ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 12th December 2022

Episode Date: December 11, 2022

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Try barista made iced coffees available now at your local McCafe. Although not my local McCafe because that's got boards up because it's getting renovated. Oh, nice. I know.

I don't know. I can't see. I tried to be nosy the other night. So I did have to stomp off to get a quart of pee after the Christmas party just to help me out there a little bit. And maybe some nugs. I wasn't at the Christmas party, but I went to a wedding and we did a little post-wedding McDonald's. Yeah, yeah. Nonnies.

Little nonnies. Little nonnies on the way home. You simply must. Some nuggets. Now, you weren't at the Christmas party, but you missed out on your secret Santa. I know. I got a lovely AS Color uniform t-shirt, blue, like a grey-blue.

You're great in that colour. And Makona. I was so happy. What did you get for one? They know me. Two shithouse packs of $10 mints, Hayley. You quite like fancy meat. Well, yeah, and the mince was warm by the time it got there.

Oh, dear. Cool, so where's that now? That got fed to the dogs that night, which kind of was handy because, yeah, it was just a quick and easy way to feed the dogs. Yeah, okay. Well, I haven't got my gift. I believe it's being escorted into the studio now. It's a bucket. What's into the studio now It's a bucket

What's in the bucket? It's another bucket Do Hayley love from Santa It's cookie time Christmas cookies Have they just got that from the office Do you think? Yeah I think so Is it sealed?

Is it actually cookies? Yeah it's real Is there something else inside? No that's not cookies Make a great bucket Just to have around It's a great size bucket It's not too big

It's not too small What flavour is it? Choccy Chippy Just plain chocolate chip Yeah good stuff I just literally said to you guys today It's a big day of eating for me Because I'm hungry

I'm tired Oh enjoy this Oh yeah that's a good present Yeah a little crumbly That's a big day of eating for me because I'm hungry and tired. Oh, enjoy this. Oh, yeah, that's a good present. Yeah, a little crumbly. That's a good present. Oh, no, they're like the orangey ones. The Christmas flavour. Oh.

I think I embarrassingly ate a whole bucket of those. That's embarrassing. In a very short space of time. You should be very proud of yourself. In a very short space of time. Not everybody could do that. It's because we believed in you Yeah Thank you

You believed in yourself And you never gave up Thank you Cigar Santa Also We've had some mail in And a real rivalry here Between a husband and wife So we were talking

Who are I think Trying to woo us somehow I'm happy to be wooed By these guys So Ash from Framingham Winineries in Blenheim. Is it Blenheim? I believe it's Blenheim.

Because the I is after the E. Sent us a message saying, Dear Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley, and producers, but I think we'll ignore that. I heard my husband was sending you all some Prosecco and I had to one-up him in the spirit of Christmas. We love the show. Keep doing God's work, and Merry Christmas.

Particularly, Hayley, you are so beautiful. I've got a feeling your ginger hair suits you so much. I can see the writing. There's not that much. What a beautiful soul, and the boys would be so lost without you. And then they sent us – she sent us a bunch of wine. Now, we're going to have to divvy it up somehow. I believe there's Riesling,

Rosé, there's some Reds in there, there's some Sav. Is the husband just going to stand by and let this happen? I can't believe he's going to let his wife outdo him. Well, she said I'm going to one-up him. I hate to say it, the husband's wine hasn't arrived. He hasn't upped. He hasn't provided one for you to up.

You're now leading the charge. If he hasn't upped. He hasn't provided one for you to up. You're now leading the charge. Seriously, up. If he hasn't already organized and sent his, I'd say he's probably going to send triple the amount of what he was thinking. Just a first to market. You know, that's the old rule. It might not be the best product, but it's the first to market. Yeah.

Wow. So I assume we'll be playing, it'll be like sports teams, right? Like we'll get all the bottles in front of us, and then we'll go in order being like, okay, one pin on why you're on my team. I tell you what, what a great time to fill your wine rack because I've been watching your kitchen, Reno, on your story. If you haven't, head to at Mill Cottage, Reno,

and you'll see I've got a fantastic new wine rack built into the kitchen. I've got to fill it up. And the shavings. 17 holes. The shavings from all the wood from your kitchen will be bedding for my chickens. Oh, wow. Isn't this a beautiful community?

How's that? How's that happening? Well, the machine that cuts it. Oh, fancy chickens living in Rimu shavings. I know. Speaking of chickens, that has reminded me of some charity that I saw you doing during the Christmas party. You were donating to the local church some hay bales

for the nativity scene. I was. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Wow. That is my loophole if God does exist. We're like, but the hay bales, dude, the hay bales. Yeah, I've warned we're going to weigh your soul against the feather. I'll be like, dude, the hay bales.

Jesus. God will be like, dude, you just called me dude. Yeah, dude. Chuck a couple of hay bales on the side of that feather, you know what I'm saying? Who's your favourite character in a classic nativity scene? Oh, Mary. Yeah, but she's just whapped out a massive baby. The Three Wise Men, it's the one that turns up with Frankenstein.

Frankincense, myrrh, and gold. Those are the three things, right? Well, obviously it'd be the guy with gold, right? Gold's like a boss, but I just like the absolute audacity to turn up with myrrh. It's too obvious. Yeah. It's too obvious, the gold. Frankincense, you're like, I see where you're going.

Myrrh. Myrrh. They should kind of make it more modern, you know, like turning up with CK1. Yeah, CK1, a Yui boom. A Yui boom. This baby needs some white noise. On the Yui boom. And then when he's asleep, take it out the back of the manger and bloody listen to some carols.

What's the third one got? Vape juice. Yes. Bubblegum vape. Yeah, because Joseph's absolutely hurting the vape because he's so stressed out about the fact that he hasn't had sex with his wife yet. Somehow she's pregnant. Yeah, that would be trippy, right? No one wants them.

The king's saying everybody's got to return to their homeland. And she's claiming she hasn't had sex with someone else. No, she hasn't. It was God. It was immaculate conception. God came down and had sex with her. Amazing. Hmm.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. What do you know? Happy Monday.

This will be what? Either the second or the last week of work for a lot of people, depending on when you're taking it off. Second for us. Yeah, we're working through. Oh, no, no, it's last for me. Are you leaving on the 16th? You're here next week as well, Vaughn.

Don't think so. Yeah, mate, sorry. Oh, no. This is terrible news. We've got fantastic work ethics, and we'll be working up till the 23rd. How was the ZDM Christmas party? Fantastic.

Wow. Yeah, Vaughn, they didn't take the hint to leave, did they, people? Wow. Um. No. Um, no. Yeah, wow. It's weird that I wasn't invited, but it's okay. You were invited.

You had a wedding. So weird. I was, yeah. Watch my brother-in-law get married. Well, he's not your brother-in-law because you're not married to Aaron, so stop. Shut up. Stop. Wow.

Yeah, so what is he? Just a guy she knows? Just your fiancé's brother. Yeah. Oh, it must have felt good for her being married into the family. That must have been an accomplishment for her. Yeah, she's a courtesy now. Yeah.

How long has she waited? She's waited nine. Oh, so same as you. Well, I've waited 12. Oh, wow. They don't rush into it, do they? There were definitely a couple of... You know these Italians. No, so same as you. Well, I've waited 12. Oh, wow. They don't rush into it, do they? There were definitely a couple of... You know these Italians. No, they don't. They make sure.

They move very slowly. There were definitely a couple of, oh, one more to go because Aaron's one of five and we're officially the only ones unmarried even though we've been together for a very long time. How many of those conversations did you have to have? I had a few, but then I just started ordering espresso martinis.

It was all good. Oh, that's a nice way to not have to deal with things. Alcohol. The top six coming up on the show. Yes, it is. The Tiger King bill has passed in America, meaning you can no longer have big cats as pets, which is fantastic.

I know, because so many people did have them, didn't they? Just in their backyard. I know. I hope it had turned around, but there was a time in America in the 90s where there were more big cats as pets than there were left in the wild. Oh, that's wild. Insane, eh? Do you know, I didn't, because we all know about Michael Jackson, right?

He had a private zoo. Yeah. I didn't know that Playboy Mansion did. Did it? Yes. So I've been listening to a podcast about the Playboy Mansion. And they were like, yeah, there was like a, he had a zoo license. It was a full-time zoo, but just for them.

Wow. Okay. Yeah. Insane. So yeah, we've got the other big pets. If you want big pets, you can have instead of big cats. All right. Coming up on the show next, though.

Cheese. I want to start off the show by talking about cheese. You know what I had at the ZM Christmas party? Cheese slices. Tasty. Chesedale. Cheese slices. Did you serve Chesedale cheese slices?

We made burgers. We made burgers. Oh, okay. Did someone bring those or were those from our special reserve? Is that your private Christmas? That was our special reserve. No, okay. Did someone bring those or were those from our special reserve? Is that your private Christmas? That was our special reserve. No, they were in the... They were purchased.

They were purchased, yeah. I'm just going to say my kids are going to be gutted this morning if they wake up and there's no cheese slices in the fridge. Lucy, who works here, had never had one. Did you know that? And then she had it and she couldn't. She couldn't swallow it. They are strange.

They are. Like plastic sheets of cheese. They're all raw. They're the best. Anyway, I'm going to talk about cheese next. Um, cheese. Yum. How good's cheese?

Cheese is great. Cheese in the morning. Cheese with eggs. Halloumi. Yum. Feta. Feta and eggs. Feta and eggs. Then. Halloumi. Yum. Feta. Feta and eggs. Feta and eggs.

Then we move to lunch. You could have some maybe shaved parmesan in a salad or a ham cheese sandwich. Off we pop to dinner. Mac and cheese. Cheese all day. But apparently one quarter of us are avoiding cheese at night because we believe that it's going to mess with our dreams. You'd heard about cheese dreams before.

Yeah, it does though, right? Like, it's a thing. It's not a thing. No, it's a thing. There is no scientific, robust evidence that cheese has any impact on your quality of your dreams. And yet, 26% of people are avoiding cheese because they're like, oh no, no, no,

it absolutely messes with my sleep. I don't avoid it, but I know that if I was to have a Big Mac and cheese, I'd be like, cheese dreams, it's going to happen. I ain't scared of no cheese. Who you going to call? Cheese, yum. You'd have a bit of cheese.

Have a bit of cheese. Do you think it's a thing? Yeah. So 56% of people believe that cheese. Cheese dreams. Gives you cheese dreams. Even though there's never, it's like an old wives tale. Right.

There is no scientific evidence saying that cheese impacts your sleep. Yeah, but have they done a study? They're busy, though, doing research into vaccines and cancer and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit busy to do cheese dreams. There's been plenty of studies on the impact of cheese on your sleep and dreams. In that study, sign up as a volunteer. Oh, my God, just have a cheese toast.

I went to the pub the other day, and usually I get a pub meal. And then when I got there, I was like, I've got toasties. And I got a cheese, onion, and pineapple toastie. Was it done in the machine with the triangles? No, it wasn't done in the triangles. It was a pan fried. Oh, okay, a posh one. Yes.

Oh, it wasn't posh. It was just cheese, onion, and pineapple, and it rolled. I tell you what, the dreams I had that night were just as crazy as every other night. You know what I mean? There was no impact on it. So there's your study. A study that looked into one person's cheese-eating habits found that it had no impact. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley.

Well, the list of the most Googled words in the world is out. It's the number one word, Wordle. Right. For 2022, the whole world. Because you Googled it to find it. Wordle, yeah. Oh, yeah, because it wasn't an app. No.

I thought it was an app. It was a, before the New York Times bought it, it was a weird website. It was a weird address too as I recall. It wasn't just like Wordle.com. What was the Wordle? Yeah, it was like a weird It was like tagged onto the back of some other website, wasn't it? It was like slash

Wordle. And you were like, what? So you would literally have to Google it every morning to find it. I think it was always the second one. It wasn't the top one. The top one was the link to find it. I think it was always the second one. It wasn't the top one. The top one was the link to the app. The second one was the one you wanted to play Wordle on.

I haven't played Wordle for ages. When you guys started playing Wordle and I hadn't started yet and you were telling me about Wordle I went straight to the app store and downloaded Wordle which wasn't Wordle. It was an imposter. You're like, no, you're doing it wrong. I, it was an imposter. And then I was like, this sucks. Yeah. You're like, no, you're doing it wrong.

I saw that when I was flicking through the TV the other day, that game show they made. They were quick to do that, weren't they? Oh, they didn't recommend me. Powerlanguage.co.uk. That was the website. Yeah, slash Wordle, yeah. Yeah.

Well, that'll be why that's not on. Wordle's only got one vowel in it today. Oh, okay. Oh, my God, is it still going? Yeah. What are you? People still play it. What were the other Googled words? Oh, I don't have that fouling it today. Oh my God, is it still going? Yeah. What are you... People still play it. What were the other Googled words? Oh, I don't have that.

Oh, sweet. Oh, cool, man. You've just absolutely punched out. This is bad for you. This is sloppy. Shoot, we've got 10 shows to go. This is really sloppy for you. This news article literally has the number one word.

It's not the... When I said before I had the list, that was misleading. Let me find the list, Darl. You just put your feet out for It's not the list. When I said before I had the list, that was misleading. Let me find the list, Darl. You just put your feet up for the rest of the year. It is the 12th of December. Here we go.

I've got the top 10. Will Smith. Are you starting at 10? I'm starting at 10 because you bloody started at one. Number 10 on the list, Will Smith.

Number nine, Johnny Depp. Number eight, is this rude? Canuckle? Canuckle? What the hell is Canuckle? This might pop it up to number seven.

A daily Canadian word game. Oh, so it's like Wordle. Guys, do we have a new game? Canuckle. How do I spell Canuckle? C-A-N. C-A-N. Uckle.

Guys, it's Wordle. It's Wordle. I bet it's Canadian. It's exactly wordle. I bet it's Canadian. It's exactly wordle. So it'll just be words like moose. Should I try moose? How to play Canuckle. Each guess.

So it's five little words again. Yeah, it's... I got moose. It's always related to Canada in some way. Well, I tried moose and I've got one. I don't know how the colours work. What's a red? I think red's right

and in the right space, right? Oh, okay. Okay, so there's definitely an O. What else is Canadian? Is the O's the second letter? No, O's the second letter. Maple? Hoose.

Hoose in the... Oh, no, because SE's in the same place and that's not right. Oh, yeah, okay. Were there any other letters in there but in the right placeE is in the same place, and that's not right. Were there any other letters in there, but in the right place? S in the wrong place, O in the right place. Su, su. Su, sorry.

Sorry. I'll try sorry. Sorry. Sorry. No. Sorry. What else? What else is Canadian?

Oh. Tree. There's meepo. Oh, syrup. O is the second letter. Yeah, O is Canadian? Oh. Tree. There's meepo. Oh, syrup. O is the second letter. Yeah, O is the second letter and it's a Canadian word. There's an S in it. Oh, God.

What about a place name? Maybe a place name. Ontario. No, that's, yeah, that's, O is the first word. Oh, no, spruce wouldn't work. It's too long. I'm just going to Google Canadian things. I'm just going to have a little quick cheat.

Canoe? No. Oh, cheat. Okay. Canoe? No. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, what a stupid game. Carry on with the list. We can work on... Canuckle.

Moose. Yeah. Number seven, Anne Heche. R.I.P. How's about... Your mum just found out the other day when we spoke about the list of dead celebrities this year.

I don't mean to laugh but she just didn't know that Anne Heysher died. She was like I guess we're in Italy for that. I was like mum you get news in Italy.

Yeah. She steps into Italy and it's all but I don't know and no one talks about anything. The pizzari is on the plate. Pasta.

Cheese. Number six Bob Saget R.A.P. Number five Betty, R.A.P. Number five, Betty White, R.A.P. Jeez Louise. Number four, Queen Elizabeth, R.A.P. Then we've got number three, World Cup.

We know number one is Wordle. Number two is Ukraine. Wordle beat Ukraine, but then again because of the website. Because you had to find it every day. Because we're using Wordle to escape the terrible news of Ukraine. Yeah. And Biddy White. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch Vaughn and Hayley. The show thanks to McCafe. Try barista made iced coffees. Available now at your local McCafe. Available when? Wait. No! Do you want me to stop?

Available when? Now. Now. Now. What did I say? Did I not say now? I wanted to reinforce that they're available now. I stopped the intro. Should we go now?

Should we order now? Let's just, before we get into Cilla Little Pole, we've had an update on the, what's it called? Moose knuckle. No, it's not moose knuckle. What's the Canadian word for it called? Moose knuckle. Moose... No, it's not moose knuckle. What's the Canadian word for it? Knuckle. Knuckle.

What's it called? Moose knuckle. Canadian wordle. We've solved it. Knuckle. Yeah. Give it to us, Bourne. Coins.

You said it was... We've got coins. Canadian words. It's Canadian... Well, they've got the mint. They do the minting. They make Alcoins over there in Canada. Do they?

And then they put them on a boat and send them over. Ooh. Yeah. Anybody else want to get a pirate ship? Yeah. Steal all the money from the mint on the way here? Yes, please. I think a pirate ship coming up against a giant cargo ship

is not going to win in 2022. I don't know. That one from Rambo's End was pretty hearty. Flat-bottomed Hayley, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Silly little pole confused some little pole Confused some people Do you put butter on your toast before the spread?

Meaning, do you use butter on your toast? Not do you put the spread on And then try to smear butter onto the top of jam No, yeah Because I remember when people Like way back And people would say Why are you putting butter under peanut butter?

Peanut butter's already a butter But it's not Peanut butter doesn't have butter, but it's not. Peanut butter doesn't have butter in it. It's just mashed up nuts. If I was going to put anything on toast without butter, it would be peanut butter. It would be peanut butter because of the oily nature of peanut butter. No, but it's better with.

Yeah, I'm not saying, yeah. But if you add a pinch. Add a pinch if you didn't have any butter. It is weird that we put butter under jam. Because jam's absolutely spreadable. Yeah, feckle. It's yum, don't get me wrong, and I wouldn't do it any other way. But it soaks in.

Soaks in too much, doesn't it? So you're saying the butter is... No, but the butter is about more than just spreadability. Right. It's about yum. It's about yum. Mm. Right.

I always just thought it was... And loads of butter with marmite or Vegemite? Yeah. Oh, well, you've got to. You have to. You simply must. But yeah, you couldn marmite or Vegemite? Yeah. Oh, well, you've got to. You have to. You simply must. But yeah, you couldn't put it on top, could you? Yeah.

But that was where some confusion was, you know, popped its little head up. But 90% of people do put butter on their toast. Yeah. 10% no. Pretty amazing that 10% of people are like, no to butter. But then also, I've got a friend that has dairy. A lot of people don't do butter because of the issues. Yeah, but.

Oh, the issues. The issues. What, you're pooping yourself? I guess so, yeah. Oh, because, oh, like dairy issues. Lactose, yeah, yeah, dairy issues. Right. Even that much dairy will call us an issue.

Oh, yeah, butter sets me off. Oh, but how good is butter? It's like concentrated milk. It is so good. It is so good. It's so good. I would happily just, you know, cack myself as a payment for a bit of butter. Hannah says,

too much admin to put butter on before the spread and it doesn't make it taste any better. Does anybody else want to tell Hannah to piss off? Tell her we don't want her as a listener anymore. Tell her, yeah. There's other radio stations out there for you, Hannah. You should try butter, Hannah. It's delicious.

You should try the breeze. We'll see you later. The admin is, the breeze absolutely will not accept you if you've got dairy intolerance. Oh, yeah, no, no, no. They don't believe in it. They don't believe in it. They think it's made up.

They think it's all in your head. You know why? Because we didn't have it in our day. No one had it in our day. And so I'm telling you, you've made it up. It's all in your head. That's fair. Sold yourself out.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Admin. There's no admin involved. She might be trying to deal with butter, non-spreadable butter straight out of the fridge, but then I'd say get yourself a Butterbell. No. I've got a Butterbell. No. I've got a Butterbell.

That's gross. Put your butter in the fridge. It's yum. I just get a small ramekin and I'll slice off a bit and I'll give it 10 in the micro. Oh, yum. But no more than 10. No. It's got to be soft, not melty.

Yeah. No, not melty. 10 just gives it a kiss. I've got a Butterbell. They're amazing. Get a Butterbell because it's also insulated against the hot heats of summer. Yeah. No. No. Get a Butterbell. No. Get a Butter bell. Just give us a kiss. I've got a butter bell. They're amazing. Get a butter bell because it's also insulated against the hot heats of summer. Yeah. No.

No. Get a butter bell. No. Get a butter bell. No. Mel says, actually, I've stopped doing so for peanut butter. Journey to health. Journey to health.

But would do for marmeet. Yeah. You've got to put it under your yeast. Marmite. Yeah. Yeah. Caitlin says, yes for everything except peanut butter. That can go on

Straight on the bread Fair call Fair call Alright Hannah says Depends what it is Jam Yes

Peanut butter No Yeah Hannah If you didn't That's like putting Your socks on Like putting your shoes

On without socks Yeah fair call That's a fair call It's a very fair call. Jillian, I do because I'm not a monster and melted butter is delicious, especially with peanut butter or Vegemite. The saltiness on a Vegemite just pops off.

Bridget, okay, I'm not going to lie. I'm trying to save with inflation, et cetera. So I'm not going to waste money putting butter on before a spread. I just go straight for a spread. I mean, hard times. I can understand that's budget conscious. I would like to introduce to you, Bridget, margarine.

Oh, no, don't do that. Not even margarine, just, what do they call it? Table spread. Table spread. Non-brand table spread. Could be anything. Yeah. And probably is.

So there you go. We're still buttering. Do you think more people use butter than use milk? Yes. Milk's so out of fashion. Yeah. Because there's a billion types of milk now. Oh, yeah, maybe.

I like to milk. Fonterra, if you're listening, double down on butter. I like to milk the teat of an oat. Hard, though. Tiny little nips. Tiny nips. Tiny nips. Hard to find the nip on an oat, isn't it? Hard to find it. Hard though. Tiny little nips. Tiny nips. Tiny nips. Hard to find the nip on a note, doesn't it?

Hard to find it. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. I just saw who conducted this study. Radox. The shower gel people. The really strong scented manly shower gel. They used to do a great coconut.

No, don't they still do a coconut? Weren't you on the coconut radox? I loved it, yeah. Right. But I haven't had it for ages. But they also did radox do the one that was the balls tingler? Yes. No, that's not radox.

That's that zesty lime and tea tree mint. Ball tingling. Yeah, I bought Aaron the minty body wash. And the little ones, eh? And they're real bright colours. Real bright colours. Yeah, I don't think that's radox. I think that's another brand.

No, that's not radox. That's a good something. But yeah, it does tingle your balls. A lot of people said it tingles your balls. Sometimes it's nice to wake up in the morning, though, and get the balls tingling for the day, you know? Well, anyway, radox, for some reason, they did a study and they got a group of women. God, anyway, Radox, for some reason, they did a study, and they got a group of women.

God, imagine. I think that's called a gaggle. I think it is a gaggle or a cloister of women. Original source, mint and tea tree. Yes. Yeah, original source, that's it. Original source was the ball. They got a bunch of women together,

and what they did was they gave them some very complicated puzzles and a very strict time limit to complete them in order to increase their stress levels. They then played a number of different songs while their heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing were monitored. I'm sorry, but at this point, why does a shower gel company need to do this? No idea.

Anyway, so then they narrowed it down to one particular song that is eight minutes long. I don't believe we've got time to play all eight. But here is a little taste. Of the most relaxing tune in the world. Is it something to do with that? of the most relaxing tune in the world. Is it something to do with that do, do, as like a slow heartbeat, like a relaxed heartbeat, versus the song that we just played on the radio that's like... So this is it.

This is the most relaxing song. And then from this study, scientists were like, cool study, guys. Cool study, bro. However, we really want to emphasize that people need to be careful when they're listening to this song because it significantly dropped their heart rate and blood pressure and the pace of their breathing. If you were to listen to this song in the car for too long, you could fall asleep.

It's dangerous. Yeah, right. What about, is this good for yoga or falling asleep? Yeah, this would be great for yoga. This would be a good little sleep song. When's the beat going to drop? What is it called? Does it have a name?

It's called Weightless. It's just a drone, isn't it? Yeah, I've been waiting for something more. Like, is it going to drop? The dude just wants a drop. This guy just wants a drop. I just want the beat to drop, you know? He loves a beat drop.

Give us a drop. This is actually just making me quite relaxed now. Yeah, I know. Just listening to this, I'm like, okay, cool, yeah. Look, Carlin's got her eyes closed. Oh! Oh, is, Carlin's got her eyes closed. Oh! Oh, the beat, is that the beat drop? Is it the beat?

That's not enough of a beat drop. The beat has dropped. I think the beat officially... Listen, this is more relaxing than what you listen to when you go and get a Thai massage. Oh, if you're getting a Thai massage for this, you'd fall asleep. Oh, yeah.

You'd be out to it. I'll never let myself fall asleep in a massage. Because you think they stop. Because they stop. I would stop. Would you stop? I'd just go to sleep. I'd be sort of like asleep in a massage. Because you think they stop. Because they stop. I would stop. Would you stop? I'd just go to sleep. I'd be sort of like

boop, boop, boop, boop just like patting my fingers around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boop. This song sucks. I'm going to say it. It's missing lyrics. It needs a collab.

It needs a beat drop. It needs an old artist and a new artist. I'm talking you're out in Brittany. And it needs a big fat beat drop. We could do with a little bit of Dua Lipa too, couldn't it? I mean, add some Dua Lipa in there, absolutely. Talk about what to pile on.

A spot of Doja Cat. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hell, I'd even take a Taylor Swift at this point. A little sprinkle of Ed Sheeran in the mix. Yeah. I think we've just made a mega hit, you guys. I think we've made a mega hit. Now, is Harry Styles going to do a verse?

Oh, absolutely. And are we going to get Ludacris, the maintenance man? I'm just one, yes. I mean, to drop a verse. We could definitely. I think he's concentrating more on. Snoop Dogg would do it for a thousand bucks. Snoop Dogg could bookend it, you know,

like a little intro at the top, a little tale at the end. It needs an injection of Lizzo. I'll tell you that much for nothing. This isn't a song. Is this wild to say a bit of Darude? That is a wild. I've crossed the line there. Yeah, you've crossed the line.

That's just one. That would take it too far in the opposite direction. Yeah, you're right. Other than that, so far our idea has been flawless. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. From the bustling ZM think tank, this is the Top Six. Hi there.

The Tiger King style big cat ownership is a thing of the past. A bill has passed in the US saying the Big Cat Safety Act is in, it's through, and you will no longer be able to privately own big cats like lions and tigers. Carol Baskin will be excited. She's been trying for years to get this through, hasn't she? Yes. So you'll have to be like a zoo. You'll have to have a zoo license.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then because that's not privately owned, there's a whole lot more hoops to jump through and a whole lot more legislation you have to get ticked off. Things of which, what was his name? Joe Tiger King.

Dirt. Joe Exotic. Joe Exotic. Joe Dirt. Joe Dirt. He wouldn't have ticked those off, but he was getting around it because he was saying they were privately owned. Yes.

Was it just a hangover, or did Mike Tyson actually have a tiger? I think he did have a tiger. He did have a tiger, didn't he? Yeah, you could just have one. Yeah, the dude has blown through a fair bit of cash. Yeah. Our Mike Tyson. There's quite a few.

Oh, no. Who's got a lion? Melanie Griffith has a lion. What? Mike Tyson has a feud. Oh, no. Who's got a lion? Melanie Griffith has a lion. What? Mike Tyson has a tiger. Reese Witherspoon's got some exotic animals, apparently. Oh, no. Reese Witherspoon.

Reese. Do you think Ryan Philippine got one in the divorce? Yeah, yeah. They shared. They split up. Yeah, that big anaconda. Gosh. He's got that massive wang.

He's got a big penis. Is that what we're saying? Yes. All right. The top six other pets you can have instead of tigers. And this is legit. These are pets that it is completely legal to own in America. Number six on the list, an anteater.

Seriously? Yep. Salvador Dali had a pet anteater. He was in America. He was in Paris. He was in Paris. He's a wackadoodle guy. He was a wackadoodle anteater. He loved a melting clock, didn't he?

God, he loved it. Huge fan of a moustache. Do we know if Salvador Dali was tripping? A lot. I'd say yes. A lot. Maybe even when he bought the anteater. But yeah, in America it is legal to have an anteater for a pet.

Huh. Would you want one as a pet? They are apparently cuddly, non-violent companions. Oh, but they're so ugly. But also how good would it be, like, summer, ants. Yeah. I'm spraying ants constantly at the moment. Same.

The other day in the outside shed, I couldn't find fly spray and I had some Roundup. I was like, let's see how this goes. And I sprayed the ants with Roundup. Tell you what, worked a treat. Dead. You just absolutely flooded an ant colony with Roundup. Wow. I wasn't taking any chances. Take this back to your queen. Tell your queen

it was me. Number five on the list of the top six other pets you can have instead of tigers still legal to own. Foxes. In America. Pet foxes are legal in up to 15 states. The most common fox to have as a pet is the fennec foxes. You know the ones with the really big ears?

Yeah. The desert foxes. So cute. So cute. Number four on the list of the top six pets you can still legally own in America. Skunks. Oh, no, you wouldn't want one of those. They're bred in captivity and they've had their scent glands removed at a young age.

Oh, okay. Can't spray on you. Yeah, so they wouldn't survive in the wild if they got, like, lost. So there's 17 states where you can have a skunk as a pet. They're kind of cute. Although if it's got a Fred Jackson, it's a little bit pesty. I'd be moving it. Because if your cat ever walks under a white paintbrush

and gets a stripe down the back, yeah, classic. It's all on. Classic Pepe Le Pew. Alligator is number three on the list of the top six other pets you can have instead of tigers. That's right. Still completely legal to have the notorious dinosaur lizard human killing biting machine as a pet.

I don't know why people bother. You can put one in your pool, Vaughn. I don't want to. They wouldn't like the chlorine. You'd have to go solve the chemicals. They wouldn't like the chlorine. They wouldn't like the chlorine. Number two on the list of solve the chemicals with them. They wouldn't like the chlorine. Number two on the list of the top six pets you can have

if you're bummed about not being able to own a tiger. In America, it is still completely legal to own a kangaroo. In America? Those things will box your face in. Yeah. Box your face in, yeah. They do. They're punches.

They're punches. It's the kicks you want to watch for. Oh, yeah. And they rest on their tail, eh? Yeah. Boom. Yeah, they're yuck things. I don't like them.

You don't like kangaroos? No, I don't like them. I don't like kangaroos. I'll go so far as to say I hate them as well. I wish them dead. No, I don't. I take it back. That was too much.

But yeah, I think they're gross. I put them in the outback away from everything. Elvis Priestley. I believe I'm pronouncing that away from everything. Elvis Priestley. I believe I'm pronouncing that correctly. Yeah. Elvis Priestley. Alvi.

Alvi. The S is silent. Hey, Alvi Priestley. He had a couple of kangaroos as pets. Don't you know, don't you know. Wow. And number one on the list of the top six pets that's still completely illegal to own in America, even though you can't own a tiger anymore, a bear.

What? How is it legal to have a bear? You can have a bear, but not a tiger. More than a dozen states in the US completely illegal to own a bear as a pet. What kind of bear? Any kind of bear.

A grizzly bear. Well, I'd probably steer away from the grizzly bear, just the name alone would put you off. Like a little black bear. Bears have been known to develop affectionate relationships with humans and caregivers, but there have been far too many cautionary tales of bears who just snap.

Oh, no. And maul people out of nowhere after lifelong relationships. That's because, pets or not, bears are wild animals with primal instincts that can be activated in the blink of an eye. Yeah. That's insane. That is today's top six.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Harween at the social media desk, currently straddling two positions, actually. Social media desk and... Executive producer desk. Executive producer desk. It's quite awkward in the booth, isn't it? The way she straddles them.

Yeah, it's a real... She's got a real man spread. Yeah. Well, she wants to sit on both chairs. Going on. I know. Well, she'd like to tell us about a conspiracy that

her generation are all wound up about. The worst, we agree, the worst generation. 100% the worst generation. Guys, I'm right here. I'm right here. Hi. Now, tell everybody what you came in and told us this morning.

You found a conspiracy. Okay, so there is a conspiracy. Now, it has existed for about four-ish years, I think, three or four. Right. But TikTok has really picked up this conspiracy theory recently. That's who I turned to for all my well-balanced opinions. Yeah, me too, me too. Look, I didn't look for this. It came to me.

In a dream? Nah, just on my For You page. Okay. Yeah. So it's called Glittergate. Glittergate. And it is this conspiracy theory about how the top buyer of glitter across the world is, like, unknown.

Do you know why? I've just figured it out. Because they're anonymous, right? No one knows who it is. It's Santa. Oh my god, it's Santa. It is the most glittery season. Surrounded by glitter

currently. But no, that's not who people believe. Carry on with your conspiracy theory. A while ago this journalist went and interviewed someone who worked at, because there's only one seller of glitter. Like, it comes all from the same place. Jeez, I bet they just go home.

It's everywhere. You're telling me that glitter is so specialist that only one place can make it? Yeah, it's called Glitter X. They own all the glitter. They're big glitter. Because they own all the glitter. I don't think they own all the glitter.

You're telling me there's a monopoly on the glitter market. There is. It's called Glitter X. It's in New Jersey. And it makes all the glitter. Supposedly. We don't make any homegrown glitter. Glitter X is a corporation, a US manufacturer of cosmetic and industrial glitter.

Leading the industry since 1963. Well, leading the industry. They are the industry, according to Carl Wayne. This isn't party glitter. Are you talking about glitter that's in like... Well, it's all sorts of glitter. It's all glitter. Glitter is just like a microplastic.

It's my wife's most hated thing. She hates glitter. Yeah, because it sticks. Oh, yeah, because look at their website, Glitter on Christmas Balls. She hates it. Glitter, but Yeah, because it stinks. Oh, yeah, because look at their website, glitter on Christmas balls. She hates it. Glitter, but there's some hair products and stuff or makeup products have a bit of glitter in it.

It's the glitter that goes on shoes. It goes on everything. Okay. The girls got given an art set once, and when they weren't looking, she took the glitter and binned it. Yes. It's the worst.

Because it gets everywhere, and you can never get rid of it. Okay, so basically, this journalist interviewed this person that worked there. She was like, I can't tell you the company that buys all of our glitter, like our top buyer, I can't tell you. No one's allowed to know. And you would be surprised why you're not allowed to know what the product is that they use this glitter for.

So people are like, oh my gosh, it's the military. It's in boat paint. It's in car paint. It's those gay bombs that the military was developing. Yes. No, they've got gay bombs that they're going to drop on Russia. And they explode in the central squares and out comes rainbow glitter. And, of course, the minute you see it, yeah, you have to kiss a man.

You've got to kiss someone of the same sex. You've got to kiss a man, yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe it's that then but no people are saying it can't be something normal like paint we would be okay with that right for some reason this company doesn't want us to know that they use glitter in their product so some people are saying coca-cola i'm not saying that don't come for me coca-cola where does Coke put its glitter? In the drink is this conspiracy. Yeah, so people are thinking that...

No, because we're pooping it because it's made of like non-biodegradable plastics, isn't it? We'd see it in our poops. We'd have glittery poops. So, I've got a theory here of the military using glitter. Yeah. They say...

It's gay bombs. It's not gay bombs. We just said it's gay bombs. That they would use it in various top secret ways, including stealth coatings on military crafts. Oh, to avoid detection. Such as the F-22 and F-35. Oh, because it would shoot the sonar

in a whole bunch of different directions. Maybe. But like, why would we be mad about that? You know? So one of the top theories is that it's in toothpaste. Sorry? Glittery toothpaste. There is some...

A pearlised. And it is pearly, yeah. So people think it might be toothpaste because it has to be something that we ingest because otherwise if it's something like paint, we don't care, right? Glittery and paint. But if it to be something that we ingest because otherwise, if it's something like paint, we don't care, right? Glitter is already in paint. This isn't something that we ingest.

How great is this conspiracy? It can't be something we ingest though. Aluminium, metallized, polyethylene, teareth the fly flight. Is that glitter?

That's what glitter is. That's what this company, this says it on this company's website. But that's why they don't want you to know. No, but it would have to be listed on a product, ingredients, right? Yeah, but do you read the ingredients

and understand those words? No. Wow. So just, you know, just on the microplastics, there's a story out this morning that they, in the air, they were talking about all the microplastics floating around.

They say that in Auckland alone, there is the equivalent of three million bottles dropping out of the atmosphere into the city every year. Wow. Three million plastic bottles. But obviously they're like ground up. There's dust too, so. Yeah.

So you're just like, it's okay. You guys been somewhere where the dust gets whipped up? Yeah. It's already there. Yeah, but that's dust. It's already particles. It's not plastic. There are so many articles on this.

It is wild. So you're down the rabbit hole now too? No, no. I think it's just going in the Christmas baubles. Somebody said they read a theory. Jeez Louise. They read a theory that the mafia is using glitter to clean cash. What?

When people talk about laundering money, they're not talking about actually cleaning the notes. They're talking about getting it into the system. Yeah. Wow. Although the person didn't want to speak to the journalist. They said they could end up dead. That's something the mafia would do.

I want to get to the bottom of that. Because there's a glitter shortage and they're taking all the glitter. Where is it going? Wow. I think there needs to be a podcast on this. Is there a podcast on this? Not that I know of, but there should be.

I feel like there would be a podcast on this. Some have messaged in adult fun toys. They've always got a certain glittery sheen to them. Yeah, that's true. They call it the Glitterous. I believe is the name of the toy. And we'll leave that there. Well, we're all familiar with Mariah Carey's Christmas song.

Have you broken your headphones? I have, sorry. Those just pop in there. Yeah. Industry standard headphones. Industry standard, though, so I trust that they're fine. She's back. She's back.

She's ready. Mariah Carey's famous Christmas song. Do you want me to sing it? Jingle Bells. Oh, do you want me to keep going? No. That was enough. So all I want for Christmas,

somebody has worked out how much money she makes from this song. So per year, what do you think it's at? Over a million. I thought it would have been, yeah, so it's at? Over a million. I thought it would have been, yeah, so it's $3.6 million annually. Jeepers creepers. In its lifetime, somebody worked out $106 million. Would you like me to play the Mariah Carey song in the background for a little bit of additional?

He didn't want it, but you're going to do it, aren't you? Ha! Rickrolled you guys! Woo! Yeah, you guys! Woo! Yeah, you got Rick rolled! You got Rick rolled! Woo! Suck it! I tricked you into listening to Rick Astley's song. Never going to give you up.

That is called Rick Rollin'. I'm Rick Rollin'. Are you the internet 10 years ago? Yes, I am. By the way, have you heard about this terrible thing happening in Africa? What? The man's name is Kony. And he's abducting children.

Take my money. I'll have it. Kony 2012. Kony 2012. I was so invested. My favorite part was when the guy had a naked mental breakdown. That was great. In the street.

Speaking of Mariah Carey and the song, how long has it been around for? Many, many years. Many years. So there's a video of her playing like one of those Christmas in the park things or Christmas in Times Square and she's got a teleprompter with the lyrics on it.

Yeah. She hasn't learned the words. Yeah, hold on, I'll queue it up now. Ha! You got drunkies! Woo! Rip road! You suckers! You valvered twice! You dum- drunkies! Woo! Rick Road! You suckers!

You fell for it twice! You dum-dums! Woo! Man! Did you see that, guys? I got him! Got him! Got him!

Do you want to actually play Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas? I'm not falling to this trap. Ha! You got drunk! Three in a row! You guys are suckers! You keep falling for the same shit! Woo!

Rick Road! Yeah! Yeah! Dum-dums! Three in a row. You guys are suckers. You keep falling for the same shit. Woo! Rickroll. Yeah. Yeah. Dumb Dumbs. Hang on. Plug in my thing. Thank you. Thank you.

I was going to Rickroll you. So yeah, 106 million from royalties over the life of this song. And just every year alone, they reckon $3.6 million from streaming. Which is nuts. Because famously, streaming makes you no money. It makes you, exactly, yeah. And this is why every artist wants a Christmas song. If you can break through, you're set for life.

I'm definitely doing a Christmas song. Hayley's version. Stay tuned. Not today. I'm tired. $3.6 million. Yeah, but a lot of it goes to Nick Cannon. Yeah, all those kids he's got to feed. Yeah.

Why don't you do it? Yeah, that's a dance. Woo! Woo! Rip road, rip road. How do we keep falling for this? You got rip road. You're hearing a song you didn't want to hear.

It's a funny song. You got rip road. Next on the show, it's our ice cream index. We're searching for the biggest ice creams. Got you. Woo. Get low. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Play ZM. More financial pain on the way. The reserve bank has risen. The short-term inflation has pushed the reserve. Cost of living. Cost of living crisis. And the recession is inevitable. The official Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Ice Cream Index. Well, with inflation, the cost of living, we want to make sure we've got big ice creams. Bang for your buck.

Yeah. If you're stopping this summer anywhere and we're making an exhaustive list, the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Ice Cream Index. Where to get the best ice creams around the country? Today, Vaughan, Alan Smith. Yes, we are going to Tupou. And I

can tell you the Omri store and Snappy's Takeaways. Snappy's Takeaways? Snappy's Takeaways. Wouldn't the ice cream melt if you were having hot fish next to it? I reckon you'd eat the fish somewhere sort of semi-close by and then pop back in for a rolled ice cream melt if you were having hot fish next to it? I reckon you'd eat the fish somewhere sort of semi-close by and then pop back in for a rolled ice cream.

Right. Established in the 1960s, it was the General Store. Oh, okay. Your local store. Oh, follow us on Instagram. I'll pop along to your gram. You better have an ice cream ready. I wonder if they do a good cram stick.

Do they? They make birthday cakes. We can't take into consideration the cakes. No, we're not taking into consideration the cakes. The cakes, the candles, the pastries, the wine, the flowers. It's got everything down there. It sounds very fancy. And apparently it has bread and a hell of a roll of ice cream.

The Kinloch store is the next in the area. This is just out of Topol. It is in Kinloch, surprisingly enough. The name might have been the giveaway. Now, they do burgers, etc. But apparently, also, a hell of an ice cream. A hell of an ice cream. They've also, a dog's turned up.

October 15. I hope that dog's been reunited with its owner by now. According to their Facebook page. It's a long time. A long, long time to be away. So we can report Kinloch also a great place to pop in for an ice cream. The Hilltop Food Market.

I didn't know this, but there's lots of Hilltop dairies around New Zealand because I googled Hilltop dairy and it brought up a few different places. Well, it's an easy name, isn't it? It's the dairy on top of the hill. It is, yeah. It's the one right up on top of the hill. Probably a hell of a view from up there.

And, oh, yeah, they've got a picture in their Google reviews of a... That's open now. Good ice creams? That's open and ready to go. Okay. The food market. And apparently, yeah, a very good ice cream.

Oh, good. It's having a good look, eh? Oh, yeah. And that is... Whereabouts is it? I've opened the... It's on top of the hill. Yeah, I know it's on top of the hill, but I've just opened the map and I can't see it.

It's 40 Taharepa Road, Hilltop Taupo. Oh, here it is. Open right now. Oh, yeah, just within Kui of the hospital there. Just back off the lake. Back off the lake. Yeah, right. Come back off the lake.

And you can get ice cream. Probably not a bad spot after DeBrett's to get an ice cream after the hot pools. You always have to have an ice cream after the hot pools, don't you? Cool yourself down. Well, it's like an ice bath for your mouth. Yeah. It's been somewhere warm and now it's somewhere cold. It's next to a place called Mole and Chicken.

Well, we're not doing the Mole and Chicken index. I know, but I'm just saying that's piqued my interest. Yeah. Add that to the list. Someone's made a huge mistake. What? Someone's nominated Luna's Gelateria. Oh, my God.

Get them on the line so we can absolutely publicly shame them. Silly, silly fools. Yum. We're not doing gelato. We're not doing sorbet. We're not doing any of these posh places. We really get triggered by this. Eight million flavours.

I like gelato, don't you? I don't like gelato. Why don't you like gelato gelato, don't you? I don't like gelato. Why don't you like gelato? I want an ice cream and I want gelato. I like it. No, I'm wanting it. I like it, but only when I'm walking and getting lost in the streets of Italy. Oh.

You know? Wow. At twilight. Yeah. After a beautiful Italian dinner. Very relatable. Very relatable. Very relatable. After a private viewing of some stunning artwork.

I know, Carween's just messaged through. Luna's was the most recommended spot. But it's a gelateria. We're only doing ice cream. We're doing ice cream. But I tell you what. We're doing rolled ice cream. As I love me a gelato, adding that to the list.

Oh, you should try the gelato in Italy. Second to none. Well, they invented it gelato in Italy. Second to none. Well, they invented it, didn't they? Second to none. It'd be disappointing if you went to the home of gelato and it was just bog-standard gelato. Yeah, you would be disappointed. So there you go.

All right, we've got a few more spots to add to the summer hotspot. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Christmas is around the corner. A matter of days. There's Christmases around the corner. Let me get my christmasclock.com up. It's next weekend.

12 days. I might play. 12 sleeps. Guys, 12 days of Christmas. Is it okay if I play a Christmas song while we talk about Christmas? I've got a feeling we're about to be Rickrolled. No. Suck it. Yeah. Is it okay if I play a Christmas song while we talk about Christmas? I've got a feeling we're about to be Rickrolled. No, because... Suck it!

If you've just joined us, Vaughan's been Rickrolling us all morning. Okay. Someone text in to ask if Vaughan was on drugs. This is a Rick Astley Christmas song, so in a way you're sort of like being seasonally Rickrolled. I'm being Rickrolled still. Still of like being seasonally rick-rolled. I'm being rick-rolled still. Silly rick-rolled seasonally. Right. Well, there's a warning from ACC this Christmas, New Zealanders.

Because apparently every year we're getting injured. Ha ha ha, if you've been playing that game where you avoided the wham Christmas song, you just got whammed. Is that what it's called? Yeah, you got whammed. I think you got whammed, yeah. I don't think that gesture goes with it, Vaughn. I think that's what it used to do. No, this is what you, oh, what are you,

the bloody PC brigade, I can't hip thrust anymore. No, no. And say, you've been whammed. Yeah, but George Michael goes the other way. That's it. I guess it depends. Well, no, he's dead. He's dead.

He's not going either way, is he? How dare you? If anyone here has been cancelled, it's not the 40-year-old guy going, you've been whammed and hit thruster. You've been whammed. I just whammed the nation. Whammed.

What happened to Vaughn over the weekend? He had to clean up a ZM Christmas party. This is what happened. All by himself, which is the one thing he said he didn't want to do. ACC figures. Let me tell you. ACC figures. Let me tell you. Between 2012 and 2021,

there were 1,187 Christmas tree-related injury claims, costing the taxpayer $804,000. Which is amazing because most people wouldn't have to cut their own tree down, would they? They'd get them pre-cut. It would be the tree falling on you. Or it might be climbing up to decorate. Yeah. Going up.

Falling down on a ladder. And falling off. Yep. Piercing your finger with a glass pendant, perhaps. Yeah. Oh, I did that. Electrocuting yourself. I was very hungover and I fell on my friend Krim's Christmas tree.

And one of the baubles was glass and it cut me gooch. Cut you gooch? I was hungover. No one was home at her house. This was at her flat because her parents listened to the show. This wasn't at your house, Jeff and Sharon. I would never, you know, desecrate the sacred

spot and carry on. No, but I had a shower at her house and then I was like, needed to sit down. You know when you're like, I need a hot shower, and I was like, loo! And I fell, and I took a bauble in it. A bauble at the bauble's. Imagine going into ACC on like Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, and some poor nurse has to pick the glass out of your nose. Out of the gooch.

Out of the gooch. But that was this as well before these stats. Yeah. Some poor nurse has to pick the glass out of your anus. Out of the gooch. Out of the gooch. Derry, Derry. But that was this as well before these stats. Yeah. 516 Christmas ham-related injuries costing $280,000. Slicing, the slicing. The knife. So, yes, but apparently also a really popular Christmas ham and turkey injury

is taking them out of the freezer and dropping them on your feet. Because of how heavy they are and how slippery it is when it's frozen. Does it say how many people suffocated or hurt their neck putting the turkey on their head? It'll be one or two. Yeah.

You want to fully defrost the turkey before you try to put your head in it. Yeah, 100%. So that was $280,000. 367 Christmas light related injuries coming in at just under half a million. head in it. Yeah, 100%. So that was $280,000. $367,000 Christmas light-related injuries coming in at just under half a million. Do you reckon that's like hanging them outside and again falling off a ladder or something? Falling off a ladder,

falling down something, taking a misstep while you're on the roof and falling off. So, I mean, the only logical choice, you know, we're looking at I'm pretty sure this is going to be National Party policy by this afternoon. Yeah. About canceling Christmas.

Oh, okay. Because it offers that. It'll cost. It costs so much money to have Christmas. That we shouldn't. Yeah, okay. We shouldn't have Christmas anymore. What are we going to do on the 25th?

Still have a holiday, right? We'll have to ask our non-Christian friends. I don't know if we will have a day off. Because, you know It's important that we keep productivity up And costs low Yeah Alright we'll tune in

Six till nine o'clock on Christmas day We'll be here Yeah No I don't think we will It's the only way I think we've got to take some calls On this When have you had a Christmas injury?

Oh yeah Because it's the worst time You know, it's all about the eating and the drinking and having a merry old time with your family. Yeah.

Celebrating, isn't it? It is. And you could be an A&E. Yeah. I once hosted a friend's Christmas. My parents went away, abandoned me for Christmas.

Yeah. So I took over their house with a bunch of, I'm going to say, young alcoholics. And one of them slipped off the deck and hit his head on the ping pong table and then bled on my mum's sheets.

How'd he hit from the ping pong table to your mum's sheets? It was just a little veranda deck like this. Oh, no, because his head was bleeding. And then he bled through the sheets. Did he go to hospital? I wouldn't have put him in bed. No, we couldn't be bothered. We're in the white and upper.

You shouldn't go to bed with a head injury. No, you should never. You should have kept him upright and awake. He lives to tell the story. It was fine. I mean, that doesn't count in the stats, though, because he never went to hospital. No.

He never filed a claim. No. Well, 0800-DARZITEM. We want to take some calls now. Text as well, 9696. Your Christmas injuries. Christmas Day? Yeah, Day.

Or just Christmas holiday. Also, just this is another time to tip the hat to the medical staff. Yes, doctors and nurses and admin staff that have to work in our health system on Christmas Day. Yeah. Absolute legends. The heroes. Yeah. That we

need but we do not deserve. We do not deserve. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Eight minutes away from eight. Well, the stats, ACC have come out and reminded us of the Christmas injury stats ahead of the festive season. A lot of us injuring ourselves. Christmas tree incidents.

A lot of those. Some text messages in. Somebody messaged in about their kidney stones. Now, we're not talking pre-existing medical conditions, are we? We're talking primarily accidents. No, we're like your travel insurance or your health insurance. We're not covering that. Oh, we can't cover that. As much as we'd

love to, we can't cover that. No. Somebody said, my son fell off the couch on Christmas Day and landed on a dinosaur tail up, went up his nose. I did not think that's where that was going. That was a fun emergency visit. There was so much blood. Ashley, what was your Christmas injury?

Hi, guys. Yeah, last Christmas Eve, we had all our friends and whatnot over for a few drinks and getting a little bit festive and then my 11 year old decided to jump on his motorbike and fell off the motorbike and nearly cut his toe off so they spent three days in hospital. Wait, was the 11 year old also getting tipsy?

That's frowned upon. A couple of shandies. Take the froth off the top of the beer. Wait, so what, barefoot on a motorbike was it? Yeah, he was barefoot while he did it. His sandals on. So we're not going to do that again.

No. I hate to say I told you so moment, isn't it? I told you so. I know, but when mum said a few rhymes, you don't notice what shoes the children are wearing. That's true. That's true. Also, it's good to just go play on your motorbike. Gets him out of the house, doesn't it?

Yeah, it does. Exactly. We were like, get off the Xbox. And then he went go play on your motorbike. Gets him out of the house, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. That's exactly. We were like, get off the Xbox. And then he went and jumped on his motorbike. Okay, get back on the Xbox. All you other kids, back on the Xbox. Ashley, thanks for your call. We want to know your Christmas injuries.

ACC stats are out. Well, just they've reminded us, just don't hurt yourself this Christmas. Just sit in a chair and read your book. Yep. But not a folding picnic chair or one of those cheap plastic ones. No, no, no. A solid armchair. I've seen someone lose a fingertip on one of those folding chairs.

Really? Yeah, you've got to be careful. They shouldn't have sharpened all the edges, though, I told them. Yeah. It was a silly idea. Like folding knives or scissors. Somebody said another motorbike. One at the Family Friends for Christmas.

Somebody said, I bet I can drive across that puddle in a motorbike. One of the family friends for Christmas, somebody said, I bet I can drive across that puddle in a motorbike, but it was very deep. And they didn't hydroplane across it. They went straight into it. I hope they were filming. They had an emergency splendidectomy. Splendidectomy.

They're like, you're splendid. This is an emergency. Remove this man's splendidness. I was going to say, a dictomy would be a removal of splendour. Nothing like crashing a motorbike and getting a handlebar into the guts to remove you. No. That takes a bit of it away.

Emma, what was your Christmas injury? So it's not really an injury, but I absolutely stented on Christmas Eve. And then I ended up getting an eye infection and at 4am I had to go to the emergency room so I got the eye infection from the strip club. Eww! Wait, how? I've never been to a strip club in my life

but apparently if someone can cough or sneeze in your eye, then you get this eye infection. No, you've got knickers in the face. You've got dirty knickers. Someone slingshot a pair of dirty knickers and they hit you right in the eye. I think you might have been burying your face. You got dirty knickers. Someone slingshotted a pair of dirty knickers and they hit you right in the eye. I think you might have been burying your face somewhere you shouldn't have been. Absolutely not.

But I always like to give my... I always like to give my... Oh, shine. Pirate Christmas. Merry Christmas. Oh, no. I always like to give my strippers a wipe down with an antibacterial wipe. A bit of a squeegee, do you?

Before Nuzlea. Yeah, a squeegee. Full squidge. Well, Emma's learned her lesson now for next time. No knickers in the face. Wear goggles to the strippies, Emma. That would be the lesson there. Yeah, it definitely is.

It was terrible. Thank you for your call, Emma. See you later, meaty. Olivia, what was your Christmas accident? A few years ago, I got injured on the 23rd of December. Keep in mind, I was getting married on the 23rd of March. So we had a few drinks. It was raining.

I was wearing sandals. And I was trying to carry something down some stairs. Slipped. I broke my left ankle in three places and dislocated it. So I got taken to hospital. And then Christmas Eve, had to have surgery. So I had like 12 pins and screws in my ankle. Oh, no, you really broke it.

Oh, my God. Yeah, about three-inch scars, two of them on both sides of my ankle. So, yeah, that was my injury. So I was pretty out of it on Christmas day, to be honest. Oh yeah, but did they give you some nice Christmas morphine? Yeah, I remember just lying on the sofa at Christmas,

just people just bringing me food and stuff because I couldn't do anything. Way to make, this is as a middle child, if this had been one of my siblings, I would have said, way to make Christmas all about yourself Yeah

I'm going to ask For your wedding in March Were you alright by then? Yeah so My hen's due I had to have an immune boot But by the time of the wedding I was okay

And of course You also have a few drinks On your wedding So I was dancing Like no injury even happened Oh good Can I ask At the hen's due with the moon boat,

did you get an eye infection at the strippers? Yeah. No strippers. No, she used the squeegee. Yeah. Used the squeegee. Olivia, thank you. Some messages in.

I broke my leg on Christmas Day going for a Christmas Day swim in terrible weather. I jumped and hit a submerged rock. Ended up needing surgery and had a broken leg for my wedding day. There you go. There's a wedding day when I was still broken

on the wedding day. It's the season, isn't it? Yeah. A group of us on Christmas were getting festive on my grandmother's deck. Went to go get another box of festive drinks

on the way back. I caught my foot on a loose decking board, ripped the bottom of my foot open, dropped the box, shattered all the drinks. When nails caught my foot on a loose decking board, ripped the bottom of my foot open, dropped the box, shattered all the drinks. When nails are sticking up out of the deck...

What is wrong with them? If you've got a deck that's nailed, not screwed, part of the spring tradition is you walk around with it, you crawl around with a hammer running your hand over the deck to see if any aren't flush and then you just give them a little whack. No, you need one of those things and then hammer it in. Otherwise you'll get a big crown around the nail.

Oh, a little nail punch. A nail punch. Don't just hammer a nail into the deck. Yeah. You'll make a mark. Hit it with it flat. No! You'll leave a ring. Respect the wood.

Respect the wood. I don't respect the wood enough to use a hammer properly. Play ZM's Fletch for the Daily. Play ZM. We've got a bit of an ongoing issue with my mother. Oh, okay. Which will feature in this story. She birthed

you. You're not allowed to have an issue with her. No, we've got issues. We're a family that feels free to raise its issues with each other. And on air. Especially on national radio. Yes, this is where free to raise its issues with each other. And on air. Especially on national radio. Yes, this is where we best raise our issues with our parents. Friday, a busy, busy afternoon. Should never have gone for that lunch, by the way.

I should never have gone for that lunch. It was a great lunch. It was a great lunch, but it blew my Friday absolutely to pieces. Oh, same. I was trying to make big decisions about the house, and I was half cut. Oh, I. I was trying to make big decisions about the house and I was half cut. Oh, I was just so, I was very,

I just felt like I needed a nap. But there was stuff that needed to be done. I was rushing around like a madman. Describing this time of year. Yeah.

No one's got time for anything this time of year. No. Everything's on. It's busy. It's all go. We pushed it out for a big lunch.

One of those lunches afterwards that a nap really is your only avenue for any sort of productivity later in the day. But there was no time for a nap and I was rushing around and then Sade kept saying, the thing at the school's at five. The thing at the school's at five. The thing at the school's at five.

The thing at the school's at five. The thing at the school's at five. Don't be late. We're running late. Shit, it is just, I hate the, we're going to be late. That doesn't, I physically can't move faster. This is what I do. Like, I'm doing it. There are things that need to be done.

She should know by now you're slow moving. I'm not slow moving. I was rushing. I was all going. I was relying on some other people that were moving slow, and I was like, let's get this moving. So anyway, I was a little bit late for the school performance. Right.

To arrive for the school performance, but I rushed. I, like, didn't even do that thing where I just jumped out of the car and just like hoofed it by the way your dad just texted he's listening intently oh yeah okay well he knows well i'm pretty sure he knows what's coming yeah because i've had him up about it as well so then i get to the i rush in i'm i'm sweaty i go in because of the weather it's been moved from an outside event this carol's there's no candlelight anymore. You can't have candlelight anymore. Carol by bloody phone to watch Mariah.

Jeez, PC Mantis. And it's been moved inside because of the bad weather. So the school hall is just this, you know, when you get off the plane in Thailand and it's just like, oh, human war. Yeah. Ha! And about the same smell because it's full of children

at the end of a long week. Yeah. Stinky little B words. So I find a seat. My wife saved me a seat, and she's like, you're just in time for Indy's singing of Jingle Bell Rock. So I sit down, and I'm like, well, okay, I'm here. This is exciting.

And my daughter sees me, and I see her, and I'm like, hi. And she's like a little like, dad. One of those ways. Dad. So I get the phone out to record it. Yeah. She doesn't sing. She's giggling with her chums.

It's a big giggle fest up there. What do you mean she's not singing? They're all farting about up there. I'm rushed. I've been, I'm rushing. I'm sweating. I rushed. Was she lip syncing?

She wasn't even doing that. She was doing this dumb face. Like I'm sweating. I rushed. Was she lip syncing? She wasn't even doing that. She was just doing this dumb face. Like, I'm too cool to sing. Yeah. Oh, wow. It started. It started. It started.

She loves it. She's always loved it. And then I got the too cool for this. And her buddy's like. Oh, no. I don't know whose dad that is. Elbow. Wow. I remember the saying.

And then there's like a kid two over really getting into it. A jingle bells a ring and a jingle bells sing. And they're like. Yay. Wow. it started. And then she keeps looking at me with the camera and be like this face and I was like, I can't believe what I'm

witnessing here. I just almost felt like standing up and be like, stop! Stop the music for a moment. I rushed to get here to see you sing. You will sing, child. So then I was just, and Sade's like, oh. And I was like, what is this?

And Sade found it funny because she's like, this is like entering teens. Yeah, man. You're not cool. Getting out there. Jingle bells isn't cool. One friend of yours isn't singing, so everybody else is like. You're not going to sing. I'm singing for nerds now.

And then that finishes, and I'm just like, I can't believe this. And then her next role in the show was her and some other year six kids, year two kids, a dance. Right. For a song. And then she gets up and she's like one of the leaders down the front with a couple of her mates and they're like doing this dance and I video this as well and she's like

giving me the TikTok face. Yeah. She's giving me the TikTok face. You're a loser now. Which is a face I was, she started doing this song. You're a loser now. She started doing this face at home and I was like, what is this face? What is this face?

And then because they use my phone to go on TikTok, I open up the TikTok one day and there's the algorithms. Everyone's doing this face. Yeah. She's doing the dance. Lackluster at best. I'm like, pop it, girl. Come on, put some effort in. No, that's TikTok dancing, though.

It's got to be lackluster. You can't care too much. She looks at me. She goes, make the TikTok face this. I'm like pop it girl Come on put some effort in No that's TikTok dancing though It's gotta be lackluster You can't care too much She looks at me She goes me the TikTok face Says I'm cool I'm too cool for this Stop videoing me Stop videoing me

I'm too cool And I was just like You've got to be kidding me Right Then I get home And I'm like I can't believe what I saw I'm not angry at her

Because there was a little bit Of funniness to it Just seeing this 10 year old Being like yeah I'm pretty cool You don't know what cool is And then I get home and my mum rings And she's like how was the show I said well I tell you what

You would have kicked my ass if I'd put the performance on That I witnessed from my daughter tonight And she's like what do you mean And I sent her the video and she watches And she's like oh that dancing was very cute It's very cute And I was like wait a minute I sent her the video and she watched it. She's like, oh, that dance, it was very cute. It's very cute. And I was like, wait a minute. I sent her the one with no singing.

And mum's like, well, she had had a sore throat. Oh, bubba. I can't believe this woman. Yeah, you would have had to sing with a sore throat. My mother would have stopped the performance and said, just a moment, stop the music. Vaughn, pull your bloody act together or we're leaving now. No, she would have stormed onto stage. Yes. Got you by the music. Vaughn, pull your bloody act together or we're leaving now. No, she would have stormed onto stage.

Yes. Got you by the ear. Probably tucked my shirt in, pulled my pants up and tucked my shirt in. Wagged her finger in your face. And got right up in my face and was like, if you're not singing, we're leaving now. You opened that damn mouth, Vaughn. I want to hear some out of tune words coming out of that gob hole of yours, boy. We can't get it to be quiet at home.

And you come here and you're silent. I just couldn't believe she's like, oh, the dancing was very cute. And then she gets on the phone, well done on the dancing. And I, is your throat still a little bit sore? And then Indy's like, nah. I'm like, this is not happening!

How is it that this happens? And it's the same with my dad. He's gone so soft. He used to give us a whack because he didn't know what to do with us. Be like, what are you looking at? Come here, smack. Don't look at me. I'll give you something to cry at. Smack again.

And now he's all like, oh, they can do no wrong. They've gone soft. They've gone soft. They have. They've gone soft. Honestly, thank gosh. Yeah. It was a lot at the time, but they've gone soft. Honestly, thank gosh. Yeah. It was a lot at the time, but they've gone soft.

Now I feel like I'm the a-hole, you know? Yeah. So I'm not, I'm trying to be. You're not an a-hole. You're just a loser. You are a loser. I'm so excited to see, you know, what happens as the years go on. So am I.

Yeah, it's going to be quite entertaining. I had a glimpse of that and I did not like it. You're probably going to have to start dropping them off around the corner soon. And you're embarrassing little white girl Jimny. That is shameful. I know, yeah. Oh my God, your dad's got a tiny car. No, because a kid the other day was walking with August out of school

and he's like, I like your dad's Jeep. And I said, it's not a Jeep, you dickhead. It's a Jimny. Get real. Oh, you should have just gone with Jeep. Little loser drives a Jeep. P dickhead. It's a Jimny. Get real. Oh, you should have just gone with Jeep. A little loser drives a Jeep. Piss off home, you seven-year-old loser. Jeep.

All right, next on the show, it's Monday Maestros. We were given the challenge to do the cup song. That's as far as I reckon Fletch has gotten. I'm not putting in any effort. I'm just surrounded by people not putting any effort into No, I'm putting in a ton of effort.

You're the nerdy kid that we're all pointing at. Jangle bow, jangle bow. Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch Vaughan

and Hayley's Monday Maestros. Well, every Friday we're giving some homework, a challenge, something to perform or do on Monday's show. And right now it is time for us to showcase, deliver

the cups. So we're doing the cups song. Just another challenge that involves Oh my gosh. I thought it was going to be you because you are the world's biggest Pitch Perfect fan. Ross Boss, good morning. Tēnā koutou anyway, everybody.

Kia ora. Your judge is here. I wondered why you were here so early. I'm here early sometimes. No, you are our boss, but we're disappointed. We thought it was Anna Kendrick. I mean, that would be great because she is amazing, but the only other person who's as deeply involved with that film as her

is me because I watch it probably monthly. Do you? Loser. It is so good. I've never seen it. I refuse to. I refuse to watch. You go to one and then ignore two and then go for three.

It's agor-awful. Acquified. And not going to win. But, you know. So I've seen this. I know what it is. Can you do it? No.

Oh. So this is... That's why I'm in management. I watch not to. Let's take a listen to the scene. I'm just going too fast. Oh. I got my ticket for the long way round. Two bottle of whiskey for the way. So it's just the cups that we have to do, right?

How long is that? Junie, she's got two bottles of whiskey. Have you seen Anna Kendrick? She's tiny. I reckon she'd have like three and she'd be like, guys. Let's sing. Let's sing. Let's not go down this path.

Let's get on to a task Which is you guys doing This really long Every time there's a challenge Did you even try? I'm going to go first Because it's in my body And I'm going to lose it

What's the song That I can't do the clapping Every time? Friends Friends I always do too many claps He does five I thought it's five

I thought we established One ago No one told you life was going to be this way. No, you're both doing five. I hate it. You do it too, Vaughan. Yeah, five rules. It should be five.

But I'm not good with rhythm. I'm not good with coordination. As we're learning with Monday Maestros, the question is what are you going to play? I can't wait for the Monday Maestros pushing the buttons. Damn. Because even then, I'm really good at pushing the buttons. Okay, I'm going to go.

Are we just doing the cups? Yes. Now, do you want me to come and hold the microphone? Yes, please. I'll come and hold the microphone. All right, this is Hayley doing the cups. Okay. Oh, hang on, hang on.

No, she's out. One shot, she's out. You're out. No, if I'm on, hang on. No, she's out. One shot, she's out. You're out. No, if I'm out, it's going to be an empty segment. Here we go. Hang on, here we go. Oh, shoot, hang on. It's okay.

That was pretty good. That was pretty good. Yeah. The standard is there's someone who used to work here Ellie, you remember Ellie She can do the whole thing That's why I thought I was coming in To judge it

Because she's She's too rich and famous now Or Viva La Dirt League Viva La Dirt League money Yeah But I got it That was sort of it That was pretty good

That was pretty good Okay A couple of fumbles at the start I've got to put my keyboard up here Because I don't want to Head off the song accidentally Okay Oh my god It's like watching a monkey You could have at least done that because I don't want to head off the song accidentally. Okay.

Oh, my God. It's like watching a monkey. You could have at least done like, we will rock you or something. I liked it. Yay! Thanks, guys. Thanks. Well, Andy broke the cups.

No, there you go. No, I got cups. I got cups. Okay, Vaughan's got his own cups. So for mine, we're doing something a little bit different. I'd like to transport you somewhere. You're doing things a little bit differently. I'm doing things a little bit differently. We share cups. Okay, Vaughan's got his own cups. So for mine, we're doing something a little bit different. I'd like to transport you somewhere. You're doing things a little bit differently, eh?

I'm doing things a little bit differently. We share plates. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Buckingham Palace. Change the guard! They do sound like horses. Stand up. Hop.

Fair turn. Advance. Faster. Gallops. Well, let's not make a horse noise with the cups. Is this a scene in Pitch Perfect, Russ? Maybe in the upcoming Pitch Perfect 4 or that. Yeah.

End scene. Wow. Love it. End scene. Love it. But technically I beat Vaughan because he didn't even do the cups. Did you? Did you?

Did you? Oh, come on. I can't be last here. I know that all I have to do is try to do something mildly entertaining in these minor maestros and I don't tend to lose. Yours was like watching an ape in a lab. But after they'd taken part of its brain out. It's a very obvious winner, but I'm saying you can rickroll us with that. I was waiting for the rickroll.

Oh. No, no, no, not with that. No, you can't rickroll us. But anyway. Yeah. At least the winner. You two don't even count. Thank you.

Second place for me, third for Vaughn. Second place for me. Was that the ranking? Was it that? Literal did not finish. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Well, there you go. It's not pre-recorded. It's live every day. Ever since someone accused us of pre-recording this every day, I think we've done everything in our power to prove that it's not, including the death march. Today's fact of the day is that you can buy alien abduction insurance. A London-based firm has sold more than 30,000 alien abduction insurance policies throughout Europe.

Of course, you'll need to provide proof of the occurrence. Oh, they're sweet then. They're going to be fine. You're not going to be fine. They're going to never be paying that out. Yeah. I can't explain the 20 minutes of my sleep. I woke up and I was looking at the clock.

It was 3.33. How much, sir? That's not enough insurance. How much do they pay out? I don't know how much. I guess it all depends on how much of a premium you pay. Right. Well, that insurance company will go bust if there is an alien invasion.

Yeah. Oh, man, they will. Yes, that'd be absolutely massive. Big trouble. There is also insurance policies for werewolves, vampires and ghosts. The Royal Falcon Hotel in England, for example, has insured its staff and customers against death and disability caused by ghosts, poltergeists and other abnormal phenomenon.

What about zombies? Can you get zombie insurance? Because if anything, that's probably more likely. That's the most likely, isn't it? Yeah. The old zombie insurance. So, yeah, there's a more likely. That's the most likely, isn't it? Yeah. The old zombie insurance. So, yeah, there's a bit of insurance for everything.

I mean, you can get alien abduction insurance. Wow. I mean, I've got quite a few insurances. Maybe I'll just tack this on. Well, you were just talking about your renovation insurance. I've got Reno insurance. Does that count for zombies or abductions? If zombies were to storm my house during the course of the renovation.

And hurt your new kitchen or damage it. Scratch my new kitchen. Yeah, then you'd pay for new doors. They're always scratching and clawing at things, aren't they, zombies? Yeah, and I just got new cabinetry. I'm not going to stand for it. No, no, no, no, no, no. And the insurance will cover that.

That wood benchtop. Oh, my God, they clawed it apart. They clawed it. It's remo. Yeah. You can't do that. It would need to be re-sanded and re-pollied. I'm not cover that. That would benchtop. Oh, my God, they clawed it apart. They clawed it. It's remu. Yeah. You can't do that. That would need to be re-sanded and re-pollied. I'm not covering that.

The insurance will cover that. Check the fine print. Oh, I will, actually. I'll have a little look. So today's fact of the day is that you, if you're worried about it, although you will need to provide absolute watertight insurance, as anybody who's ever made an insurance claim will attest to, that you can get alien abduction insurance.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Ah. Well, at the weekend, the ZM Christmas party. Yeah, I didn't attend. And I saw the group photo and I felt jealous. Did you feel? How did you feel when you? I just saw it and was like, everyone's wearing matching towels. Yeah, we got a little matching towel onesie.

What do they call their towel hoodies? Where's mine? Where's mine? Carwin, where's my towel onesie? Vaughan, you hosted said party. The towel onesie, everyone's towel onesies, wearable towel cape, hoodie things. They're in the car.

Can't wait to take that to the pool or to the beach. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I hosted. My children were there and everybody was pretty well behaved around my children. I don't think they heard any swear words they hadn't heard before. They certainly heard a lot of swear words. No one smoking any funky dope? No, no dope.

No dope. No dope smokers. God, no. Absolutely banned. But one thing they did enjoy playing with different people was beer pong. Yes, they did. They loved it. That's a great game. They would just say it's just such a

what a fun game, Dad. You just throw a ping pong ball into a cup. Yeah. And then they were doing it so they obviously weren't drinking. They were throwing the ball and then allocating the drinks to their other teammates. Yeah. But they loved it so much and they're like, oh, the next morning before the stuff came

and got picked up, they're like, can we set that table back up and play some more of that game? I was like, yeah, all right. So we played some more pong, table pong, beer pong. What would you call it? Probably table pong. Unless you call it raro pong. Right.

You could totally do raro pong. Yeah, fizzy pong. Fizzy pong. Or take your eye drops. Take my eye drops. Yeah. Carry could totally do Raro Pong. Yeah, Fizzy Pong. Fizzy Pong. I'll take your eye drops. I'll take my eye drops. Carry on. No, we'll wait. No.

No, we'll wait. Shake your bottle. No, carry on. Carry on. Was it embarrassing on Friday at lunchtime when he did this in the middle of the restaurant? Yes, it was a little bit. Like four times. I think I was with you for like four hours.

I've got to do that every hour on Friday, guys. Right. Can't make some slack. Some eye drops. How are the eyes going? That's a bit better. Yeah. I'm on the roids. on Friday, guys. Right. Can't make some slack. Some eye drops. How are the eyes going? That's a bit better. Yeah. I'm on the roids.

These are steroid eye drops. Yeah, you don't want to do those longer than you should, though. Well, I know that. Yeah. Really bugger up the old eyeball. So they loved it. And now my question is, is it uncouth to buy your children a beer pong table for Christmas? Because we're kind of struggling with what?

I hate just buying for the sake of buying unless it's something that we actually want. You know, you're buying stuff and they're like, oh yay!

Yeah. Five minutes later. Yeah. Add another Barbie to the pile. Exactly. Anyone that's ever bought their kids

a bloody LOL doll or something that's like eight different eggs. Basically, if Zuru make it and it's just like plastic everywhere and then you're like,

they're like, yay, and then it does its thing and it's like, oh, what do we do with it now? Landfill, I think. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So I was thinking if it's one thing, a bigger thing, that they can both use. Oh, but no, you can't give them a joint present. Yes, you can.

They go, and each. Can you take the table? Half the table. Half the table. They can literally write their names on their preferred ends. And that's the end of the end and that's the August end. Like at a cricket ground when they're like, they're bowling in from the end of summer.

I like that. And then that could also double as the kids' table at Christmas time. You know the kids always have a little table. It's a adjustable leg table. It's adjustable legs too. You can go up and down, up and down. Chuck a tablecloth on it. Use it as a poker table.

It's a multi-use table. Those are the guys that you don't need. Is it uncoated? It is a a poker table. It's a multi-use table. But is it uncoated? It is a beer pong table. Some people could see that as an inappropriate gift for a kid. They're not drinking. They're just having a fun thing. And like my sister messaged me and she's like, you know what? That's actually great because they're not going to get stitched up later in life.

If they've been playing beer pong since they were a kid. They're just going to be like sober at the end of the game. But is this also the end of the game. But is this also the equivalent of like buying your kids a scratchy, scratchies for Christmas? Yeah, but what's wrong with that? That's fun, man. You can win money, man.

That's fun, man. But I was wondering, two-pronged question. Yeah. Is that inappropriate? Or what was the most inappropriate gift you received as a child? Oh, yeah. From like an auntie you got.

From like an auntie that just didn't really know. Didn't know kids. Yeah. You guys like guns, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or some sort of sexy lingerie from grandpa

and you're like, mm, mm. Inappropriate. But weird. But weird, but weird. Not what you should've been getting me. So yeah, I was wondering

if anybody ever received a gift that some may have deemed inappropriate me. So, yeah, I was wondering if anybody ever received a gift that some may have deemed inappropriate. All right, well, 0800-DARLS-AT-M is the number. Give us a call now. Text as well, 9696. What is the most inappropriate gift you got as a kid? Somebody said it writes itself. Your kids love those hotel mini milk shots.

Sippy cups. Oh, they're sippy cups. Sippy milk. They're going to do sippy milk. Talking about the inappropriate gifts that you've received as a kid or from your family.

Vaughn debating whether or not he should get the girls a beer pong table. Which would be, obviously, just a table. Yeah,

sippy milk. Sippy milk pong. Yeah. A little shot for the sippy milk. Some of these are insane. Some genuine like whoopsie-daisies mistakes

and some genuinely insane. My grandmother got my 12-year-old daughter dirty lingerie, thinking it was just a dress-up set. Oh, my God. Also, negligee. Quite a few grandmas, and this is just a bit of a warning, if there's anybody listening, buying anybody a pack of undies for Christmas.

Yeah. My granddad's wife got me three G-Bangers for Christmas when I was nine years old. They came in a pack. She just thought she was buying me a three-pack of underwear. It's always great to get underwear for Christmas, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

It is. We're talking about inappropriate Christmas gifts. Maybe inappropriate for age. Maybe who you received it from. They weren't aware of what they were giving. How are people with the beer pong table for the kids? Are they on board? They're pretty good with it.

Yeah. I think as long as your children aren't drinking beers, then you're fine. Then you're probably fine. Bevan, what was the inappropriate gift? Well, Christmas time a couple of years back, my nana, who's the most wholesome and lovely person you'll ever meet. Are you all up?

Yes. Exactly. Decided to give my mum a Fifty Shades of Grey themed nightie. Oh! What does a Fifty Shades of Grey themed nightie look like? Well, I obviously wasn't looking too hard myself, but it was just this grey nightie with, you know, Fifty Shades of Grey sort of written along the, like, I don't know, the colour or whatever.

And did they tell Nan? It doesn't sound very sexy. It doesn't sound very red room. It doesn't sound very red room. It doesn't sound very Christian Bray. No, it didn't seem so. Did they put leather straps on it or something at least? It was for my mum, so I decided not to look too hard into that one,

to be honest with you. You don't want your mind to go too far. No, not too far down that one. Bevan, thanks for your call. Some messages in. Someone said, 10 years ago, my father-in-law got me and his daughter a tube of my cream. What's that?

It was a, he was of the understanding it was just a cream. Like a. Moisturizer. Moisturizer. It's a cream that one would rub around their areas to get themselves going. What? Oh, okay. She said, I don't know if they still sell it.

Oh, my cream. It was marketed as. Right. Here. It was like a tingly thing. Well, I don't know if it was tingly. Oh, my. Yeah.

But not directly. I think it was just on and something about it got you going. Yeah, right. You know how aphrodisiacs are just like mostly nonsense. Probably just use that lime zesty shower gel. Yeah, of course. But a cayenne pepper. Yeah.

Someone said, I don't know if this is the type of inappropriate you're looking for, but when I was 11, my nana gave me clothes and I said, oh, nana, they're a size too small. And she said, yes, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Oh, no. Nanas. She still remembers that years later. Yeah, that sort of stuff will stick with you about that. Oh, no. She still remembers that years later. Yeah, that sort of stuff will stick with you.

Yeah. So my brother gave me an adult fun toy, and maybe I remember it with slight exaggeration, but I remember it being about the size of my entire torso. Jeepers. That is not the kind of gift you get your sister. No. My granddad, when I was 15,

bought me size XL two dollar shop massive granny panties. Don't buy undies for anyone other than your partner. Yeah. My nana gave my brother a chess game because she heard that he was really into chess but instead of the normal

pieces it was shot glasses so you play chess and when you're like born get eliminated you gotta do a shot. My uncle got all of us nieces and nephews, what he thought was like a collection of wooden spoons and spatulas, but they were actually like a collection of spanking

tools. Oh my god. Still works well as a fish slice though. It will. If it's made of that latex stuff, it won't stick to a pan, will it? It might scratch the pan. You could probably actually use those 100%. Yeah. So there's good stuff. Yeah.

Stay away from the frilly knickers, I reckon, as a guest. And to be honest, a beer pong table for your kids is probably the lighter. The low end. Yeah. The very low end of things. Well, if you enjoyed that, give us a rating and review and be sure to tell your mates. You know what?

I reckon your script reading's getting better. Thank you. I give it five stars. Thank you. Just like I'd give this podcast. I'm telling my friends about your script reading too. Thank you. Much like I'm going to do about this podcast.

Thank you, Vaughan and Hayley, for that. Good boy.