ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 30th May 2023

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

We promise...no more toilet talk after this one...but what's an after party without a little b*tthole chat? 😬See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My butt cheek is asleep. Alright, wake up your butt cheek. Let's go. Hey, is this the after party? Sure is. Bring any beers? Cheers. It's Brie and Clint's after party. Have you ever accidentally wiped your bum and then slipped and your fingers touched your bum hole?

Not once. Nah. I reckon I can count the number of times I've touched my bum hole on one hand. I accidentally touched my cat's bum hole the other day and I didn't like it. Yeah. Yeah, don't look at her like that. That happens sometimes. Yeah, it happens.

Especially if your cat's... I've never touched my dog's bum hole. It's out all the time. He never wears pants. Yeah. Never around the house. Also, if your cat sleeps on your bed and it sleeps up near your chest and you're patting the cat in the dark,

sometimes you don't know if the cat's gone reverse into 69 position and you just start patting and sometimes you put your finger straight on the butthole. My dog, Whitney, lately is trying to hump my other dog, Meryl, and she does it 69 ways. So, I mean, we've covered that I have limited knowledge of how 69s work. Well, no, technically it's not a 69. Does one of the dogs lie on its back? No, technically not a 69.

I meant that she's trying to hump her head. Oh, okay. But Meryl's still on her tummy. Yeah, that's a... And it's real weird. I don't know why it's happening. Dominance. They've both been fixed.

Powerful women. Yeah. That's a face F. Yeah. It's not a 69. It's a full face F Nah well she's kind of On her neck

Oh okay Yeah Why do girl dogs Do humping Oh they've got the urge Yeah To hump though Yeah

Most girls have the urge Yeah It feels nice Feels nice on their foof Yeah I think You know Yeah yeah yeah

Well you do you bitches You know Yeah Anyway why did you Want to know you do you, bitches. You know? Yeah, anyway, why did you want to know? Why did you want to know? Yeah, what? No, you finish the dog thing. Oh, well, not even when you've been shaving around your bum hole?

No, I don't shave there. Oh, you don't? No. Girls? I thought you had a little laser off down there. Yeah, but they miss it. Like, a laser, you need to get, like, I need to go through. How are you holding your razor? I accidentally cut my bum hole once.

Remember I told that story on the show? Because you have to get rid of all the hair when you're going in for laser. Oh, that's thorough. Yeah, and I had my leg up doing that area and I slipped down onto the razor. Razor blade butthole. No! Why is a razor cut so painful? Because it cuts quite a few layers?

Because it's a slice. It's not just a cut. It's not a tear in the skin. Yeah, true. It's a slice into the flesh. So a piece of skin is coming out. Yeah, you've gone deep. You've gone through multiple layers of skin,

sometimes down to the meat. And for you, that was butthole meat. It was butthole meat. And the woman that lasered like because i was doing it for the next day she commented on it i always think about what i always think about that's an exaggeration you lie awake thinking about this if you cut my butthole in that area because you have to use that area daily and you have to wipe that area not a good situation and you're wiping stuff around this is. But how does that not get infected?

I just ate heaps of things that constipated me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To avoid it. But you're right. That's how you can get UTIs if you wipe the wrong way. We just took the cat to the vet yesterday and the vet told us the cat was constipated so they gave the cat

they gave the but they gave the cat cat enema Nothing worse than being constipated The poor thing A cat colonic irrigation A cat colonic Cat colonic

Anyway flushed her right out I really want to get a colonic Have you not had one? Nah I'd like to I'd like to see what it's like Fuck this after party is lit It is, eh? I've had one.

I've told you about the one I had. Did you? To lose weight for rugby. Yeah, that seems so unnecessary. Didn't work. It was like eighth division rugby and Clint's going to get a colonic to make the weight range. It was not eighth division, thank you very much. What was it?

It was the top under 85 grade in Auckland. What does that mean? It means you had to be, thank you very much. What was it? It was the top under-85 grade in Auckland. What does that mean? It means you had to be under 85 kilos to play. Okay, thank you very much. Anyway, me and my friend Eddie went and got them the morning of the game. But the problem is that your guts stay quite full of water. Yeah, it continues to come out. Yeah, as we were running around and getting tackled,

there was like little squirts of water coming out of our bottoms. A friend of mine shit herself in the street after it because they didn't tell her. Are you getting your friend relationships confused with the movie Bridesmaids again? No, I don't think she had a colonic. She had bad meat. That's right.

Yeah, she had bad Brazilian. I'm shitting in the street. Oh, you're doing it, aren't you? Oh, you're doing it. You're shitting in the street. Oh, you're doing it, aren't you? Oh, you're doing it. You're shitting in the street. Oh, you're doing it. God, there'd be nothing worse. Like, I can take doing, like, accidentally wetting myself in public.

I think it'd be all over. Like, just horrible. I'd say that you'd recover. Like, if you were around. Like, imagine doing it in the workplace. Oh. Where would be okay? To shit yourself.

Yeah. The bush. In your car. Nah. Unless you have leather. Nah, even then. Nah, you'd ruin your seats. Yeah.

You would, eh? I mean, at home's fine. If you, okay, so say one of us. If you wear leather pants, it will catch it. If you shit yourself at work, like if you shit yourself here in the studio, and we all knew. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah. And obviously you had to go home. Obviously. Yeah, you'd go home. You're not going to the bathroom cleaning up and then coming back to do the show, are you? No, you don't have a spare pair with you. No.

Either. No. How would you want us to treat you going forward? So when you come back to work the next day, what would you like? Because I know what I would like and I can tell you but I'm interested if yours is the same. I feel like you would never want it to

be discussed or brought up ever again. Correct. That's exactly what I would want. We never mention it. Never mention it again. Never. would want. I feel like- We never- Discuss. We never mention it. Never mention it again. Never. For me, I feel like I'd like a few jokes to be made about it, just because then it's not as awkward and I'm just kind of like, you know.

I'd need a lot of time. What? I'd need a lot of time for it to become funny. What if I shit myself? No, no, me. Or if you shit yourself? If you shit yourself, I'd be champing at the bits for jokes. I think I'd be fine with it the next day.

Maybe not on the day. I just want support. It depends how bad, though. Yeah, see, that's a very good point. Like if it goes through the cloth. Then that's, yeah. If you know people have seen. See, like if you've poo-pooed your pants, but it's like it's solid,

so it doesn't go through the pants. Or it's just a shart. Or it's a shart. I think that's fine. I'd be making jokes on the day. I'm still going home, though. Would you? I'd still go home, yeah.

Just for a shart? Yeah. Oh, it depends how bad the shart is. Andy's in the bin. Yeah. And I'd just go to you guys, hey, I feel really crook. I need to go home. Emergency communication situation.

I'd probably ditch my undies and come back to the show. Yeah. I would too. I'd be so concerned that you guys could smell it. Yeah, that is a concern with a shart, you know. Can't relate. No, neither. But hypothetically.

I told you. I mean, I have poo-pooed my pants once. In Asia? It was at home. Oh told you. I mean, I have poo-pooed my pants once. In Asia? It was at home. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I had a massive, massive night out. Too big of a night.

And my friends dropped me off on the sidewalk outside my house. And my brother and I lived together at the time. And he had to come out and drag me inside. And all I remember is my brother carrying me up the stairs and then like putting me um just like putting me in my room and being like deal with it and I just woke up on the bath I woke up on my ensuite floor the next day and I was like where am I and then the next thing I realised I had defecated in my pants. No way. And I literally like from where I was laying I just dragged myself into the shower

and just turned the shower on. That story is horrific. From start to finish. You've heard that story? I don't know. If I have I blocked it out finish. You've heard that story. I don't know. If I have, I blocked it out. You've definitely heard that story. I reckon. It's going to be you at Radio Awards this week. Oh, don't act like you're high and mighty. You've definitely poo-pooed your pants before.

I'm trying to think. I don't know. Not like that. Not like that. Like, it wasn't, like, a massive amount. But I could definitely tell. I was like, oh, something's not right. But waking up and it's in your pants.

It kind of felt like I had a nappy on. Can we delete this podcast? Can we? Can this never? Can this whole thing never see the light of day? Have you guys eaten your poop? What the fuck? Okay, that is the end. Like, I'm not that

bad. All I'll say is... Mate, mate, no! Okay, that is the end Like I'm not that I'm not that bad All I'll say is Mate, mate, no I don't want to hear I don't want to know Were you a baby? I was a baby Okay, thank God, far out

Still Still, lead with that please Fucked up baby No, it happened I painted with it It happened No, that's fucked up It happens

Not to my kids But it definitely happens That's messed up, Ella Hey. I painted with it. It happens. No, that's fucked up. It happens. Not to my kids, but it definitely happens. That's messed up, Ella. Hey, I was sharing. All right. Well, this podcast is going in the bin. No one's ever going to hear this. There'll be no second podcast. This is it.

None. We've lost so many listeners from this. If you put this up. If this is your first after party, I'm so sorry. We've lost our sponsorship that we didn't even have. It's gone. It's all gone. Can I just say, I agree.

And we promise, we vow and promise that for at least a week, there will be no poo chat on the podcast. Don't make promises you can't keep. Yeah, I'll hold you to that. Don't write checks your ass, Katesh. I'm setting myself up For disaster Can we talk about farts Or not?

No Nah I'm coming in Well howdy Can I just say All those stories I just told weren't true It was just for

Me too Everything on this podcast Is hypothetical Yeah it was all hypothetical And This is AI This is AI doing this podcast It was all AI

And they've got it Completely wrong