ZM's Bree & Clint - Bree & Clint's After Party - 9th April 2024

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

Welcome to the Official Rules of Toilet Etiquette with Bree and Clint (and Ella and Claud). There's a rule for everybody in here. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network I'm having a party A party for two I'm having a party Welcome to the after party everybody, what a fun way to kick it off God, you know the worst thing about a party? What? When you turn up to a party and you realise you've got to do a poo

Ew, go home That's never happened to me What do you realise you've got to do a poo. Ew, go home. That's never happened to me. What do you mean go home? Do not poo at someone else's party. Do not. Oh, come on. As if. Come on.

It's a normal thing. Yeah, I agree. I'm not going home and ruining my night. It is a normal thing. It is a normal thing. But it should be done in the privacy of your own home. No. Nah.

There are other things that are normal too. Well, it's not like I planned. Like masturbation. I knew it. But you shouldn't do that at someone's party. Don't be taking a poo. No, masturbation is a choice. Exactly.

Taking a poo. Someone's doing a poo at someone else's party. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's not. No, you know your body. You know your body. Sometimes.

And if you're going to shit your pants and you're not feeling well, go home. But if it's a normal plop. And you just need to get it out of your body. Sometimes. And if you're going to shit your pants and you're not feeling well, go home. But if it's a normal plop. And you just need to get it out of your system. Fine. You think I'm going to go home and ruin my whole night? Absolutely. So stay there and ruin everyone else's night. How is it going to ruin everyone else's night?

You stink out the bathroom. You must drop the dirtiest deuces in the world if you think it's going to ruin the whole party. Like, what are you doing in there? Yeah, you stinky boy. You just open the window. No, you open the window. You spray the spray. You do the, yeah, you do the courteous thing.

You brush the toilet down. You spray the sprays. Claudia's on my side. Yeah, I don't want poops in my head. You guys need to check yourself. Go to the gas station. Go to a restaurant or something. You know it's an unhealthy relationship you have with pooing, both of you.

It's not my poo that I have an issue with. I'm going to talk seriously to you guys now, though, because you can pass that unhealthy obsession down to your children. No, but I don't. I don't have kids, though. Yeah, well, that's true. And my dog's all good with us. I am very aware of that.

You know, like you don't want them growing up thinking like they need to be like ashamed of it if they need to do a poo at a party. A kid doing a poo at a party is very different to an adult showing up with 10 pals and going, where's the crapper? I need to drop a cable. It's the same. No, but imagine if your daughters grow up and they're so anxious,

they get to a party and for some reason their body clocks out and they go, oh, I need to do a poo. Oh, I need to go home. My 16-year-old daughter came back early from a party and I was like, what's wrong with you? I need to do a poo. And I'd go, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you.

Attagirl. No, that's fucked up you? I need to do a poo. And I'd go, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. Attagirl. No, that's fucked up. Now go upstairs to your own toilet. No, don't talk to me anymore about it. That's toxic pooing behaviour. Guess what? I was in the toilet today and guess what? I let out a big plop.

I'm proud of it. Girl next to me, next door. In the office. Yeah. Yeah, I poo in the toilet. It's a normal thing. People who do audible poos at work are yuck. I will poo, I put it in the toilet. That is a normal thing. People who do audible poos at work are yuck. I will poo where I need to poo.

But I do it with common courtesy. I nest. What does that mean? You make a nest in the toilet. Make a little basket out of the toilet. So it lands and it doesn't go. Oh, no. It doesn't splash.

And to avoid skitties on the toilet. Like, I'm being courteous about it. You know what I learnt today, or it was yesterday actually, that you know how obviously at work everyone, you've got your favourite toilet that you go to in the stalls. Yeah, yeah. Like, and if your first pick's taken, you'll have a second pick. Yeah, I very rarely use the stall, but yeah.

I, bloody Megan who works here, told me that my favourite toilet is the poo toilet. Which one is yours? Oh, is it the furry? Yeah. Yeah, that is the poo toilet. Why is that the poo toilet? Because it feels the most private, I guess. Far away.

Yeah, it's in the corner. I like it. Why is everyone dropping deuces in my toilet? Every time I go in there, I literally have to about face and leave because there's so much going on in there. Well, I never go in there when there's obviously bad stuff going on in there. Those toilets get blocked up a lot. That's because they're in-cane

toilets. Yeah. It makes it sound like we have long drops at our work. We don't, but you have to hold the flush for longer. They don't have a strong flush on them. No, you've got to hold it for five seconds, but people don't, but you have to hold the flush for longer. They don't have a strong flush on them. No, you've got to hold it for five seconds, but people don't. A great way I bonded with my

boyfriend's flatmates was because my poop wasn't flushing and so it became a flat quest to get it to flush. That's fucked up. That's my worst nightmare. Same. Do you know what? Now I know them. They're great. Jason, love ya.

Nah, Jason. No, I don't want to They're great. Jason, love you. Nah. Jason. No, I don't want to involve other people. Jason, that's above and beyond the call of duty. I will figure out my own. I thought we were vibing here. No, no, like I see what you're saying. You've just been pushed out of.

But I just don't, I don't want other people involved in my shitty business. Why didn't, no, they didn't. You should have seen on the weekend. You know she will be. You know what? She will be. What? When her and her boyfriend move in together. She'll be at number twos with the door open oh i already am nah that's

that's not me and no that's too far you gotta keep a little bit i make my sister sit there outside nah that's fucked up man like i would like i know my limits and that is no we just chat even in our house we have the Chamber of Secrets and if you need to poo, you go to the Chamber of Secrets. I'd shower with the door open. And it's called the Chamber of Secrets for a reason. No, man, I reckon you just open it. I love how inclusive this started and now it's like, no, too far.

No, that's too far. You should have seen on the weekend and you'll hear about it on today's podcast where I overestimated my skills in tiling a kitchen splashback. But my partner and I, she – so we were like however many hours into this project. Like we were fucking tired and Sophia was like sitting up on the bench and I'm kind of like nuzzled in next to her and we're kind of trying to hold these tiles up

and like it's a two-person job. And so just picture this. She's sitting up on the bench, right? She's sitting up like high on the bench because she's like having to get into the corner and then my face is kind of like in her area. Oh, my word. And she decides that she will drop the biggest fart. And she's not normally like that. But honestly, I nearly wet myself laughing because we were so tied

and so like over it. But I just was like, that was a fucking hate crime from you. She saw her opportunity. She saw it and took it for all the times. I would and could never, but I understand how. But it was very funny. I get it. We laughed a lot. It's not for me. So funny.

It's not for me. Not for me. You know what? It was the only laugh we had that day. The rest was tears. It was a big day. Fuck. It was terrible. Ah, the joys. Let's go.

And different personalities. Let's go home. I need to do a poo. Fair. I'm having a party. A party for two. I already did one during that podcast actually.