ZM's Bree & Clint - ZM's Bree & Clint Podcast – February 17th 2020

Episode Date: February 17, 2020

Big Bang quizElton John in AucklandDean McCarthy live from LACheap room for rentWhat’s your property’s unique feature?Cliff Hangers!Supermarket hold musicWhat was your wedding disaster?Birthday Banger!Do you still read books?Fake cry-offAussie firefighter firedSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey Google, what's the time? It's 3pm, give or take a minute. Alexa, play ZM on iHeartRadio. Playing ZM on iHeartRadio. Hey Siri, when are Brie and Clint on? Brie and Clint are on air in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Good afternoon everybody, Brie and Clint. Today's show inspired by Elton John.

And for that reason, we'll only be doing two thirds of today's radio show. I love that. But we'll trudge doing two thirds of today's radio show. I love that. Yeah. But we'll trudge through those two thirds. Trudge through? Yeah, he trudged through it last night, didn't he? Trudge kind of means to like drag yourself through it. Yeah.

Nah, he killed it for two thirds of the show. Well, I mean, there was ambulance there. Yeah, this is true. Yeah, he had to. There was a period of the show where he had to have St. John on stage with him. Yeah, what I was trying to say, it wasn't his smoothest... No. ...events.

No, okay, yeah, I hear you. And neither would it be ours. I heard he was amazing, though. Yeah, he was amazing. In the face of adversity. There is news, Rie, Elton, John, too, and those upcoming shows. So if you have tickets for Elton, we'll bring you those details. Yeah, you've got tickets yet to go

I was there last night you're hopefully going tomorrow night I'm absolutely packing it that he's not going to be able to do it but I mean I would rather he live

than perform a show we'll bring you all the details on that in the next 15 minutes for Elton John also this week we're launching

a brand new competition where we can get you to the United States of America. Yeah, this is awesome. From next Monday, the 24th of Feb, you can catch up with the Black Thunders at selected House of Travel stores. And if you grab a hot dog,

you'll go into the draw to win a $10,000 trip to the USA thanks to House of Travel. That's huge. You can visit hot.co.nz forward slash USA and get there with House of Travel better together. Next on the show, I thought we could start with a game. And this game is someone versus you, Brie. That's how the game's going to work. I do love a game. Hate to lose.

Inspired by one of your favourite things as well. Okay. What I need is someone to call now who wants to take on Brie at the ultimate Big Bang Theory quiz. Now, Brie is a huge Big Bang Theory fan, as attested to on this show many times. So I want a real Big Bang Theory fan to call up because I've found a quiz, Brie. I've found a quiz that's perfect for today's show. I'm so over this joke that I actually like Big Bang Theory when I despise it. I like it.

Play the underdog. Undersell yourself, you know? Pool shark them. Well, you're guaranteed to win, so call now. If you want to play, you can take Bree on. Is there a prize? We don't know. There's bragging rights at least.

But I need a fan, okay? A real Big Bang Theory fan on 0800-DIAL-ZM. Bree and Clint. Secret Sound coming up at 4 o'clock. Your chance to win yourself $51,000 this afternoon. Little known fact, she doesn't like to talk about it too much because... I hate you. It's close to her heart.

I hate this show. And some details aren't for radio. Some details are personal. And some people don't want to share their whole life, and that's fair enough. I would rather look at pictures of tiny clusters of holes because I've got trypophobia than talk about the Big Bang Theory.

Oh, kinky. There you are talking about the Big Bang Theory, your favourite TV show. Another thing people may not be aware of is there's actually a Facebook page titled the Brie Thomas L Big Bang Theory fan page bazinga, which has over 2000 fans on it. Yeah, I'm actually in talks with my lawyers at the moment to sue the people who've made that page. Yeah, well, I hope you've got deep pockets to pay yourself with.

On that page, someone called Magel has posted the ultimate Big Bang Theory quiz. And I thought, well, this is something my friend Brie would enjoy. Magel. So today, Brie, you'll be taking on Jade, also a Big Bang Theory fan. Hi, Jade. Hi, how are you? Hi, Jade. Are you actually a fan of the show?

I kind of watch it religiously. Yeah. Right, yeah, me too. Me too. Jade, would you say you're a bigger fan, even bigger fan than Brie is? Probably. Oh, you've got your work cut out for you today then, Brie. Oh, she better look out.

If I know anything, I know my Big Bang facts. I know you do. That's how we're playing the game. I don't understand information very well, so I don't know how well I'm going to do. Oh, there we go. Brie does. Okay, so here's how it's going to work. The two actors on the show, Ellie and myself,

are going to perform lines from the Big Bang Theory. And then we're going to give you multi-choice as to which two Big Bang Theory characters said those lines. You're the worst actor in the whole world. How am I going to pick anything? Excuse me, I'm a classically trained thespian. No joke. I was in the Sheila and Shakespeare competition.

No joke. It's like watching a five-year-old. Okay, Joe. I was in the Sheila Wynn Shakespeare competition. No, Joe. It's like watching a five-year-old. Okay, that's rude. And you're losing a point, so you'll start on negative one. Jade, you're already ahead. Now, like I said, all the questions are multi-choice. The only catch is you're not allowed to buzz in until I've given all the choices. Okay.

Here we go. Jade, you still there? Yep. Yep, good. Jade's like, sorry, I got bored. Here we go. Ellie, take still there? Yep. Yep, good. Jade's like, sorry, I got bored. Here we go. Ellie, take us into scene number one. All right.

I don't like bugs. They freak me out. Ladybugs must render you catatonic. Get it? Because they're nerds and they get nervous around women. That's the joke. God, there's some good writers on there. Okay, okay. Multi-choice and buzz in with your name. Was that line said by Sheldon and Leonard,

by Raj and Sheldon, by Raj and Leonard, or by Raj and Howard? Brie. Brie. Raj and Sheldon. That's incorrect. I'm shocked.

That's the incorrect Bazinga buzzer. Jade, would you like a free guess? Yeah. Go on then. Leonard and Sheldon. Leonard and Sheldon is incorrect. Bazinga. That's the correct Bazinga.

Yes, Jade. It's okay, Bree. I'm actually living my worst nightmare. You're not out of the game yet, okay, but you do need to get the next two questions correct. Okay. It's negative one to Bree and one to Jade. Okay, Ellie, take us into our next scene.

Our babies will be smart and beautiful. Not to mention imaginary. Jade. Jade, I haven't even done the... Where's our laugh? I don't know where it is. Where's our laugh? Well, Jade, you better be hot on the buzzer

after I've done the multi-choices. Was it Bernadette and Howard, Raj and Stuart, Leonard and Sheldon, or Raj and Penny? Jade. Again. Bree. Breeadette and Howard, Raj and Stuart, Leonard and Sheldon or Raj and Penny? Jade. Again. Raj and Penny. Raj and Penny is incorrect. Bazinga. No, Bazinga. Do you want a free guess, Jade? Leonard and

Sheldon. Leonard and Sheldon correct! Bazinga. Oh my god! Bazinga Punk. Bazinga Punk. Don't you start, Jade. Are you ready for the clean sweep, Jade? This is the final question. And if you do this, you have officially downtralled

New Zealand's biggest Big Bang Theory fan, Brie Thomasel. This is a huge accolade. I'm going to take the title away from you. I know. Here we go. Okay, Ellie, take us into our final scene. What's his problem?

His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him. Classic stuff. Was that Howard and Sheldon, Raj and Sheldon, Stuart and Sheldon, or Howard and Raj? Brie. Brie. Howard and Raj. Yeah, that's actually correct.

So at the end of the game... I could tell from your acting that was the good old Howard. At the end of the game, congratulations. Winning the game two points to zero, it's Jane! Yay! All right. That's so devastating. That was the Big Bang Theory game.

We have an option to play it every day, but we'll let you think about that. I'd rather quit. Brian Clint. Last night, oh, I wouldn't even know how many people, there must have been

like 40,000 odd people in Mount Smart Stadium to see the one and only Elton John for the last time. Ah, one of the last times. It sounds so morbid, doesn't it?

Well, last night it almost became really morbid because as you will have heard by now, he had a full medical incident. Yeah, he was very sick, wasn't he? Lucy, my wife and I, we were there. God, I'm so excited to see Elton John for the last time. I bet.

He came out and he smashed a song. He opened with Benny and the Jets. That is one of my all-time favourite songs. Yeah, spoiler alert, he opens with Benny and the Jets. That is one of my all-time favourite songs. Yeah, spoiler alert, he opens with Benny and the Jets. But it's massive. Benny and the Jets. And he did about two songs and then he goes, hey, I'm really excited to be here. Just so you guys know,

today I've been diagnosed with walking pneumonia. And everyone goes, whoa. Whoa, that's full on. Dude, you're like in your 70s. Are you okay? And he goes, but obviously this means a lot to me. I appreciate you guys buying tickets for the show. So I'm going to do my very best. I'll give it everything I have.

Yeah, he goes, my voice might not be that good though. And his voice was incredible. He did like an hour, probably did an hour 20 before there started to be an issue. Yeah. And he just stopped after one of his songs and he sort of turned around and slumped over and everyone's like, oh, is he all right?

He's in trouble. Yeah. And they had paramedics, like St. John paramedics, come out onto the stage and they put a blood pressure thing around his arm. They took his temperature and stuff. And it was like five minutes. He just sat there and there was a couple of waves going around the crowd

of people started going, Alton, Alton, Alton. And then you felt everyone go, nah, actually don't put pressure on him. I think he's actually sick. Yeah, yeah. And people kind of realised that that was an unfair thing to do. Yeah. Anyway, the paramedics went off and he turned around back to the piano, didn't say anything and just started playing again and just went for it.

Oh, my God. And then as the show went on, so he's belting out these songs and sounding really good, but he would try and speak between the songs and he had zero voice. And he said at one stage, he goes, I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Which again sounds really morbid. He was talking about the concert. He goes, but I'll

give it my best. And then he goes boom, straight into another huge song. Conserving his voice. Imagine if this happened at like your workplace, like where someone was like, oh, I'm sick. I've got pneumonia. But I'm going to give it all I can today.

And they were sitting at their desk and next minute paramedics come in. I hate those people in the workplace. I'm like, you are such a martyr. Go home. Go home. You're going to make everyone else sick. We don't want your walking pneumonia. We don't.

Imagine if someone said that to Elton. We don't want to catch it. Go home. Ew, yuck. Cover your mouth. Anyway, after an hour and 45, he went to start singing Daniel and there was nothing there. He hit the first note and he opened his mouth and nothing came out

and then he started crying and everybody was like, oh my God, I'm so sad. We're so proud of you. So what's the deal? Because I've got tickets for Tuesday night. So he has said today, he did a really big post on his Instagram account last night just apologising profusely. No one in the stadium was mad. I was going to say

after seeing him try that hard. For an hour 45 by the way longer than other shows go for he's come out today and he has said, well actually he came out a long time ago, but he's made an announcement today saying that the rest of the Auckland shows are on.

Because there's one tonight? No, tomorrow night. Oh, so it's only tomorrow night. So night off tonight. Yeah, and then Thursday as well, I think. So there's two more Auckland shows to go. Yeah. But, I mean, what do you do in that situation?

He's in his 70s. I heard. Do you feel a little bit guilty showing up to the Tuesday show? I do. I feel horrible. I'm kind of like, if you're sick. No, it's not my fault. This old fella needs to have a lie down. Is it true? Tell me, is it true?

Yeah. That he nearly had to retire during Candle in the Wind? Yes. His piano got towed off stage during Candle in the Wind. You think about the lyrics of that song. Yeah. And him struggling because he's sick. It fits very well.

There were visuals of Marilyn Monroe on the screen at the same time as well. Yes, you're right, the imagery that it conjures up is not good. But Elton is a professional and because you're demanding it so much, he'll be on tomorrow night as well.

And just for the record, if he makes it past this song in the set list... It's good. You did better than we did. Bree and Clint from iHeartRadio. This is... The Latest. Live from LA with Dean McCarthy. Let's head to LA now with Dean.

He's got news about Amanda Bynes. She's back in the news, Dean. What's up, guys? Yes, she certainly is with some good news. Actually, Amanda Bynes, look, you will remember she went very off the rails,

to put it nicely. Well, she's very much on the rails again. She's engaged, actually, sporting a big, fat diamond ring on her Instagram. Some quite a good-looking dude, actually.

She's kind of back, you know, she went and studied at FIDM, which is the Fashion Design Institute in LA, which is very fabulous. And it's all looking good. We'll say this though, she got a face tattoo of a love heart on her cheek. Not my style. But other than that, I think she's still in the game.

You know what's interesting is that I hate this story because I just feel bad for the girl because obviously she's had a very rough last 10 years. Yeah, she had mental health issues and it played out very, very publicly because she's been famous since she was 13. Exactly. She grew up in the public eye. She was very troubled, addicted to, you know, who knows what.

And that photo she released on her Instagram with a tattoo on her face about, oh, I want to say a month and a half ago. Yeah. And the love heart is wonky. Oh, that's why you feel bad for her. No, but obviously she's not okay still. You know what I mean? If she's getting, and I'm not against people getting tattoos on their face,

but aren't you? No, I mean, if it's your thing but obviously, you know, there's reasons behind it for her. She just came out of rehab. You know, there's stuff going on.

I'm not against a face tattoo at all but you've got to rock it, right? You've got to really own... Chris Brown. He recently got... You showed me, he recently got a face tattoo.

I don't know if I love his. He got a shoe. You can get beautiful Tal Moko and stuff tattooed on your face and you've just got to realise that more so than ever a tattoo on the face is forever because itoko and stuff tattooed on your face. Yeah, I love those tattoos. You've just got to realise that more so than ever a tattoo on the face is forever because it's going to

be forever on your face. Yeah, and Chris Brown's tattoo, it's a shoe like in his beard line. It just looks quite strange. Dean, if you were going to get a face tattoo, what would you get? Probably have myself. Yeah, I like it. Face on your face. Do eyebrows count? If I was going to get a

love heart, I'm with you though, if I was going to get a love heart I'm with you though, this one, Bree. If I was going to get a love heart on my face, I'd at least get it symmetrical. She looks like she's drawn it with a pen. Yeah, it does look like that. It looks like it's a home job tattoo. Well, hey guys, a great reason to go and check out Amanda Bynes' Instagram account if ever there was one. The latest is brought

to you by Samsung. You can pre-order your Galaxy S20 Ultra before March 6 and if you do, you'll get bonus Galaxy Buds Plus. Auckland is one of the most expensive cities in the country to rent a place. Oh, you're telling me. I went and bought peaches last

night from the countdown. They cost me $8. Who's renting a peach? No, I'm saying just expensive in general. I'm talking about rent, mate. I'm talking about rent. Oh, don't get me started on my rent. A lot of places are very expensive these days. Toe-long is hard to get a house. Wellington, near impossible to get somewhere to live.

I will say when I first moved to Auckland, I'd never experienced anything like it. What, the demand or the cost? Both. Right. The demand where you'd rock up to, quite frankly, a crappy place. Yeah. That was charging a fortune in rent and there'd be a hundred people there.

Yeah, and they're all trying to be super impressive to the agent. Made me feel sick. Do you like wine? I actually work in a wine company and I can get you some great wine. And they say that they don't take bribes, but they absolutely take bribes. And I probably would too if I was in there. You've got to. How do you weed out the wheat from the chaff, right?

So here's an opportunity for you. Beautiful house. Well kept, clean, tidy. In Papakura in Auckland. Good spot. Good spot. You can rent a room in this house for $50 a week. $50 a week?

$50. Oh, what's wrong with it? Nothing's wrong with it. It has to be if it's that cheap. No, you will live with a family. Okay. But it's cool. They're a chill family, I think.

They're a cool family, you know, chill, cool. How many's in the family? Two parents and a kid. Okay, so it's not a big family. Yeah. And your only requirement is that you walk the 10-year-old to school each morning. Okay, and what time?

Well, school time. I don't have kids, so what time? Before nine. Between eight and nine we'll do. Between eight and nine? Yeah. Okay. That's a very normal time.

I mean, you know what? It's probably killing two birds with one stone because you get a bit of exercise in. Well, it's only a five-minute walk, actually. So you get a little bit of exercise. But you could keep going is what I'm saying. Yeah, you can have a pet if you live in the house as well. This is getting better and better. And there's no experience or qualifications required

except that you can't be a man. But other than that... I love how you just dropped that in there. Yeah, no men. The only qualification is that you can't be a man. But other than that... I love how you just dropped that in there. Yeah, no men. The only qualification is that you're female, which I think is fair enough, to be honest. Yeah, well, I mean, that's what they want. That's what they want.

I am not complaining. I'm in that gender. Yeah. So it's available to me. Works well for you. It's worked well for me. And guys, pick up your track record. If you want opportunities like this,

get with the program. All right, grow up, men. It's time to grow up. If you're interested like this, get with the program. All right, grow up, men. It's time to grow up. If you're interested in this, there's even the chance to upgrade. Like if you don't want to live in the house, there's a large separate sleep out instead of sleeping inside the house. So you can have that if you want to. Yeah, this is a great option.

Can I ask, technically, if you took this opportunity, would that make you a professional kid walker? Brian Clint. According to the Wall Street Journal, which I frequent a lot, I'd love to peruse the Wall Street Journal. I've got the app. It's one of my favourite journals. Jeff Bezos. Bezos? Bezos. Bezos. Bezos. Bezos.

Bezos. The Amazon guy. The richest man in the world purchased a new house last week. And can I say that Humble bungalow was it? Yeah, I think so, and I think he doesn't get enough Good press for all the positive Work he does, like he donated a tiny

Amount of money to the Australian wildlife fires Didn't he donate like $90,000 Or something? He donated less Money than he made in the time it made Him to make the donation What a joke. But that's not what we're focusing on here, okay? He's a new bachelor because his wife left him for cheating on him,

cheating on her, and he's got a new girlfriend, so they obviously need somewhere to live. Does he have a new girlfriend? Yeah, him and his new partner purchased a house together, and geez, I hope he's got a better prenup than last time because... Well, in fairness, can I say, the wife and him started that company together. No, she deserves every dollar she got. Yeah.

I'm not suggesting she didn't. I'm just saying, like... No, but it would be hard to get a good prenup because they started it together. Oh, yeah, there shouldn't be a prenup in that situation. But he did lose a lot, didn't he? He did lose a lot. He lost something like $40 billion, I think.

Anyway, he has purchased a house which has set the record for the most expensive house ever sold in California, which is saying something. This is home to millionaires and tech billionaires and superstars and studio heads. Everyone lives there. Jeff Bezos, for his new house over the weekend, paid $256 million New Zealand dollars.

Yeah, a quarter of a billion dollars for a house. What is it? A small city? So the house itself is called the Warner Estate. Does it have a rocket coming out of the back? No. Can they travel to the moon on the weekends? No, not yet.

But I'll give you some of the back? No. Can they travel to the moon on the weekends? No, not yet. But I'll give you some of the features. Yeah. The house was originally built in the 1930s for Jack Warner, the former president of Warner Brothers. Jack Warner of Warner Brothers.

Right. In 1930. One of the brothers. So it's probably a bit of a do-up. What? One of the brothers? Yeah, one of the brothers.

Right. The house has, you want features, right? Yeah. How many toilets? How many bedrooms? It has a tennis court. It has a swimming pool.

Good. It has a number of guest houses. It has a 1,210 square foot main residence. And garages, garages on the property. Yeah, I'm always interested in this. That have their own fuel pumps. Whoa. So the house is so, I mean, get a Tesla, Jeff Bezos, you're a billionaire.

Yeah, come on. But the house has got fuel pumps inside it. In fairness, though, my parents have their own fuel pumps. Yeah, but they live on a farm. That's very true. And they don't have a fuel pump. They've got a tank full of gas, right? Yeah, it's a tank that you have to hand pump.

Yeah, Jeff Bezos ain't doing that. So we thought, look, that's nice and stuff. Good on you, Jeff Bezos. How many bedrooms and bathrooms would that place have? I don't know. It hasn't detailed that fact because it's got a number of guest houses. So there's constantly like. There'd be so many they probably lost count.

It's an estate. It's called an estate. It's not a house. It's an estate. Right. But like we were saying, every house has its features, right? I know. You were telling me before there's something nice about the house you live in.

Yeah, I've got some really good features about our apartment. Yeah, say me on it. You know, the shower door in the en suite is kind of gets stuck with the other piece of glass. So it's kind of like. Oh, you've got an audible shower door. Yeah, so it hits every time so it's like the door's going to break.

It's a wonderful feature. Yeah. I've got a door related feature on my place too. What's your door related feature? When the house gets hot in summer, the back door stops fitting. Oh that's cool. And so you can either close it or lock it. You can choose one or the other. Yeah. But not both. And that's a unique feature to

my house. You know Jeff Bezos doesn't have that. house. You know, Jeff Bezos doesn't have that. Yeah, that's fancy. Jeff Bezos doesn't have that shower thing that you guys have got. No. Producers, have you got any fancy features on the houses that you guys are living in? Look, we don't have a pantry or a clothesline, so I mean, a luxury. So that would be a lack of features. Yeah, a lack of features.

Right, you're going for a lack of features. We don't have a backyard in general. Nice. And I have a view of a building. Oh, that's nice. They put windows there, but they just look at bricks. I've seen it. It's wonderful.

And no joke, it's not even a building that's far away. It's about 30 centimetres from the windows. And boy, do you have a good view of them. Yeah, I have a great view. Producer Ben, any good features on your plates? Yeah, currently there's a year's worth of roadworks going on right outside my window. Oh, that's lovely.

That's what you call, I think the French refer to that as ambiance. Yeah. It's true. It's beautiful. It has ambiance. Al fresco dining. Why is that al fresco dining?

I don't know. Do you know what al fresco dining is? Yeah, it means you're eating outside. Yeah, what's that got to do with roadworks? Yeah, it's ambiance for the al fresco dining. Oh, I see. A stretch, a real stretch though. Yeah, it's good the Al Fresco dining. Oh, I see. A stretch, a real stretch though. Yeah, it's good creative marketing.

Oh, $800 at M. Our window sweat. What's your property's unique feature? What's the special thing about your house or flat or wherever you live that Jeff Bezos doesn't have? Let's build ourselves up this afternoon. It's kind of an unselling point. Yeah, an unselling point.

Yeah, what's your house's unselling point? What's the unselling point about the place you live? We'd love to hear about it this afternoon. It's kind of an unselling point. Yeah, an unselling point. Yeah, what's your house's unselling point? What's the unselling point about the place you live? We'd love to hear about it this afternoon. Can you text us on 9696 or call us now 0800 dial ZM. Free in Clint. We're talking about Jeff Bezos at the moment who over the weekend bought California's most expensive

house of all time, a cool $250 million New Zealand dollars. That is just crazy. Like, why would you want to live in a house that big? Well, because you're Jeff Bezos. I know, but wouldn't it just be too much? Does it ever feel homely? No.

It wouldn't. You wouldn't even know where someone, say you were dating or your kids were there, you wouldn't even know where they were. You wouldn't know where they were. If you had a cat, you would never see it. Yeah, if the cat died, you wouldn't know until a year were. You wouldn't know where they were. If you had a cat, you would never see it. Yeah, if the cat died, you wouldn't know until a year later. And sure, he's got a tennis court and fuel pumps built into the garages where the cars are.

But you've got features in your house too, New Zealand. There are things that make your places unique that we would love to hear about this afternoon. Yeah, our flat has gotten on a slight lean, so some of the doors just open automatically now, which is kind of cool. Automatic doors. Yeah.

I like it. Brett's here. Hey, Brett. Hey, how's it going? What's your special feature in your flat? Well, we've got the lean too. We've got a no peas or baby potato roll for dinner. Those just roll off your plate.

Whoa. I wouldn't say that's a lean. That's a slant. No, no no it's alright It's alright It's fine And we've got Dead zones

With no wifi Or cell phone reception God don't you hate Dead zones Right are you worried That you may have Like lead paint Or something on the walls

Which is blocking Like wifi signal No I'm not worried It's the asbestos you know That'll be blocking the lead Right Alright You're very relaxed about this Brett Oh well It's not as bad as the neighbour That, that'll be blocking the lead. Right, all right. You're very relaxed about this, Brett.

Oh, well, it's not as bad as the neighbour that lives next door. She's got a purple head and one eye. She's literally a dickhead, so it's fine. My God, Brett. I love it. It's a great place. I call it home. Hey, Brett, next time you call us up,

can you just be a little bit more honest with us? Because I feel like... Well, I did put an outside bath in there and she loves watching that. Yeah, all right. I bet. You're under Brett's house. Everything's got a bit of cardboard under two of the legs to level everything out. Hey, you know, it's not the worst thing.

Do you want to hear a few texts that are coming through about special features that people have in their house? Someone says, my boyfriend's stepdad's land at his house has sunken. So that's kind of cool. Sunken land. Sunken land. Someone else says, my house comes with 12 feral cats who live in our garden and that climb and piss all over our cars each night. See, that's a wildlife feature that no one else has.

Dion's here. Dion, what's a special feature that your house has got? Oh, we have half of our fences missing. Okay. Oh, Dion's here. Dion, what's a special feature that your house has got? Oh, we have half of our fences missing. Okay. Oh, that's cool. So our dog just waltzes through to the neighbours and has a feed, then comes back home. Yeah, perfect. Hey, free dog food. Yeah, shared dog, right? Yeah, that's great.

Yeah, I like it. Jeff Bezos doesn't have one of those. I bet he's got a 50-foot fence, you know, to keep people out. Yeah, I bet she doesn't have the same. Someone else on the text machine said, our toilet screams every time you flush it because the plumbing's effed. Bree's toilet screams whenever she goes near it. No, not again.

Georgia, hi. Hiya. What's the special feature in your house? So every time we show upstairs, the light bulb downstairs leaks. So a little bit of a water feature, if you will. What, through the light bulb? Yep, through the light bulb downstairs leaks. So a little bit of a water feature, if you will. What, through the light bulb? Yep, through the light bulb.

So we just put a bucket under it and it catches water. Oh, I love a water feature in a property. I would be tempted not to turn that light on, especially when the shower is running. She'll be right. No? Yeah, nah, yeah. Yeah, nah, yeah.

Okay, no, fair enough, Georgia. I had a point, but then you yeah, nah, yeah'd Yeah, nah, yeah. Okay, no, fair enough, Georgia. I had a point, but then you yeah, nah, yeah'd me, so you win. Yeah, you win, Georgia. Someone else in the text machine, their special feature, all it says, the neighbours, definitely very friendly, dot, dot, dot. Bree and Clint. Oh, my God. What?

No way. I can't believe that happened. Oh, my God, no. Are you f***ing kidding me? Bree and Clint's Oh, my God. What? No way. I can't believe that happened. Oh, my God, no. Are you f***ing kidding me? Bree and Clint's Cliffhanger. One of the great openers for one of my favourite new games. Yeah, we've been doing this since the start of the year where it gives a chance for you guys to call us up,

tell us one of your best stories, but only tell it three quarters. Yeah, then what's going to happen is you're going to hear three possible endings from producer Ellie. One of those endings is true, and the other two were written by Bree and I. And the thing is, is that I don't know what you wrote, and I don't know the real ending either.

No. Today's cliffhanger teller is Nikki. Hi, Nikki. Hi, Nikki. Hey, how are you? Good. Now, remember, we only want three quarters of the story from you right now, okay? All right.

Go for it. Okay. So, friends of ours went over to Thailand, and they got a bit sick while they were over there. So, they went to the pharmacy. They got some drugs, and they actually progressively got worse and worse and worse. And they actually ended up paying a couple thousand dollars to come home about a day or two early. So, anyway, they got on the flight home, wasn't very good. They finally got back, landed, started to recover.

That was all good. Oh, that's where we stop. Okay, cool. Producer Ellie is here. She has three possible endings. Ending number one, we found out the drugs we were given at the pharmacy were actually bootleg Viagra. No wonder we were having such a hard time.

Ending number two, when we got home, we found out the drugs we'd been taking were laxatives. Ending number three, when we got home, we realised that we'd all gotten a parasite bug stomach infection which proceeded to make us lose 50 kgs combined. Katie's going to try and guess the correct ending to the cliffhanger and if she does, she'll steal Nikki's mobile fuel voucher. Hi, to try and guess the correct ending to the cliffhanger, and if she does, she'll steal Nikki's mobile fuel voucher.

Hi, Katie, what's the correct answer? Hi, guys, I think it's ending number three. Ending number three, which is again, Ellie? So ending three was when we got home, we realised that we'd all gotten a parasite bug stomach infection, which proceeded to make us lose 50 kgs combined. Nikki, before you reveal the answer to the story, how many people were involved in this story? Two people.

Two people, so that would be 25 kilos each. That's believable. It's believable if it's a parasite? Yeah. Nikki, what's the correct ending to your cliffhanger? It was, in fact, laxative. Ah! You've done it. You hold on to your mobile fuel. Well done. It was, in fact, laxative. You've done it.

You hold on to your mobile fuel. Well done. Thank you. No worries. Nice work, Nicky. Sorry about that, Katie. Not today, but good guess. I think it was very believable, that one. Thanks, guys.

Unlucky, Katie. I would have gone with the Viagra one myself. That was so not believable. I knew that was yours straight away. It wasn't mine? Yes, it was yours straight away. It wasn't mine. Yes, it was. Grow up. It was not mine.

Bree and Clint. I had quite the dilemma yesterday, Clint. Did you? Yep. It was a big issue yesterday when I decided I wanted to use asparagus in my dinner. And I thought, nah, I'm not going to all the supermarkets. This happened to me last time. I'm going to call each supermarket and ask them if they've got asparagus in stock.

You're such a boomer in waiting. You are. Who picks up the phone and does that? Because it's smart. Yeah. It's very smart. They don't want your phone call. I know that they don't.

They don't. But they were getting them yesterday. Yeah, okay. And I called four different supermarkets. Yeah. Which, I mean, took me probably about the same amount of time. As going to the supermarket? No, it was definitely less.

Bear in mind, people listening to this story, Brie lives above a supermarket. Yeah, so I called that one first. Yeah, cool. Anyway, so I called Countdown. Yeah. I called New World. Correct. I called Countdown. Yeah. I called New World. Correct.

I called Farrow. Oh, fancy. And I called Pack and Save. Okay. I called four different ones. No luck. Nowhere had asparagus. They just said that it's not in season.

And I said, fair enough. I knew that. Is it not in season? Not in season. It's very short season for asparagus. I thought barbecue season was asparagus season. Shows what I know. It's already out of season.

Anyway, that's fine. That's beside the point. But from that experience yesterday, I've come up with a new innovative radio game. Okay. Called Supermarket Hold Music Game. I mean, the name needs workshopping. Can I hazard a guess at how the game works?

This is a gift I have with coming up with new games. Yeah, go on. Do I have to guess whose hold music it is? Yes! No, a simple game is a good game. I like it. What I've done, I've called all four of those supermarkets back this afternoon and I've recorded all four supermarkets hold music.

Did you have to ask to be put on hold? I did have to pretend I was doing a hold music survey for a couple, yes. Okay, cool, yeah. Anyway, so I'm going to give you all four and then all I need you to tell me is what each hold music goes with what supermarket. Okay, sweet as. So here comes supermarket hold music number one.

Oh yeah, very fancy. I think I already know. And here comes supermarket hold music number two. That's generic hold music. They haven't paid for their own hold music yet. It comes with the phone system. Here comes supermarket hold music number three. Ace of bass.

Ace of bass, yeah. I like it. Cool. And here comes supermarket hold music number four. I don't even know who that is. Me either. But it's a song. Okay.

All right. To get all four points, you need to have all four correct and so on and so forth. What do you think supermarket hold music number one was? Supermarket hold music number one was very fancy. And that's why I'm saying that is Faro. Faro Fresh. Faro Fresh. Faro Fresh.

You're locking that in? The rich people's supermarket. Okay. Supermarket hold music number two was fairly budget. And they've cut costs onmarket. Okay. Supermarket Hold Music number two was fairly budget and they've cut costs on there. Okay. So I'm going to say that's Pack and Save.

Pack and Save for number two and number three. This is where it gets hard. I like this the most. So I'm going to say this is New World's Hold Music. New World.

Which by deduction means this has to be a countdown. How'd I go? All right. I can reveal that you have gotten some right. Okay. The first one you said was Pharaoh Fresh's Hold Music.

Yep. Which if we can just be reminded of this. That is correct. Yes. And I thought the same thing. I was like, oh, not only are they fancy, they've got fancy hold music. Yeah, one point.

Number two, you said that this was pack and save. Yeah. Because it was generic. That's correct. Yes. No offence, pack and save. I just know you like to cut corners on costs. I love pack and Save. And you pass the savings on to us.

Number three, you said this was New World's hold music. Yeah. And of course, number four, you said this was Countdowns. Yeah. I can reveal that your favourite whole music, number three, which you said was New World, was in fact Countdown's whole music. You really dragged out that big reveal, didn't you? Look, over the weekend, I have a story for you guys

about me highly embarrassing myself in front of a lot of strangers. Okay. I don't want to say these are the stories that I enjoy because they're like that. Don't lie. I enjoy hearing them about you too. Yeah. They are fun. I think you enjoy hearing these stories about your mates as long as you know they're okay.

Exactly. If no one got hurt, it's fine. It's way more enjoyable when it's someone you know than hearing it about a stranger. Exactly. So please, I'll grab some popcorn and let's get into the story. Strap in. So over the weekend, I was very lucky, lucky enough to attend probably one of the fanciest weddings

I will ever go to in my life. Give me an example of how fancy. So it was my partner's childhood, one of her best friends, and anyway, they were having the reception at their grandparents' holiday home on Waiheke Island. So we've rocked up and no joke, driving down the driveway, I was like, this could be Beyonce and Jay-Z's holiday home. Did it look like a winery or something?

It looked like, that's what it looked like. The gardens. It was on Waiheke. Was it a winery? Pristine, no. Okay. It was a holiday home. Did it look like a winery or something? It looked like, that's what it looked like. The gardens. It was on wake, was it a winery? Pristine, no. Okay. It was a holiday home. The gardens were pristine. I've looked to one side, there's like a three metre bowl ice sculpture thing that's filled

with Prosecco. There's a there's a Peroni bar, there's an oyster bar with all the oysters you could possibly eat. Right, so she fancy. Oh, she fancy. And no, but loveliest people in the world you could possibly eat. Right, so she fancy. Oh, she fancy. And no, but loveliest people in the world. And one of the girls, she was like, I've eaten 50 oysters today. And I was like, that's a good effort.

No, we'll dig in. It was great. Yeah. It was beautiful and just so much love and just really, really lovely day. I decided I was going to wear, you know, a bit of a lilac kind of shorts and kind of blazer okay kind of a little suit number with a heel okay so i had my heels on and did you feel fancy enough yeah i think so okay i've got quite a few trying to picture it yeah quite a few compliments i had like a long earring on so i did feel feel under. Just one? No, two. Okay. I'm not the fanciest person.

Yeah. Like let's be real. And there was a lot of beautiful people at this wedding. Anyway, everything was all good and I was drinking a few of my Prosecco lemonades and, you know, it was going down well. And they started doing the speeches. So the speeches started and everyone kind of packed into, you know what happens when the speeches go on, everyone kind of packed into this kind of one area.

Yeah. It was about 250 people. It was a lot. Wow, that's a big reception. A lot of people. Yeah. Anyway, I've sat through about 45 minutes of speeches and one of the speeches ended and I was like,

oh, I need to go to the toilet. I'm i'm gonna go race off duck off to the toilet which is kind of in plain sight of the entire crowd yeah but kind of just off to the side so everyone's attention was kind of the other way but you could definitely see so if if i was looking at where the speeches were being given yes without changing my eye line, would I be able to see you go into the toilet? Pretty much. Right. Yeah, it was a bedroom slash toilet.

And you couldn't hold it? Couldn't hold it. I was like, I need to go. But to be honest, I was pretty with it. Like I hadn't had that many drinks at this point. But I did have a heel on. Anyway, so I went into the bathroom, went to the bathroom, and then as I was coming out, there was about six stairs.

Yeah. That was a cobbled path and that was about six stairs up to the bathroom. Yeah. Anyway, I've hit the first stair, all good. I've hit the second stair, no worries. It was about at the third stair. Only four stairs to go. It was about at the third stair. I've totally

misjudged it. Lost concentration and I've hit the bottom of the stairs from the third stair. So I fell and I fell hard. like hard. I was carrying a glass of champagne.

Yeah. Saved it. Yeah, well done. But half of it kind of went in the air and it went all over me. Anyway, at this point it was really quiet because the speeches were going on. So it was the worst possible time to fall. Yeah. No joke.

No joke. going on so it was the worst possible time to fall yeah no joke no joke there was about six guys all kind of young attractive dudes and they were all standing kind of at the back of the crowd and so i've fallen it's a very audible thud yeah like very audible crowd gasp Crowd gasp. Crowd gasp. Yeah. And one of the guys, he looks over at me and he yells as it was dead quiet. Hey, you all right over there? And then I've kind of raised my glass and he goes, she's all gone. Did you get a round of applause? No. It was super quiet and everyone kind of was like, it was more like a ooh. And then as I've kind of joined the rest of the crowd, everyone was like, are you okay?

Are you all right? You fell really hard. Did they serve you any more Prosecco after that? Yeah, they served me plenty more. That's irresponsible. I wasn't drunk. That's the worst part. You say that once you go arse over tat.

It doesn't matter whether you're drunk or not. I was literally known. It's assumed that you were drunk. For the rest of the night, I ended up meeting the beautiful woman whose house it was. And she literally goes, oh, you're the young lady that fell over earlier. Most importantly, did you make it to the toilet? Because you said at the start of the story you really needed to go. Yeah, I went before that.

Oh, this is after the toilet. This is after. Oh, not a complete disaster then. We want to hear this afternoon on 0800-DAL-ZM, your wedding disaster stories. How did you embarrass yourself at a wedding? Maybe you had a few too many lemonades. Maybe you fell on the dance floor.

I want to know. Maybe you took a few too many lemonades. Maybe you fell on the dance floor. I want to know. Maybe you took Grandma home. You can text us on 9696 or call us now, 0800-DIAL-ZM. Bree and Clint. Ziddy and Bree and Clint, that's Love and Choice of Anne. I'm so tired. Look, I got invited to a very fancy wedding over the weekend. I felt very privileged.

I mean, it was amazing. But I think I panicked. And that's why I fell down the stairs in front of everyone. On your way out of the toilet? Yeah. During the speeches? Yeah. While you're wearing high heels? Yeah.

You can smell wine all over yourself? Yeah. Yeah. Just getting the important details in there. Do you have the same feeling as me when you feel like you're in a place that's too fancy for you and you're hyper-conscious of all your movements. Yep. And because of that, I find when I'm like that, I'm more prone to dropping something or knocking something over because you're not moving fluidly anymore. You're like, you're very rigid and you're like, don't damage anything.

And that's when you drop something. No, I think I'm just a bull in a china shop, to be honest. Yeah, right. All the time. So we want to know um when you've embarrassed yourself at a wedding um we've got some people on alana hi alana hi alana hi what happened to you at a wedding uh so i was working at a wedding at my old work and i was carrying around a tray of champagne for all the guests to have like while they doing photos and stuff. And one of the guys took a drink off of the tray

and the whole tray fell over and there was no glasses of wine left for anyone. See, I don't understand how anybody maintains the balance on those trays when someone removes a drink. How do you instantly compensate for a change in weight? Then you don't know where they're going to take a drink from. I think you need to be pretty lenient on people that have accidents carrying those drink trays.

I don't know. I guess not being a little bit retarded would help. Oh. Alana, your word's not ours. So thank you very much. Woo. Let's move on to the next caller. Amy's here.

Hi, Amy. Hello. How's it going? Good. What happened to's here. Hi, Amy. Hello, how's it going? Good. What happened to you at a wedding, Amy? Do you embarrass yourself? Oh, I highly embarrass myself. It was my mum's wedding and I was a bridesmaid, so I was sitting up at the main table, as you do in front of everyone, and it came to speak to time and I had a very, very large bottle of lemonade, let's just say, very large. Yes, of course, yeah. All to yourself? Yep, yeah, all to myself.

First you get it. And I stood up, said my speech, and as I came down, I didn't realise my chair had moved and I smashed my hands on the table and the whole main table flipped. You flipped the entire table over? Entire table. I took my auntie out with me as I went down.

So I was flying everywhere. Are we talking the head table where the bride was sitting? The head table. The worst table to take out. There was tears. It wasn't pretty. And all I could hear was people laughing. Was that the table that had the wedding cake on it?

No, no. Oh, thank goodness. Thank God for that. Did you get food on the bride's dress, a.k.a. your mother's dress? No, I didn't, but I spilled a whole glass of wine down there. She wasn't impressed. She cried. Was it white?

Please tell me it was white. Wine, yeah, yeah. Wine. If it was red wine. No, was it white? No, it was white wine. Okay, so that's, I mean, at least something. Someone texted through and they said, this is a quadruple dipper.

She said, at my wedding, one of my friends lit her hair on fire on a candle during dinner. This was a fancy winery wedding. Later she got drunk, twerked on my uncle, and then vomited at the front door. Whoa. Oh, she's really powered through that day, hasn't she? Lucky uncle. He would have thought he was well past it, but no. Emma, too, she's really powered through that day, hasn't she? Lucky uncle.

He would have thought he was well past it, but no. Emma, too, when did you embarrass yourself at a wedding? Was it you who embarrassed yourself? No, this was actually my parents at my parents' wedding before I was born. Okay. What happened, Emma? So basically while my parents were out doing the photos,

my godfather and my dad's Jamaican friend decided to smoke a bit of that green. What, a bit of the hoochie-cooch? A bit of the bad stuff. A bit of the devil's lettuce. And then they decided that while my parents were still out that they'd take a couple handfuls of

the cake before it was even cut. No! No! Your stoned godfather took a handful of wedding cake. I would have killed him. Pretty much, yep. And so my mum was mortified by the time they got back,

but I low-key reckon she kind of was a bit jealous. I would have killed them, Emma. They had to strategically turn the cake away when they were taking the photos when it was cut. But, yeah, they still tell the story to this day. I can just imagine the two guys in there after smoking a few puff and puffs and they're standing in there and they're like,

my, how could this happen? Bro, this is incredible. They've put some cake out for us. Some photos from the day after the wedding. So they had an after party. And then there's photos of, I shouldn't really be saying this, but my parents also having a bit of fun as well.

Emma, can I get invited to your next family wedding, please? Yeah, your family sounds awesome. What a hoot. Thanks, Emma. Bree and Clint. It's my birthday, it's my birthday. Bree and Clint's birthday bangeranger Have you ever thought to yourself, I wonder what was number one when I was 16?

Well, that's what we do here at Birthday Banger, pretty much figure that out for you. Every goddamn day. Tishana is here. Hi, Tishana. Hi, Tishana. Hello. What's your birthday, Tishana? The 29th of March, 1993.

Alright, you were 16 in 2009 on the 29th of March, and this is your birthday banger. Iconic. So good. Have you guys watched the Miss Americana? Yes. Miss America, whatever it is. Yeah, Miss Americana.

The Taylor Swift Netflix documentary. I have. Have you seen it? Yeah, I watched it on the weekend. Tashana, you seen it? No, not yet, but I'm going to watch it this weekend. Yeah, Miss Americana. The Taylor Swift Netflix documentary. I have. Have you seen it? Yeah, I watched it on the weekend. Tashana, have you seen it? No, not yet, but I'm going to watch it this weekend. Yeah, you should. It's worth the watch.

It's worth the look. A bit of behind the scenes for her. I wanted more, though, if I'm honest. Yeah. Which I feel like I'm always wanting more from her. You're always wanting more. She's that one more can I give you. Just a bit more real.

Do you like your birthday banger, Tashana? More to the point? I love it. Good memory. It is a good song. Okay, cool. Jeremy's here. Hey,. It is a good song. Okay, cool. Jeremy's here. Hey, Jeremy.

Hi, Jez. Hey, team. How are we? Good. How are you? Very good. Thank you for reminding me. That's good.

What's your birthday? We'll figure out your birthday banger. 11th of February, 78. All right. You were 16 in 1994 on the 11th of February. And back in the 90s, this topped the charts. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. Yeah. February and back in the 90s this topped the charts. Yes.

Who is this? Jimmy Cliff. Jimmy Cliff, yeah. I can see clearly now. You obviously like it then, Jeremy. He's a bit of a legend, isn't he? Yeah, I like the song. It brings back really good childhood memories, I think.

It wasn't 16, but yeah, it's definitely a memory. Let's go to Tracey. Hey, Tracey. Hi, Trace. Hi. G'day, mate. What's your birthday, Tracey? Oh, gosh. 19th of October, 1967. Oh, we love these, Tracey. Can I just say, before we do yours Trace

We know that it's a 60s or early 70s birthday The minute you say hi Like the tone of voice Just when they sound like they're defeated Yeah defeated a little bit But also a bit like you guys aren't ready for this Oh no I really love that song it was just

Great actually Maybe you'll get a good one too, Tracy. What's your birthday? 19th of October, 67. Right, you were 16 in 1983 on the 19th of October. And Tracy, this is your birthday banger. Yes, Trace. Are you a Boy George Culture Club fan?

I was, actually. You were? Yeah. Oh, it's a tune, Tracey. You've got a good one. I love it. We've got three really different but really good birthday bangers today. Yeah, I like all of them.

Taylor Swift, Jimmy Cliff, Culture Club. What's your vote for? I'm going to have to vote for Karma Chameleon. Yeah, I like all of them. Taylor Swift, Jimmy Cliff, Culture Club. What's your vote for? I'm going to have to vote for Karma Chameleon. Okay. I do like that song. My gut tells me, and you've told me off for not going with my gut in the past. Yes.

My gut tells me to go with I Can See Clearly. Okay, go with that. And I Can't Sway You? It's just a bit slow. I do like that song. I really like it. But I'm just thinking of a Monday. Yeah.

Just so you know, if we can't agree, it goes over to the producers. One of them has the deciding vote and they can choose any of the three songs. Yes, that's right. Okay, that's fine. We will go today. We're going to go to producer Ellie. Can you please choose the winner of Birthday Banger for us? Yes.

I do love... Your gut. What do you want to choose? All the power. I hate this job. Okay, I'm going to go with, you know, for my sing-star homies, I'm going to go for Karma Chameleon. Yes, queen.

Well, I'm going to go for Karma Chameleon. Don't be a sourpuss. No worries. Hey, Trace, you won birthday being a girl. Yes, Trace. Congratulations. Yeah, sounds good. Turn it up, Trace.

Yep, that's right. Free and clean. Doesn't sit in. I'm in your eyes all the way. If I listen to your lies, would you say? I'm a man without conviction I'm a man who doesn't know How to sell a contradiction

You come and go You come and go Come a comedian You come and go Come a, come a, come a, come a, come a chameleon You come and go, you come and go Love is if your colors were like my dreams Red, gold, and green, red, gold, and green Didn't hear your wicked words every day Thank you. Love is strong when you go. You come forever.

You string along. You string along. Come a, come a, come a, come a, come a chameleon. You come and go. You come and go. Nothing will be easy if your colors were like my dreams. Red, gold, and green. Red, gold, and green.

Every day is like survival. You're my lover, not my rival. Every day is like survival. I'm a man without conviction I'm a man who doesn't know how to sell The contradiction, you come and go You come and go Come a, come a, come a,come a-come a chameleon You come and go

You come and go Love will be deep because you're like my dream Red, gold, and green Red, gold, and green Come a-come a-come, come on, chameleon You come and go You come and go Love me will be easy if your colors will light my dream

Red, gold, and green Red, gold, and green Come on, come on, come on, come karma, karma, karma chameleon You come and go You come and go Love you busy because you're like my dream Red, gold and green ZDM, brilliant Clint.

That's the winner of Birthday Banger today for Tracy. Karma Chameleon from 1983. 1983. Yeah, good Birthday Banger. I think good choice. Yeah. Good choice. I think so.

Speaking of classics, you might have missed the news just before. If you're planning on going to Elton John tomorrow night, the show has been postponed. It's now going to be on Wednesday night. I think what they're doing is they're giving him as much chance as possible to get better. the show has been postponed. It's now going to be on Wednesday night. I think what they're doing is they're giving him as much chance as possible to get better so that they don't have to cancel any shows. Yeah, and they're trying to put as many days

as they can on this break now. Which doesn't work for some people we know who have got work and travel and things. I.e. me. Yeah, it already cuts Bree out, so Bree can't go to Elton John. Which I'm, to be honest, I'm so devastated, because, I mean, I'm never going to see him again.

What if someone wants to take you as a date to the Thursday night show? Actually, actually, this is where I can use the radio to my advantage. If you have tickets for the Thursday night in Auckland and you'd be willing to do me an absolute solid, we've got really, really quite good tickets, which is now for the Wednesday night show. If you'd be willing to swap them with me, oh, my God, I'd be forever grateful.

Two tickets for two tickets? Two tickets for two tickets. And you don't care where they are on the Thursday night? No. Okay. I would love that because that means I would actually get to see him. Do you want them to DM our show page? Yeah, can you DM or DM my personal Instagram at Brie Thomasel.

I would be, yeah, so, so grateful. Or even better, film a TikTok of yourself with the ticket and tag Brie in the comments. However you want to get in contact, that'd be cool. Lots of people in that situation too, so I reckon look out on the chat rooms.

The chat rooms? Look out on Trade Me and stuff. It's back in the 90s, are we? There'll be swaps going on, I think. We can text the text machine if you can do that deal with me. 9696 right now. That'd be great. Brian Clint. I can't believe I just did that. Anything else you want to get out there?

I've actually got an iPad for sale, if anyone... Brian Clint. The goddamn thing from anyone. I'll be fine. You were the one for me, but I was wrong. I can see the bright blue skies now that you're gone. I don't need a goddamn thing from anyone. Zed and Bree and Clint.

It's Mitch James and Bright Blue Skies. We've got a lot to be proud of in this country. We have a wonderful environment. Yes. We came third in the Rugby World Cup. Second in the Cricket World Cup. First in the Netball World Cup. That's good.

That's good. But this fact here, I don't think is something that we should be particularly proud of. A global study from UNESCO. Do you know who UNESCO is? No. They're the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisations.

Oh, of course, UNESCO. UNESCO. They're in charge of all the things to do with art and culture. Yep, yep. You know when you hear something referred to as a... I've got a lot of both. You know when something gets referred to as a UNESCO World Heritage Site? Of course, yes.

That's those guys. How could I forget? They have released information that says that 45% of New Zealanders are currently reading below the level of a 12-year-old. Okay. So our reading skills have not progressed past, well, whatever that is, a year. Seven.

I don't even know. Seven? Seven, eight, I don't know. That's not good. So 45% takes into account everybody under and over 12 years old as well. And guess what? There's a lot more of us over 12 than under 12. Which begs the question, why?

Is it because we're not really reading at all anymore? Or is it because we don't have time? Is it because we're so busy as people that we're not sitting down and picking up a good book anymore? I mean, there's a lot of good TV around. There's a lot of good TV. These days. A lot of good TV shows.

If UNESCO was asking what our streaming age is, it would be right up there, right? Yeah. I read stuff on Instagram. No, that doesn't count. And Facebook. No, that also doesn't count. And I, to be honest, I read news websites every single day.

Yes, also doesn't count. For at least an hour. Yeah. But are you reading any books? So this is the quick round the room we're going to do, and I'd love to get some information on the text machine too. Very simple question. Do you reading any books? So this is the quick round the room we're going to do And I'd love to get some information on the text machine too Very simple question Do you still read books?

We'll start with Brie Thomasale Do you read books? You asking do I still read books Would imply that I've ever actually read a full book Have you never read a whole book? Never read a whole book Wait, are we talking what kind of books? Paper ones?

No, like, you know, I'm talking like a novel. Yeah. Like a decent chunk. You can read a fiction or a non-fiction, that's fine. Nah, neither. Even at school. What was going to be the catch? What was going to be the one that you had read? No, I've read like picture books. No, it doesn't count. Technically it's a book. Yeah, but

it'll be below a 12-year-old reading age. At school, I did not even read the books that were in the syllabus. Neither did I. I watched the movie. I rented the audio book from the library. To Kill a Mockingbird, not the best film. Wuthering Heights, don't make kids read it. This is not an endorsement

of Bree's position on books. I'm just saying I can relate. It's boring. We'll just go around the room. Producer Ben, are you reading books? I'm really trying. I started a book last year. Not halfway through yet. What book? Elton John's book. The Elton John book. Nice. It's a big book. But there's a movie

and I've seen the concert. Yeah, there is a really great film. And to be fair, the book doesn't include his pneumonia bout from last night. So arguably the book's out of date. Producer Ellie, big Harry Potter fan, but we don't know if that's books or movies. Are you reading books? I probably read

like a book a year. But I need to read more. I want to read more, actually. To be honest, look, I'm someone who I've always wanted to be a book reader. Always wanted to be. I think people who read books, I find them very attractive. Do you? I know. Does your partner read books? Yes. I think people who read books, I find them very attractive. Do you?

I know. Does your partner read books? Yes. I find it really sexy. I think it's hot. I've come to the terms with, a very long time ago, that I'm never going to read a full book. So you're not going to try?

No. No. No, I'm not going to. I'm not going to force myself to do something I wasn't born to do. Yeah. Wow, that's so disappointing. What? What? I watch heaps of films. Yeah, no, disappointing because I wasn't born to do. Yeah. Wow, that's so disappointing. What? I watch heaps of films.

Yeah, no, disappointing because I don't read them either. Bree and Clint. I'm really regretting this next idea, to be honest. Yeah. But I want to talk about a video that's going viral on Twitter and on the internet. And it's of a guy who is a retired NFL player. His name is Vernon Davis.

Vernon? Vernon, yes. Not Vernon? Vernon, maybe Vernon. I mean, it's an unusual name. I gave it a crack, okay? Anyway, he is a former NFL player and he was recently on a panel where they were discussing stuff that was

going on in the NFL, a commentating panel, sorry. And anyway, they started, some of the other people started asking him about what he's up to, what are the next things in store for him after his career. Yeah. And he started talking about a movie that he's about to work on. Okay. We've got some of the audio here when one of the panellists asked him to give them a bit of acting.

Show them some of his skills. Okay. Gosh, you put me on the spot, man. One of my lines from what, just the movie? The movie, yeah. I want to see that. I want to see you in character. You want to see me in character?

Yeah, give me something, Vernon. It takes a lot, but I can... Wait a minute. Legitimately, my first reaction was to comfort you. If you can't tell from his acting there, he was fake crying. Oh, really? I thought he was hyperventilating.

Well, I mean, some people hyperventilate when they cry. He was making the noise my daughter Tilly makes when she sees a bowl of food. She's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Like full body excitement. But that was crying? Okay, that was crying. That's fine. So that was fake crying, which I mean, I thought it was okay.

I'd give it a solid Six and a half Okay Out of ten What would you give it? You've seen the clip Well I'm a Classically trained actor So

I can tell And He got into it He went into it too hard And he snapped out of it Too fast So he hadn't fully committed It was too surface

You know The first thing The first thing The most important thing About acting is not to act. It's to react. So what he's done there is. I've seen some of your work. I can tell that's what you definitely don't imply.

No, I know what I'm talking about. I know what I'm talking about. Well, let's see if you do know what you're talking about. I thought this afternoon we could have a bit of a fake cry off. Okay, sure. Like in Zoolander, but not a walk-off. It's a cry-off. Okay, I'm into it.

I need you to start, though. Why am I starting? Well, because I don't want to go first. I need time to get into character. I don't want to go first because what if I go and embarrass myself and then you go, nah, that's all we've got time for? I would never do that to you. Yes, you would.

I would never do that to you, especially as a classically trained actor. As a classically trained actor, I would love the opportunity to get on the big stage again and show what I've got, but yeah, I'll rock you off. You did Pippin in grade 12. I didn't do Pippin. I did Jack and the Beanstalk. Same thing. Okay.

Show. Damn it. You're first. Okay, I'm going to count you in. I don't want to go first. Three, two, one, action. Sorry. It's just

I didn't want to go first. I just, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just, I thought you would go first and then I would have the opportunity to just go, I'm not going to do it and then just start the ads. You okay? Yeah, I'm good, yeah. Very good.

Scene, scene. Okay, scene. Very good. Scene, yeah. I fully bought it. Yeah. Fully bought it. Did you?

Okay, cool. What am I going to talk about now? Yeah. So, I was so looking forward to Sorry Seeing Elton Jordan And now He's changed an eye

And I'm never gonna Get to see him again He's changed an eye. Oh, damn it, God. You can't just see him again. Oh! Oh! Why? Damn you, Elton! Okay, that's good.

That's enough. That's enough. Damn you! Scene, scene, scene. We're going to go now to... Was it too much? Well, we're going to go to the Academy, which is run by producer Ellie.

Producer Ellie, can you please... Who's the real actress? Tell us who's taken out the award for best fake cry. Look, audio-wise, I'll go with Brie, but I think facial-wise, I'll go with Clint., but I think facial-wise I'll go with Clint. Did I look like I was going to do a poo? A little bit. Brie and Clint.

Do you know what the condition is of the Australian wildfires at the moment? Well, look, when it doesn't bloody burn everything, it pours. And at the moment there's quite a lot of flooding in Australia. Is it flooding in the areas that had the fires? Some, yes. Right. Yeah, so there's quite a lot of flooding in australia is it flooding in the areas that had the fires some yes right yeah so there's quite a lot of um there's been i think one place like even where my parents live they've gotten um a year's worth of rain in a week yeah right so it's crazy it's either one on one hand you're like thanks but also give us a break chill the hell out do

you remember when the fires were really raging over Christmas and the firefighters and the volunteer firefighters were on the news every night doing it tough, and one guy saw a camera crew as he was driving a truck out to one of the fires, and he said this. You from the media, tell the Prime Minister to go and get f***ing elegant. Because obviously that was around the time when ScoMo, the Prime Minister of Australia, was copping heat

because all of this was going down in Australia and he went off on a holiday to Hawaii. Yeah. So the firefighters were not impressed. They were rightfully angry. Yeah. That guy's name is Paul Parker and it's just been revealed that he's lost his job.

He got fired for that comment. That's a bit rough. He's gone on the project in Australia, and he said that because he used that language on television while wearing a fire service outfit and said that about the Prime Minister, that he can hang up his hat, he's not needed anymore. To which he said he didn't realise that you could get fired from a volunteer job, but that's all right. He's like, what am I going to do now?

You know when these things happen and people quite often set up like a give a little pay to support the family and that sort of thing? He's a volunteer firefighter. He wasn't getting paid to do that work anyway. He was doing it for free. So instead, what they've done is they've set up, some very smart people in Australia have set up a GoFundMe account at his local pub. I love that.

So he can drink for free. So he can drink for free. So from now until the tab runs out and however much money they put on it, and I imagine that it'll be a lot, instead of having to pay for his beers, the guy who said that quote will not have to pay for anything at all. Does it get any more Australian than that?

It's also such an iconic line as well. Tell the Prime Minister to go and get f***ing elegant. It's got a good ring to it. Free and Clint. The podcast with mobile smiles. Register, fill up, redeem points for rewards.

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