ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 3rd July 2023

Episode Date: July 2, 2023

Early mornings aren't our forte but we're doing our best! We're covering for Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley for the next two weeks so listen in as we slowly descend into a sleepless madness.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Okay, I pull up, hop out at the after party. What up? Bra, bra, bra. It's Bree and Clint. No, no, no, no, no. That's not for the podcast. No.

It is 9 a.m. And we've been here since, well, I've been here since 4.30 because I mistimed it. Why'd you get here at 4.30 this morning? Well, I panicked. I was in a panic. When did you actually get here at 4.30 this morning? Well, I panicked. I was in a panic. When did you actually get here at 4.30? The only time I needed it. Didn't charge.

And my alarm was for 4.15. And I woke up at like 5 past 4 and went to turn my phone on. And I was like, what time is it? You woke up at 5 past 4 and you managed to make it to work by 4.30. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Have you showered? Did you brush your teeth? Wait, wait.

What time was I here, Ella? Have you got clean undies on? You're at 4.40. I came here just before you. I was here at 4.40. Oh, 4.40. You guys got here so early. I don't do the data.

Otherwise, I'll fall back asleep. It literally takes me from my house to here in like 12 minutes in the car. That's awesome. Because there's no traffic. Yeah, it's so good. Oh, yeah, because we live similarly close yeah quite close my alarm was 4 a.m this morning and it went off and i don't i just automatically snoozed it without thinking about it yeah right my snoozes are set in five minute bursts and it went off again at 405 oh your wife would be

killing oh my god she was wild I got kicked. I got kicked. I got kicked. All I heard was, because you might think, babe, you need to get up. Babe, you're going to sleep through your alarm. Babe, you've got to go to work. I got kicked. No snoozing. And I went, I am up, I am up, I am up, I am up, I am up.

That's the best kind of alarm clock, can I say? Because you're never going to sleep through that. And then I had a 20-minute shower. What? Did you? Well, probably like 15. But yeah, I had a long one. That's a long shower.

Is that in the en suite? Nah, in the spare bathroom. I was going to say, because your wife would have been raging if you went into the en suite and had a 20-minute shower. She would have been like, shut the fuck up. Come into the shower and kick your ass. Shut up. I have to tiptoe around the house because the only thing worse

than me waking her up would be if I woke the kids up at four o'clock in the morning. And then I wake up these two toddlers and they're like, and then I'm like, see you, I'm going to work. So no, I'm tiptoeing around the house, going to the ensuite bath, no, the spare bathroom. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

Yeah, I have a similar vibe at Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I have a similar vibe at my house, except it's the dogs. Yeah. And it's so easy to wake up one of our dogs, like Meryl Streep. If she hears you're awake.

Yeah. Oh, let me out. Let me out. Man. And frick, it's annoying. My cat is the opposite.

She's like, Don't wake me up Shut up Get out the fucking bed Claudia's dog came to play with my dogs on Saturday Oh my god it was so cute It was so cute Because Claudia dropped off my certificate And my flowers from Friday

And she brought Kai in for like a little bit of a play Is Kai still virile? Yeah he is Did he have Is Meryl or Whitney Houston capable of bearing dog children? like a little bit of a play. Is Kai still virile? Yeah, he is. Did he hump? Is Meryl or Whitney Houston capable of bearing dog children? No, they're both spayed. Yeah, but Meryl was dominating Kai for most of it.

She was. She was definitely. And normally she is the submissive one. She was big dogging him. Yeah, she was like, sit down and take it. Do dogs hump for pleasure? Like if there's no biological urge, if you take out the nuts and stuff, will they still do it for joy? You know what's weird?

I thought dolphins were the only ones. Well, dolphins hump. Dogs do it for like pillows and stuff. Dolphins have sex just for sex, right? Yeah, they do. Oh, I see what you're saying. Pigs do as well, don't they? Really?

You know what's really weird? You sure? No. We're confusing our animal sex facts. Pigs have real long orgasms. That's bad. Really? You know what's really weird? You sure? No. We're confusing our animal sex facts. Pigs have a long, pigs have real long orgasms. Really? Pigs can have a,

female pigs can have a 30 minute orgasm. Yeah. Holy. Oh, absolutely. It's exhausting. I was going to say, in the last like four.

I was seeing this pig and she was definitely, she was. Clint. Takes a lot of effort to fake a 30-minute orgasm. Was that you in that first episode of Black Mirror? I thought I recognised you. Turns out I can't.

Pleasure, pleasure. Got him. Woman or swine. Oh, Christ. Whitney's been humping. Dolphins, though. Yeah. What were you saying, Brie?

Dolphins are pretty hot. Whitney's been humping Meryl. Oh. Two girl dogs. Yeah. Yeah What were you saying Brittany's been Humping Meryl Oh Two girl dogs Yeah And so Whitney Like every night Usually at the same time

After they eat dinner And then they You know They'll have a play Girl dogs are being So weird eh Whitney Will line Meryl up

Like Meryl's just Laying on the couch Like eating a bone Like minding her own business And Whitney's like Trying to get on top of her Oh wait She's the smaller one too

Yeah And then And then she also Humps her the own business and Whitney's like trying to get on top of her. Oh wait, she's the smaller one too. Yeah, how does that work? And then she also humps her the wrong way. So she's like, goes like on her head and she's like trying to hump her head. That wedding that I went to in Perth a couple of months ago, they had a labradoodle and it was a female labradoodle. And man, it was hump-tastic. But it would only hump Dan, who was the groom,

but because the dog was at the ceremony at the wedding, the dog was humping Dan while they were doing the vows. That's weird. Standing up, humping Dan's leg, and someone had to go, get the dog out of here. Same thing during the speeches. He didn't hump.

Why would they let the dog be doing that during the ceremony? That's kind of cute. What? It was like the whole family was up there. Right. It says here, because I just Googled, why do female dogs hump? Female dogs will often hump their pet parents to seek attention. After all, they are very likely to get attention every time they do it.

They may also hump you out of excitement, particularly when you first come home and greet them. Yeah. That's what Claudia Dog does with my arm. Septism isn't for attention. It's because he likes me. But he hasn't been spayed, so there's a reason for him to be humping.

We've been neutered, yeah. Claudia had to take her dog to the vet the other day because... No, yucky. This is not a radio story. What was this again? Claudia's dog had a genital issue and had to go to the vet. Oh, that's right. How much money did you...

Oh, no, I can't hear that word, dog. How much did they spend at the vet first of all? He did have his shots as well. Don't try and multi-purpose it. It was an urgent trip to the vet. For how much money? $180. And what was the prognosis?

He's just a dirty boy. He had a cheesy doodle. That makes me feel violent. Yuck. Violently ill. Did the vet clean him up? I think he cleaned himself up to be honest. If you pay the money, you hope the vet will do it, eh?

We were kind of like, it might be this, but we'll go just in case. I think he cleaned himself up, to be honest. If you pay the money, you hope the vet will do it, eh? That's awful. We were kind of like, it might be this, but we'll go just in case. God bless vets, by the way. God bless vets. That is painful. I have got to go to the post office after we finish this podcast. Is that what we're doing? Podcast, yeah. What day is it?

To post a card. Wait, who are you? Postman Pat. I gotta go to the post office to post a card to our dead cat's vet to say thanks for everything. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, well, because he kept our cat Ziggy alive for so long. Like years. Years longer than she probably would have been alive.

Your vets are my vets. Yeah. No, so this is the specialist vet. We've got gonna send a card to them too because they ended up having such good vets um put ziggy down and they were so good they i realized in that moment that vets don't just look after animals they look after people 100 they're trying to deal with you know emotional people oh my god the most amazing people um yeah having a good vet is so important this is a specialist vet who took Ziggy on as a project

And we're going to send him a card to say thank you I was going to buy him a box of chocolates Like a box of Cadbury favourites to send as well Right And Lucy's like bit weird Bit weird to send you a What about a bottle of wine or something Yeah yeah I could have done that too

I think it's so hard But Cadbury favourites for a dead cat It's the celebration box. When someone says, what's that tagline? What you bring when you're told not to bring anything at all. Yeah, their new tagline is

when your cat dies, bring Cadbury favourites. Dead cat? How about a boost? Dead cat? You know what'll make you more upset? Cherry ripe. So we've taken those out for this particular box. I quite like the cherry ripe.

I love cherry ripe, can I say? Turkish Delight, though. I love Turkish Delight. I don't like that particular version of Turkish Delight, but Turkish Delight Easter eggs, oh. This is my favourite, and they call them celebration boxes overseas, too. They're so good.

Because somebody in the family will like everything. There's something for everybody. See, that should be their tagline. Cadbury favorites. There's something for everyone. Yeah. Cadbury favorites. Rest in peace, Ziggy.

Cadbury favorites. You never know what you're going to get. Hopefully it's not fucking Boost. Can we just talk about the dead cat thing again for a second Oh gosh We're back on the dead cat I have a dead cat too Let's talk Oh yeah true

But we didn't hear about it Hey I'm barely talking about this dead cat I'm joking Love that cat On air baby I miss her We cremated her

Did you put her in a rock? Nah, we got offered, so you can take your cat home and bury it yourself. You can have it disposed of by the clinic. Yep. You can have it cremated with a bunch of animals and you don't get the remains. Or you can have it individually cremated and they return the ashes to you. What did you pick? Or they turn your ashes into a rock and you put the rock in the garden.

Or like some sort of ornament. Yeah. I didn't opt for the rock because I thought the lawnmower man would run over the rock. No, you put the rock inside. Oh, yeah. We've got the box of ashes. Two things on the ashes. So small, the box that you end up getting back.

And it weighs absolutely nothing. Also, I don't want to be sceptical, but how can I prove that that's my cat? Exactly. I think that all the time. What evidence do I have that that's my animal? It's the same with the rock that they're charging like $400.

How do I know that you've cremated my animal and put it into this rock? How do I know? I don't want to go and watch my cat be cremated. No, of course you don't. Scoop up the ashes yourself. But how do I know you didn't just brush out a bit from the fire box and put it in a bag and give it to me? I literally thought

the exact same thing. Also, can we go back to what you just said? The lawn mower guy? Do you have a lawn mower guy? Yeah. A guy that comes and mows your lawns? Yeah. I thought you were the lawn mower guy. I was the lawn mower guy, but at my new place, our house is on a hill. It's got a serious incline on it. Look, here he is trying to sell it now.

I can't mow that lawn. You can't walk up a hill. Well, I'm not with my lawnmower. You buy a ride on. Up a hill. You do not ride a ride on up a hill. You roll back down the hill. That's the last thing you do. Of course you can ride a ride on Upper Hill. You roll back down the hill. That's the last thing you do.

Of course you can ride a ride on Upper Hill. You haven't seen my lawn. It's not ride up a wall. So how does he do it then? He's got a line trimmer, a weed eater. Well, do that. Yeah, get one of those. What do you mean weed eater?

It's the whole thing. No, fuck that. I've got a lawnmower guy. How much is that? Yeah, how much does that cost? None of your business. It's a lot. I reckon $150.

It's a lot. How often does he need to come? He comes fortnightly. $150 a fortnight? No, you made up $150. $150 a fortnight? That is expensive. I'll do it for $140.

You should get a robot. I told you, you can't have a robot. But if you pay $150 a fortnight, you can get a robot. You can't have a robot But if you pay $150 a fortnight you can get a robot You can't have a robot on my section What it could not make it No it's like How steep is it Have you not been to his new house

Nah have you Where's our invite Hey we're going to get out of here man See you guys later.