ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 4th January 2024

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

It's the day after Bree's birthday and everyone has been instructed to tell a joke. There may be something to add to your repertoire in here, but most likely not. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hi everybody, when is this going out? Claude, what date is it currently? It is January the... It's a Thursday. It's January the Thursday, everybody. January the Thursday. The Thursday of January.

Is it possible? On the Thursday of January, my true love gave to me... Oh, it's the day after my birthday. It's January 4th. Yeah. It's the time of year where I would usually have horrific gout. Oh, because you've eaten too much rich foods. It's more the craft beers for me.

Oh. And the whiskeys. Yeah. And the red wine. The red wine's bad for gout, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now I'm on these special pills, which means I can't get it. Do they work?

Yeah, well, that works, but it means that I don't hold back on anything anymore So on one hand You work too well You don't get gout On the other hand You poor liver Overindulge It's kind of like lactese

But for gout It's lactese You eat lactose Yeah for people who are lactose intolerant like me Lactese is a cute name Yeah We little lactese You take lactese before you have something with lactose and it makes you okay.

Lactease is when you dangle a piece of cheese in front of someone who's... Lactease. Lactose intolerant. Oh, you little lactease. Lactease. Okay. Realistically, right now... Everyone's going to tell one joke and then we're out.

Okay. Has anyone got one off the top of their head? I never have a joke. Neither. I feel like I need to tell one joke and then we're out. Okay. Has anyone got one off the top of their head? I never have a joke. Neither. I feel like I need to have one ready to go. My grandma is the lady to go to. She has 20,000 she can just work out. Does she?

I feel like mine does too. Maybe it's a grandma thing. This has been my brain joke for about 15 years. Here it is. Mushroom walks into a bar and the barman says, what do you mean? You love mushrooms You had mushrooms for lunch today

That was yum A mushroom walks into a bar And the barman says Sorry mate We don't serve your type in here And he says Why not? I'm a fungi

I've heard this one That's a double whammer I don't mind it You don't have much room Mushroom The only joke I can think of Oh, Ella's got a double point zone for it. Oh, that's a good one.

What would she say? Oh, it's a double whammer. Much room. We don't have mushroom. Much room. And I'm a fungi. Fungi. Fungi.

There was only a single banger, but yeah, you found a little bit more in there. Squeezed a little bit more out of it. The only joke I can remember off the top of my head is, did you hear about the guy who was the first recipient of replacement eyelids? No. They took some of his foreskin and replaced his eyelids and it went really well and he was fine. He was just a bit cockeyed.

It's the only joke I can remember my mum told me that joke i've just googled the funniest joke in the world you want to hear it yeah two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses he doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed the other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services he gasps my friend is dead what can i do the operator says, calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There's a silence and then a gunshot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says, okay, now what? That's the best joke in the world. It's dark. Yep. Isn't it dark? Best joke in the world. Don't know about that, eh? I like the mushroom one better. And Ella, who is hugely critical of our jokes. Has left. She joke in the world. Don't know about that, eh? I like the mushroom one better.

And Ella, who is hugely critical of our jokes. Has left. She's asleep, actually. Oh, there she is. I think I'm genuinely hungover. Are you hungover from lunch? Yeah. From three hours ago.

I feel so sick. Do you? I'm bad at day drinking, too. Yeah. But I mean, I only had two beers. Me, yes. And what did you have? Two rosés. Different to two beers. Shouldn't have done it. Do I mean, I only had two beers. And what did you have? Two rosés.

Different to two beers. Shouldn't have done it. Do you think, Clint? Two rosés different to two beers? Two rosés wouldn't kill me. I had two rosés too and I'm fine. But I'd be more drunk off of two rosés than of two beers. Told you we should have got the pizza bread.

Needed those carbs. We should have. Are you ready to tell a joke? No, I'm not. Who's there? Boo who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo who? Oh, sorry. Boo.

Boo who? Don't cry. It's just a joke. What's that? That was bad. Knock, knock. Who's there? Yod-lay-hee.

Yod-lay-hee who? I haven't heard that. Haven't you? I like it. I like it. I'll pay that one. Haven't you? I like it. I like it. I'll pay that one. Thank you. Very good.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting. Move! I like that one. What's that joke? And it's a two-parter.

And it's like, yeah, what happened to the girl that had no arms that was on the swing? Oh, no, her name's Sally. What happened to Sally who had no arms that was on the swing? What? She fell off. Knock, knock. Who's there?

Not Sally. Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana.

Banana who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange.

Orange. Who? Orange and Claire. I didn't say banana. Shit, this might be the worst podcast we've ever done. Do you mean the best? I mean the best. I mean the best.

Definitely the best. Holy fuck. Oh, Ross is still here. He might be hearing this. He can't hear us. He doesn't listen. We're on be hearing this He can't hear us He doesn't listen Do you reckon he's ever listened to our podcast? Nah He's 43 I don't think they know how to podcast

Should we start planting things in here For Ross to hear And just see if he stumbles across them Okay ready ready Ross Ross if you hear this. Ross Boss, Boss of ZM. Ross Boss, and no one tell Ross about this

because he doesn't deserve it unless he hears it himself. Ross, if you're listening to this, if you hear it, then we will give you $50. But you have to let us know within a week. What's the code word? Yeah, within a week. The code word is? Treasure.

Butt plug. Treasure butt plug. Treasure butt plug. Treasure butt plug. Perfect. All right. Good luck, Ross. Love you, Ross.

Love you, Ross. Bye. Thanks, guys. Bye. Bye. Ella was asleep.