And I was riding the Crimson Wave at the time. Oh, no. And I didn't wash my hands after using the DP and I kind of forgot about it. And I had to do an old oil change on the old Tamperuni. Oh! And, yep, straight, like, in the orifice. Internalized. Like, internally had deep heat in me.

Did you realize straight away? She had deep heat. That was the cheapest of heat. Did you, like, put ice up there? Holy fucking shit. Was it kind of nice? No. How long did it last? I literally. You know when you have, like, a menthol fucking shit Was it kind of nice? No How long did it last?

You know when you have like a menthol cigarette Was it kind of like that? It was fucking horrible I screamed Like it was so bad And literally just like got into the shower And just got the shower head And just blasted myself up there for like 20 minutes

Yeah, yikes Normally quite pleasing But not this time I was going to say You're in pain and pleasure at the same time it's so potent it really is

I once put tiger balm in my eye on purpose because somebody told me that if you rub tiger balm under your eyes it'll make you start crying and you can get out of class so I did it in maths did it make you cry? I put it under my eye but it got into my eye and it was excruciating.

And they're like, what's wrong? And usually you go, I need to go because I'm upset. And I was like, I've got a tiger balm in my eye!

I'm the teacher, dude. There's fuck. Get out of here. He was like, just go. Just honestly. We don't want you here. Yeah. I literally,

I lived at the nurse in primary school because I just hated it. So I made up lots of excuses. You hated primary school? No, I don't know. But I was just there a lot school because I just hated it. So I made up lots of excuses. You hated primary school? No, I don't know. But I was just there a lot.

I think I liked that team. I loved primary school. I hated high school. I don't remember it much. My daughter's about to start primary school and she's so excited. Oh, that's good. It's nothing worse if they're not excited. She's champing at the bit.

Does she have friends from like kindy or? Probably. Yeah, there'll be inevitably a couple of people there. Our neighbor goes there. She's going to love it. Can I ask a question? Yeah. I've got some juice.

Oh, what's the juice? Is it DP? No. Didn't anyone hear my little toot in our planning meeting this afternoon? Did you do a toot? Oh, Ella. No, I'm genuinely serious because I want to know. I don't think I did.

I played it off so no one would hear it. No, I would have left if I'd heard that. No, it was quiet, but I thought you heard it, Clint. No. Because you go, afterwards, and I went, he heard it. I think that's just him. I just make noises. No, you got away with it until now.

You got away scot-free until this very moment. That's not juice, by the way. Let's not set that as juice. Definitely juice. Secret fart. Secret fart. I was so angry at my partner the other night because my parents are visiting. Right?

And at night time, we'll all sit in the lounge room. Watch something. And we watch something together. And this night. God, it's hard finding a family appropriate. Oh, it's so fucking hard. And so it was me, my partner, and then my parents. And anyway, I had the blanket over me and I'd had a bit

of a nutset stomach and I'd let a fluff go away. I love that. I'd let a fluff go and I was trying to contain it, you know, do the courtesy thing. Hold it in, hold it in. And obviously my partner has gotten wind of it, so to speak, and then has made the biggest song and dance. Oh, Brianna, you've just done a massive fart.

Brianna's just dropped her guts over here. You know why, eh? Why? Because she's mortified at the idea that they might think it was her. Oh, true. Because they're not her parents. Because she was closer and closer to them. So she has to throw you.

She didn't have to do it like that, but she had to throw you under the bus. Yeah, right. Okay, that's fair enough then. That's fair. I get that. But this would have sufficed. By the way, guys, that was not me. That was Brie.

Yeah. Tell them, Brie. That would have been enough. Oh, don't do that. Sorry, I just have to tell you, that's not a me. And I would have taken ownership, but no, it was like, oh, that's horrendous. Oh, silent but violent, the best things are me. Just so funny.

It'll always be funny. Every time someone does a fluff around me and my partner's there, she'll always go, oh, Claudia, it's not me. I love that. I would never own up to it if it was, but it wasn't me! That's why you get a dog. Yeah, I got that too. I've heard. Can I? You can't blame the cat too. You know how many times

I've blamed my farts on my dog? So many. So many. And I mean, I'm not hurting anyone. They don't speak. Damn, it is good for that. Especially if you're in a new relationship, just get a dog. Keep it around you at all times.

For that reason and that reason alone. Yeah, exactly. But then they start being like, oh, that dog stinks. Oh, that's the worst smell I've ever smelled. We're not going to get one, but we always constantly are flirting with the idea of getting a dog. Oh, you should. Dogs.

What dog would you get? Rescue. The current dog du jour is, well, yeah, rescue dog for sure. But if we could have any dog, the current dog of choice is a- You're going to say a crusty white dog, aren't you? No, fuck no. Okay. A Swedish Valhund.

Oh, my God. What the heck is that? Google Swedish Valhund. Swedish. Is this going to be one of those really cool ones? Val, how do you spell it? Here we go. It's not cool Swedish

Oh I think my friend Had one of these dogs It kind of looks like a mini husky cross Yeah yeah it crossed with like a Oh it looks like a husky corgi That's what I'm like yes Why is his legs so short There's one on our street and he is crack up

Cute There's one of these dogs and he is crack up. Cute. Yeah, he's cute. Oh, he's cute. There's one of these dogs that's in my dog's class at school. This is my dog. It's a Labrador. This is my dog. It's a Schnauzer.

This is my dog. The Swedish Valhund. Swedish Valhund? Oh, Brie. Brie, yesterday Clint got dragged for making fun of bagpipes. Oh, yeah. What happened? I just said the bagpipes. Oh, yeah. What happened? I just said the bagpipes sound bad sometimes.

You called them a bagpipe club and they were like, excuse me. A bagpipe what? Club. Yeah. You know the drumming? I just offended the bagpipe community. Did you? That's the worst community to offend.

I know. They're so noisy about it. They're very passionate. The Scottish. Very passionate. You don't want them to find out where you live. All right, let's go. There's plenty of other catching up on the other podcast.

Can't wait to meet your dog, Clint. Yay! I think we're going to get chickens before we get dogs. What type of chickens? Chinese chicken! Can you get the ones with the little fluffy heads? Yeah. Oh, they're so cute.

Yeah, they're the Chinese chickens. The fluffles. Chickity China, the Chinese chickens. And they make the best. Don't call them that. You have a drumstick And your brain stops ticking They also make the best Chinese chicken dish as well

Sticky Yeah Sticky Chinese Chicken Don't eat me Alright Don't eat me The Chinese Chicken Is that how

No I said it before Chickity China The Chinese Chicken Okay anyway Moving on It's not racist Why are you wrapping me up It's in the song

Chickity China The Chinese Chicken You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking. What song is that? Watch your next files when the lights on. Oh, my God. Okay, move on. What song is that?

I can't help it if I think you're funny when you're mad. Is that the song? Oh, it's One Week. It's been one week. The Barenaked Ladies. Barenaked Ladies. We need to end on that. Chickadee China, the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking. Watch your next files when the lights on. We need to end on that