ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 10th March 2022

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Petrol Saving TipsTop Bogan Names Top 6Bad News BradWho takes the booze home after a party?Most embarassing momentsSilly Little Poll! Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello, welcome to the Fleege, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try their refreshing McCafe iced coffee. It's available now at Macca's. Now, something you might not hear on the podcast because we edit out ads and things called liners, promos, the songs, is that we're currently running a competition called Border Break where you get to come home.

Yeah, so if you're listening to the podcast, if you're an overseas podcast listener, a New Zealand resident, citizen, who's allowed to come back at the moment because the borders are open, you can enter.

Yeah. So either like a trip back or a one-way ticket. How amazing is that, eh? I've been watching so many in preparation for this, videos of people coming home and seeing their family

for the first time. People doing fun fun elaborate surprises yeah dressing up as waiters you know and taking the order and then the mom's like oh it's so nice i'm surprised you haven't just gone and sat out at the airport yeah i know just watched like a pervert like what are you doing you know you're crying aren't you cry yeah you doing yeah now she's upset yeah flowers give her give her the flowers do you like the soldiers coming home as well for that yeah i bet that i saw one oh my god it ruined me it was a mom who'd been overseas yeah fighting uh with the.S. Army. And she came home and her son was in like the cafeteria and she dressed up in the school mascot outfit and was like walking around.

And then she sat opposite him and was like pointing and he was like, oh, this is really weird. And then he was like looking at his mom, he's like, this is really weird. She takes the hat off and he just looks at her and then he's just like, my mom! And I was just like, ah! And then he like

Clambers over the table And like tackles his mum I'm crying You're retelling it I know And the beautiful part of battle He must have been like 13, 14

You know that age Where most people are like Drop me off in the corner mum Yeah Drop me off at the hotel I want to see your dumb car mum Love you Love you

Oh that's so sweet I love it. Those are good videos. Yeah. Yesterday, we were talking about sad songs, weren't we? That's right. The saddest song ever was crowned REM. Everybody Hurts.

Everybody Hurts, yeah. And I just felt like leaning in. So on my drive home yesterday, I went on Spotify and had the saddest songs of all time playlist. It took me one song to get crying instantly. And I loved it. I cried the whole way home and I was just leaning in. And do you feel better after a good cry? I want more.

Okay. I want more. I made a playlist years ago called Music to Cry By. Lovely. What's at the top? Well, it was just kind of, I think it was in the order it got put in. Have you got my auxiliary? This one.

It's not a super well-known song. Is Spotify still down? No. Why is it not working? Here you go. This one. Oh, yeah, good song. To Build a Home by the Cinematic Orchestra.

Yeah, this is good. This is always in TV shows. This is absolute fodder. Yeah, it's a good song. Should we play the... Oh, my God. And then it goes ding, ding, ding, ding. We could layer this under people coming home

and reuniting with their families and I'd have a big, fat, juicy, dry cry. Well, if that's you, if you'd like to register to come home, part of our Border Break competition, ZM Online, the registration form. Have a good cry, have a good cry, lean in, cry, it's good for you. It's so good for you. Good for the soul. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show.

Fleet, Schvorn and Hayley, it's four minutes past six. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fleet, Schvorn and Hayley, it's four minutes past six. Good morning. I've got to say, when I did a rat test last night, I was convinced it was positive. You were like, I've finally got a week off work. I was like, oh, because as it was filling up the window with the pink, the top of the line looked like it stopped at the C at the T

and I was like that means positive and I just went Aaron! Aaron! I've got it! and then it moved and it was negative and so you had to

get up this morning and come to work I was so relieved yesterday but nope here I am yeah we have to do a TVNZ one

to film have you been paying attention today and I took a wrong turn. I hit my throat. I got a rat. I did it. I finally did it.

I got a rat to hit the back of my, like, the gaggy bit. You're only meant to go in two centimetres. Yeah, what are you, little bitch? You sent that video of the stick in your nose. Right up the snus, eh? I was like, you're going to lose it. I know. You can only pinch the end of the handle.

I know. There was only, like, a little bit left on the end. So it's fair to say you were going in the wrong hole when you were doing your every other rat test? Even then I could go pretty deep. Right. Yeah, you could go deep up and back. I didn't even know there were two nostril holes.

I didn't know either. Three. Yeah, there's three. I've been going up. The middle one, the bottom one, the top. And then I saw Dr. Susie Wiles post and was like, oh, go back. And I went back and I was like, ah!

Yeah. There it is. Head back and just go flat. Go straight flat. I don't know what brand we've got here. It's a thicker cotton swab, but the ones that TVNZ have got, these thin little nimble dudes,

straight up this nice. Flubby around, kind of floppy. You know why? It's because Simon Dello's got a small nostril. He's got a tiny little nostril. And that's why they had to order those ones. Small nostrils. He does.

Famously. Big cavernous snus. It's got to be here. That went right out there. Like, honestly. Is it gross if we put that video on social media? Yeah, it is kind of gross. It's nuts.

It is gross. I just couldn't believe it. It just kept going. I feel like next minute you'll see it and it'll just go. It'll be gone. Now I want to do that thing where, you know, where people snort a bit of spaghetti and then. Yeah.

Again, that's also gross. I know my kids would be, that would be like number one dad trick to rock. Again, though, you only need to go in two centimetres for the rat test. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six. Are there food trains when it's sushi trains? Well, not everybody, but people are familiar with sushi trains. The nice ones are on the expensive plates.

I know. And then you're like, I've got too many orange plates. I know. And then you watch the same one go round and around and around. You're like, you're three loops. I'm not eating you. You've been out of a refrigerated area for too long. Well, now there's cheese trains.

We can go, I'm imagining there's wine. Yeah. And crackers? There must be some cracker carriages. Oh, 100%. Well, I'm sure the crackers would be with the cheese. Or maybe you get a base of crackers and then the cheese. No, I want a range of crackers and I want to be able to be like,

now I want some oat crackers. Now I want some rice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is in Australia, Sydney, this cheese train. Cheese train. So they are a top six of the food trains we need. I just love the idea of your, but it has to look like a train. I've been to a few sushi trains and it's a conveyor belt.

Oh, yeah, that's not. No one needed it to be an actual train. I've been to ones where they're actually trains. Good. Oh, fun. Yeah, real cute. Yeah, it's real cute. Coming up on the show with petrol, so expensive.

We've got the top tips, fuel-saving tips, when you're driving. Oh, for like an economical drive. Yeah, so this is also bad news for you because you've just put a roof rack on. That's one of them. Oh, no. I look cool with all my wind drag.

Up next, I've got the top Bogan baby names. Here's a tease. Kior. Kior. Kior. Where's my one of those? I've got a JK Electronics catalogue, but I don't have a show planner. You don't have a show planner. It'll be there somewhere.

Absolutely. You wouldn't have been missed out. I mean, you don't look at it anyway. Is Carween making a statement? You gave me one. Where did it go? It's right in front of you. It's right under your arm.

It's on your keyboard. Oh, no, it fell. No, that's my JK Electronics catalogue. Oh, okay. Sorry, I saw the colours. Sorry, Carween. It's on the floor. It seems when I was pulling my JK Electronics catalogue

out of today's New Zealand Herald, which, can I say, is... Oh, it doesn't have it. Newspaper of the Year or something? Oh, did we not win Newspaper of the Year this year? Yeah, more people read New Zealand Herald. They're always bragging about some shit on the front page of the paper. Website of the Year and News App of the Year,

according to Voyager at the Media Awards. There you go. 595,000 people read this newspaper every day. That's up 1% on a previous. You're such a company man, Vaughan. He's grazing up to the ceo because he alpha mailed you and bought the same car as you've been nice yeah way better yeah okay every year kid spot in australia releases the top bogan baby names and some of these are just you just feel sorry for the kid as it grows into a human being. I think every year we talk about this list

out of Australia and every year it's a shake of the head, it's a big eye roll. We shouldn't pass too much judgement because New Zealand's as bad. Every year it's like eight people tried to call their kid Satan this year. Two South Islanders wanted Adolf Hitler and

it's bad. Cody and Jim and Beam. Yeah. A lot of these are about strange spelling. So in alphabetical order for the gals, we've got Brixley, B-R-E-X-L-E-I-G-H. They love a G-H. Yeah. Brixley.

The Bowers love a G-H. That just sounds like the female Brexit. Yeah, Brixley The Bogans love a GH The female That just sounds like The female Brexit Yeah Brixley Terrible And then there's Ivy Which I like as a name But Ivy spout I-V-E-I-G-H

Bogan as S-E-E I-V-C But it's just pronounced Ivy Then there's Jewel J-U-U-L Named after the Vape brand Because Jewel's a lovely's Jewel, J-U-U-L, named after the vape brand. Because Jewel's a lovely name.

Jewel. That's a singer. My hands are small, I know. Isn't that her? Yeah, but not Jewel like the Jewels. Jewel like the vape brand. Yeah. Oh, right.

Okay. Honestly, when they're an adult, they won't be around. We'll realise it then. Worse for you than cigarettes. But don't call your kid Paul Moore. the vape brand yeah oh right okay honestly when they're an adult they won't be around we'll realize that they're worse for you than cigarettes calling your kid paul maul paul and maul different spelling these are my twins benson and hedges yeah there was wasn't there a new zealand twins benson and hedges like and black and black and decker yeah Oh dear. Cardi, K-A-R-D-I. They love a K as well. Kior, a spin on Dior, but with a K. Right.

Good. Mavery, Miracle with two Cs in the middle for absolutely no reason. Resilia, because you know, this year has been all about resilience. Salmon, like the fish, like the pink stinky fish. Spelt the same? Salmon. Like the fish. Like the pink, stinky fish. Spelt the same? Salmon. Oh. Yeah.

Salmon Smith. Would you say Salmon if your name was Sal? Sal. I'd go Sal. Sal. Sal Sproul. The lovely bones. You know that book when Peter Jackson made it into the movie?

Yeah. She was seriously Salmon. But Salmon was their last name. Last name, yeah. Yeah, that's quite fun. Yeah. If you're Salmon Sproul. Yeah.

Salmon Jane Sproul. How many times is she swimming? Ha ha, swimming against the current. Or just the teasing. You smell like salmon. Pink and smelly. Yeah. And the last one for the girls is Samanda.

So it's just a fusion. Oh, Vajonica. Vajonica. Vajonica? For a boy or a girl. Wait a fusion. Oh, Vajonica. Vajonica. Vajonica? For a boy or a girl. Wait a minute. For a boy or a girl. For a girl.

Oh, no. And then for the boys, it gets pretty bad. We've got Brave, Draven, Draxler, Draxler, Cashton with a K, Noxley, K-N-O-X-L-E-E, Legend, Legend, Maxon, Roar, Zyken, and Zynk. Like the vitamins. K-N-O-X-L-E-A Legend Legend Yeah Maxin Roar

Zykin And Zinc Like the vitamin Like the vitamin Yeah Zinc I've said it I've said every time we do these lists There's got to

There should be a panel And they Yay or nay your name Yeah you should have to pass it through a test There should be a panel And they say no I was going to be a Greer Greer Greer G-R-E-E-R no. I was going to be a Greer. Greer.

Greer. G-R-E-E-R. Greer. Greer Sproul. Greer. That's a nice name. That's a nice name, yeah. I've got Hayley instead like every other young girl born in 1989.

Yeah. Play it. ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Well, with petrol so expensive, I've got a bicycle. I wouldn't know what's it at at the moment. You're an eco warrior I'm an eco warrior Do you know what I mean

And we thank you I'm doing my bit But you two both live Far away from work Yeah I spent a good whack of time A couple of weekends ago Looking at

Like electric vehicles There's some cool Electric vehicles out there It's just the price Oh my god Because I know petrol is expensive. Yeah. But you pay for it as you need it

versus one lump sum. Yeah. Which long term would likely save you money. And then there would be people at the moment looking to maybe change their vehicles to something more economical. But because of the last COVID, 18 months, two years,

used cars are so expensive at the moment. Used cars are insane. So expensive. Even if they'd just been literally stripped for parts because parts are expensive and hard to get. Out of curiosity the other day, and I'm not saying this is who I think I am. Yeah.

But I did go and trade me and look at Teslas because I was like, how much does a Tesla cost? And then I was like, well, how much? I would never buy a new Tesla, obviously. Yeah. So how much is a second-hand one? They're still $150,000. What? For like a five-year... I thought they were 50.

No. Those are the ugly ones. Oh. No, yeah, if you want to be embarrassing. But what about like a Leaf or, um, you know. A Nissan Leaf seems to be... Just to refer again to the ugly comment. They're ugly. No, they're not ugly. It's just... The Leaf. Yeah. Oh, no, Nissan don't even care that they make ugly cars. They're ugly No they're not ugly It's just The leaf

Yeah Oh no Nissan don't even care That they make ugly cars They don't care They made like That cube thing The S car go

We used to have The cube thing The Tita Yeah Nissan are just like You're calling our car ugly Sweet it's ugly I'm not pulling up to the lights

And having people getting In the back of my car Every time I'm like dude Well you're gonna be paying There's like a ute. Yeah. Who had the ute? Yeah, we spent ages looking at electric cars and you've got to look at

Teslas because it's the most well-known electric car brand. Yeah, and they're sexy. But they're very expensive. So expensive for a second hand. I've got to get them gullowing doors though. Oh, it's like... Do you know they're bringing out an electric DeLorean? Like Back to the Future?

That would be expensive. Well, with petrol so ridiculously expensive, what, $3 in some places and more a litre, I've got a list here of fuel-saving and economical tips when you're driving your car. I go, Dad. These are from the UK, and I've worked out the price difference. It'll be saving you 17 cents.

Per what? Well, per litre. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. So eco-driving techniques could save the equivalent of 17 cents a litre. So if you filled up. The equivalent, gotcha.

Okay, that's weird. Are you understanding this? of 17 cents a litre. So if you filled up... Gotcha. Okay. That's weird. Are you understanding this? Why is it so hard to understand? Because I would have expected you to be like, you'll be saving 17 cents per 10 kilometres or something. So you can be like, well, I know.

But the equivalent of might be hard to comprehend. It's going to save you a bunch of money. The first one. And these will be things that people may or may not know. Tire pressure. I have not checked my. I think maybe about six weeks ago you were like, check your tires when you saw my tires.

I haven't checked them. So underinflated tires are estimated to impact a car's fuel consumption by up to 10%. But they hold onto the road a little bit better. Yeah. But they wear out quicker. It's good to flatten a little bit. And the way she drives.

Heavy foot, sprout. Well, check your tyres. That'll save you some fuel. If your car has an eco mode, use it. Mine doesn't. A lot of cars have a button.

It's eco. Yeah. But then you've got to go, it goes all slow and it can't bloody. What does OD mean on cars? Overdrive. Overdrive, but that makes you turn it off and it stays in gear

longer and the revs can get higher, so... Well, using the eco mode will restrict how quickly your car accelerates. See, why do I want that? I'll just get out and walk. If your car doesn't have an eco setting, be gentle on the accelerator. Don't tell me how to drive.

That is the antithesis of how I drive. Use the highest gear possible. Oh, yeah, that's automatic. That would be for manual drivers, right? No one's absolutely hanging it along the motorway in third gear when they've got a fourth and a fifth. Well, you might be distracted. Dang!

The car will be screaming at you to change gears. Anticipate well ahead to preserve fuel when braking. Yeah. Looking ahead to see cars are braking so you start slowing down. Rather than slamming on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's another tip to save money. Cruise control.

This is another one. Cruise control isn't your friend. So the gist of it, if you're on a perfectly flat motorway or road, then cruise control's fine. But as soon as it gets to a hill, that's when it overcompensates. It'll drop it again. Yeah. Higher revs, yeah.

And then you're spending more on fuel. Avoid using the air con and heater. Well, it's 28 degrees and all that. But then you put your windows down and that's drag, isn't it? No, but then I get the wah, wah, wah, wah and it hurts my ears. Yeah, right.

Wah, wah, wah. A warm engine is more efficient is another tip. So do multiple errands on a single journey. Oh, okay. So don't just pop out and do something and come back.

And then pop out and do something. And then later on you pop out and do something. Do it all on one trip. And lighten your car's load is the last tip. Roof racks, which you've just installed. Yeah, but they look cool.

They look good. They do look cool. Yeah. There's a little thing, there's a little onboard computer that tells you your fuel economy and it's definitely dropped down. Like I was in the 13s and now I'm in the 12s.

Right. Wow. Okay, so this stat here, an empty roof rack adds 16% drag when driving at 75 miles an hour. So what's that? Over 100? 75? Jesus, that's not chimney speeds. That's absolutely flying.

Is that like 110? Yeah, that's sprawl speed. Yeah, that's bloody old Mazda foot over there. That's old Mazda axler. I've got roof racks to look cool as well. And then a roof box, if you've got a box like, you know, when you go skiing, that adds 39%. Oh dear. So that adds a lot more. What about the eight bags of secondhand clothing I've got in my boot that have been there for about six months,

just waiting to drop off to the Salvation Army? Is that dragging me down? There's a little bit of drag. Because it's weight, yeah. What about... So your charity is actually costing you money. What about the 10 kgs I put on in the last two years? Is that dragging me down? There's a little bit of drag. Because it's weight, yeah. What about... So your charity is actually costing you money. What about the 10 kgs I put on in the last two years? Is that not being fuel efficient?

It's also costing you money. It certainly is. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Bit of a sad day yesterday. Had to dig another hole. We lost our fourth clucked ashy hen. We started with eight. Yeah, you named them after the Kardashians.

All the K's and C's. And then a Rob. Yeah. Which is also a female, so it's short for Robin in this case. Is Rob still going? Yeah, mate. Rob's a little bastard, to be totally honest with you. Rob's a real pecker.

Okay. I was putting them away the other day because I was going to open some gates and they'll scamper through the gates, so I locked them in their little area. Well, it's not a little area. It's a big area, really. Just making sure you're not running a battery farm. Yeah, I don't want anybody running a battery farm. They've actually got a bigger shed than the goats.

Oh, yeah. The chickens. So who's RIP'd? We than the goats. Oh, yeah. The chickens. So who's RP? We lost Kylie yesterday. Oh, Kylie. Our little lip kit billionaire chicken. Oh, yeah. The richest of them all.

And so she joins in chicken heaven. Who else did you lose? Kendall. Kendall. Courtney. Yeah. Chris. Yeah. And now Chris. Yeah.

And now Kylie. Yeah, we've got Chloe, Kim, Caitlin and Rob left. Okay. We're down to four. Jeepers. She had a situation. Something was growing on her. Oh, okay.

And I said to the vet, is there any way I can avoid this happening to other chickens? And they said, these things happen. Don't feel bad. It wasn't your fault. Was it a tumour? It was a tumour. It wasn't a tumour. It was a tumour.

Wow, okay. It was a tumour. And so she went to sleep. Again, because my family, like people will be, farmers will be rolling their eyes eyes I can feel both of my deceased grandfathers rolling their eyes at me but my wife and two daughters

weren't keen on the old school method off of the head of quick a guillotine a spade guillotine of quick

humane relief yeah so she received basically the same treatment that your grandma will if she's got terminal cancer and wants out. She was euthanized.

Yeah, she was euthanized. She got a two-stage euthanasia. It's legal now, isn't it? Well, the first, we had another chicken euthanized because she had a prolapsed cloaca. The asshole all went out, basically. The asshole became an out-hole. Yeah, it was like hanging out. Yeah.

And that, of course, we found that immediately and took it to the vet and the vet was... But that was a one shot. That was one green injection. The liquid was green. Yeah, bright green. Like dishwashing liquid. Yeah, yeah. Like palm olive, like bright green.

Okay. Like a nuclear thing. Yeah, I think the same reason meths is purple. You know, don't drink this. Yeah, so you don't accidentally inject it. And then grape-flavoured Fanta came out and everybody was like, do I drink the meths? But this thing was bright green.

But yesterday it was a two-stager. It was one to put her to sleep. Yeah. And then the next one was to put her to sleep. Oh, right, okay. Yeah. To murder her. Sounds like the best double-charging.

I wish I'd... Yeah. I think we could have just gone straight to the one. I'm paying for two syringes, two needles. Yeah. To murder her. It sounds like the vet's just double charging. I wish I'd... Yeah. Yeah, double dip. I think we could have just gone straight to the one. I'm paying for two syringes, two needles. Yeah. But one thing I regret... I mean, I didn't want to wait.

I didn't want to put it off. You didn't say goodbye? No, I said goodbye. Would you regret not telling her how much you loved her and how much she meant to you? Oh, no. When I carried her to the vet van, I was like patting her and I was like,

you were a good chook. Did you say thanks? And she was very relaxed. It was nice. The other chickens get all panicky and freaked. Did you say thanks for the omelettes? Yeah, yeah. I said thanks for the eggs.

I say thanks for the eggs to the chickens every time I go and get the eggs. Well, that's nice. No, the one regret is that this didn't happen in the middle of winter. Because God damn, the ground is hard at the moment. Oh, yes. It's like a clay desert out there. It was. I just literally found the biggest crack I could now,

extremely dry paddock, and I was like, you're a great start. And then just, it was hard digging. So you don't have, do you have like a little death area in your farm? Or you just bury them anywhere? It's always important to know where because they could come back like in pet cemetery. They could. Well, the last one literally I had a post removed and the giant post hole was still there. So I was like, well, put it in the rubbish bin.

They won't know. Put it in the bin. Then you've got to wait till Friday. Yeah, it's a rubbish day and it's hot. And the dog will be like. No, no. You can't just put it in the bin. Snuff it around in there. You'd have rubbish day and it's hot. And the dog will be like... No, no. You can't just put it in the... Snuffing around in there. You'd have to put it in the freezer.

And then what? She's going to go in the landfill forever? That's rough as gut. It is rough. Still the ground. Yeah, fertilise the soil from which she... Yeah. Circle of life.

You've seen The Lion King? Circle of life. The lion eats the gazelle, the gazelle eats the grass, and the grass kind of doesn't eat but eats and gets nutrients from the lion's body. The follow-up is that whole area has become a landfill for whist and rubbish. Oh.

Yeah. That's sad. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the underground ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hey! Cheese train. It's like a sushi train.

It's cheese. So what's the deal? Like you go, bit of gruyere. Same deal, I guess. You just grab it. I don't think it's whole wheels because then you'd all fill up on your camembert and you wouldn't have any room for your Havarti. So imagine you'd be mixing wine with this.

You'd have this at a nice bar. Yeah. This cheese train. Just skirting past. I wonder if it's like an entree train or if you're supposed to literally just eat enough to have your fill. Yeah. You know, you go to the cheese train

and then you pop across the road for dinner somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, like a pre-drink. A little aperitivo, you know, with a cocktail. Yeah. It's all got the top six other sorts of food trains we need because sushi trains, which are often just conveyor belts, and that's disappointing.

I want an actual train. And even if it's choo-choo's, I'm going to be stoked on that. What about if the train carriages are on a conveyor belt? Is that okay for you? Do you need a... It's better than a conveyor belt, but it's still not... You want tracks. I want tracks, but then I am aware of derailings.

Yeah. I can't imagine all the food just going... Someone puts a coin on the track to try to flatten it. Yeah. Not funny. So the top six, not the toxic, the top six are the food trains we need. Number six, ice cream trains. Oh, yum. I've thought about this, the logistics of it. I'm on. Other food trains we need. Number six, ice cream trains. Oh, yum.

I've thought about this. The logistics of it. I'm on it. I'm on it. It's got a lid. Yeah. Like the sushi has the lid covering so that no one can sneeze on it as it goes past. Yeah.

But underneath, in the carriage, dry ice. Oh, yeah. Which is insanely cold. Yeah. And it would keep it cold enough that it would still be very chilly when it got to you. Yeah. And it would keep it cold enough that it would still be very chilly when it got to you. Yum. Just a question to raise for this business which I'm behind. I think it's a great idea.

How much ice cream realistically can you eat? Two scoops per carriage. But you would only have one carriage or two carriages at most. Yeah, you would buy. It's a dessert option you'd go after. It's a dessert train, so maybe you'd have, would you have

other things like mousses and stuff? Mousses? I can't believe when you said dessert your brain went into it. Mousses. When was the last time you went out and had some mousse? I don't know, I didn't know you could eat pizza ho. Is it you like mousse? I love mousse. Yeah, and I don't have enough

mousse in my life. You need to eat more mousse if you're this passionate about mousse. We sell mousse and putters and at home mousse. I love mousse. And I don't have enough mousse in my life. You need to eat more mousse if you're this passionate about mousse. We have an instant put. It's an at-home mousse. Yeah. Hey, we're a mousse snob over here. I am a mousse snob. What, you want fancy mousse? I want a fancy mousse.

I don't want that make-a-packet instant put. It's not the same. Mousse is halfway between whipped cream and instant put. Yeah. God damn. Instant put's texture to me is my childhood. That was our dessert. If we ever got dessert, it was an instant pud.

Often butterscotch. Yeah, same. No, chocolate every time. No, the problem with the chocolate was we'd eat it all at once. Oh, okay. But the butterscotch you'd eat and it would kind of be like. Slows you down a bit. Yeah, yeah.

Because it's disgusting. So good. Man, I want an instant pud. I just don't think I could handle that much milk in one pop anymore. I could go a bit of mousse right now. Fancy mousse. A bit of fancy mousse? Yeah.

I'm telling you, fancy mousse is where it's at. It's where it's at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number five on the list of the top six other food trains we need are donut trains. Oh, good suggestion. That'd be cute as heck. Would you go sort of a simpler donut,

like your plain sort of cinnamons and icings, or would you go the ones that are like, have an injection of custard hanging out of them? Oh, yeah. Only one of each. How many could you eat at a donut train? Three at most. Three big ones.

You get a coffee. Yep. Oh, maybe there's one of the trains is like, you know when you see a train and it's transporting liquids and it's in one of those big tanks and you request stop and it stops at your thing and then you just fill up your coffee and then you can have your coffee and your donuts. That'd be fun. That'd be cute as heck.

Good idea. All of these are cute as heck. Number four on the list of the top six other food trains we need are meat trains. Oh, wow. This one's not as much cute as heck, but just meat. Are you talking your shaves? No, I'm talking the steaks, the ribs. Oh. Oh, wow. This one's not as much cute as heck, but just meat. Are you talking your shaved? Your deli meats? No, I'm talking the steaks, the ribs.

Oh. Your big meats. Like a barbecue train. Yeah, yeah, the barbecue train. Here comes the barbecue train. Just imagine the smell wafting past. Pulled pork. Would you have some sort of corn or green beans to break it up?

I don't want to water down the meat train, so I think you'd order those separately. Order sides. Yeah, order sides that came not on the train, but otherwise, what are you looking up? I'm just looking. Someone's got a bullet train. You know bullet trains?

Japanese bullet train. Yeah, there's a Japanese bullet sushi train. God, your sushi would be falling to shreds. Yeah, it would get blown apart. But I googled the donut train and nobody's doing it, Vaughn. I don't know. I think meat trains. Say no more. Meat train ticks a lot of boxes for Kiwis.

Yeah. And they're just like. And just call it that, meat train. And that's something. It wouldn't be like this cute little train. It would be one of those absolute Kiwi Rail diesel bat little models pulling it. You'd be coughing on the fumes. At the start, there'll be a little guy putting coal into the fire.

You could put a little charcoal in it, and then it would slowly smoke as it drove around and spread the smell of smoke. Smoked meat train. Delicious. Vaughan smoked meat train. Yeah. I'm in.

Big train. Big boy. Best. Number three on the list of the top six other food trains we need, the sweets train, like a lolly train. Yeah. Yum, yum. You know, I love a lolly.

And they are like the high-sided coal carriages, and the lollies are in them, so you request a stop, and then you scoop yourself a little bit of lolly. So they're like pick and mix. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. And you've got to weigh it in the cool little weigh thing, so you unload it off the train with your scoop into your truck, and your you've got to weigh it in the cool little weigh thing. So you unload it off the train with your scoop into your truck.

And your truck's got to weigh it in. And then you drive it back to your part of the table. And then they know how many lollies you ate. And thus, that's how they charge you. Oh, you're nice. Yes. Okay. Number two on the list of the top six other food trains we need,

Spanish tapas. I love tapas. I love tapas. It's been too long between tapas. Because that is, when you go to a tapas, that is like a sushi train, isn't it? But it's little plates of food, but it's just not on a train. That's all you need. So put it on a train.

Yum. Yeah, that sounds all right to me. And number one on the list of the top six other food trains we need, kind of food, booze trains. Imagine a little cocktail carriage. Oh, yeah. And that's the thing. There's like the beer wagon. Yep.

Again, it could be one of those tanks that you stop and you fill up your glass there or there's like a couple of cocktails. Cocktail carriage. Gently jangling down in the carriage and you pick yourself off a cocktail. Wine wagon. Yeah.

You have to come to a slow stop otherwise you're going to be spilling cocktails everywhere. That's true. On the cocktail train. That's on the cocktail carriage. The cocktail caboose. Yeah. I mean, these are some ideas.

Anybody can run with these. Yeah. As long as I get some sort of ongoing discount. I just want free food and booze, really. That's all I'm asking. That is today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, a story from the Otago Daily Times, from Otago.

And I don't know if we should be unfairly tarnishing the uni students. There's no indication it's them doing this. But there have been some listings on the Otago Flating Goods Facebook page. Police are now investigating after these popped up at the end of last week. Have you been overworked due to high demand and short staff? Do you feel like a 10-day break? Which is now a 7-day break, the government

announcing yesterday. And for sale, four positive rapid antigen tests that show a positive result. So what I don't understand is doesn't the rat go to, can sometimes give a fake positive if you leave it for too long?

Yeah, so the right window is 15 to 30 minutes. Yeah, so sometimes if you leave it for like an hour or something, you come back, it might have a positive, but it doesn't mean it's positive. Because we all came back to ours like 24 hours the next day. I slept on the bench, woke up the next morning,

and yeah, everything was gone. So yeah, you could just do that. But I don't know if a negative stays negative. I'm assuming they do. No, they don't though. I don't know. But yeah, police have commented saying they're aware of the social media posts relating to this

and they're making inquiries and they can't comment because they're making inquiries. So I don't know whoever's posted that but I reckon it's Clark. Well Clark's up to all sorts of no good at the moment. Clark Gafford. He's selling the rat tests. Yeah the prime minister's. He shouldn't be doing that when he's already got an ankle bracelet on.

I know he's already on home detention for that for that drug ring, international drug ring that he's involved in. The baby he had with the nanny, he shouldn't be, he should be setting a good father figure for us. He should,

well he's run away to Waiheke Island. Oh no. I have been asked. And if you're going to run away, don't go to Waiheke Island. It's a ferry ride away. I've been asked so much about that.

Oh my God. It's all horse shit by the way. Absolutely. If you don't know, there are so many rumours about the Prime Minister's fiancee, Clark Gavitt.

He's been trending on Twitter for weeks. Oh, yeah? And he finally addressed it yesterday. Apparently, he's involved in a meth ring as well, of course. Oh, stick to one drug, Clark. It's in the mental code, you know? Yeah, what is it? Wow.

I don't remember Bronner getting this. Sue John Keyes, why? That's because she kept her bloody nose down, mate. She just did her drug dealing without anybody noticing. She wasn't such a criminal. Yeah, she had her ankle bracelet on under her long, flowy dress. That's why. She ran away to Whitehack. She didn't tell anybody. She just did her drug dealing without anybody noticing. She wasn't such a criminal. Yeah, she had her ankle bracelet on under her long flowy dress. That's why. She ran away to Whitehack.

She didn't tell anybody. She just went. What happens if you do this? So you buy this from some anonymous Otago person. You get your positive rat test. You'd send a photo of it to your boss and say, uh-oh. You've got seven days off. You've got the seven days off.

And then you're going to catch COVID at some point. The likelihood is we're all going to catch it. That's the thing. Then you've got've got the seven days off, and then you're going to catch COVID at some point. The likelihood is we're all going to catch it. That's the thing. Then you've got to take another seven days off work because you're actually sick or longer. Yeah. And then what, are you going to have enough leave days or sick days? Sick days, exactly.

Is your boss going to be like, wait, you told me you had it. Yeah, now you've just got it again. Because you can get it again, I understand that. But yeah, don't do this. Well, they're saying that it comes down to defrauding your employer. Oh, it's an actual crime. Yeah, because you're taking sick days. Fraudulently. Fraudulently, yeah.

Is that a crime? To just sort of go... It's why that series Moving Houses took so long to film. Clark was always like fraudulently taking sick days. Didn't you know? Did you hear that? Because of the ankle bracelet.

Oh yeah, because of the ankle bracelet. You know he stole one of those houses. Yeah, he stole one and he's going to do prison time for a bit. Yeah, and the nanny's living in it with the baby.

But the nanny's living and they brought the baby there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he keeps his drugs in the garage. Yeah, I know. Do you know he started those Wellington protests?

I heard he joined the Wellington protests. Did he the garage. Yeah, no. Do you know he started those Wellington protests? I heard he joined the Wellington protests. Did he start them? Yeah, yeah. And he's running for national in the next election. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah. Does Jacinda know? Pardon?

Does Jacinda know? Yeah, she knows all of this. And that's why. She's keeping it quiet. She's going to resign today. She's resigning today. Oh, is she? Yeah, yeah.

And she's going to go get a job at the UN. All this Clark stuff. Is she going to go to the UN like Helen Clark? Yeah. But she can't take Clark because he's a criminal. He's going to angle bracelet her. He can't go overseas And she's going to go Get a job at the UN All this Clark stuff She's going to go to the UN Like Helen Clark But she can't take Clark Because he's a criminal He's going to angle bracelet her You can't go overseas You're going to angle bracelet her

The baby with the nanny What are they going to do Which baby The baby with the nanny Niamh What are they That's not his baby Because Niamh's not his

That's a clone That's a clone of Joseph Stalin It is It's a Stalin clone It's a Stalin clone They unfroze that And put it in Jacinda

They unfroze Stalin And they clone Stalin And that's the baby The Stalin baby It's a Stalin clone. It's a Stalin clone. They unfroze that and put it in Jacinda. They unfroze Stalin. And they cloned Stalin. And the baby's the Stalin baby. It's crazy. Okay, people actually believe this stuff, so it's just... You know, remember that video where the guy cried asking us to leave Britney alone? Leave Clark alone!

Maybe Clark needs to do a video. Yeah, he does. A leave Clark alone video. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We're joined on the phone by a man. We're hoping he might be able to shake the moniker of bad news, Brad, with some good news, but I don't think so. Not in this day and age.

Not in 2022. And he's had a promotion, ladies and gentlemen, Brad Olsen, Principal Economist, Director at Infometri. Good morning. Good morning, Brad Olsen, Principal Economist, Director at Infometri. Good morning, Brad. Good morning, although I think it is grim news today. I don't want to give myself the title grim news, Brad, but it's certainly not a day that optimistic Brad has arrived at. Brad, on the scale of Brad, grim news worse than bad news?

I feel like given what we're seeing at the moment, you know, when it comes to just how much people are paying for the likes of fuel, I don't think anyone's kidding themselves when they listen to this and going, yeah, Brad's going to give us some good news today. It'll look fine at the pump. No.

So everything is going up, like everything at the supermarket, and that's because fuel's going up and they need to transport all the food from wherever it's made or produced and stored to the supermarket. So that's going to have a price added onto it, isn't it? Absolutely. And I mean, look, people are going to be seeing that when they go and fuel up themselves. I mean, the price is $91 now above $3 a litre.

I can still remember the first time it went above $2 a litre. That was a big mile. So now it's sitting above $3 and in all likelihood it is going to stay at that higher level for a while longer because you've had this huge disruption with Russia invading Ukraine. Now Russia provides just under 9% of total oil from across the world and of course no one's willing to go and touch that stuff anymore. And so with a pretty big reduction in just how much oil we can buy, but there's still a lot of people that want to move around. There's a lot of stuff that needs to be transported

that is pushing the price up at the pump overseas. And so you've seen a massive spike there in the global oil markets. And of course, that eventually means that when the petrol stations here are buying fuel, they're paying more, they're passing that increased cost on to consumers. So you are going to see in my mind those pump prices

not only get to probably higher levels than they are now, but also stay at higher levels for longer. God, that's grim news, Brad. That is grim. That's worse than bad, that's grim. Brad, I remember I was working at a petrol station when 91 went over $1 a litre and an old man threw a rag at me.

Now I hope he's dead because he'll be throwing significantly more than a rag. He'll be throwing pavers at you. Yeah. More expensive to get the heavier item he throws at people. Yeah, and look, there is a hope, though, that perhaps things won't get as much worse as we'd originally been fearing because, again, we've been looking at those markets and going, man, everyone's trying to find more and more fuel, but it's very, very difficult to immediately bring a lot more online.

In fact, the rest of the world's oil producers were sort of being pretty coy, not all that keen to talk about additional fuel supply, because of course for the fuel suppliers, if you're now getting a pretty good, much higher number for your oil exports, then you're actually pretty happy. But this morning you have seen the United Arab Emirates sort of suggest maybe we could actually bring on stream a little bit more fuel. So you've seen a big correction in the oil markets just in the last few hours, which is good news.

Now, just to be clear, that doesn't mean that fuel prices will go below $3 a litre and, you know, all of a sudden crash. But the hope is maybe that'll keep a little bit more of a limit on how high the price of the pump goes. There's some good. There was some hope. I heard hope in his voice. I heard hope in his voice.

That was a change. What about KiwiSaver, Brad? I can't help but notice mine is tanked. I'm in a high-risk situation. I know Carween at the social media desk, she's like, is this a good time to go from conservative to high-risk or stay steady on conservative? What's the deal?

Look, it's definitely not a good thing in the economic markets and the world in general when you have a nuclear power invade another sovereign nation. And that's effectively what you're seeing. Everyone's going, wow, what do we do here? Are my investments still safe? The Russian economy is now tanking. But again, all those sanctions that are coming forward are starting to hit a number of other businesses.

Europe, of course, gets most of its energy out of Russia. And so everyone in Europe's pretty worried and pretty scared. And that's what you've seen with that huge volatility in the stock markets. Everyone's like, man, is my company actually going to make any money at this point? Again, the big point I think with KiwiSaver is that it always looks pretty grim, but it depends on whether or not you need it now. If you've got your money in a high risk account at the moment, chances are that you're probably not looking to use your KiwiSaver in the next

few months or a year or two. And in that case, in my mind, again, general advice, but it's worthwhile actually just riding the market, because remember what happened at the start of COVID-19. The market absolutely tanked. A huge amount of people got scared and went, oh, I need to switch to conservative. They lost a bunch of money.

Two, three months later, markets had bounced back. And the expectation is that we will get through this. Yes, the Russian invasion will sort of reshape the world and keep oil prices higher. But we are expecting the markets to, over time, and this might take a while, but they will bounce back. There's still some volatility there. They haven't completely dropped their gut.

Was that a bit of hope? That was hope again. Did I hear a bit of hope? That was hope. I think it's important because, I mean, this is a lot of cash that Kiwis have stacked up here, right? Yeah. Like, you look at your KiwiSaver and you're like,

oh, I've made no money. I mean, at one point I looked at mine and I was like, man, all of the gains I've made over the last few years just completely gone. But they have started to actually come back in some. So there is definitely, I think, a need to not completely sort of, you know, go too big too quickly and make huge changes.

If you are worried, you know, go and have a chat to the financial advisor or your bank or your KiwiSaver provider. But I would sort of suggest that it's worthwhile keeping a cool head there because what we've seen in the past is that it has bounced back. More importantly, people who immediately go and shift to something like Conservative often just lock in that loss at that point in time. So worthwhile, taking a breath, having a bit of a chat to someone, and then making a plan. You say talk to the bank, those bastards are the only people making money

at the moment, Brad. Didn't they all just post billion dollar profits for like a quarter of the year or something? Oh, totally. I mean, look at where the housing market's gone. They've got so many people on the books now. They're like, look, man, there are so many people that want to take a mortgage from me. And as a bank, you're like, well, okay,

I'm pretty all right with that because I'll make some good coin out of it. What's interesting at the moment, of course, is you've got interest rates that are continuing to rise. And what that's, I think, going to mean is that you've got some of those newer buyers, particularly some of the newer first home buyers who have, you know, gone to the absolute extremes

to get onto the housing market, now facing some pretty steep interest rate rises and going, ooh, how am I going to pay for this? So that's probably going to be the more challenging bit for this year for a lot of people. How can we take them down a peg or two? And the old Kiwi knock them down at the knees sort of sense. Oh, I mean, I'll take a couple of pens every time I go to the BNZ.

But I don't feel like that's putting much of a dent in their profits. That's not doing anything, yeah. I think they should give you a free pen every time you walk in. It's just sort of like a community service. It'll be a start. It'll be a start, yeah. Well, there's not a lot of, maybe some slightly hopeful news there, Brad. Is that a glimmer of hope?

Mostly grim and bad news there. A glimmer of hope, but far and bad news there. Glimmer of hope, but far, far in the future it feels. There's light, but we don't know how long the tunnel is. For now we're going to settle into the shit of the earth. The dark tunnel. Yeah. Well, bad news, Brad.

Let's schedule one of these again in the future and hopefully we're a little closer to the light at the end of that tunnel. I promise I will come at some point with some better news. Don't make promises you can't keep there, Brad. I'm putting no time frame on it, but it will happen at some point. It will happen.

Yeah, it will. All right, thank you, Brad Olsen. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poll. Who gets... Who... Go. Who gets to keep the leftover booze after a party? Now, I took this to mean any sort of party.

House party, dinner party, casual, summer, daytime, drinks. Mid-afternoon drinks that end at like six. That's for people with children, basically. mid-afternoon drinks that end at like 6. That's people with children, basically. You guys just look at me like, end at 6? Yeah, that's right. Why are people even arriving before 6? Take your ratty-ass kids home because they're starting to lose

the plot because they're tired. And you've been ignoring them while you've been drinking. Yeah, who's driving? Yeah, the kids. So as an interesting question, 82% of people, though, declared the leftover booze property of the party's hosts. Absolutely. Yeah.

So I'm imagining in this situation, it's a couple of cans, a couple of bottles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe half a bottle of wine. Oh, absolutely. Or a rogue bottle of wine. Yeah. Drink four.

But if there was a nearly full bottle of spirits that a friend had left, I'd just put that aside on the booze trolley for next time. Yeah. Because I've got a booze trolley. Yeah, right. Yes, you do. It's a good one. It's a good one. So I'll just pop it on there, and then next time they come over, it's theirs.

How long do you think it would take you and I to empty his burst truck? I know. A month? A month. It's laden with full bottles. Yeah. Yeah, because people come over and they're like, how do you not drink all of that?

And I'm like, I don't know. I don't drink during the week. And then just have a few at the weekends. A few at the weekends? They found Una Shackleton's boat under the sea for 107 years. It's been there for 107 years. Now, Shackleton famously boat. Yeah. Under the sea for 107 years. It's been there for 107 years. It's been there for 107 years. It's been there for 107 years.

Right? Yeah. Now, Shackleton famously loved a drink. Like, he took the rum was found in the heart. So I'm imagining that ship's got to have some dank booze on it, you know? Absolutely. And I was gifted one of those bottles, and they were like, this is 113 years old. 17.

117. Is it 17? Well, it was 117, but I assumed it had been aged somewhat before they put it on there. I gave it a little age. Gave it a little tank. Shackleton deserved some aged whiskey. And I couldn't have it just sitting there looking at me. Neither.

The ghost of Shackleton would be behind me being like, hey, what's wrong with your boy? He wasn't a pirate. What are you? Drink the booze. He wasn't a pirate. He was an explorer. Of course he was. He was a pirate.

Under the guise of being an explorer. 100% pirate ship. Yeah, yeah, it is. Totally. Arr boy, drink the booze. What's wrong with ya? Shackleton's room not good enough for ya. We don't have a drinks cart for this very reason. I don't need that staring me right in the eye every day.

We topped up over the New Year's period and we bought like every type of liquor so we could have any kind of cocktail that we wanted. It's all gone other than like banana syrup, elderflower liqueur, just like the crap. Yeah, right. It's left over. It's gone to the point, I'll have a sip of the Baileys.

And I hate Baileys. I love Baileys. Well, some messages in where, what, 83% of you saying, yep, the leftover booze is yours to keep after a party if you're hosting. Yeah. It depends on how much is left, says Maddie. A couple of beers go to the host. A six-pack equivalent or above is for the guests that bought it.

You can take it home. But are they coming back over and grabbing it? Because most people could be after yours going on to town, so they might not want to take their six-pack to town because you can't. Are people still going to town? What are you talking about going to town? What's town? What town? What town so they might not want to take their six pack to town because you can't. Are people still going to town? Yeah, what are you talking about going to town? What's town?

What town? What town are they going to? Otherwise, why are people not taking them when they go home? I don't know. No, that's the idea, right? On the way out.

I was at a place once that wasn't my party and I'm not friends with this person but he also happened to be at this place I was at. Bought a 12 pack, didn't touch it,

drank everybody else's sort of communal booze for the night, and on the way out, grabbed the box and walked out. No, no, no, no, no. And you could tell it was not open because he grabbed it just by the top and didn't have to, like, hold it one end because he'd opened one end to get the beers out. And I literally walked out.

He's like, bye, everybody. I was like, I'll see you in a minute. When he walks out, I was like... I definitely saw that guy drinking beers, right? Absolutely. That's rough. I think it's an age thing as well. Like when I was younger, like in my early, early 20s,

if I went anywhere, like a BYO potluck party, yeah, you'd take what you hadn't drunk because like- Because you've got $9 in the bank. You don't have a lot of money. Whereas now like we socialise, our social circle is much smaller. And so we socialise at our house and like we all bring booze and drink each other's booze and whatever's left is the host. And then you go to their house and like we all bring booze and drink each other's booze and whatever's left

is the host and then you go into their house and you kind of bring it all there. It's kind of like a rotating pool. That's the kind of circles that we're rolling in too.

Jozelle said, adults don't take over left home alcohol. Also food from the potluck is for the host as well. It is sort of a gesture of good faith for their wonderful hosting skills. Kendall says, I always ask my guests to take their own drinks home.

I won't drink it. They will. So there you go. If you're not going to drink it, totally be like, I don't drink that. Or just keep it for the next time they're over. A little insulting when someone's like, take those home. We don't drink those. What brand is that wine?

Corbin's. No, I'm all good. Thank you. You're too good for Corbin's. Beer and other cheap stuff belongs to the host. If it's a nice rum or a fancy wine, I will take that home with me. So don't invite Raquel to any dinners because she's taking it all home with her. Maybe if you brought over like an expensive whiskey to have at the end of the night. Oh, yeah.

Share this with you. Totally. Nadia says this is totally a Kiwi custom. In Argentina, you always take your booze Home with you Really? Yeah I'll leave it behind

Because the host Mostly provides The location And normally A bit more food and snacks Than other people Yeah I see that actually

They miss about snacks And wrote snacks The snakes Yeah I was going to let them have it But I'm glad you said The host provides The location And a whole lot of snakes

I've made no promises To provide snakes When you guys come around I can't afford it. I need snakes. Lolli snakes. If people want to come and collect their booze they bought the next day, then fair. But if not, no, you can't go back the next day.

Molly, Molly, once they've left the property, they can't come back for a booze claim. No. That's wild. If not claimed, it stays in the fridge or drinks cupboard for the host to have. Okay. Man, it's so awkward. You just leave it there. Because what's more awkward

than someone rummaging through the fridge or trailer bin trying to find the booze they brought home to take home? Don't do that. That is awkward.

That is awkward. Our guests have 24 hours after they leave my house to collect it. Otherwise, it becomes my property. There's the rules me and my brother

have had for a long time. Same goes for anything. Cardigans. Oh, yeah. It's mine. Yeah. Earrings, jewelry, anything you've taken off during the night. We've got a

tie-dye in the producer's bag. I know, I feel like it was a direct attack as well. If you take a cooler bag, you just pick up the cooler bag and leave. Or like your own little chilli bin, you just pick up your chilli bin and leave and it's had your booze in it the whole time. And then that way also people don't snake your booze or it the whole time. And then that way also people don't snake your booze

or your cans. Yeah. Or your bottles. So again, it's like, that seems a bit weird to be at the corner of a party.

Like, I've got my own little... Yeah, like smorg the dragon sitting on his treasures and you sit on the chili bin as a seat. But it's also so people

can't get your delicious Corbin's Pinot Grigio. There's a woman in the wonderful, I was going to say state of Britain. In Britain, there's a woman in the wonderful I was going to say state of Britain In Britain

In the United Kingdom In the future Russian state of Britain Yes indeed Who has revealed she has not eaten fruit or vegetables Anything Why is it always the British? For a long time How long do you think?

What would be a long time to not eat a fruit veg? What's her name? A week? Summer. Even if I was eating terribly, I'd still have to, I'd have some rogue lettuce in a burger. You know, like it'd sneak in somewhere. Is there a picture of her? Yep. I mean, I don't, this is, I'm just trying to you trying to. She's a very attractive young woman.

Oh, okay. Not what I imagined. Healthy looking This woman has not touched a fruit or vegetable In 22 years How old is she? She's 25 Her entire life basically Since she could eat solids

Wow my parents we were not allowed to leave the table Eating now all of our everything It's the meat at our house The girls will eat the vegetables and then just sit there pushing a bit of chicken around the plate for ages. You've got some vegans on your hand there, some future vegs. Well, she does kind of eat a vegetable, potatoes. So she survives exclusively on a diet of chicken nuggets,

fries and potato chips. And she claims she's perfectly healthy. You could say she's never eaten fresh fruit or vegetables. Fresh fruit or vegetables. Yeah, potatoes and vegetables. When you deep fry it that long, I don't know if it still is. It's been fried and processed. So she suffers from a condition called avoidant

restrictive food intake disorder. That, like, anything, even the thought of eating an apple or a banana or a lettuce or a courgette or anything like that makes her gag. And then she can smell food and be like, I like the smell of that. Mmm, that smells nice. And then the moment she puts it in her mouth, she's like, mm-mm. No. Wow. And it makes can smell food and be like, I like the smell of that. Mmm, that smells nice. And then the moment she puts it in her mouth, she's like, mm-mm.

No. And it makes her sick. So everyone was like, you know, you must be unwell. She never gets sick. She's had blood tests done. She's absolutely fine. Perfectly healthy woman. So what does she eat? What's her daily kind of meal like?

So she skips breakfast until about... Stay on. The microphone won't stay on. You've been silenced. She's doing the fasting. She's fasting. She's fasting. Yeah, well, I don't think you'd wake up and have a hankering for some fries.

No. Unless you were severely hungover. But yeah, she skips breakfast and then eats a bag of potato chips for lunch. Some crisp. I have a bag of crisps for my lunch, yeah. And then for dinner, she has six to eight chicken nuggies with a side of fries. And that's it. Does she have a dipping sauce?

Yeah, a little bit of aioli. Oh, so she doesn't even go for a tomato sauce. And that's her daily meal plan most days. Yes, sir. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. For 22 years. For 22 years of her 25-year-old life. She's got a partner and he's like, yeah, well, she's got this condition.

You know, it's like, I guess like a phobia, a phobia of new foods. At least when we're talking about Victoria Beckham doing this, it's like grilled chicken. Yeah, but she does it to stay. Isn't she like super fussy as well? This goes beyond fussy. I mean, this is a phobia. This is like. Yeah, but she does it to stay. Isn't she like super fussy as well? This goes beyond fussy. I mean, this is a phobia. This is like...

Yeah. But there would be people out there that haven't eaten vegetables. Yeah, I mean, I can go... Just because they don't want to. I'll go like two days of like big bad food and I'll go, oh my God. And you know, you just crave like a sheet of lettuce.

No, but okay. A bag of that coleslaw. Just eating the raw cabbage. Just some fresh fruit and veggies. Indeed. So we wanted to ask you, what haven't you eaten for a long, long time?

Something perhaps you used to eat that you're like, nah. Yeah. People struggle to believe it. You're like, oh no, I don't eat that.

Yeah. And don't say caviar. Don't be like, I just have not indulged. I don't think I've ever had that in my life. It's not about what you eat. Neither. Ew, yuck.

But it's not about what you haven't eaten because it's an exclusive food. Isn't it a fussy vegetarian? And you're like, oh, vegetarian mushrooms? They're like, no. Tomatoes? No. Onions? It's like, what's left?

What's left? Flour? You guys have already weaseled your way out of, like, the good stuff. The good stuff. You've got to be open to everything that's still under your umbrella. All right, well, 0800DARLS.M, give us a call, 9696. What haven't you eaten for a long, long time? Whether it's, like, vegetables, whether it's fruit.

Because some people just don't do fruit, which I find bizarre because I have so much fruit every day. Yeah, I did two years off fruit. It was weird. Stuffed my guts. Keto. Can't have fruit, which I find bizarre because I have so much fruit every day. Yeah, I did two years off fruit. It was weird. Stuffed my guts. Keto. Can't have fruit. Right. Because it's got too much sugar in it. Too many carbs. Alright, text in 9696 0800 DALSATM. What food haven't

you eaten for a long, long time? Jacob, what haven't you had in a long time? I haven't had white rice in about eight years. Okay, do you do brown rice? I can't had white rice in about eight years. Okay, do you do brown rice? I can eat brown rice and fried rice, but I can't eat white rice

by itself. What is it about it? I spent two weeks in Thailand about eight years ago with my high school. I was with a host family for two weeks and all they had for dinner, for breakfast, for lunch was rice. Yum.

I've over-riced. I can't look at it anymore. So it was you OD'd on white rice. What about a little sushi, a nice sushi? I love sushi. Sushi's fine. Japanese rice? If you serve me, like, vegetables and rice, I won't eat it.

All right. See, the problem is, Jackie, we need lots of sauce. Yeah. Get sweat up. Sweat up. Lots of sodium and whatever sauce. MSG, but MSG. MSG.

Yeah, exactly. Jacob, thanks. You're cool. Alana, how long has it been since you've had fruit? It'd be at least 20 years, probably longer. Alana! Is it? Why?

Why did you stop eating fruit? I think it's the texture of it. So I'll have fruit-flavoured drinks or lollies or ice blocks. Yeah, that's the same thing. Same benefit. Famously. I can't actually physically eat a piece of apple or orange. Wow.

It feels gross to eat it. So already this morning, and it's not even 8 o'clock, I've had more fruit this morning than you've had in the last 20 years, Alana. Slech eats a bag of fruit every morning. I've had a plum, I've had a mandy, a nectarine. You did that banana all in one. Yeah, that's right. Every morning Every morning It's a skill

Even the smell of bananas will make me Want to throw up Was there a moment 20 years ago That you were like I eat fruit And then you ate a piece of fruit and went I don't eat fruit anymore Well my parents will say I'm a fussy eater But

No I can't remember anything. It's just like mum and dad would have made me eat fruit as a kid. But no, as I've grown up, I just don't. Everyone finds it absolutely bizarre. Yeah, wow. If I had to choose, I'd choose fruit over vegetables. Oh, good, you're white. No, you're insane.

Love it. Alana, thanks. You called some messages in. Feed you as I ate so it. Alana, thanks. You called some messages in. Feejoers. I ate so many when I was under 10. Now that I'm over 50, the smell makes me sick. Yeah, Feejoers make me sick, but for a very different reason. I've got some Feejoers.

The trees are coming in. Bring them in. A couple of Feejoers on the tree yesterday. Yuck. Somebody said caramel, custard, or cinnamon. I can't deal with any of those three. I'm almost 30. I've never been able can't deal with any of those three. I'm almost 30. I've never been able to eat anything with any of those in them.

Oh, they need one of your auntie's custard squares. Oh, Auntie Ed knows the way around a custard square. I haven't had mushrooms, zucchinis or courgettes in years. There's just something absolutely disgusting about them and apples can join that list either as well. Wow. Avocado. I had a bad avocado 10 years ago.

I won't touch it now, but they're probably messaging in from one of the five houses they own. Yeah, probably. Probably. Because they haven't wasted their money on avocados. Yeah. It feels like a lot of people have been scarred

by a particular experience, a particular bad piece of fruit. Some of it's like potatoes. How could you go without potatoes? It's absolutely superfood. But see, some people won't eat like potatoes

but then they'll eat the chips and the fried version. They're all about the deep fry. They'll eat the deep fry spud but not... I'll eat deep fried anything.

So yeah, somebody said I've never had a chicken nugget. What? Somebody said I'm the total opposite to this woman.

I've never in my life had a chicken nugget. Oh my God. Grow up. Just have a little bit of chicken and that technically is a nugget. What? Someone said I'm the total opposite to this woman. I've never in my life had a chicken nugget. Oh my God. Grow up. Just have a little bit of chicken and that technically is a nugget of chicken.

They grew up too fast. They didn't enjoy the nuggets. Oh my God. Splash out this weekend. Treat yourself. Get some nuggies in you. Play ZM's Fletch,

Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley's Trade Secrets. It's our first Trade Secrets. This is a segment of the show where we talk to somebody in an interesting job and then just ask them heaps of questions We ask you guys if you've got any questions for them as well

Yeah Episode 1, Pilots And we're joined on the phone by a pilot for Air New Zealand Captain Philip Kirk or Captain Kirk, good morning Good morning guys, it's a pleasure to be here How many times have you heard that, Captain Kirk?

I'm going to say if I got a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd be a wealthy guy. I'm retired. Like when you say it over the intercom, can you just hear the plane kind of like here? No. No. But then you probably could have gone by Captain Philip,

but then that Tom Hanks movie came out with Captain Phillips and you're like, well, I'm damned either way now. Yeah. Oh, my God. True. I'm sorry. That sounds like I might have just said that to you for the first time. I didn't want to bring that energy.

I've got to say, Captain, you've got a normal voice. I sort of expected you were going to be talking like this, giving us the information nice and slow. Do you put that voice on? Classic. No, I don Do you put that voice on? A classic. No, I don't actually have that voice. You come on all chipper like, we're bloody high up in the air and things are going well.

I am the cheerful guy on the PA, that's for sure. Nice. So what kind of plane do you fly? So I'm on the 787, which operates obviously all around the world. There's a lot of cargo flying at the moment. We haven't had a lot of passengers, so they will be turning up. We'll be very pleased, but it's been kind of cool just cruising around

on any aeroplane, having the plane yourself. Do you crank the music? Do you crank the Metallica? No, we don't play the music, but we've got free range in the galley, so that's pretty cool. Through the door into the galley, I've become quite the chef, I have to say. Wait, who's flying the plane?

Well, these are some of the questions that we have for Trade Secrets. We asked on Instagram, ask any question you want. And we have a pile here for you, Captain Philip Kirk. Okay, let's just start at the top. On long-haul flights, Captain Kirk, how much is autopilot and how much is you? Great question. I would say 99.9% of it's the autopilot. And that's not just because we're lazy.

It's actually much better at flying the airplane than we are. Hey, hey, don't beat yourself up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. We do a little fly, typically at takeoff and coming into land. But look, for the vast majority of the flight, the water pilot does a much better job. We'd probably make you all sick down the back if we were just hand flying all the time. Another question, do you ever get scared of turbulence?

Good question, but no. There's really only two types of turbulence. There's what we call clearer turbulence, which is the turbulence you tend to feel on long-haul flights when we're flying along at cruise altitude. And then there's turbulence that's associated with weather that we spend, you know, a good part of our flight trying to remain clear of. So we've got great weather radar systems that keep us clear of that sort of weather, and we use that to find our way around the, you know, the bigger thunderstorms along the way

so that ideally you guys have a nice smooth ride down the back. So when you're training to be a pilot, do you have like, you train for specific weather? Like is it like today is rainy day? Oh for sure. The flight simulators we have are just amazing tools. Very expensive complex tools that

basically create a flight for us. When you're in the simulator, do they have simulated seagulls flying into the blades and getting all mushed up? Yep, 100%. I'm glad you asked that one. Gosh, that's a critical one. Yeah, but bird strike, yeah.

Bird strike. Bird strikes are a thing. Because I have a friend who's a pilot and has been for years and always studying for simulator and always doing simulator training, aren't you? Yeah, 100%. We're in there every six months for a couple of days

and spend a couple of four-hour sessions in there over a couple of days. And, you know, that can be pretty intense, but that's what it's designed to do so that we're all set to go when the very rare event turns up. Okay, here's a big hard-hitting question for you. Do you eat the same meals as us plebs out the back? Oh, haven't you seen the tray of crayfish coming in? Yeah, I thought I could smell it.

I knew it. I was like, that's a cray going in there. Yeah. No, no, no. There's, principally, we eat the same food. Because I have to say, the airplane food makes me gassy, but I've got a lot more room out the back to be tooting and pooting the whole way to Abu Dhabi. But you've got a much smaller little area there.

It's a very small space that we share with people for long periods of time. That's when the I'm just visiting the bathroom story comes out. Okay, so what about the toilets? What are your toilets like compared to passenger toilets? Identical. We use the same toilet, actually. Oh, there you go. Okay, you guys just make sure that you wipe it down.

Always. It is my nightmare that I'm going to leave a mess, and then when I leave, the next person comes in, and then they open the door, and they say loud enough for the entire plane to hear, hey, you've left us in a right state. That's my nightmare on a plane. So are you the basin wiping guy, are you?

I wipe the basin. I wipe the basin. The sign says wipe the basin. I wipe the basin. I wipe the basin. I don't wipe the basin. Good. How many buttons on the control panel actually get used on every flight?

Well, there's a couple of hundred of them to be fair, but most of the ones we tend to set up at the beginning of the flight and not touch them unless something turns up that shouldn't turn up during the flight. I also have a couple of hundred buttons in front of me, Phil, but if I press the wrong one, a song stops playing. Yeah. That's the worst thing that can happen.

Slightly different jobs. Stop Ed Sheeran for five seconds, maybe. Okay, I always want to know this. What is the best seat on an aircraft? Oh, no doubt the one that I have when I go to work. Yeah, you've got the best one. Hayley, I'm not going to let you sit on that one. Well, honestly, I was going to say, from what you've been saying,

it sounds like a piece of cake. Yeah, look. I'm kidding. You guys, Hayley, the most comfy seat is no doubt over the wing. I remember someone saying, oh, I like the very back. I was like, no, that's the wobbliest, isn't it? No, and near the toilets. Everyone's like brushing past you the whole time.

Yeah, the back does move around a bit more. But the aeroplanes, especially the modern ones like the 787, they've got amazing systems on them to try and cancel out some of that turbulence. So I think you get a reasonable ride wherever you are. But principally, over the wing is like the smoothest place to sit. But as I said, not much fun if you want to look out the window. Hey, Captain Philip, our final question from our listeners. Do you get a sweet family?

No, it's not bad. Don't worry. Do you get a sweet family and friends discount? No, that's true. If you work for an airline, there are discounts that are available and they get better and better the longer you've been with the airline. So you tend to get rewarded with better discounts

when you've been for a while. And yeah, we do have the option to take family along and in some cases, friends too. Do you get that a lot? Or your friends will be going like, hey, I need to pop down to Wellington. What can you do for me?

Yeah, they limit that to, you know, depending on your partner status, to a couple of people or maybe just a few more. But yeah, no doubt if you're single, you can pop your friends on there and take them places with you. After this chat, I feel like we're pretty close. I feel like family.

I feel like family. I feel like family. I'm actually wanting to pop to Rarotonga at some point. Maybe you could take me. Do you get invited to a lot of destination weddings? They're like, oh, if you could join us, Philip, it'd be great. No, that one hasn't come up, I'll be honest. Sounds like we need to take one of you guys along for a fly sometime.

Yes. I'd bloody love that. That'd be amazing. Captain to take one of you guys along for a fly sometime. Yes. I'd bloody love that. That'd be amazing. Captain Philip Kirk, thank you so much for chatting to us with all your insider trade secrets. It's been a pleasure, guys. So a study has found that millennials, which that's me, I'm a millennial. Me too.

You're a millennial? Upper crust millennial. Upper crust. I'm a millennial. Me too. You're a millennial? Upper crust millennial. Upper crust. I'm a millennial elder. All right, then a P you should turn to for advice within your generation. You're a Pisces millennial elder. Yeah. Yeah.

That actually sounds badass. Like, you've just accidentally invented a D&D character. Have I? Oh, God. Pisces millennial. Pisces millennial elder. Oh, yeah. They come to me.

I live in like a seaside fishing village because Pisces, of course, is the fish. Yeah, and you're wise. Yeah, very wise. They come down. I'm stroking my like long beard. Stop trying to insert Dungeons and Dragons. No, this is just general sort of mythology here of the Pisces Millennial Alder. Just before we move on, what are you?

Are you a millennial? I'm on the cusp. I'm an Xennial. You're a c are you? Are you a millennial? I'm on the cusp, babe. I'm an X-ennial. You're a cusp. I'm technically an X, but I'm on the cusp. X-ennial. You're a young X. Yeah.

Oh, babe. I know. So you're a junior. You're an X-ennial junior. Yeah. Yeah, X-junior. What's your star sign again? Cancer.

Cancer. So you're a- Cancer X-ennial. Cancer X-ennial, sure. Junior. Anyway, us millennials, I'll talk about it like it's the three of us, have absolutely lost control of our finances, apparently.

We have no idea what's going on, how we're looking after them or anything like that. The biggest stat out of this study, which surprises me, 45% of millennials have absolutely no idea how much money is in their bank account at any given moment. No idea.

That's because you just keep pay waving or keep swiping until it says no. They're saying there's two factors here. One, we're not interested. So when we go on our phones, we're not like, I should check on my savings or my, you know, my checking account and see what's going on there. We're on social media. We don't give a crap. I only do that.

I open the banking app as I'm pulling the FPOS card out because my credit card doesn't work unless it's pay away if it'll work but if it's put the chip in or swipe it it doesn't work

so I'm like pulling the FPOS thing opening the banking thing being like how much is in the FPOS account and then if it's not enough I'm like I just have to transfer

and then it goes beep beep transaction cancelled I feel so bad about that I'll use my I don't have a credit card because I'm not responsible and I'll just go shopping, so I've got a loud one.

That's good restraint by the way, because banks want you to have one of those so bad they're like, hey, good looking, what you got cooking? I know, I'm like, some clothing I want to buy. The other reason that they're saying we have no idea what's happening with our finances is because we're just accumulating

debt, so we're just going, oh yeah, well I I just get more debt so I've got more money I don't need to worry about it but debt is real and also we we do uh direct debits so all of our bills most of the time they just money comes in money goes out yeah and we don't have to actually log in and go I'm gonna pay my power bill I'm gonna pay to pay my da-da-da bill. We're just like, it's all just going out. Right. So I'm the same. I don't look at my bank account until it declines. Do you know your balance?

Like, would you know your balance? You don't say it, but do you know your balance right now of your main account? Only because after reading this, I checked it and was like, oh yeah. Was it more or less than you thought? It's always less than you imagine, right? Yeah.

I also don't have a great gauge on it because me and Aaron share a bank account. So we're both coming out of the same thing. So I know what I'm taking out of it. I don't know what he's taking out of it. What did he get from the warehouse the other day? $130. What is it? Yeah, we were racking our brains.

Wheelbarrow or something? No, I can't. I'm just thinking, what do you get? There'll be a conversation when you get home, won't there? Yeah, I know. Curtis, do they? Yeah. I can't. I'm just thinking, what do you get? There'll be a conversation when you get home, won't there? Yeah, I know. Curdors, do they? Yeah. I don't know.

Asbestos protection gear? Probably. But yeah, I don't know what's in mine. Do you know what's in yours? Like roughly. Wait, in what account? I've got a thousand accounts. Your everyday account.

So my Airbus account. Yeah. No idea. Yeah. $13 tops. Yeah. Well, we were chatting about this and Anna sent through a screenshot of her bank account. It's called Emergency Savings.

And we should all have one of these, especially at a time like this. So the sun is good on you for having an account like this. Thank you. I've read The Barefoot Investor. Now, I don't want to... Rich Dad, Poor Dad? Yep. All of them.

Is that sort of like gender specific or going to be rich mum, poor mum? It's... The feminist version. It's 2022. I'm just thinking this guy is cutting out half of his potential audience. Mums can own homes. That book was definitely written when men were getting rich. Mums can own homes.

No, no, no. Yeah, they can be the wives of homeowners. Yeah, come on, sweetheart. Am I right? Calm down. So emergency savings, you've sent the balance. I won't embarrass you by reading it out. You can read it out.

What's your balance in your emergency savings account? Look, it's currently at 10 cents. Did Karwin talk you into buying a Tamagotchi? She did. Out of your emergency savings. It's worth it. This is an emergency, Anna. We all need Tamagotchis. Earlier this week,

for those that missed it, you had $9 in your account, had to dip into savings for your $15 Tamagotchi. Which turned out to be not real. But you knew how much money was in your account, didn't you? Yeah, I did. Because it was so low. When it gets low, you know how much

money's in there because you're like, I can't go. How am I going to spread this? Yeah. How am I going to get to payday? The day before payday, yeah. How low can you go? But not the only one. Ten cents low, apparently.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day, 25 years today since the notorious B.I.G. was killed. Oh, wow. 25 years since Christopher Wallace. I have to say since the Super Bowl halftime, I've been going, that's been my jam recently, listening, going back to Tupac, a bit of old Snoop and Dre.

A bit of Biggie. Yeah, I've got to pick and choose my 90s rap songs. Some of them horrendous. Oh. As a woman, I should not be listening to them. There's some very unkind lyrics towards women, but then there's some absolute poetry. But the beats. Makes it great beats.

Could be the best beats. There's a whole podcast series, Slow Burn, season three that was all about it, which is a fascinating listen. About what? The wars? About music? Specifically about Biggie and Tupac.

Oh, right, okay. But today's fact of the day is that, and when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac both had more songs released after they died than they did before. Huh. Did they have a backlog of stuff yet to be released? Apparently just a whole lot of recording.

Well, I mean, Tupac, there was still music coming out from him in like 2012. Well, he did a duet with Elton John. I was like, how is he doing this? Who was the artist recently who said that they were going to store up years and years of music so that after they die they could keep on playing for like 25 years? I remember who it was. It sounds like Kanye, to be fair. It does sound like a Kanye situation. Yeah, but before his passing, he had four singles, Notorious B.I.G.,

after which he had three times that. Really? Yeah, albums the same. These are singles that actually charted. So you're saying it was a bit of a career move? It was an interesting career path to go down. But yeah, I can kind of remember it happening when we were at school. It was a lot of shootings.

It was a lot of hip-hop shootings in the 90s. And I remember them being like, oh, he's been shot. And I was like, oh, okay, I don't really know who he is. But if it makes me seem cool, man, that sucks. Yeah. But yeah, 25 years ago today. Wow. And he was only 24, so he still wouldn't even be 50 years old.

Wow. Still wouldn't even be 50. He'd still be pumping out the jams, I reckon. Yeah, definitely. So today's fact of the day is that both, well, today's fact of the day is that it's today, 25 years ago since the Tories B.I.G. died, and both him and Tupac have had more singles released after they died than they did before. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I can't stop watching it.

There's a woman who gets stuck in a hydra slide on a cruise. She's on holiday. And it's one of those I've seen. I've never been in one of these, but I've seen these at water parks. You get in a capsule and so you're standing on the floor and it fills up a little bit with water and then it releases you. Did you not go on that one in Dubai?

No, I never. Meow. Oh, no, that's not good. We've got a little puss on our hands. The floor like comes out from underneath you

and you just go, woof. I loved it. It is wild because I was also like, am I going to get stuck? Or am I going to smack my face on the front of the,

that was my biggest concern. Like when the floor went, I was going to smack my head and then I was going to be flying at 100 miles an hour with just, like, blood heaving everywhere. But no, you literally just go straight down. Yeah, you do. This woman shoots down the... It's on a cruise ship.

She shoots down the slide, but then she doesn't have enough body weight. Momentum. She just looks average size, right? She does look average size. And I say, she's not particularly small or particularly large at all. So she can't get over the hump and then she just goes backwards.

She's like going a million miles an hour and then comes to that hump, slows down, and it's like, and goes back the other way. And then the great thing is she tries again and then again and keeps getting stuck at different points. How did she get out? How did she get out? How did she get out? I don't know.

Everyone's watching it being like, this is my worst nightmare. They've got a trap door. Oh, right. The ones that involve that flippity-doo-dah have a trap door so they can open up the top on one side and you can hop out. Crunch points. How embarrassing. But she kept climbing up the tower and trying again.

I love that she wouldn't be defeated by it and not only that it has gone like viral very quickly millions and millions of people around the world have now seen this it's just so funny

the image of her she's just on holiday like wee and like her it's weird because you're imagining

I can imagine if you haven't seen this you're kind of imagining even someone who's tiny and skinny or light so that it wasn't enough weight to get them around or you're imagining someone I can imagine if you haven't seen this, you're kind of imagining either someone who's tiny and skinny or light so that it wasn't enough weight to get them around or you're imagining someone whose weight stopped them too much.

Neither. Neither. Neither. She's like bang in the middle. She looks like my body. She must be super ripped and hot and tight. Yeah. It's like looking in the mirror as I watch her.

Life and it was you for a while. And then look, there's one moment where she like hits the thing and then comes into this little settling place and just sits there for a bit like, oh. Oh. Does she have like a not skiddy skin? Maybe she's got dry skin. Did she lube up?

Or maybe there's not enough water in the slide. And because it's on a cruise ship, maybe there's not enough room for the pipes to kind of get the speed up. By the time she's on her third attempt, she's gathered a bit of an audience. Yeah. And that's the thing that makes it quite embarrassing is like she's just trying to get through the dam slide,

out to the pool at the end, but she keeps having this, yeah, this audience, the gathering, people filming at this point. And it just, it made us think, we want to hear about your most embarrassing moments. The moments where you're like, oh, shame. Do you know what? Did you see the video yesterday of the,

it was in Australia, it was a press conference, I'm assuming for the floods, and the sign language guy was next to the, and a bird opened up and absolutely shat on the sign language guy. The bird literally did open up, because a lot fell in a very short period of time. And then everyone's just looking at this guy and he takes his jacket off and then he just keeps going. He wipes the bit that got on his face off, takes the jacket off and is like,

all right, back to signing. Where was I? It's amazing. But also, when you get shat on by a bird, you're always like, oh, shame. It's so embarrassing because you didn't do anything. You've done nothing. Yeah. So we want to hear about so embarrassing because you didn't do anything. You've done nothing. Yeah. So we want to hear about those moments that you were just so embarrassed.

Yeah. Is there a moment that you would say is the most embarrassing in your life, like tripping over on a stage, going to get an award? Or just even becoming a video, like this cruise ship, Hydra Slide Woman. Yeah, I remember doing, oh, doing, this wasn't maybe so embarrassing, but I was performing on stage in a theatre show and I was wearing a long skirt. It was like a Shakespeare,

so it was like a big heavy skirt and I did a fart just as I entered the stage and I had to walk up these steps and as I did it sort of opened up the skirt and put it onto the stage. So all the actors were like, ew, that was pretty embarrassing. I'm pretty sure the audience got it as well.

Did the audience hear? No, they didn't hear. They didn't hear. They just got it. Okay. I'm trying to think of alcohol-free embarrassing moments. You're struggling, are you? Yeah, I'm struggling a bit.

All right, 0800DANCE.M is the number. Give us a call. You can text as well, 9696. Let's open up and share. Yeah, your most embarrassing moments. We want to hear them. Do you see the, just on that, the world's biggest cruise ship just launched?

How big is that? It's like, it's tall. And they've got a hydra slide that goes way above, all the way to the bottom of it. You should Google it. It's insane. I'm never going to get on a cruise ship. That seems like hell on earth to me.

A cruise ship. Well, especially with COVID. COVID, you're stuck there when you're like, I don't want to be here anymore. You're in the middle of the ocean. Yeah, but when the world goes back to normal, buffets. Oh, I do love a buffet.

I know you do. I love a buffet. So, some messages and some calls. Man, I'm sorry some of you had to go through this. Someone said, first week as a new teacher, I had to go up and introduce myself to the entire school. I was teaching new entrants.

Yeah. One of the new entrants, I took my class up on stage with me. One of them pulled down my pants, undies and all. During a speech. So he could be like, hello, my name is Miss Smith. I'm really looking forward to being part of the down the pants. And undies as well. How loose were the undies?

Yeah, yeah. Like getting your size down a bit. Imagine you're wearing a big flowing skirt. But if you hook the waistband. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You get the granny panties and everything all down. It was always the thing when you down-trail people.

The boxers would always slip down a little bit. Oh, in the days of the satin boxer. Yeah. James, what was your most embarrassing moment ever? Well, it doesn't seem anywhere near as embarrassing as that. Yeah, no, you were hidden still. So me and a group of my mates, when we were a bit younger, we would have been 18, 19.

We used to go out and play laser tag once a week. And we finished and came out this one day and there was a group of girls there and being teenagers and show-offs, we decided that, you know, we'd do something really cool. And my really cool thing was to burn out of my car park, like reverse out of my car park at a fair rate or not, and turn too early and rip the front of my car off and the back of my mate's car off at the same time.

Yeah, that's embarrassing. Embarrassing moments are so much worse when they happen when you're trying to be cool. Yeah. But I think that was the icing on the cake.

If I'd done it by mistake, I would have been like, yeah, that's pretty sad. But yeah. But then also imagine the embarrassment if that was caught on camera and then was uploaded to like TikTok or Instagram.

Yeah. And then the whole world got to see that. Like this lady that got stuck in a Hydra slide. It was super embarrassing. James, thanks for your call. More messages in. At primary school, we were doing the school show in front of other teachers in our family and I was busting out of the toilet and no one would let me go. I said to the teacher, can I quickly go to the toilet?

And they said, you are not allowed to go to the toilet. I was six years old. And when it was my time to step to the front of the stage and everyone was busting out of the toilet and no one would let me go I said to the teacher can I quickly go to the toilet and they said you are not allowed to go to the toilet I was six years old and when it was my time to step to the front of the stage and everyone was looking I wet my pants

aww it is mind blowing I think back to primary school you were like Miss can I go to the toilet they were like no I know but that's crazy

yeah what did they think we were getting up to smoking crack we were six years old it's insane still learning to control the bot. Ayla, what was your

most embarrassing moment? Hey, when I was about 15, we went on a snow camp with a group of friends. My bestie and I had an instructor and I lost my balance, so I went to go grab his t-shirt and I kind of

twisted as I fell back. Yeah. Turns out I gave him a nipple gripple and he screamed. The whole ski field turned around and looked at us. He screamed, you nearly ripped his nipple off. Wow, a nipple gripple. Yeah. So I grabbed his t-shirt, twisted, but yeah, got his nipple off.

Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Honestly, I would say thank God he was a man. Yeah. You know what I mean? You don't want to be sort of falling back and grabbing a full breast. For sure. All right.

More messages to finish off. Oh, as a kid, I was doing a karate assessment and I was so nervous, I wet my pants. And then I went to run out of the building in embarrassment and slipped over in my own weaves. That's a twofer. That's good. Mum made me go back the next day. See, as a parent, I'm like, you never have to

go back. And all the kids laughed at me. Of course they did. Punch them. Are you allowed to do that? You're supposed to restrain yourself in karate. It teaches you restraint and stuff. I teach at an all-boys school. One day I tucked my skirt up into the back of my knickers, went to the loo and walked

around for half an hour before someone told me. And that all sane. Oh no. No. If you ever see anyone with their like skirt or dress tucked in their undies, say something. Don't pull it out. I've done that once and it was very confronting. You pulled out a stranger?

I just went up and was like yoink and she was like, what are you doing? You're like, your undies are tucked in. Your undies are tucked in. We were doing a dance. I didn't want to do this dance, but a group of guys were like, it's going to be cool. We'll do this dance at assembly. Girls love guys that can dance. And I was wearing

pants and they're like, those aren't cool pants. Put on these looser fitting pants. I was wearing silk boxes and I was doing a dance and my pants came down and everyone at school saw my little... So you're what? You're what? Little. Little diddle.

I am appalled that you had to go through that. Yeah, that's horrible. Hey, thank you for sharing, though. Thank you for sharing, everybody.