ZM's Bree & Clint - ZM's Bree & Clint - Special Edition Summer Podcast 4

Episode Date: December 11, 2019

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Ahoy there, pilot! No, how do pilots greet each other? No, I don't know. Howdy, captain. No, what do pilots say? I don't know. I think they just talk normally. Hello. Welcome to the special holiday edition podcast. This one, because we are the leading show for aviation and maritime news. Yeah.

Mainly aviation these days. Yeah, we're not doing a maritime podcast. No. Only aviation. There wasn't enough, but this is the aviation special edition podcast for the holidays. It is all plane chat

all the time, and if you're listening to this on a plane, congratulations. You just completed the you win. You win. And let us know. We'd love to know if you're listening on a plane. Oh, wait, you can't. There's no reception.

No, you can. There's Wi-Fi on planes now. Yes, I know. But not in all planes. I hate it. I hate it. I hate seeing an Instagram story from someone on a plane because that's private time.

You shouldn't be Instagram storying. But people can still Instagram story. It just doesn't upload until they land. No, I know. But I know that there are... It's just a pet peeve of mine. That was the last place we were safe, and there's no more. Here you go.

Roger that. Over and out. 10-4, rubber ducky. Enjoy the podcast. A special release from ZM's Bree and Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. I don't know what it is about me and planes, but I just never have a good time on a plane.

You got gassy when you were on there with Jacinda that time? Well, this actually is kind of a similar situation. What? Did you get... I honestly believe when you're on a plane it's something to do with the altitude. Kevin Pritchard squeezes it out of you. It does. Like wringing out a sponge.

Yes. Like standing on bubble wrap. Your bottom is just air being pressed out. On a recent flight back to Auckland, actually on Saturday, I get on the plane and I'm seated in the aisle seat and there's a kid sitting next to me across the way. So there's a row and then a kid. And then there's also a seat free next to me.

No one behind me because I was right at the back of the plane. Is there a window seat? Yeah, there's someone in the window seat. So three seats. Window seat person, spare seat, then you. Yep. Then I or then kid. Yes.

Got you. No one behind me. So there's pretty much no one around. This whole entire flight, I have had wind. You've had cabin pressure. I had cabin pressure and I tried to hold it the whole flight, which is two and a half hours. By the end of this flight, I felt so sick. And I needed to release some cabin pressure.

Did you have that gurgling thing that goes on just below your ribs? You know, like an inside fart? Yeah. You know when you can hear what's happening? This is disgusting, by the way. No, but no. People will know what I'm talking about. If you hold your wind for too long, it'll actually.

Yeah, it feels like it. That's what I'm talking about, the gurgling. It feels like it farts back up into your rib cage. It does, because it does. That's what happens. And that's how you get bad breath. That's where shitty ideas come from. It travels up to your brain.

No, but I felt really ill. And I was like, you know, this kid, I don't really care about. He's not going to say anything. And he was flying alone. I don't care about this kid. I don't care. Can we just get that captured? I don't care.

I'll fart all over this kid. The kid's not going to say anything. I'll fart on his nose. You know, he's probably. Come here, kid. He was about eight, eight or nine. It was fine. It doesn't help.

And I thought if I just, you know, sneak one out here, it'll be fine. The kid will probably, you know. Cloth seats or leather seats? Cloth. Because that affects the reverberation. It does. So the kid was there. There's no one sitting next to me.

I was like, here's my time to get away with it. It'll be great. So that happens. Audible? No. I did my best No not audible It's happened it's been released It's been released

And I'm sitting there and I'm like I've gotten away with this And it was a little bit You know Fragrant And at this point I'm not even joking The whole flight, no flight attendant has come anywhere near us.

This flight attendant is walking down the aisle handing out those cards that you have to fill out to come to the country. Immigration cards. Yes. And I was like, oh, well, the kid's not going to need one. They probably pre-do it or something. She crouches down in the aisle right next to me to talk to the kid. Right in the strike zone.

I'm not joking. You couldn't write about it. I was like, literally the whole flight, and then you crouch right there. That's Murphy's Law. Did you blame the kid? I mean, that kid had bad wind all flight. I just lean over. I'm like, I think the kid soiled himself.

I think he misses his parents. A special release from ZM's Bree and Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. We are the leading show for aviation and maritime news, and that's why we are debunking the real hard topics this afternoon of what's the best seat. Now, when you say that, I assume you mean window, middle and aisle. Of course. Correct? It's the age old argument of who's going to get the window, who's going to get the middle and who's going to get the aisle. Also, we found out on Friday that you're now

a Kuru member. You're now a part of New Zealand's elite. You're now part of the New Zealand Illuminati. Technically not yet, so I'm still one of the people. Oh, even worse. You've paid for it, but you haven't got the membership yet. Can I just say that your world is about to change as far as seat selection goes. Nobody gets more seat selection than an Air New Zealand Kuru member. I can't

wait. There has been an article done about, I mean, and they only cover off the window seat and the aisle seat, saying the pros for each because there is people out there, me personally, I'm a window seat gal. I'm a window seat guy. Because I have a very strong bladder.

Oh, what? So that doesn't worry me. No, that means you're an aisle seat gal. No, I've got a very strong. Oh, strong? So that doesn't worry me. No, that means you're an aisle seat, gal. No, I've got a very strong. Oh, strong bladder. Strong. I thought you meant by strong bladder, like your bladder likes to force its way out.

My bladder wall, very strong. Gotcha. I like to go to sleep on the window. It's not about the view. I'm a plain sleeper. If I don't have the window to lean against, I end up with my head resting on the person beside me's shoulder and I don't always know that person.

It's creepy and you still have that AVO out. So the pros for a window seat, you get a view out the window. It's a great pro, yes. Which is a very good pro. Absolutely good. Pro for an aisle seat, no one to climb over if you need to go to the bathroom, stretch or get something from the overhead compartment. The ultimate in freedom.

It's great. Plus if you're one of those people who stands up as soon as the plane lands, you can do that in the aisle seat. You can step straight onto the aisle and awkwardly stand there. Pro for a window seat, being able to lean against the side of the cabin. That's my big one. Yeah, it's like a little headrest. Sometimes when I'm picking my seat, if I'm going to pay for it on a long haul flight,

I actually test which way I like to lean. So then I pick which side of the plane. What, you just do a little trial run in your car or something? Yeah, so I'm like, is it more comfortable on the left? Usually the right, I think. Yeah, okay, great. Pro for having an aisle seat, you get served your meal first. Oh, like seconds first though.

Well, this is from an article. I haven't written these, but I don't know about that one. I'm a window seat girl, so I'm like, yeah, that's not true. And I don't mind waiting a few seconds more. Pro for a window seat, having a person or people only on one side of you. Yeah, you've got it. Yeah. That's great.

Which is the biggest con of the middle seat. Exactly. Is you are surrounded on both sides. You and I have talked about this rule before, by the way, that window person gets the window, aisle person gets the aisle, middle person gets the armrests. That's meant to be the way that it works, but no one knows that rule. But if you're listening right now, that is the rule.

So stop taking the damn bloody armrests. So, and one more pro for an aisle seat, you have a bit more personal space. Yeah. In the aisle. Yeah. Like there's no one there. Oh, except don't put like your legs out there or something because the air hosties do not give a crap.

Yeah. And they'll run you over with the trolley. Look out for your elbows. You and I both are window people. Mm-hmm. I want to know the producers, what are their thoughts? What is your preferred seat on an aircraft? Do you get aisle, middle, or window?

No one's picking middle. They might. Ben's a weird guy. Yeah, true. Nah, window. Window? You're a window guy as well. Yeah, window.

Smart man. Producer Ellie? I do like the window a lot, but the reason I like the aisle is because I frequently need to go to the toilet. And so I hate having to go, hey, sorry, would you mind just... Bladder of a child. Yes. So I need the aisle. There you go. Bladder of a woman

who's given birth multiple times. Basically, yes. Good luck to you after you actually give birth. Yep, thank you for that. Maybe no flying for a bit. We want to know, and this is a curveball On 0800 dial ZM Because we know people love the aisle seat

We know people love the window seat It's a given We're all the normal people Where are the weirdos at? Are you a middle seat person? Is that your preferred seat of choice? If you're given free selection Do you opt for the middle?

And why? And I'd love to know why. Yeah. Do you love the feeling of other people sandwiching you in for multiple hours on end and the inability to do anything without asking somebody else if you can get past them or something like that? I believe we won't get anyone, but we're going to try.

Yeah. And we're going to hopefully get into their psyche as to why the hell they like the middle seat. 0800-DALZITM. You can text us on 9696. We are the leading show for maritime and aviation-based news. So when a topic comes up that concerns either the maritime industry or the aviation industry, you know we're going to cover it.

And today, it's aeroplanes. Namely, the seats. Where's your butt want to go? Yeah. Which one do you want to park yourself in? I mean, it's the age-old question, which seat is best? And normally, we would just be talking about the aisle and the window seat, you would think. But no, we're on the hunt for someone who actually prefers a middle seat on an aircraft.

Do you know that we didn't think we'd get anyone, and we've actually got two. I mean, only two. We've only managed to get two people on. In all of New Zealand. But let's tap into their brains. Let's do an analysis of what makes these people tick. Hi, Eden.

Hi, Eden. Hi, how are you? First of all, you all right? Are you all right? Yeah, good. You prefer the middle seat out of the aisle in the window? Yeah, I don't really like flying at all, but if I am and if I have to be on a plane,

I definitely prefer the middle seat. Wait, so let me get my head around this, Eden. If you go to the desk and you're checking in and they say, do you have a preferred seat you would like to... The middle seat, definitely. Eden, seriously though, you all right? Oh, no, seriously. It's just so much cushioning.

You feel safe. You've got two people on either side of you. Yeah, but they're normally strangers. Like the cushioning bit, you're like pushing. Because what if you get like two big burly dudes either side of you as well? Then you feel safe. Nothing can happen to you.

Eden loves it. Even more protection. Right. Well, I can guarantee you will get any seat you want as long as it's the middle seat. Like,

no one is getting ahead of you and requesting that seat. It's kind of a life hack. Actually, how good is it for you, Eden? Yeah, you never have to worry about getting,

you know, your preferred seat because they're giving those away. Eden's not alone. Sarah is on the phone too. Now, Sarah, we'll put the same question to you. You're right. I'm good.

I'm the same as Eden. I'm not a fan of flying. And so I would prefer the middle seat. So I'm like, sink to the back, sink to the front, TV in front of me, people around the side. I want to pretend I'm not on a plane. Like, don't give me the window seat. I don't want to see no, like, airplane wings or nothing. So that around the side. I want to pretend I'm not on a plane. Like, don't give me the window seat.

I don't want to see no, like, airplane wings or nothing. Like, that's going to freak me out. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. If you're scared of heights, don't give the woman the window seat, right? Because it's terrifying. And Sarah, I need to ask you, do you know the rule? Being a middle seat person, do you know the rule that you get both armrests? Oh, I did not. I did not know that.

Well, it's about to change your life. Yeah, we'll repeat it for you and anyone listening because we are trying to get this out there too. These are the rules. The window person gets the window, the aisle person gets the aisle, and the middle person gets the armrests. You get both of those.

I'm for that. I'm okay. Doesn't change the experience. The middle seat is still crap. Well, they one time gave me the, what's that part in the middle where you're like safe people and like emergency doors. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Freaked out.

Yeah. I had to swap. I literally couldn't do it. I had to swap with this basketball player. Oh, he'd be happy with that. But you gave up all the leg room as well. I can imagine you though. Yeah.

Seriously. Are you all right? No, we're flying. No. No, I reckon you should drive. I reckon you're better off driving, if anything, Sarah. Yeah. God, I want to fly with Sarah and Eden.

Why? Because I'll always get the window or the eyes. No, you don't want to fly with both of them because one of them will be terrified. One of them always has to have the middle seat. True. So they'd actually be the worst couple to fly with. A special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast.

Fine, I admit it. Yes, I'm a part of the elite group, the club, the Koru Club. I bought one. I'm in the club. Look who has finally fessed up to who they are at heart. I don't think I'm cut out for the club. Well, I could have told you that. Okay, mate.

As the show's most esteemed member of the Kuru Club. When did yours run out? Look, we're in negotiations, me and my wife, as to whether I can justify buying another one. But yes, it does have circa four weeks to run. So maybe I will be the only one that has the Kauru membership in this team. For those who don't know, what is a Kauru membership? It is the membership where you pay once a year

to enter the lounge at the airport. That gives you free food. There's showers in there. They let you play with lots of animals. There's like a petting zoo in there. It's a free open bar. Open bar. There's quite often politicians and celebrities in there. Celebrities can be in there. There's like a petting zoo in there. It's a free open bar. Open bar. Sometimes.

There's quite often politicians and celebrities in there. Celebrities can be in there. There's a pool. There's a giraffe enclosure at most of them. Yes. There's a gym, which is, I like the gym. Do you like the sunbed? The sunbed's cool.

Movie theatre. Yeah, but small for my liking. There's lots of stuff. I mean, it's a 50 seater, but it's quite nice. I think my reign as a Kauru member is going to be very short. Right. I used it for the first time over the holiday break. Oh, on your trip to the Philippines?

Yes. Okay. Not when I flew the budget airline, but when I flew from Auckland to Melbourne, I used it. Oh, you treated yourself to an in New Zealand flight to Melbourne? Yes. And then hopped on. It was actually my flight from Auckland to Melbourne, I used it. Oh, you treated yourself to an Air New Zealand flight to Melbourne? Yes. And then hopped on. It was actually my flight from Auckland to Melbourne was more expensive

from Melbourne to Philippines. Well, that's because you flew on Cebu Airlines. It's a great airline. No TVs. Not. No seatbelts. Not as good as Air New Zealand. That's their motto.

I was in the Coru Lounge and I was sitting there and it was, you know how quiet it is in there sometimes. It's nice. You know, when you go to the quiet area. I actually went to the back area of the lounge where people do like a lot of work and there's like a printer there and people are doing all of the business stuff. It was at that point I pulled out my phone and I wanted to get ready for the flight and I've downloaded Netflix onto my phone.

Great idea. Which, you know, smart. I've put my headphones on, my wireless headphones, which I thought were connected to my phone. They weren't connected. And that's when I decided I just, I saw this new trailer for a show on Netflix called Bonding. Oh, yeah.

And it's exactly what you think it's about. Right. Okay. It's about a girl trying to make her way in life as a dominatrix. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So picture this. Picture this. I'm in the lounge, Coru lounge, there's all these old business people around me and I'm in the lounge, Coru Lounge. There's all these old business people around me and I'm dressed in jeans and I play this trailer. My headphones aren't connected. This is what blares out of my iPhone speakers. Welcome to my office. I'm a full-service fantasy provider.

All I need is someone to help me clean up, be my bodyguard. Yep. What you do with me, that is brave. What was the popping noise? You should have seen me. I was like this. Oh, my God. I was trying to turn it off.

Couldn't turn it off. The whole trailer played out. Cool. I think we're booking the rest of our flights on Jetstar. Yeah, Jetstar, cool. Special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. One of my favourite things about flying, because I don't love to fly,

it's not on my, you know, to-do list to be like, oh, let's go on a fun flight. But I do love getting a meal on a plane. Wait, I just got to stop you there. Are you about to deliver some aviation news? Because Yes, I am. Because, you know, we are, you know. We're the leading show

for maritime and aviation news. Absolutely. So this is aviation news, yes? Yes. Just checking. So people know, it's an audio cue. It's good. It signals to our aviation based listeners, oh, this stuff's for me. I need to sit up and pay cue. Oh, it's good. It signals to our aviation-based listeners, oh, this stuff's for me. I need to sit up and pay attention.

Yeah, so continue. This is a game changer for plain food because, I mean, we all know that plain food can be a bit, yeah, how you going? You know? It's not the best at times. No. Well, it's been, especially if you're on a long-haul flight,

by the time you, say you're on a 13-hour flight, some of it's been sitting in a warmer for 10 hours, you know? Oh, I've never thought about that. Yeah, they don't cook it on the plane, mate. It's cooked on the ground and not just before you take off either. And you know, in some planes, when they've got that like real bougie first class, you would know because you probably have flown first class before knowing you.

I haven't, but I would love to one day. They definitely cook it on the plane. Well, you tell me, mate. Have you ever walked through the kitchen on a plane? That's a good point. No, I haven't, but there's a game changer. Have you ever seen the chef come down the aisle and go, what do you mean are you going to like the chicken?

You know? He's a chef, but he's got a pilot's head on Can you imagine how hard it would be to cook on a plane That's why I'm pretty sure I mean I'm not 100% But I'm pretty sure they don't do it You wouldn't want to hit unexpected turbulence Well Jet 2 is the company

That has announced the game changing food It will now serve on its airline. What is it? Nando's. Hmm. When I first read this story, I was very excited. I thought, boom, I love me some Nando's. I'm keen for it.

Give it to me. I'm here for it. And people do love it. And then I thought about a particular time that my friend who's featured on this show, Big Gay Al, took me to Nando's just before I got onto a long haul flight

and it was one of the worst decisions I've ever made in my whole life. Did you go for the peri-peri? I went for the peri-peri alright. And later on the plane, I went for the pooey-pooey. Yeah. Also, that bit aside, it's not plane food.

You know why? It's very messy. Because it is touch and go. For some people, when you eat Nando's, and the people listening who know what I'm talking about will be with me on this. Do people know what you're talking about? Yes.

No, I've never thought of Nando's as a bottom risk. Are you joking? I really never have. Producer Ali, can we get your input here? As a bottom risk? You love a Nando's, right? I do, yeah, yeah. Is it like a no-go for the...

If you get the too spicy stuff, then you're 100% it is. Oh, okay. But also my concern is that it's like chicken base on a fly. No, you get chicken. They've dealt with that now. Nah, nah, nah. Yeah, they've dealt with that. It's good to go. Okay, okay. I don't concern is that it's like chicken-based on a fly. No, you get chicken. They've dealt with that now. Nah, nah, nah. Yeah, they've dealt with that. It's good to go.

Okay, okay. I don't know how they do it. Sweet. I don't think the meals that they're offering isn't chicken anyway. Nando's very finger-based though. It's very grubby on a plane. Is that just, no, not me? No, no.

Yeah, no, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Yeah, no, I was more concerned about the back end. Yeah, right. The exits are here, here and here. Masks will drop from the overhead compartment. Just sit at the back by the toilet. Yeah, true.

Bree and Clint, your leading show for aviation and maritime and toilet-based news. I'm feeling so cool. Special release from ZDM's Bree and Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. Bree and Clint, the leading show in New Zealand for both maritime and aviation-based news. And that's a fact.

It is a fact. It's a fact. It's on the billboards. It's on the billboards in the press release. Well, if we had billboards. Oh, yeah, can we get some billboards? It'd be on the billboards. And can we put that on there, please?

Bree and Clint, 3 till 7, ZM, the leading show for maritime and aviation-based news. And I'll prove it with two pieces of aviation news today. Have you replaced my plane sound effect with the sound of you doing a plane noise? No, I believe that was the original sound effect of the aircraft, the Boeing 757. Really? Okay, that's shit again.

This happened with the ship horn and I was made to feel like I was going crazy. Mate, not this again because I don't know what you're talking about. The producers, they don't hear anything different. Look, they don't know what you're talking about. The producers, they don't hear anything different. Look. That is a large aircraft. It really takes the gusto out of what I had to say. The whole thing sounds like a joke now. People will be like, oh, that was a joke. I guess it uses a joke too. We take aviation use very seriously here at the Pringling Jones.

Why we've got that sound effect. If I click this button, is it going to be the right one? Yes, it's been the same one. I don't understand what the problem is. That is the original sound effect that's back. That's the original one. Are you all right? Am I all right?

Am I all right? Cool. Cool. It's all about me being crazy again. I'm not going to tell you. I had a great story about vaping on a plane. I had a great story about a lady who tried to go out in the emergency door. I had real aviation news.

9696, if you can't hear a difference, please text through and let Clint know that he's obviously hearing things. Obviously. Look, there's two versions. I found them. There's two versions of the thing. There's two versions. Look. One sounds like this.

I see. I believe that is the original. And one sounds like this. Shh. I believe that is the original. And what sounds like this? It's over. It's done. Give Jono, Bin and Sharon the aviation crown. They'll probably take it more seriously than us. Special release from Zinam's Breen Clint.

The Aviation News Podcast. If you like really gross stuff, then you should follow an Instagram that I've been following for a little while called at passenger shaming. And it's where people take pictures of gross things you see on an airplane. Oh, this is the one you showed me today. Don't follow it if you have a weak stomach. If you don't like just gross. It's pretty grim.

Yeah. There's a story doing the rounds at the moment that would probably make its way to this Instagram and it's about a young woman who boarded her flight to Las Vegas and she was greeted with something on her seat. It wasn't a pair of headphones to watch the in-flight entertainment. It wasn't a nice pair of flight socks. No, it wasn't a blanket and it wasn't a pillow. It was a pair of dirty underwear.

Oh. She believes from the previous passenger, but she can't confirm. Not that it matters. Male or female underwear. Lacy black ones. Oh, ladies' undies are the worst. I'm totally kidding. As if you think that.

I'm totally kidding. It doesn't matter whose underwear, but, I mean, as if you want to be greeted by that. Can I ask, does it say how she knew they were dirty? That's a very good point. Because I hope she didn't pick them up and do a visual examination. Right. Sniff test.

She didn't touch them. Would be even worse. She didn't touch them, but apparently an air hostie came down and just grabbed them. You know how she might know they were dirty? Yeah. You know when you roll them down your legs and they go into that weird rolled up shape sometimes? They do look like a kind of weird roll. Yeah.

They're not folded, put it that way. They're like a little undie hammock. They weren't neatly folded. If you can tell that they're used, you don't want anything to do with them. No, you don't. And... Why didn't they clean the plane? Well, you and I were talking about this off air and I said, I feel like, you don't want anything to do with them. No, you don't. Why don't they clean the plane? Well, you and I were talking about this off air and I said, I feel like, you know, they literally fly in and then they do the quickest clean of a plane and then they just get the next people on.

Pick up the rubbish they can see. They put the fuel in, pick up the rubbish they can see and then just wipe the next. If the knickers are the same colour as the seat, they might leave them. Nah, the seat was brown. Maybe they thought they were one of those eye masks, those flight masks that you can get. Yeah, could have. I said to you, I got on this flight once and it looked like there was a food fight

that had happened in the seat that I was sitting in. There was just biscuits and crumbs, a bit of cheese, like there was just food everywhere. And it was a window seat and I've sat down and I've looked. So you know where obviously the window seat is and you've got the window and then there's like the plane. On the plane, someone, whoever was sitting there, had wiped their boogers.

And it was visibly like you could tell that they had. Clean the plane. Clean the plane. Clean the plane. Yeah, but you know what? No, no. You know what I say? Don't be a grub. You can't control grubs.

They're going to crop up in everyday life. It's easier just to clean the plane. That's so grubby. If there has to be bing bong, sorry, we have to delay the flight as we've found extensive boogers and some dirty undies. We'll be leaving as soon as possible.

I'll go, that's fine. I'm not too angry about that one. I had the worst flight. It was not great. 0800 dial ZM this afternoon or text us to 9696. Let's take some of these stories. Let's shatter the illusion that air flight is this glamorous thing anymore. You know who would know best?

Who? You know who. Oh, hosties. Hosties. They would see it all and they would have to deal with it all. In my experience too, hosties are quite keen to come on

and share their experiences. Look, we won't compromise your job. You can remain anonymous. You can remain anonymous if you want to. We don't have to say what airline you fly for. No. That's totally fine. We can all be anonymous.

Not interested in that. Just gross us out this afternoon with your gross plane story. Oh, 800 dial all be anonymous. Not interested in that. Just gross us out this afternoon with your gross plane story. 0800 dials at M. What gross stuff did you see on an aircraft? We're talking about gross things you've seen on an aeroplane after this woman went to board a flight to Las Vegas and she was greeted with the previous passenger's dirty underwear on her seat.

Did she take that underneath? She must have whipped them off in the seat, eh? I don't know. Probably doing something. Probably. Oh, let's not jump to conclusions. Well, why else would she have taken them off in the seat? Oh, I don't know.

Might have fallen out of her handbag. Could have, could have. And I gave out an Instagram that I follow where they literally just post pictures of gross things that people see on aeroplanes. Yeah. Heaps of people on the text machine asking what that Instagram handle was again. People love that stuff, eh?

There's some grim stuff on here. I'll warn you if you've got a weak stomach. It's at passenger shaming. I showed Clint a picture. Don't say what it is. No, people don't want to know. They don't want to know. They don't want to know.

They don't want to know. He's obviously been to Thailand or Bali, this guy, and he's fallen off a scooter. And it's a picture of a guy sitting in the aisle seat, and he's got a pussy leg. It's gross. And it seeped down his leg into the cup. Got it, got it.

If that's your thing, go follow the account, all right? That's all you need to know. Hi, Natalie. Hi. Natalie, what did you see on a flight? I boarded a flight from Wellington to Melbourne with my daughter and we found a bag of vomit on our seat, waiting for us on our seat. Welcome aboard.

What did you do? We instructed the hostess that we'd found something that they obviously hadn't found when they were supposed to be cleaning up. How do you miss a whole bag of vomit? Oh, come on. Those poor flight attendants. They've got it rough. Oh, by the way, I've been asked not to say hosty, by the way.

It's flight attendant. Someone has said you must say flight attendant, so that's totally fine. I can do that. Natalie, did you ask them to disinfect the seat after they cleared the bag out? I wanted everything disinfected, yeah. Ask for a new seat.

All right. Phoebe. Hey, Phoebe. Hi there. Now, you used to work in airport security, so you would have seen a few things, yeah? Yes, yes. I've seen how they clean the planes. So they don't have that long to clean them.

So the cleaners come in. They use the same cloth to wipe every tray table on every seat, use that same cloth for the food prep area and wipe the bench and then use that same cloth to wipe the bathroom and then put it on the floor and use their

foot to wipe up the floor. I hope they do it in that order though It doesn't matter what order it is? It 100% matters. Wipe the food prep area, then my tray table, then the bathroom, then the toilet, then the floor. Oh, Phoebe. What are you like now when you fly?

I haven't flown for a while, but I'd make sure that I wore full jeans and I wouldn't wear little shorts or anything like that on a flight because those feet covers too. Phoebe. They don't get washed. Can you tell me, my mate, he was a flight attendant, and he was like, I shouldn't be telling you this. He's like, but never get water or tea and coffee off a flight

because he reckons that those jugs and stuff are pretty grim. Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not too sure about that, but I just wouldn't wear, like, skimpy shorts or anything on a flight because those seat covers, then I don't have time to wash them or clean them, so they're the same ones for every flight.

In that altitude, people get gassy too. Oh, and sweaty, and you're sitting in them for hours and hours at a time. That's so good. Phoebe's seen so much stuff, it's put her off flying. Yeah. She's grounded herself. Yeah, yeah seen so much stuff it's put her off flying. She's grounded herself.

Yeah, yeah. Get weird wipes. Wipe down your tree tables if you fly ever. Yeah, that'll make you look like a real normal person. Baby wipes. What about this text? Thanks, Phoebe. Thank you.

Thanks, Phoebe. On 9696, grim things you've seen on a plane. Someone said, my sister is a flight attendant and she told a story once to me that she saw a passenger Can you say this? She saw a passenger picking nips out of her daughter's hair and putting them in a cup. Okay, I'm done on this topic.

Once you've seen that movie Contagion, there's no flying without thinking that everything... Every time someone coughs... Oh, because it's all recycled air. Yeah, and where do the farts go? There's no exhaust pipe on a plane. They just pump them back around the plane. A special release from ZM's Breen Clint.

The Aviation News Podcast. We've got a bit of aviation news, guys. We are the leading show in New Zealand for maritime and aviation-based news, so let's head to the aviation desk. I already knew you changed it. I already knew you changed it. It's not funny anymore.

You've already done it. All right? You've already messed with it. You've already messed with our reputation. It's like... Is that the wrong kind of plane? That was not a plane. That was you.

Are you wanting a bigger aircraft? I wanted our regular sound effect. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. It's like if One News, the country's leading news source, led with a fake prank story every night. Once, funny.

If they did, on tonight in news, Donald Trump shit his pants. And then afterwards, they're like, just kidding. That'd be funny. The funny part is that- But then the second or third time,

it's like, oh, cool. We don't believe your news anymore. The funny part- that... But then the second or third time, it's like, oh, cool. We don't believe your news anymore. The funny part... People are going to stop believing our aviation news. It's how worked up you get. That's the funniest part for me. It's change back now. It's change back.

I'm not pushing it. I don't care. No, because I've done this before. I've done this before. I don't care. No, we're not doing it. He's kicked off. He's finally cracked.

I'm at a party, I don't want to be at home. A special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. And we're good. Because it's not aviation news without the audio signal to let you know that it's aviation news. And might I add the correct aviation news sting. Thank you very much

this news coming to you by major airline Cathay Pacific who it's been revealed are using CCTV cameras on board their planes which I it's dangerous stuff mate I know and I know you're in a

arguably you're in a public place, but I wouldn't have thought that I was being CCTV'd on a plane. No. I'd say there'd be cameras in the plane, but just not on every individual. I would say there needs to be cameras in planes for security, but it says that it's been found out that they are gathering information

on how you use the in-flight entertainment system, which is fine. That's just part of data. They want to know, because they know how old you are and stuff and they want to know what. What are you watching? What are you enjoying?

I mean, that's just, I think we just accept that as standard these days. But then also images captured on CCTV in airport lounges and also on board the planes, which people fly different. Like people fly very different to each other. Some people like to have their plane outfit and they like to have a look and be very respectable

and maybe try and get an upgrade to business class. Some people, like producer Ben, wear socks and jandals onto the plane. No, I just, no. Like when we flew to LA. I don't wear jandals. Yes, you did. I just wear socks. No, and we flew to LA. I don't wear jandals. Yes, you did. I just wear socks. No, and we walked through security,

you had socks and jandals on. Oh, because they said you had to put something on your feet. Yeah, but also because you're walking. Yeah, but comfy, man. It was, how long was that flight? Like 12 hours? Except, but this is exactly

what I'm talking about. People fly different. Some people get on the plane and they go into full grot mode. Like they just let it all hang out. You're saying that what I was doing was grot mode? Yeah, I would argue what you're doing. Now, this is not a Cafe Pacific thing,

but then apparently earlier this year, some airlines have been called out because you know how you've got that little screen in front of you that looks at you the whole flight? Some airlines, again, this is not Cafe Pacific, but some airlines have a camera in the top of that bit there that is looking back at you. Yeah, nah, that's not good. And are they recording you?

Probably. And what do they want to see? That's the thing. What are you hoping to get? I'm not going to do anything funny. No. You're not going to get candid camera of the sky. You're going to get 12 hours of sleeping. I literally fall asleep when the safety

video starts and i wake up when the when the wheels hit the ground at the end of the flight but people do all kinds of things on planes yeah it's true people are like oh here we are maybe we should you know maybe a mile high club baby i don't want to be filmed no i don't want to be filmed doing that or maybe you do want to be filmed maybe that's your jam but i mean other than other than for covert recordings, why else would there be a camera looking back at you? Like, what's the point? You don't need to

take a selfie using your seat because you've got your own phone. You don't need to do facial recognition because you're already in the seat. I just don't understand maybe video calling? Is it there for video? Do you want to do a Skype meeting or something like that? Probably not.

I don't know. Anyway. Keen on a Skype meeting though. That is your update on, well I mean that's your aviation news. Oh, thank you. As the leading show for maritime and aviation based news, it would be remiss of us not to bring you aviation news. Brian Clint.

It's a special release from ZM's not to bring you aviation news. Bree and Clint. As New Zealand's leading show for maritime and aviation-based news, we've got some more, baby. With that sound effect, you know now that it's aviation-based news. Yeah, it is. It's aviation-based. It feels like that plane's going from one ear to the other. Doesn't it just? I mean, if you've got a good stereo, it is. It's aviation based. It feels like that plane's going from one ear to the other. Doesn't it just? I mean, if you've got a good stereo, it does. If you don't, like we've talked about before, it sounds like the plane flies into your car and then disappears.

If you've got stereo speakers, enjoy it one more time. It's good. It's good. Fast, too. It's a Boeing 737, I believe. Is it? Yep. From my trained aviation ear, that's what I hear. Right, it's an older aircraft. Right.

Still fast. Today's aviation news comes to you by way of Russia. Oh, Russia. This is Russian aviation news. I'm just going to give you the story. Here it is. Commercial pilot is being hailed as a hero in Russia. Look at this.

After successfully landing a packed passenger plane in a field, the jet flew into a flock of birds just after takeoff. Sound familiar? Sully Sullenberger. There were 226 passengers on board. No fatalities. Russian state media says 23 people, including five children in the hospital, some in serious condition. It struck the birds immediately after takeoff. And then again, like Sully, this pilot determined he couldn't land back at the airport. He couldn't turn around. So he found a field nearby and put the plane down there. Two dead engines full of dead birds. And he crash lands the thing into a cornfield and everyone's fine.

I struggle doing a reverse park, let alone landing an aircraft that you've hit birds with in a field. Can you imagine the nuts it would take to be able to execute that kind of thing? Imagine even just looking around going, oh, I think we might fit there. I've always wondered about that too. And how do you go, like, what's the thought process? You go, well, we are 200 and something people. There could be three farmers in that field. Like, are you trained to prioritize the minimum loss of life possible?

Do you save as many people as possible kind of thing? That's a hard decision to make, isn't it? No one died. I think 50 people were hospitalized for injury. I don't know what those are, but you'd be in that brace position too. If it was an Air New Zealand flight, you'd have to hope you watched that excruciatingly long safety video

so you knew what the brace position was. Yeah, make sure you watch that video. Also, Russia. There's an added degree of difficulty too. Was it snowing? Nah, no, because it's summer up there at the moment. Oh, that's lucky, because imagine if it was super cold.

Oh, it probably would have been the same. I don't know. I've got no idea how these things work. Anyway, an Airbus A321 crash-landed into a field of corn after hitting a flock of seagulls. And that is today's aviation news. All the way from Russia. God, that plane sounds good.

That plane would have sounded like this. A special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. Today. It's aviation based. It's aviation based. Big news out of Virgin Airline. They're offering anxious passengers the opportunity to self-identify. So when you check in, you go, me, hello, hi, me, I don't really like flying.

And what it will do is it will put a special marker on your boarding pass. And then as you board the plane, the hosties will go, oh, okay, we've got a nervous flyer on board. And they will make a point of coming to check on you throughout the flight and see if you're going okay. Discreetly, they'll sort of come and they'll go, hello, ma'am. Are you okay? Is everything all right? If the flight attendants weren't already doing enough. I know, right?

I know. And you're sitting there going, no, I'm not okay. I'm sitting here in a tin can. It's suspended in mid-air. And I'm absolutely terrified. Plus, I feel like I'm breathing in other people's farts. Where do farts go on an airplane? You can't just wind down the window, can you?

What happens to plane farts? It's true. What happens to plane farts? It's true, what happens to plane farts? Nobody knows. They circulate around the cabin and you breathe them in time after time. I believe actually they have a system that sucks them in and then converts that methane into a fuel source, which they then use to heat your dinner. No, that's probably true too.

That's true. Look, I am a very nervous flyer, always have been for a long time. I don't know if I would like this service or not. Like I think I would only like it if there was really bad turbulence. You want someone to come over. Yeah, but then I'd also be worried about if they were in the aisle. They should be buckled in. Exactly.

That's the time where you shouldn't be walking over to the passengers. Well, let's simulate it, okay? Okay. I'll be a nervous passenger. Okay, and I'll be the flight attendant. And you'll be the concerned hostie. Okay. Is it turbulence or what is it?

Turbulence. Turbulence. Okay, cool. They're on board the plane, and I'm just going to request you. Hello there, sir. I believe you've marked down that you're a nervous flyer. Terrified. Terrified. Terrified.

What's going on with the plane? Why is it shaking so much? Sir, it's completely normal. It's just a little bit of turbulence at the moment. Turbulence? Why? We are just encountering a few air bubbles in the air, which is completely normal. There's nothing to worry about. Air bubbles in the air? Yes. We're not underwater.

No, but there is sometimes air pockets in the sky. Air pockets. And sometimes when it hits the airplane wings, it can cause a little bit of turbulence. Right. Well, I'm clearly very distressed, as you can tell by my good acting. What are you going to do, flight attendant, to calm me down? Well, I can offer you a few services. Oh, hang on.

The plane's disappeared. No, we're back on the plane. Dropped out of the sky. Yeah, we're back. We're back. Yeah. I can offer you a few services. Oh, hang on, the plane's disappeared. No, we're back on the plane. Dropped out of the sky. Yeah, we're back, we're back, yeah. I can offer you a few services. Yeah, what have you got? Some warm milk. No good, I'm lactose intolerant.

What about a fluffy toy? No, terrified of teddy bears. Would you like to come back into the back area of the plane with me? Oh, yeah. I can provide a very good distraction. Yeah, you know, I think I'm starting to feel a lot better actually. I'm just... I can't get this bloody seatbelt off.

Oh God, get this bloody seatbelt off! Sorry, the offer's off the table. It's a good system. Yeah. It's a good system. I think it'll work. I think you make a good air hostess as well. Thank you mate.

Air Bree. This is a good friend of the show. Where you'll not only catch a plane, you'll catch something else. A special release from ZM's Bree and Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. We've got some more aviation news for you. Oh, God. All right.

As New Zealand's leading maritime and aviation news-based radio show, we better rip into this. This is a really interesting story, actually. So a 34-year-old pilot and a passenger were flying off the coast of California when all of a sudden they lost power in the air. So it's a small aircraft. Like a Cessna. Like a Cessna, yeah And they lost power

And they started to drop Anyway, the pilot was pretty much trying to get the power back on Trying to get the plane back up and running No power They've ended up landing in the ocean God, that is poo your pants stuff Isn't it? So apparently it was from 34,000 feet.

The engine had cut out. He couldn't get the motor running again. So he had to put it down in the Pacific. Yeah. God, you'd want to be with a skilled pilot in that situation. Wouldn't you? Anyway, apparently he put it down so softly that the impact was fine. No one was injured.

Good to hear. Neither of the passengers. Yeah. But obviously the plane started to sink. So as the plane started to sink, there was about 20 or 30 seconds after the vessel hit the water, he grabbed his phone and his keys from the cockpit. Yeah.

And then they obviously got out of the plane and they were kind of waiting in the water. Yeah. And then they obviously got out of the plane and they were kind of waiting in the water. Yeah. They then decided, while they waited for help, because obviously they called for help before the plane went down. Great move. They decided to take some videos of themselves. As you do.

In the ocean. As you do. There she goes. There she goes. I wonder if there was something in the fuel. And that is the helicopter coming to rescue them from the middle of the ocean. What a great Instagram story that would be. Imagine that.

Get the views. Get the views. I would not be swiping past that. No, you wouldn't double tap on that one. God, I mean, the battery ran out. And I'm like, I need to know, did he get rescued or not? So can someone tell me, was he obviously treading water? Was he just treading water and he kept his phone?

Because they were in the water for 40 minutes. Yeah. So he obviously, what, just kept his phone out of the water? Is that what happened? No, phones are waterproof now. No, they're not. Yes, they are. Okay, where's your phone?

Right here. Put it in that jug of water. Oh, my God. Are you sure that's... It's waterproof. Are you sure? Well, shit, I hope. Are you sure that's...

Get it out. It is, it is, it is, it is, it is. This is the Samsung Galaxy S10. Are you sure that's waterproof? It's still working. Should I do it with mine? Yeah, do it with yours. Do it with yours.

No, I don't think it's waterproof. A special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. We are the leading show here in New Zealand for maritime and aviation-based news, and I have got some aviation news for you this afternoon. Fantastic. Never gladder to hear than a piece of aviation or maritime news.

Picture this. You're training to be a pilot. You've done paperwork. You've never done a lesson in the air. Okay. Finally, you take off on your first lesson in a little Cessna aircraft, and you're up in the air, just you and the instructor. Mm-hmm.

Next minute, the instructor passes out. Woo-hoo, free plane time for me. Just what I've always wanted. instructor. Next minute, the instructor passes out. Woohoo, free plane time for me. Just what I've always wanted. You've never flown a plane. It's your first lesson. Oh yeah, that's a bit rough. That's exactly what has happened to a trainee pilot in Western Australia. His name is Max and that's exactly what happened. He was on his first lesson in the air when the instructor passed out and he had to radio back to the tower back at base and we pick up where he's talking to the instructor back at the tower.

Sango Foxtrot, Romeo. Do you know how to operate the aeroplane? Very, very light. This is my first lesson. The instructor at the moment, are they unconscious? He's leaning over my shoulder. Do you know how to operate the aeroplane? Very, very light. This is my first lesson. Instructor at the moment, are they unconscious? He's leaning over my shoulder. I'm trying to keep him up but he keeps falling down. The first thing we're going to do is make sure that the wings stay level and that you keep consistent speed.

Can you tell me how your instructor is doing at the moment? How's he looking? No, he hasn't woken up. I've just started to lift his head back up but he's not responding. Is your instructor communicating at all? No, he's not. Your job right now is just keep focusing on that aircraft? No, you're doing really, really well. You're doing an amazing job. Yeah, well, my flight instructor did say that I was the best student he's had.

Oh, well, I was the best student. Who cares? You've never flown a plane before. No, it's good. You need confidence in a situation like this and he obviously backs himself. What would you rather be in that situation there where he actually ended up landing the plane by himself?

Yeah, well done. Yeah. What do you mean well done? That's amazing. While waiting for the other option. Or would you rather be in that situation where you have to land a plane

as your first lesson or would you rather someone have to talk you through delivering a baby? Oh. I think I'd come in hot with the crash landing of the plane, to be honest. Take my bets on the plane, I think. I haven't been in a crash landing before, but I've been at a birth,

and I was no good that time, and I'd be no good at the other end either. A special release from ZM's Bree and Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I've got some aviation news. Can I, do you mind if I may have permission to... Of course we are the leading show in New Zealand for maritime and aviation based news. This one comes to you, it's passenger based aviation news.

Right. A passenger who has been doing a cross-stitch on a plane. I've seen it. Yeah. Now, the cross-stitch, a photo of it has been taken by the person who was sitting in the seat just behind on the other side of the aisle. So if you think you step back one row and then go across the aisle, both of them had aisle seats just different sides of the aisle.

So she's doing her cross-stitch very publicly. Right. It has gone viral on the Shut the Front Door Facebook page. Great Facebook page. One of the best Facebook pages. Is that the original? The original Shut the Front Door? Yeah.

There's no, like, exclamation point or anything? I don't know. We're talking about the shop, right? The Shut the Front Door shop? No, we're talking about just the name. Shut the Front Door? Yeah, on Facebook. I don't know.

The picture has had 46,000 likes And 15,000 comments I just want to ask you Is this an offensive Cross stitch To be doing on an aeroplane It's got flowers around it She looks like

She's cross stitch demographic You know she's the type of person You'd expect to be to see Doing a cross stitch on a plane Yeah probably The cross stitch says Eat a bag of dicks Thug life.

Should have got this song. Should have got this song. But you get the point. I think you get the point. Special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. We do have a bit of aviation news this afternoon. As the leading show in New Zealand for aviation and maritime-based news,

it's our job to bring you all aviation news that comes to the show. Now, this one, like I said, concerns the Prime Minister, a plane, and a very, very Kiwi situation. There is a tweet that has gone viral in which the Prime Minister is shown sitting in someone else's seat. Jacinda Ardern somehow went to the airport without a ticket and she was put on a standby flight. Now a standby flight is where they go

sorry plane's full but if someone pulls out you can have their seat. Someone did pull out and they said well Prime Minister of New Zealand Jacinda Ardern I guess we can squeeze you onto the flight. Why is she on standby? Why is that happening? She's the Prime Minister of the country.

We'll address that in a second. She then gets a seat. I believe it's a middle seat. And the people either side of her were friends with the person who missed the flight. Right. So it was meant to be their friend in that seat and she missed it. No one's fault. I think she had too much fun at Hugh Jackman.

And just didn't make the flight back to Wellington. They've drummed up the courage to say, excuse me, Prime Minister of New Zealand, the Right Honourable Jacinda Ardern, do you think we could have a video? And because, again, it's New Zealand, she's gone, yeah, sure. Of course you can. And this is the message she gave them. Hey Freya, this is Jacinda.

Oh, and look, I've got a special guest here. Little Niamh saying hi as well. Sounds like your mum's been away. Thank you, Jackman. I hope she got you a present. Hopefully I'll see you again sometime soon. Bye. And no tattoos.

Not until you're older. You might change your mind. So, okay, we forgot to mention the Prime Minister showed up with her baby to the airport. Yeah. And they put her on standby. This doesn't happen. No. If Donald Trump showed up to the airport and said he wanted to go,

they'd clear the plane. Yeah. So there's a few things to address. Why does the Prime Minister go on standby? Yep. Like, I'm not keen

to get kicked off a flight, but if they said, sorry, sir, we've got to remove you for the Prime Minister. Fine. I think I'd be okay. Prime Minister and her baby?

Even better. Even finer. Next question. Why does now Prime Minister have a plane? Trump's got a plane. I think the Australian guy, I think if he wants a plane There's a military plane

Well I thought Quite a few people Flew with Jacinda Like she'd have Some security or That's the other bit right Like why is she Flying on her own

What's she up to What is she up to Actually though Has she gone rogue Has she just gone She's snuck out of the house And she's like Me and Niamh

We're going on a holiday. Off to Nelson for the weekend. No security for us. Yeah. We're just going to go. It's very New Zealand. It's very New Zealand. Which, I mean, this is why we love this country.

Yeah. But at the same time, sort your shit out, New Zealand. Come on. She's just a goddamn prime minister. That's your aviation news. Special release from ZM's Breen Clint. The Aviation News Podcast. Big news in the

aviation world out today. This is exciting. So they're saying the future is here because they've developed a plane seat that will monitor your every move. So essentially, imagine if your plane seat could monitor

and record everything you do, which... Why do I want my plane seat to do that? Because, I mean, it allows the plane staff to obviously know what you need. So say your seat is reclined or if it's not reclined or how many times you've used your tray table, if your TV's on or off, stuff like that. So essentially, they're saying that in real time it allows the cabin crew to see if seats are upright, how many times a passenger uses the bathroom,

the tray tables, seat belts. It also speeds up stuff like, you know when they do those cabin checks before and after takeoff? Yeah, they see if your phone's on flight mode and stuff. Pretty much. This will make that like in no time. But they're calling it the smart seat, I think. Yeah, the smart seat.

And they're going to begin rolling these out on some of the aeroplanes really soon. This sounds like spin. It sounds like something that's beneficial for the cabin crew and not so good for me. Because now it sounds like if I'm in reclining mode, that they can just push a button and then they're going to put me back up to... I doubt they'd be allowed to do that, though.

And why do they want to know how many times I'm going to the toilet? That's the other bit. Well, maybe they need to know if you need to be more hydrated. Because there was that story recently about the airline that had cameras inside the seat back monitors and they were recording passengers in their seat and they

were taking all that data as well. So their eyes are always on you. I didn't read that. Not that I'm doing anything terribly bad in the skies. I was going to say, what are you doing? No, I know, I know but it's just like privacy stuff, right? It's like, God, where can I go these days that I'm not being monitored? Well, to be honest, I don't think I'd love to be recorded on an airplane.

I don't know what it is, but there's no place that I look uglier than sleeping on an airplane. I believe there is a collection of photos of me looking my absolute worst, like the worst I can possibly look. And I think every single one of those photos belongs to the machine at customs where you put your passport in and then you walk in there and it says, take your hat off and you look directly at the camera. I reckon all of those photos after you've got off a flight, particularly a long haul flight, I don't reckon there's anyone who looks fresh in those photos. This was a real embarrassing story that I never told on the radio that happened to me recently.

I flew back from, I believe it was Australia, on one of the later flights, and I think I got in at 1am into Auckland. Yeah. And I went through that system, put my passport in, and the camera took the photo. I looked so horrific that it didn't recognise me, and I had to go to the person that was manning the desk.

You give them the passport, and they're like, oh, let me show this up for you. I'll just open it. No, well, they were already like, oh, when they saw me, and then they looked at my passport, and then they looked at me again. They're like, are you sure this is you? Well, that's good. Maybe these new smart seats can do a percentage of how much

you devalue appearance-wise across the flight. And then that can sync up with the customs things. And then that can get us through. Hopefully the seat also redoes your makeup for you. Yeah, that'd be helpful. That'd be great. ZM's Bree and Clint, back Monday, Jan 13 on ZM.