ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 13th June 2022

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

21st Cake Dispute  Top 6: Robot Skin  M&M Workers  Sriracha Shortage  Vaughan Can't Pasta  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For a few years, in the 1970s, the Mr Asia syndicate made millions. Heroin creates its own market. It acts like a form of play. Until jealousy, betrayal and murder brought it all crashing down. Then he just pulled out a gun, shot her in the back of the head, and then said to Wayne, you're going to help me bury her. This is Mr Asia, A Forgotten History. All episodes now available on iHeartRadio, Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The ZM Podcast Network. Hello, welcome to the Fleeche, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, grab a rich, smooth, barista-made coffee. Somebody was wearing slides and socks at the supermarket at the weekend in an Instagram story. That was you. No, Hayley also, I know, wears Birkenstocks and socks. I've been rocking stocks and socks for the last three weeks. Because it's warm, it's easy, kick them off.

It's not too cold that you need an enclosed shoe or wet in this case. I tell you, I've got my chucks on today. I've got hot feet. I don't want to wear them. Really? I'm just boots this time of year. It's boots, boots, boots, gumboots at home. If it's just a quick slide-on job, it's gumboots.

If it's just down to the shops, it's gumboots. It was just down to the shops. It was last minute. I was in home in my socks And I thought Well the slides are quick I'm going Yeah Then you get there

And slides and socks And you pack a tanty When they don't have cheese balls So you're basically An eight year old girl You know what I've been putting up With all the supply issues

With this pandemic But I've reached My fucking limit I also don't know That they still sell Bags of cheese balls Yeah they do You're trash

Socks and slides And cheese balls He Yeah, they do. You're trash. Socks and slides and cheese balls. It's my absolute go-to drinking snack, cheese balls. I fucking love them. You would have been having a nice bottle of Prosecco and your nice fancy champagne glasses feeling so fancy with your socks and slides and your cheese balls. You're trash. I'm trash.

I'm trash. I actually am. I'll admit it. It's the perfect footwear, honestly. You've got stocks, Birkenstocks. I've got stocks for summer, but never with socks. It's a stock and a foot. No, no, no. I really recommend you try it tomorrow.

I don't know if there'd be enough room in what? Where to work? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no, I wouldn't wear it. Unbuckle. Unbuckle one of the buckles. Make a little room.

Oh, yes, loosen them up a little bit more. Put on a warm sock. Oh, no, no, no. A cool stock. No, no, no, no. That's stock. No, no, no, no. That's the good thing about a good thick boot is that you don't need a super thick sock underneath. Just don't do it again. Play ZM's Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley.

Thank you, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Flesh, Vaughn and Hayley all together. Are you happy? In studio, I'm happy. I've been alone for the last three weeks. You have.

We're back. We're all back in studios. The last night, you wrapped the final of... The Great Kiwi Bake Off. I know who wins. Should I just say it? So the rest of us have got to wait until it is, like, what, later this year? Yeah, a couple of months away at least.

Okay. It's going to be fun. I'm happy it's over? Yeah, a couple of months away at least. Okay. It's going to be fun. I'm happy it's over though because I need to reset the bot. I don't know if you can tell. I'm a little bit hungover but mostly I've just been having sugar for weeks now. You've got to try the treats don't you? Yeah, you've got to try the treats.

So I'm going to smash some brock today and just reverse three weeks of straight up sugar. Just straight broccoli. Yeah, just straight brock. What was that dumb diet a few years ago that was like the broccoli diet and people would brock everything? Or like the cabbage soup diet? Just cabbage and water.

Oh, very farty. No, I won't be doing that. In studio. The pulled pork mac and cheese. It's finally happened. And then so yesterday I'm sending photos. I'm doing progress shots. I'm like, here it is.

I'm bringing it in. And then I'm just like, let's get the oven going. Fletch is like, oh, I'm not having breakfast, are we? The fuck did I make it for? I just had breakfast. You can't have mac and cheese and pulled pork for breakfast. We're not waiting till lunch. No, no, no, no.

I think everybody was of the opinion that this was a breakfast. We simply must. We're waiting for breakfast, right? I should have... I've had my oats. Just to reiterate that Hayley didn't have dinner last night, but she had a couple of bottles of wine. So we're going to put the oven on.

Okay, right. Get that in. It's finally happened. It's a retro petrol tyre machine. Is that we're doing that this week again? Oh, yeah. Isn't that a treat? We love getting away money.

For the listeners. Yeah, we've given away so much cash, free fuel so far, all thanks to Gull. We'll do it again at 8 o'clock this morning, so make sure you're listening for that. Speaking of cars, I've got a bottle of oil in my car. Does it work the same if it's just sitting around waiting for you to put it in the car? You mean it's in the car. Then if it's in the car. How long has it been in the car?

I don't know. How long have I been away? Three weeks? Cooking oil or motor oil? Not canola. Motor oil. Okay. But you haven't put it in.

Haven't put it in. No, you need to put it in. So if I break down because my car's getting a bit hot, I'll be like, but there's oil. Is the oil light on? No, the oil light's not on, but I'm suspicious that it doesn't work because I think it's been like 18 months

since I put oil in the car. No, but if your car's running right, you don't need oil. But you should check, though. But it probably needs to be replaced. Have you got a space saver yet? No. Jesus Christ.

Is your car running hot? No, it's just not running well, and so I was like, it's got to be the oil. Why? What else could it be? Why is it the oil? Bad fuel. Maybe stop driving 140 on the motorway. 140 on a dirt road.

Yeah. All right, so your chance to win some free fuel for your not well-running car or running well car. Thank you, Jared. I just want to shout out Jared on here. Great printing. Cheers, Jared. Oh, good paper.

Actually, I don't know if it is good printing. Why have we got Google Docs? It's a new printer. It's a new printer. New printer. I've noticed there's new swipe cards. We've gone to a food. What did we have?

Did we have a Minolta or a Konica? And now we're at a Fuji Fujitsu. That's a heap of people. What's the new brand? Jared, do we know the new brand? The listener will need to know. They'll be dying to know. They'll really want to know what brand of print it was.

I think it's a Fuji. Oh. Fuji. A Xerox. Is that one? Can you feel that? What's it called? You know the thickness of the paper?

Yeah, the GSM. The GSM. Yeah, it's good paper, isn't it? It's like almost cardboard. Yeah, it's nice. Far out. We're a bit posh, aren't we? We're a bit posh today.

Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, the top six appliances around the house that need the new skin. I'm not talking just like a new wrap. This is actual skin, robotic skin, skin for robots. That actually can heal itself. Yeah, if it gets a little nick, it can fill in the gap. Like, this is where science is up to now. The robots looking after us in the rest time are going to have skin.

Yuck. So we can hug them because our grandchildren won't come and see us. Give a little cuddle, eh? Yeah, a little robot cuddle. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. A makeup artist. Is this a trend alert?

Oh, no. It's not a trend alert. Not a trend alert. I'm not breaking any trends here. We have made an introduction for the trend alert. I'm a trendsetter. So when I've got a trend for you, you'll know about it. Okay, great.

No, not a trend, but just a sort of heads up or a PSA I guess from a makeup artist who took to her TikTok to go, brides please, please, please. And everyone was like this makeup artist is sharing what she thinks is the number one mistake brides make on their big day. And everyone was like, it must be like too much

blusher or surely like a bad fake tan on a white dress. Oh, yeah. You get like the rubbing. Was it the makeup with SPF 15 or whatever? Oh, yeah, yeah. And when the flash went off, it would like blow you out.

Oh, yeah, and you look a little bit purple. Yeah. I've seen that before. But no, it's actually got nothing to do with makeup. She said the biggest mistake brides make through her 15 years of experience of doing weddings is getting into their dress too late. And I guess... Right.

This would be maybe a more traditionally dressed bride. I think when I get married, it'll be some sort of gothic evanescence inspired corset, like, you know what I mean? Witch gown. Fishnet. Fishnet stockings. Yeah.

Sort of like calf high Doc Martens boots. Yeah, calf high Doc Martens. With a platform. Maybe like 40 layers of different length petticoats, that kind of vibe. Yeah. But this is your more traditional bride and she said that their biggest mistake

is not getting to the dress early because everything's going fine. They're having their bubbles. They're getting their makeup on. They're seeing their friends, the photographer's there. And then they go, okay, everything's ready. Let's put your dress on.

And they think this is going to biff a dress on, like they'll slip on a, you know, little stretchy number to go to town. But no, a lot of bridal dresses have like 80 buttons up the back. You know, those tiny little buttons. And they often take, she said, about 45 minutes to get into a dress. So when they go, you've got 15 minutes, they're like,

oh, I better hop into my dress. Yeah, hoax laces buttons. You're late and you're stressed and you can't get the photos that you want to get because you've got to go meet your fella. But like doing the duvet, you've got to do all the buttons on the duvet. And then there's only like six of them at the bottom. No, then you get to the end and you've done the wrong duvet button. So you've got to undo them all because you missed a button.

It's a nightmare. We were here recently and someone put a shirt on and they... No, they didn't. They did. It was at Have You Been Paying Attention. Someone put on their shirt and they'd done the buttons on the purse. One skewer. I was like, I didn't want to tell

them. No, never tell. It's so funny. It looked so good. Is that the gag? I love it, but... It's a good gag if it's a gag. Well, if you're a bride, she says get into your dress as soon as you possibly can. The moment you've slapped on a face, get in.

Is the worry then that you're going to spill something? Spill something. Yeah. Crinkle. I guess so. But she said like most brides, that's when they'll start to get stressed out because now they're late. They can't get the photos they want to get.

Right. All these little buttons. You can get photos of you doing other buttons. There's a twofer. That's a time saver. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, get a photo of all the buttons. Just get a stretchy zipper.

Some Velcro. Like a likevery sort of zip up sitch. Pull it tight and Velcro it on. From wish.com. And then at the end of it, at the end of it, the groom's just getting you out like this. To consummate.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, life has imitated art somewhat over the weekend because at the Mars factory, they make Mars Wrigley. You know, they make all the Mars chocolate M&Ms. Yum. A bajillion ranges of chocolates. A couple of workers fell into a tank of chocolate.

Now, apparently it was waist high. Waist high? So if you fell into a waist high thing of chocolate, I mean, bear in mind, you do work at the chocolate factory. Yeah. Would you just have a lick while you're waiting to be rescued?

Yeah, I'd be like, oh no, oh no. And they'd be like, Hayley, stand up, stand up. It's just your waist. Help, help, help. Was there, was there Mrs. Gloop on the side holding a big lollipop?

Apparently, they had to cut a hole in the big tank. The firefighters were called. And suck them through a pipe? And then pulled them out. But yeah, they were stuck in the tank.

I didn't know this, in Elizabethtown, this is 20 K's from the chocolate capital, Hershey. Yeah, Hershey. Hershey's. It's a place, yeah. Is that why it's called Hershey's? Hershey's Kisses. Hershey's, because they're from Hershey. Huh. Well, yeah, that's where they're based

in America. So, yeah, apparently the people were rescued and they're doing alright and Osh, their Osh is investigating. Hershey, Pennsylvania. It's in Pennsylvania, Hershey. Do they have to ditch the whole tank of chocolate? Well, I'm imagining

they'll just flush it out and clean it. Well, yeah, and it's got a big hole in the side now so they probably have to weld that back together. What a nightmare. This is not good news. Did they sing the song? Doesn't say if they sang the song. There you go. I've got the song here if you want to hear it.

Please play it. Yeah. I've got a perfect puzzle for you. If you were like one of the fire crew rescuing them, would you sing this song? Absolutely. When you gobble down sweets, eating as much as an elephant eats.

What are you at? Getting terribly fat. What do you think will come of that? It's a different time. It's a different time. You wouldn't go out there body shaming. I don't like the look of it. No, we can't be. We don't fit shaming. You wouldn't go out there body shaming the chubby little kid now, would you? No. And to be fair, the Oompa Loompas, they weren't particularly

lean themselves. Now I feel like you're showing me their height. No, I'm not. You are. You're showing me their height to girth ratio. I wasn't. I wasn't. You cancelled.

I wasn't. I'm just saying for a petite man. Isn't Timothy Chalamet doing a new Wonka? He's doing the Wonka prequel. Right. Which I'm imagining is going to, it might have the origin stories of, there might be Oompa Loompas again.

Right. Didn't he rescue them from some far part of the world? You're thinking about minions. And then put them to slave labour. No, very similar, very similar peoples. Very similar. Right. We've been doing all this late night talking.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. From the yummy ZM think tank, this is the top six. Oh, hey. Have you ever been holding something robotic and thought, man, it'd be great if this had skin? Then, boy, do the scientists have a treat for you. The Industrial Science Department at the University of Tokyo, Japan

have developed a skin for you. The Industrial Science Department of the University of Tokyo, Japan have developed a skin for robots that uses cells and can regenerate. So if it gets a nick in it or a scratch or a cut, it'll heal. It can heal itself.

Like a scab. Well, we have to put plasters on robots just while it heals. Or are you less of a plaster person? Let it breathe. Let it person? Let it breathe. Let it breathe.

Let it breathe. I think when you're a kid, a plaster hides it. And if you can't see it, you can't feel it. You can't pick it. Yeah. But I don't know how this heals, but so it was the robotic finger was submerged in a solution of collagen, which is a fibrous protein, and human dermal fibroblasts,

two things that make up human skin. Well, you know what? When we're like, when we've lost the plot and we're in a care facility and the robot nurse comes in with skin, we just keep thinking they're real people, aren't we? I'm Audrey. Cuddle with a robot. Look at the top six appliances in your home that need new robot skin Number six on the list

The robot vacuum cleaner So when it's buzzing around on the ground And it brushes past your foot It just feels like a devil Satan himself Not the hard cold white plastic of my Roborock vacuum The soft squelchy, lizard-like skin touch. Do you have to Aveeno your vacuum cleaner?

I don't know how often you'd have to moisturise your robot vacuum cleaner's skin. And it would be cold as well, you know? It'll be cold because it doesn't have any... Yeah. Blood. Yeah. Keeping it warm. Like a dead corpse.

Yeah. Vacuuming your house. warm. Like a dead corpse. Yeah. Vacuuming your house. Right, like a little zombie vacuum cleaner. Number five on the list of the top six appliances that need the new robot skin. The stick blender. The immersion. Yeah. Get it going.

Get it into your shape underneath. Would you lick the mashed potato off that? Yuck. No, you don't lick a stick blender. You're thinking of a handheld beater, an egg beater. I'm talking about, you know, the stick with the blade on the end. Immersion blender. Yeah, but you could lick.

You never lick that. It's a sharp blade. It's got a blade on it. No, but you could lick the side up to the blade. He's not wrong. No, I'm just covering the skin. Eww. Yuck. Like looking mashed taties off. Is it hairy?

Do you have to shave it? You can have hair implanted, but not shaving-wise like fake hair implants. You know, like when I would liken it to the hair that they put in to those models at Te Papa, the World War I vets.

You know how you look real close and they've got skin in those big-ass models? It's like that. It has to be placed in. It has to be poked in if you want hair in it at this stage. Number four on the list of the top six appliances that need new robot skin, your fridge. Out on the outside. I reckon whack a couple of nipples on it as well,

and you'll know that the fridge is cold because the nipples will be hard. You get nipple magnets and you can move them around. Yeah, that'd be great. You get a nipple

belly button magnet as well and you're like, oh, fridge isn't working because the nipple's gone soft. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. It almost sits level now and then when it's working, hard nipple again. Number three on the list of the top six appliances that need the new robot skin in your house, the stove. So that every time you turn

it on, it screams in pain and you can smell burning skin through your house. Jesus. Elements ready to have the potatoes. That was dark. Burning skin through your house. Number two on the list of the top six appliances that need the new robot skin,

the TV remote. So when you're just sitting there holding it, it feels like you're holding someone's hand. I don't know. What do you want from me? Ross. You need a hand-shaped remote. Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.

And number one on the list of the top six appliances that need the new robot skin, your mum's neck massager. She's always massaging her neck with that thing but it doesn't feel like real skin to skin contact and she wants that. She wants that so much. As soon as your father's not coming into her anymore. Yeah, now it's covered in realistic, pale,

translucent skin. Yeah, why? I'm thinking about that. All the robots are like really pale. They haven't seen this. Yeah, vampire translucent sort seen this. Yeah, vampire. Translucent sort of skin. Yeah. Gross. Anyway, it's yuck.

That is the answer. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Hey, exactly. She's taken to TikTok to tell the story. So she seems like a genuine nice person doing this for all the right reasons. This woman, Georgia, honey traps boyfriends to test their loyalty for you, but you've got to pay her a fee. $2,000 a pop.

What? So you basically end. So if I think someone's cheating on me. Yeah. I'll message her. Yeah. And then that slides into your DMs, not my cup of tea. I think those lips are natural. Yeah. I'll message her. Yeah. I'll pay two. That slides into your DMs, not my cup of tea. I think those lips are natural.

Definitely. There's a lot about her that's natural. God, they look sore, don't they? Like they're about to pop. They look like she's been on the arse at the end of an allergic reaction

to shellfish is what she looks like. They're very big lips. Is there shellfish in this? Oh my God, there is white. I'm love you. So she's certainly attractive, though.

Oh, gorgeous. So you can see why guys would be like taking the bait. Yummy, yummy. Yes, please. So what is it called? Honey potting. Honey trapping. Honey trapping.

Is it a spy term? You know, like a honey trap? Where like a, you know, a foreign spy organisation will honey trap like a politician? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a sexy, scullager, handsome type. Yeah. Behind enemy lines.

And then when they're asleep, you put the USB in their laptop and download all the files. It automatically downloads onto the USB. That's what the USB's been programmed to do, suck all the information off the computer. No, you seduce them and you put a microchip up their bum. Wow. While you're doing your moves.

And it's got a microphone on it. Yeah. So from inside their sphincter. I think you just hear a lot of body sounds. They're sorted in by the prostate. You can catch up. That's all you'd hear. You can catch all of their conversations.

Right. So yeah, a woman pay her money and she slides into the DMs. She's got a brief explanation here of how she does it. So I'm back with another episode of Catching Your Boyfriend's Cheating. This girl messaged me just seeing if I could test her boyfriend. She said that they've been in a relationship five years and that he's been really distant recently. So I just start off with the simple, hey, you okay?

He just said, hey, yes, thank you, how's yourself? I obviously just said, not too bad, blah, blah, blah, and asked if he's single. So obviously he just said, yeah, I hear you, there's no place like home, is there? And I am single. You're not. You are not single.

You're not. So it's not, she doesn't start talking to them and they're cheating They're just straight up denying being in a relationship Yeah, so they can like potentially flirt with her And see where that goes Yeah, and she won't be put off by it They won't be like, yeah, I've got a girlfriend

Or they might be like, yeah, I've got a girlfriend And she continues to see if they're still into getting up How far they'll go Yeah Isn't it terrible when she's like Yeah, she messaged me And they've been together for five years You're like, after five years You should me and they've been together for five years.

You're like, after five years, you should be able to just say to your partner, why are you being distant? Yeah. What's up? Shall we have a conversation about it? No, I'm going to pay. Buy yourself something nice for $2,000. Yes. To give yourself the courage to ask, what the hell is going on?

Yeah. Yeah. She said she's done about 20 men. Seven have proved loyal. Seven out of 20? Seven out of 20 have proved loyal. Dirtbags. One of them, a woman just wanted to know just before she gave birth

if her partner was into it. Because she thought it might have been pregnancy hormones. That's why she didn't approach it and deal with it herself. So if she's charging $2,000 a pop for this, she's making some cash.000 a pop for this, she's making some. She's on 20. She's making some cash. Yeah.

Good for her. It's harder. We've got to hustle. Just ask. I'll do this. I'll offer my services. I'll honeypot your man. I don't know if guys,

chatting guys, just openly just admit to it, Vaughan, when you ask them. No, trick them yourself. Yeah, just start on your profile. Set up your own profile. Find a hot face off ask them. No, trick them yourself. Yeah, just start on your profile. Set up your own profile. Find a hot face off of Google. Catfish them, yeah.

Yeah. Healthy stuff. Save some money. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. This feels like full Patsy Sproul mode. My mum would do this. A mum has gone full mum. She went to pick up her daughter's 21st birthday cake.

Who's having cake on her 21st? Who's having birthday cake. Who's having cake on their 21st? Who's having a cake? Who's having cake on their 21st? My 21st was a cake. That's weird. But my dad made it. Oh, dad! Ian is a cake maker. He should apply for the next series of The Great Kiwi Bake Off. He'd be wonderful

at the decorating and making the cake but not like... Flavours. Everything in between. I know you'd do that, you'd take care of it, but you might lose them on the pastry day. I was going to say, pastry work,

it's important. Maybe it would be good. I'm going to talk to him. Doesn't crack under pressure. Season five. Anyway, so she went to go pick up her daughter's cake

for her 21st and she instantly was upset. So what she requested was a coastal theme, you know, so some blue waves. Yeah, right, okay. As someone who once made a Moana-themed birthday cake for my daughter, coming up, well, it was for her third birthday

and she's eight this week. So five years since the jelly incident. If you're putting jelly in as water, don't put it in until just before you're about to eat it because otherwise the jelly will get through the icing. Even if the icing's made of hard chocolate, it'll get right on through there and melt all through the fridge. Yeah, not a good move. Well, she wanted a coastal theme.

She specified the decorations to be, quote, feminine and dainty. Oh, okay, yeah, nice. So when she turned up and saw this big, chunky blue cake, she was not happy. She requested blue marbled buttercream between the cake layers, mini sunflowers, and green succulents, macaroons, and dried raspberries, none of which were on this cake.

This sounds like an expensive cake. It does. You know, when you sag into the nitty gritty, those things take time. I know. Well, she was so disappointed in it because it didn't have buttercream in the middle. And the succulents they had done looked more like cactuses. But cactuses are a succulent.

Yeah, but not the ones that she specified in the photo. So then the mum was like, well, look, it's the 21st of the day. I'm going to have to take this. This is actually a really good impersonation, I think, of the mum. I think so too. I'm going to have to take it anyway because my daughter's party starts in a couple of hours and I don't have time. And then she popped down to her local supermarket

and got some more decorations, added a red flower to the centre of the succulents to make it look like a flowering succulent. She filled it with buttercream and got some sort of gold bits and filled it up. And you'd think that would be the end of it, like, oh, I didn't get the cake I wanted, whatever. No, she's taken her to the disputes tribunal over this cake. Oh, come on.

I know. And then the poor cake maker's just like, this is exactly what she asked for, has, like, posted a photo, you know, her reference photo she received and a photo of the cake and they're pretty much identical. Really? Yeah, I think the mum's just having a bad day. I was talking

too because I'm doing the, I've just finished Great Kiwi Bake Off and I'm working with Jordan Rondell who is the caker. Oh yeah. You know her. Yeah. She's very a famous caker. Yeah. And she's had this once where someone slewed her online saying like, this is the world's ugliest wedding cake.

And it went on like Daily Mail and everything. And you click it, it's gorgeous. So they were just like having a bad day. Now I'm a feminist. But what did she say? But I think something was happening. What was her comeback to the person that said she had the world's ugliest wedding cake? She just posted a photo of the cake.

She posted a photo of the cake with the caption world's ugliest wedding cake. She just posted a photo of the cake. She posted a photo of the cake with the caption, world's ugliest wedding cake. Right. And that was it. Oh, yeah. Hold on. I found it from 2019. Yeah.

It's pretty, eh? It's got this thing. Yeah. It's, yeah. It's got flowers on it. It's pink. It's two-tiered. If that's what they asked for, that's exactly what they got.

What did the Disputes Tribunal rule? Tribunal. Tribunal rule. Tribunal. Tribunal. The tribunal has said that in taking the cake, by taking possession of it, you have deemed the cake acceptable. Right. So if you had have said,

it's so ugly, I refuse to take it, then maybe you'd have a case. But by taking it, you've accepted it. If that was your mum too, wouldn't you just be like, mum, drop it? But I reckon if that was your mum, this is not the first time that she's done something like this and you're probably used to it.

No, yeah, exactly. And you don't put your hand up saying, that's my mum. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Okay, so wild, wild times. The beautiful, the iconic, the one and only Britney Spears finally married her husband, Sam Asghari, and they've been together for ages.

There's a beautiful love tally stood by her through all these horrible years. We knew they were getting married, but it was a bit of a surprise though, wasn't it? Yeah, there was no like big celeb wedding announcement. Yeah. And then obviously it like kind of just came up on TMZ that like it's happening today. She was

getting, she basically just set up a big marquee at their house and the helicopters were flying and they were like, oh, it's happening today. It was very intimate. No family. She had one family member, her brother, attended the wedding. Right. Obviously, the rest of her family not invited. No, well you

wouldn't imagine they would be. What's happened there? Alright. How long do we have? I'll admit I'm out of the loop. We do not have enough time to go through all the reasons Brittany's family are not invited to her wedding. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, everyone was excited to see the dress because it was a Versace gown designed by Donatella,

who was there. And everyone was like waiting for these shots of the dress. And then what they got instead was the most chaotic live stream video from her ex-husband, which I'm putting in quotes because Jason Allen Alexander was married to Britney for 55 hours. So do you remember this in like early 2000s? Yes. They did a Vegas wedding.

They got married for 55 hours and then got it annulled. Annulled. So like he went on his, so then he basically like crashed the wedding, turned up to their house and was live streaming the whole thing.

Was he drunk? Because I watched a bit of that. It was, I wish it was better cell phone reception. I wish he had held the camera up so we could have seen something at least.

He like broke into the house and was like, hey man, I'm like Brittany's ex and I'm like supposed to be here and she's invited me. And security was just sort of like looking at him like,

who the hell are you? And he just, they let him walk through all the checks. No one stopped him until I think a security guard was like, whoa, whoa, whoa,

like what is this happening? It was in the house. Yeah, in the house. Like he was walking through the house. He walked through the marquee of their ceremony and like we saw the pews and the flowers and all this

and the gorgeous pink carpet. It was really cute. Anyway, so we, like, live streamed this whole thing. Got arrested in the end. And I don't think Brittany's made comment about it, but she's got a restraining order. Yeah, which is comment enough. He's weird.

I'm trying to figure out who he is. Like, who is he? What does he do? Because if you Google him, it's just coming up about the wedding. Oh, I thought it was just coming up the guy that played on Seinfeld. Jason Alexander. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jason Alexander.

Yeah, I don't know. George Costanza. Why do you think he, do you think TMZ was flicking on some cash to do this? I don't know. Or he was trying to get some cash out of them? Yeah, there was one moment where a security guard's got his hand on his gun, on his hip, and is like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And he's just like, I don't know. Where he was trying to get some cash out of them? Yeah, there was one moment where a security guard's got his hand on his gun, on his hip, and is like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And he's just like, I don't have a gun.

And everyone's like, and then this live stream, all these comments were being like, are we going to watch a murder? Is he going to murder Brittany? This isn't terrible. Anyway, got rid of him and they had a beautiful wedding. But, like, what a moment for an ex to turn up. Yeah. She's been through the wringer.

She is absolutely, she deserves a nice day. She deserves a nice day with Madonna by her side, having a little dance and marrying a beautiful, hot, young, very young man. So this is I wanted to ask, when did your ex just show up at the worst time? Do you think there's anyone listening

with an ex that would have turned up to a wedding? Like uninvited? Very uninvited. She didn't even invite her family, let alone some dude she married 20 years ago. There'd be exes that turn up to parties. Do you reckon there's ever been anyone, oh, I'd love for someone to call with this,

that's had an ex object? Do they still do, does anyone? Some people do, yeah. Maybe in a more of a sort of religious, traditional ceremony. But more, there might be the joking. Some people do. Yeah. Maybe in a more of a sort of religious. Yeah, traditional. Traditional ceremony. But more, there might be the joking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's not funny. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Don't do that. Yeah. Anyway, look, if anything like this has happened to you or if they just turned up at the worst time. Maybe when you're with your new partner. Maybe.

Because they haven't let you go and they just turn up at your house. I've moved on. It's been 20 partner. Maybe. Because they haven't let you go and they just turn up at your house. I've moved on. It's been 20 years. Yes. Well, Britney Spears had her big day and got married, but it was crashed by her ex-husband, not Kevin Federline, but Jason Alexander.

Alan Alexander. Jason Alexander. I don't know who he is. Yeah, they got married in like, was it 2004? Yeah, for 55 hours. Yeah, I don't even think they really stayed in touch. They didn't have a kid together? No, no, no.

Bizarre that he even felt the need to crash the wedding. I also love that Brittany pulled a full Patsy and Craig Sproul and didn't invite her kids to her own wedding. My parents got married and didn't invite me and my brother. How old were you? You were children's children. Her children are like adults. 15 and 16 or something like that.

Yeah, so they'd be fine to invite. Yeah, totally. They're not going to be crying in the back. Yeah, I would have cried. That was truly the reason. How old were you? My brother was three and a half and I would have been a baby.

Yeah. A little baby. Like not even one yet. Ah, bastard children. So you never even went for a photo or anything? No. You don't have family photos or nothing? No.

To be fair, my parents had four guests at their wedding and they were a little bit tousled. They didn't even invite their own parents. Anyway, she had a small wedding and her ex-husband crashed and livestreamed the thing. So we've asked, when did your ex show up? At honestly just the worst time. Yeah.

Some messages in. My male friend's ex-girlfriend delivered his baby with his now wife because their midwife didn't make it to the hospital in time. So that's less of an ex choosing to be somewhere and just a responsibility falling on them. Are they a nurse or a doctor? Yeah, I assume

nurse or another midwife that was on call. Yeah, right. Because the other midwife couldn't get there. What's a male midwife called? A midhusband. A midhusband. Get the midhusband. Get the midhusband. What is a male midwife called?

A male midwife, what do you call a male midwife? The word midwife means with woman. It doesn't matter if a midwife is male or female. Midwifery refers to the woman giving birth. Oh, okay. But as we just said before, my mum wasn't a wife

when she gave birth. So she's a mid-heathen. She was a mid-heathen. A mid-sinner. Sluzzy. She's allowed to say that. It's her own mum. Sorry, Pat.

Before anybody complains. Some messages on Instagram we asked. Somebody said, on a track to the bridge to nowhere, where canoed, he had jet boated. Very awkward. So he jet boated up, you canoed down. Do you think that was on purpose? Well, yeah, maybe they booked the trip together when they were together.

Oh, yeah, and he's like, I'm not doing the canoeing part, but I still want to see that bridge to nowhere. It was beautiful. We saw that, didn't we? Oh, phenomenal piece of civil engineering. booked the trip together when they were together. Oh yeah, and he's like, I'm not doing the canoeing part but I still want to see that bridge to know where they built it. It's beautiful. We saw that, didn't we? Oh, phenomenal piece of civil engineering.

Someone else said, my ex's mother showed up at my work asking me to give him a second chance. Oh. Yeah. What a guy. Paula said,

my ex turned up at my 21st. He convinced a mutual friend to be her plus one and I had a new boyfriend so it was a little bit awkward. A plus one? Your friend a new boyfriend so it was a little bit awkward. A plus one? Your friend's gonna... Shame. Classic. Classic

21st shenanigans. Oh, and then Danica said the same thing. Shout out to my 21st birthday uninvited. Don't show up to the 21st birthday. No, it's over. Let it go. Did they give a speech? That'd be the worst. You just hear a ting ting ting ting ting in the background.

Somebody just text messaged in, side note, there are six male midwives in the entire country. Only six? Six registered male midwiferies. Midwifers. Yeah, right. Who I'm imagining their entire job consists of answering the question, what do you call a male midwife?

I've got bad news. I come bearing bad news if you're a fan, like I am of sriracha sauce. Yum. There's going to be a summer shortage. Now, this is an American summer, but a lot of our sriracha comes from, it's the rooster one. Yeah. The redder with the green lid. It a lot of our Sriracha comes from, it's the rooster one.

Yeah. The redder with the green lid. It's the only. Sriracha. Hufong Sriracha. Other people try to look like the Sriracha, like all the other Sriracha bottles now have the green lid. Yeah.

But they're not. The red bottle, similar style font and everything on it, but they don't use the rooster. They use a range of different things. But yeah, there's... They said that because I've got the mayo one, the mayo sriracha. That's really yum. Have you ever had that?

Yes. I just make my own sriracha mayo. You just mix together. Oh, I see. I get mayo. Yeah. Or sometimes Kewpie if I'm feeling. Kewpie and sriracha.

Kewpie and sriracha. That is a sweet Japanese. Yeah, so there might be a shortage. It's just like their shortage has been caused by a whole lot of shortages in the supply chain. Right. Yeah. Because they get the peep. Don't they make the peepers from, aren't they in California?

Yes. Yep, they grow them there. Yep. Because it's made in Cali. Yes. It's made in Cali, yeah. Is it? Yeah. I, they grow them there. Yep. Because it's made in Cali. Yes. It's made in Cali, yeah. Is it? Yeah.

I did not anticipate that. I think I was reading an article about the people that live near the factory and it smells like... Sriracha. Sriracha. I would want to live by that factory. That sounds like truly delightful. You're a big spicy boy.

I love it. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum. But they also need other supplies from other places. Yeah, they need other supplies. They said it's a labour issue. It wasn't like a perfect growing season. They said there's a whole lot.

So we just want you guys to be chill about it. Also, reading they've got a shortage and they're blaming Amy Schumer. Did you read this? Tamps. Tamps. Tampons shortage. And Amy Schumer was like, I don't have a uterus anymore. Like, I'm not using these.

Don't put this on me. But she was on an ad. Did she do an ad? She did an ad for Tampax or something like that. Oh, really? And it was so popular that... I don't know. What was this advertising campaign's new take on the old Tammy?

I thought everybody was moving more towards your... I didn't know that we were still rocking around with Tammys. Yeah. I thought it was a Moon Cup situation. So we've got a shortage of tampons in Sriracha. Also, never the two shall meet. Honestly, Clay. No, no, no, no, no.

It is Fletchvorn and Hayley. Beat the buzzer with Disney and Pixar's Lightyear. Alyssa, good morning. Hi, good morning. Good morning, good morning. I love your energy. Alyssa, good morning. Hi, good morning. Good morning, good morning. I love your energy, Alyssa, already. And I don't know much about you. I'm such a big fan.

I've been listening to you guys for like such a long time. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. We're a big fan of yours and the work that you do. I don't know what it is, but I sense it's important and it's valuable. I do too. Now, Alyssa, to celebrate the release of Disney and Pixar's Light Years in

cinemas, June 16th, this Thursday, I've seen it. Am I allowed to say? Oh, spoiler! I know that there was an embargo, but oh, I loved it. I did, I loved it. And Chris Evans, Taika Waititi, join us on the show on Thursday to talk about Lightyear

because they're in it. A couple of Hollywood. Yeah, Chris Evans is Lightyear. Well, now we've got your chance to win. This is what we're doing all week. We're playing Lightyear Beat the Buzzer. Now, you're going to be given a category, Alyssa. You are going to have 20 seconds to name as many as you can in that category.

And for each one correct, you get $50. Plus, at the end of the week, if you are the leader on our leaderboard, you win the ultimate Lightyear prize pack, taking home a 55-inch 4K smart TV, a soundbar, VR headset, smartwatch, and more. Jeepers. Ooh la la. All right, Alyssa, you have 20 seconds. Your category today is planets forward slash stars.

Your time starts now. Oh, Mars, Saturn, Venus, Jupiter. Good start. Where do we live? Where do we live? The sun, the moon. What's the funny one that sounds like... The butthole, the butthole.

You're right, yes. One, two, three, 4, 5, 6, 7 7 $350 $350 Alyssa Woo Yes, congratulations I would go straight to Uranus, they would be my number one pick

And then giggle for 19 seconds And then get 50 bucks Well done Alyssa You're first on our leaderboard with 7 And you can get ready to go to Infinity And then giggle for 19 seconds. Well done, Alyssa. You're first on our leaderboard with seven and you can get ready to go to Infinity with Disney and Pixar's Lightyear only in cinemas June 16, this Thursday. I'll admit I don't really know how to cook pasta. Isn't that like the staple of like being a student,

you just have pasta? See, if I'm turned into a starchy carb, it's always tates. I can cook a tate. You tell me a way to cook a tate, I'll be able to cook a potato like that. You can do a fry. I can do a fry. I can do a roast. I can do the perfect mash.

I've done a couple of mashes lately where I've left the skin on and just like scrubbed the potato. I love that. Yeah, me too. That's got a real texture to this mash. Did you not do packet pasta when you were a student? Yeah. Packet pasta's different to pasta pasta.

Oh, that stuff's the bomb, eh? Yeah. So I have made to celebrate. Like after school. Oh, my God, yes. Yeah, but you'd eat a family pack, right? Yeah, yeah. Like a service horse.

Service boy. Or one hungry teenage boy. Yeah. I, to celebrate everybody being back in studio, I made the pulled pork mac and cheese that you've been promising us for ages. For months. Months.

So I made it, but one part about it is like cooking all this. I thought I had a big pot. I don't know how Catholic families are cooking pasta in a pot I've got to have the biggest pot and it still wasn't enough If you're a breeder family you have to have a catering size pot

Yeah Like the ones that you see at a marae Yes Like a stock pot Like 50 centimetres tall Huge pot At least So

I said to Sade who cooks the pasta because the girls love pasta but I don't cook them pasta I'm like you're eating what I eat. Potatoes. Yeah, which is potatoes because we're from good Irish stock and this keeps us alive.

And so yesterday I was like, okay, so I was just going to put the pasta in the pot and then put water in afterwards and then put it on the boil. And Sade's like, she stops me just before I do. She's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm just cooking this pasta. She's like, you've got to get the water boiling and then pour the pasta in.

I cook pasta so rarely that I forget between cooks. You're a 40 year old male. You've never cooked pasta. I have but I don't remember it. Right. Like if we ever do spag bol, I'll be like, I'll do the meat part. You're the mince man. You do the

spaghetti bit. Right. Or, as you say, it was those family packs that came with all the cheese powder and everything in it already. Oh, that powder. Yeah, and what was that? Milk? Yeah. Some butter. Cheese. Some dried carbs or something. Bit more cheese. Yeah, yeah, and then I'll weigh you.

You'd mix that in a pot and you'd just eat it when it clubbed up. You were gonna put cold water on the macaroni elbows and then bring it to the boil. No, I was going to put hot water over the macaroni elbows from the tap and then bring it to the boil. You're a monster. It would have been a disaster.

You've got to add a bit of oil too so they don't stick together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oil and salt. You salt your boiling water. Anyway, I'm back. I'm back. I remember how to cook pasta now. I won't forget again because

Christ, I was relentlessly mocked. Congratulations. You wouldn't have thought for the last week I've been cooking the family meals because Shada hasn't been feeling well with the COVID I gave her. Your Disney strain. I've been cooking all the meals, but yes, she relentlessly mocked me. She's like, oh my God. And she tried to like video me. She's like,

and I was like, stop. I'm not in the mood to have the piss taken out of me. I'm cooking for the family. There's a lot of stress going on in the kitchen. But anyway, now I need you to taste the mac and cheese on air

and let everybody know. Can you serve up please? Because I did mention that last night. I didn't eat dinner, but I did drink some wine. Right. You've also had, filming the great New Zealand Bake Off,

you've also had just three weeks of tasting food, haven't you? I have, and I'm not stopping now. Oh! I like the addition of herbs on top. Oh, yeah, I've gone, I've gone, I've gone,

I've gone too heavy. You've got to. I went a lot of panko crumbs. Give us a review. Give us a review. I might give it a review as well. Yeah, Fletch, are you still being a good boy? There's no room for good boys.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry about the noises. It's making cheese. I don't think people need to hear us eat. Oh, it's good, Vaughnay? That's on a reheat too. But it was so cheesy. I was like, you could probably reheat this five times

before it dried out. Yeah, it's good. It's really good. Get a bit of the pulled pork. You think about mac and cheese with bacon, you're like, oh yeah. Pulled pork. Yeah, adds a whole new element to it.

You can tell the pasta's been cooked from boiling water, can't you? I can definitely taste the al dente-ness. And I even made carween one without pulled pork. And when I was, Shade's like, what's this one? I was like, this is for carwin. It's got no meat in it. She's like, what is wrong with you? You've gone soft.

You've never especially catered to vegetarians before. I know. I know, I couldn't believe it. What's happened to you? And even now on Monday, I'm angry at Sunday Vaughan for doing this. He's soft. He's given in to a vegetarian. Tell you what, it's not too soft.

Or. Is there hidden meat in there? This al dente pasta. Yeah. Well done. Thank you. Play. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Play. ZM. The news has been inundated, I feel, at the moment With the return of Love Island Love Island's back Everyone's excited about the new Frothing about the new season Our very own Jared loves Love Island He's a big Love Island boy

But they're And Vaughn I know you're not No I've got no time for it I hate drama Scripted drama Scripted drama But like

Unnecessary Yeah I love Don't get me wrong I love watching You know a couple Scripted drama Scripted drama But like Unescripted Unnecessary Yeah I love Don't get me wrong I love watching You know a couple Have a meltdown

At a wedding or something But In real life That's in real life And that's real I always just feel like This is unnecessary And forced

And scripted And the producers Are pulling the strings That are I live for it I live for it You do like some reality shows The Gold Rush show Oh I love the show I love the shows Where live for it you do like some reality shows the Gold Rush show

I love the shows I love the shows where it's like an adventure and there's something Ice Road Truckers no I never got into Ice Road Truckers

I got into The Deadliest Catch there was one season of The Deadliest Catch that was really good because like people actually died and I was like

well it is a deadly catch now like that's insane and Gold Rush I loved Gold Rush well I have found the reality TV format for you. Have a listen. Six OnlyFans

creators will trade their glamorous lifestyles for the farm. What's hot around here apart from the poo? During the week, you're going to be cleaning the slurry with a squeegee. You're going to be milking the girls.

They'll compete in teams. We're a team. We're coming for you. And fight to be crowned. I'm game to this now, bitches. Model farmers. Model farmers. So six OnlyFans creators swap their glam life for the farm life

and they work on a dairy farm for eight episodes. Okay, I could watch that just for the farming. Just for the farming. Well, you grew up on a farm. You love farming, don't you? Yeah, yeah. Love a bit of farm content. They trudge through poos.

They milk the cows. They tend to the hay. Tend to the fields? Tend to the Fields Tend to the animals Yeah tend to the animals Shovel shite as they've called it They're going to get to the end of this though And they're going to be sad to learn that

Dairy farmers don't make as much money As OnlyFans Truly not I will say there's a photo of our six contestants All 10 out of 10 stunners Truly not. Truly not. I will say there's a photo of our six contestants, all 10 out of 10 stunners, posing in this tended hay that they've tended to. Oh, yeah. I don't know the outcome.

I don't think they win anything other than the title of model farmer. What are they wearing? Are they wearing like... Not much. Hee-hee-ho-hum, I'm wearing overalls, dungarees. Because is there, is there like a work safe, like are there rules about, could Ian wear a bikini in the cow shed? He could, he could, he wouldn't.

Wouldn't he? Even in the heat of, the stifling heat of summer, he'd wear a short sleeved overall. Yeah, right. Because otherwise you could just get covered in poo. Yeah, but then you just hose yourself down at the end, don't you? Yeah. And a sexy bikini. And you might as well wash the farm ute while you're there in the bikini.

Or if you've got OnlyFans, you might as well record your sexy. Film it. That's content. That's content. Just thinking if your dad. I don't know. Maybe he's missing a chance to make some extra cash here. Yeah, I think so.

He should be on OnlyFans. I mean, time is hard for everyone at the moment. Why not? He's a handsome man. There's something out there for everyone. Who do you think's watching his OnlyFans? Oh, subscribe? You'll subscribe, okay.

Yeah, just, yeah, bored housewives. Right, so it's, because I don't know if in my head OnlyFans is still targeted predominantly at male subscribers. Yeah. I don't know if... Are the boys on OnlyFans?

But they're there for the other boys, I think. If there are boys on OnlyFans, Yeah, that would be an interesting stat, eh? That would be an interesting stat. I wonder if they release any of those. Shall I get OnlyFans and see? Not for me to do content, to view content. To subscribe to different...

Don't get excited, listeners. You're going to start searching for me on OnlyFans. I could have videoed you slopping up that mac and cheese. We're hooning the pulled pork this morning. Okay, so here's from the start of the year on the 5th of January, OnlyFans uses statistics, 87% male, 10% female. But do you think those 10% female are looking at other females? Yeah, well, maybe.

Maybe. Yeah, it doesn't say that. Rather than, yeah, I don't know that a lot of heterosexual men would have an OnlyFans page. Hey, look, if you're a hetero man with an OnlyFans page, That can't control who they're appealing to. Yeah, because that's the other thing. Would it be just guys subscribing to their stuff?

Exactly. They're like, hey, ladies. Yeah, you can't say who can't look at it. But yeah, 10 bucks is 10 bucks, you know? Yeah. Who cares whose wallet it's coming out of? Anyway, I can't wait for you to absolutely dive into model farming. Where is this?

That sounded British. Yeah, it's Pommie. They do their farming weird. Did Jeremy Clarkson's farm series was great? It's in Jersey. Because they farm the other way. It's in Jersey. The island.

Okay. I guess so. That they farm the other way. The island. Okay. I guess so. That's where the Jersey cow comes from. They do a series of gruelling farmyard chores. Yeah, they were like, clean up the sewage with a squeegee. I've never heard of that happening on a farm. I think they're just inventing tasks. I think they're trying to get them mucky.

Yeah, I think they're trying to get them very dirty. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello? Hello, Hayley speaking. Well, it's time for the impossible finding topic. We've found a story we think is so impossible that we won't get any calls for it.

Yeah. If this has happened in sleepy little old quiet New Zealand, I will be so surprised. In our tiny drama free country. I hope it has because I want to. Sleepy. I will be so surprised. In our tiny drama free country. I hope it has because I want to hear about it. I feel like

we're too small for this to happen and if you got away with this in New Zealand you would have to be different islands. You can't run away. I don't even think

different islands anymore. Somebody has found out they have a secret family. Secret family. So there's a woman in China who was with her boyfriend for a long time.

And he is a Pommy. Is Pommy a bad thing? Is it a slur? Prisoners of Her Majesty, right? That was what Pommy actually said before he made a point. Yeah, so it's probably bad. You're cancelled. A Brit?

A Brit, yeah. A Brit. He's a Brit. And he was like, I love, I'm just going to pop home and see my family. And she was like, all right. And he just didn't come back. And she was like, where's my boyfriend? So, Georgia, you can leave.

I know you're trying to leave quietly. She came in to get some pulled pork mac and cheese. She was like, I'm just going to open the door quietly. Enjoy it. Anyway, so he was like, I'm going to pop back to UK, see my family. And then he just like didn't come back. Yeah. And she couldn't find him. And she was like, I'm going to pop back to UK, see my family. And then he just like didn't come back. Yeah.

And she couldn't find him. And she was like, I'm worried. Like he's supposed to be back with me now. Like this is not the plan. Can't get hold of him. Did a bit of searching and some friends discovered, well, he's just gone home to his family with his kids and his wife. Oh, wait, not his like mum or relatives.

No, no, no, no, no, no. His wife and his kids. And she was like, what? How was he living in China without them? Was he a contractor over there or something? I don't know. I don't know the whole story of how he lied to his wife and children about why he was in China with her.

But they'd been together for quite some time. The in China couple? The woman in china and um him so it wasn't like uh like an early stage oh okay i've just read some more information he had been doing some work in china yeah and then because of covid he said to his family it's too hard to come back like back and forward so i'm just going to stay here for a bit started Started this relationship with her. So it's like three years, like two, two and a half years that they've been together.

And then was like, oh, I can finally go home. And then goes home to his family. Secret family. So this is our impossible phoner. When did you discover that someone you were seeing had a secret family?

Now, are we, because there'd be lots of people that would discover, say, someone they're dating also has another partner. But are we only accepting, like, with a family? So with a wife and kid. Yeah, and like a family that they are maintaining and they are part of. You know what I mean? Not like I've got secret kids, but I'm not involved in their life.

Like, you have a whole other life. Truckers. Yep. Businessmen. Businessmen, yeah. Travelling businessmen. Because I think you've got to have that excuse, don't you, that I'm away for work.

Because you would have to be away so much. I know. And then the COVID pandemic, I mean, that's just perfect, isn't it? How do you make enough money to support two families? How do you even have the interest in having two families? How, when is the admin, like, what if your family A have, like, a big birthday the same day as your son and family B's big sports games on? Like, who do you prioritize?

I'm away for work. But, Dad, we've made the finals, Dad, please. I know, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I've got a... Are they only half doing the families? Well, yeah. Just concentrate on one.

Pick one. Pick a side. Because you can't give all to everything. No. This is what we want to hear. Has this happened in New Zealand? 0800 DALS at Emma's number. Give us a call.

You can text in as well. 9696. Maybe you just know of this happening. Yeah. Has someone you're seeing had a secret family? Maybe you've done some digging. An active, on-the-go secret family. In New Zealand, it's too small.

I don't know. I can see the phone line. I see a phone call. One call. Surely not. All right. Maybe know. I can see the phone line. I see a phone call. One call. Surely not. All right. Well, I'll... Maybe they're calling to guess the secret sound.

You're like, oh, dude. Are you willing... Historic? Yeah, historic. Like, granddad had two families. Yeah. Because grand... Yeah.

Literally pre-internet, pre-internet. Yeah, they don't need to be active. Oh, pre-social media would have been easy to get away with. Oh, yeah. I think about that about everything. Yeah. I think about how easy it would have been to murder someone in the 1800s. Not that I want to murder anybody, but I'm just thinking about what would life have been

like in the 1850s? Yeah, just murder someone and literally just walk away and someone's like, did you murder that man? I did not. Well, I can't prove it. I'll have to take your word for it. What was your name? My name is Bartholomew.

Okay, Bartholomew, see you later. Have a cheery day. It's not Bartholomew, it's John. I've fooled everyone. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. The impossible phone and topic. A woman has just discovered. It's not impossible.

And we're actually inundated with calls and texts. A woman has found out her boyfriend is actually back in the UK with his other family, his secret family. Well, I would say his main family. Yeah. Wife and, like, older kids. Yeah. I know.

So we want to know if you've ever found out someone you know or were dating was in a secret, had a secret family here in New Zealand. We're too small for this, I would have thought. Rebecca, good morning. What happened? Hi. So my grandma in the 1950s had an affair with an American Air Force man at the deep freeze days.

You know what? Good for her. You can imagine they come to town with their accent and their snappy uniforms. Absolutely. Yeah, and good parties. And then my dad was born, but he had a wife and two older children back in America. And he would come back once a year just to give money and toys.

Well, just to touch base. Yeah, to pass again. But Dad never got to meet him. They were kicked out of the house every time he came and he had no idea who he was. So did Nana, did Grandma not know about Grandad's secret family? No, no. How did she find out? No, no, her Nana was the secret.

Her Nana had the kid and the husband was the American who went back home to his family. Other family. Yeah. Did your grandmother ever get a new husband? Yep, yep. She got married and put him down on my dad's birth certificate. Gotcha.

Oh, yeah. But then oldancestry.com and DNA testing came along. Always reveals it, doesn't it? Blew the case open. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What a saucy.

That was the disappointing part about my DNA test. Not only was I like $1 loaf white bread, my family had done nothing scandalous. Like, we're the most boring, we were just Irish just fighting to survive. Irish farmers. Rebecca, thanks for your call. Jenny, did you find out that you had a secret family? Well, it wasn't me, it was my sister.

She was married to her husband for 22 years and found out that he was married to a Chinese lady for three of the last years of their marriage. How did he get married twice? Yeah, he got married in China. Oh. I guess like a different international marriage certificate. It must be, yeah.

What took him to China? Because this original story we're talking about happened in China as well. Was he there? Yeah, back and forth with work all the time. Oh, okay. Back and forth numerous times in the year. And how did she find out? How did your sister find out?

He actually brought the Chinese lady or girl back here. Don't! What is this? You don't merge. She's in a house. Don't merge. Because she? You don't merge. I've seen her up in a house. Don't merge. Because she wanted to go to university. So he purchased her a house.

And put her through an education. How did he purchase the house without the wife knowing? That seems like something that's going to need a couple of signatures at the bank. You'll see that pop up on your bank statements. They had a couple of rentals, so the rental was rented out. Oh, right. Okay. But he was covering rented out. Oh, right. Okay. But he was covering the rent.

Yes, yes. Oh, my gosh. And then, so what happened when she found out? Was it over? Yeah, so it was over. Oh, no, no. Well, my sister and him were over. And then, but karma hit because he paid for her to go through university

and then she left him. Oh! Good for her. Wow. university and then she left him. Oh! Good for her. Wow, didn't see that one coming, did he? Wow, what a good drama. Jenny, you're loving it. Jenny's loving it. Brilliant.

Look at that stupid old fool. As you can tell, we didn't ask Jenny, but it sounds like there's a big age gap there as well. Yeah, it certainly wasn't implied. She did say lady and then say, well, girl. So, some messages in as well about secret families. So many.

My co-worker was dating a guy staying over to his house four days a week for months. She found out he had another girlfriend in another town and a wife and kids in another town again. She found out from a post on girls related after dark. Oh, God, that Facebook group is great. It's wild.

I've been on that page for six months. You're crazy out there. It's wild. I'm not a member, but every now and then someone will mention it. Show me the last three weeks with the posts. And it's enough for me. It tides me over. He had three phones and everything.

I changed my Facebook profile to female just to get on that page because it's so juicy. Yeah. You keep talking. I'm just going to pop on. Pop on and you have a little look-see. Jeepers. This happened to me. A guy I was seeing left my bed in the middle of the night because his sister was having a baby.

It turns out it was his wife having the baby. They say love is blind, but in my case, it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid. At least we're laughing about that now. My grandad had a secret family, kids and all. He saw them at Christmas and throughout the year. My grandmother knew but didn't divorce him because of the embarrassment about it. So she just kept it to herself. We didn't find out until after he died and she told some of the family.

Whereas nowadays... It's so sad that Nan's living with it and there's nothing she can do about it. Whereas nowadays you'd get on TikTok and make a thing about it. Oh, I totally get that. Nan's on TikTok. She's like, Harold's cheating on me. And I know all about it. I'm going to tell him.

Yeah. My friend was dating someone who had two secret families. He said he went away to Australia with work for two years, but was actually in Christchurch with his other girlfriend and newborn child. Meanwhile, he also had a wife, a child, and a pregnant wife who had their baby around the same time as the woman in Christchurch. He was actively involved in both families while seeing my friend. What? So we had three on the go.

That's too hard. I mean, it's almost to be applauded. You know, the effort. You're the multitasker. But surely that amount of effort could be put into something better for humanity on a whole. Do they get off on the fact that they're

getting away? Is there a bit of a thrill in that? Yeah, probably. And a bit of self-sabotage as well. Like adding another one. You're wanting to get caught. You're wanting it to all implode. Yeah. Alright, 8.27 fact of the day is next. Imagine if someone rung up and was like, I'm Aaron's

wife. And then I discovered he had a secret family. Yeah. I mean, he's in your bed every night. He is. Probably still there now. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about porcupines. Yeah. Do we have them? No We've got hedgehogs But they are Hedgehogs whilst cute Are also an invasive species

Are they? That can do a lot of damage Can they? What do they do? Oh they eat all Like the New Zealand native bugs and stuff And they'll eat an egg They'll eat a bird's egg

Will they? They come across a nest A ground nesting bird They'll eat that Will they eat a number six? A number six egg? I'll give it a go. Hedgehogs.

They're so sweet. Who even knew? Hedgehogs got a... Sometimes, have you seen when they get run over, they go so flat? God, they really flatten out, don't they? They do. They really can go quite flat. They really do go small.

Or as my South African neighbour recently called it, the mini porcupine thing. I was setting some traps to catch some pests. And he said, what about those little mini porcupine things? And I was like, hedgehogs. He's like, that's them. Okay. That's what they're called. Right.

Hedgehog. They are, because they make snuffly noises and they lived in hedges. And you shouldn't feed them milk. No. Pates of milk. Or bread. They're lactose intolerant they get the squirts yeah big squirts like they squirt themselves to death sometimes yeah yeah

it's not just like your friend who's not doing it yeah i'm like yeah if you're ever behind a hedgehog at the cafe you'll always hear them go for oat or yeah yeah they're always an almond or a night big big they've gone off soy because they didn't want the boobs. No, they didn't. They didn't want that. They didn't want the pseudo estrogen, yeah. Triggering a breast growth. They didn't want that. So this is about porcupines, which I didn't. This is another.

This isn't the main fact, but today's about porcupines. Did you know they live in trees? Up a tree? How crazy is that? Don't they live in hedgehogs? They're a ball of insane spikes. No, that's hedgehogs. Porcupines.

Big ones. Oh, porcupines. Big ones. They live up trees. They are arboreal creatures, which means creatures that live in trees. Are they a little bit bigger than a hedgehog? Way bigger. Way bigger.

No, way, way, way bigger. Like a cat. Possum size. Possum size. possum size okay yeah awesome with a whole bunch of needles on the back well today is about the mating ritual of the porcupine female porcupines call the shots when it comes to mating rituals the original feminists uh how it works is a female uh porcupineine will do a wheeze at the bottom of a tree. Okay.

So already you might be seeing similarities between the mating rituals of a female from Hamilton and a female porcupine. She does a wheeze at the bottom of a tree. Squatting at the bottom of a tree. Does a squat at the bottom. Or in the front of the bar. Either or. And then where the Hamilton female would climb atop the bar

to do a coyote-ugly-esque performance. Well, in her mind it is. To the rest of us, we're all just like, Jesus, she's going to fall and hurt herself. The female porcupine climbs the tree and then vocalises, sounding a lot like a cat. You know when cats sit like three feet from each other and go, and you just open the door of your house and you scream,

get out, and throw water at them to try to get them to go into it somewhere else. So they sound like that. They vocalise. That attracts the male porcupines. She sits up in the tree and they'll battle. As many turn up, a fight. Oh, okay. She battles them.

No, no, they battle each other. Okay. And the winner, it's like an episode of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. What's the one where there's one woman that's The Bachelorette? She's The Bachelorette up the tree. They fight until one porcupine's the winner. And then she'll come down

and copulate with... How do they fight? Do they scrap? Yeah, they scrap, they fight, they bite, they stab each other with their needles and prickles and they said often it's the ones with the thicker crop of needles that win because they've got less parts of the skin to penetrate but they can

also spare a few needles to get to the face. What if, I'm just going to throw a spanner in the works here, how do gay porcupines get together? If there's no female coming down from the tree to wheeze. Well much like gay men from Hamilton there's absolutely no need down from the tree to wheeze Well much like Gay men from Hamilton

There's absolutely no need to put in any effort They just turn up They're like you, yep, you, I am Let's do this But I actually don't have any actual sign The porcupine mating habits How does a female porcupine select a mate This paper that I'm reading Doesn't delve into Homosexual porcupine mating habits. How does a female porcupine select a mate? This paper that I'm reading

doesn't delve into homosexual porcupines. I'm just looking up. Are there gay porcupines? There's gay everything. You name it, there's a gay one. There is gay everything.

There is. You name it. Yeah, no, there is. List of mammals displaying homosexual behaviour. Or dolphins. Giraffes. Really?

Gay as. Yeah. Okay. Really? Nothing aboutas. Yeah. Okay. Really? Nothing about porcupines, though. On the gay pyramid, we're the bottom. Yep. Humans.

Yeah. We're definitely sort of a baseline gay mammal. Giraffes down there with us. Bonobo monkeys, dolphins. Yeah, I'm telling you, there's penguins. Penguins famously go, I would put penguins on the bottom layer with us

because you hear about the gay penguins and they steal the eggs. Yeah. Oh, they're cute. Yeah, and they go up against the conservative penguins who say they shouldn't be parents.

Yeah. And they say, well, you know, we've raised many successful. Anyway, buffalos. Gay buffalos. Gay buffalos. Yeah.

The mask It's a real mask Gay guinea pigs Gay guinea pigs No one's surprised there No one's surprised Everyone was surprised Gay guinea pigs

Gay buffalos No one's surprised at gay guinea pigs Gay guinea pigs It's just the cutest thing being like this is my guinea pig and we're very proud of him We're very proud of himself

He is who he is and we love him for it. That's actually what the P stands for in LGBTQIP. Pig. And the G for guinea. And the B is for buffalo. It's all been there right in front of us the whole time. So today's fact of the day is female porcupines hide up a tree,

make a big noise, let the males fight it out, and then select their lover. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Play. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Well, today's silly little poll. Do you have a tattoo? Nice and simple question. And I don't know if this has ever happened before. We've definitely had a 49 and a 51.

This is 50-50. Yeah, so evenly split. Yes and no, 50-50 for do you have a tattoo. Neither of you have tattoos? Nope. No. Well, as Kim Kardashian famously said, you don't put bumper stickers on a Bentley. Right. Are you calling yourself a Bentley? Oh't put bumper stickers on a Bentley. Right.

Are you calling yourself a Bentley? Oh, mate, he's a Bentley. You're more of a bongo. I miss that bongo. You're more of a wicked camper. A Mazda bongo. Oh, no. You're a big wicked camper.

You don't put a bumper sticker on it, but you paint the entire thing. Well, you've got tattoos. What are you, a Mitsubishi Lancer? Yeah, I am. I'm a full Lancer energy. From the 90s. Absolutely scattered with them.

You're a ute saying stop three waters, anti-mandate and something about Jacinda. Two ticks green. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it had a waft two years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You only need them every sort of few years. Yeah, no, I got my first one at 18.

So you've got a full back of Amy Lee from Evanescence, don't you? Yeah, I've got a full portrait of her. It's the three Amys. Amy Lee, Amy Winehouse, and Amy Schumer. Yeah, you got it. It's the Mount Rushmore. You're waiting for that fourth Amy to really stand out to you. Okay, we've got some messages in.

Ari Tats. Alice says, You ever remember your dream room as a child and think of that dream room now? That's why I don't have any tattoos. Yeah, like imagine all the posters you had on your wall. Yeah. Yeah, they don't age well, do they? Yeah.

Yeah, I'd have a Green Day and a Tasmanian Devil tattoo if I got one. Oh my god, when I was 17 my boyfriend was a little bit older and that was kind of cool at the time. You look back now as a big woman. I had a Green Day tattoo on his chest and an anti-flag. You know that? Yeah. Jared's laughing.

Of course my boyfriend had these. And a skull on his wrist. I didn't take him to the school ball, did I? Alice says, I'm scared they'll do it off centre or wrong by a couple of degrees and it'll ruin my life forever looking at it. Yeah, if you're that much of a perfectionist, I don't think far for you, Alice. Oh, Rachel, I had a terrible I love you moment. Now we divorce and I have his initials on my hip.

Hashtag fail. Well, you can get those covered up easily, initials. Yeah, I've got an initial on my hip, actually. You can cover up most initials like if've got VS for Vaughan Smith afterwards, you could change it to versus and put like the blues versus the hurricanes. Yeah, that'd be a cool tat. Or like Guile versus Blanca. It could be a Street Fighter 2 reference tattoo.

The world's your oyster. Absolutely. Gotta get creative with these solutions. Angela says, a little bit judgy, I will say, Ange. Have you ever seen

an older woman at the mall with a tattoo? So ugly. Oh! No, it's just sometimes you see older women

with tattoos who maybe got them later in life and you're like, good for you. Good for you. Yeah, me and my brother

got a matching tattoo and we tried to convince my parents to get it as well. My dad was like, yep. My mum was like, no, no. No.

Hannah says, swastika, Hayley, I don't think. Yeah, I know My dad was like, yep. My mum was like, no, no. No. Hannah says... Swastika, Hayley, I don't think. Yeah, I know, but come on, pets. Get on board. We've done it the other way around. It's the Hindu peace symbol. Yeah. Hard to explain that every time, though.

Yeah. Yeah. Hannah says, I got a matching tattoo at 4.30 in the morning on an island when sailing around Croatia with some random Aussie guy. Oh, no. Under a friend. Charlotte says, I'd absolutely love one, but I'm worried the pain will be too much and I can't complete it.

But I 100% want one. Emily says, I was drunk in Vegas. Mari says, I want one, but I don't know what to get. That means you don't get one. Don't get one. Get a butterfly. Get a butterfly. Just pick something out of the little folder they have.

Yeah, go in the folder. Get a skull. Don't do that. Laura says, I have my whole leg stunned. Love the way tattoos look. Love it for you. And Kelly says, I wanted one spur of the moment decision, and now I just can't stop.

You don't even get addicted. Oh, she's addicted. I've heard this. I've heard this. Yeah. The pain's not that bad. Just feels like someone's burning you alive. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Well, I feel like quite recently we were sharing a study that found couples who sleep separately have more successful relationships because they're not resenting each other for a bad night's sleep. Sleep's so important

and they're getting better sleep. And do most of those couples have separate rooms, separate beds, or would they do that thing where there's two beds in one room? Like a hotel. No, two beds in one room. Couple of twin beds. It defeats the purpose because you can still hear them snoring.

Yeah, you want a different room, right? Yeah. But then you don't get cuddles. Do you get cuddles and then go to sleep? You have a cuddle and then you pop off. Right, okay. Well, there's a new study that is on the contrary, actually, saying that the benefits of sharing your bed with a partner are tenfold.

Less insomnia, less fatigue, more time actually in deep sleep, nodding off quicker, connecting you, lower signs of depression, anxiety and stress, or from just sharing a bed with your loved one. Would you agree with that? It's kind of weird

because like me and Aaron are not sleep compatible at all. Well, he's like eight foot tall. He's eight foot tall. Yeah. He's hot. I'm cold. Yeah.

He's big. I'm cold. Yeah. He's big. I'm tiny. But now that we've spent so many years together, I don't sleep very well when he's not there. I've turned into that person. Oh, yeah. I can't get to sleep. She's like that.

You can't sleep when he's there or when he's not there. Yeah, I'm exhausted. I'm just not sleeping. Okay. Yeah, it's just a weird thing. I sort of am like conscious of him not being there. So yeah, I can't get to sleep. And so now that I go to bed earlier,

because I'm getting up early, I've forced him to do the same as well. But they do say it does not, this does not apply to sharing your bed with anyone. So you're not going to get a bed and night sleep if you're just with a rando. It's all about like with your spouse and definitely not your kids.

Like people who, what's it called? Co-sleeping or whatever. Horrible. Something like that. Your kids sleeping in your bed, no like surprise here, increases your level of stress and decreases your number of hours slept.

Because they sleep sideways and kick you in the jaw. It's too much. Yeah. Anyway. Does it say anything about pets? Same thing though, probably? Nothing about pets. Are you anti-pets? So wildly anti-pet. You have massive pets though. Like a tiny

cat's not. No, cats are the worst because they scratch, scratch, scratch and they walk on your face. They're like, out, out, out. And you're like, well, if you were out to start with, this request would not be filed with management. But they get cold. They're animals. They're animals.

Someone hit me up because I put a picture up of a retriever, and I said he's saying Vaughn is this goat meant to be here. And people are like, no, he would call you dad. I'm like, he wouldn't call me dad. I'm not his dad. I love this. I'm not a person that calls my animals my children. I do. I always say to Aaron,

like, when I do a Raleigh voice, I'm like, Dad, I'm hungry. No. Yeah, feed me, Dad. I'm hungry. It's Raleigh's voice. I'm hungry. I'm a cat.