ZM's Bree & Clint - ZM's Bree & Clint Podcast – 9th February 2022

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

MuggyWhat’s your sickie excuse?Google Down!Who’s cheap?Aussie place namesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Just a heads up, if there's kids listening, this podcast intro has some dirty content in it. Welcome to the podcast everybody, it's Brie and Clint. You know Michelle Visage, she was on the podcast yesterday. Yes. Just before we recorded it, she goes to us, Do you guys get paid extra for this? Oh yeah

But you and I look at each other like No I wish Part of our job is I do Do you really? What? What's your rate?

I wrote it into my contract Did you really? She's lying No of course I didn't Well clever of you She gets barely paid to be here No I get Podcast hosting experience

That's how I get paid Paid in experience Yeah It's how I get paid. Paid and experience. Yeah. It's a good way of looking at it. And actually, we get some free stuff every now and then. Not for the podcast, we don't. No, we're the Aussie candy. From the podcast listeners, you guys definitely spoil us.

We are rich in friendship. Like that KFC firewood. Oh, what about when Rhiannon sent over all those Aussie snacks. Yeah that was good. I mean it doesn't compare to money that you could spend on things but we never thought that we should be

getting paid for the podcast but she was Michelle Visage was so dead set on it she was like oh you need to when your contract comes up you need to negotiate that. And I was like damn right I'm going to get Michelle Visage was so dead set on it. She was like, oh, you need to, when your contract comes up, you need to negotiate that. And I was like, damn, right, I'm going to get Michelle Visage to negotiate my contract. Yeah. Yeah.

You have to give her a cut, though. Yeah, well, that's fine. She probably won't need it. We did a break on the show today, which you'll hear, based off something you guys posted in the Berean Clint podcast family. Savannah Smith posted Australia's worst place names. And I picked out my favourites from this list and they're all real names. Do you guys want to hear the ones we didn't get to?

Yeah, go on. They're quite good. There's a place in Queensland called Bald Knob. Oh, yeah. See, this is the weird thing. And you'll hear this in the show. There's quite a few knob-based ones. Yeah.

Big knob waterhole in Northern Territory. Is knob a word for like an area of land or something? Or like a lock? I think it's like a hill. Like a hill. These are all old-timey words. Like Dirty Dick Creek. Yeah.

They'll be talking about a guy called Richard. A guy called Dick. Yeah. Because back then you didn't refer to your dick as a dick. No. Dirty Richard Creek. It was a penis. New South Wales, Victoria and Queensland

all have a bonus street. Tasmania has a place called Boobs Flat. You've been there to stage haven't you? Oh, rough. Booby Island in Queensland. I've been to Booby Island. It's quite nice actually.

Boomers Bottom. You've been a few times. Yeah. It's quite nice, actually. Boomers Bottom. You've been a few times. Yeah, I've been a few times. Boomers Bottom. I'd pay like 15k to go to Booby Island. I'll take you to Booby Island. No, like I need to pay 15k. Wait, wait, wait.

Do you know how you get there? Motorboat. No, it's good. Break wind reserve. Bullshit hill. Break Wind Reserve Bullshit Hill Bum Bum Creek Burnt Pussy Mine We got to that one today

Those are all on the show What else? Cockwash In South Australia Well just up the road from here There's a Cockburn Street Cockburn Oh yeah

Yeah but then I always hear I just hear Cockburn As a last name. Dead Woman's Hole, that's in New South Wales. Stay away from the Dead Woman's Hole. So wait, when they say hole, are they meaning like a well or are they meaning like it's like a gully?

It'd be like a gully or something. Why are you concerned with the geography of it? It'd be a... No, I just like you said with the whole knob thing. It'd be like a gash in the earth, kind of. Yeah, all right. Dancing Dick's Creek. Yeah.

Again, it'll be Richard. Goat Knob in New South Wales. Shout out to Goat Knob. It'll be a hill that had a goat living on it. Guy's Dirty Hole in Tasmania. What else have we got? Hopping Dick's Creek. See, I can't justify Guy's Dirty Hole in Tasmania. What else have we got? Hopping Dick's Creek. See, I can't justify Guy's Dirty Hole.

Well, no, like Guy is a common, you know. God, if you want to go to a nice place in New South Wales, go to Horse Knob. It's a lovely place, Horse Knob. Are you being serious? Yeah. It's like a winery or something. No, I've never been there.

It's big. Intercourse Island in WA. I have heard of that one. Lovely Bottom. Never been. Minja Well in WA. I have heard of that one. Lovely Bottom. Never been. Minja Well in WA. Mossy Nipple Bend in Tasmania. What?

Mount Breast in Queensland. I've been there. Mount Buggery in South Australia. Oh, right. You can't say that in 2022. Why? You can't refer to it as Buggery. But that's the name of the place.

I'm talking to the Australian National Government. Oh, right. I'm just saying the name of a place. You can't... Why, what does that mean? Yeah. Sex. What?

It's a crude... It's a derogatory term for... Oh. Oh. For what? Oh. I didn For what? Oh. I didn't know that. There you go.

I think it's derogatory. I think it's... Well, if it is, they need to look into that. Mate, they need to look into all of these. Shaving Holes Creek. Yeah, all right. I'm just saying, it's not dirty. The Butts in Tasmania.

They've also got the nipples in Tasmania. What? Wanker Road in Queensland I think my uncle lives on that Wait Ben you're going to have to put a warning On the start of this Why? You don't actually have to because these are all real places Because you said buggery lane

Yeah but that's a real place Stop saying it Hey everybody there's some rumours coming up in this podcast Put it on the intro Ben Well I Hold on No don't apologise But I apologise

Because I didn't know No I think it's fine It's just the name of the place You've just got to When you say it You've just got to go Oh my god you can't say that Oh see I didn't even know

I know now The road to Mount Buggery It's what comes up on Google Oh it's got reviews It's got reviews Mount Buggery. That's what comes up on Google. It's got reviews. It's got reviews. 3.8 stars. There you go.

I heard there's only one star. Oh, my God. There's a property for sale. 517 Buggery Road. All right. Canary. All right. You've crossed the line. Wrap it up.

Wrap it up. Hey, I think there's I Especially if you're hitting gum No No You can go to buggery Alright no no no That's what my mum says Yeah yeah yeah

You know you should probably tell my mum that Because she says that all the time And she does not swear I think it's a pretty Yeah She doesn't swear Oh she does swear She'd be mortified

That's a swear word Well she'd be mortified to find out If she was being disrespectful Ben you're going to beep all of these, eh? No, they're place names. If you are listening to this right now and you are from Tiddybong or you're from, you know, Pisspot Creek, Cockwash in South Australia, we'd love to hear from you.

You know, I have a friend who comes from a place called Bogangate. Oh, yeah. In Australia. And are they? There's about literally, I think, in the town of Bogangate. No, your friend. Are they at Bogangate? Oh, well, they're, I think they managed to escape because they're gay.

So they're in Sydney now. Oh, okay. But imagine what it was like for my friend growing up in Bougain Gate. I think about 100 people live in Bougain Gate. Shout out to Bougain Gate. Are you a Ford or a Holden? Actually, I'm gay. I love to drive a Holden Astra.

I'm a Fiat Punto. A Holden Astra is still part of the Holden. Yeah, that's a Holden. It's a Zucchi Swift, darling. One, two, three, let's go, bitch. What's the most fabulous car? Affordably fabulous. It's an MX-5.

It's an MX-5. No, the one Keita Main drives who won RuPaul's Drag Race down under. I said affordably fabulous. She drives a convertible Mercedes. Which is very snazzy. I'm talking what's the most... It's like a little one. Fabulous first car. Okay.

A bit. Well, I think even... What did you say? MX-5. The MX-5 still isn't cheap. A used MX-5. You'll get one for three and a half grand. Oh, the used ones.

Yeah, put little eyelashes on the lights that pop up and down. How cool was the MX-7 that they used in Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift? RX-7? RX-7? Is that the green one? RX-7. And they put the big body kit on it. It's the orange one.

The rotary. Yeah, that one's so nice. I think. We've covered some ground in this podcast, haven't we? Yeah. Come on, guys. I need to go. I've got places to be.

I mean, I've got tickets. Don't name the places. I've got tickets to Burnt Pussy Mine've got tickets Don't name the places I've got tickets to burnt pussy mines I was going to say that Great, podcast everybody, we'll see you tomorrow Ben, make sure you put a thing on the front Oh, it's too late now if you haven't What time is it?

3, 2, 1 It is Bree and Clint Good day everybody, welcome to the Bree and Clint show Where today, it's just a boring old twosome. You just get us in a boring old twosome. But sometimes, you know, you like that. Familiarat. Familiarat.

Oh, I've really stuffed myself here. I'm going to let you figure it out. Familiarity. No. Familiarity. No, you get one more guess. Familiarity. You got the front bit right.

It's familiar. Familiarity. No, you get one more guess. Familiarity. You got the front bit right. It's familiar. Yeah, and I'm not going to correct you actually. That's perfectly fine. Michelle Visage was our guest yesterday. If you missed her, you should get yesterday's episode of the podcast. She was fun and also quite honest with us as well. She was very honest. I think we're good friends now.

We're far no, so she was more comfortable with us. Did you DM her? I was this close to doing it last night. Yeah. I reckon it's the time to do it. I don't have I missed the boat? Nah. No. Now you need

a reason to DM her. Like has she left something here? Could you message her about that? Yeah. I could check. Does she put a disposable face mask in the bin? And you could be like, hey, you forgot your mask. I pulled it out of the bin for you. Yeah, I saved it for you. Do you want this back? Yeah. No? Picture of you

wearing it. Hey, today on the show, your chance to win with Add to Cart. We're going to add the last item to our cart at four o'clock and we're going to give away the whole cart at 5 o'clock. I'm pretty sure it's... It's the girls, girls, girls today.

Yeah, right. But I just want to check and see, is this appropriate for the man's man's man? I think so. I'd like the first one. I wouldn't use the second one. You sure? I use my wife's version of the third one.

Oh, what's that? And I use my wife's version of the fourth one as well. What's the third and the fourth one then? We haven't given the fourth one away yet, have we? The one he's talking about he wouldn't use is the sports bra. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah, my itty bitty titties are not in a sports bra.

We'll kick the show off with Tradie vs Lady though. We've got $50 cash. Thanks to KFC up for grabs. That's right. If you want to take someone on, you can call now. 0800 DIAL ZM. We'll play after Doja Cat and Woman on ZM. Bree and Clint. Bree and Clint.

Tradie versus Lady. Or Smith. Another easy route. Or Brown. Brown. I haven't met someone with the last name Brown for a while. Yeah. Hmm.

Very, they'll agree, very boring. Yeah, just plain. Yeah. Plain. Tradie versus Lady, the scores at the moment. The Lady's sitting on nine wins for the year. The Tradie still can't get off that two-win mark. Let's meet our Lady first.

She's 33. She's from the Hawke's Bay, and she loves baking cakes. Welcome to the show, Melissa. Hi, Mel. Hi. Have you ever thought about going on the Great Kiwi Bake Off? Oh, no, no. No, not for me.

MasterChef? Oh, there's a new season of MasterChef coming? Yeah, I know. Yeah, but that's where these things start, right? You know, you could be the new... You could start... Do you have a bakery or anything, or just a hobby that you do at home at the moment? Just a hobby I do at home.

Oh, nice. Fair enough. Okay, let's meet our tradie. He's from Hastings. He's 41 years old. He's a motorsport fan, and I bet he'd love a bit of cake too. Welcome to the show, Paul.

G'day, Paul. Howdy. You ever been to Bathurst? No. I want to go one day. Oh, mate, you've got to go. It's brilliant. Have you been?

I went one time because my brother and my dad love that stuff, and it was actually awesome. They say the trick is go the week before Bathurst, dig a hole and bury all your cans of beer, and then when you go, dig them up, have free beer at Bathurst. Do you remember I told you that story? Did you? Yeah.

Oh, it's a great idea. Okay, Paul, your buzzer is shady. Melissa, your buzzer is lady. First to three points gets $50 cash. Thanks to KFC. Good luck. All righty, guys. Here we go.

Question number one. One of the top rating things to watch on Netflix at the moment is the Tinder what? Lady. Yes, Melissa. Swindler. That is correct. The Tinder Swindler? That is correct. The Tinder Swindler. Great doco if you haven't watched it already. Is it a doco? It's a doco,

yeah. Yeah, right. Okay. Very, it's very dark, but great to watch. Who's making a whole lot of noise in the background? I think it's us. I think the radio's on in the background. Can you guys turn your radio down, please? Okay, here comes question number two. Alright. How many band members do the Spice Girls have? Katie.

Yes, Paul? I think it was four of them. Wow. All close. Mel? Five. It is five. Nice work, two to the ladies.

Here we go. Question number three. Today, the bill to ban conversion therapy passed into law, which is great news about time. Who wrote the queer anthem Born This Way? Lady. Yes, Melissa, for the win. Was it Lady Gaga? She's got it.

She's a lady. Oh, oh, oh, she's a lady. And not a second too soon. I think Paul was listening to a different radio station in the background. Probably motorsport racing, I reckon. You reckon? Yeah. Mel, you've picked up the 50 bucks. Nice work, mate.

Awesome. Thank you so much. Go and buy yourself some self-raising flour. Yes. Is that a good cake reference? Great reference. Yeah, thank you. Crushed it. We need a wholesome story. What reference. Thank you. Crushed it. Bree and Clint. We need a wholesome story. What do you guys think?

Let me check. Yeah. It's always time for a wholesome story. And this one is super wholesome and it's local. Oh, okay. So a woman named Karen Robson, she's from Auckland, but she lives in Christchurch now. Right.

She might be listening. Shout out, Karen. Hi, Karen, if you're listening. Good to talk to you. Nice, wholesome story about you. So Karen used to live in Auckland 10 years ago, right? And she owned this- Jeez, I hope she bought a house. Yeah.

Let's hope she got in early. I hope she bought it. 10 years ago, I hope she bought a couple. I think she was living in an apartment in the Viaduct. That'll do. Which is very nice. Anyway, she owned this adorable cat that had one eye and its name was Winky. Which, I mean, you know, it suits.

He was very sociable and unfortunately in 2012 when she lived here in Auckland, Winky wandered off but he never came back. Oh, no. Which is really sad. He went into the viaduct and was never seen again. Did they check, what's the cowboy bar? Cowboys. Did they check cowboys?

Did they check, what's that place? Did they check Danny Doolins? Danny Doolins. That's where he would be. Many people have entered into Danny Doolins and not been seen for a very long time. Never again. Yeah.

Anyway, they did check Danny Doolins. He wasn't there, but that was 10 years ago, and obviously she mourned the cat. She said goodbye. Holy moly. Yeah. Did they check holy moly? Yeah, I don't think...

Sorry, these are all Viaduct bar-based puns. If you've never been out in the Viaduct, these jokes will not make any sense to you. Very niche references for the rest of the country. If you have been out in the Viaduct, these jokes will be crack up. Oh you. Very niche references for the rest of the country. If you have been out in the Viaduct, these jokes will be crack up. Oh, they'll be absolutely hitting the spot, that's for sure. Anyway, she moved to Christchurch in the last 10 years at some point

and she's been living down there and she gets a call from the SPCA. Well, her daughter actually got the call. Karen was sleeping. Right. Anyway, she got woken up. She checked her phone and realised that she'd missed a call from the SPCA, so she called them back. Lucky she called them back because there's a risk that she would think

it was someone asking for a donation. Yeah. I love the SPCA. I'm a donor. But you know how charities sometimes hound you? Yeah. She might be like, oh, screen that one. I'm not calling them back.

Well, she did. Anyway, they said, did you used to own a cat with one eye? Which is, I mean, quite unusual. And she goes, oh, my God, yes. Ten years ago, I did. And they said, well, he's just been brought in this afternoon. We've found your cat. A story.

I mean, he was dead but What? I'm just kidding He was alive He was alive Anyway so the cat got bought in This story's not wholesome at all The cat got bought in

Blinky's alive Winky Winky Same thing No Blinky's a two eye thing Winky's a one eye thing Oh my god the cat is so cute I've just seen a picture

Blinky is alive after 10 years in the Vidus. Winky, sorry. Winky went missing for 10 years. Where did they find her? Well, apparently he was on a really long pub crawl. All jokes aside, there's a possibility he could have stowed away on a boat. So that's what she was hoping happened to him. She was like, I like to think he ended up on a boat

and he went over to Fiji and had a great life. No, turns out he ended up in Mount Roskill. So for people who don't know, who don't live in Auckland, that's about 10 kilometres from the viaduct where he was fed for 10 years by a person who assumed he was a stray. How the hell did he get to Mount Roscoe? I don't know. You live in Mount Roscoe.

The public transport's horrible. It's like a 25-minute drive from the city. Yeah. It's a long way. Yeah, right. It's a long way. Anyway, so this person's been feeding him for 10 years, but unfortunately, recently, he was attacked by a dog,

and he got taken into the SPCA. They microchipped him. Boom. They found the owner. Karen's like, what the hell? So that's a good point. This person's been looking after him for 10 years, but he really belongs to Karen. Yeah, so who gets him?

Who gets him? Surely it's Karen. Nah. She's already mourned Blinky. Winky. Winky. Oh, my God. She's already mourned Blinky. Like she's already said goodbye. Winky. Winky, oh my God. She's already mourned Winky.

You know, if you take Winky off the new parents, that's two families that have to experience loss. You know, why don't you just. Okay, wait. So let's flip it onto you. You've got your cats, Ziggy and Bowie. Let's say Ziggy goes missing. Yeah.

And you don't see Ziggy for 10 years. So if that, going to 10 years into the future, you get a call. We've found Ziggy. We've microchipped Ziggy. Do you want to come get her? Would never happen. That fancy ass cat wouldn't survive one week in the wild. Seriously.

No, but someone else was looking after her. Oh, I want my cat back. Yeah. Yeah, you want the cat back. Yeah. But, yeah, okay. Yep. All right. Well, go to court. Oh, I want my cat back. Yeah, I want my cat back. Yeah, you want the cat back. Yeah. But, yeah, okay, yep. All right, well, go to court. Judge Judy decided who gets the cat.

How creepy. I'd be a little, like... Ten years is up there with one of the longer stories we've dealt with. Because we quite often do amazing stories of animal survival. Yeah. But ten years for a one-eyed cat is really getting up there. Really getting up there. But let's get some more stories in.

Yeah, did this happen to one of your pets? Yeah. Did you lose a pet? Maybe they ran away. Maybe they were doing a gap year and they didn't come back for a bit. And did you get them back? We'd love to hear from you. 0800 dial ZM or you can text your story of amazing animal survival into 9696.

We're just talking about the cat from Auckland, Tinky Winky, who went... Blinky. No, it's Winky. Winky. Who went missing 10 years ago. A woman named Karen lost. He went walkabout, didn't come back. She moved to Christchurch.

She gets a call the other day saying, we've got your cat Winky here. That's amazing. Ten years later. Yeah, that microchip stuff is crazy. Wilder. I reckon ten years ago, I don't know. Believe it or not, I'm not a vet. But I reckon ten years ago might have been like the start

of microchipping. You reckon? Would it be? I think it's been around for even longer. Has it? Well, it's amazing. You've got to microchip your animals. It's so important. I mean, unless you don't like the animal. And you're hoping that it leaves. Everyone loves their animal. You've got some pain in the ass cat and you're like, please run away.

You just leave the doors open. Please. That's horrible. Someone on the text machine. You feed the cat, but you feed it on your neighbour's doorstep. You're like, oh man. This is where you live now. This house is nice.

Someone texts through and they said, I believe Winky the cat is heading back to Christchurch to be with his original family. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I mean, not nice for the family that adopted him for 10 years. I thought about it because you said, what about the family that's looked after it?

So you asked me if I would want my cat back in that situation. I can't judge what Karen and the family are going to do because what a special day for them. But if my cat had settled down with a new family, I feel like I wouldn't want to uplift the cat, you know? Unless it was a prize-winning cat or a cat with a lot of Instagram followers and you're like, get me that cash cat back.

Okay. Options, you know? We want to know your story of amazing animal survival when Andrew's called up. G'day, Andrew. Hi, Andrew. Hi, Andrew. Hi. Your cat went missing?

Yeah, yeah, about 10 years ago. He disappeared about Christmas Day. Yeah. Gone for about six weeks, and we found him three k's away. Whoa. That's a long journey. Wait, wait, wait. Six weeks.

What was he up to? We don't know. We'd just moved house, so we assumed he had gone back to the old place. Now I know what he was up to. What's that? Oh. You know when it's that time. Was he a boy cat?

Yeah, he's a boy cat. He's a cat Casanova. He was out looking for P.U.S. He was looking for the lady pussies. That's what he was doing. Glad you got your cat back, Andrew. Thank you for calling. There's really cute stories on the text machine.

I'll read you a few. Someone said, oh, my God, this happened to a friend of mine after the Christchurch earthquakes. The cat went missing for 10 years. Then the old lady who was taking care of the cat got so old, so they microchipped the cat to see if it had one. They were ecstatic to see that it did, and the cat moved back to be with the family,

which was up north in Palmerston North. Wow. So ten years. There you go. This one is adorable. Get ready. We had a big ginger cat called Ginger, original. Yeah, right up there with Fluffy.

Who left home. We lived in a small town and people would always send us pictures of the cat visiting many different homes. He always showed up at ours when we were having a barbecue and would leave again the next day. So obviously he would just go where the food is. And then it says, when all four kids left home, eight years later,

dad was on his own and Ginger came back to live with him permanently. Cute. I can't. That's the most affection any cat has ever given. The rest of the time, they're just like, ugh.

Like, Winky is going to get reunited with the family after 10 years and the cat's going to be like, ugh. Whereas if it was a dog, it'd be like those videos when people come home from war and the dog's

like, I missed you so much. I honestly can't watch those videos. They're so cute. The cat's going to walk in after 10 years and just go, where have you been, bitch? You bitch. Bree and Clint. Who doesn't love a bit of generic weather chat? Generic weather chat. It's where

we chat generically about the weather. It's when you've got nothing else to talk about. Except that it's the hottest topic at the moment. Literally the hottest topic. Why is it so goddamn muggy in the upper North Island at the moment? I'd call it disgusting. It's really disgusting here in Auckland. If you wear a face mask for more than five minutes,

you have a sweat goatee. I know you're susceptible to Monica Geller-style frizzy hair. That too. How are you keeping your hair under control in this weather? Because there are times, I'm not kidding, if you're in the South Island living the high life at the moment, we've had periods of 100% humidity at the moment. You can barely breathe.

Yeah. It's crazy. How do you keep your mane under control? To be honest, you know what the secret is, is that I'm a renowned face and head sweater. Right. So what happens is, is underneath this hair that you're seeing,

it's all sweat. Like it's all sweat, so it kind of slicks down to my head, you know? That is hot. So why is it so muggy, and how long is it going to last for? Well, I have some answers for you. NIWA have said that currently there's a weather system

stalled over the north of the country. It's stuck over New Zealand. Go away. It's also due to air travelling from the tropics over to New Zealand. I can tell. It feels like Fiji in Auckland right now. It feels like Fiji. It feels like Vanuatu outside.

So how much longer is it going to last for, right? Please don't say. It's been about three days, four days. Actually, the whole long weekend was icky, sticky, gross. Well, a meteorologist has warned that the hot and humid weather is expected to stick around until, until early next week. They also said that it will spread across the rest of the North Island and the top of the South Island.

So, suck it, Wellington. It's coming for you as well. I'm not even joking. You should have seen me this morning having a hissy fit where I was like, I can't put my makeup onto this bedroom. I can't do it. And then I dragged my mirror into the lounge room where the only heat pump is and I was like,

I can't deal with this. Well, only one more week to go everybody. Best of luck. Did you know that it was National Sickie Day yesterday? Was it? We should have called in sick. What the frick were we doing here? We bloody missed it.

Ross loves us to be topical, you know? And if that's the day, then that's the day. National Chukasiki Day. Wow. I can't believe we missed that. We've got to start Googling what day is it. I know. What's the type of day?

Google today's day just to check that we're not missing out on anything great. We'll get Ben to do it. Ben will look it up while we talk about Sikki Day. So I thought we need to reminisce about some of the best and worst excuses someone has used for chucking a Sikki. Oh, you're gone. I found this article on Unilad where people were writing in the comments the best and worst excuses they've heard

or they've used. Some of them are pretty good. Do you want to hear them? Yeah, go on. Well, I feel like this will give people some ideas in case, you know, they. Some of them are pretty good. Do you want to hear them? Yeah, go on. Well, I feel like this will give people some ideas in case, you know, they need to use them in the future for whatever reason. Someone said, I once faked an asthma attack on the job to get off sick, but the pushy manager took it upon himself to call my next of kin,

which was my mum, who told him she ain't never known her child to be an asthmatic. Mum's a narc. Mum ruined it. Come on, Mum. Obviously the boss didn't trust you. Or they worried. Interesting. Yeah.

Someone else said, I had half the day for a doctor's appointment, in inverted commas. Really, I was just getting ready for a night out. I walked into the nail shop and I saw my boss who was also off sick and she was sitting there having hers done. We both nearly had a heart attack and then had a sigh of relief. That's good. They were both doing the same thing.

Someone else said, I had a girl tell me her garage door severed her cat's head and that's why she couldn't come in. To this day, I really hope it was a lie. Wow. That's hectic. I hope it was a lie too. That feels like one of those ones where they've tried too hard to convince you. Yeah.

You just need to say, my cat died suddenly. Yeah. I can't come in. Too much detail. To go into graphic detail about a severed cat head. But then I mean, it could be true though if you're going into that much detail. Yeah. Which is horrible.

Yeah. It's a real easy one you can do at the moment. What? Just say you've got Omicron. Isn't it? Don't you need to show a positive result? Eventually. Don't tell people to do that.

You can say I've got Omicron. We don't want that. And your boss will go, ah, don't come in, don't come in. And then you have your day off and then you call them the next day or even that night and go, great news. What about? Great news, false alarm. Stand down.

And in the meantime, they've gone, we've sent half the company home as close contacts. You've cost us tens of thousands of dollars. And then you go, but good news, I don't have Omicron. And then they go, good news, don't come back to work at all. Great. Someone else said for Chuck and a sickie, someone commented on this post,

the amount of grandparents I must have had who died is ridiculous now. Well, the grandparent one is interesting because you- You can only use it a certain amount of times. No, you can use it four times per job. Yeah, they renew every time. But you can only use it if your grandparents have already passed away because you don't want to tempt fate. That's what this post said.

They said, I only did this after my grandparents had passed away. So, I mean, that's a great rule of thumb for them. And not even just for jinxing it. Like if you use all four but you've got one grandparent left and then she actually dies, then you can't take the day off for grandma's funeral because your boss will go,

hey, grandma died in 2020. This is the eighth grandma you've had. A few more for you. Someone said, I literally couldn't go into work one day years and years ago as my feet were so swollen from dancing all weekend,

I actually couldn't walk. You have no idea how relatable that is for us ladies. Is that a real one or a fake one? That's a real one. Right, okay. And it is legit. I have done this to myself before. It is horrible.

This is the favourite one I found for Chuck and the Sickie. Now you're ready for it. It's very good. Someone wrote in, I worked at a hospital and one morning an employee called and stated that she couldn't come into work because she had hit a horse with her car. A few minutes later, another employee called in and said she couldn't come into work because someone had just hit her horse. Really? This is legit

what someone's written. Wow, okay. What are the odds? Well, I reckon they're working on it together. I reckon they're working on it together. They're conspiring together. Yeah, I think. Oh my God.

Either that or the strangest coincidence. I hope the horse was alright. Oh. If there was a horse. If there was. Let's hope it was alive. You're a horse person. You're looking at me like the horse wouldn't be okay. I don't think the horse would be okay.

What do you want? You want to take some sickie excuses live to air? Yeah, what's your sick day excuse? Did you chuck a sickie? What excuse did you use? We'll take the good ones, the bad ones, the disaster ones. Yeah, we want to know if you got caught as well. 0800 dial ZM or you can text us on 9696.

What was the excuse you used to chuck a sick day? Bree and Clint. Chucking a sickie. We've all done it, let's be real. I can't remember the last time I chucked a sickie. It's a bit hard to chuck a sickie in the job you and I do. When you say chuck a sickie, do you mean like a fake one? Yeah, like you say something but it's really...

You just needed a day off or you just wanted a day off. Yeah. Or you just wanted a day off. Yeah, I'm with you now. You make up an excuse. I can't remember the last time. I mean we all have done it at one point. I'm planning one soon. You can't say that. But we're friends.

Yeah, but you're saying it into the microphone. Yeah, but we're – Mate, Ross is right there. He's listening in the office. He's not. He's listening to the Taylor Swift read album again. You're already a horrible actor. Can you imagine now when you try and ring Ross up?

This is my impression of you. Oh, yeah, good day, Ross. I feel so sick. I've got Omicron. Oh, thank God. Clint, come back to the bar. We got you a shot. Oh, the SRC TV. I need to Omicron. Oh, thank God. Clint, get back to the bar. We got you a shot. Oh, there's the TV.

I need to go. Fine, let's get some stories from people with better sickies than me. Mike's here. Hey, Mike. G'day, Mike. Yo, what's up? Not much, Mike. Oh, this is a man who's pulled a sickie in his life.

What was the excuse you used, Mike? Hey, so I've got a, my son, he's about seven now. My last job, he was a baby at the time And he'd be sleeping with his num num During the night so I didn't want to go to work Woke up Pulled his num num out of his mouth Woke him up a little bit so he started screaming

I'd quickly ring the boss Oh my son's sick today and he's screaming I need to take him to the doctor And then they're like oh my god I hope he's better And then I hang up and put his my God, I hope he's better. And then I hang up, put his num-num back in, and he goes back to sleep.

Mike! Send him off to Kauhunga in the morning and boom, day off. Wait, you didn't even take the day to spend with your son. You flicked them off to daycare and you had a day by yourself. I mean, it is innovative, Mike. I will give you that. I mean, that is innovative, Mike. I will give you that. I mean, that is using your head right there. That's how we do it. Well done.

That's how we do it. How often do you think you can use that? Is it like once a year, once a month? I mean, that's unlimited because, yeah. Mike, once he gets a bit older, you put him into acting school and you really cash in on it. That's the plan. That's the plan.

That's a good plan. Mike's wants to be ahead of you. Thanks, Mike. Brendan, say hi, Brendan. Hi, Brendan. Hey, how's it going? Good, thanks. Tell us, what was the excuse you used to chuck a sick day?

Oh, so I had been out drinking and I didn't want to go to work the next day, so I rung in and said I had the splat. The splat. Yep. Okay. And, you know, I went to work on the Monday and I got called into the complex manager's office, sat down with him. He goes, oh, hey, look, mate, I was watching the news last night

and there you were standing in the background at a live car event Sunday afternoon. Oh, no, Brendan. No, Brendan. Did you say, yeah, I really destroyed the portaloos at that event? Yeah. Yeah, pretty much, eh? Didn't even get in trouble for it.

Oh, Brendan, that's such a fail, isn't it? Speaking of fail, Bree's got a whoopee cushion in her hand. She was so keen to use this whoopee cushion for that story, but it's not working. Is it broken? Oh, well, all good. It's broken. Brendan, can you give us a live one?

Oh, that was a fail. Finally, Cindy. Hi, Cindy. Hi, Cindy. Hi give us a live one? Oh, that was a fail. Finally, Cindy. Hi, Cindy. Hi, Cindy. Hi, how are you guys? Good, thanks. What was the excuse you used for a sickie? Well, I just really didn't want to be at work one morning,

and so I texted my mum, and I was like, please, can you get me out of here? And she rang my boss and told them that my cat had been rushed to the vet, and I had to go. Yeah. And so I went straight home. My cat was fine. He was sitting on the couch.

And then for the next six weeks while he was healing, quote marks, I had to keep up a lie like about how well his leg was feeling. Oh, no, Cindy. Wait, so let me just get this straight. You're sitting at your desk at work. Your mum calls in and says to the boss, you need to tell Cindy to come home now. Her cat's been in an accident.

And at that stage, you don't know whether it's a lie or fake. Yeah. Oh, my God. Your mum deserves... She was so convincing. Yeah. She deserves a medal for that Yeah

But you've corrupted your mother to get involved Into getting you a sick day Yeah That's good though Alright well I hope there's been some good advice from everybody in there She's pictures Cindy at work Her workmate comes over How's the cat?

And she's like oh you know Touch and go Might need another day Yeah Kia ora I'm Jane Yee. I'm Alex Casey. And I'm Duncan Grieve. We are the hosts of The Real Pod and Confession Cam Time.

We bloody love reality telly. If we sound like your type on paper, join us each week for your fix of reality TV news, recaps and gossip. On The Real Pod, it's perfectly fine to like reality TV. It's a safe space, so let down your walls, wear your heart on your sleeve, and remember, it is what it is. And what it is, is the RealPod.

Brought to you by the Spinoff Podcast Network and available wherever you get your pods. Bree and Clint. Okay, I've got an exercise hack for people who hate exercise. Me. Okay. Yes, I know it's you. I'm one of those people that, and I feel like

this is quite relatable, I played so much sport as a kid. So I never thought about exercise because it was always just heaps of fun to play sport. And then as you get older and you realise you're not playing as much sport, you're like, what is this exercise thing that people talk about?

It becomes a chore. Yeah. It's not fun anymore. Well, you'll be excited to know that new research has revealed that lifting weights for as little as three seconds a day can have a positive impact on muscle strength. Three seconds? Three seconds. One, two, three. That's it.

That's all you need to do. How is that going to help you? One, two, three. That's it. That's all you need to do. What the hell? Is that going to help you? So the study had 39 healthy students perform one, just one muscle contraction at maximum effort for three seconds a day, five days a week, over a four-week period. That's it.

Big commitment from those kids. One rep, five times a week for four weeks. That's it. But commitment from those kids. One rep five times a week for four weeks. That's it. But you've got to do max strength. So if it's a bench press, you've got to figure out what your heaviest weight is and just do that. The study published in the Scandinavian Journal of Medical

and Science in Sport, one of my favourite journals, found that you don't need to spend vast amounts of time exercising to improve your muscle strength. Even just 60 seconds total over four weeks, so spread that 60 seconds over a month, is enough to increase muscle strength. Yeah, of course it's enough to increase muscle strength. It could be like 0.0000001 or something. Yeah.

Increase. Yeah. Well, it's still more than you're doing. So don't rubbish it. I'm doing, I go for walks. Yeah, well, that's good. Yeah. Do one rep and that will increase your muscle strength.

What? How much though? Maximum. I don't know what your maximum. Your maximum is different to my maximum. I'd probably squat 250, I'd say. Do you reckon? Well, if you can do it for one rep, then that's good.

250. That is a big squat. You know, I just started going back to the gym recently. What are you squatting? I had a guy. With your little legs. Yeah, I've got terrible technique, and so I asked someone to figure out my squat

and figure out what weight I should be using. The guy goes, just the bar. He goes, just the bar. Are you only squatting the bar? Just the bar, yeah. So that's my max. So I just need to do one bar rep, and I'll get that big, juicy J-Lo booty in no time.

So my question for you is, I've given you the science. I've told you you only need to do one rep a day at max strength to get stronger. That's it. That's all you have to do. Yeah. Will you do it? Nah, probably not. No, I didn't think so.

Bree and Clint. Google, are you down to do. Yeah. Will you do it? Nah, probably not. No, I wouldn't think so. Bree and Clint. Google, are you down, down, down, down, down, down, down? What the hell? I think Google's actually... That's right. We are on a race o'clock to find out who is the fastest Googler in the room. On a race o'clock. We're on a race. We're on'clock. We're on a race.

We're on a clock. We're on a journey. And Google's down, most importantly. And Google is down. Okay. Which, you know, we're racing against the clock. All right. To race o'clock, welcome to the show, Justine.

Hi. Hi, Justine. You're a good Googler? Would you say it's one of your strengths? Yeah, I'd say I Google things often. Yeah, good. Okay. Me too, Justine.

Mainly how to spell certain words. Yeah, yeah, and synonyms. Yeah, me too. Synonyms. Synonyms. All right, guys, here's the rules. I have asked these questions into Google, and I need the top most common answer that comes up

for these exact questions that I'm going to ask you guys. First person to yell out the correct answer will receive a point. If you yell out the wrong answer, you're out of that question. First to get three right wins. Got it. Ready? Yeah. Justine, what will you be Googling on this afternoon?

My iPhone. Okay, perfect. That means everyone here is on their phone as well to keep it fair. Are we all ready? Are we set? Ready, set. Time to race the clock. Question number one.

What year did One Direction win X Factor? 2012. Clint is out. 2010. Producer Anastasia is on the board. That is correct. 2010. And do you know what?

Ultra fan knew that. I didn't need to go. No need to boast. That's embarrassing. No need to boast. I shouldn't have. You know what, guys? I didn't need to Google. No need to boast. That's embarrassing, isn't it? I shouldn't have. You know what, guys? Didn't even touch my phone on that one.

I was going for a guess too. I've never actually won off a guess. That was a big moment for me. I didn't even look at my phone. I just knew it. The boys always get those. Take your point away. It's called Google down, not guess down.

Anastasia, very well played. One point to you. Question number two. How old was Cleopatra when she died? How old was Cleopatra? No. 38. That's correct.

Oh, Justine, you were so close. Producer Ben had a lot of faith in medicine back in those days, saying Cleopatra died at 94. All right, Producer Anastasia is two on the board. She was born in 69 BC. Nice. All right, here we go. You ready, Justine?

You need to stop her. All right. Question number three, because we know these boys, I mean, they haven't even been in the race yet. How many seasons are there of RuPaul's Drag Race US? How many seasons are there? 14. 14.

Damn it. You couldn't have let someone else get one, could you? I was on a big losing streak. 14. That's a down trial. I think Producer Ben got it there. I'm going to give it to him. Hey, sorry, Justine, you can't take the title,

but is Brie going to give you some free K Hey, sorry, Justine, you can't take the title, but is Brie going to give you some free KFC? Absolutely, Justine, you get it. Love it. Thank you. No worries. She was, to be honest, other than Anastasia, she was the only other one in the game.

Yeah, mate, but you know what? Not everybody can race a clock, so it's harder than it looks. It does take, you know, a special skill set. Absolutely. I've got Tinder news for everybody. And it's nothing to do with that Tinder swindler show that everyone's watching on Netflix. Are you sure? No, I haven't watched it yet, but I hear that it's good.

The Tinder swindler. Yeah, nothing to do with that. Such a good doco, so dark. This is for Tinder users, specifically Tinder Plus, the Tinder that you can pay for. Turns out some Tinder Plus, the Tinder that you can pay for. Turns out some Tinder Plus users are being charged more than other Tinder

Plus users. What? Can you guess which users are being overcharged? People who use all their super likes. No. Not those people. Does everyone get a super like? I think you do. Or just Tinder Pluses? No, you get super likes. You do, okay.

Without Tinder plus. No, Tinder users over the age of 30 are being burnt by the dating app's personalised pricing with older users charged significantly more for the premium service. I feel attacked. Not that I'm on Tinder, but I feel attacked as a part of the over 30 community.

I know, they referred to us as older users. Older users. Excuse me. Here to talk about it with us this afternoon is a resident Tinder Plus expert and good friend of the show. It's Big Gay Gorgeous Al. Hello, guys. Alan. Kia ora, guys.

Could I just say I'm driving in Brisbane in Australia at the moment and I was very calm and I just heard that news and now I just want to drive someone off the road on that angle. I mean, you are the expert. Remember that time he converted Tinder so he could use it on the desktop on his computer? Yeah, you got a PC app for Tinder, didn't you, Al? And guess what?

IT and the company never found out. So I'm the winning guy. Alan, you're our tender point. Really quickly. Yeah. On the super likes quickly. So I landed in Brisbane the other day and I haven't been here in a few years, right?

So I saw a potential pop-up and I'm like, oh, give him a super like. Just get in there get in the inbox, get the attention and it whipped me with you've got to pay $15 for five and I'm like how desperate am I? This is what I'm talking about Al. What? Pay $15 for five super

likes. Hey I was desperate. He was really attractive right? Yeah okay. Well you've got to do what you've got to do. This is what it's saying, though. Because you're in the over 30 category, Tinder is targeting you. They're going, we know you're getting desperate. We know times are tough for you over 30,

so we're really going to fleece you for your cash. Can you outline for everybody, because you are the expert, what are the real benefits of Tinder Plus as opposed to Tinder Regular? Oh, this is good. Okay, you don't get super likes. They have taken that feature away, which is quite disappointing. So if you're a frequent flyer like myself,

if I can forecast travel coming up in the next sort of two or three weeks, well, there's no point matching with people where I am because I'm going to be leaving. So if you do buy the super like, sorry, the Tinder Plus package, you can change your location. So if you do want to go to Tata Nasi on a holiday, put your location in advance and line up your dates, put it in the calendar. Amazing.

So wait, so you set your location to where you are going so you can pre-like people to set up dates for when you get to where you're going so you can pre-like people to set up dates for when you get to where you're going. Yeah, and I may have done that. I'm actually driving to one right now. God, we love you. This is where it gets a bit dark, though. The study showed that

across six different countries, including New Zealand, people aged between 30 and 49 were charged 65% more than 18 to 29 year olds. That's so much. That's heaps. I'm a fan today. Like, come on. We've already got enough going

on hitting the 30s, you know. Like, I'm about to put down a half deposit. Oh, okay. Well, you can afford it then. No, Alan, don't lie. You've been using Tinder Plus for 10 years. You're nowhere near a house deposit. I'm not even close.

Well, there you go, over 30s. If Tinder is part of your dating plan for 2022, it's going to cost you a lot more money. Talk about Tinder swindler. Me, personally, Clint, I'm all about saving a buck I like a good deal But there's a big difference from, you know, getting a bargain, saving a buck To being cheap

Oh, totally Huge difference Big difference There's being responsible with money And then there's being a tight ass Exactly They're very different things And I'm pretty sure this next guy I'm about to talk about is the latter. Okay. He is

a tight arse. He's cheap. And his wife is the one that's calling him. He's a squeaky bum. He's a very squeaky bum. Tight. Very taut. And his wife is the one that's calling him out about it online. She said she has to live with this person and it's getting out of control. Her name's Amber Horn. She said she has to live with this person and it's getting out of control. Her name's Amber Horn. She said her husband does things like reuses kitchen roll. So he'll wipe something up with some kitchen roll and then he'll hang it out and dries it. Why would he do that?

Why wouldn't he just get a tea towel? He is cheap. Okay, yeah, right. That's illogical, yeah. He also reuses tinfoil, which I've heard of people doing this. Oh, no, I reuse tinfoil. Yeah, I've heard of people doing that. That's good for the environment. He also dilutes milk with water to make it last longer.

Okay, no, that's no. That's a no. But anyway, I've got some audio. What are you doing, mate? Especially when you make a cup of tea, because a cup of tea is 80% water and 20% milk. But if your milk is 50% water, then... It's not going to be milky enough.

This next thing, recently she's called him out about online. We've got some audio here about a hack he has to save your carpet from wear and tear. Episode 13 of My Husband's So Cheap that... When I go up and down our stairs, I make sure to use the outside of the steps to reduce the overall wear and tear on the carpet and it'll last years longer.

That is such a dad move. Such a dad move. That is such a dad move. I have a friend, I have a couple friends, you know, like they're a couple, and they got a new couch and she sits where she wants every night in her seat, as you do on a couch.

As you do. But it's a four-seater couch. He changes seats every night. Oh, he doesn't. So that the couch wears evenly. No. Oh, why? And the reason I say dad move, he's a dad.

Dads will do it and they're like, I'll take this one for the family. say dad move, he's a dad. Dads will do it and they're like, I'll take this one for the family. And that's what he's doing there. I'm going to get every bit of use out of this couch I can. It's like how you said that, and this is a, I reckon there's an intersecting graph between cheapness and dadness. Yeah.

You referred once to the crusts on the end of the loaf of bread as the dad bits. They're the dad bits. Because dad always eats the crust bit. It's not because dad enjoys the crust. He takes end of the loaf of bread as the dad bits. They're the dad bits. Because dad always eats the crust bit. It's not because dad enjoys the crust. He takes it for the team. He takes it for the team. Yeah.

Yeah, and he's like, oh, mate, if I do this 10 times a year, I could save 10 loaves of bread. I feel like I'm slowly moving into dad mode because I actually don't mind the crust anymore. Really? Yeah, honey and butter. Ooh. Oh, from a taste point of view.

Yeah. Yeah, you're not truly there. Not bad. You're not truly there until you feel like a real martyr doing it. Right. You're like, fine, I'm going to make a bloody sandwich out of this. I am the backbone of this family. I'm not going to bloody like it, but I'm going to eat it.

The key is eating it and not enjoying it. Oh, gotcha. So, right. Okay, I'm way off then. I thought we could take calls this afternoon, which it might be you that we're talking about, but it also might be your partner, someone you work with, your parents. Yeah.

That does something where you believe it's just plain old cheap. Yeah, it's that difference, right? We're not talking about people who are being fiscally responsible or something like that. We're talking about tight asses. No other word for it, no other reason for it, but you're being a bit of a tight arse. I think I kind of do it with certain clothing items

where I just don't want to say goodbye. Like I'm not joking when I say every single pair of my socks at this point in my life has holes in them. Yeah, see that could be construed as laziness as well. That too, yeah. We'll get you on. You can dob some people in after Benny. It's her new song.

This is Beach Boy on ZM. You can text us too on 9696. Who's cheap? Who's a tight ass in your world? Might even be you. You might dob yourself in here. Who do you reckon out of us four on our team is the biggest tight ass? Anastasia, you feel?

I don't know. I'm really trying to figure it out. Anastasia feels like she has an opinion. Go on, share. Feel free to share, Anastasia. I reckon it's you, Clint. Why me? Well, you know, as they say, the rich stay rich.

How do you think he got an Audi? You know. Good money management. Are you referring to me as the rich one? Right. She's saying the rich stay rich because they don't just give money away. What would Anastasia know? Turn her off.

That's fine. Let's move on. That was so funny. She just grinned on her face. She's like, she's going to zing Bree. She's going to get her. Nah, I knew what she was going to say. So I was like, I'll just let him walk his way down to this hole.

You know what they say. You take care of the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves. Well, we know you say that. Luke is here. G'day, Luke. Hi, Luke. G'day. Tell us, who's the cheap person in your life? It's my uncle. Funny enough, he does drive

a Tesla, so it sounds like that theory might work. Right, okay. Spot on, Luke. Tesla driver. When do you think he got the money for the Tesla? What does he do that makes him so tight? So when he goes away on holiday, whether it's for like a week or two weeks, he takes the What does he do that makes him so tight? Oh, no. Wait, does he take it out of the holiday spot that he's at or from his house so that it doesn't use up battery power? Oh. No. Well, in the man's defence, he's

battery conscious. He drives a battery powered car. You know, he's always, he spends his life thinking about battery power. Stop trying to justify this behaviour. I don't at all condone that. Shocking, Luke. Thanks, Luke. Alice is here. Hi, Alice. Hi, Alice. Hi there, guys. Tell us, Alice,

who is it? It's my good friend slash flatmate. Okay, what's the flatmate doing that you think is cheap? So basically, after making a roast, she'll drain the fat into a cup and reuse it over, like, roasting potatoes and, like, veggies and things. Oh, no, no, that's... Is that in the same meal, though, Alice?

No, usually you have to wait for it to set, so, like, it could be, like, a week later or a few days, no. Is that in the same meal, though, Alice? No, usually you have to wait for it to set, so it could be like a week later or a few days, yeah. How long does she use the said fat for? A few months. I think it just sits there. I don't know about that, eh? See, I don't know. I don't know.

I feel like that might be a recognised technique. What do we know? Have you noticed so far, producers, that Clint is kind of... Oh, shut up. He's kind of agreeing with these. He's like, oh, but I can see how that would save you a few bucks. No, I'm coming at it from the... What if that is delicious?

You know, what if it's like... Whatever you need to tell yourself. You know, fine. What about duck fat potatoes? Where does that come from? Bridget's here. Hi, Bridget. Hi, Bridget.

Hello. Who's the tight ar ass in your life? My mum. What is she doing, Bridget? So we live in Auckland and we have to buy bin tags, which are like four bucks each or something. Yeah. And she sort of does a dirty, like literally,

because it's rubbish. And she will sort of like wait until it's dark and go and put her rubbish bags that she's got from the week in other people's rubbish bins so she doesn't have to buy so many bin tags.

Yeah. We've all done that, okay? Are you agreeing again? Well, Are you agreeing again? If you don't have a full bin to put out, like if you, you don't want to spend

a whole bin tag on like a quarter of a bin, but you might have stinky rubbish that has to go out, your neighbours would appreciate it. They'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, maximise my bin. Surely. Shame. You literally. Who is shaming me?

Producer Ben, you have literally just given so much justification to what producer Anastasia has said. I think Bridget is offering a life hack, okay? I don't think it's that tight. Life hack, tight ass, whatever they want to call it, Bridget. I resent this. Thank you. Thanks, Bridget.

Thank you, Bridget. There's a lot of really good hacks for you, Clint, on how to save a buck. I don't need them, okay? I'm quite generous. I love them. I'm quite liberal with my... I should read out the one text, eh? Go on.

We were talking about... Only because it's clever. It is clever. We were talking about Clint being a bit of a tight arse and someone texted through and they said, Bree, I've said it before and I'll say it again. He can't eat raspberry jam because his arse is too tight to pass the pips.

Thank you very much, everyone. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Three and Clint's birthday banger. Can't get more Kiwi than that saying, eh? Also, raspberry jam. What do you think I am, made of money? Just kidding.

It's apricot. It's way cheaper. Let's do a birthday banger. The number one song on your 16th birthday. We find it out and we play the best one. Jared's here. Hey, Jared. G'day, Jared.

G'day, guys. How are you? Good, mate. How are you? Yeah, not too bad. That's good to hear. Jared, what's your birthday? 16th of August, 1982.

All right, Jared. You were 16 in 1998. And on the 16th of August, on your 16th birthday, this was number one. And I don't want the world to see me. Oh, Jared. And on the 16th of August, on your 16th birthday, this was number one. Oh, Jared. That's a soft rock anthem. Yeah. If only it was soft rock Thursday.

You know, I reckon we need to come up with a new birthday banger rule that if a soft rock song comes through and it's a Thursday, it automatically wins. I think so. I think that's got a good rule. comes through and it's a Thursday, it automatically wins? I think so. I think that's quite a good rule. I mean, it doesn't mean it still can't win today. No, it can, but it will have to win on its own merits. Yeah.

Good one, Jared, for you. Do you like it? Yeah, that's a rocker. It's a great song. Okay, wait there. Let's get another birthday banger for Sarah. Kia ora, Sarah. Hi, Sarah.

Kia ora. Hey, guys. How are you, mate? Fabulous. How are you guys? Oh, I love that answer. Bit of Sex and the City ora. Hey, guys. How are you, mate? Fabulous. How are you guys? Oh, I love that answer. Bit of Sex and the City reference. You know it.

I know it. Have you been watching... Same, I know it too. I'm a big Sex and the City fan. Have you been watching the reboot, Sarah? Oh, a little bit. A little bit. Not for you.

Oh, I don't know. I'm not quite there yet. Not sold on it. Fair enough. Let's do your birthday banger. What's your birthday? 18th of May, 1990. All right, Sarah.

You were 16 in 2006. And on the 18th of May in 2006, this was top of the chart. Love this song. Oh, it's so good. Banger. Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy? Love this song. Oh, it's so good. Banger. We did this for Birthday Banger for Friday Okie a while ago. Did we?

Yeah, we did. You chose it. Oh. Yeah. I was quite good at it. Let's hear it. Does that make me crazy? That's as high as I can go.

It's a live rendition. Okay, wait there, Sarah. We'll get one more on for Zoe. Kia ora, Zoe. Hi, Zoe. Hi, guys. How you doing? Good.

How's your day been? Yeah, pretty sweet, apart from all the rain that's coming down. Oh, no. Where are you? Yeah, where are you? Christchurch. Well, just outside Christchurch, West Melton. Yeah, a lot of rain.

I had to park up because I lose the signal. my son was desperate for me to get on the radio. So we've had to nicely park up. Oh, cute. What's your son's name? Dylan. Dylan. G'day, Dylan. Shout out to Dylan from us.

We appreciate you making your mum pull over so she can do her birthday banger. Let's figure it out. What's your birthday, Zoe? It's the 29th of March, 1982. Right. She was 16 in 1998. And on the 29th of March, 1982. Right, she was 16 in 1998. And on the 29th of March in 98, this reached the top of the chart.

Oh, banger. Run, DMC. You like that one, Zoe? Yeah, I have to say, yeah, I used to love that tune. Still do. Still do, yeah. It's a vibe. It's good for breakdancing, eh, Zoe, if you ever want to say, yeah, I used to love that tune. Still do. Still do, yeah. It's a vibe. It's good for breakdancing, eh, Zoe?

If you ever want to put the lino down. Do a bit of a backspin. My favourite Friday night sport. Yeah, right? Me too. Okay, wait there. We've got a vote between the Goo Goo Dolls, Niles Barkley and Run DMC. I vote for Run DMC.

I like them all today, but I'll go with you. You reckon? Yeah, Run DMC for me. Then DMC I like them all today Yeah But I'll go with you You reckon? Yeah Run DMC for me Then it goes a little Stuff like this That's a lot Nice Hey Zoe and Dylan

You guys just won Birthday banger Well done We could That's awesome Love it Thank you Bree and Clint

Are you guys ready To play a very fun game? Always. A game that I have invented recently and it's going to be very fun. Slash hard to believe. Of course, I come from the land down under. And it's something that I came across on our podcast family group, actually. Oh, I saw this.

Yeah, so a girl by the name of Savannah Smith, I appreciate you, Savannah, found this little piece of gold and put it in our podcast group. And it was a meme, actually, about all these different places in Australia that actually exist. Okay. Right? So we're going to play a game this afternoon

where I'm going to give you the name of a place in Australia and it is either a real place or I've made it up, okay? Got it. So the producers, are you ready to play? Yes. I'm just going to give a little bit of a warning. Oh, g'day. Struth, we are ready.

Struth. Fair dinkum. Fair dinkum. Yeah, nice, nice. I'm just going to give a bit of a warning. Actually, I don't really have to because these are real places. Okay, it's your funeral. Or are they?

Okay, first one. Is this a real place in Australia? This is in the Northern Territory. This is legit. It's a real place. It is called Big Knob Waterhole. Yeah, that's real. No, it's not. No, that's real No, it's not

No, that's real She said it was real She literally just said it was real No, I'm trying to convince you That's my job as the puppet master Oh, well you convinced Ben and I Two against one, it's real It's fake, I've been there

How could you be there? What? In the Northern Territory You've been to the whole Northern Territory I hate to say it, but it's a pretty big place, Anastasia Have you been to the whole place? Just tell us the answer Well, you haven't been to Big Knob Waterhole because it's a real place.

Told you. Good work, Bim. Give us another one. Right, up next on Is It a Real Place in the Land Down Under? Break Wind Reserve. No, not a real place. Not a real place. Break Wind Reserve? Wind Break Reserve possibly, not Break Wind Reserve. What do you guys think? Pro Wind break reserve, possibly. Not break wind reserve.

What do you guys think? Producers? Not real. Not real? Nah, not real. You're wrong. It's a real place. Break wind reserve.

Right, okay. In South Australia. Did anyone get a point there? No one got a point there. That's right. This next place, is it real? In Australia, burnt pussy mine. Fake.

Not real. Real. You were going to go real. Have you made that up? Because you can't make that up. No, it's not real. I'm with Anastasia. It's fake.

It's a real place in South Australia. Yes, it is. That is a real place. Is it really? I'm going to call it burnt pussy. Wait, it is. It is a real place. Is it really? What did you call it? Burnt Pussy. Wait, what? Burnt Pussy Mine.

Mine. It is a real place. We are allowed to say it on the radio because it is a place. It is. In South Australia. Yep. I'm ahead. Okay, let's go to Queensland now.

This is definitely a place in Queensland. Better than Burnt Pussy Cave. I've been to this place. Okay. Bum Bum Creek. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah. It is. It's a real place. Bum Bum Creek. Yeah, yeah, that's real. Yeah, yeah. It is, it's a real place.

Bum Bum Creek. It's not even that bad, that one. What about the other creek in Queensland? Dirty Dick Creek. No, not real. No, that's real. No, I don't think that's real. You think that's real?

Huh? Well, I'm using the logic against the burnt pussy one. Dirty Dick Creek is a place you can visit in Queensland, Australia. Told you. It's a real place. What about Tasmania? Let's head down to Tassie. Funny Knob Creek.

Yep. Definitely real. Funny Knob Creek. Funny Knob Creek. Yeah, I don't know about that. No, it's real. Funny Knob Creek. If Big Knob Hole.

How is Knob spelled? Is it? If Big Knob Hole was a place. K-N-O-B. No, I don't think it's real. It's a delightful place, Funny Knob spelled? Is it? If Big Knob Hole was a place. K-N-O-B. No, I don't think it's real. It's a delightful place, Funny Knob Creek. I highly recommend it. In Tasmania, it is real.

What about Victoria? We haven't hit anywhere in Victoria yet. Have any of you ever visited Tiddybong? Yeah. No, I haven't been there, but that's real. I'd like to go. Tiddybong. Real place in Victoria. That is correct.

Queensland now. Tit wobble lane. Okay, I've hacked this game. There hasn't been a single fake one yet. I hacked that ages ago. Yeah, but I'm going to throw in a fake one at any point. Titty wobble's real. Real.

Tit wobble lane is real. What about Victoria? The lovely place of finger buttress. No, you've taken it too far. That's a fake one. I don't know about that one. Finger buttress. It's definitely fake.

You've taken it too far. Real place. No, it's not. It is. You Google it. In Victoria, finger buttress. I'll say it again. Last one.

Real or not, it all comes down to this. In New South Wales, is there a place called Licking Hole? No, surely there's no. You know what? Australia is cancelled and so is this game, okay? That's a real place too, by the way. No, it's not a real place. It is a real place.

Anyway, let's talk about this couch Second hand couch purchase Yeah look this is a story that has gripped the nation Especially producer Anastasia She has been hanging out today To find out what this lady Found in this second hand couch That she bought She's a second hand couch owner

So I think this is real for you right She's got personal interest, that's why. You're invested. It's a dream I still hold on to, like finding a $100 note. Yeah. Did you find anything in your secondhand couch? No, just a lot of stale Eater chips. Oh.

Yeah. Where did you get your secondhand couch from? Wasn't it from our competitors? Yeah, it was. From the guys over at The Rock. Yeah, yeah, they gave us a free couch. My flatmate used to work at The Rock. Did you find any Jim Beam and Coke in it? Yeah, it was. From the guys over at The Rock? Yeah, yeah, they gave us a free couch. My flatmate used to work at The Rock. Did you find any Jim Beam and Coke in it?

Yeah. Oh, that might explain the brown stain, actually. I don't think that was Jim Beam. That was Jim. Okay, so this lady buys a secondhand couch, finds something amazing inside it. Yeah, she's from Northern Ireland. Her name's Jess, and her and her husband decided they would buy a secondhand couch, find something amazing inside it. Yeah, she's from Northern Ireland. Her name's Jess and her and her husband decided they would buy a secondhand couch.

They found this one that looked really nice on the internet. Anyway, they'd had it for a few days and it looked quite clean. It looked like it'd been, you know, pretty well looked after. And a few days later, they'd lost the TV remote. So, of course, they started to look down the cracks of the couch. That's what you do. Anyway, the husband at one point has put his hand down the real side part of the couch that's next to the arm kind of rest and he's like,

oh, and pulls his hand out real quick and she goes, what? He goes, I don't know what's down there, but I've just felt all types of things. Oh. Anyway. I hate a mystery sensation. Not good, eh? That's why I don't like wading into lakes, you know?

Because you don't know what's there. If I can't see what's down there. Isn't it weird when you don't know what's there? That's the feeling of putting your hand down the couch, isn't it? Yeah, okay. So he touches something. Anyway, he touches something and he decides, okay, I'm going to have to pull the cushion up here.

Yeah. And look, I mean, our audience can't see it, but I'm going to show you and your reaction will describe. Okay, so you've got a picture of it. This was what he was confronted by. Oh. That is hundreds and hundreds of toenails.

Fingernails. Oh, it looks like an exploded chicken. I didn't know what that... Food. Oh, yuck. Of ripped off... So they've clearly inherited the couch from either a nail biter or a nail

picker who does it on the couch. shoving them down the side of the couch. Oh, yuck. Producer Anastasia's also just seen the photo. It is horrific. Like, it's not even like it's one or two fingernails or toenails. It's like a lot. And this is the problem because, okay, take the picture down. That's rank.

That is filthy. Couches and beds are such intimate items that you place your, like, full carcass on for hours at a time. Like sweat. And skin and hair and all of that stuff. And I get it. You've got to buy what you can afford. But given the choice, I would never.

There's a few things that I would think twice about these days, getting secondhand. I'd get it cleaned. I'd shell out to get it professionally cleaned. Get it cleaned. Now, Anastasia, you go home and you check underneath those cushions, okay? You tell us what you found. Check and see Roger Farrelly's pubes underneath.

Oh, yeah. you found? Check and see Roger Farrelly's pubes under there.