ZM's Bree & Clint - ZM's Bree & Clint Podcast – January 27th 2020

Episode Date: January 24, 2020

Clints cat scratching postMichelle Obamas workout playlistNew Aussie finesA man finds HIS headstoneClints wedding dilemmaProfile picsBacheloretteBirthday Banger!Contra banSecret double lifeKara is a b*tchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yes. Hello everybody and welcome to the Bree and Clint podcast. You know I got a cool message from someone on Friday when we were doing the show. Yeah. Just come back to me. And they were listening to the show. Where were they? I was going to my Instagram.

They were listening to the show in... Wait for it... Atlanta. Atlanta. Atlanta Atlanta Atlanta Atlanta, Georgia Doesn't it Well I don't know Is there another Atlanta

No just one It buzzes the bejesus out of me That people would be listening to this In other parts of the world It's a good podcast No they're listening live Yeah people listen live now On iHeartRadio

Oh what Because you can just be over there And you can be in Atlanta Georgia And you can just go Hey Alexa Put on the Bree and Clint radio show On ZM Cause they say Z over there

Oh yeah it'd be ZM And yeah you can We'll just start playing That is buzzy though It is buzzy Yeah it is Shout out to anyone listening around the world Yeah

And anyone listening around the world Who don't understand the word buzzy though It is buzzy Yeah it is Shout out to anyone Listening around the world Yeah And anyone listening around the world Who don't understand the word buzzy It means like My mum asked me What this meant Unusual and crazy Over the holidays My mum goes

How would you define it How would you define it to her Buzzy means like Trippy Trippy yeah Would be another word Or like Yeah wild

Yeah Crazy Yeah What's an international word for it Is it trippy Yeah No I think that's American Would be another word or like, yeah, wild. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. What's an international word for it? Is it trippy? Yeah. No, I think that's American. I'm pretty sure like trippy is American.

I'm trying to think what they said on that 70s show. Whack? Because you know what I find confusing? When I first came to New Zealand, because when you guys say, oh, buzzy, that's a very Kiwi thing. Right. Because obviously there's the other way people use it where they're like, oh, buzzy, that's a very Kiwi thing. Right. Because obviously there's the other way people use it where they're like, oh, I was buzzing.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, same thing. No, different. No, same thing. Because that feeling when you're buzzing, that's buzzy. Yeah, true. No. Buzzing is a verb and buzzy is an adjective.

Yeah. Like when you're buzzing, you're like stoned. But when you're buzzing, Ellie, when you're buzzing. Don't you reckon reckon How does it feel Oh it's pretty buzzy G See I'm not being Flippant here I'm being serious

No I think it's different I'm on both sides The origins of the word buzzy Are from buzzing I feel When you catch a buzz If someone goes How was the date

And you go Oh I'm buzzing You go Oh so you're stoked It went well No that's not how I define buzzing Oh see I think I probably define it more like bruh yeah

don't you reckon whereas if someone goes how was the date and you go it was buzzy I'm more thinking like New Year's Eve standing on the hill at Rhythm and Vine fireworks about to go off and you go bro I'm buzzing no that means you're on drugs anyway to all of our international listeners

Who are now going What the fuck is rhythm and vines? Look, there's lots to learn We've got plenty of time We're going to be in your lives for a while longer So let's just do one thing at a time, shall we? Yeah, one thing at a time And the thing we'll do right now is

The podcast Oh, podcast Hey Google, what's the time? It's 3pm, give or take a minute Alexa, play ZM on iHeartRadio. Playing ZM on iHeartRadio. Hey, Siri, we're going to bring Clint on. Brie and Clint are on air in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

G'day, everybody. Happy Monday. Happy Auckland anniversary weekend. I know all those people in Auckland getting a holiday, but not us. Yeah. We're here. Not just Auckland, too. The people in Rotorua and stuff who don't get their own anniversary.

They just call it anniversary weekend. Do they have a day off today, too? Yeah, they have a day off. Because Wellington had their anniversary day last week. Is anyone in agreeance that we should all sync up our anniversary day? It's better when you're all synced up. Trust me. It works for the ladies.

Get it all out of the way in one foul swoop. Exactly right. Happy Laneway Day to anyone who's going along to Laneway as well. God, I'm jealous of you guys today. What a great occasion that is. Yeah, that's going to be a good time down at Laneway. Charlie XCX, the 1975. We're here, though, and if you're not going, that's fine.

Hey, we're here to have fun with you today. Yeah, we'll play some music For you That's what we'd rather do Exactly right Just hang out And not see live music And just

Be here Anyway My My sorted history With Instagram shopping Has been well documented Recently

I have an issue I have a self identified issue That I'm working through With Instagram purchases Good that you identified it After only buying two things yeah exactly right yeah you know um however there's a twist in the tail and I've had something else go wrong with an Instagram purchase I feel like this item is showing up in everybody's feed at the moment too so this can be a warning if you're looking at getting this particularly if you're a pet owner don't buy it don't buy it unless you love diy unless you love not getting the thing that you thought you were

going to get free and clint in my ongoing struggle with uh instagram purchases no you've given it up no i have given it up but the repercussions are still being felt um last week i told you about the cutlery drawer organizer that i bought. Which did come. That one actually arrived. I saw on your Instagram that it came. Yeah, and that's great. It's changed my life. All the people who Instagrammed me and said, you can get this for $1 off Wish.

Thanks. I know that now, but. I don't mean to point it out, but I did see on Instagram. It gave you, I mean, a tiny bit extra space. Yeah, but yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, because you showed the before and after, which was a set of knives and then all your cutlery.

Yeah. And then you put these two inserts in and you put all your knives in one, which it didn't fit all of them. Yeah. One of them didn't fit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you had this tiny space in the middle and you were like, amazing. But how organized does it look?

My knives are now organized. It looked organized before. Okay, yeah, this is part of the ongoing issue. I told you that a random bag of rope arrived. Yeah. And I didn't purchase a random bag of rope. I've done a bit of research into it and I posted about it and someone goes, oh my God,

I purchased a cat scratching post off Instagram, off one of these Instagram ads, and they sent me a bag of rope. And then I remembered that my brother told me that he bought me a cat scratching post for Christmas and that he was just waiting for it to arrive, but he'd had it shipped to my house. It's the same one.

So it's the same one. So instead of sending an actual pre-made cat scratching post, they send you a bag of rope. Just sent rope. But they haven't sent the pole to wrap the rope around. That's what I mean. It's just a bag of rope. It's you a bag of rope. A just sent rope. But they haven't sent the pole to wrap the rope around. That's what I mean. It's just a bag of rope. It's just a bag of rope.

So I'm going to call my brother who gave me it for Christmas. So he's paid for it. And just see if there was anything in the website when he was purchasing it that said it was a DIY cat scratching post. My betcha it's like really fine print. It's meant to look like a cactus and your cat climb up this cactus. Definitely doesn't. Hey, yeah.

Kel, it's Clint. G'day, how's it? Good, and Bree's here as well. G'day. Hey, Bree. I was just telling Bree about the cool Christmas present that you got me, the cactus cat scratching post. Oh, yeah, that showed up?

So kind of. When you ordered it, was there any fine print or anything? I don't know. I'll have to look it up. So what I've had arrive, instead of a fully formed, like cactus-shaped cat scratching post post I've received a bag of rope I'm just wondering if you remember If there was any like assembly required information

On the article or So what you're telling me Is that I've paid 50 US dollars For a bag of rope Did you spend 50 US dollars on it? Clint I'm not mad You've been mad I'm bloody ropeable rope. Did you spend 50 US dollars on it? Clint, I'm not mad. I'm bloody ropeable.

Look, the post might still arrive and maybe this is just like replacement rope. You know when you buy a shirt and it comes with a couple of buttons inside it? That's all you're getting. The cats will do the same thing with it anyway. Who gives a shit? Yeah, I know, but it's just very hard.

It's the principle of it. We can't let them get away with it, no. I was going to let them get away with it until I found out you spent 50 US dollars on it. I'll send you a photo, and if you could send some emails for me. It arrived from Guangdong, China. Can you imagine how much money they're making off this thing? Someone ordered a cat

scratching post again, put some rope in a bag, send it off. The reviews were a little bit weird, yeah. Someone messaged me on Instagram and said they had the same experience and they contacted the company and the company said if they paid the cost to ship the rope back to Guangdong, China,

that they would refund 50% of the purchase price. So they're trying to scam you again. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll keep you updated, okay? Brilliant. All right.

Cheers. Thanks. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Hey, I know this is New Year, New You. And I know we spoke at the end of last year that one of your New Year's resolutions was to get back on the fitness train, baby.

It is. I'm still not there, but it's definitely in my sights. Producer Ben was meant to be your gym partner. He was meant to pick you up and take you to the gym every day. How's that going, Ben? How are you going with supporting? She's never there. When I'm knocking on the door, I'm like, get up.

Oh, come on. To be honest, Producer Ben and I have actually, we have been hanging out, but we've been doing more like bicep curls with drinks in our heads. Nice, we have. We actually have. So technically we've been exercising. Yeah, as long as you guys are walking to the bar or at least like.

Yeah, it's a brisk walk. Yeah, good. Okay. Maybe this will motivate you. And maybe this will motivate you listening at home too, if fitness is your New Year's resolution. Maybe the thing you're lacking is just a good playlist. Oh, music does motivate me.

Right? I will say. It changes the game. Maybe it's those special new AirPods that you got for Christmas too. Oh, put them to use. Maybe you just need the right tunes. And what better person to motivate you to do a workout than one of the most motivational women in the world Michelle Obama

She's a fit looking unit, I'll give her that She's released her 2020 workout playlist and I thought we could go through a couple of the songs that are on it. I'd like to know what she listens to when she works out. Yeah, okay So there's a whole lot of them including some cool down music but we're just going to go through some highlights. Okay. When Michelle

Obama works out in the year 2020 she likes to listen to the Kanye West album that came out in like 2015. Really? The Cruel Summer one. She likes to listen to the song Click. Kanye West, Big Sean and Jay-Z. You see yourself getting into this?

Love that song. She also, on the hip-hop train, she likes Ariana Grande, who I know you like. I do love her. And Tool Chains, a song called Rule The World. I've got to admit, I've never heard this song in my life. I think I have. Yeah? She

Sounds good. She also likes some of the stuff that gets played on ZM. Michelle Obama likes to work out to Dua Lipa. One kiss is all it takes Calvin Harris It's got a good bass. And I mean, Dua Lipa would motivate anybody to work out, right? And crunch, and crunch, and crunch.

This is a good one. On Michelle Obama's 2020 workout playlist is a classic from EVE. Another tambourine song. Can you imagine Michelle Obama up in the gym, Barack standing off to the side having a cigarette. There's that. Yeah, girl. Do those squats.

I like her taste so far. Michelle Obama's workout playlist also includes some Ed Sheeran. Does it? Yeah, but not like the real soppy stuff,

not the real slow depressing stuff. She likes Cross Me with Chance the Rapper. More Ed Sheeran. And this is the one that you like as well. She likes the Camila Cabello, Cardi B one, South of the Border.

There's heaps on there. There are so many songs, but those are the highlights. Those are the songs that are getting Michelle Obama, former first lady, going. And I just wonder, with that now, is that the motivation you need? Like, if I was to put this on a Spotify playlist for you, would that get you to the gym at 6 o'clock tomorrow morning? Yes.

Free and Clint. the gym at six o'clock tomorrow morning yes it's interesting because if you've ever felt bad about getting a fine in new zealand uh this story might make you feel a bit better because i feel like australia they're a lot more harsh on the fine this is what i've been learning since yeah yeah it's crazy like they just go nuts over there but But this is, I think, taking it to the next level. Okay. Which I noticed this article online and it talks about these new different fines that they're implementing in Australia at the moment. Yep. And it pretty much talks about how police are issuing tickets to drivers

who fail to clean the mud and gunk off their number plates. Really? Yeah. Right. So, and you think, like, when you think about that, how much do you think a fine like that would be? In New Zealand, I imagine they might slap you with a 150. Yeah.

Like one of the smaller ones, a fairly standard fine. Which some places across Australia, it is about that much. So in Tasmania, you'll be hit for a dirty number plate with $161. Northern Territory, it's a fine up to $70. WA, it's $100. Victoria, it's $161. And then Queensland, it's only $104. God, this is a very comprehensive list you've given us.

What? All different? Yeah, yeah. Everyone's got different rules, right? And then, so New South Wales. Which is Sydney, right? Which is Sydney, is $448 for the fine. For a dirty number plate.

And three demerit points. See, I would have thought that a dirty number plate was kind of like my get out of jail free card. Like, I'm like, oh, I don't know. I don't know it's dirty. Because what if you go through a speed camera and it's dirty. So how are they going to catch you? Yeah, exactly right. How are they

going to give me the fine if they can't see my number plate? Do you take the risk? Like, that's, I mean, I'm not encouraging people to have a dirty number plate Yeah But I have been in the car With my mum at times

Where I've been like Mum you can't see your number plate And she's like Yeah that's fine Yeah I know That's how I'm beating the system Just tell me You lived in Australia

For a long time So you'll know this What is the fine these days If your car doesn't have One of those stickers Where it's the little boy Doing a wee Onto the Ford logo

And you put it on the back of your Holden Commodore. What's the fine these days if you don't have one of those on your Holden? Depends if you're a Ford fan or not. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it depends if you're a Holden fan. Yeah, right, right, right. But depending on what policeman you get. Right, right.

It's very tribal. But I do know that if you have any stickers of those My Family stickers, the fines are huge. They're massive. This is quite a shocking story, actually. A man has spoken out in utter shock at discovering his own gravestone in a nearby cemetery. How do you find your own gravestone?

Well, it's a good question, and hopefully the story will unveil. But a guy named Alan Hattell, he's from Scotland, is very much alive. But his gravestone is very much a part of the local cemetery in the town that he lives. He's 75 years old and he says that it's actually taken quite a long time for him to find out that this gravestone exists. But he said it was quite interesting because he hadn't gotten a phone call for three or four months. He'd been confused as to why nobody was calling him or visiting him

because they thought he was dead. So this is legit his gravestone, not just a gravestone that has his name on it. No. So it's legit his. Like his date of birth and stuff on it. His date of birth. And I'm pretty sure there's actually, yeah, a date of death. Oh my God.

Does the story finish with, he's a ghost? And it's like six cents. I wish, eh? He figures it out that this whole time he's a ghost. He kind of looks like a ghost. I'm not going to lie. He kind of looks like a ghost. I'm not going to lie. He kind of looks like Santa a little bit. Anyway, he said he's quite upset because he's actually never wanted to be buried.

He's always wanted to be cremated. Same. Yeah. Oh, you want to be cremated? Yeah. If you can just make a note of that. I'll make a note. In case I ever die in your presence and you have to take charge of.

I feel like you should maybe tell people super close to you as well. Like your wife. Oh, that's sad. Sad from you. No, like I'll definitely be there. Would you not cremate me? I'll speak up if you want me to speak up. Ben, you'd cremate me, wouldn't you?

If I asked, you'd cremate me? Yeah. See, Ben's a real friend. Aren't you a little bit worried about being cremated though? I don't know what I want. I'm less worried about, this is a very morbid conversation. I'm less worried about being cremated though i don't know what i want i'm less worried about this very morbid conversation i'm less worried about being cremated than i am about being buried alive being buried alive yeah and also just decomposing yeah like i don't not a fun thing well you won't be there um will you these are the things you don't

know when you cross over anyway anyway anyway back to this guy who found his own gravestone um so apparently he dig himself up no mr hattle blames his ex-wife for the whole thing uh which he reckons it's all her doing so he separated from her 26 years ago with no animosity. They're all good. They're all fine. But he said he wanted, back in the day, he never even wanted to be buried alongside his ex-wife. They'd been separated for years. But apparently, yeah, they'd bought a plot together and she decided that she was going to put her headstone up early and in that they assumed that he wanted his headstone up early as well. Oh.

And she didn't even know. I thought you were going to say she had a fake funeral for him so she could get his life insurance or something. Because that's the other way of going about it. You go, well, 70, whatever. She'll be 70-something as well. Yeah, she'd be around that. And you go, sure, fraud is a very bad thing to do.

But, I mean, if I go to prison, it won't be for that long. No. You know? In the grand scheme. But pretty, like, confronting. To find yourself.

Yeah. Yeah, you'd have one of those moments where you'd look at your own hands and you'd touch yourself and you'd be like, am I?

No, I'm just, no, no, no. It'd be like in Back to the Future where Doc finds his own gravestone. Yeah. Which Back to the Future was that? One of the ones where they go to the future. Oh, yeah. It could be like in Back to the Future where Doc finds his own gravestone. Yeah. Which Back to the Future was that?

One of the ones where they go to the future. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that was cherry. Great. Scott. Bree and Clint.

I went out for dinner with a friend over the weekend who I haven't seen for a while who moved to London. So he's living in London now and he's met a girl. Is she English? No. He's done a really good job of meeting a Kiwi girl in London. How does this happen? Because Kiwis and Australians gravitate towards each other. Like you go halfway across the road and you-

halfway across the world and you're more excited about meeting a New Zealander than you are about someone from a foreign country. I find it crazy when people like, yeah, end up meeting each other in a different country. Not just that. He's met a- he's from a small South Island town, and he's ended up with a girl who's also from a small South Island town near his small South Island town. But not the same one.

But not the same one. But it means that they're going to get married, these two people, and it means that eventually they can move home, which I think they want to do, and no one has to move away from their home. And they can each have Christmas with their families. Yeah. Yeah, it's ideal. And they don it's ideal split their time between here and london anyway they've got a dilemma that i'm sure a lot of people who have lived overseas have had where they're at the age where obviously they're getting married soon and so are their friends there's weddings coming up in their lives

they're back here at the moment for one of her good friends's weddings. Okay. But what it means is one of his good friends is getting married three weeks later, but because they're going to her friend's one, it means they can't go to his friend's wedding. Because they can't be here for three weeks. You can't be here for three weeks and they can't afford to just, they're not like, they're not Diplo.

They can't just fly back and forth whenever. I don't know why Diplo was my default rich person. I was going to say, is he the richest person you know? i just see him on planes a lot i'll tell you the process they followed to figure out whose wedding they went to and you tell me if you think it's fair so they he's his friend is is he's really good friends with the guy and she's really good friends with the girl so they're the same category Yeah, assume that everything is equal in that situation. Yep.

He would really love to be at his friend's wedding and she would really love to be at her friend's wedding. They've decided to go to her friend because she got the invite in one week earlier than he got his invite in. So they've done it on a first-in, first-served basis. I guess that's kind of fair Like if one person was better friends with the person getting married

Than the other person Then obviously that changes it But like if they're the same kind of level friend And her friend asks first unfortunately That's the wedding they should be going to Imagine they're not even Like the friend level is not One is a really good friend and one is a best friend. But you RSVP yes to the very good friend's wedding first.

Then unfortunately. And then the best friend wedding invite comes in after that. Do you un-RSVP to the first wedding? Absolutely. And tell them, because they're going to know, because they're going to see you at a different wedding. You tell them the truth. You tell them the truth You tell them the truth You say this is the situation

I'd prefer to go to Their wedding over yours No And you say This is my partner's Best friend And unfortunately We have to pick between

One or the other Between theirs and yours Yeah And that's her best friend So we have to go to that wedding It's brutal man Weddings are brutal Purely on the invite side

because the people that get invited compared to the people that you can't invite. How did you do that process when you had a wedding? How did you, like, what people got culled? Who was on the list? Who was on the list and then got taken off the list? No one, but we had a list. Oh, BS!

No, no, no, So this is what we did So we put a list down Of people Because there was 120 seats at our wedding So we put down Everybody that we wanted To be there

And then we saw What that list came to And I think it came To 140 Okay So then you have to Start putting people in order So you have to go

So you culled 20 people then Yeah Yeah I guess Yeah yeah And why did they get culled Because there was no room They got ced? Because there was no room. They got culled because there was no room.

No, but no. Obviously, that's the logical thing. But why was it them that got culled? Well, you've got must-haves, which is your family. Not always. Well, not all of your family. No, that's true. But your family members that have to be there.

Yeah. If that's what the wedding is. That's the only reason they get invited. Well, they have to come. Well, a lot of the time they're chipping in on the bill. Yeah. If that's what the wedding is. That's the only reason they get invited. Well, they have to come. Well, a lot of the time they're chipping in on the bill. Exactly. So yeah, they do have to come. They generally get a seat.

And then you've got your best friends. And generally you don't have that bigger circle of best friends. Like you might have five or 10 each. Yeah. And then you've got their partners. See, that's rough because like obviously certain friends of yours don't get to come because partners who you might not necessarily be friends with yeah do you think that's right if you're a best friend and you're in a serious relationship you get a partner that's

how i feel what if you've never met the partner um We had partners there that we'd never met. See, that's interesting to me. Like, I get it, obviously, but, like, I'm trying to, like, push the boundary. I know, I know, and the people who didn't get invited to the wedding, you. I'd actually known you for, like, two weeks. Yeah, that's the truth. We had a person there who bought a partner who was a very, very good friend. Right. And she bought a partner. Yep a very, very good friend. Right. And she bought a partner.

Yep. And we hadn't met that partner before. Okay. And shortly after that, that relationship broke up. See, that's what I mean. I know. That's what I mean. But you can't predict these things.

You can't say to that person, hey, we don't think you should bring so-and-so because we reckon you guys are going to break up soon. I know, but you don't have to say that because how new was the relationship? Like, is there a cutoff? Because like, say, for example, my cousin is getting married in February, end of Feb, and I've told you I'm going to the wedding. So my brother's girlfriend has gotten an invite, but my partner hasn't gotten an invite.

Yeah. So what is the cutoff? How long do you have to be with someone? Yeah, I don't know. And this is the problem, and we've got to wrap this up, but this is the problem. If you're having a wedding, if you're doing a wedding invite list at the moment, or you're trying to figure out which weddings you can and can't

attend this season, there is no right and wrong answer. You've just got to go with your heart. No, there is a right answer. The one with the best catering. That's the one you go to. Hey, that trend that's going around, I've seen you've done it, where you

post a grid of pictures and one is your Facebook profile picture, one's your Tinder profile picture, Instagram and LinkedIn, right? Yes. What's the criteria for those? Because obviously you're not using your real pictures, right? Well, to be honest, I don't really play by the rules. I just posted the same

photo in three of the sections. And that's what I like about you, Bree. You refuse to play by the rules. I'm the same across the board. Rules are made to be broken. Certain social media platforms don't change me. All photos is Bree with a bulging mouth full of grapes. Why would you say bulging mouth full and then wait to say grapes?

Because you're the one who put the picture up. You can't even see the grapes in the picture. Yeah, that's what I like. I like to keep people guessing. Anyway, if you're getting on this trend, I thought we could debate what goes into, I guess, the stereotypical picture for each profile. I think it's pretty easy. I think LinkedIn, very obviously professional.

You need to look hireable. Hireable. You need to look well put together. You can't have a drink in your hand in your LinkedIn profile picture. No. And preferably some glasses. Yeah, glasses is good.

Okay. Facebook. Facebook is easy. Friends and family. So I'm thinking maybe a photo with a good bunch of friends or maybe with your partner or with your kids. Something you'd be happy for your mum to see, right? Yeah, because that's who's going to be following you on Facebook.

Okay, here's where it gets a little bit more complex then. What picture do you choose for Instagram? A photo where you think you look amazing. Right? That's what it is. Instagram's where you go to look hot. Facebook is where everyone tags you in pictures and you have no control. And there's pictures of you from 2008 on there before you knew what eyebrows were.

Not you specifically, by the way. No, it was me too. It was me too. That's when you looked like you were going through your MyChem phase. The what? Your MyChem phase. MyChemical romance phase. Brad dyed her hair dark brown.

It was an accident. Anyway, that's where all those pictures are, right? Yeah, that's where they are. So family, friends. So Instagram is? Where they're all filtered. Filtered? They're all like just, usually it's just a view.

Usually taken in the golden hour of lighting as well? Yes. Yeah, okay, cool. So that's a sexy one. And then what's Tinder? See, I don't have a Tinder. Yeah, see, I don't have Tinder anymore, but I have had it recently. I mean, I had it last year.

What was your Tinder profile picture? What was it? What were you doing in it? I think it was just fairly, I hate when people on Tinder Group pics? I hate it.

Especially as their first one. Yeah. Have it down the line if you want to show that you've got friends and whatever. You're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Why do that? Because I'll identify one in the line up and go, I hope it's that one. Yeah, or if you post a picture with your hot friend,

you're just going to set people up for disappointment yeah yeah um so i think it has to be just a view what makes a good tinder profile picture um i think this is so interesting because this on have you watched that show on netflix the circle yet no because this is what they all talk about because they have to pick what their profile picture is going to be on the show and it's literally their first impression for people yeah and i feel like like Tinder's very similar. So you want to look fun and approachable, I think.

So I think you want to look fun, so I think you should be smiling. Yeah. Smiling's important. Yeah. But not, like, doing anything stupid. Okay. Because you can put that later in the profile. Yeah.

But the first one, I think you need to be smiling. And by approachable, you can't look like you take yourself too seriously. Yeah. Like, if you've got some modeling shots. Don't put those. Don't put those. Right? Don't put those. And don't put a picture where you look fantastic either.

I think I'd find the hardest bit of Tinder that you have to have like five pictures. Yeah. Like everyone's got one good photo. But the rest of them are so hard to populate. No, this is, I love thinking about this. So you go to post, I'd post like one where you look fun and happy and approachable. And then you post one where you look sad, bang and hot. Like whatever that may be.

And then you post one with like friends and family. On your Tinder? Yeah. Or maybe one friend or two friends. How would your poor father feel if he knew he was part of your tinder profile he'd be like i do not want to be facilitating your yeah well that's fair or maybe he would i don't know and then the last photo which i'd put this way up in my tinder photos that you post is a photo with you and a fish and a dog you always gotta have a dog photo

always alright god it's complex it's super complex if that's you this weekend hey good luck oh last question

how old can your tinder profile pictures be how far back can they be nah we don't have enough time to talk about that tonight on tvnz2 is the premiere

of the bachelorette and I am so excited the first ever new Zealand version too. We're very lucky to have in studio Lucina Nakeed Shuster. Hi! I think that round of applause is for me getting her name right. Probably. Hey, welcome to the studio and welcome to, I guess, the craziest ride you're ever going to go on in your whole life.

Yes, I know. Yes. Well, you've lived it. You would know. Yeah. The first thing I thought, Lucina, when I saw that they'd picked you as the bachelorette was like, damn, they're going to need some good fellas to be in the same calibre

as this, Sheila. Because you're a doctor, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Is it hard to date a doctor? Do you know what? When I first went into mid-school, we had this like, you know, like a freshers camp and they were like, look around you. Eight out of ten of you are going to marry each other.

So like eight out of ten doctors marry other doctors. Because I mean they get each other, they understand each other. It's very similar in radio. Do you date each other? Not Clint and I, but a lot of people get together in radio. A lot of radio hosts end up together. Because they all have massive egos and then they kind of have to go together. And they all do stupid hours like you would do as well.

So there's some stuff to understand if they're going to be your lover, right? Yeah. Who said be your lover? I was trying to do a Spice Girls quote. Be your lover. I was trying to do the first line of that Spice Girls song. Okay, baby Spice. I've watched the first episode as has Brie.

Yes, which is tonight, TVNZ 2730. You have to watch it. And listen, you haven't even seen it yet. This is cruel. There's one point. Because where the guys first come in, they all have to do something, obviously, when they meet you to be remembered.

Was there any boys in particular that you think went a bit too hundy and you were like oh probably wouldn't have done that i like loved the hundy you did you did laughing at that like yes give me more give me more what about and i might be breaking the rules here what about the guy who break dances up the red carpet yeah and you think you commit to a break dance when you were really good not saying he was horrific I mean, he wasn't a professional. No, no, no. It wasn't his job.

And he would have done it in silence, right? There was no breakdancing track for him. There was no music. I didn't even think about that. That's gutsy though. I know. Did you like it or were you a bit... I like really like horny stuff like that. I loved it.

But at the end, you just don't know how to... I'm like, thank you. Because you've never met them before. You know, like, do I loved it. But at the end, you just don't know how to, I'm like, thank you. Because you've never met them before. You know, do I shake his hand after? I give him a high five. I give him a dark middle. High five.

I give them all high fives. High fives. Pat on the bum and go, get in there, fella. Straight on the friend zone list. It's intense, eh? Because that first meeting involves so much small talk.

But your small talk is being filmed by a camera crew and watched by Art Green, the most successful bachelor of all time. Like, no pressure you, no pressure boys. It's pretty full on pressure. Yeah, there's a lot of pressure. Do you think it gave you a chance to maybe get to know a few guys that, I mean, if you're on Tinder, you'd probably swipe left on, but you got to know a few guys that you probably

normally wouldn't, I mean, say is your type. Yeah. The Tinder thing. It's like real, it is literally like real life Tinder. Were you on Tinder before this? I was on Tinder a little bit instead. I've never been on a New Zealand.

Right. So she's, yeah, hot property in New Zealand. Can you imagine the guys who didn't swipe yes, and then they see you on TV and they're like, oh my God. Let's be real. No one's swiping left on her on Tinder. Come on now. Come on. Clint's like,

no. No, I'm being a professional, okay? Only because he's married. I'm being a married professional who respects you as a person and a doctor,

okay? I'm actually in an episode with you. Yes, you're one of my favourite actually. It's episode two, really early into the season. Yeah. You're on The Bachelorette tomorrow night because there were strong rumours that Brie was going to be The Bachelorette.

Plot twist. Plot twist. I'm actually taking over. And then there were rumours that she was going to date The Bachelorette. We've taken it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. No, it's actually a really fun episode.

Let's just say it gets really, things get really wet and steamy in episode two, don't they? Dirty and wet. A lot of synonyms. Yeah, lots of stuff happens in episode two. Gritty. Literally, you need to tune in. Smelly. No, too descriptive?

No, that's actually right. Lucina the Bachelorette, we're so excited to watch everything that's going to happen. Good luck. TVNZ2, tonight at 7.30, you can catch The Bachelorette. Time for Birthday Banger. Come on, this will get you going for a Monday. We take your birthdays and we'll figure out what was actually number one in the charts on your 16th. Nikki's here.

Hi, Nikki. Hi, Nikki. Hi. What's your birthday, Nikki? 23rd of August, 1982. All right. That means you were 16 in 1998 on the 23rd of August. And this is your birthday banger.

Massive. Spice Girls at their peak. Was this post-Jerry, this song? Or Jerry's still in at this stage? Yeah, I can't remember. Was this the one really big emotional song they did where it was just four of them? Viva Forever.

Were you a Spice Girls fan, Nikki? Yeah, a little bit. I was a massive fan, so be careful. We'll find that detail out. You wait there. Let's talk to Kelly. Hey, Kelly. Hello, how are you?

You're going good. How are you? I'm good, thank you. That's good. Kelly, what's your birthday? 4th of January, 1993. All right, you were 16 in 2009 on the 4th of January, and on that day, this topped the charts.

Iconic. Huge. Is this the biggest Lady Gaga song of all time, or is that bad romance? Or is it just dance? Oh. She's got heaps. You love Lady Gaga song of all time? Or is that Bad Romance? Or is it Just Dance? Oh. She's got heaps. You love Lady Gaga, Kelly?

I do. I do love her indeed. She's a queen. You've got an excellent birthday banger as well. Wait there. Amy. Hi, Amy. Hi, Amy.

Hello. What's your birthday, Amy? 13th of October, 1986. All right. You were 16 in 2002 on the 13th of October. Alright you were 16 in 2002 On the 13th of October And Amy this is your birthday bag We have got three really good birthday baggers today

Girl power today Yeah are you stoked with this, Kelly? I love it. Yeah, right? I love it. What a tune. I've got the info on that Spice Girls song. Oh, yeah?

What's the deal? Apparently, Jerry left the band in 1998. Okay. But it says, yeah, on May the 31st. So that is the song. So that is the song. Yeah. Because remember they put out one song where they're like,

we still love each other. Viva forever. We can do this without Jerry. Yeah. And then they basically just broke up after that. Yeah. I think that was the song. Yeah.

Okay. What are we playing? Spice Girls, Avril Lavigne or Lady Gaga? It's a Monday. Yeah. So I feel like I do like that Spice Girls song. It's not one of my favorite Spice Girls songs. Yeah. So I feel like I do like that Spice Girls song. It's one of my favourite Spice Girls songs. Yeah, okay.

Are you leaning towards that? We haven't heard it for... We've never played it. Never ever ever. Or is it crap? Was it the death of the Spice Girls? I feel like it was the song that comes out after a band member leaves. That's fine.

Then I go complicated. I know producer Ellie would vote complicated. I'm going to go poker face just for the upbeat tempo. Okay, that means we're going across to Producer Ben. Producer Ben for Stale Mate. What is the winner of Birthday Banger today? Poker face. Yes!

I'm going to change it up because I think it's exciting. Yes, I like it. Lady Gaga poker face. It's the winner. There we go. Congratulations to Kelly. You win Birthday Banger. Oh, don, I like it. Lady Gaga poker face. It's the winner. There we go. Congratulations to Kelly. You win birthday banger. Oh, don't I?

Amazing. Get it, girl. Brilliant. Glad to see you. Thank you. I wanna hold him like they do in Texas, please Fold him, let him hit me, raise it, baby, stay with me Love game, intuition, play the cards with spades to start And after he's been hooked, I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'll get him high, show him what I got Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh I'll get him high, show him what I got Can't read my, can't read my No, he can't read my open face She's got me, there's no warning Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face She's got me like nobody Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face

She's got me like nobody P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face I wanna roll with him, a hot pair we will be A little gambling is fun when you're with me Russian roulette is not the same without a gun And baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun I'll get him high, show him what I got Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Can't read lies, can't read lies, no, I can't read them all.

Poker face, she's got the look of nobody. P-P-P-Poker face, P-P-Poker face. P-P-P-Poker face, P-P-Poker face. I won't tell you that I love you, kiss or hug you Cause I'm bluffing with my muffin, I'm not lying I'm just stunning with my love glue gunning Just like a chick in the casino Take your bank before I pay you out I promise this, promise this, check this in cause I'm mom

Can't read my, can't read my, no we can't read my poker face. She's got no left nobody. Can't read my, can't read my, no we can't read my poker face. She's got no left nobody. Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face She needs nothing, wants nobody Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my poker face She needs nothing, wants nobody

P-P-P-Poker face, P-P-Poker face P-P-P-Poker face, P-P-Poker face P-P-P-Poker face, P-P-Poker face Zidane, Bree and Clint, that's the winner of Birthday Banger today from the immortal Lady Gaga. I want her to release another album. Yeah. Do you reckon she's got another album in her? Of course she does.

Her last album was massive. What was the song that she released not that long ago and it was a huge pop hit? The one for the movie, the one for Star Is Born. No, it was a huge pop dance hit. Do you remember it? Hold on, wait, I've got to find it now. No, I just know that she had a couple of real depresso songs

off Star Is Born and before that she had the Joanne album. Yeah, so this was totally different to all of that. This was like, oh, The Cure. She released a song called The Cure. You don't remember that song? If it's a massive hit, we should have it here. Yeah, 100% you'll know it. The Cure by Lady Gaga.

The Cure, it was huge. It was like her old stuff. This track here? Yeah, this is it. This song was not huge. This song went to number one. It may have been huge in the clubs that you frequent. The Cure Lady Gaga Stats.

What year did this come out? Being genuine, I've never heard this in my life. This came out in 2017. 2017 this song came out. You don't remember this song? Nah. Really? Text us.

Text us if you know this song. No, actually, because all the Gaga fans will just swamp us. Okay, Secret Lady Gaga song. This is the tune right here. Yeah. I will be right by your side. If I can't find the cure, I'll fix you. It's my love.

No matter. Ben, you got this? Never heard this one. Ellie, tell me you've heard it. Never heard it in my life. You've never heard it? It's good, though. It's a pretty good song.

Maybe I'm just a hardcore Gaga fan. No, you definitely are. Do you ever watch the airport security shows? I love those shows. Border Patrol. Border Patrol. Border Control. Control Patrol.

Border. Same thing. Border Roll. There's been an article released from New Zealand Customs. Oh, what if someone smuggled up their bum? They've gone through stuff that they've had to confiscate from people that they were trying to take onto a plane. So it's stuff that they've found people trying to leave the country with

and they've gone, uh-uh-uh, sunshine. That's not okay to take on a plane. And I find it interesting that they would even have to tell people this sort of thing. Where was the thing? Was it up their bum? No. Well, possibly. Could you do it Where was the thing? Was it up their bum? No, well, possibly. Could you do it if you had to? Put something up my bum?

Yeah, to smuggle it. How big's the thing? I'm going to say like a bag of marbles. A bag of marbles is a variable. A bag of marbles. What, three marbles? No, I'm going to say like a group of 10 marbles. Okay.

Okay, here's the question. No, the correct answer to this question is no, I couldn't smuggle a bag of 10 marbles up my bum. If it was life and death and the drug dealer, Lord Drug Dealer said you need to smuggle this bag of 10 marbles. Why am I dealing with a drug dealer? You found yourself in the situation. I don't know the full backstory,

but pretty much they will kill you if you don't smuggle the bag of marbles up your bum. Yeah, I'll give it a go. I'll do my best. Can I go marble by marble?

Why are we even talking about this? I've got other things to do about it. No, you don't go marble by marble. Can I please talk about... Oh, probably best. You don't go a fistful of marbles in one go. You absolutely go marble by marble. Can I please talk about what... Oh, probably best. You don't go a fist full of marbles in one go. You absolutely go marble by marble. No, but then if you

go marble by marble, how are you going to get each marble out? Marble by marble? No, but they'll get stuck up there in your rectum somewhere. In your colon. You want to keep the marbles as a group. Yeah, they'll be in a long bag, okay?

See, now you're thinking. See, now work with me here. But how long would 10 marbles be? Would it be that long? I don't want to talk about what I was going to talk about anymore. Like I'm cancelling. To be honest, these are the things you need to think about because you never know if you're going to be in that situation.

I just wanted to say that New Zealand Customs has a problem with people taking Marmite on a plane. That was the whole point of this break, and we've gone a deep dive into me putting marbles up my backside. Do you think you could get a jar of Marmite up there? Oh, yeah, no worries. Look, this story is quite heavy. I'm just going to premise it with that

because there's a lot going on in this story is quite heavy. I'm just going to premise it with that because there's a lot going on in this story. And it's one of those stories that ends with someone figuring out that their partner has been leading a secret double life. Oh, yep. We have read and heard these stories before. Is it the man leading the double life? Yes. Every bloody time. Hey, I can't, well, I'm not saying I can't wait,

but I will be shocked the day where it is the woman. It's very hard for a woman to have a secret family. Well, especially if she's having children. That's what I mean. You know what I mean? Probably something you can't keep on the down low. Weren't you pregnant last week? No. How rude of you to say so. No, not me. This story starts off and she actually found out this woman, let's call her Rita. She was in a relationship with a guy called Terry, her husband, for

15 years. That's a long bloody time. Huge chunk of your life. Yeah, 15 years, ages. Anyway, she says in this story that she was really proud of the fact that she thought her and her husband, Terry, had their own lives as well as their lives together.

Okay. But she says she wonders now if that was where it all went wrong. So it was on Christmas Eve that she found out that Terry, her husband, had been living a double life. She actually found out through her sister. And this is all like really kind of, what do they say, like when things just kind of happen and it's like really like minimal chance, but obviously it's meant to happen that way.

Fortuitous, serendipitous. One of those. Anyway, so. Coincidental. Coincidental. Coincidental. She, there was a secretary that came into her husband's life at his workplace. God damn it, always a secretary. Yeah, I know.

How cliche is this story? Anyway, there was multiple times where Rita was kind of like, you know, what's going on with this secretary? And obviously Terry reassured and was like, it's just my secretary, not a big deal. Anyway, she'd been around for about 10 years. And there was one point where the secretary got married and Terry and a bunch of his workmates were invited to the wedding. But not Rita.

But not Rita. But, again, she's proud of the fact that they have separate lives. Exactly. So she was like, great, that's fine. So Terry, her husband, went to the wedding and then that was one thing that happened. And then the secretary also gave birth to newborn twins at one point in those 10 years.

Rita says that her husband asked her to send her some gifts as like a, you know, welcome. For her secretary. Congratulations. On the baby. Yeah, something nice. So Rita did that and sent her some gifts and that was great. And then it wasn't until she had, the secretary had another baby

and Rita's sister happened to be working in the hospital where the secretary was giving the baby's dad was and who she was married to, which she was very shocked to see her sister Rita's husband's name on all the paperwork. Yeah. Anyway, so she found out all of this. She went home, told Rita. She goes, so turns out the wedding that your husband went to for the secretary, it was his wedding. It was his wedding.

You're right, right. They got married. That's why his suit looked so nice. Yes, they got married, and then the presents that you were sending her for the twins, they were his twins. God. It's such an interesting way,

because people leave double lives all the time, and it can be as simple as just you're having an affair on the side. I've never heard of it where one partner is so like blatantly aware of everything that's going on to the point that you're telling her about these things. You're just leaving out the detail that it's your wedding

and they're your kids and it's your double life that you're referring to. It's wild. Absolutely wild. Was the secretary in on it the whole time? Do we know? Well, that's the thing. She would have had to have been.

It doesn't say in this, but she had to have been because obviously she would have been like, well, your wife sent me some gifts. You know what I mean? Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. That's horrific. We are laughing, but that is horrific. Anyone who has to find out that about their partner,

it would rock your whole world. It would wreck your trust in future relationships. And if you are the person doing it, you're just so dumb. Yeah. Because it's going to come out. You are just so dumb. Do you love a good karma story? When someone gets their just desserts?

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I've got a story for you. It's about this woman who was a mum of three. She is a mum of three, sorry. This is over in the UK. She's recently been divorced. So she has an ex-husband now.

Is that her karma? No. No, no, no. He's getting his karma. Oh. So I'm pretty sure they ended up divorcing because he cheated on her, et cetera, et cetera. Horrible story.

She's decided that she wanted to renovate her kitchen. She no longer lives with him. She wants to give her kitchen a revamp, and she thought that she really wanted to add some colour to the floor. Okay. And she thought, what has some really good colour on it? Usually vinyls The middle section of the vinyl

Is usually a colour Oh the bit where the sticker is With the label Like what songs are on it Says what it was So she got her ex-husband's Vinyl collection of rare Rare vinyls

And she's made a floor out of it Putting aside the fact that It probably doesn't look very good And she's made a floor out of it. Putting aside the fact that it probably doesn't look very good. No, it looks awesome. Oh, it does? It looks really good. Yeah. Yeah, that's well done.

Because this is the situation. And we talked about this last week with the guy who got caught cheating on his wife at the football game. That's right, yep. You have no leg to stand on. No. No one will feel sorry for you. Just own it. She could have made a floorboard out of your,

I don't even know, I can't think of an item where I'd be upset. Literally your favourite things. Your favourite thing. She could have got your grandmother's ashes and turned them into flooring for her bathroom and you'd go, well, you deserve that. You know what? You had that coming.

Calm as a bitch. Yeah. Cool. So apparently, and get this, this is my favorite part of the story, apparently the floor is worth more than the entire renovation of the kitchen. Wow. Good to spend that money too before the lawyers go through and harbour your finances.

Exactly. So that's out of the way. She got in early. Okay. All right. Thanks for that. ZM's free in Clint. The podcast with mobile smiles.

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