ZM's Bree & Clint - Our listener's emergency defecation situations

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

Sometimes things happen and maybe you don't quite make it to the bathroom. Some hilarious stories came through when Bree & Clint asked "what was the number two emergency?" Like someone sent to us on the text machine - everyone has a story.. we're relating to the common people.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Show requested, so here it is. As long as you've got da-da-da. It's ZM's Breanclin podcast. Could be an appropriately titled song for what we're talking about. Emergency number two. Yeah, tennis player at Roland Garros, the tennis tournament has made headlines after he had quite the emergency during set one of his opening match of the tournament. Was it set one? It was set one.

Oh, that sucks. And he was behind. And so the umpire was like, mate, you can't go. You're cheating. You just want to go in for a rest. Yeah, you want to throw the other guy off by like prolonging the match. And then this French voice he goes, no, no, I will shit myself.

He said, I think I'll shit on the court. So we want to know where was your number two emergency. This person wants to be anonymous, understandably. Hi, Anonymous. Hi, Anonymous. Hello. What happens? So I had met in.

new love interest. Oh, lovely. He invited me on a camping trip with him and his friends. Mm-hmm. Fun. But in order to get to the campsite, we had to canoe down a river. Okay. So we're canoeing down the river and an emergency hits.

Okay. Got it. And I'm panicking because I'm like, I don't know what to do. No. You didn't canoe poo, did you? No, no. I barely made it to land. And then I had to run and find a tree.

Yes. God, you weren't in a wetsuit. Were you anonymous? No. No, I wasn't in a wetsuit. Thank goodness. You know, around a bunch of strangers that I didn't know. Oh, disaster.

Yeah, not just strangers. Someone that you were trying to romantically impress. Did they know what was going on for you in that moment, Anonymous? I kind of, I mean, I told them that it was an emergency and then I had to go. And I was like, and I don't know where. I don't know what to do. I don't reckon I can tell them. I reckon I'd be too embarrassed.

I'm going to be like, I just love nature and I have to go and look at this tree. Nobody else come. I'm telling you everyone would know at that point. I feel like everybody did know. I'm funny. Well, while I was waiting for you guys talk to me, my child in the backseat going, Mommy, why didn't you take me on the camping trip? And did it work out anonymous?

I'm sorry? The romantic connection. Did it last? Oh, yeah, I was with the person for about five years, but not anymore. Well, it worked out then after that. Unless when they broke up with you five years later, they were like, it's because of what you did on the canoe trip. I was never truly able to move past it.

We all knew what you were doing. Anonymous number two is here. Hi, anonymous number two. That's very fitting for what we're talking about. Hi, how are you? Good. What was your anonymous number two emergency? So me and my husband and his friend were out fishing

And I really had to go And obviously there was no toilet on the boat So I thought right You guys turn the other way They didn't know like what number I was but I didn't say You guys turned the other way I had to go toilet So I kind of sat over the boat a way bit And I didn't think about what way the tide was going

Oh Oh none of it And yeah kind of just floated straight past them I was so embarrassed Is this trauma for me This is trauma. Anonymous. Sounds very similar to my situation.

Very traumatic. I reckon some Olivia Danes would help make up for the trauma though. Nice try, Anonymous. We have been bombarded with texts on this topic. There's so many. When was your emergency number two? Someone said it was Breeze Pool in the Ocean for an emergency or just for the experience? It was for an emergency.

Yeah. It wasn't just because I wanted to see what it was live. it was recreational, but if you're claiming emergency now, I'm your friend, I support you. I'll change my opinion. You know it was an emergency. We asked you to text us about your number to emergency, and we got this text,

Big Sandy here. I was at a wedding and I sneezed, and everyone could smell what I did in my light blue dress. Oh, sad. I don't know if Big Sandy has that voice, but... I want to talk to Big Sandy so bad. Big Sandy sounds like my type of person. I would have a good time

I also would have a good time with this person who text in. We're talking number two emergencies. They said I had to shit in a coffee cup on the motorway one time. Thanks Elena. Shout out to Elena. As a teacher I walked into the corridor one day

and there was S-H-I-T all down the hall from someone that had an upset tummy and didn't make it on time. Oh. That's awful. Down the wall like a murder scene. Ugh.

Someone else said, I was leaving my friend's house in the States, and I realized, oh no, I need to use the toilet. It was about 20 minutes to get home, and it was very late, so nothing was open. So I did what any person would do. I saw a dumpster, and I pulled in and did my business behind it. As I was squatting, I looked up, and what did I see? A big, giant cross. I did poos in the parking lot behind the dumpster of a church. I'm going to hell.

That's good. I was dropping my teenage son and his friend to school. Sudden and desperate need to poo. 8 a.m. pulled over into sushi shop. They didn't speak much English. I had to try and explain that it was an emergency. The woman didn't want to let me in because of health regulations. I nearly shapped myself in their store.

Oh my God. Luckily, a young guy working there could sense my urgency and let me through to the toilet out the back. Thank God. I felt so bad for what I did in there. Do you, after that, go up and buy a courtesy sushi? No, you leave immediately. Do you?

Yeah. I'd be so embarrassed. I'd be like, I'm getting the hell out of here. Do you pop $5 on the counter and just be like, thanks? Thanks, and sorry. Because I'd be like, they're going to call the police. Sorry for the dragon roll. Someone else said, hey, guys, not a proud moment here,

but heading to Ragland to pick up the missus and her friends. They'd been on the chop the top the night before. and so I left really early to surprise her. Halfway there along the expressway got the mega sweats and had to pull over into a service bay and let rip. Had no toilet paper, so you had to use some pages of the apprenticeship book I had in the passenger seat was not my proudest moment. Not the apprenticeship book.

Do you remember when we got a call? I'm not going to name her. She did it at the time, but I'm not going to name her. But she has a former contestant on The Bachelor. She was one of the bachelorets. Yep. And she has... Yep.

IBS. Yeah. And she said the same situation happened to her. And all she had to use for toilet paper was those tiny little pages that you get in the instructional manual that comes with a baby G watch. Remember how small the booklet is that comes inside a baby G watch? Tiny.

She was tearing off those tiny sheets. It would have been a mess. She did not win the bachelorette that person, by the way. The bachelor. It wasn't Matilda. Are you sure? Yeah, it wasn't. No, I remember who it was.

Last one, I reckon. Last one is all we can handle. What about this one? I have been involved in rodeos my whole life. And I know of two situations where guys have let one slip whilst riding a bull. Oh. I get that. And then the ball bucks it right back up into you.

Yeah, imagine how scared you to be. So. 12 years old, New Year's Eve, 1999, at my dad's Model T car club rally. All the ladies on the wines are whole. hogging the loos by peeing every 25 seconds. I shat in the car park. Later, us kids were playing spotlight and some of the boys thought

there must be a wolf roaming around doing monster shits. It was me. A wolf. Whoa! There must be a wolf. No human being could do that kind of. And that's how you saw in the new millennium. Yep.

Wow. What a time to be alive. Play ZM's Brian Clint on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and live weekdays from three on ZM.