ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 12th September 2022

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Silly Little Poll!  Top 6: Extra Day Off  What Hurts?  Vaughans Cow'gina   Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hold my hand, hold my, hold my hand, my hand. I'll be right here, hold my hand. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe, Download, Scan and Play the Monopoly game that Mac is to be in to win. I had a big weekend, which started on Friday. I performed in the Best Foods Comedy Gala,

which is like the biggest night in comedy of the year. It's the big night for all comedians. It's the pinnacle. 20 comedians do four minutes each, and I was one of those comedians. I only found out the day before that I was in the second half. Now, if there's one thing I've known about my experience doing galas, it's that they run late.

Yeah, God, doesn't everyone run so late? Everyone's like, every year they're like, please do not go over four minutes. Everyone's rocking a five. Who did? There were some people it felt like ten minutes. I won't name and shame. People did, though.

Eli Mathewson. Piece of shit. Nick Rado. Bad piece of shit. Love, Mackenzie. All went very long. Haley Sproul. Yeah.

Three minutes 50. Yeah, bang on time. Anyway, but the only problem was, Fletch, you came to support me. Vaundant show. Yeah, I know. What a shit friend, eh? Yeah. Absolute shit friend.

I came out and I looked out at the 3,000 people watching and I was like, where is he? Where is he? And my little heart. Yeah. Totally threw me. Threw my set. I was looking for you. Yeah. Surprise. I was like, where is he? Where is he? And my little heart. Yeah. Tony, through me, through my set. I was looking for you. Yeah. Surprise.

I was looking up in the gods. I was with you all along in spirit. That's why. I don't know if that's how it works. Yeah. Well, Fletch was there in flesh. However. I was there.

You fell asleep. Yeah, but not during your set. I took to the stage. I had heavy eyes. You nodded. So I, like, at the very end, because, like, they had a half time, and it went on for, like, half an hour or 20 minutes. I know, I know. Sometimes I don't want an intermission.

Just power through. Just go right through. And then it was what time did it finish? Well, it finished about 11.30. I took to the stage at 10.45pm. Oh, my dude, I was well asleep. So on a Friday where I'd been up since four and I didn't nap, I was like, what is happening?

Having been up since four and a few gin and tonics deep, I started nodding off during Pax Asati. So I had stayed awake for you. He was the last one, poor guy. And I just remember at one stage just going, and my head had been like. Look, we are big Pax Asati fans at the show. I loved it and I was loving it, but I was just like, I my head had been like, look, we are big Pack Society fans at the show. And I was loving it, but I was just like, I just couldn't stop falling asleep.

Did you fall asleep during mine? No. No, I was fully awake because I was waiting for you. Why tell all the jokes you told? Oh, you actually really can't on the radio, can you? I mean, you kind of. Yeah. Was she being a bit crass?

Was she being a bit filthy? Hang on, it's a podcast. It's about everybody. I talked about my bald fanny. Yeah, but it's your bald fanny. Yeah. Was she being a bit crass? Was she being a bit filthy? Hang on. It's a podcast. It's about everybody. I talked about my bald fanny. Yeah, but it's your bald fanny. Yeah. Oh, that is not. Look at Jared's face.

Like he's just had some off milk. Don't screw up. You compare my vagina to off milk. Your bald fanny will curdle a cup of coffee. Absolutely. It's perfectly pH balanced. Thank you very much. It is not high in acid

You could probably start a beer You could probably start a home brew I have been known to Now you've got a bit crass Now you've got a I just want to apologise For everybody listening For my these two crass

Crass Carrots I have been known to bleach A pair of undies or two Now Again Jared's face Poor innocent Jared's face Later on in the show

This cow gina chat Is going to come up It's nothing It's pale Later on in the show This Cowgina chat Is going to come up It's nothing It's pale in comparison To the filth That you two have been peddling Yeah I know How do I explain this

To my children Farm Fanny But anyway You don't have to You don't have to guess What I talk about Because it's getting broadcast In New Zealand

I think it's this week And then next week Yeah And then after that They give us the clips And we'll upload them To social media So I will upload it

And you can watch my set That, thank you for saying it was good enough to stay awake. It was great. Yeah, it was. And I can rewatch what I missed while I was asleep. Sorry, Pax aside. Thank you, Sam. Good morning.

Welcome to the show, Flet, Fawn and Hayley. Two minutes past six. Morena. Happy Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori. Tēnā koutou. Hello to many. Is that right? Yeah.

I like how you were like... You didn't give me anything. I was like, I've ruined it. Am I right, Hayley? I've started Māori Language Week terribly. Do you know what's funny? It's like, especially with the amount. Am I right, Hayley? I've started my only language week terribly. Do you know what's funny? It's like, especially with the amount of TV I do, I learn lots of fancy rio these days.

But every time I say that, I always think, Tēnā koe, hello to one. Tēnā kōrua, hello to two. Tēnā koutou, hello to all. Haere mai, everyone. Kids songs, they work. Yeah. Well, we had some learning to do over the weekend, didn't we?

You used a little bit of a kid's song for it. Did you? Yeah, I made a bit of a rhyme. Monday Maestro, our challenge was to learn and recite to you this morning as many decimal places in pi. Yeah. And coming up on the show today, we will see how well we have learned over the weekend.

You know when you come up with an idea and then you have to do it? Yeah. I hate it. Yeah. You're sitting there yesterday just trying to, like, relax. We've given ourselves homework over the weekend. It's stupid. Well, after 8.30 this morning, Monday maestros.

But that is not the big news because today is a Monday, and that means it is the launch of ZM's $100,000 secret sound, thanks to Neon. This morning, 7 o'clock, Soundkeeper joins us for your first chance to win $100,000. We're not starting at $10,000 or $20,000 or $50,000. We're starting at $100,000. That is a life-changing amount of money.

We're not fluffing around. No. You could literally just go on your OE tomorrow. Oof! Is that what you would do? Book flights? Or get a deposit for a house. Or pay off the mortgage.

Yeah. Pay off some credit cards or do some adult, serious adult budget stuff. That's so boring. Winning $100,000 and clearing debt.

Clearing debt. Oh yeah, that's so growing up. Or student loan. Gone. Yeah, exactly. No, no, no. Not student loan. That's interest free.

That doesn't count. That accounts. No. I remember being told that I like don't count, hey. That accounts, no. I remember being told that day, like, don't pay it off. Just keep paying it down, bit by bit. It's not real. It's not real. The minute they took interest off it, it wasn't real.

Well, our chances throughout the day were Secret Sound 7, 8, and then we'll give you the chance on the iHeartRadio app at 9. You can do that any time. Just listen to ZM on the iHeartRadio app, record a voice memo with your guess and tell us your name, and we could be calling you back at 9. You can do that anytime. Just listen to ZM on the iHeartRadio app, record a voice memo with your guess and tell us your name, and we could be calling you back at 9, and then chances as well to call through this afternoon at 3, 4, and 5,

all thanks to Neon. We'll give you the sound as well at 7 o'clock this morning. Coming up on the show, the top six. There's talk about a day off. Yeah, and the top six ways we'll be on our best behaviour in honour of the Queen. I promise, I promise, if we get a day off. There was some bloody cannons going off yesterday.

I thought the Japanese had finally made it in. Cannons? What, like 80 years late? Yeah, because you know that's why they've got all those tunnels and stuff on Devonport, North Head. Because they thought the Japanese were going to make it in. Anti-aircraft. But I'm assuming it was for the Queen.

Like a saluter. Cannon salute or something. Wow. Over at the naval base. So you're the top six coming up dealing with that. Yeah. Give us a death. Yes, please.

Who is this up to? I'm going to find out who is it up to. I think it's up to Cabinet. David Seymour's not a fan. That's because he doesn't have a real job. He doesn't have friends either to spend the weekend with. He doesn't have friends to spend the day with. Oh, that'll be another reason.

He just can't go away for a weekend to the Batch. No, he can't. Should we be doing that if we get a long weekend or a day off? Seems weird just to go to the Batch. Not that I have a Batch. No. Or go away for a long weekend. You've got a Batch.

I don't have a Batch. You've got a Batch. You've got a batch. I don't have a batch. You've got a batch. You've got a batch at the waterfront of the Coromandel. He doesn't. I wish. No, the whole point of the day is for us to watch the funeral and mourn. We can watch it at the batch. Australia have said they're getting...

No terrible Wi-Fi at the batch. We'll be able to stream it. Australia are having theirs like a week after the funeral. What's the point? Yeah, you'd rather have it on the funeral. Get up in the morning and watch it. Well, you're top six dealing with that soon. Next on the show... I want to talk about a cheating scandal. Cheating

in the game of chess and the way they've decided to do it. Absolutely blew my mind. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Here is a story I have struggled to get my head around and I'll now do my best to share it with you. So there was a massive chess competition

and it was down to the two best players in the world, Magnus Carlsen and Hans Neyman. Okay. Neyman. And Magnus Carlsen was the current world champion. Right. This is just recently, is it? Yeah, this is a couple of days ago.

Right. And then Hans Neyman, who's 19 years old, took on this world champion. He was in this unbeaten streak at the Cinquefield Cup, and he won. And everyone was like, oh, my God. A 19-year-old? 19-year-old. Oh, wow.

Okay. He's a very good chess player as well. He's well-known. Right. Himself. Famous in the chess world. Oh, my God. Like, women screaming.

Yeah. There's no Queen's Gambit. Do you think there are groupies in chess groupies? Yes, sign my chest. Sign my chest Anyway so the win was like It shocked everyone right And then they had another round to go But when that round came up

This guy Hans pulled out And he did a little cryptic tweet So it said Oh no sorry Magnus pulled out, the guy that was beaten. Right. And he said, I've withdrawn from the tournament, I've always enjoyed playing

and I hope to be back in the future. And then it was revealed that he thought the guy that beat him was cheating. And the way he thinks he was cheating, can I say the name of it? It is the story.

Well, they believe that he had a fun toy, an adult fun toy up his bum. Okay, the world of chess just took a real left turn. They believe that he had an adult untoy up his bum and there was someone else sending signals to it to vibrate in order to tell him what move to play. Do you remember the famous, was it, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

The coughing. And the person in the crowd would cough how many letters or A, B, C, D. Three coughs was C. Yeah. One cough was A. That's so basic. Which you'd hear, right?

Whereas a fun toy, that can be controlled from an app. Yes. This is one that's controlled. But wouldn't you see in a studio audience? Oh, no, because I guess people would be allowed on their phones, right? Yeah, definitely. Watching the game. Definitely.

But they do also, can you do a convincing fork off so the answer is d is it a is it b is it c is it d oh you want me to do a fork off almost normal i would probably be like i would do different sorts of coughs oh yeah like a like a throat clear is four because you could go. One, two, three, four, five. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, kind of. Or you could like make a code. Sniff would be one.

Throat clear would be. How are you hearing that from the studio audience, which is a way away. Yeah. I'd be like. You would have got caught so early. Oh, subtle tea. Is it B, C or D? Sorry, beg your pardon.

I've just had COVID. Anyway, so they think that someone on his team was sending vibrations to his bum, essentially, allowing him to know what move to do based on if it was a computer playing the game against his opponent. So the person who's running it, who I'm imagining can't be doing it from their phone, but they must be in communication with somebody on the outside

who's running on a computer thing. Yeah, they had the best computer program, this is the theory, running the same game. And they were making the opponent's moves against the computer and then telling him what the computer did so he could copy the computer's move. Because you can't beat the computer. One thing to have 1 to 4 vibrations

for A to D. Yeah. But it's another thing to have how many vibrations and what is... Bishop to D4. Yeah, it's 8 by 8, right? A chessboard. Yeah, so how would you beat... And then within that there's 16 pieces. Yeah. The front would you be? And then within that there's 16 pieces. Yeah.

The front row of pawns and then all the dudes at the back. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, obviously he's a liar. It'd be like La Pucaracha playing down there. Night. Could he hear the seat vibrating or something? Like, how is this?

How is this? This is what is so confusing. What a wild accusation. Over the last two songs we just played, I'm on my fifth article on the internet trying to understand this. Because at some point, Elon Musk has chimed in. Of course he has. Elon Musk has put his two cents in.

And he's saying that it's entirely plausible and he thinks that this happened. It's plausible, but then there's other people saying this guy is a wild egomaniac and he hasn't lost for ages and he does not like the idea of a 19-year-old being better than him, even though he was that 19-year-old kid once upon a time. And that's the thing. Once you've put out this wild theory, it's out there.

He's got to then... Well, he said if they want me to strip fully naked and play, I'll do that. I don't care because I know that I'm clean. You want me to play in a closed box with zero electronic transmissions? I don't care. I'm here to win and that's my goal. Wow. I don't want to watch him play naked.

I need the colonoscopy camera in there. You imagine that before a chess tournament. You've got to have a colonoscopy. Well, they do. I don't know how you cheat in chess, but they do. You get scanned and all this kind of stuff. Because you can have an earplug.

You can have an earpiece. And they paused the game because people were suspicious and they went and had a big security check. Really? I don't know if it was like, you know, like a squat and cough. Yeah.

Like when you go into prison, they just shine a light up there. Shine a little light, have a squat, give a little couple of coughs. Wow, the world of chess. Who would have thought, eh? I thought it was just like performance sports that had this problem. No, it's drama. But it was, how much money was on the line? Wasn't it three and a half?

Oh, $350,000. Yeah, so like. People have cheated for a lot less, haven't they? A lot less. haven't they? A lot less. Absolutely. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. A couple of...

370 new words in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary this year. Words, phrases and definitions. Surely most of them are already in there. No. No, but every year, like, pop culture adds a whole bunch of words. Yeah, but normally they're already words, right? Yeah, but, you know, like, music and, like, lyrics and stuff. Yeah.

Apparently, when a word is consistently used in the same way over a long enough period of time, it becomes eligible to enter our dictionary, said the spokesperson at Merriam-Webster Dictionary. And these are the latest ones that have really, like, entered the zeitgeist. Yeah, totally. It's new dictionary reporting season, isn't it?

They'll all be doing this. Next week it'll be Oxford's come out with theirs. Yeah, expect them to make a big power move. Shrinkflation. Oh, yeah. That is the practice of reducing a product's amount or volume per unit while continuing to offer it at the same price. Getting four chips in a bag. Yeah, I saw something the other day and that had been shrunk.

I was like, they're all doing it. Oh, yeah. You sat in that chair and you yelled, they're smaller. What was it? Yeah, it was something. I mean, everything is getting smaller. Yeah. You sat in a chair and yelled.

No, the chair wasn't smaller. No, you sat over there. You were snacking on something and then you yelled. Snacking's smaller. It's smaller. They're smaller. Something was smaller. Yeet has been added.

Oh. To throw something. You'd never heard yeet, huh? I had never heard it. I don't know what you're talking about. To throw, especially with force or without regard for the thing being thrown. Yeet. It's like toss.

Yeah. Sus. Yuck. As in suspect or suspicious? Sus. Is that sus? Sus. I feel like that's been a Kiwi slang for years.

Yeah, that's a bit sus as a Kiwi slang, but like my kids say sus just by itself. Yeah, right. In an accusational tone. Sus. Sus. Cringe, which is weird. I would have thought cringe would have been in there. Cringe used as so embarrassing, awkward, et cetera,

as it caused one to cringe. Maybe it's got a new definition. Yeah. A revised definition. Yeah, the embarrassing awkwardness. A lurk. A fashion look that is so distinct to the wearer and that is noticeable and memorable to others. Lurk. A fashion look that is so distinct to the wearer that is noticeable and memorable

to others. Lurk. L-E-W-K. God, do you think all these poncy... I'm rocking a fresh lurk. Do you think all these poncy people at the dictionary office are just like, oh. They're rolling their eyes, but you've got to sell dictionaries, mate. How upset would Shakespeare be? Do you know what I mean? No, I reckon he'd be on board because he was

a big word inventor. Oh, he just made up things. He just made them up left, right and centre. Yeah. And they ended up in the dictionary. Yeah. If Shakespeare was around these days, make no mistake, he would be using all of these words. In fact, he totally would be using adorkable, another one, socially awkward.

No. Oh, my God, some of the words he made. Amazement, cold-blooded, courtship, compromise, dawn, deafening, drugged. Yeah, he made heaps and heaps and heaps of words. He made those up. He just made them up. Wow. Yeah.

Cool guy. Which would have been a way better way of teaching Shakespeare at school. Yeah. Than making you read the hard-to-read. Prose. Yeah. And what do they call that structure he does? Iambic pentameter

Yeah MacGyver is to make formal repair something So MacGyver is now a verb based on the noun of the man MacGyver from the MacGyver TV series MacGyvered it MacGyvered it Pwns on there as well I would have thought that would have been

That would have been years ago, yeah. Baller. Oh, like what a baller. Yeah, what a baller living a lavish lifestyle. That should have been added years ago as well. I would have thought so. Side hustle under work performed for income supplementary to one's primary job. Level up to advance or improve oneself.

LARP has finally made it. Live action role play. Yeah, welcome. I would have thought LARP. Oh made it. Live action role play. Oh, welcome. I would have thought LARP. Oh, maybe because it's an acronym. It wouldn't have been. Maybe they were just trying to get the nerds at bay for a few more years.

Yeah, the nerds are back, baby. Oh, the nerds love a dictionary, eh? Just read it every night before bed. Yeah. Learn me words. Galentine's Day. That is a holiday observed on February 13th. It's a time to celebrate friendships,

especially among losers who don't have partners Lady losers Carwen is offended by that Do you enjoy celebrating Galentine's Day, Carwen? Galentine's is so much more fun Sorry we've interrupted eating You're eating some toast With the girls

You just go out with the girls Yeah, like have a cute picnic Right, but you have a boyfriend Yeah, like have a cute picnic. Right. But you have a boyfriend. Yeah, but I can see him any day, can't I? Oh, I've never celebrated Galentine's Day. Neither.

Well, it's in the dictionary. I don't know gal enough for Galentine's Day. So it's official. It's in there now. It's in there now. You can celebrate officially. Play ZM's Fletchborn and Hayley. Well, a story today in the news, and this has come about from an official information request,

an IOA that journalists do. So it's not an official announcement. It's just a sign that it's being worked on, that digital driver's licenses. Oh, like on your phone. So handy. Could be coming to our smartphones in like a year or two. The wallet's becoming a bit redundant, isn't it?

Literally on Friday night, I went out and I was out till really late in the evening. Yeah. I forgot my wallet. I left it at home. And my keys. Hot mess. I know. 2.30am, knocking on the window like,

But I didn't have my wallet and it didn't matter. 2.30am, knocking on the window like, but I didn't have my wallet and it didn't matter. 2.30am. Hayley Jane Sprower. I was in a good state. It's just that I did the Comedy Fest Gala and that didn't finish until like 11.30. So like the after party started at 12. Right, yeah.

But do you know what I mean? I didn't have my wallet and it didn't matter. And you don't because you can use your phone to pay for everything with PayWave if you've got Apple Pay. Uber, you. But do you know what I mean? I didn't have my wallet and it didn't matter. And you don't because you can use your phone to pay for everything with PayWave if you've got Apple Pay. Uber, you don't need it. It already just pays. But you get a flat battery and you're screwed. Oh yeah.

If I got a flat battery I would be knocking on your door. Well, I'm four floors up so good luck. Binge! Bing bonging every apartment. Bing-bong, are you, Fletch? Bing-bong, are you, Fletch? So Apple rolled this out so that you can use the Apple Wallet.

And several states, Georgia is the next state, apparently. It's several, like half the states in America are looking at rolling this out in the next, like, wee while. But is the issue that you can't... Could you fake it? Right? Like, could you... No, because I think,

and I think maybe Australia have done this as well recently, or some states in Australia are working on it or about to. Maybe there's a separate app that they've used. Yeah. And you can't fake it because I think if the police pulled you over, they have like a scanner, like when you go into Spark Arena for a concert. Yeah. And that would bring up all your details. And if that wasn pulled you over, they have like a scanner when you go into Spark Arena for a concert.

Yeah. And that would bring up all your details. And if that wasn't you. So like NZTA would have to validate it some way, right? Well, yeah, they work on the system. Last time I got pulled over for speeding. Last time. On the back of your licence, they just scanned that barcode now.

Oh, do they? He had his. Have you all got a barcode on mine? Yeah, he had his phone and he scanned the barcode now. Oh, do they? He had his. Have y'all got a barcode on mine? Yeah, he had his phone and he scanned the barcode. Right. And it went, doot. And then he was looking at it. So I'm imagining it must already have a digital library of all the.

You could literally put that barcode into a QR code on your phone. Totally. And you'd have your license on your phone. How good would that be? And then they'd scan it and it would bring up a photo. But do you reckon like it would it would be, like you say, people could fake them to go to bars? Yeah, like, could I put my friends on who's older than me?

No, but it's still going to show up your face when they scan it, though. Yeah, but not the bouncers. The bouncers aren't going to have access to that. No, so they'd only be looking at the photo. So you'd have to look like your friend still. Yeah, well I reckon if you were going to have it on your phone. Also, you're 32. Why do you need a fake ID

to get into a bar? I still get ID'd quite often. But not going into a bar. Yeah. When I was young. Just when you're buying scratchies, eh? I'll admit some illegal activity here. I had a fake ID when I was young and me and my best friend shared it. And we don't look anything alike. Brunette and

white skin. Yeah. But it was the 80s. We were coming out of the 87 crash. We were coming out of the 87 crash. You think I'm going to clubs in the 80s? They just wanted some money through the door. I was born at the end of 89, thank you.

And it's disgusting your parents let you go clubbing. You ain't nothing but a doll player. I get it. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little poe. Silly little poe.

It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Silly Little Pole Today's silly little pole. Are you currently living in the city or town that you grew up in? This was an interesting one because I would just assume, you know,

that most New Zealand towns, small people move away because that's what I did. And I feel like in Auckland, where we live now, everybody I know is not from Auckland. Has come to Auckland. Has come to here. Yeah. But also, I remember people would always be like,

you know, you're always drawn back to where you're from when you get a bit older. Yes. In your 20s, you're like, no way, man. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out of here, man. But now there's definitely, I'm like, I could definitely.

Now you're like, well, the cappuccinos are cheaper back home. They'll be $3.50 in Warrensville. And if you tell them to squirt some chocolate in there or sprinkle a bit of Milo on, you can get a little moccaccino. But you have to tell them how you want it. Go on, and then before you know it, yeah, you're 75. Yeah. And you're back where you grew up.

Yeah. I could totally do it. I've said it multiple times. If I didn't have to live in Auckland, I would not live in Auckland. Same. I thought I would be living in Wellington forevermore. Yeah, your hometown. My hometown. Although technically you were born in Rangiora.

Yeah, I was born in Rangiora, but I have no consciousness in Rangiora. Because we moved to Wellington when I was two. And I think about it all the time. I thought I was going to live there. Like I went to kindy, primary, high school, uni. Started my career there. But do you ever get a yearning, like a rangiora yearning to know if the Wimax up? No.

I have no rangiora yearning. But a yearning. Is bloody Wimax up? I yearn for Wellington. I've got a Wellington vibe. Okay, but you can easily move back there. Easily. Yeah. When all this dries up. When everything dries up and everything starts sagging down, I'm popping back to the beach

in Eastbourne. Well, this one isn't. I could see you running a little clothing boutique in Eastbourne. Oh, yeah. Like designer. Like reused. Floral dresses. Yeah.

Floral dresses. Necklaces. Yeah. Yeah. Big scarf. Shell necklaces. Wire artworks. Yeah.

Oh, geckos for the fence. Bronze geckos for the fences. With those little stone eyes. Hayley's bronze geckos for the fence. Bronze geckos for the fences. With those little stone eyes. Hayley's bronze geckos. Wind chimes. Greeting cards. You're always promising people you're going to get some more of those lovely tui decorations you have back here. Oh, yeah.

Some soap packs. That's the beer cans. Handmade soap packs. Beer cans made into planes that spin and tell you which way the wind's coming from. I'll just do big shopping trips to Thailand, come back and be like, look at these embroidered cushions. Do you guys like beads? I could actually see you doing that.

I'd be quite happy. I've got a container coming in from Bali. Buddhist, are you? Because I've got a lot of Buddha coming. For the garden. Don't do me. This was really even, this poll. It's literally 50-50.

Yeah, nah. 50-50. So 50% of people are living where they grew up. Cara's not. Cara's not even in the same country. Rub it in our face. Sorry, international. Hang on, but Cara, your Instagram name has Kiwi in it.

Yeah, but she might not be living in New Zealand. Oh, yeah, I forget, I forget. People can listen to the radio show on iHeartRadio and anywhere in the world. Oh, isn't it fantastic? You can also submit your guess for the secret sound as well to win $100,000. Via the iHeartRadio app?

Yeah, we take your guesses via the iHeartRadio app at 9 o'clock every morning. And you can listen to just podcasts, man, on iHeartRadio. So many podcasts. Kayleigh lives in Morrinsville. Grew up in Morrinsville. Of course she does. Then moved to Melbourne for eight years, and I cannot believe I'm back.

Total contrast. No, you can't live somewhere like Melbourne, a beautiful city. Shut your face. And then go back to shithole Morrinsville. Shut your face, sir. Sir, shut your face. Why not? It is a shithole.

Sarah says, yes, I do live in the same town I grew up in, but I did move away for 12 years and then come back. It might be me. Yeah. Holly, I swapped central Auckland for Gore. Do it. Yeah, what a move. Couldn't be happier.

Yeah, what a move. Absolutely. I mean, the house prices are an eighth, aren't they? Just dropping it again. Just cruising through. Gore's the pace of gore. When you go home out of any big city, everyone drives so slow. Oh my god.

It's beautiful, isn't it? Imagine how slow they drive in gore. Do you not have stuff to do? Oh my god, I'm like... Like hitting them in the bumper? Imagine how slow they drive in Tula. Do you not have stuff to do? Oh, my God. I'm like... Like hitting them in the bumper? It's the one thing I love most about Auckland is the way that we drive. It's chaos.

I know, it's great. Jess says, yes, because I'm indecisive and don't know where else I'd want to go. Ames says, I bought a house somewhere cheaper to live, so she would have been from a more expensive city and then went, I want a house. It's smart. Yeah, I get that. Fun. Play.

ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the top six. Yes, hello. Today's top six. The top six ways we promise we'll be good and why we deserve a day off for the Queen's funeral. Now, Australia yesterday, no mucking around.

Yeah, Albie, the new Prime Minister, no mucking around there. They said we'll have a public holiday the 22nd or 21st of September. Now, her funeral is a week today, 11 o'clock New Zealand time, the Queen's funeral. So I'm assuming that'll be televised like it always is. Yeah. Just saying, next Monday could be a great day off. Would be. I've got a laser appointment. I'd probably move that so I could really just enjoy

the day and not get interrupted. You don't want your genitals getting smashed with lasers. It's a day for the Queen. It's not about my... But that's the thing. Can they just say there'll be a lot of... Super short notice. I'll be happy about it and most people will be. But you're not a business owner.

I'm not a business owner that's going to lose Hayley's laser appointment. Also, a lot of retail in there and hospo won't close, right? Yeah, but they get to charge 15% more, but they have to pay workers time and a half in a day in lieu. It's a complicated situation, but here are six reasons why. I mean, by the end of this, even if you own a business, you'll take it on the chin. Oof.

Number six on the list of the top six ways we promise we'll be good and why we deserve a day off for the Queen's funeral. We'll go to church. Sorry. Sorry, beach. Yeah.

Not church. I got my ch. Yeah. I got my ch. Mixed up. Yeah, beach. Beach in September. Beach.

Yeah, probably just for a walk more than anything. Oh, okay. Sort of a nice, sort of a spring walk. Lovely. Beach in September. Beach. Yeah, probably just for a walk more than anything. Sort of a nice sort of a spring walk. Lovely. At the beach. Not a lay. It might be a bit cold. Number five on the list of the top six ways we promise we'll be good and why we deserve a day off at the Queen's funeral.

Won't the funeral be late at night because of the time difference between here and the UK? And then we'll need the day off afterwards because we're awake. So wait, we'll be really toiled. Really, really. Our productivity will be really toiled. Really, really. Our productivity will be really bad anyway. Yeah. Really bad.

So we need to sweep it. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six ways we promise we'll be good and why we deserve a daff at the Queen's funeral. We haven't had a long weekend

in ages. And I promise. We are in the thick of it, eh? Yeah. What was the last one? Matariki. Matariki. Matariki? Yeah. And then before that one? Matariki. Matariki.

And then before that, Queen's birthday. Which I assume will become King's birthday next year. We haven't had a long weekend in ages. And I promise if you give us one we won't say at the end of it that long weekend

didn't feel very long. And I'll go on record now. Long weekend group two. Oh yes. If it's a long weekend, if it's a Monday, it qualifies. That means this Friday could be a long weekend, if it's a Monday, it qualifies. That means this Friday could be a long weekend group tour.

Don't we all need that? Don't we all want that? That would be lovely. Now, wasn't Matariki our abysmal group tour? Queen's birthday. Queen's birthday was the abysmal group tour. We somewhat got some redemption at Matariki. No, I feel like Anzac was so bad, we scrapped Queen's birthday in a sock.

We had a sock. Oh, yeah, we did have a sock, didn't we? We had a sock, and then I think Matariki was somewhat redemptive. We are not above having a sock. Oh, we'll have a big sock. If you don't want to toot, stuff you. Stuff you. I don't want to toot either.

Number three on the list of the top six ways we promised we'll be good and why we deserve a day off at the Queen's funeral. We'll celebrate her life by spending all of that pesky money with her face on it. Great for the economy. Yes. Great for the economy. Terrible for inflation? Yeah.

That too. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Number two on the list of the top six ways we promise we'll be good and why we need a day off for the Queen's funeral. We'll invent a special Queen's funeral drinking game. Yeah. Maybe we can adapt

one we've already got. Every time King Charles says mommy. Mommy. Mommy. You have to have a shot. Oh yeah, we're going to be tanked. We're going to need that day off.

And number one on the list of the top six ways we promise we'll be good and why we deserve a day off for the Queen's Funeral. You know what? We've been nice. Five nice ones.

But if you don't give us enough, we'll leave the Commonwealth. I don't want to have to do it. I don't want to have to pull the pin. But we will. Right. I don't see the point. If we're not getting a day off.

Yeah. We're out. What did we get out of it? Some medals at the Games? We do do well, though. Oh, it's about time our athletes pulled finger and got that amount of Olympic medals. We're not in the Commonwealth. I don't see you going out there running a marathon or a bike.

Boat. Kathleen. Getting a boat on the water. Not the bloody Commonwealth Games anyway. So, you know, there's your options. Let us have a day off. We pull the pin. That is today's top six.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I got it wrong. I said one in four of us is sore. A study has found that the average adult has at least four health issues. Oh. Yep. Speaking of which, did you see that thing, the chat last night John Campbell had with Dean Barker?

No. He had bowel cancer. Oh, no. When he was doing that Louis Vigucci cup. Louis Vigucci. Louis Vigucci. Louis Vissar. Louis. Vicharci.

He was saying, the Ron cup that leads into the America's Cup. Yeah. He had bowel cancer. He's like, I don't want to make a big deal out of it. Oh, my God. I would make such a scene.

So Kiwi. I would make such a scene. Did you tell him any people? He's like, why? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, thanks to worry about it. I would have lost a race if many of the press conference said, well, what do you expect?

I've got bowel cancer. Drop the C-bomb to an angry crowd. Yeah. Different sort of C-bomb. Well, the average person is battling four ailments and health gripes, including back pain, headaches, seasonal allergies, and yeah, minor health conditions. All right.

Four. Okay, four. As soon as you get old, over like 30, right, you're getting sore. Or even just mid-20s. Can I count my, again, failing eyesight as an ailment? Yes. Yeah. I'm going to add that.

I'm going to put, I've just got constantly sore shoulders and neck. Yeah. Why? It's just very tight the whole time. My elbows have been playing up. I only got myself to blame. Yeah. Because I go hard on a spade, you see.

You get on the tools, don't you? I get on the tools and hammer those joints. Lower back, constant. So there's my four. Mine would be knee tingle. That's still going on. You've got the knee tingle. I've got the knee tingle.

I've got a pinched nerve in my shoulder. That's one. I've got the lasting cough from COVID. That's hanging around. Yeah, that dry catch-a-bike surprise one. I've got a bit of that as well, actually. I might add that to my list. Yeah.

Five. A cough, a dry cough. No, it's weird. It never happens at work, but on the weekends it happens. After I have breakfast at the weekends, I have these cough fits where it leads to me feeling like I need to spew. Maybe, are you eating your own honey? No.

Oh, it could be your honey poisoning. No. It's not honey poisoning. Well, I haven't been eating Vaughn's honey. And, you know, still not pooping great. Still not? Okay, great. See, it's not hard, is it, to come up with like four?

You've got long COVID. That's been a little bit better, my breathing, lately, which is good. But I've got, like, I have that disc thing in my back So I saw back Slippery disc Can't breathe Can't breathe And that's it really at the moment

Oh wow Picture of health Headaches? No sometimes You got amber urine? Brain tumour Oh brain tumour And that's the thing

I don't know what's going on in here In this mid area where all the important stuff's packed You've got no idea Oh, brain issues. And that's the thing. I don't know what's going on in here. In this mid-area where all the important stuff's packed. You've got no idea. I don't know what's going on in there. I had a colonoscopy, and they said that's as clean as a whistle. Well, I went to a cardiologist, and I was like, A+. That's good to know. And a chest X-ray.

So I'm A-plus on that, too. That's cool, because they call it sniper alley I learned last week. What is sniper alley? Between 40 and 60 dudes, just drop you dropped out of a heart attack and it's like you've been sniped and you didn't see it coming oh wow you can be fit as a fiddle and just snipe rally and i'm not even in like a war zone no i don't want that all right so we thought this morning uh we would open up the phone lines and ask why are you sore? Yeah. Why or where? Where? Where are you sore?

Where are you sore? Yeah. I love that this is, call us, oh, 100dials.com. Are you sore? Where are you sore?

Give us your four. Give us your four. Yeah, come on, where are you sore? I think I've got a great theme tune we could have in the background too. Oh, you know those little,

can you see the little scratches on my cheek? Yeah. That's from, Aaron was like, did you do a fight? And it's from those like, you know, like, what do you call it? Micro planing, when you shave off the peach fuzz. Yeah. I was like, I want to give that a go.

And did you shave? Did you do it yourself? Wait, you did it yourself? I mean, cut, cut. You did it yourself. Go to a professional. Cut, cut. Cut, cut. You did it yourself. Go to a professional. Cut, cut. Cut, cut.

All right, well. What about this? This song kind of sums it all up. It's a bit down. Everybody hurts. It's a bit down, but like. Yeah. This is more of a everybody hurts like emotionally.

Emotionally. Johnny Cash hurt? No, that's emotionally. That's emotional too, yeah. This one sums it up. Don't let yourself go. Chuck that noise in there. All right, well,

with the average person battling at least four health issues and sore, what are you sore from? Where are you sore? Oh, 800,000M. We're just going to

have a moan really, aren't we? Maybe your partner's sick of you moaning about your sore back. DJ Sammy did an Everybody Hurts remix. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. No, save it, save it, save it, save it. This could be what we need.

Yeah, no, we need to dance, everybody. Oh, I'm going to work on an up. An up beat. Everybody Hurts. Okay, all right, it's next. Give us a call. Oh, 800-1000M. You slept funny.

Give us a call. Night conversations electric emotion Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. It turns out the average adult has four ailments. Now you were working

on a theme tune. I am not. Are we not doing? It turns out you can't turn one of the saddest songs of all time into a dance that people have tried. Oh, bugger it.

And failed. They've seen DJ Sammy fail miserably. I would... Everybody hurts. It wasn't DJ Sammy, DJ Sammy party, DJ Sammy.

It was DJ Sammy, by the way, September 11, 21 years ago today. Wow. Because it was September 12 in New Zealand when it happened.

It was September 11, 21. 20 years ago. 21. 21. Wow. 21 years. He 12th in New Zealand when it happened. It was September 11th. 20 years ago. 21. 21. Wow. 21 years. He did the...

He did the... Yeah, it was that sort of DJ Sammy remix. Oh, right. Okay. We don't need that. That's not a vibe, especially not... Could someone get DJ Sammy a drink? Could someone get DJ Sammy someone a drink?

How about a cup of Cheer Up Charlie's juice? So, with the average person battling four health ailments, we want to know from you this morning why you're sore. Yeah, I'm sore. Maybe it's a mystery. Maybe we're going to solve a mystery. Do you have your four things? Yeah.

Let's go to Helen. Helen, what are your four things? Why are you sore? I think there's a little bit more than four. I happened to roll down the hill on my ride-on lawnmower yesterday and mushed up against the fence. Wait, so you rolled? It wasn't like a, whoa, I've got to hit the brakes.

It was a sideways roll? It was a sideways roll as it was rolling over me. Well, rolling over me. I was backing down the hill to try and come up the hill. Oh, God. I didn't realize one of the tires was flat, so it was just spinning like a good spinning wheel. You're lucky that didn't roll on top of you and mow you.

To be fair, I had taken the blade wasn't spinning at the time, but when I did look up the hill and thought, shit, this is going to hit me. You disengage blades. You disengage blades. Always disengage blades. Can I just check? Is that Helen who shot herself in the head with a nail gun? Helen, is that you that shot yourself in the head with a nail gun?

No. We had someone last week. We had someone with a Helen who shot herself accidentally in a building or retaining wall, shot herself in the head with a nail gun and then fell down the retaining wall. Yeah. Maybe it's something to do with the name? It could be.

The helpful Helens. Helen thinks you're cool. Stevie, why are you sore? You know how you wake up in the morning and you find a bruise and you don't know how you got the bruise? Yeah. Yeah. It's called vodka. Yeah, so I got one on my finger,

on, like, the tip of my finger, but on the lower half of it. How did you bruise your fingertip? Maybe I'm, like, going too hard with a controller. Oh, yeah, maybe. Okay, but is that all? Do you have four, though? Are you, like, the average person to have have four, though? Are you like the average person?

Do you have four health elements? Yeah. Sore finger. It's very annoying now. So when I push buttons, it's very sore. Just the sore finger is really rocking you. That's all you need to ruin a day. Thanks, you're cool.

Sean, what's why you're sore? It's my nipples. Sean, let's talk about that. Yeah, let's talk about some nipples. We actually did a nipple check, didn't we, just before? Yeah, we did a nipple check before. Are you doing a lot of running, Sean? Yeah, I've got roto-roar at mouth on this weekend,

and I'm a bit worried I'm not going to have any nipples left. They're just that raw. Sean, you should be plastering them. You should put a little plough on. I got too much hair, so they just rub off. No, you should trim the hair. Yeah. Trim the hair.

Well, I have to get the wax out, eh? I think that might have to be. No, just get the shaver. Not this close to the marathon because you'll have some regrowth. A trimmer. Don't shave it completely down because your regrowth will cause you all amount of trouble on the day. Yeah, well, yeah.

All right, there we go. Trim it. Clipper it down. Clipper it down with like a head shaver. I used to buy the perfectly round plasters and it looked like I had no nipples. They're called pasties. Yeah, yeah. Do they stick out a little bit? So it makes you look like you've got no nipples. They're called pasties. Yeah, yeah. Do they stick out

a little bit so it makes you look like you've got hard nips as well? No, no. It made it look like you had puffy nips.

Yeah, if you've got a bend on and then there's women's nipple covers for when you're wearing a back blister and a plaster.

No, Band-Aid do the round ones. They're in an assorted pack. It depends if you've got a petite or a larger nip. Sean might have a large areola. Do you have a large areola?

Yeah, it's the boobs that just shake up and down. But my warrior is just the blood when they're coming out. When you finish the line and you're done. That's gross. You need those plaster. You see that at marathons. I did one 13 years ago. You see that at marathons, don't you?

You're going to have to put that on. I ripped my nipples off once because I had eczema all over them and then I quickly removed my sports bra after exercising. And off came the top layer. So you really put something over them. And that's why you've only got one left now. Only one, only the left one.

Well, there you go, Sean. Good tip, thanks for that. Good luck for the marathon too. Thank you, Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, can't wait till you're going on about it 13 years later. You've earned that right, though. You've earned that right.

Thanks, you're cool. She wants some messages. And why are you sore? The average person for health ailments. People just said it was Tanya that shot herself in the head with a nail gun last week. Oh, Tanya. Got some train spotters listening to the show. I love that people remember that. Yeah. Oh, it was actually Tanya messaged in. That was Tanya that shot herself in the head. a nail gun last week. Oh, Tanya not Helen. Got some train spotters listening to the show. I love that people remember that.

Yeah. Oh, it was actually Tanya messaged in. That was Tanya that shot herself in the head. Because it was me. How are you feeling, Tanya? Give us a little text. She's now referring to herself in the third person. Tanya, how's Tanya feeling?

Can we get Tanya, Tanya? I used to refer to myself as Wolverine and laugh at my friends' bodies packing up just to bring Fletch and Hayley up to date Wolverine, the character played by Hugh Jackman Got him Healing was one of his special superpowers He would heal and he was never really injured

Yeah, he could come back I kept punching darts and drinking whiskey Everybody warned me, said 35 Make a full fist What? Now I can't make a full fist first thing in the morning. It takes an hour on the tools before my body comes right, and then I'm in agony for two hours before bed.

Oh, God. If it bends on my body, it currently hurts. I find it a struggle to tie my shoelaces in the morning. Josh. Wow. Can you fix that? What do you do? CBD oil.

That'll fix everything. Yeah, right. Or it'll just get you so high that you don't know. You won't even care. Yeah, you don't know. Someone said, I would just like to hear, the better, you should have done an impossible phone interview, but are you over 30 and currently have no ailments?

Like, what does that feel like? Yes, we should have. Someone said that they woke up this morning and they thought, oh my gosh, I actually feel all right. And they sat up too quick and their neck hurts now. Got a bit dizzy. There's those days. There's those days.

Yeah. All right, 7.28 next on the show. You've got the list of the most common reasons, Hayley, that people argue, that couples argue. Yeah, so if you're in the car now with your partner, might want to switch, I reckon. Apparently, 41% of the arguments we have as couples are about household chores.

Okay. So rather than like big major things like... Why did you cheat on me? What do you want? What do you want in life? Or yeah, fidelity and the likes. Fidelity? No, that's a sound, isn't it?

High fidelity. Infidelity. Infidelity. Yeah. We're arguing just about household chores. Still 54% of women believe they're still doing the lion's share of the housework. That's not too bad, 54%. Oh, no. Yeah, like half of women think that they're doing that.

Right, yeah. Can I ask you two, what was the last argument you both had with your partners? Was it about chores? I can't remember that argument. Because what are they counting as an argument? Just any kind of... Well, I've got a list. I've got the top 30, but I'm not going to give you 30.

I'll give you the top 10 household things. I'm trying to think. I mean, we're renovating the moment, which is kind of stressful. Very stressful. So I don't think we've argued, but we get a little sharp maybe. Oh, okay. You know? Yeah, I know that.

Yeah, I know. No, I'm not. That's not what I was saying. You know, but we're not arguing. Yeah. Okay, here's the top 10 most common household arguments for cohabiting couples. Okay. Number 10.

You didn't make the bed. Oh, yeah. But that's not an argument. No, this is what sparks the argument. Oh, you didn't make the bed. The least you could do is make the bed. Okay. That's what I do.

Well, you're very defensive. All right. I'm a piece of shit. What can I say? Yeah. Number nine. You know me, I'm an absolute waste of space. Do that.

Do that. Like oversell it. Yeah, no, you did right. I am, I mean, I can't believe you're still with me. I didn't make the bed this morning. What is wrong with me? It's up there with a war crime. Lock me up.

Me and Hitler, I go to hell. Couple of dudes, couple of dudes who, you know, certainly won't be entering the pearly gates of heaven. Indeed. Number nine, leaving plates to soak. That's such a classic. No, you don't leave a plate to soak. A pan perhaps.

You leave a pan. You don't leave a plate to soak. Yeah, but that's the thing. If you are leaving a plate to soak, which absolutely doesn't need soaking, unless you've left it on the bench for a week and it's crusted, that's what starts the argument. That's another reason Weet reason weightbacks are no good.

These are sort of, these are so, where was this done? America. God, they like to moan. Number eight, dropping crumbs in the bed. Number seven, leaving dirty clothes on the floor. Number six, not squeegeeing the shower. I suppose if I had a nice shower,

I think Aaron would be like, can you squeegee, please? Number five, whose turn is it to vacuum, mop, do the floors? That's not. That's not. Like, just do it. Yeah. Just do it. If you want it done more than the other person wants it done,

just kind of do it. Yeah. Number four, starting but not completing housework. So, like, getting into it and then stopping. Best of intentions, though. They started and then they probably got distracted. The thought was there. Yeah.

Yeah, I love that. But then sometimes when you get distracted, you know when you go to clean, you start doing things thoroughly. I call it a chain of tasks. Yeah, and then maybe you're like, oh, my God, I can actually clean out the whole pantry and even wipe the showers. It's like, I just want the house tidy. Yeah, you get all the stuff out of the pantry

and then you get distracted by something else and you've actually made more of a mess. Yeah. Because you want to put some of that in that other cupboard, but that other cupboard's got something in it, so you need to take care of that cupboard first. But where on earth are you going to put all these things? Well, you'd probably put them in the garage.

But, you know, for that to happen, the garage is going to need to be tidied up. And to do that, we'd have to sort through the kids' baby gear. You know, what do we want to keep? Which we've been putting off. Yeah. The top three, not putting dishes away. Yeah.

Number two, leaving the toilet seat up. Guilty? Or you live on your own, Fletch. I do what I want. That must be so nice. Yeah, so nice. I don't... Do you mean like the seat that you sit on and the lid?

No, this is directly aimed at people who stand to pee. Yeah. And flip up the bottom lid. Both. Yeah. See, I've got a problem with the lid not being shut. Like you always shut, you shut them both at the same time. Why?

Because they're monsters. But it's weird. Monsters? Monsters come out of the toilet. Is that why you shut the top lid? Yeah, because snakes can't get past the seat part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You shut the lid to keep the snakes in.

Yeah. Right. But yeah, what's the deal with the... Well? Yeah, because snakes can't get past the seat part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You shut the lid to keep the snakes in. Yeah. Right. But yeah, what's the deal with the... Well, it's because women always have to put it down. We have to put it down. Because why should I have to do it? I don't need to do that. Well, I have to lift it up.

Otherwise, I'll just piss all over what you're going to sit on. You have to lift it up because that's what you need to pee. I don't need that. You put it back down. It's ugly. Well, you sit it back down if you want to sit on it. It looks ugly. I know it's ugly.

That's why I'm saying shut them both. I don't ever feel it's a big deal. Like, if it's down, I'll put it up. If it's up, just put it back down. It's ugly. You can put it back down if you want to sit on it. It looks ugly. I know it's ugly. That's why I'm saying shut them both. I don't ever feel it's a big deal. Like if it's down, I'll put it up. If it's up, just put it down. No, it looks so ugly. I've always wondered why this was a big deal. It's not a big deal. Aaron doesn't do it, and thank God, because we wouldn't have lasted 12 years.

Number one. Wow, that got quite heated, didn't it? Number one, leaving lights on around the home. The biggest argument. Do you know what? I don't argue about it, but I definitely, if I walk, if I get in, maybe it's late, and I'll literally come in and make a point of being like, click, flick, flick, flick, flick,

turning them off. But maybe he was leaving them on so he didn't trip up. Yeah, but you don't need a light next to a room with a light next to a room with a light on. Yeah. You only need sort of a pathway, ambiance. A lighthouse. Yeah. I would say if you were in a couple and these are the things you're arguing about, count your lucky stars.

Clay, Zedem, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. I have two cows. One, they're both mini High two cows. One, they're both mini Highland cows. They're cute, fluffy. Hairy, orange, Scottish coos. Yeah, with the big horns. Hardy coos. Yeah, hardy coos.

Hardy coos. Which, when you say it in a Scottish accent, is almost also how you say it in Māori. Well, how do you say it? Co is cow. Ah, hardy co. Hardy co. Or hardy coos. cow. Ah. Huttie co. Huttie co. Or huttie co's.

Huttie co's. Ginger hairy cows. Fluffy cows. So we sent one away at the end of last year to make love. Yep. To make love. A bloody sex camp. Yeah, sex camp.

And she came back and we were like, wonder if that worked. And it had been like a little bit like, let's not get too excited. But I mean, this is why you built the Cow House. Yes. The new hotel for you. What are you calling it? Longhorn Lodge. Yeah, that's great. I think you need a big neon sign.

Oh, probably just a wooden one. Yeah. I think just a... It really would kill the farm buzz, wouldn't it? Having a big like... 1980s New York neon sign. No, I think it a... I think neon. It really would kill the farm buzz, wouldn't it? Having a big, like... A big ghastly 1980s New York neon sign. No, I think it would look so cool. And then some letters go out. Yeah.

But she hasn't been having a heat cycle, which is where every, like, three weeks she'll be like... and get crazy and... Oh, yeah. You know, woman. And... I do, I do. Jokes. But stop talking about it because I'm in my heat cycle you know, woman. I do, I do. Jokes.

But stop talking about it because I'm in my heat cycle. Oh, okay. But then also the little fellow that impregnated her is a very small bull. So we weren't expecting like a big bump. It's a miracle that this little fellow got up there, but he got up there. Did they get him a step later or something? No. Did he step up to the podium? get him a step ladder or something? Nah. Did he step up to the podium?

He impregnated a full-size cow and there's nobody knows how. Like, you know when you're at a dog park or a park and you see a little dog trying to hump a big dog? You're like, what are you doing, dude? What are you doing? You know when you see like a little fella and he's got a tall partner? You're like, eh, good on ya. Yeah, but everyone's the same size lying down, aren't they?

Yeah, but not, you know. You've got a lot of scooching up and down. Yeah, right. Shuffling around up and down. But anyway, we believe now, and her due date is kind of this month. The last half of this month.

You've even put a security cam. Yeah, I put a camera in the cow shed so I can watch. Can we have an update? Well, when I woke up this Yeah, I've got a camera. I put a camera in the cow shed so I can watch. Can we have an update? Well, when I woke up this morning, I thought it was all go because she was kind of like lying on her side. But then she was just chilling. You're not going to have to rush home if this birth happens, are you?

No, I might have to rush home. I might have to take an outside. Not mid-show. I might have to take the outside broadcast kit home. In case it happens in the middle of the night, I can broadcast from home and be close enough to be in the, you know, check-in. Yeah, that'd be good. Get it started.

But one thing I noticed at the weekend and I didn't know this, I had to Google it. I put some hay in the shed. Yeah. And then I stepped back out of the shed and they're eating the hay at the back of the shed. So I'm getting a good view of the rear end of the cow, Hermione, the Highland cow.

And she lifts her tail and I noticed she's quite puffy. And the cow giner. Don't call it a cow giner. Call it a cow giner. And I was like, whoa, like, huh? I grew up on a dairy farm. I didn't know this was a thing. I don't think I've ever seen a cow's cowgina.

You've asked me whereabouts it was. Hayley's like, where on the cow is the cowgina? It's under the teats, isn't it? What? Under the teats? What? You know, when you see, that's a bull. When the wheeze comes from the belly, that's the bull.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The cowgina is on the back. It's near where the poos comes out, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it's on the back end, under the tail. It goes tail, bum, cowgina. But with like male big farm animals, you can see the. Yeah. They can see the wang.

The cowness. Yeah. But the cowgina, I just had no idea where it was. Yeah, it's up under the, that's how you, the quickest and easiest way to tell the gender of a calf is to pull up the tail. Right. Two holes is female, one's a male. Right.

There you go. Happy as Larry. So I didn't know that the cow-gina gets big. It's puffy. It's puffy. So I'm lying in the grass, and I'm Googling this. Springing is where the udders fill out, which apparently happens more prominently on dairy cows than it does more of your traditional dry stock,

which is what Highland cows are. So I can see some teats there, but the puffiness in the cow gyners really. So I take this information inside to my wife and two daughters who all own vaginas. How did you break this to them? Well, I was sitting there and I was having lunch and Shade's like, what are you thinking about?

And I'm like, did you know that Hermione has a puffy? Cow-gina. Cow-gina. Everybody lost it. Like, August was in such a fit of laughter that, you know, when you're on the ground and you're laughing, all you can do is, like, rogue, like, spit. It's like kicking legs and you're like, ah,

and you can't breathe properly, so you can't talk. You're just like, ah, ah. And I looked around and Sade's got tears in her eyes from laughing and Indy's just cracking up laughing. I'm like, you all need to grow up. We're dealing with a very serious issue here. We've got, you know, we're on the precipice, perhaps, of being joined by another member of the Smith herd

and you're all laughing at a sign of pending birth. Yeah. Does that come out with those giant horns? No, no, no, no, no. Jesus. Because I was like, that's going to be a sight to see. Oh, my gosh. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Well, maybe one horn has to come out first, and then the other one kind of... It's like when you get a sofa through a doorway, you kind of got to go like, wah. You got to really go to angles. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, we're standing by for some cute little orange fluffy cow. Do we need to put, we need a live stream of the camera that you've put in.

I've wondered about that security camera. But then she also might take herself off into the paddock to have it. Yeah, right. It's exciting times. I spent a lot of time just talking to her at the weekend. Talking through her. I was kind of like a midwife. I don't know.

Where you were looking was the puffy. He was looking right at it. I was at the other end. I like you, my dog. Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Are you still liking the body pillow? Quick aside. Oh.

Quick aside. Am I? Of course I'm loving the body pillow. Yeah, good, good, good, good, good. Are you? Loving it. I'm thinking about getting one for each side. What made you bring that up just now?

I just got some targeted advertising again. So you're going to get one for each side. So your bed, with your wife included. I will be a valley. Goes pillow, Vaughan pillow, Sade. No, my body pillow is only for when I'm on my side on the right hand side. At the moment, I use it as a barrier

to keep my stinky wife away from me. Your pesky wife. But every now and then I'll slip my hand under the pillow and I'll give her a little feel up and she'll be like, stop it. I'll be like, I don't know, what are you talking about? It must be the pillow. Have you given it a name? You should, you should. No, I don't know, what are you talking about? It must be the pillow. Have you given it a name? You should, you should.

No, that's my brother's name. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, you're in bed with your brother in pillow form. My brother in the pillow? That's gross. Anywho. Side note though, the body pillows aren't great.

I'm still getting so many messages about them. We should have done an endorsement We should have done our own We should have released our own We should have drop shipped That's not We're not too late We've already blown it all

Yeah Yeah This is unrelated The police were called on Wanaka The police were called because A nerd was flying the Klingon flag You are a nerd Yeah I know

But that's my word Yeah I'm allowed to say it But this is a Star. You are a nerd. Yeah, I know, but that's my word. Yeah, okay. I'm allowed to say it. But this is a Star Trek nerd. Unless a nerd. Well, actually like a nerdier nerd. Okay. In Star Trek.

You can get into Star Trek a whole lot deeper. Yeah. So they were flying the flag of the Klingon Empire. Now I'll describe this flag to you. It's red with a white circle in the middle. So it's a reverse Japanese flag. Oh, yeah, okay. But then over top of the white circle in the middle, so it's a reverse Japanese flag. Oh, yeah, okay. But then over top of the white circle in the middle is the Klingon insignia,

which apparently when flapping in the wind looks a little Nazi-ish. Oh, yeah. Or just it's a weird, you know, when you see a flag and you're like, that's not a country I recognise. Yeah. And then the colours are the same colours, the same red, isn't it? Yes. And, you know, isn't it? Yes. And, you know, a dark black.

Yeah. The police said we were called to the property as a report of a racist flag being flown on the property, which I think is, like, great. Yeah. If you see someone flying that, get them reported. Please notify. It was not racist, however, though.

It was, in fact, the Klingon for ag from Star Trek Universe, a sure way to attract their attention from the United Federation of Planets. What does that mean? That's the opposite. That's nerd talk. Okay, yeah. So, yeah, the police got called. I feel like you would be a flagpole person.

I could see you being a flagpole person. Yeah, I think I would like a flagpole. But then not too close to the house because, you know, when it's windy, they go. And then the ropes always go. It'll be right up there with those wind chime people. What's worse with a wind chime? Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting.

Or. You know, the wooden wind chimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely though. Wooden ones. Oh, they're both horrible. So, given that this person had the police called on them for flying a Klingon flag, I was wondering this morning if you've ever had the police called on you for, you weren't doing anything wrong.

Like something completely innocent. Yeah. Maybe you were. Ooh, I just looked the microphone. I stuck my tongue out to go, maybe you were having some fun time. Making love. And it sounded like a domestic or something. Yeah, yeah.

And the police were called on you. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. If you're just a neighbor and you hear some yelling or screaming, you're like, well, I'd better call the police. Heck. And heck, that could be someone's lovemaking. Sounds like he's being attacked.

Yeah. Yeah. So what? Well, you quite often hear of people playing video games. Yeah, yeah. And they're so loud. And everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're so loud, police get called, that kind of thing. Same with movies and the likes. Yeah. We're 0800-ARS at the end. We'd love to take your call this morning. You can text as well, 9696. What innocent activity did you have the cops called on you for? That was a terrible wording from me.

Did you have the cops called on you for doing an innocent activity? When have you had the cops called? On something that did not require the cops being called. A Wanaka nerd was flying the Klingon flag. Someone thought it was a racist insignia. Yeah. It did look red and black, like a Nazi flag. Didn't know it was floppy.

There was a flag once, and it took me so long, because I'd go past this flag, and I'd be like, what is that flag? And the way I Googled it and described it never brought up any results. Right. It had like a tree in the middle. A tree? I think it turned out to be like a Slovenian flag or something. Oh.

But it was one of those less known flags. That's a bit weird. It's got like a sun or something in them. Oh, yeah, the sun. Well, they all had to get new flags, right? Like when the Cold War ended, there was a whole lot of countries around there that were allowed a flag again. So I think they went a little bit 90s.

A little bit crazy, yeah. You can see like 90s fashion or 90s architecture and you're like, yuck. The Lebanon flag has a tree in the middle. Oh, that's got a tree. That's got a tree. So does Norfolk Island. Nah, see, I think that's what I happened across

in my searching, but it's not what I thought. Well, we want to know when the cops were called on your innocent activity because this guy was just flying a flag and then the police around, knocking on his door. Yeah. Some messages in. Some text. Somebody said that when they were in labor, the cops got called.

Oh, because they were screaming. Screaming, yeah. The cops turned up and said, because they were screaming. Screaming, yeah. The cops turned up and said, we've had reports of domestic violence. Yeah. And apparently the dad waved them in and said, yeah, help yourself. The woman was giving birth on the kitchen floor.

Wow. Yeah. I tell you what, we've had a lot of messages in about the early days of Pokemon Go, when there was just like massive groups of youths accidentally trespassing everywhere. Yeah, or just like hanging around in groups looking like they were doing very inconspicuous

drug deals. Lex, when were the cops called on your innocent activity? Hi, so it wasn't me, it was actually my cousin. I grew up in a super small town in upstate New York in the US, and it was a couple of years after 9-11, so everyone was still sort of on edge, I suppose. Yeah.

My cousin has been living in this town since he was born, so he was probably about 20, 25 at the time. He's quite dark-skinned, like he's quite dark olive skin and kind of big, fruity, dark hair. Yeah. But everybody on this street has known who he is from day dot. And he got a camera for Christmas and decided to go out and do some nature photography in the middle of winter, just walking up and down the street, taking photos of birds and stuff. And one of the older residents of this street decided to call the police to claim that there was a terrorist walking up and down the road, taking pictures.

Oh, my God. Yeah, America. Because it's 21 years today since September 11, and it totally changed the atmosphere for that. It really did. But also, do you remember all those videos that were, you know, during all the Black Lives Matter marches and stuff, all those videos of bloody Karens being like,

what are you doing? And he's like, I live here, man. You're trespassing. This is my home. Lived on the street longer than you have. Yeah. Well, Lex, thanks for your call. Greg, when were the police caught on your innocent activity?

It was actually my stepfather, and I guess it was one of those neighbours at war kind of scenarios. The neighbour discovered some leaks in his irrigation system stepfather and it was um i guess it was one of those uh neighbors at war kind of scenarios um the neighbor discovered some um some leaks in his irrigation system uh one time and the police were called and my stepfather was accused of cutting his irrigation system um and then the uh the icing on the cake was it was a particularly sort of uh hot and summer, and there was a lot of mosquitoes around, and we ended up with the police at our door

investigating accusations of mosquito farming. What? Oh, my God. Mosquito farming? Oh, my, do you think they were like... How do you milk a mosquito? Yeah. Yeah.

It was so bizarre, and it was basically two old men that just couldn't get along with each other. Camudgeons. Mosquito. Camudgeons. Greg, thanks. You call Sarah. When was the police caught on your innocent activity?

Hi. It was a friend of mine, actually, when he was a teenager, and they were just having, like, a drive around, and for some reason, I don't know why, but they had like some plastic guns in the car with them. I don't know. You know there was this reason, I'm not sure of it. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I can't think of a single decent one, but go on. Yeah. Teenage douchebags, go on. Yes, yes, yes, yes. This woman that was driving near them saw the guns and reported it to the police, and then she kept following them. So the police ended up pulling them over, but it was, like, the armed police,

and it was, like, the full-on, like, get out of the car, get down on the ground, like, you know. Oh, my God. Face in the ground, like, and they were just, like, absolutely shitting themselves. Don't worry, Sarah. We got you. And, yeah, it turned out to just be, I don't know,

like water guns or something. Oh, gosh. Oh, right, okay. I mean, yeah. I mean, you can tell a super soaker, right? Yeah. Because they're brightly coloured. Some toy guns, you would never know at a glance.

Yeah, like Nerfs and stuff are all brightly coloured. Exactly. Sarah, thanks, Nicole. I had a friend once who was going through Auckland airport security many, many years ago, and he was with a workmate. Buzz, he went through nothing. She went through, Buzz, and he said, oh, she's got a gun. He was banned from flying for two years.

Wow. It's just not a... At least he wasn't, she wasn't. Yeah, yeah. Don't be dumb. Our baby was crying, was very sick, had a really high temperature. Try as we might We couldn't get her

To stop crying The cops turned up And they said Oh we heard There was an abandoned baby Here Like No no

We're here I wonder if That's a great way Of getting Your neighbours To shut their baby up Yeah Call the police

And say it's abandoned Yeah Someone said Someone messaged on Instagram Saying we were driving around Playing Pokemon Go And we were driving around playing Pokemon Go and we were reported as stalkers. We had a wild game.

Paige said a wild game of Pictionary once and the cops turned up because they thought it was a domestic violence situation. That can end in a lot of fights, that game. Kathy said my daughters were flicking tea towels while drying the dishes having a competition. Who could do it the loudest?

The neighbour thought it was gunshots and actually called the police. Wow, that's a good flick that's a champion flick yeah yeah yeah definite wet end flick big wet end flick that's cheating

you can't wet the tea towel you gotta wet the end yeah where's the rule book oh I'm currently I'm currently a serving New Zealand police officer

killed it thank you for your service thank you for your service a few years ago we got 2-3 calls from various people to a set of apartments in Remuera in Auckland about a woman yelling and screaming.

One of the callers thought the female was, you know, being murdered, quite literally. Yeah, okay. We were all there, quick, smart. The front door gets kicked in. We finally find the husband and wife in the bedroom in the throes of passion. Oh!

It was still going by the time they got there. Good for them. At that intensity. Yeah. Good for them. At that intensity. Yeah. Good for them. Someone had maybe bought themselves some little blue pills. I'm thinking. Double a shot, Nate.

Play. ZDM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Today's fact of the day is about when somebody cleaning out the Washington University storage facility in St. Louis, Missouri, found 85,000 baby teeth. Okay. 85,000 baby teeth.

The dude who found it was like, what have we done? But it turns out that it was part of the world famous St. Louis baby tooth survey. Okay. Which took place over the 12 years 1958 to 1970. You'll remember what ended the World War II nuclear bombs and sort of the nuclear arms race after which where every country wanted the biggest, most insane bomb, not really thinking long-term nuclear fallout

and all the damages caused by it. They wanted to test how far the nuclear radiation, a specific isotope, which is called strontium-90, went because they found out it loved bones. Oh, okay. How? It loved, like, it could travel through the air, but as soon as it got to bone, it would be like,

oh, yum, yum, yum, I'm going to hide away in here. Okay. Now, what is the best supply of bones that people don't need anymore? Baby teeth. Baby teeth. Baby teeth. Toenails. So they said, no, toenails is keratin.

Oh, yeah, it's not quite bone. No. It's shampoo, isn't it? More like your hair than it is a bone. Or kerastase. Kerastase. They have keratin in that. Right.

It's supposed to strengthen your hair, right? So they went around and they said, we're going to beat the tooth fairy at her own game and we'll pay you for your teeth. Can we have your teeth, please? And so they collected 300, sorry, they collected, apparently they collected over the time 300,000 teeth. Oh, wow. But there was only 85,000 baby teeth left when this discovery was made sometime later.

So apparently it was all part of a study that was really well funded. And then when the Nixon administration came in, they were like, no, no more funding for that. You silly, don't worry about nuclear waste. Yeah, it'll stop. It certainly won't have a half-life of tens of thousands of years. So they were like, well, maybe we'll come back to this. So they just put all of the remaining teeth that hadn't yet been like... In a cabinet.

Smashed up in a storage facility and some dude stumbled across them. Ew. Yeah. And also the freaky thing that they did discover when they were doing it, they could work out the year you were born. Yeah. Like they could get a baby tooth and be like, eh, 1962 by looking at...

Like a tree. Yeah, because the more nuclear tests that went on the year that they were born, the more of the strontium-90 they had stuck in their baby teeth. Oh, wow. And we wonder why cancer rates went through the roof. But anyway, by the by.

So today's fact of the day is some guy was cleaning out a storage facility at a university once and found 85,000 baby teeth. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Give you a rendition. Learn over the weekend the recorder and do My Heart Will Go On. Vaughan won that one. Our homework this weekend is to remember as many numbers as we can and pass the decimal point in pi. Three point... Here's some interesting facts about pi. It's just a number that keeps going, isn't it?

Yes. It's how many times the diameter goes around the circumference of a perfect circle. Say your NASA one again. This is what I was going to say. NASA uses pi,

so NASA to calculate like rocket launches, orbit, everything. They never go past the 20th decimal of pi. Right. They never. Now, to me,

that indicates anything beyond that, point lost. Waste of time. Yeah, waste of time. However, if you can get to a 40th decimal, you are calculating things at an atomic level. So you're dealing with atoms, the smallest building block of anything ever.

And if you're at the supermarket, just two will do, right? We're Swedish rounding. No, that's not even decimal points, is it? Yeah. Yeah, like cents. Yeah, cents. Yeah, that's cents, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, but they're decimal points. Yeah. But we only use two, don't we, for that? And then we just round up. It's just really, the weather here has just really taken a turn. That person should never have put that umbrella up. Maybe this is an ominous sign. Ominous sign.

Yeah. The universe is like. Now, I believe if we go to Carwain at the producer's desk, you will be counting and you will be adjudicating, officiating this here. She doesn't know how to push the buttons. George is just going to... Soundkeeper George is going to set that up.

There we go. Fantastic. Okay. Now, you're going to be officiating. Yes, I've got... What's the order? Okay. The order of who's going.

Not the order of time. What's the order of the numbers? What did you think I asked? Yeah, the order? Okay. The order of who's going. Not the order of time. What's the order of the numbers? What did you think I asked? Yeah, the order of time. So because Vaughn won last week, he's going first. Okay. Then you and then Hayley. It's just going around the table.

Okay. Okay. All right. I'm going to remember it as a candle flying, a candle high-fiving, snake crying, golf club giving a high-five, a triangle giving a high-five, a snowman coming up out of a hole, a knife coming through a seat and a triangle crying. But you're remembering too many words.

How will you remember that? Okay, put your notes away then. Okay. Notes away, laptop closed. I'm never going to. Laptop closed, notes away. Vaughan. 3.141592653858. You're out.

You're out. Nah, yeah. Carl Wayne, how did he do? That was actually good, though. I should give a shout-out to this woman on YouTube. She runs these memory things because it was a flawless technique. It was pretty good. It was pretty good.

You tell a story with it. Every number had two attributes, an action and a thing associated to it. Right. So you got 10. Wow. Including the three. That includes the three. Did I stop and then they told me I was wrong?

No, you got one wrong and then you tried to keep going. But I stopped it where you got it wrong. I think we should say nine because we all know three. Okay, so nine. Three points. So you got nine of the decimal points. I'm halfway to NASA, baby. I mean, I don't know if we'd say that, would we? Who goes next?

Fletchy. Okay, I'm up. I'm up. Okay, all right. Here we go. 3.1415926535897932384626430. Oh, my God. 3-8-4-6-2-6-4-3-5. Oh, my God. Why are you always cheating? Jared.

Jared. You naughty boy. Fletch is using his 2020 vision to his advantage. You had Jared parked outside. You put your producer out in the rain. Jared, you were holding the sign on the gap of the window and I couldn't read some of the numbers. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Can you hear the rain on the umbrella? It's not warm out here, guys. Yeah, thank you, Jared. How many was that, Carwin? That was 20. Nothing. It doesn't count. It doesn't count. He was reading it off a many was that, Carween? That was like 20. Nothing. It doesn't count. It doesn't count.

He was reading it off a piece of paper, Carween. That's like... Yeah, but that's a skill. Carween. That's a skill. No. How many, Carween? 24.

Yeah! He cheated. He didn't remember. Why? Did he just have initiative? I had... Thank you, Carween. Well, I could have had it open on my t-shirt in front of me, but I didn't.

But you did it You did it And that's how you get A head in life initiative Alright, Sprout Alright, Hayley Sprout You know what? Honesty lies on your shoulders

No pressure Okay, Hayley Pie, three point 3.141592653589 793238462643. 3832795. 0288419. 7169.

399375. 10... Oh, no. 1058-9. I'm out. I'm out. What the hell? That was nuts.

So you made it a rhythm and you learned the rhythm? I tried to make, like, a poem. Yeah. That's why I'd go, like, change the rhythm and so that I was landing on rhyming words. That's what people said. That was really good. If you've got a musical brain, you sing it.

Yeah. And lyrics stick with some people. But then you still need to remember those lyrics. Yeah. I'm embarrassed about how much time I put into it. I will admit that yesterday I was a little bit hungover and I was sitting on a beanbag and Aaron was out of the house and we've got no TV, no floor, no anything to do in the house.

So I learnt pie. That was incredible. Very well done. Car Wayne, our official judicator here. I'm not going to lie, that was incredible. It was, wasn't it?

So many numbers that I've lost trying to count them all but it's over 60. I think it was 66. We're going to need to listen back for the exact number. 60. Nearly nice.

Nearly nice. Nearly nice. I also love that you stopped down in the middle of your tune to say 69. Nice. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. This is very interesting to me. I have not made a CV in many, many years because I've got like an acting CV or like a, you know, entertainment CV. But you have a reel.

These are my headshots and my reel. These are my headshots, yeah. Here's my skills. General American. Southern American. Royal. Cockney. Like, that's what my CV has.

Right. But a Chicago-based senior recruiter at Google has recently shared resume tips on, it's gone viral on TikTok, five things that you need to remove from your CV because it's 2022. Right. I think the last time I did a CV, it was in one of those warehouse stationary, like, big, you know,

file folder things. Oh, my God, yes. You slip in a page into the clear plastic and it's, like, 20 pages long. And you've got a cover page saying, like, I want that. And I had a certificate from high school because I won something. Yeah, chuck some certs in there, chuck some certs in there. No good. Okay, the first thing that she says you should remove

is your full address. It's none of your company's business, none of their business until you get the job. You just need to put the city that you live in. Also, they could Google your house and be like, ooh. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need this job.

You look like you're fine. Yeah. The next thing is your objective statement or like we have cover pages, which is like, this is why I want to do this. This is why I would be a good fit. This is why this is why. They're like, we don't care.

We'll make that up. She says, that's got to go. That was so 1970. It's 2022. Okay. Next she says, let's talk about your work history. Now, this is why Georgia's got headphones on and a microphone. Georgia joins us because obviously at nine o'clock,

we're doing another secret sound. However, you chimed in when I said we're talking about CVs what's on yours? That I modelled once I did well because

when am I ever going to say I modelled again you know like that's going to stay with me till the day I die was this for

ecstasy swimwear when you were a bitch babe Roxy would have been the dream you know Roxy the dizzying heights of Roxy.

Oh, man. Oh, baby. So that's still on your CV. Look, I haven't seen the CV in years, so I can imagine it's still on there. And the fact that I was head sports girl. All the things that, like... Head sports girl.

I am the beach babe sports girl model. You're going for a job somewhere, working at an agency in communications, and they're like, oh, this one's a front runner. She was head girl. No one gives two tosses. No, but now they know that I don't have a face for radio. People used to get jobs being reporters for TVNZ with less flitch.

Wow. I think they've sorted out that culture. Wow. I believe so. I've still got my drama school performances on my acting CV, but I don't go back to my phenomenal award-winning performance as Richard III. I've got my paper run because I did that for years

and that shows longevity. In the 80s. Yeah, it does. And fit. Fit as a fiddle. Yeah, exactly. Well, they say you don't need to have everything you ever did on your entire work history,

only the things that are relevant to the job you're applying for. Also, that would be on your LinkedIn. You can have all that stuff anyway, can't you? Yeah, so I update my LinkedIn to say model. Please do, please do. It's important LinkedIn has more of that sort of self-proclaiming wonder. You know, I don't think there's enough of it on LinkedIn. I don't think there's enough of people bragging about ordinary things they've done.

See, I don't even use LinkedIn. I don't even know how to use it. I don't even know what it is. You know what else I'd like to see a bit more of on LinkedIn? People tooting their own horn about the charity they did, making me think they didn't do the charity for the right reason. They just did it to have something to put on LinkedIn. Self-serving.

Yeah. The fourth thing that she says to remove is weak action verbs. I helped. I was responsible for. We don't care. We want words like. I dictated. Yeah.

Active verbs like streamlined, managed, implemented, improved, strategized, increased, produced, and generated. And the final one is. Blackmailed. Dictated. I did. I did that. Yeah, active verbs like streamlined, managed, implemented, improved, strategised, increased, produced and generated. And the final one is... Blackmailed. Blackmailed. Blackmailed. Yeah, yeah. Helped Gunter Hedden said, or else.

Yeah. And finally, people often write references available upon request. She said, that's an old thing. We don't need those anymore. If we want references, we'll ask. Oh. And do it on one page? One page.

Not like 10? Oh, not a cover letters. And like a little headshot. Unless you've got modelling shots. Well, yeah, you've got to add them in there. A bikini pic. Yeah. Don't add a photo of you unless you're a beach babe bikini pic.

Yeah. Hello, Soundkeeper Georgia here. So I've actually banned producer Jared from playing the Secret Sound guesses from the show in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast from the show in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast to get it where you can text SECRET9696 and you'll get a link directly to the podcast

or you can just follow our socials. Secret Sound everywhere. Alright, toodles. Oh, another podcast in the bag. The plastic bag. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay. They never left. That's where. Are they back? No, no, still banned. Okay.

They never left. No, sorry. That's where you come in with the line, Bourne. Boy, man, if you enjoyed that. Okay. Oh, and if you enjoyed it, give us a rating and a review and be sure to tell all of your friends. God, I need some sleep.

Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.