ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 14th February 2023

Episode Date: February 13, 2023

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The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee by redeeming your MyMaccas rewards. Would you care to explain the look you've got on your face, Hayley? People can't see it, but it's a grimaced, pained look. My knee tingles back.

Now, you may have heard last year, this time last year, I started a knee tingle. It's back. Yeah. And stronger than ever last year, this time last year, I started a knee tingle. It's back. Yeah. And stronger than ever. You always sit on your knee, though. You cross your knee. Well, now this is my new seating, which is I'm in the chair, but my legs are up on the desk. Right.

Like you're ready for an examination. Vagina pointed. Yeah. Vagina aimed. Pew, pew. Pew, pew. Ah! Gotcha.

Not the vaginal. Mars attacks. Not the vaginal laser. Yeah, I do do Vaginal laser You know I'm all about it Yeah Anyway Okay well we're about to discuss

Something on the podcast That I didn't think about The fact that We didn't talk about it on the radio Because I didn't want anybody to hear it You were talking on the podcast Which I would say Internationally has as many listeners

More Yeah If not more Yeah Well just tell us I mean just give it a few tests So there was a moment at the weekend where I was I was vindicated I was perfectly right now if it had just been Sade and I she would have

argued I was wrong and I would have argued I was right and we would neither of us would have backed down and that's the secret to a long and successful marriage right just to be stubborn never giving them an inch both being as stubborn as each other never apologize never give them an inch I simply won't apologize for that. No. So when we went to the wedding, the night before the wedding, we had as the groomsmen who were staying the night before the wedding decided that we were going to buy our groom friend Johnny a special bottle of whiskey. Nice.

He loves his whiskeys. Nice. Him and I have bonded over many a whiskey. Where did you go? Scotland or Japan? Ireland. Wow. 21-year-aged oak barrel red breast whiskey. Where did you go? Scotland or Japan? Ireland. Wow. 21-year-aged oak barrel red breast whiskey.

God, it must be nice. We all chipped in. Okay. We all chipped in. The idea we would have a toast to him on the night and then leave him with the rest of the bottle to decide what to do. Okay. And so we were in the lad's pad.

Sade was there and so was another couple of groomsmen's partners. In the lads pad? Why were they in the lads pad? Because we went to the lads pad for the toast. That was where the whiskey was. I was going to say, get them out of there. So we went to the lads pad and we said, oh, we're going to have a special toast now. And so we started dishing out the glasses to the groomsmen. Yep. As it was a groomsman's toast. And you'd all chipped in equally. Yes. Yeah, okay.

Now, Sade knew, and she doesn't like whiskey, so she didn't want part of the whiskey. And our other friend's partner, she didn't want any of the whiskey. But there was, one of the bridesmaids had popped down to the lad's pad just to check out the lad's pad, and one of her partner had come. Right. So when I was pouring the whiskeys and handing them out to everybody, Sade kept saying, pour him a whiskey. And I'll say, I will soon. Pour him a whiskey, Vaughn.

He needs a whiskey when you do the toast. I said, this is a groomsman's toast. It's not his toast. And he didn't want, I kind of looked at him and he was standing back. He didn't want, he wasn't like, hand out, where's my whiskey? He knew. He knew. He knew.

It's a groomsman's toast. Sade's like, pour him a whiskey. I said, I will pour him a whiskey after the toast. The toast is the groomsman's toast. This was pre-agreed on. Afterwards. The men he had chosen to be his groomsman were having a special toast. And so he also hadn't

paid any money. Yep, yep, yep. So that didn't worry me. He's a generous man, our Vaughan Smith. He is. He's a man. Happy to pay. Happy to share. Vaughan and Teresa, they call them. Smith. He is. He's a man. I'm a man. Happy to pay. Happy to pay. Happy to share. Vaughan and Teresa, they call them. Yeah, they do. They have said that.

They've said that a lot, Vaughan and Teresa. I would have thought Mother Vaughan-Resa would have worked better, but Vaughan and Teresa. Mother Vaughan and Teresa. Sure. Yeah. That works too. Working title. And so we have the toast, and Sade, I can tell, is looking at me like, you've left a man out.

You've left a man out she's a great host you can see why she wants him to so afterwards I say a toast a toast and I said would anybody ask like a whiskey would you like one and he's like only if it's okay and I said of course of course and I poured him one and I passed him one and then my friend Auburn's like you owe me 30 pounds as a joke yeah now we had the whiskey we went on got pretty written off yeah now in the car ride home and the taxi ride home the chalet was like i can't believe you didn't pour him a whiskey you should have poured him a whiskey when you poured everybody the whiskey and i was like no way now at this stage i was expecting everybody else to stay out

and just let the 12 year married couple have at after a few drinks yeah but everybody got in on my side everyone was like vaunted perfectly because he was balancing the fact that this was the groomsman's toast a special moment after which if anybody else would like a whiskey to share with the groom, they could join in a secondary toast. It's like the first dance at a wedding. The couple starts. They're the most important. And if you want to join in afterwards, give them a little moment and then you can join.

Correct. Same thing. Boy, it felt good. Yeah, that's good. Boy, it felt good. Suck it, Sade. And then we got back to where we were staying and there were some more people staying there. Yeah.

And she brought it up again, assuming she was going to find some support somewhere. An ally. She was left wanting because everybody was like, oh, no, no, Vaughn handled it perfectly. Yes. Okay, wow. Vaughn, you had the exclusive groomsman's toast to start with. And then afterwards invited other people in, not to leave anybody out or leave anybody feeling excluded.

And he handled it very well. So did she apologize? No, I'm still waiting on that. But I shouldn't need to apologize. You know when you've got crowd support, you're like, oh, yeah, we all think differently. You've been vindicated. And then you get a little bit cocky in your vindication.

And you almost give her your support now. It's all right. It's okay. That's how you thought things should be done. But that's not everybody agreed. Not everybody agreed. In fact, everybody agreed with me. Everyone agreed with me.

But I balanced it perfectly. You did. Good to have a win though, isn't it? Oh, it's good to chalk up a win against the misses. That's another secret to a long and happy, successful marriage. Keep points. Who's winning? In the points book.

Don't get me wrong. I'm so far behind. Yeah. But that's the most recent score. Good win. Me. Surely double points book. Don't get me wrong. I'm so far behind. Yeah. But that's the most recent score. Good win. Me. Surely double points too. If we were doing last points wins, I'd be winning.

You're there. I'd be absolutely winning. You're a hero. Happy Valentine's Day. Play ZM's Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. Six, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleech, Fawn and Hayley.

Six o'clock. A wild drive. Wow. Be careful out there. There is some debris on the roads, especially if you're in the upper North Island. A lot of those wind warnings, as you would have heard, still in place this morning.

I can just, like, chill. You had a whole tree over the road. A whole tree over the road. I had to sneak around it. Did the Mazda get around that? The Mazda got around. She's zippy. And she's petite.

She squeezes through the gaps. Yeah. I drove through a little river over the road. That was pretty fun. The water went pfft. Not recommended for everybody, but I was in a very capable four-wheel drive. Wouldn't we call that a very capable four-wheel drive?

The Suzuki Jimny. Yeah. Another wild night. So, yeah, thoughts with everybody today? Yes, I know. Because, yeah, a lot of people waking up to, again, more devastation. Indeed. Not what we needed.

No, it's not. Bloody madness. Okay. It's not climate change, is it's not. Bloody madness. Okay. It's not climate change, is it? Yes, it is. No. Yeah, no, it is apparently. No, this happened back in the 1800s.

Yeah, because I found heaps of scientists online saying it's global climate change. Easily the majority. But I searched really hard and I found one that said it's not. Now that's the one I'm going to go with. Now that's the guy I'm on board with. That's the one I'm going to go with. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, the overwhelming, overwhelming majority. Yeah. It's like when, you know, nine out of ten dentists recommend this toothpaste, I want to talk to the one that didn't. What was his issue with the toothpaste?

Yeah. Do you think he's using a budget toothpaste? I don't know, but I want to hear what he's got to say. Maybe he's the one that didn't take big toothpaste money. It's corporate greed. Yeah, maybe he's the one you should be listening to. He hasn't been corrupted by the media. Yeah.

Ha. I somehow feel like this is Jacinda's fault. If we can place the blame directly at the feet of somebody. Yeah. All right, coming up on the show, the top six, Vaughn. Yeah, aliens, guys. Aliens, they're here. What have we shut down?

18 unidentified flying objects in the last week. A phenomenal amount. And everyone's shutting them down. Uganda even had a pop. Well, actually, someone did it for Uganda, but it was in Uganda's airspace. Everybody's having a pop at the unidentified flying objects. So the aliens are here.

And I tell you what, the conspiracy theories are starting, aren't they, on TikTok? They're loving it. Wow. But I have the top six things that the aliens have seen in the last week that they've been here. It's been a busy week. She's been all go.

She's been all go. All right, it's coming up on the show. Next. A woman's behaved quite poorly. And I... Women usually don't. You know, usually very well behaved. They're normally very well behaved.

They're normally very well behaved. We're usually ladies in the streets. But this woman has very poor behaviour indeed. Yep. All right, it's next. I don't know if this was on an Air New Zealand flight. Yep. A flight from New Zealand to the Gold Coast was all going well. And then apparently, there's no explanation as to how this started

other than she's an elderly woman. This elderly woman struck a fellow passenger in the face, someone who was sitting next to her, during an argument. Then the flight attendant stepped in to help, and then she bit the flight attendant. Like a dog. This old lady bit this flight attendant. That's quite impressive Because elderly people

Have the You know They normally have the dentures Don't they They lose their bite You wouldn't want to get them stuck How old Because what if she was like

Oh if you're going to bite someone You might be a bit like And You might only have Every second tooth And then that makes it A really bad bite Because there's

Less surface Yeah Your skin goes up Into the gaps. It's like the Shakti mats. Yes. The really painful ones are the ones that have less spikes. The Shakti mouth.

The Shakti mouth. She's got a Shakti mouth. Yuck. So, yeah, she slapped someone. And now they had to land the plane, give her a whole bunch of fines for this. I thought you were going to say a whole bunch of tetanus or shots. Yeah, yeah. Blood tests for the flight attendant.

So apparently, I mean, they said since the holidays have started 49 people have been charged for separate incidents across Australia's major airports. For incidents on planes. On planes. Like bad behaviour.

24 of which were intoxication. I've been borderline. Off planes. Like bad behaviour. 24 of which were intoxication. I've been borderline. Offensive and disorderly behaviour. Wow. You can't drink too much on a plane. God, it's awful. Have you made that decision when you sort of lean in a little hard on, you know those flights where it's just willy nilly?

It's only a few hours, yeah. And it's free for all. And then you land in a different time zone. You're all dusty and sticky and dry. Because what do they say? Two in the air. One in the air

is worth two on the ground. Is that the saying? Yeah. We've never heard that before. Jeez. That's why you get so drunk in the sky. Yeah.

Yeah. Because of the altitude. I always drink because I'm not a huge whiskey drinker but when I'm on a plane I'll exclusively drink whiskey. Right.

That's an interesting choice to deviate from your standard. Yeah, I know. Whiskey and dry. I think because when I think of whiskey and dry, I think it's a bit sleepy. Okay, right. But God, imagine. I mean, they haven't said whether the elderly lady who bit the flight attendant. I wonder if New Zealand, if there would be New Zealand stats on that, like domestic flights or flights into New Zealand, how many people are intercepted by police because they were rowdy on a flight.

It'd be way less. Australians are more feral, let's be honest. I know, but we can be a little bit. Especially on those flights to the Goldie. I feel like that would be the problem, Ralph. Yeah, I know, but you'd think that people are going to the Goldie for a bloody sick time. But this is an old lady.

Yeah, but they crack the duty free, don't they? Yeah, they get racked up. They get too excited early, don't they? You're not allowed to open the duty free on the plane. Well, they say that, yeah, but people go to the, you know. Just trying to stop me. The bookstore slash lollies and chocolate and Coke. They buy a couple of mixes.

Yeah. But then the problem is when you've got to ding dong them For a drink There's a gap between your drinks But when you're pouring your own From the dirty free bottle Yeah it's unlimited It's non-stop Continuous flow

It's non-stop It's dangerous Yeah And they'll take longer To get you your drink If they think you're having too much Oh yeah they'll just cut you off Yeah

Rightly so You've got to make friends With the flight attendants That's what I do You know the big international flights And they go What would you like And I always. You know the big international flights and they go, what would you like? And I always say,

a little whiskey and dry and then they'll give me that can of dry ginger ale and a little shot of whiskey. I'll be like, well, it's too much ginger ale to dry, to whiskey. So you better give me another one.

Oh my God, they hate you. They hate people like you. You come back, you'll be like, another round. And then you're like, is there anywhere on this plane

I can light up a durry? You know, between you and me. Crank a window in here? Yeah, I'll go and do it in the toilets. You come back, you'll be like, another round. And then you're like, is there anywhere on this plane I can light up a durry? You know, between you and me. Crank a window in here? Yeah. I'll go and do it in the toilets. Yeah, yeah, don't worry. Next on the show, there's a bill in America. Cosby?

That could be, although there's a few bills. Clinton? Murray? A law bill. Ah. That's looking to outlaw something, make something illegal. Well, that's good. They love a bit of billing.

They billy willy nilly. They do. Clay, Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Well, there's a bill that's going through the Alabama legislature. What comes from Alabama? The place where they do the laws. And it's going to make it illegal. If this becomes, if it passes,

we'll make it illegal for companies to all private employees, any kind of organisation, to microchip a person. I didn't realise it wasn't illegal. Well, there was no law. So you could if you said that that was part of your company's

policy. Yes. And that's what actually gave this politician the idea is that there was a company in Wisconsin that said to its employees, hey guys, guys, are you sick of having a swipe card on a lanyard all the time? Right. You know, like, do you want a microchip?

And you know, we'll know where you are. Yeah. You might be able to pay wave and open a few doors. Look, I don't know how these things work. We'll tell if you're pregnant before you know. Yeah. So I think it's like, it's the same kind of technology, you know, with your pay wave or your...

I would love that. Apple Pay, that kind of stuff. Would you? I'd love my cards in my wrist and maybe on the back of my hand my car key because my car's keyless. You're only going to have a car for like, you could have it for 10 years. You could get it removed.

You could get it taken out. You could have a little zip on your hand. And every time you get a new car, you put in the new button. Oh my God, really? Airpoints. Airpoints that could be on the forearm. So you just, what, you board your flight, you're like, beep. And how would you know your seat number? You put it in there? Oh, my God. Really? Airpoints. Airpoints that could be on the forearm. Boop.

So you just, what, you board your flight, you're like, beep. Yeah. And it tells you. How would you know your seat number? I just know it. You just know it, right. Because from the chip would tell my brain. Right.

Might attend trade card. Boop. Like that. Right. Okay. That's a, you can just tell them your code. Nah, but it's easier to scan it. Right. Boop, bo it's easier to scan it.

Right. Like that. So you'd be all about being microchipped. Hell yeah. I'd be chipped to the nines. Chipped up. Yeah, I'd be chipped up. Well, how convenient would it be?

You'd never like, because I'm a big, I was going to say I'm a big loser. There's a quote. Snip that up. I'm a big loser. I lose things all the time. Yeah. Keys, wallet, phone. You've got to get the ear tags. Do you have a phone in your arm?

Hey, guys, what's up? And then it could just be on your wrist. What's a what? That's what an Apple Watch is. Yeah, but I'll lose the Apple Watch if it's in me. You can't lose it. Right. So would you have a screen on your wrist?

Step counter? Heart rate monitor? Yeah So would you have a screen on your wrist? Step counter? Heart rate monitor? Yeah, I'd have a little screen. You're literally just describing a watch. I know, but it's in me. Yeah. So you can't. And how would you charge it, though?

On the toilet, you'd sit down and there's a probe that plugs into your butt. Or it's just the whole seat's a wireless charger. No, the bed's a wireless charger. The bed's a wireless charger. The bed's a probe that plugs into your butt. Or it's just the whole seat's a wireless charger. No, the bed's a wireless charger. The bed's a wireless charger. You lie down and you charge while you sleep. Right. You recharge and you recharge. And you recharge. Okay. I'm just saying

here's ideas. Welcome to the future, guys. Welcome to the future. 17 past six. I mean, the robots can't take over if you are one. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, the AI. The AI can't take over if you're part of their team. Unless they change you while you're sleeping, because they've dialed into the Wi-Fi. Dialed into, yeah.

Into the wireless charging. And you'd never know. Yeah. You wouldn't ever know. And then you're taken over. You're part of the collective. Yeah. Oh, okay.

That might have already happened. Well, yeah, we are in a simulation. Well, that answers that. That's why Valentine's Day happens every year. Just click. Oh, this is the best I've felt in years. I listened to a theory the other day, and I'm not saying I believe this theory.

You're not saying you don't believe it. But there was a guy who was trying to explain deja vu, and he said, it's because you are the centre of the universe. So me, I'm the centre of the universe. Of course you are. And when I feel like I've seen something before, it's because, oh, I've lost it. The Big Bang. Big Bang Theory, right.

It's basically like when I die, that's it. So this whole world and life doesn't continue. The Big Bang happens again. Right. So when I die, that's the end of this world's cycle. And then the Big Bang happens again and we've got dinosaurs. So it's narcissistic. Right. So when I die, that's the end of this world's cycle. And then the big bang happens again and we've got dinosaurs. So it's narcissists at an entirely galactic

level. I'm not saying I believe them. I'm just saying hear them out. Right. He sounds like a lunatic. Just hear them out. Because if you die tomorrow or today, we'll carry on. No, no, no, no. You don't exist. We do exist.

I exist. Where do you exist? You are just parts of my life. But you're parts of our lives. No, no, no, no. But only when I'm around. Okay. I hate to break it to you, but the world will go on without you. No, it won't.

It won't. Okay. Not as I know it. Right. Okay. Well, fair. And then the big bang. Yeah. Play. Not as I know it. Right, okay. Well, fair. And then the big bang. Yeah.

Jealousy. Probably, I hope no one experiences it today. It's Valentine's Day and, you know, all that stuff. She got, he got. Yeah. They got. Oh, I hadn't thought about jealousy looking into another relationship. Yeah, I thought just jealousy.

Within your own relationship. Yeah, you were jealous of, you know. Like I'm jealous of Aaron's long legs. He's got such long legs and thick hair. You would be jealous of the attention that he paid other women. Yeah. Not saying he does, but that was kind of where I was coming from. He's got a slightly nicer car than me.

Who has? Aaron. Well, he does have a nicer, he's got a of where I was coming from. He's got a slightly nicer car than me. Who has? Aaron. Oh, he does have a nicer. He's got a ute. Yeah, nice. It's way nicer. It's a hatchback. It's to pick up all the honeys.

Yeah, I know. He stacks the honeys in the back. Yeah, imagine if he went to New World or Mitre 10 to pick up some stuff and then some honeys started talking to him. Yeah. Would you be jealous of that? She wouldn't care. She wants his long legs and his thick hair. I want his long legs.

The things I am jealous of. His long legs. The She wants his long legs and his thick hair. I want his long legs. The things I am jealous of. His long legs. The woman took his long legs and he came home without legs. So a hot woman stole his hot legs. That would sort my jealousy because I wouldn't be jealous of his legs anymore. They're gone. Would you be jealous of her legs? Yeah, but she's got his legs at her house.

Is she stitching his legs onto her torso? It was a magical swap of the lower half of their body. Yeah, now I'm jealous of her. Still not jealous of him. He comes home, like, hitting about 5'8". Yeah. Because he's still got the same size upper torso, but he's got little squatty legs.

Yeah. Now I'm worried about his arms, because he's got very long arms. They'll be dragging on the ground. She took those, too. So he's just torso. Yeah. No, no, well, he's got her long arms. That'll be dragging on the ground. She took those too. So he's just torso. Yeah. No, no, well, he's got her arms and legs. So he's gone from long...

Is she curvy or is she more of a straight up and down? She's a 10. Great question. She's a 10. Oh, crap. 10 legs, but short. Now I'm jealous of her. She's a short 10.

Okay, good. Okay, so a therapist online has revealed the six reasons you may feel jealousy. One, you felt overlooked as a child. Jesus. I thought this was going to be some kind of superficial list. No, no, no. It's legit. She's a therapist therapist.

Do you think jealous people are more likely to be middle children because they got no attention? We do predominantly feel like the overlooked. You're not a jealous person though, are you? Would you say you're jealous? No. No. No. We were very much raised not to want what other people had.

Yeah. Just be grateful for your lot. Yeah. Because you saw people with lots and they still weren't happy. And then my mother would give us the look like, see? And we'd be like, she's right. If your happiness is dependent on getting what other people have, you'll never be happy because there's always somebody with more.

Yeah. Wow. But yet everybody still buys a lotto ticket, don't they? Oh, shit, yeah. That'd make me happy. Oh, shit, yeah, that'd make me so happy. So happy. Oh, my God, you can't tell me it wouldn't

Number two On Therapist Amy Tran's Six reasons you may feel jealousy You fear being abandoned Or rejected again Oh shit Okay I really didn't expect that

Deep Wow this is a deep list Deep So you Maybe in a relationship You're jealous of You know If your partner talks to

Somebody else You get jealous Because that's how it started Last time Yeah With the last partner Who cheated on you Or just up and left Or maybe your partner talks to somebody else, you get jealous because that's how it started last time. Yeah. With the last partner who cheated on you or just up and left. Or maybe your partner came home with some man's legs. Yes.

I know. She got it. What the hell? Yeah. Because she wanted longer legs. She wanted longer legs. Yikes. Sure.

Number three, there is an unmet need you need to pay attention to. That's very vague. Unmet need? Yeah, you have a need that you're not paying attention to. Well, it might be a need for speed. Maybe you're jealous of faster cars because you do have a need for speed. Could it be a bedroom need? Could be emotional need?

Could be anything. I'm thinking more of the emotional need. Yeah, right. Like cuddles, more cuddles. Or you need to be told, you know, you need to be told you're beautiful. Oh, thank you. That wasn't me telling you. That was gorgeous.

Or you looked at me. Continue your need. Look at the smile you've put on his face. That was an unmet need. He's a beautiful boy. Unmet need. He's a beautiful boy. Number four on the list of the top six reasons that a therapist,

this isn't the top six, by the way. This is just a happy coincidence. Yeah, maybe you should have done five or added a seventh. Oh, I had a seventh. Five or seven. Yeah, I get that. Okay, top seven. Number four, you're still grieving something you lost or never had.

Oh, wow. Like an old lover? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, okay. Maybe. A dead dog? That kind of never had thing is that also, you know, wanting what other people have. Yeah.

I wanted a little tractor. I grieve lot other people have. Yeah. I wanted a little tractor. I grieve lotto every week. Yeah. I grieve. You grieve that. I didn't win. Yeah. And also you never had it, so.

Yeah. Yeah. The fifth one is you believe you do not deserve what others have. This is a self-esteem issue. Wow. This is a deep list, isn't it? This is a little intense. Yeah.

So maybe you've got poor self-esteem and you haven't even, you know, realised it, but you don't think you deserve what other people have. Love yourself. You deserve the world. You do deserve it. Number six. You're a queen. You want to protect something important to you, but you don't know how else to.

So you're... Like what? Well, probably the easiest one Would be the partner again Yeah You want to protect The relationship But you don't know

How to Other than just like Keeping everybody else away Yeah Acting like a cat Yeah Acting like a cat Don't talk to other women

Don't talk to my man Yeah Don't take his legs Yes Don't take his legs Yeah It's too late She's got them

She's got them Yeah And what's your seven? Just seven on the spot, reasons you might feel jealousy You're not as hot as your partner Their OnlyFans has got more subscriptions than yours Yeah, they're way hotter I mean, yeah

I can see how that could be a problem You know, you thought you were going to get all the OnlyFans followers. But they got into a real, like, niche market. Niche kink. Yeah, niche, yeah. But they're the only one doing it. But it's a big kink, you know. They blow up balloons.

Yeah. With their feet. With their feet. They tie it with their feet. Yeah. And you're like, I can't do that. Yeah. I can't do that.

I'm missing out on money. Well, Aaron can't do it. He's got no legs anymore. He's giving them to that woman at the supermarket, isn't he? Well, no, he can't do that. Yeah. I can't do that. Missing out on money. Well, Aaron can't do it. He's got no legs anymore. Who was giving them to that woman at the supermarket, isn't he? Well, no, he didn't give them. I assume she had a genie. I still can't believe you're not jealous about this woman stealing your husband's legs.

You wait until she needs something off the top shelf. Then I think we're going to see the jealousy. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Well, I'll update you with the latest news at 7, but at the moment heavy red rain warnings are in place for the Northland and Hawke's Bay areas. Red strong wind warnings also for Northland, Coromandel and Taranaki. A lot of people without power in the Naki this morning as well.

State of emergencies have earlier this morning been declared for Napier and Hastings, adding to the list of pretty much everyone in the Upper North Island. A number of road closures in place. There are actually too many to mention specifically.

Waka Kotahi, if you jump on NZTA Waka Kotahi website, they have an amazing map of all the roads that are closed. One to point out, though, this morning, State Highway 1, Rangapoto Waiudu, fallen trees blocked the road just moments ago. There are details in place that'll add 40 minutes if you're on State Highway 1. A lot of roads are closed around the Coromandel,

Wankato, Northland. Really not the day for a roadie. Bloody hell. Bloody hell. I'll say it. Flaming Nora. Flaming Nora, yeah.

I'll say it. Shit the bed. But a lot of rain around Napier and Hastings as well overnight. Do you say pitbull in your car?

It's crazy. Pitbull without power. Yeah. That's probably because they haven't paid their power bill though, you know, those bloody...

Ford, Alan Smith. Bloody shitbag bloody... Yeah, yeah, bloody... Ford Alan Smith. Bloody shitbag rednecks. Oh, not here. Bloody shitbag rednecks. Wow. Okay, I only say nice things about Morrinsville. Can you say nice things about Taranaki, please?

What nice things do you say about Morrinsville? Well, it's got a really good... It's got a really good myth. Their myth is wonderful. Off the record, thank you. But on the record, no. I resent that. No, I don't have anything nice to say about Morrinsville.

You're right. It's a blight. Good luck out there, everyone. Yeah, stay safe. It's honestly horrible. Stay home. There is a restaurant in New Jersey in the States in a little town called Tintin Falls.

Tintin. Tintin Falls. And the name of this restaurant is Nettie's House of Spaghetti. Oh, I love that. And Tintin. I added the plural to spaghetti. It's Nettie's House of Spaghetti. But I have to call it Nettie's House of Spaghetti.

Now, if you heard the name of the restaurant, Nettie's House of Spaghetti, you wouldn't think that it was like a classy adults only. Now, if you heard the name of the restaurant, Nettie's House of Spaghetti's, you wouldn't think that it was like a classy adults-only restaurant. No, it sounds really cute and quaint, doesn't it? It's small town. It's skitty. Well, Nettie's House of Spaghetti have made an announcement on their social media. It goes,

We love kids. We really, truly do. No, that sounds like the same sentence of I'm not racist, but... It's been extremely challenging to accommodate children at Nettie's House Spaghetti's. That's spaghetti. Children love spaghetti. Between noise levels, lack of space for high chairs,

cleaning up crazy messes, and the liability of kids running around the restaurant, we've decided it's time to take control. Wow. Not an easy decision, blah, blah, blah. As of March 8th, the, we've decided it's time to take control. Wow. Not an easy decision. Blah, blah, blah. As of March 8th, the day we return from our winter break, we'll no longer allow children under 10 to dine in the restaurant.

If you're an adult and you go out for dinner and you order spaghetti, just go home and order spaghetti. Eat spaghetti at home. Like, you should be ashamed of yourself. But it's spaghetti. Well, maybe a spaghetti bolognese. No. Because this is Italian, right?

Because you've got to go pappardelle. Is there pizza as well? Well, I don't know. Or a slightly posher pasta. Spaghetti is for children. Pappardelle. Huh?

Pappardelle. I don't know them. Big fat spaghetti. Oh, okay, right. It's still spaghetti, isn't it? Yeah, it is Italian. Just having a look at the menu. Are the people that own this

really old? They've just, they're done with kids. They're done, man. They're done. So a few people online. Yeah, they've said, oh, we apologize. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.

A few people online. Online? Online. Oh, I love that they're saying, we know this is going to make some of you very upset, especially those of you, those of you with well-behaved kids. Yeah. But we believe this is the right decision for our business moving forward.

So a lot of people online were like, hell yeah. Oh, man. You know, I've worked in a hospital. I know what it's like to clean after horrid children and their mess and all this kind of crap. Yeah, wait until they meet drunk adults. Yeah. I know.

Could you imagine some of the mess that is cleaned up after BYOs? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. F yeah. Oh God. Feral. Those tablecloths. Feral. But so many people are commenting being like

okay well you know I was going to come and eat at your restaurant but me and my well behaved nine year old aren't allowed.

We're not invited. Right. No one's got a well behaved nine year old. They're all shit bags aren't they? Yeah I know.

I'm on team netty spaghetti. You go to posh restaurants, expensive restaurants. Yeah. I always see if people take their kids to like a nice restaurant where you go for a special occasion with your lover. Your lover. I'm always like, who's paying this much for children? It's like when you get on a plane and you see like kids in business class.

And you're like, get in the back, get in the back. You're little. You don't need the leg room. The chair in the back is big for them anyway. Yeah.

Oh my God, I know. I find it so bizarre when you see kids in that situation. Like those, those you do on your own. Yeah. You don't take kids there.

But I think you take kids to Nettie's house of spaghettis. You definitely. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. This is the Top Six.

UFOs. UFOs. I mean, technically, some of these are UFOs. Unidentified Flying Objects. But, I mean, if, some of these are UFOs. Unidentified flying objects. But, I mean, if you delve into TikTok and online, the conspiracy theories of these weather balloons and UFOs are out of control. Okay, mainstream media. Yeah.

You're just telling us the narrative that the world leaders want you to tell us. Right. Well, we did get lots of photos of the first one they shot down. That was a Chinese spy balloon on February 4th. That set off a bit of a whoopsie-daisy. How many have there been? So February 4th, the Chinese spy balloon was shot down over the Atlantic Ocean. February 10th, a UFO was shot down off Alaska. A US fighter jet shot that down.

They said it broke into pieces after being shot down and didn't look like a balloon. Okay. It was the size of a small car. Size of Hayley's Mazda 3. Yes. Oh. We don't know how big aliens are because we think of them as being equal sort of size to us. They could be tiny.

They could be very petite. February 11, a UFO shot down over me in the Yukon Territory described as cylindrical and smaller than the spy balloon oh okay Justin Trudeau said get em boys

and then the boys got em February 12 a UFO was shot down over Lake Huron in Montana oh no so this was the one

that appeared over Montana on Saturday and then reappeared on Sunday over Michigan and then was shot down and it went into Lake Huron. It was described as an octagonal structure with strings hanging off of it but no discernible payload. Oh, okay.

Asked if it could have been of extraterrestrial origins. General Glenn D. Van Hurk, the commander of the Air Force Northern Command, said, I'm not ruling anything out at this point. Oh! Vague, vague. The aliens are watching, and I have been in direct contact with them.

Okay. Oh, my gosh. Six pieces of feedback the aliens have after watching us for just one week. Okay. Number six. Rihanna was obviously pregnant from the get-go, but everyone was just too scared to ask her outright.

Yeah. I mean, you did ask the group chat initially. Yes, I did. Yeah. Because she gave birth last May. Yes. You could still have the tummy. You could totally still have the tummy, but this looked toit.

Yeah. Like a fresh pregnancy toit. Like a fresh budden. Has her rep said how far along she is? No. I would hazard a guess, six months. Oh, wow. But with a bump like that, you would never ask.

You would never assume. No. Number five on the list of the top six pieces of feedback that aliens have after watching us for one week. Stop shooting at them, please. They're just watching. Does your TV shoot at you when you watch it? Lots of shooting.

Lots of shooting. We're very aggressive Number four on the list of the top six pieces of feedback That aliens have after watching us for one week Valentine's Day may be a commercialised holiday But if we need anything in this world at the moment It's a little bit more love Yeah

All we need is love How pragmatic of the aliens Who at number three also had this piece of feedback After watching us for a week All these extreme weather events aren't a coincidence, you dum-dums. Yeah. What is it?

It's climate change. Okay. They've been watching. Oh, okay. They've been watching for a while. Number two on the list of the top six pieces of feedback the aliens had after watching us for one week. There are bad ideas in a brainstorm.

Always. The majority of ideas in a brainstorm are terrible ideas. Yeah. And number one on the list of the top six pieces of feedback that aliens have after watching us for one week. Our portrayal of aliens in movies is wildly offensive. One was pretty close to the mark. They wouldn't tell me which one.

Yeah. But it came across as cultural appropriation. Oh, no. Ooh. So maybe we need to back off that one. Yeah. Do more dinosaur movies because we all love dinosaurs. Yeah.

That's today's Top 6. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. This sparked a very spicy debate this morning before the show even started. We were flipping tables and screaming and name-calling. We couldn't agree. There is a TikTok star called Shamae Samir and they took to the streets to ask kids a question.

One million pounds in cash or one million followers? One million followers. You could start a business and because you have one million followers, you could just put a link in your bio, they can click onto it and they can buy products over one pound, which means you'll earn over £1 million or dollars

too much work entrepreneur so she asked them £1 million cash or 1 million followers on social media now for me this is easy because even the way he started describing how you would turn those 1 million followers into more than $1 million cash

I'm like yeah but that's work you've got to work at it. You've got to do things. She could just hand you, theoretically, hypothetically, sorry. A million dollars. A million dollars in cash and you don't have to do anything. I was the same. I was instantly $1 million. You can invest that $1 million. And turn that into more money. Exactly. You could pay off any debt that you have, like a mortgage. Some of your mortgage.

Some of your mortgage, sure. You could do so much with that. Yeah, I know. But then you've got to admire a kid who isn't just, like, one million followers who will watch me do TikTok dances. They were immediately like, because I can turn that into money. Yeah, I think that's a sign of the generation that they are. But then you've got to, like, if you're promoting a product,

people have got to be into you though, right? Yeah. To buy into your recommendation of this product. I often wonder that when people who have massive followings start a business, like your Kendall Jenner's who started a tequila company, The Rock started a tequila company, if the product isn't as good as your, like, say you already drink tequila, and then you're like, well, I'm going to try Kendall Jenner's one,

and it's not as good, but you really like Kendall Jenner, are you going to go for the less superior product? I think you'll buy Kendall Jenner's tequila for the brand hype. So that people come to your house and go, oh, you've got that tequila. That's like a social situation. Social kind of cred thing.

Is that like when I say I've got Ryan Reynolds Aviation Gin, which is actually good. It is a good check. I've heard that from multiple people that it's good gin. So it had the marketing, it had the Ryan Reynolds connection, but then it's a good product. But what about when've heard that from multiple people that it's good gin. So it had the marketing, it had the Rhyme Remedials connection, but then it's a good product. But what about when they're promoting a product that's not as good? It's shite.

You turn your back on them. Interesting, though, the producers had a different take of the would you rather have $1 million or 1 million followers? Well, what did we say? Because I said a million, you said a million. I said a million. Vaughn, you're? I'm too lazy.

I can see why. You're a lazy million. I just want a million bucks. A million pounds, by the way, so that's more than a million. I said a million. Vaughn, you're... I'm too lazy. I can see why... You're a lazy million. I just want a million bucks. A million pounds, by the way, so that's more than a million dollars. Okay, that's two million dollars. Parent exchange rate. Okay, Carl Wayne.

Look, I said... Turn on the microphone, Haun. Turn on your mic. Haun. Haun. Haun, turn the microphone. I think it is. Yeah, it is now.

Well, that just cost you 100,000 followers. Shoot. No, I said followers because then I could get invited on brand trips. Oh, no. Freebies. If you had a million dollars, you could go on your own trip. You've got to be so careful with that because people get angry at you

when you get too many freebies. But did you see the people that got invited to the Super Bowl to see Rihanna? I'd go to that. Yeah, but you could buy a ticket to the Super Bowl. Yes, but then I'd be using my own money. Yeah, but it would be a drop in the bucket. But I'd have to that. Yeah, but you could buy a ticket to the Super Bowl. Yes, but then I'd be using my own money. Yeah, but it would be a drop in the bucket. But I'd have less money. But then also you've got to be careful with your freebies too

because the IRD is going to start wanting your tax equivalent on that. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm also probably going to be paying tax on the million anyways. Nothing's free. No, you're not. No, it's tax free. It's a gift. It's a million dollar gift.

Shannon. Shannon Elite Pyjamas is affectionately calling her at the social media desk. What would you do? One million dollars or one million followers? I'd go followers as well. Wow. What is wrong with you guys? What would you do with these followers?

Well, I feel like you can always make more money. And, like, I've got a stable job. I'm taking it as if right now I can still work here. If they're paying you a million dollars to work here, I'm going to have serious words. I'm going to flip this fricking table. I'm going to set this place on fire. But I feel like, and I know this will sound so Gen Z of me,

but I do feel like getting a million followers offers security long term. And I know Instagram's not forever. Instagram could go the way of MySpace in the next two years and then you've got nothing. But just for now, you would have the security of, you know, you could get the brand deals, you know, you could do these things

and then you can make more money. What she doesn't know is it's one million followers on Bebo. So she's taken the crook deal here. I can't believe it. Because how long would it take you? You get a million followers instantly, right? Boom, it's on your Instagram or your TikTok. How long will it take you to make get a million followers instantly, right? Boom. It's on your Instagram or your TikTok. How long will it take you to make a million dollars

with those million followers? Well, a lot of the time when brands do brand deals, they're not too worried about the result. You know, you don't have to prove a lot to get it. It's more about what you've got. I think everybody's forgetting the fact that the people that have a million followers have a million followers because they either make great content

or they're interesting or they're hot. Are you saying? Wow, that was a shame. How do you guys feel? I'm creative. You boring fuggos. I am saying that if you just give someone just a normal person a million followers, who's going to?

It would be a lot to upkeep. I'll make some content. I'll be sweet as. I mean, you make great content. I'm saying you make great content. You make great content. What about you, JP? You enjoy, like myself, an easier road. Keep your followers.

Give me that shmoney. Yeah. There he is with the shmoney. There he is. It's sort of the oldies versus the youngies. He used to work at Trackside too. He had no watch bloody horses to bid on to make a new name. Let's go down the track.

Let's put half of it on. He's seen a lot of horses shot as well. He has. A lot of dog food. Cut away. Well, ways not, one not. Look, you've upset the girls now. The girls are upset with their million followers.

Well, you wouldn't, I tell you what. They could moan about it, couldn't they? You wouldn't be allowed to go to the races anymore with a million followers. You'd get cancelled pretty quickly. I'm already not going to the races. Okay, well, you've won that. You've won that one. Okay, well, you've won that one.

You've got me there. This argument has got me so worked up, I've just ripped a giant hole in my pants. Did you, like, grab your pants? Oh my god. How did you do that? Did you, like, grab your pants? I ripped my hand in my pocket and went like this and I ripped it. See what you've done

to her? Now my thigh is exposed. Don't worry, I'll get you some free pants. Yes, I like that. Well done. Code Karwin20. Oh my God. ZM. Well, today's silly little poll asking the big question. Spaghetti or baked beans?

Don't. It's not a question. It's baked beans. It's spaghetti. It's not. Oh, yuck. It's skitty. It's skits.

No, baked beans got a better jus. A way better jus, and they're way easier to eat on toast. They are. With a scrambled eggs, I'd go baked beans. But then, like, toasted sandwiches, skitty. Mousetraps. Mousetraps. Skitty.

Baked beans. Baked beans with like cheese and a toasty. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. High on the pros. I think you're confusing. Baked beans are the rounded ones. Spaghetti's the long strands. I had baked beans for dinner on Sunday night.

Right. Delicious. What kind of bean is a baked bean? You know, traditionally. It's too small to be a cannelloni bean. What kind of bean is a baked bean bean? If a bean baked could baked beans. Navy beans. A navy bean? Haricot.

Haricot. I've heard of haricot. Haricot beans. Haricot beans. Oh't heard of Haricot beans Oh no You've got to have a baked bean I love baked beans I'm going to go home and have baked beans

Do you know what my little trick is for baked beans My friend taught me this Yeah Baked beans Chuck them in the pot and get some spaghetti

Shut your mouth You put them in the pot and you add just like a little half teaspoon of curry powder Oh Half a teaspoon of curry powder

to anything Half a teaspoon of curry powder to the baked beans, egg on top, chilli oil on the... Oh, chilli oil. I would like to make some... I've never made...

Can we have the poll result? I've had... Shut your face. I've had posh... Shut your face. I've had posh spaghetti. I've never had posh baked beans. Like a homemade baked bean.

Yes, you have. The Kuru Lounge does them. No, that's not a baked bean. No, they put all the leftovers in and call it a bean fancy thing. Yeah. It's beans. 68% of people say spaghetti.

32% of people say baked beans. I'm upset. Jessie says baked beans are for jerks. Oh. Ow. Ow. Devin says spaghetti is so bloody delicious, but baked beans are just so versatile and more nutrient dense. We're not eating

something out of a tin and a rich tomato paste sauce. We're not worrying about nutrition, Devin. We're worrying about comfort. All about the gains. It's all about the protes, bruh. I will give them that, though.

The beans are more versatile. With the protes. And you can put them through, you can put them through a mince. Yeah. Now you've got like chili mince. Add them to nachos. Add them to nachos add them to nachos

I don't put beans in the nachos yeah but if you don't have a kidney bean you put kidney beans in nachos I'm all killer my nachos are

all killer no filler all killer no filler like the Sum 41 album Tyler Mitchell says baked beans

with the tiny sausages get in me oh the tiny sausages the tiny sausages are trash. They're so yum. They're so trash.

When I was 17, here we go. This is like one of those stories where you're looking up a recipe and they decide to tell you how their uncle went to World War II. Oh, I know. Scroll, scroll, scroll.

And you're like, scroll, scroll, scroll. I jumped a recipe. Tell me the temperature for the oven, you effing... You effing indulgent prick. When I was 17, says Amy, I had gallstones. In the weeks before I had my gallbladder removed, all food except for spaghetti made me violently ill

because spaghetti is low in fat. It's all I could eat. Okay. That's a tick in the box for spaghetti. Yeah, right. 18 years later, the thought of eating spaghetti makes me nauseous. Okay. So she can't eat it because she ate too many. We all know the feeling of vomiting up spaghetti, right. 18 years later, the thought of eating spaghetti makes me nauseous. Okay. So she can't eat it because she ate too many.

We all know the feeling of vomiting up spaghetti, though. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. It's like on The Last of Us when the little fungus comes out of their mouths and it's like, ah. Except you're like... Exactly like when it comes out of the can. When you shake a spaghetti out of the can, it goes...

One comes out your nose. You get to the nose and you blight and you can feel like a... We've all been a kid who's pushed it too far on the spag wagon. Jackie, first time responder to Silly Little Pole. Jackie, welcome to Silly Little Pole. We had to accept her message.

Where's the bell? The bell's there. Right there. Welcome. First time, a long time listener, first time responder, neither vomit. Oh, okay. Negative. Probably a cream corn girl.

Cream corn. Oh, okay. Negative. Probably a cream corn girl. Spag, definitely better for slurping. Beans are shit for that. Yep. Fair call. Spaghetti, lunch or dinner, bake beans for breakfast and beans, beans, they do make you fart,

says Sheridan. Yeah. So there you go, that's an AM, PM situation. Mum never let us have spaghetti as kids as it wasn't healthy so now I get it whenever I want as a treat. That's what happens if you deprive your kids.

How lucky are they that their idea of a treat is spaghetti? That's why 50 Cent mixed your lollies for breakfast because I wasn't allowed them as a kid. Yeah, oh my god, but your teeth, they're utterly crumbling out. Take that mum and dad. I have lollies for breakfast now. That's why I smoke cigarettes for breakfast.

Because I wouldn't let you have one? I wasn't allowed cigarettes for breakfast as a kid. I voted spaghetti as in on its own or in a toasted sandwich. Am I right? But baked beans by themselves? Yuck. And a mince for nachos? Not bad.

Again, am I right? So conflicted. I don't know. Christ, we've had it. That was Kath just absolutely having a breakdown in front of the nation there. Yeah, hard decision. Alicia says either, but they must have those little sausages. That's so bad.

What about that? Have you tried the ones with the meatballs? No. There's a spag that comes with the tiny meatballs. Tiny balls. Tiny, tiny balls. How do they keep that quality meat so fresh for so long? Quality is the word you've got to concentrate on.

Yeah, if you redact the quality, that's how they stick together. Sarah says beans are too gassy for me. Okay. And Charlotte, another first time responder to this little parlor. Oh, Charlotte, welcome. Yuck. Who eats baked beans? Hayley. Hayley does, Charlotte. Hayleylor. Oh, Charlotte, welcome. Yuck. Who eats baked beans? Hayley.

Hayley does, Charlotte. Hayley does. Hayley does, Charlotte. Hayley does. It says it all. That really says it all. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Watch the Super Bowl yesterday. Like, the actual Super Bowl, not the halftime show. Watch that as well, but watch the actual game itself. Because I wanted to watch Rihanna And then I couldn't find Anywhere to watch it Yeah right Sorry I didn't watch

Yeah well It was a nightmare The Made a mind staying at the moment And he's got the NFL part NFL pass But it wouldn't let us log on Because too many people

Were doing it Now wouldn't you have thought Wouldn't you Wouldn't you Wouldn't you have thought That the NFL would have made sure That was working before The biggest game

Of the NFL calendar year So this was the first game you've ever watched I've never watched a full game of American football I was sort of Semi aware of the rules Right But it's nuts And there's no offside

Is there offside? Because they throw it's nuts. Yeah, and there's no offside, eh? Is there offside? Because they throw it down and they're already down there. Oh yeah, but they can't leave until the ball goes back. So there is an offside, I think. There is a form of offside. And they always, it's like basketball, they always stop it every five minutes. No, I know. Blah, blah, blah.

They've got two different, every team's got two different teams. An attacking team and a defensive team. Right. So when you're attacking, you completely change your team to the guys that attack. Oh, okay. And then the guys that defend. It's insane. Wild, yeah, wild. And there's a lot of stops. Do you think rugby is better though?

Um, I don't know. I don't know. We watched the game yesterday. I don't love, like, I should say rugby's better because I'm a New Zealander, but I kind of liked it. But at the same time, both lead to horrific injuries of the head and body.

American football's so aggressive. So I'm kind of like, I don't want to say I love either. Yeah. Because people are earning lots of money, but they're also, you know, suffering, debilitating later in life, brain injuries and such. Don't get that in marching. Yeah, that's why we should all start doing an ultimate frisbee. Ultimate frisbee.

Nice walk outside. Lovely. Lovely non-contact. Or lawn bowls. Lawn bowls. Let's get into some lawn bowls. Absolutely. Great for the lunging.

Yeah. As long as I can still wear the shoulder pads and the leggings. That's what I like about American football, is the silly outfits. Well, my wife asked what team I support. Yeah. So I had to make a decision. Oh, yeah. What were the teams?

Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs. Now, I went for the Philadelphia Eagles for two reasons. Always sunny in Philadelphia. Yes. Was my main reason. Yes. And the second one, didn't the Chiefs get in a bit of trouble because they were using the imagery of a

Native American Chief You're going to say the name's problematic But they haven't When they called the Something else before that No the Washington Redskins Are still No what are they called now

Well you'll cancel Because he said it He said it Well I think that They were weren't they still called that I think well there was a There was a big Hoo ha

Yeah Around the Washington Redskins But I think they changed it Okay I had a t-shirt with that on it When I was a big hoo-ha around the Washington Redskins, but I think they changed it. Okay. I had a T-shirt with that on it when I was a child, now looking back. You're now called the Washington Commanders. Commanders, yes. Like we don't call the Crusaders the Crusaders anymore, do we?

We do. We call them the Crusaders. Because I thought they weren't called the Crusaders. Or were they just losing all the knights and the... I think they were losing the imagery but keeping the name. Right. Okay, yeah. So they went from the Chiefs to the Commanders. Do you think they watched that film? No, they went from the Redskins to name. Right. So they went from the chiefs to the commanders.

Do you think they watched that film? No, they went from the Redskins to the commanders. I keep saying it and I feel terrible saying it. Oh, sorry, right. They're still the Lolli. But they've changed their name. Yes, because it was... The Kansas City Chiefs have always been the chiefs, I think.

But so all in all, you went full American. I went full American. On the way home, we stopped at Costco and we got chicken wings and pizza and enchiladas and wings. Enchiladas. It's not enchiladas. They're tiny little enchiladas.

Yeah, you said enchiladas. Enchiladas. Enchiladas. Yeah, please don't massacre. Enchiladas. I do apologize. It's a beautiful Spanish language. I do apologize to the Spanish language on a whole.

He is Spanish after on a whole. He is Spanish after all. So we got that and then a massive bag of Doritos. Wow. Do they have Cool Ranch? No. Is it good? Is that?

Well, yeah, they had it here. It was a limited flavour and it's everywhere overseas in America, but not here. Yeah, we don't do ranch over here. It's the best flavour. Cool Ranch, Doritos. Yeah. Well, it was too much. We didn't even get do ranch over here. It's the best flavour. Cool Rudge, Doritos. Yeah. Well, it was too much. We didn't even get up eating at all.

Right. Did you get bad beer? No, because we were both still, we made the conscious decision not to drink yesterday. Oh, yeah. But then at night time, I was like, do you want a drink? And he was like, yeah, we'll have a drink. And we had a couple of whiskeys, but during the day, we didn't drink, so that's got to be a positive. Proud of you. Proud of you. Thanks. God, it must have been a big

wedding at the weekend. It was big. I'm still feeling it. Still got a hold on you. Proud of you. Thanks. God, it must have been a big wedding at the weekend. It was big. It was big. I'm still feeling it. Still got a hold on you. Right. I'm still feeling it today. But yeah,

we watched it. It was cool. You reckon you'll do it again next year? Yeah. Big Super Bowl party? Yeah, have a party so we can come.

It's always on a Monday though. That's alright. We'll take the day off. Take the Tuesday off. We'll take the Tuesday off. Because we'll be wrapped up here by the time it starts. Yeah.

We'll take the Tuesday. Yeah. Post Super Bowl'll take the Tuesday off Because we'll be ramped up here By the time it starts Yeah We'll take the Tuesday Yeah Post Super Bowl Tuesday So we won't see you next year After the Super Bowl The Tuesday after the Super Bowl No And Rihanna's stuff

Was pretty amazing Oh yeah She was pregnant And she was on the big Floaty things How did they keep her up there? What was the safety? She was hooked on

Like every now and then You'd see a dancer Like do a dance move And at the same time be like click. Was it a Chinese weather balloon? No, that she was on. No, it was an American platform that went up

and down on cables. But still the insurance alone must have been insane for that. To have a billionaire, a pregnant billionaire floating around a sports stadium. Your premiums will be through the roof. Through the absolute roof. Through the roof.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. There is a debate that has been sparked online around something that used to be so simple, used to be so easy. It is how you arrive at someone's house. Now this is if you are invited over or not.

If you're just popping by, I was in the neighbourhood or you know, whatever. Do you knock on the door? So say for example I was in your neighbourhood. Yes. And I parked outside your house. Yeah. I let myself in the gate. Yeah. I'd probably just go up to the front door and be like

and knock. And I'm not expecting you? No. let myself in the gate, I'd probably just go up to the front door and be like, and knock, and knock. And am I not expecting you? No. Oh, yeah. No, see, I would message. I would be like, hey, I'm in your neighbourhood. Do you want me to come over?

Well, interestingly enough, so that's the debate, is do you just knock on the door like you used to do? Knock, knock, knock. And then if they aren't home, you leave. Or knock, knock, knock. If they are home, you're like,

hi, da-da-da-da. Or then if they aren't home, you leave. If they are home, you're like, hi. Or do you text first and say, I'm coming over or I'm here or hey, I'm outside. And then in the last two days, both of our neighbours have popped over. One set of neighbours, the neighbours whose name we got wrong, embarrassingly, brought over some

leftover cake from their daughter's birthday. And none of that cake has made it in here. It was so much cake. What kind of cake? It was a chocolate raspberry cake. Oh, my God, my favourite. And it was like this tall with chocolate ganache in between each layer. Why did they bring it to you?

Oh, they want to get on the home baker show, don't they? Oh, yeah. It wasn't an audition. It was their application. Oh my God, I didn't even think of that. No, they just had too much cake and they said they couldn't finish it

so they brought that over. But they were unannounced. They didn't message first and say, hey, we've got some cake. Do you want us to bring it over? No, but you sort of, I guess when you're just like

popping over to a neighbour's, you wouldn't. Yeah. Funnily enough, Aaron was in his undies. Okay. And then... That's why she like popping over to a neighbour's, you wouldn't. Yeah. Funnily enough, Aaron was in a Zundies. Okay. And then... That's why she's popping over.

Yesterday, we had another knock at the door. And I was like, who is this? And it was our other neighbour across the road just popping by to say hello and brought some nice warm coffees. Make sure we're okay. It's so nice. Gosh, we live in a nice neighbourhood.

But it does... Because no one really knocks on the door anymore, not even couriers. They just like ditch the thing and leave most of the time. You do sort of go like, oh, my God, who could it be? Like it's some kind of big disaster. It's panicky. I don't like a knock on the door.

I wouldn't. Well, we've got the electric gate. Keep everybody at a distance. You've got the intercom. You've got the intercom. You've got the intercom. I've got the apartment Where you can't just Get in and knock on my door

Yeah yeah But if I lived in a Like by a road In a house If I lived by a road In a house How do you people live How does it work

By a road in a house So it's not the same Leather as the road The sun is always out And the house has a chimney And there's always smoke Coming out the chimney But you

Why is your house on fire It's just your whole house And you live in it Just alone That's amazing So on the other side Of the walls Is the outside. Why's your house on fire? It's just your whole house and you live in it. That's how it works. That's amazing. So on the other side of the walls is the outside.

Wow. There's no people. But I don't think I'd answer my door if I lived in a house. If it was a random knock, I would definitely try and peek and see who it was before I even answer.

Yeah, of course. So I'm not getting cold callers. You want one of those little ring things. Yeah, ring cameras. Ring cameras. Knock, knock, knock. You're like, oh, no, no, no. You ring the bell because it turns on the camera. I'd 100% get my phone

out and see who it was before I answered. Why would you answer the door without knowing who it is? There's that hushed conversation of like, who is it? I don't know who it is. Did you freak out yesterday when it happened? Well, I just didn't know what on earth it could be.

I just was like, huh? Because if it was a courier, they just leave them now, and that's the only people that knock on my door. So what's the online debate, the etiquette? The etiquette they're saying is you've got to text. So don't just turn up. But it seems a double percussive. I'll always share location.

Yeah, you go the next level. They can literally see where I am, how far away I am, and then here I'll send a message. Here, and then I'll walk in. Yeah. See, when I go to my best friend's house, I don't even knock. You just open the door and then I'm arrived. Yeah.

I'm in the house. Same with my parents' house. I would never knock on my parents' door. No, neither. You just open it and be like, hi. My favorite one is open the door so they've got no choice. I'm already in and then say, knock, knock. Yeah, they've got no

out. They've got no out. Yeah, they can't get away. Yeah. I don't know. It's very modern, I guess, to send a text saying you've arrived rather than just arriving. But yeah, modern etiquette, text before. Don't just turn up.

You frighten the life out of them. I was on my way home yesterday and I was made of my own staying. I picked him up from a hotel and was driving back out home and Sade started calling and I answered it and it was like

crackly. We don't have very good reception. Yeah. If anybody from Sparks listening, if we get another tower, not at my house, obviously they're close to, you don't want to see it. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see the tower. Make it a ghastly looking tower. Have you ever seen those ones that look like palm trees?

What? Have you ever seen the cell phones that look like, they're disguised as palm trees. I like them. You can obviously tell it's not a palm tree. Oh, my God. That's so bad. Yeah. It's not.

But if we could get anywhere, better reception, because this is what was happening. It was cutting in and out, and all I could hear was Sade was like, oh, my God, F word. I could hear the kids in the background like, Augusta's losing her mind. She's like, tree. And I'm just like, look at my my mate and he's looking at me like,

oh my God. And then it just cuts off. And then it cuts off. Oh, that's scary. I know. I was like, what is going on? That's not a call you want. And then she realized she was standing at the part of the section

with the worst possible reception. So she moved. She can be silly sometimes. And then she's a silly. Oh, she gets a bit lost in that property, doesn't she? What a silly girl. She's an absolute goose. So she moved around to where the reception was better

and called me back. And I was like, what the hell's happening? She's like, the massive jacaranda tree's fallen over. And I've been worrying about this thing. I've been wondering and worrying about this thing for a while. That's not the nice one that you look out from your deck. No. At the end.

Not that one. No, no, no, no. It's around the other side of the house. God, it didn't fall on the neighbours, did it? Unfortunately not. I mean, no, it didn't. Oh. But it fell, and it fell like, this is, reading and hearing about people, as you just said,

people stuck on roofs. Yeah. I realise that this is very far down the scale of things people are having to deal with in this hurricane. But it fell perfectly. It did hit my washing line. Now, is that worth an insurance claim? Absolutely.

Probably not worth the... One of those big, nice, spinny ones. Must be nice. God, they dry clothes. They dry clothes well. They're a Kiwi classic. And it doesn't squeak. I just CRC'd it.

You may recall me telling you about my adventures in washing line maintenance. A thrilling tale that I'm sure you can catch on the podcast if you would like to catch up on that one. Is it? And so it fell perfectly. Right. And so I wasn't home for it. And when I got home, I was like, holy moly. Because it's a massive treat.

Massive treat. Now, apparently when it popped, because it didn't come out of the ground and uproot. It snapped. Yep. And apparently it sounded like an explosion. Oh, wow. And then when it hit the ground, it's just boom, blowing this tree to absolute pieces. And then did you hear before, Hayley, Vaughn kind of coercing us into a working bee?

I know. You said you wanted to be there when the stump grinder came. Well, you said grinder. I said grinder and you were like, yes. Because I've never used a tree stump grinder. the stump grinder came. Because I said I'm going to. I said grinder and you were like, yes. Because I've never used a tree stump grinder. A stump grinder. Yeah. Yeah, but we wanted to come watch and maybe have a cocky tar lay on the deck.

Oh, you can't operate a stump grinder in a giant mulcher. We're not operating it. We'll just watch. A chipper. I'm going to get one of those chippers that's so big you have to tow it behind your car. Why? And I'm going to mulch this tree and put it on the garden. I said, is the stump any good?

Could you whip us up a series of matching chopping boards? Friendship chopping boards. I don't know. Friendship chopping boards. You know? I'll explore it when I'm chainsawing, but I don't think it's going to be salvageable. It would be nice to be chopping some onions and think of my friends. Yeah, think of my friends.

Also chopping onions on their friendship chopping boards. On their jacaranda chopping boards. In our respective quarters of the world. Well, maybe I could make some chopping boards and then I'll say my kids did it and they can sell it with their candles. Yeah. Well, stay safe out there. It's insane.

Like trees coming down the worst of people's issues. You went around two this morning on the way to work. Yeah, I know. Do you know what I was thinking? I drove past it. I was like, oh, that's lucky I could get around it. It fell at some point. It's lucky that no one was on the road at whatever hour it fell.

That's the thing. You've got to stay off the road because these trees are still falling. They've got to fall somewhere. When the tree fell, a couple of hours later, August, our youngest daughter said, I haven't seen Cheeto the cat since the tree fall. Oh, my God. No, no, don't. No, no, don't.

No, no, don't. And I was like, you go out that side of the house and shake the biscuits and call him. And I went out and checked under the tree. Oh, God. He wasn't under there, thankfully. And then he came around the corner. But there was that moment where I was like, uh-oh.

That's why they're saying if you can, lock your animals inside. Our cat's locked inside, having a mea. It's insane. Well, with all this, it's Valentine's Day today. Oh, shoot. Happy Valentine's Cyclone Day. Hey, good secret. Great excuse not to buy anything.

Yeah, our cat could possibly pop to the shops. The shops for sure. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM. Fletchford and Hayley's Refund Your Date. The Valentine's Edition. Wow, happy Valentine's Day.

Beautiful day. Leading up to this big day, we asked you to tell us about those really bad Valentine's Day dates of past Valentine's Days. Yeah, and then if it's bad enough, we're going to reward you for it. Yes, we'll refund that date. Zoe, good morning. Hi, guys.

How are you? Good. So good. You're cheerful for a bloody strange state of the nation. I just want to say long-time listener, first-time crew. Where's the bell? Where's the bell? Oh, no.

Yay! Now, this bell serves two functions here on the show, Zoe. Long-time listener, first-time caller bell, and also hot person walking past the studio bell. Yeah. That's a single ding. That's a single ding. That's a single ding.

Slim packings lately out the window. Yeah, no one's walking. Because nobody's working. Georgia walked in before, though. She's all right. No, she came in on the's working. Because nobody's working. Georgia walked in before though. She's alright. No, she came in in the other door. What part of the country

are you in? I'm in windy Wellington and it's literally windy right now. Nothing new though. I know the ferries were cancelled this morning. A lot of flights as well

in and out. Yeah. So yeah, I've been to Wellington a couple of times in the last couple of weeks and it has turned on the weather. It's beautiful.

It's been a beautiful summer in Wellington. You can't beat it. Zoe, tell us about this past Valentine's Day date. How bad was it? Oh, it was pretty bad, guys. I was at an Indian restaurant. We sort of agreed to go there. This is a first date scenario, so I'll just put that out there.

I tell you what, that is a bold move, going for a curry on the first date. I know, it's a pretty bold date. And so, anyway, we get to ordering, and I go for a teeth masala. Of course. Something a little bit jazzy. I would say, yeah, we're about to hear something disgusting. Fletch, what would you have got?

I would have got the Valentine's Day special butter chicken. Hayley, what would you have got? No, I would have gone probably a lamb korma. Bullshit. She would have gone butter chicken. Georgia is agreeing with me. She's a butter chicken girl too. Oh, I am so sorry for the basic levels in studio today.

No, you've got to get something exciting and then get a butter chicken on the side because you've got to have it. I'm just trying to show that I'm a little bit interesting. Yeah, you've got capsicum in yours. Hayley's having two curries? Hell, Matt. I'm not going to first date with someone who's having two curries, you've got capsicum in yours. Hayley's having two curries? Hell, Matt. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not going on a first date with someone who's having two curries.

I've got to try the butter chicken. I don't mind on a first date that they know that I'm basic, you know? Yeah, I don't mind either. Start as you mean to go on. Anyway, so this guy, he orders a vindaloo, and he says,

I'll have it Indian hot, thank you. Yes, I like this guy. He's trying to show off. Yeah, I'll have it Indian hot, thank you. Oh, shit. Yes, I like this guy. He's trying to show off. Yeah, I was like, oh, no, this ain't going to be good. But we'll wait and see. Anyway, the carries arrive and we start getting into it. And I notice I'm just sitting across from literally the sweatiest man with, like, a bright red face.

I couldn't really look at him, to be honest honest, but you know, I was trying my best I was trying to be kind. Next thing I know, he pops up and he goes, hey Zoe, I'm just gonna pop out to the dairy, I need some milk. My mouth's on fire. Oh for God's sake! Oh my God, okay.

Mate, just get a mango lassie. I don't know. Get a mango lassie in this boy. You can't handle it. Mate, just get a mango lassie. I don't know. Get a mango lassie in this boy. That wasn't on the brain. So I see him return with this two-litre blue top. Oh, my God. Did he go for a posh brand or did he go for the Dairy Dale? Probably Dairy Dale at this rate.

I'm surprised he didn't get two for $6. It's all the same milk in there, to be honest. It is, yes. It's all the same milk. It all comes from a cat. It was a desperate attempt. So he's standing outside the restaurant, thank God, and he starts chugging the thing.

And I was like, oh, God. So I'm just sort of sitting at this table by myself, and I was like, this is so awkward. Anyway, I walk out to see if he's okay and before he could get a word out, he just chanted. Yay!

It is the river of orange milk. Yay! Wow, okay. Wow, that's so good. A milky orange chunny. How did this date end? Did he just go home?

Oh, yeah. Oh, man, he was so embarrassed. Because it kind of went on one of my shoes, and I was just like, oh, hey, all good, like trying to be real nice about it. And he's like, oh, I've screwed this up. And I was like, nah, you haven't. No, you have royally, mate.

You have. Really, you didn't see him again. Oh, you didn't see him. Did he try to get a second date? Yeah, he did. I don't know. I didn't think it was a great fit anyway. No.

Oh, my God. That is one of my favourite bad date stories I've ever heard. That's amazing. Zoe, we're going to hook you up with a $200 Wild Secrets voucher. So thanks to wildsecrets.co.nz, we're going to refund that horrible, spewy Valentine's Day gift. I hope this Valentine's Day is a little bit better. Oh, absolutely.

It's going to be. I just know it. Thanks, guys. No vindaloo's. All right, thanks. No vindaloo's. Play. ZDM's Fletchvorn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is the first ever written English language guacamole recipe. Okay. Was written by a pirate. Arr. Arr. Arr. Arr, you take your avocado.

And you chop it in half very carefully. He has to not slip through the stone and give yourself a hand injury. Chop the stone and twist. No, don't chop the stone and twist. That's how peg-handed Pete became peg-handed Pete. He cut his hand making a delicious guacamole. In your guacamole question, in your guacamole. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Now, are we going avocado? Yes. Do you do a chunky? Tomato, red onion, coriander. Yes, and lime. Or do you just do lime, chilli flakes? And chilli flakes. Because some guacamole is just avocado. Do you do a chunky Tomato Red onion Coriander Yes And lime And lime chilli flakes And chilli flakes

Because some guacamole Is just avocado No no Live a little You're just having Mashed avocado Live a little That's mashed avocado

What is the Restaurant in Christchurch That does that Guacamole And make it at your At your desk Your table At your desk

Casa Casa Republica Casa Republica. Casa Republica. Yeah, delicious. Yeah, it's delicious. Yum. How embarrassing though if you went to go make a guacamole

at someone's table, crack, slip, brown. It's brown inside. Oh, that's embarrassing. Stringy and brown. I think they cut it open before they get to your table though, eh? Yeah, so they know it's not brown.

Or they just spoon out the brown bits. Yeah, they just shave them off. Although I've made a guacamole and been like, I guess I'm having brown bits in my guacamole. Yeah, but if you put in

enough bloody coriander and lime, it's fine. Yeah. So, do you know what the recipe was? His exact recipe,

please read in a pirate accent. Tazoy! Wait a minute, I'm going to get his name in. Cancelled, by the way. Cancelled, by the way.

Cancelled. Sorry to our pirate listeners. Oh no, it's pirate appropriation. Yeah, but if anybody is going to be okay with you looting and plundering their culture, it's got to be pirates. It's got to be pirates. A culture built on looting. What's your pirate's name?

This pirate's name was... Sebastian. No, William Dampier. Of course it was William. Sounds very posh and British, doesn't it? Well, he was actually a naval officer until he began his career in pirating in Mexico. Okay.

And he said, okay, he wrote, this is the first ever known guacamole recipe. Mm-hmm. In the Bay of Panama, you'll find a fruit known as an avocado as big as a large lemon with skin like black bark. You mix it with sugar and lime juice. Sugar?

Yeah. Controversial. Yeah. Dick Damp? Yeah. What? William Damp. William Bill Damp, not Dick.

That would be Richard Damp. His brother's Dick Damp. Yes, that's his brother? Yeah. What? William Damp. William Bill Damp, not Dick. That would be Richard Damp. Oh, yeah. His brother's Dick Damp. Yes, that's his brother. Yeah. Dick Damp. And his mother, Francine, shortened to Fanny often, but not always. And we don't...

Dick Damp. That was how they read out her name for the school roll. Damp. Fanny. roll. Damn, fatter! Present! Okay, moving on. Stop giggling. God, they just came out of nowhere. So yeah, you mix with sugar and lime juice

and beat them together and pop them on a plate. No salt, sugar instead. This makes me want to try a little sugar. This makes me want to try a little sugar. This makes me want to try a little sugar. Is there no Doritos? No corn chips? No corn chips. Did they say what to eat it with?

Tortillas. This is also, he gave, there's other things he did too. He was the first person in his, the first person to write down the word barbecue. Really? Yeah. Okay. Chopsticks. Write it down or did he come up? He gave chopsticks their name.

Like their English name. Did he? He gave chopsticks their English name. This guy needs a movie. Cashew as in the nut? Yep. Because he was travelling around, he was seeing a whole lot of food that people hadn't seen before. Right. Kumquat? Yep. He could have done better there.

He's having a down day. Yeah. It's often whilst... No, no, no. Actually, no, Vaughn. Don't do that. We're going to jot it down. Jot it down.

Dear mother. Jot that down. Jot that down. Dear mother. Fanny. I have been out exploring the world. He also named soy sauce and tortillas. Oh, my God.

This guy needs a documentary. I know. I thought tortillas would have been like a Spanish word. Tortilla. Tortilla. Is it? Hmm? Have you checked this fact?

I feel like. It feels very. It feels. No, it's like the first written example, so it might have been said by some people in Mexico. But he didn't come up with it all. No, he didn't come up, it feels. No, it was the first, it's like the first written example. So it might've been said by some people in Mexico. But he didn't come up with it all. No, he didn't come up with it all. He did come up with chopsticks though.

Right. And barbecue, apparently. So yeah, he did lots of looting and plundering, but he loved his food. So he's kind of like the world's first food blogger. He is. Yeah, he'd go into like a local tavern and be like, hi, like you don't have to,

feel no pressure, but if you want to give me a free meal, I'd be more than happy to put you on my bill. Yeah. I could cite you. I could totally cite you. Like tell people where you are. Yeah.

And then in the book, they'll be like, oh my God, when they read about your tortillas, I think it's pronounced. No, no, no, no, no. The Alza. The silent,

don't ask why. And he's like, my mother Fanny is going to love this. She must have been so proud. She was very proud. Of both of her boys. Yeah. Dick Damp and Billy Damp.

Out there representing the Damp clan. Of course, let's not forget their French auntie, Moisten. Carry on. So today's fact of the day is the first ever written English language guacamole recipe was written by a pirate. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- potatoes to make us happy. We set out in search of hot potatoes. Hot potatoes, hot potatoes. So it was raining and we had what? A three, four hundred metre wall.

But even before that, you in studio had come to work in the rain and you said, even when we were in here just before the show finished, smell this, smell this, smell this, you said. You waved it around in our face. Your little blunt umbrella. No, I came to work in my jacket.

Yeah, but you didn't pop up your umbrella, but you always have your umbrella. I always have my umbrella in the back. And then you said, well, I don't have anything. I don't want to get wet. Because we had rain jackets. We came prepared, didn't we? Yeah.

Yeah. So I said, you can borrow my little mini umbrella that I leave in my bag. You said it smells funny. Well, I got it out and I was like, oh, whoa. Like a blue cheese. Because I don't, I cannot remember

the last time I used it. It would have been last year sometime, maybe, I don't know, three or four or five months ago. And you keep yours in the sheath. I keep it in its little cover. Sheath.

And I got it out. As you well should keep your umbrella sheathed. And it was, it was like a blue cheese, it was like a cheese, an old mouldy cheese smell. You did say you sheathed

your umbrella damp. Well, I always do. No, mouldy cheese smell. You did say you sheathed your umbrella damp. Well, I always do. No, you're a naughty boy. You should never sheath a damp umbrella. You pop it up somewhere and let it drip dry. At your house, you should do it in your laundry. I'd just leave it in the shower. And then put it away when it's dry. You don't, because then that was, you get mould growth. But I've never had

a cheesy umbrella before. It was so, it stunk. Like, it wasn't even like a hind. It was like far out and you kept waving it around. I was like, it stunk. Like it wasn't even like a hint, it was like far out and you kept waving it around. I was like, I walked up to everybody, Georgia and all the producers, I said,

hey, smell my umbrella and it smelled like cheese. And this is when it was still not, it hadn't been ejected yet. Well, you don't eject, you shouldn't inject an umbrella in the studio until you get outside.

Seven years bad luck. Well, anyway, we- It's an erect an umbrella, it's an object an umbrella. Eject. Eject. It's an ejection. Well, it's not an erection. It's an erection. Yeah, anyway, we... It's an erect an umbrella. It's an object an umbrella. Eject. Eject. It's an ejection. Well, it's not an erection.

It's an erection. Yeah, it's an erection. You erect the umbrella. You erect the umbrella. Well, so we were just about to walk outside. We were in the foyer here of the building, and I'm in my jacket looking pretty cute. You were looking super cute.

I'm in my jacket looking super cute. Karen Walker jacket. Raincoat. And didn't she tell us? Yes. No, no, no. I didn't tell you who made my jacket. You said, that's a nice

raincoat. I did say that. And then I said, thank you, it's Karen Walker. Must be nice. And it's at this point that Vaughn erects the umbrella. You erected the umbrella. I don't think you trusted me to unsheathe and erect the umbrella. And then I was going to pass it to you.

Yeah, really lord it over me. The details are fuzzy because what happened next was pure terrifying panic. It was funny. It was shocking. A giant dead wetter fell on the floor and bits of the plastic of the umbrella had also come away. There was a hole, two holes in the umbrella. It had eaten a hole trying to escape to save itself from this damp prison. So somehow

I had trapped a wetter in the umbrella and left it there for months and it had tried to eat its way out. Eat its way through the cheesiness. Died and then emitted a cheesy odour. Oh guys! Oh I can still smell it. Which had been contained in the umbrella.

Now can I ask a question because this was a fair one and this is the point where I said I'm not coming to brunch, I'm going home it. Which had been contained in the umbrella. Now, can I ask a question? Because this was a fair one. And this is the point where I said, I'm not coming to brunch. I'm going home. Yeah. I'm seeing your sheath on the floor here. Yeah, that's... Did you give it a wash?

No, I haven't washed the sheath. And then Vaughan took the umbrella. No, I left the umbrella here. It's just out here drying. I left it erected just to dry the umbrella. But it got wet, so I think it's fine now. It's not cheesy anymore. Because the cheesy smell was the wetter.

It was a big one too. And it was hard, like it had been there for a while. Like it had hollowed out its gut for how long that was there. It dried out. Very sad. Our native wetter. And it was a big one too, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. It was huge.

It was a fatty boy. It was a big one. But yeah, it's got holes in it, so I don't know. I'm going to have to... Well, you were saying replace the umbrella. I said, no, it's just tiny, tiny holes in the umbrella. No, it's kind of big. Are you going to rain through it? I reckon it? Were you saying Replace the umbrella I said no It's just tiny tiny holes In the umbrella No it's kind of big I reckon one's about

A centimetre big That'll get drips on me It absolutely defeats The purpose of an umbrella Yeah It's a tiny hole You won't notice it More is going to sneak out

I could duct tape it I guess I could duct But it's a blunt umbrella Those things are very nice They don't go inside out They're bouj Yeah they're very nice But I wanted to ask

A question this morning Oh no I think this is going to be bad. I think this is a bad way to end the show. What was the source of the mystery smell? You know when you have a mystery smell and then you get to the bottom of it and you're like, you find something dead under the fridge?

Like that time there was a weird smell in our garage and I wasn't quite sure what it was and it turned out that the fuse for the switch that the chest freezer had like fully melted, eh? No, it had flicked off. No, the hot water cylinder was, that was another source of the smell. My wife for days was like, I can smell burning plastic.

I was like, I think you're imagining things. And then we found it. It was the hot water cylinder switch had caught fire in our hot water. I remember seeing it and being like, oh dear. Like so close to burning our house down. The other time was when the chest freezer had been off for four weeks. That was, I don't know how you even opened that and dealt with that. I would have got people in and said, move the whole freezer.

That's what Sade said, chuck out the whole freezer. Yeah, same. I would have done that. I was like, waste not, want not. Put it in a bag and put it in a landfill, and we shall never speak of this again. Seal it. I had this in my last house.

We would walk through the front door and be like, far out. What is it? What is it? Couldn't find it. Was it cheesy? No, it was rotten. And then Rolly had obviously chased a mouse and it had crawled itself up into the wall. Oh, yeah.

And our little front porch. And so Aaron was like, what is it? I've got to get it. And got this little saw out to saw a hole in it and this carcass, rotting mouse fell out. Yuck. All right. Well, this is what we want to find out. Do we?

No, we do. What was the source of the mystery smell? Maybe it was a nice smell. You had it. Maybe it was a nice smell. And then you found out there was a little bakery underneath your house. Oh, it was a little bakery. A small family's running a humble bakery underneath my house.

A little elven bakery's been set up. All right, what was the mystery smell and did you get to the bottom of it? Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Ailey. Play ZM. Yesterday, my umbrella was emitting a cheesy smell. Oh, for God's sake. It was a mystery

until we opened the umbrella and out came a giant wetter that had died and in turn smelled like cheese. They smell like cheese when they die. Who knew? Who knew? Who knew? Who knew?

Mouldy cheese. So we want to know the source of the mystery smell. Did you get to the bottom of it? Cameron, what happened? Hello. So I drove a 10-tonne truck, carting material. Yeah, okay. a 10 ton truck carting material. And for about three months,

the whole crew smelled this nasty smell, to put it nicely. And it smelled like rotten feet and it was like absolutely gut-wrenching and made you sick driving it. But one day I was just like, oh God,

I need to get this truck clean, it's dirty and stuff. So I shoved my hand behind my seat to try and find my bottle. Yeah. And lo and behold, I found a container of three-month-old Chinese that was warm and growing maggots. Oh! Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I picked it up, huffed it out the window, and nearly gaffed it out of my mouth. It was like, yuck, yuck, yuck. I picked it up, huffed it out the window, and nearly gaffed it out of my mouth. It was like... How good's the dry reach from a smell? Who left it there? Did you get to the bottom of whose it was? Oh, the... We don't know, but we're pretty sure

it was the co-worker that just left, too. Yeah, chuck him out the window as well. Oh, my God, amazing. All right, leave a little space. Cameron, thank you. Keep your calls coming in. 0800-DIALS-AT-M-9696. When did you get to the bottom of the mystery smell?

And what was it? There has been a state of national emergency declared as well for the entire country. Happy Valentine's Day. We're all in this together. I think we're throwing around, I just looked at the headline, I think we're throwing around the term unprecedented. Oh, again.

Is it unprecedented use of unprecedented? I just feel like it's becoming precedented. Yeah, it really is. We want to know what the source of the mystery smell was after my cheesy... Yours was a wetter. A wetter in my umbrella. They smell cheesy.

A very fungal scent. Because I always put my wet umbrella back in the thing and it never smells like that. Because it's rain. You've got to wipe it. You've got to let your umbrella out to dry before you sheath it. Well, I will from now on. Please do. Lesson learned. I've got to buy a new one because I ate half the umbrella.

I thought the fungal smell was the start of The Last of Us in real life. When that thing fell out, I was waiting for it to come to life with a little fungus popping out of its head. Some calls first. Phil, you got to the bottom of the mystery smell under the car seat. I did, yeah. Similar to the last story, I had this sulfuric sort of smell starting to come from the car.

Like a rotting egg smell. And the kids first brought it to my attention. I was like, oh yeah, that is weird. So I did what any sane person does. Went onto Google and sort of looked up car smells, rotten eggs. And the first thing it tells me is like, Cadillac converter. I was like, oh, I can't afford to replace a Cadillac converter.

Do they smell like eggs? Apparently, yeah. Apparently a rotten egg smell can be that your Cadillac converter's failed, I spent... Do they smell like eggs? Apparently, yeah. Apparently a rotten egg smell can be that your Cadillac converter's failed, which is thousands of dollars to repair. Because you don't have a Cadillac. It's a catalytic. Catalytic. I drive a Mazda.

Those are the things that people steal. They steal those from cars. Of Priuses and stuff as well, eh? But anyway, so yeah, so I deep-dived down this thing for a few weeks. It got so bad, the wifer is refusing to come in the car. You have to drive around all the windows down.

I would have just at this stage moved to Ototoroa. To mask it. To mask it. To mask it permanently, yeah. That would have been a good idea. So, anyway, I was like, this is ridiculous. I can't afford this anyway. So, anyway, better clear out the car.

Just make sure it's nothing else. What I had forgotten is I had picked up the groceries about three weeks earlier, and in my haste, I'd missed that a three-pack of chicken breasts had slid under one of the seats and had been hurt. Wow, okay. Was there any moisture left, or were they just green? No, there was moisture there. They were green and slimy.

Oh, yeah. The smell was terrible. What was worse is that it lasted for months. There was no juice, like, in the car itself, but that smell, like, permeated all the fabric. You've got to drive that car straight to the tip and just back it in. Yeah. Back it in.

I was praying that someone might just crash into it and insurance would buy me a new one. Yeah, just start driving around recklessly. Phil, thanks for your call. Olivia, what was the source of the mystery smell? Okay, so paint the picture, right? We've got a two-storey house. It's relatively old.

It's summer. It's getting pretty bad. You know, like, we're looking everywhere. We just can't figure it out. Mum's looking in the freezer, fridge, cupboard. And it was getting pretty bad, you know, like we're looking everywhere. We just can't figure it out. Mum's looking in freezers, fridges, cupboards. Like just, and it was getting worse and worse and worse. And then it turns out that she opened up the fold-out sofa upstairs and my brother had got drunk,

was not allowed to be drunk in the family home, vomited all through the sofa bed. No! No! No! No! And then it did make nothing happen. What a monster. So he's like, fold up the sofa bed

and then pretend I haven't vomited in it. Yep. Wow. Oh, my God. Wow. Did he get my telling off? We're talking weeks later. Oh, my God.

Yeah, because you never seem to look there. Did he at any stage think this could be my vomit? Did he say anything? No, he said nothing until Mum opened up the catch, and, yeah, there it was. Oh, that is feral. Wow. Olivia, oh, my God.

Yeah, grounded. You'd be grounded for weeks for that. Olivia, thank you. A couple of text messages to finish. I hate this. My partner said there was a weird smell on the car. She said it had a weird fishy smell. It took me a month to figure it out.

But I'd bought a subwoofer, and apparently the glue on the wood, when it got hot, would let off the smell. That's bad glue. That's terrible. That's bad glue. Let me teach you For waking up people With a sump with a Yeah exactly actually

I don't care But no sympathy We had a smell In our kitchen And to try to like Get the air moving We turned on the Range hood

Yep And every time we turned On the range hood The smell would disappear So we were like perfect Yeah Except one day I decided to clean

The range hood And I popped open the thing And a rat fell out Yeah The reason the smell Stopped when the Range hood went on Is because it was just S reason the smell stopped when the range hood went on is because it was just sucking the smell straight outside.

Straight back into the range. Yeah, right. That's so yuck. Somebody said our home water tasted sweet and smelt a little bit funny for months. Sweet. Found two dead magpies in the water tank. Are they...

They're sweet. Artificial sweetener. You've got your stevia. You've got your sucral. Yep. Your espadamine and your magpie juice. Fantastic. Yeah.

Maybe that's a secret ingredient to Coke Zero. Oh, my God. Magpies. You've got it in one, I reckon. Could be. Magpie juice. Zero sugar. And then if you look,

in a little thing it says zero sugar. Heaps of magpies. Yeah. Just before Coke sell us, we are joking. Oh. There's no magpies in your Coke Zero. Approve it. Or is there?

I need to see receipts of what is actually in there. Mum packed away all our skiing gear but didn't check the pockets first and she always made us take a couple of boiled eggs in our pockets as treats on the ski field. We don't want to go to the canteen. It's very expensive. We're already here. Boiled eggs canteen. It's very expensive. We're already here.

Boiled eggs. That's such a mum thing. Yeah, boiled eggs in a zip-slide bag in a jacket pocket. Weeks later, something rotten permeated the whole house. Took days of frantic searching to find it, but there it was. Yuck. A rotten egg. My son's room began to stink to high hell over summer.

We eventually found it in his cricket bag. He'd taken the leftover salmon quiche for a snack when he was playing cricket, never eaten it but left it in his bag and then tossed his cricket bag with his filthy clothes under the bed. I can't. I can't. Make him move out. You're out after that.

You're gone. Hey guys, apparently being the company's most successful podcast isn't enough. They want us to tell people to tell more of their friends. So people are clearly liking it, but we have to tell them to tell others to like it. I would concentrate more on the shitter podcasts that the company makes. Yeah, same. You know, the real losers out there. Same.

No, no, no, we'll just, maybe we won't say nice. Maybe we should even encourage people to listen to other podcasts that the company makes. Yeah. No, but only after ours. Yeah. Nah, nah, don't do that. And not more than ours. Yeah.

Give us a sexy little review, though. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.