ZM's Bree & Clint - ZM's Bree & Clint Podcast – March 3rd 2020

Episode Date: March 3, 2020

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Hi everybody, welcome to the Bree and Clint podcast. Producer Ben, Producer Ellie have asked to come to them straight away. Turn their mics off. No. What do you need? We talk about something in the show today. Like quite early on. Yeah.

Like second break. About laptops and on planes. Yeah. And it goes into me admitting that. Being an arsehole. Yeah, I like to recline. Tonight we are flying to Tauranga. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Yeah. I was like, I'm prepared for tonight. Tomorrow morning. And guess who's sitting right behind me? Is it Brie? Is it you, Ellie? It's me. He's 10A and I'm 11A. How did that fucking happen?

Of all the places. I'd be just as pissed as you. No, but seriously, I'm going to get this bloody seat on my knees. If you recline on her, she gets to slap you in the face. Yes. On tomorrow's podcast intro. What are the chances that she's going to get reclined on? It's an extremely small plane.

It's an extremely small plane. So the chances are fairly, yeah. You better not recline. I'll be so annoyed for Ellie. I couldn't believe it when I saw my ass. Because it's Ellie, he's more inclined to recline. I'll be so annoyed for Ellie. I couldn't believe it when I saw my ass. Because it's Ellie, he's more inclined to recline. Exactly.

You're nice. No, you should be more inclined to do something nice for your friend and not recline on a 30-minute fucking flight. Yes, thank you, Brie. I appreciate the support. What are the odds? People in other countries don't understand when we take a 30-minute flight. They're like, how is there a 30-minute flight? New Zealand's not that big.

Even I don't understand that because in Australia, we don't have such things. People drive. Yeah, well, you're literally one of the biggest countries in the world. Yeah. But shouldn't there be more flights then? Yeah, but everything's further apart. I'm saying, I'm saying, our longest, the longest. What? Your country's massive. Yes. Ours is small. Yeah, we do have further apart. I'm saying, I'm saying our longest, the longest. What?

Your country's massive. Yes. Ours is small. Yeah, we do have a big one. Yeah. Because your cities are further away. They're further apart from each other. Yes.

Bigger flights. No, I'm saying we don't have anything like, say, for example, Stanthorpe. Yeah. Like, which is a small country town, probably the same size as, oh, I don't know. Like, what I'm saying is there's so many airports in New Zealand at really small places and there's like really short flights. But we don't have, airports don't exist at small places in Australia. Oh, I see.

Is what I'm saying. Yeah, right. Like, for example, Toowoomba, which is, I mean, you know, like 300,000 people, only got an airport a couple of years ago, and they only fly to like, you know, real like. 300,000 people is like our second biggest city. Yeah. I freaking love this country for that reason. You know what reason that makes me very uneasy living in this country?

And people listening to this will be also shocked, especially, you know, actually anyone, anyone. When you fly domestically in New Zealand, certain flights, you don't have to go through security check-in. You just walk on. You just literally get on the damn plane. Yes, I remember going to Greymouth with you and you were absolutely shitting bricks.

I looked at you and I said, I was like, oh, when do we go through security? Because we were walking on the tarmac. Can I jump on? And Ellie goes, nah, there's no security for this flight. Yeah, it's a trust system. And I was like, what do you mean it's a trust system? Just pick and choose? You're like, oh, that group looks trustworthy. Off you go. Yeah, that's how we

do it, yeah. You've got to remember, I don't want to give anyone ideas. The planes are too small to do any damage. Like, you're not going to... Actually, I don't want to give anyone any ideas. The planes are too small to do any damage. Actually, I don't want to talk about this because we're taking one of these flights tomorrow. Can we not talk about it? I literally will have a panic attack. I hate flying. Just look everybody in the eye as they get on the flight and just say to them,

You good? You good? I'm good. You good? Actually, speaking of flights, I know that we all want to get out of here. I just want to tell you guys one more thing. You know what happened to me on Friday? Because I caught a flight to Australia and I pay good money to be a part of the Kodoo Club.

Yeah, nice. Which means you get like... How the tables have turned. No, you get like perks and stuff, right? So I want you... Oh, we know. I'm going to tell you the guy, I'm going to tell you guys the situation and you tell me what you think happened. Okay. So I get to choose my seat on the plane and I picked one of the ones up the front because

it has more leg room on this certain flight, right? So I picked my seat, picked a window seat right up the front. Yeah. And then I was lucky enough to have the middle seat was free and then a guy was sitting in the aisle seat. Oh, the life of a cotter member. How good, right? How good. free and then a guy was sitting in the aisle seat oh the life of a cotter remember how good right how good so all the people who were sitting up the front usually get on early because you get

priority boarding um anyway anyway so i was like i'm on here i've got a window seat i've got extra leg room and the seat next to me yeah you're in're in for a good flight. I'm in for a good flight. I can put my bag under the middle seat area. It's great. Literally, the last fucking person to get on the flight, no bullshit, was this guy. And not to sound horrible, but not the cleanest guy I've seen. Oh, okay. Pretty rough around.

I thought you were going to say not the smallest guy. No, pretty rough around the edges. Right, yeah. Like, kind of like, you know, pretty scruffy. And he gets on last, literally the last person. And he literally, you know how obviously you look at, like, where you're sitting? Yeah.

Like, you look and then you look again. Yeah. This guy did not even look. He literally goes, oh, I'm sitting there. Bold. What? And you're not going to go, are you? Are you?

Are you? What do you do? Yeah. Yeah, you don Bold. What? And you're not going to go, are you? Are you? What do you do? Yeah. What? You know what happened? I literally, the whole flight I was stewing about it

because I was like, I know this guy isn't sitting there. Like I know for a fact. Yeah, there's no way this scruffy hooligan is a Kauri member. No, it's not because of that.

It was just because of how he like literally was like, I'm sitting right there. It was about all this other stuff. Anyway, I was like, like, I'm sitting right there. All this other stuff. Anyway, I was like, oh, I hope he leaves his ticket in the seat pocket. Because he put his ticket in the seat pocket, right? And I was like, oh, I'm so going to check. I just want to see.

Just for peace of mind. Anyway, no bullshit. The last minute, as we were all getting up, he pulls out the ticket, puts it into his passport. I was like, bullshit. I was like, bullshit. I was like, this is not your seat. By that stage, you're there. You're at the flight to over.

I know, but I wanted to know. Yeah, right. Yeah, fair enough. Oh, that's frustrating. I wanted to know. There's nothing you can do. And to be honest, when I sat there and I thought about it, I stewed over it and I stewed over it because I was like, oh, this is bad.

And then I also thought, I was like, that's kind of genius. Yeah, get on last. Get on last. And then you'll know the seats that are free. Just be confident. Yeah. Confidence is key. It's like blagging your way into a concert or anything.

If you are confident enough, no one will ask you. Because they'll be scared to. They'll be like, oh, he's important. Yeah. It's absolute genius. Same power you get with a high-vis vest. Pretty much. Or when you're carrying a ladder somewhere.

Anyway. Anyway, here's today's podcast. Enjoy. Hey, Google, what's the time? It's 3 p.m. Give or take a minute. Alexa, play ZM on iHeartRadio. Playing ZM on iHeartRadio. Playing ZM on iHeartRadio.

Hey Siri, when are Brie and Clint on? Brie and Clint are on air in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Hello everybody, Brie and Clint. Hello guys, how are we? Brie's trying to open the show with some water bottle percussion. My new water bottle, guys. Here you go then. Yeah, nice work.

Needs work. It's new. Hang on. Excuse me. Is that a reusable stainless steel double-walled drink bottle that you're using? Keeps it cold or hot for extra long. Wow, you're so eco, babes. I love it.

Is this technically a furnace? No. Do you remember those things? Oh, no, wait. Am I wrong? Is the word you're looking for a thermos? Yes. I mean, pretty close.

When was the last time you used a thermos? Don't blame me for forgetting what it was called. Do you remember those things, though? Yeah, I do. And technically, it is a thermos. It is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a modern-day thermos. It is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a modern day thermos.

Today on the show, lots of fun stuff. Secret Sounds at $70,000. And the best clue so far is out there. The video with Soundkeeper Gary in it, where the Secret Sound is also in the video as well. Yeah, no, the video is, there's sounds and things flying everywhere. There's a lot going on,

but if you already have an idea, it may just confirm it for you. That is so true. If you've got a slow afternoon at work today, ZM Online has all the guesses, all the clues, and that video. You could do some kind of detective work, call us at 4 o'clock, and you could make $70,000 this afternoon. I mean, pretty good afternoon out making $70,000.

Someone's going to win this money, by the way. It's not like we get to the end of Secret Sound and it hasn't gone and the money disappears. Someone has to win it. We do Secret Sound until someone wins the money. Exactly.

That's how it works. It's going to someone. Also, you may have seen yesterday Bree's killer comedy set is on the way. Me as a promoter, I've organised Bree's

first ever comedy set and it's this Thursday night. Yeah, I'm so thrilled and so glad that you thrust upon me this opportunity and gave me three days' notice. No one I'd rather thrust upon. There's a few more surprises coming up for that comedy set today,

but next, a public service announcement for anybody keeping houseplants at the moment. Are you a houseplant person? I feel like The houseplant chat Has gotten a bit Out of control On our show No I'm into it

I think it's a new thing I feel like it's a bit Like your home And how many houseplants You have in it I'm passionate about it It's out of control And I know other people

Are passionate about it too So like I said A PSA for houseplant owners On the show after Lewis Capaldi Bree and Clint Golden Deuce Bree and Clint

Bree said to me In our planning meeting last week, the show needs more houseplant news. No, I said I think it's getting a little bit out of control. No, you said I see what's cool now, houseplants. Clint, I know you've got a lot of houseplants. I want more houseplant news. And what you want, you get. Houseplants are cool.

They're like responsibilities if you don't actually want real responsibilities. I don't mind a houseplant. Yeah. I just don't want 50 of them in my house. They're like children for people who aren't ready for children or dogs. No, that's dogs. No, this is less care than a dog. They're like a less cool dog. No one's going to send you to court if you forget to feed your houseplants.

You can't cuddle a fern. Oh. It'll hurt it. No, you can't cuddle a fern. This is more of a watch out for people, okay? A lady called Celia Wikes has posted on Facebook, and this post has gone fairly viral, I think because it's relatable and because houseplants are so hot and cool at the moment.

She said, she put up a picture of her succulent that she's growing. Okay. Great option for a plant succulent, but don't water them too much. I was going to say, even I don't really, can't really kill a succulent. I've had a succulent before. You can overwater a succulent and it will drown. Right. Yeah.

So you can care for it too much is what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not Celia. She had a succulent before. You can overwater a succulent and it will drown. Right. Yeah. So you can care for it too much is what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But not Celia. She had a plan. She wrote, I've had this beautiful succulent for two years. That's an achievement. You've never kept anything alive for two years. God, what a punish.

She said, I was proud of this plant. I had it on my kitchen window and I had a watering plan for it, which you need for a succulent. If someone else tried to water my succulent, I would get very defensive because I was taking good care of it. I loved my succulent. I decided that it was time to repot it, and I found the cutest vase,

and I pulled it out from its original plastic container, and I found out that my succulent is fake. Oh, my God. For two years, she's been running a watering plan For a fake plant A plastic plant Hey well at least it's good practice Maybe she knows now that she can have a real one

You don't know if it's good practice Because she may have been over watering it How would she know? You can't kill a plastic plant Can I ask someone who I only have fake plants in my flat because we live in a flat for one and I will kill them. If you go away for a long extended period of time,

what happens to the plants? You get someone to water them for you. What if you can't? There are self-watering things you can put in the plants. These upside down bottles that slowly release water. Sounds like a lot of admin. Yeah, but life is admin, you know? Like, pick and choose

the admin that gives you pleasure. That's what I like to say. So plants give you pleasure is what you're saying? Yeah, plants give me... I get pleasure... No. No? I find plants pleasurable No there's no right way to say this Our public service announcement

There we go Plants are pleasurable No chicken teeth are fake That was going to be what it was I heard Fletch, Fawn and Megan talking about this this morning But I mean it's one of the biggest stories Doing the rounds today And it's about the passenger that was flying domestically, I think from somewhere

in Texas to LA. I think anyway, he was on this domestic flight and he's had his laptop open on, you know, the tray table. Yeah. And the guy in front of him has reclined his seat and has smashed his laptop screen yeah it's crunched the guy's screen it's it's it's completely shot devastating yeah especially if you're on a plane and you're like using it at the time yeah i think he did have important work to do as well he said he was editing photos and it's like his livelihood yeah anyway he's like messaged the airline company and he's like, this happened kind of thing. And they were like, sorry, not our problem.

Here's a $75 gift card. And that's pretty much all they did. Yeah. But you and I were talking about obviously and I heard Fletch, Vaughan and Megan talking about who was in the wrong and who's in the right. And it's very divided on the internet. But I think the chat is probably more around obviously we've talked about this a million times but reclining in general,

especially on domestic flights because you and I have been flying a lot domestically lately. Yeah. And do you recline? Are you a recliner? Look, some flights actually won't let you recline. Really? Yeah, there's Air New Zealand planes that don't have the recline function,

specifically on domestic planes. I didn't know that. But the ones that do, I think you hit the nail on the head. It's situation specific. Yeah, I totally think it depends on the situation. When we had to get up at 4.30 in the morning to catch that flight from Invercargill, I'm reclining my seat. Yeah, I don't feel bad.

I'm sorry. I need to – I feel like a zombie. I'm just going to recline a little bit, and I hope you do too, person behind me, because you deserve a nap as well. See, even then I didn't recline. Yeah? I just – there's something in me that feels too bad. Yeah.

Especially on domestic flights, but I wouldn't be angry at someone if they did recline at that time in the morning. Yeah. Or a night time flight. Yeah, late night time flight. If you're reclining at midday on a Wednesday, I might tell you to go stuff yourself. And that's when producer Ben piped up.

And he has a very strong opinion on this. And what are your views, producer Ben? I always recline my chair. So when we fly to Taudonga tomorrow. Yeah, that'll be happening. And it's a 35-minute flight during the day, like mid-morning. You're reclining your chair. There's a button there for a reason and I'm using it.

Like it's your birthright. I just want to be comfortable for that little amount of time in the sky. But what about the person behind you? Everyone can do it. I know, but say the person behind you, like this guy, was using their laptop. You literally cannot use your laptop if someone reclines. I'm sorry, but you can't. Well, I'd hope they'd say something like, but hey man, I'm using my laptop.

Yeah, you can chuck it on your knee. Ben's so reclined you could probably place it on Ben's forehead. That would be good. Some of these domestic flights are so short that by the time... You can't put it up while you're taking... You can't recline while you're taking off and you can't be reclined while they're preparing for landing. So that flight's gonna be what?

You'll be reclined for four minutes. Literally four minutes. I'll enjoy those four minutes. Also, don't get us started on your etiquette when it comes to using the toilet lavatories on a plane, domestic flight-wise. Yeah, sure. I just took after you.

You're like, this is how you do it, Ben. I'll show you what to do. Bree and Clint from iHeartRadio. This is the latest live from LA with Dean McCarthy. Dean McCarthy's on the phone. Kanye West is in trouble for the models that he's using in his new runway show, Dean. Yes, he's in all sorts of trouble,

but mostly he's getting slammed about the former North West who rapped in the middle of the show. Here's the drama. Okay, this is called Rich People, Famous Problems. Okay, so Northwest did a rap during the show. Apparently the rap was a rip-off of another Instagram famous child called

Zaza. So apparently Northwest stole the song, performed the song. I'm not even kidding. This is real real life Yeah In the show And then of course The parents of Zaza Have come out and complained

And now Kim Kardashian Has released a Twitter statement Thanking Zaza For the incredible lyrics That is the world We are living in Welcome to 2020

Everyone Wow Northwest has got Her first lawsuit This is quite incredible Isn't it I mean I like that

You know So did they ask her? Did they ask Zaza if she could do that song? Apparently not. No, apparently not. Yeah, she's like, they're very, like, proud. And it got the publicity that it's getting. They're very excited about that.

Oh, yeah, it's going to put Zaza over the top. Yeah, exactly. After this, Zaza's going to be a household name. Zaza should pipe down. Oh, you reckon Zaza should pipe down? Well, I mean, at the end of the day, yeah, I don't agree that they should have just used the song without asking. That's not okay.

Yeah. But what they're going to get out of this publicity and this story now is probably worth it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Good work, Zaza. In fact, I've been a Zaza fan for ages. I'm glad Zaza's finally getting a kudos.

About time Zaza was getting some attention. That's the latest out of Hollywood with our correspondent, Dean McCarthy. He's in Los Angeles and he knows everything. Bree and Clint. This is interesting. We actually talked about this last year when it was proposed, but KFC have now thrown their first ever wedding. I love how you said proposed.

Yeah, true. I did say proposed. And it's a wedding story. And not just any wedding story, but a KFC chicken themed wedding. We've spoken a little bit about themed weddings lately. We spoke about the weed marijuana wedding. Yeah. We've now spoken.

That could be together. You could have the wedding as the weed themed and then your reception at KFC. That is kind of genius. I don't know if the Colonel would go for it. I don't know if it's on brand. But the first ever KFC wedding has actually happened very close to your hometown in Australia, Bree. Yeah, I know. This is super close

to Stanthorpe. It's a place called Toowoomba where my brother currently lives. So the happy couple, Kate and Harrison Can, have had a KFC wedding. And what does that mean? It's had personalised KFC buckets on the tables. Beautiful. I imagine personalised with their names.

Yep. KFC themed wedding cake. No word on whether that's a chicken wedding cake or not. Yeah, was it chicken or was it just themed? A KFC food truck serving all the guests the whole time. Was he dressed in a white tux like the Colonel? Well, there was a Colonel Sanders wedding singer. Oh, that's cool.

Who performed for the guests for the whole night, which I think is fun, right? If you can just go, I love KFC and I love this person, let's meld the two together. As long as your partner loves KFC as well. Right. The highest requested song was the chicken dance. That's good too.

I thought, I'm already married, so this is not something I'm going to get to experience. You, however, are in a new relationship. This is also near your hometown, so it'd be very easy for your family to get there for a wedding. Could travel quite easily. I want to know how much it costs. No.

So we're going to call the KFC in Toowoomba, and you're going to inquire. I'll speak in my native Australian country tongue. Yeah. What would it cost to cater a Brie Thomasel wedding? KFC, Kylie speaking. Kylie, hi, Kylie. I was just after a bit of a quote.

Yeah, yeah, what were you chasing? I was just after, I'm looking to have my wedding in about eight months or so and we were thinking about having it catered by you guys. Yeah, yeah. So we were just wondering, like we're thinking it's probably going to be around 90 to 100 people. 90 to 100 people, yeah. Yeah.

Do you roughly know how much chicken we'd need and how much it would cost? Were you chasing anything in specific, like popcorn nuggets, original? Well, me and my fiancés, our favourite is popcorn chicken, so there'd be a lot of popcorn chicken. And probably just the generic buckets of chicken just to have on the tables. Yeah, yeah, okay. And then we'd also like just the straight gravy, not the potato and gravy. And just the plain gravy, yep.

And if you can just put down also, I was thinking of getting a bouquet, but in chicken. Oh, yeah. And then I was going to, like, do, like, the chicken, you know, like a bouquet toss but with the chicken bouquet. Yeah, yeah, that'd be pretty cool. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, well, I'll talk to the store manager anyway. His name's Brad, so I'll give him all the details

and let him know before he gets on the phone. All right, legend. And, I mean, if there is a colonel that's available that could marry us, we were also thinking about that as well. Yeah, cool. That sounds good. Awesome. I'm excited.

Okay, I'll call you guys back. Yeah, it'll be good. No worries. Thanks. Bye. Bye. It's good that you're going to get a discount. Why didn't you ask them for the chicken ring?

You should have asked if they could do a chicken wedding ring. Chicken bouquet. Bree and Clint. chicken ring. You should have asked if they could do a chicken wedding ring. Chicken bouquet. A Motueka man by the name of Pacey Groobie has gone viral today and I don't think he would want to be going viral for what he's gone viral for. So just for the Aussie in the room,

whereabouts is this? Motueka is at the top of the South Island near Nelson. Near Nelson, right, got it. Yeah. He has arrived home. Pacey's 18 years old. He's arrived home to find a man doing number twos outside his letterbox. That's not something you want to be greeted by.

No. Nor that you see any day in your life. Exactly right, because Pacey... Wheeze, maybe. Wheeze, you could get your head around. You could kind of be like, okay, I get it, maybe you just pulled over and needed to, you know. Pooh's very confronting. Very, very

personal. Pacey, very quick-thinking man, has whipped his phone out and put it into record, so it's all documented on video. Yeah, because that's the first thing I would do. And this is actual audio of him finding someone doing number twos outside his letterbox. What are you doing, mate?

What are you doing? Just s***. That's disgusting. I love the guy's response. He's just straight up honest and he goes, just s***. Yeah, well, no s Just. Just. The most. Yeah, well, no shit. The most.

No, some actually. The most disturbing part about this video is because you might go, oh, leave him alone. He might have irritable bowel syndrome or leave him alone. If you've got to go, you've got to go. He's come pre-prepared with a roll of toilet paper. See, and this is where, look, I've gone into investigator mode. Yeah.

I had a thought, maybe he's a backpacker, he's living in a van and he needed to go number twos. Yeah. But that's when you said, yeah, but why would you go in front of someone's mailbox? Yeah, why wouldn't you go behind a tree? You go behind a tree like in a secluded. If you've got time to grab a roll of toilet paper,

you've got time to pe a roll of toilet paper, you've got time to pick a more secluded... Absolutely. Just open the door on your freedom camping van and go behind that. Yeah, that's good. Gives you good cover. The man is not a New Zealander. He is a freedom camper from... I knew it.

Deutschland, Germany. Not to besmirch the good reputation of our German listeners, but that's just a cold, hard fact. Pacey chased the man down the street. What? Did the man wipe? He got back in his car and took off. He got his number plate.

Pacey spent the next couple of days going around freedom camping sites trying to find the guy because Pacey wanted revenge. And he couldn't find him. Two nights later, he looked out. Oh, please tell me they did DNA tests. No, two nights later, he looked out his front window and the man was parked outside his house again doing number ones. No.

Yes. Oh, so he's obviously, you know, got some sort of fetish. Whatever it is, he's now got a $400 fine. Is that how much it is to do a poo-poo in public? Yeah, $400. Or $200 for public defecation and $200 for breaking the freedom camping rules. Really? They're the same price?

Yeah. Really? It seems like a very low amount. I was going to say, it seems very low. For the impact of the deed, right? Can you imagine? Like, Pacey won't want to check his mail for about three years. You know what would have been really weird is that if,

what was the guy's name that saw it? Pacey. Pacey had a driven pass and there's this guy obviously, you know, defecating doing number twos. And then a guy walking behind him going, it's all right, I've got a bag, and picks it up. Sorry, he's mine. He's mine, I've got it.

Don't worry about it. I know the rules. I'm a responsible Freedom Camper owner. I will pick up after him. I'll pick up after my pet. I know the rules. Breed in particular want to ask this question, and it's a bit of role reversal because usually you'd ask this question,

but I think it'll be okay today. Will it? I don't know. I don't know if I want multiple. I think this question and it's a bit of role reversal because usually you'd ask this question but i think it'll be okay today will it i don't know i don't know if i think this question will be okay can i just say i'm distancing myself yeah and it's weird that you're the one distancing but i think it'll be okay sometimes there's a line did you not quite make it that's the question we're asking this afternoon on our 800 dials at m number ones or number twos oh we're not gonna get any we don't want intentional stories like this. We don't want targeted droppings. Yeah, not like that poo jogger in Melbourne, Australia.

No, not that. When she was targeting that place outside. We want to know that accidents do happen. And if you were caught short. Do we want to know that? You didn't quite make it. You can call us on 0800 dial ZM. Or you can text us on 9696.

I thought this topic was custom made for you, honestly. We'd be in the same time. Brianne Clint. A Motueka man came home to find a German freedom camper doing number twos outside his letterbox. That is not what you want to come home to. He videoed it and he asked the guy straight. What are you doing, mate?

What are you doing? Just shitting. That's disgusting. Just shitting. Like it's something to do. Like it's normal. The guy's been caught. He chased him away.

The guy came back two nights and freedom camped in the same spot. So he got him a $400 fine. I just pictured like in like a superhero movie if there was like a villain and that's what he would do. The vigilante was out and caught again this afternoon. Wait, who's the superhero? The guy catching or the guy doing? The guy catching.

Oh, good. Yeah, right, right, right, right. Because I was like weird superpower, the other one. The villain is the guy doing it. Oh, right. Yeah, right, right, right, right. It's like weird superpower, the other one. No, the villain is the guy doing it. Oh, right. Some disgusting joker. Yeah, exactly. We want to know.

That's obviously a premeditated act. The guy was holding toilet paper. He had toilet paper. He brought toilet paper with him, by the way. That's not an emergency poo. No. I'm telling you now. No.

You did not have time to grab toilet paper. He had a whole roll. No. We want to hear about emergencies, though. Or do we? I'm not sure that we do now. No. You did not have time to grab toilet paper. You had a whole roll. No. We want to hear about emergencies, though. Or do we? I'm not sure that we do now. No, you said you wanted to. And we have some on the phone.

Harley, hi. Hi, how's it going? Harley, tell us, when did you not quite make it? There's a couple of incidences. A couple? Didn't you learn from the first time, Harley? Sometimes accidents happen, eh? Once a shatter, always a shatter.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. 2013, me and my partner at the time were out at a caravan out at the beach. Just about to sit down and have lunch with the gyps. So I looked at my leg and whoops. I was like, I'd better go to the toilet. I think I'll crap myself. Yeah, all right.

I've had it. Okay, thanks. Do you see what I mean? This is what I told you would happen. That was graphic. I was expecting more like I was stuck in an Auckland traffic jam because of an accident. Do you want to hear something?

Thank you, Harley, but we'll call that one early. Do you want to hear something from the text machine? Yeah. Okay, someone on the text machine? Yeah. Okay. Someone on the text machine said, I pooed my undies. Hold on, wait. I pooed my undies at a concert. Luckily, I had a family, friends across the road.

I went over, I washed and blow dried them, slept them back on and went back to the concert. Oh my god. That is, I'm gonna clap that. I'd pay good money to know what concert it was. Same, like, because that would tell you so much about the person too. And like how

much did you really need to go back to the concert after that? And how much were the tickets? Anonymous, hi. Hey, how's it going? Just be aware that if it gets too much, we are having to wrap these calls up, but the question I'll try and keep it clean. Yeah, the question is No, this is anything but clean.

When did you not quite make it? About three weeks ago. Oh no. I'm a lawnmower man, and I was just pulling up to a job, and all of a sudden I had an urge to use the bathroom, and I was like it's straight, I'll just do this'm a lawnmower man, and I was just pulling up to a job, and all of a sudden I had an urge to use the bathroom, and I was like, all right, straight, I'll just do this five-minute lawn. I'll head to the beefy station down the road.

Yeah. And halfway through the lawn, yeah, my pants. Yeah, right. Wasn't fun. Worst part was a 45-minute drive to go home to get changed. I always feel bad for you guys because the role is you don't use a client's facilities, right? No. We had a guy come and paint our house.

It's been a month at our house painting. Yeah, but what did he really have to go? Not once. He was at our house for nine hours a day. Not once did he ask to use our bathroom. I know. No, that's not fair. I know.

That's a bit rough. All right, thank you, Anonymous. Can I ask? Obviously, these people have all had accidents. It's a straight throw out of the underwear, isn't it? In my opinion, those undies are not coming back. They're really expensive undies. Yeah, no, I'll throw them out.

No, I was going to, how cheap are you? Buy a new pair. I've never been in this situation. Well, you're lucky. I've never been in the same situation as these people. We've run out of time, but Joy, can you just tell us

what the location was where it happened to you? Maple Talpo Road. And she's never been back. Bree and Clint. Very, very sad news out today that Judge Judy, the TV show,

will be coming to an end. Oh, my gosh. The way you said it, I thought you were going to say she was dead. You're like very, very sad, sombre news. Well, I'm devastated. Judge Judy, who's been on here for about 45 years. I love this TV show. Yeah.

And I'm sad to say that, yeah, she's finally hanging up the mallet and she's calling. It's called a gevel. Same thing. And she's calling it quits even though it still rates its arse off. Yeah. But it's one of those shows, surely, where you don't need to be watching a new episode. You can happily watch.

How long has she been on air? I think she's been on air for, well, I'm going to say there's 260 episodes. Yeah. Her hairstyle hasn't changed. You won't know if you're watching an episode from now or 1999. Do you know she's 78 this year? Is she? Yeah.

Good for her, guys. She's one of the richest people on TV ever. She owns a $20 million yacht. What? Yeah. Whoa. I'm pretty sure it's called the Shineland. Anyway, off the back of this, which is very sad news, it's everywhere today. I thought we could play a bit of a Judge

Judy game. This is Judge Judy. So what we're going to do this afternoon is we've got two people who have called up to play. That's you, Carl, and you, Rebecca. Hello. Hey, how's it going? There we go. They've called up to play the game. How it's going to work is that I've got some quotes from Judge Judy that she said over the past 15, 25 years of her career, or has she said them? So all you guys have to do is I'm going to read out the quote

and you have to tell me whether it's real, a real quote from Judge Judith Shyneland, or if it's a fake quote that I've written myself. Well, that's not going to be too hard, is it? Okay, we'll see how we go. All right, so it's best of five. Who should go first, Colleen? Start with Carl.

All right, Carl, you're going first. Wait. Here's your quote. If I was your mother, I would break a wooden spoon over your backside. Don't respect me in my courtroom again. I reckon that sounds pretty true. You reckon that's real? Yeah, I reckon that's real.

Follow me. Unfortunately, I wrote that one. That is fake. It was pretty good. Thank you, Carl. Appreciate that. All right, it's pretty good. Thank you, Carl. Appreciate that. All right, Beck, your turn. Here comes the quote.

Is it a real Judge Judy quote or is it fake? I eat morons like you for breakfast. You're going to be crying before this is over. That's real. You reckon that's real? That is. That's correct. That's a real quote from Judge Judy.

I think I remember the episode too. Right. A real fan. Okay, cool. Here we go. All right, Carl. One nil to Rebecca. Here we go, Carl.

Here comes your second one. Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn't work and it annoys the pig. I'm going to go real again. That is correct. That has come from Judge Judy's mouth in the past hour long. All right, so it's one apiece. Here comes your second one, Beck.

Do you know how old I am? Do you realise that every second of my life is precious? Is it real or is it fake? I think that's a Brie quote. You reckon that is something that I have written and not something Judge Judy has said? No, that is a quote from Judge Judy, which takes us to a tie-break.

Ew, I'm pretty sick. All right, guys, here we go quote from Judge Judy, which takes us to a tiebreaker. Ew, I'm pretty set. All right, guys, here we go in the Judge Judy game for this afternoon. The tiebreaker. Buzz in when you think you know the answer, okay? I do. All right. I want first-time offenders to think of their first appearance in my courtroom as the second worst experience of their lives.

Yes, Bec? That's true. That is correct. It is true. And she finishes the quote off with, the second worst experience of their lives, circumcision being the first. Congratulations, Rebecca. You're our Judge Judy champion

and we've got some free mobile fuel for you. Thank you so much. You're very, very welcome. If you missed that news, Judge Judy's finished. Done. Gone. I'm so sad. I reckon they should have put a new Judy in.

Yeah, get another Judge Judy. Get another younger Judy that can do another 25 years. Maybe like Judge Marie or something. How'd that work do another 25 years. Maybe like Judge Marie or something. Brie's great dream that she's shared with me was that she would like to perform in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival this year. You take stuff and you twist it and then this stuff ends up happening.

Well, I feel like you implied it. No, I never implied it. I feel like you insinuated it and it was my job as a good friend to pick up on the hints you were giving off. I have said to you that I've been doing some comedy stuff, not much, and I don't really want anyone to know about it because I'm terrible and that was pretty much it. Oh, I've read this room wrong.

You've read it very wrong. Well, the good news is I wasn't able to get you into the New Zealand International Comedy Festival thanks to Best Foods Mayo. They said no. They said you couldn't be in it. Why did they say no? Um, something about they didn't want to. I don't know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I've gone ahead

and organised the next best thing. Bree's Killer Comedy Set. This Thursday, Bree will headline her first ever stand-up comedy set. You're the main event. I haven't even done stand-up. You have done stand-up. I've done it literally twice. Yeah.

For five minutes. That's literally two more times than me. Yesterday, I revealed my big idea, which gave you a hot four-day lead-up to the event. And I revealed that... A four-day lead-up to get ready to headline a show where I've literally done this thing twice. Yeah, but we've established this.

You're funny, so you're going to be fine. No, that's not how stand-up comedy works. Ellie, tell her she's funny. Tell her how funny she is. Brie, you're very funny. You make me laugh every single day. No, no. Ben, tell her how funny she is. You're very funny. You make me laugh every single day. No, no. Ben, tell her how funny she is.

I am so excited for Thursday night. You are so funny. Yeah, you guys are laughing at me, not with me. It's different. The line-up is growing. I'm the promoter and I'm doing a great job. Eli Mathewson from Have You Been Paying Attention, he's so keen to be on the bill that I've signed him.

I've signed him. He's on. So he's your support act. Oh, don't act like you're doing him a favour. He's doing you the biggest favour ever. Ben, are we on track to reveal the venue tomorrow as well? Yeah, definitely. Super confident venue is locked in.

Venue's on the way. Well, let's hope so. It's Wednesday tomorrow and you're promoting this gig for Thursday. The bit where I might be failing as a promoter. Is how many people are coming? Yeah. So because we're not selling tickets to this, it's hard to know how many people are going to show up. But we are

running a Facebook event and it's public and it's on our Facebook page at the moment. You know that even these Facebook events, even the people that say they're coming, they never turn up. Well we have to go off the data that we've got. So currently the Breeze Killer, sorry, currently. Breeze Killer Comedy Set.

Got to get the branding in there. Currently it has 22 people attending. Which is a crowd. That's a crowd. 22 people is a crowd. That's a crowd. 22 people is a crowd. It's not a massive crowd. And I'm saying if 22 people have said they're coming, you're probably going to get about half that amount to actually come.

Yeah, you'll get half because three of those people are Ben, Ellie and I. One of them is your flatmate Annabelle and the other one is Ben's girlfriend. So good news, five of them are definitely confirmed and we're definitely coming. I can't wait to perform to five. Actually, no, that works well for me. The less people to see this, the less embarrassed I'll be. I think as soon as people know the venue,

they know it's going to be accessible. It is accessible, by the way. It's going to be in central Auckland on Thursday night. Well, book a tiny venue. At 7.30. You're not going to fill it. And if you'd like to come, we're at 23. We're at 23 now. Someone else just clicked

attending. Do you reckon the people calling on the phones now are calling because they want to come to this? No, they'll be calling for secret sound. Bree and Clint. Oh my god. I heard she bought all her followers. She would. She's such a bitch.

It's time for Brie and Clint's Insta Fame Game. We got time to sneak in a quick Insta Fame Game where we guess how many followers famous people have on Instagram. So pretty much just superfluous life knowledge. Yeah, right? It's not going to help you with anything, but it's a bit of fun, right?

Yeah, it's a bit of fun. Play in the car, see if you can get the number correct as well. Producer Ellie, hi, you run this game. Hello, I do, yes. Are you ready

for your first celeb today? Nah. Okay, cool, bye. All right, celeb number one is Hilary Duff, who, FYI everyone, her 2003 Metamorphosis album is now on Spotify. number one is Hilary Duff, who, FYI, everyone, her 2003 Metamorphosis album is now on Spotify.

Is it called Up the Duff? It's literally called Metamorphosis. I heard there's a single track on there called Up the Duff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many followers for Hilary Duff? Yes, that's correct, yeah. Hilary Duff. The Duff.

The Duff stuff. Made of the The Duff. The Duff stuff. Made of the right Duff. The Duffinator. Nice. All right, for Hilary Duff, Clint, you put 2.3 million. Brie, you put 7.7 million. Hilary Duff has 14.7 million. Does she?

She does. That's a point to Brie. Oh, Duff it. What ever happened to the remake of the Lizzie McGuire show? She's in negotiations at the moment

to have her ear on Hulu. Oh, okay, alright. Don't ask me why I know

that, I read an article about it this morning. I literally was thinking, why does

Clint know about that? Okay, next. Number two is he was recently mugged and ran into

oncoming traffic to get away. It's Harry Styles. Oh yeah, that story was scary. Creepy, eh? He has enlisted Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones security.

Oh. He's like, I need help. And he's gone right to the top. He's like, I need Mick Jagger's guy. He kind of looks like Mick Jagger. All right. Clint, $30 million for Harry Styles. Bree, $64 million.

Harry Styles has $26.4 million. Point to Clint. That's right. I remember he's come up once before and I remember going, he doesn't have enough Instagram followers. Yeah, he doesn't, eh? He's so cute.

He is, I know. Alright, number three. They were spotted at Sydney Mardi Gras in the weekend. It's Sam Smith. The salmonator. A slippery salmon. Okay.

Sam Smith has... Oh, she's in the nose! Alright, for Sam Smith. Clint, you put $6 million. Bree, you put $17 million. Sam Smith has $14.7 million. Go! Point to Bree.

Bree, you can take it here. Take it, Bree. Yeah, take it. Alright. Yeah, Duffinator. Okay, number four. Alright, he's got All right. Oh, yeah, Duffinator. Okay, number four. All right, he's got a new movie coming out called Spencer Confidential. I have no idea what it's about, but it's Mark Wahlberg.

And no, it's not Matt Damon, Brie. I always get them confused. Brie doesn't know the difference. Is it Matt Damon or is it... Which one's Mark Wahlberg? He was in the... What was that crew that he was in originally? Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

That one. Oh, yeah. That one? Oh, God. He's always in like... Mark Wahlberg, Mark Wahlberg Bunch. That one. Oh, yeah. That one? Oh, God. He's always in like. Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg. He's in Ted.

Yep. Okay, got it. Got him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. All right. For Mark Wahlberg, Clint, you put $9 million. Bree, you put $14 million.

For someone who doesn't know who he is, Bree, you've got the point. He's $14.5 million. Really? Yeah. Spot on. Nice game to Bree, which now makes the game for the year 3-4 to Clint. She's catching up. She's coming back.

Yeah, she's coming back, mate. She's chasing me up the duff. What? What? Bree and Clint. I want you to think about this for a second. Would you do a drastic thing like changing your name legally to get back at someone for revenge or to make a point.

I don't feel like I would. It's a lot of work. I feel like if I did that, they've won in a way. I don't know what the situation is, but I feel like I've given too much of my energy to them. And so, yeah, you better just to move on. I feel like you've got a point, but I feel like that's not the case in this story. Okay. So there's a British comedian.

His name is Joe Lycett. I actually follow this guy. He's on shows like 8 Out of 10 Cats and other different kind of panel shows like that. Very funny dude. Yeah, cool. Anyway, he has taken the drastic legal step of changing his name in protest against a global fashion empire. Right, okay.

By the name of Hugo Boss. So his name is now Hugo Boss. So hear me out. We all know the fashion brand Hugo Boss. Yeah. Big, huge, global company earns billions of dollars a year. Make nice suits. They do.

Anyway, so apparently Joe Lysett, the comedian, has taken offence because Hugo Boss has been going around and they've been threatening businesses that use the word boss in their name. So one example of this, I did some research, is this place in Swansea in Wales and it's a little business and it's called Boss Brewery. Yeah.

In Wales. Anyway, apparently Hugo Boss were not impressed and they forced this little business called Boss Brewery into paying thousands of dollars, thousands of pounds, to legally defend itself after Hugo Boss tried to stop the company from using that name. Yeah, right.

And then it just cost heaps and heaps of money and then eventually, I'm pretty sure, they had to change their name. See, I don't like when this stuff happens. It's a load of crap. There was one in the media recently where the people who make Wheat Bix were angry at a company

who were importing a British product called Weet-A-Bix. It's like, no one's going to get Weet-Bix and Weet-A-Bix confused. Don't worry about it. Well, that one's a little bit closer, isn't it, though? No, but still, if you love, like... Yeah, I know, but this is like, I mean, they're not selling suits at the Boss Brewery, are they? No, no one's going to go in there and go,

this is delicious Hugo Boss suit beer. Yeah, like, come on. Anyway, so this comedian, Joe Lycett, he has officially and legally changed his own name to Hugo Boss. Is he hoping to get sued? Is that the idea? I don't know. I think it's just in protest to be like, well, try and sue me.

It sounds like they'll sue him. Well, for legally changing his own name. Yeah, like. And then marketing, I guess. Do they want a cut of his comedy shows? Do they want, if they're going to sue, they're going to sue. That's the thing. And maybe it's good.

Maybe he'll get him the publicity he needs. Well, it's getting, we're talking about it. Imagine this. They sue him, take him to court. He shows up to court in a Hugo Boss suit. Great. It's good marketing. It's a brilliant cross promotion.

And it got me thinking thinking because obviously changing your name and we're not talking about getting married and then changing your last name. We're talking about where you change your name for another reason legally. I don't know what that is and I remembered a friend of mine has actually done this. Yeah. So a friend of mine, his name is Chase and when he was 18,

he had a bet with someone one of his mates and i can't remember what the bet was but i just remember he told me he lost the bet and the punishment of the bet was that he had to change his middle name legally to what so his name was chase david j Yeah. Pretty simple. Yeah. He legally changed his name, middle name, sorry, to Danger. Chase Danger David Jones. Danger's my middle name. Oh, now I get it right.

And I'm not joking you. He told me that story and I was like, you're an idiot. And then one time we were working together and he got pulled over by the police. Yeah. And he had to show his licence and the guy was like, you're an idiot. And then one time we were working together and he got pulled over by the police. Yeah. And he had to show his licence and the guy was like, you're taking the piss, are you? They don't know. Just say it was your parents.

Say, sorry, my parents were drunk when they named me. Idiots. Yeah. People out there will have changed their names for all kinds of reasons. Yeah. I want to know the stories. I want to know from people, 0800 DIAL ZM,

have you changed your name legally? Or have you just changed your name and you've forced people to call you something different? Or are you living under a fake name currently? Yes, that's good too. 0800 dial ZM or you can text us on 9696. Have you legally changed your name?

And not because you got married because obviously that's quite common. There's a comedian over in the UK who's legally changed his name to pretty much piss off the fashion brand Hugo Boss. Yeah. Because Hugo Boss has been going around and they've been, you know, making all these small businesses who have Boss in their name change it. We got a text from someone who said they've done it to a Kiwi business.

Yeah, this is so interesting. So someone texts through and they said that they'd actually done it. Where was that text? It was a cosmetics brand or something, wasn't it? Yeah. Oh, here we go. Can't find it. Oh, bugger.

Oh, here we go. They did it to a company in New Zealand called Bossy Cosmetics. They had to change their name to Bon Bon. Right, it's not even Boss, it's Bossy. Get in the bin, Hugo Boss, honestly. God. The conversation is about you changing your name and welcome to the show, Riddiana.

Kia ora. What happened to you? What's your experience? So I wanted to change my name basically my entire life. I even changed it when I was like 16 to Alex. I don't know why. It's not the name that I wanted, but I just didn't want Tash as my name.

But my auntie named me Natasha at birth. And I just liked my name my whole life until four years ago, and I asked my family to gift me a new name. And so the name I wanted needed to be Māori because I'm the eldest of eight. Yeah. And I have siblings with the names Puke Totara and Kaharo and Ziti here. And they're beautiful Māori names and I always wanted a Māori name. And your name was Tash. It's a great name. It's a freaking Tash.

So they gave you a name. That's a great way of doing it. Yeah, I like that. That's cool. That means it means something. Yeah. You haven't just gone and picked your favourite movie star or something, right? Yeah. But, I mean, do movie star or something, right? Yeah.

But, I mean, do that if you like, like Ted did. Hi, Ted. Hi, Ted. Oh, hi. How you doing? Ted, what happened to you? Oh, man. So when I was born, my dad named me Terry.

Right. And I don't even know a guy called Terry. Apparently I was named after one of his good mates that I've never met. Right. Tezza. Yeah, and then two weeks later, my mum was like, oh, I kind of want to call her Teddy Moana.

So on my birth certificate, she scribbled out Terry and written Teddy Moana. I've lived in the... That's not legal, by the way. That's so not... That's not legally binding. That's not going to get you a passport I know, it's really bad

But yeah, and then As I've grown up I've been called Titty and Tarai and Heaps of strange different names And I just started calling myself Ted Yeah, right So do you know what you're legally actually called? Terry Gigan

Terry Gigan Interesting After one of your dad's mates legally actually called? Terry Geigen. Terry Geigen. Okay. Yeah, right. Interesting. After one of your dad's mates. Yeah, right. Good on you, Terry. There's someone that takes it through.

This is juicy. They said, my flatmate cheated on his girlfriend of two years with a chick he met out in town. And the chick kept trying to track him down at work, online, et cetera, so he legally changed his name so he wouldn't get caught. So he wouldn't get caught by the girl he cheated with? Yes. Whoa.

Jeez. Just like, at some stage you're going to have to own up to what you did. Like you can't just keep changing your name and changing cities. You know, I feel like you should probably re-evaluate things. This last one is quite interesting. Elijah, now you're transgender and you're currently in the process of changing your name. Is that right?

Yeah, yeah. That's the one. You got it. Okay, cool. So take us through the process. How long does it take? Like, is it expensive to like actually legally change your name? Oh, it is.

It is. And to be honest, I've had my application going for a couple of years now, and I'm still waiting for my new birth certificate. Really? So it's actually pretty quick. So is Elijah your birth name? No, Emma is actually my birth name. And Elijah is the name that you've chosen for yourself? Yes.

Well, I kind of let my family in as well, but I'm fair to disregard that name. But, yeah, definitely wanted a male name. Yeah, Emma's not super masculine, is she? No. So I find that fascinating. You allowed your family, so they were part of the renaming process. Well, I guess they were always a part of the naming process

when you're a baby, so that's kind of cool. Yeah, that's it. I think it was important to me that they didn't feel like I disregarded the name they had given me. I took the family middle name as well. And so, yeah, it was actually, it's interesting, I think, mostly when I go into, if I'm going out to town or something, and the bouncer kind of looks at me, and I'm like,

dude, I'm not going to use a fake ID of a female. Like, I'm not that silly. Does your ID currently says Emma on it? Yeah, that's it. You can see how that would confuse the odd bouncer, can't you? It's not common training. Yeah, the bouncer would just be like, are you that thick?

How pissed are you? Yeah. Yeah, and it probably doesn't help I've got a twin sister as well, so they're like, come on, man, you're pulling my leg. Yeah, right. Yeah, that makes it confusing. Elijah, fascinating call. Thank you for opening up to us. We really appreciate it. Yeah, right. Jeez, yeah, that makes it confusing. Elijah, fascinating call. Thank you for opening up to us. We really appreciate it.

Thanks, Elijah. No, thank you for having me. Cheers for that. Bree and Clint. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Bree and Clint's birthday banger. All right, time for a birthday banger.

We'll take your birthdays. We'll throw them into the machine and figure out what was number one on your 16th. Steph, you get to go first. Welcome to the show. G'day, Steph. Oh, hello. What's Steph, you get to go first. Welcome to the show. G'day, Steph. Oh, hello. What's your birthday? Great to be here.

Great to be here. Good to have you. Thank you. His birthday is 25th of May, 92. Okay, you were 16 in 2008 on the 25th of May, and on that day, this went to number one. I wanna make love in this club. Hey! In this club.

Yeah. In this club. Peace up, A-Town down. Usher and love in this club. Do you love Usher? Yeah, I can do. Right, not as much as me, it seems. No. I don't, like, I like Usher,

but I feel like it's very well played and represented on radio already. Usher? Yeah. Okay, yep. But I do love his music. Hannah Usher? Yeah. Okay, yep. But I do love his music. Hannah. Hey, Hannah. Hi, Hannah.

Hiya. What's your birthday? 16th of October, 1988. All right, you were 16 in 2004 on the 16th of October, and on that day, this topped the charts. 16, I ain't waiting till you're already known. Is this the Sierra music video that you had your sexual awakening to? No, that's Ride.

Oh, right. There's a video that Bree told me gave her a new perspective on her own situation, I guess. Yeah, look it up for yourself if you want to feel things. It's called Ride Sierra. Goodies is yours, though, Hannah. Do you like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. That's a tune.

Cool. Okay, one more for Sophia. Hey, Sophia. Hi, there. Sophia? Sophia? Yes. Sophia?

Yes. Sophia? Sophia? Sophia? Sophia. Sophia? Sophia? Sophia? Yes. Sophia. Yes, Sophia. That's right. Sophia. Sophia. Sophia. Sophia? Yes.

Soph? Sophia. Sophia. Sophia. Okay, cool. What's your birthday, Sophia? It's the 5th of May, 1980. Okay, you were 16 in 1996 on the 5th of May,

and back in the mid-90s, this had a number one hit. Legionary Alanis Morissette. Isn't it ironic she announced her tour last week? That's no BS. That has come up organically. Yeah. That is irony to a T. No, much like Alanis confusing the meaning of irony in that song,

that's a coincidence. Oh. But, you know, it still works. You know, it's all the same. Sophia, do you like Alanis Morissette? I'm not a big fan, I have to say. Oh, really? No, at least you're honest with us.

It's fine. I love that song. I love it too and I want it to win Birthday Banger. I'm absolutely picking Ironic by Alanis Morissette even though I don't really know obviously what irony is

and what a coincidence is. Wasn't that ironic? Oh, I get it. I get it! This is the winner of Birthday Banger. This is what it's all about. Brian Clenzenium.

An old man turned 98 He won the lottery And died the next day It's a black fly In your Chardonnay It's a death row pardon two minutes too late and isn't it ironic

don't you think it's like rain on your wedding day it's a free ride when you've already paid it's the good advice that you're just

going to take. And who would have thought it figures? Mr. Play-Up's safe. Was afraid to fly. He packed his suitcase. Kissed his kids goodbye. He waited his whole damn life Bye. Don't you think? It's like Radiate

On your wedding day It's a free ride On your wedding day Good advice That you just didn't take And who would have thought

It figures When life is fun and boring And who would have thought it'd be us? Life is a funny way of singing about how my dad liked everything so good and everything's going right. And life is a funny way of telling how my dad liked everything so good and everything's going right. Boy, am I never gonna know when everything blows up in your face. Traffic jam when you're already late. And no smoking sign on your cigarette break. It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife. It's me and the man of my my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.

And isn't it ironic? Don't you think? A little too ironic. And yeah, I really do think. It's like rain on your wedding day. It's a free ride on your wedding day. It's the good advice that you just didn't take. And who would have thought it figures? Zidim, Bree and Clint, that is the winner of Birthday Banger today Helping you out. Helping you out.

ZM, Brianne Clint, that is the winner of Birthday Banger today from Alanis Morissette, Ironic. Do you reckon people love that as much as you and I? I hope so. I love her. Producer Ben sort of shook his moustache at us. Yeah, he's like, ew, what is this song? Ben, do you know who Alanis Morissette is? She's a beautiful, beautiful female singer.

He didn't know who Moby was. He's not going to know who Alanis is. Did you say Alanis? Yeah, Alanis. Oh, I thought you said Alana. That makes more sense. The New Zealand International Comedy Festival is back for 2020. It starts on the 30th of April in Auckland and in Wellington.

And yesterday, I decided to make one of your dreams come true, Bree. No, this is one of your dreams, not my dreams. Yeah, no, no. No, you sprung it on me. You said you wanted to be in the comedy festival. No, you said that you wanted me to be in the comedy festival. Well, it's fine, potato, potato, Because I couldn't get you in the comedy festival. So instead, we've launched this.

Breeze Killer Comedy Set. Killer Comedy Set. Yeah, because I'm going to kill you afterwards. Joke so good, thar to die for. And it's this Thursday night. It's literally not tonight, tomorrow, but the next night. Oh, no. I know when it is.

You're going to be performing. I'm so, so excited. Yesterday, we, I mean, we have people jumping on this bill to be a part of it already. Eli Mathewson called through. Hello. Hello. I would like to come. This is actually a renowned comedian slash writer slash have you been paying attention

panelist Eli Mathewson. You'd like to come along, Eli. Yeah. I mean, I'll only come if I can perform. So that's good. Double banger. Today, I'm pleased to announce we're quadrupling the lineup with the addition of two hearts. Hey.

Joseph Moore and Laura Daniel. Welcome to, I guess it's Bree's big show. I was going to say my big show. No, it is your big show. It is your big day. Thank you so much. Welcome to the big show. We've waived our $10,000 fee. Yeah. Just for you guys. I Yeah Just getting their money's worth with you guys. But you're headlining. Yeah, you're the headliner.

We're foregoing material. We're just getting the room going, you know? Yeah. Just getting everyone going, Brie! Brie! Brie! Brie! Brie!

Brie! That's our whole ten minutes. Let me hear the left side! I've seen your show. Let me hear the right side! If you could do me a favour, like, this is Brie's first ever real comedy gig. It's her first ever real time doing stand-up. Definitely the first time headlining.

Could you maybe get the expectations way too high? I hate you so much. And I'm just now starting to realise with Eli Mathewson, Two Hearts, like, people, all these people are going to go first and then I'm going to die in the arse at the end. Well, you'll be in the right place. Put it that way. We're actually still looking for a venue, by the way. Okay.

Do you guys remember the first ever venue you played in? Yeah, a professional comedy club. Because they're actually good. That's a good idea. I did a gig at a library once. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because we had to be quite quiet. I'm just hoping for the Can you do one of my favourite songs

Obviously the song about the ghost Slutty Ghost I mean, probably one of my favourite songs on your guys' line-up Have you heard it before, Clint? No, but can I say Slutty Ghost works perfectly And it fits with the theme Is it a morning gig? No, it's in the evening.

Okay, what time is it? 7.30. Okay, perfect. Yeah, yeah, cool. Why? Because they need to know what time to show up. Oh, I can't really. I'm busy.

I've got to fit a lot of things in. I thought you were going to say can't really perform Slutty Ghost at 9.30 in the morning to a bunch of sober people. Oh, we've done it. Believe it or not, we've done that. Yeah, cool. No, I'm actually so excited. If you haven't seen Two Hearts, they're actually so damn funny.

So I'm getting actually excited just to go to this event and then I remember I have to perform and I'm not excited anymore. Because you're the headliner. Yeah. If you would like to attend, the lineup now has four people on it. How good is this? I'm such a good promoter. Seriously.

Can I say, Clint, welcome to the world of comedy promotion. Thank you. And I hope you get to enjoy the financial sinkhole you're about to find yourself in. Yeah, right. It's all been free so far. This has been piss easy. Seriously, if you want to come, what have they got to do?

RSVP to the Facebook event? Is that the best way to do it? Go to the Brie and Clint Facebook page. There's limited seats, but we'd just like to know. Well, we don't have a venue yet, so I don't know. I was going to say, you don't even know that. We'd love to know that you're coming. It's up there.

But in the meantime, please welcome to the lineup from Two Hearts and performing in the 2020 New Zealand International Comedy Festival, Laura Daniel and Joseph Moore. Thank you so much. I want you to do this for a second. Pitcher, your best friend. Got him. Got him.

Now, Pitcher, are you finding out that he was not your best friend but actually your half-brother. Sick. That's awesome. Crazy, eh? That's like best result ever. Well, it'd be like, yeah, finding out your favourite person in the world is actually related to you.

So long as you and your best friend had never crossed that line, if you know what I mean. Yeah. You know, because a lot of people, especially growing up, they like to experiment. Yeah, didn't think about that. Well, you can have a different gender best friend as well. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not worried about the gender. I'm more worried about the fact that they're my half brother. Yeah, that would be the concerning part. This has actually happened to two American women who have been friends since like primary school. So they met like around sixth grade and they've been best friends ever since. So for 17 years, they've just been the best of friends.

Cool. And they've actually recently just discovered their biological sisters. Right. Through who? Through the father or through the mother? So let's hope it's the father. Well, you don't know. What if the mum had them and then adopted one out?

Well, yeah, I guess so. You know? Pretty close proximity if they're going to the same school. Yeah. Anyway. I don't know how adoption works. Yeah, these kind of stories confuse me. Anyway, it's through the dad.

It's through the dad. It's through the dad. So the 31-year-old, her name is Ashley, and then there's a 29-year-old, her name's Toya. I've got a clip of them here talking about how they always thought they were so alike. I always looked up to Ashley as if she was a big sister. Started way back in sixth grade. She actually was like similar to me. Like we always heard, oh, y'all look just alike. I got proposed to. So everybody's posting pictures on social media. My father posted a picture.

Ashley posted a picture. And then that's when she asked me about if I knew Ashley's mother. And I said, oh, yeah, I remember Michelle. A week later, the DNA test came back. My father texted to me, Ashley is your sister. Whoa. So, I'm sorry. Ashley, he's your sister. Whoa. So, I'm sorry. Was it the dad in the clip there?

Yes. Man, he was relaxed about it. He's like, oh, yeah, I know her mother. I know her mother. Oh, stop. He wasn't that relaxed. It says that apparently he was quite. I know her mother.

You be nice. He had quite mixed emotions apparently because he never knew that obviously that she was his daughter. Yeah, gutted. You've missed out on 29 years of your child's life. But did he do the dirty? What? Like was it an extramarital affair situation?

I'm not sure actually. Because obviously he's been involved in his other daughter's life and if they're in sixth grade together they're obviously very close in age they're two years apart they're two years apart well hey my let's not jump to conclusions maybe it was you know he had the first girl and then he they broke up and he yeah possibly you know yeah never checked on that woman ever again sorry with a kid one day because they live in the same neighborhood he's like damn that kid looks a lot like me oh well not gonna think any more about that just gonna carry on with my life for 29 years

you know maybe just never knew but how weird because obviously they were best friends and they grew up together so that guy who was technically one of their biological fathers has been in her life the whole time anyway. Yeah, she would have been around playing at her dad's house and not known it. Yeah. So he's been in her life anyway. So I guess it kind of, you know, worked out for the best

that they became like best friends and then they figured it out. I can just imagine somewhere in a room Lindsay Lohan reading this story and just licking her lips. Going, it's my big comeback. Parent Trap number two. Bree and Clint. Do you know a really common fight between partners is sometimes someone in the relationship spending too much time on the toilet?

Really? Yeah. Oh, stay out of each other's business. Literally. Like literally stay out of their business. There's so many things to fight about. There is so many. You could fight about literally anything,

and I feel like, you know, but I mean, I kind of do get it. Why? What do you want? Do you want access to the toilet, or do you want quality time with the person? What's the thing that you're missing out on? Well, you know me. What do you think it would be?

You live in an apartment that has two bathrooms. So I don't see where the issue would be for you. Yeah, but sometimes, you know, I feel comfortable in my own surroundings. Yeah, right. Okay. I just, you know what I hate? I hate when someone gets up early in the morning and they spend heaps of time on the crapper. Maybe they need to.

I mean, yes. You've got a point. Some people take longer to get things going than others. Always. Anyway, apparently that's quite a common fight between people. There's actually a product that is trying to get a Kickstarter campaign happening. And it might take that fight off the table. So it's currently available from Amazon for $23.

You can buy this product for. And it's called the from Amazon for $23. Yeah. You can buy this product for. Yeah. And it's called the Toilet Timer. Right. I've taken a piece of the ad campaign that they're using. Does he have a problem wasting time? Get him a Toilet Timer.

When the sand runs out, it's time to move on. Just spin to set so he can get out before his legs fall asleep. The Toilet Timer. Essentially, it's an egg timer that tells you how much time you should be spending on the toilet. Yeah, right. I've got a couple of issues. Why is it directed towards the males? Yeah, why is it directed at men?

Seems very strictious. The other one is, how long have the Toilet Timer Company decided is an appropriate amount of time to spend on the toilet well that's what i would like to know judging and i do have um you know a bit of training in the egg timer area yeah judging by the eye i believe it's about four minutes right four to five minutes is that long enough oh it's five minutes there you go see i told you i told you to my eye. This thing is literally just a five-minute timer. That's all this Kickstarter is.

That's all they've invented. They needed to, if you really want to get someone off the toilet, it needs to be digital, and there needs to be a jet of water that squirts directly into the anus at a certain amount of time. It's called a bidet. Yeah, but if it's cold water, not warm water. No, to be honest, I wouldn't mind. They're getting out. They're going to get out. Yeah, some people would stick around

for the squirt, wouldn't they? I probably wouldn't mind it. Yeah, I'd be like wait for it, wait for it. Bingo! Coronavirus is the talk of the town at the moment. It's causing pandemonium at supermarkets. It's having airports grind to a halt. It's affecting everything, isn't it?

Yeah, it is quite scary. I think the thing that I'm the most scared about is obviously the day we live in, 2020, day and age, it's hard to know what to believe. Yeah, right. Yeah, you're buying into sensationalism. You know? And like there's so much information, there's probably too much information. Whatever it is, it's already having an effect.

My wife Lucy went to the supermarket today to buy stuff and we needed hand wash. You're only allowed to buy one thing of hand wash at our supermarket at a time. Look out. Look out. Well, that's because that's what people are panic buying. Hand wash, hand sanitizer, and toilet paper actually. That's what people have decided in a pandemic that's what they need. Why is that the most sought after items?

Well, they're hand washed so you can kill the corona germs and the toilet paper because what else are you going to use once you run out of toilet paper? I mean, you know, you can wash your tea towel. No. That's how pandemics start. It's affecting sports events too. This weekend the Sunwolves team, which is the Japanese team, they've had to move their game in Super Rugby. They're going to

play, I think, the Crusaders in Brisbane. I think they've gone, we'll host you, you just have it here. Because they can't have games in Japan at the moment. And Japan is where the next Olympics are supposed to be. It's this year. It's not that far away. People, like athletes, have been training for the last four years for this.

Anything that involves large groups of people is going to be affected by coronavirus, and the Olympics have suggested what they might do to deal with it. Okay. Dick Pound, from... That's not his name. It is his name. Dick Pound.

Dick Pound, the head of the IOC. I heard what you said. Yeah, but you don't think I'm telling the truth. It's his name. It's his real name. Is his name Richard Pound? Probably, of the IOC. I heard what you said. Yeah, but you don't think I'm telling the truth. It's his name. It's his real name. Is his name Richard Pound? Probably, but he goes by Dick. Why would he go by Dick if his last name's Pound?

Why would you do that? Cut through. If anyone needs to change their name right now, it's you, Dick. He's a former Canadian swimming champion. Of course, I bet he is. He's been on the IOC, the International Olympic Committee, since 1978. Oh. So that's...

He's an old dick. He's an old dick pound. And he's been there for a long time. He's a long-standing dick pound. Is he a long-standing dick pound? He's come out and said that if it gets bad enough, they'll cancel the Olympics. That's not the funny bit.

No, I'm sorry. How do you expect me? This is obviously very serious, and I'm not laughing at the coronavirus, obviously, but why do you? Yeah, true. In a situation like this, front it by someone else. Yeah, don't use dick as your...

Okay, Mr Pound has said if it gets bad enough, they won't postpone or relocate the Olympics. They'll just cancel them because it's too much work. Cancel them all together? Yeah. All together? All together, yeah. And we'll wait another four years for the Olympics.

They'll just write this one off. What? Really? Because Japan's been preparing for this for a decade, building stadiums, getting infrastructure ready, that sort of thing. Yeah, it takes a long time. You can't just go, hey, Australia, do you want the Olympics? Actually, to be fair fair Australia can probably handle it

But anyway They'll cancel it The other one they're looking at Is If it does go ahead This is genuine They're looking at Having the events

With no crowds So they'll have The athletics So they'll still hold it And they'll televise it And they'll televise it But no one in the stadiums But they won't make any money off of it

I know They won't make any money That'll be devastating No one in the stadiums at the swimming pools. No one on the sides of the roads during the marathons. Yeah, that'll be bizarre. Empty stadiums. And they'd get the athletes to compete.

So you still get your medal, but you don't do it in front of a crowd. Yeah. Bizarre. That's so weird. I would love to know what that would do to things like... Tennis would be fine because they want it to be super quiet anyway. Yeah, but I'd be interested with the 100 metre. How much does the sound of the

crowd add to the adrenaline? It absolutely adds to it. And would the times be slower if the atmosphere's not there? I think it would change it. Hey, just back on Dick Pound. Who is he? He's on the IOC, the International Olympic Committee. They could

have named him. You know what else would have been not a great name for him? What? Quarter.