ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 14th March 2023

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

Growers and Showers  Silly Little Poll: Apples  Top 6: Taser  Melanie Bracewell!  Public Speaking  Hayley is going away  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. It's thanks to McCafe. Drive through and get a cup of barista-made McCafe coffee on the go. This morning I picked Hayley up on the way to work. She hasn't lost her license. She still has her license.

I still have my license. She still has her license. Yep, you're off to Marching Nationals. I am, and I'm going straight from here. So she didn't want to bring her car in. Yeah. Because she'd have to leave it at work. Picked her up.

Not a nice guy thing to do. She, within being in my car for a minute, accused me of farting in the car. I did, I did. We were in the middle of a conversation, and she stops and said, did you just fart? How rude!

I hadn't farted. But it smelled distantly. Yeah, no, you're a smelly area. It's your smell, not your smelly area. My smelly area? Your area is perfectly fine. The area that you live in has a pongy spot. There is a pongy spot.

There's a pongy spot. When you drive out, there's this one spot, and I'm not saying it's them. I think it's a dip. I think it's coincidentally that it's a dip. I wouldn't even say who you're going to blame because you don't want to wear their ire. There's been a lot of flooding, though, in your area. So maybe some leftover. No, no, no.

It's been there for years. Yeah, but I don't know what's in that dip. It's not. I don't think it's them. Or a little convenient dip and you had a little fun. No, it's, yeah, the dip went down and I was, no, it's not. It's a smelly dip. There's nothing worse than being in the car with someone that you don't know that well,

like an Uber driver. Or maybe you don't know some friends and then someone does this. That sulfur smell and you're like. Because you don't know that well like an uber driver or maybe you don't know some friends and then someone does this it's sulfur smell and you can't say anything sometimes who thought it there should be a thing on ways this is the navigation yeah that i use because you can be like hazard on the road broken down car yeah and it's so good yeah you should be able to be like smelly part of the road because you know when you're driving and it's always past like a meatworks? Yes. And all of a sudden everyone's like, if you had the warning, it'd be windows up.

Block your nose because you're going past the meatworks. Or you're passing a stock truck. Or a tannery. Or you're at a place where the stock trucks are allowed to dump their effluent. It's okay if you farted. I didn't fart. I feel like you just brought it up. I mean, hours later.

But when you drive that road every day, you know that's a pongy part of the road. No, but it doesn't smell every day maybe it's a wind thing it doesn't yeah it could be a wind thing it did rain yesterday I feel like Vaughan

you're pretty honest when you do because he will let you know having been in the car many times with Vaughan he will just say yeah yeah sorry

but that's a bad one or I'll suddenly wind the window down oh my god when somebody suddenly winds the window down that's good stuff tell when somebody suddenly winds the window down. That's good stuff. Telltale. That's good stuff.

A fart's coming. Now I'm just looking on the map. Just looking on the map. As to what's on that corner there. Have we checked this on a dead body decomposing? Oh my god, very good question. Oh my god, imagine if we were solving a crime right now. Just imagine. And we can start a podcast about it.

Oh my god. That'd be fun. We've got all the right now. Just imagine. And we can start a podcast about it. Oh, my God. That'd be fun. We've got all the equipment to start a podcast. A highway horror. Yeah. There's a mic. We're doing a podcast right now. We can turn it. I mean, it's a flooded market, though, isn't it?

True crime. Yeah, I know, but ours will be comedy-based. Comedy-based. So it's true crime. So you'd be laughing at the victims. No, not laughing at the victims. With them. Laughing at the perpetrator.

Laughing at them. Also, the people you stood to accuse who will remain unaccused and unnamed. So you'd be laughing at the victims? No, not laughing at the victims. With them. Laughing at the perpetrator. Laughing at them. Also, the people you stood to accuse who will remain unaccused and unnamed, miles off the road. Yeah, I know. I'm looking at them at miles off the road. Yeah. But it's eggs. It's like, I think they've got chickens.

Oh, you think? Oh my God, that's another thing you need a warning of. Those chicken sheds. Yeah. Yeah. They stink. They fucking stink. I forgot we were doing the podcast and when you just said, they fucking stink, I was like, oh my God, what?

No, we're not, we're not. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Fawn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Do your bloody census. Yeah, half aawn and Hayley. It's two minutes past six. Do your bloody census. Yeah, half a million households. Guys.

It's a lot. Yeah, because what happens next? They've been like, do them, and they haven't. I think you get fined, don't you? You get fined. You get a fine. It's not the year for a fine. It's really not a lot of spare money floating around.

Bags not being that census person that has to go knock on the doors of the people that haven't done it. Oh, because you know they're going to be an enjoyable bunch, aren't they? Yeah. A little more to the census. Yeah. Probably coincidentally the same people that in about, you know, two years are complaining that they're not being represented fairly. Yeah. Yeah, ironic.

Yeah. Ironic. Very ironic, that. Very ironic. The top six on the way. Yeah, ironic. Very ironic, man. Very ironic. The top six on the way. Yeah, apparently American Airlines stewardess. Hostess? Attendance.

Attendance. Flight attendants. That is the sort of gender neutral title. Flight attendants may start carrying tasers. Great. So I've got the top six people that need tasering on any given flight. So here's somebody. Have you guys been tasered before?

No. No. Thank you. I've sort of been tasered. I've been cattle prodded. Yeah. We've been cattle prodded. Haven't we had a cattle prod once?

I've been dropped by an electric fence on a bull farm. Yeah. I did that. I did tough mudder. You know that like mud run thing? Yeah. And at the end of it, you have to belly crawl through electric wires. And they said it's basically just a light tasing.

It was insane. Did you really see that? They electrify a fence. No, they have like dangling electric cords and you have to crawl under them and they just shock you. There was no way to get through it without getting a shock. It was like just before the finish line. Okay, that sounds

crazy. That's silly. There should have been a way to avoid it. Like if you crawled low enough. Yeah, but I'd done the tough mudder,

you know, and I needed to finish it tough. Oh no, that's sadistic. It was weird. It was really weird. It was a weird way

to end the day. Yeah, no, that's a big no from me. A huge no. I'd rather be at a cafe on Saturday morning eating eggs. Oh, my God, how nice would that be? Yeah, it'd be lovely. I'd rather a beautiful sunset with a cocktail.

Not getting tasered. Not being tasered. Yeah. Well, the top six coming up soon. Who needs a tasering? Next on the show, science has weighed in on your penis. Fletcher's specifically? Or yours, actually, yours.

Any penis. Any penis, science. Any and all. Any and all penises. It all penny. They will fall under the umbrella of the study. It all penny. It all penny.

It's like the Italian pastor, isn't it? Isn't that how you know when it's ready to eat? It's just al dente. Your penny is at all. Yeah, yeah. Grower versus shower. Science has weighed in on the percentages of grower versus shower. This is for the penis.

Okay. What's in it for Hayley? What's in it for me? And every other female listening Yeah This is so typical of men isn't it? Yeah it is It really is

Really this is what we stay in the show with? It's just excluding half of our population? Well some of them might have one at home Okay Is it right? Some of them might be interested I've have one at home. Okay. Is it right? Some of them might be interested. I've got one at home, yeah. For our lesbian listeners, I do apologise

and we will soon return to our lesbian heavy programming. Well, maybe you could at the end of... I don't know what you're going to say here, but I don't know if it's going to be appropriate. No, I was going to say maybe at the end of the break you could give something for our lesbian listeners, like a little tidbit of information that they would appreciate. A little lesbian fact or something?

A little lesbian fact. I could do that. Yeah, that'd be great. Okay. Well, I'll give you, I'm going to probably need to just spend a, you know. Would you like me to ask producer Jared to find a lesbian tidbit? Well, I've got an idea of a lesbian tidbit. Lesbian facts.

Okay. We'll be fine. I think Jared's happy he doesn't have to of a lesbian tidbit. Lesbian facts. Okay. We'll be fine. I think Jared's happy he doesn't have to source a lesbian tidbit. Okay. I can... Yep. Got it. I've got a lesbian tidbit.

Well, that's at the end. For right at the end. For balance. For balance. For balance. For neutrality. As we go back to the scientific study. Yes.

Re the penis. Re the penis. Are you a grower or a shower? If your penis changes in length by 51% from flaccid. Flaccid, I believe they say. Yeah. Flaccid to Latin for softy. Erectus.

Erectus. Big erectus. If it grows more than 51%, you are considered a grower. Oh, okay. If it's already over 51% of its length, pre-rectus, then you are considered a shower. Right.

But if you're a shower, so it doesn't grow much, there are not much changes between, but it's still small. It just kind of goes up and it doesn't. You're a minimal shower. Yeah, right. Yeah, I feel like now there needs to be a third category for people who don't really get much.

Just an angler. It just changes the angle that it finds itself on. Yeah, yeah. So why did they want to break it down into stats? I do not know. Is it because too many people are saying, I'm a grower. And they're going, well,

it doesn't grow that much. Right. So then you whip out the old measuring tape. This just sounds like some horny uni students that wanted to see some payments, right?

It's Spanish researchers have drawn up specific scientific definitions because all that paella and all those naps they have. Oh, yeah. Naps and seafood.

But what was the reason that they wanted to do the study? I don't know. Because why not? I mean, they're probably sick of dealing with COVID. COVID and cancer. Yeah, fear call. Dr. Manuela Lonzoisa, a urologist who led the research,

our study tried to give an explanation to different types of penises. Right. So they might not necessarily have used the terms grower and shower, but, you know, that's the one everybody's... Is that not the scientific term, grower, shower? I don't believe that's the scientific term. Right. Yeah, right.

Do you know, in the last 30 years, this is also a study on the penis, the penis has grown a quarter in length, the average penis size. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's gone from... In 1992, when your dad was waving around his small little wang. Very petite in the 70s. 4.8 inches, and now the average in 2021 was 6 inches. Right.

Is that full erectus or flaccidus? That's erectus. Ah. Is that fascinating? Yeah, why? But it's happening quick. Ah. Is that fascinating? Yeah, why? But it's happening quick. Right. So they're saying that's,

and I think we talked about this recently on the show, it's happening too quick. It might be, you know, drastic changes in diet and chemicals. Right. What about the blimmin'

tripods of the future? When's it gonna stop? If it keeps going. If it just keeps on going and then suddenly there's a third leg situation. And everybody's just gonna be begging for the old days. I miss my small will miss the 1990s they'll say yeah oh why you know

no smartphones you could just you know you could go away and people couldn't contact you they'll be like no just i just missed the 4.8 yeah uh peters i've got i've got the fact for the lesbians okay thank you so much as well for those lesbian listeners that stuck through that penis chat. It must have been horrible. For you, I can say the last ever episode of Xena Warrior Princess aired on television on June 18th, 2001. Wow, a long time ago.

Xena allows herself to be killed so that her ghost can fight Yodoshi and save the souls of the people who died as a result of her actions. Meanwhile, Gabrielle sets out to recover her body and resurrect her using the sacred fountain on Mount Fuji. Now, I never knew Xena got to Japan. No, I'm pretty sure they just used a CGI mountain.

Right. I don't think we had that budget. Though Yodoshi is defeated, Xena chooses not to be resurrected so that the souls of the people she killed may be avenged and enter a state of grace. The series concludes with Gabrielle inheriting Xena's weapons and cause Anu Kors as a warrior of the

people with a ghostly Xena by her side. Wow. That's just for the lesbians. They did love Xena, didn't they? Icon. I got it. There's a mystery between those two. Yeah, I think it was an awakening for a lot of people, perhaps. A lot of confusing thoughts there.

In 2001, it was a different time. You had a boss who was a lesbian, and she had a Xena calendar and had a hot photo of Xena for every month of the year. Like a hot photo. Like the fireman's calendar, but Xena every month. And no reminder to change your smoke alarms. Oh, wow. Xena was... I don't think they had smoke alarms. Not in Xena.

Not in Xena. Not in Xena. Don't even think there was a fire department. No, I don't think there was either. It was probably just Xena. She was everything. Dealing with it all. She was hot, eh? I pashed Lucy Lawless. And it was hot.

I thought of Xena the whole time. Is this on air or another time? Is this an on-air story? It's on air. I just gave her a kiss. Wait, no, but you said pash. Yeah, we had a pash. What for?

It was an acting role. Yeah, it was in a show. Oh. And we had a pash. What was she like? And then I text my mum. She pulled me in. We started,

the lesbians, completely excluded. Now I feel like this is a lesbian heavy break. Yeah, no, we're going to hang on. I think other people can enjoy it too.

I think we might need a tidbit for the straight listeners. Well, I think they're probably getting enough out of this as well to be totally honest. So what show was that that you pashed Lucy Lawless?

It was a show at the Basement Theatre in Auckland. Yeah. And every night you had a different guest. Right. And I was playing Mary Magdalene. Oh, you were born to play? And she was playing Jesus. My goodness.

We've lost the Christians. We've lost the Christians. No, we'll give the Christian listeners something later on. We've got Psalm of the Day coming up. Oh, we do. We do. We do. Anyway.

I've got such a good one today, guys. Do you? Oh, my brother. Brother. Yeah, brother. Brother. Anyway, and then there was a moment where the guest actor could choose whether they kissed Mary Magdalene or not, and she grabbed me by the face and gave me the hottest Xena

patch. Were there any cameras? Because you'll end up on December on the calendar. I don't know that there were cameras. Did the crowd go wild? She dominated you. She dominated me.

And I've never forgotten that. You're living a lot of dreams here. I've never forgotten that. Well, I tell you what, this Paul's letter to the Corinthians you've got coming up for Psalm of the Day

better be good. Yeah, better be good. Better be good. That is my brother Nick. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Silly little pole.

Silly little pole. It is so silly, silly, silly. That silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Silly little pole. Today's silly little Poll, apples.

Do you prefer eating an apple sliced or whole? I do the thing where you'll get an apple and you'll get a knife and you'll just slice a bit off and eat it off the knife. That rules, but it's not how... It's granddaddy. I'm eating an apple on the go. I'm very rarely sitting down to eat an apple. An apple's a mobile snack.

If I'm sitting down to eat it, definitely slice it because it does taste better. It just tastes so much better. But unlike you, normally on the go or at work, just easier to eat it. Young, young, young. But yeah. Yeah, they irritate my guts, apples. Do you feel it? Very high in FODMAPs.

No, don't peel it. I know. What's high in FODMAPs? It's the stuff that irritates the IBS. Oh, okay. Fermentable carbohydrates. It's boring. It's the stuff that irritates the IBS. Oh, okay. Fermentable carbohydrates. It's boring. But it's fermentable food good for you, though, normally, isn't it?

Yeah, sometimes. But the high FODMAP foods like onions, garlic, mushrooms, cauliflower. Oh, my God. Delicious food. All the good stuff. Where you're just describing a perfect stir fry. Yeah, I know. Upsets your stomach.

And apples do it for me. I'm like, pfft, pfft, afterwards. Even a Pacific rose? Even a Pacific Rose. Even a Pacific Rose. I used to eat probably an apple a day, and now I really just have them as treats. Did it head the doctor away? No, I see the doctor quite a lot.

Mel, you know I formed a very close bond with him. Yeah, yeah. So no, it didn't work. Well, 73% prefer a sliced apple to a whole apple sitting at 27%. It's good stuff. You eat the core, Vaughn. I eat the whole apple.

I can't. But that's why I wouldn't eat it sliced as well, because if I got to it and I just had to have the core in a mouthful, it would be harder, but I'd leave a bit of flesh around it and then just... Yeah, it's the seeds. Whole apple. I go around the rim and that's it.

Just the rim? Yeah. They're too big. They're too much. Too much of a meal. I could eat the whole thing. Waste not, want not. Oh, there's poison in the seeds.

Shut up. Is there really poison in the seeds? Oh, that's what people who don't like eating apple cores say. Oh, right. Cyanide in the seeds. A tree will grow in your stomach. Yeah. Anyway, I'm off for a vape.

Yeah. Rebecca says, slice. Then you're not committing to eating the whole thing at once. Oh, my God. No, you can't leave an apple. It'll brown. You really can't. It'll brown up, Rebecca. You've got to commit to eating the whole thing at once.

How good was it? Just when she said not eating the whole thing at once, and I was like, how would you stop going brown? And then I was like, you'd submerge it in water. And then I was taken back to kindergarten where they used to have the fruit bowl, and it was just slices of different sorts of fruit and carrots and stuff in a bowl of water and you'd go and grab one. Yeah, that's right.

But it was in the bowl of water so it wouldn't brown. You wouldn't do that these days. That bowl of water would be manky. Oh, so manky. Especially kids. Kids are like walking up just being like... Snot on their hands. Sand on their hands.

Play-Doh on their hands. Probably a bit of poo on their hands. Yuck. Anyway, Rebecca can't eat a whole apple at once, so we worry. Riley says, whole but shaved. Now, we call it peeled in the apple game, Riley. We don't say we shaved our apple, we peeled it. Whole but shaved.

He peels an apple. She. She peels an apple. Yeah. My goodness. No, you're not. It's not the 90s. I do love those old machines where you'd pop an apple on it and turn the handle and the blade would go along the apple. Oh, yeah. Peel an apple. Yeah. My goodness. It's not the 90s. I do love those old machines where you'd pop an apple on it and

turn the handle and the blade would go along the apple. Oh yeah. And then you'd dip it in cinnamon and sugar. Or toffee. Or toffee. Straight and hard. You've got to get your five plus a day. You've got to. Sarah says sliced with cheese. Yum.

Sliced with cheese. Apple. Tart apple with cheese. Yeah, okay, that works. I like that. Apple with peanut butter's the bomb. Oh, yep. Good snack. Ashley says, Sliced because I worked in an apple orchard fruit shop and I know if I slice it, I'm guaranteed no rotten bits.

Had too many experiences with bad apples. Oh, yeah. Biting into an apple and getting a little rotties. I hate that though. Yes. Wormy holes. Especially when it feels so good on the outside. No blemishes.

You bite it and it's got an underskin bruise. Yeah. You're biting into the sequel of James and the Giant Peach. Oh. Lisa aggressively comes in saying, hold, I'm not three and it's not an effing choking hazard. Okay. Wow.

Passionate. Passionate reply. Yeah. We've been put in our place. Chantel says, slice with peanut butter spread on it. Yeah, yum. Yeah. Having themselves been put in our place. Chantel says, slice with peanut butter spread on it. Yeah, yum. Yeah. Having themselves a full-blown snack attack.

Hannah, there is nothing worse than hearing someone slamming away on an apple in the office end up pre-empting every bloody bite, so it's got to be sliced. Yeah. It's a little bit easier in the office. Yeah. Would you say an apple is one of the loudest fruits? Yes. A real juicy one that's followed up with a...

Like where they're sucking the juice out of it. Or any stone fruit that's particularly juicy with a... That's probably grosser to me. People are manky. Sally, I'm like a five-year-old and I refuse to eat an apple whole. Even if I were lost in the wilderness, I would still fashion a knife out of a rock and slice that baby up. Or just not bother at all.

Not even. Samantha says, personally, I'm a whole apple kind of girl because I'm an adult, but my partner complains he'll hurt his teethies. So I've had to adapt to chopping mine and then remember to chop his. Oh, my God. Doodums McGee. No, I've got weak teeth too. I get it.

But you'd still get into an apple. Yeah. My teethies. Owie, owie, owie. Play it. ZM's F get into an apple. Yeah. My teeth is hoi. Owie owie. Play it. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. If you think about trying to create a smart character,

or when you even just think of like playing a professor, often you'll choose a kind of British accent to do so in order to sound more intelligent. And you'll think of someone with a British accent and some glasses on. Smarter. Sounds posh. Posh and smart.

More so than someone with an American accent, which often you can be like, oh, shush. Well, there's apparently... Okay, go on, sorry. I don't need your question. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll hold my question, please, Your Honour, until further in the piece.

Well, there was a study at a university in New Jersey, who have tried to look at why this may be. Beyond pop culture, beyond characters like Sherlock Holmes versus Homer Simpson. Now, I'm just picking two random characters, one British, one American. Which one would you say is more intelligent? It depends

Sherlock Holmes was a famously smart detective Homer Simpson a bumbling fool From sector 7G But I just randomly picked Now this is a bit confusing Because I thought it would be around I don't know The pattern or something like that

Or you know what's the thing Like your inflection patterns or something like that But they pay particular attention to the word right and how it's used in conversation, how it's applied differently from America to the UK. Also another way it's said, but how it's put into a conversation. The context in which they use it. So Americans use the word right, right, right.

Again, I'm playing a dumb sort of California. Americans use the word right to show that they already have knowledge of a conversation topic, whereas Brits will use the word to acknowledge that information they are receiving is relevant to the conversation at hand, which is a more complex way of using the word right than just confirming that they understand what's happening. Right.

Right. What one was that? I understand what's happening. That's confirming I understand what's happening. To an American, the way British people use right makes them sound like they already know what is being said, leading them to appear more informed than they may actually be. Well, I just Googled what's the smartest sounding American accent.

Because you're right, like the British, the posh British always sounds quite smart. Yes. But they're not always smart, are they? No. They're hoity-toity. The Brits. They're, you know, entitled rich little a-holes. Yeah. But we assume that they're the smart-toity. The Brits. They're, you know, entitled rich little a-holes. Yeah.

But we assume that they're the smart ones. Yeah. But apparently the Boston accent has been ranked the smartest sounding American accent. The Boston accent? Boston. Like Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg.

I don't know how to do a Boston. It's kind of a weird accent. But anyway, this is a little confusing to me. Thinking about the way that you use the word right. I don't even know which way we use it. Right? Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. I say it like a confirmation. I

understand. Yeah, yeah. Gotcha. We're going to go the thing afterwards. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Yeah, Americans use it. They don't sound confident in their use. It's like seeking your approval. Right. Right. Right? Right? Right. Yeah, Americans use it. They don't sound confident in their use. It's like seeking your approval. Yeah. Right?

But yeah, confirmation. Yeah. That's right. That's right. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. From the self-driving ZM think tank, this is the top six. Sluggish. Sluggish.

Sluggish click of the button there. I couldn't find the mouse. I was like, where is it? And you got a full me yawning breath out. A US union boss has said it's likely tasers will be issued to flight attendants. Apparently, since pandemic times, flight attendants have been getting more abuse than ever. When they ask people to wear masks,

when they ask people to distance, when anything ever happens, you've seen that there's a massive blow-up of people who think they know better, who think they're above the rules. But there's a union that represents 50,000 flight attendants across 19 different airlines who said they need two things.

Tasers and a national banned passenger list because of the repeat offenders. Oh, right. So if one airline bans one customer, they can't just get on another. Yeah, because of the danger they pose to flight attendants. Where are these people coming from? I've never been on a flight with an unruly passenger.

No, I don't think I have either. It's just America. It's America. All those videos. It's demanding. Like, ding, ding, and... Yeah, or a little bit annoyed, but not bloody the videos you see

when they're just like screaming down the aisles. Oh, look at the top six people that needed tasering on any given flight. These people will be on one of your flights. Number six on the list. The people that get their special meals way before everybody else. I get so jealous of them. They're eating.

I want to be eating. They're eating. I want to be eating. I want to eat and get to sleep. Yeah. And they should go last. You can, when you're booking a flight, say you want a special meal just so they bring it early. Yeah.

But then you've got to have some kind of... I know, you've got to have a total or something. Yeah, pastel sausage. I did that on a Lufthansa flight once because I was like, they're going to have a strange meat, I reckon. And so I said vegetarians. It was the Germans. The Germans. It was the Germans.

Why would they have a strange meat? I was young and then I ordered vegetarian. It came early. But it was. It was like a paste. I don't know what it was. Oh, that's so new for ordering a vegetarian. I know, I was trying to be cheeky. Right came early. But it was. It was like a paste. I don't know what it was. Oh, that's so new for ordering the vegetarian. I know, I was trying to be cheeky.

Right. But you got it early. I did get it early. Number five on the list of the top six people that need a tasering on any given flight. The parents of the kid that won't stop kicking your seat.

And the kid. I was going to chase children. Are you not putting children on this list of those that deserve a bit of a tase? I won't tase the children. Really? I'll tase the parents of the children. The'll tase children. Are you not putting children on this list of those that deserve a bit of a tase? I won't tase the children. Really? I'll tase the parents

of the children. The children need to learn from example set and boundaries enforced. Yeah. When they don't stop it, are you like, do you see what's

happening? Yeah. It blows my mind when parents just won't stop their children being disruptive in general. Yeah. They just let them go.

I was on a line at the weekend. Yeah. And there was a kid with a little horn. Oh, my God. And he just stood on this line the whole time. Beside his mum. Is she not hearing this? It's driving everybody on the line crazy.

She could be dead. Did you shoot her a look? She wouldn't turn around. Oh, of course not. I almost, at once, I just so went up,, almost reached up and slapped it out of his mouth. Yeah. Yeah, good. Not slapped him.

No, just slapped the horn. And then stood on the horn side. Smashed the horn. Oh, no. What's happened? Oh, no. What's happened? Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six people that need a tasering on any given flight. People that stand up as soon as the plane lands. Oh, my God. Or like before, and then they have to go, please remain seated until we've stopped moving. Until the seatbelt sign is not illuminated. They're like, I'm up, and I want off. I'm out of here.

Number three on the list of the top six people that need a tasering on any given flight, people that absolutely take the piss with the size of their carry-on. Oh, yeah. They're rocking a full-size suitcase. How did you get that in here? And they've got a backpack, and they're wheeling one of those down the aisle. I know. Oh, you're taking the mick now, mate.

Tase them. Teach them a lesson. Number two on the list are the top six people that need a tasering on any given flight. The person that somehow ends up with a whole aisle on a packed flight, and they make themselves a little camping site across three seats. They've just got so much room. But every other seat's taken.

I hate those people. And then they're like... And they lie down and you walk past them later to go wheeze and just stretch your legs and they're like... I'll just hit them. I'll knock their feet or their head or something. Yeah, tip some water on them so they may wet their pants. Well, you're saying now let's tase them.

And then tase their wet pants. Yeah. Yeah, good. That'll be good. That'll teach you. And number one on the list of the top six people that need a tasering on any given flight, that guy at the front of the plane in a posh uniform with a flash hat walks onto the plane with a certain arrogance. Yeah.

And then he goes into his little private cabin. What happens in there? I don't know, but why is he in a private cabin? They're getting an early man. Tase the arrogance out of that. Dude. I think if you do that, someone will have to land the plane. I've seen a few movies.

It doesn't look that hard. They talk you through it. Yeah. At the tower. Sure. They definitely do. That's today's top six. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

Well, a man in America not happy at his local Buffalo Wild Wings establishment. Yum, Buffalo Wild Wings. I've been to this place before in America. It's this chain, and it's kind of sports bar-y and all, and they do wings. Wings, and you can get like 50 different flavours. American sports bars rule. Hell yeah. The food's always really good.

Ribs. Massive beers. Ribs. Wings. Because I think they do other food as well, but it's mostly wings. And you just order as many as you want and you can get different flavours for each one. Mm-hmm. Yum.

It's so good. I want sticky wings. I want some sticky wings. I want sticky. I want all my food I want some sticky wings. I want sticky. I want all my food to be, if there was a word that could describe my favorite type of food, it's sticky. Sticky.

Like, I want sticky ribs. Yeah. I want sticky wings. I want sticky pork. I want sticky. I want it sticky. Right. Sticky rice.

He is suing Buffalo Wild Wings, this man in Cincinnati, because he says that the boneless wings aren't actually wings, but are more nuggets. So they haven't come from the wing region of France. Yeah, so they're coming from the breast. He's saying that they're just slices

of chicken breast meat, deep fried like wings. Yum! It would be my honour to have a bloody chicken tender or chicken nugget. Yum. We've all got that friend that's like, I don't like bones. Oh, my God. I don't like brown meat. Yeah, which is great.

Suck the meat off the bone. Yeah, that's why wings are so great. But obviously with the, you know, cost of living and chicken and the food increase, it's actually cheaper for a lot of places to do boneless wings. But they give you the option because I've been and they say, do you want wings or boneless? And you know that if it's a boneless wing, you're getting a cut of meat deep fried

because you can't handle bones. You can't handle the bone. That's just life. I can't imagine boneless chicken wings. Is that just when they pull out the centre bit? No, they just cut the breast, right? Yeah, that's a chicken tender. That's a chicken tender.

That's not a boneless chicken wing. The boneless chicken wing has to be the wing. Has to be the wing. No, it's not the wing, though. Because it's boneless. Which one's the one with the bit that you can pull them out? Um be the wing. No, it's not the wing, though, because it's boneless. Which one's the one with the bit that you can pull them out? You can... The thigh. No, that's not the thigh.

No, no, no, it's part of the wing. Part of the wing. The wings are actually two. Nibbles, chicken nibbles. There's the wing dissected into two. Yeah. The forewing and then the shouldery bit. But a boneless is just a cut of meat.

Yeah. Now, the complainant... Well, boneless is just either thigh or breast with the bone taken out. So the complainant says that the restaurant chain is committing false advertising. And so the lawsuit, which was filed, is seeking damages and injunctive relief, among other things. America, eh? Get a hobby. Get a passion.

Get a girlfriend. I don't know. So Hungry Howies says boneless chicken wings are actually not the same as chicken wings. They are indeed boneless portions of the chicken breast cut up into comparably sized pieces to the wing. But still yum. It's a tender. Yeah, exactly. It is a chicken tender.

Yeah, but it also could be a nugget. No, a tender is bigger than a nugget. And a nugget is more like a chicken tender I think of nugget. And a nugget is more, like a chicken tender, I think of as more being kept whole. Long and skinny. And long. Whereas a nugget, I think of more being more of a minced chicken. All of these things, delicious.

All of them delicious. It's just a pleasure to be before chicken. Buffalo coating and a blue cheese sauce. There's no need to sue. And some limp celery on the side. Yeah. For the greenery. Yeah, that's just more decorative.

We don't touch that. I want wings. Yeah, wings are so great. Wings are great. Although, I will say, when you're in New Zealand and you have wings, you're like, oh, yep. Then you go to America and have wings, and you're like, what is in these chickens?

It's because our chickens are small and happier. Yeah. Nothing tastes as good as a sad chicken. Nothing tastes as good as a sad chicken. I'm obviously kidding, but their chickens are like huge. Like you see their rotisserie chickens, if you're ever in a supermarket. Their chickens would eat our chickens.

They're like small dogs. Yeah. You're just like, what are they pumping into these things? But yum. But yum. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, an American airline has gone viral because they have an incentive scheme for their staff to bust oversized carry-on baggage. It's so obvious as well.

Like, Air New Zealand, shout out. I'm going to love you. And thank God they don't check. But there are some people, as you say, come on, they've got a backpack and a handbag and a roll-on and they can't even get it up into the overhead thing. Taking the piss. Taking the piss.

Seven kgs? Whereas I think the last time I went on Jetstar, they didn't check or I didn't have any. But they check all the time apparently. The last time I went on Jetstar, they didn't check. Or I didn't have any. But they check all the time, apparently. Well, the last time I went on Jetstar, they cancelled my flight. So then I had to book an Air New Zealand one to get home. So it didn't matter. Right.

But the last time I took a successful Jetstar flight, I got weighed. What, they weighed your bag? Yeah. Before you boarded. And I got paid once. I think it was like $60 for having like 10 kgs in my carry-on. So the airlines make a lot of money because, yeah, you basically have to check that bag as luggage and they weigh it.

Yeah. Well, they are offering, this American airline Frontier, they are offering their staff $10 US, so what, like $15 New Zealand dollars, per bag that they catch. Oh, that'd be a fun game. So you think you paid $90. $60 I think. So even if they gave staff $10

of that, that is still making money. And they'll be able to catch everyone now. Yeah. Because they're personally benefiting. Because they're personally benefiting. Whereas if you were staff, would you even care? No. Would you want to be the person that tells, you know,

10 passages every hour that they've got to pay $80, $90? No. And then deal with it? That's not my job. No. That's not my company. But would you do it if you were getting $10 a bag? Yes. Yes.

Yeah, of course you would. I mean, you think like you'd be making as much as you make in an hour just by pinging a couple of people. Yeah, and it's not hard. Seven kgs is like not a lot. If you've got a laptop, I think one of the times I, on Jetstar flight because they were weighing them, I went and tucked my laptop in the corner

and then I went and weighed my bag. Then they tagged it. Then I went back. This is like at least a couple of kgs, 3 kgs maybe, right? I don't know. Haven't been to the gym for a week. 3 kgs your laptop? No. No, that would be like 800 grams.

No, it's heavy. Oh no, you actually know. 3 kgs. I think you can literally Google how heavy is a MacBook, it'll tell you. But they're not light and they add a lot of weight. If you're going overnight somewhere and you're only allowed seven, you can't even have a pair of shoes.

You've got to wear it all. You've got to wear it all. You've got to wear it all, yeah. And then, what, tuck the laptop down your pants? Yeah. 1.8 kgs. That's 1.8 kgs. Okay, so I was a kg out.

1.8. I wasn't too bad when I said a couple, and then I jumped up to three, which was insane. But 1.8, they are heavy. And then you've got the cord. Then you've barely got any room, and you've got a couple of chargers. The suitcase itself probably weighs 800 grams. But it is easier, though.

But you know at the time when you're booking the airfare, you're like, I don't need a bag. I can do this. Yeah, always. You know, I don't want to pay $10 or $20 more. I never do that. don't need a bag. I can do this. Yeah, always. I don't want to pay $10 or $20 more. I never do that. You always get the bag. I hate dragging a bag into carry-on.

But you've got to check in the bag, and then you've got to wait for the bag. Yeah, I know. I understand how quickly you zip in and out of an airport if it's all going carry-on. Yeah. And I like to be ushered onto the plane by name. To get an individual boarding call?

Ding dong, we're waiting for one passenger, Mr. Vaughan Smith. The unloading process has begun. Because that's the thing, if they've got your bag on board, they can't just get you off easily. You've got to get your bag first. Correctamundo. So for someone like you, a tardy person, that's perfect. It's check-in.

It's a good strategy for you. Yeah, you get the invite. But if you also carry a whole lot on board, at that stage, a lot of the overhead area is taken. Yeah. And then they might have to put your bag miles away from you and then you have to fight against the flow to get your bag from the back of the plane.

Well, if you're with Air New Zealand and Hayley tries to drag that thing on. Don't dob me in. No, she's checking that in. I'm checking it in. Dude, there's no way you get that on. There's no way you get that on. Plus, I've got a backpack. Yeah, okay, you better check that.

Which, that doesn't stop some people. No, it really doesn't. It's an insane luggage on his carry-on. People would check that in because it's a sports bag, right? Like a big duffel bag that is packed full of marching boots. I'll try.

I just messaged, you know I work for a ski resort and we've got a $20 bonus for each person we busted using somebody else's ski pass. You would be checking. You'd be like, goggles up. Balaclava down. Let's see that face. That doesn't match. $20. That's good. That's good.

That's good incentive. Good cash, isn't it? Anybody would be a narc for the right amount of money. Exactly. Play it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. I don't know if I've talked about it enough yet, but the Comedy Festival is happening,

and one of the biggest events is the Best Foods Comedy Gala, and wow, wow, wow, look who's come crawling back to New Zealand. Take me. Take me back. It's Hayley Sproul 2.0, a.k.a. Melanie Bracewell. Wow, this is so toxic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back to New Zealand where you've been doing all right, so you're going to get taken down at the knees.

Yeah. Think you're a big deal now, do you? I've all got my own show in Australia. Oh. I've done the impossible. I've broken through into the Australian broadcast market with a New Zealand accent. I'm a young

female doing well for myself. Ooh. Oh my God, should I go? No, we are massive male fans. You've just woken up to this. And it's like two hours earlier. Yeah, it's a pile on.

I mean, I know we're ribbon. We're ribbon with respect because the Best Feeds Comedy Gala, the biggest gig you can get in New Zealand as a stand-up comedian, and you are hosting it. Are you excited? Oh, I'm really pumped. It's one of those things that, you know, you watch it as a kid and then you get to do it and it's quite surreal, you know?

I don't know. I'm definitely really excited. I'm quite nervous because when you're hosting it, you have about 20 comedians relying on you to, like, make the crowd, like, hype up the crowd and make them have a good time. Yeah, if your joke falls flat, then the next comedian's four minutes that they've worked so hard on is just going to be a real slog. Yep, yep.

And everyone will be like, well, well, well, Melody Bracewell comes crawling back just to ruin us all over. Who would say that? No, but I feel like it feels right. And I said this to Rhys Mathewson last year and Justine Smith and PAX Society when they've done it. It's like the right moment because you're killing it.

You're not only bringing your own show, forget me not, you're coming to Kew Theatre, but you're doing so well. You've done so well here. You've got your own bloody show in Australia. It feels right. Yeah, and that feels nice. But when you say, I said this to everyone who's ever done the gala, it feels inoffensive.

No, it just means that I support the festival's decision. I support the festival's decision. I stand by them. Yeah, it really feels like a political move from Hayley, sort of trying to keep everybody on side. I will always support the festival's decision. Tell us about Forget Me Not, your show. You're touring around.

You're not doing a full season in New Zealand? Well, I'm doing two nights in a big room. That's kind of a full season, I feel, like in Auckland. Okay, all right. I'm doing five nights. I'll be there every night, all week. But in the smaller room. I wish I could.

I just have to host my TV show in Australia, so I have to go back and forth. Can I just get one up? Yeah, you got one up. You got hard one ups. Far out. This point scoring, I feel like I was and forth. I can't even stay for the whole... Did I just get one up? Yeah, you got one up. You got hard one ups. Far out. This point scoring, I feel like I was doing well. Yeah, no.

So you're at Kew Theatre in Auckland, 11th and 12th of May, and then you're going down to Wellington. The St. James Theatre? Wow. I didn't know how big it was. I just... Oh, I know.

It's so scary. It's so terrifying. No, you'll absolutely do so well. Oh, I'm excited. It'll be like the biggest, I say it's going to be the biggest show I've ever done. That's if it sells. That's if it sells.

It could be the smallest show I've ever done. And then you're down to Chicha at the James Hay Theatre. What's the show? What's the premise? What's the baseline? Yeah. the premise? What's the baseline? The show is called Forget Me Not because I do not, I am desperate to not be forgotten, which is why I'm returning to New Zealand.

It's about short-term memory loss. A lot of my life has been short-term memory loss. And it's about memory in general. And it's about eggs. That's another big part of it. Eggs. It's topical at the moment. Very expensive.

You can't get them. You just can't get them. I was actually excited when that story came out. I was like, oh, I've got to reshangle into the egg gear. I'm really excited about this egg shortage. You've got this egg gear. Well, Mel, we are, despite the amicable ribbing, we're so excited to have you back, so excited to see your show

and to watch you absolutely nail hosting the gala. Oh, I'm pretty excited too, Hayley. I'm excited about your show. Is your show on at the same time? Oh, my God, thank you. What a flawless segue. You can also see me in the smaller room at Kew Loft. In the smaller room.

In the same week, yeah. Hayley Sprouse and Hayleman. Small room, like it's not like 400, like 300 people or something. Yeah, yeah. It's quite big. Mel, as always, lovely to chat. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Play ZM's Fletch Vodden Haley. Play ZM. Well, scientists have done a study and looked at your reusable drink bottles and the bacteria that's harbored in them. Dude, this is a go on. Let us know. It's like when you find out as a parent those bath toys that you were like

toddlers playing with. When the ones that are like squeezy so the water gets in them and then not all the water gets out. Oh, yuck. And then one like the dog gets hold of one and like rips it open and you're like, what is this black mold? That's black. And I've been squeezing it over my kid's head.

Yeah, because you just never see inside it. Ugh. How often, before I give you these stats, how often do you clean your gym bottle or your reusable drink bottle? Not often enough. Nah, I was gifted this bottle six months ago, and I think I've washed it twice. But also, those drink bottles, this is just, my drink bottle is just an open mouth.

I always feel like the straw, the plastic straw and the plastic mouthpiece and it goes up and down and you've got to like pull it up and down. Those always get way mankier. So that's a Frank Green with the mouth straw, with the mouth sucker. So they looked at the four popular types of reusable water bottles. The spout lid bottles, screw top lid bottles, which you've got, the straw

lid bottles, which are mostly Frank Greens, and the squeeze top bottles, which is my gym one. So it's got a little rubber thing. And you squeeze your bottle and it, yeah. Cyclists. Yeah. Well, he is a cyclist. He's got the clip-clops.

I'm a semi-cyclist. I'm a gym cyclist. And the tight little ass. I just want to slap it. Tight little ass. Gonna have a slice of that cake. Put that in the HR journal. Jot that down.

Actually, that's going straight upstairs. Is that going straight up? Straight up. That's not even going in the journal. That's not even getting jotted down. That's going straight up. That's going straight upstairs. These are the two classes of HR complaints here we have on the show.

Jot it down for later. Sort of a journalised entry or straight up to HR. Straight up, guys. Straight up. So the average eco-friendly reusable water bottle has 40,000 times more bacteria than a toilet seat. Because the toilet seat gets wiped and these things don't. They're grubby and they're on your mouth and they're around sweaty parts.

Yeah. And they just sit in the perfect bacteria breeding temperatures. Spout lid bottles have 30 million CFUs. Screw top lids, the same, 30,000. Straw lid bottles, like the Frank Green, 20 million CFUs. Squeeze top lid bottles, 3 million CFUs, so less. So squeeze top's probably the best

because you probably flip it and you're probably just squirting it straight in as opposed to putting your mouth on it. No lips, G. Yeah, no lips. And yeah, so in these CFUs, there's gram negative bacteria,

E. coli. Yeah, I like a bit of that. Klebsiella, have you ever heard of that one? Never heard ofi. Yeah, I like a bit of that. Klebsiella. Have you ever heard of that one? Never heard of it. And they can trigger a number of serious infections, including pneumonia, other stuff causing gastro issues.

I was just going to say, someone just texted saying, I definitely wash weekly, otherwise get an upset tummy. Imagine if my whole stuffed guts was just because I don't wash my body. See, they reckon daily. You should be washing daily in soapy water.

So when you're doing the dishes, your water bottle daily. Get a drink. Because you can actually see your Frank Green straw. It is mang. It's because I wear lip balm and then I, and it all gets, it rams in and gets stuck in there. I grew up drinking out of the hose in the garden. And there's no more refreshing drink than a hose in the garden. You're running around in your car, you're like.

You've got to let it run though. Oh yeah, because you've got to get the hot. On a summer's day, you've got to get the hot water out of the tap. The stagnant hot water. But then that hose was used for everything. Whether he's putting your dirty hands on it to wash your hands or water in the garden or. So daily.

Daily. Let's go for like monthly. Or weekly. Dude, it's better than like twice every six months. I think I'm on six months as well for my gym model. Would you put it in the dishwasher? No. Or would you hand wash it?

I'd hand wash. I'd do a hand wash. Have some respect. Have some respect for my Frank Green, please. It's got a huge dent in it. You don't even have respect for it. I know. I threw it on the ground. I was having a chat with the family last night.

Yeah, having a family chat. Did you call a meeting? We had a meeting. Who, in the lounge? Yeah. It was in the lounge. TV off. All attention.

Wow. Had a bit of a chat. And then just afterwards I said, you guys must be due to do speeches soon. Yeah. I said, Andy, you're like, she's first year intermediate this year. I was like, this is where you start doing like speeches, speeches. Not just like presentations

You get up there And you do your Three minute speech Or something I'd like to take this opportunity To say that I'm the winner Of the Poynton Cup For Middletown High School

I think you already said it Winner of the Poynton I think I'll just say Take this opportunity You've almost said that More than you've said You've been to Bali People know three things

About you Hayley Sproul 2001, 2002 You've been to Bali And you won the speech cup The Poynton Cup The Poye Sproul. 2001, 2002. You've been to Bali and you won the speech cup. The point and cup. The point and cup. So it's like school 2001, 2002. Yeah.

Yeah. Well done. Well done. Are your girls going to do a speech on speeches? I've told them last night when we were talking about speeches, the one thing that they will not be doing speeches on is the speech on speeches. Someone's got to. It's quite meta though.

It's quite meta. It's deep. It was meta before meta. It's deep. It was meta before meta. It's deep. It was 90s meta. And then Sade pipes up. Yeah, you know Sade. Socially, she's very chatty, but put her, like,

she'd never stand up in front of people and say something. Certainly chatty after a few bottles of Prosecco. Oh, loves a chat after a bit of a yell. Loves a yell, loves a slur. Yeah. After a few bottles of Prosecco. But she's not one for public speaking at all. No.

Like she's probably only ever spoken on the radio half a dozen times in the entire time we've worked together. Just doesn't do it. Did she speak at your wedding? Nope. She didn't speak at your 40th? Nope. No, she doesn't like standing out in front of a crowd.

Right. And so I always assumed she hated speeches. She was one of, she doesn't like standing up in front of a crowd. Right. And so I always assumed she hated speeches. She was one of those kids that was like sick for the week of speeches. Yeah. Or just got up there and went... Or cried and peed their pants. Yeah. Just like had a full-blown panic attack.

The teacher in the corner and then like, you don't have to do it if you don't want to show up. It's okay. You can do it just at lunchtime. You can just read it to me. Oh. Oh. That is a stressful thing about that.

Some kid, at the time you're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I know. They're having a breakdown. But now you look back on it and you're like, this kid's just like,

full blown. They're in a panic. So I always assumed Sade hated speeches at school. And she said last night, I always did quite well in speeches at school I won a couple of cups A couple of trophies for speeches

Wow I was like what? I said did you like it? She said I always did really well at public speaking Until And I was like Because it's exciting when you've been with someone for 19 years And you don't know

Yeah Until and you're like What happens next? And then she took a four-minute ad break. And then she came back and she told me. Because she was so good at speaking, there was a chaplain leaving the school she went to, Dio.

She went to one of the Dio schools. And there was a chaplain. Yes. Thank you, brother. Thank you, brother. I appreciate that. Amen. Praise be. Stay tuned for Psalm of the Day.

Psalm of the Day is coming up. We just promised it was a good one today, guys. I look forward to it. Brother. Brother. Chaplin was leaving, so they asked her to deliver this, like, poem. And because she was a great public speaker. Right.

So she got up. She'd memorized it. No notes. Oh, wow. And she said she got halfway through and mind blank oh god and then was just like swallow and then she said she can still remember exactly what the panic felt like and she had this like panic attack and then the person off to the side like said the next line and so she kind of repeated but that was it it. Couldn't. She just hit this wall, and that, she said,

every time she's in front of people trying to speak, she immediately goes back to that moment. That just, like, shuts her down. Public speaking is the number one fear in the world. Yeah, ahead of dying. Above spiders, ghosts. Sharks? Is it above sharks?

It's above sharks. Is it? It's above sharks. Yeah. Public speaking is the number one fear in the world What's the joke? That like people would rather be in the coffin Than giving the eulogy? Oh

Yeah So horrible It's terrifying It is This used to happen a bit like There's a moment on stage Where you're looking at another actor going Oh gosh

And then they can maybe like help you out or. Yeah. But that feeling, it's like the world just goes. And you can't see anything. It closes around you. It was like when I was doing third grade gymnastics. Oh, babe. And I forgot how to skip.

I just couldn't get my legs to skip. And so I started to cry. And my mum said, just skip. Just skip, boy. Just skip, boy. And I looked at cry and my mum said, just skip. Just skip, boy. Just skip, boy. And I looked at her and I was like, I've forgotten how.

And so I cried and sat down and then they said my time was over and then there was no more gymnastics for me, which is sad. Yeah, it is. That's where I lost my flexibility. God, you should have seen me out there. I know.

But I'm a beautiful little man. Beautiful slight little man. Those beautiful slender legs of yours. Beautiful slender little legs. And I had a slender little top as well. But power. Power. Power to slender.

He was a powerful little eight-year-old, and then that was just it. He was out. He was gone. He was out of the gymnastics world. It could have been a different world for me. But I wanted to know, because when Shada described it, it was so, even as describing it, she was back in that moment of what put her off public speaking.

I want to know what caused your fear of public speaking. Now, I realise that this is ridiculous, because if you're scared of public speaking, you might be scared to call and publicly speak. Oh, yeah, but it's different because it's just a phone call. It's a phone call with your mates. And you can just hang up on us if it doesn't go well. Yeah.

Or you can cry. That's the thing. If you get on the phone and we're like, so what was your story, Janice? And you're like, oh, oh, blah, blah. Just hang up and that's fine. That's fine. Just have a panicky hang up.

Yeah. We want to take your calls. 0800-DARLS-IT-M 9696. What caused your fear of public speaking? What moment? I feel triggered. You know, like I can feel the dread and the fear of that feeling that Sade had.

Well, maybe you had a bad public speaking experience at school. Maybe farted. Oh, that'd be the worst. Or vomed. Maybe you vomed. Maybe the nerves. Because you know the nervous vomit? And it comes from nowhere.

They're like... We're talking about what caused your fear of public speaking. A lot of people just hate it, but a lot of people have something that triggered it. Something that got in there. A moment in time that forever changed you. Yeah, someone said, I do not want to call. Okay.

But I had a very similar experience. Because I said, my wife's was, she was asked to read a poem to a want to call. Okay. But I had a very similar experience because I said my wife's was, she was asked to read a poem to a departing principal. Yep. And got halfway through and forgot it and just couldn't and then just blanked. And she said ever since then she's hated public speaking. But used to love it.

Used to love it. That's amazing. So this person said I had a very similar experience. I would love singing and doing great speeches at primary. First year of high school, my grandfather died and I had to say a little poem and I forgot it and I cried and panicked and mucked the whole thing up.

My cousin carried me away blubbering. I'm 23 now and I even hate talking at team meetings at my workplace because I'm immediately taken back to my granddad's funeral. Is there a way

to get over that? Toastmasters. Like, but do you know, you just basically have to keep talking. Some kind of psychological, like, I would probably, you could try some hypnotherapy or therapy on a home. Ghostmasters. You just basically have to keep talking. Some kind of psychological... Probably some trauma.

You could try some hypnotherapy or therapy on a whole. Just talking to somebody and getting to the root of the problem. Bridget, your mum wrote you a speech. Yeah. I mean, most years since I was of age to say a speech. Okay. Yeah, my mum got involved. Did she?

Yeah, Patsy got heavily involved. Wait, so Patsy won the trophy, not you? No, no, I delivered it, but she punched up the gags a bit. Wow, okay. So is Alissa Best Speech more of a best actress? Yeah, I'll take that. She's also helping with my comedy fair show. So Bridget, what caused your fear of public speaking? What

happened when you delivered this speech? So she wrote a speech about like teddy bears or something and she thought it would be a good idea to include the teddy bear picnic song in there. Right. So naturally, already being

really scared of, you know, standing up in front of people and then I had the most like jittery voice trying to sing this song. Oh, my God, you just sing as well. If you go down to the woods today, you'll be in pain. Wow. Disguise, surprise, disguise. And so since then, you've not been into the public speaking?

No. I don't think I've done a speech since then. I've made up some excuse every year. You're doing quite well right now. I think you're doing wonderfully. This could be the return of Bridget. Yeah. I think it is.

But no one's looking at me. Like, this is fine. Oh, no, this is a video call. Everyone's looking at me. So it's all the eyes. It's when you're talking and there's a whole lot of eyes looking at you. So you've got to imagine people naked, that's what they say. Or with no eyes.

I like to look into the crowd and imagine a crowd of people. I thought I could really imagine them naked, though. Yeah. I'd giggle. I'd giggle. I've never seen a nipple and not giggled. Yeah. They are silly. I just want to flick them. We want to know what caused your fear of public speaking. Rebecca, what was the thing that got you?

Um, hello. Hello. Hello, Rebecca. Hi. Welcome to the show. Good morning. Make it feel comfortable. Oh, yeah.

Welcome, welcome. Hey, what's the worst that could happen? It doesn't matter. Well, when I was at primary school, I adored, I was always in front of the stage. I was always singing and I was, you know, I was part of every production and stuff. Was it fair to say, Rebecca, was it fair to say you were a bit much?

Yeah, I was definitely a bit much. I was a lot. I can relate to you quite a lot. She was a bit much. And I entered this competition in my final year of primary school. I was like, you know, this is mine. You know, the competition wasn't good. You know, I'm just a bomb singer.

Oh, we've got a real Lea Michele on our hands here, guys. I'm not that great. Now that I'm an adult, I realise I'm not the best, but that's fine. So I did win this competition, and my sister Got her entire class To boo me off the stage And I was It was in front of the entire school as well

So it was like in a school assembly They did a school competition And I was absolutely mortified And I've been I've just had that You know stage Fright ever since Oh that's so mean.

Have you forgiven your sister? No, it lingers. There's a lot of other stuff, but that's fine. What did your parents, if I heard that one of my daughters orchestrated the booing of another one publicly, I would hit the roof. She was kind of the favourite. So it was kind of like, oh, there, there, you shouldn't have done that. But would hit the roof. She was kind of the favourite so it was kind of like, oh there there, you shouldn't

have done that but it wasn't really. You're our favourite. Do you want to give us a couple of bars now? I mean you're our favourite. Let's have a little song. What do you want to sing for us? No, I'm good. What song did you sing? I work in a high school now. I don't want to be bullied by the students.

She's constantly feared that bullying is going to come back around. What song did you sing when she made everybody boo? Six Months in a Leaky Boat. Oh, my God. It was a classic. Triggering. Sorry about that.

Rebecca, thank you for sharing. Kelly, what was the cause of your stage fright, your fear of public speaking? Yeah, so I was seven and I had to get up in front of the class. I can't remember why. And then next thing I feel like really dizzy and I had fainted, had an epileptic fit. And then while I was fitting, I peed myself.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God, it's a trifecta. And now if there's any ever public speaking, ever any public speaking, you just not keen because that instantly comes flooding back. No, I wanted to like get up at my wedding because it was also my uncle's 50th at my wedding. So I was going to get up and say happy birthday to him

and the MC looks at me. He's like, are you going to get up? I was like, no, no, no, no, no. I would hate to pee through my wedding dress. He's like, 360 people. No, no. No, no, no, no. I don't want to have any politics put at my wedding.

Wow. Kelly, thank you for sharing. A couple of messages to finish. Uh-oh. I once took a song request To a radio station Uh oh The producer rang me back

To get me to do a Recorded verbal request For the song We do that don't we I got absolutely tongue tied Had several attempts Until the producer said Don't worry about it

And hung up Oh Oh This is the first time I've texted a radio station since That would never have been One of our producers That would never have been us If I producers. That would never have been us.

If I hear, in fact, you know what? You let me know who it was, I'll have them fired. That's the sort of power I have in the industry. What if it was you? I will apologise profusely and I will really sit with you and we'll work through you requesting your song you want. Very rude. I won the school speech competition in standard three, went to the area

competitions, stood up in a filled hall and forgot my entire speech. I just blurted out a few phrases that I remembered with absolutely no context. Out of order and just so confused. Your brain just tends to scramble to end.

In Glory Vale, if you crashed a vehicle, you had to stand up and apologise in front of 500 people. So, like, now it's just triggering because they were all, it was all judgemental and like a punishment that now public speaking every time. For crashing a car. Or any sort of vehicle. Who's that message from?

Hopeless driver? That got him, didn't it? Oh, God, that's good. Does that get him? That's good. Retire. Retire. You're peaked.

That was... That was... That was stunning. I did a good job. I did a good job. Thank you. That was stunning. Play ZM's Fletch for the nightly.

Play ZM. Squiggles. Now... Squiggles are top tier biscuit for me Squiggle Why are they still in the squiggle tops? I don't know if they ever were Were they?

Yeah they definitely were Squiggle tops way back in the day When these ones were around Their first time Because the candy squiggles are back They're back Now they're in the purple pack Yeah

They were Lollies on them Because for a long time There were two lots There were the hokey pokey Yeah And the candy And the candy Yeah. They were... Lollies on them. Because for a long time there were two lots. There were the Hokey Pokey. Yeah. And the candy.

And the candy. Which were like smashed up clunkers. Hokey Pokey's number one. Oh, yeah. How good is a Hokey Pokey squiggle? I can hoover a bag of those. Yeah, I know. A whole tray. You're a big fat biscuit boy.

I'm a big fat biscuit boy. Yes. Big fat biscuit boy. He's a big fat biscuit boy. He's a big fat biscuit boy. But I was never a fan Of the other ones The candy The new ones that are back

The old new ones The old new ones If they were around I'd eat them But if I was to buy A packet of squiggles It'd just be Okay you're going into

A supermarket You're gonna buy Because we're not being paid To talk about squiggles here A lot of people have been paid To peddle squiggles at the moment Yeah oh yeah That's fine

And not on them God bless them Interesting We haven't got a single bag It is crazy that it's 8.13 and these haven't turned up. It's madness. But if you're going into a supermarket to buy a pack of biscuits, what pack of biscuits are you buying?

Oh, good question. I don't buy biscuits. That's not the question. You have to buy one. No, it's not the question. The prosecution will not stand by and let the alleged criminal plead the fifth and say they don't buy biscuits. The question that the prosecution put to you was, ma'am, what biscuit would you buy? Hokey pokey squiggles.

Really? I think, yeah, I had to pick one, 100%. That's always been my fave bisque. I'm not a bit mellow path. Don't please say short and biscuit and bisque. It's not a long enough word to require to be short. Yes, it is. My favourite bisque.

Becky. No. It's just as long as favourite. Favourite. Biscuit. Fave bisque. My fave bisque. My fave bisque.

I don't think we need a short and bisque. The hokey pokey. Do you know what I like? And it's underrated the hundreds and thousands. That's my second. That's my second. That's my second. Nah, that's bizarre. I can get a whole one of those in my mouth.

It tastes like nothing. It tastes like white chocolate and fun. It's a texture thing. I think you're still buying into the kids' hundreds and thousands. What do you do? I'm buying a bag of just a good chocolate chip biscuit. A farm bag? Not necessarily a farm bag.

God, we had these ones. They were very problematic in the household. Shadoy bought them for the kids' lunchbox and then I just accidentally ate the whole bag in an afternoon. What can only be described as an afternoon binge. But I love just like a more from the bakery section where the supermarket itself has made some biscuits. Objection, Your Honour.

This is not what we're talking about. We're not talking about a Mrs Higgins cookie situation. We're talking about a pack of biscuits. A pack of bicky. A pack of biscuits. Answer your own question. Jeff a thin.

Yum. Yeah, Jeff a thin's a yum. Digestives. Chocolate digestives. Yum. What time's bridge tonight? If you've got to get a late cup of tea and a big digestive just to get you through to a snack.

No way. What are you doing? What are you rocking? I don't know. I'm not getting a mellow puff. They're gross. Mellow puffs are gross. Too much mellow.

Too much mellow. Not enough puff. No, the title is all mellow and puff. It's too much puff. Not enough chocolate and biscuit. Not enough chocolate and biscuit. Not enough chocolate and biscuit. Now, this isn't final rankings. Well, it's almost, isn't it?

Because we're not, we rank our top three. We are picking one biscuit. So are these coming back for good? Do you know what? It's more of a slice, but I love that thing. And I know I'm going to wear it for slavness, but I'm an individual who's not scared. Yeah.

Those fruit pastry things. Oh, I knew he was going to wear it for slavness, but I'm an individual who's not scared. Yeah. Those fruit pastry things. Oh, I knew he was going to go there. You're so gross. The pastry and then smashed fruit and then another layer of the pastry. Who are you? What time's bridge? I'm not going to bridge tonight. I'll be too tired after my sugar crash from my sugary biscuit in the afternoon.

Anyway, we don't have any biscuits. This is outrageous. But it's good that they're back. I love when this happens. Bit of nostalgia. Bit of nostalgia. But are they here to stay or is it a little thing? They've been back since this morning.

I don't know. You're asking. I don't work at the biscuit place. You barely work at this place. The biscuit place. I barely work here. I do. Three hours here you're asking questions. I don't know the answers to.

I don't know. It's nearly home time. Lad's week, isn't it? This show's going to sound a little different Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You're leaving us for three days. On a jet plane. All the way to Christchurch for Marching Nationals. And you guys are going to be on your own. You'll be alright. You'll be alright doing this sort of... I think we. Three days. On a jet plane all the way to Christchurch for Marching Nationals and you guys are going to be on your own.

You'll be all right? You'll be all right doing this sort of lady articles? Oh, I can't wait to dip my toe into the lady articles. Sharing the lady content. Beg your pardon? What did you just say? Warren's already lined up the top five contraceptive pills. Yes. Yasmin, number one.

That's, yeah. Yeah, Barbara, number two. Oh, Jeanette, never again. Yeah, Miranda. Miranda. Yeah, Miranda. And, Barbara, number two. Oh, Jeanette, you can't, never again. Yeah, Miranda. Miranda. Yeah, and Genevieve is five. Genevieve Westcott. Yeah.

Genevieve made me a little kooky. But yeah, no, we've got it. Genevieve's the one that made you a little kooky. You've got it covered. Yeah. Yeah, I'm off to Marching Nationals. It's the biggest event in the calendar year. So watch out Canterbury because how many people are at?

Hundreds. Hundreds of marching girls will be flooding Canterbury yesterday and today. And this is a sport. This is a sport. Because there are nationals. But through this. But when you say girls, some of them are ladies. It's so strange.

People always say this because you're marching girls. Whether you're 5 or 50, you're a marching girl. It's always been that way. You never become a marching lady. That's embarrassing. Marching girls are not so derogatory Can people go and watch this? Yeah you just buy a ticket

When we asked if we could come down to Christchurch Because you're going to sit there And you're going to laugh at me And my feathery hat Yeah and you've got a She's got a uniform A new uniform Also do you know what she said before

Because she's got her bags in studio She said I've got to put on my tracksuit Before I said before? Because she's got her bags in studio. She said I've got to put on my tracksuit before I go to the edge. She's got a tracksuit. Things that are so normal to me that are abnormal to you. One, you asked me if I was going to go to Fifth Street, a restaurant in Christchurch while I'm down there. Not quite how going into marching camp works.

Why not? You get fed. You get fed? You get fed? By your chaperone. What? Are they cooking? Just like bulk meals for lots of girls. No, go to Fifth Street. Delicious. Go to Fifth Street.

It's like being in the army. This mac and cheese looks lovely, Sue, but I'm popping out because I'm a fully grown woman. No, that is not how it works. Wait, so it's like you're on school camp. You get fed and you're not allowed to leave. I'm going to wake up at 7 o'clock. I will eat breakfast for whatever's been provided for me.

It'll be Weet-Bix. Yeah, probably it'll be Weet-Bix. And a tin of peaches. They don't pay tax either. They don't pay tax. Absolutely. And then I'm going to go on the training ground. I'm going to train all day long.

We'll stop probably for some ham buns. It'll be made for me. Oh my God. Literally like ripped open and fingered a ham and then goes to a quarter. If we're lucky enough. Wait, so you train all day, but then when is the finals?

So Friday, well, Thursday is the opening ceremony. Friday is qualifying, and that determines on the next day what grade you go into, champion, plate, or I can't remember the third one. So do you go to Christchurch a few days ahead to get used to the altitude? You've got to acclimatise. Yeah, yeah, and just adjust to the local climate. Right. Yeah. And the other thing is, yeah, you just adjust to the local climate. Right.

Yeah. And the other thing is, yeah, you thought it was weird that I was wearing a tracksuit. When you travel as a team. No. But the All Blacks don't rock around in their, like, jeans and singlets and hoodies and stuff. But they're the All Blacks. They're an international sports team. Idea.

Yeah. When we travel for work, we get a team tracksuit. Yes. ZM tracksuit. What do you mean? All sports teams. No, I know, but that's. But not a team tracksuit. Yes! ZM tracksuit. What do you mean? But not Adidas tracksuit. What's that fabric?

Oh, velour. Juicy, juicy. What's that? Teflon. No! Get it out! And then it has your name on the back and we have a little logo. But is it a nickname or a name? Could I get like Spanners, even though no one's ever called me that?

Spanners Smith. So someone's like, oh, where'd you get your nickname from? Oh, wow. You see, this is what, that is like a high school. That's mine. Yeah. This was a huge fabric in the 90s, ladies and gentlemen. Huge fabric.

Light fleece collar. I'd say it's back now. It is. They've come full circle. This is what wes, ladies and gentlemen. Huge fabric. Light fleece collar. I'd say it's back now. It is. They've come full circle. This is what we need, one of these. Yeah, but instead of saying Royal Command on the back, which is the name of my marching team, it'll say ZM. F-V-H-Z-M.

Do ecstasy still make clothing? Remember that really bright neon clothing of the 90s ecstasy? Which is all back. Right on time. Right on time. You should definitely get team track suits. I love this idea. Maybe I'm scoffing because deep down I'm hurt that I've never been involved in a tracksuit.

There's different rules. I've never played sports as an adult. You have to have white trainers on. You have to have your hair up. No piercings. Very traditional. Yeah. I'm surprised you're conforming to all this.

You're quite the... It's the one area in which I conform. Quite the anarchist. Yeah. Anyway, wish me luck. Good luck. Good luck. You shouldn't need luck.

I can't believe we're not allowed to go and watch. We're being banned from even watching. But if you're in Christchurch. Yeah. You can. Where's it at? You can. Can't remember.

Indoors. One of the arenas. Indoors. Just go to the Marching New Zealand website and come and watch me march. Just listen out for the brr-rum-pum. Brr-rum-pum. Brrrr-rum-pum. I think you're going to start singing Snoopy's Christmas. Ba-ba-ba-bum.

I don't think we're going to march to Snoopy's Christmas. You should. It's got a great beat to it. It's got a great beat to it. A little slow. Fact of the day. Christmas, bells all, Christmas. No, your arms are a little high, Devon.

Arms are a little high. Did the arm go too high? It was more a German 1940s march. I don't want that to be. No, no all Christmas. No, your arms are a little high there, Vaughan. Arms are a little high. Did the arm go too high? It was more a German 1940s march. I know. No, no, no. Different sport. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Fact of the day

I posed to you a question A topical question It's just that it was the Oscars Congratulations to all of the winners Yes, congratulations to our Oscar winning listeners No Kiwis won I was just thinking if there was a Kiwi connection this year We had a few noms Did any of the special effects was just thinking If there was a Kiwi Connection this year I don't know

We had a few noms Did any of the Special effects Yeah I think there was Four best Best visual effects Dragon Flying

Blue things Blue person Represented on screen Was won by Avatar Way of Have you seen it No I've never seen The avatars

It's too much of an investment In my time I didn't like the first one No neither did I Is that okay to say I watched it of an investment in my time. I didn't like the first one. No, neither did I. Is that okay to say? I watched it on a laptop. So I feel like I didn't give it its whole, you know. But no, it wasn't for me.

And I'm into a bit of that. It's not for me because James Cameron always seems grumpy. He yells at people. Hey, sometimes you've got to yell at people to get the job done. I understand. Give us the fact of the day, Lord. Exactly. Here we go.

So what requires more gold? Oscar statuettes or the James Webb Space Telescope mirror? Oh, it'll be the James Webb. It's got to be the Oscars. It'll be the James Webb Telescope. It's a trick question. Why do you think it's a trick question? Because one wouldn't think that much gold goes in a telescope,

but it does. It does. A lot does. I say it's a trick question because he's wily, Al Vaughan. Yeah. Well, is it a trick question or is it a trick question? Has he reverse psychology'd or double reverse psychology'd us? Well, that's the question you've got to ask yourself.

I'm going to say Oscars. I don't think there is gold in the Oscars. Are they gold? Gold plated. Yeah. The Oscars. The winner is it takes more gold to do the Oscar statues every year

than it does the James Webb telescope. Suck it, Fletch. Gold, very good at apparently reflecting. When it's polished to a... And so they put it in the James Webb telescope and it actually requires less gold

than the Oscars do every year. They've pulled right back on how much gold is in an Oscar, by the way. If you had an old school Oscar, it would be worth significantly more than an Oscar come lately. Right. Because I've pulled it right back. It was unnecessarily expensive. I mean, no one's melting them down, though.

Well, if you've ever been to LA and you've been on the Walk of Fame, any souvenir store, you get one for like five bucks. You get a place in Pennsylvania. Yeah, I've got like three of them. Yeah. Weren't that much. Sure. Has anyone ever sold their Oscars?

Now I need to Google that. Has anyone ever sold an Oscar? Yes, for charity, I think. Vivian Lee won two Oscars. One for A Streetcar Named Desire. Yeah. That was stolen from her home. But it was her first Oscar for Gone With The Wind

that she put up for auction. It was put up for auction by her family in 1993 and sold for $510,000. Jeepers. Imagine that. Your nan's an Oscar winner. She dies and everyone's like, who's having the Oscar?

No one. We're selling it. No one. We're selling it as is. Wow. Mind you, if there's five of you, that's $100,000 in the pocket. That's got to be a hundred.

What are you going to do with this? And like, what are you going to do with an Oscar? Who cares? Yeah, exactly. Just go get a fake one off the Hollywood Boulevard. Or mount it down, separate the medals, get the gold, put it all in, everybody gets a new filling, you know? And we get to sweeten you too.

Sounds great. So today's fact of the day is the Oscars require more gold every year than it does to build a telescope. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. When people are lost in life, they often turn to Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Still looking forward to your song of the day. Don't think you've forgotten about that. Holly, we're going to be running out of time.

We better hurry up. Yeah, we might not make it. All right. Tomorrow, guys. We've received an email from an anonymous listener who wants to remain anonymous. Now, this is COVID related. It is COVID related. Because we've all kind of

moved on, right? Not really. Not really. Because listen to this, in the past week 11,500 cases reported and that's people that are going out of their way to report it. A lot of people probably wouldn't bother now. 190 people in hospital in the last week and there

were some deaths, even people in their 30s. Yeah, some young people. It's still going around. You know people, so many people at the moment that have it. Lots of people that have it. Lots of friends have it. Yeah, lots of people in the office in the last week have had it. Lots of events. We haven't somehow. We went to

My Chemical Romance. I feel fine. That'll probably kick in today or tomorrow though. I reckon yeah, because it takes a few days to Establish itself Well you think of all the concerts over the weekend So many There were three giant concerts so it's around And now we have an email in regards

Hi FVH I live in a flat with three others, two females and one male We all get on really well But there has been some very real Tension lately over a flat rule. Bit of backstory, during the peak of the pandemic, like many flats, we had rules about visitors to the flat as we were trying to avoid getting sick.

Lots of people did this. Yeah. But it's been a while now and my male flatmate is still sticking to this rule. So much so that he kicked out a previous flatmate after they raised the issue with him. The problem is he's not just my flatmate, he also owns the house. That was going to be my question.

How does he have the jurisdiction to evict me? He's the homeowner. That's why you should never flat with people that own the house. No, no, no, no.

You can't dig the walls or anything. No. My question to you is this. Is it fair that he still has this rule in place or am I valid in feeling it's a little too much?

So you can't bring around guests guests I had a friend that told me That similar thing They've got this rule still in their flat And I think it's too much for him And he's just moving out No It's very similar Life's gotta move on

You've gotta be able to socialise And see people And bring people into your space Unless you knew they were sick Yeah like Oh if you were purposely inviting people over when they were coughing and sneezing, that's a bit. Yeah.

That's dumb. But you can still get those tests. You can't tell people they can't have friends over. No, you can't. Like now. Pay rent, that's your right. If you don't want people around at your house, don't have flatmates if it's your house.

Also, it wasn't a rule when they all moved in. You can't say new rule. Yeah. Like you've been living here for years, inviting your friends around, new rulemates if it's your house. Also, it wasn't a rule when they all moved in. You can't say new rule. Yeah. Like you've been living here for years, inviting your friends around, new rule. They can't come over. But then I guess they can't speak up because they'll get evicted too.

And nobody wants to be looking for a flat. Don't look for a flat right now. It is dire out there. I mean, it's always dire. Oh, no, it's terrible. So they want our help and we want yours. Do you think, what do you think they should do in this situation? Do you think they should speak up and

say that they don't think it's on and risk potentially getting kicked out like the last flatmate who tried to raise the issue? Do you think all three flat how many flatmates is a couple? Two females and one male. And so the guy owns the house. Oh sorry, I live in a flat with three others.

Okay, right. Well, you just get the other two and you'd go to the flatmate, the guy that owns the house. You want to gang up. And say, look, here's the deal. Majority rules. Majority rules. Boycott.

You can't do this anymore. Yeah. That's one option. But someone did try to do that and they got kicked out of the house. Oh, flatting. Flatting. Oh, my God out of the house. Oh, flatting. Flatting. Oh my God. Sometimes I have panic attacks about flatting.

Flatting. Flatting. I know. When you think about the interest rates going up and you're like, there is a spare room, we could always get a flat. I'm like, I don't want to. I don't really want to. So 0800-DARLS-IT-M, 9696 to text in.

What should our listener do? What should our listener do? What should our listener do? We need some help here. Should they speak up or do you agree that maybe it's not the time to be having friends around? I personally, as much as it sucks looking for a new flat, I just start looking and then bail. Yeah, same.

And leave that behind. You don't need that. This person sounds awful to live with full stop. Yeah. I was a very stringent follower of the rules during the early stages of COVID, but vaccinations and stuff, we all did the best we could, and now you've kind of got to take some personal responsibility, but you can't, like, give up on life altogether.

Yeah. Can't hide away forever, can you? Yeah. You can't. That was beautiful, actually, from you. Thank you. That was beautiful from you. Wait, no, from me or him?

From Flair. He just jumped on the end. He tagged on my thing. No, he said you can't hide forever. He tagged on my thing. No, he said you can't hide forever. He tagged on the end. His was a thinly veiled threat. No, that was a beautiful sentiment in those times. If he just said by himself, without my lead in, you can't hide forever.

Why is he so threatened by him? Because he just said you can't hide forever. I said a great joke earlier. I'm not taking it away. That joke was amazing, but I don't want you thinking you can just wheel through the rest of the show on one great joke. Thanks to Fletch, people will listen to the show and say, I laughed, I cried. I laughed, yeah. And then I...

You're threatening them. You can't hide forever. That's a threat. Sorry, Hayley, you can't hide forever. I was being heartfelt. And then he just said, you can't hide forever. You can't hide forever. That was a threat.

We want to know what our lovely listeners should do in this flatting situation. So we received a message in from a listener that needs our help. A plea for help. They are living with someone who still has a rule in place due to COVID that they can't have guests over at the house. Now, the person who put this rule in place is the homeowner. Yeah, which

is again why you don't live with someone that owns the house. Unless it's your mum. Because living with your mum rules. Now there's nothing in the email that says that they are immunocompromised or anything like that. I thought the same thing. You could understand that. But they might be.

I think they would bring that up in the email. I think they would. But this is just a rule where they're not allowed guests, not allowed social anything at the flat. So we were wondering what you think our listeners should do. Bridie, what do you think? I think that all three of them need to go and gag up on him. Yeah, because in numbers, especially because this person that owns the flat

is going to have to repay the mortgage at some stage. Exactly. Minus three flatmates, it's quite a damning message, isn't it, to say you can't kind of treat us like this. Maybe they should just, Bridie, throw a party. Yeah, throw a massive one. Maybe he'll move out. A super spreader, yeah.

Throw a super spreader of me. Does it say if the flatmates, the guy that owns the house, has ever had COVID? Like, are they one of these novids? Or he might be dodging it. Might be trying to dodge it. Thank you, Bridie. Sarah.

If they're trying to dodge it, what's your word of advice to them? You can't run forever. You can't hide forever. Can't hide forever. Beautiful words. Sarah, what do you think? Well,

I understand that he owns the house and that he has every right to say I don't want people in my house but the other three people pay to live there. So yes, they do have a say as well. Yeah, they do have a say as well.

Yeah, they do have a say. You can't make all the rules. No, I know, I know. So what would you do? Oh, however. However, okay. However. I have the same rule.

I have a child with a heart condition and he ended up in hospital with COVID last year. Right. And so we don't let anyone basically in the house. I mean, fair enough. Yeah. So basically, I reckon that the three, they have a flat meeting,

and if they want someone over, get them to do a rat test. It takes 10 minutes. Yeah, that's a good call. They can just swing up, you know. Yeah. I think you're right. You've got a right to protect you and yours.

Exactly. But it's a bit of a sticky sitch, isn't it? But then, like, who's having a party now and says, by the way, before you come over, do a rat test? Yeah, send me a photo of it. I mean, but we've all got, like, boxes in the pantry,'ve all got boxes in the pantry, don't we, of rat tests? Oh, yeah, we've got heaps. Some got delivered to work the other day

and Vaughan stole, like, four boxes of them. Sure did. There was only two in each box, so that's why I had to steal so many boxes. Great point. Thank you, Sarah. Yeah, we're just talking about somebody who's not allowed guests at their flat

because the person who owns the house is living at the flat and they don't want people coming around because of COVID and such. And this is a common thing. My friend has this as well at his flat. Yeah, I'm sure lots of flats do. The homeowner is well within his rights, given that we're still in a global pandemic. His house, his rules, don't like it, leave.

And somebody else says, I'm all for choice, but I'm also for people who own the house having the rules of their house. What a conundrum to find yourself in. I know, but you can't have like flatmates and then impose. You're not the father of the house. It's not like it's family. Somebody else just said just leave. I'd leave too.

And can they afford to have everybody leave all at once? Yeah, exactly. And then find flatmates that will adhere to the new rules. Someone said can they not just go to their friend's house? You guys did just say how many cases and deaths from COVID. I can see why if this person is worried and panicked, that they're still worried and panicked. It doesn't always work like that, though, does it?

That you go to the friend's house. Sometimes you want them at your house. It's always so much better going to somebody else's house because you make the mess and then you leave. You do leave. Oh, 100%. You leave the party early. Oh, do you want me to help? I can load the dishwasher always so much better going to somebody else's house because you make the mess and then you leave. You do leave. Oh, 100%. You leave the party early. Oh, do you want me to help?

I can load the dishwasher. I'm never even at somebody else's. The latest parties I stay at are when people come to my house. Yeah. If it's at somebody's house, I'm out before cleaning up something on the radar. We left the party, didn't we, on Saturday? We didn't clean up a thing, did we? We didn't pull a finger.

We just left. We literally ghosted. Leave before the lights come on. I opened the door, though, to noise control. I was like, not my house. I'll be right back. You did, too. And then you weren't.

I was like, James, there's a man here from noise control. There's some sort of authority figure here telling us to be quiet. What sort of noise is being made? What was the problem? It was him as well, Mr. DJ over here, who absolutely cranked the speaker with some. Did he crank Soulja Boy? He's always cranking the Soulja Boy.

No, it wasn't Soulja Boy. It wasn't Soulja Boy. It's strictly My Chemical Romance. Superman. That was My Chemical Romance. No, this was a complaint later in the night after My Chemical Romance. You started it, though. Poor neighbours.

Your shenanigans. You've got to grow up. I don't live there. You've got to grow up. It's not our house. That's why we go there and make noise. Really? How are your neighbours?

Getting it all fantastic. Thank you for asking. You've got to grow up. It's not our house. That's why we go there and make noise. Really? How are your neighbours? Getting it all fantastic. Thank you for asking. You've got to grow up. Yeah. No, they do. Not me. Is that the podcast done? Because I'm busting for a poos. Busting for a poos. Jesus. Give us a review. ZM's

Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.