ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 10th March 2023

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: German Wasps  Liv McKenzie!  Final Rankings: Loaves of Bread  Joel Little!  Hayley got ANOTHER Package  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. A small warning, this podcast intro may be unsuitable for younger ears. It will feature the words doodle, fanny. Bumhole.

Bumhole? I don't think we're going to touch on the bumhole. Are we not touching on the bumhole? Not on a Friday. Okay. That's a Sunday treat. The Lord's Day. The Lord's Day.

We touch on a bumhole. Okay, so I'll just write that down. Save the bumhole for the Lord's Day. I was just telling these guys about a conversation I had at a picnic table at a later stage of an afternoon at a wedding. So you know when everybody's kind of getting there? Yeah. Pre-dinner, post-ceremony, you've been hanging around, bride and groom getting photos, everyone's having a few drinks.

It was hot. The time of a wedding where the nibbles need to be out and they're normally not. They're not. It's bad. It's bad. The nibbles were out and that's why we chose this picnic table closest to the kitchen. Good. So we could be like.

More nibbles. Gar like. More nibbles. Garcon. More nibbles, Garcon. They love it when you click and whistle at them. Yeah, no, we didn't click and whistle at them. Anyway, we were sitting there, and I don't remember how it got started, but I feel like someone just jumped in the deep end saying, aren't penises ugly?

Right. Who would say such a thing? A woman. Oh, yeah. And her husband was right behind her as she went on what could only be described as a monologue about how ugly penises are. Oh, he must have a manky dick. That's right, so don't stand there

and let her effectively tell everybody you've got a manky dick. I wouldn't say penises are fundamentally ugly, but they can be shocking sometimes. You know, sometimes you'll either see an erect penis and you'll be like, good lord. Good lord. Get it out of my face. And sometimes you look at a flaccid penis and you'll be like, good lord. Good lord.

Get it out of my face. And sometimes you look at a flaccid penis and you're like, what a silly. Silly little thing. Especially with a foreskin. Can you look at one and be like, that's a nice penis? I think all penises are nice. Okay, right. But every now and then you'll see it for what it is. When you take away the sexual element of a penis and sometimes you'll see it as this just fleshy thing and you're like oh yeah it's weird so how did this conversation well i wasn't

going to stand there and let all penis owners be yeah you know had this aspersion cast upon their penises and i said you know vaginas aren't exactly a bloody the painting of the mona lisa are they sure are they oh no and she's like, I beg your pardon. And I said, well, have you ever seen one from a low angle? And she said she hadn't. She hadn't. She needs to get a mirror. I was going to say, I didn't know her well enough to ask if you ever squatted over a mirror.

Pop a squat. Pop a squat over a mirror. But, yeah, and then there was a, you know, back and forth. There was the occasional, there was every now and then a female would be like, well, you know, they've got a point. Oh, okay. It was a bit of cross-party agreeance. There was a hearty debate at this wedding about which was uglier.

The penis or the vagina. Now, I said the balls are probably the weirdest part of the penis. Because they hang around no matter what. Imagine if there were no balls and it was just like a trunk. But only because that's what we're used to. Imagine if there were no balls and it was just a trunk. But only because that's what we're used to. Imagine if the vagina had balls. Where would they go? Where would they hang?

Either side? No, because then they'd get squashed all the time. That would just be large majority. Yeah. But they couldn't go behind. There's no room behind. Maybe they'd be tucked up inside. Like little mini inside balls.

Like airbags. Yeah. That detonate with force. And if you got too hot, they would lower themselves for external cooling. Yeah. Because that's why our balls are on the outside, right? Yeah. Easy to regulate them.

And we've got to keep the womb warm. Yeah, that's why you've got to be careful when you have your phone on your lap or your dinner. Yeah. Or if you have regular hot baths. Really? Regular hot baths. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keeping your balls too warm. Yeah, that's why you've got to be careful when you have your phone on your lap or your dinner. Yeah. Or if you have regular hot baths. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keeping your balls too warm. Yeah, too warm too often. Who won the debate then? Yeah, where did you land? What's ugly?

Oh, I think we just agreed to disagree. Oh, okay. Agreed to disagree. So your vote is the vagina is uglier than a penis? No, no, no, no, no. I was simply raising the counterpoint that I don't think penises are that ugly. Sounds like he hates vaginas. Sounds like he hates vaginas. I'm a huge fan. You're a huge fan.

Guess we're not. Huge fan. Right. I don't know where I stand on the issue. I think they're equally as funny looking. As you said, you take away the sexual context of it. They are funny. Like if you landed on planet Earth from another planet.

Yes. And you're an alien. I don't know. Imagining they don't have genitals. The same genitals. And then they saw're an alien. I don't know. Imagining they don't have genitals. The same genitals, yeah. And then they saw us getting changed, they may laugh. Yeah, maybe. Or would it be just another ear to them?

Because our ear would be as weird as our vagina, as our elbow, as our nose. You know? I don't know. Because they might have nothing. I think all vaginas and all penises are beautiful. Haven't met one I didn't like. You should be pleased with what you've got.

It's yours. Treat her nicely. Give her a little something today. What? A little treat? I don't know. A little schmackos. A little biscuit.

A little dog biscuit. A little fancy feast. A little dental treat. Fanny's going wackos for schmackos. Please don't put schmackos anywhere near any jingles. Thank you very much for joining us. I'm going to stomp this. Enjoy the rest of the podcast.

Thank you, Sam. Happy Friday. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. We made it. Congratulations. We love Saturday Eve. Shaboomba. Shaboomba to you.

Shaboomba right back at you. Big show today. The biggest. The biggest show today. Whoa, whoa, whoa. It is full to the brim. With hyperbole and exaggeration. It is the biggest show of all time.

Excuse me, Vaughan. I mean, it's not the biggest show of all time. It is. We've got two interviews. Excuse me, Vaughn. I mean, it's not the biggest show of all time, but it's a big one. We've got two interviews. It's a big show. We're going to send somebody at 8 o'clock after the news to Taylor Swift, the opening

weekend of her Eros tour, which is next weekend in Arizona. So if you've registered, make sure your phone is on. God, I love giving stuff away. And stand by because we could be calling you later this morning. My pick for Friday Flashback today, I'm celebrating the fact that this weekend My Chemical

Romance are here. I've never been more on board with a Friday Flashback. Have our t-shirts arrived yet? They're on their way. We've ordered My Chemical. Which My Chemical t-shirts? Just whatever ones I can get as quick as I could. They're cool.

What size did you get me? Because I'm fluctuating. I got you a medium. I got myself the same size. Do you think I'm a medium at the moment or a medium large? I did think about large. I put large in my cart and then I was like, I'll just double check. No, because sometimes large are too wide.

Yeah, I don't know the fit. You know they go very boxy. You know cheap T-shirts are very boxy. Are you saying I bought us cheap T-shirts? I might have to suck in my guts. Well, if you see us tomorrow and you see him in a little prop baby doll. That'll be why. Joel Little joins us.

Goodnight nursery forming for the opening act. Yeah. For My Chemical Romance. With Courier for delivery today. Oh, okay. That's great. All right. We'll open those on the show. With Courier for Delivery today. Oh, okay, that's great. All right. We'll open those on the show this morning in time

for Friday Flashback. But we'll chat with Joel Little after Friday Flashback at eight o'clock as well, ahead of the reunion gig for Goodnight Nurse. Also joining us on the show before seven this morning,

friend of yours, comedian. Liv McKenzie. She is working on... She's a friend of mine too. She made me a squirtle cross stitch. She did. We talk about Pokemon.

I've been in some spin classes with her, but didn't know it. That is... Yeah, she's a Liz Millser. A gym thing. Yeah, it's a gym thing. It's on the bikes. It's on the bikes.

You've got it. It's on the bikes. She's working on a cool new TVNZ on demand project. TVNZ. TVNZ Plus. Yeah, and this actually needs your help, New Zealand. It does indeed. Needs some of your juicy dark secrets. This is such a good idea.

Like, she is the biggest little Gen Z gossiper, and I just think this idea is going to pop off. Alright, she's coming up. Also on the way... No cap. Is that what I say? She is bussing. She's bussing. No cap. Slay Queen. She's bussing. She's bussing. No cap. Slay Queen.

Slay Queen. She's a baddie. We have no choice but to stan our comedy queen. She is giving us laugh vibes. No, stop. Just stop. The top six on the way. You know, I yelled out the car window at one of my daughter's friends. Yeah, what did you...

Last night we were driving past her and they're like, there's Gala. And I was like, yo, Batty Gala, Slay Queen, out the window. You did not.

And Batty Gala loved it. Batty Gala loved it and the girls loved it. They weren't even embarrassed. They were like, that is funny. You are so close to that being embarrassing.

Slay Queen. You are so close. Batty Gala, Slay Queen. Slay Queen. The top six close. Yes, Lady Gala. Slay Queen. Slay Queen. The top six on the way are German wasps are causing a problem in Canterbury. Germans. The Germans are coming.

Can I put a little sting in you? Put a little sting in you. Oh, no. The horny German's back. The horny German's back. And he's going to be back more with the top six ways to know you've just been stung by a German wasp. Next on the show, though, you've found some research. A reason you've started running again.

I'm back on the cardio buzz. Back on the cardio buzz. Because I wish to maintain erections as I move into middle age. I had no idea this was your motivation. No, I didn't either. I quite enjoy a little bit of a jog on a treadmill. Yeah. So I get to watch my shows.

Yeah. But it turns out there's good to it. Some science. Some science. Woo. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. I must, I must.

We've got a heavy breath. That's a heavy breath. She's got a heavy breath. It's a heavy breath. She's got a heavy breath. It's a COVID breath. It was always that kid at school that breathed like that, eh? But nose heavy. Septum, deviated septum. Yeah.

No, as you were. So I thought this story was about a 30-minute jog being as effective as Viagra for men. I was incorrect. It's a 30-minute daily jog, boosts performance in the bedroom for men, in line with some medications to stop men reaching the finish line early before their partners have reached their finish line.

Wow. Which affects apparently between 30% to 83% of men. That's a huge window. But you say up to 83% of men have experienced it. Yeah. And 30% regularly experienced. Maybe some more regularly than others. Take the compliment, huh?

Yeah, I know. I'm so hot. You're obviously hot. I mean, that's a good way to spin it. Sure. You are insanely hot. Yeah. I won't lie. This only happens to spin it. Sure. You are insanely hot. Yeah.

I won't lie. This only happens to me when I'm with the hottest woman. Yeah, yeah. Constantly. So apparently 30 minutes of jogging is as good as medication for this. I don't do jogging. What about cycling? I think it's made sense for maintaining the... I'm sure it does both.

Yeah, because it keeps you fit, keeps you healthy, keeps the blood flying, keeps the blood vessels open, heart, blah, blah, blah, blah. Either that or you get home and you're too tired. You're too tired. Isn't it the swish? Maybe that's why you're too tired. Isn't it the swish of the loose exercise short?

There was always a problem at drama school, the boys in their track pants. Go on. This drama school sounds fraught with absolute problems bubbling just below the surface. Well, when you're at drama school, you do a lot of rolling around, right? Yeah. Physical movement rolling around. And you'd always, all the boys are in their sweats.

Are they not wearing underpants? Yeah, they're probably wearing underpants. Or double bagged underpants. Maybe they're loose. You're getting some sort of rubbing on the pants through the... Wait, what was the issue? They were getting it as more than a sec. I think sometimes they get a little...

A little excited. Full mast. They had to tuck it. In class. Yeah. No, but... I think you're mistaken. They were getting excited because the girls were rolling around on the ground too.

No. No. How often was this happening that it's a problem? All the time. We used to talk about it all the time. That is not normal. Rolling around and the junk would be like, and they'd get into their track pants and they'd get stiffies.

I think they were wearing track pants. Why were they wearing track pants? Because for the physical movement, you had to wear like movement gear. Roll around on the floor. And you tuck it into the waistband. No, because the end will pop out the top. Isn't that terrible?

Track pants can't be trusted. 30 minutes. 30 minutes a day, five times a week, had similar effects as taking dapazitine, he says, like he doesn't have a prescription. Dapazitine? Even when you do have a prescription, you don't know how to say it. I mean, that's got to be, becoming a doctor,

you're basically learning Latin, aren't you? Yeah. Dapaflex. Everything's a pam or a pram. Pam, pam. Zabalabalai. A Mabarapali Dixieite you? Yeah. Dapper flex. Everything's a Pam or a Pram. Pam, Pam. Zabalabalai. Amabarapili Dixie Ike clone. Yeah.

Zabalabalai. That's actually forming in the Pacific at the moment. Is it? The Dixie Ike clone. The old Dixie Ike clone. The old Dixie Ike clone's going to blow through. So pelvic floor exercises as well, men. Yeah, we've got to do it.

That's your Kegels. Really? Yeah, I Kegel. That increased lovemaking time by one to three minutes. Hardly worth it, is it? It doesn't seem worth it for doing a whole exercise routine day after day. Let's all have a little practice of the Kegels. I'm doing it.

Do you just squeeze right What are you doing You squeeze eh As if you're trying to Stop yourself peeing Oh yeah I'm getting one of those Drama stumbles Play ZM's

Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley Silly little po Silly little po It is so silly Silly silly That, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole today.

When you sleep, I'm watching you. When you sleep, I'm sniffing you. I'm sniffing your hair. When you sleep, I'm sniffing your hair. When you sleep, I've put you to sleep. Do you prefer some light or complete darkness? Complete darkness. So I can lurk in the shadows and put my finger in your mouth while you sleep. What a piece.

It's the beard trim. It's turned up as pests. I think it's just weird asking anybody, when you sleep, what sign do you sleep? I don't know, I'm asleep. These monsters that sleep with their windows open, you know, no curtains. Madness.

Well, that's us. My circadian rhythm. Get out of here. I mean, maybe if I lived in the middle of nowhere, you know, like central Otago, where it's beautiful and starry. And you have like a front view. Unless it get out of here. I mean, maybe if I lived in the middle of nowhere, you know, like central Otago, where it's beautiful and starry and, you know, unless it was a full moon, you'd wake up all the time thinking the light was on. Yeah, you probably

would. I am so sensitive to light that we've got a fan, we've got a couple of fans in the room at the moment, and they're just like, we love you, we love you. They should never have cancelled Golden Boy. Season three, season three. Two fans and I put duct tape over the light on it.

I've done that before. I can't stand it. I've done that. I had a TV and there was a security light in the corner of the room. Put some Blu-Tack on the light. Don't want to borrow that. Cannot deal with it. But we've got no curtains because of the Reno.

Right. So we've got no curtains, but luckily I get up at dark. Yeah. But on the weekend it's annoying. Oh, dude, you've got to get a nice sleep mask. Who are those people that make those silly shoes? Allbirds. Allbirds.

Oh, yeah. I've got an Allbirds sleep mask. Is it wool? So soft. That's too hot. No, it's not. It's like memory foam, eh? Yeah.

Did we get given that? Yeah, we did. It looks like a bird that way. It looks like a bird face. It looks like that old pandemic bird mask. Oh, like the Venetian It's the, yeah, the Venetian mask.

It freaks Sade out when she like wakes up and I'm just like I don't like that. I don't like that at all. They're really comfortable. Yeah. And I'm sorry

for calling your shoes silly. I have never tried your shoes. It was, you know, it was a real prick thing for me to do. It really was. I'm sorry. I'm wearing their, you know,

big New Zealand company drink so well. Big international company. With sustainable shoes. Yeah. What an asshole. You know, you know, it was a real prick thing for me to do. It really was. I'm sorry. Considering they're, you know, a big New Zealand company. A big international company. With sustainable shoes. Yeah. What an asshole. You know, my friend's partner, she's like, I used to date the guy from Allbirds. Were you there when he told us this story, Jerry? I used to date the guy from Allbirds before we were together, like before he was famous,

before he was rich or whatever. Yeah. And then the other day she just admitted that that was not true. What? What? Why? Why would you say that? And then the other day she just admitted that that was not true. What? What? I was like, why? Why would you say that?

I was just trying to get a rise out of you and you never really reacted. And then it kind of stuck. But then the other day she admitted to him and asked if it wasn't true. I love that. And we were just like, what a wild, what a wild, like, if you're going to lie, shoot for the stars. Yeah, like, say Harry Styles or something. I love weird lies. Yeah, I know. And then she was just like, I've got to come clean.

And when someone's like that, you're like, what are you going to say? I have never actually ever seen the guy from All Boots. Why do people do that? I love that. Why do people lie like that? Like it makes no difference. I think I cried with absolute pure joy and laughter when we found out. Anyway, when going to sleep, what do you prefer?

Some light or complete darkness? 84% of people say complete darkness. 16% of people said some light. Lisa messages, I'm pregnant and peeing 50 times a night. I'd rather not fumble my way there in the dark. Feeling you, Lisa. We put a nightlight in the bathroom when we had one. When you had a bathroom?

When I had a bathroom. Oh, you had one? You're just urinating on the driveway now in the bucket Driveway now aren't you No no we've got a bucket Oh you've got a bucket How's that UTI going Burning Burning

Burning Um Complete darkness Says Sarah Because I'm not five years old Grow up Wow Agressive

Mummy wants us to go to bed Uh Olivia says Darkness But I like to have curtains open So I wake up with natural light Lucky I don't live in a city She's a farm girl

If you live in a city You just can't do that Big city lights I thought there was a horse In her profile picture But I just had a closer look It's a person Some people are horsey though

No no no It was more like The other person Standing back And they had hair. They had a mane. And they had it tied up and they were also wearing a saddle. Horse play, huh? Emma said salt lamp.

Ew. They sweat. I feel like those things are going to burn your house down one day. Yeah, they're wet. I don't trust them. They're wet and you've got electric in them. No. And then I feel like

wouldn't your cat lick it too? Isn't that a problem? The last time Emma replied to a silly little poll was our silly little poll who's your favourite parent, mum or dad and she just replied

my dad's dead. I like her. Not laughing at the fact your dad's dead. Just crowbar it in there. It must be mum. Shit if it's not mum. She's really done something wrong.

Anyway, Salt Lamp Newt. I'm sorry to hear about your dad and please watch that Salt Lamp. We don't need another house fire. John says, I would rather crap on my hands and clap than bear a night sleeping with a light on. Okay, John, calm down.

John, you took that very extreme. Calm down, John. Charlotte says, if my boyfriend's home, complete darkness. If he's not, hallway light on with the bedroom door open a little. Oh, because of monsters. I need one or the other to fight off the boogie monsters. That was the boogie man. Boogie monster.

To call him a boogie monster is offensive. You're confusing him with the monsters that like to dance. He may have changed his pronouns, though. They don't all look the same. The boogie monster is offensive. You're confusing him with the monsters that like to dance. He may have changed his pronouns, though. They don't all look the same. The boogie man. Yeah. The boogie person. Yeah.

Maybe it's a woman. I'm fine. You let me know. I'm happy to roll with whatever pronoun you choose, boogie man. Boogie them. Boogie them. Boogie them. Like Fisher them, you know, Sam Smith.

It's a duck. I'm here to get you Oh no the boogeyman Excuse me Do not misbehave Excuse Me I have made it Very abundantly clear

I prefer to be addressed By boogie they What? I am still taking your soul. And I'm going to kill you. But I think I'm also going to cancel you. You've been cancelled, then killed. Josh says, complete black.

Makes it easier to pretend I'm a galaxy explorer taking a small respite in the rectum of a space whale. Josh? What is up with everyone today? Everyone's losing their goddamn minds. Unbelievable. People are crapping in their hands. I like that though, Josh.

I like that though. I'm scared of the dark, says Daniela. Yes, I'm scared of the dark and I'm 40 years old. That's okay to be scared of the dark. You don't know what's out there. Boogie day, for example. Boogie day, yeah, exactly. Complete darkness is scary.

Like not even being able to see your hand in front of your face. It's a big no from me. And that's from Connor, a man who is not afraid to admit he's scared of the dark. He's got a little nightlight on. He needs a little light light. Next on the show,

is it you that found the story about the hotel? I saw it because I saw the headline and I had to see what it looked like. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. I saw it because I saw the headline and I had to see what it looked like. We have to talk about this hotel. It is in Belgium in the middle of a, you're right, how's the apple? That apple looks gross. It's not even red.

No, hey, this is what we have to live with now, is there's going to be a lot of fruit and veg in the supermarket that aren't perfect. You've eaten through the core. Oh, yeah, that's it. You've got a James and a giant peach caterpillar there. Yeah, I've got one here, look, in my peach. Bit of hail damage, I reckon. Yeah, yeah.

This is a new breed of apple. I can't remember the name. But this is coming out of your page. You know me, I'm very, I'm hard to shift away from my rose, my Pacific rose. Pacific rose, same. Sweet tango, I'll do a sweet tango when I see one. They're quite good. But they're rare.

The galas are too flowery. Oh, yuck. Are we doing final rankings apples today? We've done it. Have we done apples? Yeah, we have done it. We're doing loaves of bread today. What?

Loaves of bread. Final rankings, loaves of bread. Like brands or types. No, like white, seed. Lots of seeds. Lots of seeds. White, brown seeds. Seed.

Mulky grain. Seeds on the crust. We should get specifically into brands. Yeah. I've got some Hot thoughts on Bergen versus Vos I just have to check My Ploughman's contract

You can put them At number one That's right You're the spokesperson I think you've just Got to be number one As Ploughman My mum and dad

Love a Ploughman's We can talk about this More later Sorry Final rankings coming up Back to the hotel We've got a good show For everyone don't we

There's a lot We're so excited We're talking now About what we're Going to talk about later I know Sorry, final rankings coming up. Back to the hotel. Oh, we've got a good show for everyone, don't we? There's a lot. We're so excited. We're talking now about what we're going to talk about later. I know. Okay, so there is a hotel in the middle of a park in Belgium, and it is a butthole. It's a butt. So you enter through the butthole, and it's a colon.

Wait, does it have a door? It does have a door, but you can also go through the butt. It's yuck, eh? Because this, what do I saw? It looks like a cumina. So it's a long... Colon with veins. Yeah, with windows.

And at the end of it is a peach puckered butt. And so you squeeze through there. Yeah, but there's a door. No, you can go through the door. There is a door, but you can enter through the puckered butt. So is it an Airbnb or a hotel? In the inside, it's just all white. It looks quite nice on the inside.

Like a cave. Yeah. It's like a cave. Why now, why didn't they just make it a Hobbit themed one? Like why does it need to be butthole themed? It's the butthole. Good God. And they've painted it with white detail.

How much is this hotel? 120 euros a night. Is it like one of those ones that's limited time and it's just to raise awareness for your colon? No, no. This is a, it's kind of like a piece of art. It's actually in the middle of like a sculpture park surrounded by other big sculptures.

But this one you can stay in. But inside there's like one bed and like a table. It's a bit basic. Yeah, but kind of cool to say you stayed the night in a butthole. In a butthole shaped place. So you're basically, you stay in the colon. You stay in the colon, but you, oh, it's called casanus. Casa like home.

Casa nos. Yeah. Casa nos. Casa, like home. Casa-nus. Yeah, Casa-nus. I go Casa. Casa-nus. Yeah, wow. So there's no, it's a table, there's a table, a shower, toilet, lights, running water, and electric heating, and a bed. So there's no, there's no poopies in there. Well, you really pushed to talk about the story this morning.

Yeah, you've got to go Look at it Casanus And I think Next time you go to Belgium Have you been to Belgium I've driven through it I haven't been Born have you been

No ma'am No No I have not Well maybe this is worth a trip I wonder if it could help If you're planning your Summer break Or an OE

You want to go To the sculpture park In Antwerp. There you go. And stay inside the anus. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Ailey. Play ZM from the

self-driving ZM Think Tank. This is the top six. I must say, at our house, I've learned it's an influx of clicky bugs. Oh, what a clicky bug. This is the Top 6. Not really. When you put your hand on them, they go. Oh, I don't know if I'd be touching that. They flick in the middle. It's their defence mechanism. They've got this joint in the middle. They go. I've never heard of this. I think you're making up a bug.

There's a very noisy cricket in the reception. Oh, my God. There's a cricket at reception at work, and I walked in, and it was deafening because of all the tiles. It's like an alarm. Is it a cicada or a cricket? No, it's a cricket. A cricket.

It's definitely a cricket. One of those little black ones with multiple legs that hides in the cracks. You get them in summer when it's really dry and the ground opens up and they live in the cracks. But it's been such a wet summer. And flies, we didn't have them for a while because of all the rain. But they're back. But they're back. Well, Canterbury, it's wasps.

It's German and common wasps. Yes. That have become a big problem. A number of requests to the Selwyn District Council asking it to destroy wasps' nests have skyrocketed, apparently particularly in the Lincoln area, which is under siege from the stinging pest. Under siege? My favourite sentence in this whole article from the Star News,

we're for Canterbury, they say. It's their tagline. Why is it their tagline? One woman who did not want to be named said that the sting hurt for several days afterwards. She didn't want to be named. I do. She didn't want to be named.

Yes. The Lincoln woman who declined to be identified said the sting on her torso hurt for several days afterwards. Is it because she's been a little baby about it? Maybe she's on witness protection. From the wasps. Yeah, she doesn't want to wear that anger of the German wasps.

Just look at the difference between a German wasp and an ordinary wasp. Very similar looking wasps. So you wouldn't know. So I've got the top six ways you know you've been stung by a German wasp. Number six. After it stings you, it bluntly tells you you've put on a little bit of weight. It's like Germans are always like,

Wow, you got fat. It's lovely to see. Oh, my God, you got fat. Yeah. Wow. Fatty boombatty. You're like, what? Poke you.

Poke you right in the guts. Look at the fatty boy. They're quite blunt, aren't they? Yeah, very blunt. Blunt people, the Germans. Look at the fatty boy. They're quite blunt, aren't they? Yeah, very blunt. Blunt people, the Germans. Blunt and humorless. Very blunt people. Number five on the top six ways you know you've been stung by a German wasp.

It's driving a BMW, not an Audi. Not an Audi. Don't say a bad word about Audi. Not an Audi. Well, because you're trying to get a free Audi. Stay tuned, quarter past eight. Yeah, there's something else that's arrived in the mail from Audi. We're doing a long tease.

Long tease. Number four on the list of the top six in the mail from Audi. We're doing a long tease. Long tease. Ah, number four on the list of the top six ways you know you've been sung by a German wasp. It's wearing socks and multi-strapped sandals. And it's living in a van for 18 months, travelling around New Zealand. Those sandals are back in fashion, though. So sandals are back. They never left, baby. They never left.

I like to wear it for sock on cold day, no sock on hot day. And I dress it up or dress it down. Yeah, and it's the back of the Volkswagen van. Anything goes, baby. Anything goes. Number three on the list of the top six ways you know you've been stung by a German wasp.

After it stings you, it asks if you've ever been to the Stuttgart Christmas markets. My God, this is where Christmas comes alive. What is these markets? The Stuttgart Christmas markets. I've never been to a Stuttgart. You get pretzel. You get wiener.

You get them. They do the mulled wine. There's another name for it. Oh, so good. The German named German? They are. Glow wine. Glow wine.

Glow wine. Glow wine. Glow wine. Yeah, that's it. Which literally translates to glow wine because of how you feel after you've been drinking it. Flushed, a bit flushed. Yeah, a bit flushed.

Glow on, baby. It's the Stuttgart Christmas market. Number two on the list of the top six ways you know you've been stung by a German wasp. It's perfectly on time and the sting is precisely where it wanted it to be. That's a perfect sting. You're doing very well. That's a perfect sting. And number one on the list of the top six ways you know you've been stung by a German wasp.

It's tall, blonde, has blue eyes and a very long, straight stinger. And number one on the list of the top six ways you know you've been stung by a German wasp. It's tall, blonde, has blue eyes and a very long, straight stinger. Hold still. Hold still, you're about to get stung. Why do I have a tan but I'm so blonde? I'm from a country where it is snowy a lot of the time, but look at my all-over golden tan. It's unexplainable. Apologies to our German listeners this morning.

How did I get so tall and muscular? At least this German character of Vaughan's is slightly less flamboyant than the last one. Slightly less horny. Somebody messaged me asking, would I do the same if I was doing a Chinese character? And I said, no. No. And they said, well, it's racist to do a German one.

And I said, not really. Some of my people come from. You are European. I'm from the European stock. But your Chinese character is good. Pretty good. Hard to beat. Hard to beat.

Hard to beat. It's an in-person performance. I was going to say, do you want to give us a little bit of it now? Second only to your rug merchant. Your Persian rug merchant is some fine character work. Okay, let's leave. Let's tap out here.

Nah, none of these characters exist, apart from the horny German one. That's an ace of six. Well, she is, she's been called the hottest young thing, and that's not just about her rockin' hot body. Jeez, guys. Her rockin' hot career.

I say this because we are friends. Liv McKenzie, welcome to the show. Oh my God, thank you so much for having me and calling me hot immediately. Can I just say how refreshing it is to see a female that has caved to societal pressure to get a Frank Green drink bottle. Yeah.

You are rocking a straight purple camelback. I was. Rebel Sport had a sale. Right. Did they? Rebel Sport had a sale? Two years ago. Two years and they've never had one since. No Sport had a sale. Right. Did they? Rebel Sport had a sale? Two years ago. Two years?

And they've never had one since. No, no, no. Have you cleaned the mouthpiece in the straw if it's two years old? I have recently. Okay, good. But I would say it is once every six months. I haven't at all. Oh, you can literally see the gunk in that frame green.

You can see the gunk from my lip balm. Yeah. Liv McKenzie, welcome to the show. Very exciting. You have a new show. I do. For TVNZ+. I do.

Tell us about it because it doesn't have a name yet. No. It's a secret. It's a secret. This is, Fletch hates this, this is a soft launch. Oh my God. When we don't have all the information. We've got to have all the information to launch.

I would say it's a badly kept secret. Yeah. I don't do soft launches. I do. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but here's all the details. Yeah, great. Well, tell us about the show. Tell us about what it's about.

So it's set in the girls' bathroom at the club, which is feral. It's feral, but it's also, I feel like, my favorite environment because it's so warm. it's also I feel like my favourite environment because it's just it's so warm it's so beautiful someone's spewing in the corner someone's crying

on their phone someone needs a tampon you're giving out lip gloss it's so good I feel like I'm like the queen of the women's bathroom like I'm always in there

dishing out unsolicited advice compliments as well that's mine it's like oh my god that shirt is so amazing where's it from you're so beautiful yeah yeah you're just like mascara everywhere just like full panda and you're like thank you i look so pretty um and so basically we want people's like confessions or just like

i don't know their most like hectic stories their most cringe stories most embarrassing stories they're too embarrassed to attach their name to, and we want them to send them in anonymously. And then on our show, we will talk about them and kind of debrief, gossip, not judge. I love that. There will be some jokes and some follow-up questions. We've actually been sent like a,

it's kind of a document about the show, and I wasn't going to go there. I don't, but don't do that. Do it. I just saw like guests. There's a page called guests and it's like we're going to collaborate with some of the great young minds

of New Zealand, people who would like to overshare, guests that will appeal to our young audience and there's like a photo, there's Melanie Bracewell, there's Angela Driver, there's James Musterpick.

I guess I put you on my show and it's just sort of weird that you're a guest on my show so regularly. And like, maybe I guess, maybe when we come back on air, that might change. I know. I just thought maybe if you're like a little nicer to me, then you get to come into this environment.

I thought I might have been. I'm so nice to you. You are so nice. I'm so nice to you. You know how you were so nice to me my first few. You'd be nothing without me. Back on mic. Yeah.

My first few, have you been paying attention? You were so nice to me. And then after that, you're like, don't mess this up. This is the last one. It was. And I was like, oh, we're friends.

She's bullying me. Oh, oh, oh, oh. She nailed the first show. Yeah. You know what this means. I thought it might have been sort of the blanket ban on Sproul at TVNZ because at that time she got drunk

at the HYBPA Christmas party and mouthed off at a commissioner. Did you? I love that. Yeah, it got a little bit lippy. I was a little bit upset. A little bit annoyed. I was like, oh.

And then the moment I said to Vaughan, I want to go home, he was like, yep, yep, yep. I think it's best we get you out of here. Sorry about this. You need our listeners' help right now if you've got a juicy secret, something scandalous.

Fletch, would you have any juicy secrets, any scandalous? No. Nothing from your recent holiday? In the bathroom. They don't have to have happened in the club bathroom? No, I don't think so. Okay.

We will accept, yeah. You'll be discussing them with the comedians in the club bathroom. Yes, but it's like a nice bathroom. It's been cleaned. Okay, yeah, good. There's no wads of toilet paper on the... No. Because I would argue the women's bathrooms are more feral than men's bathrooms.

Yes, every women's bathroom you go into after midnight in a club, one of the toilet seats has been ripped off and you're like, what happened here? Someone didn't flush. It's very bizarre. Well, you can go to our Instagram page, FBHZM and there's a link there to submit your anonymous

juicy details. Yes, it will be anonymous of course. We will not be attaching your name to it. We'll see if it makes you feel better. I was like, to our producer, I was like, I was like, I don't know if, like, we're talking about guests. I was like, I don't know if I'd get, like, Lorde. Like, I just don't think she's like, you know, I just don't know if she's really gossipy.

The producer's like, she's not doing this. I don't think, Liv, you get the choice as to whether or not Lorde comes on. I really... Do you think Helen Clark is approachable for the show? Yeah. Jacinda's not doing much now.

Yeah, I don't know. I did think that. I was like, Jacinda's, she's out of a job. She would have a good job. She'd have the power of a goss. And now she's like

not under contract or whatever. Are you under contract as a porn star? She can tell you about, like her gossip might be like, yeah, there's aliens in the South Island. That's good goss.

That's what Liv wants. Well, head to our Instagram page. Give us your juiciest gossip for Liv. And we can't wait to see this untitled show on TVNZ Plus later this year. Me too. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Now, on this show, perhaps sometimes, maybe often led by me, we rag a little bit on Gen Z.

I can't stand. But. You always rag on the one down from you because they'll live in the. Vida loca. Yeah, they'll live in the life that you, you know, enjoy. You pave the way. Yeah. It's basically like being the older sibling.

Yeah. You had to be home by 11 or 10 and then the younger siblings, they come home at 2 in the morning. How is that fair? Mine's different. Mine was I came home at 2 in the morning and Gen Z is like, we're going to play a board game and be home by 8. I can't stand it.

Okay, fair call. Do some shots. Anyway, Gen Z is now not the focus of the war against the generations. In fact, Gen Z and millennials are apparently uniting. That's us. They've formed an alliance. We've formed a momentary alliance because we are now piling on Gen X. Who have been, you know, getting away with it pretty lightly.

They've never, because we're like boomers. We boo the boomers. You had the housing market all up the wazoo. And then the boomers were like, well, stop eating avocados on time. And Gen Xers were all in their houses and they're like, don't show anything. Yeah, and then millennials got the bad rap for being,

I don't know, really cool. And then Gen Zers, because they're silly. But now Gen X is the target for their, quote, apathy, social media addiction, closed minds, terrible parenting skills, and out-of-touch approach to life. Wait, so the very people that raised Gen Z, they're the target. So they're ragging on their parents.

Yeah, for raising them bad. So if you're a Gen X, it's the term assigned to people born between 1965 and 1980. Right. Close call there, Bourne. I'm 82. He's 79. Yeah. You're X.

Oh, now you're cusp. I'm what they call the micro-generation exennial. Exennial. I am. You know when you're like a cusp of a star sign? You're like, oh my God, that's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because sometimes I'm not cancer, but then sometimes I'm Gemini.

Got a real Gemini vibe that day. Totally. Yeah. Nah, but you're a millennial because you're like cool and you don't have boring kids and, you know, you live a bachelor's life, especially since Margaret left. Was it true that Gen X was the first one to have a label and then they worked backwards, right?

Is that right? I think so. No, I thought boomers were named boomers since after the war because of the baby boomers. They were baby boom. Right. But I don't think it was until later that they were named the boomers, the baby boomers.

And they're like, well, if we're calling this one Gen X. Because this was the first generation that was like different and had all this technology and could travel super freely. I think. I mean, I might be wrong. I just remember reading something once that it was the first one to be like labeled. So this is one person sharing this. Growing up realizing that Gen X will most likely go down in history

as the worst parental group in recent history out of the four generations. They project too much. They expect too much. They don't give enough emotionally. They care about the wrong things. They play the victim too much. They blame social ineptitude on technology

rather than their parenting skills. Wow. So they're like, oh, my kids are always on social media. It's like, yeah, well, you did that. Yeah, but then you've got kids. Could you tell them not to be on social media? Yeah. Could you take that away like that and have no social media ever?

Yeah. No, you couldn't do that. You couldn't do that. Oh, no, no, no, no. Like at their age now you could. Yeah, but not when they're older. But not when they're older, no. I think it would be bad parenting nowadays to say no technology,

no social media because that's the way the world works. If you were to say to your kids, you're not going to have a computer, you're not going to have this, you're not going to be allowed to talk to your friends online, you're like, oh. Well, shall we bring back smacking? Not a bad call. If the parenting's that bad.

As a kid that was smacked, stop doing your tracks. Oh, my God, yeah. Even the snap of my dad's belt. He'd never use it on me. Isn't that a wild thing to say, the worst parenting, but yet they've never had a hiding, have they? Yeah, I know they haven't. Gen X wouldn't have hit their kids.

This person that tweeted that or commented that saying that Gen X. Because their parents are Gen X and they've never been smacked. But again, my target goes back on Gen Z because they're the ones who are moaning about it loudest, being like, my parents didn't raise me well enough. Right. You know what I mean? Whereas my parents who are boomers.

Nah, your parents. 60s, early 60s? 61? Yeah, so I reckon your parents are more Gen X. And they've done a terrible job raising you. You are a brat.

I was a wild child. Was? As a brat. And I still have tantrums. Yeah, you're a brat. Like, why is your drink bottle, your Taylor Sport drink bottle dented? Because something didn't go my way and I still have tantrums. Yeah, you're a brat. Like why is your drink bottle, your Taylor Sport drink bottle dented? Because something didn't go my way and I threw it on the ground.

Yeah. Just like when I was a kid, I used to go to my room and put my feet up on the wall and I'd kick the wall because I didn't get my way. That drives me. I storm down the hallway. I gotta stomp because there's a part of that where it turns from

laminate flooring to carpet. Now when I hit the carpet, my footsteps change. The kids know I'm on the way and if they're playing up and my first footstep on the carpet, heavy. They know. He's on a war parade.

You even just describing the sound of your footsteps, I remember that feeling of hearing like my dad coming towards if I've been a little brat. Yeah, boom, boom, boom on the wall. And I'll be like, those are, I can tell that's heel on jib. Yes. And it stops and then the door just goes, woof. What?

You were kicking the wall, weren't you? No. I used to do this, my mum does it all the time now when I'm stroppy, is I used to put my hand behind me like I was going to hit. Never hit, but I used to always be like, wind up like you were going to hit someone. Oh, you little witch. Swing it, I dare you. Another name they're giving

to Gen X, the Karen generation. I think that describes it quite well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, so. In their sort of late 40s. Yeah.

Yeah, really. Early 50s. That's a real Karen generation. I mean, to be fair, it's only just started happening now. They've got off pretty lightly, haven't they? Yeah, exactly. And the generation wars. Yeah, let's have a pile on.

Yeah, see you, Turnt. Let's pile. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. It's the final rankings. We do this every Friday. Friday rankings, final rankings. This week is bread. Do you know what I was thinking the other day?

How long it's been since I got like a loaf of white bread and made toasties. Yum. Oh, yum. How good's a toasty? I did that in lockdown. I got a toasty machine from the supermarket. Yum. It was great.

Great stuff. Is it still going? Yeah. Is it? Okay. It's one of those things you put in the back of the pantry or the cupboard and then you don't use it ever again. Yeah.

And you're like, oh no, I won't have a toasty. I'm trying to be healthy. And then you eat a block of chocolate and you're like, I should have just had a toasty're like, oh, no, I won't have a toasty. I'm trying to be healthy. And then you eat a block of chocolate. And you're like, I should have just had a toasty. Just had a toasty. I should have had a toasty. But then I probably still would have had that block of chocolate. I probably then would have just been, oh, well, today's a write-off.

Let's just have a bar of chocolate as well. Well, we're not doing, we should do toasty. Have we done toasty fillings before? The final rankings? We've definitely talked about it enough. Because, you know, I. How good's a bit of pineapple in there? What?

Yeah, dude. Get out of here. Ham, cheese, pineapple. I was going to say cream corn, bacon and cheese. I feel like maybe we have done that. Yeah. Well, today it's loaves of bread. I'm not a big bread buyer.

I'm a big wraps guy. Oh, you love a wrap? I've moved into the wraps. I've moved into wraps. Yeah. Farrah's wraps. Yeah, love a Farrah's wrap. It's a moved into wraps. Farrah's wraps. Yeah, love a Farrah's wrap.

It's a little... Is it Farrah's that do those little ones? Yeah. They're the ones that always break open when you shove them in too much. Oh, I love that. When you shove too much filling. You've got to be gentle with your wraps. You've got to be gentle with your wraps.

I love a girthy burrito. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's different though. Now you're talking tortillas. Tortillas. Well, I'll go first. And this has nothing to do with my contract that my agent has confirmed is still in place. Nothing to do with it at all.

Number three, I'm going to go Harvest Rye by Ploughmans. Okay. Number two, I'm going Country Grains by Ploughmans. Right. You got a rustic white for number one? No, not a rustic white. I don't F with white bread. Unless it's a toasty.

Unless it's a toasty. Then I'm hard on that. But number one, soy and Canterbury linseed because I actually went to Canterbury to find out where the linseeds were made. So you've got a one, two, three. Ploughman's one, two, three.

She's on big Ploughman's money. It's nothing to do with it. I wouldn't... Well, you just literally said you were under contract for six months. Yeah, but the answer still would remain the same. I'm not under contract. Okay.

Freya's is better than Plowman's. No, it's not. Utterly no. Carwen agrees. She is absolutely not having a bar of that. Freya's is smaller. Yeah, I'd agree. No, that's not better.

It's more squat Freya's, whereas Plowman's. McKenzie country. Oh, yeah, that's a big girthy one, too. That is a big fat loaf. Like, you've got to have a specialist toaster for that. Otherwise, you've got to cut your toast in half. You've got to have, like, one of the long four slices for two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Because it's there to party. I only ever use toast at the weekends when I'm doing eggs, eggs on toast, scramby eggs. What's that? Vogels. Vogels. What's that? Vogels. What's that? Vogels? I don't know, it's like lots of seeds in it. Yeah, it's one of those, it's a toast one. I put it in the freezer.

You get thick, you get toast. You get a toast one. That's my number one. Vogels toast. Just like classic vogels? Yeah. If I have vogels,'d get the gluten-free because it is so delicious. Truly.

I think I've heard people rave about the Vogel's gluten-free before. Gluten-dairy-free Vogel's, it rolls. But the only thing that would make it better is if it was under the Ploughman's umbrella. That's the only thing missing for me, and that's why I don't buy it. Can't fault this girl for a company. I mean, she stays true to the contract, doesn't she? Canterbury soy and linseed is literally such a good bread.

What's that one with the sesame seeds on the crust? You know, it's white and sesame. Oh, that's a country fresh? That's like childhood. Country fresh bread? That was like childhood white bread. That was posh bread. We got that as a treat.

Mum would always have her Mollenberg. That was her toast. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Don't touch Mum's toast. That was posh bread. We got that as a treat. Mum would always have her Mollenberg. That was her toast. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Don't touch Mum's toast. That was a bit healthier, wasn't it? The Mollenberg.

And then we'd get the white bread. I can't find it. White bread, eh? What is it? And it was in like a green and red packaging. I thought it was called

Country Fresh Bread. It's something. Did I just Google Country Fresh Bread and I can't find it? Do they still make that? Because the sesame seeds reminds fresh bread And I can't find it Do they still make that? Because the sesame seeds Reminds me of the

Tip top burger buns Or like the Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah You'd do homemade McDonald's

With just the The seeds You'd be like It's just like a Big Mac Because it's bread With seeds on it Okay so Vogel's for me

Is number one Number two is Nature's fresh White bread The kids get it Sometimes It is From Vogel's for me is number one. Number two is Nature's Fresh White Bread. The kids get it sometimes. It is... No, that's trash.

No, it's good. And you make like a tomato sandwich with it, but you gotta eat it quicker or it's gonna soak up all that tomato juice. Or like a chip sandwich. Yeah. Yum. That's my choice of the white bread. And third place is...

Fruit Toast works. Oh, what's that real yum Fruit Toast? They were of the white bread. And third place is... Fruit toast works. Oh, what's that real yum fruit toast? They were in the purple bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bop, bop. Bergen. Bergen. Bergen fruit toast.

Yeah, that's a good, that's good. Is it Bergen that do the fruit toast? I don't know. I just want our fruit toast represented. I need to get that more. I always forget about that. Unfortunately, Plowman's Bakery doesn't do a fruit loaf. No, I don't think they did because all of

their products are from Canterbury, eh? All their wheats and grains. From the Canterbury region. If we're going to do a final rankings today, it sounds like there's got to be a Ploughman's in there. There's got to be a Ploughman's in there. It's got to be a seedy bread. This is just, we got nothing out of the Ploughman's

contract. We literally got nothing. We didn't even get a loaf of bread. And we're not getting an Audi. Did I bring you guys some crumpets? No, you did not. You did not. Crumpets? Yeah, because down in Christchurch, they make it at the Tip Top Factory.

Ah. And when I left, we got all these crumpets and pikelets. Fresh from the oven. And yet, we still didn't get anything. That's crazy. Okay, Ploughman's is number three on the list then. No, no, Ploughman's is number one. Vogel's is number one.

Because of its long, rich history with our country. Mr. Vogel. Does it? Yeah. I think you believe in the answer, aren't you? Is that real? Ernest Vogel. He split the atom.

Roger Vogel. He split the atom. Ernest, yeah. And then cut some bread. And people remember him for the bread. It was eight Adam. And then cut some bread. And people remember him more for the bread. It was eight years ago, Michael, let it go. Yeah, because she... I just came to the kitchen and she was burning my vocals.

Yeah. It was a year ago, Michael, let it go. And for a dozen. Okay. Not enough. It's not definitive. Plowmans are listening. It's number one's Plowmans, isn't it, Hayley?

Number one is the soy and Canterbury linseed Plowmans. Okay, yeah, we got it, we got it, we got it. Made by just. Number one is the soy and Canterbury Lindsay Ploughmans. Yeah, we got it. Made by just the loveliest people down in Canterbury. When are you going to stop popping up on all these ads online? I believe in about six weeks. Country split. Country split. Country split.

Country split. Country split. Country split. Do they still make it? Country split! Oh, my God. That's it. The green and red. The green and red bag.

Quality bakers. Yeah, that's a classic. Country split! There we go. Do we final rank? Farmers number one. Okay, yeah. Please, guys.

Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey Play ZM Here's a really stupid thing There is a study Now if you're I snack man I snack out of board No we're going straight to the phoner

Drop the snack Straight to how old your dad is You've done a Vaughn here Drop the snack Straight to how old your dad is You've done a Vaughn But you did tease the snack thing I did say I was going to do the snack

And then we ran out of time No no I'll do both If you snack and then we ran out of time. No, no, I'll do both. If you snack and it's a problem for you, there's a new study that says you just imagine your meal is bigger. End of study. Wait, so I imagine one slice of pizza is a whole pizza. Yeah, so if usually you would eat the whole pizza,

put two slices on the plate and be like, yum, whole pizza. Look, you're deluding yourself thinking that guy's going to be interested in you. So you might as well delude yourself about how much food you're eating. You're deluding yourself that your job's going anywhere. So you might as well delude yourself that, you know, your food's more than it is. That your food's bigger than it is. You're living a life of delusion. What's one more to the pile? You know?

It's delusion week. Next. Anyway, tick. I can do both things. Here's the thing I more to the pile. You know? It's delusion week. Next. Anyway, tick. I can do both things. Here's the thing I want to talk about. Roberto Cavalli, who's a very- Never heard of him. Roberto Cavalli.

Yes, you have. Never, ever heard of him. Roberto Cavalli, he's a fashion designer. It doesn't matter if you say it four times, I still haven't heard of him. Roberto Cavalli. Now I've heard of him. You have, because I've said it.

Roberto Cavalli is a fashion designer. He's 82 years old. Okay. And yesterday, he welcomed a new child. He became a dad again for the umpteenth time. Like one of his kids is like in their 50s. Have we got a DNA test? What do you mean?

That's not possible. That sperm would be so dark. It's dusty. Do we know that it's not? You hear of this all the time, like old mates having babies and they're like in their 70s. Now I'm 41 and I realise that's not too old to father children because there are people who are doing it.

But I don't know if I'd have the energy I had in my 30s to be like the run-around player all the time, Dad. You've got to stop messing around and get a Vassie. You've got to get a Vassie. You've got to get a Vassie. A vasectomy. A vasectomy. A vasectomy, yeah. He's too scared.

Well, this guy needs to. So he, Roberto Cavalli, he does all the like, you won't care, jewels and leopard prints, really like crass, gross fashion. You're like Von Dutch. He's the fashion world's Von Dutch. He is 82. His partner, who he had this baby with, she's 37. 37?

He's 82. Is he quite rich? Is he rich? Dude, he is loaded. Look at him. He's like classic Italian fashion designer. Oh, yeah, okay. Like Gary Versace vibes.

He doesn't look 82. 82? His face isn't 82. That's a new face. Oh, okay, right. He's had a lot of work done. But if you saw that, would you say he looked like late 60s? Yeah.

Good on him. He's already got five kids. It's all the margarine, eh? Imagine being 50. Margarine. Italians. Oh, do they love margarine? Olive oil, yeah.

Only Olivani. It's Olivani, yeah. So they love your Olivani. It's not margarine. Olivani's fancy margarine. It's Olivani. They love their Olivani. Olivani's fancy margarine. It's not table spread.

Imagine being 82 years old and you have a child. You're 92 years old, it's 10 years old. Imagine your girls.

There's no guarantee you're going to be there for 10. It's a little selfish. You're certainly not going to be at

the 21st. That's for sure. Oh no, you wouldn't be. Unless there's some kind of miracle. Unless they reel

you in. What's the secret to long life? And the person on the news is just like Kill me Sagays She's had 12 letters from the Queen Because she's 112 years old today What's the secret to a long life Audrey?

Kill me Oh my god So Roberto Cavalli was interviewed about this and he said, his name is Giorgio, like me, like his father, like my father, like his grandfather, whom the Nazis shot. Wow. Oh Jesus. He's that old?

This kid's old enough. My granddad, to put this into perspective, my granddad was too young to go to World War II. Yes. He was like a child when it happened. Yeah. This guy's father was shot by the Nazis. Wow.

But imagine being like 50 and you've got a new brother. You wouldn't think of it like that. You just wouldn't be like, this is my sister. Yeah. Georgie. Roberto Georgiana. No. Anyway, I is my sister. Yeah. Georgie. Roberto Georgiana. No. Anyway, I want to know how old your dad is.

I mean, don't ring up if you're like 40 or 50. So you want to hear from someone that has been in this situation. Who has a really old dad. Maybe you've got an old dad. Maybe you are an old dad. Shout out to our listeners in their 80s. Will you take calls from people who are in like 30s, 40s, and now all of a sudden have like a two-year-old brother or sister?

Yeah. You want to hear stories like that? I just want to know if your family's got an old dad in it, became a dad at a very old age. But not like just a dad who is old, but you want a dad that's old compared to your age. Yeah. Yeah.

So if you're 40 and you're going to call up, you can say, my dad was 56 when he had me. This is this guy. If his kids, when this kid is 40, he would have been 122 years old. That's impossible. That's impossible. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, well, this is almost impossible. The prostate would implode by that age. The prostate's the time bomb that lives inside all of us, gentlemen. 0800-DARLS-AT-M. Give us a call. It's our number, and you can text as well, 9696. How old's your dad?

You got an old dad? Are you an old dad? We want to hear about the oldest dads in New Zealand. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Talking now, though, about the old dads. oldest dads in New Zealand. Talking now, though, about the old dads. Yeah, man. Roberto Cavalli, designer, really ugly clothes.

But he's very expensive. Like, Kim Kardashian wears them. Yeah. He is 82 years old and just welcomed his fifth child. Now, the girlfriend is not 82. No, she's... She's 37. Yeah. Some text messages in.

There are some wild stories coming in. They just... I read these texts, and I feel like your house would never be clean or tidy or quiet. No. Your entire life. My husband and I have seven kids. The last three we had were when he was in his 40s.

He's now 54. Our eldest child is 33. Our youngest is 12. Still doing school runs. We have three grandkids. Too much. It would never be quiet. When do you just sit down,

eat a biscuit, and watch three episodes of Bluey? That's what you're entitled to do in your 50s. Kate, how old was your dad? Childhood. My dad was 48 when he had me. Oh, yeah, that's heaven there, isn't it?

It's getting up there. And he's 1949 and I'm 1997. Wow, and so he's what, in his 70s now? Yeah, 73. Wait, your dad was born in the 40s? Yeah. Oh, my God. So when, like, he had my brother quite young.

He had my older brother when he was 20. So my brother's, like, 50. So when we're all out together, everyone thinks that my brother's my dad and my dad's my grandpa. That must have been so weird for your brother. It was very weird, yeah. Do you all have the same mum? No, no, different mum. Okay, okay. You've got to get a fresh mum because the worm in the egg's got to be yeah. Do you all have the same mum? No, no, different mum.

Okay, okay. You've got to get a fresh mum because the worm in the egg's got to be fresh. They dry out. Kate, thank you for your call. Keep your texts coming in, 9696. Some wild stories. We'll get to those next.

How old's your dad? Old dad, Roberto Cavalli. It's as simple as that. Report your old dad. I don't think we're going to beat Roberto Cavalli at 82 years old, but... Having a new baby There's some old dads coming through

So my dad was born in 1924 He was in the Navy in World War II I was born in 1971 My sister was 18 when I was born So big spread old dad Yeah, okay My dad's dad was in his 60s when dad was born That's old for back in the day, wasn't it?

Yeah My dad had a half brother who was 40 years older than him. Oh, wow. Wow. Gosh. Hannah, how old is dad? Hello. My dad is 82, and I am 29.

Whoa. So he's in his 50s. Yeah. So he was 52 when he had me. Wow. So were, I mean, you may have asked this question, but were you an accident? No, he's very adamant about the exact planning,

the exact start time, you know, all of that jazz. Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. Do you believe Hannah? Sweet little Hannah. I'm sure he loves you now, but you weren't planned, Hannah. Well, there's two of us, so I'm pretty sure. Really weren't planned Hannah well there's two of us so I'm pretty sure oh really

what do you mean there's two of you so there's my my sister is only 16 months older than me and then we have some half siblings who are like 20 years

older than us how old is your mum was this like your dad got with your mum and she's like I still want kids and he's like let's do this

yeah pretty much good systemizing yeah yeah so was I mean was he an active dad when you were growing up let's do this? Yeah, pretty much. Good systemising. Yeah, yeah. So was, I mean, was he an active dad when you were growing up? Did you have lots of good quality time with him? Yeah, yeah, totally. So I think, like, I think from a kid's perspective, you just think, oh, yeah, this is my dad.

You know, he came on school camps and stuff and was like, he was super around. He wasn't really working as well. So, like, that's kind of an age thing. Yeah, that rules. I think. But yeah, it was like looking at other people's dads like now and like their childhood. I'm like, oh, he was an old dad.

Your dad could have been your friend's dad's dad. Oh, he is older than my husband's grandparents. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Incredible. Hannah, thank you for sharing. Are more messages have come in.

My dad was 59 when I was born. That's the same. That's like. Yeah, that's older. At your sixth birthday, he's getting super. Oh my God, he could buy such good gifts then. Because he's just got all this cash coming in. Yeah, free cash.

Because he's still working. He's a beneficiary. I just found out about Nora Jones. I love Nora Jones. You do? I love Nora Jones. Her dad was 59. I love Nora Jones. You do? I love Nora Jones. Her dad was 59. I love Nora Jones.

She was, don't you do a Nora Jones impression. Her dad was 59 when she was born. Wow. She really, yeah, and then didn't really get to know him until he was like real old and then he died. Anyway, I love Nora Jones. I love Nora Jones. Shout out to her old dad. Shout out to Nora Jones. Is that the old, what's the oldest one that you reckon we've, I love Nora Jones. I love Nora Jones. Shout out to her old dad. Shout out to Nora Jones.

Is that the old, what's the oldest one that you reckon we've got? 59, probably the oldest. I think 59 at time of birth seems to be the oldest. Wow. All right, next on the show,

it's my pick for Flashback Friday. We're going My Chemical Romance because they're in the country. We've got Joel Little coming in because Goodnight Nurse are back with their first, you know, big performance. Yeah. Play ZM's Flet Goodnight Nurse are back with their first big performance. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Hi. ZM. Are you ready for it? Sending you to Taylor Swift. We're going to have some fun. Live in Phoenix, Arizona. This is pretty exciting because over the last week we've been putting you in the draw, giving you the chance to go in the draw to get to

Arizona for the opening weekend of Taylor Swift's ERAs Tour. And we're going to make a call now to someone that has registered. Hello, Ella speaking. Ella. Hi. It's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley from ZM. How are you? I'm good, thank you.

How are you? I'm actually so excellent. We're just doing some work for your local library and you have three overdue library books. Do I? Yes, you do. Fifty Shades of Grey. Fifty Shades Grayer.

And fifty... More shades? Fifty more shades of grey. I thought you guys said I could keep those. Yeah, you did actually. Actually, I'm seeing a note here. Because of the standard you left for me. Yeah, yeah.

This is why we have... You tried to return them and we said, no, those are yours now. No thanks, you can keep them. Well, you can't when the pages are in that state. Yeah. Can you? This is why we don't have any library books left, guys. You keep saying they can keep them. Yeah, I know.

We've got great news, Ella. You know why we're calling. We're going to send you and a friend to Arizona next weekend to Taylor Swift's Eros Tour. Congratulations. Thank you so much, guys. Oh, my God. Where's the schedule? Have you been to Phoenix, Arizona before?

No, I haven't. Have you seen Taylor Swift live before? No, I haven't. Have you got a passport? Yes, I've got a passport. Have you been to America before? No, I haven't. Have you got a passport? Yes, I've got a passport. Have you been to America before? No, I haven't. This is so exciting.

It's honestly like a trip of a lifetime. You're going to have such a fun time, man. It really will be. The Ares tour? Yeah. Are you a big Swifty? I am, but I actually entered because one of my best mates is probably the biggest bliffy I've ever met. And I said to her, hey, look, if I win, I'll take you.

And I kind of like entered it as like a bit of a joke kind of thing. And she's going to be absolutely thrilled. Oh, my God. We need to get her number. Yeah, do you feel like she'll be awake right now? She should be, hopefully. Okay, I'm just going to put you on hold. Okay.

She can get her to join the call. Oh, can you? Yeah, of course. Because then it will look like you're calling her. Yeah, you do that. Do you know how to do that thing on your phone? You go like add to call. Add to call.

Do you have an iPhone? Okay, let me try. Okay, let's try. Oh my God, this is exciting. All right. What's your friend's name? She doesn't answer. Her name's Brooke.

Brooke, okay. Okay, let's try. I think it will put us on hold while it's ringing. Is that how it works or will we hear the ringing? I don't know. We can chat. Hello? Now, we believe Ella has some exciting news for you.

Ella, take it away. Hey, Brooke. Hey, Ella. What are you doing next week? Work? Work? Don't think so. I think not.

I think you need to book somewhere and get your passport because we're going to America to see Taylor Swift. Woo! No. No. No.

No. Brooke, Ella has won our competition to take two people to Arizona to see Taylor Swift live and she has chosen you and she tells us you're a big Swifty. The biggest Swifty I know. Yeah, huge.

Well, you're going to go and see her live in America. I think we've caught her on the toilet. I just hear the echo in the background. It sounds like she's in the bathroom. Yeah, I was brushing my teeth. Well, congratulations, Brooke and Ella, you are off to Arizona. Literally next weekend.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Oh my God, thank you. Play ZM's Fletch for the Nelly. Play ZM. The courier just literally dropped off our Mikey t-shirts

While it was saying And I told you I should have gone large Look at this media Daddy is popper It is absolutely Daddy Daddy looks good

It said American Packers It said American Generous sizing Maybe women They're all fat as anything Everybody was wearing Everybody was wearing

Tight tees I can't wear this At the time Not after a couple of years. No, you look good. Oh, yeah. We are having cocktails beforehand, though. Don't you drink Prosecco because you know that gas sits with you.

I'm a little pooky, pooky, pooky. You have a little gas Prosecco pookies. Yeah. Okay. I think you look good. Okay. Some feedback. Listen to this message in how to stretch a t-shirt.

Overnight. Overnight. But you wet it. Don't you give it a... Oh, do you wet it? Yeah, you give it a t-shirt? Overnight. Overnight. But you wet it. Don't you give it a... Do you wet it? You give it a hot wash and then a hot dry. Yeah, it'll just be like, okay. Do you know what I did? Does this place have a storefront?

No, they don't have a storefront. Oh my god. You should cut around that and then get it sewn onto, at your alterations lady, get it sewn onto a T-shirt that you're more happy with the size of. No, nobody's sewing that. I did that once. I wore the T-shirt.

I really liked it. I was a bit too fatty for it. So I cut it and got it sewn on. Producer Jared, it's too tight. I was going to say, it's Jared's size. It's Jared's size. Feedback people liked it. Some people were angry that we talked over the piano bit at the start.

They said that is an absolute radio sin. That is a beautiful part. That is a radio sin. Well, anyway, from my chemical romance on the radio, the year, ladies and gentlemen, is not 2006, and we're joined in studio by Joel from Good Night Nurse. Hey, man. Look at us.

We were doing this bloody 18 years ago. I know. Oh, dude, we're old. I know. I need to find for Joel the relevance of this moment. This is a photo of me, Joel, in 2006. So you can know that I was... She was front and centre.

Very much front and centre of the New Zealand pop punk scene. Yeah. Looking good. It's a great photo. Yes, it's pretty. I was pretty full on. Yeah. Looking good. It's a great photo. Yeah, it's pretty. I was pretty full on. Yeah. I know, it's so funny.

I feel like it makes me feel young and really old at the same time kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, like no time has passed, but all of time has passed. Yeah, man, it's crazy. We're all still the same. So you will be on tomorrow night at 7.15 ahead of My Chemical Romance.

And you've had a little, you've been warming up though, right? Have you had a warm-up gig? We had my 40th. Yes, that's what I saw. So this whole thing started just kind of like as a bit of a gag, like let's get the guys back together for the 40th. And it's kind of evolved from there

into now playing in front of 17,000 people tomorrow. That's wild. Because my midlife crisis, I'm just trying to get a little tractor. Yeah. We all have our things. We all have our things.

You're shooting too low, Vaughn. We all have our things. I don't need to play in front of 17,000 people. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I know. Honestly, neither do I really, but it's just,

I mean, it's going to be a blast. It's going to be so fun. Although I have played with Goodnight Nurse. What? What was this? Do you remember Ex-Air? Oh, man.

You were like, come on. And my brother-in-law is John from 48 May, and they're all egging me on because I've had a few bloody bourbon and colas. Get up on stage and sing Fall Out Boy, and then it starts, and then John disappears, and I'm there by myself, and I don't even know the words. Is there footage of this moment? Thank God there's not.

Thank God there's not. Does the idea of 17,000 people at this point fill you with joy or terror? Or a beautiful cocktail? Maybe a combo of both. I don't feel super nervous right now. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's a hell of a show. I literally haven't played in 13 years live in front of people.

So for the first one to be in front of 17,000 is going to be kind of interesting. But I don't know. I feel good about it. I'm pumped. You're not just going to play all new stuff and forget the classic thing. Oh my God. Yeah. It's going to be mainly acoustic.

Very, very down buzz. No, we're giving the people what they want. It's like straight up old school goodnight nurse. I've found the nasal voice again for singing. Yes. All the hits. Beautiful. All the hits.

We're going to be their front and centre, aren't we? Yeah. Are you a big My Chemical Romance fan? Yes. Same. Yeah, that's going to be, I mean, yeah, that's going to be incredible. We actually played before them at the Big Day Out back in 2007. We were on the main stage.

Yeah, I was there. Yeah, yeah. But I haven't met them, so hopefully I'll get to meet them tomorrow. But yeah, we were huge, huge MyChem fans back in the day. We've been absolutely thrashing it this week, hey, Fletch? Yeah. At the gym. Excited, excited.

Yeah. So excited. Awesome. Are you going to whack a bit of eyeliner on and get into the sort of MyChem 2006 vibes? I never did the eyeliner. I was more a nail polish guy. The eyeliner, I was too much of a wuss

that just like, you know, just like tickles. Boys eyes water. Yeah, the tickles. The tickles. I don't want to do it.

Yeah, so I just never, I never did it because it was too tickly. But, yeah, no, I don't think I'm going to do

the nail polish either. My kids will make fun of me. It's not worth it. No, get your kids to do it. Kids' nail polish is the best. Because you can just scratch it off later in the night. Yeah, well, my oldest kid is 14. And so, like, yeah, I'll just never hear the end of it if I start doing stuff like that.

It's wild you've got a 14-year-old. Goes to school on Monday. Saw your dad wear a nail polish. Shut up, it wasn't worth it. Exactly, yeah. You've got to think about these things now. I'm so fizzed for this. Monday. So your dad wearing nail polish. Shut up it was the worst day of my life. Exactly. You got to think about these things now. I'm so fizzed for this.

Like genuinely. I mean I know everyone was excited about Harry Styles this week. Whatever it's not. This is me. This is my time

to shine and have the best night ever. Yeah it's going to be huge. I mean yeah. I think it's sold out so 17,000 ish maybe a little bit

more than that. Wow. It's going to be it's going to be cranked. You're going to get bit more than that. Wow. It's going to be, it's going to be cranky. You're going to get swamped. You know that. You're going to get COVID this week. As long as I get it after we play.

Yeah. I'll be scared about that this week. Like, man, what if I got it beforehand? Like, because this is like the one show that Goodnight Nurse is playing. We're just coming back for this.

Like, one and done. You haven't, isn't tickled you enough to kind of? No, no. At this point, we're just like, no, one and done. It's been so much work to get here.

I feel like after this, we're just going to... We just want to go out there, enjoy this, and then, like, have a bit of a breather. I think we all need a break. But, yeah. Yeah, we're just going to approach it like this is the only show and just enjoy it as much as possible. Well, we will be doing exactly the same.

Thank you so much and good luck. And I hope you get to meet my chemical romance. Thank you, yeah. Well, you should just quickly, just very, very quickly. Vaughn's Sauce of the Week. You got on board with the wasabi mayo. He did. Vaughn, we don't have time for your segment Sauce of the Week. And what did you think of the wasabi mayo. He did. We don't have time for your segment sauce of the week.

And what did you think of the wasabi mayo? I was walking past the mayonnaise section and I saw wasabi mayo and I said, I'll try it. I took the little lid off

and I gave it a lick. Wait, when I got home. Good. And I was like, perfect wasabi to mayo ratio. It's great. A little bit of throat heat.

I'm on board with sauce of the week or condiment of the week. Guys, I'm, I I'm on board with sauce of the week. Or condiment of the week. Guys, I'm... Sauce of the week, sir. Audi and I are flirting. I'm worried that Audi's... Playing me like a fool.

Playing you like a fool. I think they are. So Audi, I emceed their awards ceremony. I had an absolute blast. Now, this is Audi, the European car brand, not the union of people whose belly buttons stick out rather than going out. No, that's Autis. Do you remember, I used to have an Audi. You did. Did you?

It was a cute little button. Where did it go? You know, like a button on a big coat? Yeah, like on a Chesterfield couch. Would an Audi be enough to make you stop sleeping with a hopper? A real Audi. Like imagine Harry Styles had an Audi. Like the whole knots on the outside.

Nah. Nah. I'd poke it. Well done. I'm far too shy. You couldn't poke it. Push it back in. Yeah, try to get it back in.

Every time you make it out, you're like, can I just plop? And then when I had a hernia, when I was like 10 or 11 or 12, I just asked them if they could poke it back in and they did. So I got a cause. It's like girls that go in for a deviated septum and come out with a different nose. They went in because they wanted to breathe better. Yeah, that's right. No one believes that.

Anyway, there was Audi ambassadors and I really wanted to be one because I like an Audi and I'm not loving my Mazda. Well, you were talking to Steve Hansen, former All Blacks coach. Yeah, who complimented me on my use of the F word. Yeah, he did. He said I use it better than anyone he's ever met.

And then Audi said they were sending me an Audi and they sent me a little toy Audi, which, you know, that was fun. It was quite funny though, because you actually thought, like, before you opened that present. I ran in the room and I screamed, guys, I'm getting an Audi. Anyway, Audi shared it on their Instagram. I mean, you did. Yeah, it was just a toy Audi.

Audi put up a poll on their Instagram. Should we make Hayley Sproul an Audi ambassador? Now, it was like 97% yes. I voted yes. And now fast posted. Because you're upset that you had to pay for your Jimny and your Land Rover. Yeah. Yeah, well, most people buy their cars.

Like, you know, I think what you're referring to there is the common man. Yeah, you are the common man. I am so in touch with the common man. I just want to point out, I still have a bicycle. That's all I have is a bicycle. If anyone needs an Audi, it's me because I don't have a car. You can have my old stinky dink. Look, she still thinks she's getting an Audi.

I know, it's nuts. So we arrived to work today to a sub-60 couriered letter and another small gold box from Audi born. The letter, I was looking up what a word is for like characterless because this is a, it looks like a bill. Yeah, it looks like a bill. A bill from Audi. It looks like a bill.

There's no handwritten anything. It's got a window. Open it. It's like it's your rates bill. It better not be a bill from Audi. It looks like a bill. There's no handwritten anything. It's got a window. Open it. It's like it's your rates bill. It better not be a bill from Audi. I can't afford an Audi. I need to be gifted an Audi. Oh, okay.

Here we go. Here we go. Okay. Hi, Hayley. I can see. Oh, okay. It's a few paragraphs. Is it free?

Are you ready to catch the box that came with it? Yeah. Because if I read the letter, it's going to spoil the surprise that's in the box that came with it? Yeah. Because if I read the letter, it's going to spoil the surprise that's in the box. Really? Okay. Well, I'll read you one part. We heard on the show on Wednesday you felt a bit disappointed with your new fully electric grey Audi Q4 e-tron

because it was just a stupid model. I gave Audi aren't paying a goddamn cent for this. I wasn't disappointed. I was very grateful How do you not pay a goddamn cent for this? I wasn't disappointed. I was very grateful. Hashtag non-spawn. We're really interested to hear how you could bring a cool, fun vibe to the brand. I'm cool and I'm fun.

And I've got a vibe. It sounds like your Maz is letting you down. Are you serious about all of this? Could this lead to a longer-term relationship? Well, there's a surprise for you inside the box. Okay. Check it out from the team at Audi. The box is like,

how would you describe that size? It's like... Like if you were buying a bow tie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be a mess. And there's the Audi

rings on it. You want to be careful. New Zealanders will turn on people who get too much good stuff. You look at Taika Waititi. You got Rita Ora and that was all

until they pushed him over the edge. No, we didn't like Thor. Okay, inside the box. What does it say? It's a key. It's a key. I thought it was just going to be a key ring.

It's an actual key. We would like you to experience an Audi Q2 for a month. It is ready and waiting to go. Email us to organise a time to come and pick it up, the team at Audi. You're not getting your Audi back. I'm going to crash it into a bridge. This is like getting to have a grope but clothes on.

Oh, my God. You know, you can touch them, but just hands over. They've created an email address. I won't say it, but it's specific to me and Audi. How's I'm going to drive an Audi for a month? What am I going to do with my rinky-dink? Well, you can't leave the park to work or they'll tow it. They love a tow.

So you're like an ambassador, but you're like a Q2. What is it called? Audi Q2. You're an Audi intern. No, you're a 12th of an ambassador. I'm an ambassador 12th. No, you're a 12th of an ambassador. Do you think they renew it?

I'm excited. Do they renew it monthly? I want them to know that I don't drive as badly as I say that I do. I hope you're ready to look like a rich retiree. Yes, I am. Because this Q2 is Nana's taking it to golf. Oh, yeah. You're going to look great in that.

Oh, it's a little like, what do you call it? SUV thing. I think SUV's being a little generous. I think SUV's being generous. People are going to start turning on you now. Yeah, people are going to turn on you. They're going to want to have a ride in my little Audi. You're going to fit two people tops and they're going to have their legs, they're going to have their knees around their. Yeah, people are going to turn on you. They're going to want to have a ride on my little Audi.

You're going to fit two people tops and they're going to have their legs, they're going to have their knees around their ears. Here's what needs to happen. I get the Audi for a month. Yeah. I'm going to pick it up Sunday. And then I'm going to drive it. And then I'm going to make some hot content.

Okay, right. So much so they can't deny that I bring a fresh, fun, cool, funky vibe to Audi. Right. Steve Hansen. But then they could get what they want out of you for nothing. Nothing? And then in the end being like, oh, we'll see what we're doing next year. Do you see that there's an Audi key in my hand? Yeah, no, but for a month.

To start. You're a twelfth of an ambassador. A month? You're a twelfth of an ambassador. Also, they're definitely not renewing that after a month when you leave all your stinky shit in there. Yeah. Half my wardrobe and the boot and some McDonald's fries down the side.

I find out it wasn't a Mazda problem at all. It was a Hayley problem. It was a Hayley problem. Thank you, Audi. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Time for... Wait, wait, wait, wait. I've taken my cover off my microphone.

Listen to this. Listen to how much breath they're getting. They don't pay for the breath. They don't get the breath. Can you just got to screw that on? Also, they'll be able to hear that there's literally a luau happening outside the window. There's a band set up. Okay, put that.

Why did you take your microphone to bits mid-show? Because it was really dirty. And I wanted to see if there was some way I could wipe it. I don't know if you guys are familiar. There is a pandemic. Yeah, was some way I could wipe it. I don't know if you guys are familiar there is a pandemic. Yeah there is. Ew stop it. I hate that. Hold on. Almost there.

Nearly there. It's a big screw isn't it? A lot of screwing to get that microphone back on. It's time for Fact of the Day Day Day Day Day It's time for Fact of the Day. Day, day, day, day. Today's Fact of the Day is about oxygen masks.

Like from the planes? Yeah. We've done a Fact of the Day about these before. So there's no massive oxygen tank connected. It's a chemical reaction that creates oxygen as a byproduct. Huh? In the mind. That's why it doesn't inflate, hey?

No, it doesn't. It just slowly starts creating oxygen. It's a chemical reaction. It's not like a little mini oxygen tank or a super pressurized thing. I thought they had tanks. Nah. So oxygen generators thought they had tanks. Nah. So oxygen generators they call them. This comes from Ask

the Captain. Oh, okay. Which is where they ask a captain of a plane heaps of plane questions. Oh, okay. You'd like that. On typical airline oxygen generators, the oxygen will last 10 to 14 minutes. Which is enough to get down to a safe level.

You bet. That's more than enough time to descend to 10,000 feet or the lowest attitude above the terrain. Airplanes descend very rapidly, which means the need for supplemental oxygen lasts only a few minutes because they can get down there. That was, I'd never thought about, if we put on this oxygen, how long is it going to last?

Speaking of planes descending rapidly, can we watch the video again of the woman in the plane that goes upside down and her face goes... Sade was laughing watching the video and she looked at me and I was like, before, just from how she was laughing, I was like, are you watching the woman in the Red Bull plane? Really? Yeah, she goes to like 5G.

No, he reckons it's closer to 9, which is wild, right? Because that's enough to knock most people out. Yeah. But yeah, she goes, and her whole face falls off. And it's a great, it pretty much shows what she's going to look like when she's old. Because when your skin loses its elasticity and it droops, you get a little look into what she's going to look like. But like if you've ever seen photos of yourself skydiving,

your face is like, you open your mouth and it catches the air and it's like... In this same article from Ask the Captain, Terry Miller of Idaho asks, we test seatbelts every time we fly, but how do we know that the oxygen masks will actually come down and work? Great question, Terry. The answer, the oxygen system is tested during certain maintenance checks. The interval between these checks varies from airplane to airplane and airline to airline.

Huh. Hmm. So what's the fact of the day? Is that if you start taking oxygen on a plane, the oxygen will only last 10 to 14 minutes. I want more. I want a little bit more. A little bit more, please.

Just a little bit more. Could you go to an empty seat? And use theirs? Double up? Because you've got to pull it to activate it. Yeah. That's the thing, when you pull it, that's what mixes the things that start producing the energy.

Oh, like a glow stick. You've got to snap it. Yeah. You can just grab your neighbours. Don't do that. Fact of the day. Day, day, day, day. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Play ZM

AI stands for Artificial Insemination Artificial breeding AI was artificial insemination Yeah it was It was what we're going to grow. No, artificial breeding. AI was artificial insemination. Yeah, it was. It was when the person came with the big tub of liquid nitrogen to the farm. They came with a canister of liquid nitrogen. And you'd say, can we please play with the liquid nitrogen?

And they would say, it is the 1990s as long as you're careful. Why did they have liquid nitrogen? The semen in the straws is kept like super cold. And then you take it out and you put it down. The trick was you put it against your skin and it warmed it up just enough. You warmed the sperm up against your skin. You warmed the semen up so that when you put the,

when you guided it in to the cow, it would be liquid again. It was a very thin tube with a small amount. I didn't grow up on a farm. Were you? Because we got to dip things in liquid nitrogen and then smash them on the concrete and they'd blow to pieces. That was so cool.

One time we did it to a dead rat we found. And the rat shattered. And the vet said, please don't put rats in there. What do you mean it shattered? What did it look like? Like the Terminator in Terminator 2 when he freezes it and then shoots it. Oh, now I wish I grew up on a farm. No, I wish I had a friend who lived on a farm.

And I could go and visit their farm and do nitrogen things and then go home to my nice city home. Don't put that in there. Well, anyway, AI stands for artificial intelligence. Not artificial breeding. We are back to talking about what we intended to talk about. Good work, us. Slight detour. There's an AI algorithm

that, this is insane, connected to the brain and based on like prompts and then scanning your brain, it can recreate the image you were thinking of. What? I know.

Could you think of a memory? Yes. Yes, 100%. This is how it works. You would say the text prompts were simply things like child with red hair. I'm thinking of Annie. So you'd think of Annie and then it would go through your brain

and create something. Was this the butterfly? No, not the butterfly effect. Dream Life. Minority Report. Jim Carrey. Endless Spotless Mind. Spotless Mind. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Couldn't you see the memories that were being erased on a TV screen? Yeah, as they erased them.

Is this also in Flash Gordon? So what, you've got to be hooked up obviously. Well now. But how, yeah, are we? So what, you've got to be hooked up, obviously. Yep. Well, now. But how, yeah, are we, you know, what, 10, 20 years away from someone being able to scan our brains and make images? Ew. Like, imagine us walking down the street. You're walking down the street. I'm like, boop.

I point a laser at you and you don't even know I'm doing it. And you print out a Jason Momoa. Yeah, and I print out whatever horny thing you're thinking about. Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Oh, we're all wearing devices that have the capability that aren't doing it all the time and someone can hack it. Yeah.

And then read our thoughts. And then the Minority Report was the movie where they knew they were going to commit the crime before the crime happened, right? Yeah. Yes. And then they would persecute them for something they had not done yet. And the Matrix was basically us plugged into a computer and it feeding us images to make us believe

we were living in a reality when we weren't. In a different world. It was a simulation. And this is kind of on that road too. Yeah, I don't like AI. I don't think I like AI. It's too, do we need it? Like, what do we?

My washing machine just sent a notification to my phone saying the cycle's complete. That's about as much technology as I need. But what good is it to you to know that? So you don't forget about it entirely and leave the washing in there? Could you just do another spin? You could do another. From here?

Can you do another spin? No, no, no, I can't do another spin from here. Mine just sings a song. Mine sings a... What I assume is the South Korean national anthem because it's a Samsung You've got to be careful about that Because you'll probably be a sleeper agent

I'll be a sleeper agent And then after a spin cycle one day It'll say a key word And you'll be part of the South Korean You know washing machines have settings that you never use Yeah So one day I'm going to flick it around to I don't know

Delicates Yeah And it's going to have a different tune And that's going to awaken the sleeper agent in me I'm going to be sniping people. That's great. That's too much. Okay, it would be kind of cool to be a sleeper agent.

It would be kind of cool. Yeah, it would be kind of cool. You wouldn't even know you were doing it. No, you wouldn't even know you were. What's happening? Oh, my gosh. Man, Jesus, I'm a good shot. Yeah.

I'm going to take this to the carnival. I'm going to take this to the carnival. I'm going to take this to the show this weekend. How do you not remember the training? Was it hypnotised out of you? It's put in you. It's like Zoolander. Right. You just have it.

Yeah. Remember in Zoolander he learns like martial arts. Yeah, right. That's probably why he's so good at high kicks. That's why he's so good at high kicks. That's why he's so good at high kicks. You didn't even know how you got there. It's all adding up. Wow.

I'm a sleeper agent. And your washing's done. I'm just waiting. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Some targeted advertising before on the Book of Faces. And, I mean, that's all Facebook is really now these days advertising

weird news stories and clickbait headlines and posts your friends posted 11 days ago yeah and you're invited to the drinks hang on okay we're going to drinks tomorrow I was not invited

and then I said to you did you see the post in the drink? I said, I haven't been invited. Now I'm invited. She's a late invite. So now she feels like she shouldn't be there. I'm not going. I'll wait out on the street for you. She's packing a little sock sock.

I'll sit on the curb. Do you want me to bring you drinks to the curb? Yeah, you can bring me out some drinks. I'm not going in. I know where I'm not wanted. Anyway, Hayley's insecurities exposed aside. I got this. I got an advertising.

Do you want me to leave as well? All right. Well, I'm not even one of this team. Wow. Maybe just sit on the floor and then we'll just like tap when we can come back up. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. She can stay right where the hell she is.

So I got this ad and I was like, oh, a shovel. And that makes sense. That lines up, right? I'm digging holes. Do you need a new shovel? I'm pretty good for shovels at the moment, but I'll always look. Well, you just got the shovel teaspoons that everyone's raving about. I saw on a close photo your wife put up another story.

So they look quite cheap. They look so thin. They look so thin. A lot thinner than I thought. How much girth do you need on a teaspoon? No, but they don't have like a rounded edge. Well, I wanted a solid handle on that spade and tree. I could make it a little handle, couldn't I?

I could make a little wooden handle for it out of something. Anyway, that's by the by. Spades right up my alley. Vaughan's been buying teaspoons of sheen. Yeah, those are from sheen, if anyone asks. I don't feel good about my impact on the environment for that, but then I very rarely do anything. Well, so you've had a couple of children.

Hayley and I haven't been populated in the planet. Yeah, but you just bought my chemical romance t-shirts that were definitely made in a Chinese child labour factory. No, they were made in New Zealand. Yeah, I don't know about that. Made in New Zealand. Some part of that has definitely come from a poor child. So whether it be the sewing or the screen printing,

one part of it has been intrinsically linked to Chinese slave labour. I didn't say we don't need any children. I just said you've had too many. I've had two. Put them to work is all we're saying. Yeah, well, they are. Hayley and I's children work in China in a T-shirt shop. Yeah, they've got to earn their keep.

Well, they're earning more than their keep. So, I'm thinking, I'm seeing a spade and I'm like, I'll have a look at that and I click on it. It's not a spade

but I don't know what it is. And then, I see that the website and the part that it's taken to me, you know where it'll tell you what you're in? Yeah. Like,

hardware. Category. Hand tools. Hammers. And then you find yourself in the hammer department. This one says, woman home, Maison Close, lingerie and nightwear, panties. Now, what in God's name is that? I can see. I thought it was a spade. It looks like two things because when you instantly showed me that,

I thought it was like a wall hanging light, a ceiling light. Oh, like a ceiling light. A ceiling light. Oh, I can see that. Like it's got the fixture at the top and then a string and then like what looks like an upside down lampshade. But that is a collar, a lingerie collar. A lingerie collar with a leash.

A leash. Leash, lace, strap. Strap. Down the back that clips onto the back of the panties. Please say lingerie or underwear. Yeah, I hate. I hate that word. The P word.

I'll be making a broadcasting standards complaint. Am I allowed to do that working on the show? Yeah, you can dobby something. Complain about your own show. I felt they breached broadcast standards. No, but I'm just hoping they'll take action against you,

not Hayley and I. This is not going to be upheld. This is not going to be upheld. The Broadcasting Standards Authority is going to write back to you and say, grow up. Okay.

It's a very simple word. How will I explain to my children? Point to the underwear. Done. Another word for knickers. Yeah. So, but you put on, I'm imagining, one at a time and then buckle them together?

I don't know. So then it was like, this is a one-off. You'd pull the undies up, right, and then you'd pull the leash up from behind and put it around the neck. The leash does have an adjusting length strap. Right. So if you're long in the torso. Because I'm long in the body. You're long in the body. You're long in the body.

You could lengthen that out. Yeah, but even at max it would be too short, I reckon. I'm very long in the body. I thought. I'm not buying any clothes online after today's My Chemical Romance medium t-shirt debacle. You definitely make me laugh. I cannot wear that tomorrow. Now, I scrolled down thinking these will be a one-off.

Yep. And I've had a whole new world of underwear open to me. Okay. Le Petit Secret Open Panties. Vaughan, I will be 902. And we're late. The open is not where you think it will be. And we're late.

The open is not where you think it will be. It shows the top of the butt cheek. That's the secret open. All right, well, we'll leave Vaughn online shopping. This wasn't the only thing. You're going to stuff your algorithm more. I went back to the ad and the thing next to it, I was like, what the hell is that?

It must be in this area. So I will show you this thing now. What do you think that is? Oh, a toy for... It looks like an adult fun toy. Yeah, like a kind of unsatisfying pro. It's a cheese grater.

Okay. It's a cheese grater. Yes, sir. The internet doesn't know what it's advertising to you. Sir, it is a cheese grater. Sir, it is a cheese grater. Yeah, all right.

We'll leave you online shopping. I thought this was for hanging clothes. I thought this was for hanging it. No, that's much like the first ad you got, I think, that one. Yeah. You know what? That's enough internet for me to believe. Shut this in.

I'm done. Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards. Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way? Yeah. Give us a review.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.