ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 13th May 2022

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

Top 6: Flavour Sachets  Final Rankings: Apples  Cry Happy Tears  Good Good Bad Good  Silly Little Poll!  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, grab any size McCafe coffee for only $4 conditionally in supply. Producer Jared yesterday shared at the front of the pod that he'd lost his rubbish bin. Well, we've got a bin update. Do we have some good news for you? Oh, yeah.

Because you were bloody rattled by this. You were irate yesterday. I was ropable. Yeah. I was so mad. He was. I've never seen him like that. You just don't mess with a man in his bin.

You don't. So... It's a sacred bond, a man in his bin. So what was your game plan yesterday when you got home? Well, I got home and I just checked where we put the bin to make sure no one's just like put it back It wasn't there. I walked up the driveway still no been so I put on my loafers Yeah, I went stomping down the the neighborhood road. I was peeking up driveways and Went up to driveways. No

dice. Wait, you walked up people's personal driveway? Oh, Jerry, that's trespassing, Jerry. Yeah, I don't think you have to do that. No, driveway is thoroughfare. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. No, footpath is. You can walk up someone's driveway. No, you can't. Mine's behind a gate. If it's a shared driveway,

you can, I think. Well, then how do I get to their front door to knock on it? Do I just yell from the road? Yeah, I think you'd have to yell from the road. Yeah. I think you best just stand at someone's fence screaming blue murder. Are you Googling the law? Yeah, I'm Googling the law.

When a driveway gives access to two or more properties, it is usually jointly owned by the owners of these properties, and they are responsible for maintaining and repairing the shared driveway. So not the local pissed-off man who's lost his BIM? No, but that's just for fence. That's a shared driveway. Search your rights, Citizens Advice Bureau. Carry on with your story, Jared.

I'll read cabs. So you trespassed upon two properties. I refute that. I walked up two properties to knock on the door. I'll throw it back to you. If you were sitting at home in your lounge and you looked out your window at your driveway and saw a man just walking up towards your house and then walking away, would you feel comfortable? I'd probably ask what they're up to.

What if he said, I'm just exercising my right to use this thoroughfare? This is public property. Get back in your house. All right, so Karen, so you went up these driveways. So I walked up the driveways. Two houses, no bin. Walked up the third driveway. And what do I see?

Are you kidding me? My bin. Wow. Yep. So you can identify your bin because it's got your street number on the top. Yeah, we've vivided on the top. You grabbed the bin. Yep.

First I knocked. And beat a hasty retreat. No, you knocked. Oh my God, you're confrontational. I would have just taken the bin And been like How the fuck did my bin get up here Yeah I would have yelled

Bye get away from my fucking bin So I knocked And a lovely lady Answered the door And she said Hi And I said You've got my bin

Oh not even any pleasantries Not hi how are you My name's Jared Shit Okay Never piss off a South African eh No you don't I'm surprised you just didn't blindly shoot through a door

He heard footsteps It wasn't in the middle of the night Right, okay Yeah, I didn't get away with that at night, gotcha Yeah, and then I just walked off with my bin Wait, did she say anything? She said, oh, oh, okay, sorry And then I just walked

How did she get this many doors down? I don't know She went out of her way to steal it, did she? Yeah, I feel like maybe someone stole her bin, so she just nicked my bin. Yeah. So wait, you went, knock, knock, knock. Hello.

You've got my bin. Oh, I'm sorry. And that was the end game. And then you took the bin. Yeah, I had a very stressful day. Yeah. Wow. It's a riveting story.

You should probably try and get the movie rights sold for that one. Yeah, and then at the end I found 20 bucks. Oh, that's a big win. You should probably try And get the movie rights Sold for that one Yeah and then at the end I found 20 bucks Oh that's a big win I'm so excited for you How often do you Clean out your bin? My flatmate does it occasionally Does he? Give her a good wash

Another part I forgot to say She'd put rubbish in the bin Oh that So that rubbish Is at the end of her driveway That fucking charlatan That fucking charlatan You just dumped it

On her driveway Yeah Yeah good Oh my god Jared You were so grumpy I love this end of her driveway. That fucking charlatan. You just dumped it on her driveway? Yeah. Yeah, good. Oh my God, Jared, you are so grumpy. I love this. Jared, the Auckland Council website says that a driveway is a vehicle access lane located on private property. So what about Jehovah's Witness?

Yeah, that's a good point. So if somebody goes and knocks on your door, they're trespassing? No, because you have to issue a trespass notice to be at a trespass. Yeah, but if you got sick of the JoHos could you be like trespass all of them? I don't know why that feels

like a racial slur. I know. When you said JoHos I was like, ugh, it feels wrong. No, it's short for JoHos witness. Yeah, I like it.

I like it. It should be G-Hos by the way. Which sounds far more inappropriate than joke. Sounds like a woman in the back of a rap music video. The G-Hose, by the way. Which sounds far more inappropriate than joke. Sounds like a woman in the back of a rap music video.

The G-Hose. Honey's in the front, G-Hose in the back. We're out here spreading the word of the Lord. My name is Brother Vaughn and please meet Brother Carl. Come to heaven, there's limited spaces. It's a little bit like a pyramid scheme. You've been behaved better. Somebody gets dumped. I assume they go to hell.

I reckon we'll keep workshopping it. The rhyme structure's a little off. I tell you what this world needs is a stage show written loosely on the Book of Mormonism. That'd be a hit, I think. That'd go. Thank you, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Happy Friday. That's award-nominated newsreader. It is, yeah. Yes. Rachel Jackson-Lee. So you listen up. You bloody listen up, kids. She knows her news and how to say it.

That's for sure. Yeah, she says. She says things. Yeah, she does. Vaughan was here super early today. Yeah. Weren't you? You were here super early

When I pulled into the car park And saw the chimney there I assumed last night After having to pay attention He'd had too many drinks And got a bloody taxi or something Nah Just

Some ongoing issue with my arms Where I sleep And I wake up And I can't feel any of my arms That's terrible I'm not quite sure He won't go to a doctor, though. I haven't got bloody time to go to the doctor.

I've got a to-do list as long as me arm. I can recommend you an acupuncturist who I see. Is it the one I recommended you, but you're taking all the glory in the discounts? I can't actually even remember who recommended it to me, but Dr. Wynn, you've got to go see him. He'll sort it right out. Because he gives you a discount

because you recommend so many people. He does. You just say Hayley sent me, I should be the one with the Dr. Wynn discount code. I feel like you need to go to like a physio who can tell you why because it sounds like you're not cut

for this hard work. You're not cut out for... I've pinched something. It happened last time I was digging holes in fence posts. A couple of weeks after this jarring work, I get little numb bits. I wake up in the middle of the night. The morning I woke up,

literally both of my arms were just dead weight. I was like, they're real heavy, eh, arms? Arms are real heavy. They are heavy. You know when you sleep on one and it goes all heavy? Heavy little bars. Real heavy, eh? And when you've got no feeling in your fingers and you...

I put them in my mouth. Why? That was your immediate reaction was to, I'll just shove these in my mouth. I'm going to put my finger in my mouth. My finger felt so much bigger. Oh, my God. Why is that? When you've got a numb hand or a numb finger and you've got big fatties.

Why did you put it in your mouth? Because I was biting it to see if I could feel the bite. I couldn't. And then it freaked out because I was like, you know the dentist when you've got... It's the same with the dentist when you've got a numb lip. Your lip feels huge. Yeah, it does. Yeah. I don't know why that is. Will you get to the doctor, please?

Oh, yeah. Or just take it easy and stop doing so much manual labour. Well, I've got to get this bloody deck built, don't I? You want to hire a guy. Eh. Hire a guy. These are too tight, old Smitty.

We'll save $100 and ruin his arms. Yeah, exactly. All right, coming up on the show, we've got cash to give away again with McCafe, our coffee shop. So listen up for the activator. We're going to do this before seven. We've got three size McCafe coffee cups. Each worth a dollar amount will take a shot for you,

and you win all the cash. Are you going to be a bit more... I missed yesterday, didn't I? Cautious today? Hey, we still gave away $300 yesterday. We did, but God, you just huffed that ball. The top six is coming up. Yeah, Arnott's Shapes are releasing flavour sachets.

Oh. So you can add more flavour to your shapes. Or you can stick with standard amount of flavouring. Or you can put this flavouring on other things like toast. Oh my God. Imagine a little chicken crimpy sprinkled over a nice piece of bagels. No one apart from you. No one apart from you.

I've got the top six other things that need additional flavour sachets released. Alright, next on the show, New Zealand has made it onto the safest countries list. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Well, the safest countries in the world list has been released. This is put together by the Institute of Economics and Peace.

Economics and Peace? That's an institute. Yeah, there's an Institute of Economics and Peace. Economics and Peace? That's an institute. Yeah, there's an Institute of Economics and Peace. Okay. So they look at all kinds of data. I guess, you know, crime. Yeah, crime. COVID-related incidences.

Burglaries, maybe. Yeah, wars, those kind of things, events. And I've got the top 10. Okay. So I can give them to you and you can, like, play along and you can be like, I've been there and, wars, those kind of things, events. And I've got the top 10. So I can give them to you and you can play along and you can be like, I've been there and yeah, I didn't get mugged. Yeah, I've been mugged and scammed in some countries. Everyone's been scammed a little bit,

like by a dodgy taxi or ripped off at a market. Or the ones who sit there and they're like, I have no legs, please. And then you give them money. Like, that's horrible. And then you see them get up and walk away. In Rome or somewhere. You're like, okay have no legs, please. And then you give them money. Like, that's horrible. And then you see them get up and walk away. In Rome or somewhere. You're like, okay.

There's no refund. I always scream at them, show me the stumps, show me the stumps. Yeah, right. And until you see stumps, you won't give the money. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Ten is Canada.

Oh, yeah, that feels right. Lovely people. They're known for being kind. Yeah. Like we are to Australia. Canada is to America. Correct. Czech Republic is ninth on the list. Beautiful, beautiful country. Have you been? Yeah, I've been.

Yeah, just beautiful. Ireland? Did you get mugged? That's nice though that they are because I always remember in the 90s growing up, like that area was war torn. Yeah, it was. They were all separating and pulling apart and communism was falling to bits. Yeah.

She's emotional. She's emotional. It's emotional for the breakup of the Soviet Union. She was a huge fan of communism. I don't want to talk about it. Ireland at 8 on the list. Oh yeah, I've been to Ireland. Lovely. You felt safe? I felt very safe. Okay, Switzerland is 7. Been at eight on the list. Oh, yeah. I've been to Ireland. Lovely. You felt safe?

I felt very safe. Okay. Switzerland is seven. Been to Switzerland. Very safe. Very expensive. Yeah, I was just going to say. Oh, my God. If I'm paying that much to go somewhere, I need it to be safe.

Yeah. Yeah. You need every dollar. You can't get mugged. I know. I remember I got like a burger combo and it worked out to be like 20-something New Zealand dollars. Yeah, no, no, no.

I was like, what? Austria. Very similar. Neighbouring Switzerland no, no. I was like, what? Austria, very similar. Neighbouring Switzerland, very safe. Slovenia is number five. That's next to Austria, isn't it? In between the Czech Republic and Austria. Yeah. Really tiny country.

It looks beautiful. Castles and lakes. It's in the Balkans. Maybe I'm thinking of Slovakia, not Slovenia. Slovenia. Yeah, the Czech Republic's other half was Slovakia. Yeah, okay, so Slovenia's down by Italy. Yeah, well, really low crime rates there, low terror risk.

Portugal is number four on the list. There was a chemical plant explosion in Slovenia seven hours ago. We might have to bump that up the list. Portugal, do they decriminalise all drugs? I've never been. Portugal. Yeah.

They were the ones that were giving it a go away. Yeah, they had a really good COVID response as well. They got the army to do it all. They don't have shops where you can pop in and buy a little bit of pee or something. But they just mean you won't. They're not going to put you in prison if you're caught with drugs. Yeah, yeah. Denmark, number three on the list.

All those countries are always the happiest, the safest. New Zealand, number two on the list. Kia ora. Yeah. Is that because we don't have war? Yeah. It did mention the Christchurch shooting in 2019. Yeah. Is that because we don't have war? Yeah. It did mention the Christchurch shooting in 2019. Yeah.

But it did say, hey, praise for the COVID-19 response. We got some gang stuff, but it's more like, get off my turf. All right, mate. It says here that we had a slight deterioration in our score this year, although we're still number two. Ram raids. No, thanks to an increase in weapons imports and military spending. I mean, how much are we reading now?

Shooting here and a shooting there. And you're like, oh, do we have guns? Here a bang, there a bang, everywhere a bang, bang. The number one, the safest country in the world. And this hasn't changed, the number one country since 2008. Iceland. Oh, it's too cold. Everyone's just staying inside.

It's too cold and small. Everyone just stays in their houses by the fire. They have no time to go out and fight people. They have an incarceration rate of 33 per 100,000 people. So that would mean they've got 100 people in their entire prison system, right? Yeah, because what have they got, 260,000? Yeah, something like that. Because I remember something like-

100 people in prison. Something like a tenth of, when that time they made it into the European football, remember like a third of Iceland went? Yeah, that's right. And they've got that app that if you're going to hook up with someone on Tinder, you've got to check on the app because it could be your cousin or your sister. What's our

incarceration rate? Oh, it's gone down. It didn't say in this report, but I don't know if you've got that. I'm looking at that. Do you have a per 100,000 or a per... Oh my god, there or a per? Yeah. Oh, my God. There's a lot of stats.

I can't understand this. Whatever. Whatever it is, it's not bloody high enough. Lock them up and throw away the key. I saw a stat that says 93.8%, and I feel like that's not the. 93.8%. That's not the percentage. Jesus. Everybody's in prison.

Prison population trend 2020. Oh, we were down from 2018. 2022 is the next. The last one was done in 2020. Just under 8,000 people in prison. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad. Is that right?

That was that bad? Yeah. So this, in 2020, it was 9,500. Now, if I remember my maths lessons, you divide 8,000 by... You can do that later. Five, we're in the team of 5 million. Yep. Equals times 100.

Our incarceration rate is 0.16%. Per 100. Oh my God, do you reckon there's any mathematicians listening who'd be like, that's not how you work it out. I reckon that's pretty hot though. That seems about right. Hot. That's how I like to judge if my maths is right or not.

Does it feel good? This feels good. That's not how maths works judge if my maths is right or not. Does it feel good? This feels good. That's not how maths works, Vaughan. This feels right. Now obviously, the clothes that we choose can have a massive impact on our mood. Today I've chosen a baggy, lumpy

black jumper. But you've got green underneath. And I've got a baggy, lumpy black attitude. But it's a green glitter. Green glitter top. I'm saving that for when I've warmed up a little bit, but it really will bring a new energy to the room, I think. Right. It's got a real magical nature feel. It does.

It does. Now, you might have noticed yesterday if you saw Hayley's version clip online, I was wearing a hot pink jumper. You were, yeah. And actually, I believe Carwin has just asked where it's from because people have gone mad for it. You're inadvertently a pink top influencer.

I am. People are like, where's it from? Because it lifts the mood, doesn't it? And that's not just willy-nilly. That's a fact, actually. Some colour experts. Yeah. I don't know. What is a colour expert you know the people that work at old

Rezane no no no not Rezane the Pantone oh yep yep colour of the year you know like they know what colour is

and the psychological effect it has on us they say pink if you ever need a mood booster slap on a bit of pink be it a bit of lippy a nail polish

a pink shoe or go all out and just wear like... This doesn't bode well for my wardrobe, which is black or blue. Black or blue. You're more of an earthy, kind of a grey-green. A couple of greens, but yeah, nothing bright. Nothing bright?

No, nothing. Well, apparently pink is psychologically soothing, so it makes us feel like, I'm kind of calm, but also very uplifting because it appeals to the creative part of our brain. Studies even show that wearing pink makes us more compassionate with ourselves and kinder to others because you're feeling generally lighter and brighter. You did have

a salmon shirt there for a while. I did have a salmon coloured shirt. How wide and far and wide do we cast the net over the pink family? We're going from anything from blush to fuchsia. And I would say that includes your salmons. Maybe not your coral, which is heading more towards an orange, but I'd say salmons are pink.

Oh, okay. Salmons are pink. And, of course, men, they typically have a bit more of a fickle relationship to wearing the colour of pink. Well, pink used to be a male colour. Used to be back in the day. It was a sign of nobility. And didn't sort of hold the girly stigma it has today.

Blue was far more of a feminine colour. Yes, all the gowns and the ladies. That only flicked around at the start of the 1900s. Did it? Yeah. They say that if men are still feeling uncomfortable, they believe that's changing. So, you know, in the 90s,

men would start to wear like pink business shirts. Everyone would be like, ooh la la, look at you with your grey pinstripe suit. Look at Darren. Look at Darren. Darren's wearing a little blush shirt. Apparently a study in Japan is showing that only men with low self-esteem still feel uncomfortable wearing pink

or feel like it emasculates them. Right. And our internal belief system has the power to override our natural sort of, what do you call it, prejudice towards colours like that to realise that actually wearing pink makes you feel happy and you might as well do it. Well, there you go. Chuck some pink on today.

Absolutely. Feel good on a Friday. Blah, blah, as well do it. Well, there you go. Chuck some pink on today. Absolutely. Feel good on a Friday. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six. Hi there. Today's Top Six. Arnott's have said in Australia that shapes,

they're going to be releasing little additional flavour sachets with shapes. So you can sprinkle more flavour in because you know when you get to the bottom of the bag shapes you go lick your finger

and then push it or any bag of chips or anything you've got to eat the dust flavour at the bottom eat the flavour dust pour it in the mouth

Pringles is the best for that get to the bottom of the tube and it's all just like there's not a lot of extra flavour there down there

but it's all just all crumpled up chips flakes and it slides down the tube into it's all just like, there's not a lot of extra flavour down there, but it's all just all crumpled up chips. Flakes. Yeah. And it slides down the tube into your mouth. And then you choke on it. And then you go. Because it's too much.

And you breathe in. Yeah. So I've got the top six other flavour sachets we want, nay, we need. Number six on the list, just little sachets of jelly crystals. Yum. To just rip open. We're not making jelly. Just tiny ones. We're just pouring them in our mouths. Like a little couple of jelly crystals. Yum. To just rip open. We're not making jelly. Just tiny ones.

We're just pouring them in our mouths. Like a little couple of grams bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you grow one of your nails long and you dip it in the little bag and you go. No, no, no. Not in the nose. What? Not up the noosey.

It just feels like gelatin in the nose is not a good idea. Because the heat will develop it. Okay, what about a little nail in the little bag and you open it up and you go Yeah, good stuff. Bit on the gums. Dentists are loving this chat. What's the best after school snack ever? Jelly crystals? You just like put your tongue

on a day. Jelly crystals. Number five on the list of the top six other flavour sachets we want nay need ginger nuts. Little flavour sachets of want, nay, need. Ginger nuts. Little flavour sachets of ginger nut. No. Because I love the taste of ginger nuts,

but I don't always want to bite through a bloody 4x2 biscuit, you know? So you mean like a ginger nut that's been put through a Nutribullet? Yeah, and it's just like a little baggie. Could you blend it into a powder? Yeah, ginger nut powder. That'd be nice. Yeah. That over ice cream.

Yes, now we're talking. Oh, hello. Now we're talking. Yeah. That over ice cream. Yes. Now we're talking. Oh, hello. Now we're talking. In fact, that would actually go well. I would say number four on the list, all ice cream should come with additional flavour sachets. Like what? Like sprinkles.

Yes. Like a syrup. Or chocolate chips. Oh, yeah. Oh, what about like bag up the goody gumdrops? Yes. Lollies. Yes.

I wish you could just buy those lollies. Why don't you buy Fruit Tubes? Not the same. It's not the same. Because Fruit Tubes are covered with sugar, right? Yeah, whereas Goody Gum Drops are smooth. Yeah. They're kind of like a jet plane.

No. But don't go as hard because you get a cold jet plane, they go very hard. Yeah. Sounds like someone needs to take a trip to the Tip Top Factory and see how it smells. I love that. Number three on the list of the top six other flavour sachets we want, nay, need. Something to go with grain waves because they're trash now.

They're trash now. They're a big trashy trash. I think they would try to go healthy and they changed the oil or something. Maybe a big bag of MSG. Oh, that'd be good. And so you open up your shapes inside your shapes. It's like noodles. MSG.

Everyone knows noodles have no taste. They're nothing without their flavour sachet. And it would be the same with grain waves. Just a little packet of MSG. Open it, pour it in, shake the bag. Oh, yum. You can get it going. I literally got a shiver down my spine about how much I love MSG.

How good is MSG? What a treat. Number two on the list of the top six other flavor sachets we want, nay, need. Chocolate chip biscuit should come with extra chocolate chips to sprinkle on at your own discretion. Sure, I wouldn't be mad about that. Nah. Yeah. Because it might be the right amount of chocolate chips for some people, but I can always deal with a couple more.

Yeah, same. And number one on the list of the top six new flavour sachets we want and need. Reddy salted chips should not be sold without additional flavour sachets. Just staple it to the top. Just don't buy reddy salted. Sometimes it requires it, though. You know? But then I was thinking, if you had reddy salted,

and then along the top where the seam is, where it's like heat sealed, there was like a salt and vinegar sachet, a barbecue sachet. A sour cream and chives. And then you could like divide it up into five bowls and have five different flavoured chips. God, I forgot about barbecue chips. Or just buy five packets of chips.

There he is. Oh, there you go. There he is. He's smart. That's good for me. That's why he's the brains around here. That is today's top six. I'm tired.

You are. You woke up early, didn't you? Couldn't get back to sleep. You just came to work. Anything that starts with a three, waking up with a three. Yeah, son of a... Because when you get up at four and you wake up at three, you're like, it's so close

Do I just push through? How good is waking up and seeing a 12? Oh my god, I woke up last night and saw an 11 And I went, hey You've got hours, babe Treat yourself Right, well You should play Pump Up the Jam in the background

We're not playing Pump Up the Jam It's a great song to accompany financial news I don't know I reckon most people I don't know. I reckon most people listening won't know what that song is. No, they definitely will. It has nothing to do with the story. Well, no, it does because I said two things needed to be pumped up. I got pumped up with the jam by Technotronic right here, actually,

if we want to jump deep into this. Early 90s. Well, two things I said need pumping up. The jam, always. Yeah. You don't even need to ask. I said need pumping up the jam always yeah you don't even need to ask if you're thinking about the jam

it needs pumping up so the other thing is your Kiwi saver because this is such a shit song it's so tinny yeah

yeah that was a different time. So it looked at the average 35-year-old New Zealander earning the national average wage and said by the time you come to retire, your KiwiSaver should last you three years and seven months. What? Okay, that's not long enough to retire.

No. So this is basically the average salary contributing the average amount. Correct. What is it? Three, six, eight, you know, like your minimum? You can go up to six or eight percent. Six or eight percent. Yeah.

But then your employer only has to match it up to three now. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. right. Okay. Yeah. So it looked around. Aucklanders will fear the worst just because of the cost of living in Auckland. Yeah.

Your retirement savings would just last you three years and five months. You could have $500,000 in your KiwiSaver by the time you come to retire, which would be the modern-day equivalent of $288,000 just with the way inflation's going. Right. Which means that you would run out of money pretty quick.

In three years. Wait, $500,000 you're saying is not going to be enough. I've got seven. $7 or $7,000? $7,000, which it's $7,000. I spent mine. You're saying that when you retire, $500,000 by the time you come to retire,

you're saying that's going to be worth... People wouldn't dream of having half a million dollars in their KiwiSaver. Everyone would be like, that's incredible. Yeah. But you were saying when people retire, that's going to be nothing. That's not enough. It's not going to be enough. And you'll burn through that in three years.

What are you, on business class flights to Europe? So this is it. This is a 35-year-old. So in 30 years, inflation going the way it is and the cost of living, you're not going to have enough money. I'm 32. This is no good. And I've spent mine.

So I went like this. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And then I spent it. Well, a lot of people didn't. Most people are going to spend it. On their house, right? Your first home, you, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, and then I spent it. Well, a lot of people didn't. Like, most people are going to spend it. On their house, right? Your first home, you're allowed to use your KiwiSaver. So, Cantabrians, slightly different.

These would last three years and five months less. Right. Because the average age of a, sorry, the average wage of a Cantabrian is less than that. Right. Wellington is where you're probably going to do the best. Okay. If you retired, you would last out of the workforce with your KiwiSaver with $555,000 in 30 years' time. Yeah.

The current equivalent of $300,000, you would last three years, 10 months. God, I'm going to have to go down to the Westfield and hop in the... The euthanisation booth. The euthanisation pod. Yeah, I think so too. After three years if I run out. Well, what else are you going to do? You've got to slowly starve to death.

Oh, that takes too long. This is really depressing. This is really depressing. So what's the alternative? What can we do? Are we investing, are we? We're investing. Like put more money in.

Put more money in. If you're young, they're saying don't go for one of those conservative or balanced funds. Go a bit more high risk because you've got a longer time ahead of you. Yeah. If you're like closer to retirement, it's not recommended. I would speak to somebody. Yeah, totally.

Okay. There's financial services out there that don't cost an hour. Does this include the pension? Are we getting the pension? I'm not banking on there being a pension when our old generation gets to retirement. Once the boomers have chewed through that. The boomers will burn through that.

Okay. Okay, well, that's some positive news to start the weekend. Yeah, great. Pump up the jam. Pump up the jam. And your KiwiSaver if you can. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

It's the final rankings. We lost a gentle, a quiet gentleman with a passionate and dedicated, with a passionate love who was dedicated to the art of plant breeding. He was Western Australian man John Cripps, the inventor,

known worldwide as the inventor and breeder of the Pink Lady apple. Right. Well, with the sad news... Do you know his family earns millions of dollars a year in apple royalties? What? So if you... Apple royalties get a cut. If Taylor Swift died, who'd get all of her money for royalties?

Her family, whoever she's got written in there. So the Pink Lady accounted for more than 30% of Australian apple production. So huge apple money. Wow. And because no apple is ever, if you grow an apple from seed, it's never the same as the apple it grew from. Right. It mutates.

So he invented the pink lady. He was like, this is delicious. Grafting began. You graft branches onto trees. That's how you get an identical apple. Otherwise, they're different every time. So crazy to watch it, eh? Go on YouTube and watch the grafting trees. Oh, I got deep, deep into grafting.

It's bizarre. Because it's a way of doing a good avocado tree as well, grafting on one that's already fruiting. So we decided today for Friday rankings, we would rank apples with this devastating news. I've got the list on fiverday.co.nz. That's the list I'm onto. So Ambrosia, Ballarat, Braeburn, Cox's Orange, Dazzle, MV,

Fuji, Gala, Genesis, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith. I'll stop there for a quick spit. Jazz, Lemonade, Mahana Red, Marity Red, Pacific Beauty, Pacific Queen, Pacific Rose, Pink Lady, R.I.P. Red Delicious, Royal Gala, Southern Snap, and Sweet Tango. Well, it's not the 80s. Oh, the Sweet Tangos are nice. Yeah, Sweet Tangos are real good, real crisp, real sweet. Sweet Tango's definitely my top three.

The ones that I've been getting lately are New Zealand Beauty. They're like a Pacific Rose, which I'm a fave. Pacific Rose is my number a fave Pacific Rose is my number one sweet dry it's gonna be dry I can tell an apple

when they've got a mottled edge like a Braeburn yuck trash not even good for a pie no Granny Smith

growing up with the last name Smith people were always like Granny Smith get a grip I called her Nana I called my grandma on the Smith side Nana okay get a bit of joke but I was like, Granny Smith. I called her Nana. I called my grandma on the Smith side Nana, okay? Get a better joke. But I hated the apple.

Big, thick, waxy skin. Bitter to a point, far too bitter. It's good in a cider or a pie. Don't get me wrong, it's a utility apple because it's perfect for baking. It's perfect for juicing. It's perfect for cider. But it's not an eating, I'm just going to eat an apple on the way to work. It's perfect for baking. It's perfect for juicing. It's perfect for cider. Yeah. But it's not an eating,

I'm just going to eat an apple on the way to work. Are we going to include things like scrumpy in our apple choice? No. That's when we rank the cider and scrumpy. Oh, okay. That's Friday rankings, things to tape to your hands until you're finished. I'm going Pacific Rose, number one.

I might go the Sweet Tango number two. Maybe the Jazz? Maybe the Jazz or the Gala? I'm very happy with that selection. The flowery Gala's still around. Why is it still hanging on when we've got so many better apples? It's the same reason the Braeburn and even the Red Delicious. Not that delicious.

Nah. Flowery. The drop of a Delicious. Not that delicious. Nah. Flowery. The drop of a hat, a brisk northwest wind, it'll just turn to a flowery poof. You need to snap. You need to be able to slice it, snap it, bite it.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. So we're, for the first time ever, for Friday Rankings, in agreeance. We're in agreeance. We are. The Apple Committee have smoked. The Pacific Rose.

I will chuck in a special mention for the Fuji and the Lemonade Apple. Just not as popular, not as readily available. Yeah, you might see one and you're like, ooh, and it's yellow and it's very sweet and crisp. But it's not your everyday apple. Like the Hero brands you've just mentioned. I've got an apple tree in the front of my house and I'm pretty sure it's Braeburn. And I'm so embarrassed. But a Braeburn straight off the tree is different to a Braeburn at the market

too. Anyone got any horses? Anyone got any horses? I'd feed the apples. I think that's all a Braeburn's good for. My cows love an apple. They're not fussy either. They would love that. But not the good ones. Long live the royal

the Pacific Rose. Yeah. Yum, now I want an apple. I am lightly allergic to apples, but it's worth it. What happens when you eat an apple? That's what you do when you eat an apple. Yeah. Why does power, I just get power through it. Power through it because the apple's worth it.

I eat everything apart from the stick on top. Seeds, core, the life. Oh, so you hate me. That's why he's got a branch growing out of his arm. Yeah, you see. Play ZM's Fletch Vaugh out of his arm. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, there's a woman

called Sarah here. TikTok user is EverydayIsDisney and she has posted a clip. She shared a clip and she's been cyber bullied. Oh no. She's been bullied because it's been three years since she's been able to hug Goofy at Disneyland.

But her name is Every Day is Disney and it hasn't been Every Day is Disney for the last three years. So because of COVID, Disneyland recently, April 18, lifted its ban on hugging the workers. Yes. On hugging the characters. That's right. Because of COVID you couldn't touch them. I'm going to hug Darth Vader so hard. I know, I know.

I wish you were my father too. Wow. Daddy. Daddy. Not my dad. Not my dad. It's all tonally there. Do not say that.

That was my tone for when I hugged Darth Vader. Daddy. Or daddy. Yeah, it's slightly different. Is it that one? there. Do not say that. I'll be practicing my tone for when I hugged Darth Vader. Daddy. Or Daddy. Yeah, it's slightly different. Is it that one? I think it's the latter. If you do the second one, you'll be asked to leave. Okay, what about Daddy? Yeah, that's it.

You found the middle ground. You're going to be asked to leave. So she starts crying after hugging Goofy because it's been three years. She's beside herself. She posts this clip online. At last count, this news story had 1.8 million views,

but nearly 8,000 comments. And a lot of them were like, grow up. You're an adult. You're a 27-year-old. Grow up. She is absolutely beside herself, bursts into tears when she sees what I imagine is a pretty hungover, very hot drama

school dropout wearing a goofy suit. You know, like I'm too, maybe it's because I went to drama school and I've done some pretty embarrassing jobs, but I'm too connected to the person in the suit to be able to envision it as goofy. Yeah, you see where

I went to Disneyland, A, perfect hangover cure. Yeah. I just didn't feel hungover at all the minute I stepped through those magical gates. Happiest place on earth. Happiest place on earth. I think I was just, I just let myself,

I'm very, very cynical. You'll know this. Of course. I turned it off completely and just walked in and just be like, I am eight again and I want the world to wash over me. Yes.

And so I saw Donald Duck. I was like, oh my God, it's Donald Duck. Did you cry? I don't remember crying, but I certainly remember being like on edge all day. Just be like, I've seen that on TV and oh my God, it's the castle. Oh, I did cry that on TV, and oh, my God, it's the castle. Oh, oh, oh. I did cry. Pixar parade got me.

We went to the Pixar parade, and the Monsters, Inc. dudes, Mike Wachowski and Sully, were walking down the road, and I was like, Sully! And I waved, and he came right over and high-fived me, and I just turned to shout out. I was like, oh, my God. You have a little tear. Yeah.

This isn't about Disney. Grow up. I just love it. And do you think you'll cry at Star Wars? A hundred percent. There'll be some tears. A hundred percent. Like Galaxy's Edge part of...

I'll cry when I see the Millennium Falcon. I'll cry when I build my lightsaber. I'll cry when I build my droid. You know that none of it's real, eh? Why don't you shut your face? Well, this is what I wanted to ask. Now, if you're listening,

when have you been so happy you've just cried? Yeah, I love a happy cry. Maybe it wasn't public, or just something you were so over-emotional that there was just this little something that got you? Yeah. And don't call up and be like, I birthed my daughter and in the moment I held her. Get a grip.

I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. Wow. That was tough. Just spice it up a bit. Yeah. Like you were at Rainbow's End and you saw Rain or Bo and you were just like, I've seen them on TV all these years.

Yeah. Or the chlorine from the log flume. Yeah, I was like, that's the only reason for crying at Rainbow's End. Or it's 2004 and you see Michael Murphy in the street after he lost New Zealand Idol and it's too much. It's too much and you cry. You cry those happy tears. So when were you so overwhelmed with emotion, with happiness,

that you cried? If it was in public or private, whatever it was those little things, we want you to call us 0800 DALSATM 9696. Open up and share. Well, a woman's been mocked because she cried when she met Goofy at Orlando Disneyland.

A grown woman. A grown woman. She's had a lot of comments on her TikTok video saying, grow up. But that'll be Vaughn in a few weeks. Hell yes. So he gets to go to Nerdland. Star Wars Celebration Day or something. Yep, yep, yep.

I'm even getting worked up like seeing Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen doing the Obi-Wan Kenobi press tour. Yeah. That even just gets me. If you get COVID before you go to, you are going to be. I'll be crying, but it'll be a completely different We don't want to be near Vaughan. There'll be anger. I don't think we'll have a choice.

I think he'll be in bed. We won't be able to get him out of bed. Do you mean because of the COVID or because of the depression? Throwing into. So we want to know when you've been so overwhelmed like this woman when she hugged Goofy when you've been so overwhelmed with happiness that you just cried whether it was in public or not.

I'm ready for this. Harriet, good morning. Good morning. How are you guys? Good, good. When were you so overwhelmed with happiness you just cried? Right. So it happens on a mildly regular basis.

Now, I work in a call centre. Okay. And a lot of people are calling in for issues. Obviously, they're trying to get them resolved. Now, on the odd occasion, there is a very kind customer that is very complimentary, thanks you for your help, tells you that they appreciate you. And once I get off the phone, I have a little cry.

Oh, my God. Do you think this is because, Harriet, most of the time people are yelling at you and complaining to you and saying that your system sucks and the like. So when you get a positive thing, you're just like, that's really nice. Yeah, 100%. You have to go pretty tough skin being in a call centre. But yeah, people are grumpy or short a lot of the time. So when someone's kind, it kind of pushes you over the edge a little, you know?

What's made you cry more? Grumpy, angry customers or nice customers? I think it's probably the nice ones. To be honest, they're a lot more rare than the grumpy ones. So you kind of get used to those angry guys. That is sad, really. The angry ones that yell, they give you the shakes and get your adrenaline going a bit. Oh, my gosh. Well, this is a good reminder to everyone listening, next time you're on the phone call, remember that they're not the company.

That's Harriet. It's not the company. But are you, is that how you're going to feel after you've been on hold for two hours? Oh, my God. Any zero the other day. I'll tell you what. I earned it with cerebral service.

Harriet, thank you so much for your call. Serena, when were you so overwhelmed with happiness that you cried? I was watching Operation Christmas Drop on Netflix and I just hysterically cried when they managed to drop off all the presents to the family. That's a Christmas movie. I was like, but they got all the presents to the family. Oh, I love a little, like a festive cry.

What's it called? Operation Christmas Drop. Yeah. What did I cry in a lot recently on Netflix? Old folks home for young, oh, my God. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Zoe, what was your, when were you so overwhelmed with emotion, you just cried? All right, you guys, contain yourselves, but Renee from Aqua

touched my hand and I completely lost it. What? The band that did Barbie Girl. Yeah, Barbie Girl, Aqua, like, and to New Zealand. Oh, my God, that's the guy.

We met him. Yeah, we met him. Yeah. He came in. And the security guard said to me, are you okay? Do you need assistance?

Wait, so hang on. When was this? Oh, I was like 12 or 13. Oh, okay. I was going to say. I was going to say. I saw him now. I was probably like, can I help you, sir?

Wow. But you just lost it and you were so happy. I did. I did. I cried hysterically. Renee from Aqua. Zoe, thanks for sharing messages in. So many.

We did a family road trip last year, and I was like, we have to go to Hobbiton. And my whole family was like, why? But okay, it's a tourist destination. But they weren't into it. I got on the bus that drives you down there, and they played the video, and I just started crying because I was so excited and so happy, and I couldn't believe I was getting to go to Hobbiton.

And my whole family were like, what is wrong? Hobbiton. There would be so like what is wrong? Hobbiton? There would be so many people though that just get there and wouldn't want to leave. Oh they'd be beside themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh they tell you the stories about the German dude that came dressed as a wizard who was just like, I live here now. And everyone's like, no you have to leave. Somebody said

when I lived in London I went past the fake platform in three quarters, the Harry Potter thing, King's Cross Station. I burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed by it. That's got a vibe, eh? Like Lord of the Rings, Disney, Harry Potter. Like that's the fandom. They're so loyal.

And it's the music. I think there's the music, that Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter music. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah. And you'd be like. Oh, my God. A parent came into school and said they really liked the newsletter I made. It was the first one I'd made as lead teacher,

and I cried my eyes out the minute they left. I managed to hold it together until they left. Please tell me it was Comic Sans. Oh, my God. I hope they used Comic Sans. It's the end of any of the Kung Fu Panda films I cry. It's just so good when it all works out for the gang of animals, particularly the third film. They're such good films.

I cried like a baby in the movie Spider-Man No Way Home when Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man turned up. I'm 26 and I've never cried like that before. It was very, very happy tears. Celine Dion concert, Auckland, 2018. Her first song was Power of Love, which is my favourite Celine Dion song. The music started and I was getting choked up and she sang the first note and I just burst into tears. I was so overwhelmingly excited I couldn't control it. That's pretty cute. That is cute.

I cried with happiness when I had my first weekend away from my son. I was in the car with my mother and my sister on the way to our destination. Window down, no cares in the world. Someone said something funny and I laughed and then the laughing turned into crying and the crying hysterically

lasted for 40 minutes. Yeah, that's what life can be like without kids. Yeah. Every day. Every day. You can be driving to your destination

crying with laughter. I cry hysterically with happiness every day that I don't have kids. If you knew it would boost up, that's what you think about. I just hysterically with happiness every day that I don't have kids. If you need a little boost up, that's what you think about. I just drive to work

going, oh, so, so lucky. My best friend came out from behind the curtain at a wedding dress shop wearing the most stunning

wedding dress and that was it. I was off. I just ugly cried. I was just so happy with her. If you've seen Kim Kardashian's ugly cry, it had nothing on me.

I just absolutely lost my mind. Fantastic. I met Su lost my mind. Fantastic. I met Suzy Cato at a ski field in Wanaka when I was 15, and the five-year-old in me just ignited. I cried, and she said, you're okay, and then we sung See You, See You Later together. Oh, my gosh. She's such a good woman.

She is a good woman. She's your national treasure. Absolutely. And that's been happening to her for like 25 years. Yeah, it has. And she's still just doing it. She raised us. Yeah, it has. And she's still just doing it. She raised us. Yeah, she did.

She raised us. She did. A few food ones. I was eating the best pie I'd ever eaten, and I just had a tear in my eye. It was absolutely beautiful. And I cried over McDonald's once. It's just exactly what my mouth needed at that time.

And a few fully grown adults saying that they also, when they got to Galaxy's Edge at Disneyland, Star Wars fans just burst into tears when they saw full-size Millennium Falcons and X-Wings. Cool. It's going to be a world go. I'm so excited for you. So cool.

All right. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Listen up, adults, because we all know adulting sucks. And apparently it's becoming harder and harder these days. And it's increasingly rare that we're happy. This is depressing. That laugh sounded like it was going to morph into a cry.

Like we've literally just spent the last 10, 15 minutes talking about being overwhelmed with happiness. Yeah. Now we do experience some happiness, but apparently less than half of the time. Jesus. So 47% of the time we are happy. The other 53, we are anxious, tired.

We have muscle aches. I'm always tired. You just learn to be happy and tired. I'm anxious sometimes too, but I just learn that it's going to also be happy and anxious. Well, the way that they've done it is, you just learn to live with it. You push it down. You push it down.

And you just buy more and more whiskey as a coping mechanism. They got a whole bunch of people together and they were monitored them, but they went on a day-by-day basis, so a 24-hour period. And it came down to, like, when do you feel 100%, when do you start to fade, and when do you feel absolutely terrible? And the estimate is that people feel 100%, like I'm feeling really, really good, for around 10 hours a day. So I suppose that's, if you break down the day, I mean. Is that the sleeping hours?

Does that include sleeping? Because if you're breaking down a 24-hour period, yeah, I feel good when I'm asleep because I'm not awake. Are you okay? I'm not good. Are you okay? I'm really good. I'm actually very good. But 10 hours.

For the rest of it, people are saying yes, mentally and physically, it's a full-time job to sort of keep going. People are on diets, mentally and physically. It's a full-time job to sort of keep going. People are on diets all the time. There's work as well that's stressful. There's work that's really stressful. People are trying to go to bed earlier and that's stressful. Always consciously trying to drink more water.

People struggling with pandemic stuff at the moment. It's all contributing to us being happy less than half the time. Wow. people struggling with pandemic stuff at the moment, is all contributing to us being happy less than half the time. Wow. But earlier, you may remember, I did say that to feel better, you should put some pink clothing on. So maybe is that as useful as saying to someone, maybe try going for a walk?

Yeah. Maybe let's hope that the parts where you're not feeling good Are when you're asleep And when you're awake Happy dippy dappy Otherwise maybe Book a flight to Disneyland Yeah And go and cry

With happiness I mean we just heard A list of things That made people cry With happiness Take Susie Kato To Disneyland Oh my god

Imagine Too much Too much Susie Kato Wearing pink In Disneyland Dizzying heights Dizzying heights

Too much Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Give them some good news. Give them some good news. Then give them some bad news. Good, good, bad, good. So I'll see you again. Good, good, bad, good.

There's so much bad news at the moment in the world, like food prices, war. But we'd be foolish to ignore it completely. So what we do is we give you some good news, give you some good news, give you some bad news. Then we save the best for last. Today's best for last. Honestly, I'm fizzing. Well, it's a little self-indulgent.

I'm fizzing. I think it's going to make the nation very happy. Do you want to start? I'll start with some good news. A passenger with no flying experience successfully landed a small plane in Florida this week after his pilot suffered a medical emergency. There were just two passengers on the Cessna caravan. These are those little ones, you know when you're at the airport and you see those planes

that go to like Great Barrier and stuff? Yes, yeah. Like that kind of plane? Yes. So it's not a Boeing? Flying caravans, no. I was just imagining a caravan with wings. Oh, okay, it is a caravan with wings. I'm looking at it now. Pretty much, yeah. So the pilot

kind of slumped over and the plane went into a slight dip and roll. I think they managed to pull the guy back. He got on the headset, this guy, and was like, Air traffic control, our pilot's gone. Help. So on a small plane like that, you don't have to have a co-pilot then?

No, I've been on small planes like that where there's just one pilot. One pilot, yeah. Air traffic control was about 70 miles out from his final destination. He radioed in and said, my pilot has gone incoherent. I have no idea how to fly the airplane. A dispatcher responded, Roger,

what's your position? To which the guy responded, I have no idea. The sky. I can see the coast of Florida in front of me. Now, I think he was flying from somewhere in the Caribbean. One of those little short flights to get the holiday makers take.

So he maintained the wing level. The dispatcher who did have some piloting experience got a picture of the control panel and then, yeah, coached him through. Oh, so the guy that coached him wasn't a pilot.

It was just a guy who had some experience. No, the flight controller is a flight instructor, but on a different plane. So the guy sent him a photo of his panel that he's working with. He's like, right, okay. Fly to one plane, fly to the other. And I tell you what, you see the landing, and it's not bad. I've watched the landing.

It's not bad, but it's bloody fast. Like he's just like at the thing and then he lands. Oh my God, incredible. It's an incredible video to watch. Yeah, it happened this week. And yeah, they got off and the guy's fine. The pilot's got some medical help. I couldn't do it.

I'd panic. I'd panic. Having the guy in the air telling me, I'd panic. I couldn't do it. But yeah, some good news out of Florida. Stop mansplaining to me. Yeah, all right, gents. I don't need to be told by some old white guy how to land a plane.

Click, turn your headphones off. I can figure this out. Girls are doing it for themselves. Okay, Vaughn, you want to go next? I've got some good news. It's about Patron, the bomb-sniffing dog. This is a Ukrainian dog who has cemented himself as a national hero by receiving a presidential medal.

Oh, my good boy. Your good boy. Got a medal from the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelensky, for saving lots of people's lives by being able to smell Russian explosives. Oh, okay. He'd sniff them out, then the team would go in and disarm them. Yep. And they just said he's an absolute little hero

and there was a whole lot of bombs that they wouldn't have found otherwise. Give him a chew toy or some snacks. So what's he going to do with the medal? He's wearing it on his little jacket. He's got a little jacket. But when he goes home and then someone walks past the fence, is he still like... Jack Russell's a cute, but my gosh.

Okay, do you want the bad news? I'll give it to you real quick. Yeah, do it. We're hiding it in between all this good news. Netflix may be clamping down on password sharing sooner than expected. A note was shared with Netflix employees. They are trialling a crackdown on user sharing passwords with other people and testing the waters

in some countries. Did Netflix like a few months ago be like, you know what would be fun? Losing heaps of people. They just lost a whole lot of subscribers. Yeah. They're going to chuck advertising in at like lower tiers of pricing. It's going to become more expensive. I saw that.. Yeah. They're going to chuck advertising in it, like lower tiers of pricing. It's going to become more expensive. I saw that.

Get out. It's going to be harder to share a log on. So they've been trialing in countries like Chile, Costa Rica, and Peru. And the New York Times reporting it could happen by about October this year. And they were also at the same time talking about having a lower priced service with ads. With ads. Would you rather have lower fee with ads or

pay more for no ads? Pay more no ads. Pay more no ads. Like you do now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well that's the bad news. That's terrible news. If you're a leecher. But I've got some really, really good news to finish. One, we've got coffees on the way. And then I was like, guys, I don't drink coffee. And Anna said, I got you a

hot choccy. Good news. But even better news, Ross Boss just sent to the group chat a picture of his puppy who we haven't met yet. And they're on their way to the studio. It's a little self-indulgent, this good news,

but we'll put it on Instagram. I think it's something the nation can share. We're going to put it on Instagram. There's a puppy on the way. It's a golden retriever. God, they're cute, aren't they? I'm beside myself. I'm sweaty.

I'm sweaty. I'm sweating. That's the good news to end with. See, they're cute, aren't they? I'm beside myself. I'm sweaty. I'm sweaty. I'm sweating. That's the good news to end with. See, you've got on the bad news, haven't you? What was the bad news? Exactly. There's nothing bad happening in the world. The puppy's on the way and hot choccy for Hayley.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Well, a travel hack is going viral and couples say this is the way they mostly always, it's not going to always work, get a whole row of seats to themselves when they travel. Because I always, when I book, I look, and if I'm not booking an exit row, I'll look for a seat that has a row, and then just hope no one else books.

Well, see, that's it, basically. But the key is, they say, is say you're booking for you and your fiancé, Aaron, you'd book one on each end. So you'd book an aisle. A and C. Yeah, you'd book A, the window, and then the aisle C. Yeah.

And then hope, fingers crossed. Oh, but the backfire in on that. No one. Too big a backfire. The backfire. I don't know if the payoff is worth it. Well, but the backfire in on that. No one. Too big a backfire. The backfire. I don't know if the payoff is worth it. Well, exactly. You could have someone like

in the middle of you. Jam in the middle of you. So now not only do you not have a row to yourselves, you've got some stranger in the middle. You've got to sit next to a stranger. Now you can't even talk to each other. But then, if you're selecting a seat at check-in, are you going to select a seat in the middle of someone? No, no one likes sitting in the middle.

It would only happen if it was a sold-out flight. Yeah. Of which, there's not that many these days, is there? Well, yeah, that's the other thing. I mean, they'll be filling up more and more and more as the world opens. Yeah. But then you don't know if someone's, yeah, a few people could get COVID and so they cancel their trip last minute.

The flight's a little bit empty. Now, I've done this very thing, but it doesn't, yeah, I've done this very thing because we're going to Bali soon. Fingers crossed. Yeah. COVID pending. Yeah. And I did the same.

I book, I always book exit row and you pay a little bit extra because Aaron's so tall. He's like three metres. Yeah, and especially with some of the smaller airlines or cheaper airlines, it's not a comfort thing. He will not fit. Like his, like not only is he two metres tall, but he's very leggy. Yeah. So it's, yeah, it's not a comfort thing. He will not fit. Like his, like not only is he two meters tall, but he's very leggy.

Yeah. So it's, yeah, it's not like, oh, I would like some more leg room. It won't work. He just has to.

He has to. Right. So we're booking from New Zealand to Australia, Australia to Bali, Bali to Australia, Australia to New Zealand. Those are the flights. And I could get exit row for us on all of those,

except for Bali to Australia, which is a big one coming home. Yeah. So I did this. I've booked a row and put me in window, him in aisle, and, yeah, just hoping for the best that I can hopefully move to a spare seat somewhere random. I'll cram and then he can have a whole row.

Oh, daddy long legs in the back. But if it backfires, it's worse than you can ever imagine. Yeah, getting a whole row, what happens? Does somebody lie down, one person get to lie down across the seats? Like what does the average height person really benefit? Just not having a stranger in the middle. You just have your elbows. You know what it's like when no one's next to you on a plane.

You just have your elbow. Or you lift up there and you've got a little bit more bum room yeah i was just thinking because who's gonna get to lie down because i couldn't fit no i don't lie down well it's like those sky couches it's like who that's great if you like five you know four foot five foot yeah oh it's so good those sky catches are so good with kids but yeah as you say, kids are all under five foot. Yeah. Oh, mum. Patsy the traveller.

My mum is very good. She is like number one at like getting the best seat. There's that seat guru we were just talking about. You go on, you put your flight in the airline and it tells you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's just sent me a photo and said, this is how you do it. It's business class. Real relatable, Patsy.

I had this exact conversation with Ursula Carson yesterday because she's been travelling heaps. I said, I'm going to LA. I know you've travelled heaps. She's never had COVID and she's been here, there and everywhere. I said, like, what's your tip? And she's like, okay, so when you first get on, you keep your mask on, you get into business.

I was like, I'm going to have to stop you there.. I was like, I'm going to have to stop you there. You're an economy. I'm going to have to stop you there. I'm an economy. And she's like, you're on your own, Smith. I was like, save me, Carlson. Be my SharePoints partner. And she said, have fun back there.

Peasant. She called it COVID class. She didn't even call it cattle class. She called it COVID class. Wow. Good luck to us at the back. She said the mask never leaves her face when she travels. Because she's just down here to Australia.

She said she's about to do Sydney to Perth. That'll be the longest flight she's done. And she just never takes the mask off. Yeah, she doesn't ear it. She drinks before she goes on the plane. And then the whole time. I assume she meant water, but now thinking back, she's probably preloading as well.

Oh, she'll have a G&T. Yeah, she'll have a couple of G&Ts, a couple of mummy's sleepy tabs, and then she never takes the mask off the whole time she's on the plane. And she hasn't caught COVID yet. She's been travelling everywhere. Well, good luck with that. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM's.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show,letch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thanks, Rachel. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Have you guys seen the photo of the big black hole? No. It was a bit blurry. I was unimpressed.

It was a bit blurry. I don't want to pick holes in how hard it would be to get that photo. I know it's trillions of light years away. But, you know, twist the lens a bit and get a little bit more of a focus. Or if they used an iPhone, you just tap it and it auto-focuses. Yeah, yeah. Did they not know about that? Did they not have an iPhone available?

I don't know. How embarrassing. Oh, yeah, I'm looking at it now. It looks like... It kind of looks like a far distant burger ring. Yeah, I was going to say, or a really close-up, too close your camera can't focus on a picture of a burger ring at night. Yeah.

This is a super massive black hole. But that's pretty insane that that middle bit is sucking all the light around it. Yeah. Let's stop talking about this absolute meaningless black hole and talk about the fact that there's a dog in the studio. Yee-hee-hee-hee! Who is just

bringing every loose thing there is to eat and chew on. Ross, what is he eating? Is there a vacuum in here? It's a golden retriever. We'll have to get some videos up on socials just to brighten your day because that is a cute puppy. Surely the most pleasing dog breed.

Well, every Friday we take a turn to pick a song that's at least 10 years old. A song that we typically haven't heard for a while. Yes, and I can't remember why this came up. No, don't chew that. Where were... That cable goes to something. Oh yeah, that's a quick way to kill a dog. Talking about killing the dog,

Ross Boss just told us that it had a packet of Panadol in its mouth this morning. Yeah, he managed to get it out as well. And that's why you be a bit slow. Oh, dear, I'm sloppy. I'd train that dog to bring you Panadol in case he was a headache and you didn't want to leave the bed. A power-raining Panadol. He goes down to the dairy

and the dairy owner knows what he's there for. Blue Panadol, please. Panadol with a blue power-raining, please. Anyway, how did this song come up? We were playing a song Talking about a song And then it just had some weird 2000s playlist And this one was the next one to play

That's right So this song is from 2004 A wee whilst ago now And I was actually surprised that it didn't Chart as well as I thought In New Zealand it reached number 11 That was its peak Okay

Still good. It was played everywhere at the time. It was, yeah. Everywhere. And now I feel like it's more popular now. The lyrics are about a homosexual man showing his mother the activities of gay nightlife in order to bond with her following his coming out.

Fantastic. Do you know what it is? Mm-hmm. It is, of course, Scissor Sisters' Take Your Mama. Oh, it's such a good song. It's a happy song, isn't it? All right, it's your Friday flashback, Scissor Sisters, on to them. And your mama takes a shot in the football sun Something different, oh, the girls seem to like you Cause your hands are like a dog and they're full of fun

And now your girl is gonna miss you and your house has got an empty bed The folks who wonder about the wedding, they won't listen to a word you say We'll be the good times all roll out And if the music ain't good Well it's just too bad We're gonna sing along no matter what Because the dancers don't mind If the New Orleans Didn't tip them and make a cut Do it Take your mama out all night

So she'll have no doubt that we're doing All the best we can We're gonna do it Take your mama out all night You can stay up late cause baby you're a boo-boo man We just struggle Living like a good boy oughta In the summer Watching all the girls pass by

When your mama Heard the way that you'd been talking Bye. and overclips wearing buckets of stale cologne. So hard to see the streets on a country road when your glass is in the garbage and your cotton nails just been towed. We're gonna take your mama out all night, yeah. We'll show her what it's all about. We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne. We'll let the good times all roll out

And if the music ain't good, well it's just too bad We're gonna sing along no matter what Because the dancers don't mind if the new one leaves If you tip them and they make a cut Do it! Take your mama out all night So she'll have no doubt that we're doing all the best we can Gonna do it

Take your mama out all night You can stay up late cause baby you're a cool grown man And sisters, sisters, sisters, take your mama on ZM. Friday flashback. What was the reaction like to... ZM! Um, banger. Uh, somebody said...

Holy S-H-I-T. I forgot the song ever existed. Forever banger. Yeah. I reckon lots of people will be adding that to playlists. Yeah. It's got a real good weekend vibe to it. Great choice.

Love the... Cheers, Colleen. Thanks for the message, Colleen. Yoo-hoo! Only me! vibe to it. Great choice. Love the I'm sorry I'll tell you what it is It's PCV Right okay You can't do it It's PCV I can't I can't talk down to old sweet tits over here Next week when it's my pick Yeah

For Friday Flashback I only want the good feedback No but you need to keep humble You'll get it all We need to keep him humble Why don't we keep you humble Because sometimes you make just wild decisions

Oh right okay She's a fragile actor Okay I'm very very I'm precious I'm very very careful I'm quite precious Okay She's a fragile actor. Okay. I'm very, very precious. You're very, very careful. Yeah. I'm quite precious.

Okay. There's a new study out that has found how people meet their partners. I know. And this, you know, you think da clubs, da dating apps, da university. Yeah. But you never think da holidays. Now, I'm trying something where I'm replacing all of my thus with does. I don't know. In a bid to seem younger and cooler.

Can I replace my thus with these? Oof! You're going fancy, I'm going cool. I was at the club, I was on the holidays. Yeah. I was going fancy. Or I might go German. See. Oh see, yeah. Well, it turns out one in five people met their future spouse on vacation.

Whether that be a big international holiday. And I always make friends overseas. Yeah. You know, I flock to strangers. Yeah. Like a moth to a flame. I love a stranger. I love a chat with a stranger.

I love to find connections. And then I form a lifelong connection. I've never met a partner overseas. But people do because, you know, you meet someone and they've got an Irish accent or something and they're like, oh yeah, I met my Kiwi wife now or husband when they were on their OE. Yeah. And we moved back here. OEs are a little bit different to holidays

though. Yeah, I suppose so. You're on an adventure. What's an elongated holiday, isn't it? Yeah, it's a long working holiday. I always wished I ended up with a man with an Irish accent. God, they used to get me, I tell you what. Just get him to become Irish. Just put it on every morning.

Yeah. Top of the morning to you. Have a great day at work, love. Oh, my bloody God, I will. I'll have a rabbit shoe eating for you. They say this is because a lot of people, you know, they're out, they're travelling alone, you're isolated, you're looking for connections.

77% of people said they've made lifelong friends on vacations. Yeah. How many partners did you tear through on your three months in Colombia? Sorry, not tear through. 77% of people said they've made lifelong friends on vacations. Yeah. How many partners did you tear through when you were three months in Colombia? Sorry, not tear through. Oh, Colombia, God. How many partners did you form lifelong?

I mean, sorry, not lifelong. This is very rude. I've got, no, I've definitely got friends. Yeah. Because they say most people that make friends while travelling, they turn into either vacation friendships, like the friendship exists on the holiday and you're like, that was lovely, but it doesn't exist.

And then you've got to delete them off Facebook. Or social media friendships. So you still follow them for years and years to come, but you don't actually really talk. But so one in five meet their partner on a holiday. Yeah, so that's why they say don't be afraid to travel solo. Go solo because then you're open to anything really. You're not sort of following someone else's schedule.

So if you bump into someone, you're like, I looky and I likey, you can then sort of change your plans to maybe accommodate them or involve them and then the romance blossoms and then you bring them home for Christmas. Say voila, you've found yourself a husband. Just like that. So we want to ask this morning if you found your partner on holiday,

but we are debating if it has to be an overseas holiday or a local holiday. I nearly met a partner on holiday. I was in Turkey with my mum in Istanbul and I walked by and a guy offered my mum

three camels for me. And my mum... Jesus. He was like, oh my God. He was like, she is beautiful. Wow. How many, you know... How many camels is it going to take?

How many camels? And my mum said, mm-mm. And he goes, three. And mum goes, okay. Now at least we're talking multiple camels. Patsy could have got those camels back to the white-ed apper. She probably would have. She would have, yeah.

It was simply an issue of flight and freight. Pamela, ah, Pamela's, Patsy's camel tours of the Rumatakas, for example. Oh, my God, no. Patsy's winery tours. Oh, on camels. On camels. On camels.

On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels.

On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels.

On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels.

On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels.

On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels.

On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On camels. On had a Turkish husband. Nearly had a Turkish husband. Wow, okay.

Oh, Patsy's chimed in. Oh no, she thought Scissor Sisters was a good song. Sorry, I thought you... She's not right. She's not wrong. She's a bit behind. She might be listening on iHeartRadio. The app.

Yeah, maybe she's a bit delayed. There's a slight delay there. There is, yeah. But a wonderful alternative to listen to frequently modulated frequencies. Yes. But anyway, we want to hear some romantic stories. Your summer vacation, winter vacation, year-long vacation. But I reckon we can take, you know, domestic travel.

Might have met someone at New Year's at R&B and now you're married. Oh, my God, I doubt it. How embarrassing. No, there would be. 100% there would be. People meeting their husbands at R&B. 100%. 100% there would be.

Who can say no to a guy in an iLab hat and a New York Nets basketball suit? Sleeping on top of their crumpled tent. Yeah, with huge pupils and a chewy mouth. We're talking about whether or not you met your partner on holiday. Did you find romance in Roma? Love in Liguria? Or just love in Levin? Sax in Cincinnati.

Or love in Levin. A passion. Porirua. So apparently one in five have met their partner, their now partner, on holiday. Yeah. So we want to know when you met your now partner on holiday. We did open it up to things like Rhythm and Vines.

New Zealand or overseas, because, you know, we haven't been able to do the overseas thing for a few years. Exactly. Sarah's called, no, sorry, Kirsten. Kirsten. Kirsten. Oh, he called you a Kirsten. You must get that a lot, Kirsten.

Yeah, mix it around. I do get that a lot. It's all right. No offence taken. Where did you meet your partner while you must get that a lot kristen i do get that a lot it's all right no offense taken where did you meet your partner while you're on holiday uh actually at northern base oh kristen so was it and it wasn't a new year's pash it was a new year's pasha right and now i get a new year's pasha i'm the same guy for the rest of my lifecribe to us how it went down. Was it at midnight or you'd met him like previous to the kiss? Well, funnily enough, I'd actually met my ex-boyfriend at R&B

like the year before as well. So I was just thinking about it. It was a bit of a theme. It's a great place to meet people. I'm just thinking you are someone that flourishes at a festival. Well, it was definitely my vibe back then, but, you know, that was the last festival I've been to. Did you have some glitter

on your face? I didn't, no, it wasn't about the glitter, eh? Oh, okay. Yeah, so we were, I was with my friends, he was with his friends, we saw a mutual friend and then being the only two single people in the group, we got introduced

and that was the night before New Year's and we just exchanged numbers and then being the only two single people in the group, we got introduced and that was the night before New Year's and we just exchanged numbers. And then the next night he texted me at, I don't know, 10 o'clock and he was like, what are you doing for New Year's? What are you doing for the countdown? And we had our New Year's pash and the rest was history. What are you doing for the New Year's countdown? And you were like, sucking on your mouth.

So how did it get from Pash to Forever Lover? Well, it's actually a really weird story. The next day, my friend was like, you have to text that guy. One of his friends said that he has a Lamborghini. Oh my God!

I love that one. I'm not laughing at it, he has a Lamborghini, but just what I – you've got to text that guy. There's a Lamborghini on the line. And I was like, oh, I'm pretty sure he doesn't. She's like, nah, definitely one of his friends said he did. So I text him, and I didn't even say hi. I just said, do you have a Lamborghini?

To which he said, no, but do you want to hang out later? And so I said yes anyway. Wait, so where was the Lamborghini? Where did this foolish Lamborghini come from? He was a car dealer. So I think his friend was saying like, you know, there's only a Lamborghini on the car yard. Yeah, right.

He misunderstood that. But it's been brought up at our wedding speech and everything a hundred times now. Married? Wait, so you're already married? Yep, married with a baby on the way. Oh! Christian! Are you going to take your baby to Northern Base?

Northern Base? Absolutely. I think it would only be appropriate. This is where Mummy and Daddy met. Oh, God, they'll be like, yeah! All their twins are like Northern and Base. This is where Mummy and Daddy met. Brilliant.

Kristen, thank you for sharing. Sarah, where did you meet your now partner um we met at a all you can drink party in Phuket in Thailand that's where you meet the keepers yeah wow and so how long ago was this oh about 12 years ago we met for about 10 minutes and changed emails. And then we kept in touch for a couple of years. And then he was from Adelaide and I was from New Zealand. And he moved to New Zealand. And 10 years later, we've got two children and we got married three weeks ago.

What the hell? There was this big gap in the middle where you just had emails and kept in touch. Yeah, back then, just emails and Facebook Messenger chat. Did you know when you weren't together, you knew that there was something special there, though? Like, he said he was moving over here, and I was like, oh, well, let me know when you get here. And he said, oh, I haven't texted you for two years to not hit you up.

And I said to my boss at the time, I'm like, I think he might like me. You weren't wrong. It turns out he does. Wow. And another happy, happy year after. Sarah, thanks for your call. Tanya, whereabouts did you meet your partner? We met in Peru, hiking in Machu Picchu.

Oh my God. Oh, wow. So you, were you just there and you just heard this beautiful accent from New Zealand? Pretty much, actually, yeah. It was like, hello, how are you? Got it. It's so beautiful up here. Macho, macho rules.

Right. And so how long ago was this? About seven years ago. So we were both hiking on a four-day trip. I'm originally from Canada, obviously. He's Kiwi and bonded over having altitude sickness and food poisoning, so vomiting over the mountains and sharing toilet rolls. Oh, my God.

Wow. How romantic. And then so you went home, and then what happened? We just kept in touch. I decided to come over on a working holiday visa and the day before I got here, he moved to Australia. So...

Get back here, you son of a... What? You came here, he went to Australia. Yeah, he got his dream job over there. So we stayed friends and we chatted and then when I got settled in Wellington for the next week, he came over and visited

and just kept going back and forth between Australia and New Zealand and fell in love and decided, we'll go and live in the Netherlands together and travel for the next couple of years. I love your life.

So we got married and had kids. Yeah. God, these are so beautiful. These are beautiful stories. I love those. Tanya, amazing. Thank you for sharing. More messages in.

I met my Kiwi husband when he was traveling in Mexico in a bar. We were both drunk, been together for 16 years, married for nine, have a nine and a seven-year-old, still super in love. Wow. Look at these travelers. Look at these travelers. I met my husband at R&V 10 years ago. Got married three years ago.

One child, another on the way. Told you. I see that happens all the time. Something's in the air. Yeah, of course. Or in the water. My friend had a one-night stand with a guy from the UK in Ios, in Greece.

Then he followed her to Slovenia for five days and then six months later he moved to New Zealand and they're still together four years down the track. Lovely. I love that. I was doing my OE

around Europe with friends on the last week of our trip. We met a group of English guys at the bar when we tried to pet a dog at the same time. Oh my God.

Oh, they both love dogs. We ended up staying with them for the rest of the trip and now four years later we're together living here in Aotearoa. Do they have a dog? I don't know That's not if you've got a dog already

I met my husband When we were both on holiday in Turkey 18 years later Two kids are living in New Zealand. How many camels Did they cost? Yeah how many camels? Because you probably were. Because I was about to Fetch three camels Three of your finest camels

You don't want to gloat but you're worth finest camels. You don't want to gloat, but you're worth three camels. I don't want to. I mean, if you're listening and you don't know what I look like, let me just say I'm three camels hot. When you said, I don't want to, it sounded like you were going to say, I don't want to gloat for my love to be over. How many camels would I be worth?

Oh, at least two. You're more of a goat. Couple of goats. Two goats. Couple of goats and a retired horse. Yeah, maybe run to the litter pig. What's Vaughan? If I'm two retired...

If you're two goats and a retired horse... Couple of pack elephants. Yeah. Couple of pack elephants. Couple of chooks. Oh, couple of... Couple of oxen and four chooks. Couple of menopausal chooks. Yeah. Couple of chooks that are bloody destined for the pot. Couple of prol Couple of chooks. Oh, a couple of oxen and four chooks. Couple of menopausal chooks.

Yeah. Couple of chooks that are bloody destined for the pot. Couple of prolapse chooks. How do you know my nickname? Old prolapse chook over here. Old prolapse jazz my wrestling name. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ring, the prolapse chook. And I come out, I'm like, what the?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! the prolapsed shock. And I come out, I'm like... Ah! Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Today's fact of the day is about a way of preserving food. You've been a bit jazzed up about this all morning, haven't you? I've been reading about this. I still, I still, I still can't understand how it works. High-pressure processing is a form of processing that doesn't require like excessive amounts of heat. Yeah. Like if you preserve something like beetroot or jam, you cook it to get out all the bacteria or like spores or whatever on it that could lead to like mold growing in there or food spoilage. Or like, for example, if things aren't preserved properly, like,

listeria can be in there. That can make you very, very sick. Ooh. And things that can lead to food poisoning. Might lose a couple of kgs, though. Mmm. I'm on the listeria diet. And if it's all going well, I'll live to see the other side

because it can be quite bad. But so the way this processes the food and preserves it and gets rid of all those baddies is by putting it in extreme pressure. Is this the fact of the day? Yeah. Today's fact of the day is there's a form of food preservation that uses pressure the equivalent of two and a half thousand times the pressure you could put in your tire of your car.

Which is what, like 30 something, 40? I always rock a 36. A 36. Yeah, if you go higher. So wait, say there's a sausage that you want to preserve. Salami is one of the examples they use. They use a lot of like water examples, like juice and stuff. But salami, yes, they use it because it is a preserved meat.

So you put a salami in a something. Correct. And then you pressurize it to how many PSI? Is this the fact of the day is you put a salami in a something. It's the equivalent of the weight of three jumbo jets being exerted on a smartphone-sized area. You imagine if I could balance three jumbo jets nose to tail, impossible, but let's just say I could and I put it all on a smartphone,

that's how much pressure is being exerted in this one specific area. What is, I'm starting to get, my mind is blowing. Instantaneously from all angles at the same time. What is pressure? Because when you said pressure in your tyres, I'm like, that's air. Yeah, that's air being pressurized and forced into a space that holds the tube structure.

Yes, pressure is like. So when you do this to the salami or the sausage, why doesn't it explode or go bleh? Yeah, like. So if you did it with heat, it would cause a liquid purge and fat migration. The fat would all go to the same spot with salami. So the HPP does it by putting it in there, putting it in its packaging, and hitting it on all sides at exactly the same time with exactly the same pressure. So it doesn't like go out the side.

You know if you like squeeze on something, it finds there's no resistance between your fingers. It can't do that because on all, it finds there's no resistance between your fingers. So it goes. It can't do that because on all sides it is being equally pressurized. How is it not destroying the sausage? Yeah. Because why didn't it go in but then on the other side. It exerts. Exactly.

It's got nowhere to go. And it's vacuum sealed in there. When this pressure is doing that, is that killing all of the- It literally squashes the bacteria. How does it squash bacteria but not the meat? But not the sausage. I don't know. I watched a video of it. I think someone that's been at Massey Food Tech's going to have to call us

and tell us how this works because I'm a bit lost. All the things that you usually boil so that bacteria can't survive, you boil it so that spores can't survive and cause mould. You don't need to do that because this pressure is literally just like blowing them apart. How fascinating. I mean, whose brain

was like, I wonder if, and then created this machine, a salami machine. The salami machine. Heavily pressurized. So the first time it was actually made, further than being hypothesized, was the late 1800s. This guy's like, I don't think these spores will be able to handle too much pressure. And then pressurize them and they...

Amazing. Good lord. Okay. I was just fascinated I assumed all homogenisation and pasteurisation everything that takes

the bugs out and preserving was all heat based but it's not they don't need the heat they just punch it with an So if you're going

through life today feeling like you've just got too much pressure there's too much pressure on you think about a salami they've got three jumbo jets worth

of pressure on them on a smartphone sized area. And they're still delicious. They still deliver, don't they? A little motivational speech. And RIP to the moulds, yeasts, parasites, bacterias and spores that are no longer with us thanks to this huge exertion of pressure. Yes. Fascinating.

So today's fact of the day is there's a way of making a sausage that's just a big smashing machine. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Silly, silly little pole, silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole. Well, today's silly little pole, it's all about being on time or late. Vaughan Smith, today at work, the first time you've been here before. I was the first one here. Ever, work, the first time you've been here before. I was the first one here.

Ever. That's the first time you've ever... All it took was two completely dead arms that I woke up with that I couldn't feel my fingers and I thought I had MS. Racketing around in the back of my brain because I know that's the first time. People are so quick to think they've got MS. I know, it's a quick one. And the dog barking up the road. I don't know whose dog that was. You couldn't get back to sleep

at three o'clock. I was just like, why don't I just go to work? And you were here before everyone, and then you had to explain to each one of us as we arrived. Individually, as you arrived. Everyone walked up to me like, what are you doing here? What's up? What's happening? Yeah, did you sleep here? It's like when I wear a college shirt.

Yeah. Everyone's like, why are you wearing that? Did someone die? You've got a job interview. Are you off to a funeral or a wedding? You've got a job interview. You've got a job interview at the accounting firm across the road. Look, I'm thinking of her.

So, our silly little poll today. are you always late or always early? I would say, Vaughan, always late. Always late, baby. Always late. Here's why always late is great. You don't have to say hello to everybody individually as they arrive wherever you are. So you're going to a function where there's going to be multiple people. If you're the first people there, you're going to have to be like,

Hi, Carol. Hi, Steve. How are you? Oh, hold on. Murray and Karen the first people there, you're going to have to be like, hi, Carol. Hi, Steve. How are you? Oh, hold on. Murray and Karen have arrived. Hi, how are you? I arrive late.

Everyone's like, Vaughn's here. I'm like, hey, everybody. Taken care of. I mean, we work in a team of six. It's not that. I know this. I'm just a pilot all of my life. The reason I arrive late to work is it gives me such a powerful feeling.

Yeah, you stroll in. Stroll in and everyone's like, hey. You're just so, you're useless. If you didn't have people in your life like your wife and me and Anna and the producing team, you just wouldn't get here in time and get things done. But also, like, why are we rushing, man? Oh, my God. What's time?

I know, Hayley, you're like me, always early. Anxiety. When I'm running late, I just feel I hate it. Technically, I'm not late because nothing starts till I arrive. Oh, my God. The arrogance of this man. The white arrogance, it's showing. I like to think I'd be this arrogant regardless of my race.

So we asked on our poll, are you always late or always early? 71% of people said always early. Early bird catches that fat old worm. Yeah, 29% of people, Vaughans, always late. I'm always so early, I spend so much time sitting in my car, just waiting to hold the time. What a waste of time. It's not a waste of time because they have time to sort of think

and calm down and be, I'm... And you're giving yourself time if there's no parking or traffic. If there's no parking and I don't get stressed about anything. Please, you're a considerate human being. And a very anxious one. Amy messages and say, why can't people be on time? It pisses me off if someone turns up. Well, you're never on time.

You're always technically early or late. It's just the scale depends. I've misread this. Why can't people be on time? It pisses me off when someone turns up super early. I'm not bloody ready for you. Oh, yeah, don't turn up so early. No, no, you've got to sit in your car.

Don't ever turn up early. Unless it's a really good friend and you're like, do you mind if I'm early? I'm already here. Yeah. I'm here, I'll just sit in the lounge. I wouldn't care, yeah. Louise says, I got taught the phrase,

on time is late, and that stuck with me for years. Stacey says, I hate making small talk, so I absolutely hate turning up first. Yeah. When there's only one or two people at an event. An event's different than... Oh, no, your party's different. Always late. Party's different.

Always, you never go on time. I think it's like on time to appointments, work, meetings, that kind of stuff. Like, what about if you were going out for dinner with somebody? I like turning up to the restaurant 10 minutes late. You can only know about a booking. You can't be late to a booking. No, because you might only have an hour and a half for the table

and then you've chewed up 20 minutes. When have you ever eaten with me and I've taken any more than 25 minutes? You can do entrees, like drinks, drinks, drinks, entrees, mains, maybe another mains and two puds.

Fair call. And then that is out. Lisa does what I do. Always early. I set all of my clocks five minutes ahead so even when I'm stressed that I'm late, I know that I'm truly not.

But I do that. So all my clocks in my car and stuff are five minutes ahead. But when I'm driving, I'm like, it's okay because I've got five more minutes. No, just go by the actual time and be five minutes early. Always early because you're late, Samantha says. You are disrespectful and think you're more important than everyone else. Is that resonating with you? But I am.

Huh. Okay. Like, in my world, who is the main character? Me. Yeah, but in my life, you are the villain. Everybody needs a villain. You are the antagonist of our lives. Wait, is the antagonist or protagonist good?

Protagonist is me. Pro is good. Ant as in ante. Ante is me. Emma says, I'm always perfectly on time. protagonist good? Protagonist is me. Pro is good. Ant as in anti. Anti is me. Emma says, I'm always perfectly on time. Husband likes to be 10 minutes early. I like to push the boundaries to the absolute limit and I arrive at 8.59 for a 9 o'clock appointment.

Live life on the edge, baby. That's not living life on the edge. That's being on time. Live life on the edge. Turn up to your appointment at 10 past 9 and then have a real good bitch if they've rebooked it for somebody else. So they shut out. She's like, oh, I've got a doctor's appointment at 10. I'm like have a real good bitch if they've rebooked it for somebody else. So they shut out.

She's like, oh, I've got a doctor's appointment at 10. I'm like, it's half past eight. Where are you going? She's like, you've got to be there. I was like, the doctors start the day half an hour late. Yeah, they, doctors arrive half an hour late and then every patient they had 15 minutes on. Yeah, get 17 and a half minutes.

So if your appointment's for 10, they'll probably see you at about 11.30. So you can turn up at quarter past 11. No stress there. And have you seen how many sick people there are waiting at doctors?.30. 11.30-ish? So you can turn up at quarter past 11. No stress there. And have you seen how many sick people there are waiting at doctors? No, thank you. No, thank you, sir. What time do you... Okay, so say you've got a 10 o'clock doctors.

When do you arrive? 10 o'clock. Bang on. Smith, 10. That's what I say when I walk in. And they're like... No, I can't. Look at their watch.

I'm like, bang on time. I arrived to a 10 o'clock the other day at 10.01 and I apologised profusely there's just something about it you've just given them they wouldn't have even noticed you've just introduced

the problem as I was parking my car I was close to calling them and being like I'm just running a little bit late no I don't do that until I'm 15 minutes late

oh my god no no no and I always say you are not gonna believe the day I've had. Oh, get out. It's just because you're on PlayStation. Yeah, totally. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Namaste. We're having a bit of an argument about the best city in New Zealand and clearly it's Wellington. And then Georgia chimed in saying F Wellington, which is wild. Well, she's hardcore Canterbury, yeah. But you've gone down the rabbit hole, Hayley.

It's not a rabbit hole. A conspiracy rabbit. Oh, this is how it starts. It's not a conspiracy. Your friends think there's something on Mars, and then before you know it, there is something on Mars. It's Pizzagate and, you know, eating babies.

Okay, so we've had lots of images out of the Curiosity rover on Mars belonging to NASA, trusted NASA. Yeah. And they'll be taking photos and showing us what Mars is like because we're having a look. We want to see before we buy. And we move there.

So they were sharing these photos and people were very quick to go, the hell is this? It's a doorway likely to lead to some sort of bunker situation created by aliens. Well, I'm on board. I'm on board because I want there to be aliens. Not the blowy up earth type. Look at this thing. It's a doorway.

It's like a cliff face, you know, like a cliff face. Yes, it does look very similar to like Jordan or somewhere in the Middle East. It's like a film set in Jordan where they did some Star Wars. Star Wars, perhaps. But no, this is from Mars. It does look carved. At that angle, it does look carved out. There's not a chunk of rock missing.

It is a perfect doorway. Almost standard, a 900 by whatever the doors are. But you're saying that aliens... You're saying alien door dimensions are exactly the same as a typical human door. Yeah, we just bought a bunch of doors and it would hang quite nicely on this hole that's created by aliens. So you're saying like alien Bunnings or Mitre 10 would have all the standard same door frames. Some handyman alien, handy alien. Right.

Yep. I don't think you can call them that. Handy alien. Tim the Tool alien tailor. Yeah. Who goes. Has come onto the cliff face and gone, I'd like to build my bunker here. Right.

That's gone to alien Bunnings. And they've brought, what would you need to sort of carve out a door? Before you even go on, you're getting a fling-dang-dong from the barbecue outside. A fliggle-diggle. How much? Eight blueglands. The price is through the roof.

There better be fried gling-glanglands. Are you going to beat that by 10%? I just saw it cheaper up the road. Yeah. And they've carved out a doorway. I've been seeing this recently, and I don't know, it's not conspiracy theories. People have been seeing UFOs, actual unidentified flying objects that people are going, we can't say what that is,

other than it's a UFO. There's UFOs, they're coming. It's arriving. I feel like I'm reading more and more about aliens at the moment than ever before. I just think it would be such a coincidence in the vast time that the universe covers that if this part of our civilization

where we've got a grasp on the outer workings, oh, not even the outer workings, some parts of space outside of Earth, that that's the exact time that aliens would also be like, we're here. They've either been there all along or... We're in a simulation, aren't we? We're in a Mark Zuckerberg meta simulation.

We are. Now, I have just got to the bottom of the article. What is it? This is almost a lesson in itself. That we should read this. Why, when you're about to share something on Facebook now, it's like, did you read it though? No, no, no, no, no.

But I'm just saying if aliens did attack, we might be all right because potentially they're very small. Because this says, although the door-like rock formation appears big enough to fit people, in reality it might only be a few centimetres tall. Oh, this is great. How do they not know that? Well, how do we know what size they are?

No, but how do they not know the scale? No, it's just because in that picture, non-NASA people were quick to say it looks like a doorway. Or to recognise that it looks like a doorway. It's in fact, what, a tiny rock hole that's a few centimetres high. Yeah, but do you remember that just last month there were footprints? There were footprints on Mars. Oh my God.

Not a man, half-trod upon Mars. What kind of footprint? Alien. What shoe size? What did it look like? Because Matt Damon's a nine or a ten. It trod upon Mars. What kind of footprint? Alien. What shoe size? What did it look like? Because Matt Damon's a 9 or a 10. It's Matt Damon's. Yeah, size 10.

Is it Matt Damon? Yeah. Was it like a Vans waffle print or was it to have Nike backwards? I believe it might have been a Doc Martin, a size 10. Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Size 10 Doc Martin print. Great boots for intergalactic space. They'll last.

But a boot for any occasion. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.