ZM's Bree & Clint - ZM's Bree & Clint – Summer Special: The Aqua Poo Saga

Episode Date: December 30, 2024

In case you missed it... we really kicked the year off with a bang when back in January Bree made a really weird admission on-air which has haunted her ever since. This is the origin story of the Aqua Poo. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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or wherever you get your podcasts Listen up dog people The future could be a DNA register under which they have your dog's DNA registered and every time it does a poo that doesn't get picked up they do a little swabby of that poo and then they find out who it is and then the police show up to your house

with the poo and they're like Tell you off? You're under arrest. We've got the poo and it's a DNA match. We've got the evidence and it stinks. Where is the culprit? We're going to take them to doggie prison. So we want to know are you someone who's willing to

admit they do not pick up their dog's poos? Like this person on the text machine. Poo fertilises the grass. So if anything, I'm doing nature a favour by not picking it up. I love this text. I have trained my dog to do aqua poos

in the sea when I take it to the beach. So no picking up for me. That's genius. Aqua poo. What would you rather do? Would you rather stand in a poo and get some of it on your foot? Yeah.

Or be swimming along in the ocean and a dog floaty goes into your mouth? Well, it's a lot less likely for the dog floaty thing to happen. Is it? It's a gigantic sea. Like we've all done a poo in the sea. It was. Yes, we have. Have you guys done that?

Oh, no. Snap poll. So you're a yes. Yes, I will go on the record. Claudia? No. Ocean poo? Definitely not.

No, they're called aqua poos. Aqua poo? No. No. Ella? No, but I want to. Yes, Ella, my spirit animal. All right.

You two go to the beach together? Mate, mate. Me and Claudia will go somewhere else. There is plenty of people out there that would have had to do an emergency C poo. I'm sure there is. We'll do that topic tomorrow. Right now we're asking, do you not pick up your dog poos? That was a bad time, to be honest.

Let's go to Anonymous on 0800 ZMI Anonymous. Hi, Anonymous. Hi, hi, hi. Two questions, two questions, two questions. Have you ever done a poo in the sea? No, I have not. But have you thought about doing it yourself? No, actually I have not.

Yep. Yeah. Okay. Oh, no. That's one from five. I will admit that I am one of them that does not pick up the poo. Okay, you don't pick up your dog's poos. Why, Anonymous?

No. Well, I live right behind the beach and I walk her every day. And most of the beach surroundings is covered by our own poop that come out of the pipes from our house. So I let my dog poop on the beach, anywhere around the beach. It's like a revenge poo. And into the collection. Yeah, okay.

Where's this place where the beach is all covered in poos? Where do you live? Mission Bay. Are you sure? Yeah, any inner city Auckland beach. Okay, Anonymous. Brave. I mean, good for you for being honest.

Thank you, we appreciate it. A lot of people saying that they don't pick up the poos when it's runny or diarrhea. I know this is gross, but they're saying that's when. And to be honest, it is very hard because I've been in that situation. Well, it's not hard, but it is very hard to pick up a runny poo. It's just not possible. My dog gets such bad anxiety when she goes out that she does diarrhea. There's no way I'm bending down to pick that up.

Your dog is doing anxiety diarrhea every time you take it out for a walk? Some dogs have anxiety about things that they see on walks. Someone said, Bree, no, we haven't all pooed in the sea.

And then someone else texted and said aqua poo, most satisfying poo you can do. So I rest my case. They are out there. Did you text that? I'm going to put my phone away. This text is good.

Someone said, I once hit a person up about not picking up their dog poo and they said, I don't use single-use plastic. I told them to buy biodegradable bags. And they said, it's still plastic. And I said, so you're just going to leave it there? And they said, yup, mother effers. I'd be so ropeable at that too. I'd be livid. So they're just choosing to not do it.

There's a lot of text. No, Bree, poo in the ocean is not okay. Someone said, apparently my wife had a poo in the river when she was nine years old. I'm just finding out myself now and I'm just as surprised as you. Brie and Clint.

Zed and Brie and Clint, that's LaRue in Bulletproof, winner of Birthday Banger 2009. Well done, Rosa. Kate, we have to address this. I feel like we can just move on with our lives and not talk about this or what was said or what happened ever again. But it's in the news and it's about us. It's in the bloody Australian news websites.

All the Australian media has picked up the story now. There's a headline in news.com, which is the biggest news site in Australia, that says radio host makes shocking confession. I've got people that I went to high school with messaging me saying they've seen it in the news. If you missed it on Wednesday last week on this very show, Brie made this shocking confession. Like we've all done a poo in the sea. It was... Yes, we have.

Have you guys done that? Over the weekend, the video of that radio break was posted to TikTok, where it currently has 1.7 million views, 162,000 likes, 2,300 comments. It's been shared 4,700 times. Oh, my God. You know what the worst part of all this was? Is this happened last week, right?

And over the long weekend, I was in the Coromandel, which... Not near a beach, were you? I was near a beach. Keep her away from the beaches. I kid you not. I had a complete stranger come up to me on the beach yesterday and he looked me dead in the face and he goes, let me know when you're going in the water.

Your reputation precedes you. I just looked at him and I was just, I've got nothing. I've got no comeback. It's because you said this. Like we've all done a poo in the sea. Can I just say I stand by it? I stand by what I said. I'm not trying to retract what I said.

I'm not trying to cover it up. Once it's come out, it's very hard to retract. Especially in the sea. It is what it is. It happened. An emergency aqua poo. These things happen. I believe that you genuinely felt that it was more normal

than it appears to be when you said it and that's why you said it. Can I just go on the record though and say I didn't say it as in I think it's normal to do all the time. Yeah. It's not like a common thing like, you know, doing a wee in the sea. But you've got to do it once. A wee in the ocean. I'm just saying I thought it was more common

that people would have found themselves in a situation where they had to do an emergency aqua poo. And turns out not too many have found themselves in that emergency. Well, let's check. I've got a cross-section of some of the best comments on this viral video. Have you got an accurate smorgasbord? Yeah, I've got a few comments. An array?

Someone commented, I've peed with the fishes, but I've never dropped a log on them. Someone else commented, 52 years old and never pooed in the sea. Well, must be nice, can I just say? Must be nice. There's a big gap in that video where we, the producers and I kind of just look at each other to see if we all heard the same thing.

Yeah, the silence was deafening. Someone commented that silence was loud. That's how bad the silence was. The way that no one would ever pull this kind of information from me, I would rather die first than share this kind of thing. Say again? What was that? The way that no one would ever pull this kind of information out of me,

I would rather die first than share this. Oh, no one was pulling anything out of anyone. Just slid out. Just kind of just happened. I said it was an emergency. The video then share this. Oh, no one was pulling anything out of anyone. Just slid out. Just kind of just happened. I said it was an emergency. The video opens with this. Like, we've all done a poo in the sea. And someone's commented, I beg your finest pardon.

It is a very aggressive opening to a video. Like, play it again. This is literally you're scrolling through TikTok and you're like, oh, yeah, video. And then this video opens with, like, we've all done a poo in the sea. Very aggressive. And then just a woman floundering. And then just me panicking.

Robbie commented, I'm never going in the ocean again. Kelly Porter commented, my freaking eyebrows went straight far up. There's no one, can I just say, there's no one in these comments that said, I'm with you, happened to me before. I've got one. I've found one of your people. Okay. I'm from Banner.

Don't call them my people. I pooed in my local swimming pool. The chlorine just disinfects it. That's not true. That is not true. I didn't poo in a pool. Close. I refuse.

No. Can I just say, not the same. Pooing in a pool, poo. Can I just say not the same. Pooing in a pool, pooing in the ocean, not the same. We're dealing with the viral video that we now have associated with the Brie and Clint show where Brie admits to this. She says. Like we've all done a poo in the sea. Someone said my

friend did an aqua dump and it chased us in the water. I can imagine. I can imagine. I can imagine. The thing is, you guys are lucky you've never had to do an aqua poo. That's what somebody else said. Yeah. Like I said, it was

an emergency. My sister pooed in the bathtub a lot when she was a toddler. Does that count? That does not count. Toddlers will be toddlers. And I think my favourite comment on the viral video where Brie admitted, sorry, where Brie admitted this. Like, we've all done a poo in the sea.

Someone just commented, Eric just wrote, aqua birth. I'm going to be known for this now. This is what, like, and actually, I don't want to be known as the girl who did the aqua poo. Nobody would. And then people will start like

singing a song like aqua poo, aqua poo. Like, I could just picture it now. There's going to be t-shirts made. At your funeral.

At my funeral. Bree was known for not much, but mainly one thing, pooing in the ocean. Six successful seasons of Celebrity Treasure Island. This is the video you're known for. Like, we've all done a poo in the sea.

I mean, it is on brand for me, so. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see how alone you really are. I'm only going to do this once. I think we only do this once, and then we bring the tone of the show right back up after this. Are we going to do a poll? We're going to do a poll. No, we're going to do a poo. We're going only do this once and then we bring the tone of the show right back up after this. Are we going to do a poll?

We're going to do a poll. No, we're going to do a poo. We're going to do a poo-all. A poo-all. 0800 dial ZM. Like Brie. Have you? Okay.

Very simple question. If you know, you know. Where are my people? Yeah. Please join me. Let us unite together for one big dump. Aquadumpers. 0800 dial Z big dump Aquadumpers 0800 dial ZM

Aquadumpers This is the only time This is the only time We're doing this Never again Never again It's gone viral guys It's fine

Bree and Clint It was Yes we have Stop playing the audio Welcome back everybody It's the Bree and Clint show On ZM Where we just We've just It was, oh, yes we have. Stop playing the audio. Welcome back, everybody. It's the Brian Clint Show on ZM. We just addressed it so we can put it to bed, the viral video.

We never intended this video to go viral, by the way, but it's almost had two million views on TikTok. We're pre-admitted to doing her business in the ocean. It was an emergency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would you have rathered if you were on the boat with me emergency, do it in my pants or jump over the side of the boat

pull my togs off? Were you in a boat? Yes. So there were other people around? There's quite a few, yeah. Really? It wasn't a good time for me. I'm not, I didn't say it like I was proud of it. And to the people who are asking for logistics, like did she pull the togs to the side?

Was it solid? Was it not? We don't need to go into that kind of detail, okay? That's not necessary. Bree's asked for a support network where we could ask, open the phone line so she doesn't feel so alone. I didn't ask for this, by the way. I wanted to move on, not talk about it again.

We want to just ask, Bre has, have you? So we've opened the phone lines to the whole country. This is bullshit, by the way. We've had one person call through. No, producers, this is BS. One person. Why is there only one person there if there was more people? Yeah.

There was more people calling. I saw them. If. No. Look, we'll leave the lines open for the entire break. Yeah. Okay, more people calling. I saw them. Ev. No. Look, we'll leave the lines open for the entire break. Yeah. Okay, so they're still open on 0800 dials at the end, but let's go to this person who wants to remain anonymous,

mainly because I don't think they want this thing associated with them. Yeah, that would be horrible if your name was attached to it. Hello, anonymous. Hi, anonymous. Hi, I'm one of Bree's people. I'm sorry. Yes, anonymous. One of Bree's people. I'm sorry. Yes, Anonymous.

One of Bree's people. A girl needs support out here, okay? Thank you, Anonymous. Thank you. And let me just ask, was your situation an emergency or was it for leisure? No, it wasn't an emergency. It was a bit of a lactose attack, to put it that way. Leisure.

I feel you. Leisure. You never know. Who's out there doing it for leisure? I feel you as a fellow lactose intolerant sufferer. Don't bring lactose into the, it's fine for an illness, don't you? This is the first time in a week that you've brought up the lactose element, okay? I am lactose intolerant.

Don't look for an easy out now that Anonymous has suggested it. Do you think it was an easy out? I don't have to jump over the side of the boat and do a poo. It wasn't the easy out, now that Anonymous has suggested it. Do you think it was an easy out? I have to jump over the side of the boat and do a poo. It wasn't the easy out. My dog poos every time she's in the water. It's extremely embarrassing when people are swimming. That's a dog. Okay, that's a dog.

Here we go. We've got another caller for you. Hello, Anonymous. Hi, Anonymous. Hi. Are you too one of Bree's people? I am. I'm really not a good moment, but yes, Anonymous. Hi. Are you too one of Bree's people? I am. I'm really not a good moment, but yes, I am.

These things happen, right, Anonymous? Yeah, they do. Where were you? Paint a picture for us. So I was with some friends. I was probably 12 or so. Okay, so you were a child. Yeah.

And I was, my mum wasn't there or anything, so I had no option to leave. I was just with these guys. And I kind of went a couple of metres away from them because I was just desperate and I couldn't hold it in. Pug the dogs to the side and let it go. Yeah, in the ocean. Yeah.

As a 12-year-old. It's not the same because she's 12. How old were you? How old were you? How old were you? You're 34 now. How old were you? 25.

Thanks, Anonymous. We appreciate your honesty. There's one more Anonymous caller here. Hi, Anonymous. Hi, Anonymous. Hey, your honesty. There's one more Anonymous caller here. Hi, Anonymous. Hi, Anonymous. Hey, guys. How's it going? This is the last time we will do this topic.

It's the last time we'll do anything like this. The bar is raised directly after this break. But are you in Bree's Ocean Poo Support Network? I definitely am. Thank you, Anonymous. Was yours an emergency? It was. I had a bit of rumbly belly while I was out surfing.

Wait, wait. Were you riding the brown wave, were you? Yeah, I was. I was going to say wetsuit. So did you have to take off your whole wetsuit in the ocean? Let's just leave it at that, eh? Anonymous. No, no, no. Did you do it in the wetsuit in the ocean. Let's just leave it at that, eh? Anonymous. No, no, no.

Did you do it in the wetsuit? Yeah, because I was out in the sea. Oh, my God. That's why they call it a steamer. Oh, Cleveland steamer. Oh. Anonymous, your story's way worse than mine. It's so much worse.

You poor thing. Imagine taking that wetsuit off. You burn that one. Yep. Yeah, you burn that one. You burn that one. That one goes. All right, thank you for your bravery.

Thank you for your honesty, Anonymous. Thank you, Anonymous. I'll see you at the next meeting. Aquapoo's Anonymous. A-A-A. Yeah. Bree and Clint. Look, I didn't want to bring this up again on the show.

I'm the last person that wants to be talking about this, but at the start of this year, something was said on the show by someone that turns out wasn't a common thing felt by everyone in the group. And I fell for that person. Me too. The person who said this. Like, we've all done a everyone in the group. And I fell for that person. Me too. The person who said this. Like, we've all done a poo in the sea.

Because I've worked with you long enough that when I saw it come out of your mouth, I know that you thought it was more common. I thought it was way more common. Yeah. And look, I'm not saying that it's something... You thought you'd read the room. I like how I have to justify it every time we talk about it. It was an emergency.

It was one time. It was on a boat. Bunch of people it was very very embarrassing um but i thought it would have happened to more people turns out um according to you guys in here no none of you have ever had that experience it's been viewed you know it's got you're adrift at sea with that opinion you know it's got three. You're adrift at sea with that opinion. You know it's got three million views on TikTok? Three million. It might be the biggest video we've ever posted.

It might be. I'm sorry. It's your legacy. I'm sorry. I've got come on Eileen and you've got poo in the sea. God, we're gross, eh? It's us. Oh, jeez.

Could have been anything else. Anyway, I had a glimmer of hope on the weekend. A glimmer of hope that actually made me think I was correct in saying that it's more common than what people think. Okay. And it was after I was watching a very famous and popular TV show. Yeah. And something was said on the show. Look, now, obviously, this isn't a reality show.

I'm so confused. I need to know what the show is. The show, maybe one of the most popular shows of all time, Friends. Okay. Right? Okay. And we know in Friends, the writers of that show drew from real life scenarios and stories from their life to create the show.

Okay? So just keep that in mind. The beauty of Friends is how relatable it is. Exactly. Exactly what you said, Clint. So the other day when I was watching season nine, episode 16, 11 minutes in, Phoebe says this.

But I never want to get married again. Wow. It was just my first marriage was, you know, such a disaster that I kind of lost faith in the whole idea. Was it really that bad? At one point near the end, she deliberately defecated on me. Okay, well, that's bad, yeah. But don't you think it might be different with someone else?

Perhaps a blonde who always uses a toilet. Except for once in the ocean. A rare glimmer of hope. Did she? However. Oh, what? However, I would ask, do we think that Phoebe is the most normal

and relatable character on the show? Or is Phoebe's character weird and she's funny because she does weird things? You know? Am I the most normal and relatable character on this show? that's weird and she's funny because she does weird things. You know? Am I the most normal and relatable character on this show? Do you want to be the most normal? No.

No. I don't. But she said it. And let's just, that's come from somewhere. That's come from the writer's room. That's come from people. Yeah. Okay. So we're at two people who have pooed in the sea.

Three in a fictional character from a 90s sitcom. Oh, shit. Yeah. Okay. So we're at two people who have pooed in the sea. Brie and a fictional character from a 90s sitcom. Oh, shit. Literally. Good research, though. I thought I had it. I thought I had it. I love the idea of Brie trawling through the archives, desperately looking for references.

I was just watching the show and my ears pricked up. Maybe try married at first sight. That's full of weirdos. Play. Zed Ames, Brie and Clint. On Insta, Facebook, TikTok and live weekdays from 3. Maybe try married at first sight. That's full of weirdos.