ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 12th August 2022

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: PhDs  Final Rankings: Fritters!  What've you seen at the Gym?  Good Good Bad Good!  Jay Sean!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Night conversations, electric emotion. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe. Download the McDonald's app and earn rewards on your coffee. Trends are, um, secular. Secular? Secular. Secular.

Yeah, leading to going cycles. We've got one of those signs in our mailbox. No seculars, please. No seculars. So you don't like any kind of old fashioned coming back Nothing You don't like when Rubik's cubes pop back up again for the fifth time Someone's got sea monkeys at work Oh no I remember those

Like when I was a teenager there was a sea monkey thing Then you looked back further and there was like Late 70s there was sea monkeys And then they were in the back of comics from like the 50s. Yeah. There's always, the sea monkeys are back. They were always at the post shop, you know, like the local post shop. There was always like a gift section.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was always, when it was ever, it was Olivia's birthday, you'd go down there, you'd be like, get her some sea monkeys. Yeah, you were going to post Olivia a birthday card, you thought, oh, I might as well get a little sea monkey madness. Yeah. I feel like the warehouse always had sea monkeys too. Yeah.

Everyone had them. But sea monkeys are shit. And I feel this is why these things are secular, because we all remember how shit they were in the 90s, and our parents told us they were a waste of money because they remembered them from the time before. But, you know, people have got to learn from their mistakes, and soon enough there's going to be some sort of smelly,

green, gross tank on their desk, and they're going to be some sort of smelly green gross tank on their desk and they're going to be like i did waste my money on sea monkeys what is a sea monkey well the weird part about it is it comes from a powder yeah it's like you sprinkle the powder in the water don't you stir it up and then they grow but they are brine shrimp oh okay how do they survive Completely dehydrated I don't know And then they rehydrate Oh no they're not

They're sold as eggs Oh so they're eggs And then you add them to water Yeah And then they hatch basically Yeah You know do you remember They don't look anything like monkeys

No No no at all Keen podcast listeners Will remember a few days ago I talked about When I peed out a parasite. This is what it looked like. This is exactly what it looked like.

You weed out a sea monkey. I weed out a sea monkey. Yeah, right. Well, that'll be it then. How did it get in me? Well, had you ingested- You ate in the eggs. Yeah, you must have eaten the eggs somehow.

I don't remember putting a packet of sea monkeys down my throat. But you were in Turkey. I was in Turkey. You may have drunk bad water. Yeah, because it got in- Sea monkeys in it. Yeah, they put- There were sea monkeys in it. They was in Turkey. You may have drunk bad water. Yeah, because sea monkeys in it. Yeah, they put sea monkeys in their water. Yeah, we put fluoride and chlorine.

They put sea monkeys in Giardia just to keep you on your toes. We got to the bottom of that. There you go. Weird things, eh? Yeah. But also that desk in the office is about to get very manky in about seven to nine days. I remember that about them as well. They absolutely stunk. So good luck to them and if you're listening and you've never purchased

sea monkeys, don't bother. They're a horrendous disappointment because they don't look anything like monkeys. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Think about him every day. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Who's letting their rego run out for 12 months?

I mean, maybe give it a couple of months. Yeah, I can understand. Yeah, because then effectively you've not checked it for a year. Yeah. Or if you're doing six month rego, that's 18 months and two years if you're doing it 12 months at a time. Yeah. I used to do my regio monthly because there's no discount in... Monthly. I think there is. Monthly or two-monthly or something? Yeah.

Three-monthly? It works out to exactly the same. Yeah, they just divide it. Right. It's just admin, isn't it? Yeah, but it would expire all the time. Every month. Fill up your car and get a new regio at the same time.

Yeah. So check that today, hey? Yeah. About better living, everybody. Well, it voids your insurance, doesn't it? Or is that your WAF? That's your WAF. That's your WAF.

Oh, is it rego as well? Both. And you can't get a warrant of fitness until you've got a registration. I remember when I was at Te Kura Toi Whikare o Aotearoa New Zealand Drama School, where I got a degree in acting. Okay. Polytech. You can just say Polytech.

No, it's it. So when you were at Polytech, was this when you were living month to month with your rego? Month to month with my rego. What's my story? Oh, I got a parking ticket, $200 for my rego being out and $200 for my WAF being out all on the same day. And it was $440. Oh, my goodness. I was a student.

And then you walked into class and the teacher said, today we need you to tap into emotion and cry. And you just burst into tears when it was top mark. So it was actually worth it. Yeah, and then I got to play Lady Macbeth. Yeah. Because I had that emotion. But no, my mum wrote a letter and said, she's not paying that.

She's a student. And I said, oh, yeah, fair enough. Yeah. That doesn't work, does it? Patsy Sproul wrote them a letter and said she can't afford it. She's a student. Why couldn't she have just paid for it? She paid for your private school.

Now, moneybags Patsy. Oh no, it's the principal of the matter, isn't it? Yeah. She was like, you can tell by the size of the car. Well, she's hardly teaching her daughter a lesson because she got her out of it. Failed her out of trouble. She should have let you pay for it. You don't pay for parking.

And then she used her unregistered car on a ram raid. So mum didn't teach her the harsh lesson. Yeah. I'll always have a wife on a ridge if you go to a ram raid. Coming up on the show, 8 o'clock, our grocery grab. Our last one today, thanks to the warehouse. And then, Friday flashback. It's my pick this week and I'm going to go

Jay Sean because he's joining us on the show ahead of Friday Jams live tickets on sale today I've got the hiccups

you do have the hiccups you don't know why just like did you have a beer before you came to work no spicy food no

because I had my oats which are not a cereal. Famously not spicy. Oats are oats. Jay Sean, tickets on sale for Friday Jams Live today at 11 o'clock,

Ticketmaster. We'll chat to him. Eight o'clock. Good fun. Next on the show. There's an influencer who I'm just learning about, but apparently

quite famous. Steph Clare... Smith. Smith. Do you already know who you're going was like, it's Jones or Smith. She's got a challenge. She's doing a 30-day challenge that she is sharing online. And it's not a fitness challenge.

Well, not overtly. Okay. Something a bit more R18, shall we say. Steph, Claire, Smith is a red-hot influencer from... Australia. Yeah. Australia. She's huge. Like, what did it start out as, like, fitness,

and now she's got cookbooks, podcasts. Wow. And she's got an empire. Well, good for her. She's 28 years old then. She's absolutely nailing it. How have you never heard of her? Like, I've heard of her.

Fitness, health, not really my thing. You know? Fair call, fair call. Not into it. Anyway, on her podcast, as you mentioned, she has one, she was chatting to her co-founder and co-host of this podcast about a challenge that she and her husband are doing this month. They're on day 17

and it's a 30 day intimacy challenge that she's made up. And basically it's 30 days of sexiest times. And she says

it's anything more than kissing. Further than kissing but it doesn't have to be full. Right. As long as it anything more than kissing. Further than kissing, but it doesn't have to be full. Right, as long as it's more than kissing. As long as it's more than kissing, whatever that may mean, intimacy. And does every day have to be something different? Every day. No, no, no, they just have to be intimate on that day. Okay.

And she's doing this as sort of like a reset for the couple. They were getting a bit busy in their lives and not prioritising their intimacy. So she's doing 30 days. There's no day, they can't have a day off. So even if they're super, super, super busy or they're not in the mood initially. What if I've got a headache?

That's the best thing you can do for it. Right. Okay. It truly is. They have to do it. She said even if they have an argument and it's like a rip-roarer, before the clock striketh midnight, they're going to get it on. Okay.

Do you like that idea? No. No. It's too much. It's way too much. It's forcing it, isn't it? How long have her and her partner been together? It doesn't say.

They are married. Yeah, right. Okay. She said it's hard. She was like, it's really difficult. Well, it wouldn't be hard after 30 days. It'd probably just be a bit saggy. It would be.

It's just like somewhat harder to get it going. It's not how to break. Yeah, right. So she says, we know that afterwards, she said, we're always better, happier, you know, more in love and cuddly and kinder to each other. Yeah. Could you be like, oh, it's time for our intimacy, and he's like, well, actually, you're a bit late.

I just played with myself. Yeah. I had my. But I thought about you. That's pretty nice. Thank you very much. I think both have to be there, Bourne. No, it's about intimacy.

Yeah. They've got to connect. Yeah, okay. 30 days. No days off. It's too much. It's just too much. I no days off. It's too much. It's just too much. I'll say it, it's too much.

Imagine making it a task, getting into bed and being like brr. Well it's like emptying the dishwasher every day, isn't it? Yeah. If you've ever scheduled, if you've ever like you guys haven't tried for kids, but like there's this window, right? Yes. So you've gotta like it becomes so formulaic and like regimented and scheduled.

Yeah, like we've got to go now. It certainly takes the. Yeah, right. Takes the. Romance. Romance. And spark. Spontaneity.

And spontaneity out of it, yeah. What have we got planned tonight at 7.35pm? I'll be ovulating. Yeah. So I was thinking we should fornicate. Yeah. Like that sort of. Yeah, it's not sexy, is it?

Yeah, not as much, no. We've got a meeting at work. It's like, no, not a problem. I'll just pop in. Yeah. So I was thinking we should fornicate. Yeah. Like that sort of becomes. Yeah, it's not sexy, is it? Yeah, not as much. No. We've got a meeting at work. It's like, no, not a problem. I'll just pop in. Yeah. Or have it out in the basement car park and then you can get to your meeting. Yeah.

But, oh yeah, okay. Be, hmm. Okay. Well. Well, if any of your listeners feel like they want to increase their intimacy with their partner. Yeah, 30 days. Then give the 30 day challenge a bit of a go.

And if you want to just sort of, you know, keep trudging along in the shit of life together and get round to it. Yes, yes, yes. Get round to it if you get round to it

and if you don't. And kind of like indicate it's on the cards and then one little thing goes wrong, like the dishwasher's not stacked properly and you're like,

well, this is my way out and you kick start an argument. Yeah. You go to bed angry because it's good to fester on those things. Always good to think about these things on a night's sleep, a turbulent night's sleep. I reckon split rooms, you know, like go on the couch as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just do this. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little Poe, silly little Poe, silly little Poe, silly little Poe, silly little Poe. Hello.

Silly Little Poe. New shoes. You know when you get a pair of new shoes? Yes. Do you Scotchgard them or shoe protect them? Or buy that spray that they're always trying to sell you at Overland to keep your suede boots from going all muck? Yeah.

I think they must be on some commission for socks and shoe protector. Socks is definitely like a trained up sell. Like platypus and hype. They're always like, do you need some socks? That shoe protector does work, though. Yeah, it does. Yeah. And the reason we did this poll is because you have just purchased, Hayley, some suede.

New suede shoes. Vages? Vages. Vaya. Vaya. I don't know if the J's pronounced. Right. It's a basic bitch brand, but I bought the fancy version.

Yeah, they're great. But most of them, it's all suede, isn't it? Suede. Looking at it now. Stay out from our new suede shoes. Uh-huh. And the problem with suede shoes is they look great when you first buy them, but if you don't put the protector on, they go to crap pretty bad.

It's already getting a bit skanky at this bit. Yeah. I don't know how to look after them. So you haven't put shoe protector on? No. What are Timberlands? Because my shoes came, I bought a shampoo with them. They're a kind of suede.

They're kind of a leathery, suede situation. But this shampoo, I was like, scoff. Yeah. But the person selling it was attractive. Oh, yes. So of course you buy it. I know to attract people. I can't break that. They know more than you. So you can't say no to attractive people. I can't break that.

They know more than you do. I can't break that little cutie's heart. So I purchased it, and it does bloody, it does work. Oh, wow. It cleans them really, really well. And then you put that spray on. What is it? You've got to do 2A and let them dry.

Yeah. Let them dry. Yeah. But it is often you've just bought new shoes, and it's another, what, 25 bucks for the pair? Yeah, and it's too much. Yeah. I do plan to put something on them

because usually, like, I own a few pairs of Doc Martens and I always dub in them before you wear them. Like, put a little balm or something, a protector. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Leather protector.

Oh, honey wax. They were cute. Honey wax. And I just wanted to wear them, you know, and now I haven't stopped. You get new shoes, you want to put them on or you want to wear them out of the store. Yeah.

So do you use shoe protector on your shoes? An overwhelming 77% said no. I mean, most shoes, you don't need them. It's only really your leathers and your suede that you want to be protecting. Kat says, no, I'm not wearing suede. If a garment can't handle my life without special protection, it's not welcome in that life.

Fair enough. They're a pain in the ass for sure. That's a hot call, Kat. I like that. Yeah. Susie says, because I'll be damned if these $300 leather boots

that I got on sale for $50 look like shit after a rainy day. So she's a protector. She runs a hot protection unit there. Del, only on my cowboy boots because my partner was dark on me when I bought them. They were not cheap. And he said I wouldn't look after them, so I'm purely doing it to prove him wrong. And we've got a cowboy listening to us.

This is a cowgirl. Oh, cowgirl, sorry. Del's last name is Crump. Del Crump. Oh, like Barry Crump. That's such a Western name. Yeah, like Barry Crump. Yeah, it could be Barry. Hi there, I'm Del Crump. Oh, like Barry Crump. That's such a Western name. Yeah, like Barry Crump.

Yeah, it could be Barry. Hi there, I'm Del Crump. We've got a cowgirl listening to us. We're dead or alive. Del Crump for wrestling cattle. That's amazing. That's a good name, Del Crump. Rocking the show, Del Crump. Name of the week.

Name of the week. Name of the week. Name of the week. We've found the name of the week. Del Crump. Tamsin. Seems so plain, doesn't it? Yeah.

I found embarrassing for Tamsin. Yeah, it's like you can have a rice wave cracker after you've had a Waka Changy salt and vinegar. Del Crump should have been headlining. She should have been the last. She should have been there. So we could have put this to the side and really concentrated on what an awesome name she's got.

Name of the week. Name of the week. Tamsin. Plain old Jane Tamsin. Tamsin says, Yes, because if I spend a few hundred dollars on shoes, I want them to last and look nice. I'm willing to invest a little bit more.

Nicole, only on fabric like Converse or suede so they don't get destroyed from rain and the occasional puddle of mud. Converse? No, that's a fabric. That's a canvas, isn't it? Yeah. Converse canvas? Yeah. And plus I love when Converse go all dirty and old. No one wants new Converse. You want them.

That's their charm, is that they look worn. They look like they've seen you through many adventures. Is there a place that does the cheap sprays, the protective sprays? Because the thing that gets people is that it's so expensive and marked up at these shoe shops. Can you get it cheaper anywhere else? I might pop into my cobbler's. Oh, your cobbler. Now your cobbler's will be expensive.

I've got to go to the cobbler because I've broken my wallet. So he's going to fix that and I'll see if he can get us a spray. I've got one hell of a cobbler. I reckon he'll have a bomb. I've got a great cobbler. I've also got a cobbler. My cobbler, he's second to none, though. I feel like we need a target type investigation into everyone's cobbler.

My cobbler was cheap and efficient and good. Mine was too. Yeah. Mine was $20. Mine's reliable and he's the only dude in Auckland that does marching boots. Okay, yeah. So you've got a specialist cobbler there. You've got a specialist cobbler.

I've got a specialist cobbler. He also does handbags, belts in your other shoes. Okay, so he does a lot of little work. So does mine. Yeah, my guy does more cash that way. I don't think he doesn't. He wouldn't rock the boot though. The marching boot.

My guy could do my solo pair of marching boots. You've got a specialist cobbler though. I don't have need for a. He wouldn't rock the boot, though. The marching boot. My guy could do my solo pair of marching boots. You've got a specialist cobbler, though. I don't have need for a specialist cobbler of that integrity. I think you're going to have an expensive spray on your hands there. You reckon? Yeah, yeah. Sounds like he charges top dollar. Those specialists always do.

I've got to go see him today, so I'll have a look. I'll pop into my cobbler to see what he's charging, too. No, don't bother. I'm going to my cobbler. Do you reckon Dale Crump's got a cobbler or she does it herself? Del Crump absolutely just sits on a stool and repairs the boots herself.

Yeah, she's got a big leather needle. Do it all. Probably just after she's bloody horse to shoe. Shoe to horse? Horse to shoe. Shoe to horse.

I think it's shoe to horse. Don't shoot a horse. No. Shoe to horse. Manny says, I will put shoe protector on my nice leather boots. Otherwise, who can be effed? Yeah.

Amy, no I don't but I always feel like I have to lie to the shoe shop and say I already have some of that in mind. Yes. I've said that too. It's one of the greatest lies and they know you're lying to it. Yeah they do. I feel like they know you're lying. Yeah. There you go. Alright so yeah and you're actually in the majority of people that don't

clean, that protect their shoes. I do protect my other shoes. I just haven't protected these nice, suede, expensive ones because they were too cute not to wear immediately. Times are tough at the moment. Cost of living at an all-time high worldwide, not just only in New Zealand. Yeah.

And, of course, it was like the Great Resignation or something and everyone was sort of going, well, I'm going to go find a better job so I can afford this new life. And for the first time in a long time, the amount of people leaving New Zealand, a lot in their 20s, is more than people coming in. Good riddance! Good riddance!

Don't think you're coming back! Oh, you're not letting them back. Oh, if there's another pandemic like the one brewing in China, you're not coming back. You have to stay there. Or run back to my safe little island in the South Pacific where we can close the borders and stay safe, isolate ourselves. You're not coming back.

It was fun to be here, wasn't it, when we were all locked down? No, when we were locked in, I mean. Scurrying home like little rats off a sinking ship that is Earth. Back to the life raft that is New Zealand. You're not coming back this time. Well, Immigration Minister Vaughan Smith, you've heard it here first. You're not welcome back.

Nope. Hot stance. I went overseas for more opportunities to die. You're not coming back. Well, if you want to stay, but you do feel like, if you want to stay maybe in your current job as well, and you do feel like, you know,

the only thing holding you back is your pay, maybe it's time to ask for a pay rise. Well, a hostage negotiator has given some tips on how to negotiate your way to Kachingville. Shoot them then if you're such a big hostage taker. See if I care. Reverse psychology. Knock yourself out. No, I a big hostage taker. See if I care. Reverse psychology. Knock yourself out.

No, I don't think he's... Knock yourself out, kill three. I don't think he's meaning tie the boss up and hold him at gunpoint. Yeah, I don't think that he's... Either way, we're hostage negotiating. No, no, no, no. He's a hostage... He's a hostage negotiator.

Okay. A specialist who teaches hostage negotiators how to negotiate, but he also now uses his skills to help CEOs and work people. So getting more money out of the place you work for is now considered on par with negotiating with terrorists. Yeah. Yes. Basically.

Yes. He's actually written a book called- It's easier to get an old lady released From being tied up in a bank Than it is to get $3 more an hour This book seems Problematic, he's got a book Called Change Their Mind

Six steps to persuade anyone to do anything Some real psychology here Okay, so here are his tips Prepare, prepare, prepare Prepare, prepare, prepare A prepare. Prepare, prepare, prepare, prepare. A hostage negotiator never free wheels. You were about to say free balls. I was going to say free balls.

I was. Okay. He never free balls. He's always got a set out plan. Right. So don't go in and just go, ah, some more money, and then not have a plan. Right.

Work it out. Like, do your research. A company made, you know, an extra 15 million last year. That's right. Have your facts saying, I've been performing the role for two roles and I will be recognised for that. Last year the business did well and it was because of this was this. So just go in with some proper facts, not just free balling it.

Don't negotiate yourself down beforehand. So, they never say, so interestingly enough, hostage negotiators never actually negotiate. They never say, okay, you can kill half the hostages as long as you release the other half. So they never

go in and give them an option of something that would work for them. They come in and it's about me. Right, but what if your boss says, we want a helicopter waiting at the airport and a car to take us there? What do you do then? I don't know.

That's a good question. He said, typically we negotiate ourselves down before we even make our request. He'd go, I'm going to go in and ask for a 10% pay rise, but if they give me nine, I'll take it. Or if they give me eight, I'll take it. Right. Or if they give me eight, maybe I could look there. Well, sure enough. Big mistake.

If you think you're worth 10% more, settle for none, no less. Nothing less. Yeah, right. View a no as a problem-solving exercise and not a no. So if they say, no, we can't do that, then you can go, okay, well we how can I keep darting around this and finding ways to make it happen

right so don't just basically don't take no for an answer like a hostage negotiator yeah release the hostages no

bugger it I'm out of here you guys are on your own now yeah that sort of attitude you've got to listen to the boss when you are asking

for this listen to your boss because they'll turn down your request probably straight away. Well, they're never going to say, give me 10% pay rise. Sure. Here it is. It'll be in your bank account tomorrow. So a hostage negotiator's superpower is their ability to listen

or at least make it seem like you're listening. And then don't say no. This is hard. And then help them help you is the last tip. Help them help you. We need to listen to them, their concerns, the things on their mind and have pre-prepared answers. Also, basically you're going like,

think about the things that they'll say no and why they say no and have an answer ready to go. So then you're helping them help you. I mean, if all of this fails, could you just take the whole executive level hostage and not let anyone go home until you get a 10% pay rise? That seems fair. I think that seems fair.

Well, you could release one hostage per percent. Right, okay. And keep the big dog till last. And then change your demands. The hostage thing's more of an analogy. Right. When you're asking for the pay rise, it's not written here, but don't take hostages.

Don't go in and say, I want a 10% pay rise. It sounds like that's what he's saying. Maybe he is. Well, he did write that book, How to Convince Anybody to Do Anything. And you've just convinced me to take the executive legal hostage. Wow. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

There is a university in Manchester. This is being investigated, but this is not a joke, right? Like if this was April Fool's, you'd be like, ah. No. Carl Anderson published an article recently detailing his investigation, which involved him pleasuring himself to erotic Japanese cartoons known as

Shota. S-H-O-T-A. Okay. Shota. And taking notes. According to his thesis, these comics tend to involve young boy characters in a cute or most often sexually explicit way. But not like...

Yeah. Not like... Nope, you're right, it is. So he did this for three months every day. Yep. He carried out interviews and surveys. His research hit a wall, so he decided to take an active role in the study,

copying his participants by playing with himself to these cartoons and then analysing each session. There is... This is his study. He also had a complete ban on any other sort of adult literature or intercourse with any other humans. Right. So it was purely a self on self.

Yes. And he managed to get a PhD. Well, it was published in the Journal of Qualitative Research, titled I Am Not Alone, We Are All Alone, Using Masturbation as an Infographic Method in Research to Show to Subculture in Japan. So real. And he submitted it as a PhD.

People make their PhD titles so fancy. Fancy. Yeah. When really he was out of ideas, so he thought, well, I'll just play with myself for three months. Yeah. And then hand in my essay. My findings.

Yeah. He's taken the mack. So he has a PhD in masturbation, technically, so I've got the top six other honorary PhDs I should just be given. Wait, so you said that he is being investigated for this? Yeah. Or the university is? The university is investigating this.

Even though he ticked all the boxes of what is required for a PhD. Because a PhD can be about anything you want it to be, basically. You just have to do the research and do all the... But don't you have to have Qualifications that lead into that Like I couldn't just suddenly do a PhD In science, I have to have a degree Yeah, Masters Kick off your PhD

It doesn't say what he had previously studied Well you know, what's his Masters in? It was printed in the journal of Qualitative research So whatever the needs of it It's published. Stats. Uni.

So here are the top six other honorary PhDs I should be given. Number six, a PhD in checking the fridge for new food every five minutes. Yes. Nothing magically appears. Nothing appears, does it? No. Congratulations, doctor. Thank you very much, doctor.

Number five on the list of the top six other honorary PhDs I should just be given at this stage. Hitting the snooze button. Oh, what would your thesis be called? The thesis of it's nine more minutes, what harm could that do? Oopsie dozie, I'm 80 minutes late. Yeah, great. Classic Vaughn.

Number four on the list of the top six other honorary PhDs I should just be given. I think if they're offering a PhD in masturbation, they should offer one in procrastination, which is absolutely my forte. Why do that now when I can panic and stress myself and kind of half-assed do it later? Because you've got a master's in anxiety,

so that sort of leads to a PhD in procrastination. Yeah, yeah. Really, those work against each other, but somehow they work together as well. Number three on the list of the top six other honorary PhDs that should just be given, a PhD in stacking the dishwasher. Yeah, you're good at that.

You're good at that. He's good at it. He's pretty good. He's pretty good. He'll restack. Oh, do you do that? He'll restack. Oh, I do do that. He'll restack right in front of the person that stacked it. Absolutely.

You mean your wife, right? Yep. Every time. Number two on the list of the top six other honorary PhDs I should just be given at this stage. PhD in saying, oh, I could not eat another mouthful. And then when the wait staff offer me the dessert menu, I say, no harm in having a look.

And then I order dessert. Yes. Yeah. And number one of the top six honorary PhDs I should be giving, tiptoeing the fine line of having a mental breakdown but never quite hitting it. Close. Yeah.

You can see a mentee bee on the horizon, but you're like, not today. No. It is always lingering with you. It's always over there. I always feel like, yeah, I can see a mentee bee on the horizon, but you're like, not today. No. It is always lingering with you. It's always over there. I always feel like, yeah, I can see it. But not quite there yet. One day you're going to go all shining on us, I reckon. Yeah.

Yeah. Here's Varnie! I do have so many axes too. It's not good. Today's top six. Play. ZM's Fletch Well, it's a Friday tradition. We rank. It's normally food items.

We rank things. Argue, debate. Today, we are ranking items at the fish and chip shop. Yeah. Fritters. Fritters. Fritters. Why? Do they have to be at the fish and chip shop. Yep. Fritters. Fritters. Fritters. Why? Do they have to be at the fish and chip shop? Oh, they could be a cafe fritter or a homemade. Yeah, I think we just do fritters

in general. A homemade fritter. But we'll be accepting potato fritters. Do you know what I love about a potato fritter? You order two, they give you six. Yeah, why? They're always just chucking in way more. What fish and chip shop are you going into? All fish and chip shops do it. If you order a couple of fritters, they'll always chuck in some bonus ones. Really? Yeah, man. It's a good way to get more potatoes.

There was a recent Reddit investigation into the Kiwi tradition of ordering one fritter and getting more than you. Huh. I never knew that was a thing. I'm going to just go out there and say, I think without a doubt, our number one today will be the corn fritter.

I'm not immediately going to argue with you. Sweet corn fritter. The sweet corn fritter. Sweet corn jalapeno. There's options, you know. There's options. Always with some sour cream on top. Or sweet chilli fritter. Sweet corn jalapeno, there's options, you know. There's options. Always with some sour cream on top. Or sweet chilli.

Yeah, whether it's the fish and chip shop or you go to a cafe and you get them with relish. I'm just going to, just so we know, you know, what constitutes a fritter, because I'm going, are we including croquettes, bhaji? But a fritter is a portion of meat, seafood, fruit, vegetables and other ingredients that have been battered or breaded and then fried. Okay, so that's the definition. Yeah.

Although, can I chuck in pawa fritter and whitebait fritter? Pineapple fritter. I don't like whitebait. You can see the little eyes. Oh, I love whitebait. No, whitebait, you close your eyes and eat away. But it doesn't taste like anything. Yes, it does.

It does. It tastes like whitebait. It tastes, but it's very mild flavour. You know because you've had a fritter where they've gone too heavy on the egg and not enough whitebait. Yeah. You've got to go somewhere where they're not afraid to absolutely plunder that river mouth. Where they're not afraid to be like, to hell

with future fish stocks. Yeah, to hell. To hell with them. The net is full and the fritter is flush. Yes. I mean, Kiwis love a whitebait fritter. They do, yeah. Good egg. Power, I think, is a little feral for me. Nah, power's yum, but you don't come across it very often.

It's rare. All I think about is my dad in the 90s getting from the local Eastbourne chippery, power fritters, and they'd be like this dark brown, rubbery have a bit of a smell to them. Disks, yeah. Like, ooh, Dad.

That's probably why he got them, so you wouldn't eat them. Yeah. That's why guys love snifters. So I think I'm going to go corn whitebait pineapple. Ooh. An honorary mention for the power. Well, I... I like how you've put a sweet in there.

Yeah. I like how you've put a sweet... I hadn't even considered a sweet fritter. Yeah, because I just remember the banana fritter. Okay. For God's sake, a banana fritter with vanilla ice cream. So I went corn for number one. Yep. And like you, white

bait for number two. Yep. It's a little treat on some fresh white bread. Yes. With a squeeze of lemon. Okay. Number three, I had to go for potato just because it's, you know, a staple of the frittifano. And it's so crunchy, you dip it in tomato sauce. It's a battered chip. Yeah, it's just a giant chip, you know, a staple of the frittifano. And it's so crunchy. You dip it in tomato sauce. It's a battered chip.

Yeah, it's just a giant chip, isn't it? It's a giant battered chip. It's a giant disc. Yeah, a disc chip. Yum, yum, yum. I'm agreeing number one is corn. Okay, so we're locking in number one. Corn is the winner.

Yeah. Number two, I'm going courgette. I always make courgette fritters. Yum. I will say, I was a friend of the show, Nadia Lim, she has a recipe for a courgette and halloumi fritter. Very light. Halloumi melts.

Squeaky. Courgette. Yum. Delicious. So I'm going corn, then courgette, and then I'm going banana. Banana fritter with a bit of sugar and cinnamon or a bit of caramel or a bit of vanilla ice cream. If we're doing overall, whitebait would be two.

Yeah, whitebait would be second. Corn, whitebait, and then... A fruit-based. A fruit-based. Yeah, I'd be happy to add in a fruit-based there. No, a banana fritter's better than pineapple. Yeah, banana fritter's better than a pineapple fritter. Banana.

Okay, there we go. Final rankings. Would you know how you can get at fish and chip shops like deep-fried Mars bars? Hmm. Would we call it a Mars bar fritter? No. Okay, okay. We'll stick with banana fritter bars? Mm. Will we call it Mars bar fritter? No. Okay, okay.

We'll sit with banana fritter then. Unless you grated up the Mars bar and added egg and then smushed it. Nana fritter. Yeah. Corn, whitebait, nana. Done.

Ranked. That was our easiest rankings ever, isn't it? We actually got on with that. We just love fritters. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. NZ Herald journalist, lifestyle columnist, Lee Suckling. Yeah.

What a fun name. Wrote a piece that really tickled me. Really tickled me this morning about gym goers, particularly of the male variety. Guys, with all this bad news in the news about men, I'm beginning to think we're not the superior sex. Really? I'll chuck it out there.

It's been a hell of a week for men. Okay, right. A hell of a month. A hell of a year. I'll say a hell of a decade. A hell of a century. It's been a hell of a millennium for men. It really has.

It was talking about the weird things that men do at gyms that he can't stand. Like what kind of things did he raise? So some of the sort of common ones we see is the absolute aggressive dropping of weights on the floor. Even though at Les Mills they always have things being like, please don't drop weights. A lot of gyms don't have the floors that can sustain that kind of like punishment. When I lived in Wellington, I used to go to the Les Mills

on Taranaki Street. Yeah. And all the floor was like cracked and the mirrors were cracked and stuff from people who were just like, just dropping them.

Yeah. You can't, there is technique to lower a weight down to the ground without sort of aggressively being like, did you hear how heavy

my weight was? Mansplaining a lot of guys going up to the gals at the gym and being like, honey, you're doing this wrong. That's a big TikTok thing, eh? Which is, yeah, which is like guys going up to girls who are clearly able to work out on their own. Right. Male aggression towards each other.

Bit of, I don't know, it's very primal, isn't it? Unhygienically, he's seen people give themselves a little trim downstairs. What, do the pubes at the gym? Oh, no. Do you remember that time I saw that guy dry his pubes with the hairdryer? I'll shave my head at the gym.

Guys will have a shave down the shower hole. Oh, you shave it in the shower? Yeah. Or at the basin at the same. Guys will have a shave before they go to work. Yeah, I think that's okay. And when you clean it, you just literally like chuck water everywhere

and get all the hair down the plug hole. But if you do that at home, it's a mess. But you don't do pubes. You wouldn't trim your pubes at the gym. Wow, he's seen it. Really? People farting and just walking away. Yeah, protein farts at the gym.

Yeah, and sometimes they just plop out. You're on a treadmill, you get a little multi-stager going. A little tooty. Of course, there's always the photo shoots, the little photo shoot, the flexing in the mirror and taking a photo and stuff. Yeah. Anyway, I just love these sort of strange gym behaviours

and that's what I wanted to ask this morning is, what is the weirdest thing that you have seen someone do at the gym? Maybe just an odd behaviour or something that just grinds your gears. I always find it weird seeing someone honing a like 500ml Monster energy drink. Oh yeah.

Because it's carbonated. I don't think I've ever had a Monster. No, neither. But it's carbonated, right? I assume so. Producer Jared, yep. Producer Jared, the energy drink correspondent. It's carbonated, right? I assume so. Producer Jared, yep. Producer Jared, the energy drink correspondent.

It's carbonated. I don't know how you could drink anything carbonated at the gym. And then do like a workout. Yeah. You'd be super burpy. Yeah. What about the guy, I've talked about this before, who wears those foot shoes? Toe shoes.

Toe shoes. I mean, I'd say that would probably be the weirdest thing I've seen at the gym. There's definitely, there's quite a lot of women up in the women's gym where I go that rock a corset. Oh, okay. Like a waist trainer situation. How does that go when you're, would it hold your back straight? Because I've thought about when I've had a sore back,

wearing one of those things that you wear when you're lifting weights. But I don't want to look too hard out. Back brace. It's like when I wore gloves for just a little bit because I had sore hands. Yeah. And then I look like a Harry Hardout because I'm like. You've got the brace. And then the gloves.

They're like, man, this big, this big, chonky boy must be able to lift. And then I'm just like, 20 kg deadlift. You've got to start somewhere. My favorite is when I see people on the treadmill or the cross trainer just in, like, civvy clothing. Like jeans. Oh, like what they have in. Belly flats. Yeah, right.

I don't know how they do it. Yeah, no. You don't want to sweat in that. Sweaty. Well, 0800 DARS at M. We want to take your calls now and your texts. 9696. What is the weirdest thing that you've seen in the gym?

Can you beat any of that? But right now we're talking about the weird, gross, odd, just sort of peculiar things that you've seen at your gym. There's an article in the NZ Herald this morning about just men in particular, their behaviour at the gym. Right. Are we getting messages about any women's odd behaviour? Is it still just the guys?

Mostly guys. I'm just saying it's been a hell of a millennium for dudes. Hasn't it? The tides too. Alex joins us. Alex, what was the weirdest, most unusual thing you've seen at the gym? I was warming up and there was a dude next to me on the bike and he was smashing down

on a six pack of Mr. Ben's big pies straight out of the pack, of the bag, sorry, and they were definitely not warm. They were cold. Wait, so he ate

six cold pies on the bike? I saw him eat two and like the packet already had one missing so he was on his third by the time I was there. Oh, wow. I think that's what we call a dirty bulk.

It is a dirty bulk. It's a dirty, big old dirty bulk. But you tend to do a dirty bulk before you get to the gym. But he's doing a simultaneous bulk and gym. But also, if you're doing cardio, pies are like the antithesis, right? Yeah. Oh, is that the arteries? Yeah, it does.

Wow. Wow. Alex, is that the arteries? Yeah, it does. Wow. Okay. Alex, thanks for your call. Joanne, what was the weirdest and most unusual thing you've seen at the gym? I'm actually going to dob myself in as doing the pubes. Are you the person that did the pubes at the sink? Are you trimming at the sink? Definitely not that, but it does relate to here.

I dyed my flatmates hair at the sink? Definitely not that, but it does relate to hair. I dyed my flatmate's hair at the gym. Why? Is that why people do it at hotels? Because then the dye and the splatter gets over someone else's vanity and gym mirror? Well, she asked me to do it, and I figured she just meant when we got home. But she was like, no, we're going to do it here. And I was like, okay. But then you'd have to wait.

You'd have to hang around for 36 minutes was like, no, we're going to do it here. And I was like, okay. Do it at the gym. But then you'd have to wait. You'd have to hang around for 36 minutes. Yeah, no. Well, quite often we would go to the gym in the morning and afternoon and then we'd shower and get in our pyjamas and walk out. So, I mean. In your pyjamas? You get bed ready at the gym and then go home? Yeah. Because there was four of us that went

and we only had one bathroom at home. And if we had to all wait for everyone to shower, it would take too long. It actually makes a lot of sense. The hot water you're saving. You know, you're not draining the water cylinder every night for it to have to reheat. Yeah, this was like 10 years ago. We didn't have the money for that.

Somebody messaged on Instagram saying they saw a lady shave her legs in the sauna. Would you do that, Joanne? It's too tricky. I don't think I ever shave my legs at the gym though because then that's just more things you have to take with you. Yeah, yeah. That'd be weird, but getting in your pyjamas then,

not at all, no. No, that's totally socially acceptable. Joanne, thank you for your call. Morgan, what's the most unusual thing you've seen at the gym? Oh, more than a guy. More than a guy. So I saw a girl in her Crocs. Yeah.

Her trainer was in her Crocs, too. She had, like, in his Crocs, had, like, in her Crocs. Yeah. Her trainer was in her Crocs too. She had like, in his Crocs, had like fresh white Crocs, socks pulled up over her tights, just squatting, getting amongst it. But there's only one place for those things and that's the bin. I mean, I agree with you there. But do you, are they flat? Because you know how people lift in trucks because they're flat. Yeah, you see Converse, people lifting in Converse,

because they're flat and they can take a little bit of spongy. Yeah, they're spongy, but they've got a bit of a heel. She had that little back strap up too. That's adventure mode. I think you call that adventure mode in your Crocs. Yeah, right. That is odd, isn't it? Were they built?

They have good bods? They had a good situation going on? Maybe we should all be going to Crocs. I mean, yeah, she was pretty good looking. He looked pretty buff, the trainer. Maybe we switched to Crocs. Is that why I've not been losing weight? Is that why I'm not shredded? I think before we recommend that,

I think a podiatrist or a physio should comment on... And the fact that if you dropped weight on your toe and you were only wearing Crocs, it would probably take the toe. Just one layer of rubber. That's true. Morgan, thanks. You call some more messages in.

I see a guy at the gym who works out in his red band gumboots. Wow. Don't know why. Someone said, I train with traditional karate weapons in the gym and I wonder if people avoid the group room when I'm in there. Well, you're spinning around with a bloody, you look like the Ninja Turtles. Yeah.

Maybe trying to stay out of the way of the nunchucks or the katunchucks. Nunchucks. Yeah. Maybe trying to stay out of the way of the Nunchucks or the Katana swords. Someone, yep, somebody else saw somebody. The shadow that was being cast, they were in the shower, they were behind the door, but the shadow cast from the light above really told the whole story that they were playing with themselves in the shower. Oh, no. There's a time and a place.

Any hanky- Panky in the bathrooms Being spotted? No, no Hanky Panky I think that's why the showers at our gym Have very low partitions Yes To stop that

That's the rumour I walked into the ladies bathroom at the gym To see a naked woman drying herself Under the hand dryer Oh, drying her most intimate area No, her whole self. Oh. She must have

forgot her towel. The weirdest thing I've seen at the gym is a guy going out for a ciggy between sets. Do his weights then hone out.

I saw a guy running on the treadmill in Birkenstocks. Oh no. They're not good for running. That's dangerous. It's going to be

bad for the ankles. Yeah. And I've seen girls spending ages, sometimes up to 10 minutes, taking photos of their bums. Does it really take that long to get the photo? Yeah, well, you've got to get the perfect. Yeah, well, you've got to get the angle and you've got to do the twist

so you've got the tiny little waist. Twist and the tense and the pop. And then the pop. It's a whole thing, man. Try not to fart. There should be a gym class called Popping That Booty. Pop That Booty. For a photo.

I'm trying to more. We're hurting. Do a feature. Play ZM's, Good, Good, Bad, Good. We have to give you some bad news, but we're going to sandwich it and wrap it in good news. Majority good. Yeah. Minority bad.

Bad. I have some good news that we can start with. And Vaughn, this is a game that you've been playing, the game Stray. Will you play a stray cat? You do. So the story is it's like humanity's gone. I think a virus wiped us out. Oh. Whoopsie. You do. So the story is it's like humanity's gone. I think a virus wiped us

out. Oh. Whoopsie. Relatable. And you play a cat and right at the start of the game you're with all your cat pals and then you fall down a hole. Fun. And you've got to find your way out of the hole with assistance from these robots. It's really, it's a beautiful game. Right. Well a lot of

animal shelters and animal welfare groups have been using the game and live streams to promote raffles and fundraisers. And it's also made people want to adopt stray cats. So a lot of these places are making money so that they can rehome. And then a lot of people are thinking, well, I could get a stray cat instead of getting, you know, a designer cat. What kind of monsters are still buying purebreds?

Exactly. Adopt. Don't shopped. Adopt, don't shopped. Adopt, don't shopped. Yeah. Yeah. That's my good news.

That's great news. That's really good news for the cats. Great news. I've got some more good news about the foe of the cat. Okay. The dog. Okay. So in Brazil, there was a wedding, and it was a nice wedding.

And as this couple were saying their vows at the end of the aisle, a stray dog wanders in. Now, a lot of people would say, get out of here. What's that, your guts? Get out of here. But because everybody's been playing the stray cat game, they're a bit more nicer to stray animals now.

The dog just took to this couple. It was an adorable little mutt. Mutt. And it just lay on their ear. Look, it's having a little sleep while they're having their ceremony at the end of the thing. Oh, okay, it's quite cute. And he just hung out the whole time and just felt really on their ear. Look, it's having a little sleep while they're having their ceremony at the end of the thing. Oh, okay. It's quite cute.

And he just hung out the whole time and just felt really drawn to them. So instead of shooing it away, they took it to the vet, fixed his broken foreleg, put a cone around his head and they bloody adopted him. Oh.

Yeah. Have they just stolen someone's dog? Yeah, he did have a collar that said, you know, rough and it had an address and a phone number. They just whipped that right off. Okay, right. Yes.

Put a new microchip in him, and he's theirs. That's the way to go. It's ready to roll. You've got some bad news. I've got some bad news. Guys, our fourth case of monkey pox has been detected in New Zealand. So every story we've had so far is animal related. Yes.

Cats, dogs, monkeys. I've got an animal story next. Oh, great. Fantastic. To bring her back after this bad news. Well, the Ministry of Health confirmed a person yesterday had recently returned from overseas and was currently isolating in the South Island following a positive test result. I mean, the good thing is that the monkey case, the monkey pox cases we've had aren't spreading.

No. They're bringing them in and they're isolating themselves and then they're free of it. Yes. So they're saying that the risk of transmission from this case is low. So at this stage, no need to panic. No need to panic. Which is great. But it can take, I was reading, two to three weeks for symptoms to show. Well, now I'm panicking.

When you were exposed. Right. To the pox. Okay. So. Still on the touch thing, though, eh? Like, it's got to be pretty close contact. You can't just get it airborne. It'd be rubbing up against someone.

Okay. Or sharing a towel or some linen. Well, that's not great news. No. That's the bad news, but wrap it in some more good news. Yeah, wrap it in some good news. A flamingo was abandoned at a zoo. Its biological parents were just like, nah, and they walked away.

Now, these hetero flamingos weren't up to the task. Let me introduce you to the two gay flamingos who are in a couple who have adopted the chick and started raising it as their own. Now, you know we're huge fans here on the show of gay penguins. Always talk about gay penguins, don't we? Now we'll add gay flamingos. Hudson and Blaze are the gay flamingos. Hudson and Blaze.

Aw. We should be Hudson and Halls. Half of famed New Zealand gay chefs. So they were protective over the unborn chick. Even though the egg was abandoned, they sat on it and it hatched and they've just been treating it like their own. Aww. They've been looking after.

Yeah. Love is real. Who looks after the flamingos at the zoo said they usually work together as a monogamous pair and care for the eggs and subsequent chicks. Hudson and Blaze were the clear choice for the unincubated eggs as they've always proved to be ideal parents. Yeah.

Love is love. They're raising. Yeah, love is love. Love is love. There's some good news. Great news. We didn't mean for it to be animal themed. A lot of good news is animal themed.

Yeah, because they bring so much joy, don't they? Yeah, and humans are pieces of shit. Shit. Yeah. Yeah. We provide all the bad news. Yeah. The animals give us the good news.

Yeah. Clay. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Okay. The wine world could be changing as we know it. Now, when you think of cracking open a bottle of wine, I even just said it, a bottle of wine, it's sort of a classy experience, isn't it?

Popping a cork or cracking it open from the fridge. Twisting the lid off. Yeah, you're decanting the red for, you know, four minutes because you think it's the right thing to do. But that could all be about to change. We might be cracking a cask sometime soon. Because we're all going to be so poor that we can't afford bottles anymore. No, no, no.

The wine will still be good. The wine will still be good. But we might be losing the bottles because... We're running out of sand. Well, a couple of things. No, we are. How are we running... Have you been to the beach?

There's lots. Yeah, but we're running out of sand that can be used for cement and we're running out of sand that can be used for glass. It's different sorts of sands. Okay. I listen to a podcast about it. I'm somewhat knowledgeable on this. That's bad news.

Thanks, China. That should have been in the last segment. Good, good, bad, good. That's bad. We're running out of sand? Yeah. Goodness me. What are we going to make our windows out of?

Plastic. It'll be all wibbly wobbly. Old wine bottles. Goodness me. What are we going to make our windows out of? Plastic. It'll be all wibbly wobbly. Old wine bottles. Old wine. It'll be like. Yeah. Green and brown ones. Yeah.

There's two reasons we might be ditching the wine bottle. And I mean we as like a global wine industry. Right. But one, because of the supply, like the delay, it's been really hard to get glass bottles to different countries from where they're made. And two, apparently terrible impact on the environment. So it's not only the fact that the glass afterwards is often not recycled. Yeah.

But the actual production of making glass bottles for wine and then the production of putting wine into glass bottles uses a huge amount of energy. Yeah. Emits a whole bunch of bad stuff. Whereas if we were to put them in cardboard boxes again, apparently it would be better. Even though I go the goon sack is not recyclable. Yeah, but that would be less waste. Yeah, I guess so.

Because you get more wine. Like you're getting what, three or four bottles in a cask? Yeah, so like one good night. One good night drink. We call it a nightcap. Oh, good night. But then your bubbles are still

always going to be in a bottle, right? They have to be. Bubbles in a bag. Unless you put bubbles, like you have your champagne in a plastic bottle. It'll explode. Unless you put bubbles, like you have your champagne in a plastic bottle. It'll explode. Could you put bubbles in a plastic bottle? I mean, that's what fizzy drink is, right? Carbonated wine.

Yeah, totally. Sure. Yeah, sure, of course. Well, I was looking out because this is a worldwide thing, so it's not just New Zealand. Because in New Zealand, we do have a high rate of glass recycling.

Okay. Our plastic's not so good, but our glass, way better. Okay. But if you look at the top four wine producing countries in the world, Italy, France, Spain, then the United States. The United States, for example, they recycle only 30% of their glass. So does the rest end up in landfill? The rest of it ends up in landfill.

That's terrible. If you think about a bottle of wine, seldom would you reuse it like you might a jar. Because it's hard, you know what I mean? It's like hard to reuse a bottle of wine. I always get told off for keeping the jars. I was like, how many jars do you need? Oh my God, Erin does it to me. But a pickle jar is such a good jar.

A great girthy jar. Yeah, man. You can put screws in there. No, I'm the Margaret Bain of Cumu. I preserve constantly. I'm preserving, making jams. Lovely. Yeah.

You know, Margaret Bain was a massive preserver. I did notice. She was. They found it all under the house. When they burned the house down, it all popped and banged and exploded. Right. Okay. That's a little New Zealand history and preserves for you.

Thank you. It's not all bloody Alison Holston better living, you know. There's a dark side to New Zealand's preserving history. Yeah, there really is. So there was some wine producers in New York

that, I don't know, they grow the grapes there, but they were saying they started an initiative like if you, like a kind of a subscription service, you send back the bottles,

they'll refill them in. Right. With the wine and stuff. Like a swapper crate. Yeah, like a swapper crate. Or like a gas service. You send back the bottles. They'll refill them in. Right. With the wine and stuff. Like a swapper crate. Yeah, like a swapper crate. Or like a gas thing. But then they said they're like,

none of them were coming back. Oh, really? Because people just drink the wine and it goes in the recycling at the end of the lovely evening. And then you're done. Never to be used again. So we could all be.

I think New Zealand, I think because we do have that swapper crate history, I think there could be a swap-a-Crate wine. Maybe. But you know when you would get like a keg or like a, what do you call them when you get a flagon? Yeah.

You go to like a brewery and they've just got kegs at the back and you refill your flagon. Yeah. You should just do that at wineries. Great idea. That you go, if you want to buy wine from a nice place, you have to BYO vessel. Would I be able to take my pickle jar?

You can fill a pickle jar full of Pinot Noir. That would be a hot plate. Because they're like a 600ml jar. Right, well, they're making pickle-flavoured beer and stuff now, so you just leave a bit of the juice at the bottom. The juice at the bottom would go beautiful with a Pinot Gris. Just set it off. Sweet and tangy.

Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. You'll be aware I'm somewhat of a fashion icon. Yes. Somewhat of a... Carl Lagerfeld of Aotearoa. You know, sort of a people look to me and they say, what's he wearing?

That's probably what's going to be in fashion this coming season. They're like, there he is, Louis Vuitton. Louis Vuitton. Louis Vuitton. Louis Vuitton. Yeah, Louis Vuitton. There he is. Here comes Louis Vuitton.

Leading the fashion field. Yeah, they do. That's what they say. And the same thing he's been wearing every day for the last forever. Yeah. Well, ladies and gentlemen, whilst that was dripping in sarcasm, a Vaughan Smith summer staple, the jort. God, he loves a jort.

You love a jort. A jean short. Love a jort. Yep. It's back, baby. Of course. Has it ever gone away? No.

You also rock a jort. I love a jort, yeah. Although a nicer jort than. Yeah, you go for rock a jort. I love a jort, yeah. Although I'm a nicer jort than... Yeah, you go for a classy jort. I'm a classy jort. I'm an H-Bros jort. Yeah, you do. And also, Vaughn makes his own jorts too.

Yeah, sometimes if I've got jeans, I'll just cut them into a jort. No, they're not the same. And then will he sew a hem? No, he won't. He'll just roll them up a couple of times. No, they're not the same. My jorts are sous-vies. You are? He's a sous-vie jort. A sous-vie jort. Well, I'm sorry. He'll just roll them up a couple of times. No, they're not the same. My jorts are sous-vies.

You are. He's a sous-vie jort. Well, I'm sorry. Some of us have got a family to support. And are constantly putting them before their own well-being. I'm just saying. Right. That's the kind of guy I am.

So, Travis Barker. Blink-182, Travis Barker. Kourtney Kardashian husband, Travis Barker. Yep. Tattooed everywhere, Travis Barker. Kourtney Kardashian husband, Travis Barker. Yep. Tattooed everywhere, Travis Barker, has been photographed and put in Gentleman's Quarterly. GQ magazine. GQ, okay.

GQ magazine. Wearing jorts. Right. The jorts are in a men's fashion, man. And they're talking about what shorts the celebs are wearing. What are they doing? And the jorts are like the top dog. The cargo short also made a little bit of a... Oh, yeah, well, that's back.

The cargo's are back. With the pockets and stuff. Yeah. Wow. I loved a cargo short because there were so many pockets. So many pockets. And I'm a guy that likes the carrying things. I know.

So GQ magazine, no one for their style exposés, are touching on the jort. Wow. Do you feel vindicated? Well, it was never a question of vindication because I knew I was right. Rocking a fashion look. Yeah, yeah.

Rocking a hard fashion look. Well, I didn't know you were so fashion forward and I'm sorry. I many times have teased about a jort. But to be fair, Travis Barker isn't cutting his own Howland Signs Brothers jeans, is he? No, no, no. He will be fair, Travis Barker isn't cutting his own Halen Sines Brothers jeans, is he?

No, no, no. He will be rocking an actual Louis Vuitton pair of georges. No, it has been a real mess. But then sometimes that's fashion, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah, Balenciaga, they turned a rubbish bag recently into a $5,000 handbag. Didn't they have those, you know those $2

you use them as suitcases sometimes, those multicoloured bags? Tricolour plastic woven bags. Yeah, love those bags. Yeah, and they had one. Weak zip though. Weak zip. Terrible zip energy. But they were selling those as like handbags or something for like $1,000. I know, and everyone down this side

of the world in the Pacific Ocean was like sorry? Absolutely not. Well, it's all thanks to the warehouse where you can eat savings for breakfast. Joining us this morning is Madison. Good morning, Madison. Good morning. All right, on our convey about today, and it's a fast convey about.

Hayley is very fast at the checkout. Yeah, I actually just took the convey about for a service, so it's running even better. Oh, it's even faster. It's flying this morning. We're going to read out 20 everyday grocery items that you can purchase at the warehouse. Is this our last convey about? It is our last convey about. So for every item that you can recall, in 30 seconds, Madison, we will give you a $20 warehouse gift card.

I think yesterday was a $360 day before $380. Yeah, so there's a max of $400 and I've got to say, because it is our last day on the conveyor belt, Madison, I really want you to get the full $400. Maybe you should slow down then. Well, I'm not going to slow down

but maybe there'll be some helpers at the end. That's all I to slow down, but maybe there'll be some helpers at the end. That's all I'm going to say. Maybe there'll be some helpers at the end. All right, okay. Some packers. Yeah, some packers. Here we go. All right, Vaughn, have you got a pen?

Have you got your list ready? What are you doing? You're mucking around there? I'm ready to go, baby. This is why he was demoted from the checkout. I know. He's been in the store all week, Madison. Distracted.

It's this kind of work ethic. I like actually being in the store better. I get to help people find things they want. Oh, you're unpacking for Madison. Oh, I'm unpacking?

Okay. So you can help her at the end. Here we go. Oh, I see you've bought some cat litter and some air freshener, cashews, bin liners, mints, as in the breath mint, not as in the beef kind.

Energy drink, fruit sticks, pancake mix, salt, crackers, dishwashing tablets, toilet cleaner, olive oil, corned beef. Sorry about that. Milk, soy sauce, cat food. And she's got the cat litter as well, so I would say she's got a cat. Bacon, soy sauce, cat food, and she's got the cat litter as well, so I would say she's got a cat. Bacon, peanut butter, white vinegar. I'm just wrapping the bacon.

You've got to do that. All right, Madison, you now have 30 seconds to recall as many items as you can. Your time starts now. Cat litter, air freshener, bin liner, breath mints, olive oil, corned beef, cat food, white vinegar, bacon, peanut butter, soya sauce, milk, crackers,

um... Dishwashing tablets? How are you going to wash all these? Dishwashing tablets. You need some energy, you might need a drink. Energy drink. Energy drink, pancake mix. Fruit in a stick form. And pancake mix. She said salt, didn't she? Toilet cleaner, might need a drink. Energy drink. Energy drink. Pancake mix. Fruit in a stick form. And pancake mix.

She said salt, didn't she? Toilet cleaner. You need a toilet cleaner. You can clean your toilet after this. I had 18. That was good stuff. Bourne, how many? Yeah, I had 18 too.

18. Are you sure? I had 20. I actually had 22. Oh, I must have missed two. Hang on, because I think you weren't listening because she definitely said fruit sticks. Yeah.

Yep. And she definitely said... And I remember her saying cashews, delicious, my favourite nut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I said cashews. Yep. Oh, well, fantastic. $400 of warehouse gift vouchers.

Congratulations, Madison. Oh, thank you so much. Wipers and scanners. Well done. That's a bloody Kiwi Kids triathlon round here, isn't it? Everybody's getting a go. Friday Flashback. Flashback.

Flashback. Well, today, my Friday Flashback. I mean, it's kind of forced upon me, but I'm happy to do this. Yeah. Because we are joined next by Jay Sean, Friday Jams Live artist. Tickets for Friday Jams Live go on sale today, this morning, in fact, at 11 o'clock at Ticketmaster. I'm out of hours.

Yeah, all the details are at ZM Online. This song that I'm going to play you today from Jay, Sean, was number two in New Zealand. Not bad, not bad, not bad. At the end of the year in New Zealand, this was the 12th biggest song of the year. So people loved this song. And it was a song that he did with Lil Wayne.

He better play it. I would imagine he will. Friday James, he better play it. I think they all just play the hits. They play the bangers. Now, will Lil Wayne be coming just to do his sort of little... Yeah, so he'll come and then fly back. He'll just do that and then leave. Fly all the way to

New Zealand to go fly. No, I think that'll be a recording, that bit there, I'd imagine. He joins us next. Jay Sean, it's your Friday Flashback Down on ZM. Down, down, down, down. Even if the sky is falling. Down, down, down. You ought to know. Tonight is the night to let it go.

Put on a show. I want to see how you lose control So leave it behind Cause we have a night to get away So come on and fly with me As we make our great escape So baby don't worry You are my only

You won't be lonely Even if the sky is falling down You are my only You won't be lonely Even if the sky is falling down You'll be my only No need to worry Baby are you down, down, down, down, down

Down, down We'll be right back. And the sky is falling down It's your Friday Flashback on ZMJ. Sean, who joins Macklemore, TLC, Craig, David, Akon, Ashanti, Shaggy and more at Friday Jams Live on the 13th of November, Western Springs Stadium. Tickets on sale today at 11 o'clock. Shaggy is on later with Bree and Clint at 4.45 this afternoon. Yeah, and we've already chatted to TLC. And now... It's about damn time.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. You heard him just then, and we're talking to the man himself. Jay Sean, how are you? How are you? I'm good. How are you guys? Really good.

We're fluffy good, mate. Well, we're excited. We've announced Friday Jams live here in New Zealand, and I think this will be one of the biggest shows we would have all been to post-pandemic. Pre-pandemic, to're excited. We've announced Friday Jams live here in New Zealand, and I think this will be one of the biggest shows we would have all been to post-pandemic. Pre-pandemic, to be honest. Oh, man. Yeah, exactly.

Pre and post. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait. I really can't wait. It's going to be so fun. I found a website with Jay, Sean, concert and tour history, and would this be your first tour since the pandemic? It will definitely be my first tour since the pandemic? It will definitely

be my first tour at that part of the world. I did do a little tour in the Middle East and in Asia but I haven't been over to these sides

which is my honestly one of my favourite tours to be honest I'm not just saying this is when I hit up Australia and New Zealand I just love that part

of the world so much. It's truly the best part of the world I've got to say. I mean we're biased. We are slightly Australia and New Zealand. I just love that part of the world so much. It's truly the best part of the world, I've got to say. I mean, we're biased. We are slightly biased, but New Zealand rules. Do you have fond memories of New Zealand? I do. Actually, the first time I came to New Zealand would have been,

this is a while ago, man. This would have been maybe, honestly, nearly 16, 17 years ago I did shows in New Zealand. Wow. Yeah, so it's been a long time, man, and I love flying back every single time. I think the fans and the loyalty and the excitement, it's just, it's on another level.

I'm trying to think about what's changed in the last 16, 17 years in New Zealand. Not much. No. Not much happens here. We move at a slower pace than over your ways. We've got a few new buildings. Yeah, man.

Oh, yeah, we've got a few new restaurants. Amazing. Can't wait to see. Yeah. Lots of residential development and urban spread, if we want to talk about, you know, how cities are set out. Yeah. A lot of change in that time, but I guess that's probably not what we're here to talk about.

We're building a city rail loop as well. Oh, you're going to love it, Jack. You're going to love it. If civil engineering's your thing, we've got a couple of projects we could show you. That's not for everybody. That's a bit boring, really. You probably want to see

Queenstown and stuff. But I tell you what, what we are is definitely concert deprived. Yeah. We are so excited for summer. Just have fun, finally. Just be free.

Yeah, honestly. You should bring your kids to New Zealand with you. We've got one hell of a theme park. They will love Rainbow's End. Are you just trying to sell New Zealand and all the infrastructure? Oh, no. Nothing's changed there for 17 years.

No, that's not true. We got rid of the pirate ship. That thing was about to fly off its handle. That's why. Honestly, I would love to bring the kids on the tour. You know, it's so funny. People always ask me, like, how has it changed you? You know, having kids and having a family and stuff.

And does it affect my songwriting? I'm like, how could I let that affect my songwriting? I mean, if really, it would be nursery rhymes and baby stuff. And it doesn't change who you are as a person, right? Like, when I write my songs, I'm just, I'm writing it like an author of any book, right? Like you're going into this imaginary world and you're painting this picture of some other person's life. And I think that's quite funny how a lot of people think how all songs are autobiographical,

but I'm like, guys, do you know how many songs we write? It's definitely not about ourselves. It's always about some other person in an imaginary situation. So, yeah, this time around, I'm not going to be able to, but I want to take them to see that part of the world for sure because not many people get the chance to experience that. Well, Jason, we're super excited. I announced for Friday Jams Live.

We look forward to seeing you in the country in November. Definitely, man. I can't wait. I can't wait to see you guys. And tickets on sale at 11 o'clock this morning for Friday Jams Live at Ticketmaster. All those details ZM Online. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

This came up in passing. We mentioned it briefly yesterday and we talked about it very quickly on the podcast. And you guys were a bit shocked. Hayley hugs the doctor. Hayley hugs the doctor. Not appropriate. Hang on, hang on.

Not appropriate. No, this started because I went and saw my hygienist and I gave her a hug. You have your hygienist. That's the... That's nice. But you're not friends with your hygienist. No, but she's very lovely and she takes care of me

and this is why I was like... Yeah, but there's a line. There's a line. Like, I mean, we're not big huggers anyway, are we, Vaughn? No, you're not. And I struggle with it. You do. In fact, nobody here is a hugger except you.

No one here is a hugger. And I just, I've got to get it out. So yeah, when I go to the hygienist after work, Karen gives me a cuddle. Okay? That's weird. It's not weird. But how long have you known Karen?

And do you know her outside of hygienizing? No. Or whatever it's called, the verb of being a hygienist. No, I've known her for a couple of years. She's been my hygienist for a couple of years. But how did you first hug her? Hey, thanks for that. And then you just put your arms out and she's like...

She is just a warm, physical woman. And I'm a warm, physical woman. And then we... No. Some women just hugging is the language. I would never presume to hug. No, especially a professional. God damn it. Hugging is the language, whether you know them or not. I would never presume to hug. No, especially a professional. Goddamn, it would be like me giving the builder a kiss on the way,

hey, thanks, mate. Or even a hug. Sparky. He might like it if he was a physical man. Well, he's coming over tomorrow, I'll see if he wants to embrace. You could ask him. Yeah, bloody good work on that dick there, boss. And then I said to you that that's one thing,

and I am quick to make friends, but then I said to you that that's one thing, and I am quick to make friends, but then I said, well, I'm going to go see my doctor on Friday, which is today. I'm going after the show. And we said, like, what's wrong? Is everything all right? I said, no, I'm absolutely fine, but she's leaving. She's moving to a different city,

and so I'm just booked an appointment with her so I can give her some flowers and a cuddle. You are paying for a 15-minute slot. Everybody's talking about how busy doctors are. No are paying for a 15 minute slot. Everybody's talking about how busy doctors are. No, it always gives me a 30. You're getting a 30 minute slot

of a busy doctor's day to say, ta-ta, here's some flowers. I'll get some bloody Panadol. Right. You know, I'll get some paracetamol

and say, like one of them big boxes. Ibuprofen boxes. Yeah, it's good stuff. And a couple of fun things. I want to chuck them in there. Some ointments

and some other pills and stuff. How's your rash? Did you tell her about the expired cream? No, I haven't told her. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that I'm using an expired cream. But anyway, I've booked flowers. I've got to go pick them up.

And then I'm going to take them to her just to say thank you for all the love and care she's given me over the years. That's her job. I didn't even know my doctor was leaving. I just went one day and I was like, what happened to them? And they were like, oh, they left to practice. I was like, oh, no one told me. No,. That's her job. I didn't even know my doctor was leaving. I just went one day and I was like, what happened to them? And they were like, oh, they left to practice. I was like, oh, no one told me.

No, mine was like a breakup. The last time I went, I was talking about a number of things and she dealt with those first. Dun, dun, dun. She said, right, is that everything that you need?

She's got kind of like a, Hayley, oh my God, you look so lovely. Hayley. And then she said, right, well, I've got to tell you something. I was like,

oh my God, have I got chlamydia? You know, what's Aaron been up to? And then she said right well I've got to tell you something and I was like oh my god have I got chlamydia you know what's Aaron been up to and then she goes I'm leaving and she told me that she's moving out of town

for her family to spend more time with her family and she's leaving and I said oh no and then I just said well you know

thank you so much and I cried and then we held hands it's your doctor we held hands for a little bit you held hands as a little bit. You held hands?

As a little way to connect. And at the end, we had a little hug. And I just really, because she's one of the healthcare professionals I've dealt with over the last years who genuinely cared about me. That I would go back and she wouldn't go, what do you want today? And I'll say, no, we're talking about the thing I was here for last week. I'll just check the file. She knows.

How's this? How's Aaron? How's the thing? How's work? How's radio? How's the thing? How's work? How's radio? You seem anxious. Sit down. Calm down.

Why aren't you breathing? Well, I'm not breathing. She's right up in my face. So, yeah, after work today, I'm going to pick up a beautiful bunch of flowers that I've ordered. But you paid for an appointment. Yeah, but I like to say it.

I'll make the most of it. I'll get some other stuff. Right. But I don't want it. She's leaving at the end of August. This is my last opportunity to say goodbye to her. Who else do you hug? Is it only like intimate professions,

like ones that have literally been inside you? Yeah, well. Do you hug the laserist? Do you know, I did think today I might get her to give me a quick pap smear. I'm not Jew, but while I find a new doctor, I don't want that to be the first thing the way we meet. Don't want to start off on a bad. Is half an hour long enough? I don't know

a lot about... Half an hour is long enough? Yeah, oh my god, absolutely. It's quick and painless. If you haven't had one, go get one. PSA. But yeah, I mean, I don't know. But who else do you hug? I hug lots of people. Do you hug your personal trainer? Yeah.

Oh my god. You're all sweaty in there. I do hug my personal trainer. Because I mean like, every now and then I'll have a break and I won't see her. I'll be busy. I come back and be like, ah, I haven't seen you for ages.

But more, she's become more of a friend. Right. As well. And they stretch you out too. They do those heart stretches. But I guess you're right. It's like those physical,

I don't hug the Lazarus because they're different each time. Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's anyone else I hug. The florist? No, not the florist. Okay. I didn't hug my gastrologist.

Didn't hug him. Well, you don't know that because they gave you the spaghetti juice. It could have been hugs all round. I could be giving him kisses and I wouldn't even remember. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is you can thank conservative religious types next time you have an ice cream sundae. Oh, okay.

Why? Well, you can't thank them for a lot, but you can thank them for the ice cream sundae because of laws in the 1800s in America called blue laws. Right. Blue laws made it illegal to imbibe alcohol on a sundae. Yep. And a lot of people, the football games were mid-Sunday football games,

and you'd go down and you'd be like, I'm hankering for a brewski, but I can't have one because of these blue laws. Yeah. And the really conservative states also made soda unable to be, like fizzy drinks, unable to be served on. Goodness me, why? Well, they said it looked too much like alcohol. And they thought people could disguise their alcohol as a fizzy drink.

Coca-Cola or whatever. Yeah. That's what I did when I was pregnant. I just drank LMP and people thought I was drinking champagne. Oh, I knew. I knew. And then surprise, I had a baby. Ah, you did.

But all the champagne you drank. Yeah, I know. But I was like, no, it was LMP. Joke's on you. It was lemon and pyroa. Yeah. So they banned those as well. Right.

So you couldn't have soda. And I didn't know this, but ice cream floats like a spider. Yum. Predates the ice cream sundae. People were having ice cream dunked in fizzy drinks before the ice cream sundae was like properly a thing. So the sundae being ice cream, like whipped cream on top, maybe some fruit, chocolate. And chocolate syrup.

The big one was the sauce. Yeah. The sauce on the ice cream served in like a glass or something. Right. To be eaten. And they were called ice cream sundaes because they were originally only. On Sunday. They were the way around on Sunday.

So everybody would have an ice cream sundae because they weren't allowed to have a float, effectively. Yeah, right. A spider. They weren't allowed to have one of those. A root bear float. Yeah, right. So they couldn't have one of those,

so they'd have an ice cream sundae instead. But then when those rules went, people were only ordering them on the sundae. Yeah, right. Because someone's like, you don't know those spelt sundae, you have them on the Sunday. Yeah, right. Because someone's like, you know, they're spelt Sunday. You have them on Sunday. Yeah.

So they changed the spelling to Sunday, D-A-E, to get away from the day of the week so that people would have an ice cream Sunday throughout the week. Here's a fun thought. I think we're in our third week on our journey to health. Yeah. Should we go get ice cream Sundays after? I'd have an ice cream sundaes.

Do you go choc or caramel? Caramel. Chocolate. Yeah, I go choc. I go caramel. Something about caramel. I bloody love caramel. I could do without it.

Get out then. Leave. Just leave. What is your problem? So today's fact of the day is Sunday is spout S-A-N-D-A-E because you can eat them on any day of the week. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. My mother just messaged me to say it is in fact,

would have been in fact, my grandma's birthday. Oh. Today. So happy birthday, Letitia, wherever you may be. Letitia? Letitia. It's quite a party granny name, isn't it? Yeah.

She was like one of nine. Oh, wow. There's a blossom in there. Hector, Leticia. Anyway, so we're talking about grannies on my granny's birthday. And this 106-year-old granny, great granny as well, she celebrated her birthday in style. Now, I've got to say she's a classy-looking lady. She's wearing a beautiful blue skirt and a paisley

top. She's got a lovely glass of champagne in her hand. 106 in balloon letters behind her and to her left and boy are her eyes sparkling is a topless waiter. Which she personally hired to

cater the party. To serve the drinks to all the gals that are there. 106? 106 years old. The guy's name is Eddie. Yeah. She went on the website and said Eddie was tall, had nice eyes and was very attractive. No hair on his chest at all. That impressed me. I've never

seen anything like him. Wow. So she How old's Eddie? 20? 32. Okay, 32. Okay. 32. So she's at a home and she decided for her birthday she would throw the home a party.

We've got scones, we've got high tea, we've got sandwiches, all of which Eddie served. Now, I believe he's wearing, he's got a little, it's called butlers in the buff, the company he works with. He's got a little apron on, but I in the buff the company he works with. He's got a little apron on but I believe behind the apron is a little g-string that

gave this lovely granny Nora an absolute blast. And the whole home that she lives in just absolutely loved her. Is this in America or the UK? In the UK. Yeah, it feels the UK. Yeah, it's got all over it.

But look at her, she's absolutely tickled. Like she's just having a looking at Eddie who I will say she's loving. Eddie's doing alright for himself. He's doing alright for himself isn't he? Yeah. So her family said look this is nothing new. She's got seven grandchildren, six great

grandchildren and she is the mother of three. Right. She's the life of the party. Her family said, look, this is nothing new. She's got seven grandchildren, six great-grandchildren, and she is the mother of three. Right. She's the life of the party. Her family said, this is not surprising for old Nora. Even at 106, she is the life of the party for the family, brings a lot of joy to them. She has a walking, talking history book. She's been through it all, but she loves to have fun

in a glass of bubbles. So I want to hear about your grannies. Your loose grannies. Loose party grannies. Your party grannies. Party grannies. What's the wildest thing your granny or grandad, we'll take him, has done? How loose are your grandparents? Right. Because you hear the stories when they

end up in the homes, eh? Oh, yeah. Like, it gets a bit crazy. Especially if grandad's a bit of a stud. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of creaking doors and sort of light footsteps down the hall. Because all the old boys, they die, we still die a bit earlier than the old gals. Yeah. So there's all these, you know, the ratio in those retirement homes. Yeah.

We play right into granddad's hands. It would. Get our women on tap. All right, well, we want to take your calls. 0800 DALS at M. You can text as well, 9696. How bloody loose is your nan or your pop? Are they like party animals?

Do they get up to mischief? Are they ruckus? We want to hear their naughty stories. All right, give us a call. We're talking about naughty grannies, naughty grandads. A gran celebrating her 108th birthday in the UK hired a stripper, a topless waiter. A topless waiter, and boy, did she have a time. Yeah.

A couple of wines in her. It's the stuff you hope for later in life. I could imagine you doing this. Absolutely, if I make it that far. But we want to hear about your naughty nans and pesty pops. So many pesty. So many great text messages coming in. Morgan, tell us about your naughty

nans. So I'm a hairdresser at a rest home. Do you do a lot of perms? I do perms and purple rinses. I was going to say purple rinse. Okay, so you must see some

things then. I do. So one of my ladies who I do, her boyfriend lives in a different part of the restaurant and he goes and gets her every afternoon for quote unquote movies. That's what they

tell the families anyway, but no, they're going to get it on. Every day? Every day. Wow. Every day I'm shuffling. Got no wonder like STIs rip through rest homes. Yeah, but who cares at that stage?

Yeah. You know? Yeah, you've got a pancreas on the verge of shutting down, you know, who cares? What's a couple of bumps and lumps. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah, you've got a pancreas on the verge of shutting down, you know? Who cares? What's a couple of bumps and lumps? Yeah. So I try and keep their privacy pretty, you know, good. But the other part of my week, I work at a salon here in town.

And one of my workmates, her client was talking about how her nan was in a rest time and how sweet it was that every day her boyfriend goes and gets her for movies and we were all just like oh my god. Yeah, like there are no movies happening. There are no movies happening. Morgan, amazing. Thank you. We're having a good time hearing about your naughty nans.

And naughty grandpas. And your problematic pops. Oh, problematic pops, yes. We're sharing all the saucy, naughty things they get up to. Well, yeah, and 108-year-olds celebrated in the UK with a topless waiter. Serving the Sammies at the rest home. Nick, is this a grandpa or nan?

So this is my grandma. Her husband passed away a few years prior. Let me just tell you that's her third husband. Good for her. Yeah, I know, right? So she always

had boyfriends and this was nothing new. I just knew this was Nana. And this recent boyfriend, there was a new development. She got rid of her single bed and bought herself a queen size bed.

And I said to her, Nana, do you like, not to be rude, but do you still, you know, like, can you guys? Can he? He's like 85.

Does that even happen? Yeah. And she looked at me with a smile on her face and goes, darling, that's what hands are for. Oh, honey. I was like, oh. Oh, no, I would never have asked that. But the arthritis.

Yeah, right? I know. I opened myself up for trouble. Yeah, you asked, Nikki. You asked. I had to know. I had to know. I think it have asked that. But the arthritis. Yeah, right? I know. I opened myself up for trouble. Yeah, you asked, Nikki. You asked. I had to know. I had to know. I think it's heartwarming.

You know, heartwarming to know that they're still getting some pleasure in life. They were having a grand time. She's like a teenager. The older you get, like, you know, I'm 40 now. I'm like, I hope if I'm alive at 80, I can enjoy some sort of pleasure. Because I'm imagining a lot of it's just bloody miserable. There'll be a lot of back pain. Nikki, thanks for your call.

My amazing gran reads this text. Her name was Mabel. Used to drive a Spitfire convertible. It's a Triumph Spitfire. Pretty rad car. Yeah. She was driving it in her 90s and she'd pick us up from the pub when we were young and drunk and we couldn't tell our parents. Yeah. Many a friend slept off their hangover on her couch

in our teenage years. She was a legend. She was buried with red lipstick and her license. She loved it. Somebody else said, my granddad, every Christmas that became a tradition, he'd put away a yardie. A yardie?

Imagine holding the end of a yardie and twisting it for your granddad. And he's just like, more, more, more, more. On a knee? Get it done. God, that'd end him. On a replaced knee. Yeah.

My nan was having a little family party at the end of the night. She said, well, I'm dancing on the table. So up she got. And then down she came. She cracked her ribs. She only found out that she cracked her ribs after we called the ambulance because she thought she was having a heart attack. But we always talk to her about that. ribs after we called the ambulance because she thought she was having a heart attack.

But that was always, we always talked to her about that. My great nana has long been known as Naughty Nana for flirting with all of my dad's fellow Navy crew members after dad did his intake and they invited the families to the base for graduation. She couldn't keep her hands off. A sailor. My grandma's in a dementia home and recently my granddad's been having major computer issues, so I went over to his house to have a look. Sure enough, he's got a ton of viruses from all the porn

that he's been saving onto his computer because he doesn't know how to use it. I didn't know how to break it to him, so I just told him we need to do a factory reset. Right. She needs to tell him about the website. He needs to tell him about the streaming. The streaming pop.

Stream pop, don't save. Bridget, is this a naughty gran or a pop? My granddad. Okay. And so what happened? He's about to be 90. Okay, wow. And yeah, a few years ago sent me a photo,

sent a whole family photo. And he goes to, it's kind of like Burning Man but it's called Africa Burn in South Africa. And it's in the middle of the desert and basically he wanders around body painted just naked for three days. You said he's

90. Yeah, very proud because he got a photo of him with completely, or maybe they were just topless, but completely naked 20-year-old girls. Oh, wow. All body painted up. Since then, my Nana's been joining him on the list. Well, yeah, she can't even wander around with all these hot 20-year-old naked girls.

Yeah, yeah. She's very proud, though, because she thinks he's bloody gorgeous. Oh, that's so cute. That's awesome. He's still got a good six- pack on him at bloody 80 years old. At 90? 90. Is he a Wim Hofer or something?

Yes, he goes every year. Wow. Every year for the last five years. Wow, incredible. Bridget, thank you. More messages in. Somebody said, my grandfather was married eight times but never divorced.

Is he killing them? I think that's illegal, isn't it? No, no, they're dying on him. I assume that's what I got from the text. He's been married eight times but never divorced. Is he killing them? I think that's illegal, isn't it? No, no, they're dying on him. I assume that's what I got from the text. He's been married eight times but never divorced, so they pass away, so the marriage ends. He's poisoning the porridge. It might be like sushi, though.

You might get your 10th one free, your 10th funeral. Yeah, I think he stamps a card. Or you get a free miso at the very least. My grandma gets drunk and has a party trick. She keeps condoms in her bag for this specific purpose. She stretches them over the head and then blows them up with her nose until they pop. Kate, your naughty grandparents, how naughty? They're pretty bad.

One's actually passed away since, but it's a pretty bad story. Tell us. Tell us. Give us the gritty details, please. All right. So they love to go down to the local RSA and have a couple of drinks and then just drive on home because they're old and don't care. Jesus.

Jesus. I'm not worried about them on the road. Yeah. Everyone else. So they got pulled over and my granddad got done for drunk driving. But my nana was just as drunk. But because she's old, they didn't breath test her and they just let her drive on home.

Jesus. Oh, my God. That's so bad. So terrible. Naughty, naughty. But young people are the problem. Yeah, yeah, of course they are. That's awesome.

Bloody young people are the problem. They are. Kate, thanks for your call. My nana would go for happy people are the problem. Yeah, of course they are. That's awesome. Bloody young people are the problem. Kate, thanks for your call. My Nana would go for happy hour at the neighbours, Mr Chase's, every evening. She'd get all dressed up, make his favourite food. Years later Dad said, you know they've been hooking up all these years, right? And I said, but doesn't Mr Chase have a wife?

And Dad said, yeah, but she's in Australia so she's got no idea. And then when he passed away, he left his estate to Nana. Wow. Scandal. Family scandal. Scandal. Grandma, grandma.

I don't know if you're going to be letting Aaron visit the neighbours. I don't know. Yeah, when we get old, he'll be in a home. I'll still be in my own, you know, condo. He'll need some help. Yeah, poor fella. Four minutes to nine. Friday Jams next week countdown to the release of the Friday Jams live tickets.

Ticketmaster this morning at 11 o'clock. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.