ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 10th October 2022

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

Community Notices  Top 6: Potholes  What do you hate being called?  Lynn River & Duck Hardy  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Day THE SECRET SOUND HAS BEEN WON!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan... Wow. I mean, I've got to do this professional intro and you're mac-mac-mac all over me. Talking on the weekend, it's my favourite thing to do. Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast.

It's thanks to McCafe. Download, scan and play the Monopoly game. Mac is to be in to win. You just had your birthday weekend? I did have my birthday weekend. Is that why you're acting like a spoiled little brat? Yeah, because it's all about me. It was my birthday weekend.

However, the attention didn't last long. Oh. Do you know what I mean? And it's sad because you've got to wait so long until the day is about you again. Because you only get one day. You don't need a whole weekend. It was really nice. Aaron brought champagne to my marching training, and we all sat around and had a little drinky

push, and then we went out, and then it was late, and then I woke up with a hangover, and the day was over. Yeah. However, the next day, I sort of thought the love would continue. Yeah. But it didn't. Aaron's gone into the blimmin', what is it? Racing.

Oh, Formula One. No, Bathurst. No, Bathurst. Oh, they watched Bathurst. That was on at the weekend. Formula One is his passion. But he's gone into it. Because my brother.

Jesus, Bathurst was a mess. I saw my brother post something about it. Because is that the one where there's Ford and Holden? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bit more bogus, isn't it? Any car racing, they go round and round and round. No, in Formula One, they go on, like, cool tracks.

Like in the cities. What is it? What kind of racing is it called? Grand Prix. Grand Prix. Which I fit ever until I was, like, 15, called it Grand Prix. Indy car, that's it. And NASCAR. NASCAR literally is a suit was like 15 and caught at Grand Prix. Indy car.

And NASCAR. NASCAR literally is a soup. It's round and round, yeah. Yeah, it's boring. So Aaron has gotten so into racing recently, Formula 1 predominantly, but now that he's kind of all caught up on that, he started watching that. And literally I couldn't even get him to look at me.

And it's your birthday weekend. I keep walking out with my baps out. That's my tip. When Aaron's ignoring me, I'm always like, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. And he looks and I'll just have my baps out. That's my tip. When Aaron's ignoring me, I'm always like, Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. And he looks, and I'll just have my baps out. And he'll be like, and then he'll go back. Oh, wow. Wow.

Okay, wow. I don't know what effect I'm hoping my baps to have, that he'll just immediately be like, wow. Yeah. So the race day, it went Ford, Holden, baps. Baps were dead last. Yeah, baps first. Baps first.

I'm looking for baps first. That's what you call your birdsze. Ford and Holden. Ford and Holden, yeah. The boobies. Yeah, but the Baps didn't work this time. Racing. My Baps are shitter than watching a car go around a track. Just to give you an image of what my breasts look like.

Yeah, great. Thank you. The rubbish. Play Zed-In's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Good morning. Is someone a little bit dusty after their birthday celebrations?

No, I'm not. But I feel like I'm having like a hay fever-y. Oh. What's a bit of that? Bit of that around the corner. Spring. We've got the real, we live next to a pine forest. Dude.

Yeah. And, oh, my God, our deck, balcony. Get a grip. Our deck out the front, our porch, that's what it's called, is just, like, yellow, like, covered in it. Oh, wow. Okay. It's up in me.

You have a big allergy thing, so you move next to a pine forest. Yeah. And there's this other sort of tree out by you that people use this hedging for like orchards that's a real problem. Do we have that? It's not far from your place. Oh. That's what I'm saying.

You're surrounded. That's not what our hedges are. No, no, no. You're surrounded on all sides. That'd be why you're a sneezy mess today. I'm a sneezy wheezy and I've got itchy ears. So if you hear that a lot, it's me trying to itch inside of my brain. Maybe do that off air.

You know how we've been working on that mic technique thing? Yeah. Was that not it? And then turn it back on. Oh, see? Okay, hang on. What a pro. You'd never know.

Almost. Almost? You'll have that way. Seven. I'm learning how to radio. Coming up on the show this morning, we still have $100,000 sticker boy, thanks to Neon. Now, come on. Come on, New Zealand.

Come on, New Zealand. Figure it out. I haven't figured it out yet. All the clues, all the guesses that we've had that are wrong, ZM Secret Sound on Instagram, so you can pour over those. We'll give you the first shot this morning at 7 and then at 8, and then a Q-Jumper chance at 9, and then across the day, 3,

4, and 5. The top 6 coming up? Yeah, the top 6 types of potholes. National MP and child wearing his dad's suit to church, Simeon Brown. He does look like a child wearing his dad's suit. He, Simeon Brown. He does look like a child wearing his dad's suit. He does.

And he's got a real church vibe. Does he? He's releasing a pothole of the week. Well, this never happened on the National Party Watch. No potholes. Potholes. Of course, of course. No, when the National's in, there's never a pothole.

There wasn't a single pothole. I've never, you know, there was a good nine-year stretch there where the roads were absolutely perfect and there was no traffic. Silky almost. Yes. Made of fabric almost. Everyone led to Rome. Oh my god, they do. So the pothole of the week

is something they're releasing. I'm going to tell you the top six types of potholes. Okay. It's exciting radio stuff. Yeah. It's rock and roll. Already stretching and it's Monday. Warm up.

Coming up on the show as well, there's bad news for chocolate lovers. Hello, chocolate lovers. Hello, chocolate lovers. We've got some bad news for you soon. Is Nigella dead? No. Okay, good.

No, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't that bad. No. Next on the show, though, an Australian supermarket has riled its shoppers. It's upset its shoppers. We'll tell you why next. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

ZM. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley's Community Notices. Oh, guys. It's Community Notices. It's a segment of the show where we have a look at... Excuse me, can you please repeat that for new listeners that don't know what Community Notices is? Do you honestly think...

I would be interested to know if there's somebody listening right now that has never listened before. Oh, my God, text us. 9696, is this your first ever time listening? You've got to explain how that works. We've got a web-based program. But you just text it like a normal phone number. You text it like a normal, so compose a message saying,

oh, hello, yes, it is my first time ever listening to your radio program. And give us an out of 10. Yeah, what do you think so far? Based on what you've heard so far. And three areas that you think we could improve on. We're always interested in taking on feedback. You're not.

You are who? Famously, you're not good with feedback. I'm fine with feedback if it's not for me. Right. But if it's for you, if it's not,

I'll verbally abuse you and let you know the history behind the reason we do what you're criticising. This is fantastic. We're getting some immediate feedback. You can text that to 9696.

Well, we're getting some. We should open the feedback line more often on the show. A lot of first-timers welcome. Three out of ten because we're not explaining the segments. Well, because you didn't explain the segments. We didn't explain the segments. For the new people. I told you.

Do it for the new people. Well, this is a segment where it's called community notices. Well told you, do it for the new people. Well, this is a segment where it's called Community Notices. Well, don't do it in a patronising way. We're trying to wow our new listeners.

It's patronising the new listeners. I'm new. What is this? They're gagging tonight. Okay, okay, okay. Here we go. This segment is called

Community Notices. You'll be familiar with Community Notices. We called it Community Notices because you were already familiar with the idea of a Community Notice. Instantly relatable. There's a were already familiar with the idea of a community notice.

Instantly relatable. There's a drop in point. Community notice boards popped up there. They're not stupid. You said they were stupid. You said they were new and stupid

and they needed things explained to them like a five year old. Okay, we're getting mixed messages. Some people are saying move it on and some people are saying I need to move it on.

See, there's no pleasing everybody. And who do we cater for? The people who have been here all along or these Johnny come lately's that have had eight and a half years by the way. And who do we cater for? The people who have been here all along? Or these Johnny-come-latelys? That have had eight and a half years, by the way. One caller is saying they're feeling personally attacked. As well they should.

As well they should. This is immediate feedback. Good, this is great. This is what we're doing. We're making a better show. We're making a better show. I'm trying to temper my reaction to what I'm getting. Fletch, can you please explain community notices?

Community notices. Why is it called community notices? Where we read out some of the weird and wonderful, wacky listings on your local Facebook community pages. How do we get them? It's user submitted. So if you see one, send it to us, FVHZM, on our socials. What are our socials?

I just said FVHZM. What socials? Instagram. Instagram. We're on TikTok. We're on TikTok. We're on LinkedIn. Twitter. No, we're written off Twitter.

And Private Bag ZM Auckland. Oh, yeah, that'll work too. You can print them off and send them in to us. Absolutely, you can print them off. Well, this one is from someone called Darian, who has heard this segment before, obviously, because they know how it works and how to submit. Please don't be patronising to the new listeners.

So they screencapped it and sent it to us, and they are a member of the Facebook community page, People's Independent Republic of New Brighton. Do I need to explain it's not actually a republic? We need to go to those hot pools. Yeah, they look cool. Because do you see the photo last week of the snow on the beach when it snowed? It was so cold.

There was snow on the beach. Of course I saw it. You showed me. You know I've seen it. You showed me. You know I've seen it. You showed me. You said, look, we should go to these hot pools. Guys, we're really tracking on and I do want to say, in the last song, I said that I need to go for a wee. And I feel like this is a personal attack on my bladder.

Okay, so if you're new to the show... Maybe get another kidney like the rest of us. I had to. Hayley's only got one kidney. If you're new to the show, Hayley has one kidney. You think I want one? Hayley is the female that you can hear speaking now. Thank you, Vaughn, for pointing that out. No problem, Fletch.

Indecipherable, I know. I'm the one with two children. If you hear someone refer to their children, that's Vaughn. I also have a beard. And they're not gay together. Not gay together, no. None of us are actually dating each other. What they do separately is absolutely up to them. But they're not gay together. And not gay together, no. Not gay together, no. None of us are actually dating each other. What they do separately is absolutely up to them.

But they're not gay together. No one here has had any sort of sexual congress of anybody else. Oh, these new listeners are really dragging the show down, guys. I would like them to leave. If you're new and you just tuned in, please leave. We had a really good thing going here. We had a streamlined show. Everybody knew how everything worked.

And then you assholes have shown up. And now we've got to explain everything to us again. I know it's not exactly how radio works, telling the new listeners to leave. But if they want to leave, that'd be great. We had a pretty cool party going on. Now it's too big. It's good while it lasted. Clear out. Clear out it lasted. Clear out.

Clear out. Yeah. Clear out. All right. From the People's Independent Republic of New Brighton, somebody said, I found this guy outside our house. No name on his foot.

If he's yours, message us with a name and you can come and click. And it's Woody from Toy Story. Oh. So you've got a real situation on your hands here. You know, is this a real Woody who's been lost because we're all looking? Somebody said, does it have Andy written on the foot? And they said, no, no Andy written on the foot. And somebody else says, what does that mean?

They've obviously not seen Toy Story. So this is another person who's new to something that requires too much backstory and too much explanation and ruins it for everybody else who was already enjoying a thing. Yeah. And you would have said had plenty of time to be enjoying a thing because Toy Story came out nearly 30 years ago and we've been doing this segment for like eight and a half years.

So, I mean. Debbie says, I just want to find the owner. And as yet, you know, absolutely unclimbed. There'd be nothing. Unclimbed. Unclimbed, but I wouldn't panic too much because a spaceman's going to turn up looking for him with a collection of other ragtag toys.

What's happening? Or the boss's message saying, you don't need to keep explaining everything. Yeah, we've lost a few people that had to go to work about three minutes ago. Because you've explained everything a few people that had to go to work about three minutes ago. Because you've explained everything. Well, they had to go to work. That's fine.

Now, for the new listeners, Ross is our boss. Oh, okay. You don't need to explain who he is. Well, we call him Ross Boss because it's a natural rhyme. Yeah, we've known him for years. Yeah. More of a friend than a boss. I personally, if you couldn't meet a little bit.

Friend first, boss second. I'm relatively, oh, so I'm relatively new as well. Yeah. And I was actually trained as an actor and you'll hear me talk about that a lot.

So to explain that, but then also you'll be thinking it's a weird dynamic and that's because I struggle to respect Ross. Yeah. Because I've known him for so long.

Yeah, yeah. And we're of a similar age and I have incriminating evidence of his past endeavors. So that's where I struggle. You'll be like, oh, what's the dynamic there? I don't want to over-explain the dynamic.

You'll hear that. But you'll hear that. And Fletch will laugh a lot when he's uncomfortable, especially. And when he thinks that somebody's saying something that shouldn't be said, he'll be laughing, but also indicating to us

it's time to wrap it up, like he's doing now. Yeah. He does that. he taps his watch. I feel like we hardly even got to tap. This is the problem with the new listeners. We have to explain everything. We don't get to do the content.

Honestly, I think they're gone. I think they're gone. I think you've only done one community notice. And now we're out of time because of these goddamn Johnny-come-latelys. Well, that's... That's community notices. Don't expect anything else that happens on the show

to be back explained. But what happens? If you see anything pop up on your local community Facebook page that you think, oh, that'd be great for community notices, send it in to us. Send it in to us. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hello and welcome to the top six uh today uh we're looking at the top six types of potholes this is after um simon who spelled his own name wrong simeon brown uh has launched pothole of the week uh this is the guy in Parliament that looks like tops. And the sort of 16-year-old that would stop the teacher and be like, well, actually, that 16-year-old. How old is he actually? He's 31.

Oh, okay. So he is young. So he's young. Actually, he's launched Pothole of the Week. So I've got the top six types of potholes. Right. Is this because of all those people that got done going over the, what's that one between Tauranga and the Waikato?

Kaimai Rangers. Yeah, everybody. Do you see that? Yeah. The line-up of cars, everyone hit such an aggressive pothole. Yeah, like weekend before last, I think like 30 people going up, the Kymai's had like punctures. Yeah, sh-dug-dug.

So the top six types of potholes. Number six on the list, the one that's filled with water that's way deeper than it looks when you actually hit it. Oh yeah, you're like, this will be a bit of fun. Yeah. Water goes everywhere, your tyre's like... You feel it. That one.

Yeah. Number five on the list of the top six types of potholes. The one right on the side of the road. More of a half moon pothole. Yes. Something's carved it out from the side of the road. It'll get you. Yeah.

It'll get you because you're like, oh, I'm not going to hit that. I'm too far in the middle of the road. Boof! Blow your wheel alignment out. Also, I love people share that. Have you ever seen that? It's not really a meme. It's just like a picture of an old Roman road,

making an old Roman road. And they're like, these roads lasted. There's still, you know, signs of these roads. They lasted for 2,000 years. And then here come the engineers. And then there's like a picture of a modern road being built with like potholes and stuff in it. It's like, well, if we only drove on our roads in chariots,

I'm pretty sure they'd be sweet too. They didn't have trucks in ancient Rome. No. And they probably had one road. Yeah. Not an extremely huge roading network. Who's the boss now, Simeon Brown? Number four on the list of the top six types of potholes.

The one that's way worse than it was yesterday. Yeah. And you're like, that's popped up. How did you get that? You're big now? Number three on the list of the top six types of potholes. The one that looks exactly like a manhole cover, so you hit it. And it's 100% a surprise.

A perfectly round little dip in there and you hit it. Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus! Number two on the list of the top six types of potholes. The one that's been there for so long when they finally get around to fixing it. It's like you're missing an old friend. Yeah. You know the one at the bottom of the hill?

Yes. Oh, my God. That's the one I've been thinking about. Yeah, it's really aggressive. But are you coming out here like, there it is. Have you told the council about this? No, because I think it's fun to get to the bottom of the hill

and go wee around it. I've written a bunch of letters. Nobody complains, do they? They'll whinge at everyone else. Put it on their community Facebook group. They're having a big whinge about potholes. They might not know about it. Tell them about it.

Yeah. But then I guarantee they decide to fix it when I'm coming to work. So I'm going to hear there'll be a line of people that'll be like, I did this. I'm sorry, guys. You can't win. Sorry, guys. I've really put myself out.

And number one on the list of the top six types of potholes, the one that was a pothole and then it got fixed and had such a strong will to be a pothole that the next week it was back to being a pothole. Yeah, or the road around it gets pothole-y.

Yeah, because that's real strong. It's weakened. Yeah, that's the strong part. Everyone's been driving around it for so long the rest of the road's weakened. Well, the whole road's just a pothole.

That's potholes. We are potholes. That's today's top six. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A fitness influencer has shared why she hates being called hashtag brave. I hate brave. Why does she get called brave? So this woman.

Because she sweats. Yeah. And that is so brave. That's so brave of you. No, she's a fitness influencer and she lost a lot of weight and as a result has quite a lot of loose skin. And she

doesn't care. She's proud of it and she wears gym clothes like tight leggings and stuff and you can see it. And people are like, that's so brave that you go to the gym. I get why. Basically meaning like, that's so brave that you go to the gym. Oh, yeah. Okay, I get why. Basically meaning like it's so brave that you go to the gym considering all of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an insult. What's happening here. Yeah. And she was like, it's basically, but I mean, that's specific to this woman here, why she hates it. But I think a lot of people like get called brave and they're like, you're basically saying I'm brave for doing something I just do every day.

It's underhanded, isn't it? It's just like that is, yeah. It's really brave of you to look at me with those hideous eyes. You know, that's so brave. Considering. Yeah. It's really brave of you to even look me in the eye. Yeah.

So brave. Yeah. So she went on this big ramping, like, she sees it a lot. She said, especially on like bigger girls, Instagrams, who are all like into fitness or whatever,

or fashion. Like, you're so brave for sharing that you wear clothes. Yeah. It's so brave. You know what? She hates being called brave.

I get that though. That makes sense. I thought you were going to say, you get it. No. You get it no you get it for you you are brave you're really thank you brave going to the gym with your weedy little you're brave leaving the body leaving the house just like you are yeah yeah so brave so brave for when you're so brave For just wearing the same

Outfit every day Yeah yeah yeah Thank you Because other people Wouldn't be brave enough No no no They'd be changing their clothes Yeah

Yeah It's really brave of you To leave the house I appreciate the knowledge Of my Bravity Yeah Is there anything

That you hate being called Like a name Ma'am Ma'am Yes Because that means Like you a name? Ma'am. Ma'am. Yes. Because that means like you're old. Thanks, ma'am. I get called ma'am.

I'm always like. Who calls you ma'am though? But you know, like people who like serve you or something in a shop. Excuse me, ma'am. I'm like, um. Excuse me, but what would you rather be called? Missy? People hate Missy.

Girlie. Girlie. Girlie. Excuse me, girlie. No, no one says girlie. I just say excuseie. Excuse me, Girlie. No, no one says Girlie. I just say excuse me. I wouldn't use any kind of describing name. I know.

I think ma'am is it honey? Oh, people aren't still using that, are they? Yeah. Old darling? Old mates? Hey, darling. Don't call me honey. But this is what I want to know.

I want to have a little ugh moment with our listeners. Okay. What do you hate to be called? I mean, obviously not like, that's whole. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Not like swear words. Yeah, but just like something that you get called,

be it something that's meant to be a compliment. Gorgeous. I call Sade mate, and she hates it. Oh, my God, I hate. No, no, no, she doesn't hate it. She's fine with it. I thought she didn't like it. No, I don't like it.

When Aaron calls me mate, especially if we're arguing, I'm like, good Lord, help you. Here we go. But, yeah, I know guys that are like, I can't believe you'd get away with that. What are you talking about? If I called my partner mate, she'd have me. Yeah.

But you are, you're mating, aren't you? She's my best mate. We are literally, we are the definition of mates. At least twice that we know of, you've mated. There was a third time. A couple of years back. God, it was fun, you know. Yeah, good stuff.

Just take some time there to recollect. Okay, okay. All right, well, I'll wait to hunt you at Dials. We want to open up the phone lines. You can text as well. 9696. Is there a name that you hate being called? Yeah, let us know, buddy.

Come on, champ. Call up. Champ. Yeah, champ sucks. Come on, sport. Come on, chief. Come on, hot stuff. Hot stuff.

It's always mostly old mates, isn't it? Yeah. Or is it? Oh, they love nicknames. Big boy. Big boy. He's a big boy. Yeah, He's a big boy Eric gets it all the time Does he find that offensive though Do they mean like tall

Or do they mean like A little bit big there No but he gets it all the time He'll walk into a room and people go like you're tall And his thing is like really What He's never been 6 foot 6 for the last 20 years basically walk into a room and people go like, you're tall and his thing is like, really? What? He said that before. He's been six foot six

for the last 20 years, basically. We want to know what you hate being called. Oh, there are some great messages and calls coming in. Oh my God,

I was literally about to say a chick on Instagram. She probably hates being called chick as well. A woman on Instagram. She probably hates being called chick as well. A woman on Instagram. She hates being called brave for basically just existing. Yeah.

So patronising. It is. Ugh. Catherine, good morning. Good morning. Now, what do you hate to be called? I hate to be called boss.

Oh, g'day boss. Yeah. Are you the boss? It's a sign of respect though, isn't it? Oh, so it's been in a relationship with my partner for 12 years and about four years ago he started calling me boss and I'm not sure, I'll just have to check with the boss.

I always say that. Aaron does this. Now that we're renovating. Oh, watch out guys, the boss is here. Well, he's just trying to be one of the lads. He's trying to be one of the bloody tradies. Right. I'm like, you ultimately make the decisions. Don't boss me.

So have you tried to change this, Catherine, or it's just stuck? Oh, look, I've said to him, hey, look, I'm exactly the same as you, Hayley. Like, I'm not your boss. You're a big boy. You can make your own decisions. Yes. So I've said to him, you know look, I'm exactly the same as you, Hayley. Like, I'm not your boss. You're a big boy. You can make your own decisions. So, you know, just make the call. But I think sometimes it's an easy out when, you know, you're talking with mates

and you say, oh, look, I'm not sure. I'll just have to check with the boss. Yeah, they make you the... But then that makes you the bad guy. Yeah. That's right. Do you want to come to Queenstown for the weekend? Oh, I'll have to check with the boss. Get a grip. 50-50. Catherine, thanks weekend? I'll have to check with the boss. I'll have to check with the boss. Get a grip. 50-50.

Catherine, thanks for your call. Lacey. Cheers, boss. Lacey, what do you hate being called? Dude. I hate being called dude. Dude. Yeah.

I quite like a dude. They used to call me dude. And, oh, I don't know. It's just never stuck. And I hated it back then. But, yeah, another one is the same as Aaron is big guy. I'm 6'2". Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's just like, oh, really? Like, no way. You're no big guy. Yeah, is that my only sort of endearing feature is that I'm tall? There is a funny one, though. I hated, you know, before I had kids, daddy. And I thought, don't ever call me daddy. And I'm kind of like it now.

Before you ever called me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's do some clarification. Who was calling you daddy before you had kids? Oh, no, no, no, no. Nobody, nobody. Oh, shit. Now your kids call you daddy, I assume, and you're okay with it.

Yes. And my wife, yeah. So now she calls you daddy and you're okay with it. Yes, and my wife, yeah. So now she calls you Daddy and you're okay with it. Yeah, now I'm okay with it. What about Daddy Big Guy? Yeah, Daddy Big Guy. Daddy Big Dude. What about Big Daddy?

Big Dude Daddy. Daddy, Daddy, Big Daddy. I love it. Lacey, thanks. You called some messages in. Bud. Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Daddy. Thanks, Daddy.

Someone said Bud. Drives me insane. Oh, your Bud's insulted. If someone calls you Bud, they've forgotten your name. Yeah. A girl I work with calls me Madam every single day. I've told her multiple times to stop it, and I get it. And she's also younger than me, and I'm her senior.

No, you can't do that. Again, that's why. Yeah. Somebody said, after being together For two years We just about broke up Because he wouldn't Stop calling me babe Oh

Yeah I drop a babe Every now and then Or a babes Thanks babes Babes Careful with babes Oh people not liking it

With friends But not with like Because it comes across Condescending It's the same as horn Oh thanks horn When you're horn somewhere I love saying

So if your partner Comes to you to tell you something that's sort of upsetting them and you go, oh, babes. Yeah. I hate being called miss, especially at people around the same age as me. Oh, yeah. Call me miss. Don't do that.

Someone said at school I always remember guys yelling, oi, girl. Like if they wanted something. I just hate it. Oi. I hate being called oi. It's not as bad now, but when, and like the early 2000s, everybody was oi-ing everybody.

Yeah. Oi. Oi. Oi. Oi. Oh, God. Oi. Are you listening?

Oi. Oh, Jesus. Sweetheart. Someone said said never call me love. I have to resist a throat punch every time someone calls me love. All right, love. Don't be called love. I have been called youse. Oh, youse.

It's a plural of you, but it's also an incorrect word. Yeah, it's not right. What are youse guys doing after the show? Not talking to you anymore. I'm cancelling my gym class with you after you said you's. Oh, come on, hon. Come on, babe. Babe, what, you don't want to work out with me?

Tits. Almost. Now, just for the new listeners who have just tuned in for the first time this morning. Know my height of mind. It's worth quickly mentioning my name is Vaughan. I am married. I've got two children. I live on a lifestyle block

that I refer to as a farmlet. I've got a whole bunch of animals. I've got a lovely wife who I'm very lucky to have been married to for coming up 12 years. We've been together since 2004. Bit of a sort of, I don't want to go on about it, bit of a picture perfect relationship. Wow.

No problems at all. Couple goals. Hashtag couple goals. You know, I'm just setting the scene here for the new listeners. Welcome. So that's the story I'm about to tell you. You know, you're really going to love us after this. I think I'm about to tell you. You know, you're really going to love us after this.

I think I'm having a breakdown. I think you are. Okay, so at the weekend, we had some gardens. Sharlow's dad bought a place up north. A lot of work to be done. Man, I wish someone had said it when he was buying it, that this looks like a lot of work. I wish someone had said it when he was buying it, that this looks like a lot of work. I wish someone had said it. I wish someone had said that work's probably going to fall.

I wish the person who identified that it was going to be a lot of work also said, I don't want to have to do a lot of work. For the new listeners, that person's me. I'll often speak a little bit sarcastically. I think I've got it. It's a low form of wit, but I find it easy. So a lot of that work got done at the weekend.

Big, big couple of days, Mahi. And I tell you what, I'm shuddering another I told you so. Because that's new listening to something I'm not afraid to throw around. Yeah, you love an I told you so. I'm not allowed. In fact, I get it from my mother, and she gets it from her mother. It's a long line of Irish stubbornness we love. On that, your ancestry came back.

You're more Scottish and English than you are Irish. Yeah, that's true. God, he's put a lot on this Irish heritage. And there's really nothing there. It's not actually a thing. But my mum's family's the Irish. Like 5%. You're really clinging on to this Irish bit.

Because I equate a lot of my personal traits to being Hawaiian. 1% Hawaiian. Yeah, that's Rich coming from 2% Spanish over here. He's now saying C and Ola. I'm 8% Swedish. How do you say hello in Swedish? Alo.

I think you're right. I think it is alo. I love, I told you so. It's one of is. Hello. So I love I told you so. It's one of my favourite things. So anyway, looking to avoid I told you so because of my saying I told you so is one of my favourite things. Throwing it back in my face or avoiding being told I told you so is one of my wife's favourite things.

It's a real game of cat and mouse, as you'll previously remember. We're quite a cute couple. You'll learn to love us. The more you know us. Move on, move on. So she got stuck in. She did weed eating for the first time. I saw this with a brush cutter weed eater.

She's like, all right, what do I need to know about how to do this? I was just like, pull the throttle and just keep pointing the wacky string. At the long stuff. At the long stuff. At the long stuff. Not at your leg. Avoid leg. Avoid loose gravel. Avoid anything

that's not the grass. And she did it. And you know what? I looked down at one stage and she was filling it up with gas. She just turned it off. Oh, that's hot actually.

Got the gas. I mean, there was only one fuel tank there. So it was obviously in a little jerry can. So she filled it up. And then she put the lid back on and I watched from a distance, kind of like.

Like a pervert. Yeah, like a perv. Yeah. You're perving on your own wife. I was. I was perving on my own wife. Which, when you've been married for 12 years, it takes a full.

Do it to a stranger? Creepy. Do it to your wife after 12 years? No. Romantic. This guy's such a sweetheart. He's perfect in his own way. If he didn't know her, all the place.

Yeah. And then she put it back into start and went, and Paul started that and then straight back into it. And I was like, oh. Put you right back into start, didn't you? Yeah. God, did she what? Put your throttle.

No choke required. No. And she, yeah, she really got stuck. And at the end of it, she was like, oh, that was fun. I was like, man, you really got stuck in today. And she's like, you can call me Lynn Rivers. And I was like, what? She had these gardening

gloves on that said Lynn River. And it's a brand. I'd never heard of it. I didn't know there was a gardening glove. And she said every time she turned, she'd read Lynn Rivers. Lynn River. And so she's like she turned, she'd read Lynn Rivers. Right. Lynn River.

And so she's like, you can call me Lynn River. And I was like, well, now I need a gardening alias. Yeah. So I looked. I got one. Hardy from the gloves had Hardy on them. And Duck was written on some waterproof pants that I put on at some stage. Oh, yeah. And so I became Duck Hardy.

Duck Hardy and Lynn River. Wow. The dynamic I became Duck Hardy. Duck Hardy and Lynn River. Wow. The dynamic between Duck and Lynn. Yeah, nearly 12 years in and we're finally into the role play. And you have been really heating up your character work lately. I have really been working on a few different characters. So your role play is going out and gardening. How does Duck Hardy talk?

Duck Hardy's just, you know, just a lot like me, but just made a slightly lower register. Not too much of a hello. He's very well aware. He grew up with a very strong mother. Oh, yeah. And a family of sisters.

Yeah, family. He's the only boy of four. And his sisters really, you know, helped him out through there, especially when Mum passed. You know, that was a tough time for the Hardy family. But, you know, helped him out through there, especially when mum passed, you know. That was a tough time for the Hardy family. But, you know, mum's passing really just showed me that my older sister was a bit of a mother figure in my life the entire time.

And now, of course, I've met Lynn. And there's a strong woman that's not afraid to get out there and do some back-breaking work. And then when we were leaving the property, I drove down the road to turn around, and when I came back shut shut it was shutting the gate. And when she got in, she's like,

well, how do they, I'm on my way to the city to try to be big. And I was like, bleh, bleh. And she was playing,

the girl chasing the big city lights. And I, and so I take on the, you know, I'm doing some more character work. Wow. You don't want to go to the city. Nothing good can happen

under them neon lights. I played a guy who had been burnt while chasing the dream of being. And then after a little while. Do you feel icky? No, I'm loving it. After a little while, we remembered her dad was in the back. And then. But we weren't like, it wasn't sexy stuff.

It was just role play. It's not sexy. And then we laughed. And then when we stopped and he got out to get something, she was like, what do you reckon he's thinking? I was like. I play Zed M's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. And then we laughed, and then when we stopped and he got out to get something, she was like, what do you reckon he's thinking? I was like... I play Zed-Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, we've given away $100,000 thanks to Neil and with our secret sound competition. Irene, that's sinking in. That feels so good, and honestly, we're going to do it every week. We're not, we're not, we're not. Can I give away $100,000 every week, Anna? That was a no. There's a no. Gosh. Wow. I tell week, Anna? That was a no.

There's a no. Gosh. Wow. There's confetti all over. There's tears. There's confetti everywhere. We're a mess. It's time for... Fact of the Day, about various uses for human wheeze during history.

Oh. Yeah. Yum. Do you remember when we were in England and we went to... Manchester. Was it Manchester with the lime caves under the mall? No, it was Nottingham. That was Nottingham.

That was Nottingham. It was Nottingham. And the lady told us, what was her name? Margaret. Oh, bless her. She was lovely. It's really weird. You go into this mall and then, you know.

It's a Westfield. It's a Westfield. Like, you know when you walk into a mall and you're like, oh, a place I'll never get a haircut. Nails. What have you got against just cuts? Well, I'll never get a haircut. Nails. What have you got against just cuts? Well, I'll never get a haircut there. No, you won't.

That's true. Place I'll never get a haircut. Nails place. Yeah. Sterling Sports. Just James. Yeah. JJ's.

And you're walking in the side. Then there was this, like, door, and it was, like, historic cave. And you're like, what? And you walk down these stairs and she's like, hello, I'm Margaret and welcome to Nottingham's Limestone Caves. In a mall. And under the Westfield is where all the caves are and they sheltered there in World War II.

Who let them build a Westfield on top of that? I don't know. The caves have been there for hundreds of years. They dug it out of limestone because it's like the perfect temperature for, what is it, 13 degrees? You could put your kombucha down there, it would thrive. Oh, absolutely it would. They did a lot of cider and everything down there,

and because it was in the limestone, it kept it perfect. Yeah, all under a Westfield. It was massive. Two hours free parking with the app. Oh, my God her perfectly. Yeah. All under a westbound for two hours free parking with the app. Oh, my God. Yeah, beautiful. If you just need to nip down to the caves for a quick look. But I remember that was where she said,

do you know how they make leather? And I was like, no, Margaret, I don't. And she's like, well, they use chemicals now, but back in the day they used wheeze. I was like, beg your pardon? Wheeze. And so people used to go around and collect all the wheeze and take it to the tanner, and they'd put it in with the animal skins

and, like, stomp it in and leave it to soak in it, and it would, yeah, it would tan the leather. How long ago? A few hundred years ago. Jeepers. Yeah. It was the way to go, and then once it had been tanned and cured and everything, you'd give it a wash. Get the smell out.

If Game of Thrones was authentic, they'd all be walking around and riding their horses like. Yeah. Stale, heated urine. I can smell Game of Thrones when I watch it. I've never assumed anywhere apart from maybe the palace smells any good. Yeah. I imagine they've got a couple of the coirs burning in the palace. Yeah.

Well, you might as well have a vanilla bean. You might have a scented candle in the candle shantle. Yeah. Oh yeah, very posh. Very posh. But it's been used for other things as well. Cleaning products, for example, because of the prevalent ammonia in urine. The early spray and wipe

was wheeze, wasn't it? Which now when you spray, you should also wipe. You should. If you sprinkle on the, if you tinkle, sprinkle, tinkle, be a seedy, sweaty, seedy wipe. If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweaty, wipe the seedy. So, yeah, it made leather soft. It was used for cleaning.

It also didn't only make your whites whiter, but your colours brighter. So it was cold water surf as well, by the sounds of things. Also, it was a key ingredient in gunpowder. You're just shooting wheeze at your opponent. Well, you would use it to get what you needed to make gunpowder out of it. The main ingredient, potassium nitrate, was also called saltpeter. It was synthesized in the 20th century. But prior to that, where do you think the most ready supply of potassium nitrate was?

Wheeze. Yeah, correct. Correct. Well, guys, who knew science could be educational and fun? Quite a lot of people have known that. Quite a bit. Oh, have they? Yeah.

Right. Educational at least. Okay, wow. This is a bit grim, but this is history, and history is grim. If you look too far into human history, we're all a bit yuck. Yeah. Romans used it as mouthwash. Bourne used it as yuck.

That's true. It is very true. It gives you a whiter smile. I wouldn't do it now, but you've always wondered why Bear Grylls has got such lovely teeth. It is very true. It gives you a whiter smile. I wouldn't do it now. You've always wondered why Bear Grylls has got such lovely teeth. I'll be honest. I'm a purple Listerina or a green Plax. I'm a brown.

I'm a pink Plax. Pink Plax. Pink Plax. You pay extra for the pink. I pay extra for the pink. The pink Plax is good. Oh, my God. The pink Plax is a young Plax.

Who does the wheeze-looking Listerine? My dad. Yuck. We grew up on brown. You've been drinking. My family's wheeze Listerine. Yeah. It is wheeze-coloured mouthwash.

Dehydrated. Dehydrated. Dehydrated wheeze. It burns. Get a blue. Get the blue. No, I know it's better, but I was just raised on a wheeze Listerine. And on the back of the wheeze Listerine and back on all Listerines,

it says do not dilute. And I remember saying, what is dilute? And my dad's like, water it down. I was like, well, we're not allowed to water it down. He's like, it says don't water it down. So I always freaked out what would happen if you watered it down and you'd be like, I ain't going. Burning, it's melting my milk teeth.

The only thing that would happen is that you'd get more use out of your Listerine. And you perhaps wouldn't have a numb tongue for 25 minutes following using the Listerine. I can't even believe people buy it because it looks like wheeze. But you can't get it everywhere because not that many people buy it. No. Only real men. Only real men. Only real men like myself can pack.

We've evolved past the need for something to burn so much. This is why I'm all about pink plaques, baby. Oh, you are a pink plaques-er. I'm a pink plaques-er. Yeah, you've got pink plaques energy. Big pink plaques energy, I love. I remember I found a big bottle of pink plaques. I bet you tried that tea one as well, the green tea plaques.

You'd be a green tea plaques-er. I've not branched out from pink plaques. Doesn't pink plaques have like flowers on it and stuff? Not saying that it's... No, I think there's a Listerine one that's got flowers on it. Flowers on it, eh? Yeah. It's like raspberry flavour.

Yeah, they do like flavours and stuff. Anyway... Pink plaques is where it's at. I shan't be pink plaques shamed. So today's fact of the day is throughout human history, we have really found a lot of uses for human urine. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Hello, chocolate lovers. Why does she say She's a sexy woman She's a breathy broad That one God Breathy broad

Hello chocolate lovers Chocolate lovers Hello chocolate lovers Nigella Lawson Nigella Lawson I speak Is she even still doing it? I know

You'd have to take your glasses off If you were making love to Nigella Why? Well Because they get steamed because they get steamed. Because they get steamed up. So she'd be like, hello, lover. I thought you meant because she's a bloody dog.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Gosh, no. I was like, no, she's the bloody sexiest chef alive. When I wore glasses, a girl once told me to take my glasses off when we started fooling around. Yeah. Because I'm going to say it's early. We can get away with it. No, I don't know if we can... I'm going to say it's early, eh? We're going to get away with this.

No, I don't know if we care. I put my head between her buzzies, you see. Wow. The audible groan from producer Anna on the couch. I like... When I started that sentence, I put my head between her and Fletch's eyes showed me all the white eyes.

I was the same. I was like, is he going to... His eyes almost, like, did that thing where they flew out of the socket. I put my, I see Fletch, I wouldn't put my head between her. And Fletch, I was like. But Buzzi's, and it was almost like he was still horrified, but it was a slight relief. Wait, so you had your glasses on?

No, we were just mucking around. She was very, she had no, she wasn't, she wasn't pacing herself. God, thank God, you got LASIK. Well, you know, I love my head

between some buzzy. Okay, that will be the last time you say that on the show. The smear on the glasses you had to get out afterwards. Sweety,

it's a sweaty area. Little wipe, wipe, wipe. Squeak, squeak, squeak. Well,

anyway, I don't know if Nigella Lawson is still the Whitaker's spokeswoman. Well, because now it's't know if Nigella Lawson is still the Whittaker's spokeswoman. Well, because now it's all bloody what's-his-name. Yeah, he's on the ads. Yeah. Anyway, Whittakers have made an announcement. They actually announced it on their Twitter and their gram.

That's short for Instagram. Is it? Yeah, thank you. That said, hello, chocolate lovers. I'm going to do it in Nigella's voice. We want you to be the first to know that for Monday, we will unfortunately be bringing in a price increase. I know.

Our costs have steadily continued to rise. Production costs, basically. Now it's up to supermarkets to use chocolate as a price leader. Yes, a loss leader. A loss leader. Yes. So then they had a little picture. A battered chocolate is everything to us at all costs.

No word actually on how much. I just went online. I chose Countdown. Okay. And I went online. $5.50 for a block, the big blocks. Yeah. That doesn't feel like an increase.

They said from Monday. From today. So, I mean, just buy it. Like you say, when it's a loss leader, when it's on special, just stock up on a couple of blocks. You freeze? You could freeze it. You could hide it from yourself.

I mean, it's very hard to bulk. But it's not good to have around. You can't bulk buy chocolate because it never lasts. No, no, no. Have we done final rankings Whitaker's blocks? We should. We should. I'm just looking at it.

We should. Because you've got a big Movement for a Hazella Hazella is so good Because I Me and Have you

You've been on the hazella Yeah You've tried it I've been on the hazella I had a couple of big nights On the hazella No I like it It's not for me

It's nice But it's not like the nicest No It's I like it Call me old fashioned I can't get past the coconut Oh my god Coconut is so good I love coconut It's so like it. Call me old fashioned. I can't get past the coconut. Oh my God. Coconut is so good.

It's so good. And that's the thing. I think even if prices go up, people would expect prices to go up because everything's gone up. What do you do? Buy a different brand?

You're not going to know. You're not. It's a superior chocolate. I mean, there's other nice chocolates, but they're all that like thin. Thin? Thin.

Why are you thin? I hate that. Thin, small block. Yeah, no, I don't want a thin. Like a snap. Yeah, but they're all that like thin. Thin? Thin. Why are you thin? I hate that. The thin, small block. Yeah, no, I don't want a thin. Like a snap. Yeah, but the time you take the cardboard thing off and then the foil wrap off, you're like, oh. It's like 20 grams of chocolate.

Yeah, it's those big, flat squares. You're like, oh, no, it's a bigger square, but it's. Yeah. Good Lord, I love a berry biscuit. I love berry biscuits. Save this for Friday rankings. I kind of want, because now I was looking at them all. It's gone up in price price I think we can all agree

That the oat milk was trash Oh yeah that was a bit It wasn't It wasn't that great Wasn't that great Sort of had a I think jelly tip Jelly tip would be one of my faves

You're such trash You are trash You have the most basic Why am I trash The most basic sense of taste You're like a You're like a white girl from Hamilton Who thinks she's cultured.

Yes. Whenever we go to a bar, whenever a lot of us go to a bar and we'll order a cocktail and I'll taste one and I'll be like, oh, my God, that is like poisonously sweet. My first thought is like, that's a bit of Fletch. Because it was raspberry in it, eh? Yeah. Yum.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch Vaughan and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, we were sent the homework on Friday by producer Anna to learn the harmonica. Well, we could choose either Mary Had a Little Lamb or Billy Joel. Billy Joel. Piano Man.

Oh, what a famous use of a harmonica. Yeah. Now, I will say that this homework challenge, Producer Anna, is very much like my very own school life. I would not do it and then moments before the class panic and try to do it or come up with an excuse not to. Well, you had no excuse this weekend because you said you had a very chill weekend, just hanging at home.

Yeah, if you have time to go temp and bowling, I'm sorry, but you have time to harmonica. Guys, I went temp and bowling this weekend. It's embarrassing. When's the last time you went temp and bowling? I hate bowling. Why? Because you're not good at it? Because I'm bad at it,

and I don't like being bad at things. But that's my spot. I actually asked my agent if I was under any contractual obligation to do any work for this place Saturday, Sunday. Yep. She said absolutely not, so I didn't. Right, okay. I did.

Must be nice. He's got an agent now to get rid of all of these things. Yeah, it must be nice. I marched 14 hours over the weekend, and it was my birthday, and I went out, and I had a hangover yesterday, and I put the mahi in. No, you haven't. Yes, I have.

You just were doing it then? Yeah. I was warming it up. Oh, so you learnt it too. But again, I haven't won a single Monday Maestro. Vaughan, how many have you won? Three. And Hayley?

Two. No. You're winning the music ones. You won pie. You won pie, that's right. But you made a jingle, you won. Three. And Hayley? Two. No. You're winning the music ones. You won pie. You won pie, that's right. But you made a jingle, yeah. Okay. Who wants to go first?

Who's going first? Who's going first? I would like to hear Carl Peter Fletcher's. Now, we had two options, Billy Joel or Mary Had a Little Lamb. I'm going to do Mary Had a Little Lamb. Okay. These aren't, I don't think there's a keyed right for Mary Had a Little Lamb. Suck in.

Oh, do not blow. No, you blow out, but then it changes. Oh, I didn't know that. Is that your attempt at burying a little lamb? Yeah, if you were listening. That was an artist's rendition. Yeah, that was my take on it. Jeepers.

I'm not winning, am I? Oh, he's thrown the harmonica. Don't throw it. We could give that a... Oh, no, you probably can't share harmonica. Give that to somebody who wants to learn. He's been spewing his spit into us. This is a tiny harmonica, isn't it?

It's the size of a snake. Okay, Vaughn, you're up next. Are you going to do Mary Had a Little Lamb or Billy Joel? I'm going to do my own song. Oh, God. You can't do your own song. I'm going to freestyle. I was wondering if I could have some accompaniment.

No, you can't. You're going out of the jurisdiction. Hey, man, I'm an artist. You can't cage me, bro. I'm a macaw. Go. The bird, not Richie. Oh.

Wow. Yeah. Is this what you call harmonica rap? Yeah. Uh. Vaughan. Vaughan. Vaughan's fan.

Okay, I would like, producer Anna, I would like him disqualified for going outside of the criteria. It was kind of jazzy, though. It was cute. I'm not mad at it. Yeah. Do we have Billy Joel's Piano Man available? I can get it for you

If you can get it because I just want to compare what Vaughan's offering and to hear it one more myself Though I think it might be in a different key but that's okay Yeah

Now obviously I can do that bit Yeah Obviously He's the Well he is the piano man isn't he? This is the bit. Okay, that sounds terrible.

I'll stop you there. Okay, I'll let it up. Okay, now, Hayley, Monday Maestros, you're going to do Piano Man. Yeah. That's not bad. That's not bad. Yay. I nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. Producer Anna.

That was sensational. Thank you. A clear winner today. Thank you. A was sensational. Thank you. A clear winner today. Thank you. A clear winner. I was going to provide some suspenseful harmonica music for your announcement of the placings. Ready? Yep, sure.

Oh god, it's horrible, isn't it? I think today's winner is... Hey, do you have, like, a crescendo to finish on? Hayley! Yay! Well done. I mean, honestly, I would have...

It was hard not to beat you on that. Can we do something next week that I'm good at? Yep, if you can come up with... What are your transferable skills? Anything. Let me get back to you on that. Can we do something next week that I'm good at? Yep, if you can come up with... What are your transferable skills? Anything. Let me get back to you on that. Lifting bra. You're going to hear this term a lot, Sunday scaries.

It's that feeling of anxiety that overwhelms you on a Sunday night before you head back to work on Monday. Do you want to reset here again for the new listeners to kind of tell them why we focus on these sorts of Gen Z specific topics? Because your older end of the spectrum would tell you just to suck it up and get on with it, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's not a thing for me, Sunday scaries.

I call it the Sunday suckies because I don't want to have to go back to work. I mean, that's what it is, right? It's like you've had a great weekend and then you're like, oh, I've got to go to work. No, it's not. It's different. It's more like the, it's like an overwhelm. It's an anxiety thing. I get Sunday Scaries.

So what, like you don't want to be here? No, no, don't get me wrong. I love, I love hanging out with you guys on the floor. Hold on, go again. Use that toy picardy degree. My mother makes me munch my M&M's on a Monday morning.

Guys, no, don't be ridiculous. I love being here with you. It's the high pitch. Guys, don't be ridiculous. I love being here with you. That's pretty good. It's the high pitch. Yeah. Guys, don't be ridiculous. I love being here with you. That's my take. Thank you very much.

Third take. Got it in the bag. Moving on. No, but it's that feeling. It's just sort of like you're probably having enough sleep over the weekend. That was me. And you get a little bit anxious about the week ahead. And you start worrying about what's happening on Wednesday before.

And it's Sunday night. And they call that the Sunday scaries. Call it the Sunday scaries. It's a thing, and it's anxiety with a fun, relatable millennial label. But Liz Truss, who is the new Prime Minister of England. The United Kingdom. The United Kingdom.

And who's still there? Who's still kicking around? Charles. No, in the United Kingdom. And who's still there? Who's still kicking around? Charles. No, in the United Kingdom. Wales. Oh, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales. Yeah. But not all of Ireland.

No, no. And Scotland's thinking about leaving. Yeah. Well, she's launching a new, well, the Department of Health is launching a new campaign to help young people cope with these Sunday scaries. They're not actually giving them anything. They're just more encouraging behaviours that will reduce stress

and improve sleep and maybe reduce the impact. Like don't go out for Friday and Saturday night benders till 3am. Don't go on a bender and tell someone what you really think of them and then be thinking about that on Sunday. Don't tell me what to do with my weekend. That's my free time. It's going to make your life during the week hell. Yeah.

Caught up in a spiral now. It's like, it is, I mean, it's a cool thing. It's like a mental health awareness movement, I guess. Well, that's good. People between, we do, between 18 and 24 and 25 to 40, who are the people most likely to suffer from these? But yeah, in terms of what she's actually offering,

TBC. Is there a helpline? No, it's just a... I think it's more about her going, hey, there's a helpline that's always been there. Right, okay, yeah. You're like, okay. What else?

But then what do you ring up and just say, I don't want to go to work on Monday? And they're like, I don't want to be here either listening to you complaining about going to work tomorrow, to be fair. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little boys. Silly little boys. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole.

Silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole, what's the best way to eat eggs? Your mouth and cooked. I'm disgusted, New Zealand. Well, I've done a real, like over the years, my egg journey has really evolved. I used to be a fried egg.

It was just easy. Oh yeah, but growing up, fried egg was... Yeah, my mum never like did fancy eggs. No. You just cracked it in a pan until it wasn't raw anymore. So every now and then, I mean, not every now and then, I always crack a fried egg. I had a fried egg at the weekend.

I love when you have like a Thai or an Asian dish. And they put the oil over the top and they bubble it. No, and they, well, yeah, and they do a fried egg on top of it. Yeah. Korean crispy fried eggs. Korean crispy fried eggs over like a rice dish, like a chilli rice. Yeah.

But we asked you how you have your eggs. Fried, poached, scrambled or runny. I don't know exactly what runny does that just mean. Do you mean just crack that into a smoothie or something? What do we mean by runny? Because fried you can have runny, poached you can have runny. Maybe that's just however you like about runny. Just some feedback.

What did you mean by runny, Carween? Are you cracking an egg and drinking it? Like you like about runny. Just some feedback. What did you mean by runny, Carween? Are you cracking an egg and drinking it? Like eggs and soldiers, runny. Oh, you need to say boil. Soft boil. So that would be a hard boil. No, soft boil. A soft boil.

Grow up. It's all right. She's young. No, not Carween. Just anybody who's picking that. Oh, but also Carween, grow up. You know. So fried poach, scrambled or runny?

I'll go from last, runny, 5% of the vote. Fried, 12% of the vote in third place. Second, 31% scrambled. 51% of people poached. No. Ew. I like a poached egg, but it doesn't beat a scrambled. No, God, no.

Scrambled, you can add so much. Yeah, you can add stuff like feta, yeah. Cheese or like veggies or ham. And it's hard to perfectly poach an egg. A runny white? How feral is a runny white? We should have put omelette. Blah blah blah.

To me that almost fits into scrambled jurisdiction because often an omelette will end up a scramble because of a poor... Because you can't flip. Because you can't flip. Because of a poor turn. Yeah. Janelle says, sunny side up with runny yolk.

Sometimes on hot chips instead of toast. Oh, yum. That's what I did yesterday. I made hash browns out of the leftover fish and chips. How's that turned into health? It took a slight detour. I had to stop. And so did mine.

I had to stop for some food. Yeah. Yeah. So you get the leftover chips. Yeah. And you had to soften them up a little bit. So I put them in a container, tiny bit of water in the bottom,

microwaved them for a minute and a half. Oh, God. And then I just got my hands in and smushed them all up, cracked a couple of eggs into them. Right. And then, yeah, rolled them into balls and plumped them on the barbecue. Do you need me to buy you a potato mash-a-hon?

Oh, there wasn't one there. Oh, right. But also, like, mash it with your hands. Mash it with your hands. It just worked better. Oh, okay. You can't really get in there. Well, they are.

Oh, they were delicious. Because it's oil on oil, isn't it? It is. It's re-oiling oily oil. Yum. It's potatoes fried probably three times. Squared, yeah. Okay.

Some other feedback. Megan says, poached is ob's the best, but got to get it just right. If I fail making a poachie for breakfast, then I think it gives me bad juju for the day. Now, I don't know if we're saying bad juju still make it, but I'm like, what? I don't know. What's the key is vinegar, isn't it? White vinegar. And then that stops.

But don't go too much because that can make it rubbery. God, Aaron gets a heavy hand on the vinegar. I walk into the kitchen when he's making breakfast, which I'm grateful for. Yeah, it smells like a pudding. The key is if you're doing four at once,

you crack them into a bowl and you pull them all in at once. Because when it first- How does the whites find which white they belong to? Well, they just kind of, they're staying together as it is. Because if I was in the bowl

and I like the look of the other yellow- I would jump. I and I like the look of the other yellow. I would jump. I'd be like. No, you don't. Sam would be like. And I'd like suck into that. Oh, no, no, no, no.

And then when you. A quality egg will hold its own white. No, but when you pour that in, I'm with the other one and you're just going to have a big yellow blob there. You're going to have just yellow and it'll be overcooked. You're going to get more likely to wander in white if you put them into the hot water one at a time. Get the water boiling, pour it in, and then that egg will immediately take the energy out of the water. It'll stop boiling.

Then you turn it down a little bit. But it would have all like... They're not boiling. Trust me on this. No, don't boil it. Not like a big rolling boil. They obliterate them. No, when they all hit, it'll take the heat out of it.

I'm not talking like... People need to scramble and grow up. Scramble is where it's at. And if you don't like scrambled eggs, you're not doing them right. You don't add milk. People add milk. I think people add milk and they're also making them too dry. You've got to turn them off well before.

Turn them off early because they'll keep cooking. Kelly says hard-boiled. Yuck. Ooh. Ames says poached eggs are bland like spider egg sacks and anyone who has them as their preferred egg preparation deserves their taste buds revoked. Big words.

Big call. Yeah, big call. Gianna says, With flour, butter, sugar and cocoa baked at 180 degrees for 40 minutes cake. Yeah, we didn't put that as an option. That's great. Brittany says,

Scrambled if it's a fry-up or on toast. Poached if you're having eggs, Benny. But they can't be a custard-like scramble. But you're calling for a custard scramble. Oh, I love a custard scramble. A custard scramble, yum. Who has a really good recipe? Gordon Ramsay? Gordon Ramsay.

Off on, off on, butter, butter, butter. And creme fraiche. Creme fraiche, creme fresh cream fresh Joel says smothered in hollandaise is the only answer to your question so that feels like a poach to me

yeah Kristen says obviously need your eggs a little runny for them soldier boys am I in my 30s and still eating the eggs the same way my dad made them

absolutely I am guys and Mary says aren't they all the best way to eggs? Yes, now I want eggs. I'll have them anyway. I feel Mary's on big egg money. She's on big egg money.

We sound like we're on big egg money. Does Uber Eats just do eggs? Just scrambled eggs. I'm just having a little look. Just eggs. Just eggs, man. Okay, I'm going to order for us. We're getting eggs.

Play. ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. ZM's $100,000 secret sale. It is all thanks to Neon. You can sign up now for your seven-day free trial at neontv.co.nz. T's and C's apply. Soundkeeper Georgia is in a little bit dusty this morning.

I've got my cup of coffee, though. Things are on the app. What was this big night last night? Oh, look, I've got a big obsession with the Inspired Unemployed Boys, and they were in town watching. Oh, yeah, they've got a beer, don't they? Yeah.

Yeah, right, okay. So I just also fangirled a little bit. I was like, should we do a little 360 video? Come join me. Oh, honestly, tragic, okay. So I just also fanged you a little bit. I was like, should we do a little 360 video? Come join me. Oh, honestly, tragic. Tragic. Well, you're saying it. I thought you would have played it cool.

I did play it cool. She usually plays it so cool. Around us, she plays it cool, and I know we're... Big stars. Big deals. Big to her. Big sort of like idols. I think I've become accustomed to how I should have acted around you guys, you know?

Absolutely. Irene joins us for a guest this morning. Good morning, Irene. Morning, Alan. I think I've become accustomed to how I should react to our new guys, you know? Irene joins us for a guest this morning. Good morning, Irene. Morena. Morena. Now, the secret sound. This is worth $100,000. Let's have a listen.

All right, well, Irene, you've had a listen to the secret sound. You've poured over it. What do you think the secret sound is for $100,000? Me and my husband have totally overthought this, and we think it is an egg being cracked open. Oh, that works, doesn't it? Interesting. You can almost hear a little bit of shell getting into the bit that you don't want it to get in.

Oh, my God. I don't reckon I've ever cracked an egg without any shell in. And then you put your finger in to try and, like, bring it out. No, you use the egg. Yeah, you use the shell to catch the shell. Oh, now with you, Fletch, I'm straight finger in the egg. No, I didn't mean to run away. It'll run away.

No, you better. Use the shell to catch the shell. Because the shell is so hard, it perforates the white. Yeah. And gets it. But you create a force field, a magical force field around your finger and it scoots out the side. But sometimes you get a little bit of extras

that also flop back in. Oh, no, no, no. Crack yourself off a strong bit of shell. Don't knock it before you try it. Also, just double checking, when you say cracking an egg, are you talking like actually cracking it into a pan or like any other type of cracking an egg? You know, when you just like crack it on the side, so like whether it be like you're frying it or it it on the side, so, like, whether it be, like, you're

frying it or it's a boiled egg, but the shell cracking open. Yeah. The actual shell cracking open on the egg. That's a good guess, because that does, to me, like when people see the Panadol coming out of the packet. That's what I thought it was for sure. And how do you think it goes in with the clues? Well, I feel like anyone can tie anything into these clues.

They're pretty flaky, aren't they? These are well thought out clues by myself, or have you known? I know, but they make no sense to me, really. But me and my husband have tied it back into, like, so, boy, I think that was the main one for us. You know, everyone knows the scene where he talks about everyone being an egg.

And then the timer thing being like an egg timer. I couldn't tie the seventh on the third thing in. And yeah, we just kind of was like overthinking it all, trying to tie it all in. You guys, have you and your husband made time to talk about anything else.

Well, we've got two children, so yeah. Have to take care of little humans. You've been taking care of humans and talking about the secret sound. What about a lot of people mentioning Harry Styles. Was that just because of the date? How would that tie in? Does that tie in at all? You tell me.

I'm not even going to lie. I don't even know, guys. Just tell me. He's really like stoked that I got through. I like this. Guys, keep your dither-dathering. Give me the years of the date. Look, I must ask.

Go on. Go on. Well, it's more the fact that it's like, you know, we've all been overthinking this. The whole nation's in because everybody wants money. Why not? And so this is one of the saddest things. My husband was making egg sandwiches at 5.30 in the morning.

5.30? And I thought I heard it. And I was like, my husband's like, you really need to sleep. You're going to get sick. Wow. He's like, you really just need to sleep, babe. Now I want an egg. Okay. Now I want an egg. Now I want an egg sandwich.

I do have to ask, if you won $100,000 what would you do with it? I'd be really responsible, pay off debt and then maybe take the family for a holiday and kind of just, you know, do what families would do with the money.

Spend it a little bit on our whānau and, yeah, share it around. Well, Irene, you got through 8 o'clock on this fine Monday morning. And I can confirm that you have won $100,000. What? Holy crap. It's an egg. It is the secret sound. Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo! Holy crap. Oh, my God. Irene, you have won $100,000 cash. Oh, my gosh. Oh, you have won $100,000 cash. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. It's an egg. Holy crap.

Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding? No. Are you just kidding? Oh, you just got punked. Nah. We've just created a lot of mess with confetti cannons. We are not kidding.

$100,000. We love confetti cannons in this house. My son is all with confetti cannons. We are not kidding. $100,000. We love confetti cannons in this house. My son is all about confetti cannons. Thanks to Neon, you are $100,000 richer. Oh, my gosh. Where's your husband? Is he with you or is he...

He's at work and he's listening. He's probably listening to shit. Or because of his egg sandwiches. Is he having egg sandwiches for lunch today? Yeah. Egg and mayo. It's a staple in the town. Damn, I want an egg sandwich.

So bad. You're never going to look at eggs this day, mate. Do you think he will be listening now or will he be busy working? I don't know. I'm just freaking out. I'm excited. Okay, I think we've got to get him on the phone. We've got to get him on the phone.

Yeah, absolutely. I'm just going to pop you on hold. Our producer's just going to grab your number, and then they'll grab his number. Let's conference the call. Let's make that happen. We have a winner for the $100,000 secret sound. It is Georgia.

You cracked it. How did you make this sound? Oh, look, dudes. I have a boiled egg every single day for work. You do? And I stink out the office. People hate it. I thought, why not do something

that's literally part of my life every day? Wow. And also, it might make people want to start taking eggs to work, you know? What are you on, Big Egg? You on Big Egg money? Big Egg money? I wish I was. Man. Reach out. I mean Egg? You on Big Egg money? Big Egg money? I wish I was.

Man. Reach out. I mean, Irene's on Big Egg money by the looks of this. Oh, Irene. Well, we have a winner. All thanks to Neon. You can sign up now for your seven-day free trial at neontv.co.nz. T's and C's apply.

Just seeing if we can. They were still trying to get Hubby on the phone. Get Hubby on the phone to tell him that they are $100,000 richer. I can't believe after all of that it is an egg. I know. An egg cracking.

Now, Irene, I believe we've got your husband's number. Oh. And we are just going to conference. Are you alright, Irene? You tell him,

you tell him, Irene. It'll take a minute to connect. It'll take a minute. Here we go, you tell him, Irene. I'll take a minute to connect. It'll take a minute. Here we go. You tell him, Irene. I ran out to you. Here we go, here we go.

His name is Carl. Hello? Hey, babe. So don't swear. We're on the radio. I've already done that a lot. But we won $100,000. What?

Yep. I'm not even lying, boy. Yep, so you're on a conference call. Hi! Hi, hello! Hi, Cal! Are you serious? Yeah!

100%! It was an egg, babe. It was an egg! I told you! I told you! I told you! You don't even believe me when I woke up at 5.30. Yeah. You told me to believe me when I work a bit 5-3-D.

You told me to go back to sleep. You look crazy. Go to bed, honey. I know. Congratulations, Irene and Carl. You have won the $100,000 secret sound thanks to Neon. Well done. Well done. Well done.

Holy crap. Oh, my God. All right, we'll give you a moment to let that sink in. And next, I think we should go through all of the clues with Soundkeeper Georgia to work out exactly how an egg fit in with that date. I don't know. The latch, first thing in my house

sounds like a latch or something. Well, if you've just joined us, we have a winner for the Secret Sound competition. Thanks to Neon. She's still on the phone. Irene,

you've had a couple of minutes for that to sink in. How are you feeling? Well, my mother-in-law's here because she's just about to take the kids and I just told her and she can't believe that. I know, don't tell your mother-in-law. You don't tell the mother-in-law. They're our next four neighbours.

Oh, that's so nice. And they totally always take care of our babies and so this morning yeah, they're going with a grand. How old are your kids? I've got a one and a four-year-old, Peyton and Zoe. Oh, wow.

This is totally going to change our lives. Don't make me cry, Irene. I'm a big crier. Everyone who knows me knows I'm the biggest sookie. I'm a sookie too. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm a hugger. I don't blame you. It's a life-changing amount of money, $100,000. It was an egg cracking.

Of course, now that you hear it. This is the worst. It's the worst. This is the worst way. Yeah, yeah. This happens every Secret Sound. I'm like, of course it was. Irene, do you have to go into work today? Can you have a moment to chill out?

We're going to a tangi today. So, yeah. This is going to help change my family's lives in so many ways. Thank you, guys. You've started off Sound Keeper Georgia and yeah, there's tears in studio now as well. Oh no. Well, Irene,

let's just go through. You didn't get flitched though, Irene, if you could just go again. I'm a robot, Irene. He's a robot. Get him, Irene. Make him cry, Irene. I'm a robot. It's very hard. Now, Irene, let's go through the clues for the secret sound for the egg cracking. Georgia?

Okay, so clue number one was the clock, which everyone kind of got to straight away. That's actually the specific time of how long it takes to boil an egg on the stove. Also, it reflects an egg timer, like you said. Clue number two, on the seventh of of the 3rd, your sound will be heard. Yes, correct. It did have something to do with Harry Styles. In fact, he will be performing Harry's House, which is his latest album. And on that is a song called Keep Driving, which has a lyric that he lists an egg.

So I went deep in here. I was just being like, I was so scared. Okay, the neon clue with the riddle, the first thing in my house that sounds like a latch, of course, what eggs do, chickens hatch them, right? Yeah. Okay, so then after

that it was the boy imagery and yes correct, he calls everyone an egg. Yeah. I was like, that one was the one that set me off. I was like correct, the cosy one, an egg Yeah, I was like that one was the one that set me off, I was like Carl, I think it's an egg and then when, yeah, sadly 5.30 in the morning, heard it crack and I was like Babe, I'm sure it's that

and he started listening to it and he was like nah, the more I listen to it, I think you're right and I was like yeah, the hardest part is getting actually in through the phone lines and yes, I think, so on Friday I rang and it was ringing, I was like, yeah, the hardest part is getting actually in through the phone lines. Yes, I think on Friday I rang and it was ringing. I was getting my jollies. I was like, oh my gosh, it's actually going to happen.

And then this morning when someone answered it, wow. I can't even believe this is happening, guys. Like, this doesn't even compute. The next clue, which you may or may not have seen, depends if you've got the app Be Real, it was me lying on the ground because what do chickens do? They lay eggs, guys. Oh, my God.

It would have been better if you were actually, like, squatting over something. I don't know that we could put that on Be Real. It would have been removed. I don't know if we want to see that either. The next clue, I hear this sound every day, despite what others to say because, yes, I make boiled eggs every day, bring them to work, and people don't like it. Yeah, and then she farts out of control.

You probably wore iron deals with this. Your husband's an egg sandwich guy. An egg man. I use them at work, so I don't have to say that. Oh, good. Oh, so he's like me and just talks to everyone else, right? Yeah. The next clue is the neon me and just talks to everyone else, right? Yeah. The next clue was the neon one

that Parks and Recreation, season one, episode three, at three minutes and two seconds, sign outside the front of the diner, has eggs on it. Oh, jeez. And then Charlie Puth on Friday, he happened to have said

that the sound was definitely a C natural and of course, an egg's a natural thing. And C comes from a chicken, right? Okay. I'm pretty good, guys. If you need any creativity, just fire at me. I'm your gal. Well, there you go.

The Closet Explained for Secret Sound. And Irene, I know you've got a big day. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, heck. So happy for you. $100,000 is all yours. I can't. This conversation just doesn't seem real.

I feel like I'm still sleeping. That's right. A complete dream. And then I'm going to hang up and then wake up. But I can't believe that it's an easy thing. If you do, Irene, we're trapped in your dream and you need to come back for us. Irene, don't leave us here.

Don't leave us here. Don't leave me in your dream world. Well, congratulations, Irene. It's season 12 of Secret Sound. It's all thanks to Neon. You can watch TV series and movies handpicked for Kiwis by Kiwis on Neon. I loved that.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Well, Australian supermarket, in fact, it's not just our supermarket, it's Australian supermarkets and Kmart and many stores have enraged people because a lot of them in the last few weeks or the last month because of the cost of living and I'm assuming the increase in shoplifting, are starting to check and be very strict on self-serve checkouts and people leaving the store and counting the items against the docket. Why are people angry?

Because it's taking time. Yeah, because the whole self-serve is supposed to be faster. Do they feel like they're being accused of theft? Well, yeah, it's very much like if you go to, and I hate when you go to like a Bunnings or a Mitre 10 and you leave the store

and you've got to count everything. Yeah, Kmart does it too. You've got to open up your bag. Well, no, actually, I think that's, well, in my local,

that's a Bunnings thing because their exit and their entrance are the same thing but Mitre 10 have got two separate way in and a way out of difference

so they don't need to do it as much. When you're at Bunnings and you're literally leaving the checkout and then they sometimes they'll see you leaving the checkout and not lock, sometimes they will grant you that. But still it's annoying. You've got like a paintbrush and they want to lock. Do you think we're being racially profiled?

That could be it. I wonder if that could be it. That could be it. You know, you never know. But I don't think I've had it at like a hardware store. I've definitely had it at a supermarket. Really? Yeah. And going

using a self-serve? Yeah, I think so. They do what it came up, but I feel like I've had that before. You know who's a real stickler? B-A-S-T-A-R-D for it. JB Hi-Fi.A-R-D for it. JB Hi-Fi. Oh, yeah, they love a check.

You're effing till at the back of the store, so I have to walk all the way back through the store because you want me to buy and be like, oh, shit, actually, I want one of those. You want me to buy something on the way out, but then at the door, you make me feel like a criminal. Yeah. Actually, yeah, all checkouts should lead to the doorway. Well, they should be right beside the door, you make me feel like a criminal. Yeah. Actually, all checkouts should lead to the doorway. They should be right beside the door.

That's what a lot of people are saying in Australia, is that it's the fact that they're being questioned and that they're law-abiding citizens. No, they're not. They're putting kumara through as potatoes. You know it. Well, you can't do that with the new checkouts at my supermarket. Because they identify on colour and everything, eh?

It scans on colour, and then it will give you the options for things that are orange. Would it recognise an organic banana from a non-organic banana? No. You got them there. You got them there. I didn't know your record-aureum banana's from your Philippines bananas, the size, girth, width, ladyfingers.

Sometimes you can't really tell it apart, can you? No. Organic and non-organic. But your stories in Australia, there's a Facebook page popping off on this topic. Popping off, is it? It's popping off. What is this Facebook page called?

Stores of Australia. It's called... Sounds like a dumb Facebook page. Oh, my God, follow, follow. Yeah, wow, cool. Meanwhile in Australia. Oh, Meanwhile in Australia. Oh.

And yeah, just people saying that they, someone said, I don't choose to participate in this nonsense, so I just skipped the exit line and left. Oh, God. And one woman saying she raised her receipt above her head, leaving the store. Oh, you're cool. That definitely won't make you look like a criminal.

We'll just carry on and make a massive deal about it, yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. I'd say that that's something we can expect more of now. We're all time poor, aren't we? That's the thing. Well, and just with prices the way they are and everything going up and up and up.

So vets have been sharing on the TikTok, Vet Talk, the brands of... Brands? Brands? The Hyundai Labrador. What brands? Your dog. Uh, no, the breeds of dogs that are going to absolutely drain your bank account because

they will be riddled with health problems. Ah, okay. Because they're so inbred, like pure breeds, like cats, same thing. So there's your obvious ones, like your pugs. Your Frenchies. Your Frenchies Your Frenchies Your English Bulldogs Yeah

Because they can't breathe Yeah And they literally From the day they're born Suffocating Yeah I reckon we need to I know people love pugs

They're cute They're gorgeous But they're like Because what is the breed of cat That Taylor Swift has Scottish Fold Scottish Fold They're banned in some countries

Yes Because of the eyes Yeah Well Norway Recently banned the Breed of cat that Taylor Swift has. Scottish foal. Scottish foals. They're banned in some countries. Yes. Because of the eyes. Yeah. Well, Norway recently banned the Frenchies, any of the bulldog breeds. Also, they banned another one, which these vets have been talking about, the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. Why? They're so cute.

Why, Lulu's a half of that. Oh, she's a halfie. She is too, yeah. So they're the little sweet kind of, they don't have a mushed face, but like, you know, sweetie little thingy-dingy. So apparently they're part of the same kind of dog. What are they called?

Like, Braxaphalix Brachiosaurus Brachiosaurus Rex That's what it is So do they have the breathing? They've got terrible breathing issues And they're most likely They have heart stuff

Mitral valve disease Is the number one cause So they'll just have heart failure So those dogs Lulu's got a funny valve Yeah Well I remember my first cat Had a funny valve Yeah Yeah but My first cat Had a funny valve

Yeah Yeah but you've got Fancy cats Yeah This is the problem Absolutely riddled with them Pugs obviously on there And then your big dogs

Great Danes and the like Because of all their Back issues Your Dutch homes Because you're gonna No I can't stand those dogs Sausage dogs

Sausage dogs I can't I don't like them I thought you were pro sausage No Dog I'm pro No not sausage dog Well but I can't stand those dogs. Sausage dogs. Sausage dogs. I don't like them. I thought you were pro-sausage. No. Dog. I'm pro.

No, not sausage dog. They're too long. You laugh every time we see one. I laugh at them, but I don't want one. I think they're silly. I'm laughing at them. I thought we were laughing with them. No. Well, they've got such terrible backs because we've just stretched them too long.

He is racist. You're dog racist. I'm so glad we're finally able to bring this to light. Dog racist. Yeah, you're a dog racist Wow okay Yeah because of their backs Their backs are like

Well they're so long But with We've done it We're the problem Yeah we've done it Humanity's the problem Because we're like Ha that dog's a little bit longer

Make it longer What? I said make it longer Yeah we made it longer Make it longer again So recently we tried apparently To make bulldogs hairless. Why?

We were like trying to breed them so they could be hairless. So they were just some kind of like collector's item dog. Yeah. And vets were like, that is so bad for them because they have skin issues. Yeah. And then if they don't have fur to protect them from like the sun and whatnot. So he says the five dogs that you should get, greyhound. Yeah.

Should. Yeah. Yeah. Greyhound. Only because there's so many of them, right? Yeah. You've got to rescue them. People do love rescuing greyhounds, and I take my hat off to them,

and I think more responsibility needs to fall on the people who race these things. I know. Yeah. Imagine one of them crawling on you, though. Oh. Border terrier, vizsla, labr, and he says, get a mongrel. Yeah, get a mutt. Get a mutt.

Love a mutt. I've got a plastic bag cat. Best cat ever. Get a mutt. Yeah, he was dropped on the doorstep in a plastic bag. Yeah, our cats are both. Plastic bag cats. Same.

My cat loves plastic bags. No, you went to a breeder, and you bought a fancy cat. You paid all that money. Your cat came in a posh box. I rescued my went to a breeder and you bought a fancy cat. You paid all that money. Your cat came in a posh box. I rescued my cat from a breeder. Lude, Matterfacts, Big City Life on ZM Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. I know this will spark a debate because

not everyone loves the peeps and drums. But I do obviously, having performed at many a military tattoo. I know this will spark a debate because not everyone loves the peeps and drums. But I do obviously, having performed at many a military tattoo. I thought we were finished. Did you? I thought we were finished the show. That's why I went and made my breakfast. I know you did. I thought we were done for the day. No, we've got this one

last break. Can I? Because mentally I'm fucked out. No, you don't have to. I might sit You know what I might do You know what Have your eyes You know what I might do

I might put myself In the shoes Of the listener I've been trying to do this today Okay I've been trying to do this today You know that People are coming in

And sampling The show We'll be missing a wheel They haven't been We'll be missing a wheel Yeah Well pretend I'm sick Or I'm away

Okay well you have your porridge And I'm I'm gonna listen I'll be. We'll be missing a wheel. Pretend I'm sick. Or I'm away. You have your porridge. And I'm going to listen. I'll be loosely engaged. I'll be slightly off mic, which will give the appearance that I'm not primarily in, but I'll be listening at home. Who shall I be? Character work. I need a little bit of backstory.

Am I a father? You're a recently divorced father whose wife has moved overseas and left you with the kids. Am I a father with You're a recently divorced father Okay Whose wife has moved overseas And left you with the kids Okay so I'm with the kids And you just lost your leg To a shark at the weekend

Oh no that's silly Because I wouldn't be home yet It's all happening No a couple of weekends ago So you were discharged From a recent shark attack victim Yes No not a victim

Survivor You're a survivor, yeah. Okay, because really the sharks are the victims if we're talking straight numbers. We've killed more of them than they've ever done anything to us. Yeah, exactly.

And it must be shark week soon. So you've recently been attacked but you've recovered. I'm out. Please. Okay, that was my character that spilled my porridge on myself. Not me.

That was my character. Okay. Yeah, right. James is a real butterfingers. Okay, well, anyway, there's news out from the monarchy. From the new king. Yeah, from the new king. The monarchy has reached out to us personally with information that King Charles.

I've had enough of the monarchy. I think I've had enough of hearing about them. King Charles. I think I'd be quite happy if New Zealand became a republic. I'm going to turn the mic off. King Charles has hired a personal piper. To wake him up every morning with the pipes.

There's a human alarm clock. Pipe major Paul Burns. Must be nice. So this is somebody playing the bagpipes? The bagpipes from every morning. The Queen had the same thing. In his room or outside the window? No, it's like they're saying it's a human alarm clock but it's after he wakes up. Imagine being the neighbour.

No, they don't have neighbours. You can't talk to me, I'm James, I'm at home. It's a police-sang character. Now, you may think at home that would be terrible for the neighbours. But they don't have neighbours at Buckingham Palace. No. They wouldn't worry about it.

No, because she's won me back. Now, so he wakes up to a normal alarm clock. I don't know if he's No, because she's won me back. Now, so he wakes up to a normal alarm clock. I don't know if he's got an iPhone. Does the king have a phone? Yeah, would they be like politicians? They might not be allowed, like, you know, the president can't have an iPhone because they could be hacked. My wife shouldn't have been allowed an iPhone.

That's how she got back on the dating apps when we were still married. This is your character, James. Oh, sorry, James. Not Vaughn, yeah. Anyway, so he wakes up and then he goes out into the grand dining hall or something and he gets the pipes played for him. Ridiculous. And here I am having a bloody sad bowl of porridge. Oh, I just realised I did the whole show with my headphones on backwards.

Well, that means the show's backwards then, isn't it? We're going to have to play this in reverse. Well, should we speak in reverse and hopefully they'll work out the other way give us a review

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley