ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley Podcast - 14th September 2022

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Top 6: Jacindas Transport  Nerf Gun  Silly Little Poll!  Fletch's Tunnel  Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ZM Podcast Network. Everybody wants to be my enemy. Hello, welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley podcast. Thanks to McCafe, download, scan and play the Monopoly game at Macca's to be in to win. Now, Hayley, you're debating a big question right now. Big question in the room. Being that we're recording this right now at 11 minutes past 9am. How early is too early for sushi?

I mean, you've had breakfast. Yeah, but it was a shit little smoothie. But you had breakfast earlier than most people, so this is technically your lunch. Yeah, this is brunch. I had a smoothie with banana and protein powder and water at 5. Yeah, but this is also

how you justify morning drinking. It's our afternoon now. Yeah, but this is also how you justify morning drinking. It's our afternoon now. Yeah, I know. We're done with work. Yeah, I'm going to get some sake with the sushi. Of course. At ten past nine. I'm just looking up breakfast sushi.

Breakfast sushi with bacon, eggs and cheese. That sounds pretty good. Is it warm? I'd say so. That's feral. That's feral. See, I never think about sushi. I've had sushi At like

After we finish a show Before Nine to ten And it's not a problem But I draw the line With sushi At mid afternoon I don't

I don't like I cannot do a dinner sushi There's no place Sushi's not a dinner Sushi's like soup There's not enough in it To constitute a dinner As part of a dinner

No See if you're gonna have Japanese for dinner, there is so many better options. Your teriyaki chicken, for example. Yeah, but you've got to have a little bit of sushi. I have sashimi at dinner. Yeah, absolutely have sashimi. But not a sushi roll. But not a sushi roll. Don't have sushi bits.

What about that cabbage with the kipomaya? Yeah, that's yum. Sesame seeds. What's that place called? Tanuki's. Tanuki's cave still open? Yeah, man. Okay, that's yum. Sesame seeds. No, what's that place called? Tanuki's. Tanuki's Cave still open? Yeah, man.

Okay, good. I haven't been there since COVID, so I just wondered if COVID claimed it. Good as don't go above them. Oh, really? Yeah, go. That's gone. Traditional Japanese breakfast.

They have eggs, lots of eggs. Do they? Egg dish. Main dish would be fish or tofu, miso soup, pickled seaweed, gohan, which is rice and also a character from Dragon Ball Z, and a vegetable. So, I mean, totally that's like good. Yeah.

That's probably what we have for lunch. How about how early is too early for gyoza? Because I might chuck a couple of fried gyoza in there. Yeah, too early. You have fried eggs for breakfast. One or two in. Yeah, that's true, you do. And you have a carbohydrate, your toast or whatnot.

And then your milk. I honestly think the more we talk about it, the more I'm thinking sushi is actually a pretty good breakfast option. It's kind of an obvious one. I mean, I can't believe we've been such damned, damned fools this entire time. How dare we question one of the world's most productive nations. Are you going to get a little crispy seaweed? Always. Always just get the little punnet

of the seaweed that goes crunch, crunch, crunch and really echoes through your brain when you're chewing it. Let's go, let's go, let's go. Let's hang up and go. Hang up. We're going to hang up the phone. We're going to go now. Love you. Love you. Bye. Alright then. Alrighty. Alright, cool. Alrighty. Do you ever do that? You wind up mum on the phone and then she's ah and then it you. Bye. Bye. All right, then. All righty. Okay. Okay. All right, cool.

All righty. Do you ever do that? You wind up mum on the phone and then she's, ah, and then it keeps. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. All right. Got to go. Cool. Gotcha. Love you. I want to get them, them, them, them, them. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn, and Hayley. Thank you, Sam.

Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Thank you, Sam. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Three minutes past six. I'm tired today and I literally was like, I can't hear my headphones and I was trying to turn you up on my laptop. Which is not where your headphones are plugged into. Not even close. That's the little controller right next to you and the headphone jack.

It's almost like every time every time I show something to Aaron on my laptop he pinches it like it's a phone. Oh, like a touch screen. Like, dude, this is

just a laptop. Back off. Calm down, yeah. Midweek though. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling it. Fitting because what do you have for us

next on the show? Why you're constantly tired. Sometimes it might not just be that like me you're staying up too late. might not just be that, like me, you're staying up too late. Yeah. Just flicking. Yeah.

Flicking through the blimmin', the gram. Vaughan, you've got the top six coming up on the show. Yeah. The Queen's Funeral plans are in place. Jacinda is going. He's got a bit of a New Zealand contingent as well going over. Yeah. Joe Biden, however, is going and has transport that is called the Beast.

I will tell you what entails Joe Biden's transport, which will blow your mind. It sounds like a Batmobile. It does. And looks a little bit like a posh Batmobile. Yeah. And the top six ways Jacinda's probably going to get there when Joe goes in the Beast. Yeah, because he's got an exemption, right? He's the only one that's allowed.

Yeah, everybody else has to, you know. His own way to the funeral. Tick one of the boxes of getting there. So I've got the top six ways Jacinda might get there. Secret sound as well coming up. $100,000 to jackpot, all thanks to Neon. Your next chance is coming up at 7 o'clock. We had some good guesses yesterday.

We did. I thought that the 8 o'clock guess yesterday had some good guesses yesterday. We did. I thought that we really did. The 8 o'clock guess yesterday, I thought it was that. Someone guessed yesterday that it was like popping pills out of a Panadol, you know.

Oh, and then you popped and then I popped a pill out of a Panadol tray. And it sounded exactly like it. I was like, here it is. But alas, no. I'm tired. I'm tired today.

I feel like I've said that all bloomin' week. Do you know why? I don't know why I'm just like, my sleep hygiene's off. Yeah. You've been coming to work and saying you've been getting to bed too late. 11 o'clock, 10.30. When you get up at four, that's not enough. No.

I've just been, I've been, phone's in the bed. Looking just. Sleep hygiene's an interesting term. Yeah, I always find it interesting that they call it sleep hygiene. It's sort of like how you look after your sleep. So you are the equivalent today of smelling like off cheese. I'm a filthy sleeper. You're a filthy.

Grubby little bugger. Dirty. You're grubby. Yeah. Mankey. I'd say mankey. Crummy. Mankey.

I'm a mankey sleeper. Crusty. Crusty. I am. And I don't know why. I'm just sort of like hopping to bed and I'm like, I just feel like I don't know. I mean, listen to a good podcast. And then before you know it, it's 11 o'clock.

And then before you know it, it's four o'clock and sleep sleeps up, babe, get out. So some scientists in the UK have done a survey and then looked at other reasons why we might be constantly tired. Because do you remember our silly little poll was, are you tired? And everyone was tired. Like 95% of people were like, yes. Do you reckon there is a life in which you aren't

tired? Like I, you know, after COVID, everyone was like, do you have the fatigue? And I was like, well, I'm constantly tired, so I don't know. You know, I can't differentiate between I'm not sleeping enough tired and COVID tired.

But everyone's tired. And I was like, actually, like, even before I started getting up at 4 a.m., I was tired. You were always tired. I wasn't doing anything. You were living the life of an actor. Oh, my God. I was getting up at, like, 10 a.m. if I must.

Yeah. And then staying up till 1. And sleeping however long you wanted, but still tired. Yeah. Well, one in eight Brits report feeling tired all the time, from sunrise to sundown. Well, that would be in line with our silly little poll last week. Yeah.

Our stats are always. Boy, they're bang on, aren't they? Always bang on. In fact, I always think that we survey more people than most studies. One in four feel fatigued most of the time. So you wouldn't say tired, but just like, oh, I don't have it all. Only a third of Brits were getting a minimum

seven hours of sleep. So seven hours is like, that's the least you should be sleeping a night. And just one in five is getting the full eight. So like no one's sleeping enough. Other than teenage boys in the holidays. Dude, teenage boys know how to sleep. Yeah.

I'll give them that. Yeah. No guilt about it either. Nah. Yeah. Like, they'll stay up late, but then they'll literally get 12 hours sleep. Those were the days. Those were the days.

Those were the days. Growing boys, though, they need their rest. I used to just eat half a loaf of bread and then go back to sleep for a bit. Yeah. But overall, the vibe is we're tired no matter what. You get more sleep, you're tired. Not enough sleep, you're tired. So here's some other reasons why you might be tired,

according to scientists. One, you're a secret snorer. So you might have a little bit of the apnea. And does that make you more tired even though you're sleeping? Even though you're sleeping because it's the quality of your sleep that's interrupted, so you don't dip into the right layer. And then to combat this, they recommend getting one of those they call like c-pap machines you know the god imagine sleeping next to that every night i've got a couple of friends that gases you

yeah like just pours oxygen into you yeah but you'd have to sleep on your back couldn't you i couldn't sleep on my front with that no on your side because the straps would be kind of... Oh, yeah. And is it like a Seabock? Is it like Seabock gas comes and fills up your big tank? You know, they get a little notification saying you nearly had oxygen and they come and they replace your LPG and your... Yeah, I know.

Good, you'd hope they didn't hook up the NOS accidentally. No, you'd be asleep. You'd be asleep. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Your caffeine timing is another reason why you might be constantly tired. So maybe having coffee too late in the day.

Oh yeah. Your mum, we've said this before, your mum has coffee pre-bed. Coffee before bed, yeah. But then famously also we'll tell you how terrible she slept. Oh yeah, right. There was a study that said that people who consumed coffee, tea, or energy drinks

six hours before bedtime slept for an hour less. Yeah, I try to have my last coffee around lunchtime, one o'clock the latest. Cheapest. No, late afternoon. You've got to have a late afternoon.

No. Cupper. You've got to have all that smoker, mate. You've got to have a cupper and a bicky. Cupper and a bicky. You're what you're supposed to have, a glass of water. Dehydration doziness.

They're saying this is in general why you might feel tired during the day. It's actually you haven't had enough water. Totally. Sometimes you might get a bit headachy or a bit tired and you're just like, when was the last time I actually drank something? Your prunus. Water, yeah. Yeah.

It was just straight-ass water. Well, I wonder if that's me because I literally just peeled myself off the floor before saying, I'm dry. I'm dry. I'm dry. Well, you need water. When did you last have a good amount of water? I mean, it's still not going to sort the fact that you went to bed at 11 o'clock. No, I know.

And then woke up at four. I'm dry and I'm tired. Another one is undiagnosed diabetes, of course. That is always going to make you feel sluggish. And the last one, sorry, is you're not eating enough red meat. Hey-o! You've got to earn a steak. Right, well, you eat a lot of red meat and you're always tired.

Look at me. Look at all my energy. I think you need to up it. Up it even more. More. Most. I mean, that's the only problem here. Definitely not the fact that I'm rocking probably about five and a half hours sleep

clubs. Yeah. Yeah. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Well, yesterday, the Emmy Awards were on Just another awards ceremony I love the Emmys I do too because it's TV as well as movies right?

Yeah Or just TV Just TV No no it's just TV Just TV But it's like TV's cool again Yeah You know and like the quality of TV that we're making now,

it's not just like sitcoms and the likes. It's cinematic. Yeah, totally. TV kind of took over when everybody was locked inside, right? Yeah. And could keep making and people were still watching it. So it wasn't like the movies that were, you know, no one was going into the movies and they were pushed onto digital release.

But even before then, like actors, big Hollywood actors would never do a TV series. No, because it was seen as lesser. Yeah, it was seen as lesser. Whereas now, like, you know, you've got these incredible shows, you know, over the years. Like Hugh Grant did TV. You think, yeah, all these, I don't know why he pops to mind because he's my favourite actor and he's incredible. He's like the sexiest man alive. Also, he didn't have a lot of work for many years. So that's probably why he pops to mind because he's my favourite actor and he's incredible. He's like the sexiest man alive. Also, he didn't have a lot of work

for many years. So that's probably why he did TV. That'll happen when you're caught in a red-handed in the backseat of a car. No. No, he had a lofty career after that. He just got sick of it. He hated Hollywood.

Well, some of the winners and also kind of a list of shows you should watch if you haven't already are Supporting actress in a drama, Julia Garner for Ozark. I still haven't watched the last season. Oh my, she's incredible. She's amazing. Absolutely deserve

that. Is that her accent in real life? No. No. Oh, okay. I know, I knew like a bit gutted when you... You can't, like... Real deep. Real deep south. Supporting actor in a limited series of movie, Murray Bartlett for The White Lotus. If you have not seen The White Lotus,

this is the performance that will stick out. It's so great. And also picking up the best actress in the same limited series of movie was Jennifer Coolidge for White Lotus, who is incredible. She's actually in the new season, which has filmed and it's playing on Neon if you haven't seen it. We'll be out in like later this year, I think October. Jennifer Coolidge.

It's about time. I know. Stifler's mum. Stifler's mum. Yeah. Stifler's mum won an Emmy, and her Emmy speech is iconic. You've got to go look it up. Yeah.

She was like, this is a once in a lifetime. She's like, I know I'm not ever going to win another one of these again, and they start playing the playoff music, and she just dances to it. She's brilliant. That's kind of odd. I know some friends didn't like White Lotus. It's kind of a dark comedy. It's different.

It's twisted. But that's why I loved it. It's great. I loved it. Supporting actor in a comedy, Brett Goldstein for Ted Lasso. Okay. He's brilliant. He's the angry one. Yep. The angry one. Roy. The angry Roy. Roy Kent. Supporting

actor in a drama, Matthew McFadden Succession. Oh yep. Greg. No. Cousin Greg and Tom. Tom. Tom. Yeah. Who is Tom? I'm behind on Succession. Oh yeah, Greg. No. Cousin Greg and Tom. Tom. Tom. Yeah, who is Tom? I'm behind on Succession. He's absolutely brilliant. Lead actress in a limited series of movies.

Amanda Seyfried. Did you say Seyfried? I said Seyfried. Seyfried. For The Dropout. I haven't seen The Dropout. I haven't seen it either, but apparently it's very cool. Lead actress in a comedy. Jean Smart for Hacks. That's great. That's brilliant, that show. Lead actress in a drama.

Now, this is where Melanie Linsky, our very own, lost out for Yellow Jackets to Zendaya, Euphoria, picking up there. And this, how's about this whole category? Jodie Comer, Killing Eve. She's incredible. Laura Linney OzOzark. Yeah. Melanie Linsky for Yellow Jacket. Sandra Oh for Killing Eve.

Reese Witherspoon for The Morning Show. Yeah. Like, what a category. What a hell of a category. That's the thing. It's like all of these shows that have been nominated are amazing. It's just one of those years where you'd be, like, gutted to be nominated because the standard's so high. Where's Bloomin' Squid Game?

Well, I'm getting there. I'm getting there. I just want to make sure I don't miss it. Lead actor for a limited series of movies, Michael Keaton for Dope Sick. That was brilliant. Haven't seen it. He didn't win for the 1989 Batman movie? He did not win for that.

Okay, just checking, just checking. And he was stoked to win. Has he not won awards before? Because he was really happy. He's just a good man. He's a great actor. He's a great guy. Fantastic.

Lead actor in a comedy, Jason Sudeikis for Ted Lasso. Uh-huh. Who was he up against in the comedy? He was up against Donald Glover for Atlanta, Bill Hader for Barry, Steve Martin and Martin Short for Only Murders in the Building and Nicholas Holt for The Great. Oh, great. Lead actor in a drama was Lee Jun Jae from Squid Game. Amazing.

So he beat out Jason Bateman for Ozark, Brian Cox in Succession, and Bob Odenkirk for Better Call Saul, and Severance, Adam Scott. Severance. That's a category. What a category that is. And Lizzo's Watch Out for the Big Girls.

That won Best Competition Program. Yes. Best Variety Talk Series last week tonight with John Oliver. That's great. I watch that every week. That's on Neon. Betting out like Jimmy Kimmel. SNL won Sketch.

They did. Yep, they did. Best Limited Series, The White Lotus. No, not Sketch. It's like Sketch and Variety, I think. So White Lotus. No, not sketch. It's like sketch and variety, I think. Yeah, so White Lotus winning best limited series. Ted Lasso winning best comedy, best drama, succession. I mean, that's fair.

Yeah, betting out the last season of Better Call Saul, Euphoria, Ozark. You would have thought maybe Ozark would have, seeing as that was the last series as well. Yeah, so it was Better Call Saul, yeah. Or Euphoria, because it was such like the talk of the town. It really entered the zeitgeist. It really entered the zeitgeist. Good use of zeitgeist.

Really good from you. Thank you both. Thank you very much. Next on the show, the thing you could possibly take into the delivery room, ladies. A woman overseas is leading the charge and taking one of these into the delivery room, ladies. A woman overseas is leading the charge in taking one of these into the delivery room. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley.

A news story out of the UK is that a woman was having her fourth child with her partner. That's too, too many. It's too many. Too many, too many. It's too many. And was angry, is angry with him because every time she goes into hospital,

the three previous times, while she's in the early stages of labour, he catches a little bit of a nap. He's a napper. He's probably been working all day. Well, he's just been in the hospital, but he loves a nap. Yeah. So he's having a nap and she's like, well, I know not much is happening here for you but if I can't sleep, you can't sleep.

And so this time on the fourth child she took a Nerf gun into the labour department. Babe. Yeah. And that wakes him up.

You should keep having children with people that That are lazy and useless That are lazy and just sleep through every opportunity As a man who has sat by as his wife gave birth What was your Well you feel fairly useless So why not just have a nap But yeah

I mean I can't take away your pain babe I might as well catch a couple of zaps Yeah If I got sent home Because there was nowhere for me to nap Like they were like You might as well go back Go home

We'll call you if anything changes Or come back first thing tomorrow morning So you left her there Yeah Well what was I supposed to do There was literally nowhere for me. Wow. There was not even a seat for me to sit in and wait.

I feel that's so surreal. And it was a tiny single bed. So, yeah, it was really weird. I feel you would have been pestering and annoying, though. What's that? What's that you're doing? What's that? What is that doing?

Can I help? Can I do something? Can I have a suck on the gas? I like to get into the supply cupboard and have a bit of a ferret round. What does this do? What are these things? Holy moly, where do I put this? Look at this. Am I allowed to take one of these?

You know, they're good fun. A little bit of light relief there. I can only imagine it's like such a straight, I mean look, I'm not trying to make excuses for the man having a nap, but like in a way what do you there's no use for you for ya Yeah there's a ton Of waiting around

Doing a great job So he's just like But then of course She wears it Because the minute You put something up By this Everybody's like

Leave him Why are you having Kids with him He's a POS La de da de da And she's like He's actually A really loving father

It's like Not what you were saying Two minutes ago When you said he was sleeping, you were shooting him with a Nerf gun. She's just trying to make some funny content. Yeah, well, that's the thing about funny content at the expense of your partner.

If it's something like this, once the cat's out of the bag, you know, it's hard to get it back in. Leave him, he's dirt. Yeah, so then following things, he likes to sleep, but once you get him going, he's more than there for us. Those big eyes, those big simp eyes.

Yeah, and also I would have thought if you were waiting for a caesarean, you wouldn't want a Nerf gun in there because if you shot the dart, you know when you're having a Nerf battle and the little darts disappear? Yeah. And you're like, where have they all gone? And then like 20 years later, they find it inside you or something. Well, you think that might have gone into the incision. Exactly.

Bounces into the wound. You're not feeling well. So as they pull the baby out, you're still firing off. Yeah. And it goes. And it goes into the thing. And then, yeah, you get sick and they look in and then, holy moly, you've got a couple of Nerf bullets in there.

God, you don't want that. You've got to be careful. No, you don't want that. You don't want that. You ain't nothing but a dog player. I'm kidding. Play. C.D.M.''s Fletchford and Hayley. Play ZM.

From the sophisticated ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hi there. The Queen's funeral plans are underway. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. So here's the state I've got to go. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. So heads of state have got to go.

Yeah. Now, I just read, literally just read, that they're not sure if any former presidents will be invited or only the current sitting president, who wouldn't have had much to do with the Queen at all because he's only been president since the pandemic. So no Obama. Yeah, I remember Donald Trump met her.

Yeah. Remember that? Obama did no Obama. Yeah, I remember Donald Trump met her. Yeah. Remember that? Obama did multiple times. Yeah. Imagine like he leaves like, okay, thank you, great meeting. And he closes the door. And what she would have said to her like advisors. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. God help us. Sure. For goodness sake. So Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern will go over with a delegation, including Dame Kitty Takanawa. Who would have sung for the Queen on multiple occasions. Yeah, she would have, yeah.

Dame Kitty. Happy to be representing us. And who was that guy that was that SAS guy that had the beat? Is he going too? I don't know. I think I saw he was going. Wow. Just to keep an eye on them.

You won't see him, but he'll be there. He'll be there, yeah. I mean, I know she's got bigger jobs to do over there and represent be there, yeah This is I mean I know she's got like a bigger job to do over there and represent us well and I'm excited to see what she wears Right

It'll be like a New Zealand designer Oh yeah That would be Glassons Maybe a house of G Yeah Could be

Or maybe you know just bust those gender roles wide open and go for a Helen Steins Brothers suit $200 Oh she'd look good Yeah she'd look great Yeah Little nip tuck you know little like gender roles wide open and go for a Hellenstein's Brother suit. $200, time shoot included. She'd look good.

Yeah, she'd look great. Yeah. A little nip-tuck, you know, a little like tailoring at the back. A little alteration. Yeah, get that sorted.

Well, the president, the US president, Joe Biden, he's been approved to take the Beast. Now, the Beast is going to have to be taken there.

They fly it in like a Hercules, a big transporter plane. The Beast is a $1.5 million Cadillac. It's classed as a limousine. This is ever since the assassination of JFK. Yeah.

The president has had a Beast and it kind of gets updated. Okay, so it can seat seven. It was supposed to replicate a Cadillac. In addition to defensive messages designed to protect the president, the state car also has stores of blood of the president's blood type for a medical emergency. Whoa!

So, like, they could be, like, he could have been, like, say, getting into the car and being hit by a bullet. Yep, and they have the ability to immediately begin administering him his own blood type. Wow. The car is hermetically sealed against fluid attacks. So that means it could be like underwater and would be... And gas wouldn't get in.

And would be sealed tight. Yeah, gas couldn't get in. It features run-flat tyres, night vision devices. Run-flat tyres, so like your tyres can go out and you keep driving. Yeah, you can't puncture them. That'd be great for a ram ride. Run-flat tyres. And police spikes.

Bloody good. Police spikes on the southern motorway. Yeah. Night vision devices, smoke screens, oil slicks as defensive measures against attackers. So literally if they're chasing you, you can go, squirt out some oil, let your buddy dick to arse in the wacky races. It's not the bloody Batmobile, isn't it? It really is.

NBC reported that the car featured armor made of aluminum, ceramic, and steel. The exterior walls have a thickness of eight inches, so 20 centimeters. Got the fuel economy on this. Must be through the roof. Oh, terrible. Terrible.

The windows are multi-layered and are five inches thick, so 13 centimeter thick windows. Jesus. Okay, no one's getting through those. Each door is believed to weigh as much as a door on a Boeing 757 and can electrify the outside of the car should it need to be. And did you say it had tear gas? Yes. Yes, it does.

It has tear gas. Like a fence. So if someone came up to it, they could go electrify. An insane fence, yeah. Wow. Tear gas cannons. So, yeah, it can be like thunk and just shoot tear gas into a crowd. Like an insane fence, yeah. Wow. Tear gas cannons. So yeah, it can be like, and just shoot tear gas into a crowd.

That's insane. Oh my gosh. Oxygen on board as well in case they do need to hermetically seal it so gas can't get in and out. It's pretty cool. Wild. It's insane.

But then apparently all of the other dignitaries have to get on the bus. Or find their own way there. Or find their own way there to the Queen's funeral. God, on a bus. Yeah. So I've got the top six ways Jacinda can get to the Queen's funeral. Okay.

Number six on the list. It was number six yesterday as well. It's worth another mention. That Toyota Corolla that did two million kilometres. Oh, yeah. Fantastic. Yeah. It just goes and goes and goes and goes.

Regularly serviced, of course. Those things will literally run forever. I mean, trustworthy, yeah. Fantastic. Yeah. It just goes and goes and goes and goes. Regularly serviced, of course. Those things will literally run forever. I mean, trustworthy, yes, but it hardly screams class. No, it screams under the radar. Oh, right. Okay. You know, hiding in plain sight. She's a woman of the people as well.

Yeah. You want a banged up old Corolla. Our number five on the list of the top six ways Jacinda can get to the Queen's Funeral, Clark's boat up the Thames. Yeah, great idea. Yeah, boat entry. Skip the traffic.

Straight up the dirty old Thames. Clark will drive it. Oh, yeah. He's a bit of an expert when it comes to negotiating a river. Number four on the list of the top six ways Jacinda can get to the Queen's Funeral. She could go on a Zorb or an Ogo. You know, promote New Zealand tourism.

We're open again. We want the tourists to come back. These are one of the fun things. Are they putting the hot water in there? Yeah, definitely. So it's less friction-y on you? Yeah. Could come across a little jovial for the occasion.

Let's just... I want to pick it apart. I'll offer you a second option, an eco-zip zipline flying fox in. See, that's got more sort of a morning vibe. Yeah, set the cable up the night before. You don't want to be flashing waiting crowds, though, do you, when your dress goes up? No.

Harness on, though. With Dame Kiri Te Kanawa behind her going like, Oh, Kari, Kari, oh, no. Number three on the list of the top six ways Jacinda can get to the Queen's Funeral. One of them big red double-decker buses, isn't it, Gouverneur? Oi. Oi. She's lived in London.

She knows how to take the bus. Easy. She can take one of those big double-deckers. Number two on the list of the top six ways Jacinda can get to the Queen's Funeral. One of those eight people bikes that you sit sideways on and pedal and you drink beer and someone's in charge of steering. Yeah. Yeah.

Those are geared poorly. I saw one of these in downtown Auckland recently. Do you see these around? Why do you think they're geared properly? Because they're poorly. The people that pedal them like bastards. Yeah.

Really, their legs are pumping and it's just going crawl, crawl, crawl. It's like it's geared for people who pedal really slow and geared only for hills. Maybe you can't have those things getting up to 50 k's. Why not? Yeah. It would be so much more fun. Because they're full of drunk people.

You'd have to hold on to your beer, no doubt. Yeah. They don't have gears though. They're a single gear, aren't they? I don't know. They whack gears on those things. Really get going. Number one on the list of the top six ways Jacinda can get to

the Queen's funeral is number one, the New Zealand Beast. Now this is the New Zealand version of Joe Biden's car. Okay. Which is an old Ford Falcon that's been painted camouflage with spray cans in somebody's garage. Okay. It's got a shotgun up front. Yeah. That you can can just hang out the window and shoot,

and we've Duracelled the windows. So gas can't get in? You can't see in. Bit of gas, bit of extra steel on the gas, and if a bullet hits it, it shatters, but it holds together because of the Duracell. Which is nice because you don't want glass everywhere. No, you don't.

No. So, I mean, make it. Very Kiwi. Make it and get it over there. That is today's top six. Play. ZDM's Flet. Well, I only just heard about this this morning, and it's news to a lot of people online, but you two already knew that this was a thing,

and I won't. I would say it's an illegal festival hack. Well, we're in the law books, does it say? Yeah, where are we at? Illegalees. I mean, speak to a lawyer. So this was shared on Instagram, and it was some girls who were at a festival,

and they were sitting up on a hill, and they've got a little can of probably $20 RTD in their hands. And then some dude comes up and there's like a little shrub or a little tree near them. And then he says, do you mind if I quickly dig up something that I buried here? And they're like, all right, dude, you're a bit wasted. And he digs up these like plastic bottles full of liquor that he had buried there three weeks before. Yeah. And I had no idea that this was a thing.

You've never heard of this. Never heard of it. So what is it? You go to the venue. Well, because most festivals, you know where they're going to be. And normally they're on public parks or public areas. Yeah. Domains and stuff.

And people do. So yeah, they bury bottles of liquor and then dig them up. X marks the spot. Yeah. Don't you think when, you'd have to be like crafty because I feel like if you went and then they were setting it up

and they saw all these patches in the grass. Yeah, you want to dig a hide. Yeah, garden or a really sharp spade to cut out a specific square of lawn, you know. Oh, and then re-put it on top. Re-put the lawn on top. You've got to be able to find the spot, though. Like, exactly.

Yeah. Because if you're giving it three weeks, the grass in the area can be trampled on. You would never find that. Grow over. Yeah, buy a landmark or something. Yeah, and then you're that person at a festival digging up the grass. Have you seen my bottles? I thought you were going to say buy a landmine. Yeah, and then you're that person at a festival digging up the grass. Have you seen my bottles?

I thought you were going to say buy a landmine. Don't buy a landmine. I wouldn't even know where to look. AliExpress? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. So this is as a response, a naughty response, to the fact that a lot of the time at festivals or stadiums, concerts,

the booze is expensive and the lines are long. Yeah, you've got to be careful because I did this at an early R&V and that's why there's like 18 bottles of purple goanna still underground. Oh, my God, it's like buried treasure, like a time capsule. They'd put the fence in front of them so it couldn't get there. Did you ever think of digging down and under the fence? It wasn't worth it for 18 bottles of purple marijuana. I would disagree, sir. I hear you, but I will respectfully disagree.

It would be worth it for the delicious purple cheese. I mean, I get it, but I don't know. I've never done this. I've never done this before. But then you've also, then you've got to get your mixer. Oh, I don't think at that point you're worried. The mixer's not as expensive. It's the booze that's the really expensive part. Oh, I don't think at that point you're worried. You're worried about... It's the booze that's the really expensive part.

Yeah, yeah. Well, we're certainly not encouraging that. Absolutely not. With many of the fine festivals that we're promoting coming up. No. But if you're going to dig a hole, you might as well chuck a chili bin down there. If you're going to go big.

You just happen to be in the area and you happen to be digging holes. I mean, digging a hole is fun. See, the ice will last quite well underground because it's more of a moderate temperature. It doesn't fluctuate as much as it does above ground. Already digging a hole, why not just make it a bit bigger

and put a spa pole in there too? Oh, yeah. Imagine how great would a spa pole be at a festival. You'd be the absolute hit. And what about snacks? Because those lines are always long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could bury a food truck.

I mean, if you're digging a hole, why not chuck a food truck in there? Sort of a taco food truck. With a pizza oven in it or something. Oh, yes, yeah, yeah. You could bury a food truck. I mean, if you're digging a hole, why not chuck a food truck in there? A taco food truck. With a pizza oven and everything. I mean, if you love rides as well, why not bury a Ferris wheel? Sometimes you have to pay for it. Because the Ferris wheel line as well at these festivals and stuff, that's so long. So you need your own

Ferris wheel. With a festival, have you ever been like I wish I was at another festival? I mean, if we're digging a hole, we might as well chuck another festival in the hole. Like a Coachella. Chuck a Coachella at a Rhythm and Vines. Yeah. Chuck a Big Day Out in it. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah, okay. Dig a big hole for a Big Day Out. Yeah. Why not? What year Big Day Out are we chucking in the hole? 2002? 2002 was a rubber.

No, too early for me. Okay. I'm going a 2007. That was like My Chemical Romance, The Killers, Lily Allen. Oh, yeah. Tool was headlining. If you're digging a hole, chuck that in there.

Chuck tool in there. Yeah, chuck all of that in there. Well, if we're digging a hole, should we dig a hole and chuck a hole in there? Put a hole at the bottom of the hole. How do you know which hole your stuff's in? Well, you start at the top hole. Oh, okay.

Start at the top hole, but then... Put that hole underneath the top hole. Oh, okay. Start at the top hole, but then... That hole underneath the other hole. But then the other hole will go further down and that's where your, like, real precious goods could go.

Yeah. Your diamonds. I mean, while you're down there because the ATM machines are always so backed up. You might as well chuck a bank in there. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, but you know what? It'll be one of those situations now where you can never find a bloody bank that's open Can you? Well you dig up your bank

And it's closed And it's closed We might as well do an A&Z A Westpac and an ASB Do you know what I mean? Just to make sure We're covering all the bases Should we dig a hole

And chuck a hole Sort of like Second society in the hole Sort of an underground Society of sorts Right It seems like If we're digging a hole

We might as well go Hold hog We're gonna need A lot of diggers It seems like A lot of diggers Well no I've we're digging a hole, we might as well go hole the hog. We're going to need a lot of diggers. Well, no, I've already dug a hole and chucked one in, so it's already down there. The digger's already waiting for us. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley. Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley, silly little poe, silly little poe.

It is so silly, silly, silly That silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Silly little pole Today's silly little pole. What do you do first when you're getting ready? Hair or make-up?

It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to ever think there was an order. But I mean, like, everything is in order. Yeah, and I wouldn't have thought about it either. Well, I was an order. But I mean, like everything, there's an order. Yeah, and I wouldn't have thought about it either. Well, I don't really do my hair, let's be honest. I just whack it either on the top or at the back, and that's it. And that's done. That's it.

But what if you were going to do your hair? But if I was going out, I would generally give it a little wave or something with the straighteners, spray it, then move to the face then come back to the hair always finish with the hair oh ok, that's my thing bit of work face, back to the hair

ok, well when we asked you when getting ready what do you do first, makeup or hair makeup, pipped hair by 52% to 48%. Oof. Close. Yeah.

Because the only thing is doing your makeup, doing your hair can make you sweaty if you're blow drying. Oh, yeah. And you're straightening and stuff. And so if you've got your face on, then you start sweating. Oh, yeah. And then that's ruining all the makeup. And that's kind of ruining the makeup.

So you do your hair with a heat gun, and then you'd go back, you'd pat the face off, would you? Dry it up a little bit. Oh, and that's contradictory to this, isn't it, what I just said? Yeah, because I think your hair makes you hot, so you do that first.

Well, this is what the people had to say. Courtney says, I do my hair first because it stretches out the wrinkles on my forehead. So she obviously does a tight bun. Tight bun. And then paints and passes up the old muff. You've got to be careful, though.

You'll start pulling out your hair. And then you'll end up like Vaughn and I. That's how we lost our hair, man buns. High, tight buns. High, tight buns. High, tight buns. Because we were flight attendants, and you had to wear the hair up yeah one a penny to a penny high tight buns yeah give them to your daughters give them to your sons yeah one a penny now you're

bald high tight bonds uh angelica uh not from rugrats although i wouldn't have named my children after angelica from rugrats awful child um here has to stay tied up during makeup so it doesn't get in the way. How are these people doing a full face with hair down? Yeah, agree, agree actually. Agree there. Put the hair at. What about one of those hair bands that keep the hair out of the face? Oh, yeah.

And then you can take them off the top and it doesn't smush across your face. Yeah, no smushy smushy. So she might have a good point there. Abby says, I get sweaty from the heat when I'm curling or straightening, so I wait to do my face after the hair in case I need to wipe my face. Yeah, good. Yeah. She gets a little sweat on.

It's hot. It's really sweaty when you do it to the face. Really sweaty. Also, if you burn your forehead with the hair straighteners, then you can cover it up. Yeah, once it goes crusty. Yeah. Yeah, you've got to let it crust over first.

You don't want it still weeping. No. Not good. Kate says, I shouldn't be putting foundation straight into an open wound? No. You've got to let it crust. But you can get a hair dryer on it to speed up the crust.

Crust it up a bit. Put a bit of salt in there. Yeah, says he. A bit of vinegar. Salt and vinegar. We're not making a dip. Weust it up a bit. Put a bit of salt in there. Yeah, says he. A bit of vinegar. Salt and vinegar. Baking soda. We're not making a dip. We're not making a dip.

A bit of kiwi onion dip? Yeah. A bit of cream cheese. Kate says hair first because you can do your makeup in the car if you need to. Yes. But then I would have thought you could have also, oh, no, not, you couldn't straighten it or whatever in the car. Well, you could get one of those like little things that plugs into your lighter.

So it's like a power socket. Where do you leave the hair? Would that create enough power? Because they're quite power thirsty, the old hair straighteners. They require a good drawer, don't they? True. Heat up the ceramic plates. Penny Wright says,

I do my makeup first because how I end up doing my makeup decides how I do for my hair that day. Ah. She's styling the hair based on the makeup. Ah. This is what the face needs. That's a good,

that's why I mean Penny knows, Penny knows. Penny knows Penny's face. See a Penny pick her up, you know, that's what they say. All day long,

you'll have good luck and good hair and matching hair and face. But also Penny wants us to say like, stop picking her up in the middle of the street, strangers.

It makes her uncomfortable. Yeah it's an old thing. That was meant for the money not the person not the Penny name. Hannah says I do my hair first. For some reason

I raise my eyebrows when I do my hair which makes a crease form in the foundation of my forehead so I do my makeup after that to stop the crease forming.

Oh yeah okay. Doing it. She lifts her brows perhaps. Yeah. Oh and that's okay. Doing it. She lifts her brows, perhaps. Yeah. Oh, and that's all. Oh, great. I got to the next one, and it said, I don't like him, his elbows are too pointy,

and I was so confused. I was so confused, but that was when Executive Intern Anya shared with us some feedback that her partner got on his first new job. Oh, yes. Video review of a car. I've never considered his elbows to be too pointy. He is lean, though.

He's pretty lean. He is a lean boy. You've shared a bed with him, I assume, out of wedlock. That's disgusting and against the law in the eyes of God. But does he have a pointy elbow in the middle of the night? Does he get a bit jabby with the elbow? Do you know what? He actually does.

And I didn't really realise until this troll pointed it out. I just don't know why someone would be watching a car review video and think, you know what, I'm going to write, this guy's got pointy elbows. He's got a lot of elbows when you're driving. He had a great point about fuel efficiency, but I don't like him because his elbows are too pointy. Wow.

God, the internet sucks. Are you worried about it right now? Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. One, well, a leaked report from Meta, which is Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, the company, Mark Zuckerberg's Meta, shows that they are facing an uphill battle

when it comes to turning Instagram into, you know, any kind of, what's the word, against TikTok. Competitor. Serious competitor. Because TikTok is absolutely smashing Instagram Reels. So the leaked report says that Instagrammers are spending 17.6 million hours a day on Reels. That's a lot, eh? When you think about it.

It's ridiculous. That's a lot. But when you look at the TikTok stat, 197.8 million hours of TikTok each day by users around the world. How is there even... How does the internet do it? How does... Where is...

How does... You're born and started smoking. Where is the warehouse where all this is stored? Like, the servers. How are their servers capable of processing that? I know all the individual devices and stuff. But then, if you have TikTok, you know how many hours you spend on it, right? Like, it is the algorithms.

It's the first one where I've just been like, no. Like, not. Yeah, not me. I don't talk. I don't have the app on my front page. It's on there. You know it's bad, so you, not. Yeah. Not me. I don't talk. I don't have the app on my front page. It's on there. You know it's bad, so you're not doing it. Yeah, and I'm just like, I don't need another one.

Yeah, right. But mine is like, I don't TikTok, but I watch Reels, and the same video is uploaded to a different platform. Yeah, because they literally have the TikTok thing on them. So that's the other lose on a Reel, right? Is that it's advertising TikTok. If you want to get your content seen, a creator, because this has got people talking about, you know,

what's the better platform, a creator said they shared the same video across multiple platforms and apps. It got millions of views on every platform except Instagram where it got 100,000 views. Yeah. So they had on TikTok, you know, it doesn't say exactly how many, but just millions. If they really want to just compete for hours viewed, they need to kill the amount of ads that are in it.

Every second one's an ad and the amount of stuff you're seeing now that you don't. Yeah. Like the TikTok algorithm, I mean, that speaks volumes. It's insane, isn't it? Yeah. It knows. So 197. isn't it? Yeah. It knows. So 197.8 million hours. Yeah.

Which is what the world is spending on TikTok a day. Here's how else you could spend that day. 8.2 million days, which I worked out is 22,500 calendar years every single day. And if you went back in time 22,500 years, that is where the first ever evidence of humanity reaching North America has been found. I hate us. They carbon dated some footprints they found

and they were like, those are the first footprints. That's the first evidence of humanity being in North America. It's appalling. I've got some better ways to spend 197.8 hours, million hours. You can watch 395 million episodes of Shortland Street. Wow. Which you could watch on TikTok. Which you could, yeah. But we're trying to get away from TikTok.

Imagine if they started filming Shortland Street in portrait. And just putting it in, yeah. So it was more uploadable to TikTok. Don't do it. Don't encourage them. You could watch every episode of Friends 2.38 million times. Every episode? Every single episode.

In the same amount of hours that people are spending on TikTok a day. A day. Wow. You could take 98.9 million flights between Auckland and Queenstown. You know what I mean? In the blue canoe. That many flights between Auckland and Queenstown? Probably not. Probably not ever.

And you know how they say it takes 10,000 hours to become the master of a skill? Well, you could master 19,780 skills. Oh my God. In that time. If everyone on earth watched a one second video, one by one, one after another, it would take 245 years for everyone to finish watching it. What? Billion is a crazy number, right? When you think about billions,

like we've got billions of people on earth. Because when you say that, I'm like, no, but surely. But a billion is so much more than a million. It's 100,000 million. But then, and you know, you're tired today because you were up all night on your phone. On your reels. What did I learn?

We're all tired and we don't have enough time for anything, but we've certainly got time to watch 197.8 million hours of TikTok a day. And I don't remember a single one of them either. I'll just say this. Watch. Okay, next. Was one of them a Filipino dude in a jungle building himself an underground pool? God, I love those.

Oh my God. He's got to turn off the camera and use some power tools. That's all I'm saying. There's no way he's doing it all by hand No he's got to do it all by hand He's doing it all by hand Yeah You're telling me he did a million trips To that stream and back

He could have dug a Had the stream running straight Into his underground pool Big call saying that's cheating Pretty cool Big call You know we're pretty lucky Here in Aotearoa

no big sort of like predators on land no land predators A lot of sheep that all look the same though Not that again Why are you digging this hole I thought you bedded yourself

You did the workshop and everything We gave you such a stern talking to off air Yeah The sheep sensitivity training course that you did, they don't all look the same.

Sheep are very, they're different. They're individuals. Sorry, guys. I'm learning. I'm distancing myself from Fletch. Yeah, I will too. For now. But in Canada, you know,

you can't just chuck your rubbish on the side of the road because of bears. I know. They've got to be on like locked skips and stuff. Wild. Oh, because they just come in looking for a munch. They smell it. They've got an incredible sense of smell and if you chuck out something that they want to eat, they'll just like locked skips and stuff. Oh, because they just come in looking for a munch. They smell it. They've got an incredible sense of smell.

And if you chuck out something that they want to eat, they'll just like tear open everything and eat it. Do they do that thing where before rubbish day, they put all the like meat containers or cans into the freezer? Oh, that's a great idea. Anyone that's done that? I do it. Yeah, if you finish a chicken carcass on a Monday,

and rubbish day's not until Friday, you chuck it in the freezer, and then on Friday morning you grab it out and chuck it in the bin so that it's not like manky and attracting flies. But you don't have beers. You have like... Oh no, but you just don't want a manky, stinky bin. Perky goes can't push a bin over. No, they're cheeky buggers though.

They would definitely try. Yeah. They eat ducklings. I hate to break that to you. Oh, do they? Do they? Are you kidding me? I saw them stalking, so. They eat ducklings. I hate to break that to you. Oh, do they? Do they? Are you kidding me? I saw them stalking.

So I had some ducklings yesterday. I had to get them out of our paddock. And then the pukekos were stalking them afterwards. Pukekos love to jump in front of cars, though, don't they? Huge fans of it. Huge fans of it. Canada's got its bears. There's badgers in England.

We don't have anything. But in Australia, the cockatoos have learnt to open bins. Clever birds. They are clever. Clever birds. Yeah.

They've learnt to open bins so one of them will get in there there's video of it of them flicking the lid open getting in

getting the beak in there flicking the bin open and then there's just this flock of cockatoos. A flock of two cockatoos. What are they taking out of the Sydney rubbish bin? The wheelie bags. Everything edible.

Damning evidence. Shiny things. You know. Yeah. Yeah. Blood-soaked knives. Receipts. Yeah.

And they're just spreading the rubbish everywhere. Right. And of course, once they've done it once and they're like, well, we actually got to feed out of that, they learn to keep doing it. Because people, even in Australia, they're using those kind of rubber clips and they're like, well, we actually got a feed out of that. They learn to keep doing it. Because people, even in Australia, they're using those kind of rubber clips and they're even getting those off. Yeah. Oh, they're clever. It's like

childproof things that you put over cupboards and stuff. Those ones in Wellington that they gave everybody because when the wind gets up, it blows over wheelie bins. Does it? Yeah. And so they invented that thing that clicked. But no, in Australia, they've even worked out how to get them open. They deserve it. I reckon they deserve it. Amazing clicked. Yeah. But no, in Australia, they've even worked out how to get them open. They deserve it.

Amazing. I reckon they deserve it. Amazing birds. I would like to, and this is what we want to talk about now. What's the wildest thing you've ever seen an animal do? That you're like, wait a minute. Animals shouldn't be able to do that.

Has this animal worked out something? Like when I watched a seagull eat a pigeon in the sky. In the sky? It was like, when he grabbed it and was like, in the sky. Then he brought it down. I remember it was only a year or so that I saw a seagull eating a dead pigeon and I was

like, I didn't know, I thought they just ate chips. They're meat eaters. They're omnivores. They're scavengers. they're like whatever, they're the hyena of the sky. Unbelievable. I don't want to get too far down this track of people just calling in saying weird things

I've seen seagulls eat. Seagulls are yuck. What about the time I hopped in the ocean and I went down and I was swimming and I was going further and further and I met a whale and I hopped on its back and I rode it. That wasn't you, that was Kesha Castle Hughes. It was. It was, that's right. I had such a strong memory of it.

And now I understand that's why I'll ride it. It was all to get the sort of like love of your grandfather. What about the time that I went to the jungle and there was a guy and he was like, and I was like, oh, what? And I was like, oh, I want to run. You should run immediately. Was that Bill Cosby? It was Bill Cosby.

Right. So maybe you've been in the wild and seen. Yeah. Se seen something crazy. Maybe even your pet did something once and you were like, are you sentient? Hello? Hello? Can you understand me now?

Cockatoos in Sydney causing a bit of trouble. Opening up wheelie bins. They can open up the locks that people have put on the wheelie bins. Jesus, there's some real horrific things that people have seen animals do. We were more after the weird things that made you go, whoa, animals are smart. I mean, if you saw a conker toe open to a wheelie bin

that had a band on it, you'd be pretty amazed. But we are hearing some incredible stuff. Somebody said, I once saw a bull pleasuring itself with a wheelbarrow. Now, the logistics of that I would be interested in. For God's sake. Would you give that a hose down afterwards? On the wheel or?

I reckon it would have tipped it over. Yeah. On the back. It would have been up over the wheel. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I was four in South Africa.

A cheater jumped the most insanely high fence to try to steal me from my father's arms. Lucky to be here. Yeah. I would love to see a cheetah jump a fence. You know, sometimes

you'll see a cat jump. Yeah. The cat's never going to get it over that. The cat's just like, boing! Imagine a big old cheetah. Big old cheetah.

Somebody said, we actually owned a cockatoo. We would go out and come back. The cockatoo was still in its cage, but like food was missing and everything. So we set up a camera. The cockatoo was letting itself out when we left the house, going in, eating things, and then just jumping back in its cage and shutting the door behind it. And just being all like, it's not me.

I don't know. Man, you want to ask that dog, I think. Not me. I'm a cockatoo. I'm still in my cage. Talking about the weirdest, the wildest things you've seen an animal do. Cockatoos in Sydney are opening wheelie bins that even have like the little tags on them to stop birds getting into them.

But they're that smart. I follow a lot of those accounts with like guide dogs or like anxiety dogs. Like dogs are crazy. They're smart. They can sense if you're about to have like a diabetic hyper or whatever, you know, like they can sort of sense these things. Someone actually responded on Instagram saying,

I was once driving and I stopped at a pedestrian crossing. A golden retriever was sitting at the pedestrian crossing. No lights, no do-do-do-do-do-do-do. And I stopped and it looked at me and it just walked across like a human. Cute. Oh, my God, that's so cute. Good boy. In my mind, it nodded.

It nodded. Yeah. Thank you. Rebecca, what's the weirdest thing, wildest thing you've seen an animal do? Well, my dog was attacked by a peacock. A peacock? Those things are quite vicious, aren't they, peacocks? Well, they're a territorial bird, yes.

It was quite, I worked on the merchandise, and I was working at Packersave, Ormiston, and I finished work, and I took the dog for a walk. We were coming back around the other side of the building and just out of in the random there was a peacock

was it $5 peacock week yeah it must have been it must have been and the bloody thing I was like that took a while that's good shit

that's good shit $5 oh yes I see what you're doing so just out. That's why their chickens are so big, but taste nasty. Oh, they taste good. So how did it attack your dog?

Well, it just puffed up its feathers at the back and then made this random noise and just came at us. God, if it was puffing up its feathers, I don't think it was trying to attack your dog. I think it was trying to make love to your dog. Oh, do you think so? Yeah. I mean, my dog is pretty cute.

Yeah, yeah, there it is. Take that as a compliment. Interspecies lovemaker. Rebecca, thanks for your call. LJ, tell us, what's the wildest thing you've seen an animal do? I'm from South Africa. We used to go camping. Oh, here we go.

Here we go. And the monkeys used to get into our campsite. But these guys were just so amazing. They were able to actually unzip your tent, get into your bags, search through for food. We used to stay with chili bins. And we put latches and things like that on our chili bins. They worked hard to open that. So you'd come back from, like, water skiing.

And you'd have, like, fingerprints in your butter. And they just worked up everything. They could open bottles. Oh, fingerprints in your butter. That was me. I couldn't be angry. I couldn't be angry with the little monkey prints in the butter. Yeah.

So one year my husband, when they went camping, they injected a whole bunch of oranges with vodka and the monkeys took those and climbed up in the trees. Well, I'm not advocating that for, obviously, animal rights. You dragged monkeys? It was pretty funny, yeah. Why, just the line camping in South Africa, no, no, no, no thank you. Yeah.

Just the amount of things that could get into your tent or kill you or eat you. No, for me. Yeah. LJ, thanks for your call. Some phenomenal other stories coming in. Our cockatoo used to get down from its cage if Dad had poured himself a whiskey and walked away from it and she'd get down, get her head in and have a couple of slurps of whiskey and then get back up on the...

And then get real loose-lipped. Yeah. My sister's dog once opened the warming drawer, bit the handle, pulled it open, slid it open and ate the entire cooked chicken that was waiting inside. Oh, my God. You'd be annoyed because when there's a smell of a hot chicken in your house. Oh, I know.

It's such a delict. We'll just wait on that while the potatoes are done. It's in the warmer. My friend's dad caught fire at a barbecue, and his dog grabbed him, dragged him, knocked him over on the grass and rolled him to put him out. He knew the stop, drop and roll. The dog was a huge fan of the Decepticons. Yes.

Brilliant. He probably even barked the entire song. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. There's just so many phenomenal stories coming in. Come on. Our cat goes eeling in the creek. The cat will be gone and we'll be like, where's the cat? He'll be eeling.

And then you see the cat backing through the cat door with a massive eel. Oh, wow. How he catches them, let alone gets them home and inside. Yuck. It's beyond me. I saw a chimpanzee poop into its hand and they throw it at some people at a zoo once. Man, I was laughing. That would be amazing to see.

I used to play hide and seek with my guinea pig. Our cat has been locked in our van twice and every time it toots the horn to alert us that it's been locked

in our van. Oh my God. That's pretty amazing. I need to see a video of that. Lock your cat in the van and then video it. The temperature's a race. Under control.

Put the cooler on. Oh no, because. The temperature's a race. Under control. Put the cooler on. Oh, no, because if a car's running, the cat's probably just going to chill because the air would be so beautiful. My dog does revenge poop.

If you upset him or tell him off or lock him out, he'll find something of yours, we assume, because he can smell you on it, and he'll pick it up, bring it in front of you

and poop right in front of it while giving you the stink eye. What? What a bee. Yeah. What a little bee. Yeah. We were houseboating, and my mum sprayed berry-flavoured mosquito,

berry-scented, I'm imagining, berry-scented mosquito repellent. We were docked on a boat. We were docked while she did it, and all of a sudden, the side window slid open. We were like, that's weird. What was docked while she did it. And all of a sudden, the side window slid open. We were like, that's weird. What was that? And a bear stuck its head in. Mary.

Hey, hey, hey, boo-boo bear. Looks like we've got a boat full of marys over here. One, one, here we go. Play ZM's Fletchford and Ailey. Play ZM. We recently had an invitation extended to us to attend a phenomenal moment in civil engineering. History. History tonight will be made.

This invitation came in yesterday and it was addressed to all three of us. Yeah. Then I said, what is it? And I was an immediate no. Yeah. You said, is there a red carpet? We'll end up in the Sunday paper. And we said no. And you said, well, a red carpet? Will I end up in the Sunday paper? And we said no.

And you said, well, I'm out. See you later. We said there'll be unflattering high-vis. Shit, yeah. There'll be probably plastic. Poor-fitting plastic hot hats. Shampers on arrival? Oh, no, no, no.

I believe there will be some nibbles. Oh, will there be nibbles? Oh, so now you want to come. What kind of nibbles are we talking about? Well, the event. I know I did want to come, but it was just the time. I know. I'm going to drop again. The invite

that we got was for today, the tunnel boring machine that's doing these city rail loops is about to break through, they reckon today, at this event tonight, this evening. It's going to break through the wall, and that will complete the two tunnels

for the city rail loop. So then we'll have to squ through the wall, and that will complete the two tunnels for the city rail loop. So then we'll have to squirt some concrete around and bloody chuck some rails in, and we've got some trains coming. Yeah, but a few cables. A couple of wires. Yeah, a couple of extension cords. Yeah, a couple of extension cords. And then boom. Fire extinguishers.

Yeah, it'll be done. I think this is the hard bits, the next bit, apparently. Oh, right. Lots of cables and train tracks and stuff. So talk us through your expectation for the evening. You're turning up and then what are you doing? You stand there and you watch a wall. It's going to come through the wall.

And then it's going to come through the wall with its big teeth. Yeah. Dane Fenwick Cooper. Yeah, that's pretty cool. It's the boring machine. And then we'll all be like, yay! And then I'm really jazzed about this. I'm so excited.

Do you feel a little bit like in your mind will you be playing a game like you're a criminal and you're borrowing into the bank? Like Money Heist, that Spanish show. Yeah, maybe. You're borrowing into the bank and it's true and now you can make your escape with all the gold and money. Right.

Did you manage to find someone? Because Vaughan, you were out because it's too late. Can we bother? It's just driving. Bringing a friend. Did you want, did you, so I saw that you pick up a phone and pick up, put out an invite and you got someone. Why aren't you jazzed for this?

This is like, I know Vaughn, if there wasn't traffic. Ah, totally. I love civil engineering. I find tunnel boring and stuff monumental. Or why didn't you want to see the machine break through the wall? I'd rather sort of, yeah, I'd rather go to an event, you know, a sort of. A soiree. It is an event.

Un soiree. It is an event. Un movie premiere. Right, yeah. Un award ceremony. Right. Un book launch. Right.

Okay. Book launch. Un museum opening. The duddest of all the events. Yeah, you're not wrong. And now the author will read us from the book. Please don't. Please don't.

Well, I'll be excited to report back tomorrow. I don't think we need a follow-up. We need video. I'll be taking videos. I'll be Instagram storing up a storm. Just be in the moment. Just be in the moment. I can put your phone down.

The great return to socials for you is going to be the tunnel boring machine. You have been quiet recently. Very quiet on the socials. I put up some stories sometimes, but this could be a great social media piece. Oh, my God. Give them a hot follow. Yeah. For a tunnel boring machine.

People love tunnels. People love civil engineering. Yeah, they love it. Well, yeah, people, I tell you what, if you're a rate payer or a taxpayer, you're paying a small

bloody fortune for this sort of rally. You should probably get some sort of insurance out of it. Hey, you shut up. I don't want my invite rescinded. Oh, no, no, no.

It's not, no, I mean, that's just a fact, though. People should enjoy these things more because we're paying for them. Play ZM's Fletchvorner Navy. Ah, there is a dinosaur skeleton that's about to be auctioned off like a fully restored dinosaur skeleton of an iguana.

How big? You've nailed that dinosaur. Is it from France? No, apparently Utah. Right, and how big is it? Is it like a T-Rex size? Nah, it's not that big. It's pretty big though. Right, and how big is it, like a T-Rex size? Nah, it's not that big. It's pretty big though. Right, because I wouldn't even know

what size animal to compare it to. There's a T-Rex skeleton is it still in New Zealand at the Auckland Museum? I think so, yeah. Because I still haven't seen that. I haven't seen it either. It's pretty impressive. And I've seen so many people put up photos. Well, we simply must. You can look at it and you say something like, doesn't look that

tough. Yeah. Well, doesn't look that big because everyone's putting up photos and I, we simply must. You can look at it and you say something like, doesn't look that tough. Yeah. Well, it doesn't look that big because everyone's putting up photos and I expected it to be bigger. I'd just punch it in the nose, you know. Send it off. Yeah. You'd club it. No. Yeah. And then run back into your cave. Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah, get out of here dinosaur. So

nine, oh actually here you go, ten foot long over four foot tall. What a rad skeleton. Yeah, okay. It's been very well restored as well. It looks really good. Now, paleontologists are saying this sort of thing shouldn't be solved. Ross from Friends. Ross from Friends.

Yep. Dr. Alan Grant, Sam Neill from Jurassic Park. Do you remember when he was like, we were on a break, you know? And then it was like, it's the question of the whole series, isn't it? Was he on a break? He was with that woman for ages. She was a paleontologist as well. But they didn't work out.

No. He was always supposed to be with Rachel. I mean, it's great that it brought, you know, that particular field of science to the common man. Yeah, absolutely. There's more to it. It was a fairly unrealistic portrayal of a paleontologist. There's no other famous paleontologist. Dr. Oling Grado, very old Sam Ne man. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, yeah. There's more to it. It's a fairly unrealistic portrayal of a paleontologist. There's no other famous paleontologist.

Outdoor film. Right over here, Sam Neill. Yeah. I mean, again, in a movie. I'd like to see Sam Neill rocking some leather pants and some white teeth. Well, Jeff Goldblum wore leather pants in the original Jurassic Park.

Yeah, he did too. If that's your bag. Well, they're saying these sorts of things shouldn't be sold to private owners. They should be sold at a respectable cost to museums that can display it, share it with people, and also leave it in the domain of science where

it can be studied if something else comes up. But if you were like a multi... I would 100% buy this dinosaur statue. Yes, sir. Yes, I would. But how did it come to be privately owned? Who sold it? Who found it? Who sold it?

I don't know. If you dig up a dinosaur, say in your back yard when you're doing your renovations, you dig up, you know, the foundations for your new house, the extension, and then you find a skeleton. Is that yours to keep? I don't think it is. How far down is it? There's a minerals act in New Zealand where the minute it gets

below a certain amount, it's not yours to own. The only thing you can charge for is access to it. Like my driveway. Yeah. You could do a $10 fee. If you had a massive farm and in the middle of it they found an oil field, you could charge for access to it

or bid for the rights to take that mineral. No, I'll just sell barrels of oil on the end of my driveway. I'll put up a sign. Honesty box. And feed joeys. I was going to say, in Horton, he also sells feed joeys. Yeah. Take a bag, take a barrel.

How much are they expecting to get for this dinosaur skeleton? Over half a million dollars. Which I reckon is just a banger of a deal if you've got that much money. Yeah. Like if I was Graham Hart, New Zealand's richest man, I'd be like, do we have room for a dinosaur? I'm imagining his wife's like my wife and she'd be like, he's the, you know, New Zealand's richest man.

It doesn't go with anything. It doesn't go with anything. Yeah. Don't be so bloody stupid. Yeah, we've got more of a sort of creams and browns palette going. We're not a bone. Not a bone. To be honest, a sort of creams and browns palette going. We're not a bone. To be honest, a skeleton of a dinosaur is very scandy. Well, it's minimalist.

You know, they're going without flesh, without tendons, without organs. It's about as minimalist as you get in the decoration area. You could use it for multiple things as well. Coat hanger, Christmas tree. You know, it's sort of hanging. I'd wrap fairy lights around it. No. I'd wrap fairy lights. Not. No. I'd wrap fairy lights.

Not on the dinosaur. Twinkle lights. Instead of getting out the white clothes horse, putting it in front of the fire. Socks and undies. You just put it all on the dinosaur. Don't put a damp towel on the dinosaur. It's a lot of weight on the fragile dinosaur frame.

It'll dry in no time. Dinosaurs are famously not fragile. This one might be a little bit fragile. Yeah. But we were wondering this morning, call us. Oh, $100 anyway. Text 9696. What's in your house that's really rad that should probably be in a museum

or could have its place in a museum? We're not reporting you to the authorities. No, no, no. Something like super rad, like granddad smuggled home a couple of Nazi guns. I don't know if that's rad. You know those little Nazi pistols? They were worth a fortune. People did take them as souvenirs, didn't they?

Soldiers. But maybe there's something in your house that has a bit of history to it. Yeah. It would belong in a museum or maybe there is like a fossil or a dinosaur bone or something in your house. Yeah. Maybe you've got a bloody Van Gogh just wrapped with a flannelette sheet in the garage. Yeah. You want to keep your got a bloody Van Gogh just wrapped with, you know,

a flannelette sheet in the garage. Yeah. You want to keep your dust off your Van Goghs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From my experience. Yeah. All right. My Van Gogh got mouldy, of course. Yeah.

And then I sprayed it with exit mould. And now there's no cake. The paint ran. It was a whole ordeal. You lost a lot of money with that exit mould ordeal. All right. We want to know from you this morning what you've got at your house that should be in a museum. Maybe it's a bit of history.

Maybe for some reason you've got a dinosaur in your home. Maybe. That's what's got us onto this. Paleontologists are saying that there is a dinosaur that's up for auction, half a million dollars. And they're saying these kind of things belong in a museum. We've got a taxi dermy duck. Do you reckon kind of things belong in a museum. We've got a taxidermy duck. Do you reckon that needs to go in? Ah, that doesn't count.

I saw a duck yesterday. Oh, you did? I feel like we haven't discussed Hayley's obsession with taxidermy. I've had a lot. Weird. I feel like it's something, as an older gentleman, I could totally get into a bit of taxidermy. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. I sort of foresee maybe likeates me Maybe like 10 years time Aaron actually like Doing it Yeah You know what I mean? But don't you have like Half a cat that's a lamp

Or something? I don't have half a cat That's a lamp Or a rat that's a duck It's a rat That's a candlestick Oh yeah Get it right

A rat that is a candlestick Yeah You see what we're Dealing with here? It's morbid It's weird Alright. It's weird. All right, well, let's take your calls. What do you have in your house, Kat, that should be in a museum, that could be?

Yeah, hi. So my granddad, he always goes out hunting, and he has this, like, rifle or shotgun for decades. And it wasn't until recently that we looked at it. It's actually a USSR shotgun that he found at a flea market and he lives in Chile, South America, so we have no idea

how he got it and he's had this thing for decades just sitting in a car. So it was like a Russian army issue shotgun? Yep. That ended up in Chile. Doesn't feel like a shotgun is a great choice in a battle. Not unless they're right

in your face. Yeah. Or it's a rabbit. Or they're a duck. Kat, thanks for your call. Great duck war of 1926. I'll never forget it. Forrest, what do you have at your house that would belong in a museum? I've got a bazooka.

A bazooka? How? From where? It was from my wife's granddad from the Second World War. He used to collect stuff. It's been fired so they're a one-shot wonder. It can't do any damage now. It's pretty cool just to have chill in there. Were there single-use bazookas back in World War II?

Yeah. We thought single-use plastic bags were bad. Imagine a turtle getting a bloody bazooka stuck in his nostril. That'd hurt. So what, he came home from the war and that was in his carry-on baggage or checked in?

He used to collect World War II stuff as well. He used to build armoured personnel tanks which are up in the Army Museum and stuff as well. Oh wow, okay. He used to have, like, armoured personnel tanks, which are up in the army museum and stuff as well. Oh, wow. Okay. He used to have a giant room before he died,

but then he, like, gave a lot of away to, like, family members or up to the RSA or to the army base. Oh, the Raza would love chucking a couple of things on the wall. Beautiful. You almost do the McRaffle out of the bazooka. You can draw the numbers out of it. Out of the old hat. The old army helmet.

Forrest, thanks. You call Rich. What's in your house that should be in a museum? Oh, it's not my house. It's a friend of mine. Oh, here we go. Sure.

I deny all knowledge. Throw them under the bus. Yeah, well, it's true, of course. As the story goes, he was travelling across Turkey and he was visiting the historic site, Ephesus, and he saw a rock that he quite liked the colour of and the shape of

and he thought it had some pretty patterns, so he brought it home. It turns out it's a piece of a building of one of the historic buildings at Ephesus. Oh, my God. She's on your Ephesus here. A piece of... No! If every tourist took a piece of building there'd be none left.

It's like when you go to the Taj Mahal there's all these little chips out of it and it's because people do. They go up to it and they take

a little bit of the Taj. Somebody else messaged in saying my dad stole a chunk of pyramid. No wonder they're eroding. I want to tango

with the Egyptians. Especially now I hope it wasn't a load bearing wall. Rich thanks you called some messages in. Our entire house was bought here from Holland in the 1950s. It's very unique in so many ways,

and people always say when you're done with it, it should be a museum piece. Oh, photos, please. Photos, please. Yeah, that sounds really cool. I've got books from the 1700s in my house. Oh. And my gran went to the Queen's

Coronation, so we've got a booklet from it. You'd be looking at that this week, wouldn't you? Mum and Dad were given a taxidermy crocodile when they left Africa, and it's sitting in their basement. You could put a lamp in that. Yeah, I could put a lamp in it. No, you could put sticks in its back.

It could hold your boots. A boot rack. A boot rack. A little shoe rack, an alligator shoe rack. Or put some legs on it and maybe a bit of cushioning, and that could be a nice hallway seat. Bench seat. Bench seat, yeah. At the table, yeah, beautiful. I've got a Cody timber jack.

The local museum has been looking for one for years for their display on our Cody milling of the area. But I use it all the time to pull fence posts, so bugger that, I'm not having it. You're using it. Yeah. Well, that's the thing that made them to lasting of the area. But I use it all the time to pull fence posts. So, bugger that. I'm not having it. He's using it. Yeah. Well, that's the thing that made them to last back in the day.

I did. My husband collects encyclopedias. And I'm always like, man, you should donate those to the museum. Has he not heard of Encarta? Encarta 95. Yeah, do it. Encarta. It's all online now.

It's all on the CD-ROM. Yeah. My dad's old hair is hung on the wall on a devil mask. I mean, I don't know what's going on there. No. I don't know what's going on there. I have a feeling they went to a Steiner school. That's all I can say.

Very. It's got big Montessori vibes. It's got a real Montessori household energy. My grandmother has a grenade. My granddad found it on the beach. She keeps it in her sock drawer. No, no, no, no, no, no. Detonated?

No, maybe it didn't work when it was thrown. My husband found some mammoth tusks when we lived in Canada. Unfortunately, we couldn't bring them back to New Zealand, but our friends have them in their house now. Mammoth in the permafrost. Wow. Mammoth in the permafrost. My wife has a box of New Zealand native eggshells

that declared to be a museum item that sits in our garage. It's been passed down by her granddad, but she's too scared to open it. On the other hand, I want it to accidentally be added to the dump run. Oh, that's... Well, at least give it to a museum. I have a 130 year old tiger skin. Back when you could hunt them.

My grandad inherited it back in England and after he passed, somehow it landed at our house. We don't have it on display. Would love to donate it to the appropriate place. It has claws and you can see the bullet holes from where it was shot. Wow.

What are you screwing your face up for, a rat candlestick? No, I've literally got a fur that has the bullet holes and when we bought it, she was like, sorry, we didn't have time to stitch them up. It's like a goat or something I think. And what is that? What's that? That's my flannel in the morning when I wash my face.

Long, yeah. Wow, okay. It's good exfoliant. What are those? Shammy cloth? Is it a shammy cloth? It's a shammy shower screen and all that. Yeah, wow. Mouldy Burbous Goat Skin. What are those? Shammy cloth? Is it a shammy cloth? It's a shammy. The shower screen and all that. Great, great.

Mouldy purpose goats. I'm still holding, holding, holding on. Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Hayley. Play ZM. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Yeah. Right now it's late summer in Iceland. Late summer. Late.

About to be autumn. Yeah. Autumn. Because when's our spring start? It's done. Well, it depends. You start at the start of the month because it's easier to remember, right? You divide it up.

Yeah. People are like, well, actually, the Equinox. September, October, November. Yeah. Okay. It's the middle of this month. So anyway, that means it's time for the annual Iceland puffling rescue. Oh.

Pufflings are what baby puffins are called. Like you wouldn't turn one into a candle. Oh, my God. It would make a beautiful candle holder. If it was like this. And its beak was pointing up. Candle in the gob. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Puffins are so cute. Well, this is the crazy thing about pufflings. Rescuing them seems very counterintuitive to rescuing any other animal. They get confused because of the lights

and everything that are on in the town. They get a little bit disorientated and they waddle towards the town. However, it's essential that you box up your pufflings and the next morning, most mornings in late summer, early autumn, there's a meeting on top of a clifftop and you take your puffling and you yeet it off the cliff. What?

And it's, I've watched videos of it and you're like, no, no, no, no. And this little kid, like, you know in soccer when you chuck a ball in over your head? Yeah. This kid just absolutely runs towards the cliff, stops, and just yeet. And this puffling just goes, whoo. And the wings go out.

Yeah, because their wings go out. And then that's how they die for food. So when they leave the nest and wander towards town, that's indicative that they can fly at that stage. They won't try to make their way out of the nest until they can fly. So you find these guys, they're waddling around town, they're making their funny little

noises, but if they get in there, they'll never learn to fly in this window that they've got to learn. So you box them up, you put them in a box, you put the lid back on, keep them nice and dark, and it keeps them a little bit chilled. And then the next morning, you take them up to the top of a cliff, and three, two, one, boom! And people aren't gentle about it either.

It's not like a toss. Yeah. A lob. It's literally a yeet off a cliff. And they yeet them and then these pufflings are like, ah, boom, out go the wings. Wow. And they soar away.

And so does this happen every day during autumn? No, it just happens really late summer. There's only like a really small window where they generally all tend to leave the nest. They're very like, well, they're migratory birds. And you know how migratory birds all do everything all at once. Like you think of the gannet colony, they all kind of arrive at once. They all give birth at once. Like it think of the Gannet colony, they all kind of arrive at once. They all give birth at once. Like it all happens in a very small window.

A bit like how mums all arrive at Briscoe's on Boxing Day. At once. At once. Yeah. Good deals on the Simon Gould, though. Again, just not so anybody's confused, don't yeet your Simon Gould casserole dish off a high cliff. You can't science. It won't fly. It won't fly.

It could, in fact, knock out a puffling on the way down. Yeah. But, yeah, if you can see the videos, it's pretty cute. But I dare you to watch it without me, like, as a little kid just goes, and launches a puffling off a cliff. So today's fact of the day is it's puffling time, baby, and that means in Iceland, pufflings are being yeeted off cliffs.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Neighbor disputes. I'm some of an expert here. Do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do. Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Neighbour disputes. I'm some of an expert here. Not anymore, actually. I've got lovely neighbours now. So now... They listen to ZM.

Oh, lovely then. Oh, just fantastic. Right. So if you get on with these neighbours, you cannot be the common denominator. This is what the debate was, right? That I didn't get on with my neighbours at you cannot be the common denominator. This is what the debate was, right? That I didn't get on with my neighbours at our last house or the house before, and you guys said to me, what's the common factor here?

Yeah. Is it Hayley Sproul? Yeah. No, but I get on with my neighbours very well now. Help yourself to the limes, guys. Help yourself to the oranges. Oh, a bit of a barter system. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are they the ones that have the ramp for the cat on the fence? Well, no, that's on our fence from our previous owners. It's a ramp over to the other neighbour's house. I love that, for the cat to get up. Yeah, Rolly's never used it once, so it's coming off. Okay, yeah. Bit of a waste. Firewood.

But yeah, I've always debated with neighbours. Predominantly when I was flatting and there was another flat next to mine in Aaron's little house and they had students in it. Yeah. Say no more. It was always either loud students or boy racers for you, right?

Yeah, boy racers was my last one. The one before was... Students. Students. Yeah. Now, they've done some research, this is out of the UK, 60% of Brits have experienced a dispute

with their neighbour or have felt negatively towards them for whatever reason. Right. I will say we've moved into a lovely, quiet neighbourhood with neighbours I enjoy. But there's a house behind us and their son just got a drum kit. You wanted a drum kit though. Yeah, but I was going to go electric.

Oh, so it was like a... Yeah, because I used to have a drum kit as a teenager. So noisy. Who buys their have a drum kit as a teenager so noisy who buys their kid a drum kit seriously um who buys their kid with no rhythm a drum kit that's what i'll ask having learned drums when i was a teenager i'm like oh mate your kicks off oh come on he's got a loose kick why don't you go over the drum kit yeah why don't you go over and teach him? He's like, doof, kuh, doof, kuh, doof, kuh, doof, doof. Oh, the drums were always the hardest on rock band too. Yeah.

Get yourself the guitar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's right. Well, why don't you go teach him so that it sounds at least better for you? Yeah, I might. I might offer him a lesson on rhythm. 6% of Brits have had disputes with neighbours. 16% of them admitting that it's ongoing and happens many times.

Okay. Of those who have quarrelled with their next door neighbours, 40% said it was down to the household being too noisy during sort of anti-social hours after dinner. Yeah. Basically. On a Sunday. 33% say their neighbours have been rude to them.

Just sort of like impolite behaviour. Okay. Cusses over the fence, perhaps. 28% admit that they've had boundary disputes. Oh. That's a line issue. That'd be putting up a new fence. It's ugly or too high.

Or the fence is in the wrong place and you don't find out until afterwards and you're like, oh, the fence is in the wrong. Or the fence is in the wrong place and you don't find out until afterwards and you're like, oh, the fence is in the wrong place. Our fence is in the wrong place because our previous owners, delightful, there was an old fence

that was falling down and instead of removing it and building a new fence, they just built the new fence in front of it. So you've lost 25 centimetres. Yeah, yeah, something like that.

Oh, wow. Yeah, we just discovered it. I was like, what's that? He was like, that's your land. Maybe you could rent that out to somebody. They could just sleep standing upright or something. Yeah, we could actually. In between the two fences.

A very thin person. Yeah, we'll just put that in the ad. Rent that as storage. For wood. Yeah. Set boards, wood, ironing boards. Yeah. Just storage for long, skinny things.

Just put an ad on Marketplace. That could be the name of the company. Long, skinny things. Long, skinny boards, woods, ironing boards. Yeah. Just storage for long, skinny things. Just put an ad on Marketplace. That could be the name of the company. Long, skinny things. Long, skinny things. LST. LST. LST storage. Yeah.

LST, LST things. I'm going to register that, actually. LST storage. What else have we got? Boundary disputes. Oh, like parking problems. Oh, yeah. That's 27%.

Nosy behaviour, such as invading privacy, reading mail, peering in through the windows, binoculars. Who's reading their neighbour's mail? 25% respectively. Arguments over pets are common. Disputes about outside space. Maybe you've put your pool against their fence and they can hear the kids. Misbehaviour in communal areas. That's your cross leases.

Yep. Yep. Okay. Maybe you're at the back and the smoke from your durries blowing in their window or something. Smoke from your durries. That would get you robbed. Always smoke your durries downwind. Here's the interesting thing. 15% of people stated that their neighbour has even called the police on them.

Oh, wow. Do you reckon that includes noise control? Because I'm that. I'm hot on noise control. Yeah, you love it. You've got it saved in your phone, in your favorites. My finger's like this, just constantly ready, and I hear like, doof, and I'm like, hello. How long before you call noise

control on this poor kid that's learning the drums? I've already done it once. No, I haven't. No, I haven't. I haven't. I haven't. I haven't.

I was like, don't you? No, I haven't. I haven't. No, he's just learning. Insert famous drummer here. Name. I'm not. You're not.

I'm telling you now. You're calling it now. You're born with rhythm. Yeah. You're born with rhythm. Play. ZM's Fletchvorn and Hayley. Misophonia, you may have heard of. Yeah. You're born with rhythm. Misophonia, you may have heard of.

That's where you can't stand the sound of people eating. Oh, dude, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Are you a misophobian? Oh, yeah, because I think growing up... Oh, no, take it, by all means, please. Hello, Hayley Speckner. I don't know who that is. Growing up, my dad was a stickler for the rules at the dining table.

Elbows? Would you get a whack if you had your elbows on the table? Yep. Yep. Yep, they'd just get whacked off the table. Yeah. Just baff. So you'd go like this?

And if you had your mouth open. Oh, if you chewed with your mouth open. I'm a big fork with one hand sort of guy. I like the casual nature of just a fork with one hand. Yeah, same. And you push through the food with it. If it's like a steak or something you need to cut, there's obviously a knife. But a lot of the time I'll just be fork in the right hand.

And that used to drive my father crazy. I said to him once at the table, don't you have bigger things to worry about? Fork in the right hand. Your knife goes in your predominant hand. Yeah, but what I'm saying is, oh, ditch the knife and just go fork in the right hand. And then you swip. Controversially, I love a soup spoon and a stir fry.

A big ricey stir fry. Yeah, yeah, ladle it in. I love it. Wait, with a fork? No. No fork or spoon. No fork or spoon. Controvers, ladle it in. I love it. Wait, with a fork? No, no fork or spoon. Just by itself? No fork or spoon. Controversial cutlery opinion. I always eat like a

takeaway curry with a spoon. I eat a takeaway curry with a spoon and a fork. Spoon and fork. A fork always plays absolutely a vital role. But you're right, rice-based dishes, there's always room for a spoon. Yeah, but especially a butter chicken or like an Indian, because then you've got like a lot of liquid rice and meat

in the one utensil. If we're talking I think your Thai curries it'd be a fool not to wander into that domain with a spoon because without wetter there's a lot more

more liquidy than a good Indian curry. It's a great utensil the soup spoon. But I remember saying to my dad once when he was like

use both the knife and the fork at the table as like a nine or ten year old. I said, don't you have bigger things to worry about? The chute. He was just like smacked. Like we got smacked at the table a lot. Yeah. Because it was like, and I can see why.

He wanted his children growing up not being those people in restaurants that you can hear two tables over going. Yeah. Ow. Yeah. And now I'm trying to impart that onto my children, but unfortunately I'm not hitting them, but I'm approaching it with the same amount of cool as my dad. What are you doing?

That's what I say. You taser them. Don't you taser them. The modern smack. Yeah, the modern smack. I thought the modern smack was the pinch. No, there's no physical. No, you can't even pinch your kids.

No, you're not allowed to touch them. No. Well, you're allowed to grab them, but only to stop them from hurting themselves. Can you emotionally ground them down? Yeah, and you know what? I think sometimes that's a little more dangerous and a little longer lasting

than a quick smack around the ass, you know? What are you, some kind of idiot? What are you? Stupid. What, did your mother and I give birth to a moron? Oh, my God. I would never say that to my children. But it's got a name, hasn't it?

Mysophonia. Mysophonia, right. It's the thing and they said, if this is a deal breaker for you and your partner's a sloppy eater, don't even bother getting married. Like, don't even bother going down this road because it will destroy you.

It's like a dripping tap on your head. I just move away. I just move away. It's only, the only time I ever feel like, oh my God, is if I'm not eating and Aaron's eating.

Otherwise I might eat away, but. I honestly think, boy, you need some food. Sade's a very, a very quiet eater. She's a delicate girl.

She can eat, don't get me wrong. That's probably why we get on so well. We eat, but we eat quietly. But like, even I think like, I was just trying to think chips.

She's pretty good with a chip. The chip goes in and then the lips go sealed and then the noise she's got a soundproof mouth she's got a soundproof mouth I will tell you Anna's on her feet Anna's on her feet behind us

what? a soundproof mouth there's nothing wrong with saying my wife's got a soundproof mouth oh we're running over time Vaughn's to follow the show more chat about my wife's soundproof mouth.

Hello, Soundkeeper Georgia here. So I've actually banned producer Jared from playing the Secret Sound guesses from the show in the Fletch, Fawn and Hayley podcast. Instead, you need to listen to our Secret Sound podcast to get it, where you can text SECRET9696 and you'll get a link directly to the podcast. Or you can just follow our socials, Secret Sound everywhere. All right, toodles.

Great work, guys. 10 out of 10 if I say so myself. I do a 9.6. Is that enough for you to review this podcast with a high rating and then tell all your friends? You sound very insincere. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.